#WOULD stop a whole lot of suffocation) but heyyyyyyyyyyy at least it's creative fuel
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#i hate being trans & i have no clue if i'll ever actually transition (too many things to consider that i won't start listing here. but it#WOULD stop a whole lot of suffocation) but heyyyyyyyyyyy at least it's creative fuel#coping mechanisms: using it as creative fuel & making choking kink jokes about the suffocation of being closeted#cuz my tear ducts simply do not work anymore so at least let it all be funny!#at least the chronic pain is more manageable. as is the fomo of having to avoid stuff because of it.#for the most part everything's way better now that i'm in college & living away from my parents (they're much better to talk to when i'm NO#living with them) and i'm getting to be more of myself. i'm getting to actually EXPRESS. i know i said 'suffocation' but compared to before#much improved. although the fact that everything is better is also making the shit things stand out more in contrast.#anyway if i'm too much of a fucking COWARD to come out & transition + if this makes me suffer as i continue the double life stuff w/being#trans on the internet & cis offline (to most people) then it'll be fully my responsibility (it already is) & no one should feel bad for me#or my cowardice
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