#WE'RE BOTH CANDY INTOLERANT TOO

[something-in-your-walls]

melvin in the hack-a-ween special is so me fr

[niiwa-angel]

Hazbin Hotel Incorrect Quotes

Vaggie, going over more ground rules for the hotel: Alright! We will be having weekly team dinners! Everybody will be taking a turn cooking!

Vaggie: Except Alastor, after the roast incident of April.

Alastor: You all said you wanted a shoulder roast.

Angel Dust: Pork shoulder, not Paul shoulder!

~~~

Alastor, calling a meeting: Listen up, you little shits.

Alastor: Not you Nifty, you're an angel and I'm happy you're here.

~~~

Valentino and Velvette, after losing Vox at the aquarium.

Val: He probably went to the shark tank. He likes sharks.

Vel: You're right.

Vel, laughing: He's probably in the shark tank, he likes sharks so much.

Val: Ha!

Both of them start running.

~~~

Husk: Hello, people who do not live here.

Cherri: Sup?

Husk: I gave you the key to my room for emergencies.

Frank the Egg Boi: We were out of molotov cocktails.

~~~

Charlie: What happens at Overlord meetings?

Alastor: Oh, you know. Boring discussions really. Lots of bureaucracy.

cut to the Overlord meeting

Vox, jumping up on the table: If you don't stop smacking me with your tail, I will end your entire family!

Zeezi: Bitch, try it!

Carmilla: Everyone sit down!

Velvette, recording: Can it old lady! This is gonna break the internet!

Clara smacks Velvette in the face with the handle of her spear: Don't talk to my mother like that!

Valentino: Don't smack my costume designer! She's getting blood all over her clothes!

Rosie, sampling: Tasty blood!

Alastor, also taking a taste: Indeed! Have you considered becoming a soup?

Zestial, fed the fuck up, slamming his hands on the table, effectively shutting everyone up.

Zestial: Sit. Down. Now.

Everyone sits down.

~~~

Lucifer: If you make your hot chocolate with water, you're out of the fucking hotel!

Lucifer: If you're lactose intolerant, you can stay but you're on thin ice!

Angel Dust: I just snort the powder because Vagina took my stash.

Lucifer: ...

Lucifer: What the fuck?

~~~

Velvette, kicking through the door to the Overlord meeting: Hello losers!

Carmilla, not looking up from her tea: Hello, problem attendant.

~~~

Valentino, watching Vox freak out because of something Alastor did.

Val: Is it a chocolate pudding at three am type of night?

Vel: Does the day end with 'Y'?

~~~

Charlie: Can you guys get along for five minutes?

Lucifer and Alastor: No!

~~~

Vox and Valentino, aggressively making out in the kitchen.

Velvette: Can I get a waffle?

Valentino, rips his underwear off

Velvette: Can I please get a waffle?!

~~~

Carmilla: I am this close to losing it.

Zestial: Mine dear, there is no room between thine fingers?

Carmilla, watching Vox and Alastor argue viciously while Velvette, Valentino, and Rosie egg them on.

Carmilla: Yep.

~~~

Velvette: Selfie with the fossil!

Velvette, drags Zestial in for a selfie.

Zestial, noticing the filter: What witchcraft is this?

~~~

Vaggie: Okay people! If you're going to have weird food in the fridge, it needs to be labeled as such!

Vaggie: Alastor, that means labeling your demon meat! Angel, that means labeling your edibles!

Nifty, raising her hand: Are my roaches okay?

Vaggie: We're actually going to get you a mini fridge for your room, because your roaches are creeping people out.

~~~

Charlie: I love you.

Vaggie: I love you too.

Pentious, from the wall: AWWWW!

~~~

Carmilla: Acceptable snacks to bring to the Overlords meeting; brownies, candy boards, cheese plates, and veggie trays.

Carmilla: Unacceptable snacks to bring to the Overlords meeting; anything made with demons, magic mushroom cereal bars, and penis shaped gummies.

Zestial, a spider: I am also not a fan of the mint tea.

~~~

Charlie: Okay! I know its funny that Alastor and I can't walk on ice, but that doesn't mean it's okay to freeze the hallway to watch us slip!

~~~

Husk: I have very high standards.

Angel Dust, pulling out a machine gun and opening fire.

Husk: Oh no! He's meeting all my standards!

[emeraldspiral]

A Christmas Carol except it's about Halloween. A Halloween Haunt.

Scrooge is a Karen who won't let her kids celebrate Halloween because she thinks it's a Satanic holiday. Won't even let them eat candy shared by their friends because "it might have poison or razor blades in it". Hates scary/violent movies unless it's The Passion of the Christ. Sneers at the immorality of women in sexy costumes and children dressed like scary murder clowns. Thinks anybody who likes anything dark, spooky, gothic, or edgier than a potato is a baby sacrificing Satanist. Repeats insane conspiracy theories unaware of their antisemitic and/or eugenicist roots. Won't allow her kids to participate in the Halloween carnival at school. Says "no" to hanging out at a friend's house because she knows they're going to watch scary movies/go to a Halloween party behind her back. Doesn't want to answer the door for trick-or-treaters so she tries to drag the kids to do something she likes that they think is boring. They fight and she threatens to ground the kids and they decide "Fuck it, go ahead and ground us, we're gonna do what we want tonight" and leave.

Karen is then visited by the ghost of her fundie mom who regrets the way she raised her and informs her that 3 spirits are going to visit her.

The Ghost of Halloween Past shows her her childhood of religious indoctrination that shamed and emotionally manipulated her into becoming the intolerant bigot she is today. She had the chance to befriend some more tolerant people and even had a romance with an atheist, but ultimately rejected them all because she was too afraid of losing connections with her family and community, and too afraid to admit that she was wrong about everything that made her morally superior, which is all her self-esteem hinges on. So she doubled-down on her religious bigotry instead.

The Ghost of Halloween Present shows her children complaining to their friends about her attitude. How her thoughtless, judgmental remarks about marginalized groups both disgust them on behalf of people they care about and make them feel personally insulted as at least one of them is a closeted queer person and at least one is neurodiverse. But more than being bigoted, Karen's own insecurities created by her upbringing lead her to constantly dismiss her children's feelings and refuse to hear anything they have to say if they don't think or feel the way she thinks they should.

The Ghost of Halloween Future shows Karen that at least one of her kids grows up to be happily married with kids eagerly preparing to celebrate Halloween, but that child has gone no-contact with her. Another one of her kids is spending Halloween in therapy discussing her unresolved resentment toward Karen because she wanted a better relationship with her, but Karen's unwillingness to listen made her feel like her feelings didn't matter and it had a lasting negative impact on her self-esteem. The Tiny Tim character in this story either died of a preventable illness because they weren't vaccinated, took their own life because of a lack of queer acceptance, or died because they had an ectopic pregnancy and couldn't get an abortion that would've saved their life, all because of people who shared Karen's beliefs and fought for those circumstances. Karen herself is also dead because she refused to wear a mask and got COVID, and spread it to others and got them killed to. Her no-contact child didn't attend the funeral and the child in therapy couldn't get through her eulogy without bringing up the stuff she resented about her. None of the kids wanted the house and all her personal effects were donated to charity because they didn't want anything with memories of her attached to it.

Karen finally realizes she's been a total bitch but wakes up from a nap to find out it's not too late to hit up Spirit of Halloween and grab some last minute costumes, decor, and candy, then rushes off to find her kids and make things right with them.