#Unless it's Silent Salt who is my bbg and can do no wrong (this is satire)

[nocturusvulpus]

☆ Thoughts about Shadow Milk ☆

While I'm sure most have already seen the story or played through it themselves, I'm putting this under a "Read More" just in case. Plus this is long. I'm talking about how he acts with Pure Vanilla, I like sharing my thoughts.

So, that obsession huh? What a freak.

In all seriousness though, Shadow Milk having this attachment to Pure Vanilla is so interesting. Shadow Milk wanting more than just the other half of his Soul Jam, wanting more than his full strength. Him wanting someone that understands him gives such complexities to him and also his descent in my opinion. Of course this is all me basically saying a headcanon and trying to use canon as my backing, feel free to disagree. Let’s start at the beginning shall we? Long ago 5 virtuous Cookies with 5 powerful Soul Jams were baked by the Witches to lead Cookiekind into prosperity. One of them was the Fount of Knowledge, wielder of the Soul Jam of Knowledge. According to the 4th anniversary website, Shadow Milk originally wanted to learn all there was to learn but one day found out a disturbing fact, a truth if you will, that others were eager to listen to his words than actually listening to the truth. But was that really all there was to it?

Like, we know there is more to the descent of the beasts than they let on. Using Burning Spice as the example, he says he got bored of everything but it would be more accurate to say that constantly raising civilisations only to have them fall wore away at him until it became a chore that he got bored of. So, what more could there be to this line? I’ll give my take later on.

Let’s go over Shadow Milk’s insistence that Pure Vanilla will become like him/is like him. In the “A Game of Truth and Deceit” video we have this part, which has him say that Pure Vanilla that “in the end, you will become me” (Yes I didn't capture the part where the captions say that, but this just looks cooler)

And also in Spire of Shadows, during Pure Vanilla’s Memories III Shadow Milk says “We are like two sides of the same Coin!” and in IV we have:

Also the coin thing comes back in Beacon of Truth during the chess game where Pure Vanilla flips a coin that shows his face but then Shadow Milk switches it to be his asking “Aren’t we like two peas in a pod?” and saying “Sometimes it’s hard to tell us apart!”

This man is so convinced they’re alike, or specifically Pure Vanilla is like him. Let’s analyse Pure Vanilla.

Pure Vanilla was a king, though he stepped down from the throne and chose for his people to govern themselves. He is also the Ancient Hero that wields the soul jam of Truth. But I think the most important part is that he is a healer. His role is to heal others. His chosen path is to be of service to others. That’s what I think is the key thing about Shadow Milk’s obsession with him. The fact that Pure Vanilla is meant to serve others much like the Fount once did.

To me, it gives these lines a bit more to them than just Shadow Milk making Pure Vanilla think his life was orchestrated.

Since the person who’s saying it was created by a divine being (Witch) to serve others (Cookiekind), the Cookie that was made to serve others and be a guiding figure is talking to a healer who has led a whole kingdom. They both have had moments in life where they were at the servitude of others, the only difference being Pure Vanilla actually chose that path. He chose to be a healer, to learn White Moon Magic, to create a kingdom. He chose it, and Shadow Milk didn’t, he was baked into that role.

Now, we’ve seen how much Shadow Milk got so happy when Pure Vanilla got closer and closer to “joining” him, foregoing usual punishments and giving Pure Vanilla preferential treatment that even his two followers thought was weird. And he was ecstatic when he thought he finally had someone like him. Another who grew tired of the painful Truths of the world and accepted Deceit like him. He was so so happy…

Until it turned out he was tricked. Must’ve stung real bad that the one person he thought would be his truest confidante had lied all along. One would think he would be somewhat proud of the lie, since Deceit is his domain. But Pure Vanilla must’ve struck a nerve deeper than Shadow Milk himself realised. When Pure Vanilla points out he’s lonely, Shadow Milk doubles down, he insults him and pretends he isn’t lonely. That Pure Vanilla doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

He refuses to accept the Truth that he’s terribly lonely. That he just wants one person that doesn’t look up to him, but looks at him. Someone that when he talks to, he isn’t educating but instead conversing with. Someone that understands. That someone should’ve been Pure Vanilla. Shadow Milk hesitates for a moment when Pure Vanilla offers friendship but Pure Vanilla is a hero. Shadow Milk would have to give up the freedom he has, the ability to lie and deceive as he wishes. And when after so long being bound to a duty not asked for, why would he ever want to go back to anything like it? Why would he be at Truth’s side when it should be the other way around? Of course he’ll refuse. Even if there’s a minute droplet of longing, hiding in the dark that begged him to say yes.

I am jumping around a bit in chronology of events/cutscenes but let’s see what he says when he tries to initially deny being alone:

Y’know, if he was so happy with this, why would Pure Vanilla sense he was lonely? Why would someone that is pleased with their life and the “fools” around them yearn for kinship? Isn’t he so happy being the Beast of Deceit that something like friendship should be beneath him? To me, the answer, albeit a bit headcanon-y, is simple. It’s because he never actually changed the fact he never had anyone at his side from the start. He couldn’t. Everyone was eager to hear him speak but never what he actually was saying. They looked up to him back when he was the Fount of Knowledge. And there are two Cookies that do just the same now, don’t they?

Shadow Milk was always lonely, considering the Soul Jams seems to increase one’s lifespan when we take into account the Ancients are well ancient, could he ever have someone at his side that wouldn’t die soon after? Maybe he tried once before like the First Headmaster of the Blueberry Academy? Hence why there’s the portrait on the loading screen? The Headmaster doesn’t have the same colour scheme like the disguises Shadow Milk has so perhaps Shadow Milk did once have a friend, one that was a peer and not a student. But a Cookie can only live so long. And then once more, he was alone with no one to understand him.

So we’ve got that Shadow Milk was lonely and also was fixated on Pure Vanilla “following in his footsteps”, what was the point of all of this? I simply propose that Shadow Milk’s obsession with Pure Vanilla in part was him projecting onto him. Both were Cookies that served others, that hold fragments of Knowledge which they had used to teach and guide others. But Shadow Milk was so focused on the idea Pure Vanilla was like him, that he failed to truly see how different they were. Pure Vanilla simply could not be like the Fount of Knowledge, the lonely Virtue that had no one that could ever truly listen to him, to the Cookie that was given that role.

Pure Vanilla wasn’t a Cookie baked with some grandiose purpose, he was simply a shepherd’s boy, who took care of and adored the cream sheep he was surrounded by. He must’ve had someone who looked after him, who took care of him until he became a student at an academy of magic. It’s there that a friendship with another Cookie had bloomed into one he would cherish for the rest of his life. Not long after he set off on a pilgrimage of his own choice to find the truth for the happiness of all Cookies. Pure Vanilla was born a caring man, in a world that cared for him in return. He made friends that he values above all else, he chose a path of healing to help others, even when he doubts himself and despairs, it’s friendship that brings him back.

And if it was friendship that brought him back, why would he not offer it to one that craved it most? Why would the Compassionate Pure Vanilla, that accepts all manner of Doubt and Deceit alongside Truth, not extend a hand? But sadly, it was him revealing that he had tricked Shadow Milk and Shadow Milk’s own convictions of not wanting to change that prevented such a friendship between Truth and Deceit. It’s not like Shadow Milk didn’t know Pure Vanilla valued friendship, so much of his choices throughout episode 7 & 8 of Beast Yeast was based on how much he cared for his friends. That’s why Shadow Milk pushes the trio off of the spire even after Pure Vanilla gave his Soul Jam away. It was annoying that Pure Vanilla kept caring so much for these nuisances.

When that should’ve been attention directed at him. I mean, Pure Vanilla is meant to be the only Cookie that could understand Shadow Milk, why would Shadow Milk be happy with the attention and care meant for him being wasted on some brats? Shadow Milk wanted Pure Vanilla to embrace Deceit so badly, but is he not the Beast of Deceit? Practically Deceit itself? What was it he wanted Pure Vanilla to do regarding Deceit again? Embrace it? Or embrace him? His loneliness is such a suffocating feeling, one he must’ve experienced for centuries, even if we only consider his years as a Beast. But, had Shadow Milk not called the other Beasts “friends” when he was introduced back during episode 2 of Beast Yeast? Let’s see what he says:

Yeah yeah I know I’m making this long but c’mon, why is the dude lonely if he has four other friends? Would they not understand the freedom of being Beasts like him? Here’s the thing; I don’t think he lied when he called them his friends. I just think they’re no longer friends how they once were. Why would they act the same as they did as Virtues? Obviously Mystic Flour doesn’t see the point of conversation when all is meaningless. You think Burning Spice wouldn’t break Shadow Milk’s puppets and props when he’s bored? Would Eternal Sugar pay attention to what he does or says, or would she just yawn and be half-asleep? Sure maybe Silent Salt listens to his words and watches his plays, but the lack of a response doesn’t make it as fulfilling as Shadow Milk hoped. They’re friends… Right? Yeah surely they’re friends, it’s just like when one friend is married and another has a kid while you’ve got neither, it’s just that they’ve all got different goals. They’re still friends, they have to be friends. Or else Shadow Milk wouldn’t have anyone else. Perhaps that is why he clung to Pure Vanilla when he had the chance, he’ll have someone like him, someone that doesn’t find things pointless, that wouldn’t break his stuff, that would be wide awake and would respond to what he says. He just wanted someone that he could use to bury the loneliness clawing at his heart, to pacify it and ignore his problems. But he couldn’t have it. The one thing he craved he couldn’t get, because it wasn’t in the way he wanted. He’s a terribly selfish Cookie, he’ll only accept things if they go his way. And he will try to bend and twist the situation to suit him and only him. Who cares if others get hurt, why would he care? This is a Beast we’re talking about, selflessness doesn’t suit him.

Oh that Pure Vanilla, what a traitorous backstabbing Cookie. When Shadow Milk gets his hands on him he will make that pathetic healer regret betraying him. He is not giving second chances… But… Maybe, maybe if that Cookie finally opens his eyes and sees that the world doesn’t actually care for him like it didn’t for Shadow Milk, maybe when he’s at his lowest and he’s too broken to heal himself, he… Could give him a second chance… Pure Vanilla would have to earn it, to let himself be twisted and turned to Shadow Milk’s heart’s content, to be cracked and barely tied back up, only to be cracked again over and over. He wouldn’t trust that wretched Cookie so easily again, he’d keep him at arms length, further than his own subordinates.. Then when he earns the right, Pure Vanilla could be at Shadow Milk’s side… He.. He isn’t lonely…