#WE'LL ALL BE MAD TOGETHER 👍🏾

[creatingblackcharacters]

hello! i’m kind of looking for some advice from you or anyone who might have dealt with the same thing. i’ve always been outspoken about racism that i’ve faced irl and online and i’ve had some non-black friends that have always supported me in messages and listened or were open to hearing me when i talked about things they’ve done or said that have made me uncomfortable. but i’ve taken a step back and noticed that i’ve been saying the same things over and over to them with no real change in behavior. a particular instance was after several times of mentioning a specific author and their racism made me uncomfortable, they were still laughing and promoting and fawning over said author with a vague “i know some people don’t like this.” and when i mentioned it, and being tired of feeling like a resource more than a friend at times, i was ghosted.

i see them sometimes on here or insta or wherever else and they’re always boasting about being so progressive and standing on business and how they can’t be friends with people who don’t support BLM or Palestine. and i wonder if they care or ever really cared about these issues or if it’s all performative. i think they think they care but then if they do then why wouldn’t they care when it came to me? or they’ll make posts about how white shouldn’t be the default in fandom, and get tons of praise and people flock to it but when i said the same, nobody said anything.

it feels like i’m only good to privately teach non-black people how to not be racist so they can post about it and be applauded. and it feels lonely, like i have to wait and sus out everyone’s intentions when they talk to me to see if they actually care about me or these issues. and even then, there were people that i really thought did care and they didn’t. or maybe it’s me and the way i’m approaching things but there’s only so many ways i can politely say this thing is racist and it hurts to see people i thought cared about me praise it in front of me. and i shouldn’t have to be polite about it after several times but then i’m a bitch if i’m stern about it. it’s like i can never win, there’s nothing i can do, and i don’t ever want to stop trying or not say something but it feels so lonely. and obv i know they aren’t worth getting upset over but at the same time i felt close to some of these people and was vulnerable with them and it sucks that i’ve lost what i thought were real, in some cases years long, friendships while they just continue on like nothing’s changed.

and it’s like how do you come to terms with that? that you’ll never be friends with those people again? that you never were friends with them? how do you get over the anger at seeing them come here and get thousands of likes for saying a basic “white isn’t the default” when you get called slurs and threatened for the saying the same thing?

I feel bad that I don't have any uplifting words to give you, because I go through the same thing. Just did, yesterday, that lil painful reminder that some people that you were once or want to be close with... Will pick antiblackness for the sake of entertainment over you. Or will support someone else for saying or doing the SAME thing you did (from fandom to politics!), because it's safer to support them doing those things than it is to support a Black person doing them. It's annoying ASF.

Unfortunately, I've grown jaded, recognizing that I don't have the ability to have as many friends as I'd like on this website because supporting actual Black people is far harder than just reblogging posts that look progressive from safe nonblack people who- like them- understand the safety net of being able to back out at any time, that there is always Something that will be worth more than their support for you.

And so I go into this basically expecting that you simply cannot trust that most people will not find that thing, and move accordingly. Protect your heart. My rule is that if I see you reblogging nonblack people (fandom or politics) on Black topics or Black images and characters, but you are never around Real Black People (except when you want something), you are probably not to be trusted as an ally, and I won't be disappointed nor invested when you inevitably aren't. You have not shown to me that you actually care about me as a real person, but as a concept, a Barbie doll, that makes you look and feel "better". I am not your Negro!

It helps that I've (mostly) surrounded myself with people who DO reach that (basic, imo!) standard of being able to stand up for their own rights, but also standing up for mine at the same time. These are people I've seen in the trenches with me and mine, building that solidarity and actually platforming Black voices and activists and bloggers even though they know that being pro-Black often inspires anger and disgust within their own community. I also surround myself with other Black people; it's far less lonely and more empowering to know you're not alone or making it up.

And for me, dare I say it- and I know it's hard- but I think that anger is good. You should be angry. You have every right to be angry. I'm not sure I ever want to become complacent with such a feeling, because that means I've stopped fighting. But I wouldn't let that anger be all there is. You see they're on bullshit, why should they be allowed to also be comfortable within it? Keep shaking the walls. 👍🏾