#WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT A PUBLIC HEALTH CRISIS!! I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH!!!!!!!

[cedarspiced]

constantly fighting the urge to start mauling people like a rabid dog whenever someone acts like covid isn't that big a deal and ppl who don't want to get covid just need to get over themselves

[apollo-zero-one]

I don't feel any shame or discomfort about my SH scars but they make my mom uncomfortable and she is physically incapable of keeping that to herself so I have to always be wearing sleeves around her, except that my always wearing sleeves makes her demand to check my arms for SH every few days because I am 'hiding them.' I just can't win. I don't even want to be wearing the sleeves it's just that I'd rather wear them than hear you go on about how "terrible" and "horrible" my fucking arms of all things look. I'm sorry for having a visible sign of mental illness, can you politely shut the fuck up about it?? Even if it's meant sympathetically, being told a part of my body that I have to live in 24/7 is horrible and ugly and gross and makes people uncomfortable fucking SUCKS. And guess what, it isn't discouraging me from doing it again, in fact, being constantly told I'm horrible and ugly and making you uncomfortable just by existing in my body, makes me MORE likely to do it again, because it damages my self confidence and sense of self worth! And she says "You better get those scars tattooed over or something" Well I don't want to! I don't feel the need or desire to cover my scars, is that a crime?? Just existing with visible evidence of surviving a mental health crisis? I think the scar tissue is too thick to ink well anyway, so it's a good thing I don't want them covered. If I did you best believe at this point I would make sure to pick something spiteful and extremely pointed at my mother specifically.

Listen. I get that it can be triggering. But these are also, closed and healed over wounds. And I think it is my right to not have to cover them. Sometimes, in life, we have to see things that make us uncomfortable, and we just have to deal with it. I just don't think anyone has the right to demand I cover my arms, OR to demand I uncover them. I'm an adult, I'm 22. Arms are arms. Scars are just scars. It's none of your business how I got them, and since they are healed closed, they pose no risk to you or anyone else whatsoever. Therefore, if they make you uncomfortable to look at, don't look at them.

I understand being uncomfortable. Breasts make me uncomfortable, yes even just seeing people at the beach, but that's a personal issue (stemming from projecting my personal dysphoria on others, and something I am working on) and I would never say shit to anyone about it because it is not their responsibility to cover up for my comfort, it is my responsibility to manage my own feelings about it, address my own discomfort, and if for whatever reason I can't manage it that day, *I* am the one who needs to leave the public space until I'm ready to be an adult about it. Having a body isn't a trespass ever no matter what it looks like and I am of the personal belief that no one should even have to wear a shirt on beaches if they don't want to. Yeah! Breasts make me uncomfortable to see and I also think people should be allowed to have them fully uncovered in public spaces if they want to! Because me being a little uncomfy doesn't mean anyone else should have any less body autonomy!

All this to say, the next person who tells me I should cover my scars is going to get bitten.

[aestralia]

I'm going to sound like a conspiracy theorist but bare with me

every Nigerian president that has step foot into office is a fucking puppet of the UK. oh their smart don't get me wrong but everything they do benefits the UK and lines their (that is the presidents) pocket!

why is 100 naira on the verge of being useless? once upon a time (I'm talking about 2022) I could walk into a store a get a small loaf of bread and a pepsi! not the healthiest but that shit keeps you full for four hours at least. heck in 2017 you could get a full plate of rice and stew with fried beef/fish from a "mama-put" but now in the year 2024 a 100 naira isn't even getting you a loaf of bread!!! what the fuck is happening in our country? where's all the money?

no one can afford to eat, health care is fucking expensive, insurance isn't accessible to everyone, there's a housing crisis even though houses are being built everywhere, public infrastructure is depleting, more than half the fucking population is living below the poverty line, public school education is shit, the private schools are kicking prices to the sky (2021-2022 academic school year my parents paid 1.7million naira in fees. if I was still in Nigeria, I'd be paying 2.5million but the quality of education hasn't changed!!!), all the teachers in the public universities are on strike, SARS is at an all time high, and there are NO JOBS!! EVERYTHING IS BEING RESERVED FOR THE BOURGEOIS

people are dying in cargo ships trying to cross the atlantic because facing whatever evil is out there is better than dying because of their circumstances. and then we have fucking illiterates (as the country is designed to keep us stupid) having religious and tribal wars!!!

"vote according to your tribe" "yoruba people are this" "igbo people are that" "don't vote for the fulani's" "the Islam's will force us to convert" "xxx is a babalawo" SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

how do we suffer every year with people from different tribes and it still has not clicked for people that the government is going to be shit if we continue with the system we have in place right now! we are all fucking arguing everyday as if we aren't still disenfranchised by colonial powers. we are given the illusion that we can vote but it never fucking matters!! they destroy ballot boxes, look us dead in the eye and call out a random number for votes even though it does not match what's on the voting website. how does this tie to the UK?? because every president that wins is buddies with the UK prime minister!! I don't mean cordial work relationships, I mean "flying out of the country every two weeks to rub shoulders with this asshole even though my citizens are being shot at by the police and military" type of buddies

this turned into a rant but whatever 🥴 FUCK YOU TINUBU! FUCK YOU BUHARI! FUCK YOU AS WELL JONATHAN! AND FUCK THE UK

[dumb-of-ass-pure-of-heart]

07/10/2023 Hey please be fucking careful about sharing information about immigration and refugee issues while talking about fleeing the United States or within the country. I cannot tell you how much REAL ASS MISINFORMATION is going around.

Nonprofit groups are popping up everywhere and not all of them can help/are actually qualified to be helping people flee. I personally have had correspondence with a founder of one of those groups who is in their early 20s and has no record of experience in doing something like this - not even mutual aid. I'm not going to say the name of this one because I actually promised I wouldn't. Regardless of what work they're gonna do, I'm not going to get in the way of it. It'll be great if they can work it out.

In times of crisis, these kinds of groups pop up as a panic response. Panic responses make for weak organization. Sometimes they work out, a LOT LOT LOT of the time they don't and people get HURT. Also, OPS ARE REAL. If you have physically been in activist spaces, there's a good chance that you cannot confidently say you can tell an Op from real help.

I know Rainbow Railroad is also becoming a popular option in terms of trying to get support. I have some very loose ties to people involved with them and they have a track record of helping people flee Uganda and other death penalty countries. They have never said that they are able to help people in the United States move from one state to another. Frankly, I don't believe they have the personnel support or funding for that right now. Who knows what they'll be capable of in the future, but don't bank on them if you're looking for help moving from Mississippi to California. One of the BIGGEST pieces of misinformation that I heard JUST YESTERDAY was "Rainbow Railroad will help you move to Canada, I know because a friend of mine did it. It's that simple." NO IT IS NOT. It is NEVER that simple. They are working WITHIN the system, NOT outside of it.

Their relationship with the Canadian government is complicated. The Canadian government is taking a risk simply by accepting LGBTQ+ refugees and that support could weaken at any point. It's also extremely difficult to immigrate to Canada if you're disabled - they keep saying they're going to "fix the discrimination" and that they're "not actually discriminating against disabled people" but that's an absolute lie. And it's disability of any kind - chronic pain, mental health conditions, physical disability, anything you can think of. You have to literally prove that you won't be a burden to the Canadian healthcare system.

I've been working on a zine-esque document about fleeing trans genocide for a few months but the reality is I need collaborative partnership before I make it publically available. I refuse to put something out there that could endanger someone's life. In the meantime, here's a few tips on navigating this if you are planning on running:

Listen to people who have fleeing in their genetic memory and have cultural knowledge around what it means to flee. This means Jews, Rromani people, black Americans who are direct descendants of those held in slavery in the south and have kept that generational knowledge, refugees who have fled their countries to other parts of the world, people whose families were refugees, and people who stayed where they were while others fled.

If you listen and take into account the real trauma that you are about to go through by simply sympathizing with people who this has happened to before or currently, your transition to where you flee is going to be much, much smoother. Listening is a part of taking care of yourself.

Fleeing is going to mean different things for white trans Americans and trans Americans of color. If you're white, you MUST NOT assume that you are having the same experience just because you are trans.

Get extremely comfortable working outside of the system. The chances are you are going to have to steal, barter, trespass, and risk being arrested are going to increase over time.

Do not EVER feel bad for asking for money to get out. You are in survival mode. Fuck the people who criticize you for it.

Take care of yourself as much as you possibly can. Distress is distress, and even through massive change you still have the chance to take a deep breath.

Accept that some people are going to stay. Some of those people will be people that you love. You are not hurting them directly by leaving, and they are not hurting you directly by staying.

Wherever you go, you are going to have to keep fighting. Just because you're not where you were doesn't mean that you can't fight for the people who stayed. You'll find even more people to love in finding the people who advocate for you in the place that you make new roots. And those new people will want to know about where you came from and the people that you're fighting for.

Find the drag queens.

Don't give up.

Be careful where you step.

Follow love.

I'll probably update this post when I'm able to find collaborators for what I'm working on. I'd actually really like it if people circulated this because the dangerous is getting even more dangerous. Stay as safe as you possibly can.

[tellywoodtrash]

I'm the anon who sent you an ask a while ago about my anxiety and panic disorder getting worse and me being back in therapy. I wanted to give you an update about how things are going, because I really appreciate the advice you gave me. I'm on anti-anxiety medication now (I just started my meds today). I'm also making some progress on fixing my sleeping and eating schedules (both were off for the past 2-3 months). I also got into a really good masters program for public health +

I start in September. The only thing that's still sort of bothering me is that my mental health still feels like it's in a very stagnant place. I'm also having a small identity crisis, because one of the things my parents have said to me a few times is that they hope I find a nice guy to marry in grad school. I joke about it with them too, but the whole idea makes me uncomfortable. I've never really dated anyone, because I've never been interested in it. I wasn't really attracted to anyone throughout school and college either. I've been questioning if I'm ace or not, but I'm now also wondering whether this lack of attraction also extends to my romantic attraction towards people. Romance and relationships always sound nice to me in theory, but in real life, I'm not super comfortable with them (I think they're a nice normal part of life, but in terms of myself I don't fully connect with them). Could you give me any advice or reassurance about this? Also I hope you're doing well.

Hi friend!

I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better, and even more than that, you're doing the actual work to become better. So much of mental health is stupid mundane bullshit, like making sure you eat your food + meds/hydrate yourself, going the fuck to sleep instead of watching one more episode on netflix, and reaching out to your friends and just chatting for a bit to feel some human connection. I rebelled against all of it haaaaaaaardddddd when I was in my teens/twenties when other well-meaning adults used to tell me and kept wallowing in my misery, thinking "ugh what do they know, they just don't understand meeeeeee", but I hate to say it, they were right (much to my continued distaste. I hate being told to do the sensible thing.)

Mental health is much like any other slow incremental work you do on yourself, like working out. You're not gonna see drastic results in a day or a week or even a month. But keep doing it, and one day, you'll realise, "hey! i can run for longer than i used to without being outta breath!" or "i can lift more than i used to!" or "i am more flexible now!". Similarly, one day, a few months from now, you'll just suddenly realize that you don't feel so anxious ALL the time anymore. Or that a situation that used to stress you into having panic attacks seems more manageable now. It takes time for your brain chemistry to react to the meds and lifestyle changes, so give yourself that space. It's a daily effort. And if you slip up a day or two (everyone does. I was late with my own meds today), it's fine. Just get back up the next day. A day's miss doesn't undo all the work you've done; making bad choices a continuous pattern does.

The comment from your parents about the marriage thing is just that, a casual comment. It's a half-joke, that you also play along with occasionally. Treat it as just that. In no way are you compelled to do anything you're not comfortable with. Anyway, right now your focus should be on doing your best at your degree and building an independent life for yourself. Use this time to get to know yourself better; you may or may not experiment, educate yourself, whatever you want. See if these type of relationships are meaningful to you, adding value to your life, making you happier. These are things you should figure out for yourself, by yourself, and there's no "deadline" for it. (Hell, I'm in my 30s and I'm still doing it!) Whatever you choose to be and do in your romantic life (including NOT having one) is valid. It's all about what feels authentic to you as a person, and not what other people want from/for you as part of the ideal picture of you in their minds!

Sending you lots of love and good vibes!!!!!!!! ✨✨✨

[r7-b7]

Biden specifically is going around everyone to send more fucking bombs to drop on Palestine and I'm getting hit with the "if you cared about Palestinians at all you'd vote for Biden" and "Trump says he wants to wipe Palestine off the map!" Bruh what the FUCK DO YOU THINK BIDEN IS FUCKING DOING RIGHT FUCKING NOW???

Miss me with that.

Literal Nazis have been marching for YEARS and there was not nearly as much (if any) police presence but the encampments for Palestine demanding universities stop using their money to have egregious contracts with weapons manufacturers they brought out all the toys. Toys meaning riot gear, chemical weapons, armored vehicles, attack dogs and horses, snipers on the buildings, facial recognition, mass arrests.....

In 2022 Biden was asking cities to spend COVID money on police. Fuck y'all.

I'm not taking a life/history/moral lesson from some selfish white knight liberal Democrat who doesn't listen to the people ACTUALLY affected by our choices. Who doesn't partake in mutual aid, doesn't know whose mother fucking land they are settlers on, won't even wear a god damn mother fucking mask.

Anybody not seeing the link between COVID and Palestine please read this article:

What the people have been saying:

😷 Disabled: the pandemic isn't over and the best way to not cause mass death and disability is to wear a mask, stay up to date on vaccines, and keep educating yourself (specifically US handling the AIDS crisis) follow the stats and variants, and new information about COVID. Long COVID is disabling people as the cost of living and demand of labor increases while the pay is low and the houselessness to prison slavery pipeline is efficient. ADHD/Autistic folx are more likely to be affected by an infection and the children are susceptible to much worse as their immune systems are compromised globally and they miss school from chronically being sick due to COVIDs way of wrecking a body. But instead of moving funds from the military and police to fund Universal Basic Income, Universal Healthcare, free at home tests, more teachers and aids, funding PPE for hospitals and clinics, getting people housed (there's more houses than houseless people) Biden and most of your Blue-ly elected officials did none of that and instead actually became the Red no maskers, "let's get back to normal, these kids are just so lazy and need to get a job", who are all just protecting the same billionaires and millions of you followed, many to their deaths.

BIPOC: spreading diseases is one of the most efficient ways to genocide a population. COVID is not magically over, in fact it's gotten increasingly worse and it affects indigenous and black people disproportionately. Who also experiences higher in rates of homelessness, and incarceration, as disabled people have pointed out: we are pushed down a pipeline. Biden has been fast tracking pipelines that destroy indigenous land and water (which hurts literally everyone and everything), and Palestine?? We are seeing exactly what happened to our parents, grandparents, great grandparents and getting a cruel smack in the face of the reality of HOW what happened to them happened--we see you do it, just looking away, being a White Moderate. Biden is literally killing us and smiling as he does it and getting applause for doing it better than some other White man would. What is fucking wrong with some of you?

Queers: we seem pretty generally split between those who can see we are getting fucking played and those who are aligning with the Empire for personal rights and gain. Some of us are like "I literally will not let the Democratic party think this behavior is acceptable. I won't be told these are my choices and deal with it. I won't allow a child rapist or a child slaughterer to win a vote or a dollar. Our Liberation is bound together. I remember why the L in LGBTQIA2S+ was moved to the front. I know we have to have each other." And some of us are like "this post that I didn't research myself or think critically about said this list of things the Biden administration has done to secure MY rights and comforts I've gotten accustomed to."

White™️ Democrats: v0te bLuE N🌀 mAttEr wH🔵 🇺🇲🦅🌈😇🦠 Trump is a fascist! 👺 But not our man! He said it himself: he's a Zionist conservative who doesn't actually believe in abortion rights and Israel is our best invention! Our sweet little baby settler colony 🥹 he looks just like his dad. We love an honest man!

see this is why i know so many of yall are just being performatively supportive of palestine. you "support palestine" superficially but with any other resistance or radical movements you're all of a sudden senator mccarthy and it's the 1950s and you're screaming and crying about dictator totalitarian commies if you see a thomas sankara quote or something about che guevara. like you people are not fucking serious

[nathank77]

5/29/24

5:25 p.m

I slept well. Fell asleep decently fast. Not really but it wasn't bad. I woke up at 2:52 p.m. I ran out grocery shopping to get waters. Asshole was there but I decided to do it anyways. I grabbed four packs and brought them over to automotive.

The asshole legit patrolled the aisles and found me and then Steve the asshole manager came up asked me to leave and took my photo. I said, "but look I put the package back together it is not damaged." He said he did care and I said, "well I'm going take photos of how I put the package back together for when you call corporate cause I know that's why you took my photo so I'm just taking photos of my proof." That's when he walked away. Then I proceeded to buy 50$ worth of products and left. I called corporate had them bring up my old case. Told them Steve took unauthorized photos of me and that I want to upload my photos and that at this point it's a mental health discrimination/harassment case. And I know they sided with the employees last time.

I said that I expect to be able to provide my photos with the exact time and date stamps of Steve's and I feel uncomfortable he took photos of me like I was a criminal. He couldn't calls the cops on me bc I didn't steal anything.

I threatened a lawsuit for mental health harassment and discrimination. As I'm a customer and a human and I'm allowed to shop at Walmart. I spend a lot of money there and I just want to be able to buy my waters and not be made to feel like a common criminal.

I said Idk why Steve took my photo, do you guys not have cameras??? Cause like they are important to protect both customer and employee.

I took out the big guns cause why can Steve take my photos and I can't upload my photos of proof.

I also said what's is he going to do with that photo? Show every associate at Walmart so I get harassed and watched by everyone? Cause see this is the issue I'm getting discriminated against and harassed.

Worse case I guess I'll go to fucking Cromwell and hide in a not busy aisle but if I had the money I'd fucking do a lawsuit at this point. I mentioned how I have panic attacks every night before I need to get waters and how this is a mental health crisis. And how Walmart needs to side with the customer that's getting harassed and discriminated against bc of his mental illness.

I said this could be a public relations nightmare. I expect to be able to upload my photos. Cause my photos show how I left the product.

He did leave, didn't get security or call the cops when I said I'm taking my photos for proof. So I mean is he allowed to take my photos? Was he trying to scare me out of the store?

The most ideal situation for them would have been if I left the product damaged in the aisle. Which I didn't. I deliberately made sure the products I left at Walmart looked perfect. And I have shots of myself next to the four packs. Two damaged in my cart and 2 others in perfect condition.

He wanted to scare me and take photos of damaged products. Now he will likely put my face all over the store so all the employees single me out. Maybe he will send it to corporate but he has to know by the way I said I'm taking my photos for proof that I'm also bringing my guns to corporate. I'm not scared of you, you're a fucking loser 46 year old who works as an assistant manager at Walmart. You're pathetic. And I have rights. I'll take your fucking job.

[casspurrjoybell-27]

Claimed by the Beast - Chapter 22a

*Warning Adult Content*

MINE - Part 1

It could've been his mind playing tricks on him but Knox swore his heart had stopped beating the moment Everett passed out in his arms.

How they made it back to the clubhouse in one piece remained a blur.

Knox immediately called Keith, the club's doctor and requested an emergency meeting despite Everett regaining consciousness.

Knox wasn't fucking around about Everett's health, so he ignored the boy's claims that nothing was wrong with him.

Knox wouldn't rest until he got clearance from a medical professional that Everett was going to be okay.

"Keep pacing the floor like that and you'll end up walking a hole in it." Josie is leaning against the wall in the empty hallway, one hand on her hip and the other rubbing slow circles on her swollen belly as she watches Knox crack under the pressure. "Doc knows what he's doing, okay? Everett is going to be fine..."

"It's been forty minutes," Knox cuts her off, his voice gruff and strained with unnecessary worry. "What the hell is taking them so long? He didn't get shot or stabbed..." Knox continues to pace the floor, his mind ferociously taunting him by replaying the moment when Everett went limp in his arms. "He fucking fainted. People faint all the time, right? It shouldn't be a big deal."

Josie sighs and mumbles something under her breath but Knox ignores her.

His eyes remain fixed on his bedroom door, which is where Keith has been playing his role with Everett while utilizing Knox's bedroom as his own personal examination room.

The older man has been in business, private and never public, with The Fallen Angels for years, so the trust is there.

Everett is in good hands but that still isn't enough for Knox to completely dismiss the thought that Everett may be broken beyond repair.

"Fuck it," Knox mutters, dragging a hand over his face. "Five more minutes and I'm going in there."

"Knox..." Josie starts.

"I said what I said," Knox snaps and Josie shakes her head, laughing.

"You're being very telling right now. I hope you know that."

"I'm well aware," Knox says, unable to locate his poker face to pretend like nothing is wrong with him.

He can't help but be a little dramatic.

It's been a hectic fucking day with one crisis happening after another.

More fighting, more death and they're all still one step behind Ghost and Russell.

Makes perfect sense why the air feels too thick and why Knox's clothes suddenly feel too tight.

His tank is on empty and evidently so is Everett's.

"You know, I don't think I've ever seen you wear your heart on your sleeve before," Josie flashes an empathetic smile and pushes off the wall to place a comforting hand on Knox's shoulder when he paces by her.

He finally stops.

"What's really been going on between you and Everett? Because from where I'm standing, this is giving something that's way past the platonic stage."

Knox stares at her long and hard before answering.

"It's complicated."

"Oh, honey. I'm sure it's a lot deeper than that," Josie snorts but her heart aches for her friend.

She knows how much Everett means to Knox, even if he won't open his mouth to admit it out loud.

He doesn't have to because it's written all over his face right now, something his brothers would poke fun at if they were around to witness his current state.

"You like him, right? As in... romantically speaking?" she asks.

Knox remains quiet.

"Silence means yes."

Knox doesn't open his mouth to object.

"I fucking knew it," Josie grins, clapping her hands together. "Having a crush is nice but it's also terrifying, isn't it? Everything is all new and fun and hot but the real test comes when shit hits the fan for the first time but you two are already way past that stage."

Knox rolls his eyes, displeased with how exposed he feels.

"What are you getting at, Red?"

"Right. My point is that you and Everett have had one too many close calls here lately. Tomorrow isn't promised, so you should stop beating around the bush when it comes to your feelings. If you really care about him and it's obvious that you do, then you have to take a leap of faith and just tell him how you really feel before it's too late. You can't let him walk away when all this shit ends with The Jackals."

"Why can't I?"

"Because... you'll be miserable and left wondering what could've been. Doesn't that scare you?"

"No," Knox replies, feigning indifference. "He's much better off without me in his life."

"Oh, fuck off, That's a lie and you know it," Josie exclaims, scowling hard.

"That's enough, Red," Knox matches her blistering expression but she doesn't budge from in front of him.

She isn't afraid of him and he'd never harm her despite the dark look whirling in his weary grey eyes.

"I'm not in the mood to talk about this shit."

"Well, that's too damn bad because we're going there, so I'm only going to say this once, I don't give a shit what you think of yourself. I'm telling you what I know and what I know is that you deserve to be loved, Knox. I know you won't be able to live with yourself if you let that boy leave here thinking all he ever was to you was a job to finish, someone you had to protect because you couldn't let your enemies get a hold of him. You're better than that and we both know it, so don't bullshit me."

Knox exhales a shuddering breath as the knot forming in his stomach doubles in size.

Josie is right.

He can't keep holding back his feelings for Everett, can't go on lying to himself about not wanting the boy when in reality, he's already fucking claimed him.

After everything they've been through, Knox can longer imagine how it will look when the time comes for them to say goodbye to each other.

But, on the flip side, what Knox knows for certain is that now is not the time for him to drop a romantic confession.

As if he even knows how to.

They're in the middle of a damn war and the stakes have never been higher.

Not only that but Everett is set to go back to college soon.

Who knows what his plans are after he graduates.

It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things because Knox isn't going to insert himself somewhere that he doesn't belong.

Trying to form a relationship with someone who isn't part of the biker lifestyle may have worked out fine for Gavin and Josie but with Knox and Everett... Knox just can't see it happening, there are more cons than pros.

Knox has too much baggage and way too many demons following him around.

It'd be selfish of him to lock Everett into his chaotic world.

He would rather let Everett go to pursue his dreams and live a safe and happy life instead of dragging him deeper into the darkness that Knox has forced himself to grow accustomed to.

"Well? Do I need to keep preaching, or will you stop being a dumbass and follow my advice for once?" Josie teases and elbows Knox in the side, though her expression is the opposite of playful.

"Consider yourself heard. Can I go back to pacing now?"

[dzpenumbra]

9/1/22

How fucked it is that you can advertise psych meds via targeted ads to people with mental health problems (so like, literally everyone) directly on their phones, cued by listening for keywords, most of the time without their knowledge. Meds that those people can't even legally purchase themselves. Like... how is this legal? I mean, let me be real about this, this isn't legal in like... most other countries in the world. So... why are we cool with this? Like, if you wanna go "we have a right to make money" or whatever, to a certain degree I get that... but where are we drawing the line? Advertising booze to alcoholics? On their phones? Because they're watching YouTube videos? Maybe even videos about quitting?

We have been in an anxiety and depression crisis as a country for nigh over a decade. I mean, that's as long as it's been known by the general public. We know very well this is a problem and have known for quite some time. Yet... we don't just allow the targeting of the traumatized as a focused demographic, we defend it. I'm sorry, I'm not cool with that. I'm not cut out to be a politician, I'm way too anxious, I've been socially deprived for way too long to have that many eyes on me comfortably. I don't want to participate in acts of expressive aggression as a way of instigating change. Violence makes me lose hope in the world. And Anger begets anger. I don't want to be a soldier or a revolutionary. We have enough people who would love to play that role, if one is needed. I am simply a survivor, who is concerned about how we treat each other. How lowly we can look at our fellow man. Our biological equals. Our brothers and sisters. And see them in profound, psyche-shattering pain. Grief, sadness, fear, shame. And not see them as someone we should be comforting and healing, but rather as a flock of sheep they can now regularly shear. A money tree, if you will.

I use phrases that I think sound fancy sometimes to sound a bit more profound, to try to stress a point. Like... if you will. It makes me sound deeeeep, right? XD I do it because I get a fun chuckle out of it. It happens a bit when my spiritual, intellectual side comes out to play. He hasn't really been around much since my panic/survival self grabbed the steering wheel.

It's crazy how multifaceted one personality can be, and how little people really want to look at what our own psyche really is. It's so fucking weird! Like, why would you NOT want to learn more about not just who you are, but what you are?! Like... think of it this way... I've used this analogy successfully before. Think back to you as a kid, whatever memory you can go into your own head like a GoPro cam with and remember what it was like to... experience that time, to make decisions within that time, to be in the present Now in that time. That is still you. That kid (for me, there's one around 6 years old, and definitely a few around the tween years) is still you.

You could imitate those thought patterns, that perspective, speak the way you used to, act the way you used to, to summon that personality to the surface. Easily! I do it when I go and look for stones in a river. I climb barefoot all over the rocks and squat on the beach digging through pebbles looking for pretty ones. I've done that exactly the same way since I was a kid. I can bring him to the surface when I need him around, with the right prompts. I think some of us are much more adept at it, or at least intentional with it, which can make them much more skilled at reacting to situations. I imagine some people kinda have a baseball team on a bench in their head, they can just call the right personality out whenever, tons of options. I have quite a few, I guess I just haven't really been paying much attention to who's been grabbing the steering wheel lately. It feels a lot like Fear. Tends to take over when I'm in survival-mode, which I absolutely have been the past few days.

But we really struggle to like... accept that we can be more than one person at a time. As a sorta... compound person? I don't know, I wanted to say fractal or something, but like... multiple sub-people within a persona, which chooses which sub-person gets filtered through. I guess spirits within a soul, maybe? And if you go around talking about being more than one person, then people really like to assume you're just mistaken, sick or confused. Like they've ever even entertained the thought! Sigh... <and facepalm>.

It's hard to relate to people about the psyche and what can happen to it when things go wrong. We all just want to compete, it feels like. We like to believe everything we know right now is real, is truth. We don't want to be wrong. But the only truth is that the truth is always changing, because Life does not stop, it keeps changing and growing. We keep learning in it's wake, in this tantalizing game of chase that we will never win. No matter how cocky we get. No matter how smart we get. No matter what fancy gadgets we invent to try to do it for us. The more we look, not only do we see more, but we create more. The more we push to learn, the more possibilities we create. We will never know everything, we will never even come close. So why the fuck does Rick at the Corner Store think he knows everything there is to know about the world? The ones who think they've got it all figured out? Do yourself a favor, watch out for those ones.

I'm in a mood tonight, I guess. Weird place in my life, weird place psychologically, as I sorta transition between two new visions of where I'm leading my life. I had a pretty clear image of what my life was going to look like in the future, a goal. A cabin in the woods not too far from civilization. I had internet there, I was streaming, doing art/music/writing/crafts/acting full-time. I had a partner, we played video games and watched movies together in our free time, and a lot of Twitch and YouTube. We'd go out in nature a LOT. I'd teach her to skateboard and snowskate, and we'd go on skate trips together. She'd probably think my cat was weird and struggle to approach her because she's getting old, but they'd get to know each other and then one day she'd lay on top of her at night instead of me and I'd be really sad, but also unbelievably happy. Maybe we'd think about kids, but not right away. Maybe she has a kid already, I don't know, I never really got to figure out where I am with that. Didn't really feel like it was at the top of anyone's conversation list with me. My life would be keeping a standard of homestead that both of us approved of. Maintain the home repairs, keep it in a condition we both agreed upon, tend to the animals, cook (or share cooking, if wanted), do laundry, put the groceries away, and to plan recreational activities and adventures. Game nights, outings, stuff like that. All the while working on whatever creative/entertainment venture inspired me. A new game playthrough with a roleplay story element to put on YouTube as a series. A series of nature illustrations. A poetry chap-book (fuck yeah I learned that word). A D&D campaign to stream. Mandalas. Grip tape art. Locally sourced natural material jewelry. You know, weird artsy shit. It would be a very busy life. Adding in kids would just make it nuts, but I'd do my very best to keep that managed, freeing my partner to pursue their passions, and not blockading them from participating in those home management activities as well. Does it sound like a clear vision of what kind of life and person I want to be? Does it sound like I want that life? Like I'd be happy in that life?

Here's the life I've resigned that one for. Fleeing to a tiny city in a panic, getting a job at some store (hopefully a gaming shop or like a weird old bookstore or something? Maybe an antique shop or a curiosity shop or something if they have one), living in an apartment that I likely won't be able to pay for myself on just that one job, so I likely will have to do a second job part-time as well, or I will still have to depend on my Mom for money. Most of my time will be spent working, cooking and cleaning, honestly. I may get a few hours in between to choose between more work with art or music practice, so I don't get rusty. Or I could use that time gaming. Or watching a stream. Or watching a show/movie/YouTube video/podcast. Or writing. But probably just one of those.

So let's really ask this. We're promised Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, right? Those are our unalienable rights, yeah? Life? I guess maybe we were just sorta saying "you get to be alive here." Not "we'll try to get you as close as we can to where you will be most harmonious, where you fit the best." Liberty? The ability to pursue that life? To be honest, I'm not quite sure I have the means to achieve that life short of a small miracle right now. Not in a way where I wouldn't be paying a crippling price, like several hour fights at least once a week. Pursuit of Happiness? Well, I guess you're always welcome to attempt to pursue happiness. I want to glaze over this one as a sorta "duh" considering the implications of the last two, but I guess it kinda needs to be said or else people will try to blockade it.

We really are shitty creatures, aren't we?

Oh well, hopefully we can just start being a bit nicer to each other and we might be able to get back into hopeful times. Harmonious times, where we're optimistic about what's around the corner, rather than flinching every time something moves. I know it's not just me doing that, but we've all developed a lot of coping mechanisms over the past couple years to keep them pretty hidden now, even from ourselves. I see them clear as day now, for the most part, and it just makes me more upset. I see so much potential in people, as individuals and what we're capable of accomplishing when we combine forces. But so many people are just in it for their own experience. They video a concert with their phone to show off to their friends later and brag, meanwhile ruining the Now experience for them and people around them. They leave trash on the ground at the swim spot by the trails I walk, and I bring their trash 100 feet up to the trailhead and throw it out for them. They just want the best life experience - the most optimized, Google recommended, 5-star reviewed, 2000x liked and retweeted experience they can get. They will cut any corners they can find to get it. They will pay a premium for it and call it the deal of a century. Are they concerned about the experience of the person 5 feet from them? Oh... suuuure... If it somehow ties back to your experience... Looking at them from your eyes, how they affect you, how they appear, how they act. Not, like... looking at life through their eyes.

How the fuck did we get from social media being the greatest opportunity to see what it's like to live in someone else's shoes, to the world's biggest popularity contest in history? Welp, corporations saw some money to be made and got their fingers in the pie and made it a game. And, of course, it's apparently a lot easier to win that game if you lie. At least a lot of people seem to think that. Now, maybe it's just whether you fit in/conform? I don't know, I've been pretty removed from social media lately, to be honest. It seems like... people are ultimately just trying to connect, but they're connecting over the wrong damn emotions. Like we want powerful interactions with eachother, intensely emotional engagements that seem like... attempts to interact. Imagine if they were attempts to bond rather than attempts to lash out, or outrage, or make an impact through inconvenience. It's hard to conceptualize that in a world rife with so much conflict, but if people somehow found a way within themselves to mutually seek bonds more often, the world would just be a much better place. Yeeeahhhh, peace and love, man! I use Nag Champa soap, okay, don't judge me! It's been a while since I did a tree-hugging post, it's nice to reconnect with this feeling.

Maybe if we, as an average, had a better relationship with emotions like love and compassion, we'd be less incline to go around picking fights with people over having different opinions. Or accusing them of nasty intentions, in a bid to paint our deepest fears on them and finally get a chance to interact with them. Maybe, just maybe, we'd think a bit more about how our actions affect others. Because we can relate to what it's like to experience the impacts and repercussions of that. Maybe we would keep our focus on what's best for all parties, and for the greater whole, and all the wholes greater than that, rather than keep our focus on just ourselves. Maybe we'd start to become better people.

How to make that transition? From focusing on "I" to focusing on "We"? Practice. But I'll tell ya, it's really goddamn hard to focus on "We" when you're really hungry, or when you haven't slept a full night in a week, or when you're overstressed from being overworked and underappreciated, or when you're worn from reliving painful memories and the frenetic energy of children, or when you've lost so much hope that all you want is to disappear into a fantasy world where your actions actually matter. But we have to keep trying. We all have to keep trying. Because we're all in this together. Even if we're not all in this together. It makes me really sad to say that, but it's also a little clever and it made me chuckle. :)

This was an intense one, but I guess I had a lot of this inside me that I needed to get out and I never really made a place to do that. Not anytime recently. This is that place for me, for now at least. Thanks for reading this. This is what my brain looks like, every fucking day, all day. Just sometimes it's not this dressed up, and this monologue is often companioned with images.

Maybe I could do the ultimate art project some day. Capture a section of my actual thoughts, just like this, as authentically as possible... and also try to capture the fleeting reference images too. Then write it all down, and draw the companion images - the mental images. Hell, I could even do a recording of it and make it a video, fuck, imagine this in VR?! It would be the closest I could get to putting another person inside my head, inside my experience of this weird, crazy, what-the-fuck-actually-is-it-experience that we call Life. The closest I could get to someone really understanding who I am, and seeing me, relating to me, bonding with me, caring about me, connecting with me. Real connection. And isn't that... what we all want?

Maybe not, maybe it's just me.

[bitchesgetriches]

Hi Bitches, I have a question that's not really financial, but more about maintaining empathy in this capitalist hellscape. It's long, so I apologize in advance. So. I live in NYC and there are homeless people everywhere. I can remember being a kid and having huge amounts of sympathy for the homeless in my hometown city; I always gave some of my allowance money if I walked by a homeless person, or asked a parent for a dollar to give. Fast forward to now. I'm 27, have lived in 1/4

           NYC for 2+ years, and have lost so much sympathy for the suffering of the homeless. I know logically that I should be much more sympathetic to their situation, but I also can't help but to think that they are such a nuisance. I almost never give them a spare dollar or two now. I mean, I really need every dollar I make right now, at least I think I do. My family & I just can't afford it. I loathe them for inconveniencing me with their shouting and their stench. I think that if they've 2/4   

           reached the point of needing to beg strangers for help, they must have alienated all of their loved ones; I'd never be in that position. If the people who love them won't help them, why should I? But then logically I know that's not true either. I could be in that place with just a few family tragedies. It's this internal battle I deal with every day on my commute: I dehumanize these people, I feel guilty and logically know I'm wrong, I do nothing to help. I want to stop my dehumanization 3/4       

           of the homeless because I know it's wrong, and because I know I can do better for them and society can do better for them. The homelessness problem is clearly related to this capitalist world we live in, but what can be done? How do I stop mentally battling myself and actually get over being annoyed and repulsed every time a homeless person inconveniences me? Thank you bitches for everything, even if this never gets answered        

This is SUCH an interesting question. Thank you for asking it, dearheart! And I applaud you for your self-awareness, pragmatism, and compassion. It’s clear that this is a mental struggle for you, and the very fact that you don’t simply stop the introspection at “Well IIIII would never end up homeless, alone, and stinking up the sidewalk” but instead are working to improve your outlook speaks very highly of you.

So let’s talk about homelessness.

As John Oliver so eloquently explains in this clip, the vast majority of Americans are sooooo much closer to being a homeless beggar on the streets than they are to being on MTV’s Cribs. Our individual financial security is fucking precarious! That’s why we write this blog! Yes, you can build up an emergency fund and save six months of your income, but when you get right down to it, most of us are one major medical emergency away from bankruptcy.

And if you can’t recover from said emergency, if you don’t have a support network to get you out of that mess... that’s it. You’re done. You’re staring down the barrel of homelessness and getting judged by strangers on the street for your inability to stay clean and hygienic while you literally sleep under the overpass and rummage through the dumpster behind Panera for day-old bread.

Now let’s address your knee-jerk reaction that homeless people must’ve really fucked up to lose all support and end up on the street. Surely, someone like YOU could never end up there because you have people who love and support you, right?

Sadly, a lot of homeless people are mentally ill, and slipped through the cracks left by their caretakers and an imperfect system. Others are kids who have aged out of the foster care system with no helping hand and no prospects for an education or career. Others are gay and trans youth who were literally kicked out of their homes and disowned by their families. Others are addicted to substances in this great nation where we treat addiction like a crime rather than the public health crisis it is.

Put even the most normal, patient, chill person in any of these situations, grind them down with bad weather, abuse, lack of nutrition and healthcare for months and years, and I guarantee they’ll get a bit surly. When you meet a loud, annoying, unhygienic homeless person on the street, you’re meeting them at their worst. I defy you to act any better in their situation!

All of which is to say that even a homeless person who you find personally repugnant and unsympathetic is probably not so different from you. Non-homeless people can be massive fucking dicks, so why not the homeless?

I know I keep using “you” in a sort of accusatory fashion in this post, and I promise I’m not condescending to you or picking on you. It’s all meant to reinforce the idea that there is a very thin line separating all of us financially stable people from the homeless. That alone makes them worthy of our compassion and respect. Basic human decency goes a long way to someone who gets alternately ignored and shat upon by most of the human race.

Here’s s’more on why we should all cut the poor and homeless a break:

"Poor People Are Poor Because They Are _____. Rich People Are Rich Because They Are _____." 

It's More Expensive to Be Poor Than to Be Rich

Lastly, here’s what you can do to stop feeling impotent, useless, and heartless when you see a homeless person and you can’t afford to give them money.

Vote.

I personally very rarely give money to the homeless. But I do donate to a number of charitable organizations that help to alleviate the plight of the homeless and impoverished in my country. I also vote for politicians and policies that will improve life for those struggling to make ends meet. I support policies and politicians who aim to get at the root of the homelessness problem--not just systemic poverty, but inadequate mental health programs, lack of support for veterans and the disabled, and lack of protection for children suffering abuse or lacking stability in their home lives.

I pay taxes in the hopes that my money will be used to stab the root problems of homelessness in the heart. When I see a homeless person on the street, I remind myself that I am making informed political decisions to help them. I remind myself that they are the reason I donate to charities and food banks. And yeah, sometimes if I can, I spare a dollar for their plight. But if I can’t in that moment, then I know that I’ve still done something on a broader scale.

You need to start thinking this way to alleviate your guilt. Be the logical, pragmatic person you appear to be from your question. And remind yourself that some day, you could be in the same position whether you expect it or not.

Good luck, honey. It’s going to be ok.

Here’s some further reading:

Ask the Bitches: "How Do I Protect My Own Mental Health While Still Helping Others?"

Raising Awareness About "Raising Awareness"

Raising the Minimum Wage Would Make Our Lives Better 

How to Spot a Charitable Scam

Judging Charities Like Judgey McJudgerson: How Can Your Donation Make the Biggest Impact? 

[whetstonefires]

and too the opposite side of this is that Zack is so intensely person-focused that it fucks with his ability to have broader ethical standards than 'how I react to this person in front of me.'

he cares about doing that ethically with an intensity Cloud never achieves! it bothers him to be cruel! even when he's invading Wutai, and we can be fairly confident he's killing his way through Fort Tamblin, he pointedly leaves alive the Crescent member who had a conversation with him.

but that conversation was:

'why are you invading us? we hate it it's bad and destructive.'

'no it's good actually; being under shinra control is good for the public and it's your fault there's violence, for resisting.'

and zack really struggles to get beyond that level! he goes through so much shinra-sponsored bullshit, and it's not until he's been betrayed and tortured personally that he fully switches over from 'there are corruptions in the system i uphold and i'm getting steadily more alienated from it' to no longer identifying shinra as 'his side,' and even then that might be because he was a wanted fugitive.

cloud ofc isn't primarily interested in the morality of his actions, especially early on, but i think it oversimplifies his development to say he doesn't care about it at all. i would have said he goes through a process of broadening the scope of what he's able to care about from not-even-himself-really on up.

due to how the games are designed, zack kills so many more human beings than cloud does, and never really noticeably stumbles over it unless it's people he feels a connection to. cloud having compunctions about cutting his way through shinra guys on the way to stop Meteor and save the world is built into the underwater reactor segment, with his own 'spare' option on the submarine. but also with that optional guy who knows him by name but whom you don't get an option to spare.

but of course the timing of that struggle is tied to his having regained his proper memories.

cloud's arc is in a lot of ways about getting your mental health sorted out enough that you're able to care about larger things than survival, about other people and the world and happiness and being good.

while zack's arc is partly about having your mental health take such a serious beating from The Traumas that you reject the corporate paradigm and ultimately choose to die protecting just one person, because that's all you can do. after all, zack's story is a tragedy.

cloud's mean by default, he was a grouchy surly little kid and he's not ever going to be friendly, and zack's nice, but their respective moral developments aren't quite reducible to those traits.

zack also can't be bothered to contact his parents ever and bases most of his morality for most of his life around whether he likes things and people or not, personally, and feels tribal attachment to them. this worldview is trivially easy to exploit for evil, which is of course the situation zack is in when we meet him in Crisis Core.

the neibelheim incident is the perfect example of why i love how cloud and zack’s characters are written. the whole game is about zack building up this rock solid foundation of morals, like his unfaltering loyalty and kindness, so that when he’s given the opportunity in the nibel reactor to catch sephiroth unawares and stop him before he hurts anyone else, he physically can’t bring himself to betray his friend and literally stab him in the back.

whereas cloud follows his sorry ass straight to the reactor, takes zack’s sword, and stabs that bitch without hesitation. he SKEWERED that man before he even said a word to him, and the only thing he had to say was “you killed my mom, fuck you”

even after cloud absorbs zacks personality and memories, he doesn’t pick up zack’s sense of mercy and morality, cloud operates under the assumption that the people he is fighting won’t give anyone else a fair shot, so why should he play fair. its one of my favorite things abt his character and i don’t think zakkura writers give enough attention to how much zack and cloud would argue if they ever had to work together post-game. like, cloud is full of rage 24-7. he was ready to tear shin-ra apart with avalanche for the smallest amount of gil. when tifa lets slip that johnny might rat avalanche out, cloud is ready to shank his ass. he tries to attack sephiroth almost any time he sees him, hallucination or not. where zack is very trusting and moral, cloud does whatever he has to in order to keep him and his friends safe, even if his friends don’t approve. he very much fights like someone who has only ever fought for survival and its such a good bit of writing

[sapphicscholar]

hi so I didn't know who to ask but in my psych class we're learning about adolescent psychology, & there was this unit on developing interest in relationships. It went way into detail on how the brain changes during that time, which was interesting, but ofc my gay ass couldn't relate. at the end all it said was 'it's different for homosexuals.' I guess I'm wondering if you know of any way to learn about psychology relating to LGBT people? srsly im thirsty for anything in academia I can relate to

(same psych anon) that was a pretty specific question so I guess like do you have any info or know of any links/ websites/places to learn about lgbt history and lives and stuff like that in an academic way? bc I love school & learning but I’ve always wanted to learn more about myself and people like me, but they never teach that in schools.

Oh my gosh SO MANY THINGS! Okay, so, the psych stuff is pretty outside of my knowledge but I asked my gf (she does the science in this relationship while my gay ass just reads a whole lot of books), and she recommends Helen Fisher and looking at the researchers at the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality or the Kinsey Institute, as well as The Sage Encyclopedia of LGBTQ Studies (it’s an online resource a lot of universities subscribe to). But I’d also say that as far as thinking about developmental narratives, LGBTQ memoirs are a great place to start, especially since so many of them go through their own experiences of having to confront this heteronormative, cis-centric narrative that just doesn’t fit them and their lives. 

So some good queer history authors are: John D’Emilio (comprehensive, if a bit male-centric), Lillian Faderman (writing all about lesbian history, including more recent history; very well-respected; she’s got some issues in her scholarship that by no means discount it as a whole, but I’m happy to talk more about if you want), Michael Bronski (his Queer History of the United States is really accessible), George Chauncey (it’s just of NYC, but still fun), Estelle B. Freedman, Foucault (though it’s not quite “history,” it’s a kind of history meets theory of regimes of power and how sexuality got tied up in that), Martha Vicinus (I adore her), Valerie Traub (goes all the way back to the early modern period), and so many others who really focus more on niche history, so I won’t list them here. There are some web resources, but I know a lot of them are databases that are subscription-based. I’ll see what I can’t dig up in the next couple of days as far as free websites. I know they exist; it’s just a matter of having the time to look…

Okay, you didn’t specifically say you were interested in literature but bc I taught literature and think it’s a great way to learn about the history of a group, I’m gonna list some anyway and you can feel free to disregard!

Patricia Highsmith, The Price of Salt (or Carol, depends on the year it was printed) – you can also check out the movie! I find the two to be complementary (the book gives you Therese’s POV almost exclusively, whereas the movie shows much more of Carol’s story) 

Alison Bechdel, Fun Home is her graphic novel/memoir that’s really excellent, but the comic strip that sort of launched her as a public persona (at least within the lesbian community) was Dykes to Watch Out For, quite a bit of which is available for free online

Henry James, The Bostonians – one of the first recognizable depictions of a queer female character in literature (not really…I’d trouble that as a professor, but that’s how it gets taught in general, and it was one of the first books where even contemporary reviewers were quick to note that there was something “wrong” or “morbid,” which was 19th C. code for what would come to be understood as lesbian sexuality, about Olive Chancellor) – free online, though it’s James at his most….Jamesian, which means it’s not that accessible

The poetry of Emily Dickinson! It’s all free online. There’s a ton of it, though much of it isn’t obviously queer

James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room – gets into bisexual identity in a way a lot of works don’t do; on the sadder side…fair warning 

Virginia Woolf! Especially Orlando or Mrs. Dalloway – the former has been called “the longest and most charming love-letter in literature” (to Woolf’s longtime friend and lover, Vita Sackville-West) and deals with the fluidity of gender and time; the latter has quite a few flashbacks to the brief childhood romance of the protagonist and her friend. Both of them are great, but Woolf, as a modernist, can have a writing style that’s difficult to get into at first (for instance, time really isn’t stable or linear, which is something I adore about her, but definitely takes some getting used to). They’re both available free online through Project Gutenberg

Radclyffe Hall, The Well of Loneliness – it’s a classic, in the sense that it’s one of those books people sort of expect you to have read if you do lesbian literature. It’s certainly an interesting story and told well, but it’s not even close to a happy ending and is rather conciliatory to prevailing norms (though even still it was taken to the courts under the  obscenity laws) - free online, though!

Sarah Waters – a contemporary novelist who writes almost all historical fiction about queer women! Some of her stories are better known (e.g. Tipping the Velvet), but they’re pretty much all great. Varying degrees of angst, but definitely an accessible read

Maggie Nelson, The Argonauts – sort of experimental in form (it’s fiction with footnotes!); it deals with a lesbian woman coming to terms with her partner’s transition and her own identity during the process 

E.M. Forster, Maurice – even though it was first drafted in the 1910s, Forster edited it throughout his life, and, given the subject matter, which was also autobiographical, and the prevailing attitudes at the time, the book was only published posthumously in the 70s

Colette’s Claudine series – it’s long (multi-volume) but sort of a classic – they’re all old enough to be free online, though the English translation is harder to come by 

Eileen Myles – lesbian poet and novelist – I’d recommend Inferno but some of her poetry is free online 

Rita Mae Brown – Rubyfruit Jungle and Oranges Are not the Only Fruit are both quite good, though, especially the latter deals with religiously-motivated homophobia, so I know at least my girlfriend, who dealt with a lot of that from her family, opted not to read it for her own mental health. 

Tony Kushner, Angels in America – this two-part play deals with the AIDS crisis in America – it’s been turned into a TV miniseries, a Broadway play, and a movie, some of which are available online

Really anything by David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs – both are gay authors who deal a lot with short stories (a ton of memoir/autobiographical stuff) – the former is a bit funnier, but they both have enough sarcasm and dry wit even in dark situations to make them fast reads 

Alan Ginsburg’s poetry 

Walt Whitman’s poetry (though it can be really fucking racist) 

Binyavanga Wainaina, One Day I Will Write About This Place – does deal with issues of sexual abuse as a warning 

Anything by Amber Hollibaugh (she writes a lot about class and butch/femme dynamics – quite a bit of her stuff has been scanned and uploaded online) 

Michelle Tea – was a slam poet; recovering alcoholic; fantastically funny and talented author and delightful human being if you ever get the chance to meet her or go to one of her readings

Randy Shilts, And the Band Played On – more a work of investigative journalism than anything, the work is a stunning indictment of the indifference of the US government during some of the worst years of the AIDS crisis, but it also provides a good bit of gay history 

Terry Galloway Mean Little Deaf Queer – deals with one woman’s experience of losing her hearing and navigating the world and the Deaf and deaf communities as a once-hearing person – she’s sort of acerbic and always funny;

Jeffrey Eugenides, Middlesex – grapples with intersex identity in a way that’s still far too rare in literature 

Theodore Winthrop, Cecil Dreem – just rediscovered about two years ago, this is one of the few pretty happy gay novels from the nineteenth century! Free online!

Leslie Feinberg, Stone Butch Blues – pretty clear from the title, but deals with a butch character’s struggles with gender identity (takes T to pass for a while, but then gets alienated from the lesbian community; eventually stops taking T, but still struggles with what that means for her) – Feinberg’s wife made it free online for everyone after Feinberg’s death (the book had a limited print run, which made finding copies both hard and expensive) 

Harvey Fierstein, Torch Song Trilogy – trilogy later adapted for film about an effeminate gay man (who also performs as a drag queen) and his life and family   

Oscar Wilde – his novels aren’t explicitly gay, but they often dance around it thematically, at least; his heartbreaking letter, De Profundis, which he wrote to his lover while imprisoned for “gross indecency,” is available online 

Anything by Dorothy Alison 

Audre Lorde, Zami: A New Spelling of My Name - great as a memoir and a cultural history  

There’s so many more but this is so my jam I suspect I’ve already rambled too long

If you’re interested in film, here are a few: 

Paris Is Burning (a film about drag ball culture in NYC) 

Fire – Deepa Mehta (it’s on YouTube in the US) 

Boys Don’t Cry – there is a lot of homophobia and transphobia in the film, so it’s definitely one you’ll want to be in the right mindset to watch (I, for one, have only watched it once) 

But I’m a Cheerleader – over-the-top mockumentary-esque film that satirizes conversion therapy and the Christian “documentaries” that claimed to showcase their successes (RuPaul is in it as well) 

Desert Hearts – one of the earliest films to leave open the possibility of a happy ending for the lesbian couple 

Hedwig and the Angry Itch – deals with gender identity and feelings of not belonging (also a fabulous musical) 

Philadelphia – about one man’s experience of discrimination while dying of AIDS 

There are plenty of lighter films, but I figure these tend to also talk more seriously about some issues as well

I don’t know if anyone but me made it to the end of this post, but there’s also so much fun queer theory out there that I won’t get into here, but I’m always up for giving more recommendations!

[jmrphy]

I am having a crisis about studying for a bourgeois career. I feel like it's all just about commercialism and exploiting people and I feel guilty like I'm perpetuating "the system," etc. What do I do?

All of my last several blog posts are about how 99% of what people say/do for “social justice” consists of making themselves feel better while actually, concretely reinforcing perverse systemic dynamics. So it’s not at all obvious that quitting a bourgeois career track would land you in a more socially just position in “the system!” 

My recent thinking and writing points to a simple alternative: do whatever you want, but simply do it more truly than status quo institutions want you to do it. I believe this basic idea will lead anyone, almost invariably, to the most meaningful and effective systemic effects. So if you think Bourgeois Career X is guilty of certain things, but you are drawn to the work, then I'd say your calling is to become a better X than the bullshit fake ass liar X’es and dare to say/produce things they are unwilling or unable to say/produce. If they are all disingenuous commercial mercenaries then get better than them, make the money you need to make, but also call them all out and & invest your energies in autonomous work that you believe is most noble/progressive/whatever.

I also think that maybe the ultimate factor in this sort of question is quite mundane: you have to make money somehow to survive, so I think it's totally reasonable and ethically/politically admirable to simply decide a strategy for making money that is a weighted function of your demand for money and your temperament/capacities. If Bourgeois Career X is the best way to make the amount of money you need, with the least amount of torture, then that's probably all that is needed to justify it ethically and politically. Because that's going to make you more able to do whatever else you might want to do, i.e. radical autonomous work of any kind whatsoever, perhaps of forms you are currently too young to even realize you might want to do later.

Not pursuing a career that you feel called to, and which you are capable of, because of social-justice guilt bullshit would be letting a bunch of noisy resentful losers talk you out of your will to power. That sounds kind of mean but it's necessary to counter-balance the extreme disingenuous of public social-justice culture. Because let’s be honest. A dirty little secret is that a lot of the public culture giving you these compunctions is espoused by deeply unwell and incapable people who pretend they chose a noble progressive path of proletarian struggle when the reality is they would happily accept a high-status and well-remunerated career if they were handed one.

This is a really serious thing for competent & capable young adults to recognize, and there aren’t that many people out there to tell you this, if your charitable and communitarian instincts are making you hesitate about fulfilling your own potential. If you forego personal career success out of a noble wish to work with the noble progressive precariat, I feel obligated to forewarn you that there’s a very decent probability you would be horrified after a few years, when you start to really see that many of your do-gooder associates are, actually, just deeply troubled people who don't even have their shit together enough to treat each other ethically, let alone do something progressive for the world. Nobody wants to be mean to do-gooders who by all indications are trying to improve the world, but I’ve learned from experience that the milieus of non-bourgeois, non-career-oriented “social justice” are really, really not what they pretend to be, and not what I thought they were when I was coming up in my late teens and my 20s.

I came quite close to leaving or pausing my grad school program for what seemed to me like more noble and radical possibilities, in the excitement of Occupy Wall Street. But looking back on what I've learned about the reality of progressive milieus, I shudder at the thought I would have ever discarded my own potential to work with people who are seriously not the image they hold up to the world. There are a lot of people who present themselves as having made noble choices when in fact they are resentfully stuck in attitudes & behaviors they would not be stuck in if they had the ability/resources/power to do otherwise. I am not hating on people for being stuck in difficult life situations, which are often not their fault--but I am hating on, and seriously warning you about, a large number of people who actively deride or belittle professionalism to make their own limitations feel like positive values. That is fucked up, in part because it really misleads young people and distracts them from pursuing worthwhile personal accomplishments. I feel like I only barely dodged this bullet of diffuse social deception, and I’m very happy I did, so that’s why I’m writing this long response.

Finally, just for basic mental health reasons, it's super important to seek a line of work that matches your intelligence and competence. One of the worst drags on well-being is when your abilities exceed your job, so if you are competent and conscientious and inclined to the work of Bourgeois Career X, then I might even say you are ethically and politically obligated to pursue the most rigorous and disciplined training you can find. Anything less would lead to resentment down the line; you might feel noble in the short run, but quitting a career track you are capable of because of vague social-justice compunctions will make you politically useless in the long-run, after you become deadened with resentment & horrified by the darker realities of the social justice culture you thought was admirable.