#What you get for playing that busted fucking card imo

[nemxricultrix]

(ya know I had a set of twin characters for this one thingon deviant art- I forgot what it was called but involved a world of Anthros who used weapons based around analog game mechanics such as dice and cards. One of the twins had a weapon that worked like pinball- the projectile is large, slow, and ponderous but as it bounces and ricochets off of stuff it accumulates points which increase the speed.

You don't want to get hit by it at a high speed, it's the size of a basketball and after a million points it's faster than most bullets we can currently make.

The other had a card firing gun that gained or lost damage based on playing cards. Spades are wide slicing shots, hearts are fast and block in a tiny radius, diamonds are the weakest but fire in bursts on the number, and clubs hit very hard. Face cards have various effects, including aces. It also ran off poker logic, so each reload involved a new hand and if they got any hands or 21, all effects loaded would go off. But bust with a roll and it didn't work for a short time.

FUCK I wish I could remember the thing, these are cool concepts imo.)

[significantfoliage]

It's been a bit but 911 S3 E10, Christmas is back:

- okay Xmas episode is when Doug showed up so I'm very 👀 at the whole ep

- hot take, I think Buck who has been shown to both value Christmas (sent cards to his sister he hadn't heard from in years and bought her a bunch of stuff and a tree to decorate her new apartment) and be good with kids (mainly Christopher but I feel like there's been other moments) wouldn't just say "this Santa Claus isn't real to some kids.

- when does Michael get to be happy? I just want him to have a loving partner too 🥺 I know he started this whole separation but it's obviously been rough on him too

- LITERALLY having the next scene with Buck being one that shows him being good with kids, seriously think that opener was dumb

- CHRISTOPHER ASKING TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH BUCK 🥺🥺🥺

- once again fucking in LOVE with the wardrobe they give Hen

- SKSJSKSKSJ getting Doug's life insurance in this episode was a Perfect parallel!

- how tf did this guy think he was gonna bring his golf clubs as a carry on

- love this extremely convoluted series of what ifs

- HE GOT SUCKED INTO THE TURBINE WTF

- okay I googled it and an out of control cart on an airport runway did happen in 2019, with much less injury. It also wasn't a luggage cart.

- cap telling Buck and Eddie to just grab everything cracked me up like this really isn't that much more wild than other things they've dealt with imo

- can't wait for everyone to talk about an Xmas miracle

- SKSJSKSKSJ the golf clubs started the drama And stopped it at bloodshed, I respect the flex

- Buck playing WebMD and also the brother of a nurse is So Fun!! Especially after Bobby gave him so much shit about his health 😎

- Buck voting for a traditional turkey dinner, he literally Loves Christmas, it's amazing

- BUCK TELLING BOBBY HOW IMPORTANT HE IS TO HIM 🥺🥺🥺 THATS HIS DAD!!!!

- I may not know anything about therapy but imo going back to where you killed someone in self defense and desperation doesn't sounds uhhh helpful???

- hey uh Michael sir why are you back in Athena's bed and second are you inebriated

- this is amazing, they've created an Extremely awkward morning after with 0 sex!

- BOBBY CRANKING THIS MOOD FROM AWKWARD TO STRAINED BY BRINGING EVEN A POTENTIAL FOR SEX INTO THE EQUATION

- literally even before this episode I just wanted Michael to get something to make him happy, I'm going to be So Sad if they kill him

- good thing she just got that money from her marital assets, she'll be able to afford to compensate this guy for driving miles in California lmaooooo

- I wonder if we'll ever get a follow up with that woman Maddie tried to rescue

- I don't like how this mom is grabbing her torso and tit areas, cardiac event coming for sure

- okay if I had to estimate this kids age, I'd think something upwards of 12, lower than 16. But sure, 10.

- gotta be honest I'm just so sure they won't kill this mom that I'm not even feeling tension? Yeah and she's okay

- is this seriously a Xmas song specifically about coming home to California, damn wtf

- lol that kid is 100% getting invited to whatever shindig Christopher and Denny end up at Xmas day

- hey uhhhh Michael buddy you're Not Well 👀 once again asking the show not to kill him

- okay he just busted a target door that's fine

- Michael and Athena be like "that is my spouse when convenient" SKSJSKSKSJ glad it's mutual!!

- aaaaaand yeah Hen and Karen are definitely going to find that kid for Christmas, especially since they bought Denny too many gifts lolllll

- you know they never show Denny's biological dad who wanted to be part of his life. It'd be fun if he got with Michael 😆

- glad Bobby doesn't have cancer!

- hm that's. That's a lot of benzocaine.

- this is reminding of that scene from Big Fat Liar. Also how did benzocaine turn her blue???

- I love this Smurf girl 🤣🤣

- at least she got to have a heart event in front of a medical crew!

- BUCK CALLED ATHENA ABOUT CHRISTMAS DINNER, I LOVE HIM, AND ALSO HES DEFINITELY HER FAVORITE

- omg wait did Buck organize this Christmas party behind everyone else's backs?? That's ADORABLE 🥺

- CALLED IT!!! Didn't expect Karen to bring the whole group home but that's fucking adorable I love it

- omg are they gonna start fostering?? That's so cool!!! I love this as an alternative to having a baby cause like. I'm a lesbian. And that's what I want 😊

- the kids mom is here!!!!!! How does she know Chim saved her tho 😅

- Buck Is Athena's Favorite!!

- please please please I just want Michael to have good things. I'm. I'm so worried he's gonna go commit suicide. This seems like the fatalist happiness.

- FUCKING MICHAEL HAS CANCER???? HOW WHAT HOW

- every time Michael confides in Bobby before his theoretically closer family, I crack up, I do that too. Tell the person who has the entire capacity to understand what I say but not fuck everything up somehow

- also IF THEY KILL MICHAEL AAAAAAA

[kazbrekkerrs-remade]

tlj review no one asked for lol

tumblr is a hellsite so I had to rewrite a good chink of this yikes not spoiler-free so here’s a cut

So overall I liked the film? I found the Kylo/Rey shit a bit weird, not because I’m that petty (I can actually swallow my pride on occasion, contrary to popular belief), but because it was too sudden, rushed, and a tad OOC, for Rey at least. I also felt like there was this “there’s no good or bad, it’s all war” agenda they were pushing, which I would agree with in certain cases, such as a fight for land or power, but in my mostly humble opinion, any fighting that rises in retaliation to oppression is justified. I also hated how they cashed in on the Rey parentage theory, and then they were like “lol they were just drunkards”, which honestly sucks to me because they exaggerated it so much and it was so anti-climactic, and it also made no sense, it’s?? the Skywalker saga?? There were so many parallel’s between Rey and Luke?? Rey and Han connected pretty much instantly?? and seeing as how Rey is really really strong with the force, it just doesn’t make much sense to me that she’s not related to any prominent force-sensitive character that we already know. Overall I’d give it 4/5 out of ten because though I have issues with it, it was still a very enjoyable experience, especially towards the end.

So anyway now here’s me talking about individual things and also screaming (and a lot less formal that paragraph over there)

The movie opens with Poe making a fool out of Hux I’m knjhbvgcfc

“Finn naked leaking running” ghjngffffffh

I remember ages ago seeing a post around the lines of “Imagine if Rey gives Luke the lightsaber and he just tosses it off the cliff like ‘It’s time for the Jedi to end YEET’ and I can’t find it (if you can please send me a link) and that’s EXACTLY what went down I’d think that person leaked something if it wasn’t quite frankly a bit predictable, still funny tho

When Luke says “Reach out” and Rey sticks out her hand shjgfgg she’s so cute

YES so getting to the Rey/Kylo shit, the transition from hating him to sympathy and whatever else came into play just...wasn’t smooth. It was faarrr too sudden, and while Rey is a good person, she’s not Luke. In TFA she had a lot of anger underneath and for her to just be so *shruggie* with Kyle just did not make any sense to me. 

Also what the fuck was the shirtless Kyle scene 

Why were his pants so high jhgfcdgh

It gets infinitely weirder when you think about how Snoke apparently was controlling this? Yikes we gotta kinkshame Snoke now

Rose is so cute I hate how she was sidelined in the promotional material but she did play an important role and if they kill her I’m suing Lucasfilm

Rey really did That

The cinammon topography....I love all the red

The Luke wanting to kill Kyle thing was very OOC to me but also not? Like it wasn’t at all Luke as we know him but I guess no one is perfect damn (it’s still OOC)

That whole scene through the casino, the Fathiers (or whatever) and escaping was so beautiful 

Y’all could bring back Yoda bu not Hayden Anakin...

That whole thing IMO would just be better with Anakin? Like first of all you expect me to believe old, traditional, head-up-his-ass Yoda supported burning down the books

Anakin talking to Luke about how the Jedi order was indeed fucked up and maybe seeing how he feels about Kylo...that would be the Good Shit

The big ass cruiser ship cutting through the First Order ship....amazing

Ok I’ll admit before the film I could Not stand Kyle at all but during it I was like “Ok maybe I can warm up to him” and then he’s like “Let go, we can rule the galaxy together” YEET never mind he’s still a liar and a bitch

I will admit however I liked Kylo killing Snoke 

jhgfdg so Rey and Kylo against the the guards together thingy objectively looks good but also off because as a wise woman (Daisy Ridley) once said “She [Rey] is so strong and he [Kylo] is so weak”

huhhooolllyy shit that bit where Rey drops the lightsaber then catches it with her other hand...I lost my shit right there and then

Lowkey upset because I wanted a sick ass duel between Rey and Kylo (In which Rey, predictably, kicks his ass) that I could bust a nut to like I did in TFA but ahh well maybe ep IX, for now I have Finn/Phasma 

HE BROKE HER HELMET!! I’M JHGFGH

((give Finn a lightsaber again you cowards)) 

SO back to the Rey/Kylo shit

KYLE: Let go, join me, and we can rule the galaxy together

ME: I’m so sorry Rey sweetie...someone should’ve told you...all men do is lie

Yikes only looking back do I realize how fucked up that was “You come from nothing and no one cares about except me so this is why you should rule with me” ugly

“The girl killed Snoke” You’re a bitch Kyle!! A bitch and a coward!!

Darth Vader I am so sorry;

Did I mention how amazing Finn kicking Phasma’s ass was

Poe is learning...he gon’ be a leader one day..Leia’s rightful Heir

I can’t believe I had to watch Luke die...at least he’s at peace..

THE HUG!!! THE FINNREY HUG!!

the kiss between Finnrose was super cute too!!! ((me personally I found it lowkey one-sided, like Rose was into him, he wasn’t into her, which is maybe how it was written?))

I really loved that Poe and Rey have officially met now jhgfdhfggh I’m so unbelievably happy about that

I don’t want a Poe/Rey romantic thing tho but I’ve always felt like they’ll get along great....the dream team...sister from another mister/brother from another mother IDK I always thought they could have a really great friendship

“I’m Rey” “I know” is it because Finn gushes about her

starving us on stormpilot isn’t gonna solve shit m’dudes, the public has it’s mind made up!!

That kid with the resistance symbol thing better be in IX otherwise it’s bad writing!!

((this uuuhhh whole film was bad writing but shshhhhh i enjoyed it ok it’s the r*verdale of star wars I guess if r*verdale was redeemable in any timeline jhjgfsd))

And some short end notes:

I don’t think I heard the Imperial March even once???? I could be wrong but ohh my god I’ll be so mad if it isn’t in there what do you think that you’re too good for the imperial march? that it’s not iconic or something?? That shit goes so hard “da da da dadada da da da dadada DA DA DA DA DADAAA DA DADAAA

hmmm does kyle deserve that tho lol

Not making Rey related by blood to Anakin was a huge mistake ((predictable but!! sometimes shit just has to go like that??))

I read somewhere that rian johnson didn’t want this film to follow the ‘star wars pattern’ whatever the fuck that is but...this was so damn similar to ESB kjnhbgfcg

And I think that’s it?

If you read this whole thing thank you

UPDATE: I THOUGHT OF MORE SHIT

being like “oh Rey’s parents were drunks” is such a lazy move....this is not get out of jail free card I don’t know who told you this

let luke and leia grieve for han you assholes

can IX redeem this shitshow stay tuned