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quixotic-writer · 2 years ago

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To Make A Short Story Long...

Request: Anon

Summary: Romance was a complicated thing, for Sal it was even more complicated. Because it was Brian, it was beyond complicated. To make a short story long, here was his complicated endeavor for romance. Unrequited, silent, with longing desires and dreams.

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It was complicated… Like… Really complicated. It’s love, though. Is that so much of a surprise?

Sal couldn’t ever forget that fateful day where he met Brian. Improv class. There he was working his charm with everyone, and it was no surprise that the charm worked on Sal. Aside from Joe, there was no one that could make him laugh so hard quite like Brian did. He adored it and they hit it off well and the ever so infamous troupe formed consisting of Brian, Sal, Joe, and Murr.

They all were close, but Brian and Sal were closer. Their own inside jokes, with the group it often seemed like it might as well have been just them, they could practically read each other’s minds, they knew each other’s ticks, they knew everything about each other.

It all felt so sudden and so fast, but Sal never really realized that all of these feelings had built up until it was time to move away for college. Though apart, they still talked as frequently as they could. The distance never caused their bond to break. It felt like a relief to him, but deep inside he couldn’t help but writhe in the unspoken feelings that seemed to bubble like a pot of boiling water. A dangerous splash fell over the rim of the tub of his heart, and he felt himself cooking in the heat of the passion he tried so hard to put a lid on.

He never spoke a word though. It was too risky to try and even try such a thing for he knew there was a great possibility of getting scorned, if not there were much more dangerous consequences: the loss of a bond he believed was untouchable. The scissors of fate were strong, but the scissors of an ill timed love confession were even stronger. The strength of that potential weighed him down and kept his mouth closed. This was as close as he dared go, he was satisfied with the friend zone because that meant that Brian would never disappear and at least he got this much from the person he secretly desired.

An in person reunion was long overdue. When their paths collided once more, minor truths seemed to seep onto the surface. Having siblings is fun, until they speak on your behalf. Unknowingly, Sal’s sister had seemingly spilled over to Brian that he had some feelings tucked away for him. Sal would never know what happened, and he often wished he could have been a fly on the wall. He was upset at his sister. How could she have confessed for him? How could she spill such information knowing how scared he was of the endless outcomes and conversations that would come thereafter?

He dreaded what would have come out of that conversation. Would things change? Would he have felt the same? Would he be disgusted and their bond would disintegrate? He contemplated saying that everything she had said was a joke to get a reaction, a momentary outburst, something entirely out of character just to salvage and piece back together whatever they had going on. He tried so hard to act normal, to pretend that his sister never once said anything to him. But when they talked, when they hung out, things were just as they always had been. Nothing changed. Not a beat was missed. There wasn't the tension that felt like a boulder weighing on the shoulders of the two. With that weight of anxiety lifted, he felt as though he could breathe again.

It seemed that the bond could withstand those feelings.

The only thing of it all that broke his heart: finding out that there was already someone filling that role that he so desperately wanted. He envied them in secret. ‘That should be me. Why couldn’t it have been me?’ He would ask himself in the dead of night when there was no one else around to hear these thoughts but the moon and the stars that picked up his trail of words in the midnight breeze that interlaced and weaved them into constellations of a love that seemed to remain unrequited. His words hung over his head, haunting him and hoping that maybe if Brian had looked close enough, he could see it all and it would bring them together.

The stars were his only sense of unity. He loved them. But he also loathed them.

He would watch this happen again and again. Each time, his heart would clench a little tighter as his stomach twisted. One partner after another, but he did nothing but stay silent. You can only confess so much to the stars and constellations before it all gets tangled and becomes a spider web with your soul stuck to the center, the eye of the webbed storm. He was restrained with nowhere to go and nothing he could do. He knew the way out of the predicament he had found himself in, but he couldn’t muster up the courage to finally dismantle all that was left unsaid.

How long would he be prisoner to a cage of his own making? Long enough. But eventually, all caged things crave some sort of freedom. Sal was no exception to this ideal. With that, he plotted. He plotted the moment he discovered that Brian no longer was romantically attached to anyone.

This was his chance.

He sought a way of telling him. He never could tell him face to face, he wouldn’t be able to ever withstand the pressure of it all. He knew if things went south during a confession like that, he would never have been able to recover. His heart was of thin glass. He was self aware of this fact. So he knew he needed to pad his landing, find a safer alternative. That’s when in a spur of the moment decision: He would type away in Brian’s unlocked phone everything he had hidden deep within him.

I can’t hold all of this in any longer. It’s become too much for me to carry and I can’t stand pretending like there’s nothing there. This act has gone on for longer than I ever would have thought it would. I’ve always loved being your friend Bri, truly I have. You know me like no one else. You listen when I talk, you’re honest with me, you help me, you care about me. It seems that my heart has had other plans for how this would all play out. I started to have feelings for you. I never said anything because I couldn’t ever risk someone I've adored for so long disappearing out of my life because of something like this.

Remember when my sister sort of said I had a thing for you? It was true. To this day, I don’t know what went on in your head when she said all of that. Did you feel scared? Happy? Did you think it was a joke? I don’t know. All I did know was that I was so terribly afraid. I was scared that something was going to change between us and that I would slowly lose you. What made it worse was discovering that you were already with someone. But, for some reason, you never once fumbled with whatever we had. You never made it awkward, you never made it feel weird. You made it feel the way it had always been. It relieved me, but it meant I was back to hiding everything I had inside so I didn’t ever lose you or have that kind of scare again.

I can’t hold any of this back any longer. I love you. I love you Brian Quinn. I loved your charm from the day I first met you in that stupid improv class, and I love you now even despite the distance. I’m still terrified beyond belief for when I finally tell you to read this all, but if it means I'm no longer tangled in the mess of words I need to release: then so be it. I’m done being a prisoner to myself, and I think you should finally know.

He set the phone down and pretended like he didn’t type his whole heart out into his phone. It felt like temporary relief. Once he went home, he was back to feeling the pang of overwhelming anxiety. In his hand was the phone, on the screen was a message typed out and ready to send, his thumb hovering over send. Finally, after deleting and retyping the message, he bit the bullet and hit send. For some reason, he immediately regretted it.

He stewed on those negative emotions for what felt like ages. The lack of response only made his stomach plunge further to hell and his heart feel like it was going to give out. He rapidly typed a message begging Brian to disregard, deleted the message and hoped that he wouldn’t see it.

*ting*

He saw the name on the phone and felt as though he could phase out of existence. He didn’t want to see the message, he didn't want to know where things would lie beyond this point of no return.

But to his surprise: the feelings had been mutual. Brian said that he had no idea. Sal doubted it, but took his word for it. They talked into the early morning hours non-stop. It was in those hours that Sal’s shoulders felt so much lighter. He had escaped the web of things unsaid and came out the end unscathed and with the best outcome he thought was impossible. He was overjoyed and didn’t think such a sensation of euphoria was a possible experience for him.

Conversations from there felt more meaningful. The words that Brian spoke held so much comfort, so much solace, so much happiness. He couldn’t wait to talk to him again and wanted nothing but to just sit and talk with him all day, hold his hand, kiss him, something, anything to show the undying affection he’s had bottled within himself for so long.

It was all a dream come true.

But things aren’t ever meant to be perfect for too long. You can only hide something so big for so long. Brian’s family was in full support and knew about it all. Sal’s family, on the other hand, knew next to nothing. Brian wanted to pop the question, but Sal’s family didn’t approve.

Shattered. That’s the only word that Sal could use to describe the sensation that coursed through himself. He felt as though all his happiness was a joke from the universe. A metaphorical labyrinth of which he could never escape, doomed to forever roam about aside the endless walls through the infinite corridors that will forever shackle him to the agonizing pain of melancholy. He was miserable. He was alone again. He lost everything he wanted, and all because his parents spoke a single word: no.

He tried to make sense of it all, but it only made him spiral worse. The endless questions always start with ‘why.’

Why did they say no?

Why did he disappear?

Why did he have to get engaged to her?

Her.

Yeah. He’s engaged. Engaged to the girl he was with before he was ever talking to Sal. It happened so suddenly that it only raised even more questions that he knew would be left unanswered and only break his heart more. Romance was dead.

Life seemed to move on. The world doesn’t stop turning for a single broken heart, so Sal reluctantly didn’t stop either. He went through the motions every day. Wake up, clean up, go to work, come home, make dinner, fill his time with things that made time go by a little faster, go to sleep, rinse, and repeat. It became monotonous, but it was life. Sadly, Brian never left his mind or his heart. Contact seemed to be cut so it made it hurt less, but the longing was still there.

He truly believed this was it. This was the end for him. He believed there would be no other to ever make him feel that way ever again, and he was content with being alone because of those feelings.

But eventually the rain comes to a stop and the clouds clear away, and from it comes a rainbow of glimmering hope.

When you are truly in love, fate will tie you back together. And that’s just what happened.

Someway, somehow, Brian had found himself on the front steps of Sal’s house. When that door opened, Sal couldn’t explain what he felt, but it was everything all at once.

“I couldn’t do it.” There was no engagement ring on his finger, no wedding ring. “I couldn’t marry her.” There were tears in Brian’s eyes, none heavy enough to fall, but enough that it welled and made it hard to see. He wouldn’t let it fall because the weight of his tears could never match the burden of Sal’s, and he knew this, and he knew he was the cause of it. He wouldn’t waste tears to earn sympathy, he wanted this to be more meaningful.

“But why?” There was the million dollar question that he held onto for so long. “Why find me then?”

“Because I love you.” There was that four letter word. That’s where the weight was all held. A single word. “I don’t care that your family doesn’t approve, I don’t care if mine doesn’t either. All I want is to be happy with you. You’re the only one I want right now and I felt it ever since you told me the truth. I can’t live a lie. It only made me miserable.” And for once, Sal was left speechless. In that moment, only one question in mind that started with ‘why’: Why not?

Why not? Why not pursue what he wanted unapologetically? Why not be with the person he loved without approval? Why not go against the grain and do something so selfish that will bring him a lifetime of happiness? Why not love? Why not?

And that’s just what he did. That’s just what they did. They ran off hand in hand, never once looking back, ears deafened to words that tried to bring them down. Now, they had each other, through the short story made long.

And wasn’t that enough?

#vulquinn #angst #suki writes

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