#When I am hot I can go into the ac for like 20 minutes and I'll cool off. When I am cold the fires of hell could not thaw me out.

[happybunnykat]

Genuinely the reason I dislike the cold more then I dislike the warmth it that I have ice in my bones that never melts.

[pablitogavii]

I have a slightly strange idea, since in Spain it is hot in the summer it has occurred to me that Gavi is with his partner and that if the girl refuses to give him a hug because of the heat and the next day Pablo put the air conditioner on full (so it would be cold) for the girl to hug him. I don't know if you could do something with this

No more excuses!

"Joder! Es demasiado caliente!" you said while you were sitting on the balcony of your and Pablo's shared apartment drinking some cold lemonade trying to answer you emails.

You just had to come back inside but after collecting so much heat from the outside, you were still sweating despite the AC being turned on.

"I'm home amor!" Pablo walked in with Ale returning from the daily run. You were still confused how he could run during weather like this! That's an athlete for you haha!

He reached to hug you but you pulled back asking him to shower and he groaned giving his friend his car keys and he left before Pablo went to the bathroom to shower.

You really could care less if he was sweaty and smelly but you were just way too hot to hug anybody right now! You just needed to cool down for a few minutes.

You were sitting on the couch reading emails when he came back wanting to pull you to cuddle but you pulled back again.

"Are you mad at me or something amor?" he asked and you shook your head groaning that you were still too hot to even think straight.

"No cariño..I'm just hot!" you say closing the lap top and leaving to take a cold shower yourself hoping that would help. Pablo was left there pouting and watching some random game wishing you would just let him hug you anyways!

Even during the night, you refused to get too close sleeping in your panties and his old shirt still feeling so freaking hot. This summer was really a killer in Barcelona!

Since you knew you both needed physical contact to fall asleep you still held his hand but that's all the contact Pablo got and that wasn't what he wanted!

When he woke up the next morning, he rushed to lower the temperature so much so that you were woken up with a goosebumps all over your skin.

"Joder!" he heard rushing into the bedroom with a smug on his face while you were freaking out looking yourself fin the mirror.

"What's wrong mi amor??" he asked and you turned around with a worried face making him furrow his eyebrows.

"I think I am entering menopause amor! I was so hot yesterday and I'm too cold right now..and what if I can't have kids anymore!?" you were mumbling until Pablo bursted out in laughter.

"That's not funny cabrón! I wanted to be a mom!" you hit his shoulder quite hard but of course it didn't hurt at all and he grabbed your body pulling you close.

"And you will be in the future princesa.." he smirked and you rolled your eyes not thinking this was the time for him to be dirty.

"You're barely 20 years old amorcito, you're not entering menopause..I lowered the temperature in the apartment" he explained and you quickly calmed down now laughing at yourself realizing how absurd your conclusion was.

"Shut up! I was so scared! Cabrón! Why did you lower the temperature so much!?" you say and he chuckled kissing your head and pulling you even closer so that your hands were resting on his strong chest.

"So that you can hug me finally! And cuddle me! And sleep in my arms! I miss you amor!" he pouts and you giggle leaning in and kissing his lips lovingly giving him the biggest hug possible.

"Awe cariño..tu eres tan precioso!" you coo and he blushes while still hugging you refusing to let go.

"Menopause? Really amor!?" he teases and you both burst out in laugher while being in each other's embrace.

[mrsrookhunt]

A Pretty Sort of Mistake

Yan!Rook Hunt x Fem Reader, NSFW

Warnings: Noncon, Rook is an absolutely disgusting man but that's what we're here for

Synop.: Rook has taken so many pictures of you before in which to pleasure himself to. But when you end up taking off your clothes in what you think is a secluded corner of the campus to change, he's shocked, stunned, and hungry.

"Haah..." You don't hear the heavy panting from a few trees away. You're on the edge of Campus, quickly changing into new underclothes, which had gotten soaked with sweat in the humid Potionology classroom.

"Oh, fuck me--" you curse, realizing you forgot another bra. You can't put on that old one. It's drenched.

"I will-"

You don't hear that, either.

You rush to throw on your shirt over your bare breasts and hope you can make it to Ramshackle in time to grab a new bra before your next class.

You don't see Pomefiore's very own Rook Hunt palming himself with one hand in a tree top, camera loaded with your naked photos. Long after you left, he spends a good 20 minutes relieving himself over and over to your pictures.

He knows he could go to Ramshackle and hope to sneak another glance, drunk on your body as he is, but logically, he recalls that you always have your blinds closed.

Groaning, he zips up his pants, leaving a sticky mess far up in the trees as he leaps down on wobbly legs.

He can't wait much longer, not when you're giving him such delicious teases like that.

<><><><><><><><>

Getting a text from Rook was certainly... strange. Especially when he pressed you to come visit him at 2 am on the edge of the Island with a near desperate undertone, and despite having rarely spoken to you, insisted you come alone.

No one else would be necessary, he promised.

You made your way down towards the shore of the island, struggling against the less maintenanced plants and overgrown vegetation. The side he'd asked you to come to, you'd never even been to. As far as you knew, most people hadn't been down that far.

Crack

You gasp and whip around, momentarily startled.

"Hey! Rook! Is that you? I'm over--MMPH--" A hand gracefully covers your mouth, gripping you in such a way that your cheeks sting with his grasp.

"Shh...." Rook's breath is hot and heavy in your ears. "Oh, Mon Tricksteur, and here I thought you weren't dull enough to come following me out here," A hand moves to your inner thigh.

"Nngh... Ah, Mon Cheri.. Clearly I was wrong."

The hand on your waist moves to your crotch, clothed by your thick uniform pants. You shout into his hand, trying to kick and bite him, having now realized he wasn't teasing, but had called you out here to isolate you and take you any which way he wanted.

His now-prominent bulge rubbed against your ass with a fevered desire that made you sick to your stomach. His breath became rapid and wet in your ear, and he seemed to be deftly using his free hand to trace lines across your thighs and occasionally dragging his index finger lightly down the line of your slit.

You were weeping unheard tears into the night, muffled by his thick leather glove.

You shouldn't have gone. Why did you go? You didn't tell Grim, or Ace or Deuce. You simply left without a trace. He could fuck you and drown you in the sea, and you would simply leave this island as you came to it; without a trace.

"R-roo--" He moaned out at your muffled attempt at his name, coming to a stop.

"Heh.. I'm afraid I will have to deny myself until the end of the performance," He nips your ear with his teeth, saliva stringing back onto it. "But if you call me by my name, I may not be so gentle, Mon Tricksteur."

You struggle against his tight grasp again.

"N-no---Roo-k--" You desperately want him to listen to you, for just a moment.

He chuckles, taking his hand away from your mouth, coming down to pull you tightly against him in your entirety as he leans into a nearby tree and slides to the ground with you.

"Oui?"

He waits for you to speak, but for a moment, all that leaves your mouth are heaving sobs.

"I--W-hat are y-you gonna d-o t-to me, R-rook?" You whimper as he shushes you gently, coming up to trace a now ungloved finger on your lips.

"I'm going to make sure that you're mine and no one else's. I'll give you a marvelous stress reliever that I believe is just what you need after all your classes recently~"

You can see in his eyes that he's out of his mind with lust. Whatever you say right now will not stop him.

You nearly vomit as you burrow into his shoulder in an act of defeat. Perhaps if you're compliant, he won't harm you.

You allow the smallest of smiles to grace your face.

"W-well... classes h-ave been p-pretty stressful lately.."

He laughs, a predatory smirk resting on his face.

"Oh, darling. You can't fool a hunter."

<><><><><><><><>

Within a few minutes, you're unclothed and bare to his touch.

You've all but given in, lying limp as Rook kisses and bites up and down your body, taking control as he toys with your nipples and licks a wet trail from your belly button to your pussy. You were never one to think of yourself as giving up in this situation, but as Rook ravages you, you don't know how to feel. You had liked him. You had wanted him, desperately, your own moans filling the air at the thought of him when you were alone. But at the same time this was horrifying in every capacity. How long had you had fantasies of this exact moment, trapped under him in the forest like some unsuspecting prey, getting ruthlessly fucked? But now that it was happening, you couldn't stomach it. It was just a fantasy, a making of your own imagination to make up for the one sided affections that you held in your heart.

It should have stayed a fantasy.

Now you're lying underneath him, watching in anticipatory terror as he strips himself of his clothes and frees his cock; fat, veiny, and covered in pre cum, twitching with the lewd excitement that shows all over Rook's face.

He dips his head down to rub his tongue around your clit, before pulling back with an expression of ecstasy as your back arches painfully with the stimulation.

"Ah...Ah! How I'd love to stay here between your legs all day.. but today I am allowing myself to be a bit selfish."

With a sudden grasp on your hips that makes you jolt upwards, he aligns his cock and pushes in with one fluid movement.

You feel warmth flushing across your body as you silently admit to yourself that you're enjoying this far more than you should.

His dick is wonderfully large, a nice 7" that seems to fill you up with barely any room to spare. You'd always pictured him with a slender, smaller dick. But at very least inside of you, he felt massive. You can feel some of those veins rubbing against your walls, the consistent twitching of his cock making you beyond wet.

He weakly sings some sort of French lullaby in the crevice of your neck, drops of drool dripping from the corner of his mouth with anticipation as he waits for you to adjust to him.

Your eyes are blown wide open with the new sensations. You whimper and buck your hips against his by instinct, regretting it when Rook takes that as his sign to move, fingers digging into your waist while he pounds into you with all of his strength, tears forming at the corners of his eyes for joy that he finally gets to fuck you, after so many months of watching, stalking, waiting.

Your own eyes are filled with tears for a different reason, the reality of the situation beating you down once more.

You were certain that were there a bed underneath the two of you right now it would be close to breaking, between his thrusts and your shaky moans. With each thrust, Rook rams into you even more vigorously and passionately than before.

Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen.... twenty-nine...thirty-four.... you eventually lose count of his senseless thrusts. Rook pulled your leg up to his shoulder, gripping the flesh on your thighs tightly. Not in all of this time has he gotten sloppy, but you feel he's close by the pitch and rapid nature of his breathing.

"Mon Amour, Mon Amour, Mon Amour---!"

You see a look of bliss glaze over his eyes for a moment before you feel his warm, sticky cum wash into you with a few final, deep thrusts. The sensation leaves you gasping as you realize what he's done.

One few second pull-out leads to massive amounts of cum leaking out of you.

He recomposes for a few moments, pushing his cum back inside you while he's catching his breath as his face and body are flushed beet-red post-ecstasy.

He grabs onto your ass for stability and enters you again, slamming into you with renewed stamina.

"E-ug--h- R-r-r-ook! What are you-?" You arch your back with a shrill moan you didn't mean for him to pull out of you.

He leans down over your face, forcing you to stare into those gem-like eyes of his, clouded with the lust you've created for him, expertly folding you into a mating press while he's at it-- "hmm, did you think I was only chasing after my own high?" The laugh he gives you is throaty, sadistic. It makes his head toss up with gleeful delight, golden hair shining in the moonlight as he speeds up his thrusts.

"Oh, non, non darling. It's your turn now."

[midwesternmule]

its cold where i am, warmer than earlier this week though, when i would walk to class with two pairs of thick socks inside my boots and ice formed so thick on the gravel of my apartment parking lot that my truck has stayed stationary for the better half of january. 

i’ve been daydreaming of the warmer months that we experience here in the heart of the states, not yet the hellish days where i wish for winter again and feel the humidity so thick that it sticks in my throat and makes my curls twice as frizzy, but rather the gentle 70 degree nights where i can bring out the hammock to my front porch and set up the tv against my window to watch plotless movies while me and my brother reminisce about our childhood and roll ugly joints. 

in these daydreams, the girl on the other side of the country — the one that i care for so deeply but cant seem to bear to say as much — is stuffed in the hammock with me, our legs intertwined while we sip the cheap wine i bought from the liquor store a few blocks down the hill from the man who no longer asks for my obviously fake id, or maybe she’s sitting on the knobby wooden planks below me while i rake my hands through her self-trimmed hair as she reads me vonnegut and our shared cigarette’s ashes shower the pages. 

later in the night i’d turn on my ancient AC and pull out the futon so we can sleep curled into each other, arms wrapped around slow breathing bodies and fingers woven together. maybe by now we’d have kissed, though knowing us we haven’t, but strangely i think we are both okay with that. my friends don’t quite understand that, but as cliche as it sounds, i don’t need them to. i’d be wearing a tank top and boxers, and she would be wearing a silly pun shirt that she has too many of. i’d hope that she notices the freckles that appear after days in the sun, the ones she told me she loves so much the summer before, and i’d silently admire the tan she can keep up all year due to the beach being a 15 minute walk from her dorms. we would talk about nothing for an hour or two after laying down, giggle at the sounds of other drunk 20-somethings wandering home from the bars close to my building. 

the next morning i’d wake with the warm sun coming in bright through the blinds i’d forgotten to close the night before, laying back down if she hadn’t woken up yet, or maybe if i’d received a moka pot ive asked my mother for as a birthday gift i’ll make her some coffee, she’s the reason i started to love hot coffee after all. maybe we would go to the pastry place across town that we always stop at after a night of drinking, looking as disheveled as every time before. maybe we would go to the donut place my father showed me, the one i promised to take her to earlier this month.

normally she would leave to go back to the town where i grew up and where we met, but in these daydreams she stays with me for the day, and since its a sunday we laze about in my notably less crowded college town, walking downtown streets and rifling through thrift store clothing racks and the record shop’s collections, as i have somehow acquired a record player for my tiny apartment that floats music through the open porch door, which i’ve left open so the incense smoke can reach us outside as we sit on my floor cushions and play cards, shitty but tolerable beer bottles at our sides. 

these daydreams seem to warm me from within, like the ambience of an early summer’s day has some how transcended my consciousness and soaked into my very bones. i’m cruelly reminded of reality though when i open my eyes to scoot further under my three blankets as i have began to shiver slightly while typing. the futon isn’t pulled out to accommodate the warm body of another, but rather because it’s further from the drafty window on the western wall. i’m up too late, not because of a long conversation that i’ll cherish but because the memories of them make me so painfully aware of that which i miss most right now.

its not the summer’s heat that i dream of.

[thatblackravenclaw]

Look In My Bottom Drawer

(images above are from Pinterest)

Blog Details | Let's take a trip

Eddie Munson x a Black!fem!reader

a/n: holy shit, it's been almost 3 months since i've posted. how's everyone doing? sorry for the disappearance. i had some issues with my university that left me unmotivated. i got everything fixed but now i'm on my period with a sprained knee, so enjoy an old draft.

warning(s): cussing, sort of proofread, fluff, self-indulgent, format is weird because i turned this in as an assignment back in April

word count: 3.4k

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Does he even like black girls? I mean he isn’t racist, nor does he seem to have a preference. I don’t know, it’s just that sometimes it feels like I shouldn’t even try. People would probably look at us weird considering we’re in Hawkins fucking Indiana and it’s 1985. If I keep staring in the mirror with existential dread I’m gonna be late for school. Not if I speed… Let me get up.

I look in the mirror one last time. I take the last perm rod out and fluff my hair a little. I already know the humidity is going to fuck up my hair, but nothing I can really do about it, but put a scrunchie on. I’m gonna get judged for my outfit, but so be it. I’m always judged for my outfits because it isn’t como se dice what’s in right now. I mean tennis skirts have been in since the 20s, but this top I actually made myself. It’s a lilac long sleeve (Yes, I know it’s 87 degrees outside. Shut up.), but it doesn’t button or anything. You put it on like a sweater and then there are two ties in the front. One right above my bust and another one right below my bust. It shows enough of my boobs to consider me a whore, but not enough to get me dress coded. I slipped on my Vans that I usually only wear to skateboard, but I’m running out of time, and they were the closest. My socks are a bit thick, but that’s a problem for a later time.

This backpack is heavier today, I swear. I took shit out and it’s still heavy. Whatever I don’t need I’ll just throw in my locker. I step outside and the heat is already blazing. Do I regret my shirt choice? No. Am I hot as hell? Yes. Oh well. I look at my baby. My pride and joy. My 1983 Audi Quattro that I spent for fucking ever saving up for. I get in and put my bag in the passenger seat. I probably should’ve turned the AC on before I got in the car. Better late than never. I bring my wrist closer to my face and sternly stare at my watch. I have ten minutes to get to a school that’s fifteen minutes away. About to Back to the Future this shit.

Okay, so I don’t actually end up going 88, but I do go a good 50 in a 30. Luckily no police are around. I still can’t believe the DMV let me get my license. I think I ran probably like three curbs. I take another quick look at my watch and see I have four minutes left. Good thing the school is finally in view. You would think I’d managed my time better since I’m a senior, but old habits die hard I guess. I’m about to pull in when Eddie’s van zips in front of me and gets in first. Fucking asshole. I pull in right after him and hurry and park. It’s not the best parking job but fuck it. I take my keys out and hurriedly grab my bag. As I’m locking the door I hear Eddie get out too. Any other time I’d sneak a glance at him, but I have two minutes to get to class and I don’t feel like hearing any of Mrs. Brown’s shit. I start jogging toward the doors when I hear Eddie’s voice.

“Sorry about that, princess,” He yells to me. Nothing but humor is detected in his tone, so I just flip him off and continue to pick up my pace.

-.-.-.-

Made it to class with one minute to spare. I still got the “You were almost late. I expect more from you” look as I walked to my seat, but that I could deal with. Whoever gave me Trig at the beginning of the day must have it out for me. How am I supposed to focus on quadratic formulas at the ass crack of dawn? This blows. It doesn’t help that Mrs. Brown’s voice drones on and on. I decided to just doodle in the back of my notebook And by doodle I mean to write “Mrs. Eddie Maguire” in different fonts. Corny, I know, but doesn’t hurt to dream, right? I mean, he doesn’t really seem like the marriage type, to be honest. I’m buggin’. I wish I didn’t think about him all the time. Let’s start, now.

College. What are we doing? I applied to Lincoln. The one in Missouri though because the one in Pennsylvania was just a bit too far. I could’ve chosen an HBCU that was closer to home like Central State in Ohio or Simmons College in Kentucky, but neither appealed to me. Lincoln is a small school and everyone that I’ve talked to in administration was nice. It’s also pretty affordable considering I’m an out-of-state student. God, I hope I get accepted.

I continue switching topics until the bell rings. I’m usually the first one out, but since I came in late I’m in the very back and therefore the last to leave. I made sure to put my headphones on, so I could escape anybody that tries to talk to me. I also got Tears for Fears’ new album on cassette so I figured I could just listen to it all day since I don’t pay attention in my classes much anyway. I do however pay attention enough to remember that I have every class with Eddie after 1st period. There goes my streak of not thinking about him. Not like he shows up anyway.

-.-.-.-

I should’ve knocked on wood. Why the fuck did he show up? I’m sitting in the left corner in the back when I see him stroll through the door. I tuck my head into my elbow and face toward the wall.

“Hey princess.” You’ve gotta be kidding me. “I really am sorry for cutting you off earlier.”

I roll my eyes before sitting up and looking at him. Maybe he was being sincere. I look into his eyes until I’m satisfied with my decision.

“Sorry for flipping you off. I was just running late and was really irritated. I woke up late and then my curls weren’t coming out how I wanted them to, so I took most of that anger out on you.” He nods his head in understanding before turning to the front. I take out my notebook and continue my drawing of Marvin the Martian. I’m testing out what designs I want to put on my board. I kind of just have a hodge-podge of shit on it so it looks messy. Probably just gonna clear the whole thing and start over.

“We match.” A whisper says from beside me.

“What?”

“Our hair. It matches.” He says a little louder. I take a look at his hair and sure enough, it’s pretty similar. I give him a quick smile before going back to my doodling. I turn the page and facing me is the name “Maguire” in Metallica font. I try to turn the page but hear a whispered “holy shit!” as I’m in a half turn.

“Was that my name?”

“What? No.” I say in a completely obvious tone. I hurriedly turn to the next page and tell me why it’s a page that has “Eddie” in big font across the middle with hearts surrounding it. I just close the notebook and look up front.

-.-.-

He’s staring at me. He’s been staring at me for the past 45 minutes. I slipped my headphones back on about 40 minutes ago, but that didn’t deter him. I wish he would just say what he wants. Right then, a note makes its way in front of me.

“Do you like me? Yes or no.”

It takes everything in me not to chuckle out loud. I respond by writing, “Are we in middle school?” and tossing it back on his desk. At this point, I’m just watching the clock which is like watching a pot of water boil. Just a few more minutes. The paper lands in front of me again. “Depends. Yes, if that means you’ll answer the question.” I roll my eyes at his answer. The bell rings and I get up fast. With the note tossed in some random page of my notebook, I walk out the door and to my locker. I hopefully lost him in the crowd. I’m so thankful that my locker is nowhere near his. My lock decides to be on my side today and the combination works on the first try. For once my locker is actually decent, so I take unnecessary books out of my bag and add them to any empty space. I look through the notebook I had last period and find the note. I take the pencil that was in the spiral part and circle yes. A defeated sigh escapes my lips as I toss the note in the locker too.

“Hey Kendrick.” With the smuggest fucking face. I bring my headphones down to their original place around my neck.

“Yes, stalker?” I respond while walking towards our next class. His arm wraps around my shoulder which makes me smile internally.

“You gonna answer my question?” I stop on the side of the hallway so as not to be in anyone’s way. I look deep into his eyes. I hate the height advantage he has over me. I scrunch my face as if I’m thinking. I know the answer though. It’s been the same answer for years.

“Yes,” I respond with a smirk before continuing my way to class. Luckily it's study hall which doubles as lunch, but there are five shifts and ours is shift four which isn’t for about an hour. I walk in and it completely slipped my mind that the desks are doubles. The seat next to mine is usually empty since I don’t really mess with anyone like that at this school.

Right on cue, as soon as I sit down, Eddie pulls into the chair right next to mine.

“Yes you’ll answer my question or yes you like me?” A smirk pulls at the corner of my lips, and I put my headphones back on. I’m putting up the hugest front right now but in all actuality, my heart is beating so hard that I hear it in my ears and feel like it’s about to burst out of my chest. A sheet of sweat keeps reappearing on my forehead no matter how many times I wipe it off. I’m messing around by not giving him an answer because I don’t know if his question has good intentions.

He pulls my headphones off, and I look at him as if he committed a federal offense.

“I like you if that helps influence your definite decision or not.” I feel my heart stop. I never thought I’d hear him say those words.

“You still deal?” I ask after turning my full attention towards him.

“Depends on who’s asking.” I give him a pointed look and roll my eyes. “Yes, princess, I still deal. You lookin’ in the market?”

“Depends on how much you’re charging nowadays.”

“For you? A date.” I laugh at his pure corniness.

“I don’t think Rick will appreciate not getting his profits.”

“I’ll overcharge some freshmen. So, what do you say?” I smile and nod my head at him.

-.-.-.-.-

After that moment, the day went by pretty fast. Eddie didn’t bother me as much, but I would catch him staring at me a lot more. I basked in the attention but feigned to be oblivious. The only time I got true peace was when we went to lunch and that’s only because when he went to the cafeteria, I went to the library. You’re counted as truant if you’re caught, but the librarian and I are cool since I’m in here every day and treat her like an actual human being.

As I walk out of the classroom, I don’t even get a moment to blink before Eddie has my hand in his and we start walking the halls. I look around and see a few people giving us questioning glances. I stiffen up my hand before slipping out of his grip, becoming paranoid. Hawkins is probably one of the least racist cities, but I can’t help but still feel nervous. We finally make it outside and we move over to the sidewalk.

“My place or yours?” Eddie asks me with a look on his face that I can’t decipher.

“We can go to mine. Parents are gone for the weekend, so we can play house.” I say while trying to lighten the mood.

He agrees and we decide to just take our own vehicles and meet at my house. Not to save face or anything. Just so we can both still have our cars instead of driving all the way back up here to get our shit. It also gives me time to calm myself down before spending more time with him. I don’t even have my seatbelt on before I’m zipping out of the parking lot. No music, no nothing. I just want to get home before Eddie. I’m zipping in and out of traffic and skillfully dodging the cops, so I don’t get another speeding ticket. Can you believe they give speeding tickets in this small town? It’s some bullshit. Feels racially motivated. Let me shut up.

The drive goes by faster than this morning. I don’t even both parking straight as I turn off the car and rush to unlock the door. I toe off my shoes by the door and look around. Everything seems to be in order. I should probably have something cooking, right? I mean, we’re usually fine just ordering pizza. But we have food in the house. But pizza is good. But you already spent your paycheck on hair products…

I walk over to the fridge and see some leftover chicken alfredo that I completely forgot I made. I take it out and place it on the counter. Now, where did I put that casserole dish at? As soon as I find it, I dump the pasta in. Shit, I forgot to preheat the oven. I turn the dial and then hear a knock on the door. I didn’t even get a chance to check my room to see if it was decently clean enough or not. I yell “one sec” before taking off toward the door.

“Hey,” I say before turning back around and walking back to the kitchen. I grab a spoon and make sure that everything is out of the container and into the pan. I open the fridge and look for the shredded mozzarella. I put an even layer on top of the pasta and carefully put it in the oven. I’ve never really done it this way, but I’ve seen it in cookbooks so why not? Okay, timer, timer, where did I put it? I look around the kitchen and see Eddie standing in the doorway, holding the timer.

“Aw, look at my wife making food for me after I’ve had a long day at work.” I roll my eyes and walk over and grab the timer from him. I set it for fifteen minutes. I also set a mental note to sporadically check it, because some part of me tells me that that’s too long for it to be in the oven.

“I’m sorry I didn’t have it ready before you got here. I was just cleaning away and thinking of my dear husband and the time got away from me.” I say matching his energy.

“That’s okay, dear wife. I’ll forgive you just this once because I love you, but next time there will be consequences.” I feel myself freeze at him saying I love you, but I shake it off just as quickly knowing that he most likely doesn’t mean it.

“Thank you, my dear husband. Care to join me in the bedroom?”

“How could I ever say no to that?” His eyebrows wiggle suggestively before he grabs my hand, and we walk upstairs. My heart starts palpitating as we closer to my room.

I take a quick peek and it’s not as dirty as I thought it would be. A few (1/3 of the floor is covered) clothes are on the floor and my bed is unmade. I think it gives the room character. We walk in and he makes himself comfortable on the bed. I guess I spaced out because I look around, too nervous to do anything else, and notice that his lunchbox is right next to it, but I don’t even remember him having it in his hand.

“Do you have a musical preference this afternoon, husband?”

“Whatever you want, wife. I’m not picky or proud.” I snorted, knowing that was a lie. If it’s not rock or metal there’s a fat chance he’ll listen to it. I actually have a custom cassette tape that I made. It’s somewhere in this pile of junk, but it’s not really his type of music. None of my tapes are labeled so I guess we’re gonna play cassette roulette. I tell Eddie to look in my bottom nightstand drawer and get my grinder and tray while I find something to play. I’m not looking long before I hear Eddie talking.

“What?” I ask as I turn to him.

“Robin thinks I should do it, but Chrissy (gag me) told me I should play it safe and get with a college boy-“ I start chasing him around the room before he runs to my bathroom and locks himself in.

“YOU LITTLE SHIT! I TOLD YOU THE BOTTOM DRAWER, NOT THE TOP!” I yell while banging on the door.

“I’m most likely gonna do neither. I’m in love with Eddie..” His voice starts fading from a high-pitched girl voice to his regular tone, “and I don’t think that’ll change even if I’m not his type.” I could almost cry from the embarrassment. The timer rings from the dresser. I don’t even bother waiting for him to come out of the bathroom before hurrying downstairs.

Why doesn’t he listen? I clearly said the bottom drawer. Right? I’m pretty sure. Whatever. I open the oven door and the pasta looks good, but I’m gonna give it about two more minutes. I lean over the kitchen counter and put my head in my folded arms. I have to face him eventually. He’s in my house. Sooner happened rather than later because right after that statement I felt a hand on the middle of my back.

“Why wouldn’t you be my type.” His soft tone is what triggers the tears.

“Because I don’t look like any of the girls we go to school with. You should be with someone like Heather, Nancy, fuck maybe even Crissy. Besides. People would probably look at us funny. Interracial relationships aren’t very common.”

The timer goes off. I open the drawer next to the sink and get my oven mitts. I take this moment to gather my thoughts and breath, so I don’t have a mental breakdown. I open the oven door and thankfully the food looks good. I pick it up with both hands and close the door with my foot. I lay it down on the counter to cool down and I sit the oven mitts next to it.

“Look at me.” He says. I’m hesitant but eventually, turn to him. “My type is a girl that spends more time maintaining her hair than actual sleeping. My type is a girl that designs her own clothes because she doesn’t like the stuff at the mall. My type is a girl that skips lunch every day because she has social anxiety. My type of girl is you.” I look into his eyes and see the exact look I’ve been giving him since I met him.

“Now, I don’t know what I did to give off the impression that I was sitting here comparing you to other girls, but I have you right now and that’s all I need to care about.” Heat rushes to my face at the confession. I turn around and open the top cabinet and reach for a couple of bowls. His arms wrap around my middle, startling me a bit but doesn’t deter me from reaching for a serving spoon.

“By the way, I meant what I said earlier. I do love you. Even if you were late with dinner.” I laugh at his quip as I spoon the pasta into one of the bowls.

.

.

.

Eddie Masterlist | Hawkins

[the-bi-space-ace]

for the Bad Batch ask game: 8, 24, 31, and 49! (or just a few of those if you’d prefer :D)

I AM GOING TO ANSWER ALL OF THEM THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THESE!!

8. What song(s) do you associate with the Bad Batch?

I love this question bc I associate a really weird array of songs with The Bad Batch and I am beyond excited to list them.

I Got You by Devon Cole (tears 🥹)

Mr. Know-It-All by Young The Giant (mainly a Tech song for me)

The Less I Know The Better by Tame Impala

Brother by Kodaline

Don’t Leave Me Alone by David Guetta & Anne-Marie (acoustic)

Human by Jon Bellion

Burn The House Down by AJR

everything i wanted by Billie Eilish (mainly bc it gives me Calling Me Home series Echo vibes tbh oof)

This Was A Home Once by Bad Suns

Older by Alec Benjamin

Bonus Tracks:

Going Home by The Aces

Don’t Freak by The Aces (This one is a bonus bc in my head when I hear this song I have always imagined baby Fives and Echo going to 79s for the first time and Echo not being totally sure how he feels about it and Fives basically going ‘hey, don’t freak out. I’m here, you’re smart and capable. A bar is the easiest mission we’ve ever been on.’ idk I get so much inspiration from music tbh.)

^ The Aces are so feel good and endearing and give good fluff inspiration

24. Do you have any hot or controversial takes?

Oh yeah plenty of them tbh lol

My hottest take? Honestly? I’m super disappointed in how cruel people were to people with Tech Lives theories on this damn site. Not just in the way that I’m sad about *gestures to everything* but I have seen some really nasty takes and have blocked people over them even though they were never directed at me. It shows me who you are when you’re cruel to a stranger over simply *checking my notes* wanting their favorite character to be alive. Some people in the Star Wars fandom are mean as hell. Maybe it’s because I’m fandom old (mid 20s) so I’ve been around for over a decade in fandom spaces but I can say that Star Wars fans can be really really mean compared to other fandoms. That’s more of a problem on reddit (never again) but it happens on tumblr and twitter (which I don’t have any longer but have heard… stories.) My little corner is GREAT. No complaints about this little corner I’ve found myself in but every time I venture out I see some shiiiiiiiiit and it takes me a minute to remember that this fandom can be really volatile. This is supposed to be fun. I say my piece, I agree or disagree with other people’s piece. Then I move on. I won’t argue. It ain’t my style. I get really upset when I see people being downright nasty to each other over fandom stuff. Stop it.

Also. Listen. I started in the Teen Wolf and Merlin fandoms in high school. There’s a lot of great stuff to use from those shows but canon was rarely awesome. I got used to letting the fandom do the work, fans shipping everything under the sun, and making up wild plotlines that wouldn’t actually make sense because who even knows what’s going on in the actual show anymore. Fandoms are wild and I like different opinions and different content and everything coming together in a way that is both weird and wonderful. Sometimes people want the entire fandom to like exactly what they like and get really aggressive with other fans over it. That is not my vibe. If I see something I don’t like then it isn’t for me and I move on! Enough said.

Instead of moving on, blocking tags, or blocking users many fans straight up call people names! Start arguments! Post cruel things! It’s stupid! I’ll say it, it’s stupid as hell! Just block shit, man! You can’t control other people. Protect your peace and block stuff you don’t like. I promise it’ll feel better <3

(that was so long I’m so sorry I needed to get that off of my chest so bad lol)

31. What other Star Wars characters (regardless of the timeline) do you think would be BFFs with each Batcher?

(This’ll be fun bc I know very little of the greater Star Wars Universe so some of these are based just on ✨vibes✨)

Omega and Leia Organa! I loved the Kenobi show and I just think these two would get along SO DAMN WELL.

Hunter and…. I’m going to be honest I thought about this over night and I STILL can’t pick somebody. I need to watch more Star Wars

Tech and Luke Skywalker. Flying! Ships! Podracing! This is the only thing I know of Luke Skywalker! They’d bond over this and make ships go faster together so they’d be besties.

Crosshair and Merrin. In the way that I think he’d look at her like she hung the moon and the stars because she’s so cool and she’s scary and Crosshair appreciates intimidating people and would want to see all of the things she can do with her magic even though he’s kind of terrified of her. (I’m projecting, I love Merrin.)

Echo and Cal Kestis. This is an inspired choice, I feel. Cal has a really big connection to protecting people and Echo WOULD LOVE to work with him to protect people from the Empire (play Jedi: Fallen Order 👀)

Wrecker and Chewbacca. Wrecker really thrived in that episode with the wookiees and I think he’d have a great time with Chewbacca.

49. What has been your favorite part about being in the fandom?

All of my friends!!! I’ve made a lot of great friends in the past two years and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s not very easy for me to make friends, if I’m being honest, so having friends that I talk to about the clones and star wars and fic ideas means a lot to me. It is the ultimate draw for me. I love talking to people about things I love, hearing everyone’s opinions, seeing everyone write and create art and do deep dive analysis. I love seeing people run role play blogs and come up with ask games. I love love love the fun parts of fandom just existing. Seeing people get excited about ideas and share them with others and create gifs and have fun. That absolutely has my heart. We’re all just here trying to express ourselves and that is something I think gets overlooked sometimes. This is something we do in our free time. We’re here because we want to be, not because we have to be. It’s a beautiful thing, to find connection over a shared love of something, and I love that. It’s kind of the same thing I love about concerts. Concerts are a unique place where it’s acceptable to have big emotional reactions with other people over the shared love of the music being played for you. For one night you aren’t just a fan of a band standing in a room listening to some people sing at you. You’re a part of the crowd, experiencing a million different emotions all in the same moment but not one of you is feeling the exact same way as the person next to you. It’s a wonderful thing to experience. This fandom, my little corner of it at least, feels about the same. We’re all experiencing life differently, different day to day things, different upbringings, different opinions, likes, and dislikes. But we’re all here, watching the same thing, and coming away with different emotions and opinions.

I think that’s beautiful.

Link To The Ask <3

[lianreine]

Random#5! Happy Birthday Vil(VilxGN!MC)

(I didn't quite know what to do for this one but here you go~) (MC)

I walk to Pomefiore carrying bags and bags of gifts...my arms are filled with gifts bags hanging on my arms... I struggle a bit but am determined to get to the dorm where they are holding the party...Yes, I'm about 10 Minutes late by now! but. it's hard carrying this and making sure it's all completely ok! This is basically like 25 gifts. I just couldn't help myself. (RIch erA Slay MC) I arrive at the Pomefiore dorm, going inside rather quickly since I'm about to be 15 minutes late by now...I go inside panting a bit. I hate wearing a coat in this hot weather, I look up seeing everyone looking at me shocked...Jamil looking at me like I just bought the whole mall and all I can say is... "Ehe?-"

(Vil)

Suddenly Mc comes in and everyone goes quiet as I look at them seeing all the gifts they are holding...as they looked up seeing all eyes on them all they could say is "ehe?-"?... I stand up and walk towards them a bit "What is all this Mc?" They smile at me nervously "In my defense-....." I raise my brow waiting for their statement "I-...I have no defense- I just bought it all-" I was about to respond when Ace...one of those Heartslabyul first-years beat me to it "Whaa! That's over 20 gifts! On my birthday you gave me 3!" I chuckle a bit and smile looking at mc... "Ok! To be fair your lucky I got you any gifts. PLUS. Vil is my favorite so sit down and eat your cake and let me spoil Vil 'cause this is the only time he CANT STOP ME." Mc looks at me with a grin, I smile and blush a bit...I hug them... "You being here is already a gift MC...I didn't think you'd come..." From the corner of my eye, I see mouths open and some taking pictures...but I don't care...all I care about is MC in my arms Mc hugs me back and chuckles "I know...But I don't really care." I smile and they stop hugging me to peck me on the cheek... "𝓗𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂 𝓑𝓲𝓻𝓽𝓱𝓭𝓪𝔂, 𝓥𝓲𝓵" (I didn't have quite the idea for this one so I really hope this is okay! also, feel free to Request- cause...I'll run out of ideas someday- I don't do NSWF BUT I'll probably will like ONE day so...Yeah enjoy!"

[pbandjesse]

I am happy to be home. I am a bit exhausted. Today was a resting day. But that was mostly because it was hot. Very hot.

I really struggled to sleep last night. I was up until like 230, just not having a good time. I don't know why I was so uncomfortable but I just was both dehydrated and had to use the bathroom constantly. Very annoying.

And then I woke up an hour before I had planned. I don't know what was up with me. I think I just really wanted to go home.

I got washed up and dressed. I found Jess drinking coffee in the living room.

We talked for a bit. But I was ready to go home. And I was lucky with traffic and the gps said I had an hour and 20 minutes drive ahead of me.

Hugs and goodbyes. I got my birks from the trunk to wear in the ride home. And then I was off.

I enjoyed my music. And it was a pretty easy ride. I made it to Maryland in 20 minutes which was shocking. And I was home at 940! Incredible. Love being so much closer to Jess.

I was so happy to see James. When I first got upstairs they were not there, but a couple minutes after I put my stuff down they were coming on. They had gotten Gatorade from Walgreens. But I was so happy to see them.

I would take a long everything shower. I washed my hair. I shaved my legs. I scrubbed everything. It made me feel a lot better.

Once I was dressed again I hung out on the couch with James. They made us bagels for breakfast. We hung out and ate on the couch. Spent time together. It was to hot to do anything. But it was just really nice being together.

I spent way to much time just laying on the couch though. I did get up and worked in the studio for a while. But mostly it was just to hot to move.

I did apply to the student loan repayment plan. I had already started my regular renewal for the income driven one but I was very pleased to see my payment is $69. Amazing. And if I keep working for nonprofits for the next 10 years they are going to forgive $47k! Wild. Money really isn't real.

I would text dad about it and he called be ause he was confused. But I tried my best to explain but he got upset and said I was being condescending and I'm like no!! I'm just explaining! He's so sensitive. But we figured it out and I think we both understand now. And he's happy to see were saving money. And being on the phone got me off the couch.

When I did go in the studio I worked on sorting my charm collection. I got a good amount affixed to the chain I found. I worked on that for most of an hour. And then sorted my plushies. Pulled them all out of my market box so I can do a reset. It was nice seeing them all together on there. I also have a better handle on what needs fixing and what ones will become discounted or surprise plushies. I would like to do a whole table of surprises at some point. And add a surprise option to the website. But I was to hot to keep doing anything.

Me and James would just hang out together. It was entirely to sweaty though so a second shower happened. Made me feel a little better. James would go for a walk to get us pizza. And while they were gone I sat outside on the fire escape and trimmed my cuticles. I painted my nails with glitter. And got plates and things out for dinner.

We had pizza on the couch and watched a video. We had dessert. I had cheese cake and James had tiramisu. And then I went to sit in our bedroom in the ac. Which is where I still am.

Tomorrow is going to be a lot. I have my first real day for the season at camp. Then my doctor's appointment. Then Sabrina's funeral. So I'm going to have to shift around some stuff. First thing I'm going to call the Drs to see if I can come in early because I don't want to be late for the funeral. And then I'll have to leave camp earlier. But while I know everyone is going to be understanding I know it's going to be kind of a stressful day. I just have to take it one piece at a time.

I hope I can hug everyone tomorrow. My family. I'm just trying to hold it together. I can't fall apart.

I love you all. Please be kind to yourself. Goodnight everyone.

[nathank77]

8/12/24

10:45 a.m

Last night was the second night in a row where I had to double up on everything for sleeping pills.. it got to 12:35 a.m and I smoked weed cause I was fucking done and I did fall asleep...

I had one red bull in the morning, early, stopped caffeine consumption by 2 p.m. I didn't shower. I just watched TV and masterbated all day.

I mean I was stressed and am stressed about money but I dont understand. Do I have to go out every single day and sweat my ass off in the car just to fall asleep at night?

Tonight will be an all nighter assuming I can't sleep on the original dose of everything. I'll smoke weed only right before bed... then when the second dose would be coming assuming I don't fall asleep, I'll take everything except the xanax. I'll smoke more weed and if I'm not sleeping by 1 a.m I'm going to be a miserable sack of shit cause I'm going to keep myself awake until 8 p.m and then take the original dose and fall asleep... I'm not raising my tolerance. I'll take two nights of it but 3 nights are never going to be a thing.

I'm starting to think i have to leave the house or go in the attic everyday in order to sleep easily... it's fucking stupid bc I used to game all day everyday and only go shopping or run errands when I had to. Drink red Bulls, and eat whatever and fall asleep like a baby on my circadian rhythm. Then psychosis happened to me and everything changed.

Idk if it was the weed or the Xanax that finally knocked me out.

Tonight I'm 1000% smoking right before bed..... cause it does fucking help. At 12:35 a.m I had had the second doses all in me for a hour and I smoked weed I was gone in like 15 minutes.

Tomorrow and Wednesday I have appointments and shit both days. Dentist and bloodwork tomorrow, t shot and grocery shopping Wednesday so in theory I'll fall asleep bc I will be outside sweating in my hot box of a fucking car.

I want to go out now, go to bjs and cvs, I want to do my bloodwork, just to try fall asleep easily... but I already showered bc I didn't Saturday or Sunday cause I wanted a relaxing very low ocd weekend.....

And I don't fucking want to sweat, my car is a fucking hot box with the window sealed shut and the air conditioner hardly working. I already have to be sealed in the hot box tomorrow, Wednesday and Friday for new Hampshire....

I don't fucking want to sweat in the car just to almost ensure that I will fall asleep. I just want the weather to go to 40 degrees so my car isn't a torture chamber anymore and going out isn't horrible.

The weather is nice.... too bad my car will be 20 to 30 degrees hotter. It's fucking disgusting and makes me feel sick being sealed in without being able to open a window and then I step outside and it's 30 degrees cooler even on the 90 degree days!!!

There is a reason I've been being a homebody I'm sick of getting nasous sitting in my hot box. I just want the weather to go to 50-60 degrees the warmest so I can be comfortable again.

I can't afford an ac in my car. I can't afford a fucking motor in my windows. That's never happening, it's a luxury. So every summer I will melt and aviod going out more than once or twice a week.

Anyways I'm fucking pissed cause if my car wasn't a hot box I'd just run a few errands and I'm sure it would help me fall asleep easily tonight.

I'd rather not use weed but I mean I'd rather not have to pull an all nighter.

I'm not raising my tolerance. I refuse. If I don't sleep tonight, I'll sleep tomorrow it's whatever. If I don't sleep either nights I'll jump off a bridge.

I honestly just want to kill myself. I'm not allowed to drink red bull. Smoke weed. I'm not allowed to game. I'm not allowed to do anything if I want to sleep easily. Appearantly I have melt outside or in the attic and be fucking miserable and I can't have any enjoyment or relaxation.

I hate to say it but I'm a fucking homebody and I like relaxing and I don't want to fucking go out especially not in my fucking hot box.

So yea I'm anxious. I won't be raising my tolerance but if I can't sleep I guess I'm pulling an all nighter. And if I can't sleep the next night I'm committing suicide.

It's chill though I know my days are numbered and my quality of life will always be a zero. I can't even fix my ac in my car. I got to melt and I'm not getting a new bed. I can't even afford it on the new credit line, I'm too poor. Counting items in my house trying to control how much I buy and cutting things out.

I'm really done with being Alive. I obv have therapy twice today.... and that's stupid and then I won't have it any other days this week cause my life sucks and no one wants to work with me..

I'm sick of struggling to sleep. I'm sick of all of the things I enjoy being taken away from me bc the POS brain damaged mangled mess of neurons I have up in my brain isn't capable of sleeping easily if God forbid I enjoy a day with 1 red bull and I game or I watch TV.

Instead I must sweat in my hot box if I am to sleep.

I can't wait until it's black nothingness. This hallucination won't ever go away and life isn't worth living.

[blkkizzat]

Indian reader is back here again AHSJDH I SWEAR THIS IS THE LAST ONE 🙏🙏🙏 honestly reading your post made me hungry send help

I am SO glad you enjoyed your trip here, I love it when people learn about each other's cultures it literally makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!!! I love how detailed your posts about the trip were and I really appreciate you sharing it with us <33

You knowing your tourist guide's whole story with the pharmacist to history lover is so real 😭 some people be having the wildest career paths especially the ones who've been at it for a long time and you somehow get to know their whole story in the span of 20 minutes

Personally I think summer in the US feels worse bc ceiling fans and all around ventilation isn't very common there from what I've seen and heard, while winters in India are worse for the most part since electrical heating and room temperature control isn't common here outside of the cities (inbuilt room temp control isn't a concept here at all currently, I've only ever seen it in hotels)

This was probably the best time for you to visit india cause peak summer temperatures haven't even started yet and you were already dying from the heat (me too dw)

And trust when I say you're not the only one struggling to cross the streets not all of us are built for this do or die type of shit 💔💔💔 (though I'll have to build up that confidence since you know. I live here. Don't exactly have a choice 🤡)

PS I'm going to be craving a restaurant thaali for the rest of the day bc of the pics

Omfg no please write me anytime!! <33

Awe thank you! I def love sharing my experiences! I love traveling and will def have to come back. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it cause i tend to ramble on about stuff! Yes! Another tour guide we had in Jaipur used to be a laywer. He was so knowledgeable too, he was with us all day and took us a few different places. It was fun learning about them. One thing I definitely took back from that and was inspired by was seeing people leaving "socially prominent" or high status jobs for something they loved. Seeing as I went as apart of my MBA program it was an unexpected but great reality check that sure we are all in this program to progress our careers but we really need to keep self-fulfillment and happiness in mind. Whats money or status if you are miserable? Like they had us eating out of the palm of their hand with how much passion they had for what they did and it really inspired me to find that in my own life!

Omfg yeah, it really depends on where you are. The sun feels a bit more intense in India because we were closer to the equator than in the US but the heat in India I experienced at 100 degrees F was a walk in the park compared to the time I stupidly went to las vegas in August and it was nearly 120 degrees F. Also where I live summers have been getting hotter and hotter so people arent equipped for heat waves. I've always had AC cause I have really furry dogs who need to stay cool though so thankfully ive been prepared. Also winters can be an issue here too, Texas been getting ice storms and blizzards in the past few years and as a hot area are completely unequipped. Even in places that are used to cold like NYC, when I lived there I moved into a new building paid a stupid high rent to live in a box that had central AC but was poorly insulated so I had to buy like the shiny foil insulating sheets to put over my window in the winter or I felt like the wind was passing right through.

Haha thankfully I was always in busy areas cause me and my friends when we werent with our guide would always just wait until we saw someone else who was clearly Indian cross the street and cross with them lmfao. We probably looked so stupid standing and waiting there lmfao but we never waited more than 5 mins thankfully LOL. Its funny cause looking back I've had friends here in the US scared to "jaywalk" with like one car coming thats practically crawling down the block and in India you have people boldly stopping speeding cars to cross LOL. I just imagine how funny we must look scared to cross with one car wayyyyyyy down the block coming, even I'm laughing at us.

I hope you get some resturant thaali soon! I'm definitely going to be craving it soon too. I know the next time I eat Indian food it ain't going to hit the same AT ALL lmfao.

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

getting down (on your knees/to brass tacks) (not old enough ch.5)

pairing: leon kennedy x reader

cw: oral sex, vaginal sex, daddy kink, breeding kink (light)

summary: leon has been forgiven for now, so he can have a little sex (as a treat) but, the dreaded question must finally be answered: "what are we?"

word count: 2.8k

ao3 link

You woke up the next morning in Leon’s arms. He looked so peaceful. You felt bad for waking him up when you got up to use the bathroom and brush your teeth. When he felt the weight of your body leave the mattress, he pulled you back to his chest with his eyes still closed. 

“I’ll come right back. I promise,” you said. 

He mumbled something incomprehensible in response and allowed you to get out of bed. You came back a few minutes later to find Leon on his stomach, hugging a pillow, looking so cute you wished you’d taken a picture of him. 

Looking at the clock, you realized it was already 9:30 AM on a Monday. Leon should be at work. You shook him to try and wake him up. It was uncharacteristic of him to sleep in. 

“Leon, it’s late. You’ve gotta get up for work.”

“Tell Hunnigan I’m not coming in today.”

“Who’s Hunnigan?”

“Can you hand me my phone?”

You grabbed his phone from the bedside table and noticed that he had 7 missed calls from Ingrid Hunnigan - whoever that is , you thought. 

Leon turned over and stared at the screen, squinting - that old man probably did need reading glasses, but he was too stubborn to admit it. He sighed and made a phone call.

You heard a woman’s voice on the other line, sounding somewhere between panicked and pissed. 

“I’m not coming into work today.”

You couldn’t hear what the woman said, only that she was not happy about that answer.

“Tell them I’m sick,” he groaned. 

He definitely wasn’t sick last night. You realized you might be rubbing off on Leon - he was the definition of a workaholic, but today he was faking sick. You weren’t sure whether to feel bad that you were likely a factor in his decision to skip work - which was generally frowned upon - or if you were glad, knowing he was finally doing something for himself. 

He hung up the phone and dropped it on the bedroom floor, too lazy to even put it on the bedside table. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” you tried again to wake him up with your sweet voice and little kisses to his forehead. 

“I wanna go back to bed.”

“Don’t wanna hang out with me?”

“I wanna go back to sleep with you. You’re so comfy.”

“Five more minutes.”

Five minutes ended up being closer to an hour. Leon finally got up on his own, waking you up out of your peaceful slumber this time.

“That was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in the past 20 years.”

“I’m glad I got to share it with you.”

Leon grabbed a pair of sweatpants from his dresser - you’d falled asleep naked, though you’d already opted to put on your own sweatpants before getting back into bed for the ‘five minutes’. Goddamn he was hot. He didn’t put on a shirt and you wondered if he could read your mind. You would’ve begged him not to if he’d tried. Which would be a little hypocritical, considering the fact that there was no way he was getting you out of your t-shirt. His thermostat was rarely set above 70. The DSO must be paying him well if he can afford his AC bill. 

Normally, you would think it was a little unhygienic for anyone to go without underwear, but Leon in those gray sweatpants. He was going to kill you. Was he really just lazy or did he want to rile you up? 

The night before, you’d had him beg for your forgiveness, and while you’d forgiven, you hadn’t forgotten. Leon S. Kennedy was still on thin ice. 

It took a little bit of cognitive dissonance to reconcile your next actions, but holy shit you wanted him so bad it wouldn’t be fair to yourself to deny your desires. 

“Daddy?” you said right when Leon was about to exit the room. 

“Yes, baby?” he didn’t question the whole ‘daddy’ thing anymore, at least not that morning.

“I want you,” you said with a pouty face that screamed ‘ please don’t make me embarrass myself ’. 

He looked at you, gauging your intentions - was this another game like the night before?

“How do you want me?” he asked. 

“In my mouth.”

“I thought I was still making it up to you, and now you’re trying to reward me? Am I misreading this?”

“It’s what I want. It’s a reward for me.”

“I’m certainly not opposed.”

You grabbed a pillow from the bed - you wanted Leon, but not enough to give yourself bruises on your knees - and placed it on the hardwoods. (Before getting on your knees and reaching for his hard wood). 

He surrendered himself to you completely, letting you take him out of his sweatpants and cover his cock in wet kisses. He gave you nothing but praise.

“I’m gonna call out sick a lot more if this is what happens on my sick days.”

Your laughter was hot breath on his aching cock. Watching it twitch in front of your face - for you, because of you - brought you an unrivaled pride. You considered making him beg like he had the night before, but that morning radiated a sweetness that you didn’t want to disturb. It was a morning about giving after so much shameless taking and it was beautiful. 

The blowjob you gave him was sloppy in the best way - nothing mechanical about it, just raw passion.

“You’re so beautiful, so perfect,” he said through labored breaths. 

You didn’t try to fit him in your mouth entirely, didn’t want to make yourself choke that morning. Instead, you sucked on the head and used your hand to jerk off the rest of his length. With your dewy eyes looking up at him, from that position, you looked so sexy and paradoxically innocent. The way you’d asked him to do this, saying ‘Daddy?’ filled every crevice of his brain. 

You were sucking on the tip of his cock like it was a fucking pacifier. You looked comfortable like this. Was it wrong to think about it that way? Maybe. Did it stop Leon’s mind from wandering there? No.  

Leon came in your mouth babbling praises, “you make me feel so good”, “you’re a good girl for daddy”, “you’re so perfect like this, princess”, and other things of that nature. 

You swallowed with a smile as if the act was effortless. 

“I could use another hour or two of sleep. How ‘bout you?”

You got up off your knees and he pulled you closer by the arm, “Or I could return the favor…”

“You could do me the favor of making coffee.”

“You got it.”

You sat at the kitchen table across from Leon and allowed reality to seep into your conversation. 

“So…”

“So?”

There was a long pause between the two of you. 

“What are we?” you asked. 

He sighed. “No point in skirting around it anymore, so here’s me being honest. I care about you - a lot - but I can only offer you so much.”

“You’re still beating around the bush.”

“What I mean is: I want to be with you -”

“- me too. Problem solved.”

“But I need you to know what you’re getting yourself into. I can’t give you the fairy tale romance that you deserve.”

“Who says I want a fairy tale romance?”

“Who wouldn’t?”

“Realists who know there’s no point in wishing for something that they’ll never get.”

“Alright, Negative Nancy.”

“Pot calling the kettle black.”

“I’ve been pretty positive this whole morning.”

“True.”

You took a sip of your coffee. Leon had learned the way you’d liked it by now. It wasn’t hard to brew a pot of coffee, but it was still nice to have someone do it for you, and do it right. 

“Can we pick up where we left off last night?” you asked. 

“Am I getting handcuffed to the chair again? Because I’m pretty sure you sucked me dry earlier. I ain’t got nothing left to give you - in that department.”

He probably knew what you meant and was only trying to derail the conversation, feeling uncomfortable with the idea of commitment, but you weren't going to let him get away with it. No commitment, no sex. You didn't say the ultimatum out loud, but you stood your ground. 

“What I meant was: I wanna be a part of your life. I wanna meet your friends. I don’t wanna be some dirty little secret of yours.”

“You were never some dirty little secret. But, if you want to meet my friends, then I can try to set something up.”

And, to your surprise, he did set something up.

That Friday, Leon made plans for the two of you to meet up with Chris, Claire and Jill at a restaurant-bar type establishment. When you arrived, the group had already gotten a table. Leon introduced you to them, acknowledging - a bit awkwardly - that you’d already met Chris. Luckily, Jill had gotten a briefing before you’d gotten there.

“Leon,” Jill said, “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Am I in trouble?”

“I hope not.”

She pulled him off to the side and you watched them talk for a moment, trying to gauge if she was making any advances or not.

Chris had gotten up to grab another round of drinks, so it was just you and Claire at the table.

“Don’t worry,” Claire said, “Jill’s probably chewing him out for the incident. Plus, she’s gay, so you don’t have to worry about her stealing your man.”

“Oh, that’s cool. I get paranoid about that stuff sometimes. I actually thought you and Leon might be together when I saw you at the club together that night…”

“Me and Leon? That’s practically incest. He’s like a second brother to me.”

“That’s sweet. I’m glad that he has you all in his life.”

“Me too. Even though he’s a pain in the ass sometimes.”

You laughed because you could see how Leon could be a bit of a pain. 

“You two,” Chris called, interrupting your chat, “C’mere. We’re playing pool.”

“You up for it?” Claire asked.

“I’ve never played before.”

“You should get Leon to teach you. He’s actually pretty good.”

“Leon, Jill,” Chris rounded them up, too.

Leon put his arm around your waist once you’d both made your way over to the pool table.

He had a mischievous glint in his eye that told you he was planning on playing another game with you, not just pool.

Once it was your turn, Leon, opportunistically, was pressed up against you, one hand guiding yours through the motions. You were bending over the table to get the perfect shot, only half-intentionally grinding on Leon in the process. To your delight, he was already hard.

“Nice shot, baby,” he said, breath hot against your ear.

At some point mid-game, Claire announced that she and Jill would be taking a trip to the ladies room and that you would be going with them - for girl-talk. 

Jill and Claire, especially Claire, had had a decent amount to drink that night already, so there was a playful attitude in the air. 

“So, you and Leon?” Jill prompted.

“Yep, me and Leon.”

“How’s it going between the two of you? I know about the whole… incident… but he seems really happy.”

“It’s good. We’re doing good. We’ve made up since the incident.”

“I hope he apologized big time,” Claire said.

“Says he did,” Jill said with a knowing smile. He must’ve told her about how you’d made him beg for forgiveness. 

“How long have you guys been together?”

“Officially, not very long, but we’ve known each other for a while.”

“How did you two meet?”

The whole thing was starting to feel like an interrogation, not because Jill and Claire were harsh because they weren’t, but because your initial meeting with Leon was quite literally somewhat criminal in nature.

“At a bar like 4 years ago… but we only saw each other twice back then and reconnected earlier this year.”

“You said you saw him twice? You met drunk Leon and gave him a second date?!”

You all laughed, knowing about his drunken antics. Drunk Leon was still Leon, and therefore, sexy as hell, but sober Leon was sweet and good and sexier. The age-gap and other oddities about your relationship went unacknowledged and you were grateful about that. 

When you returned a few minutes later, you continued the game where you left off, finishing out the round and then all parting ways to go home. 

Since Leon hadn’t been drinking, he was able to drive you both home. He’d offered a ride to the others, but they declined. Maybe they had some sort of bro-code or they could just sense the tension between the two of you. In hindsight, it was probably obvious how badly you two wanted each other. 

Leon drove with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on your thigh. His fingers played with the hem of your dress and all the car accident stories you’d heard started to make sense. Danger be damned, you weren’t going to pass up the opportunity to tease him back. Evident by the bulge in his pants, which you inched your hand towards, Leon wanted you too. He didn’t stop you at first, he let you massage him lightly over his jeans, but once you went for his belt, he said, “are you trying to cause a car accident?”.

“No. I just wanna touch you.”

“Can you please wait until we get home?”

“I don’t wanna wait, daddy.”

His breathing changed at ‘daddy’. “What do you want me to do? Pull over and fuck you?”

“Please, daddy.”

Leon pulled into the next empty parking lot. It was near a park, somewhat secluded and shady. 

Leon parked the car and turned it off.

“Get in the back seat,” he said, nodding to you.

You climbed over the center console instead of getting out of the car the grown up way, which is what Leon did. 

You were on top of Leon in the back seat of his car in your cute sundress, equally as utilitarian as the tight little skirt you wore at the bar the first time you’d slept with Leon, but this was more innocuous. No one, except Leon, knew you wore it for easy access. 

You skipped the preamble and sunk down on Leon’s cock, not even bothering to remove your panties. You watched Leon’s eyes roll back and his lips part, letting out a low groan at the feeling of bottoming out inside you. 

You whimpered at the feeling of him inside you. Without the foreplay, he felt even bigger than usual. It wasn’t painful, though, or if it was, it was the good kind of painful. 

You weren’t anywhere near as strong as Leon in any respect, had limited stamina in comparison to him, and although you’d been on top once before, you quickly began to realize the toll it took on your thighs. The previous time you’d been on top, the power trip was surely fueling your ability to ride Leon. This time, he was allowed to touch you and he took advantage of that opportunity. His hands never left your body. They were grabbing your tits, your waist, your ass, eventually staking their claim on your hips. You’d clearly grown tired of this position - physically, speaking - your legs were trembling and you continued to shakily whimper with every stroke of his dick against your sensitive spot. Leon took this opportunity to steady your hips with his big hands, leaving marks on you, you’d come to find, and force you down onto him. You could feel his tip knocking at your cervix, but riding on his own desire, Leon mindlessly, mercilessly bucked his hips up into you. 

You reached down to play with your clit, but he stopped you, replacing your fingers with his own, making the experience even more pleasurable. Your nails were digging into his shoulders as you hung onto him for dear life and just like the slap in the face, he liked this kind of pain, moaning shamelessly when he felt your long nails scrape his skin. 

As a master of spur-of-the-moment arousal-fueled dirty talk, you said, “I want you to put a baby in me, daddy”. 

Leon didn’t blink. He was so close to the edge that his rational mind had left the situation. And the filthy part of his psyche that remained found your declaration particularly arousing. 

“Yeah? You want daddy to put a baby in you, huh?” Leon said, fucking you at a ruthless pace. 

“Uh-huh,” you moaned, only spurring him on further. 

“Baby, I’m gonna come,” Leon was wide-eyed and frantic. 

“Don’t pull out,” you whined. 

Leon came with a strangled moan and the sound of him letting go like that drove you over the edge at the same time. He let your body flop onto his as he let his own weight hit the seat. Leon was covered in sweat, breathing heavily. You would’ve thought he’d run a marathon if you didn’t know any better. 

You slept well that night. 

[yelenasdiary]

70 with Scarlett Johansson ?

Saturday Adventure

Pairing: Scarlett Johansson x Reader

Summary: Just a fun Saturday in with your girlfriend, Scarlett. 

Fluff | 1.08K | No warnings |

Prompt: “Lift me up!”  From THIS list. 

AC: I just want you all to know that I won’t ever write Scarlett’s children into my fics as I don’t see why I should, I hope you all understand.

(I do NOT own this photo - credit goes to the rightful owner!)

Scarlett just got back from the gym when you were having breakfast in the living room while watching TV. “How was your work out love?” you asked when Scarlett kissed the top of your head. “The usual, I’m gonna have a shower I’ll be back” she replied before wandering off to the bathroom.  

20 minutes later Scarlett returned in her lazy weekend clothes which made you smile, “no work today?” you asked. 

“Nope, I clearly my schedule to spend more time with you this week” she smiles before slumping down next to you on the sofa, “I miss you too much” she adds and leans in, kissing your soft lips. “What did you have in mind?” you smiled against her lips. “Anything you want” she returned the smile before placing a soft kiss on your forehead. “You know, I have always wanted to watch the marvel movies with you” you joked, knowing she was never going to sit down and watch them. She chuckled, “we’re still on that huh?”

“Yes” you smirked, “or maybe we could go for a walk, and you can finally come with me on that track I keep telling you about” you added. 

“I think I like that idea a bit better” Scarlett snuggled into your side. “I thought you would” you draped your right arm over her and kissing the top of her head. “You should have some breakfast before we go, it’s a bit of a hike” you explained. Scarlett nodded and sat up before entering the kitchen, you followed her and placed your dirty dishes in the dishwasher before going to get changed into your work out wear. 

Once both you and Scarlett were ready, she drove you both to the location you gave her, Overlook Mountain. A 7.4-km hike that takes roughly 2 hours and 45 minutes. The views from the lookout are beautiful and have helped clear your mind multiple times, you’ve always wanted to show Scarlett the trail, but she’s been busy recently with filming and The Outset, you never bugged her about going when she was able to have one day off.

To you luck, you couldn’t have picked any better day to hike this trail than today. The sky was a beautiful shade of blue, not a cloud in sight, the sun was shining bright but not hot enough to be looking for shade. You grabbed your water bottle and put some sunscreen on your face, arms, and shoulders before putting your hat on, The Outset dad hat to be exact. 

“Ready?” you smiled as you stretched your legs. 

“Sure am” Scarlett returned the smile. 

The two of you walked hand in hand for a while, talking about anything and everything from your favourite memories together to future related topics. Of course, you made plenty of poorly made jokes that made Scarlett lose herself in a laughing fit, you always loved hearing her laugh this hard. Even though the hike was almost 3 hours long, it didn’t feel that way when Scarlett was by your side. 

“I can’t believe you walk this once a week” Scarlett commented. 

“Well, I like to try and keep myself busy when you’re working and besides it makes the day go by faster. The faster the day goes by the quicker I get to see you come home” you admitted, your cheeks beaming with a rose red colour. 

“Oh honey, you’re so adorable” she smiled, “filming is done for now, so you’ll have more time with me now” she adds. 

“And I plan to soak it all up” you smile at the thought of her being home more often. “Here we are” you added as the two of you reached the look out. Scarlett walked up the railing to admire the view of endless miles of green trees. “Now I see why you come here” she turned to you, wrapping her arms around your waist. Instantly you smiled at her touch and wrapped your arms around the back of her neck. “It’s even better that you’re here” you smiled. 

Scarlett kissed you gently, pulling you in closer just to deepen the kiss full of so much love and happiness. 

“Mmm, what was that for?” a large smile tugged on your lips. 

“I was just soaking up the moment” her eyes sparkled under her sunglasses.

“Since I have you here, can we take a couple of photos?” you asked. “Of course, honey, you don’t have to ask” she chuckled before letting you out of hold. You walked up to a log that sat in front of a tree where you sat your phone up perfectly to capture the two of you and the view. 

“Come here, quick!” Scarlett said as you set the 15 second timer, you rushed over to her. She had her arms ready for you, “what are you going to do? Lift me up?” you joked. 

“Yes” she chuckled before picking your up bridal style. Before the flash on your camera went off you placed a kiss on her cheek and whispered how beautiful she looked in that exact moment. 

The two of you posed for a couple of more photos before sitting down on a large rock and taking in the view. Your head rested calmly on Scarlett’s left shoulder with your right hand intertwined with her left. 

“We should make more time for things like this” Scarlett looked down at your intertwined hands. “I agree but don’t pressure yourself, I know how important work is to you” you replied. “But you are more important to me than work, I’ve been acting for well over ten years and with The Outset, I more even more focus into that but I do want to be with you more” she explains. 

“I’m not going anywhere love, you know that. I’d love to spend more time with you, but I don’t want to get in the way of your work” 

“You could never get in the way” Scarlett turns to you and places a gently kiss on your lips, “It’s settled, I’ll take some extra time off from filming” she smiled. 

Taglist: @red1culous | @bentleywolf29 | @natasha-belova | @splatasha-jumpinoff | @lissaaaa145 | @high--power | @parkerdaramitzzzz

[pbandjesse]

I am very comfortable in my hammock right now. I hope that can continue and I can fall asleep easy tonight. Today is actually a pretty good day. I really felt like it was a solid day at camp where nothing really went wrong and it felt normal again. That was really nice.

I slept okay last night. I'm really glad I went home. I needed it. And when I woke up this morning my face felt very puffy. Which happens in the AC sometimes. But James was leaving early for some reason and I wanted to get up and give them a big hug before they left. They would leave while I was getting ready after saying goodbye and I took a few minutes to get myself together. And I said goodbye to sweet pea who seemed very distraught that I was leaving. And then I went to the car. I took a few minutes to sort myself out and while I was doing that I found that James had put a little gift in my backpack! They got me a new ring. It's a pinky ring and it's a spinning smileyface and once I have to smile on one side it's a frown. And it's so cute. I am a little worried because it fits me when my hands are swollen but it's a little loose one they're not so we'll see how that works out but it's very fun. Definitely not an everyday ring but I do like it a lot.

And the drive to Camp was fine. No traffic or anything. I got here right at 8:00. And everyone was down at flag or what is kind of flag now. Everything's weird about that but it's fine. I would get to work putting things away and setting things up but then we got a message in the group chat that I felt like was me getting in trouble when really apparently everybody thought it was them and I was just being paranoid but it kind of put me in a weird mood so I went for a walk and ended up running into Celia.

She went to a Fall out boy concert last night And I wanted to hear all about it but she said that while it was super super fun and she had a blast when she has a good time at concerts it's like she remembers getting to the venue and then blacking out and waking up hours later sweaty and hot in her car holding a new hat. And I thought that was hilarious. But we walked around and talked and I went to the nature lodge with her but soon I would have to go back to the art building to do my job. So I went back up here and got things ready.

I walked past the homestead animals and that's what I noticed that one of the chickens was outside of the enclosure! And so I started following her because I was like oh I should pick her up and put her back in but she wouldn't sit still long enough and so I tried calling Ty but then his phone was broken and so I didn't know what to do so I called CJ. And as CJ was running over to help me Annabelle came up and the three of us were able to corner her so I pick her up. And we got her back into her enclosure and kind of figured out what hole we think she made her way out of but she did not want to be out there. I'm glad she was okay. Tyler would come down not long after that. I walked up with Annabelle and shared with her a few more projects that I thought that she might enjoy teaching them and then I actually went to the art building. Closer to 9:45 than I would have liked but it's fine.

I had Tatiana count how many spoons we had left. And we really only had enough for today. I did not buy enough spoons. I really needed like 40 more. Which is a lot of spoons. I will try my best not to make this mistake again if we do this project next year. Which we might because it was very popular. But Tatiana says it's my fault because I kept letting people do two things but we didn't have enough spoons to start with. I really should have stopped letting people use two things in general when Joe gave us more wood. But I struggle with saying no because I want everyone to make art and have a good time. So I ended up taking 20 of the spoons and hiding them so that tomorrow we can have something. Even if it's not enough. I'm going to do my best to make what we have tomorrow work.

And the groups were great today. Woodlands was late. Not surprising. But when they came they did such a good job but they made me laugh so hard that I was literally crying. So what happened was there are two counselors. Jorge who I love and is wonderful. And a new counselor named Billy. He's also an international and he's very sweet. And the boys obviously adore both of them but the way that they show how much they adore them is that all they want to do is make art about them. And so half of the boys decided they were going to make Billy and the other half were going to make Jorge and then they would compare of who had the best ones. And I thought that was hilarious and I encouraged it so much. And at first it was great. I was outside helping Jorge paint his little walrus sculpture he had made and then The boys were showing me the very simple faces that they gave the spoons but they had Jorge's facial hair and eyebrows on it and I kept going oh my God the resemblance is uncanny. And just being very dead serious about it. And everything was going great. Until someone decided they needed to add arms to their Billy puppet.

And the arms were fine. They gave them muscles and it was very silly. And then they decided to give them legs. Turns out you cannot give spoon puppets legs because it just makes them look like they have penises and so I said that looked obscene you have to take those legs off and they're like no we like the legs and I said please remove the legs it looks so bad. And then they were like no and I said okay well can we put shorts on it. So they make a little pair of shorts but then it just looks like he has shorts on with his penis sticking out so I said okay we need to remove the spoon handle and so he broke it but then it just looked like a proportional penis and I was like no it's worse now so I tried to take the shorts off that they made but then that just left felt fuzz behind which made it look more realistic and I'm literally crying with tears laughing. It was so silly and I finally was able to make shorts in the front and back to cover up the Billy puppets penis. Because it was so horrific looking and I knew that I could not let that leave this building without at least telling their senior staff because I can't make people think that we did this on purpose It just happened to look that way. And first I forgot who was in charge of woodlands and I called Kieran and then he was like wait no I'm in not in charge and I was like okay and then called Tony and Tony ended up coming up and it was so funny and ridiculous. But I just can't believe how hard I was laughing cuz it was so silly.

Once they left though the pioneer boys came and they did a great job and it was totally fine. And then it was lunch time. And lunch there was so much better today because not only do they have pasta they had a meat sauce and a vegetable sauce and I was so happy and it was spicy and it was really nice. I had two pieces of garlic bread and I sat outside and it was really good.

And after talking with friends for a while I headed back to sit in my hammock for a little while and just cool off and be sleepy. Because I was very sleepy. I was really in a good mood though and so far the day I've been really great. And honestly it continued to be that way. The kids in the afternoon were lovely and so many of them really enjoyed the project and that was really encouraging. The counselors were mostly really great. And I got some knitting done and I had some laughs with the kids It was a really good day.

When the stockade boys came they weren't as interested in the middle casting as they were in the pendants which is fine. Not everybody's going to be into everything and I'm really glad that they like the metal snapping. I will for sure have to get more metal discs so I'll try to send that to Elizabeth soon so that I can have that next week as well. I also would like to come up with one or two more simple metal projects but I'm not entirely sure what I want to do yet because one of my ideas was something like riveting but not positive that we would be able to safely do that. So we'll see what I can think of. But the stockade boys were fun and we had a good time and then we had our last group of the day.

And honestly it won't really fast the whole day did. It was a good day and I felt really happy. Tatiana was a lot of fun and she made a really fun SpongeBob square thing. She's very good at stuff and I don't know she realizes how quick she is to pick up on things because she's a smart cookie. And I'm going to miss her. Because tomorrow is going probably be my last day with her unless there's a spot that opens up on the YLP roster next week. Sometimes they don't make it through the first week so we'll see.

I left her because I found a missing water bottle and I ran after the last group to give it to them. And the little girl said that she was so glad I did because it was her favorite and she would have been so sad. And so I continued on and I went to change into my bathing suit. I really wasn't planning on swimming. It wasn't really hot up here today at all but on the walk to the pool house where I had just planned on taking a shower there's one section of road that just gets so hot that I was like you know what I am going to get in the pool. But then I only did a couple laps after sitting in the code for 10 minutes. I'm trying to practice some of the arms swimming that they're going to want for The Camp award. Because I still think it would be funny to do that if I get pregnant next year. But I'm not a very strong swimmer. Like I swim fine but not on the surface. I swim really well under the water. So we'll have to see what I can do with that. So my little daily or some ideally swims will hopefully build up some strength.

I talked to the little girls getting ready for pool canoes. They were being naughty and not listening about getting into the water without a lifeguard. Just because I'm doing it doesn't mean you can. And then as they got the boats in the water I got out.

Tyler was there talking to some of the other counselors and he told me that because his phone is broken he's not positive how he's going to use GPS to get home tomorrow which I am now worried about too!! I don't have any way to help the situation but I really hope that he can figure it out because that would make me very scared too That's a very long drive! It's like 2 hours for him.

I would take a shower though and I was fine but the water was way too hot. And I couldn't get it to change from one temperature. So I just took the best shower I could and got dressed. I used the new leaving conditioner I got which smelled very nice and then I texted CJ that I was coming back to arts and crafts because she had wanted to talk to me.

And she would come soon and we would sit and talk and Tony would join us for a few minutes but then he left and me and CJ made her a stamped medal piece. And that was fun and then we headed to dinner where I helped put cups on every single table. 8 cups on 30 tables. I had to count out all of the eight and make stacks and that made it a lot easier for me but man it took a while.

And dinner was fine. It was like barbecue chicken and the vegetarian option was like quinoa which I don't love but it was fine. I really like the cornbread. I wasn't actually that hungry so I didn't care that much and I still had the goza and falafel ball that I brought from home as a just in case food. Which I actually still have which I can eat I guess tomorrow even though it's been sitting on my desk all day. Not the best food safe practices.

After dinner I went to the office so I could sit and wait for the snowball truck to come. I read my book for a little while which is very good. It's about a little girl on the Titanic which is wild. So far so good hopefully she doesn't die at the end. And then I headed outside to sit on the porch once I got bored with the air conditioner and Alexi and Elizabeth were eating dinner out there and I was talking to them about the Native American program a couple other things and then we heard the truck drive up and I was like yes! And Elizabeth was like wait a second have you been sitting here the whole time waiting for that that it's hilarious. And I said yes I have I want to be the first one there and I didn't want to bum rush the guy so I just sat weed for a second but then CJ beat me to it! So I ran down to be second and then CJ got hers and I tried a new flavor. It's not new to the truck but it's new to me it's called tigers blood. And it's strawberry and coconut. I wish it was a little tangier but it was nice. I still like pina colada better. Still good and maybe next week I'll try a new flavor. Switch it up a little. Apparently he also has fancy flavors in the back like Mai Tai and lavender iced tea.

I went back up to arts and crafts where I had potato chips that were spicy and we're very nice with my snowball. And I sat and read my book. Eventually a counselor came up to ask if I could fix his pants that he ripped and I said of course. And I would eventually get into my hammock and just chill for a while. When I did finally get up I found that CJ was sitting quietly in the art building by herself. She looks a little pale and she said that she had taken probably too much ADHD medication and I was like well that's not good. And we walked to the nurse's office to use the bathroom together. Where we passed the nurse and she asked if we were okay and I said CJ says she's dying. And she's like no I didn't! I said okay. And after we use the bathroom we came back up to the art building where we talked for a while but CJ didn't seem like she was feeling great and so while I was sitting there fixing the pants she said she wanted to actually see the nurse and I was like okay let's walk together so I walked with her down to the nurse's office where she decided she was going to lay on the gravel while we waited. And she keeps saying she's okay but she was a little pale and she worried me and I think that made my stomach hurt. So once the nurse got her and everything seemed okay I came back up to arts and crafts.

I finished fixing the pants and then I realized her backpack was up here so I texted her I was bringing it down and I walked back across the field. Where I found a frog! And I held towed for a while and he was not thrilled but I was excited to hold a toad. And I passed off her backpack and then I came back up here where I decided to brush my teeth and start getting ready to lay down.

And I've been laying here for a while now. I did sweep the building a little bit and I picked my outfit for tomorrow. Put a couple things in my bag that I'm taking home with me. And now I am just cozy and rocking myself and my hammock gently. It's not squeaking which is nice. Hate when it squeaks. But now it is time for rest. I'm hoping tomorrow is a good day. I'm going to stay to help with pick up again down by the bears but I don't think I'll stay for the ceremony. Because this is actually going to happen this time! We didn't get a first ceremony because of the rain. But it's supposed to actually go on and I have to make sure everyone parks at the right place. Fingers crossed!

I hope you guys all have a great night tonight. I hope that you are very cozy wherever you are and you're taking care of yourself. Until next time. I love you all.

[randomestpersononearth]

Hey hey HEYYYYYYY it's 2022 Nanbaka Survey Results Time!!!

No I have not forgotten about the survey, I have just been quite busy in reality land. Today we are going to break down some of the data I collected over the past 2 months!!!

First things first, WE HAD PARTICIPATION. Like 95 people summited there info in contrast to the 30 ish people who submitted last year!! The main reason is probably because I had more connections, but I am still gooped gabed and gobsmacked at the amount of people who participated this year!!!

Also, in this year's survey, I got a bit more personal! For example, the who's your favorite character and how far are you in the manga questions, which I will elaborate more on when it is their time to shine!

Question 1: What's your Name? (Optional)

Um I ask this question to just so I know names and I feel like there is actual people doing the survey, I don't really need to, and it's just a thing I like. I'm not going to name any names here, but y'all have cute names, and ❤️I love all you❤️. Platonically.

Question 2: Which of these is you?

This is the gay measurement, Nanbaka is a gay anime, and I want to see the gayness of the fandom. Me myself, I am pansexual, and it's just a thing. Normally, I would screenshot the actual graph that Google created, but I made a giant mistake. I forgot to put gay/lesbian on the survey, and I ended up adding it later, in the middle of the time. So I'm just going to just type out all of the data as follows.

Pansexual: 14 people (14.7%)

Bisexual: 29 people (30.5%)

Asexual: 26 people (27.4%)

Non Binary: 16 people (16.8%)

Transgender: 14 people (14.7%)

Cisgender: 13 people (13.7%)

Gay/Lesbian: 12 people (13.2%)

Straight: 10 people (10.6%)

General Queer: 1 person (1.1%)

Aromantic: 4 people (4.4%)

Demiromantic: 1 person (1.1%)

Unlabeled: 1 person (1.1%)

Questioning: 3 people (3.3%)

Bioromantic: 2 people (2.2%)

Hetromantic on the Ace Spectrum: 1 person (1.1%)

Genderfluid: 4 people (4.4%)

Genderqueer Polysexual: 1 person (1.1%)

Omisexual: 1 person (1.1%)

Alrighty, so there is the data, but I am going to shout out specific hand typed answers that I thought where just great.

"Those straight people who think anime women are hot." (Incredibly Valid)

And the response that reminded me I forgot gay

"gay. Y'all forgot gay."

Question 3: How did you find out about Nanbaka?

Alrighty so since Google is being a poopy face, I will rewrite the longer answers.

A gif of it from Tumblr lead me to check it out

Saw a friend get into it 5 years ago, so I got into it too

YouTube recommendations wouldn't stop showing EP 1 of Nanbaka on my recommended feed

Mi mi mi amv

I saw it on an ad while watching something else

I saw a fan made video on YouTube recommended

A Facebook page

Quite honestly I forgot how I found it.

YouTube is putting in the work and effort, to bring people here which is stunning, I'm glad that everyone has their own journey and good for y'all.

Question 4: How do you enjoy this Magical Mystery Ride?

A simple one. It is so nice to just screenshot it and not have to deal with all of the extra stuff, and re type everything.

This question correlates with another question down the road but we will get there.

Question 5: Who is your Favorite Character?

We have lots of non choosers. This is what happens when the character creation is so good, that it is almost impossible to choose. Also we have a few "I can't choose one so I will choose multiple" which is also incredibly valid.

Alrighty 5 minutes later, I now have a list! Now I will type out the list so y'all can read it better.

Enki: 1

Rock: 6

Jyugo: 20

Nico: 15

Uno: 19

Momoko: 3

Samon: 13

Qi: 3

Kiji: 2

Elf: 1

Liang: 5

Musashi: 5

Korjio: 5

Mei: 4

Ikkaku: 2

Tskuamo: 3 (still can not spell his name)

Honey: 3

Inori: 1

Building 5 in general: 1

Yamato: 1

Taura and Tauro Twisters: 1

Hitoshi: 1

Mikazuki: 1

Can't choose: 5

Zakuro: 2

Shiro: 1

Hajime: 3

Misturu: 2

Ido: 1

Shin: 3

Upa: 2

V: 1

Trois: 1

Kenshiro: 2

Ishal: 1

Yamada: 2

Blank?: 1

Kyuubi: 2

Mao: 1

Tengu: 1

Hina: 1

Five more minutes later, I have completed that list!!! I am surprised that there is so much underated character representation, and we stan. Also everybody love love loves Jyugo and I love that.

Question 6: How far are you in the series?

I asked the question for one reason and one reason only, to give people the resources so they can CONTINUE TO SUPPORT THE SERIES. and get to know all of the characters. Since Pocket comics is not working out so well for Nanbaka, I will give some Sho approved resources so your can read it in English and/or truck through it in Japanese. (Because that's pretty much what I do since not all of the manga is translated. You just gotta pretend you know what's going on.)

So there are some main categories for people in the survey,

1. The people who just watched the anime to the end.

If you feel content that's awesome, but also resources.

2. People who have felt the magic disappear, and where just done. (They don't truly have any interest in reading further)

Cool beans.

3. People who are stuck on 192.

It is the dreaded number of doom. It the last chapter available "illegally" on the internet, and is the last chapter formated by the legendary sleepykat.

4. People who have read what has been translated.

5. The people who have read all of the manga with or without translation. (Translation: they can read Japanese or can just suck it up like me)

So here are my resources, the "legal" ones.

The first one is the legendary Sleepykats blog : @when-will-i-sleep

This will get you to chapter 193-198. She also explains how to get into comico, which I will not be explaining because I'm surprised I did it myself.

Here is the Nanbaka Comico Page, where you will find Nanbaka in it's raw, uncut form. Yes! You will have to watch a bunch of stupid videos, play silly applications, or invest your own money into this! It is an investment! Because this is Sho Futamata's LIVELYHOOD. She lives, laughs, loves, off of this, so no complaining!

https://comico.jp/comic/27

This is the random word document that has all of the chapters from when sleepykat stopped, to chapter 333. Pretty legit.

https://drive.google.com/drive/u/1/mobile/folders/1-oUcoitDKmeU5RxgLz_8eskOgN8bREo6

And that is all I can do. I can not translate any of the further chapters, due to my inability to speak Japanese, I cant do anything. If I find anymore resources, I will try my best to give them out, but Nanbaka is kinda on it's way out, so hopefully there is a new titan of translation. But for now there is not.

Question 7: Age Range!!

Another simple one!!

MMMMMMM pie graph.

Well, I hope that all of you feel enlightened and full of information about the lovely fandom that we have!! I would usually connect data, but this post is super long, so I'm just going to end it! I hope all of you have a great day, and stay stunnnnniiinnnggg✨✨✨

[kushnovice]

I've Got You: Eddie Munson x Reader

|TRIGGER WARNING!! Mentions of selfhrm, suidical thoughts, scars, swearing, anxiety, smoking, drug use.

Word count: 1.2k

Summary: Y/n is stressed out after Chrissy steps down as lead cheerleader and it all falls onto Y/n. They go to Eddie to buy weed and opens up to him. Eddie comforts Y/n when he finds her scars. This one will be with she/her pronouns.|

I walked into Mr. Winterbottom's room, I walk in, sitting in my seat next to my best friend Chrissy. She hasn't been doing the best lately, so I have taken over as cheer captain. Honestly it has been really stressful for me on top of school and work; I don't get how Chrissy does this so well. As the teacher starts the lesson, I rip off a paper from my notebook and I write down something on the paper. After folding up the note and placing it in my pocket, I focus on my work and the time passes fast.

When the bell rings, I get up and I grab my bag and head out the classroom. As I walk down the hall I go up to Eddie's locker and slide the note in his locker. Walking away I fiddled with my fingers, anxiously thinking about later. The school day seemed to go by so much slower, everything seemed like it was in slow-motion. Each minute feeling like an hour as I was stuck in this horrible school. Finally, the last bell of the day had rung, and I had rushed out of the English classroom and down the hall with my bag slung over my bed.

I walked to the bike stand and unhooked my bike from the pole and took it out before hopping on it and riding off. Normally I would stay after to prepare for cheer practice since we had a huge game on Friday, and we needed to practice as much as possible since Chrissy had taken time off and she was our main star. Speeding down streets with the breeze hitting my face, I felt peaceful again, like it was before all these weird things started to happen in Hawkins. As I turned off the road and into the forest down a trail, my anxiety started to pick up. Riding up next to the Skull rock I hopped off my bike and I had parked it against the wooden picnic table.

As I waited, I turn on music on my Walkman and listen to my favorite songs. I had always loved metal music, but my family and friends all believed it was satanic, so I only listen to it when I am alone. Back In Black by AC/DC came on and I started tapping my hands on my thighs to the beat of the song while mouthing the words. Suddenly, I heard clapping from the forest, I turned to see Eddie walking towards me with his box.

"Full of surprises, aren't you?" A smirk grew on Eddies face as he sat across from you and opened the box. "How much do you want? I can give you an 8th for 20$." Eddie pulled out a small bag.

I looked down and started to fiddle with my hands anxiously and I nod, "Uhm, I don't really know how to smoke it...can you show me?" I asked being embarrassed that I had to ask him that.

Eddie's smirk came back yet again, "Whatever you wish, Princess." He grabbed some papers from his box and rolled a joint as I stared at my hands. My face was hot, I'm sure I was red because he chuckled as soon as he was finished rolling and looked up. I grabbed the 20$ bill and slid it across the table at him as he handed me the left-over bud. Grabbing the lighter he lit up the joint and took two puffs before passing it to me, eyeing me carefully. I took the joint carefully and lifted it to my lips, taking a puff and immediately coughing it out. I heard a light chuckle leave Eddies mouth as he pulls out his water bottle filled with stickers of 80's rock bands and hands it to me. I handed him the joint and took the water bottle, still coughing as I take sips before breathing normally again.

"Thank you..." I muttered softly in which causing Ed to nod his head in response. Eddie took a few puffs and then handed it back to me.

"So, what made you want to start smoking?" Eddie asked curiously as he bobbed his head to the song playing, I Was Made For Lovin' You by KISS.

"Well Chrissy had stepped down for a bit as she is going through stuff and it has just been really stressful with school, work, home, and now leading the cheerleaders." I responded with a sigh before taking a hit and exhaling without coughing. I took another before passing it back to Eddie.

"If you don't mind me asking, what's going on at home?" Eddie asked with a soft expression on his face. I sighed as I had fiddled with my hands again causing Eddie to reach out and place his hand on top of mine. He looks so scary walking in the halls and fighting with the people who call him a freak but he's not a freak, I can see it in his eyes and his mile. It's always so bright and beautiful...

"My mom and dad blame me for what had happened to my sister...Barb." My eyes started tearing up as I started thinking about her. His hand was soft on mine. He squeezed softly and gave me a small sympathetic smile.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice softer as he passed the joint again.

I took the joint and hit it before passing it back to him, "We were at Steve Harrington's party and... well Nacy and Steve went to his room while I went home and left Barb because she was supposed to sleepover at Nacy's, and I was too drunk to check on her before I left..." I broke out and sobs causing Eddie to hop over the table and slide next to me. He slid his arm around my waist and pulled me towards him, taking me into his arms and hugging me. I sobbed into his shoulder, smelling the leather and metal of his vest. He held me As I sobbed, I don't know how long we stayed like that, but he didn't move, just caressed my hair as I sobbed.

"It wasn't your fault what happened, your parents are wrong for blaming you for what had happened." He whispered in my ear as I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Princess..." He whispered grabbing my arm softly and pulling it towards him. I pulled my arm away quickly, but his grip was strong...not rough. He lowered his face to my forearm which was littered with scars and fresh cuts and kissed every inch of my arm. "Please, come talk to me instead of doing this. I know it's really hard for you right now but that little head of yours is lying to you and so are your parents. The guilt won't go away but we can work on it together." He lifted his head and pulled me into his chest yet again and I held onto him tightly, squeezing him as I felt safe and heard for once in my life.

"You would do that for me?..." I asked, not believing how anyone would want to help me, especially not Eddie "The Freak" Munson.

"I will do anything for and with you, baby." He grinned and kissed the top of my head. My face felt hot again and I buried my head in his chest as he chuckled holding me. "I've got you, Princess..."

[spine-buster]

Patience is a Virtue ft. Matthew Tkachuk | 𝒯𝑒𝓂𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒

CONTENT WARNING: this story deals with cults, polygamous cults, escaping cults, strict adherence to religion, gender roles, abuse, miscarriage, and a character with a traumatic past. ̲𝖳̲𝗁̲𝗂̲𝗌̲ ̲𝖼̲𝗁̲𝖺̲𝗉̲𝗍̲𝖾̲𝗋̲ ̲𝗌̲𝗉̲𝖾̲𝖼̲𝗂̲𝖿̲𝗂̲𝖼̲𝖺̲𝗅̲𝗅̲𝗒̲ ̲𝗁̲𝖺̲𝗌̲ ̲𝗆̲𝖾̲𝗇̲𝗍̲𝗂̲𝗈̲𝗇̲𝗌̲ ̲𝖺̲𝗇̲𝖽̲ ̲𝖽̲𝖾̲𝖺̲𝗅̲𝗌̲ ̲𝗐̲𝗂̲𝗍̲𝗁̲ ̲𝗍̲𝗋̲𝖺̲𝗎̲𝗆̲𝖺̲ ̲𝖺̲𝗋̲𝗂̲𝗌̲𝗂̲𝗇̲𝗀̲ ̲𝖿̲𝗋̲𝗈̲𝗆̲ ̲𝗆̲𝗂̲𝗌̲𝖼̲𝖺̲𝗋̲𝗋̲𝗂̲𝖺̲𝗀̲𝖾̲𝗌̲ ̲𝖺̲𝗇̲𝖽̲ ̲𝗌̲𝖾̲𝗑̲𝗎̲𝖺̲𝗅̲ ̲𝖺̲𝖻̲𝗎̲𝗌̲𝖾̲.̲ Please be warned.

Word Count: 15,503

A/N:  I have been loving your feedback on this story so far.  Your canon question about Matthew and Effie are great and I would love to hear and answer more.  It means the world to me that a plot this...unconventional, let’s say, is really taking hold and generating interest.  I know that there’s some really, really serious stuff dealt with in the chapters, so I appreciate everyone’s feedback and maturity about it.  As always, please check the content warning for this chapter.  Otherwise, I hope everyone enjoys the update!

                                                          *     *     *     *     *

She wrote every message on Instagram like an email, and Matthew couldn’t get enough of it.

Hello Matthew,

Today was interesting.  I started classes for my business certificate today.  I sat in a room with about 50 other people and I listened to my professor speak about the course prospectus and what we would be learning and doing.  I didn’t meet any new people or make any new friends but that’s okay.  I want to focus on my studies.  I already have homework.

How has St. Louis been?  I bet you are excited to be back home.  I hope you are relaxing and staying safe.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

I know you are going to ace that program, Effie.  You’re very talented and smart and it’ll be no time until you find yourself with a certificate and able to explore more job opportunities.

St. Louis is good.  Brady and Taryn are home too so it’s good to be surrounded by family.  I know it’s not the same for you but one day I think you will find a group of friends that will make up your family.  Most days I go golfing with my dad.  I usually relax by our pool too, or play basketball or some other sport with Brady.  I go to the gym too, to keep up on my fitness for next season.

*

Hello Matthew,

Class was good today.  We started the beginning lectures.  The professor went quickly but I was able to keep up.  I’m definitely learning how to type fast on my laptop!

You said in your message that I’m very talented but I don’t think I’m talented.  I’m maybe talented at some things like baking, but I don’t think I’m talented in much else.  Talents are developed over time and I was never given the opportunity to develop anything because I was expected to be a good wife, tend to children, and read the Bible.  Sometimes I think about if I could have been a piano player or a singer or something creative.  Maybe I could have been a writer like Geneviève if I was given the opportunity young, but I wasn’t.  But that’s okay.  I am trying to make my peace with it.  I will develop what I have now and try to use it for good.  

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Nobody bakes like you, Effie.  Please don’t think you are not talented, because you are.  I know you weren’t able to develop anything like you said, but you can still find your talents now.  You’re still young!  You’re only entering your 20s in a few weeks.  You can do whatever you set your mind to.

*

Hi Matthew,

Levi and Jenna took me to the mall again today.  We bought some new clothes that fit me better and aren’t so baggy.  They look really nice.  I even bought a dress that falls right at my knee.  Can you believe it?!  I never thought I’d wear something like that.  I never thought anybody else would be able to see my legs!  It’s a very weird feeling but it’s a very pretty dress.  Jenna said I should wear it for my birthday and I think I’m going to do it.  Do you want to see it?  I can send you a picture of it if you want.

I checked the weather in St. Louis and saw there was a big thunderstorm.  I hope you weren’t caught it in or anything.  I can’t imagine your curly hair getting wet in the rain and what it would look like.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

What are you trying to say about my hair??????????

I would love to see your dress.  I bet it looks great on you.  And you will need to send me pictures of you wearing it on your birthday.

*

They happened daily.  Usually sometime after dinner, when Matthew knew Effie had just finished eating and was either winding down for the night or preparing to do homework.  Every day, he waited for the message.  And every day, he’d grab his phone the second he heard the notification, not bothering to wait, and read the message eagerly.

***

Matthew found himself at a raucous house party, one that could have been characteristic of any stereotypical college experience or American movie trying to depict a traditional American life.  It felt like it was straight out of the American Pie movies.  A friend of his was hosting, and there was everything – beer kegs, jungle juice, trashed guys jumping into the pool, music blasting so loud Matthew almost couldn’t hear his own thoughts, girls taking selfies and posting to Instagram or complaining about boys at the party not paying attention to them.  

Hot girls taking selfies and posting to Instagram or complaining about boys – he and Brady – not paying attention to them.

Brady was taken and accounted for – Emma was great and Matthew loved her, even though he saw her only sparingly – and so most of the attention tonight was placed on Matthew.  He was the shiny new toy every time he came back to St. Louis in the summers – well, shiny always, but new not so much.  Nothing was new about him being in St. Louis in the summer, but everybody always treated is as such a big deal because he spent most of the year in Calgary.  That’s why attention was always on him, especially at parties like this.  That’s why everybody wanted to talk to him.  That’s why all the girls wanted to talk to him.  Matthew didn’t want to think about it.  He wanted to enjoy his night with his buddies, drinking beer and chatting them all up.  

That was…until Leah made an appearance.

Leah, a girl.  Leah, a girl he would hook up with in the summers…occasionally.  Sporadically.  Like, once a summer when he was back.  Maybe twice.  She’d always show up everywhere and smile and be nice.  And when Matthew was tipsy, or just a little bit drunk, he’d think ‘What the hell’ and let the night take him where it wanted to take him.

Just like now.

“Hey Matty,” she cooed, smiling as she always did and biting the bottom of her lip.  She went in for a hug, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.  He could swear she spilled some of her jungle juice on his neck.

“Hey Leah,” he said, his lips in a tight smile as she pulled away.  She was wearing a frilly crocheted top and cut-off denim shorts.  She looked hot.  Any guy at the party would have wanted to hook up with her.  “How are you?”

“Better now that I see you,” her flirting was automatic.  “How long have you been back for?”

“A few weeks,” Matthew shrugged his shoulders.

“And no call or text?  Ouch, Matty.”

“You always show up places,” he found himself saying, feeling his lips curve into a smirk.  “Didn’t think I needed to call.”

“Well then maybe I should have sent you a text.”

The party went on.  Matthew hung out with his buddies and talked up a storm.  Everybody got a kick out of his hockey stories and were practically begging for more.  He’d catch Leah staring at him from a few friend groups away where she stayed with her girlfriends, or from across the backyard or something, and she’d always bite her lip and flutter her eyelashes.  The beers kept pouring down his throat and he noticed her get closer and closer until she wiggled her way in with her friends.  It probably took a while, but in Matthew’s mind, it felt like it was only a minute until she was right in front of him, red solo cup in her hand.  

“Have you tried the jungle juice?” she asked.

He shook his head.  “I’ve been drinking beer all night.”

“Come get some inside with me,” she said, already grabbing his hand.  She wasn’t taking no for an answer.  She pulled him as he staggered behind her, almost tripping on the steps of the patio and while walking through the screen door.  When they finally got to the kitchen, Leah looked over her shoulder and winked before tugging Matthew nearer to her body.  She spun around in front of the jungle juice to pour some more into her cup.  When she did, Matthew could feel her ass up against his groin.  He felt like he was going to pass out from the beer.

“Did you miss me, Matty?” she asked as she looked at him over her shoulder again.

“I miss everyone in St. Louis,” he replied.

Leah apparently didn’t like that response, because she grinded her ass up against his groin even harder now.  “Don’t say that,” she cooed.  “I know you miss me.  It’s not like there’s anybody in Calgary like me.”

Matthew hummed.  She was right.  There wasn’t anybody like her in Calgary.

Effie was nothing like her.

Matthew’s stomach twisted as images of Effie flooded his mind.  The first one that came was the day he had picked her up at the hairdresser’s when she’d chopped off all her hair.  She looked so cute, and he remembered how bashful he was.  Then came the image of her sitting on another couch watching Little Women intently, at least fifteen bags of candy spread out on the coffee table of Levi’s basement.  She was so into watching the movie, and he was so into watching her.  Then came the image of her face, sweet and innocent and beautiful – the last face he saw in Calgary before heading to the airport and boarding a plane to St. Louis.  “No,” he mumbled out, half-drunk and heart aching.  

“No,” Leah repeated with a smile on her face, turning around finally to face him before trailing her finger down his chest and letting in linger on the hem of his jeans.  “There’s nobody in Calgary like me.”

He furrowed his brows.  He wanted out, but his feet felt like cement.  They always were when he was on the edge of being drunk.  He gulped.  “Where’s Brady?”

“Come with me, Matty,” she tugged at his jeans before grabbing his hands again and dragging him through the house.  She kept looking over her shoulder to smile at him and he kept looking back towards the backyard.  “I know what you need.”

She led him down a hallway, and at the end of that hallway was the bathroom.  She turned on the light and dragged him inside, shutting the door behind them and locking it.  She looked at him suggestively when the click filled the air.  “Le—”

“Shhh…” she pressed her finger against his lips to shut him up, replacing them quickly with her lips as she began to kiss him.  

Matthew closed his eyes.

These weren’t Effie’s lips.

She was kissing his neck now, and had backed him into the sink so he could lean against it.  Her hands wandered down to the button and zipper of his jeans.  Suddenly, she dipped down and was on her knees in front of him.  “Want me to suck you off, Matty?”

“N—No,” he stuttered out, looking down at her.  Matthew felt the zipper being pushed down and her hand on his groin.

“You can come down my throat,” she offered.  

He closed his eyes tightly, and in the darkness, he saw only one person: Effie.  

The only thing that brought him back – because he could have stayed alone in the bathroom with his eyes closed and the image of Effie in his mind for the rest of the God damn party if he really wanted to – was the sound of his zipper being pushed down dramatically.  He opened his eyes.  “Would you stop?!” he demanded, wiggling out of where he’d been backed into the sink.  He grabbed the front of his pants and zipped them up again.

Leah, still on her knees, spun around and glared at him.  “Oh you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” she got up slowly, not breaking eye contact.  “You have someone in Calgary?” she demanded.

Matthew refused to answer as he did up his button.

“Who the fuck is she?” she demanded again.

“There’s nobody.”

“Fucking hell there’s nobody.  What’s her name?”

“Don’t go there, Leah.  As if I’d tell you.”

“You’re fucking someone in Calgary?  Since when?”

“As if I’d tell you,” he repeated.

She gave him one last glare because unlocking the door.  “Fuck you Matthew Tkachuk.  You’ll fucking miss me.”

“Doubt it.”

***

Hi Matthew,

I went to a Starbucks today to work on some school work and people watch.  When you get back to Calgary, we will need to find a new Starbucks because the one near Levi’s house is too far away now.  Anyway, I was working on an assignment and watching people interact and go about their daily lives.  It was eye-opening and a bit weird to me.  A lot of people were on their phones!  It makes me wonder if I should be on it more…?  A lot of the girls who walked in were really fashionable and it makes me want to go shopping again.  I don’t think I’ll ever look as good as Geneviève or Annica but I could definitely try, and they could help me.  I learn a lot by people watching.  Does that make me weird?

I had a Zoom call with Geneviève and Jacob in Sweden.  She is doing well and helped me with my assignment a little bit.  I’ve been baking shortbread recently, and I’m going to make butter tarts tomorrow.  I miss you being my taste-tester, but I bet you are happy to have home cooking.  Sometimes I wonder if my siblings miss my cooking but I doubt they do.

Did you think I was weird when I said I didn’t miss my family at all?

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

I do not think you are weird at all for not missing your family.  They were abusive.  You have no reason to miss them.

People are addicted to their phones these days, which is why you’re so refreshing.  You’re not a slave to it…at least yet lol.  I hurt my eyes sometimes from staring at my screen too long.  

I can’t wait to eat ALL of your baking when I get back.  It’s the best, Effie.  It really is.

I miss you a lot.

*

Hi Matthew,

I miss you too.

Thank you for not thinking I’m weird for not missing my family.

I’ve been watching a lot of movies and listening to a lot of music.  I’ve been researching what’s been popular since I was born and I’m trying to, like, catch up I guess.  Some of the movies I don’t like or don’t get.  Some of them are really funny, and I watched them because I know people quote them all the time.  Like this movie called Bridesmaids.  I want to be able to get references people make even though I wasn’t in the moment of them.  There are some movies I’ve read about online that seem amazing, but I don’t want to watch them alone.  They are:

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind Moonlight There Will Be Blood Shoplifters Brokeback Mountain The Master Unorthodox

When you come back to Calgary, would you watch them all with me?

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Of course I’ll watch them all with you.

***

Effie Schaffer woke up the morning of her 20th birthday, on July 7, 2021, to her phone ringing.  Birthdays were not a thing in the People’s Dominion of Christ.  They were not celebrated.  Effie always knew when hers was, but as a kid she never had a birthday party, and when she was forced to marry the prophet, she hated her birthday.  Hated it.  She always wished that the prophet would forget about it but he never did.  It was the one day of the year she spent the most time praying, and when she was not praying, she was with the prophet on his demand.  Several weeks later, usually, after a lot of blood loss and visit from the cult’s midwife (though she wasn’t properly medically trained), Abraham would tell Effie that everything was her fault, that God was testing him when He spoke to Abraham and told him to take Effie as his wife.  “July 7.  7/7.  One number above the Devil,” he’d tell her.  “That’s what you are.  Just above the devil.  Your blood and your loss are the signs of having the devil in you.  That’s why you refuse to carry my Son of God.”

She wasn’t expecting anybody to call besides Levi and Jenna, but they said they would be picking her up at noon anyway.  After she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and sat up in bed a little bit, she was pleasantly surprised, albeit a little shocked, to see Matthew’s name flash across the screen.  The giant FaceTime text was at the bottom of screen.  Effie swiped to answer.  After a bit of lagging, Matthew’s smiling face appeared.  “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” he screamed, loudly, causing her to jump slightly.  

“Thank you, Matthew,” she said, her heartbeat going back to normal.

“How does it feel to officially be in your twenties?” he asked.

Effie could barely think, so she shrugged.  “When I wake up and my brain starts working, I’ll tell you.”

Matthew furrowed his brows.  It was only then that he noticed half of her hair in a scrunchie and the pillows behind her head.  “Oh shit, I fucked up time zones, didn’t I?” he asked worriedly.  “What time is it there?”

Effie looked at her watch.  “It’s 7:30 in the morning.”

“I woke you up!  Jesus Effie, I’m so sorry,” he began to apologize.  “I’m such an idiot—”

“It’s okay, Matthew,” she said, smiling at how his own smile had faded from his face when he realized he had woken her up early.  7:30 in the morning would have been a godsend two years ago, when she usually woke up at 5:30.  “It’s nice to be woken up by your voice on my birthday, actually.  Someone is at least treating it like a birthday.”

“Levi’s gonna treat you,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  As if Levi wouldn’t.

“I know,” she said.  “I mean, like…before.  Birthdays weren’t exactly a celebration.”

“You never used to celebrate your birthday?” he asked, thinking back to all the amazing birthdays his parents had thrown he and his siblings over the years.  Because his was so close to Christmas, it was extra special.  His parents always made sure Christmas didn’t overshadow it too much.  Same with Taryn being born on Halloween.  Brady’s parties were always good too because they were right after the start of school, so usually the entire class would be invited.  

“No,” Effie shook her head.  Matthew was sort of waiting for her to elaborate, but it seemed like she didn’t want to.  He left it at that.  “Levi’s taking me to that steakhouse we went to for Noah’s birthday,” she informed him.  “I think I’m gonna have another tomahawk.”

Matthew smiled again.  “Please do, in honour of me.”

“Maybe I’ll take a picture of it to show you what you’re missing.”

“Believe me, I know what I’m missing,” he said.  He bit his lip, wondering for a quick second if he should tell her about the gifts coming her way.  He quickly decided against it, thinking it would be better left as a surprise.  “I’m sorry I can’t be there, Effie.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Matthew,” she told him, meaning it sincerely.  “It’s an amazing thing that you’re so close to them.  I…believe me, I know how important that is…to be able to have people who love you unconditionally, to be able to have people who love you and want to see you and always have your best interests at heart.  I would never want to take that away from you.  And besides, when we watch all those movies together…you’ll be there.  We’ll be reunited.”

He licked his lips, nodding quickly.  “You bet.”

***

Matthew had been lying around the house all day after playing a round of golf with his dad that morning.  He’d tanned by the pool with Taryn and ate straight from the bag of Veggie Straws, but he was pretty glued to his phone because he wanted to see the delivery updates for the gifts he’d gotten Effie for her birthday.

The first gift was a giant bouquet of flowers.  Peonies, mostly, of course, because of her tattoo, set in a beautiful vase.  He’d gotten the delivery notification, then about five minutes later he’d received a picture of it from Effie over Instagram saying thank you.  Fifteen minutes later, she uploaded a photo of it to her Instagram feed and tagged him.  ‘Beautiful bouquet of peonies from my friend Matthew!  I am twenty years old today.’ was her caption.  That was the first gift.

The second was a delivery of some cookies from an amazing bakery in Calgary that Annica and Geneviève always ordered from.  The cookies were divine, but realistically, they weren’t better than Effie’s cookies.  But Effie making cookies for her own birthday wasn’t exactly a gift, so he knew he’d have to order her a batch.  Again, he’d gotten the notification that the cookies had been delivered, and ten minutes later, Effie had sent a selfie of her with one of the chocolate chip cookies.  ‘Yum!’ she’d texted with the photo.  Another notification on Instagram told him Effie had uploaded another photo and tagged him in it.  ‘My friend Matthew gave me cookies too!  How sweet!  Cookies are some of my favourite treats.’  He absolutely loved her feed and the way she used Instagram.  If he had to delete everyone else and just follow her, he’d do it.

The last gift was the trickiest.  He didn’t know how she’d react.  But she didn’t have one of her own – she’d been borrowing Jenna’s – and she needed one, quite literally, for her job.  He wondered if she’d like the colour.  And the make.  And all the attachments.

A ‘MATTHEW, YOU DIDN’T’ text suddenly came through on his phone, and he couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear.  It was the first time it didn’t sound like an email.

Do u like it? he texted back.

I LOVE IT IN THE PISTACHIO TOO MY FAVOURITE COLOUR AND THE SIFTER ATTACHMENT AND THE ICE CREAM MAKER ATTACHMENT MATTHEW!

Im happy u like it! Now u can bake all you want and not have to borrow Jenna’s

“Taryn, mom needs you inside to help with something,” Brady’s voice boomed through the silence of the backyard.  Matthew heard the screen door burst open, and watched conspicuously through his sunglasses as Brady more or less barged towards them.  

“Can she wait?” Taryn didn’t make any effort to move.

“Now Taryn.  She seems pretty adamant,” Brady didn’t give up, his tone serious as he continued to walk towards them.

Taryn grumbled and got up from her seat.  Matthew locked his phone and pretended not to care, even when Brady took Taryn’s place in her lawn chair right beside him and didn’t bother lying down.  Instead, he sat facing Matthew, elbows on his knees and hands joined together, like he was a cop about to interrogate his brother.  “Who’s in Calgary?”

Matthew looked over at him.  “Huh?”

“Who’s in Calgary?” Brady asked again.

Matthew was confused.  “G…Gio?” he asked.

“Who’s in Calgary that made you not hook up with Leah at the party?”

Matthew’s heart dropped in the pit of his stomach.  For fuck sakes.  He sighed deeply and took off his sunglasses, trying to make it seem like everything was being blown out of proportion when, really, Matthew just didn’t want people knowing.  But he told Brady everything – everything.  He was sort of impressed that the secret had lasted this long, if he was being honest.  “Brady…” he began, his voice low.

Brady took off his sunglasses too.  “There’s a girl.”

“Sort of.  It’s complicated.”

“It’s complicated?  What’s her name?”

Matthew thought about not telling him, but there was no point.  Brady would find out eventually, and Matthew would rather Brady learn the news from him than from the rumour mill or from Leah stalking his social media.  “It’s…Effie.”

“Effie?”

“Who’s Effie?” Taryn voice boomed.  The boys whipped their head to see her standing at their family room’s sliding doors, hiding behind the screen door.

“Taryn!” both brothers yelled at their sister.

“Effie?  Who’s Effie?” Chantal called out from the kitchen.

“What’s an Effie?” Keith asked from beside Chantal.  

“Oh my GOD this is a disaster!” Matthew screamed out in frustration.  “Get out of here, Taryn!”

“Who’s Effie?” Brady demanded once more.

Matthew put his heads in his hands dramatically before giving up.  There was no way he was going to get out of this.  Now his whole family would know.  It would be a game of telephone, and by the end of his and Brady’s conversation, Keith would hear Matthew married a girl named Jessie who’d grown up in a hut.  “You remember me talking about one of our physio guys?  Levi Schaffer?” Matthew asked.  Brady nodded.  “His younger sister.”

Brady furrowed his brows.  “Isn’t Levi in his thirties?  You’re dating an older woman, Matthew?”

Matthew rolled his eyes.  “No, you dolt.  She’s fifteen years younger than he is.”

“SHE’S FIFTEEN?!”

“WHAT?!” Taryn screamed from the screen door again.

“AAAAAAARGHHHH!” Matthew screamed in absolute frustration.  “You are literally the dumbest person alive, you know that right?!” he screamed at Brady.

“Matthew!  Apologize to your brother!” Chantal called from the house, opening the screen door and stepping through into the backyard with Keith.  

“But mom!  He’s an idiot!”

“Matthew,” Keith’s voice bellowed. “Now.”

“Sorry,” Matthew grumbled.  His parents always made the siblings do this stuff, ever since they were kids.  “Can we just drop it all?” he asked.

“Nope.  We’re all here now,” Brady said.  “Who’s Effie?”

Matthew sighed heavily.  “She’s a girl I met through my friend Levi at work.”

“What’s the big deal?  Are you dating her?” Keith asked.

“No,” Matthew answered immediately, shaking his head.  “No.  We’re not dating.  Not at all.  She…” he began, trying to find the right words.

“She…” Brady egged on.

“She’s a bit…” Matthew began again.  How was he going to tell them?  How was he gonna word it?  Should he sugar coat it or just come out and say it?  “She’s a bit…different.  She…she and Levi grew up in one of those, like, religious cults, out in rural Alberta.  But a year and a half ago, she escaped, and she’s been trying to adjust to the real world ever since.  I met her in January, at Noah’s birthday.  And ever since, I’ve just been, like…helping her experience the normal world.”

The entire Tkachuk family was silent as they processed the information.  They were definitely expecting a much different explanation from Matthew, that was for sure.  “A religious cult, Matthew?” Chantal was the first to speak.  Matthew nodded his head.  Chantal grew serious.  “Was she abused?”

Matthew hesitated, but he eventually nodded his head.  It wasn’t his business to tell – he knew that – but he couldn’t lie to his own mother.  “She could only wear dresses.  She had to read the Bible all day.  She was married at fourteen to the leader of the cult who was 55.  That sort of thing,” he explained briefly, not wanting to give any more details.

Chantal looked concerned.  Keith looked at his wife before looking back at his son.  “So you’re not dating her, but you’re helping her learn about the real world,” Keith clarified.  Matthew nodded again.  Keith looked at Brady.  “Then that’s none of our business! What’s the big deal?” he huffed.

“It’s not—”

“Why’re you busting his balls then?”

“Keith!” Chantal chastised.

***

Hi Matthew,

I still can’t believe you got me the stand mixer.  I love it so much.  It’s the only thing that I have out on my countertop because there’s no reason to hide it.  And the pistachio colour is sooooooo beautiful.  I promise that as a token of appreciation, I’m going to bake you whatever sweets you want when you get back to Calgary.  Seriously.  Anything you want.  Even if I haven’t made it before.  And I’ll make ice cream too!

I have been taking some walks around Calgary in my spare time.  It’s a really beautiful city.  Sometimes I will do my walks at night and see all the young people out at restaurants and bars and all the light are lit up downtown, and it’s even more beautiful.  It’s so nice to see life in people.  Everybody in the cult was so miserable.  Maybe I’m just saying that because I was so miserable, but that’s how I remember it.  Nobody was happy about life.  Well, they weren’t happy about life like the people in downtown Calgary are on a Friday or Saturday night.  

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Calgary is definitely a beautiful city, and I’m happy that you’re starting to see that.  Wait until you see even more of the country and the world one day!  All of those young people that you see out and about are your age.  I know you are probably very nervous to make new friends, but if you ever want to go out to one of those places, I’m sure Levi or Jenna would take you.  When the team gets back into the city, I know any of the guys would take you too, just like when we went out for Andrew’s birthday.  You just let us know when.  And I apologize in advance for Noah’s behaviour.

I’m going to put in a request for snickerdoodles.  My mom used to make them a lot growing up, but she doesn’t make them as much now because then I’d eat them all and get too pudgy.

*

Hi Matthew,

Snickerdoodles it is.  I will perfect the recipe before you come back.

On top of movies, I’ve also been listening to music.  Levi lets me use his Spotify.  He also told me what an iPod is…was.  Have you heard of Adele?  She’s amazing!  I love her voice.  Most of the time I just let Spotify recommend me things and I end up liking them, but Levi introduced me to some bands too.  Have you heard of Bruce Springsteen?  Taylor Swift?  The Tragically Hip?  Red Hot Chili Peppers?  They’re all so good.  Red Hot Chili Peppers is Levi’s favourite band.  I also really like listening to Coldplay.  I think they’re my favourite out of all of them.  But I also like dancing songs, like the songs that have a good beat.  I wasn’t allowed to dance before (it was too sensual and would tempt the men) so now I feel like I should let it all out.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Dance your heart out Effie.  Fuck them.

Fuck them.

***

Matthew was antsy.  Antsy.  The second the plane landed in Calgary, his leg was bobbing up and down to get off the plane, grab his bags, and go straight to Effie’s apartment.  

It was the first time since he had lived in Calgary that he wanted to go anywhere but his apartment after a flight back to the city.  But Effie had that effect on him these days.  He hadn’t seen her in three months – almost four.  And he was dying to.  FaceTimes and Instagram-messages-formatted-as-emails could only do so much, and satisfy so much in his mind.  He needed to see her, physically see her.  He didn’t know what had happened to him in the past few months, especially since he and Effie had left on such a good note.  No need to rush things.  Take the time.  But this entire summer, all Matthew could think about was her.  All he dreamt about was her.  He wondered if it was the same for her too.  And he wondered, if it was, if she would admit it.

Once he got his bags from baggage claim, he hightailed it out of the airport and got into a taxi.  He gave the driver Effie’s address, and within half an hour, he found himself with his suitcases at the foot of her apartment.

Okay, so maybe he didn’t think this through.  

He hauled both of his suitcases up the staircase, most definitely putting chips in the wood steps along the way.  It reminded him of moving her in to the place months ago, with him yelling at Sean for half of the day but ending with a slice of pie and his first kiss from Effie.  He didn’t know what to expect now, but he knew that whatever he’d get, he’d be happy with.  He knocked on her door and waited.  

When Effie opened it, she looked confused because she wasn’t expecting anybody.  But the second she saw Matthew’s face, her face lit up like a night show of fireworks.  “Matthew!” she squealed, jumping on him and wrapping her arms tightly around his broad shoulders as he wrapped his arms around her waist.  “What are you doing here?!  You weren’t supposed to be back in Calgary for a few days!” the shock was still evident in her voice.

“Just thought I’d take an earlier flight out,” he said casually.  “Gonna need to customize to the time change anyway.”

As if an hour was going to be a big shock to his system.

When Effie pulled away, she still kept her hands on his shoulders and he kept his hands at her waist.  She’d gained more weight throughout the summer, thankfully, and filled out more.  The pair of jeans she was wearing actually fit.  The top she was wearing actually fit too – a simple navy-striped long sleeve.  He was happy to see that.  She’d been so frail when he met her in January.  She looked like she had life in her now.  “Have you even gone home?” she asked, looking down at his suitcases behind him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Uh…no,” he said awkwardly.  “Can I bring them in?  I just wanted to see you.”

Effie couldn’t help but gulp at his words.  “I just wanted to see you.”  Nobody had ever said those words to her before – not even her own mother, she thought.  Nobody was ever happy to see her in the cult.  But in the real world, Matthew was.  “Yeah, come in,” she said, moving to remove her hands from his shoulders to give him more space to haul his suitcases into her entrance.  He closed the door behind him when he was done, and that’s when the reality snapped back into Effie’s mind.  “Oh no!” she exclaimed worriedly.

Matthew automatically got worried too.  “Oh no what?”

“You came home early and I—I didn’t make your snickerdoodles!”

A smile automatically appeared on his face.  “Effie, it’s okay,” he said softly, slipping off his shoes.  “It’s not like I told you I was coming back to Calgary.”

The worried look didn’t leave her face.  “Are you sure?  I—I didn’t mean to forget.  I actually made one batch but I thought they could be better for you so I was going to make another and—”

“Effie,” he said sternly, placing a hand over hers, which had bunched together nervously.  “It’s alright.  It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” she asked one more time.

“I’m positive,” he squeezed her hands gently.  “Just gives me another excuse to come over again in a few days, really.”

A small smile crept on Effie’s face as she realized Matthew wasn’t angry.  Usually, when something like this happened, the outcome was much different.  She didn’t have to worry about that anymore.  “Well come in then, come in,” she said, moving further into her apartment so Matthew could follow her.  “D’you want something to drink?” she asked, already opening up her fridge.

“Tell me what you’ve been learning in school,” Matthew said instead, leaning against it.  “I want to hear everything I missed.”

Effie couldn’t stop talking after that.  They had managed to migrate to her couch and she told him about her courses and teachers and homework and assignments and textbooks and her new computer and the classroom and the building and the campus and the Starbucks on campus and the cafeteria she’d eat in and the vending machine she’d buy snacks from and the bench she’d sit on waiting for class and everything.  Everything.  There was nothing she didn’t talk about.  And he listened to it all, listened to all of it intently, not interrupting once, asking follow-up questions and asking her for more more more more more.  He couldn’t get enough.  He forgot about his water.  He forgot about the homemade Rice Krispie she gave him on a plate on her coffee table.  He forgot that he was going to suggest they go out to a Starbucks.  He forgot that he hadn’t seen her in months and was so desperate to see her that he came here before he even went to his own apartment.  All he could think about was here, and all he could pay attention to was what she was saying.  

He wanted it like this all the time.

“How’s therapy going?” he asked, finally remembering his water and taking a quick sip from his glass.  

“I’m seeing a sex therapist now too.”

That was a bombshell.  Matthew tried not to make it show that he was shocked at the news, but she’d said it so casually – like everyone saw a sex therapist.  And, like, a therapist was one thing, but a sex therapist was another.  He understood why she’d need one, but it was still a shock to him.  “Oh yeah?” he tried to say casually.

Effie nodded her head.  “I told Dr. Barlow how we’d been kissing,” she said, biting her lip and blushing slightly.  “And, um…well, I told her some other things, so she suggested I see the sex therapist to help fix them.”

Fix them?  Matthew had no idea what she meant.  He moved slightly closer to her on the couch as he furrowed his brows.  “What else did you tell her?” he asked softly.  Effie averted his gaze, looking away as if she were embarrassed.  “Effie, come on, you can tell me,” he urged.

“Well…when we—do you promise not to freak out at me?”

His heart ached.  “Of course.”

“When we started kissing—well, when I started kissing you…I liked it a lot,” she said.

“We were kissing each other,” he said, correcting her, because he knew language was important and the way things were phrased was important and he wanted her to know he was 100% in on it too.  He wasn’t exactly innocent.  He was a willing accomplice.  “I was kissing you too.  I liked it a lot too.”

Effie nodded her head.  “Well…I liked it a lot.  But then we had that talk and you left for St. Louis and we were in a good place.  Dr. Barlow told me that was very mature of me, and that she was very impressed.  But then…”

“But then…”

Effie kept averting his gaze.  “Um…but then, well, you weren’t here, and I started to have dreams of us kissing.  I’d lean into you and close my eyes and kiss you.  And your lips were soft like I remembered.  But then it would change.  Quickly.  And it would hurt.  It—it would hurt.  And I’d open my eyes and instead of you, it was…Abraham.  And I’d get so scared.  I’d wake up screaming.”

Matthew’s heart fell in the pit of his stomach.  He felt like he was going to be sick.  “I made you feel that way?”

“No!  No you didn’t,” she shook her head vehemently.  “It was only when you left.  When you’re—Matthew, no,” her words were jumbled because she had started crying.  “When we kissed, I liked it.  I liked it so much.  But my mind was playing tricks on me.”

“Effie, if I hurt you—”

“You didn’t.  You didn’t hurt me at all,” she pressed, her hand extending automatically to grab at his forearm comfortingly.  “You could never hurt me Matthew.  Ever.  I just…” her voice had gotten softer, frailer, more like it had been in January.  “I still see him sometimes.”

If Matthew’s heart had fallen into the pit of his stomach before, then now it had just shattered into a billion pieces.  “Oh, Effie…” he barely got out.

“I don’t want to see him ever again,” she said.  

“C’mere,” he said softly, pulling her body towards his so he could hug her.  He wrapped his arms around her tightly and could feel Effie melt into him, her head cradled on his chest.  He wanted her to feel as safe as possible with him – he’d wanted that since the beginning.  With this new revelation, he now wanted it more than ever.  “You’ll never see him again, Effie.  I promise you.”

“I know I won’t.  I know.  This is happening because of what happened to me.”

“When he would hurt you.”

Effie looked up at him, nodding, almost embarrassingly.  “I know that he can’t hurt me anymore.  But my dreams would take me back to when he did.  It wasn’t you, Matthew.  You didn’t make me feel that way.  I told Dr. Barlow and Dr. Stevenson that.  They’re just trying to help me not see him anymore, and move past the things that he did to me.  And they’re…they’re trying not to make me feel guilty about something so simple like kissing.”

“You felt guilty about us kissing?” he asked.

“Women couldn’t date, right?  So it wasn’t like I was kissing any of the other boys in the cult. We were harlots and sinners if we kissed men, and we were responsible for them straying away from God.  My first kiss was on my fake wedding day.”

Matthew could kill them all.  He had half the heart to jump into his car and drive to Sheerness so that he could.  “I will give you as many kisses as you want if it helps you forget,” he blurted out.

Effie couldn’t help but smile.  “Can we start again now?  Slowly?”

Matthew smiled slightly.  She craned her head up and placed one of her signature chaste kisses on his lips, and he reciprocated readily, the feeling of her lips on his after months of not having them there ranking up there with the best feeling in the world.  When she pulled away, her eyes were still closed, but there was a smile on her face.  Her prior tears had stained her cheeks.  “Hugging you feels nice too,” Effie said, finally opening her eyes.  

Matthew smiled.  “Well then we’ll start doing a lot of that too.”

***

At the beginning of every hockey season, right before training camp, the Calgary Flames hosted a gala to benefit the Calgary Flames Foundation.  The team would set a fundraising goal for the night – often surpassed – and then set one for the season – also surpassed – to give back to the city and community that supported them endlessly, through thick and thin.  The gala was unofficially the kickoff to the season.  Every member of the team, coaching staff, and head office attended.  It was one of Calgary’s biggest events.  It was the one night of the year Matthew didn’t mind being out and having to small-talk with hundreds of strangers, because he knew it was all for a good cause and a greater good.  

Matthew was forced to wear a tuxedo.  All the members of the team were forced to wear tuxedos.  He kept fiddling with his bowtie and Mark kept slapping his hand away.  Matthew thought they all looked like penguins.  He searched around the gala room, already filling up with people.  He took his phone out of his pocket.

You guys here yet? he texted Geneviève, knowing that since Elias and Jacob were already here, she and Annica were coming together.  

We’re in a taxi.  Eyeliner needed to be reapplied because Effie kept crying.

Matthew chuckled to himself, picturing the image of Effie sitting in a chair while Annica and Geneviève fussed over her makeup.  Before he could text her back, another text from her came through.

She looks beautiful, by the way.

Matthew was impatient.  He kept looking towards the doors even though he was supposed to be pretending to be interested in what these rich people had to say.  Levi and Jenna were already there, too, so it really was just him waiting for Effie to arrive.  This entire night didn’t start until Effie arrived.  

Matthew was in a conversation with someone when he saw her walk through the doors.  Annica was wearing a navy blue bodycon dress that showed off her curves, and she looked great.  Geneviève was wearing an emerald green midi-length dress with a high slit, high collar, back cut-out, and cap sleeves, and she looked impeccably chic and stylish, like only Geneviève could.  

But it was Effie, of course, who looked the best.  A bright red dress that fell to her knees, with floral lace and sequins and cape sleeves that covered her otherwise bare arms.  She wore a pair of low nude heels, and her blonde bob was styled professionally as a barely-there curl.  She looked impeccable.  Beautiful.  Stunning.  Gorgeous.  Divine.  Exquisite.  

“Excuse me,” he said quickly to the man and wife he was talking to, and left Elias alone with them as he made his way through the crowd and towards Effie, Annica, and Geneviève.  He pushed past some people gently before finally appearing in front of them.  He could see Geneviève smirking the second they saw him, but he locked eyes with Effie.  When she saw him in his tux, her breath hitched in her throat.  He looked good.  “Hi,” he said to Effie breathlessly.

Annica saw the look in his eyes and knew she had to skedaddle out of there.  “Where’s Elias?”

“Over there,” Matthew pointed behind him, somewhere in the crowd of four hundred people, as if that answered the question and helped her.

“Thanks,” she left, winking at him as she passed him.

Geneviève was next.  “I guess my husband is in the same place?” she asked him.

“Mhm,” he nodded his head quickly.

“Great.  You two behave.  If I don’t see you, I’ll assume you’re in a broom closet,” she said before disappearing into the crowd of people.

Matthew and Effie hadn’t taken their eyes off each other.  Effie thought he looked great in his tux; it was tailored to perfection, and really showed off how thick his body was, but in a good way.  She’d felt it when they hugged when he showed up to her place after landing in Calgary, and if she was being honest with herself, she had been thinking about it ever since.  She kept thinking about being physical with him, about touching him and hugging and cuddling and doing all the things she couldn’t have done with another man before.  And she only wanted to do them with Matthew.  Her mind – and now increasingly her body – wanted to do that only with Matthew.  With the dress and the makeup and the whole look all together, Matthew was a man possessed.  With Geneviève and Annica gone, Matthew couldn’t help but bite his bottom lip to suppress himself from smiling bashfully, like he usually did with Effie.  “You look beautiful, Effie,” he said softly.

“Thanks,” she smiled.  “This is the second dress I’ve ever worn that has shown off my legs.  It’s Geneviève’s.  And – if you can believe it – this is the first time I’ve word something red.”

He couldn’t take it anymore.  From her hair to her makeup to her dress to her shoes, he just couldn’t fucking take it anymore.  He looked around the room quickly before grabbing her hand.  “Come with me,” he mumbled.

“Where are we going?”

He dragged her out of the room and into the foyer.  There were more people out there, sipping on cocktails and eating hors d’oeuvres and getting checked in, so he kept walking with her behind him down the long foyer that connected all the different hall rooms in the complex together.  When it got quieter, and the rush of people were too far away, he led her into a short corridor where a men’s and women’s washroom was.  They were far enough away that he knew no-one from the gala would find them.

“Matthew?  Is everything okay?” she asked as she watched him close the door behind them.

“Everything’s fine,” he said, his voice strained.  “I just…God, Effie, you look so fucking beautiful.”

Effie could pick up on the strain in his voice.  She could also see the fire in his eyes as he looked down at her.  She didn’t know much about the world, and she knew even less about men, but those things alone were telling her something.  Her body was telling her something too, something she’d never heard from it before.  Instead of being repulsed by the body in front of her, she was drawn to it.  Instead of being scared to touch it, she wanted to feel it all over her.  Instead of allowing her mind to take her somewhere else so she didn’t have to focus on pain on hurt or anything else, she wanted to be in the moment and feel everything.  “Kiss me, Matthew,” she said.  She’d never been so bold in her entire life.  She didn’t think she had it in her.

Matthew didn’t need to be told twice.  He held her face between his hands, dipped his head, and began kissing her passionately.  Effie loved it.  It wasn’t a chaste kiss like the kisses they had shared in the past.  This kiss was hungry, and told her almost everything she needed to know about Matthew’s feelings.

Her feelings were similar.  She wanted to explore them.  She wanted to do more.  

That was why, when it was Effie who slid her tongue along Matthew’s lips, he stopped in shock.  Not that he wanted to – the action was just surprising.  He pulled away slightly, making sure it was something she wanted to do.  When he saw her open her eyes slowly, she was bringing her hands up, placing them over his.  “You can touch me, Matthew,” her voice was barely above a whisper.

He let out a shaky breath.  He knew they weren’t exactly gonna hook up in the bathroom or anything, but this was still huge, especially for Effie.  “Are you sure?” he asked.

She nodded her head.  “You won’t hurt me.”

He dipped down and kissed her again.  And he kept kissing her, letting his hands wander to her waist and hips, where he gripped them and pulled them closer to his body.  And she kept kissing him, letting her hands wander down his chest and under his tuxedo jacket to his back, feeling the thickness of his body.  And for at least a few minutes, they were in their own little world, kissing in the men’s bathroom of a banquet hall, hands all over each other as Matthew probably got lipstick all over his mouth.  

Effie was loving it.  The feeling of his soft lips on hers was unlike anything she’d ever felt, and his tongue in her mouth, tasting slightly of the alcohol he’d drunk before she got there, was intoxicating to say the least.  She felt like it could go on forever.  She was pretty sure she would let it go on forever if she could.  She was happy, so happy that she was doing this – that she could do this.  Two years ago, if she’d even thought about it, she would have been scared of being damned to hell for eternity.  Now, she was enjoying it.  Now, she wanted to do it all the time.  Now, she could—

She could—

She—

Now, it hurt a little.

Now, the lips weren’t as soft.

Now, she could feel a prickly, unkept beard scraping at her skin—

“STOP,” she instinctively pushed the body away, scrunching her face and gulping hard.  Before she could see Abraham’s face – before it could appear to her in her mind – she opened her eyes and looked at Matthew.

Matthew.

Matthew.

She saw him staring back at her worriedly and she let out a shaky breath.  He knew why she stopped; he didn’t need to be told.  “I’m—I’m so—”

“Hey hey, it’s okay,” he said soothingly.  “It’s alright, Effie.  We can stop.”

She diverted her eyes from looking at him.  She was so embarrassed.  “You won’t be mad?” she asked.  That was usually how it went for, well…

Matthew put his hand under her chin so he could look her in the eye.  “No,” he said, with as much conviction as he could muster.  “We can stop whenever you want.”

“I’m so—”

“Do not apologize to me,” he said sternly.  She didn’t need to.  He needed her to know that.  “Never apologize to me for that.”

She bit her bottom lip.  “Thank you for stopping.”

“There’s no way in hell I’d keep going.”

Effie nodded.  She understood.  “At least I’m getting better,” she said.  “I didn’t give you a black eye this time.”

Matthew couldn’t help but snort.  It released all the tension in the air immediately; even Effie was giggling slightly.  “That you did not,” he said, grabbing her hand slightly.  “Wanna go back out there?  Well, after we get all this lipstick off of me.”

***

The gala was nice.  It was formal and the food was decent and even though Matthew basically kept his eye on Effie sitting with Levi and Jenna the entire night, it was nice.  He had fun with his teammates.  He embarrassed himself on stage for charity.  At the silent auction, one of his packages with signed memorabilia went for the second-highest bid.  He was proud of what he and the team were able to accomplish in terms of giving back to the community.

But now he had more important things on his mind.  

By the time he found Effie again, she was standing in a group with Levi and Jenna, Jacob and Geneviève, and Annica and Elias.  It looked like they were chatting about something exciting, so Matthew knew he needed to be there.  When Geneviève saw him butt his way in, she smiled.  “I was just reminiscing about when Jacob and I met, and how my friends and I went to the pubs in Oxford after our graduation in our robes and Tudor bonnets,” she said, filling him in.  “There’s nothing better than showing up to a place severely overdressed and then having the time of your life dancing.”

Matthew looked at Geneviève in her dress.  He looked at Annica in hers, and Effie in hers, and Jenna in hers.  He looked to his teammates in his tuxedos, and to Levi wearing a form-fitted navy suit.  “Wanna go dancing?”

Elias smirked.  “The night’s still young.”

***

They ended up at a bar downtown, one that Matthew had been to before but couldn’t really remember exactly what happened (it was his first year in Calgary and he’d just found out hours before that the legal drinking age was only eighteen).  The bouncer looked at them all weirdly in their getups but let them in anyway.  It was only when they entered that they realized it was frosh week for the University of Calgary, and the bar was full of university students drinking and dancing.  The floor was slightly sticky.  It was the perfect venue for the goal they wanted to achieve.

“Oh, this takes me back,” Geneviève giggled, looking out at the sea of people.  She looked at Annica and Jenna.  “Spicy margs?”

Both women nodded.  “Spicy margs.”

She looked at Effie.  “Have you ever had alcohol?”

“No.”

“Do you want to try it while you’re safe with us?”

Effie nodded.  

Geneviève, Effie, and Matthew headed to the bar while the rest of the group went to find a bar table to take over.  Matthew made sure Effie got a spot right at the front as he stood directly behind her, his body pressed against hers.  Geneviève waved down the bartenders and ordered all the drinks.  All the university students clamouring to get a spot at the bar and the attention of the bartenders looked at them weird for their too-fancy clothes.  Geneviève didn’t care – it wasn’t like this was her first time doing this.  Effie was a little self-conscious, but that soon went away when she saw the drinks being made in front of her.

“Whenever you go out to a bar like this, you always want the bartender to make your drink in front of you.  Don’t ever accept a drink from a stranger or if you haven’t seen it made in front of you,” Geneviève cautioned her.  

“Okay,” Effie nodded.  “What happens if I don’t like the spicy margarita though?”

“Then we’ll get you another drink.”

Once all the drinks were made, they were brought back to the bar table the rest of the group managed to find and everyone began drinking.  Effie liked her spicy margarita.  Matthew let her take a sip of his beer but she didn’t like that too much.  She ordered another spicy margarita.  Her body began to feel tingly because of the tequila.  The music started to get progressively louder, too, the bass making the floor vibrate.  Effie looked out onto the dance floor to see a bunch of people her age dancing – grinding, as Matthew called it at Andrew’s birthday many months ago.  She watched them intently, while they were having the time of their lives.  

“You okay?” Matthew asked, bending down to ask as she was looking out at the crowd.  

“I want to dance but I don’t know how to,” she revealed.  “I’m just…looking to see what everyone else is doing.  I wouldn’t be comfortable with that grinding.”

Matthew couldn’t help but smile.  “Nobody knows how to dance, Effie.  We all just move our bodies to the beat of the music.”

The song changed suddenly and it made Geneviève scream at the top of her lungs in excitement.  Effie watched as she grabbed her drink and Jacob’s hand and dragged him towards the dance floor as they began to dance together.  Levi and Jenna followed, and so did Annica and Elias.  The couples weren’t grinding like the university students, but instead danced facing each other, holding hands or swaying back and forth, holding their drinks it their hands and raising them up in the air, miraculously not spilling a thing.  She and Matthew were the only ones left at the bar table.  “This was their wedding song, I think,” Matthew explained, watching Effie watch Jacob and Geneviève dancing.

“What’s it called?”

“I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston.”

“Levi hasn’t introduced me to that one.”

“Levi isn’t the type to listen to Whitney Houston.”

Effie continued to watch them dance, Geneviève singing the lyrics to Jacob at the top of her lungs.  They were so in love with each other, even she could see it, and she barely knew what healthy love was.  A part of her wondered what made them love each other so much, and another part of her wondered if she should ask.  Was it rude to ask something like that?

“D’you want to dance, Effie?” Matthew asked.

Effie looked up at him.  “Do you think people will laugh at me because I don’t know how?”

He shook his head.  “There’s so many people and they’re all so drunk, they won’t even notice you.”

She gripped her margarita tighter.  There was something to be said about overcoming fears ever since she left the cult, and this could be classified as one of them.  But she wasn’t like these university students who were moving their bodies so freely and easily.  She was much more restrained – with everything really – but she wanted to actively work to move away from that.  Conquer her fears.  Do what she needed to do to shed herself from the past.  So she nodded her head.  “Let’s go.”

Matthew grabbed her hand and led her on to the dance floor, moving his body to the song with his beer still in his hand, doing his best not to spill it everywhere, but especially not on Effie wearing Geneviève’s expensive red dress.  Effie watched, moving her feet back and forth awkwardly.  She looked up at Matthew for reassurance, only to see him already smiling at her.  “You got it, you got it,” he said, moving his feet in a similar way.  

“What do I do with my hands?” she asked.

“Just throw ‘em up!” he showed her.  She did the same movements, but she couldn’t step or move with the beat of the music.  Matthew could tell she was nervous.  “Just move your body, Effie.  Move it however you want.  Doesn’t need to be on beat.”

Effie closed her eyes, trying to get the feel of the song in her, but she lost her groove because it soon ended and another began.  This one was even more upbeat – well, it had a better beat – and Effie began to move again.  

Feel buried alive This city is airtight Suffocated and lonely in the crowd I'm surrounded by All the screens of their life Screaming in to space to drown them out

Effie not only began to move her feet and hands, but she tried swaying her hips a bit.  She liked this beat.  She loved this beat.  She lost herself completely in it, dancing with no inhibitions.  Matthew watched as she let loose, moving her body in tune with the music.  Her dancing was unlike anyone else’s around her, and the only thing he wanted to was copy her.  It looked a bit ridiculous, but it didn’t matter to Matthew.  He’d made himself look more ridiculous than this before.  This was nothing.

I felt down so low Found nowhere to go But I know you wait for me You wait for me So far out of sight Straight into the white But I know you wait for me I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

Effie opened her eyes to see Matthew.  Matthew, who would wait for her.  Matthew, who had waited for her.  

'Cause I've been hypnotized by the lights But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight Yeah, it's taken time to realize But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

“Go Effie!  Go Effie!” Annica chanted, coming up beside them with Elias, grooving to the beat of the music.  Annica watched Effie moving and followed her movements too – albeit more fluidly – and when Effie looked up and saw Annica, a giant smile took over her face.  Annica screamed in excitement and cheered their drinks together before moving with her, beside Matthew, letting him get closest to her.

So hold me tight I just wanna fade out Somewhere we can ship the world away I'm ready to hide Far from the fallout They won't find us in the paradise we'll make

“Woooooooo!  You go girl!  Get loose!” Geneviève screamed from her other side, approaching them with Jacob beside her who was doing a modified version of the robot.  Matthew watched as Effie closed her eyes, going into her own little world, raising her arms and bopping her body to the music.  It was the happiest and most carefree he’d ever seen her.  He vowed right then and there to take her dancing whenever she wanted to go so she could feel this same way.

I felt down so low Found nowhere to go But I know you wait for me You wait for me So far out of sight Straight into the white But I know you wait for me I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

Effie was feeling it.  She loved it.  She loved this.  She loved the people she was surrounded by.  If this was love, she wanted to feel it all the time.

'Cause I've been hypnotized by the lights But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight Yeah, it's taken time to realize But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

When she opened her eyes again, she saw everyone dancing around her.  She stepped closer to Matthew, almost so close that she could feel his body against hers.  They moved together to the climax of the song, Matthew looking down at her and smiling.

Free falling from the high I'm following the voice I know Free falling from the high I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

In his tuxedo and in her frilly red dress with cape sleeves, surrounded by people. it felt like they were the only ones in the world.

'Cause I've been hypnotized by the lights But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight Yeah, it's taken time to realize But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

***

“I think I can live a normal life with him,” Effie told Dr. Barlow as she sat in her usual seat in the office, looking down at her hands.  She’d already been talking for almost an hour during her session, but she felt the need to get that statement out.  Dr. Barlow had the right to know.

“With Matthew?” Dr. Barlow clarified.

Effie nodded her head.  Who else would she be talking about?  “He’s never once made me feel uncomfortable or unsafe or…like…ashamed of what I went through,” she elaborated.  

“That’s a very positive thing,” Dr. Barlow said, her voice steady.  “It’s good that you’re thinking about these things, Effie.  You’re thinking about your future.  You actually see a future for yourself.  But how normal do you think a friendship or perhaps even a life with a hockey player can be?” she asked.

Effie shrugged her shoulders.  “I don’t know.  I barely understand hockey as it is.”

“Well, hockey players don’t exactly live the most conventional of lifestyles.  They travel a lot, as I’m sure you know since Levi travels with the team.”

“Yeah…” Effie didn’t know where Dr. Barlow was going with this.  “That’s…that’s not the biggest deal to me.”

Dr. Barlow nodded her head, writing something down on her pad of paper.  “Have you continued to kiss him since he’s come back?”  Effie nodded.  “Regularly?”

“Semi-regularly.”

“Have you told Dr. Stevenson?” she asked.  Effie nodded again.  “Do you still envision Abraham sometimes?”

Effie hesitated before nodding her head.  She knew she couldn’t lie.  “It’s been getting better though.  We kissed for a couple of minutes once before I, um, felt Abraham’s beard.  And when he stopped, he didn’t get mad at all.  I means it’s progress from when he brushed up against me in bed and I gave him a black eye,” she tried to joke.

Dr. Barlow apparently didn’t find it funny like Matthew had.  She just nodded again and wrote on her note pad.  “You should tell Dr. Stevenson about that.”

***

“I made another pint of maple pecan ice cream,” Effie told Levi as she handed him a Tupperware full of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies.  They were mostly for Jenna – she was craving them.  Jenna had been craving a lot of things lately, ever since Effie got her own mixer, anyway.  Effie had been experimenting making ice cream.  The café was pleased about this as well.  The owner was already looking to invest in ice cream storage to be able to serve it.  “I’ve found a real gem in you, Effie,” the owner would repeat over and over again to her.  Matthew had to stop himself constantly from getting a third bowl on nights he’d come over.  He’d tap at his stomach and say “I can’t” but when he’d go and put his bowl in the sink, she’d always see him hesitate before he did so.  “Do you want it?”

“Please,” he begged his sister.  She moved to open her freezer.  “I swear Effie, the best thing Matthew’s ever done was get you that KitchenAid.  I’ve been gaining weight ever since.”

Effie smiled.  “At least you’re not the hockey player that has to stay in peak physical condition.  Matthew’s been complaining that I’m making him pudgy.”

“Thank God.”

“Speaking of…” she began, handing him the pint of ice cream.  “Do you think you can teach me about hockey?”

“You mean like the rules and stuff?”

“Yeah.  You know, like what’s going on out there whenever I’m at games.”

“Okay,” he nodded, shrugging his shoulder slightly.  “Any reason?”

“If I’m going to be surrounded by hockey because of you, then I should learn it, shouldn’t I?” Effie asked rhetorically.  

“Sure,” he side-eyed his sister playfully.  “But does this have anything to do with Matthew?”

“What if it does?”

Levi smiled.  He knew there was something going on between the two of them, regardless of whether or not they wanted to tell him.  He liked Matthew, he knew he was a good kid, so it wasn’t the worst thing in the world.  She could have hooked up with someone way worse.  Actually, she could have gone the opposite route of where she currently was (which many former cult members went), which was becoming a hypersexual after being sexually repressed for so many years.  Effie was taking her time with it, and that was fine, but if her friendship…or relationship, or whatever she had going on with Matthew was any indication, Levi figured Effie was thinking about it.  “I don’t care, Effie.  It’s kind of cute, actually.”

“So you’ll teach me?”

“Of course.  I’ll have you screaming at the referees in no time.”

***

“So Levi’s teaching me about hockey,” Effie said as she marinated chicken in her kitchen, her phone call with Matthew on speakerphone as she moved around and got her hands dirty.  

“He is?”

“Mhm.  By the time the home opener comes around, I’ll be able to understand what’s going on,” she revealed.

“I better get you a Tkachuk jersey then.”

Effie smiled bashfully, even though he couldn’t see it.  “You don’t want me wearing a Markstrom one like last time?” she joked.

“Effie.”

***

Effie was nervous as she sat in Dr. Stevenson’s office.  Not because she was scared, or because she wasn’t a good sex therapist, or because of anything like that.  She was nervous to admit to her the thoughts she’d been having about Matthew, even though she knew Dr. Stevenson wouldn’t judge her at all and that it was his job to help her.  Help her make peace with these thoughts; help her realize they were completely normal and okay; help her act on them, eventually, in a healthy way.  Dr. Stevenson already knew about Matthew – she knew about him from Effie’s very first day.  

“My mind may not be ready but my body is physically attracted to him. I don’t know how to…you know, mend the two so that both are on the same page,” Effie admitted after almost an hour.  “I want to be with him.  I do.  I know he won’t hurt me – that he’d never hurt me.”

Dr. Stevenson nodded.  “When you were in the People’s Dominion of Christ, there was a huge power imbalance between Abraham, being the prophet and leader, and the followers – you,” Dr. Stevenson began to explain.  “This imbalance made it impossible for you to give true consent to sex.”

Effie’s body stiffened.  Consent.  Geneviève had taught her that term early on.  Consent was giving permission for something to happen.  Effie had never given her consent to marry Abraham.  She’d never given Abraham consent to consummate their marriage.  She’d never given Abraham consent to touch her, stroke her, do anything to her.  She’d surely never given him consent to impregnate her.  “Okay…that makes sense.  But I didn’t know I had to give consent.  I thought that men could do whatever they wanted with my body.  Especially Abraham, since he was the prophet.”

“The institutionalized sexism in the cult is nothing I haven’t heard before.  Many victims like yourself have said the exact same thing to me,” Dr. Stevenson said.  “You are not alone.  There are many people like you, unfortunately.  When females are not equally valued because of misogyny, because of outdated traditional gender roles that are disempowering, it makes women like you experience sexual inequality and become more susceptible to leaders who will exploit you.”

“So how do I get it back?”

“Get what back?”

“My agency.  My…my…” Effie began to tear up, thinking about all the things she had to endure at the hands of Abraham – literally and metaphorically.  “How do I get my mind back?  My body is finally mine, and I can do what I want with it, but I don’t feel like I have my mind back yet if I’m kissing Matthew but then all of a sudden I remember the feeling of Abraham’s beard or that I can’t sit or lie at the foot of a bed because that’s where…”

Dr. Stevenson took a deep breath.  “One way to do so is to embrace, appreciate, and celebrate your sexual self.  That is what I am trying to help you do here.  You need to understand that your capacity for pleasure is not a luxury, and it is not shameful either.  It is a necessity for a well-balanced and emotionally happy life.  As a woman – as a survivor of sexual abuse, of rape – you should take a stand for your own sexual healing and embrace sexual pleasure as something that will help heal you.”

Effie nodded her head, more tears escaping her now, but she understood.  She knew what she needed to do, and the mental shift she needed to go through.  Touching could be pleasurable for the woman.  Sex could be pleasurable for the woman. Not everything had to hurt.  Not everything had to come with pain.  

“I’m not saying this is going to happen tomorrow for you, Effie,” Dr. Stevenson continued.  “I’m not saying it’ll happen next month, or year.  It happens quickly for some, and for others it can take years.  Everybody has their own timeline – you included.  You have to remember that your trauma comes with complex PTSD.  If you set goals for yourself, like you already have been doing, with a person you are comfortable with – Matthew – your sexual self will grow with your physical self and your mental self.  When those three parts of you are aligned, they will all grow stronger, and make you stronger.”

Effie kept nodding.  The words were permeating through her like lightning.  “I’m going to try.  I’m really going to try.”

“Just stop when you need to stop.  Go when you want to go.  You’ll get there, Effie.”

***

“Did you learn about gay people in the cult?” Matthew asked as he prepared Brokeback Mountain on the TV while Effie finished pouring the popcorn into the bowl.  

“Not in a good way, if that’s what you’re really asking,” she said from the kitchen.  “You know the stupid Bible verse.  The prophet called it an abomination.  But it was one of the first things that Levi and Jenna taught out of me when I first went to live with them, because Jenna’s brother is gay and has a husband and two kids.  Levi didn’t want me to be shocked if I ever saw them.”

Matthew didn’t know that about Jenna.  But he nodded his head and watched Effie bring the bowl of popcorn over.  “Have you met them?”

Effie nodded.  “They came over a few months after I arrived.  They were so incredibly kind,” she explained.  She handed the popcorn bowl to Matthew to take before folding her leg and collapsing onto the couch beside him, facing him.  “It really…it really messed with me.  I mean, it’s not like I wanted to think that way.  It was what I was conditioned to think.  I didn’t know better.  And I felt so bad, because I knew they knew, but they were so understanding.  From the moment they walked through the door they were so nice and they didn’t hold it against me,” she explained.  

Matthew could only listen.  And though he listened through her entire explanation, he was hung up on one thing.  “You should stop calling him the prophet,” he said suddenly, not really thinking it through but needing to get it out.  “He wasn’t a prophet.  He wasn’t even your husband.  He was just some guy.”

Effie looked stunned by what he was saying.  She’d never considered that before.  She was so used to calling him the prophet that the thought hadn’t even crossed her mind – ever.  “You’re right,” she said, unable to say anything else.  It was such a simple sentiment but it held so much power.  “I…you’re right, Matthew.”

He smiled slightly.  “Wanna start the movie?”

Effie nodded.  Matthew extended his arm to move the bowl to the side, and his other arm moved upwards slightly, signalling to Effie that it was already to cuddle.  She moved closer to him, snuggling into his side and letting both legs drape over his thigh.  Only then did he let his arm down, draping it over her back.  Effie looked up at him.  “Is that okay?” she asked.

“It’s perfect,” he whispered, placing the bowl of popcorn between their bodies so they had equal access to it.  “You comfortable?”

“Mhm.”

“Effie, are you comfortable?” he repeated.

She knew why he was repeating himself.  She looked up at him and smiled.  “The comfiest I’ve ever been.”

Matthew pressed play.  From that moment, Effie’s eyes were glued to the screen, hooked on the love story unfolding in front of her.  For Matthew, he was more hooked on watching her than the movie, but he kept up slightly.  At some point during the movie – Matthew didn’t pay attention when – Effie’s hand settled on his abs, and it was all he could think about for the rest of the night.  He was acutely aware of its placement.  Then, the sadder scenes started happening, and he’d feel the hand grip his t-shirt, and his body would seize up.  She’d soften it, but then grip again when something emotional would happen.  Then the scene where Ennis visits Jack’s parents after his death occurred, and Ennis was let into Jack’s childhood bedroom and found his old shirt.  Matthew watched as Ennis smelled it and clutched it against his chest.

Then he heard Effie let out a sob.  

She gripped him tighter than she ever had.  He tightened his hold on her too, shifting slightly and letting his shirt ride up against the couch, just so she could cuddle into him even more than she already was.  He could feel her hand on his skin now, gripping at his side tenderly as the tears still rolled down her face.  He took the opportunity to place his hand in the small sliver of space where her shirt had ridden up too, squeezing and massaging it gently to comfort her.  “Y’okay?” his voice was barely above a whisper.

She didn’t respond.  Her eyes were glued to the TV.  As the movie continued, Matthew left his hand exactly where it was, and Effie left her hand exactly where it was.  Holding each other.  Clutching each other.  

When the movie ended, Effie didn’t move for a long time.  Not even when the credits began rolling on the screen.  “Are you okay, Effie?” Matthew repeated his question from earlier, albeit a bit louder and more pronounced this time.

“I think my heart is broken,” she finally let out, bringing the hand that was squeezing his side to her face so she could wipe her tears away.  “That was beautiful.  Beautiful.”

“It was,” Matthew agreed.  It was very obvious the movie was affecting her a lot.

Effie moved so she could look up at Matthew, craning her head and bringing her hand up to cradle his face so she could kiss him.  When their lips connected, Matthew could feel the wetness of her cheeks.  “I can’t believe I was ever scared of that,” she whispered against his lips when she pulled away.

“Doesn’t matter.  What matters is what you think now.”

Effie nodded.  He always knew the right things to say.  He was helping her change her past and way of thinking one way or another.  “I think I want to kiss you again.”

Matthew kissed her.  And even as the credits finished, neither of them would let go of the other.

***

The Calgary Flames home opener at the Saddledome had Effie buzzing with excitement.  She wore a brand new pair of jeans for the occasion, and arrived at the game with Jenna, Annica, and Geneviève.  As was normal for them, Annica was wearing her tried and true Lindholm jersey, while Geneviève was sporting a Markstrom one.  Jenna wore Levi’s old Iginla jersey.  

Effie had Tkachuk sprawled across her back.  

“Do you want to go down near the ice and wave?” Annica asked, and Effie nodded her head.  “It might get a big crowded, so stay near me.”

The ladies descended down the steps, joining the pretty big crowd that had formed against the glass beside Jacob’s net.  A bunch of kids were up against the glass with homemade signs, their parents near them taking pictures.  Some men around Effie’s age were there too, drinking beers with their jerseys on and taking videos on their phones.  Other girls her age were there too, taking pictures of all the players.  “Can you see Matthew?” Geneviève asked as she looked down at Effie.

“He’s over there,” she smiled, pointing at Matthew across the ice.  He was practicing his stickhandling, in such deep concentration that he didn’t look up for a while.  When he finally did look up, happy with his stickhandling, he began skating around the ice, bumping into Noah and Andrew along the way.  

Effie waved excitedly.

Matthew stopped when he saw her.  Even though there was glass streaked with puck shots and some distance between them, she could see him smile from ear to ear, his mouth guard hanging out.  He waved back, his hockey glove looking like a giant bear claw.

“God you two are insufferable,” Geneviève said jokingly.

Matthew continued to skate around, shooting the puck at the net, each of them going in.  Geneviève noticed all of his glances back at them, and the small smile constantly on his face as he went about his drills.  When the practice was almost over, she kept an eye intently on him, watching as he skated over.  She knew what he wanted to go.  “Go closer,” she said to Effie, urging her with a little nudge.  

Effie took her cue and stepped down, closer to the glass.  Matthew had flipped a puck over the glass towards a kid with a sign for him.  Now, as Effie watched, he pointed to her and made sure everyone around knew who he was pointing to.  She turned around slightly, pointing to his name on her back.  He smiled wide and flipped another puck, perfectly, right into her hands.  

Geneviève watched as the young women around them eyed Effie suspiciously.

***

“Matthew!” Effie squealed once he finally emerged from the locker room, his suit back on and his tie tied loosely around his neck.  She hugged him excitedly, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he reciprocated.  “Great game!”

“Thanks, Effie.”

“And your goal!” she continued.  Now that she actually understood hockey, and now that she wasn’t scared about every little thing around her at the arena, she could actually enjoy the experience and know what was going on.  “What a great goal!”

He had the puck in his pocket, and had planned to give it to her, but right now his mind was elsewhere.  Seeing her in his jersey at the beginning of the game did things to him, and although he was able to focus throughout the sixty minutes, now that he saw her again with his name sprawled across her back, his mind was right where it was the moment he first saw her that night.  “Wanna come over mine and watch a movie?” he asked, his voice low so no-one else would hear.

To his complete surprise, Effie nodded her head immediately.  “Of course.”

They left inconspicuously without saying goodbye to anyone.

***

Effie broke down during the first scene.

Matthew had changed out of his suit and into a sweater and track pants, and Effie had taken off the jersey and hung it up in his front closet.  They cuddled on the couch together, exactly as they’d done when they watched Brokeback Mountain, and Matthew pressed play on Netflix.  The first scene was the main character, Esty, packing up her most valuable belongings, including a small picture of her grandmother, and running away from her Hasidic community.  All before the opening credits.  When the show’s opening played, he heard Effie let out a loud sob.

“Hey hey hey,” he cooed, watching as she brought her hand up to cover her mouth to try and control herself, but there was no use.  Tears were streaming down her face.  “It’s alright, it’s alright.”

“It’s me,” she said softly, through tears.  “It’s me.”

“C’mere,” he said, pulling her even closer against his body, if that was possible.  Every inch of her was touching him now, with his arms wrapped tightly around her, and he hoped that brought her at least some reprieve.  She was wiping her face with her hands, and he could see her chest heaving, though he could tell she was taking deep breaths to calm herself down.  Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.  “We can stop it or watch so—”

“No,” she interjected sternly, looking up at him.  “I can do this.”

“I know you can Effie, but—”

“No buts.  I can watch this,” she was adamant.  

Matthew lost.  He knew he would.  He bit his bottom lip and nodded his head.  “Will you promise to tell me if it becomes too much?”

Effie nodded.  She snuck her hand underneath his sweater to feel his skin again, and she – surprisingly – game him a quick peck before laying her head on his chest again.  “Press play.”

Matthew kissed her forehead, then the crown of her head, then laid his cheek there before pressing play.  

Effie broke down again less than ten minutes later, when the grandmother was listening to an old German song, An Die Musik sung by Elisabeth Scwartzkopf.  And again, when Yanky was searching her childhood bedroom and found her personal items and her music.  The last scene she cried to was near the end, when Esty’s biological mother showed up and gave her documents to prove German citizenship “just in case you need somewhere else to go”.  When the episode ended, Effie was shedding her last tears.  Matthew paused Netflix before the episode could switch over.  “You okay?”

Effie nodded, despite her tears.  “I know it’s different religions, but a lot of things were just, like, so similar,” she explained.  “The…the beginning brought me back.”

“I can only imagine,” Matthew whispered.

“The grandmother crying listening to that beautiful song.  Esty’s music.  Her mom still looking out for her despite abandoning her.  It all just…it all just really hit home.”  Matthew nodded.  It was the only thing he could do.  If Effie wanted to elaborate, she could, but he wasn’t going to force her.  Instead, he shifted her body so she was sitting more in his lap as opposed to right beside him.  She steadied her breathing, and her tears had stopped.  “When I went to live with the proph—Abraham, as his wife,” she began, “he made me leave everything at home besides my clothes.  I couldn’t see my favourite things unless I was visiting, and even then, I’d never be alone in my room for more than two minutes because he knew I’d be reminiscing, and he said it was a sin to dwell on my past life when I should have been looking forward to my future as his wife and as a mother to his son of God.”  She paused, biting her bottom lip; Matthew could tell she was remembering it all vividly in her mind.  “After a year my mom threw out all my things anyway.  Because she agreed with him.”

“What did you have?  What were your things?” he asked, sad and angry and disturbed all at once.  

“Just simple things.  Nothing special,” she said.  “My…my own Bible that I’d been using since I was a kid.  A journal I had where I recorded my favourite verses.  A doll I had when I was a kid that another member made for me.  Just stupid things.”

“They’re not stupid things if they were special for you,” Matthew said.  “I can’t believe your mom threw them all out.  My mom has kept my kindergarten paintings.”

Effie smiled slightly.  “That’s because you have a good mom who knows how to be a mother.”

Matthew digressed.  Effie obviously hadn’t meant Chantal yet, but Matthew talked about her enough that Effie knew a lot about her.  “I know I keep saying this, but you’re so strong, Effie.”

“It’s a lot to overcome,” she whispered, nodding her head.  They sat for a while in comfortable silence, just being with each other.  Matthew’s arms were still wrapped around her.  Effie was still in hip lap, looking at him.  “Will you kiss me, Matthew?”

Matthew smiled slightly before dipping his head down and capturing her lips in a kiss.  It wasn’t long before – once again – Effie took the initiative to slip her tongue into his mouth.  There was kissing – so much kissing – and Matthew took it upon himself to start to lay Effie down on the couch, his body looming over hers slightly and—

“Stop,” Effie said, her hands on his chest, pushing him off her slightly.  Matthew immediately stopped and moved away from her.  Her chest heaved up and down once before she pushed herself up.  “I’m sorry.”

“Never apologize,” he said.  “Did you see him again?”

Effie didn’t answer.  “I think it happened because we laid down,” she said, her lips puffy from all the kissing.  

Matthew was catching his breath.  He was thankful that he was wearing track pants or else Effie would see how…excited he’d become.  “How about you stay on top then?”

She furrowed her brows.  “What do you mean?”

“We—we can stay upright,” Matthew explained.  “You can sit on my lap if you want…facing me.  Or you could just…you know, like, sit…” he was losing his words.

Effie looked confused.  Nervous.  Like she didn’t know what to think.  Like she was picturing the scenario in her head and couldn’t really make sense of any of it.  “W—Women are allowed to do that?” she asked softly.  Matthew couldn’t speak; he could only stare at her flabbergasted.  He nodded his head slightly, and Effie thought about it.  How women could be ‘on top’.  What that would look like.  What that would entail.  “C…Can you—can you show…” she was too embarrassed to even be asking.  

“C’mere,” he said, extending his hand.  She put her hand in his and he pulled her towards him.  “Put your one leg over here,” he said, patting to the space on the other side of him.  She did so slowly.  “And your other leg goes here,” he explained, and she did the same movement, “and now you can just sit on my lap.”

Effie took a deep breath as she lowered herself down until she could feel his thighs as her seat.  Both she and Matthew had barely blinked the entire time during his simple act of showing her how to straddle him, but she had never done it before (and it wasn’t like she would have been allowed to), and so everything about it was new to her.  Now, she was face-to-face with him, her hands resting on his chest, his hands resting near the bend in her knees.  “This is new,” she said.

“Are you comfy?” he asked.  She nodded.  “D’you like it?” he asked again.

“It’ll take some getting used to,” she admitted.  “But I can see it being nice.”

Being nice.  Matthew couldn’t help but grin.  “It’ll be nice.  Trust me.”

Effie nodded.  She did trust Matthew.  So when she went in to continue their kisses, it was nice, and it was beautiful, and it wasn’t so bad anymore.  Which is why, when Matthew’s hands moved from her knees up her thighs, it was okay.  When his hands squeezed at her flesh through her pants before going higher, it was okay.  When his hands moved to her hips and pulled her even closer, it was okay.

It was okay.