#UGH it is so hard finding any work that I'm able to do but Jesus fucking christ

[cutieacefuck]

used to have a paid hour for lunch but I guess my job is really trying to get rid of its best workers 🙃

[rosetheex-editor]

[Video transcript begin.]

[The transcript begins in a car the camera facing the road, the radio blasting at full volume as the car drives. The song is identified as “My alcoholic friends.” After 45 seconds the car turns to pull into a driveway view of a small white house in frame, the person shuts the radio off and grabs the phone.]

?: [Muttering.] Ok Ness… This isn't high school, this is doing something nice for a friend… Just get out of the fuckin’ car.

[Voice identified: Ness Kylie Hoffson.]

[Ness climbs out of the car slowly, her hand and arm covers a bit of the camera as she runs her fingers through her hair.]

Ne: Ok come on… Just… Walk up and knock.

[Ness walks up to the door slowly, considering just leaving for a moment before knocking on the door.]

[The door creaks open, revealing a man with short brown hair and hazel eyes, a cautious expression on his face.]

?: Hello?

[Voice registered, awaiting name.]

Ne: Uh… Hi, are you James Walker?

[His eyes widen, and the door slams in Ness’ face. Implying that yes, he is James Walker.]

[Name registered: James Walker.]

[Ness knocks again.]

Ne: I'm not with Showfall if that's what you’re worried about!

Ja: [Muffled.] Prove it.

Ne: Ok, how about MOTHERFUCKER I LOOK LIKE I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN DAYS! Last I checked Showfall employees get sleep or wear masks.

[The door opens again, and James reaches his arm out and pulls Ness inside. Closing the door behind them.]

Ja: Fine, I believe you. Just… don’t shout about Showfall out there, I don’t need any of us going back there.

Ne: Ugh, fair enough…

[Ness sighs and places the phone in her shirt pocket.]

Ja: So, what the hell do you want?

Ne: First, so we're on even ground. My full name is [Mockingly.] Technically. [Normal tone.] Nessa Kylie Hoffson, I know about Showfall because two of my friends were kidnapped and my girlfriend is an ex employee.

[James’ expression changes from neutral to a sort of pity, he sighs.]

Ja: Shit, dude. That’s… did you come here for advice or something? I… don’t know how to help you, if so. We barely escaped back in 2021. Rough day for everyone.

Ne: No… I uh… I know they got this, I uh… Wanted to ask, and this is going to sound crazy… Do you know a man named Edgar Elliot Pression?

Ja: What? No, I’m sorry, I don’t. Is that… your friend? I– I don’t know him.

Ne: Oh… Oh that's right… Do you know a guy named Mike?

[James’ eyes immediately light up, and he grabs Ness by the shoulders and shakes her a little bit.]

Ja: YES. YES I DO. I– [Pulling his arms back.] Sorry.

Ne: All good, first. Mike and Edgar are the same person, sorry for the confusion…

Ja: He– he remembered his name. I… that’s…

Ne: Yeah, I um… I'm here because… He remembered you.

[He freezes on the spot, tears visible in his eyes, he looks as if he’s about to break down then and there.]

Ne: He's alive, he was… Dead for a minute… But um… He got out before that… Showfall brought him back. And before you say anything my friends are working with him to get him out I swear to you.

Ja: HE WAS WHAT. I– can we go sit. Please.

Ne: Yeah uh… Yeah.

[Ness walks with James to sit down on a couch.]

Ja: Tell me everything. Or, recent things. I… how has he been?

Ne: I think he's been fine? He uh… Showfall locked him in a corpse closet for about 2 and a half weeks… My friend and a friend of theirs got him out and bandaged him all that.

[James stares at Ness, jaw slack. A look of extreme concern and bewilderment on his face.]

Ne: Yeah um… Showfall tried really hard to make him forget you all… He only broke the block they put recently…

Ja: Shit, they… really didn’t want us to get him back, did they. We tried to find him after we all… y’know. But I guess we wouldn’t have been able to help anyway.

Ne: Yeah um… I met Edgar because… My girlfriend is kinda like his adopted kid of sorts?

[The man laughs loudly, slamming his hand into his leg.]

Ja: He’s just destined to be a fuckin’ dad, isn’t he? Jesus Christ!

Ne: I um… Yeah, sorry for kinda being all over the place. But he wanted you all to know he's alive.

[Without warning, James hugs Ness, quickly pulling back.]

Ja: Thank you so much for letting me know, Ness. I… do you want something to eat? Maybe? I made dinner, but the others are out of town right now, and I accidentally made too much.

Ne: I'll take some with me, I have to get ready for work soon.

Ja: Ah, alright, it’s already in containers, let me get one out for you.

[James walks into his kitchen, and opens the fridge, which is covered in drawings of a group of 5, and sometimes 6 people, all doing random activities like playing soccer, or having a tea party.]

Ja: Er, don’t mind the drawings. Lily is quite the artist.

Ne: It's alright, they look nice…

[Ness takes a deep sigh.]

Ne: Can I promise you something?

Ja: Yeah? I mean, I can’t stop you.

Ne: Can I give you my number, and I promise I will call you as soon as he is out?

Ja: That would be wonderful, please do.

Ne: Ok, I actually still have it on a business card… Long story.

Ja: Alright, I’ll put you in my contacts.

[Ness puts a business card that reads “N and H paranormal club” on a table.]

Ja: Aw, I used to have something like that when I was little, never made business cards though.

Ne: Yeah uh… Made it in high-school to get people to join so y'know, we could make it an actual club.

Ja: Ness, um. Thank you. I– really. Thank you. All of us have been feeling… terrible about having to leave Mi– um. Edgar? You said his name was? Behind during our second escape. But now we… finally have hope again. Thank you.

Ne: Yeah uh, I'm realizing I'm still wearing my work badge. So if you or anyone you know comes to my job and ask for me, Free drinks on me.

Ja: I’m sure Max and Lily would appreciate that. Um, one more question before you go?

Ne: What's up?

Ja: Have you kept in contact with him? If so, how? Wait, shit, sorry. That’s two.

Ne: Tumblr.com.

[James pauses, staring at Ness with one eyebrow raised.]

Ja: Alright…? What’s his URL?

Ne: Showfall Media Maintenance… He made the blog when he was still an employee and just never changed it.

Ja: They made him a mechanic again? Hm. I… thanks. I’ll… yeah.

Ne: Ok uh… I should be heading off now.

Ja: Alright, take care, Ness.

Ne: You too, I promise I'll call you when he gets out.

[Ness steps up to the door and stops.]

[James can be heard muttering about ‘calling Max’ and pacing, fabric rustling indicating that he is taking his phone out.]

Ne: Tell your friends I said hi? I guess?

Ja: I will.

[Ness walks out the door and looks back at her car, a teenage girl sitting in the passenger seat.]

Ja: [Extremely muffled, but still very loud.] MAX. HE’S ALIVE!

Ne: [Muttering.] Ok Mari… Don't fuck this up please…

[End transcript.]

[rebeccccccaaa]

𝔻𝕠𝕨𝕟 𝔹𝕪 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕃𝕒𝕜𝕖

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𝔹𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕪 𝔹𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕤 𝕩 ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣

(ℝ𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥) ANON: Hii <3 I hope it’s okay to send in another Buck imagine. Maybe where you’re a technician and you get sent to Wakanda to help Shuri with his new arm. During the time there you get really close to Buck and he starts opening up to you and recovers really fast. One night he sees you then sitting at the lake where his cabin is, watching the stars, so he joins you and you end up sharing a meaningful kiss and even more 😉The next morning Shuri looks out for you and sees you coming out of his cabin with a grin? :)

𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤: Smuttt!!! 18+, fluff ish (like they having feels for each other bleh lol), insecure!Bucky, Shepard Armless Jesus Bucky, I’m pretty sure that’s it

𝔸𝕦𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕣’𝕤 ℕ𝕠𝕥𝕖: i love this lmaoooo this is so funny!! Thanks for the request and your patience!! Enjoy :)

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You sat on the dock looking up to see the beautiful stars that sparkled in the sky. You were in Wakanda and have been since Bucky was taken after the Accords. You knew a lot about working with his previous vibranium arm and Shuri asked you to stay while Bucky went into the ice so she could modify and make his new arm even better. 

Now Bucky was out of the ice shepherding goats in the village. He came to the lab everyday for his arm and for the words that haunted him every day for years to finally be erased from his mind. Everyday you and Bucky talked and he was really opening up to you.

He told you stories about the 40s and his childhood being friends with Steve. It was nice and you looked forward to getting to talk to him and spend time together everyday. Sometimes just like right now, you and Bucky spend time talking out on the dock until Shuri comes looking for you and him calling you back to the lab. 

So it didn’t come as a shock when Bucky needed some fresh air after not being able to sleep and saw you at the dock looking at the stars. He padded softly on the warm grassy field until he came up to you on the small wooden dock and sat beside you.

“Stars always never ceased to amaze me,” you whispered, keeping your eyes up to the sky.

“They’re beautiful,” he wasn’t looking at the stars. 

“Can’t sleep?” you asked, turning to him; he shook his head.

“You?” 

“Same.” 

There was silence and you slowly leaned closer to Bucky before resting your head on his shoulder. 

“Really proud of you know,” you broke the silence.

“Why’s that?”

 “You're opening up more; you're getting better.”

 “Thanks to you,” he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

 “Me?”

 “Yeah.”

Another moment of silence happened again, both of you frightened that if you spoke you’d scare the other away. You could feel him so close to you. It wasn’t a surprise that you fell for the guy. Especially when there was a period in time where he only spoke to you after the ice. 

He really opened up to you and felt like there was a connection maybe? Or maybe you were just being silly.

“Can I kiss you?” Bucky spoke.

Or maybe not. 

You lunged forward, lips pressing firmly to his, arms wrapping around his neck eagerly and he smiled into the kiss wrapping his arm around you as well. He leaned forward gently and you moved your arms back slowly placing your back on the wooden floor. His lips traced your neck and you sighed at the feeling of his soft velvety lips against your skin.

“Buck,” you breathed out.

“Not here. Not outside,” you said.

“Why not, baby?” he kept kissing you making it hard to resist.

“Bucky, no,” you giggled.

He didn’t reply but instead lifted you making you squeal and laugh. He practically sprint across the grass to his small cabin; your legs wrapped around his waist and you were holding on to him for dear life laughing and giggling with him.

Bucky pushed the door open with his foot and placed you delicately on to his bed. You stayed on your knees in front of him and helped him with his shirt. 

“Wait,” Bucky said suddenly. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m going a little fast. I shouldn’t have done that without asking first. God what was I think-”

“It’s not you. God it’s definitely not you. You're perfect. It’s just. My arm. It’s not there,” Bucky said sheepishly.

“I know. Do you want to keep your scarf on?” you cupped his face. 

“Well, I don’t know,” he sat down with you.

“Hey don’t be upset. Look Bucky I really, really like you and the last thing that I want to do is make you uncomfortable or feel pressured. To do something you don’t want to do,” you told him. 

“But I want to, for you.”

“Don’t it for me, do it for you,” you whispered. Bucky leaned in and kissed you again, his hand rubbing your thigh softly.

“Can you help me?” he whispered.

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes,” he smiled. 

You looked into his eyes with gentle eyes; watching his face for any signs of discomfort as you slowly lifted his shirt. He took off the scarf and shirt altogether and you immediately caressed your hands across his skin. 

You took your own shirt off leaving you in a soft baby pink bra. Bucky looked at you with pure adoration in his eyes. You brought your hands to his shoulders and sat him back against the headboard straddling his hips. 

His hand reached around you and unclasped your bra letting fall between you. His hand squeezed your breast lightly making you moan breathy. His nose traced your jaw every now and then kissed and nipped at the skin. 

You stood up and peeling your pants from your body quickly returning to straddle Bucky’s stomach. Bucky’s hips lifted up bringing you up as well and almost ripped his pants off. His hand roamed the side of your body and his lips kissed your chest. 

He circled his tongue around your nipple and your hands went in his hair combing your fingers through his incredibly luscious long locks. 

“You are so stunning, baby girl,” Bucky whispered against your skin.

“Bucky please,” you moaned.

You reached down between your bodies and grabbed Bucky’s cock pumping it a few times. You lined it up with your entrance. You grabbed Bucky’s face and pulled him in a passionate hard kiss as you sunk down slowly.��

“Oh baby, you feel so good,” you whispered against his lips. 

“Fuck,” Bucky moaned. 

You bounced up and down, throwing your head back in pleasure. Bucky kept his eyes trained on you nothing but devotion. His hand grazed your skin ever so softly sending chills to rise all over your skin. Bucky lips attached themselves to your neck and sucked and kissed the skin making small marks and bites for you to admire the next morning. 

“Bucky,” you moaned.

“What is it, baby?”

“I need to come,” you drew out, whining.

“Let go, baby. I want you to come all over my cock; make a mess baby.”

You leaned forward and buried your face in the crook of Bucky’s neck and your body shook against his as you reached your oragams. Bucky hips stuttered and jerked upward hard reaching incredibly deep inside you making you shriek in pleasure; his head falling back groaning as he came inside you.

You held on tight to Bucky as you breathed heavily still feeling his heavy cock settled inside you. You looked down at his shoulder and grazed your fingertips across the scarred skin. Unfortunately you couldn’t remove much of the scarring that had been previously there from the Hydra hack job back in the 40s. 

You had been perfecting his arm the last few months to stimulate feeling in the arm so that he felt somewhat human again, his words. You thought he was strong; he’d been through so much and he did a lot of it alone. You didn’t want him to feel alone again. 

“Whatcha thinking about, doll?” Bucky fingers traced the creases in your back softly.

“Nothing,” you whispered and closed your eyes. 

“You sure?” he whispered back.

“I’m sure,” you kissed him softly.

Bucky kicked the blanket and caught it in his hand covering you both. His hand snaked up your hair and pulled it back with your head to make you look into his eyes. 

“Just wait until I get my arm, princess. I’m gonna ruin you,” Bucky whispered against your lip, making you giggle before you both fell asleep peacefully in each other's arms. 

The next morning, Shuri came outside into the field where Bucky’s cabin was to wake him. She always made sure he was doing alright and checked if there was anything he needed her help with. When she got there she was surprised to find you walking outside holding Bucky’s hand who is in fact shirtless. 

Shuri ever saw Bucky shirtlass outside the lab and that in itself was very rare. Your hair was in a slight mess but nothing particularly crazy; it was clear you two slept together. If the appearance wasn't convincing enough, when you were pulled back by Bucky his hand circle your waist and your hands cupped jaw to pull him in a, uh… passionate kiss and Shuri’s eyes widened. 

When she was sure you were gone she walked up to Bucky who was surprised by her presence.

“Good morning, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Uh, moring, shuri,'' Bucky said groggily still high from your intoxicating encounter.

“I assume you didn’t get much sleep?” she snickered.

“I slept very well actually. After we-”

“Ugh! I don’t need to hear about night shenanigans with my friend,” she covered her ears in disgust.

“I'm just messing with you,” Bucky chuckled.

“How long has this been going on?” she asked assuming this was a secret.

“Just last night.”

“Don’t worry; won’t tell anyone you're sleeping with your doctor,” she smirked, knowing that was illegal in his home country.

“Shuri, who are you gonna tell? You have no friends,” he walked back inside his cabin chuckling.

“Dick!” she yelled.

“I’m going to tell my brother!” she shouting, running away making Bucky come out with a scared look on his face; immediately chasing her to stop her. 

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TAGLIST:

@mathletemadison

[unsettledink]

A Perfect Fit - Kinktober Day 10 (Old Adages 1)

A Perfect Fit

Prompt: Size Kink

Word Count: 6176

Summary: Tony had no idea what Beck had been hiding in his pants and that— that is a tragedy. Because Tony needs to be stuffed full of that right this second.

(size kink, dick size, dirty talk, insecurity, 20ish Quentin Beck, belly bulge, bottom!Tony)

(Look, I don't know how 'size kink' turned into a whole mess of insecurity and woes of having a big dick either, ok? I sorted it out by the end at least. Tony's not going to let it get in the way of a good fuck.)

*

Tony hadn't really expected anyone to be in lab eighteen-b at this time of night, but he'd had an idea and the things he needed were there and— it's his tower, he doesn't need to ask permission to go anywhere in it.

He hadn't expected anyone to be there, and he really hadn't expected to walk around the corner and come across one of his employees jerking off. Tony freezes, not even processing the sight for a second, and then his brain is noticing all the wrong things, like how hot the guy is, how nice his tiny little gasps sound, how fucking huge his cock is. It's got to be close to ten inches, maybe more, thick as fuck, and Tony can't look away. He's just— he's always liked them big. The bigger the better, and that, that is better.

The guy moans, faintly, and opens his eyes. Opens them even wider, comically so, when he realizes Tony's there, and then he jerks, his chair rolling back as he tries to cover himself. "Oh shit!" he yelps, and then he's spinning around, his back to Tony.

"Uh," Tony says.

"Oh god," the guy mutters, and it sounds like he's trying to stuff himself back in his pants. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I— I didn't think, I mean I didn't— I shouldn't have— fuck!'

"Look," Tony says, "I wasn't trying to be a creeper, I just came down to get—" The guy turns around, and Tony should feel bad about the way his eyes immediately drop to the bulge at his crotch. The truly impressive bulge; that's got to be incredibly uncomfortable.

"Oh no," the guy says, and Tony looks at him— at his face. He looks familiar. "Fuck, you're Tony Stark," and Tony's obviously familiar to him. Tony narrows his eyes.

"Bank?" he tries. "Or— Deck? Something like that, right?" Handsome, whatever his name is, even if his face is bright, brilliant red, flushing all the way down his neck.

"Beck," the guy says, weakly. "Quentin Beck. I'm— shit, I'm sorry, I swear I don't— this isn't—" He rubs his hand over his face— not the one he was jacking off with, not that Tony notices. Not really. "Does this mean I'm fired?"

"What?" Tony says. "No, of course not," and the guy—Beck—glances over at him; wow, his eyes are a gorgeous shade of blue. No. Focus. "I mean, uh, don't do it again? Or be more careful about it next time? But jeez, I'm not going to fire you for that." Beck gives him a confused look, but his shoulders loosen a little. "Personally, this wouldn't exactly be my first choice for that sort of thing, unless you've got some sort of... lab setting kink? Is that a thing? That's probably a thing. But hey, who am I to judge, it's not like I haven't gotten off worse places."

"I don't— there's nothing hot about a lab," Beck mutters defensively. "I'm not into anything weird. I'm just— look, I'm always here and it's not like I have time to pick someone up and when I get home I'm dead on my feet, and I just, sometimes I have needs, okay?" He stops, flushing again. "Can you forget I said all of that?"

There's a point in that rambling explanation; if Beck's here at this hour, he practically lives here. "Sure," Tony says, absently. "Yeah, you're probably putting in a few too many hours. I can't really believe it'd be too hard for you to find a friend though. What with all your, ah, gifts."

"...thanks?" Beck says, frowning.

Tony blames his cock for what he says next. Or rather, Beck's cock, because he just can't get the image of it out of his mind. "You know," he adds, " you're definitely good looking and more than generously endowed, who's going to say no? I mean, it's not like I would mind a ride on that."

Beck stares at him, his mouth dropping open, and Tony replays those last couple of sentences in growing horror. "Shit," Tony says. "That's sexual harassment, isn't it. Pepper's going to murder me. Look, if you want to sue I can already tell you we'll settle easy. Well, not me, you know, lawyers, but seriously, don't let them try and shut you up for less than a couple hundred thousand."

"What," Beck says. "I— are you really telling me how to get the most money out of you if I sue?"

"Well... no?" Tony tries. "I mean, yes, I guess?" Fuck, he's completely lost track of this conversation. His mind is still just going 'but think of how it'd feel in your mouth, down your throat'.

"And you did say you'd want to— ride me? I heard that, right?"

Tony winces. "Yeah, you should probably forget I said that," he says. "Unless you don't want to? You know, suing. And. Stuff."

"I'm not going to sue," Beck says, watching him. There's a long, awkward pause, and damn, Beck's eyes really are pretty. "I— maybe I don't want to forget?"

He's blushing again, slowly creeping up. "Just so I'm clear," Tony says carefully. "You're saying you'd be... interested."

Beck licks his lips. "Yeah," he says.

Oh, goddamn, Tony thinks. This is absolutely a bad idea, but he's going to roll with it. He takes a step forward, and another, into Beck's space. Beck's a little taller than Tony; he catches the back of Beck's neck and pulls him in. Kisses him, a tentative brush of lips.

Beck's mouth opens under his when he presses a little more, his tongue sliding against Tony's, and yeah, Tony decides, he can work with this. "Right," Tony says. "We're going to need a bed. Come on."

The ride up to the penthouse should be awkward, but Beck pulls Tony right in against him, slides his hands up Tony's shirt and presses kisses all along Tony's neck, fantastic. Tony rubs forward, and he can feel Beck's dick, still at least half hard, all along his hip.

Beck was hot with his clothes on; without them, he's smoking. Sure, he's softer, not sporting a six pack or anything, but he's trim, broad shoulders and gorgeous waist and that cock— it really is a monster, just massive, and it's only getting bigger as Beck finishes getting hard, the sheer weight of it keeping it low, jutting out from his body. Tony's mouth is watering.

"Jesus," Tony mutters, giving Beck a little push toward the bed. "Take a look at that; bet you're popular when you find the time." Beck doesn't say anything as he sits on the bed, pushing himself further up, but his shoulders tense slightly. Ugh, Tony should probably watch his mouth a little. He's had a couple guys that hated feeling like all Tony wanted was their cock, had some sort of hangup about having more to offer than that. Obviously, but since Tony's never looking for something lasting with them what matters is what's about to split him open, not their winning personalities.

No point in getting into that with Beck though.

He crawls up between Beck's legs, settling on his elbows and leaning in, rubbing his face against Beck's cock. It's a nice cock, completely aside from the size, very pretty with a broad, defined head, flushed dark, not too veiny. He can't wait to get his tongue against it, sliding up under that ridge, tasting him. It’s going to make him drool like crazy, choke him, probably leave him voiceless for ages.

"Hey," Beck says. Tony glances up at him, mouth open against his cock. "You don't— you don't have to do that to get a fuck."

Tony raises an eyebrow. "And what if I just want to?" because it's not like he needs an excuse to want that thing in his mouth.

"I'm just—" Beck swallows as Tony licks him, and sure, it might be—is—a challenge but Tony's up for it. "Just saying," Beck finishes. "Don't expect to take that much of though. And don't expect me to come from it. It's fine if you want to skip to the main event."

"What, think I can't?" Tony says, and nuzzles down against the base of it; god it's <i>big.

"Most people can't," Beck says softly, like Tony is most people, please. "And I'd rather you don't throw up on it."

Tony snorts, but Beck's words don't match his tone. He pulls up enough to look at Beck, and it's unfair for him to have puppy dog eyes like that. He didn't expect Beck to be... hesitant. Most of the guys Tony’s been with that are anywhere near as hung as this are smug about— ha, cocky. 

Beck twitches again when Tony kisses the side of his cock, makes his way slowly up the length of it before he licks across the tip. "I'm not skipping over anything," Tony says, "but we can come back to this. You obviously haven't had a blowjob from me."

That earns him a little huff, but those eyes are still watching him cautiously. Yeah, he can't have that. He crawls up over Beck and taps a finger under his chin, tilting his head back. Beck's almost passive, just waiting for Tony, his hands coming up to barely rest against Tony's sides.

Whatever Beck's thing about blowjobs is, kissing— kissing he has no problem with. Kissing he's fucking fantastic at. He doesn't have any hesitation here once he figures out what Tony likes and god, it's been a long time since Tony got this caught up in making out. Beck's mouth is reddened when Tony pulls back, his hair messier, falling out of that slicked back styling, and his eyes are darker, all big and blue and gorgeous.

Tony goes with it when Beck rolls him over, pins him down and goes right on with the kissing; he's got Beck's cock along his stomach, the full length of it pressed into his skin, and Beck starts making soft noises into his mouth when Tony shifts, rubs against it. He's going to feel stuffed full when it's in him— he can’t wait.

Beck shudders, dropping his head to Tony's shoulder, and then he's crawling back; shit, what now? Tony watches as Beck down out between Tony's legs, and while he's not going to say no to Beck's mouth on his cock, he wants to be able to feel Beck's again, wants that constant reminder of its sheer size. Beck's got his hands on Tony's thighs, pushing them up a bit and— 

"Oh, fuck," Tony gasps. "God, yeah, that's— fuck," and looks like it doesn't matter what Beck's doing with it, his mouth is sinful.

Beck could eat him out for hours, Tony thinks, and that might just be his plan as it goes on and on. Tony's not complaining, not one bit, not as long as Beck keeps licking like that and pushing his tongue into Tony and moaning, muffled against Tony's ass. Not as long as he can keep his hand in Beck's hair, ruining it, keep pressing up against Beck's mouth; "Fuck," Tony mutters, "you're good at that."

There's a breath across his skin, a laugh. "You pick it up quick," Beck says, looking up at Tony, "when you need other ways to keep people happy." He's grinning, more than confident in this area— downright smug, and it's a distressingly good look on him.

He keeps that eye contact as he lowers his mouth again, pushing Tony's ass up a bit so he can watch Tony at the same time, and that is just too fucking much. Slides a finger into him, licking around it, and that is way, way too much, Tony pushing his head back into the bed, groaning as he stares up at the ceiling.

He couldn't have asked for a better way to be stretched open, couldn't have asked for someone more patient— excruciatingly patient. Sure, Tony was going to need some real work before he could take that monster, but Beck is going to kill him like this, taking his sweet time working his way up, sloppy and wet around his fingers the whole time.

"You've got actual lube somewhere, right?" Beck says breathlessly as he pulls back. Tony flaps a hand in the vicinity of the nightstand and Beck gets the idea. Comes back and slides his fingers right back in, big and warm and even slicker, leaning down and getting his mouth around Tony's cock.

"Oh, christ," Tony groans. "Don't you dare get me off like this. Wanna come on your cock, don't spoil it." Beck rolls his eyes, which should not be nearly that appealing even with his lips still on Tony's cock.

He doesn't, even if Tony feels like he's getting close a couple of times. Doesn't, and doesn't move on from his slow, lazy fingering either; Tony feels more than ready, soft and loose around Beck's fingers. "Enough," he says, finally. "I'm good, I'm more than ready. Come on, give it to me."

"Okay, okay," Beck huffs, and Tony feels like he's gaping open without Beck's fingers in him. Beck shifts around on the bed, Tony pulling his legs up further as he hears the lube pop open again, hears the wet sounds of Beck slicking himself up. And then— then it's against him, the head of Beck's cock pressing gently at Tony's hole, catching it before thrusting up the cleft of Tony's ass. Fuck, it's huge, probably the biggest Tony's ever had outside toys, and even if Beck's stretched him open to the point of obscenity it still might hurt.

He waits— and waits, and waits, Beck's hands spread wide over his thighs, his cock sliding back and forth long Tony's ass. "Quit teasing," Tony snaps.

There's nothing for a moment, another hesitation, and then a long, shaky exhale. "Right," Beck says, so quietly, and Tony glances up at him.

He doesn't look like he's having a good time, goddamnit. What is his problem? "What?" Tony asks, trying to soften it.

Beck drops his eyes, his hands tensing on Tony's thighs. Hesitates, keeps fucking hesitating. "Just," he says after a second, "this is usually where the fun part stops." He swallows, hard, breathing a little too fast. "Don't lie and say it's fine when it's not, okay? I'm not— if it fucking hurts, just—"

God, Tony feels like an ass.

He stares at Beck, at the tense set of Beck's jaw. He hadn't paid much mind to it till now, but Beck's young. Can't be much more than twenty-five, at most, and if he was a late bloomer—who's he kidding, Beck had to been a nerd—he probably hasn't done this a lot. Maybe hasn't had this go well a lot, and— what should Tony have expected, if most of Beck's partners have told him they weren't enjoying it anymore, or worse, lied about it when it had to be obvious they were hurting. If he’d wound up hurting some—any—of them, however unintentionally.  

Beck's fingers are digging into Tony's thigh, hard, and he won't look at Tony's face, and— Tony doesn't like it when his partners aren't having fun either.

"Beck," he says, and Beck fucking flinches. He gets his hand around Beck's wrist and tugs. "Come here."

"Fuck," Beck whispers, closing his eyes, but he crawls up over Tony anyway. Sinks down when Tony pulls at him, and he's so tense, right on the edge of shaking when Tony wraps himself around him. "Shit," Beck mutters, pressing his forehead against Tony's shoulder. "I'm sorry— fuck, I'm sorry, just give me a minute." He takes a deep breath, obviously trying to pull it together, and obviously failing when it comes out shakier.

"Beck," Tony says again, soft, but Beck cuts him off.

"I know," he says. "I know, you were expecting a good time and I'm— goddammit," and Tony can feel his jaw clench. "I'll— just, tell me when it hurts, okay? I know you probably think it'll be fine, but— I don't want—"

Shit, Tony thinks; 'when' not 'if'. Someone's fucked this kid up. "Quentin," Tony says, softer, sliding his hand up into Beck's hair. "Take a minute and just breathe."

Beck laughs, ugly. "This is the part where you tell me it's fine, there's other things to do, you're not disappointed," he says. "That I'm good with my mouth, so a blowjob would be great."

"No," Tony says, carefully, and this was just supposed to be a quick, fun little hookup. Why is Tony such a soft touch? "This is the part where I tell you to calm down. And then I tell you that regardless of how things may have gone for you, I've had plenty of experience with big dicks, and I'm not going to let you hurt me. I'm very fond of my ass, you know."

Beck doesn't say anything, but that's okay for now.

“Seriously,” Tony adds. “I know what I like and I know how to get it. I can handle you.”

“I’ve heard that before,” Beck mutters.

Ouch. “Yeah,” Tony say. “Yeah, I bet you have.” He turns his head, catches the edge of Beck’s ear between his teeth. Beck twitches and sets his teeth into Tony’s shoulder, and it’s nice that he still got some sass in him. “None of them were Tony Stark.”

That gets him a real laugh, if quiet. “I didn’t expect you to be so humble,” Beck snarks. That’s more like it. 

“I’m glad you can recognize it,” Tony says. “Seriously, I’m going to make sure I have a good time. You can count on me to pleasure myself.”

“Really?” Beck says, lifting his head and giving Tony a look.

“Watched that, did you?” Tony says, grinning. “I stand by it! It’s a good line!”

Beck watches him for a moment. “Do all the people you sleep with eventually figure out you’re a giant dork?”

Hardly any of them, Tony thinks. “The smart ones do,” he tells Beck. 

Beck’s relaxed a little, more from the banter than anything, Tony thinks. He always has liked smart-mouths. "Right," he says, and pokes Beck in the side. "Scoot over."

Beck rolls off him, lying on his back next to Tony. His hands come up when Tony straddles him, settling on Tony's waist like he can't help himself. Beck's cock settles against Tony's ass, massive, the tip resting at the small of Tony's back. Fuck, he can't wait; he pushes back, rubbing his ass along the length of it, slow. "Now who's teasing," Beck says.

Tony fishes around for second and comes up with the lube, half under Beck's hip. "Here," Tony says. "Get your fingers back in me, and make it as sloppy as you can." Beck's eyes flutter closed for a moment; yeah, he likes the sound of that.

Beck's fingers are big, but he'd spent so long on this already that two slip in like they're nothing, three with just enough pressure to feel. Tony doesn't really need this, but if it makes things easier for Beck to handle, he's not against it. It's not like he's suffering with Beck's fingers inside him. He fucks himself on them as Beck twists them, waits until he can feel the lube sliding out of his ass, until Beck's movements slow, distracted. "That’s it," he tells Beck, "get some more on your cock too," and the wet, squelching sounds of Beck's hand on it are promising.

Tony kneels up and gets his hand behind him, wrapped around Beck's cock, barely fucking wrapped around it. It's so slick it's hard to keep his grip; he rubs the head over his hole, back and forth, feeling the broadness of it, how it spreads him open even like this. Takes a deep breath and relaxes as much as he can. This is going to feel great, he reminds himself. It's going to feel fucking amazing once it's in him, on the way down too. He knows this.

He looks down at Beck, catching his eyes. Beck looks so tense, nervous, and no one in Tony's bed should look that worried. "Trust me," Tony says. "It's going to be fine."

It's— its so much when he presses the tip inside him. So fucking much, god; Beck's so big, so wide. It doesn't hurt, not quite, but it's incredibly intense feeling that stretch, that pressure and fullness inside him, even so little of it. He rolls his hips just the smallest bit, letting the tip slip almost out of him and back in, and Beck whines beneath him.

Beck's mouth is open, his eyes so wide, so blue as he stares up at Tony. This has to feel great for him too, like this, Tony right on the most sensitive part of his cock, and that's good. One of Beck's hands lands on Tony's calf, squeezes it gently.

Tony goes slow, goes so, so slow, sinking further onto Beck in tiny increments, up and down and further down each time. Takes his time with it and watches Beck the whole while, watches how Beck stares at him and flushes and breathes heavier, louder, with every inch Tony takes in. Fuck, Tony's breathing heavier with every inch, panting and starting to moan as it stretches him so wide, fills him up so much, insanely so. He feels oversensitive, like he can feel every single centimeter inside him, can feel the heavy pulse of it with every beat of Beck's heart. He's definitely never had one this big before.

There's a point where his legs start shaking a little, where he can't spread them as wide as he needs and keep control over how slow he takes it in; "Give me your hands," Tony gasps out, and Quentin's hands feel huge when he laces his fingers with Tony's, Tony leaning forward a bit and bracing himself against him. If it was anyone else, it could be risky putting that much on them, hoping they're not assholes and might pull him down that way, take away their bracing and let Tony fall the rest of the way in one swoop, painfully— but Beck? No fucking way.

"Okay?" Beck whispers at one point, after he'd gasped and jerked, pushing up into Tony a little. Tony nods, moans as he keeps going. It feels like Beck's cock is never going to end, and that's fantastic.

He hits that spot a moment later, that stop point he only gets with really, really big cocks, rarely, more often with toys. Presses against it, gently, and Beck's hands tighten on his painfully. "Stop," Beck says, his voice harsh. "No, stop." Tony stills, raising his eyebrows, and Beck shakes his head. "That's it," he says. "You can't take more, Tony, just— you'll hurt yourself, that's it."

"Quentin," Tony says softly, "it's not. It's— hey, listen," Beck shaking his head again. "I swear it's not; I've done this enough, okay? Trust me."

Beck's hands are still tight on his, tighter, and he's so tense against Tony's legs. Tony takes his time with this too, grinding slowly on Beck's cock, teasing himself and relaxing, not letting himself think of anything except how good it's going to feel. Pushes himself down a little more, and— there, there it goes, he can feel that shift, feel it sliding in further and further as Tony sinks down the rest of the way, his ass settling onto Beck's hips, shuddering at that sharp, shivery burst of pleasure. He moans, his eyes closing and his head falling back unconsciously.

"Oh god," Beck whispers, "oh my god, Tony— fuck, are you okay? Are you--"

He trembling under Tony, fighting not to move or scared, Tony's not sure. "I—" Tony starts, his voice cracking. "Fuck, I am so much better than okay." Beck makes a harsh noise, twitching, even that little shift feeling like a lot with Tony this full. "So much better," Tony says, can’t stop himself from talking. "Jesus Christ, you're so big. Fucking incredible, you don't even know— got me so stuffed full I can't even breathe, you feel so good, so good, oh my god."

Beck sucks in a breath, and when Tony opens his eyes, Beck looks wrecked. Looks ruined, flushed and mussed and dazed, stunned, and Tony's barely done anything.

It's a great look on him.

"I cannot wait to ride you," Tony tells him. "Fucking cannot wait to feel you come in me. You're already splitting me open and I just want you deeper. I can't remember the last time I felt this filled up, you are amazing."

"I'm— I'm amazing?" Beck sputters. "How can you even— you're amazing, you're so tight and hot and I can't believe— I cannot believe I'm so far inside you, I can't believe you like this, that this could feel as good for you as it does for me."

"Great," Tony says, starting to grind against him, and Beck moans, this perfect long, deep sound of pure pleasure that Tony's been waiting to wring from him. "Not good, great. What, you don’t hear that enough?”

Beck doesn’t say anything, just shakes his head; right, he probably hasn’t. Maybe hasn’t ever. “You’re so thick you’re pressing against everything,” Tony says. “Every single spot in me, constantly; I bet I could come just like this if I tried. And you’re so far inside me, deeper than anyone else has ever been.” 

He's starting to adjust to the feel of Beck in him, of that ridiculous, insane length inside him, that girth, so much pressure. Beck is watching him, his mouth open, and Tony wants a taste of that again. He leans forward, Beck rising up on his elbows to meet him, kissing hot and messy. Tony rocks on Beck as they kiss, little movements that still have Beck groaning into his mouth, fucking perfect. He pulls back, ready to get this show on the road, and then— has an idea, a really great idea, if he says so himself. If Beck likes the just the thought of being all the way in Tony that much, well...

Tony untangles his hands from Beck’s, leaning back and setting one behind him, against Beck's leg. Takes Beck's other hand and presses it to Tony's stomach, holds it there as he leans back a little further, shifts around, and— there, he thinks when Beck sucks in a sharp breath, right there. He grins at Beck, smugly, as he keeps Beck's hand there, right against the bulge of his cock inside Tony. "What the fuck," Beck whispers.

"Told you I was stuffed full," Tony says. "God, I am going to make you scream."

Beck licks his lips, so tempting. Presses his hand even harder into that spot and rolls his hips up, just a bit, but Tony moans at the feel of it. "Go for it," Beck says, an edge of something challenging in his voice.

Christ, that's great, he just knew Beck would be insufferable once he got his bearings. Fuck yeah. Tony snaps his hips up, Beck's breath catching, freezing in his lungs, and then it's on.

He should take his time with this, should go slow and careful and let himself adjust more. Should, and the first couple times he fucks himself on Beck's cock, he does, Beck making such pretty choked noises. But Beck's giving him this look too, this heavy, hungry look that's hot as fuck even while Tony wants to wipe it off his face, leave him unable to think. He gets close with the next rise of his hips, dropping back onto Beck fast, the full length of him so fucking good that Tony's almost the one that can't think. Gets closer when he starts riding Beck for real, working his ass on Beck's cock and this is going to ruin Tony; he can't wait.

Beck's panting, his hips moving in these sharp, short jerks, still trying to control himself as much as he can, trying not to hurt Tony. He still could, even like this; he's just that fucking big and something about that has Tony fully hard again, precome dripping down onto Beck's stomach. He's going to make this last as long as he can.

Which isn't as long as Tony's hoping, and not because he comes. No, it's his legs that give up first, protesting the way he's bouncing on Beck's cock, burning and starting to tremble, Tony getting a little less higher up each time. He settles onto Beck's cock the next go, giving himself a breather; grinds down, clenching around it. How can it just keep feeling bigger, wider? It's so deep inside him he can feel pressure in places that are entirely new. "Fuck," Tony says, "goddammit Quentin, you're going to wreck me. Going to fuck me up, get me so loose I'll never recover."

"Don't say that," Beck gasps, even though Tony can feel his cock twitch; that's amazing. The only things he’s ever had this deep are toys, and they can’t begin to compare to a real warm cock, to the person attached to it. "Don't want to hurt you."

"Did I say anything about hurting?" Tony says, rocking back and forth on him. "Did any of that sound like I don't want it? If I can sit down over the next few days I'm going to be heartbroken, you know."

Beck shudders, his hips snapping up, and Tony echoes his moan. "You're the biggest I've ever had," Tony tells him. "How the hell am I supposed to go back to something smaller after this?"

"Oh my god," Beck says. "You have the filthiest fucking mouth. Please don't stop talking."

Tony grins at him. "Don't you worry about that," he says. He clenches around Beck again, as much as he can and it feels like barely at all, like his ass has given up completely, too stretched out to even try. Beck groans.

Stares up at Tony, and there's this smile growing on his face, this— this fucking smirk. "You haven't made me scream yet," he says.

"You gotta give me a chance," Tony protests. "This isn't the sort of thing you should rush! I'm savoring having your cock in me." That's enough of a break though, and he is going to make Beck scream.

Maybe, he realizes a moment later, and has to laugh. "Alright," he says, "time for you to put in a little work." He grabs Beck's hand off his waist and settles it under his ass instead; Beck frowns at him, confused. "My legs are done for," Tony explains, and he cannot stand how hot that is, how much it turns him on that he literally cannot get off Beck's cock right now. That he's stuck there, impaled and completely at Beck's mercy, oh god. "So you're going to have to get your hands on me and fuck me on your cock yourself. Come on, get a good handful, you'll love it."

Beck gapes at him. "You— fuck, you can't— no," he says, pulling his hands away.

"No?"

"Try," Beck says, his eyes narrowed. "I want to see you try." Fuck.

He can bounce on Beck's cock a little, his legs shaking as he pushes up; can go a little further relying on his arms, but Beck is so big, so long, that Tony can't get high enough to lift off him. Can't even get to a point where he can feel the head of Beck's cock anywhere close to slipping out. "Jesus Christ," Beck breathes out. "I could just, just leave you there, just use you like a toy."

Tony moans. "Yeah," he says. "Fucking do it. Bet you can't even fit in a sleeve, but you fit in me, don't you." Beck's hands are on him then, cupped under his ass and raising him up; Tony goes limp in his hold, letting Beck do all the work. Letting Beck pull him up and up, until he's right on the tip, until it pops out of him, slow and loud and no, fuck no, he's never felt this empty in his life. He squirms in Beck's hands, feeling Beck's cock bump up against him, but not in him, not in him. "Don't," Tony gasps. "Put it back in me, fuck, need you back in me. Don't mess around, I can’t fucking stand being empty like this."

"God, give me a second," Beck says, and his hands are spreading wider on Tony's ass, his fingers catching at the edges of Tony's hole, gaping open so wide. "You're so open," Beck says, that snarky edge gone, just stunned and wanting, his fingers slipping in without even touching Tony’s rim.

"Please," Tony says, whines really. Tries to clench around Beck's fingers and they're not enough. "For fuck's sake, get your cock back in me."

“So pushy," Beck says, and then he shoves Tony over, Tony falling and landing on his back with a yelp, startled. Beck's on top of him a second later, catching his legs and pushing them up, and then he's sliding back in, one smooth thrust that's the best thing Tony's ever felt.

"Oh god," Tony gasps. "Oh fuck, fuck, just— yes," as Beck starts fucking him like that, pinning Tony down and taking him with these slow, long thrusts, almost the full length of him every time. Tony's going to die, he's going to straight up die because no one can feel this good for long. He's babbling something, barely even conscious of it until Beck kisses him, silences him and pants into his mouth as he fucks Tony. Nearly perfect, so near; "Harder," Tony mumbles against Beck's lips. "Harder."

He gets harder, he gets harder and faster and agonizing, these brutal thrusts that feel like they're splitting him open, like they could go right through him. He gets it and wants more, still more; like this, every thrust rubs against his prostate, Beck too big, too thick to keep from doing so, and Tony's going to fucking come like this. Going to just white out like this and dammit, Beck's going to make him scream. He clings to Beck, moaning, his eyes opening as he starts to feel that first unstoppable burst of feeling, spreading. "Fuck," he chants, “fuck!” and then Beck realizes, slows like he's not going to fuck Tony through it. "Don't stop," Tony manages, "don't— oh, god!”

It hurts, how hard he comes, hurts in the best way, spreading through him as he shakes and tightens around Beck's cock, comes on it just like he'd wanted since the second he saw it.

He has to tell Beck not to stop again once Tony's gone limp, has to tell him how much he wants Beck to keep fucking him, even as Tony whimpers helplessly with each thrust. "Not hurting," he tells Beck breathlessly. "Not— god please don't stop, need to feel you come in me, fuck it deep in there." He feels like Beck's turning him inside out every time he pulls out, is hollowing him out every time he pushes in, and it’s barely any time at all before Beck comes; Tony can feel it, can feel how Beck's cock twitches and pulses inside him, Beck shoving in hard. He can feel Beck's come filling him up even more, and he'd bet good money it won't work its way out for ages, so deep inside Tony it could get lost forever.

Beck's still too much of a nice kid; Tony thought it might have gotten fucked out of him, but post nut it comes creeping in. He tries to push up off Tony, pull out, and Tony's not having it. "Don't you dare," he says. "I'm keeping you in me as long as I can."

"Jesus, Tony," Beck mumbles, his face pressed along Tony's, talking into his hair. "Could stay in you forever, I can't believe how amazing you feel. I've never felt this good in my life."

"Told you," Tony says, and Beck laughs.

"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, you were right about that. You really could handle me. Fuck, I can't— didn't even know I could, didn't think I'd ever fit all inside someone."

He's going softer by the second, Tony feeling the lack acutely. "Screw not sitting for a few days," Tony says. "I'm going to be out of commission for a week. Incredible."

Beck shudders, turning to press his mouth to Tony’s neck, press soft, lazy kisses there as they unwind.

"I have to warn you," Tony says after a while, Beck having slid off to the side a bit but still heavy on Tony, not that Tony minds. "I am going to need a repeat. Several repeats. I mean, you can't expect me to be satisfied with anything less now. Not when you're on the menu."

Beck twitches, and Tony can feel him starting to smile into Tony's shoulder. "I think we can manage that," he says, and Tony is a lucky, lucky man.

[keith-the-hoe]

The Glimmer Hoes Master Plan| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: [X]

Episode Two: [X]

Episode Three: American Tour

Episode Four: [X]

Episode Five: [X]

Warnings:

This story will contain violence, sex scenes and a shit ton of foul language. It may also cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and fall into a state of confusion. Do not read if you are under the age of 16. Read at your own risk. Or Keef will eat your grandma.

Cast:

Mick Jagger

Keith Richards

Charlie Watts

Ronnie Wood

Bill Wyman

----------------

After the huge massacre in California, The Rolling Stones were on the run again. Keef was super ugly and devastated from his buddy, Mick, being brutally killed by the sus one. Who was going to sing for them? Charlie and Bill were sitting in the back seat with Mick's body next to them. Their van had broke down when they were out camping in the desert. So they elected Keef to push the van to the nearest town.

"Ah jeez..... Now who is going to be our whore front man?" Keef asked while he struggled to push the van over a speed bump.

"You do it" Billl said as he keep trying to get the body from touching him.

The Rolling Stones stopped by a mechanic shop that was also a coffee shop. California was burning hot. The sun was shining down on Keef so he took his clothes off. Bill and Charlie stepped out of the van and stood in front of the coffee shop.

"Hmm.... Some coffee wouldn't be so bad right now." Bill said to Charlie.

The only problem was, they didn't have any money on them. But Keef did so this whole sentence doesn't work at all. He took out a bunch of crumbled up dollar bills from his underpants. Penis money was what he always called it in case of emergencies. Bill didn't want to touch it so he told him to hold onto it. They walked into the coffee shop. There was no one in there but some weird guy with a big nose reading a news paper. They all sat down at the counter and waited for someone to attend them. A lady with a cheese ball outfit went up to them to take their order. Keef really wanted bananas. Bill and Charlie just ordered eggs and bacon like normies do at coffee shops. Keef kept spinning around his stool and noticed that the big nose whore was looking at them. He got sus so he just walked in the bathroom to take a piss. Or at least that what he made big nose whore think. Keef walked over to the mechanic shop to check on their van. Then he remembered that he left Mick in there. He went into a panic. Bill and Charlie had already taken him out of the van but didn't tell him. Keef searched the van but didn't see him in there. Charlie went outside to see what kind of shenanigans he's up to this time. Keef turned into a mad monkey.

"Jesus! Calm down you fooking dumb fuck of a monkey!" Charlie said. "If you're looking for whore Mick, we hid him behind the dumpster until the van gets fixed."

Keef just stared at him. He felt better now that he knew that his side hoe was okay. He walked around the mechanic shop and saw a bunch of car parts. He got a very good idea. He grabbed the parts, some oil cans, and his guitars. Told ya they might come in handy for later. Charlie stood there in confusion watching Keef once again do something stupid.

"Be hold!!" Keef yelled.

Charlie rolled his eyes at him. He seriously wondered why he's even in a shitty ass band with a very stupid monkey. Keith removed the tarp from his very fantastic creation.

"Wot in the actual fuck did you just make?" Charlie asked sounding annoyed.

Keef chuckled. "You dummy! It's Mick!" He said as he leaned on it only to knock it over. He has built a cyborg Mick as a replacement for the real Mick. Charlie was not amused. Bill came out of the coffee shop with the big nose whore holding a knife to his neck. He was pretty calm about it. Charlie panicked.

"Woah woah! Hey! easy there cowboy! Put the knife down! We can talk this through!" Keef said as he slowly walked up to them.

Charlie was examining the piece of junk. He was trying to figure out how it worked. Cyborg Mick smacked him hard in the head and did Jagger moves.

"Wot is that?" Bill asked as big nose whore held the knife closer to his neck. He remained calm.

Keef explained since they no longer had the real Mick, they could use a artificial one. He programmed it to be exactly like Mick. He even gave him a dick since Mick LOVES to be screwing around with random ass hoes. Charlie cut him off by yelling at him that Bill is being held hostage.

"Oh.... right.... that....." Keef said with a nervous chuckle.

He slowly approached them but big nose whore kept walking away. Keef threw a punch only to get his arm sliced by the knife.

"Owie! Damn! I need this arm to play guitar!! Son of a bitch!" He yelled as he threw a rock at Charlie.

"You play guitar?" Big Nose Whore asked. Bill used the opportunity to run to Charlie and jumped in his arms. Just imagine that though lol. Keef looked at them both confused but he ignored them. Cyborg Mick went up to Keef and big nose whore.

"Greetings, I am Mick Jagger, yes this Monkey whore plays guitar." He said.

Big Nose Whore put his knife away and began to laugh his ass off.

"Well why didn't you say so!? Bitch I play guitar as well!" He said.

Bill and Charlie rolled their eyes. Just what they needed, another dumbass. The van was up and running again. The Rolling Stones were relieved to finally have a working vehicle. Keef and big nose whore became besties and offered to give him a ride. The only thing he wanted to ride was- okay don't be nasty. He accepted the offer and hopped in the van. He sat next to Bill who was already annoyed by his presence. Cyborg Mick kept smacking Charlie in the head.

"Jesus! Keith get your damn sex robot under control!" He yelled.

Keith scratched his head trying to figure out why Cyborg Mick did that. He figured that he set it to fightey mode instead of normal Mick mode. He turned the switch which got Keith's balls kicked. He screamed in pain and Big Nose Whore just laughed at him. Charlie seriously wondered how he even ended up being stuck with a bunch of idiots. Bill also wondered the same thing. They also later learned that Big Nose Whore's name is Ronnie because of course it was. They also learned that he bites people. They had to find that one out the hard way. Keith began to discuss how they're going to be touring with a broken robot and a missing rhythm guitarist. Ronnie got a splendid idea. He drank orange juice. So really he didn't have a splendid idea. I know how to grammar properly.

"Assholes I can be your rhythm guitarist." He suggested.

Charlie said no. He was not about to deal with another dumbass that was going to kill his bestie. He just wanted to go home. Cyborg Mick yelled at Charlie to shut up and he doesn't get to make the decisions around here. A tear ran down his face. Cyborg Mick accepted Ronnie to be a part of the band.

"Sweet! So where are we headed?" He said with a wide smile.

Cyborg Mick started doing weird beeping sounds. Keef programmed him to be their GPS which he didn't even know he could do. They got directions to a small motel near a small town in San Francisco. They didn't question it and drove there.

"Ooooh motels are quite fun, they have all sorts of things to do there." Ronnie explained.

"I hate motels." Bill replied as he lit a cigarette.

"Oh shut it you! You love going there to screw every single girl you lay eyes on!" Keef yelled.

"I have a wife." Charlie said.

"Why screw girls when we can screw each other!" Ronnie replied.

The whole van turned into an argument about fucking people. Cyborg Mick just kept driving without saying a single work to them. He was super horny though, just like the real Mick. Only thing is, this one actually has a dick, unlike the real Mick. They parked in front of the lobby. The van went silent. The Rolling Stones all slowly looked at each other. Who was going to go in there and ask for rooms?

"Alright....." Keef said in a low voice. "In the count of three...... One-"

They all touch their noses as they yelled "NOT IT" even though Keith wasn't even at three. That meant that he had to go in there and ask for rooms.

"Ugh! Son of a bitch! Why do I have to do everything!? Jesus you all don't work for shit! The only thing you all are able to do is be a bunch of whores!" Keith said as he stepped out of the van. Then there was another problem. Who was going to share rooms? Bill and Charlie looked at each other. Guess they're sharing rooms. Keith stood in front of the lobby as the secretary checked for any available rooms. Turns out there was one room with a king sized bed and one with two singles. Keith sighed deeply and paid without any further questions. He walked over to the van to tell them about the rooms. Ronnie claimed the room with two singles. Cyborg Mick also claimed that room. That left with Bill, Charlie and Keith with the room with a king sized bed. This was going to be an awkward night. Bill and Charlie told Keith to fuck off. They didn't want a monkey to be sleeping in the same bed as them. Cyborg Mick put his arm around Keith.

"Me and you can share beds...." He said seductively.

Keith actually didn't mind sleeping in the same bed with Mick. He's his buddy and he's known him since they were in nappies. So he agreed to doing so. Bill hates them both so much that he is planning on doing some murdering. The Rolling Stones went to their room. Cyborg Mick went a little overboard and took Keith to bed with him. Ronnie just stood there eating Doritos that he found in the bathroom. Just another normal day for him.

"Oooh! Make sure to not scratch him up a bit with all of those metal bolts in there....." Ronnie suggested.

Keith just glared at him but then he got a stupendous idea. He removed his clothes. Ronnie was completely lost and wondered why he just did that. Cyborg Mick got turned on by such view.

"Wow! The Rolling Stones really are a wild band! I'm so glad I am a part of it!" Ronnie yelled in excitement. He looked around the room. There were a bunch of used rubbers stuck on them. Beautiful decorating. Cyborg Mick stretched his arm out and pulled Ronnie into bed. They all laid on top of each other and got really funky. Bill and Charlie, who were in a room over, were sitting on the bed watching the telly. Strange noises were coming from the room that Keith was staying in. Bill shook his head in disappointment.

"We haven't even been here for 2 seconds and they're already screwing around? Jesus can there be a-" Bill said as Charlie cut him off with a smack. Bill is a big hoe so the things he is complaining about are extremely irrelevant so he cannot be talking and that is on period 💅. They heard a loud boom outside where the pool was. Charlie was certain that Keith, Mick and Ronnie were up to no good so he went out to check. He saw a telly on the first floor. Turns out Led Zeppelin were also staying in those motels and were the ones who threw the telly out their window. Charlie hated them. He went back inside of his room only to see a naked Bill laying in bed with a bunch of rose petals and candles around him. He was genuinely confused.

"Hey babe..... Why don't you come over here and have some fun eh?" Bill said in a low voice.

Charlie just wanted to go home because according to him, he is happier there then when he is with the stones. Haha I'm using his words against him. He sighed and just went with the flow because Yolo. They really got into it up until they heard screaming from the other room. Bill and Charlie looked at each other.

"Oh wow, they seem to be having a very splendid and wild time...." Bill said.

Charlie rolled his eyes and decided to just ignore them. Keith bursted into the room. He was covered in blood. Bill and Charlie just stared at him with a scared look.

"I-its not wot it looks like....." Bill said with an awkward chuckle.

Keith was breathing heavily and couldn't gather his words. He just began to babble and making hand gestures and so on and so forth.

"Jesus! Use your words bitch!" Charlie yelled.

Keith finally calmed down. "That fucking robot piece of junk just tried to kill me!" He yelled.

Charlie looked at him from head to toe. He was seriously done with The Rolling Stones. He didn't even want to know why he was naked and covered in blood. Ronnie came running in also naked and covered in blood. Charlie just sighed in disappointment. Why is he in a band full of dumbasses.

"Why are you both naked and covered in blood?" Bill asked as he lit a cigarette.

Turns out Cyborg Mick was set in fightey mode instead of sexy time mode and had tried to kill them both by using chainsaws and cheeseballs. He managed to injure Ronnie which caused a whole bunch of blood splattering meaning that he is slowly dying. Charlie had to act fast because clearly these idiots are not going to do so. They all put their clothes back on but Keith couldn't find his pants. Too bad he deserves it. The Rolling Stones jumped in the van that had been vandalized by Led Zeppelin.

"Ughh those fucking hippie bastards!" Charlie yelled as he set the van to drive. Keith held Ronnie's hand. He didn't want to lose him. He has only known him for 5 hours. Ronnie didn't seem to have a problem about the fact that he got attacked by a Mick robot. He just kept smiling and bullied Charlie for having a unibrow.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & James

Ava: It's probably a lost cause Ava: but I lost my bracelet when we went out Ava: I remember having it in the first club but not after that Ava: If you're in the 2nd again, could you ask? Ava: No doubt it's long gone but James: I'll ring, I know the owner James: but I'll need a description, I don't remember what it looks like Ava: Thanks Ava: [sends picture like oh hey remember this face] James: [a long enough pause for him to have been trying to find this bracelet everywhere and she probably thinks he's fucked off] James: sorry, no joy Ava: Oh, no worries Ava: Cheers anyway, like James: did you go anywhere after? James: you could've had it on longer than you think Ava: I've already rang Kings, in case I left it in the dorm or something but no luck there either James: none with uber either James: kept me on hold for ages to let me know they don't have it Ava: Ugh, sorry Ava: Don't worry any more on it, it isn't sentimental or anything like that James: it was kind of a helping hand honestly, youngest liked the music they played, a very impromptu lullaby from an unexpected source Ava: Well, who knew hold music was good for anything but rage quits Ava: Unless they're now having a really angry nap James: 😂 James: that'll more likely be me later Ava: If you're lucky, yeah? James: if it hasn't run out Ava: Surely not James: they've both got some kind of hangover detector James: I'm sure you can imagine Ava: I've spent enough time with my nephew to know Ava: No sympathy from a toddler James: indeed Ava: Look, I don't know if I should even bring it back up but I'm sorry for how things went down that night James: I don't get caught up in regrets, remember Ava: I remember Ava: But I didn't Ava: I don't have bad intentions or anything, that's not me James: you've not struck me as someone who does Ava: How do I strike you? James: It was agreed I'd need longer than an evening to answer that Ava: I suppose Ava: First impressions can still be a thing James: it was a good first impression Ava: I'm glad James: but you're also sorry? Ava: I can't be both? James: you can Ava: So, you aren't sorry Ava: but are you glad? James: I can't be Ava: Yeah Ava: that's why I can't not be sorry James: It's me who should be sorry Ava: That's up to you Ava: if you don't do regrets you don't James: my actions don't only affect me Ava: I know Ava: Well, you won't get any trouble from me, like I said, not about that James: there's a line drawn under it James: you won't get any from me either James: [lies because you know he's bought her a replacement bracelet so she'll literally get that like the next day, boy we see you okay] Ava: Okay James: it was fun while it lasted, don't beat yourself up any harder James: the big glasses were cute but you shouldn't have to keep them on indefinitely Ava: Jesus Ava: Don't you know you're meant to pretend you didn't see that James: but walking around with your eyes & mouth closed all the time is very exhausting & I haven't had my nap yet Ava: I also have no sympathy for you, idiot James: I think you have some, but I don't blame you for not wanting to give it to me Ava: Nope, none Ava: I promise Ava: no space in my head James: oh Ava James: you have my sympathies, in that case Ava: Don't James: you don't want them? Ava: Let's say I don't do sympathies James: understood James: they are easy to get weighed down in Ava: and so rarely sincere James: it's reminiscent of wearing wet clothes, people only really want you to take them off in order to spare themselves the puddles James: they ask you if you're cold but they care about their floors Ava: Exactly Ava: and floors are more important 'round here Ava: and anything resembling sincerity is as unsightly as a damp mark on your new carpet James: the content I'll require for my English degree is writing itself Ava: Is that what you want to do, really? James: it's a question that'll get answered as often as it's asked Ava: How often do you get told what you want then James: daily at least Ava: How often does it come close James: it has yet to Ava: Oh James James: you don't do sympathies James: please never change on my account Ava: It could be empathy James: but is it? Ava: We'd need another night James: how many more bracelets have you got to lose? Ava: 😂 Ava: What kind of Chelsea girl do you take me for? James: you heard me say it was a good first impression Ava: 😏 I'd take a bow but can't risk losing any more jewels today James: we'll pretend you really did Ava: If that's what you're into, II James: what kind of Kensington boy do you take me for? Ava: Won't be the first to have a #scandal James: no trouble, need I remind you Ava: Just hypothetical, obviously James: you just hypothetically wanna know what I'm into? Ava: I just hypothetically hit the nail on the head James: if that's what you think, Ava Ava: Go on then Ava: Are you even gonna hypothetically tell the truth though? James: where's a hypothetical lie getting me? Ava: Away from hypothetical shame if it's weird shit Ava: I'm not one for hypothetical judgment though James: I'm not one for hypothetical shame Ava: Soooo Ava: 👀 James: I don't know, truthfully James: I'd need a whole hypothetical life, I suppose Ava: Fair Ava: It's a pretty bait question anyway James: you have an answer though, I can tell Ava: Singular? Ava: How rude James: 😂 James: because one leads to another not because you're hypothetically uninteresting Ava: Yeah, that's right Ava: about to be so hypothetically fuming James: you can have as many hypothetical apologies as you have interests, okay? Ava: No need to change on my behalf, however hypothetical James: what makes you think a personality change would be required Ava: Apologies are awful close to regret James: I'm not saying them to myself Ava: Try it out then Ava: See if I'm into it James: I'm really sorry I had to leave Ava: Me too Ava: but I don't think I'm about it, so you don't need to mention it again James: if you don't want me to, I won't Ava: I figure you owe enough sorries to more important people Ava: I'm good, honest James: I'm happy to hear it James: & not looking to mess anything up for you, hypothetically or actually Ava: I know Ava: You haven't Ava: it isn't my business so you know, no obligation to answer Ava: but why did you get married so young? James: because I had a baby to raise that young Ava: Yeah James: I wanted to do something that would actually help, at least shut up our parents because there was no silencing all the horrible things everyone else was saying James: It wasn't fair to treat her suddenly like public enemy number 1, not for that Ava: That makes sense Ava: I can see the logic James: It was a mistake we both made, I couldn't just leave her to it James: but I don't know, maybe we'd have both been better off if we'd approached it differently James: as parents but not a couple Ava: Well, it isn't permanent Ava: You can still do that Ava: Co-parent, that's not leaving her to it James: She won't let that happen Ava: It won't be easy Ava: It's weighing up if the now is worse than how invariably shit divorce is James: every time I try to leave I'm not allowed to see or speak to them until I go back James: she gets everyone on her side, including my parents Ava: If you go through official avenues, she won't just be able to do that Ava: She can't say you're unfit because you're not Ava: That's so shit and Ava: not right James: but she'll get my daughter to say that she hates me & doesn't wanna see me by telling her that's what I'm saying, I know she'll turn them both against me long before anything gets officially sorted out James: last time I walked out she told Jay so many things that aren't true Ava: She'd say that to a kid? Ava: Her kid? Ava: what's wrong with her James: I've given up trying to figure out everything that is Ava: You can't do this forever Ava: You deserve better Ava: you don't get to fuck someone over because you have a kid with them, imagine it reversed, how much of a bad guy you'd be then, it's no different just because she's the mum James: I'll send them both away to school when they're older, but for now I have to do this Ava: How do you do it Ava: How have you lasted this long, never mind how long that will be James: I see my children every day, it makes everything else bearable James: & I know they need that Ava: Yeah Ava: They're the most important thing Ava: but you matter as well, you can't Ava: I don't know James: for better or worse, right? Ava: You don't get to pick one each though, like James: I made my bed, Ava James: everyone told me not to marry her but I did Ava: 'cos you thought it was the right thing Ava: it shouldn't function as a lifelong punishment James: I never thought it was right James: I just wanted to be a better dad than I've got James: & that was the only way she'd let me Ava: That's a good reason Ava: even if it turned out not to be the best idea James: bad ideas have been around longer than she has James: I can't remember when I last had a good one James: I'd have been younger than you Ava: It's hard to make them when you have to commit to the worst, like Ava: you've gotta do something for you Ava: just 'cos you wanna Ava: or you'll lose it James: I will if you'll meet me for coffee James: I wanna see you again Ava: Okay Ava: I'd like to see you too James: tomorrow? Ava: I can do that Ava: What time, I have lunch at 1 or I can do after 5 James: lunch works Ava: Cool Ava: Looking forward to it James: I am too Ava: 😊 James: [when you're gonna have to go so far away for your date so you don't get spotted lol] Ava: [honestly should defs say its a school day so you ain't getting back for afternoon classes but that's not so wild anyone is like hello??? but start the sneaking as you mean to go on] James: [literally gonna spend half her lunch break on-route in the car cos London so we gotta but at least we can say it's an uber mood again so he's not driving] Ava: [I'll do some before 'cos like is he gonna show nerves] Ava: We still on for lunch time? James: nothing else has come up Ava: 👍 Ava: I'll book my ride James: I'll pick you up Ava: Are you sure? James: sure that we don't need 2 separate ubers going to the same place? yes Ava: fair point Ava: but I'll definitely get the coffees then James: no you won't Ava: The post came before I left this morning Ava: you really didn't have to do that Ava: but you did, so I can definitely get you a latte or whatever your particular shade of coffee is James: I didn't want leave you bracelet-less & me close to having a regret James: so I kind of did have to Ava: Well, when you put it like that Ava: thank you, it was one of my favourites actually Ava: didn't wanna push for that regret too hard though James: now you won't have to Ava: The coffee being bitter over the company definitely sounds like a better plan James: you don't have to order coffee, you know Ava: I'll probably get an iced drink of some description Ava: ☀🥵 James: too much sunbathing between classes? Ava: 😏 Ava: I'm sure the dons would say any is too much Ava: but I'm still pretty pale James: I'm correcting that to still pretty Ava: Gonna look like a 🍅 now James: who doesn't like 🍅? James: bloody marys are fantastic for one Ava: Now I know you have good taste James: in drinks at least Ava: and 🍅s thank you James: potentially everything but wives & uni courses Ava: Don't make me laugh because it's definitely not funny James: but hypothetically how smitten would I be if you did laugh? Ava: Oh, head over heels, of course Ava: like 👼s singing James: I thought so Ava: Don't wanna hypothetically disappoint James: it's not even hypothetically possible Ava: Your level of hypothetical trust is cute James: your level of hypothetical modesty is unnecessary Ava: Fine, but it's your fault when I don't fit my hypothetical hat James: I'll buy you a bigger one James: hypothetically Ava: You going to hypothetically redress me piece by piece? James: I'm not falling into the trap of you thinking I'm saying I need to James: there's nothing wrong with how you dress Ava: I'm not even hypothetically that sly Ava: Straightforward and to the point, yeah? James: it's what I like about you Ava: You're pretty good at it yourself James: game playing has never got me anywhere I want to be Ava: Games rely too much on chance and luck for my liking Ava: someone has to lose James: precisely James: as much as I'd potentially hate losing to you less than I would to lots of other people, it's still better as a hypothetical Ava: No games, I promise James: I'm taking that to also mean no more pool at the vault & you can't stop me Ava: 😱 Ava: You're really going to make me enroll just to get back in that VIP venue? Ava: Rude James: 😂 James: seeing you every day would be fun but putting fun ahead of all things academic gets you where I currently am in life James: I can't do that to you, even hypothetically Ava: You can hypothetically follow me for your next course Ava: I'm a great study buddy James: unless you're going abroad somewhere to study Ava: Unless you count SE as abroad Ava: lord knows many of our peers do 🙄 James: in that case, following you sounds close to a good idea Ava: 🤏 Ava: I'll find a way to hypothetically swing it Ava: the world needs your writing, II James: I've never been more devastated to have a job waiting for me that isn't strictly hypothetical Ava: I's doing, I suppose Ava: What are you going do instead of write your great novel about me? James: you'll have to look out for my self published works written by night under an obvious pseudonym Ava: I will Ava: Will you sign my copy? James: of course James: under your printed dedication Ava: I'll have to think of an excellent pseudonym myself James: can you do 1 other, simpler thing for me before then? Ava: I'm sure I can? James: order for me something you like James: I don't know what I want Ava: I like a challenge Ava: Okay James: do you want me to tell you if I don't share the liking of it or not? Ava: 'Course Ava: 'cos I need to find you something you do like James: if time doesn't run out Ava: We can have more lunches too Ava: as well as evenings James: that'd be good James: I'd hate to only see you in the dark Ava: That's mutual James: if I wrote us meeting exclusively at night everyone would assume I'd decided on a vampire novel James: so I'm happy to hear it Ava: I think its making a comeback Ava: and I'd definitely buy you as an Edward Cullen type James: I have no clue if I should be flattered or offended Ava: A potentially complex issue, a complex character beyond the sparkles Ava: I just meant you'd be eligible for dreamboat status James: you're saying I should make a detour to buy the book or download the film to my phone right now or I shouldn't? Ava: Will we have time to watch it together is the real question Ava: Because I have to pop your 🍒 James: is it a 90 minutes is all you need kind of film or 3 hours of lingering close ups? Ava: 126 James: I can do that Ava: Yeah? James: skipping a lecture I have no desire to be in to further my hypothetical masterpiece of a novel in the early stages of its development, that's a fantastic idea Ava: 💡 Ava: Was bound to have one eventually Ava: Let's do it then James: you're claiming not to have had any before now? Ava: In my life, obviously Ava: but with you? 'close to a good idea' is as close as I've got so far James: I won't deny you the opportunity to get closer then Ava: Thank you Ava: You can find out if it's only hypothetical that I'm unable to disappoint James: I feel like I already know that Ava: You've had a taste Ava: but you can have more Ava: if you want it James: I do Ava: Okay Ava: Good James: but it's never going to be as simple as words like okay or good Ava: It could be Ava: I'm not saying all the time Ava: or even that we can always give 126 minutes to it Ava: but whatever we can James: you can't say all the time because I can't ever give you all the time James: I can't give you any more gifts or regular dates or even selfies Ava: I know that Ava: I'm not asking for any of that James: but you should James: because you're free to do whatever you want with whoever you want Ava: Exactly James: why this? Ava: because you need somebody Ava: and I like you James: oh Ava Ava: It is as simple as that James: I'll try that out, see if I can believe it Ava: I know nothing else is but Ava: why not Ava: I want to and you don't need to buy that or promise time you haven't got James: for as long as you want to then Ava: for as long as you need me then James: no because James: my life isn't going to change Ava: James James: you don't know what she's like but I know everything she's ever done or is likely to do Ava: People like that don't stop, I know that Ava: they have to be stopped James: there's no stopping her Ava: Well there's no stopping me either and I'm on your side James: you don't need this Ava: I told you, I like you Ava: I won't just turn my back on you James: I can have this car turned around, you don't have to do anything Ava: Of course I don't have to Ava: and neither do you, not with me Ava: you don't owe me anything, I'm just telling you how it is for me Ava: and I want to see you James: I want to see you too, more than when I originally said it Ava: Good Ava: Then don't turn around, yeah? James: I always do the wrong thing, I don't want to, to you James: so if you don't want me to turn around, I won't Ava: I want you to do what you want, that's all Ava: even if that was turning around, which, undeniably, would be shit but I'd survive Ava: but you wanna come, I'm almost 100% James: understood Ava: Okay Ava: I've got a great urge to tell you I'm not insane but that makes me sound more so so I'll just Ava: 😶 James: you haven't once struck me as being & I have some experience, as it were Ava: That's alright then Ava: It's a comparison I don't need, you either, I'm sure James: just don't insist I marry you & it won't ever need to be made Ava: Easy Ava: Got my word James: if only I had your skill at losing jewellery Ava: It is a talent, definitely; but unteachable? Nah James: now you've got a great urge to teach me something James: okay Ava: So many whims, only so much time Ava: Lucky I'm an excellent teacher James: very novel protagonist-esque, honestly James: you're earning your page space Ava: If fictional me gets slated as dull I'll have to change my pseudonym and run away James: you couldn't be hypothetically dull if you actually tried James: never mind close to anything else Ava: You always know just what to say yet I still believe it sincere James: it is sincere James: from the kings head shaving horror stories until now Ava: I'm confident believing it, and you Ava: because boys who always know what to say always say the wrong things James: maybe 126 minutes later I will have Ava: That's okay Ava: a mix of right and wrong Ava: that's real Ava: anything other and you're definitely up to something Ava: 😇 or 😈 either way James: I gave you a real tour the moment you asked for it, that's 😇 Ava: It felt it James: I'm not going to leave in the middle this time James: strictly end credits Ava: Don't promise Ava: that's practically begging fate James: well that's the last thing I want, my lips are sealed Ava: Your lips are Ava: 😈 James: if that means yours have to be described as 😇 I'm fine with it Ava: See? Ava: You're too good with words James: they're a very prominent feature, I couldn't help but notice Ava: I like that you notice Ava: Do it some more James: because I'm not sure I could stop if you didn't like it, it's a relief that you do Ava: Don't stop Ava: then I don't have to either James: very fair Ava: 😇 James: how far can we push that angelic streak to one side because I'm here early James: can you leave? Ava: Lessons are barely real at this point in the summer term and it isn't as if I've been paying any attention all day so Ava: Give me 10 to 'fake' needing to go lie down James: I'm not having any PTSD symptoms from being here quite yet James: take as long as you require Ava: Honestly Ava: Least it is undeniably too hot for the blazer so I won't trigger you into leaving without me James: I'm undeniably sure the way you wear it wouldn't make me wanna leave Ava: God, you are so distracting and fully aware what you're doing to me right now James: in 10 minutes, or preferably less, you'll have a car to lie down in should you suddenly really need to James: meaning I regret nothing Ava: Bad man Ava: The blush is admittedly helping my case here James: I'm not gonna lie & say if you aren't still wearing that I'll go without you but James: I do want to see it Ava: I'd say there's 0% chance of you not seeing it and a full 100% of me being unable to hide it James: 🍅 right, of course Ava: The dangers of being pale Ava: why I need this tan Ava: obviously James: how far does it go? is 😳 going to colour in your tan lines like a modern art piece James: if so that's a must for my book cover Ava: Well now we have to see how inspiring you find it Ava: even if you can't take any 📸 James: physically no, but mentally I'll take so many Ava: You're too pretty for photographs anyway Ava: you don't even look real in person James: how can you say that about another person when you look like you belong on a chapel ceiling or somewhere equally beautifully crafted? Ava: I Ava: I'm just Ava: on my way James: you can't miss me, the engine's on & the song choices are questionable James: it's very low profile Ava: Got to get the driver onboard, for future 126s James: I'll ask him if he has any knowledge of the Twilight soundtrack Ava: 😂 Ava: It goes hard, FYI James: he looked at me like he's a believer about that James: absolute Ava: Then we won't have to invite him to our viewing party Ava: Thank God James: it'd be taking politeness to new heights James: he is going to play it for us though Ava: I'm gonna tip him so hard James: It's taken care of by me James: you've agreed to hypothetically buy out everything in this coffee place in search of something I'll enjoy so Ava: Okay Ava: so if you're being polite then can I be slightly 😒 at his presence 'cos I really need to be alone with you right now? James: it's a reasonable request James: more so than the one I'd like to ask of you Ava: Go on Ava: There's clearly room and time for the unreasonable James: Ava, I hear how much you don't want to waste any of the borrowed time we're basically forced to be on, but can you please walk slowly for my mental picture gallery Ava: [Does, obviously] James: [😍 clearly as the twilight soundtrack begins to blast from this vehicle so casually] Ava: [and what a mental image that is, doing a mini run at the end 'cos excitement and nerves] James: [it's fine cos we all know he'd have to resist the urge to lowkey drag her into the car despite what he said, looking like you're getting snatched from the school gates lol] Ava: [thank God your teachers are useless and we can but hope there's no window some kid is staring that hard out] James: [just staring at her taking all those mental 📷s again though as soon as she's in] Ava: [the blush is so real and she knows it] James: [if she's blushing already wait until the kiss he initiates because obvs it'd be as hardcore as their first one but like it'd be so much more intense not only cos he wants her more but also because he wants more time to do this now. Everything would be so slow and deliberate like he's gotta savour every possible way he can kiss her and every possible tiny reaction each thing he does has] Ava: [well enjoy boy because she will be dying in all the ways like there's no hiding from the casual anticipation that has built up here] James: [they both just die there and then #plot twist] Ava: [or this driver reports you 'cos you've just picked up someone from school and started getting it on lmao, luckily you not being paid to think so shh] James: [oh my god imagine, please just drive and groove to the epic bops thank you sir] Ava: [she's 17 now we're so fine lollol] James: [he does not know that but I hope James does] Ava: [he's done a stalk, her bday wasn't that long ago in the feed] James: [true, I hope you had an epic bday babe] Ava: [no doubt baby, so we've got a pretty good plan of their afternoon plans, is there anything else we wanna say went down?] James: [good question, realistically they'd probably run out of time but also I am highkey so I'm like give them forever lol] Ava: [I assume he usually picks Jay up from School 'cos unless Chloe wanna turnt up at the gates why would she, so that'd be 3.30 say so they've got from 1ish, Chloe would still have the baby and thinks he's in class so we do have a fair whack of time] James: [not gonna let you waste all of that trying everything on a coffee shop menu, don't worry guys] Ava: [although a moment you need all the moments] James: [gotta find him something he genuinely likes cos his missus be ordering for him everywhere they go] Ava: [oat milk flat white] James: [chin chin gals] Ava: [But yeah I don't think we need a Chloe interruption this time 'cos he'll have a time he has to go anyway so suck it bitch] James: [there will be plenty of opportunities to do more of them anyway] Ava: [when your wife is controlling and crazy] Ava: [I was thinking for when we get the whole 'I don't think Jay is his' moment rolling, maybe if she finds out he's cheating again or whatever she does the typical 'she ain't even yours!' and maybe she's done it before so James just thinks she's bullshitting 'cos she's crazy but Ava is like hmm shall we like explore that though 'cos it's not 'neither of them are yours' it's always just Jay] James: [that is actually perfect though] Ava: ['cos it can escalate when she inevitably finds out it's Ava 'cos sleuthing or maybe at some point they wanna be out 'cos fuck it and she's taking it way more personal than any other girl and it's like why though so then the Buster link can come out even if she accidentally drops it 'cos so mad] James: [we all know Chloe is that bitch 100%] Ava: [🙌] James: [do we wanna do any more convo like once he had to leave or shall we post it and move on] Ava: [I'll do a lil bit 'cos straightforward, highkey and cute tbh] James: [allowing it] Ava: I hope I didn't make you late at all Ava: and that your girls like the Twilight soundtrack James: if they don't they've inherited their mother's bad taste & they've got bigger problems ahead than me being a few minutes late Ava: Obviously Ava: but I'm just saying, don't be too disappointed, no one can like it as much as you 😏 James: I don't believe that you don't like it as much as me Ava: It is more than just a hypothetical that I enjoyed myself Ava: soundtrack included but not my favourite part James: I couldn't possibly be disappointed by anything else knowing that Ava: Disappointment is not in my vocabulary right now James: you won't need to add it back in on my behalf Ava: I believe that James: when can I see you again? Ava: You tell me Ava: There are four more films James: 4? Ava: They split the last book into two, such a gimmick but you know James: I promise not to do that when I write yours Ava: Well, if I get to play myself maybe I won't mind the exposure 🤔 James: I'm not sure that I want to play myself James: in which case I would mind the increased screentime you'd then have with whoever does Ava: There's no finding anyone else with eyes as blue as yours Ava: Gonna blow the special effects budget James: 😂 Ava: I'm so serious Ava: and jealous James: I'll describe your eyes as bluer & your skin as more tan, if you like Ava: I like your candor, remember Ava: More than I'd like to be remembered as tanned and having the bluest eyes James: I'd like to remember you exactly as you are Ava: Don't say we have to leave it that long to see each other again James: not quite Ava: My parents have a 4-day business trip Fri-Mon, you could come over at some point then? James: the weekend is not going to happen but I can make Monday work James: Friday possibly Ava: Okay Ava: Not quite coffee shop level but we've got all sorts for you to try out James: you sounded like your brother then, almost James: not that he's ever propositioned me in exactly the same way Ava: Awkward Ava: I'll try and avoid that then😬😂 James: awkward will be if your parents haven't decorated since I was last there Ava: Thankfully they have Ava: and I haven't insisted on taking his room James: or your sister's? Ava: Spent loads of time in there too? Ava: no, I've got my own room James: not with her, obviously James: but you know how parties tend to overspill into every room Ava: 'Course James: are you going to have one? Ava: Undecided Ava: I'll have some people over at the weekend but it might be pretty chill James: is Teddy included in the some people? Ava: I don't know Ava: Would you like him not to be or? James: I don't know Ava: I get that it could be weird Ava: It's strange thinking how close you used to be with Buster James: but that was basically another life James: for me & for him Ava: Yeah Ava: well, I don't have to invite him, like I said, I don't even know what I fancy doing yet James: it's up to you Ava: I know Ava: It's James: it's not my business, Ava James: I shouldn't have asked Ava: No Ava: It's not not Ava: I know things are complex but I don't feel bad for her, you know Ava: I don't feel bad for doing it James: me either but not only because of the no regrets thing Ava: So it just feels weird to feel like guilty or something around your brother when I'm not Ava: He doesn't need to know and won't but it doesn't need to be any weirder than it would be if I dated any of my friend's siblings under more 'normal' circumstances James: understood Ava: Yeah? Ava: It's hard to explain James: I'm following it Ava: Not saying we are dating or Ava: you know James: I can't have a girlfriend, but if I could Ava: Really James: you'd be a good choice Ava: but I ain't James: why not? Ava: I don't know Ava: never mind James: Ava Ava: Ignore me, I don't know what I mean Ava: It's not important James: I don't want to ignore you Ava: Okay Ava: but we can talk about other things James: any topic you want Ava: Hmm Ava: Tempting but vague James: I assumed you'd prefer it over boring & specific Ava: A fair assumption Ava: What are you doing tonight though, ell me about your boring and specific James: I can't pinpoint specific dad duties as such, not with these two James: I could be gluing a doll house back together or walking an imaginary dog Ava: A handyman and a dogwalker Ava: either way, never a dull moment James: & that's without factoring in the possibility I could be dragged to a dinner party or subjected to guests arriving expecting champagne & nibbles with no prior knowledge or warning James: on any night James: how are you spending yours? Ava: Of course Ava: Expect no less from this town's leading socialite Ava: I've been summoned to a catch-up and 'homework' sesh as I didn't get back for last period Ava: the amount of messages, assumedly missed the second coming 🤷 James: I'm surprised you're not assumed to be too 'sick' to go James: maybe you shouldn't play yourself in my film either Ava: 😧 Ava: Um rude Ava: Maybe you need to try harder to make me 🍅 James: starting Friday or starting now? James: because how I would in person is not what I'm going to be able to do here Ava: Admittedly both sound intriguing James: so let's do both James: [sends her some kind of 💣🔥 sext because words are all they have as we all know what'll happen if you start sending pics, then she will and it's a whole dangerous thing] Ava: Oh Ava: and I was trying to avoid the cliche of telling you I missed you already James: there's no need to dismiss every cliche off hand James: some of them are good Ava: Some of them are very good Ava: remember when you write your book James: you'll remind me, right? James: I think we can assume too that writer's block isn't one of the enjoyable cliches Ava: I'll do my best Ava: Some protagonist I'd be otherwise James: very fair James: I'll do mine, in turn Ava: I have every faith in your way with words Ava: You've not gone wrong there yet James: [sends her another text because why not obvs, not like you're a busy man with a fam having an affair or anything] Ava: [God bless the multitask] Ava: James James: yes? Ava: It's going to be a really hard wait 'til Monday James: I'll fit you in Friday James: even if it's only an hour Ava: If you're gonna make it sound like a dentist appointment 😏 James: not the most original excuse but it'd still get you out of school Ava: Cheek 😂 Ava: My excuses are A* James: I don't doubt it James: but I don't want to find out by having you use any on me Ava: Just for you James: okay James: there's no excuses needed to keep posting selfies, is there? so I'll see you every day until Friday actually Ava: Of course Ava: Be dead suspect if I didn't tbh Ava: Can you post one? Ava: Even if you're in the background fulfilling whatever role is required at that precise moment James: for you, I will Ava: 😊 James: look out for it Ava: No.1 fan right here James: you're joking but you're not wrong Ava: Am I? 👀🤔 James: aren't you? Ava: I'll never tell Ava: Got to keep some mystery or who's gonna want to turn the page James: oh you want a mystery at the heart of this James: I see Ava: Does that not gel with your plan for the plot? James: I'll incorporate it after a quick brainstorm Ava: Hot James: 😈 Ava: Mhmm James: you're hot, I'm just lucky Ava: How so? James: to get to spend any time with you Ava: Oh please Ava: You're very good company James: most people are capable of being for a few hours Ava: Who do you know? Ava: Have to introduce me 😏 James: 😂 do you mind if I don't? Ava: I think I'll manage James: I'm happy to hear it Ava: For now, I need to be filled in on the gossip Ava: tell you if any of it is story-worthy James: do your work too please James: I'd like to follow you to a good uni Ava: Are you telling me what to do now? Ava: Don't hate that James: it's a nicely worded suggestion for now Ava: Noted 😇 James: you're going to be good then? Ava: I promised I'd be no trouble James: I know you did Ava: And I'll try really, really hard to keep that promise Ava: even if you make that difficult James: I'm trying really hard not to get in the car & come find you James: I don't think I have to tell you how difficult that is Ava: Damn responsibilities Ava: We can have all Monday though Ava: think about that when it gets tough Ava: I will James: I am Ava: 💙