#We even debated on just cutting our loss and buying a new car but EV aren't cheap

[undeadhousewife]

You'd think if you spend 10k on car repairs the least the could do is vacuum out the floor of your car 😐

[spartanswiftie]

✨Meet Me In The Afterglow✨

Taylor,

Your music has always been important to me for a number of reasons, but the biggest thing it has helped me through is the death of an ex boyfriend. Although we were not together at the time of his passing, my relationship with him was a defining event in my life and his passing changed my life forever. Chris passed away suddenly in a car accident on Christmas Eve, 2006. Our relationship had been on and off for about 3 years and was dysfunctional for lack of better terms. When it was good, it was great. When it was bad it was awful. To this day I believe he may have been bipolar. He would be the sweetest guy, calling me at 5:30am on his way to work to leave me a message saying good morning and he hoped I had a good day. He’d make romantic dinners, he was a great cook..buy me sweet gifts, and we would have the BEST times together. He was my FIRST Valentine. At 25 years old he was the first legitimate Valentine I’d ever had. After reading your journals I know you know the feeling of being single on Valentines Day. It meant so much to me.

But, he had a dark side. Without warning he would completely ghost me overnight. When he disappeared he disappeared from EVERYONE. His friends would come to me asking where he was. He would isolate himself from everyone for weeks, sometimes months at a time before re-appearing out of nowhere. When he did re-surface he would be profusely apologetic and I did love him so eventually I’d cave and go back to him. Over time I accepted his pattern of behavior and became more expectant of it but it didn’t hurt less when it happened.

My friends and family grew to HATE him because of this. I couldn’t talk to anyone about him, and eventually I’d have to lie to everyone when I would hang out with him. I knew the writing was on the wall but I didn’t want to give up on him. I thought I could change him, but you know how that story goes.

Sometime in 2005 we broke up and cut ties for awhile. Like clockwork we ran into each other around Thanksgiving that year and stayed in touch. His dad had just had a double lung transplant and I knew how much that meant to his family at the time. We kept in touch. On Valentines Day 2006 we were both single so we decided to hang out together. Of course I lied to everyone I knew about where I was going that night. He made me dinner, we drank wine and talked about our past relationship and what had gone wrong, why it didn’t work. We laughed a lot, played with his dog, cuddled on the couch and watched Napoleon Dynamite together. When I left he kissed me goodbye and that was our last kiss. That night was our closure. I thank God every day that I made the decision to spend that night with him.

Just before he passed I went through a crappy breakup and I debated calling him. I even told my mom about our Valentines date and that I was thinking about reaching out. We both agreed that it probably wasn’t best and I decided not to.

When he passed my entire world shattered. As I said my friends and family HATED him. Nobody understood my grief because they all thought he treated me terribly. I used the word hate because I had a few of my BEST FRIENDS at the time call me (this is not an exaggeration) LAUGHING saying “Did you hear what happened to Chris? Karma’s a bitch.” Needless to say that was the LAST time I spoke with them. I mourned his death and the loss of 90% of my friendships. I started over. I made new friends, surrounded myself with new people and in the WORST time of my life it was the best thing that ever happened at the same time. I know you can relate to this.

Your career was just starting when he passed. He has a younger sister who I’ve kept in touch with (as well as his parents) and she is also a Swiftie. In that sense you’ve given me common ground to stay connected with his family and I could never thank you enough for that. That aside, SO MANY of your songs have helped me process his loss and the emotions around it in hindsight. The first time I heard Last Kiss I sobbed. That song is #1 when I am feeling sad and need to re-connect with him in my memory. There are so many others; basically the entire Red album - particularly All Too Well, Treacherous, I Almost Do, Sad Beautiful Tragic and Red. Enchanted always makes me think of him and when you played it acoustic at MetLife and I was there I about died!

It’s crazy to think that someone you don’t even know can write a song that can take you to such a deep personal space and help you process things that nobody else can, and that’s why I love music so much. You did it again on this album, and in such a beautiful, fitting way.

When I first heard Afterglow I loved it. I thought first of a relationship I had in high school (my first love) where I ended up trying to preserve a friendship but in the end broke his heart. Then the song did a handstand. I bought a new car recently, and ever since the night of Chris’s viewing I’ve kept the prayer card tucked in the mirror of my visor in my car. Every time I get a new car I transfer it. I’d done the same on July 31, the day I bought my car. The other day I took it out for a moment and I sobbed. The title on the card is AFTERGLOW. I immediately turned the song on and got goosebumps. It’s as if he is speaking to me from heaven through the song. The lyrics are spot on and perfectly describe what our relationship dynamic was from his point of view. I’ve never been more convicted about the power of music as I am in this moment.

Roughly 13 YEARS, I repeat 13 YEARS later you release a song on an album named LOVER with the title AFTERGLOW that PERFECTLY emulates our relationship and the apology he more or less gave me 13 years ago with the chorus line “Meet me in the Afterglow”. Goosebumps for days.

THANK YOU TAYLOR for being the most incredible singer/songwriter on the planet and for creating these masterpiece songs that have helped me through the darkest days of my life. The best part is that the album ends with Daylight, the only song of yours that perfectly describes my relationship with my husband. I’ve said a million times, if it weren’t for my relationship with Chris and his passing I would not have been “ready” to meet my husband. Going through all of that changed me and taught me so much and ultimately led me to him. And if there was any question in my mind, God wiped them away (and I say this because I believe he had a hand in all of this). On my wedding day, Chris’s dad reached out to me on Facebook and congratulated me and wished me all the best in my marriage. I can’t help but feel like Afterglow is in a way a little check-in, sign of approval, call it what you want...a letting go of sorts. Either way, this has all allowed me to step into the Daylight...and let it go. I’m at peace, mostly because of your music. I could never thank you enough💗

@taylorswift @taylornation

[rogers-metaphor]

Lessons in Falling in Love: Chapter Eleven

Permanent warning/disclaimer:  this will be a story that contains smut, will have cursing, and other themes like these. So, if you’re under the age of 18, please skip this story. Also, everything in this story is completely fictional and not based on real life!!!!!!!! It’s for dramatic and entertainment purposes only.

A/N: I hope you’re all enjoying this story still!! I love to hear your feedback!!! Also let me know if you want to be added to the tag list! I’ve added people that have made comments or asked! so feel free to ask!!!

previous chapters: One, Two, Three , Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten

my masterlist

The next time she wakes up, Ben isn’t there. It’s clear that it’s the next day, but it’s not sunny. Someone had tucked her in. She slept like a rock, but still woke up exhausted. She felt drained. Her phone was plugged in away from her bed and she debated on reaching for it. She felt too tired to reach for it, but she was curious.

There were endless missed calls and texts from Joe. She wanted to know what he had to say, but couldn’t stand to hear his voice. She read through a few

texts but couldn’t get any further.

I’m Sorry.

Please talk to me.

I love you..

She scoffed, her eyes burning. Everything from the night before came flooding back and she tossed her phone away from her. Of course she wanted to reach out to him, talk to him, and to feel better. Maybe he really was sorry.

Her door opened.

Nova peaked in and once she seen Selene was awake, she made her way toward the bed.

“How are you feeling?” she asks, sitting beside her.

“Sad.” Selene sighs, “Dumb.”

“It’s not you. It’s him.”

Silence. Selene couldn’t help but think she should have been able to see it. All the red flags were ignored because she loved him and trusted him to love her back. She should have known and she didn’t.

“I’m tired.” Selene sighs, tears threatening to peak.

“I already got all your shifts covered for the week… and I can bring you food.” Nova tries. Selene just nods, rolling back into her pillow. “Ben asked how you were. He was really concerned.” she tries some more. “He really pushed to come sit with you last night.”

“Tell him i’m fine.” Selene says flatly.

“I will.” Nova says, at a loss. She hates that Selene feels this way, but doesn’t know what to do to help. “Let me know if you need anything…” She reluctantly walks away.

The mood for the next week is about the same. Selene barely ate, barely listened to music, barely talked about what happened or Joe. Everything seemed to be a cruel reminder of his existence. Her favorite foods only brought back memories of them sharing meals together. Her favorite songs only sounded like he was singing in the background. She couldn’t talk about him despite the constant thoughts of him flooding her brain at every chance. Even when she slept he’d be there, holding her hand or kissing her cheek in her dreams.

At the end of the week, she was surprised when Ben made his way over. Though she had been struggling to take care of herself, this was the day she decided to take a shower and refresh her room. He came right when she finished and even brought her a coffee.

“Nova told me your favorite.” he offered her a smile and she sighed, giving him the best smile she could. Though weak, it was something.

“Thank you.” she said, sitting down on the couch. “What brings you here?” she asks, “Gwil isn’t here.”

“I came here for you. To see how you were doing, and see if you wanted to go somewhere with me.” Selene knitted her brows, confused as to why ben would want to come see her.

“I can’t. Nova and I are-“ he cuts her off.

“Have you checked your phone?” he asks, a mischievous grin across his features. She jumped up and rushed to get her phone. She had been avoiding it, though Joe stopped trying halfway through the week. She did have a missed call and a text from Nova.

Have to cancel our plans, Gwil is very insistent I go with him to this dumb dinner. Seems important. Anyway, I’m not leaving you alone. Ben said he wanted to see you anyway. He said he wants to take you somewhere.

The whole thing felt like a setup, but she knew she needed to do something with someone or she’d be alone. She sighed and made her way back to Ben sitting on the couch.

“Okay.” she says, “Where are you taking me?”

…

“This isn’t a date.” she says, in the car that’s quiet beside for Ben’s radio. “I just got cheated on and i’m not ready-“

Ben’s quiet chuckle makes her stop her ranting, she doesn’t feeling awkward, but besides for the night she got drunk with him, she doesn’t know him all that well. The scary part is she does feel comfortable with him, just unsure of what to do. Ben was very attractive. Sweet and kind. It was clear as day she was attracted to him, but at the end of the day, Joe was the man she loved.

“Love, I’m sorry to say, this isn’t a date.” She flushes red with embarrassment. “I’m trying to help you.”

“Sorry.” she sighs.

“We can make it a date. You’ll just have to buy me dinner.” He offers her a smile as he jumps out of the car, and this time she smiles more naturally. Not having to force it.

They make their way toward the building and she follows closely behind Ben as they enter.

“I know you’ve been feeling all kinds of emotions.” he says to her, “The hardest one to get out without murder, is anger. So, i thought i could take you here, and you can smash some things.” She marveled at the idea and the concept and how truly thoughtful is was. And she lit up in excitement as they signed forms and got ready to smash some things.

The room was filled with all kinds of items to smash and tools to use and with every swing of a bat to glass she did feel the anger flowing away. She was laughing and Ben looked on with pride in his eyes. He smiled and laughed along with her, even helped her destroy some things.

but then, the glass started to feel like her own heart, shattering into a million pieces. She felt it burn in her chest as she swung harder, trying to make the pain vanish. The memories of him scattered across her brain reflected in glass strewn about the floor. She could see it all so clearly. The way his hands felt against her skin, the way his laughter mixed with hers in a crowded space, the way he kissed her softly in the mornings before he knew she was even awake. She swung and hit until her arms were heavy and sore.

and then she started to cry.

It came out in heavy sobs. Blubbering as her vision went blurry, her heart sinking low in her stomach. She dropped the bat through trembling fingers and as she goes to run away, she runs right into a hard body. Ben is there, grabbing her into his arms and holding her. It’s a comfort she needed. She tried to calm her breathing from hitching violently. She could hear Ben’s heart pounding rapidly as she stayed pressed against his chest. His arms were strong, warm, comforting. She could feel a hand running up and down her back gently. She felt at ease and peaceful, even after crying so hard.

After that, they left.

In silence. Mostly, Selene felt a little embarrassed for the second time that night.

“I’m sorry about that.” she says, timid. Her eyes still sorry and still tearing up, spilling over.

“You never have to apologize for the way you’re feeling.” Ben says. His deep voice is reassuring and calm. “Never. Not with me. This is why i brought you here. I wanted you to have that release. I know you needed it.”

“Thank you.” she says, “For everything. Including spending your night on New Year’s eve watching me cry.”

“I had a great time, are you crazy? Sitting in a silent room on the biggest party night of the year?” he smirks after being sarcastic. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.” he says, sincerely.

“I appreciate it.” She sighs. She lets a few minutes pass before she asks. “Ben, where do I go from here?” quietly. Her eyes scanning him for any answer he could give her. Any wisdom he could gift.

“That depends on you.” he says.

“What did you do?” she asks, and watches his face for reaction. He doesn’t seem like it bothers him to talk about it. His lips pout as he ponders.

“I was very stupid.” he shrugs. “Got drunk a lot. Slept around with many girls. It didn’t help though. It made it worse. I think it drew it out longer.” she watches his fingers trace over his lips, thoughtlessly, as he seems to gaze back into the past. “I still ended up lonely in bed at the end of the night, even with a girl next to me.” he trails off. She was enjoying him being so open with her. She smiled to herself again.

“I hate sleeping alone.” she groans.

“You should learn to enjoy it.” he chuckles. “All that space.”

“I’ll never enjoy it.” she says, and they both laugh.

Ben and Selene stop and get sushi on the way back to her place. They argue over who is going to pay. Selene felt like she owed Ben. She was soon reminded that she’d pay if she considered it a date. She groaned and said she’d pay for her own, though Ben slipped his card into the hands of the waiter and paid for both of their dinners.

Things were easy. The conversation flowed casually like they had known each other for ages. He talked about how he and Gwil met in college and had been friends ever since. Selene shared her love story about her and Nova and gushed about how much she loved Nova more than anything. She found herself laughing, truly laughing.

Though her night was the best it’s been, she couldn’t wait to end it the same way she always did, with her best friend, Nova. She is met with someone else, as they pull in front of her house. Every inch of progress she made seemed to have went down the drain when she saw him, sitting on her porch. She swallowed hard as she struggled on what to do next. She looks to Ben for help.

“You want me to get rid of him?” Ben asks, glaring at Joe. She shakes her head, sighing.

“I do want you to come in. I’m sure Gwil wants to see you.” she says, a voice so low she wasn’t sure if she had actually formed words. He nods, watching as her hands shake to open the car door.

“I’ll be right behind you.” Ben says, and she nods. She feels safe, confident, even brave.

She folds her arms as she gets up to him.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, her eyes unable to look at him. She fidgets, looking away. Toward anywhere else.

“You wouldn’t return any of my phone calls or texts.” he says, standing up. “I needed to make sure you were okay.”

“Well, I’m fine, Joe.” she snaps, “So you can go.”

“You won’t even look at me…” he says, his voice is timid and soft. “I’m still Joe. The Joe that loves you. I fucked up and I want to make it better but you won’t let me.”

“I don’t know who that person is anymore.” her words leave her lips faster than she could stop them, but she means them. She’s not doing it to strike back at him or to make him feel bad. She’s doing it because that’s what she feels. “And I’m not ready to talk to you. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, but i’m not now, so please go.” she begs, because standing in front of him is hard.

A big part of her doesn’t want him to go. She wants him to protest and stay and hold her and make her feel better. She knew that wasn’t plausible. It wasn’t that simple. She wants to yell at him and cry but fall in his arms. She wants to forget. But she can’t. So she begs him again.

“Please… go.” she says through gritted teeth. Her eyes beginning to water once again. He opens his mouth to protest but instead, Ben cuts him off.

“She asked you to go, mate. I think it’s time to go.” his voice is defensive. It sends a shiver through Selene as Joe tilts his head to the side, glaring.

“This doesn’t concern you.” Joe snaps. “I’ll go because she asked me too, but you don’t tell me what to do.” Ben scoffs and chuckles.

“It does concern me when you have my friend crying. Again.” he emphasizes. Joe opens his mouth to come back at him but Selene snaps her head up at him.

“Joe, go. Ben, let’s go.” she snaps. They both glare at one another once more before Ben starts to head into her house. Joe walks in the direction of his house turning back to look at Selene one last time.

She pretends that she doesn’t want to run to him in that moment, and pushes herself inside.

Where she finds Nova and Gwil hot and heavy on the couch.

“WOAH!” Selene’s mood shifts as she’s in shock when she finds this. “This is very much my character but yours!?” she laughs, as they fumble to get themselves together. Ben joins in at their red faced friends.

And then Nova flashes it. If Selene hadn’t been obsessed with Nova getting married since she told her, she would have missed it. The bright ruby stone was shiny as Nova brought it closer to Selene who was in shock.

“This ASSHOLE!” Nova says, explaining, “Made me meet with my parents and him for dinner, and this IDIOT got on one knee and ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM!” she’s talking fast, and yelling. She’s full of excitement and clearly shocked herself. Gwil is laughing and nodding as she goes on.

“I’m so happy for you!” Selene starts to cry, for the third time that night. This time, it was happy tears. She hugged Nova tightly as they began screaming.

“You know this means I’ll need some groomsmen.” Gwil says walking over to Ben who shakes his hand firmly, and then hugs him tightly.

“Congrats man!” Ben smiles.

“And you. You’re my maid of honor obviously!” Nova says.

“I have to start planning now.” Selene says, “No time to waste.” they all laugh.

After a few drinks and more talking and laughter Ben Selene ends up walking him outside. She had a good night. She even brushed off what happened with Joe to the side of her mind. She stood in front of him, folding her arms.

“Thank you again.” she said. “For dinner. The smashing. I owe you one.”

“You could buy me a birthday present.” he says. “Though that was last week, but my party is next saturday. Come.” Selene giggles.

“Okay.” she nods, “Deal.”

“Good.” he says, “You know if this was a first date, I’d try and kiss you now.”

“But it’s not.” She laughs, “So I’ll take a hug.”

“Worth a shot.” he chuckles, opening his arms and taking her in. His grip is tight and strong and she hums against him, without being able to stop herself.

“Goodnight, Ben.” she says, when she heads away from him.

Truth be told she wouldn’t have minded the kiss from Ben. She would have loved to feel his perfect pouty lips against hers, just to forget about what Joe’s felt like. To feel anything else other than traces of Joe left on her skin. She had to settle for clean bed sheets, and a half empty bed.

.......

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