#Why do you (as a man) crave your rival's approval so much?

[vroomvroomthings]

Charles being the one to approach Max for the congratulations, though 🤔 He would have no shortage of people congratulating him, in Monza of all places, yet he went to his rival for affirmation too. Much to think about. He wasn't sneaky about the boob grab, either, god bless.

[callsign-phoenix]

I wrote this for a lovely anon, I hope you like it!

It is a Tom ‘Iceman’ Kazansky x pregnant!female!Mitchell!reader imagine.

Thank you @footprintsinthesxnd for proofreading!

Warnings: pregnancy, a fight, this is an AU where Goose is still alive 😊

Your brother was in a rivaling relationship with Tom ‘Iceman’ Kazansky, which was exactly why you decided not to tell him you were dating.

If you were honest, you hadn’t imagined you’d fall in love with Iceman, the cocky and restless fighter pilot, it had just been a hookup at first.

But the longer you found yourself in his bed the more drawn to him you became, and he felt the same way about you.

You started dating and you loved being with Tom, he was gentle and sweet to you in private, always making sure you were having a good time.

In contrast to your brother and Ice, you were a much more gentle and timid character, working as a kindergarten teacher near the base they were stationed at.

The men loved your nurturing side and got a lot of comfort from you, which they seemed to need because it was the opposite to their dangerous job.

Tom especially loved to just lay in your arms, feeling your fingers run through his hair and over his skin, as he closed his eyes in bliss.

The fact that your brother didn’t know about your relationship was hard for you, but it was necessary given that you knew he wouldn’t approve.

You cared for his opinion but that wasn’t why you were scared to tell him, it was more like you knew Maverick was capable of doing anything.

You wouldn’t put it past him to send you away or to manage to get Tom deported somewhere else, so you stayed silent.

It worked well for a few months, until morning sickness and cravings indicated that it would be impossible to keep it secret from your brother much longer.

You were a nervous wreck when you found out, but you had Tom and Carole with you, while her husband tried his best to keep Maverick busy enough so he wouldn’t notice right away.

It was crucial to find the perfect timing to tell him and you hadn’t found it yet, even while you were preparing for the pregnancy with the help of your boyfriend and best friend.

Carole already had a kid and she knew about the dos and don’ts, she was the one to bring you prenatal vitamins and everything else you might need.

You were all of the opinion that everything was going well, but Mav had caught on without you knowing so.

“Congrats, man!” He exclaimed as he sat down on Carole and Goose’s porch with his best friend and RIO, a broad grin on his face while Goose looked rather confused.

It took him a few seconds before he could answer, blinking repeatedly as he tried to think of what Mav might have meant.

“Why?” He replied, staring at his pilot with a look that resembled the intelligence of a cow.

“For the kid! Another baby Bradshaw? I saw Carole with the vitamins she used to take with Bradley,” Mav continued, but Goose only looked at him in denial.

“Nah man, she made me have a vasectomy the moment Bradley was born,” he laughed it off, leaving a lingering feeling of unease in Mav because the only woman Carole was close with was you.

It took Mav another five minutes before he stood up without explanation, mounting his bike and leaving Goose by himself, cursing into the silence his best friend had left.

Carole had just come by with the vitamins and you were having a calm and careful discussion about what you would be expecting and what would be expected of you during the pregnancy when the door to your apartment was thrown open, revealing a panting Maverick.

You gave Carole a questioning glance and she shook her head in similar surprise.

“How long?” Maverick asked you, his impressive brows knit together in confusion and what looked like anger.

Your confusion was still all-encompassing so you just stared at your brother, who took a few steps forward, his eyes never leaving you.

“How long have you been pregnant? And who’s the father?” He growled in anger and you could hear a hint of sadness in his voice, hurt at not having been told at all.

“Please, Mav, what are you doing here?” You tried to change the subject without having to answer, but your brother was far too resilient.

“I need to know how long you’ve been hiding this from me,” he let out, moving a few steps closer and letting his eyes roam your face.

You were about to open your mouth to answer when you heard footsteps outside, and a voice you were all too familiar with spoke up, which had your blood run cold.

“Baby, I…,” Tom began as he opened the door but he stopped talking the second he saw Mav standing there, his eyes widening in surprise and a tiny bit of fear when your brother slowly turned around.

In contrast to the slowness of the movements when he turned around, the second Mav saw Ice he lunged at him, throwing himself the last few inches and letting his fists pummel his friend and rival’s face countless times.

Tom did all he could in trying to defend himself, while Carole and you just stood in shock.

Your entire body felt as if it was put under ice water, watching your brother and boyfriend fight until Tom was on the ground, Mav’s fist repeatedly drawing blood from your boyfriend’s nose.

It took you a few seconds before you rushed to Tom’s aid, trying to pull your brother off of him, but not having the strength.

Mav was too emotional to realize who was urging him to stop so he just shook you off, throwing his arm back at you and striking your cheek with the back of his hand before you fell to the ground with the force he had used to free himself of your hindering touches.

The second you hit the ground everyone in the room held their breath, not a single person moving as all eyes were on you.

You could feel tears stinging in your eyes and your hand went to your belly to see if you were okay, and Tom reacted first out of the three of them.

He threw off Mav as if he weighed nothing and rushed towards you, his bloody fingers cupping your face and angling it so that you were looking up at him.

You were still in shock but Tom tried to calm you, his voice gentle but slightly trembling as he asked you if you were okay.

He had to repeat it a few times before you answered and Mav used the time to look back and forth between the two of you, watching his wingman with a gentleness he didn’t even know he possessed.

Your hands were shaking as you raised them to your boyfriend’s face, touching the spots that were already starting to darken with a harsh violet color.

“I’m okay, I think,” you breathed out the words more than you whispered them, but Tom used the opportunity to repeat what you had said.

“You’re okay, you’re okay, it’ll be fine,” he whispered time and time again as he moved to hug you, cradling you in his arms and rocking you back and forth slightly.

When Tom realized that there was no reason to worry for you he turned towards Mav, looking at him while he was still holding you.

“I’m sorry. We wanted to tell you but it never seemed like the right time. This wasn’t planned, but I love her more than I even love flying, so please don’t do anything stupid. I need her,” he told his wingman, who simply stared at him.

Mav moved towards you to pull you up from your position on the ground, holding onto your arms before he wrapped you in the tightest hug you had ever shared with him.

You could feel wetness on your cheeks as well as in your hair, indicating that your brother was crying, just like you were.

When you were finished hugging Mav pulled away, still holding onto you as he pressed a loving kiss to your forehead.

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?” He asked even though he knew the answer, making sure you were alright because he needed you to be.

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[thedarkmistress16]

Yan!RPF Headcanons: JC Edition (2/2)

more cringe let's go same warnings apply. Part 1 here.

If you don't ask him out first, he eventually will. If you stress on staying friends, he'll snap and may either kidnap you, threaten you to give into his demands with blackmail, or become more sloppy with his kills. Even worse, all three if you put up a fight after he reveals his intentions and try to turn him in.

He'll do anything to keep you involved with him somehow, the law be damned. He has no qualms vanishing off the grid if it means keeping you; moving away from all those other people that took up both your precious time is a much needed bonus and respite. He'll eventually find himself in jail raving like a lunatic about you if you play your cards right.

Isn't really into pda? He doesn't mind hand holding or hugging, but likes to reserve his deeper affections for when you're both secluded. It's not everyone's business to know what you both get up to behind closed doors and he doesn't appreciate the prying. If someone asks for you two to show some love, however, get ready for a dramatic dip and a steamy kiss mainly played up for the cameras. Keep in mind this will last for a few seconds before he switches modes and you suddenly find yourself standing upright again as he waves them away.

Lead him and he will follow. As long as your relationship progresses on a similar track to his hopeful imagination, you’ll have a peaceful and romantic life together, if nothing else.

Loves setting up various romantic scenarios and acting like a completely lovesick goofball with you. Inside jokes, sensual kisses, sweet nothings, secure cuddles, and good food are common staples of dates with him, no matter the location.

Will always compliment you, even if you’ve been shitty to him or had a fight, spouting at least one per day. It doesn’t matter what you do to him- as far as he’s concerned, you rival the stars and can truly do no wrong in his eyes.

Treasures alone time with you. Though being with you can also be somewhat exhausting, he tolerates your presence more. Think of yourself like a battery saver mode- you don't nearly drain his energy as much as other people do.

Craves intimacy and realness with you. With everyone else he’s putting on an act, well- not including you, but you’re the only one he gets this close with- Okay, he’ll never be completely honest with you about the stalking and murders. The more he can get away with, the better his future with you will be.

The only time you'll find out is on your own.  If you're cool with or into it, he wouldn’t know what to do before realizing literally nothing he does will push you away and he’ll be on top of the fucking world with this fact. Now this unstable man is practically unstoppable with your approval, becoming shameless and sloppy when he’s committing these acts. Gets more unhinged if you also partake in or have a kink for them to the point where you’ll both be thrown in jail or an asylum.

As far as appearances go, he seems to have all the patience in the world when internally, he's on an extremely short fuse. He has a plethora of coping mechanisms he utilizes, which is part of the reason why it takes so long for him to actually snap. For you, he grits his teeth through the pain and bears it for the future he's mapped out in his mind.

Seems to mold himself to your desires and likes in the beginning, but after you start a serious, romantic relationship, it’ll seem like he becomes a different person. In actuality, you’ll realize he wants to find himself with you. He’s been playing roles this whole time, to the world and himself, and he wants to discover his true wants and goals now that he knows you’ve both built some trust and rapport. Won’t confide with you about everything, of course, but will ask you to try a bunch of different things with him ranging from cooking to skydiving, typically leaning toward an engaging activity. Whether you like them or not is irrelevant unless the topic is a sensitive one for you- in which case he’ll go off on his own, though he usually prefers the bonding experience.

Will still indulge in your interests even if he doesn’t like participating, opting to stand by and observe you in your element and exchanging banter.

Has a libido level he’d rather not let you in on, but wouldn’t mind if you wanted to state his urges for a while? There’s always a subtle nod to his sexual desires in his kisses, words, and expressions when the moment straddles the line between innocence and temptation. He usually wants to go farther, but tends to wait for you to jump that threshold first, almost like he’s anticipating how long you can resist him in these moments.

Will indulge your kinks, and also expects the same of you with his, which are the grossest, actually? It's better you don't get introduced to his odd attachment for sniffing your panties whether you're wearing them or not and his desire to lick your sweat from your skin when you haven't had a shower in a couple of days. And slobbering all over the same utensils you use.

Unintentionally loves thrills that involve his bad behaviors, particularly when you're in close proximity and clueless about what he's doing in the other room. Usually checks his bases before getting lost in his head, but has one or two slip ups from time to time.

Tends to be a switch for the sole reason he wants to do what you want him to do. After he gets a solid idea of your preferences, he’ll start taking the reins to seek his own pleasures with you in the hopes of developing a balanced, fulfilling sex life.

Loves teasing the hell out of you solely for the reason that he's causing you to react in such a way. The feeling gives him such a high. Will go down on you with a cheeky grin while you're on the phone just to see you squirm and beg him with your eyes.

Fantasizes the whole shebang with you: wedding, honeymoon, children, spacious abode, retirement years, grandchildren, etc. Has been thinking about these scenarios since he started stalking you, and has had a long time to fine-tune them as he gets to know you better. 

Will pitch some of them to you if he knows for certain they will turn a difficult decision into his favor, such as doubts of commitment or questioning to stay with him after discovering some unsavory acts he’s likely done.

[glitterytidalwavedragon]

Seto Kaiba Relationship Head Cannons (Manga & Post DSOD Kaiba)

This is my head cannon for Manga Kaiba. The reason why I added DSOD is because the movie is meant to take place six months after the events of the manga. For those who haven’t read the manga you need to read it! The characters have such different dynamics and it is insane how much of it’s own story it is, the anime is definitely in an AU of it’s own. Fair warning, this one is a bit darker then my other two. This is ReaderxKaiba.

Teenage (before DSOD): 

Kaiba is not one to hide what their thinking, unless it is related to some grand master plan of his, so the moment he feels even an ounce of something, it will be known. 

Kaiba is also aware of teenage lust, desires and impulses, but doesn’t know how to handle them with anything but aggression. 

When confronting you with his “feelings” expect to be cornered, alone, and there to be uncomfortably close physical contact. If Kaiba wants to touch you, he will, but he won’t assault you. 

Kaiba wants you to want him. So he will make you very aware of his motives whenever you are near. 

Kaiba will count you both in a relationship, of some weird (probably unheathy) kind once he tells you he plans to make you his.

This proves to be hell for Joey, who believes you deserve better. Kaiba will try, and often succeed, in ripping down Joey whenever he interferes. 

Kaiba must prove he is the alpha male you need. It can get very overwhelming. 

Then comes the second problem. Yugi is a very friendly soul, the Pharaoh is a friend you enjoy playing with. Kaiba will not approve of this by any means. 

Kaiba will mistakenly think the Pharaoh is a rival in not only duel monsters, but in acquiring your affections. A duel over you or you becoming a prize in BC is of high likelihood if you have not accepted Kaiba’s feelings by this point.

But warned if you do accept Kaiba’s feelings, it is not an easy ride. 

Kaiba will push to be physical right away. The boy craves affection of any kind and sex is made out to be the “ultimate way of proving love and affection”, he will need to be rejected. A lot. 

Kaiba will not understand gifts, small tokens, surprises and acts of kindness you show him. In the beginning he would always buy something for you in turn, thinking you only did these things to get something. 

Kaiba will also get extremely paranoid and angry if you cancel on him or delince to see him to hang out with another male, i.e. Joey and Yugi. You can expect him to make an appearance at some point. 

Worse, Kaiba might send his little brother to spy on you during these events. Be kind to the boy, he will be a much needed ally later. 

Side Note: Should you break up with Kaiba...Congratulations, you have a stalker that will take about a year of heartache and life destroying madness to be rid of. (He will never take you back).

It would take Yugi’s, Mokuba and You to get Kaiba use to TLC that doesn’t involve a bedroom. It is best to avoid sleeping with him at all cost before he understands you really do love him. 

Kaiba knowing someone loves him will make him panic. 

Kaiba will try to do anything to show you how much of a monster he is, even going so far as to give you the body count he racked up. 

Kaiba is determined to prove he can’t be truly loved and reject all thoughts of it.

This is where the longest and hardest park of the relationship hits. 

Kaiba will be afraid of physical affection at this point but, as long as you don’t care how many he may have murdered, ruined, or coaxed into self-harm, he won’t be to far from you. 

Expect years of proving your love for him. Kaiba will also explain that you will be his only relationship he will ever have.

Kaiba really is all or nothing. 

Adult Post DSOD:

Kaiba has become mild in his actions at this point. Somewhat. 

Happen to be at his favorite, quiet bar, run by Yakaza, well Kaiba will buy your next drink. Accepting the drink will trigger Kaiba to come over. 

Kaiba being a flirt is an understatement. The man is smoother than the scotch in his glass. 

Kaiba is also a dick, as he will quote poetry or classic literature as a test. Should you point out at least 60% of his phrases correctly you will end up getting his number, fail...at least he left you in a nice hotel room. 

Kaiba wants a brain, and is shockingly not shallow. Many people had underestimated him due to his age and appearance, and had to prove them wrong, so he waits to see the mind of the person. 

Should you manage to keep his interest, expect gifts. 

Kaiba will send very expensive gifts that boarder uncomfortable. 

Kaiba still has many of his old insecurities, he will buy your interest if he has to.

Kaiba understands physical affection and sex are two different creatures that could be the same thing at times. You will need to be affectionate. 

Kaiba shall declare you both in a relationship after at least three months of dating. This comes with a few problems. 

Kaiba finds your car too old, gets you a new one but doesn’t tell you he has a tracker installed. Your phone? He already cracked it. Someone broke into your apartment? It was one of Kaiba’s goons installing cameras to ensure you’re not cheating. 

Kaiba does not handle rejection well, should you freak out on him and belittle him expect him to become destructive...with your things being what is destroyed. 

Kaiba’s temper, even in a relationship is to lash out at anything around him, dueling him when he’s upset will aid in getting him back to baseline. Also saves the furniture. 

Kaiba is shockingly easy to tame if given the proper affection and emotional outlets. If dueling can’t be done, give the man food to chop, you’ll have the best diced vegetables you’ve ever seen. Knife a bad idea? Play a video game where he can shoot or beat the hell out of someone. Stuck in a car with nothing around for miles, lap dances can work to. 

Kaiba can not handle tears, his solution is to throw things your way. Expect him to order you food or a stuffed BEWD. 

Kaiba will go into self-loathing if he causes the tears, you have to pull him out of himself as he will avoid you and won’t keep eye-contact. Man freaks out over failure, making you cry means he failed at the relationship. 

Kaiba is much easier to love, however, he will reveal his crazy, crazy and expect you not to flee or flinch. So when he comes home in blood and a hot gun, offer to burn his clothing and bury the weapon in a park somewhere. Just don’t ask questions. 

Cuddling is a big part of showing Kaiba affection. Kaiba will NEVER ask to be cuddled, but should you put yourself in the position, he will accept it. 

Communication is also off with Kaiba. 

Kaiba will communicate with his eyes, a lot. It is the most expressive thing about him. His face can say nothing but his eyes tells all. 

Kaiba is also a very tender lover when in a proper relationship. The man still expects nothing to last so during these moments he takes his sweet time to savor every moment. 

Kaiba will have to be coaxed into marriage. Marriage comes with a lot of risk and trust. He would be content with being partners for life, it’s far less terrifying than a piece of paper. 

Kaiba is loyal to a fault, he expects the same. Any male in your life needs to be introduced to him. Be ready with their name, relation, job and how long you knew them. You best be ready to cut off old boyfriends who are now friends. 

Did we mention that Kaiba is possessive. Kaiba is possessive and will never let you get far enough where he can’t get you within minutes. 

Hope you all enjoyed this! Manga Kaiba is such a beast of a man...still want him though. Ugh! Kaiba-Senpai! Such a beautiful man. 

Find all my Kaiba fanfics HERE!

[bloody-britt26]

I looove your Bede content!! May I get anything where Bede and reader are rivals, but his rival is just about the sweetest, most gentle and mellow girl out there? Like, she speaks softly and is overall very caring and she just completely disregards Bede's harsh words and insults. Maybe they even go way over her head? Bede genuinely admires her and has a crush on her, but you know, tsundere.

First of all, thank you so much! I absolutely adore Bede, so I love writing for him. Second, I made this pretty long to kind of make up for the lack of uploads lately, and also because this was so soft. Like, I just- 🥺💕

This is also more written in Bede's point of view.

🌸 Bede crushing on his sweetheart of a rival! 🌸

• When Bede first met you, it was at the opening ceremony at the Motostoke stadium, and it wasn't exactly the smoothest introduction on his part.

• Before being taken in by Opal, he put himself on the highest pedestal of importance. He thought so lowly of everyone.

• So, when you accidentally bumped your shoulder into his, he scoffed and snarled at you to watch where the hell you were going.

• You had apologized in the sincerest tone he had ever heard in his entire life before smoothing out the ruffles that you caused in his uniform.

• "Get your filthy hands off of me," he snarled, though you paid no mind to him.

• In fact, you simply pulled away with a satisfied nod and said in a soft yet cheery tone, "There, all good-looking for the ceremony!"

• Your comment had Bede at a loss for words. So, you introduced yourself to him and asked for his name. Of course, Bede scoffed at you, saying that he didn't have to tell you anything about him in a very rude tone.

• To his absolute bafflement, you simply smiled softly and nodded. "That's okay, you can tell me another time. See you!" You told him.

• He could only watch your retreating figure, nearly having visible question marks flying over his head. Oh well, it wasn't like you were going to be a recurring presence in his life.

• Ha! How wrong he was to think that.

• You encountered each other so often and battled each and every time you did. And, to his horror, you beat him every single time.

• And he didn't understand your behaviour towards him whatsoever.

• Every time you beat him, you gave Bede berries, revives or potions. You always told him that he fought well, that he obviously trained his pokémon very well.

• The compliments themselves were simple, yet the sincerity in your voice and eyes made his heart skip beats every single time.

• Of course, he would never admit to that. He would always hide his face in his pink coat for a few seconds to calm an upcoming blush to shrug off your compliments as if they meant nothing afterwards.

• You didn't only share medical items with him. You'd often give him little gifts and treasures here and there whenever you saw each other.

• Extra pearls in your bag? You were more than happy to give him some! Found a scrummy curry recipe? You shared it with him right away! Lucky enough to have extra Apricorn Poké Balls? Of course, you gave some to him!

• "Bede! I bought this Hatenna plushy the other day and thought of you... here you go!"

• He wasn't even sure what he thought of you. He thought that he saw you as a nuisance, a mere obstacle in his goals. But, he couldn't fool himself.

• You popped into Bede's mind more often than he cared to admit, and he couldn't help but wonder what you were doing at times.

• You were almost an enigma to him. Why were you so sweet to him at all times? Usually, his harsh words riled up opponents, which Bede loved doing. But you? Everything went over your head.

• Bede wasn't used to people showing him kindness, and he was almost weirded out by it. Especially when you displayed such a high level of it towards him.

• But... he found himself enjoying it. He had so many blossoming sensations around you: his stomach fluttered, his face burnt all the way to the tip of his ears and his heart slammed against his chest.

• He found himself seeking your praise and approval, though he would be mortified to admit it. He couldn't help it, the gentle and loving way you treated him was intoxicating. You were intoxicating, and he soon reluctantly accepted that he had a massive crush on you.

• He figured that his little crush on you would pass and that everything would return to normal, but it was not the case.

• He's had to compose himself often as he often caught himself openly staring at you, especially during battles.

• The more he paid attention to you, the more he realized just how utterly precious you were, how different you were from other trainers he's met.

• Whenever you released your pokémon to battle, you lovingly patted them and placed little kisses on their heads, telling them how much you believed in them.

• Sometimes, Bede couldn't help but envy your pokémon. He wanted those soft-looking lips of yours to plant sweet kisses on his face.

• And then he would shake his head, mentally scolding himself to get it together.

• He hated his own feelings, they were so distracting. Yet he couldn't help but notice little details about you that he hadn't in his previous encounters: cute little quirks, how you cringed whenever your pokémon took damage, and for some reason, he took notice of how you had the habit of rocking on your heels whenever you battled.

• Bede had given you his league card, accompanied by a snarky remark about how it was a gift for at least trying. His comment went, once again, over your head and you gratefully accepted it with a comment of your own that made him lose himself.

• "Aw... you look so handsome, Bede," you cooed.

• Bede could only mumble a small "Whatever" under his breath as he hastily made his getaway while you happily waved at him. His face burned with a crimson hue for a good few minutes as he distanced himself. He had never been called handsome before, and the girl who he had grown fond of just did.

• Everything fell apart for Bede in Stow-on-Side, where he made the mistake of destroying the mural. It hadn't been the smartest move on his part, but he sure didn't expect to be disowned by the very man he put all of his trust in.

• And you were there to see his fallout, which added to Bede's humiliation.

• Though you had different plans. You had begged the Chairman to give Bede a break, that he made a mistake but didn't deserve to be punished so harshly. You were so teary-eyed as you stood to Bede's defence, even more so when your pleas had fallen on deaf ears.

• Bede was admittedly grateful that you tried, that you were the only one who stood up for him. Bede had even whispered his thanks to you before being escorted back to Hammerlocke.

• And to his mortification, you had found him the next day in Hammerlocke when he was at his worst: completely lost and heartbroken.

• "What? Did you come to gawk at me now that I've been disqualified?" He threw at you, though even Bede didn't believe in his own facade at this point.

• You didn't either. Well, you had always seen passed the snarky show he put on ever since you first met him. But, it was especially true now: his eyes were red and puffy, having visibly cried some.

• You gently took his hands in yours, a split-second thought crossing his mind about how your touch was just as gentle as your personality.

• Then, you pulled him in a hug, completely catching him off guard. Bede was barely used to your general affection, but now you were giving him physical affection?

• His heart beat a mile a minute, yet it felt so right having you so close to him like that. His arms shakily wrapped around you, and he ended up resting his face in the crook of your neck as you whispered sweet things to him: how he deserved better, that you were always there for him, that it broke your heart to see him so upset.

• And when Bede was chosen by Opal to be the next Fairy-type gym leader, things admittedly took a turn for the better.

• Though he was so busy with training and didn't have much time to go out. He found himself missing you, not just battling you, but you in general. He craved your presence. You gave him the tenderness that he's never had in his life, but always wanted, and he missed it.

• He found himself tuning in to all of your matches on live television to see how you were doing.

• He must have had an admiration-filled look in his eyes whenever he did so because Opal quickly caught onto Bede's crush on you.

• Much to his dismay, Opal teased him a lot about his crush. It was in good fun though, she truly thought that the two of you would be great for each other. After all, Opal thought you were absolutely charming.

• When he got tired of missing you, he crashed the opening ceremony of the champion cup. He needed to see you and talk to you.

• And as he stood there, pouring his heart to you, he mentally cringed everytime a snarky remark escaped him. Old habits die hard.

• But, you had clamped your hands together, gave him the most heartwarming smile and said, "I missed you so much, Bede."

• And he was done.

• Had he not been a normally composed person, Bede would have melted on the spot.

• He wasn't even mad when he lost against you once more, he was genuinely happy that he got the chance to battle you and to prove himself to Galar.

• And when the two of you walked back to the locker room together, your sweetness didn't stop. You asked him how he's been, told him that you were so proud of him and that he looked happier than he ever had.

• It was at that moment that Bede blurted the one question that's always been on his mind: "Why are you so nice to me?"

• You chuckled softly and pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips and said, "I care about you a lot, and you deserve all of the love and happiness in the world. I hope that you'll let me give it to you."

• He barely tried to hide his blushing face, though he did look away from you as he clutched his chest. As you giggled at his behaviour, he couldn't help the small smile that appeared.

• After all, you had just asked him out in your own way.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

What about an scenario about Kai thinking on proposing and struggling with how to do it, cuz he wants it be perfect

Of course!

"No. Horrific." He shook his head at his mind daring to think on such a terrible idea as he threw the paper on the nearby trash can on his office.

If he knew that preparing to proposing to someone was that hard, he would've had started to think about the issue right when he started to date you, because hole hell. It was harder then he thought.

And he was struggling with this shit for at least three weeks.

For something, or better yet, someone to get his attention and respect was extremely rare. And only one case in his all twenty something years of life was the special kind, the one who he had allowed to open up about his past and didn't judged him, the one who could atture and even came to love him for exactly what he was, despite having all his radical thoughts and issues like his mysophobia and... mental problems if you could even call it like that?

An angel that came from above to give his life some light and what he never thought he would have wanted neither need it at some point. Love and care.

You, a quirkless person who he always insisted that you were pure. An example for this sick society to follow, not to exclude like you were the wrong here.

He despised those type of people. How could they not see it that you were the original and right type of human? The one that wasn't sick like the others?

Ignoring all of that. After some years of knowing eachother, passing through good and bad, he had came to an thought some months ago that it wasn't leaving his head, no matter how hard he tried... until one day he simply gave up, and accepted it.

"I want (Y/n) to be mine. For life."

He remember those words he said to himself clear as the bright day outside. The realization took some time, but it hitted him like a train would. He truly loved you, only having you as a partner wasn't "enough", no. He felt the urge to have something, to prove to you and the world that you were his...

And for the first time in his life, he would say without a problem that he belonged to someone as well, even having his possessive habbits.

You were just like the moon and the clear night sky filled with stars for him. Despite the darkest and the most cold that the night can bring, they were always there to lead the human kind to safety directions.

... see? He thought on all of that. But he couldn't say it out loud. And that shit sounded way too cliche to propose to someone.

"Night sky? Fucking pathetic." He burried his face in his hands to growl freely on them before sighing and laying back on his chair.

Worst. The worst were the hardest, yes. But how the fuck should he do it in the first place? Just kneel on some dirty ground and say shit? On where? When?

He felt like he was going insane. He was always so serious and intelligent, always quick to make decisions. But this time? He felt for once pathetic.

He cant even think on where or how to propose to his loved one, what the actual hell?

"Sorry for the news boss. But those papers are from the other... you good?" He heard Kurono and Irinaka's voices and he grunted before standing up.

"Those are from rivals or allies?" He asked nonchantly as he grabbed the papers and read them cautiously with eyes full of disinterest and boredom.

"Allies." Kurono answered back before looking at the trash can filled with what was once papers "You were working on something?"

"None of your interest." He sighed and gave the papers back to Mimic "Return them to their owners, this doesn't have my interest and I have no time to waste on filth garbage like those."

Mimic nodded and left... but Kurono remained on the room. Catching a glimpse of what the messy papers were written and catching immediately what was going on.

And he felt nostalgia. Back to those days where he teased Kai freely. He could die that he wouldn't care, this was gold.

Chisaki looked at him with a arched eyebrow as he took of his mask and showed a smirk to him, the young head of the Shie Hassaikai already not liking one bit that face that smug bastard was doing it.

"Never took you to be the type of wanting to get married."

"... you son of a-"

"Relax! Relax!" Kurono dodged one attack of Kai and sighed in relief at not being killed by that spike Chisaki had just created. Bit still was chuckling "Is just surprinsing to see a guy who always claimed taht love didn't existed and DESPISE even the concept of touch wanting to get married."

"This has nothing of your interest, get out of my sign before I-"

"And you seem troublesome with that, judging by the amount of discarded papers, which by the way are not-" in one second he was overhauled and came back to look at a very infuriated Kai right in front of him.

"One more word that I will kill you for real and dont return back." He growled as Kurono smirked.

"Right, I will stop." Chisaki scoffed and went back to sitting on his desk with a huff but only burried his head on his gloved hands again as he stared at the blank paper in front of him.

"... If this is about (Y/n) accepting or not, they are crazy for you Kai. The least they could say is to wait a bit, but surely will accept." He tried to say something as Kai only sighed and pointed at no where while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I have no idea why I am talking with out of all people this, but this is one of many of my issues about this."

"So there is more?"

"Much. First is that I have no fucking idea how to do it."

It was silence for a bit until Chisaki noticed how Kurono's eyes were wide open in shock, he arched an eyebrow as a silent question for him to explain his reaction.

"You? The most rational and strategist around here? Doesn't have a plan to propose?" He send a dark glare at Kurono as the man winced and rubbed the back of his head "Man, than the situation is critical."

"I apreciate the words Chronostasis. Really." He said in venom sarcasm before sighing again.

"You really dont have any ideas? Like, at all?" He shook his head and Kurono brought his hand to his chin in thought before snapping his fingers "Thought about asking advice to Pops?"

"You're kidding?" He glared at Kurono "The old man won't never leave down this one, and probably will be sappy shit."

"... doesn't you and (Y/n) do 'sappy shit' all the time?" He lifted his hand sup in surrender at Kai's death glare "No offense, but ever heard of 'the thought that it counts'? (Y/n) is not a person that is difficult to impress and enjoy the simple things. You know that better than anyone else in here dude."

"Of course I do, who do you take me for?" He asked in anger before sighing and looking down with a frown at the blank paper "... but they are not simple. (Y/n) made a drastic change in my life... so no one can't blame me for wanting and craving a unforgettable and memorable moment. I... I simply want to give (Y/n)-" Kurono widen his eyes at the way his cold childhood friend softened his usual murderous golden eyes at the mention of your name "The best. The best proposal, the best life, the best memories... I want this to be flawless, something that they can't look back and say 'it could have been-'. I want that neither os us have any regrets on this decision. Like the nowadays, where I dont have any regrets o entering on a relationship for the first time."

He lifted his head and found Hari looking at him with a smirk and he immediately scowled at it.

"Then I guess asking for some advice from the old man, despite hearing the no endless teasing would be worth it?" He tilted his head as Chisaki seemed in deep in thought "You got the help and service of all the yakusa, so you just need a plan. If you may allow, we will offer assistance and follow your orders."

He hated to admit that the blockhead was right. Absolutely despised it.

"... I guess."

Soon the door opened and the said so old man arched an eyebrow at the boys he raised in the same room and looking so serious but yet... like it wasn't a meeting neither business issue?

"Mind the both telling me what is going on?"

"Chisaki is thinking on proposing to (Y/n)." Kurono said nonchantly and dodged another attack of Kai.

"You disgusting piece of fucking-!"

"You are?" The elder asked in a certain serious tone, looking straight at Chisaki soul, catching him completely out of guard by his look.

"Is it a issue?" He remained his composture and uncaring look, but his nerves were starting to grow a bit at the thought that his mentor didn't approve it.

The man looked up and down at Chisaki before speaking in the same serious tone.

"Marriage is not only about claiming someone as yours Chisaki. Is about to care and vow even yourself for your partner. Protection, trust, respect are always the main pillars of having on a relationship and marriage." He turned hsi whole body to be in front of Chisaki as he spoke eyes to eye with him "Cases of the person who had their firts relationship and marriages are rare, but not impossible. Those are the ones we have to be extremely careful with. Now... knowing you in the way I do, answer me with pure bold honesty like you always did-"

The room went silent and even Kurono seemed uncomfortable at Pops seriousness, really considering on tip toeing out of the room.

"Do you really want this? What exactly brought you to this decision?"

Chisaki stared nonchantly at his mentor before sighing.

"What brought me for this decision was how and only (Y/n) makes me feel. The only thoughts I have before them were merely focused on rage towards my disgusting past, my hatred towards the heroes and how should I pay you for such kindness for taking me in.... with (Y/n) although I did not felt like a empty shell, I felt... I feel alive."

The elder hummed and asked one more last question.

"And you love (Y/n)? Enough to spend the rest of your life with them?"

"... I would crawl to hell and get back to earth if it meant I can see that smile and joy on my angel's face."

The elder chuckled lowly before patting Chisaki's shoulder, surprising the said man.

"Then you have my back Chisaki. And my blessing." He patted his head harshly out of sudden, causing Chisaki to growl and scoot away "And I heard you are struggling, I will give you some advice."

"I didn't ask for any of-"

"Bullshit." Chisaki deadpanned at the old man's vulgar vocabulary "If you're going to propose them you're doing it right."

He was in hell... why couldn't he had avoided all of this by merely thinking of something? Curse him and his brain.

"Am I interrupting something?" That voice right now was the last one he needed to hear.

"Angel, is actually-"

"(Y/N) my dear. Mind accompanying Kurono to grab some groceries?" Pops said suddenly and uncaringly "We are out of those. And I need to have a word with Chisaki."

"We are? Oh." Kurono muttered before going to the door frame "Yeah we are."

"But-"

"I will own you one my dear, dont be late."

"Pops I swear to god-" Chisaaki started to growl but the sound of Chrono closing the door caused his eye to twitch in irritation.

"So. Any ideas that crossed your mind?" The order spoke and chisaki only deadpanned at him "Cleary not apparently."

Someone, any divine creature... free him from his hell hole. Please.

[bellemorte180]

Just Good Business: Chapter One

Caroline Salvatore, married into one of New York's most brutal crime families.

Niklaus Mikaelson, a notorious mob boss who is hell bent on taking down the Salvatore brothers.

It's an affair for the ages.

Based on my drabble under the same name.

@itsnotacrimetoloveyou, this is for you

WARNING: There are depictions of graphic violence, sex, suicidal thoughts and domestic abuse. This is not a light and fluffy story.

Chapter One

Caroline looked around the ballroom, seeing the elegance and glamour that lingered from the chandleries to the champagne that flowed in their flutes. New York’s richest gathered in order to flaunt their wealth, make shady deals and cover up their crimes. The party was nothing more than various alibis for a series of crimes that were bound to happen in the early hours of the morning. She used to love these parties, but that was before she realized what these people were capable of. What she was capable of.

She picked up her own glass and drank the champagne but the taste seemed lacking to her; much like everything else in her life. To the world at large, she lived in a big mansion with a rich husband and connections that reached farther than the average person. What Caroline saw was a gilded cage and a pillow made of silk, suffocating the life out of her.

She was Caroline Salvatore; Upper East Side Socialite married to one of the richest men in the city. Friends from the richest of families that cared little for her. A life everyone dreamed about.

As she downed the rest of her drink, allowing the alcohol to fog up her senses, she saw a hand outstretch to her. She looked over and saw her husband, Stefan Salvatore. He was handsome, she supposed but then again, she found nothing redeemable about him. He cared little for her and she cried as she walked down the aisle to him. The moment their names were etched onto the marriage certificate, he locked her away in a glamorous hell that Caroline had no means of escaping. He would kill her first if she even dared tried.

“Dance with me.” Stefan demanded. Caroline placed her glass down on the table and linked her hand with his. He led her to the dance-floor. He took her into his arms and spun her around, pretending to be the devoted husband he promised her mother he would be. “You’re not smiling. We cannot have our friends thinking our marriage is in trouble.”

“Friends? You don’t have friends.” Caroline replied and Stefan’s grip grew tighter. She knew that if he didn’t let go of her soon, his fingers would leave bruise marks on her skin. It wouldn’t be the first time and there were times that Caroline wished he would cross that line; kill her and be done with it.

“Enemies then.” Stefan retorted and it took everything in Caroline not to roll her eyes at him. “We are surrounded by people who given the right opportunity, would love to strike us down. Now, I need my wife to be happy. If you’re not smiling, laughing and being the social butterfly, I was promised when we married last year, our enemies will know that this is nothing more than a sham.”

And it was. Their marriage was nothing more than a business transaction that neither of them wanted. However, her mother needed some of her less than savory dealings covered up in order to stay Chief of Police and the Salvatore brothers were more than willing to oblige…. for a price. They wanted an in with the police and who better than the Chief? Caroline was nothing more than a bargaining chip; a life long hostage handed over for safe keeping to ensure that Elizabeth Forbes stayed in line.

“No. We wouldn’t want that.” Caroline forced a smile on her face. Stefan laughed and she could see that twinkle in his eye that he used moments before he killed. The Ripper. Untouchable. Uncontrollable. A man who thrived on the kill; and that man spun her around as though she was nothing more than a rag doll. “Better?”

“Perfect.” His voice was harsh and cold but Caroline had grown us to that by now. It was the only tone he ever used with her. “Now. I have a business meeting tonight. I won’t be home till late. Don’t wait up.”

Stefan leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips before leaving her on the dance-floor. Seconds after his eyes were off of her, Caroline felt her mask fall. She saw a waiter walk by and she grabbed another glass of champagne. She weaved her way through the crowed. Passing ‘friends’ along the way such as Aurora de Martel or Haley Marshall; two-woman Stefan approved of because neither one asked to many questions. She saw Elena and Damon, dancing, drinking and laughing. They seemed perfect together but Caroline knew more. Damon was calculating and willing to do whatever it took to protect what was his. Elena was his; but there was something false behind Elena’s smiles. She was selfish in a way that made Caroline’s head spin. Their marriage was as much as a sham as Caroline’s. The terrifying part was that Damon did not realize it.

Not wanting to see the sight of them, she made her way through and unopened door. She wondered down the hall of the Four Season until she reached a utility door with the bright red words of exit’ hanging above the door. On a whim, Caroline pushed the door open and entered the stairway. She went up and up until she couldn’t anymore. She tried the door at the very top and to her surprise it was unlocked. It was the rooftop.

Caroline took in the view of the city. Even in darkest places of her mind, she could not help but admit that New York was beautiful. There was a life to it that was vibrant and pulsing. Especially at night when the city lights illuminated the buildings and the people. Caroline drained her glass and tossed it to the side, hearing the glass shatter on the ground. She kicked off her heels, allowing her feet to touch the concrete and walked toward the edge. She looked down the fifty-two stories.

Stefan and Damon wanted to paint a picture of the perfect life for the world to see. Both brothers happily married to beautiful women. Caroline wondered what the world would think if they found Caroline’s body on the ground after jumping those fifty-two stories. It would be instantaneous; hitting the ground. It would be better than suffering the life she had now. It would also show the world that maybe something was not right with the Salvatore brothers.

Caroline, carefully, eased her way up onto the ledge and looked down. It was high up and she could feel the wind of the cool February air. She was cold but she did not care. Her gown was a held up by thin white straps. Her bodice made of white lace while her deep navy skirt with a slit up the side. She looked beautiful and for a moment she wondered if her corpse would be gorgeous once it hit the ground. She didn’t care. If it put a notch in taking down Stefan, then her death would be worth something.

“Are you sure you want to do that Sweetheart?” A voice sounded from behind her. She turned to look over her shoulder and saw a handsome man standing behind her. He was in a tux, much like the rest of the men at the party. Stefan always spent a large amount of time on his hair but this man allowed his blonde locks loose. He was looking at her with curiosity; a look that alarmed Caroline slightly.

She knew exactly who he was.

Klaus Mikaelson. Head of the Mikaelson crime family and possibly the most dangerous man in this city. She had seen him from afar and heard Damon curse him enough times to know that he was no friend to either Stefan or Damon.

“What does it matter to you?”

“A beautiful woman like yourself contemplating taking her life?” Klaus walked up to the edge and leaned against it. “I think that matters to me greatly.”

“Why? Would you rather push me yourself?”

“I could.” Caroline tensed. He would do it to. He would push her and turn around, not thinking twice. If Caroline was going to die, she wanted it to be on her terms. She refused to be a pawn in this feud any longer. “If you really want me to. If you believe that your life has no meaning. I thought about it myself once or twice over the years, truth be told. But I’ll let you in on a little secret, there is a whole world out there waiting for you. Great cities and art and music and genuine beauty. And you can have it all. All you have to do is ask.”

“Ask what?” Caroline bit back. The life he painted was one she once craved. She wanted to have the world at her fingertips, not locked away; a doll only brought out to be paraded around before being tossed aside. The fire in her tone caused Klaus to smile, dimples appearing on his cheeks that made him look far more handsome than before. He held out his hand to her.

“Dance with me.” Caroline looked at his outstretched hand and much like she had done earlier in the evening with Stefan, she placed her hand into his; Klaus helped her off the ledge. He pulled her into his arms and despite the fact that there was no music. His touch was gentle and calming. Caroline felt more at home in his arms than she did of the man she married.

“Do you know who I am?” She whispered.

“You’re Caroline Salvatore, formally Forbes. The wife of Stefan Salvatore. Married just over a year and what a happy marriage it must be if it has you up here contemplating taking your own life.”

“Instead I’m dancing on a roof top with his biggest rival.” Caroline whispered. “Why?”

“So, you have heard of me.” His smile grew wide as though he was proud at the fact that she knew he was a killer, drug lord, king pin or some other name given to those who run and operate a crime family. She knew that he had fingers in all sorts of business; such as that his brother was high up in the FBI and that his reach stretched far beyond New York. He was everything Damon wanted to be and everything he wasn’t. “I followed you up here because I think you and I have a mutual interest.”

“Oh really? And what is that?”

“We both want the Salvatore brother’s dead.” Caroline froze in his arms and her eyes shot up to his. “Come now Sweetheart. We both know it is true. You never wanted to be married to him and are looking for a way out. I’m offering you one. It may not be as instantaneous as jumping from a ledge but the outcome will be far sweeter.” Klaus stepped away and brought her hand to his lips. “Thank on it, love and I’ll see you soon.”

With that, Klaus dropped her hand and headed toward the stairway that lead back down to the party. Caroline watched after him, feeling a slight crack in her prison walls as he went. She looked over to the ledge again, debating. She turned away, bent down and slipped on her shoes. Klaus saw Caroline rejoin the party and a look passed between them; a mutual understanding.

In the wee hours of the morning, Caroline laid in bed thinking about Klaus’s offer. She wanted out of this marriage and divorce was not an option. Her mind turned with the possibility but Caroline just did not know if it was worth the risk. If she betrayed them, she was dead; her mother would be dead and the little Caroline cared for would crumble. Then there was that part of her brain that couldn’t but start the stirrings of desire. A desire to be free.

Before she was able to ponder her fate longer, she heard the bedroom door open. She sat up in bed to see Stefan looking at her. She reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. The light shined and Caroline had to withhold her scream. From head to toe, Stefan was covered in blood. He cocked his head to the side and she could see the mania behind his eyes.

“Come.” Caroline followed his instructions and pulled herself out of the bed. She walked over to him and once she reached him, Stefan placed his hands on her hips; spinning her around. He inhaled the scent of her hair before he tailed a string of kisses down her neck; and Caroline let him. She laid willing for him, as she had always done before. This time was different.

Stefan never fucked her while wearing his victims’ blood before.

In the morning, Caroline cleaned herself the best she could. As she looked at herself in the mirror, she could still feel Stefan’s hands on her and him inside of her, reliving his blood-lust. It made her stomach turn and she needed to get out of the house. She grabbed her bag and coat but when she opened the bedroom door, Stefan stood on the other side of it.

“Where are you going?” Stefan asked in his typical bored voice. In truth, he could care less what she did as long as she stayed in line. As long as she continued to be controllable.

“I don’t know. Shopping maybe. I just need to get out of the house.” Caroline replied. Stefan looked down at her as though he was searching for something; waiting for her to do something. After a moment, he nodded his head and let her pass.

“Take Enzo with you.” With that, Stefan entered their bedroom and closed the door behind him. Enzo. Her ever present bodyguard. In truth, Caroline did not mind Enzo. He was funny and genially tried to make her smile. He let slip once that he didn’t like how Stefan treated her; having found her crying one to many times or cleaned her up when Stefan got too rough. The catch was, he was on Damon’s payroll and betraying his employer was a one-way ticket to an early grave.

Caroline searched out Enzo, telling him she needed to get out of the house and that he was to accompany her. As she climbed into the back of the car, she saw Damon and Elena’s car pull into the drive. She wondered what they were doing there so early but Caroline did not care. She needed to put some distance between herself and Stefan.

“Where to Gorgeous?”

“Anywhere. I don’t care.” Enzo nodded and pulled out of the drive and into calm street of their New York suburb. He drove into the city and Caroline was so lost in her own thoughts that she did not notice that they were in a bad part of town. Enzo pulled into a back alleyway and it wasn’t until the car stopped that Caroline paused. “Where are we?” “You’ll see.” Enzo got out of the car and opened her door, holding out his hand to help her.

“Did Stefan order you to kill me?”

“Even if he did, I wouldn’t.” Enzo smiled at her and she believed him. If anything, he would warn her and let her fake her death. She almost wished Stefan ordered a hit on her and Enzo has her hit man. Caroline looked up to the old abandoned warehouse and rolled her eyes. Enzo led her to a door and opened it. “I promise you; no harm will come to you inside. I won’t let it.”

Caroline nodded and she stepped forward. It was dark inside but there were a few florescent lights that hung from the ceiling, casting enough light to create more shadows. She walked forward, listening to her heels hit the concrete flooring. Enzo walked beside her, seemingly completely at ease. Once the reached a bit further into the warehouse, a man moved out from behind a pillar.

“Klaus.” Caroline whispered.

“Thank you, Enzo, for informing me that Caroline would have a moment alone.” Klaus spoke to other man and Caroline’s eyes traveled between the two of them. She could not fathom what was happening. Enzo worked for her husband and brother-in-law but if he was having dealings with Klaus…

“What?”

“Damon and Stefan are not the only ones who pay me Gorgeous.” Enzo drawled out. He tilted his head towards Klaus. “I work for Klaus.”

“I hired Enzo specifically to infiltrate the Salvatore home. He has been my man for years and when he fed me some interesting information on the state of your marriage, it made me wonder if perhaps, you and I could come to an agreement.” Klaus replied. “I was honest with you last night Sweetheart. We want the same thing.”

“I don’t want to be a pawn in anyone’s game.” Caroline hissed out. She glared at Enzo, not believing what he was bringing into her life. He was risking his life by spying on Stefan and Damon. There was something more in it for him than money. Enzo was not foolish enough to be a double agent without leverage. She could easily turn in him and he would be dead before sunrise. She wouldn’t but the fact that she could was present in the back of her mind. “Not even yours.”

“I know.” Klaus signed. He reached inside his coat jacket and pulled out a small manila envelope. He gave her a pitying look and she could not see the reason behind it. “After the gala last night. Where did your husband go?”

“I don’t know.” Caroline replied, the memory of Stefan covered in blood focused in her mind again. Klaus gave her a sad smile and walked over to her. He handed her the envelope and with hesitant hands, she took it from him. Inside were a series of pictures; pictures of her mother. The scene was bloody and horrifying. Elizabeth Forbes’s head was completely detached from her body and blood was spattered across the room. She knew what that meant. She knew his signature. The memory of Stefan inside her mere hours earlier flashed before her. The blood he wore while he fucked her was her mother’s. “I’m going to be sick.”

She dropped the pictures and ran over to a pillar. She dry-heaved and coughed up the bile that formed in her throat. A hand came up from behind her and pulled the hair from her face. It wasn’t Enzo. The smell of the cologne was different. She turned her head slightly and saw Klaus staring at her. He wore a sympathetic look upon his feathers that Caroline wondered was genuine.

“I’m sorry, Sweetheart.”

“Why? Why did he do this?”

“From what I know, your mother went back on a deal she had with the Salvatore’s. She stepped out of the line they drew for her.” Klaus replied and Caroline closed her eyes. Her mother made her bed and now Caroline was going to face the consequences. She looked at the pictures lying on the ground, knowing that the memory of them would live with her forever. “Stefan went to her last night to…. settle things. I was not made aware of her death until after it happened.”

“And what do you want from me?”

“The same thing I said to you on that rooftop.”

“Bullshit.” Caroline hissed out and Klaus eyed her. He could see the fire behind her ice blue eyes. Enzo reported a lifeless woman who was trapped in a cage, needing to find a way out. He certainly saw her desperation when she stood on that ledge but there was more to Caroline than he realized. She had a quick mind behind that beautiful face and a fire that burned under her skin. She was far stronger than anyone gave her credit for. Klaus quickly found himself wanting to know more.

“Now, now. I’ve killed people for less than the way you just spoke to me.” Caroline’s gaze did not waiver. He could kill her right now and she honestly did not care in that moment. The one person she still cared for was dead. The fact that she did not fear death intrigued him. He had killed many people and they all begged; but it appeared that Caroline would not be one of them. That earned his respect. “My brother Kol was murdered six months ago.”

“I know.” Caroline replied. Stefan and Damon threw a party at his death; a crack in the Mikaelson family, something very hard to do. While they did not murder Kol directly, Damon hired Jeremy Gilbert to do it for them. It was a job they did not trust just anyone to carry out such an important task. No. They hired Elena’s hitman of a brother to do it instead. “The celebration they threw lasted days. I thought it was cruel.”

There was a flash in Klaus’s eyes; something fierce. She could see the monster lingering beneath his beautiful face but she could see that his rage was not directed at her. She knew what a monster looked like who hated her. She slept in his bed every night.

“I want them dead. They took my brother so I plan to take everything from them. Slowly.” Klaus gave Caroline a sinister smile. “I’ve already started. A few financial deals here. A side business there. Damon isn’t as smart as he thinks he is.”

“And where do I play into this?”

“Information.”

“I don’t know anything. As you know, Stefan and I are not on the best of terms.”

“You know more than you think. Much like Enzo, you would filter information to me when you learn it. Your job would be to observe in the only way a wife can and in return, I’ll help you get out of this marriage you despise.” Caroline looked at him and she knew she was contemplating it. “Not now. Think on it. Let me know when you’ve made a decision. But think on this Sweetheart. Wouldn’t you want to revenge on the man who murdered your mother?”

“We should go.” Enzo replied and Caroline nodded. She gave Klaus a look, searching him. She could see that this was far more personal than he was saying. This went far beyond Kol’s death. Klaus was going to rain blood down on this city and one way or another, Caroline was going to be caught in the middle of it.

“Think on it Sweetheart, but know this. While you husband was murdering your mother last night; I was committing a murder of my own.” Caroline shot him a confused look but allowed Enzo to usher her outside and into the car. As she sat in the back of the car, her mind raced.

Her mother was dead. Murdered. Tears fell down her cheeks as her grief took her over. She didn’t hear Enzo’s soothing words from the driver’s seat or see the scenery passing by. Before she realized it, they had pulled into the drive of the home she shared with Stefan; but Caroline could not move. She just continued to cry. When she was able to calm her self down, Enzo opened the door.

The scene Caroline walked into could only be described as chaos. Elena was wailing on the ground, Damon holding her close to his chest. Stefan was looking at the scene in completely fury. Caroline wondered what Stefan would give to be in Damon’s place. By the number of times Stefan whispered Elena’s name in her ear after sex, it did not take a genius to figure out that Stefan was in love with his brother’s wife.

Caroline spotted a series of photos scattered across the floor. She walked slowly over to one and Klaus’s voice rang loud and clear in her ear. While you husband was murdering your mother last night; I was committing a murder of my own. The pictures showed a mutilated body, hanging spread eagle on a giant plank in the shape of a ‘x’.

Jeremy Gilbert was dead. A giant ‘M’ carved into his chest.

She felt Stefan’s presence behind her. She turned to look at him. He saw her bloodshot eyes and her reddened face. He studied her and as always, Caroline wondered what he found when he seemingly peered into, he soul.

“You know. About Elizabeth?”

“Yes. I just heard.”

“It was unavoidable.” With no sympathy, Stefan turned from her and walked over to Elena. She was still screaming in agony, clutching at her brown hair. Damon was whispering to her. The look of compassion he gave Elena caused Caroline’s fury to increase. “This was all Klaus Mikaelson. I promise you we will take him down for this. I will hand you his head on a silver platter.”

Within the next several days, Caroline buried her mother. Elizabeth Forbes had been the Chief of Police and the manner of her death caused a media stir. Caroline found no peace and her funeral was very public. The wake that was held at her home with Stefan felt more like a media circus than a goodbye to her mother. Stefan stayed by her side the entire time, playing the loving husband the entire time. He told the concerned onlookers what a tragedy had befallen their family. He touched the small of her back or held her hand. Each touch made Caroline’s skin burn in anger.

She wanted to claw Stefan’s eyes out from his head. She wanted to hurt him in the worst way possible. Her grief was turning into anger and Caroline found that she was able to hang onto that. She plotted but kept her mask in place. She knew she needed to strike at Stefan and the only way possible to do that would be to do one thing that would hurt him the most; it was a plan that Caroline clung to.

The only relief she found was that Elena couldn’t publicly mourn Jeremy. Jeremy Gilbert was a known fugitive and as far as New York knew, he was still on the run and the siblings were on bad terms. Jeremy was the bad apple while Elena the saint. So, Elena was forced to pretend that her brother was alive but his whereabouts unknown while watching Caroline publicly mourn her loss.

Caroline received all the sympathy.

Caroline was the one who had ability to have a funeral.

Caroline was smiled upon as though she was the center of the universe for a short while.

It was petty but Caroline enjoyed watching Elena’s anger at the fact that she couldn’t show her grief for her brother. It also was tempting to smile when an arrangement of flowers, rubbing salt into Elena’s wound.

I’m sorry for your losses. K. M.

In that moment, Caroline made her decision. She knew what her answer was. Once the last person from the wake left her house and Stefan was able to drop the act of being the worried husband, Caroline could not stand looking at any of them for another second.

“I need to go.” She reached for her purse, not carrying that she was still in the tight black dress and stilettos. She looked the part of a wealthy woman of the Upper East Side who was in mourning. She looked the part and could care less if it was bad timing. She should change at the very least; shed the mourning clothes from her body. Instead she grabbed her thick black coat and slipped it on.

“Go where?” Stefan asked.

“I don’t know. I just need to think.”

“You’re staying.”

“Let her go Stefan.” Elena’s voice chimed in. Her tone had a dead ring to it. It wasn’t that Elena was looking at her cruelly, but just in annoyance. Elena and Caroline’s relationship had always been complicated. Neither one would call it friendship, although to the outside world Elena claimed to be Caroline’s best friend. They smiled and laughed together when the cameras were on them but pulled apart the moment they turned away. “She just lost her mom. She is grieving.”

“Take Enzo with you.” Stefan commanded, never being able to deny Elena anything. Enzo, who was standing in earshot appeared quickly and followed Caroline out of the house. She was moving like a bat out of hell and just needed to get away from that house. She slid into the back of the car, calming her breath as best as she could.

“Where to?”

“You know where.” Enzo nodded and drove. He drove for a good while, ensuring that they were not being followed. Damon and Stefan were distracted so it was unlikely they would put anyone else on their trail but Enzo was a professional. He was always precise so he pulled into a parking garage. They got out of the car and Enzo led Caroline to a second vehicle. This was a big SUV, different from the town cars Stefan and Damon preferred to use. More importantly; it wasn’t tracked.

Enzo drove her across town to a tall building. Much like before, he pulled into a parking garage but this time they did not switch cars. He led her to an elevator and pulled out his phone. He punched in a code that had been sent to him and the elevator lifted upward. Once at the top, the doors opened and Caroline realized where she was.

Klaus’s office.

Klaus was standing on the other side perched on the side of his desk. He was unsurprised to see her but then again, she saw Enzo texting on an unfamiliar phone. Klaus was expecting her and Caroline just strolled into his office; never removing her eyes from him.

The office was massive. Windows on one wall that stood from floor to ceiling, providing Klaus with an amazing view of the city. Caroline looked around and saw priceless works of art on the walls. The furniture was expensive and Caroline could not help but applaud the man’s taste. This was where Klaus played with people’s lives; who lived and who died. A shell company much like Stefan and Damon’s, only far older and far more powerful.

“Leave us Enzo.” Caroline commanded. Enzo looked between Klaus and Caroline, unsure if he should leave her alone. Klaus however, nodded to the other man and waited for Enzo to head back down the elevator. Klaus pushed away from the desk and walked over to a bar cart. He poured two tumblers of bourbon and handed her one. Caroline took a few sips before turning back to Klaus, who had been silent but watched her like a hawk. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything.”

“You want to strike at Damon for ordering the hit on your brother.” She took another sip. “Because we both know it was Damon who ordered it, it’s why you’re keener on him than anyone else.”

“Damon flaunted that he was the one who hired the Gilbert boy to murder my brother. Yes.” His eyes lingered over her and she could see the desire pooling in his eyes. He found her fascinating. The entire city had eyes on Caroline since the news of Elizabeth’s murder rang through the streets. An investigation was formed but would go nowhere; they both knew that. The mystery of her death would remain unsolved. Along with the rest of the city, Klaus was watching her; gazing at the woman who could put on the best act of them all.

“And sending him Jeremy Gilbert’s body as a message had the desire effect. I can assure you that.” Klaus cocked his eyebrow at her. She knew that he was aware that using Jeremy would send the desired message to Damon. A message stating that Klaus was coming for him but the truth was far darker than Klaus realized and Caroline was going to spell it out for him. “But I don’t think you realize just how far you went in sending that message.”

“Then tell me.”

“After we met that morning at the warehouse, I went home. I was grieving over my dead mother and when I walked into my front door, I found Elena in my sitting room, wailing as though her heart was being ripped from her chest. Damon was playing the good husband and comforting her.” Caroline rolled her eyes and Klaus’s lips perked up at her annoyance. “Stefan saw it immediately. He knew that I was aware of my mother’s death. He told me it was ‘unavoidable’.”

“Go on.”

“He showed me no remorse or sympathy. He came home that night and fucked me while he still had my mother’s blood on his skin.” Klaus’s eyebrows shot up at that but said nothing. Caroline could not help but notice how his grey-blue eyes grew a hint darker. “He simply walked away from me and then bent down to comfort Elena. He promised to hand your head to her on a silver platter.”

“Interesting.” She could see the calculation behind Klaus’s eyes. What Klaus wanted from her was an understanding on what went on behind closed doors in the Salvatore home. There was only so much Enzo could give him from a business standpoint but Klaus wanted more. He wanted the most personal information on the brothers in order to strike where it hurt the hardest. “And why would Stefan be more concerned with Elena’s pain than his wife’s.”

“Because he is in love with her.” Caroline replied in a matter of fact tone. Klaus stood straighter at that and she could see the million possibilities running through his mind. This he had not known. “The key to destroying all that the Salvatore brother’s hold dear is Elena. You have both of them gunning for your head because you made her cry.”

“Well that is interesting. Perhaps I should just have her killed?”

“You could but that isn’t smart and you know it.”

“Do I?” Klaus asked, testing her; seeing how her beautiful mind worked.

“Kill Elena and all you will have is two very pissed off Salvatore brothers on your hand. They will band together in their grief and strike at you and hard. Nothing is as powerful as the feeling of revenge. Kill Elena and Damon and Stefan will become your worst nightmare.” Klaus was smiling widely at her, a hint of pride etched in his eyes. “But you knew that.”

“Then what is our plan?” Klaus asked. He was testing her, seeing how her mind worked. Typically, Caroline hated being toyed with; she got enough of that at home. However, she wanted to prove to someone that she was more than just a pretty face.

“Turn brother against brother. Use Elena.” Caroline paused. “I don’t know how yet but Elena is the key in doing so. Both love her and both want her. I don’t know if Stefan and Elena are sleeping together but I’ll find out.”

“Then we have a deal.” Klaus stepped towards her and peered down at her. He took the glass from her hand and drank the remanding amber liquid. He was gazing at her and Caroline would not look away. The woman who wanted to jump from that roof top still lingered but he saw the truth behind why she wanted to jump. It wasn’t just a death wish, she wanted to strike at Stefan and Damon in the only way she could. “And what is it that you want in return for this information, Sweetheart.”

Caroline reached up and placed her hands on his chest. She eased out a few crinkles in his crisp white shirt. She could feel his muscles behind his shirt tense at the feeling of her fingertips caress him. She peaked at him from behind her eyelashes.

“Stefan hates you with a passion right now. Cursing your name every time he looks at Elena’s sad eyes. There is a fire burning in him to see you dead.” Klaus seemed amused at that. “What I want is petty and selfish and wrong on so many levels.”

“Say it.”

“I want to go to sleep every night knowing that I’ve fucked the one man who my husband hates most in the world.” There was a crackle between them that fizzled and popped. Both understood what this was. Caroline wanted in his bed for the soul purpose of being able to look at Stefan, knowing that she fucked the one man he wanted dead. It was a sort of petty revenge she needed in order to strike back from her mother’s murder and at the moment, this was the best possible way to do that.

For Klaus, it was one in the same. What was the best leverage over a man than bedding his wife? Sure, Stefan could care less for Caroline but she was his. His toy and his property. He wouldn’t take kindly to knowing that Klaus had been inside his wife; touched his wife and even less if she enjoyed it. Klaus would ensure that she did…she would feel every inch of it, cry out his name. Then when Stefan bedded his wife, she would close her eyes and imagine that it was Klaus touching her.

“You’re playing with fire, love.”

“I don’t care.” Fire burned in Klaus’s eyes and the dam broke. He leaned down and pressed a hard kiss to Caroline’s lips. Caroline knew that this could end badly for her. Either Stefan could find out she betrayed him and kill her or Klaus betrayed her and she would meet the same end with different means. That didn’t faze her. It wasn’t enough for her to give up the fact that she would have this moment.

Caroline dug her nails into his chest, dragging them down his shirt. She pulled the shirt from his trousers and ripped it open; buttons scattering across the hardwood floor. Klaus tossed it aside and pulled his undershirt over his head. Caroline’s lips latched onto his bare skin, tasting him. Her teeth nipped at his nipple while his hands moved the zipper at the back of her dress. He pulled it down and Caroline felt her dress sage on her shoulders. She pushed the dress down and let it pool at her feet.

Klaus eyed her with anticipation. She was a beautiful woman and he would have wanted to fuck her either way. Her being Stefan’s wife was just the cherry on top a very delectable cake. Her bra and panties were a simple black but matched with her black pump and the sight sent blood rushing to his penis. She shot him a coy look, she knew that he was finding her desirable and having lacked that look from a man in so long, it was addicting.

Caroline reached behind her and unhooked her bra, allowing it to fall to the floor. Klaus, unable to help himself, palmed her breasts; his nails gracing over her erect nipple. Caroline hissed at the contact, causing Klaus to do it again.

“Heels stay on.” Klaus commanded and Caroline chuckled. She reached for his belt, slowly undoing it but Klaus stopped her. “Not this time love. Perhaps another time.”

“Cocky much? Who says this is not just a one-time thing?” Caroline teased him, her fingers running along the skin just underneath his trousers. Instead of answering her, Klaus lifted her up; causing Caroline to squeak in surprise. She wrapped her legs around his waist, arching her back and pressing her breasts against his naked chest. Klaus’s lips latched onto her and kissed her while he walked them towards his desk. He knocked the files and pictures onto the ground, neither caring about the sound of shattering glass.

“Because once I’m done with you Sweetheart, you’ll come back begging for more.” He sat her down on the desk and kissed his way down her neck. His teeth nipped and sucked at her chest and Caroline spread her legs, allowing him easier access to her body. She leaned back on her forearms and watched as his head dipped lower and lower. “Tell me, when was the last time you enjoyed sex?”

“It’s been awhile.” Klaus’s eyes peaked up at her, and cocked his eyebrow. “Stefan is not very kind in the bedroom…in more ways than one.” Klaus chuckled and Caroline could feel the vibrations against her skin. They both knew what she was not saying. Caroline hated Stefan and sleeping with him was torture. There was no arousal or pleasure in the act but she had no choice.

“And here he is, a bigger fool than I realized.” Klaus grabbed her leg and outstretched it. His lips kissed her ankle as he admired her long, toned legs and the stiletto attached to them. Klaus apparently was a leg man. His hands ran down the length of them until he reached the edges of her panties. He hooked his fingers into the crotch, gracing her clit as he went. Caroline whimpered at the slight brush and her reaction pleased him; making him brush against it a second time just to make her squirm. He pulled her panties down her legs and took them into his hand; bringing them to his nose. He inhaled her scent while his eyes devoured the sight of her naked and spread across his desk. He pocked her panties and knelt before her. “Let’s make up for lost time, shall we.”

His fingers traced the length of her slit, spreading her juices. Caroline cried out at the contact. He slipped one finger into her and then another. He pumped them in and out of her before bringing his lips to her clit. His tongue licked the length of her before he began circling her bundle of nerves.

“God! Klaus!” Caroline cried out his name, not caring who heard. No one saw her enter his office. For all his staff knew outside his office door was that Klaus was having sex with someone behind it but the who remained a mystery. She assumed that they were paid well enough not to care. She continued to watch him lick and suck her while she felt that tension build up inside her. It had been a long while since she felt any sort of relief and it snapped inside of her like glass breaking against a wall. It shattered her. She screamed and cried out illegible things that she couldn’t remember when she came to.

“Seeing you come undone…you’re beautiful.” Klaus whispered and stood up from in-between her legs. Caroline sat up and reached for his belt. Like she attempted to do before, she pulled the offending leather from Klaus’s pants loops; putting it out with a snap. She tossed the belt to the floor and unbuttoned his pants, shoving them down to his ankles. “Condom?”

“Birth control.” Caroline replied, gripping Klaus in her hand. He hissed at the contact. She began to stroke him, watching as his jaw clenched tightly. His hands gripped her hips roughly and there was a brief second, she wondered if his hands would leave a bruise. “Gentle now. Can’t leave marks, now can we?” Klaus’s hands loosed and she cupped his balls as a reward, massaging them lightly. “Stefan does not want kids so, can’t risk pregnancy. So, I get a shot in my arm every three months, so unless you have some disease that I need to be worried about? Because I’m clean. Trust me. I’ve checked.”

“Clean bill of health Sweetheart.”

“Then get inside me.” Caroline lined his penis up with her entrance and Klaus pushed inside. The feeling of him stretching her and filling her was incredible. He was bigger than Stefan so there were muscles that were stretched that she was not used to. Klaus wrapped his arms around her, pressing her to him. Slowly, he withdrew before pushing back in. The first few strokes where leisurely but as their rhythm began to build, his thrusts picked up. “Faster. Harder”

The desk under them creaked and groaned. The slapping of skin could be heard as Klaus pounded into her. Caroline’s nails dug down his back, leaving marks that that they both knew would take a few days to fade. She could feel herself building towards her peak again and Klaus could sense that she was the verge of another orgasm. He reached between them and rubbed her clit. Her walls clenched and Caroline was pushed off that cliff again. A few more pumps and Klaus followed suit.

Once their breathing calmed down, Klaus slipped out of her and Caroline whimpered at the loss. She sat there for a second and watched as Klaus bent down and pulled his trousers up his legs. Caroline held out her hand and Klaus just cocked an eyebrow at her in question.

“My panties.”

“Oh, no Sweetheart. I’m keeping those.”

“Seriously!” Caroline huffed in mock frustration causing him to chuckle. He looked her over, apprising her still naked body; seemingly way too proud for her liking. She rolled her eyes and stood from the desk. “Fine. Pull the alpha man act.”

Klaus all but doubled over in laughter as she picked up her bra, putting it on before stepping back into her black dress. She turned her back to him and pointed at the dress. Klaus stepped forward and zipped up the dress, his fingers gracing her back as he went. Despite what they had just done, the touch sent shivers down Caroline’s spine. Klaus leaned down and she felt his hot breath on her ear.

“There is no act, love. I am the alpha male.” Caroline turned to look at him and made a point to roll her eyes again. He was amused; his smile was wide and his eyes sparkled with mischief. He was content and there was something about him made Caroline want to please him again. She wanted to fuck him in order to get back at Stefan and now she realized she wanted to do it again for the sole purpose that he felt good.

Klaus pulled away from her and went to pick up his cell phone, stepping over glass that had shattered from a few of his picture frames that had been on his desk. Caroline spotted a mirror on the far wall near his office. Her hair was a mess. She scowled and pulled it from her bun. She ran her fingers through it and deciding to let it hang loose. She watched Klaus send a text message before walking over to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close as they listened to the sound of the elevator rising again.

“Until next time, Sweetheart.” Klaus kissed the side of her neck before pulling away; just in time for the elevator to ding and Enzo to step out. Enzo halted slightly, taking in the sight of the office. He was intelligent enough not to say anything but seeing the contents of Klaus’s desk on the floor and the smell of sex hanging in the hair; not the mention the fact that Klaus was shirtless, he knew exactly what had occurred.

Caroline just tossed him a cheek grin before heading to the elevator, swaying her hips ever so slightly as she went; knowing full well that Klaus was watching her. Enzo followed her inside and the moment the door closed on them; he just turned his head to look at her with a worried expression on his face.

“You’re playing a very dangerous game Gorgeous.”

“And you’re not?” Caroline retorted. Enzo just shrugged.

“I didn’t just fuck the devil.”

“Oh, shut up.” Caroline bit out. “Why are you doing this? Playing both sides, I mean? If Damon or Stefan learned that you were feeding information to Klaus or even that you brought me to see if, twice. They’d kill you. And don’t feed me some line about the money being good. I’m too smart for that.”

“It amazes me that neither Stefan nor Damon realize how smart you actually are.” Enzo muttered but refused to say more and Caroline was not going to push him. She just wanted to make a point. They walked across the parking garage and she climbed into the SUV. It wasn’t until they were sitting in traffic and Caroline was scrolling through her phone that Enzo spoke again. “Her name is Bonnie.”

“What?”

“My girl. Bonnie. She has a rare genetic disease. I couldn’t afford to get her the treatment she needs.” Caroline wilted ever so slightly. She did not know much about Enzo or the fact that he had a life apart from bloodshed and deception. “Klaus has connections. Vast connections. I provide him with whatever he needs and he ensures that Bonnie gets everything she needs to manage her condition. So yeah. It is not about the money.”

Caroline had nothing say. It made sense to her why Enzo did what he did but what amazed her was Klaus. She knew that he wasn’t providing, what Caroline assumed to be expensive medical care, out of the goodness of his heart. She could not begin to imagine what Enzo has done for Klaus to receive that kind of payment.

A second later, Caroline’s phone buzzed revealing an unknown number.

Thank you for today Sweetheart.

Caroline smiled but quickly deleted the message.

[dboliklover]

Easter Smut - #4 - Laito

Laito - impregnation, blood play, rough sex, overstimulation, danger, Low-key Yandere

TW: Mild Blood Play, And a section in which Laito is holding reader too close to a balcony railing with mentions of potentially falling.

In your life, there was an overwhelming amount of uncertainty. And a certain red-haired vampire did not ease that unsteadiness you felt in your life, instead he added to your sense of puzzlement. Your entire relationship with Laito was messy, to say the least. Everything about it was confusing and uncertain, and you never really knew what he was thinking. Hell, you didn’t even know your own feelings towards him. You felt as though you equally hated him as you did adore him. Sometimes he could actually be almost romantic and cute, but other times he was painfully arrogant and cocky to the point where you wanted to push him into the sun so he would burn into a crisp. With Laito, there was no in-between. You weren’t his girlfriend, but you definitely weren’t friends so even the term ‘friends with benefits’ wouldn’t have labelled your relationship correctly. The best you were able to explain it would be “rivals with benefits”, but even that wasn’t quite the case. Nonetheless, even you had to admit that sex with the infuriating vampire was a highlight of that week. It was probably why you felt so helpless when it came to him - because as much as you felt a passionate contempt for him, you were also unable to fight off the equally passionate lust that gathered inside you whenever he seduced you.

You were outside on one of the balconies of the manor, watching the starlit sky shine down upon all in its wake. You adored the night sky and believed it to be the most beautiful and awe-inspiring thing in existence. Unfortunately for you, your serene time would soon come to an end. And come to an end, it did, when you suddenly felt a certain someone’s breath on your neck and ear as a familiar voice whispered playfully, “Here you are~” A loud yelp escaped you as you turned around to face the devil himself - Sakamaki Laito.

A sour frown established itself on your face as you breathed out softly, your breath having been caught when he startled you. “Don’t do that, you idiot.” You grumbled and slapped his arm lightly, not in a malicious way, more so in a you-scared-me-you-dumbass kind of manner. In all truth, you had absolutely no clue where the hell you stood with this man. Or a vampire. Whatever the fuck he was. Laito chuckled, laughing at your fear, visibly amused. “What, you don’t like it when I surprise you?” He questioned sensually, and you could already feel your will to resist him fading into the void. Why did he have to be so attractive..!?

“What do you want, Laito?” You asked, your tone blunt and to-the-point, but you already knew the answer, he normally only came to find you when he wanted to have sex. For the most part, you were alright with this, but recently...you utterly loathed admitting it, and you wouldn’t dare say it out loud - especially never to him, but you were beginning to get more ‘clingy’ and jealous when he was around other girls. It was only natural for you to begin to gain feelings for someone if you fuck them enough but you also knew Laito was a class-A fuckboy, and as such, you doubted he even could love you.

But every time you tried to resist Laito’s advances, you miserably failed. His control over you, and more importantly, your body, was too strong to counter. Before you could do anything else, you felt his cold arms wrapping around your torso as he pushed himself closer to you. You were leaning against the fencing of the balcony, and the fear of falling was strong, but he was caging you and you knew from previous experience that you would be unable to push him away. You cursed the predicament, but you were going to have to trust he wouldn’t push you off this high balcony. At the same time, the way his skin felt against yours was familiar and welcome by you, and it sent wonderful electricity down your veins. Moving so your head was touching his chest as he completely trapped you against himself and the balcony, his lips close to your ear once more as he whispered sensually to you, and caused the desire in your abdomen you often felt around Laito. “You look really cute today…” His words trailed off as his breath kept hitting your sensitive skin, as his tongue traced down your earlobe, the unexpected wetness bringing out a soft, breathy gasp, and you mentally cursed his ability to make you so weak in this moment, as you could actively sense your libido awakening.

“You know,” his voice was unusually gentle, usually he’d seduce you playfully, but without much other emotion, and yet tonight it was...different and you had not a single clue as to why he seemed peculiarly loving, in his own, perverted way. “You looked as though you were craving me before I even came here...with your pretty little ass stuck up in the air as you leaned against the railing” his kisses moved down your neck and said railing was now pressing into your ass and you were more aware of the lethality of this situation than previously. If he dropped you or even gave the smallest shove, you would fade from this world, or at least break half the bones in your body. In the most unusual of ways the danger morbidly aroused you in ways, you didn’t consider it would. As for Laito’s words, they were humiliating, but at the same time, mild degradation was strangely welcome and you were even surprising yourself.

“You looked like a little bunny, waiting to be mated” If his presence wasn’t currently intoxicating you this way, you would have been incredibly offended he was saying such mortifying things. But as it was, at this moment his sultry, sensual words only resulted in your lower half to heat and produce the uncomfortable moisture between the folds of your vagina. No one else could ever bring out this primal side of you as well as Laito had, and the more feelings you got for him, the more power he held over you. You had a feeling he knew what he was doing to you every time he was close to you. It was as if your hazy self was suddenly thrown into a pool of freezing water as the sharp stinging of his fangs piercing through your skin ‘awakened’ you. Once more, a gasp left your soft lips, but now it was louder and a pained gasp as you could feel the hot blood flow down your sensitive neck, only for his tongue to swirl and lick the crimson liquid from your flesh. Before long, the initial pain turned into a shocking ecstasy as you felt yourself breathing louder and gently moaning. It was an odd feeling, to have him drink from you. It had been forever since he’d done so, and you’d honestly forgotten what it’d felt like.

After another minute, Laito pulled away and stared you straight in the eyes, smirking as he licked his ruby-stained lips. The eye contact between you two sent your body into a fiery frenzy. Laito then moved back from you, and your immediate reaction was to be overcome with disappointment at the idea that he wouldn’t fuck you. However, just as you thought he’d turn around and leave, he grabbed your waist and turned you around so you were facing the beautiful sky once more, arms holding onto the railing as surprised sounds left your mouth.

When he pulled open your shirt and revealed your breasts to the evening air you found that the spring evening was a sweet, breezy-yet-warm one, and you were thankful for that. His hands grasped your ass before taking off your skirt and panties, throwing them gods-know-where. You were positive you were soaking at this point, his previous teasing causing a buildup of love juices at your core. His slender fingers moved up your needy pussy as he shoved three fingers in at once, releasing a shrill from you as your moans piled on top of one another. He pumped his fingers in at a fast, steady pace and the tightness in your abdomen formed quickly, his long digits ruthlessly finger-fucking you to paradise. Moments after you cried out a long moan as you came, which only made you even wetter down below, some of your love juices falling onto the stone balcony floor.

Laito stared at you with approving eyes, yet they held certain darkness which you couldn’t see as you weren’t facing him. He quickly unbelted his pants and took his tall, erect member out of the restraint that was his boxers. You were a loud breathing mess, as you recovered from your high, only for him to practically drilling his dick into you, filling you completely from the get-go. He roughly pounded into you, hands on your ass as he held tightly onto you, leaving finger marks that would be sure to stay for at least a couple days after this night.

Your hands gripped onto the railings until your knuckles were the same shade of white as winter snow, sweat dripping down your face and body as the heat was insufferable. His hands moved and brutally grabbed your breasts, fondling them with expertise, before he started to pinch your nipples, aggressively pulling and massaging them. The sensations of the pleasure of being roughly fucked and the sharp pain of having your nipples abused combined and the masochist within you loved every second of this.

Another several minutes passed by, and one of Laito’s hands travelled down to your clit, rubbing it mercilessly, the bundle of nerves sending thousands of pleasured signals to your brain. The amount of pleasure was unlawful, you were certain no human should be able to feel as much painful ecstasy as you currently were. Your mind, a blank slate, the only thing on your mind was Laito, his scent, the feelings he gave you, and the animalistic desire to be fucked until you couldn’t move anymore. You didn’t even try to conceal any of your euphoric screams, no longer caring about anything but the man bringing you so much pleasure.

Laito’s pace became sloppier, as his grip on your hips tightened to the point of pain. He twitched within you and that’s when you felt the heavy flow of his semen fill your fertile womb. He stayed inside you for several more moments before finally pulling out, the mixture of his cum and your juices falling down your thighs and onto the cold floor. You were gasping for air as your entire body ached in overstimulation. The intensity of that sex session was unlike anything you’d experienced before, and it shook you to your core

Laito smiled to himself as he helped you back to your feet properly and then picked you up and carried you to your room, your shirt almost falling off and your panties and skirt lost for the time being. You were sleepy and then you realised a vital fact. “W-wait Laito...you..you came inside me, I, I could get pregnant!” You exclaimed, your voice was soft but full of panic. He laid you on the bed and looked down at your tired, sleepy state with fond eyes, as his eyes moved from your face to your belly. “And?” He bluntly asked, eyes locking back with yours. You experienced a loving gaze you hadn’t ever experienced with Laito before. “I’ll take responsibility, I promise”. Somehow, you believed him as you drifted off to sleep. Soon, he mused to himself, you would be his forever.

- Mod Rozalia 

This as so fun and kinky to write...Kanato’s up next. Don’t forget to give some feedback! <3 All support and comments are read and deeply appreciated 

[medical-mischief]

Written for @quaestorvaldemar

Mafia AU: Drug Lord!Valdemar x Supplier! Orion

THIS IS NSFW

Another dinner party at the Don's estate; It wasn't mandatory to go but Orion had encouraged it. More possible connections and clients. Orion would see to those. Valdemar didn't deal with those people themselves. They always dealt with the leaders, having no time for the sleazy rats they call their right hand men.

Ruby red eyes scanned through he crowd as they spoke to one of the said leaders, narrowing slightly in anger as they saw their little supplier. They sat perched on the edge of the table while a man of a rivaling gang, approached them. Valdemar could see the man's gaze drop to their supplier's chest, trying to catch glimpses down Orion's dress. Orion, who had once been smiling, now held a sour expression, lips pursed. The dealer continued to watch as they flirted with Orion, the tiny 'medic' flashing a faked smile. It wasn't until the man rest his hand on Orion's bare thigh, slowly moving it up through the side slit in the dress that hell broke loose. Valde's hand tightened around the champagne flute, as they made a motion to approach the man, fuck appearances.

Orion reached behind them into the holster of the person behind them and expertly drew the gun, bringing it around harshly into his face. There was an audible crack and a surprised, pained scream as Orion raised a heeled foot and kicked them down. Several people stopped and looked, though the music and most chatter continued on. Orion slid off the table, pressing the heel into the man's sternum, making him wheeze. Orion gave a curt warning, hissed through clenched teeth. A couple of the don's men came to drag the gangster away and Orion turned towards the don. They placed a hand on his shoulder, issued what Valde would assume to be an apology, and strutted away.

As well as Orion had handled the situation, Valdemar was still seething. How dare anyone touch his property? They watched as Orion strode towards Valdemar, the supplier trying so hard to calm down. The other boss was bright enough to step to the side to allow Orion through. They knew how the drug lord felt about any disrespect to their second in command and Valdemar was one of the cruelest bosses most had encountered.

Orion slid past, nodding their head politely to the other bosses before looking to Valdemar. "I'll see you at home." they murmur and Valde nods. Valde snaps their fingers and a couple of their men appear, following after Orion. Their precious medic never went anywhere alone. The dealer cleared turned back to the conversation, not hesitating to catch the hungry gaze he held towards the medic. They were a pretty little thing after all.

A couple hours later and Valde returned to their home, irritated. This was why Orion handled nearly all of the deals. They had the patience for ignorance Valdemar did not. They sighed and pushed open the door to their shared bedroom, pausing in his step as he saw Orion strewn across the bed. Red, lacy lingerie decorated their body. A new one, Valde thought, for they hadn't seen the smaller wear that. The light from the chandelier glinted off of the necklace that adorned their neck, pendant resting perfectly between their breasts. It had been one of the little gifts Valdemar had given Orion when they first started this and consequently, was Orion's favourite.

A pleased smirk played on his lips, watching Orion stretch out before sitting up. They neared the bed slowly, long fingers unbuttoning their shirt as they pulled it from being tucked in. Valdemar let it slip from their shoulders, setting over the edge of the footboard. Their gaze never left Orion, who was watching them with mild interest. "To what do I owe this?" Their brows quirked in curiosity.

Orion shifted, biting their lip. "I can still feel where he touched me and I don't like it. I feel disgusting." Even after multiple showers, Orion could feel the man's rough skin against theirs. Valdemar snorted, fingers now moving to undo their belt. "And what makes you think I'm going to fix that?"

Orion moved closer the edge of the bed, green eyes peering up impishly through thick lashes. "Because, he touched your property." Another snort. Orion was correct. Valdemar let their trousers drop to the floor, kicking them off to the side.

"You did a very good job of reminding him, of everyone, who you belong to." He moved to the side of the bed, gaze never leaving his pet. "Come here." he ordered smoothly, smirking widening as Orion obeyed dutifully.

They sat perched at the edge of the bed, a slender finger tracing down their throat. They could still see the bright purplish bruises there, as if they had just been made. Orion never failed to show off their markings proudly. No one had kept the drug lord's interest long enough for them to claim any as a pet, a fact Orion was openly proud of. Of course, there were rumors of how Orion had fucked their way through to get their currently position. However, Valdemar was not that kind of person. They could not be enticed by pretty eyes and sex. No, Orion was good, amazing, at what they did, long before this relationship had started.

Valde's fingers grazed across the fabric, eyes taking in the detail. "This color is lovely on you..." and Orion blushed faintly at the compliment. "Remove it." they murmur, while the enjoyed seeing Orion clad in such outfits, Valdemar preferred seeing them in nothing. Orion did as they were told, scooting off the bed. They pushed the lingerie from their shoulders and wiggled their hips, the fabric sliding off easily. Orion would have to thank Teela later for helping them pick it out.

The dealer gave a hum of approval, hands resting on Orion's hips. Though they were slender, Valdemar was stronger than they looked. They scooped Orion up easily, setting them on the bed. "On your hands and knees, pet." they ordered. Orion made no hesitation and did as instructed. Valdemar climbed onto the bed behind Orion, hands resting on their lower back. They gave no warning as they thrust in to the medic, earning a keening moan. Orion shifted, adjusting to their cock as they moved. Valdemar's movements were slow and deliberate, pulling nearly all the way out just to snap their hips back in. Orion's body trembled, craving more. they wanted to beg but it would fall on deaf ears. Their bosses fingers dug deep into their flesh and Orion knew there would be bruises in a few minutes.

Valde slid their fingers into soft silver hair, pulling back harshly.The medic moaned out, arms trembling

"Who do you belong to, Orion?"

"Y-You, sir.." Valde's thrusts become faster, pushing in deeper

"Who may touch you?"

"You, only you." Orion gasped, fingers curling into the soft cotton sheets. They pull Orion back to their chest, lips brushing against their ear. "Next time anyone touches you, you kill them." Valdemar received a whimper as a response. Satisfied, he pushed Orion back onto the bed, hips up and a hand around the base of their neck. Valdemar thrust harder into Orion, the smaller body lying pliant beneath them. Their eyes narrowed, before they pulled out and quickly flipped Orion onto their back. Much better; Valdemar always preferred to watch their tiny lover's expressions.

Dainty hands reached up above their head, grasping frantically at the sheets. Orion's legs wrapped around Valdemar's waist, pulling the tall dealer in closer. Valdemar groaned softly, hand on Orion's waist in a vice like grip. The dealer watched as their pet whimpered and moaned, squeezing around him tightly. Orion trembled, knowing they were close. Their hands moved to rest on Valdemar's arms, squeezing at their biceps as the felt their orgasm nearing. "C-Close!" they gasped.

Valdemar could feel theirs too, prompting them pound inti them quicker. Orion let out a shaky sob, tears of pleasure pricking at their eyes. The supplier came hard, back arching off the bed and nails digging into Valde's arm. Valdemar followed after a few more thrusts, holding Orion still as they released inside of them, their pet still clenched tightly around them. The remained like that for a moment, before Valde pulled out and rolled onto their side. The let themselves breath before standing up and going to the bathroom. Orion groaned, feeling satisfied but sore. They smiled to themselves a dreamy grin settling on their lips. They jumped, feeling a warm wet rag between their legs. Valdemar had returned and had already begun cleaning their pet up.

The drug lord tossed it onto the pile of clothes by the bed; the maid could get it tomorrow. Valdemar lifted the comforter and slid into bed, Orion following happily after. They nestled into Valdemar's side, draping a leg over their hips. The boss wrapped an arm around Orion's waist, holding them close. The small medic leaned up and peppered their boss' face with kisses.

'I love you."

"Yes, I know." It wasn't a phrase Valdemar was used to saying. This seemed a more practical answer.

Orion was satisfied with the answer. They laid their head on Valde's chest, taking comfort in the steady heartbeat. "You've been such a good pet." they praise and Orion smiles.

"I hope you don't get tired of me." Orion's voice was heavy with sleep, soft and exhausted

Valdemar blinked, glancing down at the now sleeping supplier. Get tried of them? Valdemar found the statement absurd. How do you get tired of someone like Orion? It didn't seem likely and Valdenar could see no reason why they would ever tire of their pet. They sigh, tilting their head to press a kiss to Orion's parted lips. The doctor held Orion closer, rubbing their back gently.

The room was quiet now, nothing but soft breaths and a barely audible whisper.

"I won't."

[inkognito97]

Goddess satine getting Jedi padawan obiwan as a sacrifice due to her summoning with quigon finding them bound together. And satine joins them back at the temple

Obi-Wan silently asked himself, why it was always him and his Master that landed in these kind of situations. He never heard it from one of his fellow agemates that they and their Masters found themselves in this much trouble. if asked, Obi-Wan would definitely blame Qui-Gon Jinn for that, with his constant lecturing of ‘living in the here and now’, but he was rarely ask, which is why the ginger haired Jedi in training kept his opinion to himself. Also, he WAS glad that the long haired man was his Master and not one of the other rule loving ones. It was more fun this way and it certainly made their lives a lot more interesting, even if that meant landing in such a particular situation.

“Bring the sacrifice,” the tribe leader exclaimed and almost immediately, Obi-Wan found himself hauled to his feet and dragged away from his Master’s side. Qui-Gon, despite being bound and even gagged, tried to follow him, but it was to no avail, since their Force abilities had been drugged away. Obi-Wan was being led in front of the strange stature that was part human and part animal.

“Any last words?” the high priestess asked aloud. It was part of the ritual. Usually a willing sacrifice would not say anything, just simply and quietly accept his or her fate, but Obi-Wan was not willing. It was only due to a stupid misunderstanding that he was now made to be the sacrifice for these peoples’ goddess. A misunderstanding that could have happened anybody, which is why he was not blaming Qui-Gon, not at all.

“Yes,” he said confident and a murmur went through the crowd. The ginger haired Padawan turned as far as he was allowed, his eyes making contact with Qui-Gon’s. The man looked like he was suffering through eternal pain, his eyes were pleading and he was still struggling. “Thank you Master, for everything you have taught me. I could not have asked for a better teacher, a better companion and… and a better father.” It was not a very Jedi like thing to say, but since he was about to be killed, he said it nevertheless.

Under the deep grief and regret that was bright in Qui-Gon’s dark blue eyes, was love and Obi-Wan knew, that his feelings were returned. He knew that the older Jedi would do anything to change places with his Padawan, he knew that the bearded man wanted to do anything to turn back time. But it was not the Jedi way to crave for the impossible.

“Just… just remember to live in the present Master. Don’t forget me and… and promise me you will take on another Padawan. Promise me you won’t throw your life away, keep going and remember that I will watch you from the Force.”

Qui-Gon nodded, his gaze was shadowed, but the twenty years old man was calmed by the unvoiced promise the older male was giving. There was no doubt. Qui-Gon would grief and he would grief long and deeply, but then he would move on. He had made this promise after all.

“Very well, let the ritual continue,” the high priestess finally said, when it was clear that the young Jedi had said anything he wanted and needed to say. 

The eagerness to the peoples’ faces returned. They were more than ready to call upon their goddess so that their dispute the the rivaling tribe would finally come to an end. Obi-Wan was no fool. He knew that they were asking for help in the war that would come, they were asking the goddess’ for help and that not many of them might fall, while their enemies shall be destroyed. He could only shook his head at such mentality and he could not understand how any ethereal being would just go along with it.

Two more people stepped behind the Padawan. One of them pushed him down, so that his head was bowed. The second person held a bowl under his neck. The sacred priestess would cut open the main artery in his neck, his blood or his life essence as they called it, would be captured in the large bowl and then placed in the statures lap. If the goddess accepted the sacrifice, she would show herself or the blood would turn to water, if not, a hundred years of misery would fall upon the tribe. At least that is what they believed in. Obi-Wan himself was not so sure about all of this.

The high priestess stepped close now too. She was saying something that Obi-Wan could not understand, he was too focused on the cold metal that was pressed against the delicate skin of his throat. He shut his eyes closed and took a few deep breaths to calm himself. He would die a Jedi, not as a coward. 

With a loud shout, the priestess’ speech came to an end and Obi-Wan knew that this would be his last seconds in the galaxy, when suddenly, the knife was withdrawn, as well as the hands that had pushed him down. Confused, he straightened and found himself gazing at a beautiful blonde woman in a sea blue dress. It was clear that she did not belong to the tribe. The tribe people’s hair was dark and their skin was not as creamy, nor did they wear such beautiful clothes. No, she definitely did not belong to them.

“Enough,” was everything the unknown woman said. She did not even say it out aloud, it was more like a whisper really, but everybody obeyed. To the Padawan’s surprise, did the tribe people even kneel down with their foreheads touching the ground. “You shall not sacrifice this man to me, nor shall you fight in an unnecessary war. Life is precious and as the goddess of piece and NOT of war, I will not allow you to kill another in my name or with my approval.”

She cut through the ropes that had bound Obi-Wan’s hands behind his back. He spared her a last look, before rushing to his Master’s side, unfastening his bonds as well.

“Padawan,” Qui-Gon breathed out and as soon as as his arms were free, he engulfed the younger male into a tight hug.

“Master,” replied Obi-Wan. He was distantly aware that the blonde female had approached them and even though it was quite rude, he ignored her in favor of his distraught Master.

“You have a bond… a bond whose kind I have never seen before,” the ethereal being said, catching the two Jedis’ attention.

“Indeed,” mumbled Qui-Gon, he would not let go of his student, “You have my deepest gratitude, your highness, for saving my student.”

“I can see that you care for him deeply. Your pulsating connection has caught my attention just in time,” she went on. “Tell me your names, strangers.”

“My name is Qui-Gon Jinn and this is Obi-Wan Kenobi, we are Jedi Knights of the Republic. We are at your service.”

The blonde inclined her head in acknowledgement. “Satine Kryze, goddess of peace and harmony, as you might have known. Your bravery serves you well young Jedi,” the last part was directed at Obi-Wan, who thought that she did not exactly look much older than he was, in fact, she looked a little younger. “I have to admit that you made me curious. Is every Jedi like you, brave and pure… and do every Master-Padawan pairs share such an extraordinary bond?”

“Well,” Qui-Gon began, but he was interrupted by his Padawan.

“You could figure it out for yourself.” He was not sure what made him say it, perhaps it was the Force, but he suddenly deemed it a great idea to invite the entity to their Jedi temple. Qui-Gon did not seem bothered by his student’s uncharacteristic interruption and decided to just roll with it. 

“Yes,” the goddess eventually said after she had thought about the offer, “I shall join you.” With that, she turned back towards the suspiciously silent tribe. From her posture it was clear that she was not quite done with them, but the two Jedi decided that it might be better, if they just went to a more… private place.

“Come Padawan,” Qui-Gon said gently and helped the ginger haired man up to his feet.

“Yes Master,” Obi-Wan dutifully replied and then, they left, knowing that the blond goddess would find them later.

[theherothechampiontheinquisitor]

You’ve Got Mail - Chapter 2

Summary:: Belle French and Callan Gold meet in an AOL chatroom in the late 90′s and quickly bonded over email. Little do they know that in real life they are business rivals that completely hate each other.

Originally published under melissabosquez, September 2014. Cover by Midstorm

Chapter 1

Belle wasn’t quite sure how long she stood staring at the concrete monstrosity being built on the corner of Main and Plum Streets, all she was sure of was that it was nothing but trouble. Golden Books had systematically begun eliminating rival businesses from the area for nearly a year now, ever since they had bought their lot. It had been subtle at first but one by one stores were being closed, business owners that had been around since the turn of the century accepting lucrative payouts instead of dealing with the competition that would be provided until there was only one bookstore left, and that was her own, Fairytale Corner.

Fairytale Corner had been her mother’s pride and joy from the moment that they opened their doors when Belle was 6 years old. She grew up in the bookstore, playing and reading after school while her father ran his flower shop a few blocks down. Belle always felt that her father was perhaps a little disappointed that she had never shown as much interest in his flowers as she had her mother’s books but aside from good natured ribbing, he fully supported Belle when she began to officially work with her Mother.  

Her mother had passed away five years ago from a heart attack, but in her will had given her 23 year old daughter sole proprietorship of her business and Belle would be damned if she let some greedy corporation swoop in and erase her mother’s legacy. Belle huffed and though it was perhaps childlike to do, kicked the “Coming Soon!” sign in front of her.

Taking a sip from her styrofoam cup of tea, she happened a glance at her watch and realized that she was already five minutes late opening up her own store. She had been standing there much longer than she originally thought. Ruby and Leroy were probably already there to begin opening the store but Belle still felt awful for having gawked for so long, and took off in a jog towards Fairytale Corner, careful not to spill her tea. She rounded the block and had her destination in sight when she crashed into something solid, the lid on her tea flying off as the cup was crushed against whatever she ran into. Especially when she realized it was a person that she ran into.

It was a man, not much taller than herself but radiated an aura of importance. If his attitude didn’t give him away then the expensive three piece suit he wore did. A three piece suit that was now completely soaked through with her drink. Thank goodness it was only an iced tea and not hot tea or she might be looking at a lawsuit.

“Oh my goodness, I am so sorry, I didn’t even see you there,” she said and began rifling through her purse looking for napkins or at least a tissue. The man still seemed stunned, his hands held out in front of him in disbelief. The blonde haired woman he was walking with could barely contain her laugh as she looked over her friend.

Belle finally found a crinkled napkin and began dabbing at the mans suit and repeating her apologies before he gently removed her hands from his body.

“Just stop, that’s making it worse,” he said and Belle couldn’t help but notice the slight accent he spoke with. The man took out his pocket square and wiped his hands and his neck where some of the tea had splashed.

“I am truly sorry, it was all my fault…”

“Well, it certainly wasn’t my fault,” he muttered under his breath still wiping at his wet clothing.

Belle scrunched her nose but continued on. “ I was running late for work and I just wasn’t looking where I was going…”

“It’s fine,” he hushed her.

“I don’t have much money but the least I can do is pay for your dry cleaning,” she started going through her purse again searching for her wallet.

“I think you’ve done enough, dearie. Just go,” he said and began walking away, grabbing the elbow of the laughing woman and continuing down the street.

Belle stared after him for a moment before letting out an exaggerated sigh and hurrying down the street to her shop.

“What exactly are you laughing at Mal?” Gold asked as they made it to the construction entrance of Golden Books and he finally let go of her arm.

“Nothing at all. Except you’re always harping to me that you’re such a “tea” man even as early as just this morning and I can appreciate the irony of you being completely soaked by your favorite beverage for the duration of this meeting with the contractor,” she grinned, her eyes sizing up his soaked shirt and pants.

“Yes, well, it was quite an unfortunate incident,” he began and Mal snorted but he felt a smile tug his lips as a new plan formulated in his mind. “Which is why I am not going to be present for the meeting, Mal. You are.”

Mal opened her mouth to protest but he raised a hand to silence her and she pouted, knowing that the battle was already lost.

“Meet with Mr. Nolan and make sure everything is still on schedule for opening next month and take care of anything that he or his team may need. Give me a call when it’s complete,” he said and turned around to walk away. “Also,” he called over his shoulder, “don’t forget to call Fairytale Land  or whatever it’s called and make sure you remind Ms. French that this is our non-negotiable final offer and to not take it would be devastating for her business.”

“Cal!” she called out before he could round the corner where the company car that had dropped them off was waiting.

“Problem?” Gold asked turning on his heel to look his partner over. If looks could kill he was pretty sure he would have been dead twenty years ago but the look Mal was giving him now certainly would have done him in.

“Of course not,” she replied drily. “But if you take the car back to the offices then how the hell am I supposed to get out of here?”

“Oh, Mal. That’s what cabs are for my dear,” Gold grinned again and this time he did laugh at her misfortune. If there was one thing in the universe that Mal hated it was being forced to use public transportation. He turned the corner before she had a chance to scorch him with her flames.

Belle rushed to through the door of the shop at break neck speeds, nearly knocking the little bell from its spot above the door and felt the eyes of her employees on her.

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” Belle began walking further into the building.

“You were staring at that ridiculous building again weren’t you?” came the gruff reply from the man behind the cash register.

Leroy had been working in the shop since Belle’s mother had opened the doors. No one had wanted to take a chance on the man after he had become known for his stints in the local precinct’s drunk tank, but Belle’s mother had taken a chance on him and with hard work Leroy had been able to pull himself out of the darkness that threatened to drag him under. He always had a keen ability to be able to tell what Belle was thinking or feeling without her ever having to express herself. Sometimes it was bothersome but other times it was a useful trait.

“Partly,” Belle sighed placing her purse underneath the counter and clocking in for the day. “I was staring at that concrete monstrosity and when I realized the time I rushed off and ran into this couple, spilling my iced tea all over his really expensive looking suit,” she groaned.

“You’re lucky you don’t drink coffee,” he lamented.

“More like he’s lucky I don’t drink coffee. I felt so awful but he just brushed it off without a fuss. I swear, I can’t take one more embarrassing thing happening to me today. It had all started out so well too,” she sighed.

“Ohhh a little morning delight?” Leroy asked waggling his eyes suggestively. Belle scoffed but found it hard to contain her laughter.

“Don’t be so ridiculous. You know Geoffrey wouldn’t do something so scandalous as to have relations in the daytime hours!” she laughed.

For as much as Geoffrey tried to come off as a suave ladies man he was very nearly  terrified of sex. The idea of doing it somewhere other than the darkness of their own room was absolutely out of the question.

“No, I got another email from my friend,” Belle smiled and Leroy rolled his eyes.

“Of course, “the spinner” strikes again. Pray tell, what poetics did you lovebirds wax upon this morning?”

“Leroy! Do I detect jealousy in your tone?” Belle couldn’t help but laugh as she continued on to the children’s section of the store to begin preparations for storytime. Storytime was one of the shops biggest draws. They would be packed practically wall to wall with people and their children, in just a few short hours.

“Jealous? Of your mysterious literary hero? Please. The guy is probably older than I am and has wives and families in 12 different states and you were just sucker enough to be wooed by his charms.”

Leroy didn’t truly disapprove of her internet correspondence but never passed up an opportunity to tease Belle about her infatuation. She did value his opinion so she was very happy to discover that he didn’t think she was half as crazy as everyone else thought she was. In many ways Leroy was almost like an older brother or a crazy uncle figure to her, so she craved that approval.

“Hush! I finally got him to give “Gone With The Wind” a try. I think we are taking amazing strides in our relationship,” she joked before becoming more reflective. “He told me not to take the deal.”

“I thought you guys never talked specifics?” he asked as he propped open the front door, allowing the warm air to breeze through the shop.

“We don’t. I was just really frustrated after that last offer and may have let my frustrations slip a little. Told him I was being hassled. He said to tell them to go fuck themselves,” she grinned and Leroy grunted in approval. “I just don’t know Leroy. What do you think that I should do?”

Leroy paused and thought the subject over for a few moments.  He offered her an unsure smile as he spoke. “I can’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, sister. Only you can decide what you think is right. I know that your mother would be proud of you regardless of what you decide.”

Belle instinctively chewed her bottom lip as she thought of what Leroy said, the indecision and turmoil clashing in her mind. The offer from Golden Books had been a more than generous one. Generous enough that she and her employees wouldn’t need to worry about finding jobs for a long time but it didn’t feel right to sell out either. Who knows what would become of the shop after it was sold. She couldn’t bare for it to sit empty like all the other shops that had caved under the amount of money being thrown their way.

The phone ringing cut through Belle’s thoughts and she sighed, pushing them out of her mind and answering the phone on the wall.

“Fairytale Corner, this is Belle speaking, how may I help you?”

“Ms. French? Mallory Park of Golden Books how are you doing today?” Belle opened her mouth to answer but Mallory plowed forward in her speech without another moment. “Wonderful. Listen we wanted to touch base and make sure that you were able to review the offer that we faxed to you a few days ago. Have you?”

Belle frowned. “Yes, yes I’ve looked it over—”

“Excellent, when would you like to close the deal? Mr. Gold was hoping to have this resolved no later than the end of the business day today. Do you think you could have that signed and faxed back over to us and then we could meet around lunch and finalize all of the details?”

Belle was nearly stunned into silence but she felt a deep rage begin to boil in her heart. Golden Books thought that they had already won, did they? That she would simply just roll over and let her mother’s legacy simply be lost? Well, they could think again. Any possibility of her considering selling had absolutely flown out the window.

“No,” she replied firmly, surprised herself by how calm and steady her voice was.

“No?” came the indignant response.

“No. I am not accepting your little deal. You tell Mr. Gold that if he thinks that he can just push and bully me into selling a business my family has worked hard for then he can think again. Tell him that he can shove this deal right up his arsehole!” she finished and slammed the phone down on the counter.

“Wow...that felt good,” Belle said as she turned to Leroy who was watching her with a smile before they both burst out laughing.

“That’s the way to do it sister. We won’t go down without a fight,” he laughed and hugged her.

Callan looked up from his papers as his heavy office doors were nearly thrown off their hinges by the sheer force behind their opening. He smirked and turned back to his papers. Mal was definitely still angry with him then.

“How did it go?” he asked as the clicking sound of his partner’s heels came to a stop in front of his desk.

“Which part? The meeting with the contractor that you ditched me at? Or perhaps the part where I had to ride in some filthy cab that smelled like urine and potpourri? Or even better, having that mousy little shop girl telling me exactly which part of your anatomy to shove this deal?”

Gold finally looked up from his work and took in Mal’s haggard appearance as she flopped down as unladylike as possible into one of his chairs. She was positively fuming with her lips pursed together and her brow quirked in a way that let him know that she was in no mood for anymore bullshit. If there was one thing that Mal hated more than public transportation, it was losing out on a deal.  

He sighed and leaned back into his leather chair steepling his hands. Gold had hoped that they could have made their deal with the shop girl and be done with it.

“What did Nolan say? Is the store still on track for opening on time?”

“Yeah, things are looking good on their end. He said they are actually ahead on a few things, though he does want to meet with you personally to discuss some details. All in all the store is looking great. Just have the little mouse standing in our way,” she answered and took a few sips of coffee from her ever present travel mug. It had to be at least her sixth refill of the day. Gold didn’t understand how she did it.

“I’m not worried about the girl. Let her fight to stay afloat once we open. We made a generous offer and we won’t be making another. One way or the other, Fairytale Corner will not be around for long.” He stood up from his chair at that and came around to lean on the front of his desk before Mal. “Have you seen this bookshop before?”

“A couple times. It’s a little hole in the wall but it has character and some roots within the local community. Nothing special.”

Gold pursed his lips and pushed off his desk, pacing the room in thought for a moment. “You said she has ties to the community? What kind?”

“I don’t know Cal, what do all of these little places have in common? Storytime, book drives, local author signings, that kind of thing,” she said disinterestedly. “Why, what’s going through your mind?”

Gold stopped his pacing. He wasn’t worried about the competition that this shop girl could provide. He was more concerned about how her ties to her surrounding community could effect the opening of his store. He didn’t want for her to rally the community behind her. That always meant boycotts and picketing and the same thing that all local businesses did whenever a larger corporation came knocking. It was a headache that he didn’t feel like dealing with.

“Mal, clear my schedule for the next few hours,” he said and grabbed his suit jacket from the back of his chair. He was thankful that when that woman spilled her tea all over him it had only really gotten his shirt wet. Though the black and white checkered shirt was not his favorite, it was one that he always kept on hand at the office. He was known to pull an over nighter or two when he was in the middle of a deal.

“I know that look. What are you planning?”

He smirked at her. “I’m going to check out Fairytale Corner. I need to see how serious she is about rejecting this deal. I don’t want her rallying a protest because the big bad corporation came to her neighborhood. I’m sure you don’t want that headache as well.”

“So, what do you think you’re going to do? Go undercover or something? She’ll make you from a mile away. Suspicious man in an Armani suit showing up and asking a lot of questions about her business? You’re losing your touch Cal.”

Gold paused. Mal was right. He may not be as obvious as Mal was trying to make him out to be but he definitely needed a better cover than what he had.

“You said there’s storytime?”

“Yes, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“When is the next one?”

Mal got up with a sigh and dug around Gold’s briefcase before she came across one of their files on the little shop. “Noon, everyday.”

Gold checked his watch, 10:45am.

“Perfect. Call Henry’s school and let them know I will be picking him up at 11:30 for a doctor’s appointment.”

“You know, when Neal was forced to put you down as one of Henry’s  authorized guardians for pick ups, I’m not sure that this is what he had in mind,” she contested.

Mal had been around from the very beginning of the problems that festered between father and son. They started when Milah divorced him and won sole custody. Despite all of Cal’s best efforts the courts had sided with the mother and Neal always blamed him for not trying harder. Abandoned, was the term that most often came up in fights.

In recent years, since Henry’s birth, Neal had made more efforts to patch things up with his father so that Henry could know his grandfather. Things were often still tense between them though and Mal knew that if Neal found out about this little stunt in using Henry for Cal’s own ends that it would be a real issue. Mal loved Cal on a friendly level and remembered how much it had hurt him when he lost his son. She really didn’t want to have to go through that with him again.

Gold sighed and caressed her cheek. “I appreciate the concern, my dear, but Henry and I will be in and out of there and back to his school without anyone knowing otherwise. Call them,” he said and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

“Just for the record, I’m still stating that this is a bad idea!” Mal called after him.

Gold just laughed as he left his office. He appreciated Mal’s concerns but he wasn’t stupid. He just wanted to get the scoop on this shop, on this Belle French. Getting to see his grandson and accomplishing his work at the same time was just a bonus. Neal would never have to know.

Notes: Next chapter: Gold meets Belle, Henry is awful at being undercover, Neal makes an appearance and thespinner61 and bookworm chat again.

Chapter 3 is the new chapter I am currently working on and will be posted soon!

[argetcross]

Lon’qu for the Ask Meme

Pick a character I’ve written and I will explain the top ~three to five ideas/concepts/etc I keep in mind while writing that character that I believe are essential to accurately depicting them.

As asked for by @cupricsulphate​, I split the answer between Lon’qu and Say’ri because, for some reason, I found it necessary to write several thousand words on these subjects? So without further ado, the ultimate husbando, as she puts it.

1. Competitive and Aggressive

Lon’qu is someone who is easily goaded and, whether he realizes it or not, works best with some opposition driving him. He has a very aggressive personality without being dominating, which is a funny way of putting it, but absolutely crucial. He is mostly interest in control over himself rather than influencing others. For an equally driven comrade or lover, the habit becomes endearing over time.

To him, talk isn’t the point and he builds relationships faster through sparring and building trust during war than most leisure pleasantries (peaceful bug gathering operations might be an exception). Lon’qu is someone who expresses himself best through action and therefore experiences the most doubt and insecurity when there is nothing he can do to be constructive.

2. The Sword Arts

I wrote something about this a while ago but I wanted to re-iterate: the sword is a weapon for the noble classes. It's expensive, hard to master, its destructive power seemingly less than an axe or a mace, but it carries so much weight in it. It is the weapon of kings, a symbol of honor, often the gift from gods. Why would a poor Chon'sin immigrant pick up the sword over anything else? Because learning the sword is more than just learning how to kill for Lon'qu, but learning how to kill honorably and not like a brigand or bandit.

When I write Lon'qu, I try to take care as to where in his timeline he is. It's too easy to fall into the trap of Lon'qu being this peerless perfect swordmaster from the beginning. For me, up until perhaps the middle of the Valm arc, Lon'qu is an unpolished swordsman. He is young and talented, with an insane complex driving his rapid progress, but he is still impatient, hasty, and way too cocky. In Regna Ferox, he almost certainly had begun to stagnate even if he hadn't realized it quite yet.

His defeat at the hands of Lucina and his entrance in the Shepherds is perhaps the second largest turning point of his life, the first being Ke'ri. Lucina defeats him fair and square in Regna Ferox because he lacks responsibility and desperation outside of personal conceit driving him. It's not until Lon'qu forms relationships with the Shepherds and learns more outside his Regna Ferox training bubble does he blossom as a swordsman of unparalleled ability. Half of swordplay is a certain mental ability and perception to creatively and aggressively execute your techniques to victory.

Older Lon'qu, post-Grima, is fun to write as well because in some way, his love for the sword becomes purer. He survives world ending wars and certainly becomes in one sense, an expert with the blade. Yet that kind of plateau instead of making him frustrated or senseless in his violence does the opposite and opens him up to more possibilities in his life. Basilio was not just making fun of him when he proposed the possibility of khanship as Lon'qu grows into leadership.

(Also a thing I would like to point out is that sword arts is not something that can be pursued in solitary. Lon'qu's rivals and challengers are key relationships for him, even when he finds them annoying, cough, Gregor, Sully, I could keep going- the point is he really can't avoid people because his passion by its nature requires others.)

3. Meritocracy and the Immigrant Dream

He lives, breathes, and believes in this. I always try to write him with the insecurity and tension of an immigrant who was worth less than dirt in his home country. He comes from a rigid class structure in Chon'sin to Regna Ferox where as long as you can be trained as a warrior, you can rise in society. In consequence, he holds everyone else to that standard as well. He adopts so many Feroxi customs both as assimilation and also because he needs that society in order to become worth something. Talk, posture, class, all of that means nothing if you can't demonstrate your capability right here, right now. Once you do, however, he will respect you - even if you can't tell because he might never tell you so! This applies to things outside of swordplay as well - while the sword arts is his entire world, he thinks highly of competency in other utilitarian aspects. This also feeds into his relentless drive to improve and his true individualist personality.

4. Trauma and Sexism

Lon’qu’s big phobia of women is something he is totally aware of. He knows he's a sexist dick at times. I think this is a big one for me. He's totally aware that his fear of women makes him crass, ungrateful, and an overall sniveling coward. Being rude and mean is too easy, like a scared animal lashing out. It pains him, not because he cares about being polite, but because he knows he legitimately has a problem that interferes with normal life. His heart rate skyrockets, his brain launches him right to the day Ke'ri dies, he disassociates, and lashes out. He absorbed sexist rhetoric as a way to rationalize and deal with his trauma and subsequent fear retroactively, rather than the sexist rhetoric being a creed he believed in first. This doesn't mean he's waiting to be saved from his fear, make no mistake, a writer should hold him accountable for what he says and the way he worsens his own trauma into a complex through self-imposed avoidance of the problem. None of this goes away just because he falls in love or he saves a girl or two. But this leads into the last point which is-

5. Self Actualization

Lon'qu is always looking to improve himself. This accumulates underneath the label of wanting to be "stronger" but we all know strength doesn't just mean getting better at killing people. He is still human and still craves approval, intimacy, and respect. These are all supported by canon, by his desire to impress Basilio, Gregor, to his active search to Tharja as a roundabout way to 'deal' with his trauma to any romantic relationship he might pursue. He is unflinchingly self critical and, bolstered by a competitive spirit, works extremely hard to be an untouchable warrior, a mentally stronger man, and a better role model for his children. A Lon'qu who isn't trying to move forward, fighting for every step, even at his lowest, is a Lon'qu who has finally succumbed to death. He doesn't have time to waste by being half-assed. So even though it means sloughing through his panic and fighting his own fears every step of the way, he can drag himself into a healthy relationship over a very, very long period of acclimatization.

[lucidlucy]

Prompt for Reylo stargazing and Kylo tries to steal a kiss (not much of a steal if Rey's expecting it)

Your wish is granted! This one is actually a continuation of the last prompt fill I filled out for @solikerez but with your prompt, BECAUSE HELL I COULDN’T LEAVE IT ALONE! Enjoy!

Beautiful Things

She had come to Takodana with all intentions of speaking with Maz. It had been, after all, the ancient little woman who had contacted her first— imagine Rey’s surprise when the door opens and it’s not said ancient little woman, then, but Ben Solo. She hadn’t seen him in months, not after the last time they’d had an argument. Rey can hardly remember what it was about, only that she’d forced Chewie to take up the mantle of doing check-ins with Ben.

Rey tilts her head, eyes narrowed a fraction as she watches him cross the room and take his seat. Ever since losing his helmet Kylo— No, Ben. Ever since then, Ben had withdrawn himself.

She can still feel him in her head, their bond muted to a buzz rather than a high pitched note by the force inhibitor he wore around his ankle. It made him no less fearsome, that brooding expression forever plastered on his face. She could count the times his facial expression had changed on a single hand, usually coinciding with that one time he’d stolen a kiss, and when his mother had visited. His eyes had softened a moment when they’d fallen on her saber, his saber, only to harden a second later. Now he betrays nothing.

Still, she can sort of feel his amusement in the back of her mind. Amusement and frustration to mirror her own. Maz had set them both up for this.

“So, how have you been?”

“How do you think?” he asks. This had become a game. She asks how he’s been and he gives her some smartass response, not that she blames him. He spent his days as monotonously as Rey had on Jakku, if only with more water and greenery.

Work. Survive. Sleep.

Rey chews on the inside of her lip, thinking slowly on what must come next.

“Anything fun happen lately?” she asks after a while. Ben wrinkles his nose in distaste, giving her a long stare.

If he gives no answer, the official rule is that she would speak to Maz next, ensure he’s not being destructive, then leave. His punishment includes lack of true contact with his past, and she’s certainly part of it. Her meeting with him is a necessary evil, after all. The unspoken agreement, however, at least where Leia and Maz are concerned, is that he should at least be treated with civility. Since Rey is unable to do the first and has a hard time with the second when he’s being difficult, she resorts to the third option, one which is neither approved of nor known to General Organa. She appeals to Kylo Ren.

Kylo, after all, is more familiar to her. She’d spent years fighting him, arguing, being linked to him no matter where she went.

“Want to spar?” she asks.

That makes his eyes light up. Rey smiles internally. She’s breaking the rules, but it’s worth it every time.  

“Come on,” he says, long limbs stretching in front of him as he stands and leaves her to follow. He maneuvers past people, making way for Rey to follow without being jostled, and quickly guides them both towards the back of the castle, past the supply crates and refurbished ship parts, towards the wall compartment where they keep their play weapons. He comes out hefting two quarterstaves, tossing one to her and signaling for her to follow, though he hardly has to.

A handful of minutes after crossing the forest line, Rey and Ben find themselves on a small open clearing, the dead grass just now struggling to grow after many a fighting bout between her and the man in front of her. She drops into her stance and watches as Ben Solo transforms in front of her. There is no helmet under which to hide but his body knows battle well enough, graceful and fluid even at his size. She smiles a feral smile and he returns it.

There it is. His expression changed.

She would be lying if she said she didn’t offer every time just to see her rival again. She has few true challenges outside of this man, and none of them can work her to a thrill or a sweat as quickly. Quiet, reserved Ben Solo doesn’t exist in this clearing.

An hour later they wander back towards the castle, hair plastered to their necks and panting hard. Ben is the first to stalk up the steps, but Rey stops him halfway up. She doesn’t want to end it yet, and she knows he doesn’t either even as he tries to be on his best behavior. She shouldn’t crave this: his companionship, however stiff and uneasy. Still, he’s like her, and that’s draw enough. Rey sits down on the steps, patting the spot next to her. Ben looks at it, then at her, and lowers himself down very slowly.

The minutes pass, ticking away one after the other in the silence of the night.

“Anything fun happen lately?” Ben finally asks. Rey looks at him but doesn’t answer. The absolute cheek. He hadn’t answered her when she’d asked.

“Finally got hitched to the traitor?” he continues, though his poker face remains in place. Rey smirks because she can feel his jealousy anyway.

“Whatever gave you that idea?” she asks, turning her eyes up towards the skies. It’s one of the many beautiful things about Maz’s castle. The stars are always on display, bright jewels twinkling in the distance. Somehow from down here it’s easy to forget they’re just giant balls of gas when they shine so beautifully.

“Have you?” he presses, following her lead and staring up.

“And what if I did?” she hasn’t, but he doesn’t need to know that. He can no longer read her like he used to. He can’t feel her beyond the basic, muted tendrils of her mood. It’s simultaneously wonderful and lonely. She’d spent so many years wanting him out, and so many years with him planted so strongly there, that it now feels like she’s missing a limb, only receiving phantom pains.

“You’re too good for him.”

“As if you’d know anything about that.” She scoffs, then sighs, staring at the stars and trying to pick out constellations. “They’re beautiful tonight.”

There’s a long moment of silence. Still, she doesn’t need to look to know Ben is staring at her. He’d worked her up to a sweat, now he’s working magic. A single look is all it takes and Rey’s muscles tense in anticipation, and she hates that part of herself that’s so eager to rise up to the occasion, so she refuses to look at him.

“I’ve seen more beautiful things,” Ben says in a tone of voice that holds none of Ben Solo and everything of Kylo Ren. She shivers. It has nothing to do with the night chill. Rey resolutely stares up.

She hears his shifting first, feels his breath ghosting the shell of her ear second, and sighs, putting a hand between his mouth and her face.

“Stop it.”

Undeterred, Ben kisses her fingers. He plants gentle ones to her fingertips, warm lips burning into her fingerprints and making her legs twitch as she shifts. Rey breathes in deeply, pushing his face away and quickly attempting to retrieve her hand. Ben holds her wrist, though, unabashedly continuing his ministrations.

“I said stop.”

“Why?”

“You know why,” she says. Kylo stops for a moment, then continues.

“When has that ever mattered?” he murmurs, breath hot on her palm. Rey shakes her head, feeling him shifting closer, knowing any time now he’ll attempt something else. She yanks her hand out and puts some distance between them. He might go by a different name but he’s still the same as always, relentlessly chasing after what he wants, but she has to draw the line somewhere. Ben stares at her for a moment then sighs.

“Alright, scavenger. Have it your way. I take it the next visitor will be Chewbacca?”

The moniker makes her insides twist a little, feelings she shouldn’t be feeling bubbling to the surface, especially one he hates. Pity. She rights herself and dusts her body, dust and grime from the clearing lifting from her knees before she passes him the second quarterstaff.

“Yes, it’ll be Chewie. And I wish you warmed up towards him. He does love you, even if he’s still hurt.”

Ben hums noncommittally. Rey sighs. Ben Solo could sometimes be as stubborn as a child.

Fine, she’d put him in a better mood.

Rey leans down and quickly lands a peck on his cheek. Here, where nobody can see them except for the stars, perhaps she can ignore the rules a little more.

“Good night, Solo.”

“Good night, scavenger.”

Nobody else would be able to pick up the difference on how he says that word compared to a minute ago, but she can. Rey grins then disappears into the shadows. Ben is still staring up.

They’re beautiful tonight, but she’s seen far more beautiful things.

[agenthensem-blog]

Craving for you

A/N: @hekate-the-witch I AM SORRY FOR THE DELAY. MY LAPTOP BROKE DOWN ON THE DEADLINE, DATA COULD ONLY BE RECOVERED TWO DAYS LATER AND I HAD A BUSY WEEKEND so I’m sorry if this is not up to standard. It was sorta rushed and I’m skipping sleep for this. I will edit for some mistakes at some point BUT FIRST LET ME SLEEP. HOPE YOU ENJOY THE CHOCOLATE MY AKASHI <3<3<3<3 I TRIED MY BEST EVEN WITH MY SLEEP-DEPRIVED MIND.

Also, not a lot of characters in here. I just put in those that fit in fairly well. 

Warning: Tiny mentions of sex. Might be a bit disturbing. Not gonna mention a lot cuz I don’t want to spoil the fun but be on your guard. Btw, I had fun writing this. We both like the same kinda thing though I couldn’t do it justice orz.

Rated: M (for the slight disturbing nature of fic)

Word count: 3.5k+

Summary: Intrigued, Akashi couldn’t help but craved for the blue-haired male…badly.

       “Kurokocchi! Let’s go out after your classes later~!”

      Tilting his head up to look at his cheerful friend, Kuroko responded with his usual monotonous voice.

      “Just the two of us?”

      Kise grinned sheepishly and whipped out a peace sign. “Yes-ssu! They all rejected me just now! Can you believe it Kurokocchi?! I’m so sad!”. Sniffling in exaggeration, the blond pretended to wipe imaginary tears at the corner of his eye.

      “Yes, I can believe it.”

      “So mean!”

      Ignoring the blond’s usual antics, Kuroko let his mind wandered to a certain redhead – whom he could see was walking down the pathwalk on the building far across from them with someone presumably from his course.

      “Even Akashi-kun?”

      “Yes! He said he has a full afternoon schedule today~”

      As if hearing his name called, the said redhead turned his head slightly to their direction, just enough to spare a glance to the blue-haired male and his companion with his amber left eye, almost piercing in malice - dare Kuroko say.

        Their eyes locked intensely – Akashi’s sharp and calculating and Kuroko’s almost emotionless yet nervous as he gulped and licked his chapped lips. Even in the distance, he could feel the strong authoritative aura of his boyfriend looming over his small frame, as if daring him to disobey.

      “So Kurokocchi?”

      Daring him to agree.

      “….Sure.”

      A swirl of excitement teased the pit of his belly.

……..

      Akashi first met Kuroko through Kagami.

      Which was quite an unusual idea in itself considering the types of persons they both were.

      Truthfully, Akashi had always been uninterested in people, preferring to interact with those within his close circle of friends, like his vice-president in the basketball club Midorima, or those that just happened to be talented enough in the sport to earn his approval like Kagami and the likes.

      But Kuroko was different. The first time they met in the university café, Akashi barely saw the blue-haired man if it wasn’t Kagami introducing his friend to him. Granted, the smaller male was covered by Kagami’s significantly bigger physique but it also didn’t help that the male lacked presence – almost to the point of invisibility if Akashi wasn’t Akashi.

      His first impression of Kuroko was….intriguing, to say the least, despite the male being so plain and expressionless. He couldn’t sense anything from him, neither an aura of strength nor weakness – plain nothing which made it all the more interesting. But he has wits with his words, especially in the matter of riling Kagami up.

      Ever since that fateful encounter, he kept seeing the other more and more – if not with Kagami, then alone in the library. It was odd – he had never met Kuroko anywhere until that encounter but he guessed that was thanks to Kagami. Nevertheless, he didn’t mind befriending the blue-haired male. They both like books so that was one thing in common they could converse about.

      Kuroko always seemed surprised whenever Akashi greeted him before his usual poker-face came into play a second later but Akashi never missed the red colouring the tip of the bluenette’s ears. It was probably far-fetched to assume he was flustered but Akashi was amused. He didn’t take Kuroko to be a shy one – and he probably isn’t – but he didn’t mind sticking around to get to know him more.

      Admittedly, it got to a point where the two of them were close enough to exchange numbers and meet up for lunch whenever they could. And this of course didn’t miss those who especially knew how Akashi is.

      “Is it just me or Akashicchi has been disappearing quite often lately?!”

      Kise, the copycat of their regular group, exclaimed in disbelief after 5 minutes of their captain’s exit from the changing room. Midorima narrowed his eyes in displease at the loud volume of the blond’s voice.

      “Apparently, he found someone ‘interesting’.”

      Several gasps resounded around the room, mainly from those Akashi would actually consider as friends.

      “What? Since when Akashi ever find someone worthy enough of his time?!”

      Aomine exclaimed, popping his head into the collar of his shirt, disregarding Midorima’s glare at his unnecessary booming voice ringing in the fairly tiny changing room.

      “Huh? Are you guys talking about Kuroko?”

      All heads turned towards the voice at the corner of the room, belonging to none other than Kagami.

      “Kuroko? Who?”

      Finally putting on his black shirt to complete his casual post-basketball look, Kagami hummed nonchalantly, packing up the rest of his sweaty clothes into his gym bag.

      “A friend of mine from highschool. We got into this college together.”

      Slinging his bag over his broad shoulder, he continued, “Kuroko has been mentioning him quite often lately – book buddies apparently. They hung out quite frequently too. That bastard’s been neglecting me lately.”

      “Woah wait! It’s not a woman??!”

      “Only you would think so Ahomine.”

      “What the-?! Bakagami you-!”

      “Settle down, you two,” Midorima interrupted sternly before the two rivals get to each other’s throats again. They both groaned and glared at each other.

      “Wahhh, really?! I want to meet who caught Akashicchi’s eyes!”

      And thus, this was how they met Kuroko (if sneaking around behind the duo’s back and lost them on the way because of Kuroko’s phantom ability to suddenly spring up behind them instead can be considered as ‘meeting’ Kuroko).

……..

      It came as a surprise to everyone when Akashi asked Kuroko out suddenly after practice (Kuroko merely attending as a spectator).

      It was even more surprising when Kuroko - with his typical poker-face – accepted without as much as a stutter or hesitation in his eyes. (“Your taste is so eccentric Kuroko!”)

      As expected, despite the simple and straight-forward confession, the others made a commotion over the declaration of the new-born couple (“You’re signing a contract with THE Devil, Tetsu!” “Nooo, Kurokocchi!!”). But Akashi paid no heed to them, instead focusing on Kuroko with a smile of amusement permanently etched onto his lips as his boyfriend bowed politely, asking Akashi to take a good care of him.

      Absently, Akashi responded the same as he couldn’t take his eyes off the gradual reddening of the phantom’s ears and neck.

……..

      One month was what it took for them to start dating.

      Three months were what it took for hell to break loose.

      ‘Sorry for leaving early, Akashi-kun. Aomine-kun and Kagami-kun invited me out to eat.’

      That was twice now for that week.

      Akashi clenched his phone tightly, repeating the words silently in his head but not letting his distaste to show on his face. After replying with a curt ‘Ok’, he pocketed his phone and proceeded to continue walking beside Midorima (who was holding a small frog statue for his lucky item of the day) as they were both back from attending the same extra-curriculum leadership course.

      “Is everything alright Akashi?”

      Sparing a glance to the green-haired male, Akashi chuckled lightly but even Midorima could hear the dark undertone lacing it.

      “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

      Midorima frowned. Maybe he had imagined it but...Akashi seemed different. It wasn't uncommon to see him serious - Midorima was familiar with that sight in every training - but this seemed....almost dangerous, for the lack of better word.

      Seeing as he had been the closest one to Akashi - being the club's vice-president beside Akashi and his shogi's playmate, Midorima knew of the redhead's situation at home. Being the only heir for the Akashi Cooperation, there had been pressure on the redhead to excel in everything - to be the most absolute.

      This had been the case ever since the redhead was a young boy, even more so when his mother had passed away. Midorima could only guess that it had only been getting worse as Akashi was nearing the age where he could take over his company.

      But lately, even Midorima noticed how relaxed the male had been. Which he guessed was owed to a certain phantom. He didn’t know how the phantom had affected Akashi but it was reassuring to know at least there was an oasis in the midst of the desert.

      Although, having said that, there were still instances such as this when this ‘different’ Akashi would resurface. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason for it, other than the pressure at home might have gotten to him but he could guess it might have something to do with how Kuroko might have gotten close to the others like Aomine and thus might have spent less time with his boyfriend. It didn’t help that Akashi also had a busy schedule of his own.  

      He wondered if Kuroko ever see this side of his boyfriend.

      If so, would he have said that this is not the Akashi that they both know?

……..

      Akashi felt displeased.

      Severely displeased.

      Lately, Kuroko had been spending a lot of time with Aomine and the others instead of him. He knew it was probably because they had invited him out most of the time and since Akashi had been quite busy, he couldn’t complain much. He still got to see the phantom in between breaks so that was something. And the time they had spent together was still as soothing as it was the first time.

      However, there had been major nuisances regarding his friends interrupting their quality time together – to the point of hogging Kuroko for a conversation throughout the entire break.

      Akashi was never a fan of public drama so he chose to tolerate them. He could always get his revenge during basketball training anyway. Besides, Kuroko usually made the effort to include him in the conversation, seeing as he probably felt the same of wanting to spend their short time together efficiently. The phantom had smiled a lot more recently too which had always improved his mood for the day.

      But it wasn’t enough.

      Akashi wanted more.

      An hour or two with Kuroko was never enough to satisfy his longing.

      It didn’t help that the situation at home had been weighing on his shoulders the past few months - the growing expectations on him had been looping itself tightly around his throat, constricting his ability to breathe - it was suffocating.

      And his only relief had been getting further and further away from him.

     From Kuroko, he had known true peace. From him, he could let himself free of all worries. From him, he could forget reality for a moment.

      In a world of high expectations and strict perfection, Kuroko was Akashi’s escape – he was his salvation.

      And he didn’t intend to let that go anytime soon...

……..

      That day was unlike any other day.

        Akashi had never so much had a day such as really bad days. He had always gone through his life efficiently and smoothly. But today, things had not gone right at all.

      There weren’t really such big deals – he had experienced them at some point – but just on that particular day, it felt different. His father had started off the morning on the phone with a lecture of what he should get done during the weekend and again reminding him of his status; then on the walk to college, the rain started pouring so he was drenched to the core; and one of his groupmates didn’t turn up for an important presentation for an afternoon class whom he managed to cover for but it was still a nuisance.

      And he would have been more displeased by the sudden short notice of his last class of the day being cancelled if it weren’t for the fact that Kuroko was free to meet up with him at the main college porch at the stairs then.

      When he arrived however, it wasn’t just Kuroko.

      There were Midorima, Aomine, Kagami and Kise – the latter trio messing about around the blue-haired male and Midorima standing slightly to the side with a red scissor in his hand (probably his lucky item for the day), reprimanding them of their rowdy behaviour.

      What caught Akashi’s attention the most though was Aomine’s arm around Kuroko’s shoulder, getting all touchy than the redhead would have approved.

      Feeling his temperature rising, Akashi slowly walked towards the group, seeming casual but authoritative. They barely registered the redhead coming closer towards them until a sudden disappearance of the scissors between Midorima’s fingers and a swift attack aiming towards Aomine’s head (which he managed to barely dodge with his excellent reflexes) were registered.

      Silence cut the atmosphere sharply – wide, shocked eyes trained themselves onto none other than their captain, Akashi, holding the red scissors firmly, the sharp tip barely missed Aomine’s cheekbone. Even Kuroko was frozen to silence at the unexpected strike.

      Retreating the sharp object to his side, Akashi locked eyes with his target, a serious dark look on his expression before a small amused yet malicious smile graced his lips.

      None of them missed the different colour of amber on his left eye.

      “Do not touch Tetsuya.”

      On the command of the cold voice, Aomine’s arm limply retreated back to his side, still frozen with shock at the unexpected turn of events.

      “Akashi-kun, are you okay?”

      Kuroko was the first to snap out of it as Akashi grabbed his wrist firmly and proceeded to drag him elsewhere, disregarding his questions. He tried to struggle out of the vice grip but to no avail. Akashi was so different at that moment – with his sudden change of eye colour and first-name basis – and violent. But at least Kuroko felt reassured his friends didn’t seem hurt other than experiencing slight mental trauma.

      Though now he had to worry about himself because he had no idea where Akashi was bringing him.

      “Akashi-kun, where are we going?”

      No answer.

      “Akashi-kun, are you okay? You’re hurting my wrist.”

      Akashi kept walking, each step faster than the last and Kuroko could barely keep up. But he could finally see where they were heading to.

      The dorm.

      Kuroko remembered Akashi stayed in a single room at the campus dorm during weekdays and returning to his actual home on the weekends where needed. And he had been to the redhead’s room a few times so he was familiar with it but he started to get more worried by the seconds. In Akashi’s current different state, he wasn’t sure how safe it is to stay with the redhead out of public’s eyes.  

      When they had reached the room, Kuroko was given no chance to calm Akashi down as he was pushed in and pinned against the door with his lips occupied suddenly by a warm sensation.

      Kuroko wasn’t foreign to Akashi’s kisses but rough kisses that sucked his breath away was something he had never done before.

      When they parted, their eyes locked intensely as their ragged breaths mingled warmly. It would have been something Kuroko would have appreciated if the context was different. Not to mention, the amber hue of Akashi’s left eye was unsettling.

      “Akashi-kun, you shouldn’t do that to Aomine-kun.”

      Akashi blinked, caught off guard slightly before he chuckled. “I wouldn’t have if he didn’t hog you so much.”

      There was a mysterious nervous prickling at the base of his stomach at the redhead’s words – tickling him almost deliciously. He gulped, adamant on scolding Akashi’s unfavourable tantrum towards their friends, even though the delicious tickles in his stomach almost betrayed him to agree with the redhead.

      “Are you jealous Akashi-kun?”

      “Hm? Am I?”

      Kuroko’s breath hitched.

      “We’re just friends. They’re your friends too…”

      He really should have been sterner towards Akashi – he really wanted to. He was never a fan of a bad treatment towards a friend and Akashi wasn’t supposed to be an exception.

      But Akashi was so close to him.

       So close and wanting him so badly.

      And the feeling was mutual.

……..

      “Hmm…”

      His head felt heavy as he stirred in his slowly disappearing slumber, a streak of the morning light peeking through the maroon curtain and teasing his closed eyelids, prompting the bluenette to awaken even more despite the delicious warmth engulfing his body, tempting him back to sleep.

      Rubbing his eyes off of drowsiness, Kuroko lazily reached for his phone in his discarded pants by the bed to check the time. He squinted at the blinding brightness.

      It was still fairly early in the morning.

      He rubbed more of the sleep away from his eyes, slowly propping himself up to sit on his slightly sore bum before he turned his head to his side to see his boyfriend sleeping whilst draping his arm over his stomach, breathing peacefully despite last night’s intense session.

      Upon remembering said session, warmth crept up Kuroko’s shoulders up to his ears.

      He should probably get back to his room soon before the redhead woke up – not because he was scared but rather feeling the need to freshen himself up before the mere memory burned him even more. He lived just across Akashi’s building so he could always come to check up on the redhead once he was done.

      Though he was surprised Akashi didn’t wake up early that morning. Considering his lifestyle, Kuroko would have thought him to wake up early at the crack of dawn just to jog but apparently, even he was drained from last night.

      Not wasting any time in case Akashi would wake up soon, Kuroko silently got off the bed and stood up shakily on his sore legs, steadily putting on his discarded clothes before ruffling his bedhead just for a good measure (though it didn’t calm the horrible bedhead at all) and started for the door stealthily.

      On his way back to his room, Kuroko couldn’t stop thinking.

     His breaths grew more ragged the faster his steps took him, his legs gave out as he stumbled a bit before he finally reached his room.

      He took deep breaths, willing his heart rate to calm down though knowing the futility of it. He kicked off his shoes quickly, sauntered over to his closet and leaned on the closet door as his legs gave out underneath him. His pants slowed down, sweat trickled down the side of his face despite the fairly chilled morning and the heat rising underneath his skin had not calmed down fully yet.        

      Last night was…different and intense, in a way that he had not expected himself to feel elated at. He crossed his hands to caress the opposite sides of his neck, willing the coldness of his fingers to soothe the rising temperature of those parts with every second the detail cleared in his morning mind. He could still feel the teasing tingling sensations of Akashi’s lips trailing his skin, peppering kisses and sucking marks all over his pale skin.

      He gulped, recalling every single touch of his boyfriend’s lips and hands, rough yet gentle but demanding all the same, roaming all over his lightly muscled body.

      ‘Do not let anyone touch you ever again except me, Tetsuya.’

       He could almost feel his hot breath fanning against his red ears, the low vibration of his voice teasing and daring him to disagree as his grip against his hips tightened with every single syllable. It was honestly scary when Akashi had muttered those words in his ears as he pounded roughly into him, vice grips on his hips, threatening to hurt those who dared to disobey him – those who dared to take Kuroko away from him.

      ‘You’re mine.’

      Kuroko shivered.

       With fear came the thrilling excitement that had him wobbling on his legs, hands shaking, clammy with cold sweat and shuddering breaths passed his chapped lips. He supported himself on the closet door, hand on the handle.

      He smiled.

      The closet door creaked open lightly.

      And what stared at him back was his pale reflection – conspicuous dark red patches of marks scattered along his neck and collarbone - at the centre, lined out by several pictures pasted on the mirror haphazardly.

      Pictures of a certain redhead.

      “Akashi-kun….”

      With a shaky finger, Kuroko traced a picture closest to his eye-level – the most recent picture of the redhead in his practice clothes, sweaty with a towel around his nap and a bottleneck lightly grazing his lips. He had taken it when he was allowed to watch their practice that one time.

      That one time that also happened to be the day Akashi had asked him out.

      Lacking in presence came with its benefits for Kuroko. He had managed to take secret pictures of the redhead during the practice session, especially when Akashi was so focused on the game he wouldn’t notice Kuroko taking pictures of him. He had been nervous when Akashi wanted to talk to him after that, scared of being caught red-handed but the outcome was unexpected.

      His poker-face was a real advantage at the moment to cover his elation.

      He had been watching Akashi for a long time, long before Akashi had known him at the university café. Fascinated and drawn to him, Kuroko thought he would never be able to get close to Akashi. After all, he is on a different level than Kuroko himself. But Kuroko was content – taking advantage of his phantom-like ability, he took pictures of the handsome redhead throughout the year, collected them and pasted them onto his dresser mirror, looking at them with longing and fascination every morning.

      He had been contented with loving from a distance.

      But now…..Akashi noticed him.

      Akashi loved him.

      Akashi desired him.

      He swore by the reddened and purple marks on his skin that Kuroko was his.

      And he was Kuroko’s.

-END-

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30 Kickass Affirmations For Going No Contact With An Abusive Narcissist

God & Man

No Contact from a narcissistic or otherwise abusive, toxic ex-partner can be a rewarding and challenging time. Survivors of emotional and/or physical abuse are not only paving a new path to freedom and rebirth, they may also be struggling with the effects of cognitive dissonance, fear, obligation and guilt (FOG), as well as the traumatic effects of the abuse on their minds, bodies and spirits. They may also encounter stalking or harassment from their abusive partners in their attempts to detach from them, especially if they ‘dared’ to leave those partners first.

Due to biochemical and trauma bonding with their abusers, survivors may also struggle to not contact their ex-partner or check up on them due to being conditioned to rely upon their abuser’s approval and validation during the abuse cycle as a survival mechanism.

Considering the fact that detoxing from an abusive relationship is very much like recovering from an addiction, ‘rehab’ from this type of toxicity needs to be addressed in a way that is both compassionate and empowering.

These positive affirmations can help you reconnect back to your sense of reality when you may be plagued by emotional flashbacks, triggers or cravings to reconnect with an abusive partner. I’ve also included brief explanations of each affirmation, in case any of them need further clarification in order to better appreciate the underlying meaning for each.

For those who may have implemented Low Contact due to co-parenting with an abuser, you can feel free to customize these various phrases to best suit your situation. You may also want to brainstorm your own affirmations that are best tailored to your unique needs and desires.

1. Every act of silence is a protection against psychological violence.

Every time you choose not to check up on, respond or reach out to an abusive ex-partner, you demonstrate that you value yourself, you value your time, your new life and your right not to be subjected to abuse or mistreatment. You protect yourself from traumatizing information or emotional violence that could further retraumatize you and ensnare you back into an abuse cycle. A cycle that can only expose you to more pain, heartache and a pervasive sense of hopelessness. You have escaped from the abuse – don’t let yourself reenter the cycle right back into a seemingly inescapable situation again. It can get more and more difficult to leave each time you do.

2. I have a right to be free from abuse. Every human being has that right and I do, too.

We have to remember that we are just like any other human being – including those who have never been in an abusive relationship or those who have never tolerated any form of abuse if they encountered it. They had the right not to be abused and we do too. This is not to blame or shame anyone who has stayed in an abusive relationship; there are many reasons why abuse survivors stay well beyond the first incident of abuse, including the trauma repetition cycle that arises due to subconscious wounding from childhood. This is simply a reminder that there are many people who are in healthy relationships – and as a human being, you are of the same.

3. No one can take away the power I have within me.

It may come as a surprise to you, but narcissistic abusers don’t actually hold any authentic inner power – they take away power from others because they have none within themselves. They have no sense of core identity – they need us more than we need them (even if it feels otherwise). They leech off of our light – we are life source, their narcissistic supply and they are the energetic vampires who live off our resources, our talents, and our empathy and compassion.

4. My will is stronger than an abuser’s attempts to bully me.

If you’re suffering from PTSD or Complex PTSD and you’re hearing your abuser’s voice and/or are being met with hoovering attempts to shame you back into the abuse cycle, you’re not alone. Many survivors of abuse are left reeling from the bullying behavior of their ex-partner. They cannot understand why their abusive ex-partner refuses to leave them alone, stalks or harasses them, or even goes so far as to flaunt their new source of supply to them as a way to provoke them. Remember: the abuser’s tactics cannot work on you as effectively if you are willing to prioritize your freedom over their attempts to bully you. The bullying may hurt and you will have to address it as you process the trauma, but where there is a strong will, there is an even stronger survivor who can meet any challenge along the way.

5. I am stronger than empty threats.

Abusive ex-partners may smear you, slander you or even threaten to release personal information about you, especially if you ‘discard’ them first due to narcissistic rage and injury. They want to regain power and control to put you through an even worse discard and essentially ‘win’ the break-up or save face after the ending of the relationship. Much of these are empty threats. It’s true that more dangerous narcissists may follow through with their threats, but the point is that you can choose how you respond to their threats. You have choices and options to protect yourself and document those threats in case you need to ever take legal action. You can go to law enforcement if you have to (and feel safe doing so). You can also seek support from a lawyer and/or counselor who can offer you insights into your particular situation. What you have to do is give into the threats of emotional blackmail and go back into an abusive relationship only to be terrorized in an even worse fashion than before. Who wants to be in a relationship where you are coerced back in?

6. I will defend and protect myself, no matter what.

Whether that means getting a restraining order, changing your number or blocking them from all social media platforms, do whatever you need to do to protect yourself from the narcissist’s manipulation and abuse on your journey to No Contact (or Low Contact if co-parenting). You don’t deserve to be retraumatized, in any shape, way or form. Seek support from your local domestic violence shelter (yes, emotional abuse is still violence), find a trauma-informed therapist, research local support groups, Meetups or group therapy focused on trauma recovery and support. Find any and all support you can to help build and reinforce the fortress of protection around you. The more quality support you have, the more confident you’ll be in moving forward without your toxic ex-partner.

7. I never give up; I keep going.

No matter how difficult it becomes, you never give up. Even if you make a mistake, all is not lost. How do you beat an addiction? You don’t let imperfection impede you from progressing on your path. You keep going. If you fell off the wagon and broke No Contact (whether by checking up on the narcissist or responding to them), don’t judge yourself too harshly. Self-judgment leads to the same sense of unworthiness that leads you back into looking for validation from toxic people. Instead, get back on the wagon and commit yourself to the journey even more fully. Practice mindfulness and radical acceptance of any urges you might have without acting upon them and participating in more self-sabotage. Know that every setback is simply bringing up the core wounds you need to heal in order to move forward with even more strength and determination than before. Understand the triggers that led to your decision to break No Contact to mitigate them in the future and grieve for the illusion the narcissistic abuser presented to you (the ‘false mask’ they presented). Know that this person never truly existed and that the promise of a relationship that was fabricated in the idealization phase led you to an investment that ultimately led to more loss than gain.

8. My life is worth more than empty promises.

When a narcissistic abuser is hoovering you, they are re-idealizing you and making the same promises they made in the beginning of the relationship. They promised to change, to love and care for you, to always support you and be there for you. Yet they invalidated, belittled and degraded you instead. These empty promises are just another way to control and coerce you back into the abuse cycle. Don’t feed into the illusion of what the relationship could have been. Instead, acknowledge it for what it was: moments of terror merged with false promises that were never carried out. You deserve more than empty promises: you deserve the real thing. The true promise of a new and healthier life awaits you: make a promise to yourself that you will pursue that new reality instead.

9. This is life or death and I choose life. Every time.

Many abuse survivors have a high level of resilience as well as a pain threshold that could rival a sumo wrestler or someone walking on hot coals without so much as a grimace. Even if you feel like you can ‘deal with’ further abuse even after the break-up, consider that this is truly a life or death situation. If you are escaping from a physical abuser, this affirmation hits home. Yet even if you’re coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship, it also holds weight. I know many might not think of emotional violence as a life or death situation, but considering the suicides that occur from bullying and domestic violence and the fact that domestic violence survivors are actually at a higher risk of committing suicide, it is truer than we think. Each time we sacrifice our peace of mind for one more ‘hit’ of the abuse rather than detoxing from the relationship, we also belittle, demean and abuse ourselves.  These incidents build up collectively to reenact the same sense of hopelessness we had during the abusive relationship and can pose severe harm to our psyche over time due to the cumulative impact of traumatic and retraumatizing experiences. By breaking No Contact, we convince ourselves that we are unworthy of something more than being with a toxic person. In the case of life or death, be sure to choose your new life without your abuser…each and every time.

10. Loneliness is infinitely better than any form of abuse.

After an abusive relationship, we may begin to romanticize our ex-partner in times of loneliness. We might even wonder if it was ‘worth’ leaving the abuse since we now feel so alone. We may have mixed emotions about our abuser as the “good times” come flooding back in the absence of our abuser.

The ‘good memories’ we had with our abuser never justify the abuse or make up for them. Loneliness can be a sign that you are working through and processing the trauma. It’s a sign that you may need to be more present with yourself and surround yourself with better support networks. It’s also a sign that you are in dire need of learning to enjoy your own company. Acknowledge and validate the loneliness, but don’t resist it by pursuing more toxic people or going back to the same toxic relationship. Survivors often need a period of self-isolation to reflect and recover from the trauma before they date or pursue new friendships. Take this time to heal and don’t rush the process: it’s very much needed in order for you to be in an optimal state of mental health. The more healed you are, the better the quality of your future relationships will be, whether with new friends and/or partners.

11. I deserve so much more than to be an emotional punching bag.

When you’re in an abusive relationship, you are not in a healthy, reciprocal relationship. You are an emotional punching bag for an immature and unstable person. They get to take all of their flaws, their insecurities, their internal garbage and spew it onto you. Throughout the relationship, you were trained by your abuser to ‘take it’ as a natural part of being in a relationship with them. No more. You deserve more than to be someone’s emotional punching bag. You deserve a mutually respectful relationship where love and compassion are the default.

12. I can communicate my feelings to people who deserve to hear my voice.

We don’t have to use our voice with people who are committed to misunderstanding, invalidating and mistreating us. We can reserve our energy and time for people who are willing to see our beautiful qualities and celebrate them. We can use our voice for people who truly want to help us, who appreciate our help and reciprocate our efforts. Instead of wasting your precious voice on people who will always be intent on silencing you, why not use it to help those who really need it, to comfort someone who is just as empathic and compassionate as you are, to receive insights from a trusted professional or to share your story and change the world? I guarantee you that helping people who are to evolve (and this includes yourself!) is a much better use of your voice than trying to convince a person without empathy to treat you well. It’s more likely to be effective, too!

13. My mental health is my number one priority.

Make sure you’re engaging in extreme self-care during the No Contact journey. This means checking with yourself every moment of the day to ensure that you are thinking healthy thoughts, taking advantage of the diverse healing modalities available to you, and addressing any symptoms of trauma that may be interfering with your ability to function in day-to-day life. If your mental health is suffering, all other aspects of your life will also feel the impact. So take care of yourself – and don’t be afraid to seek professional support if you need it. No one should have to go through this turmoil alone.

14. Staying sane is more important than being validated by an abuser.

Often when we have been devalued by an abuser, we become controlled by the need to be validated by them as ‘worthy.’ This need becomes especially amplified when we see that the abuser seems to have moved on with a new victim. This is because the abuser was the source of our pervasive sense of unworthiness throughout the abuse cycle and we now feel as if we need confirmation that we were not the problem. Unfortunately, the reality is that narcissistic abuse will inevitably leave us without any closure from the toxic ex-partner. Narcissists are masters of impression management and they rarely expose what is actually happening behind closed doors – so all you are likely to see is them idealizing their victims for the public, just like they did with you. That’s why you must prioritize your own sanity by accepting that while you may never get closure or confirmation of your worth from the narcissist, you can find ways of cultivating your own belief in your self-worth. This means stepping away from the narcissist’s public façade and investing in living your own best life.

15, 16, and 17. I trust my own reality. I know and trust what I experienced and felt. I validate myself.

These are a set of affirmations that can help you to resist the gaslighting attempts of your ex-partner or their harem.

This affirmation is here to remind you that despite the amount of people your abuser may have fooled, no one has the right to take away the reality of the abuse that you endured. You know what you experienced – you know how valid it was and the impact that it left upon you. It doesn’t matter how charming the narcissistic abuser is or who chooses to believe them; let their harem members learn at their own pace who the narcissist is. You’re not here to convince anyone. You’re here to validate yourself and resist the gaslighting attempts to distort your reality and that of the abuse. Don’t feel obligated to protect your abuser, minimize, rationalize or deny the abuse you endured. Honor and acknowledge your authentic emotions as well as depth of trauma you experienced.

18. I am worthy, I am beautiful (or handsome), I am brave, I am strong, I am fearless.

These are another set of positive affirmations that can help remind you of how worthy and courageous you truly are, with or without a partner. It conditions you into believing good things about yourself, especially if you’re used to hearing harsh words from your abuser. I recommend recording these into a tape recorder or voice recording application on your phone and listening to them on a daily basis just to get yourself used to hearing them. Repetition is essential to deprogramming the harmful messages your abuser instilled in you and reprogramming your mind for future success.

19. Each second, each minute, each hour, each day, each month, each year, I am getting stronger.

While you may have moments of powerlessness and hopelessness from time to time, rest assured that as you move forward with No Contact, you will gain more and more strength and resilience than you ever knew was possible. As more time passes and as more trauma is processed and addressed, the more space you’ll carve out to become the person you were meant to be. You’ll eventually reach a point in your healing journey where the strong attachment to the abusive person has ‘dulled’ in its emotional potency.

20. Leaving (or being left) was the best thing that ever happened to me. I made that happen.

It was your agency and your powerful light that got you through the worst moments of your life so never underestimate your ability to survive after the abuse. There are so many victims still in abusive relationships – including the new source of supply. You’ve awakened and you’ve taken back control over your life. This is a blessing that should not be taken for granted. Instead of focusing on the ways you still feel trapped, validate your grief while allowing yourself to celebrate the ways you’ve been freed.

21. I am a motherf*cking badass. I can survive anything. And I will thrive.

For those who need that extra punch (and dose of profanity along with their reality check), this affirmation can charge you with the determination and badassery needed to rise above the pain and channel it into something greater. Remember: for every crucifixion, there is an even greater possibility for resurrection. Transform all the grief and outrage you feel into your greater good: use it to fuel you to reach greater heights, achieve your goals and kick some serious butt in all facets of your life.

22. Do no harm; take no shit. We don’t have to be vindictive or retaliate against our ex-partners in order to take care of ourselves, set boundaries or to lead victorious lives. At the same time, we don’t have to internalize anyone else’s garbage. You can empower yourself by establishing what your boundaries are and following through with them – each and every time. Whether it be with your abusive ex-partner or a new acquaintance, the healing journey is all about learning how to implement healthier boundaries and becoming more assertive in our authentic truth.

23. My success is their karma. Karma can answer him or her – I am too busy.

Live your life and try to minimize your focus on what the narcissist is doing, who he or she is seeing or what they are getting away with. Let the narcissist learn at his or her own pace what life is all about; you don’t need to educate a grown ass human being on how to be a decent person. You don’t need to give karma a ‘push’ either – let it unravel and unfold organically, if at all.

24. I am the life source. I am the Light. Without me, there is nothing to feed on.

These are emotional vampires we’re dealing with; it’s up to you to make sure that they don’t leave nourished on your supply while you’re left malnourished, drained and underfed after an interaction with them. Without their sources of supply, narcissists live in the darkness of their own emotional void. Don’t let your mind, your body and your soul be part of their feeding queue. Remove yourself completely from the equation altogether. If they don’t get to feast upon your emotions, your commitment or your investment, you get to nourish yourself with a healthy mind and life.

25. They don’t miss me as a person – they miss controlling and mistreating me.

Narcissistic ex-partners only try to play the ‘let’s be friends’ card because they miss what you provide for them. They miss putting you down. They don’t miss you or any other victim as a person because they truly cannot even wrap their heads around people as individual human beings. To them, supply is supply and they rarely ‘know’ their sources of supply beyond a shallow impression of them as objects to control and misuse for their own gain. Remember that when a narcissistic abuser tries to hoover you, saying they miss you, what they’re saying is that they miss the power and control they felt when they were able to provoke your emotions.

26. They don’t love or care about me – they care about fulfilling their own needs.

Normal partners would leave their ex-partners alone and move forward especially after they realized that their ex-partners were not the one for them. Narcissists don’t care what is best for their ex-partners; they don’t care if they’re potentially retraumatizing them by reaching out to them or flaunting new supply. They want to fulfill their own needs and it doesn’t matter who they hurt in the process. Give yourself this reality check each and every time you find yourself romanticizing the abuser: they do not love or care about you, at all. If they did, they would have made the effort to treat you better. Love is expressed in actions, not empty words.

27. Each time I don’t respond or set a boundary, I remind myself of what I am worth.

You are truly worthy, warrior, and you don’t need anybody else to validate your worth to you. You are precious, valuable and enough. Know it and own it; don’t let anyone take away your divine self-worth from you. Each time that you permit yourself to stick to No Contact, you communicate to yourself that you are worthy of a better life. Continue to tell yourself that you are whole just as you are and so very deserving of the best life possible. Treat yourself as if you were already whole and one day you will realize you’ve internalized this belief. Feeling and knowing that you are enough goes beyond just an affirmation; it can lead to success beyond your wildest dreams. You just have to be willing to be receptive to this belief. Gently invite it into your life and find ways to cultivate it every day until it is so fully rooted in your psyche that it has no choice other than to blossom.

28. I care about and love myself.

Be gentle with yourself during this time. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend or a wounded baby bird. How would you take care of yourself? What would you tell someone you love who is hurting? How would you treat someone who you wanted the best for? Treat yourself that exact way – you deserve all the care, compassion and validation that you tried to give to the narcissist.

29. I am my own best friend. I am my own best advocate.

You can have a nourishing support network, but at the end of the day, you are the only one who can advocate for yourself and your healing. You are the only person who can act on your own behalf and make the right choices for your recovery process. Nobody can do it for you. So advocate for yourself, each and every day: turn off the phone, the computer and any form of communication with the narcissistic abuser and walk away from temptation. You are worth so much more than this toxic person could ever give you.

30. I love myself. Truly and always, I love myself. And for the first time in a long time, I am putting myself first.

The journey to healing is about you. Not your ex-partner, your friends, your family, or society. You may have placed your mental health and basic needs on the back burner for a long time when you were in this abusive relationship. Now it’s finally time to prioritize you, your needs, your dreams, your desires and what you personally want to manifest in your life. Take this valuable time to really get to know yourself and honor your goals. You deserve to make all your dreams come to life. It’s time for you to shine – and no one is ever going to get to dim your light ever again.

Want more writing like this? Read the book

Read more: https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2017/05/30-kickass-affirmations-for-going-no-contact-with-an-abusive-narcissist/

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30 Kickass Affirmations For Going No Contact With An Abusive Narcissist

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30 Kickass Affirmations For Going No Contact With An Abusive Narcissist

God & Man

No Contact from a narcissistic or otherwise abusive, toxic ex-partner can be a rewarding and challenging time. Survivors of emotional and/or physical abuse are not only paving a new path to freedom and rebirth, they may also be struggling with the effects of cognitive dissonance, fear, obligation and guilt (FOG), as well as the traumatic effects of the abuse on their minds, bodies and spirits. They may also encounter stalking or harassment from their abusive partners in their attempts to detach from them, especially if they ‘dared’ to leave those partners first.

Due to biochemical and trauma bonding with their abusers, survivors may also struggle to not contact their ex-partner or check up on them due to being conditioned to rely upon their abuser’s approval and validation during the abuse cycle as a survival mechanism.

Considering the fact that detoxing from an abusive relationship is very much like recovering from an addiction, ‘rehab’ from this type of toxicity needs to be addressed in a way that is both compassionate and empowering.

These positive affirmations can help you reconnect back to your sense of reality when you may be plagued by emotional flashbacks, triggers or cravings to reconnect with an abusive partner. I’ve also included brief explanations of each affirmation, in case any of them need further clarification in order to better appreciate the underlying meaning for each.

For those who may have implemented Low Contact due to co-parenting with an abuser, you can feel free to customize these various phrases to best suit your situation. You may also want to brainstorm your own affirmations that are best tailored to your unique needs and desires.

1. Every act of silence is a protection against psychological violence.

Every time you choose not to check up on, respond or reach out to an abusive ex-partner, you demonstrate that you value yourself, you value your time, your new life and your right not to be subjected to abuse or mistreatment. You protect yourself from traumatizing information or emotional violence that could further retraumatize you and ensnare you back into an abuse cycle. A cycle that can only expose you to more pain, heartache and a pervasive sense of hopelessness. You have escaped from the abuse – don’t let yourself reenter the cycle right back into a seemingly inescapable situation again. It can get more and more difficult to leave each time you do.

2. I have a right to be free from abuse. Every human being has that right and I do, too.

We have to remember that we are just like any other human being – including those who have never been in an abusive relationship or those who have never tolerated any form of abuse if they encountered it. They had the right not to be abused and we do too. This is not to blame or shame anyone who has stayed in an abusive relationship; there are many reasons why abuse survivors stay well beyond the first incident of abuse, including the trauma repetition cycle that arises due to subconscious wounding from childhood. This is simply a reminder that there are many people who are in healthy relationships – and as a human being, you are so worthy of the same.

3. No one can take away the power I have within me.

It may come as a surprise to you, but narcissistic abusers don’t actually hold any authentic inner power – they take away power from others because they have none within themselves. They have no sense of core identity – they need us more than we need them (even if it feels otherwise). They leech off of our light – we are their life source, their narcissistic supply and they are the energetic vampires who live off our resources, our talents, and our empathy and compassion.

4. My will is stronger than an abuser’s attempts to bully me.

If you’re suffering from PTSD or Complex PTSD and you’re hearing your abuser’s voice and/or are being met with hoovering attempts to shame you back into the abuse cycle, you’re not alone. Many survivors of abuse are left reeling from the bullying behavior of their ex-partner. They cannot understand why their abusive ex-partner refuses to leave them alone, stalks or harasses them, or even goes so far as to flaunt their new source of supply to them as a way to provoke them. Remember: the abuser’s tactics cannot work on you as effectively if you are willing to prioritize your freedom over their attempts to bully you. The bullying may hurt and you will have to address it as you process the trauma, but where there is a strong will, there is an even stronger survivor who can meet any challenge along the way.

5. I am stronger than empty threats.

Abusive ex-partners may smear you, slander you or even threaten to release personal information about you, especially if you ‘discard’ them first due to narcissistic rage and injury. They want to regain power and control to put you through an even worse discard and essentially ‘win’ the break-up or save face after the ending of the relationship. Much of these are empty threats. It’s true that more dangerous narcissists may follow through with their threats, but the point is that you can choose how you respond to their threats. You have choices and options to protect yourself and document those threats in case you need to ever take legal action. You can go to law enforcement if you have to (and feel safe doing so). You can also seek support from a lawyer and/or counselor who can offer you insights into your particular situation. What you don’t have to do is give into the threats of emotional blackmail and go back into an abusive relationship only to be terrorized in an even worse fashion than before. Who wants to be in a relationship where you are coerced back in?

6. I will defend and protect myself, no matter what.

Whether that means getting a restraining order, changing your number or blocking them from all social media platforms, do whatever you need to do to protect yourself from the narcissist’s manipulation and abuse on your journey to No Contact (or Low Contact if co-parenting). You don’t deserve to be retraumatized, in any shape, way or form. Seek support from your local domestic violence shelter (yes, emotional abuse is still violence), find a trauma-informed therapist, research local support groups, Meetups or group therapy focused on trauma recovery and support. Find any and all support you can to help build and reinforce the fortress of protection around you. The more quality support you have, the more confident you’ll be in moving forward without your toxic ex-partner.

7. I never give up; I keep going.

No matter how difficult it becomes, you never give up. Even if you make a mistake, all is not lost. How do you beat an addiction? You don’t let imperfection impede you from progressing on your path. You keep going. If you fell off the wagon and broke No Contact (whether by checking up on the narcissist or responding to them), don’t judge yourself too harshly. Self-judgment leads to the same sense of unworthiness that leads you back into looking for validation from toxic people. Instead, get back on the wagon and commit yourself to the journey even more fully. Practice mindfulness and radical acceptance of any urges you might have without acting upon them and participating in more self-sabotage. Know that every setback is simply bringing up the core wounds you need to heal in order to move forward with even more strength and determination than before. Understand the triggers that led to your decision to break No Contact to mitigate them in the future and grieve for the illusion the narcissistic abuser presented to you (the ‘false mask’ they presented). Know that this person never truly existed and that the promise of a relationship that was fabricated in the idealization phase led you to an investment that ultimately led to more loss than gain.

8. My life is worth more than empty promises.

When a narcissistic abuser is hoovering you, they are re-idealizing you and making the same promises they made in the beginning of the relationship. They promised to change, to love and care for you, to always support you and be there for you. Yet they invalidated, belittled and degraded you instead. These empty promises are just another way to control and coerce you back into the abuse cycle. Don’t feed into the illusion of what the relationship could have been. Instead, acknowledge it for what it was: moments of terror merged with false promises that were never carried out. You deserve more than empty promises: you deserve the real thing. The true promise of a new and healthier life awaits you: make a promise to yourself that you will pursue that new reality instead.

9. This is life or death and I choose life. Every time.

Many abuse survivors have a high level of resilience as well as a pain threshold that could rival a sumo wrestler or someone walking on hot coals without so much as a grimace. Even if you feel like you can ‘deal with’ further abuse even after the break-up, consider that this is truly a life or death situation. If you are escaping from a physical abuser, this affirmation hits home. Yet even if you’re coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship, it also holds weight. I know many might not think of emotional violence as a life or death situation, but considering the suicides that occur from bullying and domestic violence and the fact that domestic violence survivors are actually at a higher risk of committing suicide, it is truer than we think. Each time we sacrifice our peace of mind for one more ‘hit’ of the abuse rather than detoxing from the relationship, we also belittle, demean and abuse ourselves.  These incidents build up collectively to reenact the same sense of hopelessness we had during the abusive relationship and can pose severe harm to our psyche over time due to the cumulative impact of traumatic and retraumatizing experiences. By breaking No Contact, we convince ourselves that we are unworthy of something more than being with a toxic person. In the case of life or death, be sure to choose your new life without your abuser…each and every time.

10. Loneliness is infinitely better than any form of abuse.

After an abusive relationship, we may begin to romanticize our ex-partner in times of loneliness. We might even wonder if it was ‘worth’ leaving the abuse since we now feel so alone. We may have mixed emotions about our abuser as the “good times” come flooding back in the absence of our abuser.

Remember: you were the only one truly invested in the good times. For your abuser, those good times were simply a form of periodic love-bombing, a form of intermittent reinforcement that kept you under their control while feeding you crumbs.

The ‘good memories’ we had with our abuser never justify the abuse or make up for them. Loneliness can be a sign that you are working through and processing the trauma. It’s a sign that you may need to be more present with yourself and surround yourself with better support networks. It’s also a sign that you are in dire need of learning to enjoy your own company. Acknowledge and validate the loneliness, but don’t resist it by pursuing more toxic people or going back to the same toxic relationship. Survivors often need a period of self-isolation to reflect and recover from the trauma before they date or pursue new friendships. Take this time to heal and don’t rush the process: it’s very much needed in order for you to be in an optimal state of mental health. The more healed you are, the better the quality of your future relationships will be, whether with new friends and/or partners.

11. I deserve so much more than to be an emotional punching bag.

When you’re in an abusive relationship, you are not in a healthy, reciprocal relationship. You are an emotional punching bag for an immature and unstable person. They get to take all of their flaws, their insecurities, their internal garbage and spew it onto you. Throughout the relationship, you were trained by your abuser to ‘take it’ as a natural part of being in a relationship with them. No more. You deserve more than to be someone’s emotional punching bag. You deserve a mutually respectful relationship where love and compassion are the default.

12. I can communicate my feelings to people who deserve to hear my voice.

We don’t have to use our voice with people who are committed to misunderstanding, invalidating and mistreating us. We can reserve our energy and time for people who are willing to see our beautiful qualities and celebrate them. We can use our voice for people who truly want to help us, who appreciate our help and reciprocate our efforts. Instead of wasting your precious voice on people who will always be intent on silencing you, why not use it to help those who really need it, to comfort someone who is just as empathic and compassionate as you are, to receive insights from a trusted professional or to share your story and change the world? I guarantee you that helping people who are actually able to evolve (and this includes yourself!) is a much better use of your voice than trying to convince a person without empathy to treat you well. It’s more likely to be effective, too!

13. My mental health is my number one priority.

Make sure you’re engaging in extreme self-care during the No Contact journey. This means checking with yourself every moment of the day to ensure that you are thinking healthy thoughts, taking advantage of the diverse healing modalities available to you, and addressing any symptoms of trauma that may be interfering with your ability to function in day-to-day life. If your mental health is suffering, all other aspects of your life will also feel the impact. So take care of yourself – and don’t be afraid to seek professional support if you need it. No one should have to go through this turmoil alone.

14. Staying sane is more important than being validated by an abuser.

Often when we have been devalued by an abuser, we become controlled by the need to be validated by them as ‘worthy.’ This need becomes especially amplified when we see that the abuser seems to have moved on with a new victim. This is because the abuser was the source of our pervasive sense of unworthiness throughout the abuse cycle and we now feel as if we need confirmation that we were not the problem. Unfortunately, the reality is that narcissistic abuse will inevitably leave us without any closure from the toxic ex-partner. Narcissists are masters of impression management and they rarely expose what is actually happening behind closed doors – so all you are likely to see is them idealizing their victims for the public, just like they did with you. That’s why you must prioritize your own sanity by accepting that while you may never get closure or confirmation of your worth from the narcissist, you can find ways of cultivating your own belief in your self-worth. This means stepping away from the narcissist’s public façade and investing in living your own best life.

15, 16, and 17. I trust my own reality. I know and trust what I experienced and felt. I validate myself.

These are a set of affirmations that can help you to resist the gaslighting attempts of your ex-partner or their harem.

I don’t care how many harem members love the narcissistic abuser. I don’t care if the narcissist is on the cover of Time Magazine for Person of the Year. Their popularity with others or public façade doesn’t make them immune to being abusive. In fact, many malignant narcissists disguise themselves as charitable, loving people. That is the nature of their false mask: they are wolves in sheep’s clothing.

This affirmation is here to remind you that despite the amount of people your abuser may have fooled, no one has the right to take away the reality of the abuse that you endured. You know what you experienced – you know how valid it was and the impact that it left upon you. It doesn’t matter how charming the narcissistic abuser is or who chooses to believe them; let their harem members learn at their own pace who the narcissist is. You’re not here to convince anyone. You’re here to validate yourself and resist the gaslighting attempts to distort your reality and that of the abuse. Don’t feel obligated to protect your abuser, minimize, rationalize or deny the abuse you endured. Honor and acknowledge your authentic emotions as well as depth of trauma you experienced.

18. I am worthy, I am beautiful (or handsome), I am brave, I am strong, I am fearless.

These are another set of positive affirmations that can help remind you of how worthy and courageous you truly are, with or without a partner. It conditions you into believing good things about yourself, especially if you’re used to hearing harsh words from your abuser. I recommend recording these into a tape recorder or voice recording application on your phone and listening to them on a daily basis just to get yourself used to hearing them. Repetition is essential to deprogramming the harmful messages your abuser instilled in you and reprogramming your mind for future success.

19. Each second, each minute, each hour, each day, each month, each year, I am getting stronger.

While you may have moments of powerlessness and hopelessness from time to time, rest assured that as you move forward with No Contact, you will gain more and more strength and resilience than you ever knew was possible. As more time passes and as more trauma is processed and addressed, the more space you’ll carve out to become the person you were meant to be. You’ll eventually reach a point in your healing journey where the strong attachment to the abusive person has ‘dulled’ in its emotional potency.

20. Leaving (or being left) was the best thing that ever happened to me. I made that happen.

It was your agency and your powerful light that got you through the worst moments of your life so never underestimate your ability to survive after the abuse. There are so many victims still in abusive relationships – including the new source of supply. You’ve awakened and you’ve taken back control over your life. This is a blessing that should not be taken for granted. Instead of focusing on the ways you still feel trapped, validate your grief while allowing yourself to celebrate the ways you’ve been freed.

21. I am a motherf*cking badass. I can survive anything. And I will thrive.

For those who need that extra punch (and dose of profanity along with their reality check), this affirmation can charge you with the determination and badassery needed to rise above the pain and channel it into something greater. Remember: for every crucifixion, there is an even greater possibility for resurrection. Transform all the grief and outrage you feel into your greater good: use it to fuel you to reach greater heights, achieve your goals and kick some serious butt in all facets of your life.

22. Do no harm; take no shit. We don’t have to be vindictive or retaliate against our ex-partners in order to take care of ourselves, set boundaries or to lead victorious lives. At the same time, we don’t have to internalize anyone else’s garbage. You can empower yourself by establishing what your boundaries are and following through with them – each and every time. Whether it be with your abusive ex-partner or a new acquaintance, the healing journey is all about learning how to implement healthier boundaries and becoming more assertive in our authentic truth.

23. My success is their karma. Karma can answer him or her – I am too busy.

Live your life and try to minimize your focus on what the narcissist is doing, who he or she is seeing or what they are getting away with. Let the narcissist learn at his or her own pace what life is all about; you don’t need to educate a grown ass human being on how to be a decent person. You don’t need to give karma a ‘push’ either – let it unravel and unfold organically, if at all.

The best karma a narcissist can receive is actually the weight of your indifference and success after you leave them.

24. I am the life source. I am the Light. Without me, there is nothing to feed on.

These are emotional vampires we’re dealing with; it’s up to you to make sure that they don’t leave nourished on your supply while you’re left malnourished, drained and underfed after an interaction with them. Without their sources of supply, narcissists live in the darkness of their own emotional void. Don’t let your mind, your body and your soul be part of their feeding queue. Remove yourself completely from the equation altogether. If they don’t get to feast upon your emotions, your commitment or your investment, you get to nourish yourself with a healthy mind and life.

25. They don’t miss me as a person – they miss controlling and mistreating me.

Narcissistic ex-partners only try to play the ‘let’s be friends’ card because they miss what you provide for them. They miss putting you down. They don’t miss you or any other victim as a person because they truly cannot even wrap their heads around people as individual human beings. To them, supply is supply and they rarely ‘know’ their sources of supply beyond a shallow impression of them as objects to control and misuse for their own gain. Remember that when a narcissistic abuser tries to hoover you, saying they miss you, what they’re really saying is that they miss the power and control they felt when they were able to provoke your emotions.

26. They don’t love or care about me – they care about fulfilling their own needs.

Normal partners would leave their ex-partners alone and move forward especially after they realized that their ex-partners were not the one for them. Narcissists don’t care what is best for their ex-partners; they don’t care if they’re potentially retraumatizing them by reaching out to them or flaunting new supply. They want to fulfill their own needs and it doesn’t matter who they hurt in the process. Give yourself this reality check each and every time you find yourself romanticizing the abuser: they do not love or care about you, at all. If they did, they would have made the effort to treat you better. Love is expressed in actions, not empty words.

27. Each time I don’t respond or set a boundary, I remind myself of what I am worth.

You are truly worthy, warrior, and you don’t need anybody else to validate your worth to you. You are precious, valuable and enough. Know it and own it; don’t let anyone take away your divine self-worth from you. Each time that you permit yourself to stick to No Contact, you communicate to yourself that you are worthy of a better life. Continue to tell yourself that you are whole just as you are and so very deserving of the best life possible. Treat yourself as if you were already whole and one day you will realize you’ve internalized this belief. Feeling and knowing that you are enough goes beyond just an affirmation; it can lead to success beyond your wildest dreams. You just have to be willing to be receptive to this belief. Gently invite it into your life and find ways to cultivate it every day until it is so fully rooted in your psyche that it has no choice other than to blossom.

28. I care about and love myself.

Be gentle with yourself during this time. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend or a wounded baby bird. How would you take care of yourself? What would you tell someone you love who is hurting? How would you treat someone who you wanted the best for? Treat yourself that exact way – you deserve all the care, compassion and validation that you tried to give to the narcissist.

29. I am my own best friend. I am my own best advocate.

You can have a nourishing support network, but at the end of the day, you are the only one who can advocate for yourself and your healing. You are the only person who can act on your own behalf and make the right choices for your recovery process. Nobody can do it for you. So advocate for yourself, each and every day: turn off the phone, the computer and any form of communication with the narcissistic abuser and walk away from temptation. You are worth so much more than this toxic person could ever give you.

30. I love myself. Truly and always, I love myself. And for the first time in a long time, I am putting myself first.

The journey to healing is about you. Not your ex-partner, your friends, your family, or society. You may have placed your mental health and basic needs on the back burner for a long time when you were in this abusive relationship. Now it’s finally time to prioritize you, your needs, your dreams, your desires and what you personally want to manifest in your life. Take this valuable time to really get to know yourself and honor your goals. You deserve to make all your dreams come to life. It’s time for you to shine – and no one is ever going to get to dim your light ever again.

Want more writing like this? Read the book POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse by Shahida Arabi.