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sjsmith56 · 1 year ago

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The Quiet Man - Chapter 15, Finding Jade

Summary: After the Avengers receive medals from the President and Congress, they retreat to the New York compound. After an almost disastrous appearance on a network morning show Bucky makes the decision to go back to New Mexico and try to reconcile with Jade. Agreeing to taking a leadership position at the Bunker he leaves the Avengers compound on his motorcycle.

Length: 5.5K

Characters: Mostly Bucky and Steve, with some Sam, Peter, Clint, Maria and Wanda.

Warnings: Social anxiety triggers, Bucky gets rude with a makeup artist, Bucky comes clean about breaking Peter’s mug.

Author’s notes: Second-last chapter. A lot is compressed into this chapter which takes place over at least a month.

<<Chapter 14

🏍️ 📺

In a ceremony the following month at the White House in a liberated Washington, D.C., the Avengers were all given the Presidential Medal of Freedom with Distinction and the Congressional Gold Medal for finding a way to defeat the Others and pave the way for humans to take back their planet. Bucky was asked by PR experts employed by the President's office to cut his hair, trim his beard and wear a suit to the ceremony based on a survey they did. Apparently many people thought he was homeless or a member of a motorcycle gang. He did cut his hair short and trimmed his beard but wore black jeans, motorcycle boots, an open necked black shirt and a black jacket to the ceremony.

As he received his Presidential Medal there was a certain irony that a man who had admittedly killed the 35th President of the United States as a brainwashed assassin was now being honoured by the 47th President. Bruce, who had declined to attend received his medals later at the Bunker by a special delegation from the two senators of New Mexico. He put them in a drawer and never looked at them again. The rest of the team retreated to Avengers HQ for a week, to rest, relax and rejuvenate. Bucky worked on his motorcycle in the garage and the PR people managed to get a picture of him before he told them to "get the hell out of my face."

A week later a request was made by the producers of CBS Mornings who had reclaimed their New York studios, for the Avengers to make an appearance on the show. They planned to broadcast live from Times Square to let the people of New York, who had started returning to the city, thank the team on air and to also show how the city was being rebuilt after the occupation. It was propaganda for the masses but Steve thought it was worth it to help lift the spirits of a population that had lived under siege for two years. At first Bucky wouldn't do it but Steve and Sam found a very good bottle of scotch and convinced him to at least make an appearance. He did it on condition that he could ride his motorcycle onto the set and that he would only answer two questions. He wasn't being difficult. In fact, he thought he was being reasonable, given his penchant for being an introvert.

On the day of the broadcast Bucky did exactly as he said he would. He rode up W 45 Street to the CBS Building. Security guards pulled the security fences back as he rode helmet-less through the crowds of people who had gathered to see the heroes. He began to reconsider his decision and almost took off but kept his eyes on Steve standing beside the outdoor set and pulled up in front of him.

"So much for a quiet entrance," said Steve, smirking at him. "Your arrival just sent these fans into a tizzy."

Bucky looked back at the crowd. Many carried signs with their favourite Avenger's name on it. He noticed many of those with his name also said "Marry Me." Turning back to Steve he rolled his eyes.

"You've got to be kidding me," he said in almost disgust.

"You're a star, Bucky," said Steve. "If it's a popularity contest you have about a third of the fans here, mostly female by the way, if you're interested."

A production assistant came out and asked the two men to follow her to makeup. Bucky protested but Steve glared at him and he sulkily followed the assistant into the building where he was seated at a makeup chair to have his look enhanced for the outdoor lights. His social anxiety had been triggered by the size of the crowd outside and although he tried not to take it out on the makeup artist, when he made her cry Steve ordered everyone out.

"What is your problem?" Steve asked angrily when they were alone. "You made someone cry who was just doing her job."

"I'm sorry," said Bucky. "You know this is all bullshit, right?"

"To you, maybe," said Steve. "But to a lot of people in New York and elsewhere this is a sign of getting back to normal. It's comforting to them. You being a jackass isn't comforting. It's just rude. You're a better man than this, Bucky, seriously. You, on your own, thought up the best strategy for attacking the Others in an urban environment. You spent weeks fine tuning it and found something that wouldn't destroy the infrastructure. People are already moving back here because of your strategy. Take some thanks for it. You deserve it. But stop being a jackass about it."

Bucky looked at his hands, breathing heavily before speaking. "I still miss her," he said quietly. "I want to go back but I don't know how to get her back. What if she won't talk to me? What if she says no? It's all I think of now. My anxiety is through the roof thinking of all the reasons she can reject me."

"There's also one good reason why she will take you back," said Steve. "She still loves you. Go back to her. Take your lumps and start over again, properly. You don't belong in the city anymore, Bucky. There's too many people here, too many fans who will hound you and you'll always feel under siege. You know that. That scene outside proves it. In New Mexico you'll have peace and quiet, and her. That's all you really need to be happy."

"What about the Avengers?" he said. "I don't want to do anything else. I can't leave the Avengers."

"I'm not asking you to," said Steve. "If there is one thing that I have learned from this whole occupation it's that we can't be located in just one spot. I'm keeping the Bunker operational. You and Bruce as a skeleton crew to start but eventually I want it to be a full training centre for desert conditions and I want you in charge there. You have good organizational skills, Bucky. You put together an effective cavalry unit from a bunch of ordinary civilians. Your tactical knowledge is incredible with your ability to think outside the box. The Avengers needs that, especially now that we're rebuilding. We can do much of the work via video conference so you don't have to leave there very often."

Bucky took several deep breaths then looked at Steve as he realized something. "You're such a punk," he said. "You know that? This has been your plan all along, hasn't it?" Steve grinned. "Alright, fine. I'll go back and I'll try to get her back. But I want the 10 minute shut off on the showers at the Bunker disabled. If I want to take a half hour shower I want a half hour shower, goddammit."

Steve stuck his hand out and Bucky shook it. He got out of the chair and opened the door looking for the makeup assistant that he made cry. She was still crying into the shoulder of an assistant producer and Bucky approached her tentatively.

"Sweetheart," he said softly. "I'm sorry. I have social anxiety disorder and being around big crowds upsets me. I took it out on you and that was wrong. I apologize for being a jackass to you."

He offered her his arms and she buried her face in his chest as he patted her back. Then he offered her his handkerchief and she looked at it.

"Do guys still carry these?" she asked, a smile breaking through her tears.

"This guy does," he said smiling. "You keep it. Remember a real man apologizes when he's wrong. Now, are you okay to finish my makeup?"

She nodded and he got back in the chair. His attitude change was remarkable and they were soon laughing and joking. When she asked for a selfie with him he obliged her and as he left the makeup room Steve saw the tell tale sign of another girl swooning for Bucky once more. As the rest of the team had their makeup done the others sat in the Green Room waiting for the signal to gather outside. It finally came and they all went back outside to the set where Bucky's motorcycle now had a prominent position near the two rows of chairs set up for them.

Bucky sat in the back row, furthest away from the hosts. Steve sat in front of him while Sam sat next to him. They were all miked up and a monitor faced the group. As the news readers inside read the news an assistant director came out and told them to look at the hosts when they were answering the questions, not to stare at the cameras, not to swear, and to wait for the cue that they were live. On the monitor they could see footage of Bucky riding up on his motorcycle.

"Even when you don't want the attention you get it," said Sam, in a low voice. "How do you do that?"

"I wish I knew," sighed Bucky. "So that I could stop doing it."

The cue for going live was given and the hosts, a perky woman and a former baseball player turned media star greeted all the fans waiting outside the security fence.

"We all know you're here to see the Avengers, the heroes who figured out how to fight the Others," said the woman, Mindy. "We just watched the footage of Bucky Barnes arriving here on his motorbike earlier. How many of you are here for him?"

The screams were incredible and Bucky was startled. Sam gently put a hand on his arm and gave him an encouraging smile. Bucky nodded and took a deep breath.

"Because of that reaction we're going to start with Bucky himself," said Mindy. "Hi Bucky, that was quite the entrance you made on your motorcycle. I understand you've become quite the horseman as well. Tell us how you thought of using horses in the fight against the Others."

"I, uh, we realized the Others in the desert didn't seem too concerned about the local wildlife," he said looking at her and trying to ignore the fans who were trying to get his attention. "We were originally going to use a horse to approach a nest and take one of the Others in for examination. Try to determine their physical weaknesses. It never happened but the thought stuck with me and when I had down time I connected with some horse people and we figured out the strategy together."

"You seem a bit taken aback by the reaction of your fans, Bucky," said David, the former baseball player. "As a former ball player I get that. What do you have to say to those fans who have gathered here today?"

"Thank you for coming and we appreciate your support," said Bucky nervously. "I'm just one part of the team and this was definitely a group effort."

"We have a photograph that we want to share with everyone," said David. "This is you working on your motorcycle. Have you always been a gear head?"

The monitor showed the picture taken by the PR team of Bucky working on his motorcycle in the Avengers garage. There were loud screams from his fans and Bucky grimaced.

"I just like to tinker I guess," he said, uncomfortably.

"One more question, Bucky," said Mindy with her plastered on smile. "Is there someone special in your life? Your female fans would like to know."

"There is someone, yes," said Bucky, to disappointed sighs. "Sorry, it's private."

He stood up suddenly and left the set, returning to the Green Room, breathing heavily. The hosts were good about it, having been warned of his social anxiety disorder. The makeup artist poked her head in and saw him bent over trying to get his breathing under control.

"Hey, you did good out there," she said sympathetically. "Can I take your mike? The others are kind of afraid of you."

"Sorry, I just couldn't handle it anymore," said Bucky, as she unclipped the mike and threaded the battery pack out from his shirt. "I hope it didn't come off as rude."

"No, not at all," she said, trying to comfort him. "Have you always been like this?"

"No, in fact I was a pretty easy going guy in my younger years, a ladies man to boot," he said. "The torture and brainwashing that HYDRA did on me changed me. The arm as well, it scares some people."

"Well, I think you're a pretty good guy," she said sincerely. "That girl, the someone special, is pretty lucky, if you ask me."

Bucky smiled at her. "Thank you," he said warmly. "I'm still sorry for making you cry earlier."

She patted him on the shoulder and Bucky watched the rest of the interview on the Green Room monitor. The others were outgoing, gregarious and by the end of the segment had the fans on their side. They trickled back into the Green Room after the interview ended, being stopped for their mikes. Sam sat next to him.

"You did good," he said. "They brought up social anxiety disorder and admitted they pushed you too far with all the questions. That alone will help people with it."

Bucky looked down at his hands. "I just couldn't do it anymore," he said, giving a sigh. "Sam, I'm going back to New Mexico. I can't live in a populated area like New York again. Don't say anything to anyone just yet."

Sam nodded. "I figured as much," he said. "You know you're always welcome in Delacroix. Maria and I are going to live there. Apparently the house is still standing. AJ and Cass were able to take refuge with Carlos. He said Sarah helped a lot of people evacuate using the boat before the Others...."

"I'm sorry about Sarah," said Bucky, putting his arm around Sam as tears formed in his eyes. "She was a strong woman. I'm not surprised she put her life on the line to help other people. She was kind of like her brother that way."

Peter stopped in front of them holding two coffee mugs. "They're giving us free coffee mugs," he said, holding out the two mugs to them. "I never did find my Einstein mug."

"About that," said Bucky. "Peter, I'm sorry but I broke it and I was too ashamed to tell you because I lost my temper when I broke it. I'll try and replace it, I promise."

"Geez Bucky, took you long enough to admit it," he said. "I saw the pieces in the garbage later. It was only you and Steve in there and he said he didn't do it. Don't worry about it."

"No, I will replace it," insisted Bucky. "You've been a good friend the last few months and I have to make good on that."

A small smile appeared on Peter's face when Bucky described him as a good friend. Bucky and Sam took the mugs and sat back watching the interaction with all of the others. A producer came in and thanked them all for coming in for the show. He looked at Bucky and kneeled in front of him.

"You okay?" he asked. "We thought you were being a bit of a diva when you said only two questions but you really do have anxiety issues. We want to do a series of public service announcements on issues that were affecting people during the occupation. PTSD, anxiety, etc. Would you be open to being part of that? It would go a long way to encouraging people to reach out and ask for help in dealing with their issues now that things are getting back to normal. No audience, just you and a small crew. I would be producer, my name's Jack Olson, by the way."

Bucky looked at Sam who shrugged but in a positive way. "Sure," he said. "As long as it's done in the next few weeks."

"Okay, we'll set something up and we can come out to Avengers HQ," said Olson. "You won't have to run past the gauntlet of fans by coming in here."

The producer had a security guard bring Bucky's motorcycle to another location away from Times Square so he didn't have to go through the fans again. The guard asked him about the bike, expressing admiration for the vintage motorcycle. Bucky thanked him and mounted it, putting his helmet on this time. He waved at the guard and eased into traffic. As he was stopped at a light near one of those tacky tourist stores he noticed postcards on sale. Pulling his bike into a spot out of traffic he dismounted and looked at them. They were all pre-stamped. The owner watched him carefully.

"Is the mail working now?" asked Bucky, taking his helmet off.

"Oh yeah," said the owner. "There's a mailbox on the next corner. That's been up and running for a couple of weeks. Not sure how long it will take to get to its destination. You're that Bucky Barnes fellow, aren't you? I saw you on TV this morning."

"Yeah," said Bucky absent mindedly as he kept flipping through the selection.

He picked out a card showing the first day after the city was returned to the citizens. A crew of city workers were posed with a sign saying Rebuilding New York. As he looked through the store he saw a coffee mug and impulsively picked it up. He paid for both items, asked for a pen and thought for a moment of what he would say on the post card. All he could think of was writing "Thinking of you, Bucky." From his phone he found the address of the ranch near Santa Fe. Peter had given it to him. He wrote it on the card, thanked the store owner and got back on his bike, putting the coffee mug inside his jacket pocket, then stopping beside the mailbox to drop the post card off. With any luck it would get to Jade before he did.

On the ride back to Avengers HQ he was amazed at how much traffic had increased since the attack on New York. There were some private cars but the semi truck traffic was heavy as things got back to normal and commercial operations resumed again. He pulled up to the Avengers garage and walked towards the main building. There were several people sitting around having a coffee break and he waved as he walked in. As he walked past Peter's room he could hear him talking to Ben and he watched the two banter back and forth as Peter tutored him in junior high science. He walked up to Peter, staying out of camera view, and put the mug in front of him then placed a finger in front of his lips and backed away. A brilliant smile was his reward and he went on to see Steve, who was on the phone. He saw Bucky and waved him in, hanging up as his friend walked in the door.

"I'm going to do some public service announcements for CBS," said Bucky. "The producer acknowledged my anxiety issues and asked if I would be part of their announcements for mental health. Don't say anything to anyone about me leaving. Save it for the day I leave."

"That's good that you're doing those announcements," said Steve. "Do you want a portal or the quinjet to fly you back?"

"I'll go by motorcycle," replied Bucky. "Take some time to come up with what I'm going to say to Jade. I just hope she forgives me. If you could ship my stuff out when you have a chance...."

"There's going to be some building going on there in a while," said Steve. "Nothing too much to disturb you. A hangar for the first helicopter to be powered by an arc reactor, then a quinjet when they start building them again. Maintenance crew for both. We'll build you a proper training gym as well, better than what's there now. Use local builders to help get their economy back on track. It's still a few months away."

"A bigger common room so it doesn't feel like Grand Central Station in there at mealtime," suggested Bucky. "Can I have a month's leave when I get there? I want to spend some time with Jade and Ben. Try to feel like a family again."

"Sure," said Steve. "We've got it covered and if we don't you'll hear from us."

Bucky nodded, turned and started walking out of Steve's office until his friend called to him.

"Bucky? You did the right thing coming to get me," said Steve. "It felt good to be part of the team again. I missed it, you know. More than I thought I would."

"I still blame myself for Peggy, somewhat," said Bucky. "I know she said otherwise but it still bothers me. Don't stay alone, Steve. Find someone."

Steve nodded and gave him a grim smile. His phone rang again and he picked it up. "Steve Rogers speaking," he said, turning to the window. "Yes, Senator. Thank you for returning my call."

Bucky walked out smiling. The Avengers were in good hands. He walked to his quarters and passed by Clint's door, which was open. Clint was packing his bags.

"Going somewhere?" asked Bucky, standing in the doorway.

"Home, for good," said Clint, looking up at Bucky. "I'm retiring. Getting too old for this shit and I've already missed out on a lot of my kid's lives. I have a replacement lined up and you'll probably meet her when she does her desert training with you."

"You know about that?" asked Bucky.

"I do now," smiled Clint. "It was an educated guess. You don't belong in the city anymore. You belong with Jade in New Mexico. There's no one else who can make a person mission ready better than you Bucky. You proved that with the horse detachments."

Bucky nodded then stuck his hand out. "I'm not going to say it was a pleasure because sometimes you pissed me right off and I probably did the same with you," he said. "But you're a good man and you will be missed."

"Same to you Bucky," laughed Clint, shaking Bucky's hand. "You make it right with Jade. She's a unique woman and she deserves the best."

"No argument here," said Bucky.

He waved to Clint as he stepped out the door. For the next hour or so he kept wandering around looking at things that he hardly had a chance to get used to before the Others came. It was a nice facility but it felt as foreign now as it did after the Flag Smashers when the Avengers were reorganized and Sam asked him to be part of it. Two years living at the Bunker had made that space feel secure and comfortable to him. Sure there were things that could be improved, like the gym and the size of the common room but he was now looking forward to going back. This facility, with its floor to ceiling windows and high ceilings felt open and exposed. He stood, leaning over a railing looking over the large common area with the 3D displays running 24/7 and the bustling sound of auxiliary staff as they took their coffee and lunch breaks. Sam approached and stood next to him, leaning over the railing.

"Busy place," he said. "I'm looking forward to some quiet again in Delacroix. I didn't get a chance to tell you something before Peter interrupted us this morning."

Bucky turned to look at him. "You're going to miss me," he deadpanned.

"Yeah, I am," Sam laughed. "I know we had our problems since the Flag Smashers and I'm sorry I objected to you being with Sarah. You had your difficult moments but once I got used to you I thought of you as my brother. It was wrong of me to interfere between you two and Sarah told me that as well. I can't help thinking that you would have protected her and kept her alive when the Others destroyed the boat with her on it. It made me angry at myself more than anything."

"Whose to say what would have happened, Sam?" asked Bucky. "I loved Sarah and I would have done right by her but that's in the past. I lost Lily as well and the baby. I have Jade now. At least I hope I have Jade now as I have to figure out how to get her back."

"Be honest with her," said Sam. "You fucked up in a major way and you have to gain her trust again. I'll miss you buddy."

"Me too, Sam," said Bucky and they shook hands in the traditional way then hugged.

For the next couple of weeks Bucky trained himself and anyone else who was interested as he boxed, practiced his other martial arts and knife skills. CBS came with a small three man crew and for two days filmed three public service announcements for mental health, one for PTSD, one for social anxiety disorder and a third one for depression. They sent him the scripts via email a few days before and asked him for feedback and suggestions on improving it. From what he could see they had done their homework and the links they provided, which would be displayed during the announcements, led to online resources which he himself found helpful. On the first day of filming they followed him through a typical day, filming his workouts, his training sessions and even tinkering on his motorcycle. They also showed him in real interactions with several Avengers, including Steve, Sam, and Peter. On the second day they did the close-up work with him speaking from the script. Although he didn't follow it word for word they were happy with the result and didn't make him do multiple takes.

The night before Bucky went on the road he was summoned to the common area where there was a large crowd. Not liking to be the centre of attention he tried to leave but Maria and Wanda blocked his way.

"You're not going to be angry at a lady, are you Bucky?" asked Maria sweetly. "This won't take long, I'll pour you a large scotch and you'll let us tell you what we think of you."

"I can make you feel like you have bit of a buzz, if you wish," said Wanda. "I don't recommend it for regular use but this is a special occasion. My treat."

He nodded and Wanda touched his forehead, a little sparkle of red went into his head and a small glint appeared in his eyes. "You've been holding back on me Witch," he said, smiling. "This does feel like a nice buzz."

They escorted him to a place of honour, Maria brought him a substantial glass of scotch and Steve took the podium.

"World's worst kept secret is about to be unveiled," he said. "Congratulations to Bucky Barnes, on the eve of his return to the Bunker in New Mexico as the Chief Tactician of the Avengers, Chief Training Officer and Supervisor of the Western Division of the Avengers, and considering it will be just him and Bruce living there for a while one of two Chief Custodians in the facility."

There was some laughter at the last title, including a smirk from Bucky.

"We weren't going to let you go without a proper goodbye party," said Steve. "So without further ado, here is what everyone thinks of you. Watch the video."

Friday started the video in several places around the room. It opened with Peter blinking his eyes at the screen and nervously saying how scared Bucky made him feel at first but when his Aunt went missing during the Other's occupation everyone was walking on eggshells around him. Bucky treated him just the same and it was comforting. Clint pretended his hearing aids didn't work and he answered a completely different question. Sam straight up said he hated the guy and was glad to see him go. Bruce said Bucky was a good nurse. Dr. Strange just said "Bucky who?" Wanda and Maria started talking about the day he was moving boulders shirtless in the wash out at the Bunker.

"That was a good day," said Maria, with a wistful look in her eyes.

"It was a good day," agreed Wanda, bringing it up as a visual memory in a red tinged bubble.

There were whistles and hoots at the visual. Both women just laughed.

There was a segment called "Don't Do Anything Stupid Until I Get Back" that started with Bucky jumping out of the airplane during the Flag Smashers mission and falling through the trees.

"I thought you lost that footage," he glared at Sam.

"It was in the cloud," answered Sam. "Once the internet came back online it was still there."

The segment continued with sped up footage of him trying to get the sample of the queen in the desert, making it look like he was doing a crazy dance, his first time on a horse, courtesy of Red Wing, which caused another glare at Sam and then Steve walking through the door of the bunker saying "I'm Back." It finished with videos of him leading his horse detachments during runs in New York, jumping from high rise to high rise working as a sniper in support of the horse detachments, and then the footage of him receiving his medals from the President. After warm applause Steve took the podium again and looked at Bucky with affection.

"We may make fun of you at times," said Steve, "but there's no denying that you are one of our best. You're all in, you never give up and you continually surprise and impress all of us with your ingenuity, instinct and inventiveness. Good luck Bucky. I'm going to miss you, Pal."

There was a standing ovation which made him uncomfortable and Wanda briefly touched him to relieve some of the anxiety, which he acknowledged.

"I'm not going back just to be all those titles that Steve rattled off," said Bucky, looking around at everyone. "I'm going back to see if I can win back the heart of a woman I hurt when I left suddenly without a goodbye. You guys are like a family but it's time I make my own family, with a wife, a step-son, a mother-in-law...."

There was laughter although those who were out at the Bunker knew just how much Ma and Bucky cared for each other.

"And maybe someday a child of my own," he said, "like I planned in the 1940s before things got messy. I'll still be here on occasion for missions and will still see some of you out there for some killer desert training. My advice to those of you staying. Have a barbecue once in a while, and a bonfire, with s'mores and singing. That night at the Bunker when we had the bonfire was one of the best I've had since I got my memories back. Thanks for the new memories."

He lifted his drink to everyone and downed it. He didn't stay long after, preferring to go back to his room and prepare his backpack in solitude. The next morning he got up early, dressed for the road and slipped his backpack over his shoulder. There was no else up and he strode to the garage, checked the Norton out, then started it up and slowly exited the building. In front of the Avengers building was everyone who had been at the Bunker with him. Stopping in front of them he pulled his gloves and helmet off.

"You didn't think we would let you leave without saying goodbye did you?" asked Sam.

He stepped forward and did a pound hug, then clapped Bucky on the arm. Peter offered his hand and shook it. Maria kissed and hugged him, as did Wanda. Dr. Strange just gave him a nod of respect and stepped back. Scott smiled his friendly smile and offered his hand which Bucky shook. Clint hugged him then clapped him on the shoulder. Finally Steve came and shook hands then hugged him.

"I'm not going to say don't do anything stupid," he said. "Instead I'll say that I will see you soon Bucky. Good luck."

Bucky didn't say anything to any of it but he smiled a bittersweet smile then put his helmet and gloves on. As he pulled away he raised one hand and slightly waved it. Then he rode away and the others watched him leave. One by one they went back in until it was just Sam and Steve watching until Bucky was out of sight.

Chapter 16>>

Series Masterlist

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #buckybarnes original female character #steve rogers #sam wilson #alien invasion #tv appearance #medals #goodbyes

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