#Turned out more vent-y than I expected but I still really like the effect overall

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Cream Puffs

(TW: Suicide)

Choux Pastry: Yields 12 small choux

75g egg yolk

30g butter

35g sugar

40g flour

35cc milk

40cc water

A pinch of salt

Blood, sweat, tears

Start up a fire. Let it lick your fingers. Dream about burning on a stake.

Mix water, milk and butter and salt at medium heat.

When the butter has melted, watch it bubble and think about how life has passed you by.

Turn off heat. Sift flour in and stir until a dough has formed.

You have done this recipe until you know it in your fingers, in your joints, in your bones, like the inexorability of life.

Start up the heat again. Cook until a film forms on the base of the pot.

Freeze up, just as it's time to take it off the fire. The ache in your chest is just too strong.

Put dough into a metal bowl. Add eggs in 4-5 parts and mix well.

Do not cry. There is salt enough in the dough.

Pipe the dough onto a tray lined with baking paper.

Did you forget to preheat the oven again? Failure. That's all you'll ever be. Worthless.

Put the tray in the oven at 200°C for 12 min, then 190°C for 10 min

Move on. Keep moving. Don't think, don't linger, don't let it get its claws in you.

Custard Cream: Yields filling for 12 small choux

3 eggs

250ml milk

25g flour

30g sugar

75ml whipped cream

Heart, soul, body

Cook milk on low heat until simmered.

There is a numb aching in your chest. It cannot be filled with dough or custard or fire. Only a knife.

Mix eggs and sugar until pale and fluffy. Sift in flour.

Where did all the time go? Where did it all go wrong? Where is the child you used to be? 

Add in milk in 2-3 portions. Mix well.

You used to be full of life. You used to laugh. Everyone liked you better back then.

Straining through a colander, pour uncooked custard back into the pot.

You haven't baked in so long. It probably doesn't taste nice. You should just throw it all away and kill yourself.

On low heat, stir custard until thick and glossy. Take care not to burn it.

Nobody will come to your funeral. What use are you, if you are not smart and pretty and good at everything you set your hand to? 

Pour the custard onto a plate covered in cling film. Wrap custard in cling film and place ice packs around it to cool it.

Nobody will love you, not when you are sad and weak and desperate.

Whip up the cream.

Work yourself until your body breaks, until you burn the hollowness away and replace it with brilliance. Work until the voices shut up.

Add whipped cream to custard in 5-7 parts. Mix well before adding each part.

But the voices won't ever shut up, will they?

Assemble and Serve: Yields 12 small choux

12 choux shells

Custard cream

Strength to carry on

Take the choux out of the oven. Accidentally burn your arm as you do so.

Don't you wish you were burning alive? That horrible, pervasive feeling incinerated?

With a chopstick, poke holes at the base of shells.

Don't you wish that were you? A stick jutting from your ribs, ready to be filled with sweet goodness and eaten alive?

Put custard cream in piping bag. Pipe cream puffs and plate them.

Don't you wish—

Push the thoughts away again. They got the better of you for a moment. It will not happen again.

Bring plate of cream puffs out to the party, where your friends and family wait eagerly.

Do not break down.

Do not cry.

Do not show weakness.

Take a single cream puff for yourself and hold it close to your chest.

Eat it and smile. It tastes nice.

Clean Up: Yields nothing

Dirty dishes

Calloused hands, burned by the oven

Willingness to do what must be done

Wipe down the kitchen counter.

Was it worth it? All the effort for that little thing? Everything was gone so quickly.

Dust sieve of flour. 

Was it worth it? To see them appreciate what you made? To see them appreciate you?

Wash dishes.

Was it worth it? To try and fail to fill that void in your chest? It will only take more, you know.

Scrub the pots.

You can cry now, if you'd like. Nobody will see. Nobody will know. Nobody will care.

Hang everything up to dry.

The evidence is all gone, like you'd never made something beautiful at all.

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

oh right taglist

Taglist: @coffeeangelinabox, @dorky-pals, @calliecwrites, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @shukei-jiwa

@thewingedbaron, @pluppsauthor, @cowboybrunch, @wylloblr, @possiblyeldritch

@tragedycoded, @finickyfelix, @urnumber1star, @ratedn, @ramwritblr

@vampirelover890, @possiblylisle, @illarian-rambling, @the-ellia-west, @differentnighttale

@evilgabe29, @glitched-dawn, @rivenantiqnerd, @dragonhoardesfandoms,

@abiteofhoney @drchenquill, @everythingismadeofchaos, @dimitrakies, @beloveddawn-blog

@riveriafalll, @the-golden-comet, @rascaronii, @trippingpossum, @real-fragments

@unrepentantcheeseaddict, @the-inkwell-variable, @paeliae-occasionally, @an-indecisive-nerd, @thecomfywriter

@seastarblue, @wyked-ao3, @bookwormclover, @oliolioxenfreewrites, @aalinaaaaaa

@the-letterbox-archives (Anyone else who wants to get added can tell me in the comments, pm me, or send me an ask about it!)

Cream Puffs

(TW: Suicide)

Choux Pastry: Yields 12 small choux

75g egg yolk

30g butter

35g sugar

40g flour

35cc milk

40cc water

A pinch of salt

Blood, sweat, tears

Start up a fire. Let it lick your fingers. Dream about burning on a stake.

Mix water, milk and butter and salt at medium heat.

When the butter has melted, watch it bubble and think about how life has passed you by.

Turn off heat. Sift flour in and stir until a dough has formed.

You have done this recipe until you know it in your fingers, in your joints, in your bones, like the inexorability of life.

Start up the heat again. Cook until a film forms on the base of the pot.

Freeze up, just as it's time to take it off the fire. The ache in your chest is just too strong.

Put dough into a metal bowl. Add eggs in 4-5 parts and mix well.

Do not cry. There is salt enough in the dough.

Pipe the dough onto a tray lined with baking paper.

Did you forget to preheat the oven again? Failure. That's all you'll ever be. Worthless.

Put the tray in the oven at 200°C for 12 min, then 190°C for 10 min

Move on. Keep moving. Don't think, don't linger, don't let it get its claws in you.

Custard Cream: Yields filling for 12 small choux

3 eggs

250ml milk

25g flour

30g sugar

75ml whipped cream

Heart, soul, body

Cook milk on low heat until simmered.

There is a numb aching in your chest. It cannot be filled with dough or custard or fire. Only a knife.

Mix eggs and sugar until pale and fluffy. Sift in flour.

Where did all the time go? Where did it all go wrong? Where is the child you used to be? 

Add in milk in 2-3 portions. Mix well.

You used to be full of life. You used to laugh. Everyone liked you better back then.

Straining through a colander, pour uncooked custard back into the pot.

You haven't baked in so long. It probably doesn't taste nice. You should just throw it all away and kill yourself.

On low heat, stir custard until thick and glossy. Take care not to burn it.

Nobody will come to your funeral. What use are you, if you are not smart and pretty and good at everything you set your hand to? 

Pour the custard onto a plate covered in cling film. Wrap custard in cling film and place ice packs around it to cool it.

Nobody will love you, not when you are sad and weak and desperate.

Whip up the cream.

Work yourself until your body breaks, until you burn the hollowness away and replace it with brilliance. Work until the voices shut up.

Add whipped cream to custard in 5-7 parts. Mix well before adding each part.

But the voices won't ever shut up, will they?

Assemble and Serve: Yields 12 small choux

12 choux shells

Custard cream

Strength to carry on

Take the choux out of the oven. Accidentally burn your arm as you do so.

Don't you wish you were burning alive? That horrible, pervasive feeling incinerated?

With a chopstick, poke holes at the base of shells.

Don't you wish that were you? A stick jutting from your ribs, ready to be filled with sweet goodness and eaten alive?

Put custard cream in piping bag. Pipe cream puffs and plate them.

Don't you wish—

Push the thoughts away again. They got the better of you for a moment. It will not happen again.

Bring plate of cream puffs out to the party, where your friends and family wait eagerly.

Do not break down.

Do not cry.

Do not show weakness.

Take a single cream puff for yourself and hold it close to your chest.

Eat it and smile. It tastes nice.

Clean Up: Yields nothing

Dirty dishes

Calloused hands, burned by the oven

Willingness to do what must be done

Wipe down the kitchen counter.

Was it worth it? All the effort for that little thing? Everything was gone so quickly.

Dust sieve of flour. 

Was it worth it? To see them appreciate what you made? To see them appreciate you?

Wash dishes.

Was it worth it? To try and fail to fill that void in your chest? It will only take more, you know.

Scrub the pots.

You can cry now, if you'd like. Nobody will see. Nobody will know. Nobody will care.

Hang everything up to dry.

The evidence is all gone, like you'd never made something beautiful at all.