#Tried to use reverse image search but I guess I suck at this kind of thing and I couldn't find any source

[charnauk]

I had this page saved in my drafts for a while but I forget which issue it's from. Does anyone know? The art style is so cute!

Basically I was trying to make a collection of Reed being obsessed with ~*cube*~ for my own amusement. (I like how his 1610 counterpart also shared this trait, but the results of his obsession obviously turned out more disastrous)

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

Just to make thing clear:

My sister is about to work for start-up from a company. Both their websites are utter trash, but the main company's main website should function as a hub for all their projects and it just sucks on so many levels, it's alarming for a company that positions itself as a huge global highly-succesful TECH-ORIENTED company.

They have shit contact information and the location my sister is heading to is literally unfindable.

They all have, obviously, the same CEO.

My beef is currently with this CEO for blatantly lying on both websites by using misinformation: fake employees and fake investors.

Three corrections:

Prohibiting a renewal of a domain doesn't necessarily have to mean that it's due to a legal case. I think. I am asking around. It's an option, though, so we are keeping it in the back of our minds. There's no concrete proof that this is the case for this company and its assets, though.

Only the start-up's website claims to be made by AI, not the main one. That one is just terrible, probably done by humans.

Two of the previously found fake employees are definitely stock photos. But the whole "IT GOT WORSE." thing kind of applies to our third employee and things spiralled.

So here goes.

This employee cannot be found anywhere else, not even as a stock photo, but just straight up nowhere. My friend who also found out about the domain thing tried to find a source of this image.

This led them to ANOTHER WEBSITE from the same main company, with partially the same (real) people, and this site says they're based in Dubai!!!!

The fact that this more well-done and more up-to-date is not linked to their main website it wack. This new website seems more like a newsfeed about their many start-ups.

This supposed unfindable employee, let's call her Miss X., is heavily featured on this website in an article all about her work for another company that specialises in AI.

It's also maybe easier to just call her Miss X. cause I have seen two different spellings of her first name and 4 possible variants of her last name. Wack. One of those last names is the same last name as one of the definitely fake employees.

This article has a new photo of Miss X. and when you reverse image search it, you get a GPT made by the CEO. It is unclear if this GPT is made my Miss X. and the CEO just publishes it under his name, or if Miss X. IS the AI.

The article on the news website writes about her as if she's a real person and her field of expertise is the same as the one listed on the start-up's website, so yay. But really, why is she nowhere to be found? She supposedly was a finalist for a huge legit tech competition, but I cannot find any evidence of that. Really, maybe I haven't found it, but shouldn't this be a big headline somewhere? This tech competition is MASSIVE.

Also this GPT is about fitness. Random.

So I looked up this AI company Miss X. supposedly works for and it has a website that's as shallow as the others, a LinkedIn page with 0 followers that posts the same MSN news articles and DRUM ROLL PLEASE more lies!

There are 4 testimonies of companies that love the AI company's work and you guessed it, 3 of those 4 testimonies use stock photos and 3 of the 4 companies cannot be found easily. The only photo that isn't a stock photo might be an AI photo (remember this!) and the only company that I can find is the start-up my sister will work for. BUT AGAIN, THIS SUPPOSED CIO THAT RAVES ABOUT THE AI COMPANY'S WORK DOESN'T EXIST. So there are 3 stock photo employees after all.

This AI company has showcased an AI model who seems, on first look, to share an etnicity with Miss X. which kind of raises my suspicions that Miss X. is AI generated as well. So now I have two potential AI photos of people.

And this AI company is from the same CEO as the company my sister will work for. This, in the end, was easily traced back to the main website, so there are no lies or omissions about the connection on the main website, but the AI company's site really positions itself as a big company with a lot of partners but all those partners are start-ups owned by the same CEO. Not necessarily illegal or anything, I think, just kinda misleading.

This AI company namely presents itself as having a lot of business partners and I recognise those business partners from the main company's website. I didn't immediately recognise the AI company, even though it is on the website, cause I have already established that this main website is trash and not worth going through. All the start-ups I clicked on have literal unfinished sentences in their bios.

But this does mean that this CEO has ANOTHER start-up that shows blatant lies on its website.

And here's the thing: if they were clear cut templates, then you can argue that they just haven't finished their website yet, but a) the domains of some are years old. Who is allowing this to go on for years? The main website was last edited this month and the start-up's somewhere last year so it's not like these templates are super new and they haven't gotten around to editing their website. I cannot find a template of the AI company, but that has been edited last month. b) things HAVE been changed from the original template. I would know, because I found the original template of 2 of the 3 shitty websites. And even if I didn't, the fake testimonies are clearly written about this AI product. c) YOU DO NOT FUCKING PUBLISH AN UNFINISHED WEBSITE????? WHAT IDIOTICY IS THAT???

Just to clarify: I have no proof that Miss X. is an AI, so she's human until proven otherwise. There is an e-mail for her, with, of course, another last name, but again I also cannot find anything on her. There is a possibility she just has zero social media presence, even though the start-up website claims she does, but we've also already established that all websites are filled with blatant misinformation.

I'm pretty certain my sister is getting scammed HEAVILY and I need to fucking tell her before she moves to the other side of the world to work for this "company"

[remmushound]

Rise/bay 23!! @brightlotusmoon @errorfreak88 @selfindulgenz

Donnie ran out of his room in an excited frenzy. His feet tip-tapped the happy dance he always did when he found a discovery. The light in his eyes, the flutter in his heart. The warmth overwhelming him. He ran right over to the cuddle pile, hesitating only to eye the strange scene curiously before prodding Donatello’s forehead.

“Mm?” Donatello’s eyes opened in an angry scowl at being disturbed.

“Hey!” Donnie was beaming, his eyes shimmering like dark pools of shiny chocolate, “Hi— here— here take a look at these!” 

Donatello grumbled through his sleep-heavy state and ignored the pictures shoved in his face, covering his muzzle with his arms to block out the light.

“Wha— hey, come on! I think I found your April!”

Donatello hardly heard him, and the fuzz of his mind wasn’t sharp enough yet to care. As the bickering continued with Donnie’s mouth running like a motor trying to wake up the sluggish softshell, Raphael opened his own heavy eyes and started to listen in. 

“Ugh! Make it stooooop!” 

Leonardo reached over and prodded Donnie where his tail would have been under the pants, making the box turtle yelp and fall forward. 

“There.” Leonardo snuggled back in against Raphael, “I found the off switch.”

Raphael was fully awake now and slowly started to untangle himself from his brothers. When he stood, the absence of his immense form made Michelangelo and Leonardo roll suddenly and slam into Donatello on either side. None of the three seemed to care. Raphael gave himself a minute or so to stretch and pop his joints before positioning himself behind his brothers, low to the ground. He sucked in a good deal of air, and then belched it back at his brothers.

The reaction was immediate. Screams of terror as the scent overwhelmed them and the panicked scrambling as his brothers tried to escape the stench. Their feet scrambled helplessly on the floor for a minute as the slick floor held them in place. Michelangelo was the first to find his footing, then Donatello, and lastly Leonardo. All scrambled to different corners of the lair.

“AH OH MY METAPHORICAL GOD!”

“THAT’S DISGUSTING!”

“DISHONOR ON YOU, DISHONOR ON YOUR FAMILY, DISHONOR ON YOUR COW!”

“You’re up now, antch’a?” Raphael laughed. “Whatchu got for us Don?”

“What? I don’t have anything for you.” Donatello answered.

“He meant other Don, Don.” Leonardo nudged his brother in the side, “Maybe we should mark you with paint or something— Don 1 and Don 2.”

“Not funny, Nardo!”

“No, it is extremely funny.” Leonardo laughed continuing to prod Donatello playfully.

“Nardo, if you keep doing that I’ll—“

“You’ll what?” Leonardo stuck out his tongue and bounced between legs as he continued to poke Donatello and avoid his swatting hands.

“Eh, ignore them.” Raphael smiled as he rubbed his neck and turned to address Donnie, craning his neck over to look at the pictures the box turtle reluctantly offered. “You found something?”

Donnie squeaked at the closeness of the snapping turtle’s head to him and pulled away quickly, dropping the photos in his panic. Raphael picked them up and his eyes lit up once he located the reason for the images.

“That’s April!”

That simple declaration was enough to make the other three forget about their playful bickering and hurry to Raphael’s side. The mutant held the proof of April low enough for his brothers to be able to look comfortably. Cheers sounded off seconds later.

“Yeaaah!”

“That’s April!”

“Oh, she’s okay!”

“Looook!” Leonardo prodded a finger against the paper at April’s chest, “She’s got the orb!”

“Ohh I hope she’s okay!” Michelangelo piped, crawling to hang over Leonardo’s shoulder.

“Time stamps from an hour ago.” 

“Do you know where she is now?”

“Can we get a pizza on the way to find her?”

The smaller mutants started to swarm Donnie with their questions, but Raphael was quick to separate them and give the box turtle some space.

“This is the last I saw of her— she was heading into an alley and I can just kinda see her going up the fire escape.” Donnie said finally.

“Hey, isn’t that where dad was?” Leonardo pointed out.

There was a symphony of agreement.

“I didn't see her come back down though, so she’s probably still up there.” Donnie said, “Unless she found a different way down, which I don’t see why she would…”

Donnie gave yet another yelp as Raphael’s hand fell onto his shoulder. Raphael laughed.

“You’re a jumpy one arencha?” He gave Donnie a few comforting pats to try and reassure him, “Great work Don! You don’t know how much this means to us.”

Donnie’s eyes glimmered with astonishment at the genuine praise.

“Yeah, that big head is good for something after all.” Despite the insult, Donatello’s words came off as a good-natured joke as he circled around Donnie and leaned his head on the box turtle’s shoulder.

“You’re one to talk, peanut head!” Leonardo laughed, “Your head looks like Stewie Griffin’s in reverse!”

“Ha ha.” Donatello faux-laughed, “Very funny, Leon.”

Donnie shivered as Michelangelo scrambled up his shell, using the older turtle’s tech for hand and foot holds. “You’re so smart, other Donnie!”

“Uh— heh— thanks?” Donnie’s cheeks hurt from smiling so wide. 

Raphael whistled, and his brothers all dislodged themselves from Donnie to heed his call. “Come on, Mad Dogz! April needs us!”

Another uproar of agreement sounded.

“I have an ideeeahhh!” Donatello purposely exaggerated the last word, “Let’s take the turtle tank!”

That suggestion sparked a series of cheers. 

“You do have a turtle tank right?” Donatello asked, his brothers excited cheering still sounding behind him.

“Well— yeah— but—“

“Great!” Donatello didn't let him finish, and Donnie couldn’t help but wonder if it was on purpose.

“Wait— you’re not really supposed to…” Donnie’s voice only got softer as the cheers drowned him out and the other four set off searching for the tank, “Take it out of the lair without… oh never mind.”

Donnie followed reluctantly after them. 

When they finally found the room they had been searching for, Leo blocked their path before they could enter. While the rest of the brothers stared at Leo— Donatello annoyed, Michelangelo concerned, and Raphael confused— Leonardo was quick to confront the box turtle.

“Hey guy, we were trying to get through there you know.”

“I know.” Leo crossed his arms pointedly.

“What, you the new door? Cause I’m not really seeing any working handles.” 

Leonardo pretended to look all around Leo for a handle before returning to stand in a similar stance as the older shinobi, except more relaxed. 

“Waiiiiit~ Are you like the sphinx? Gotta answer a riddle to get past you and if we get it wrong you just stare at us disappointedly!” Leonardo said the last part of the sentence in a low voice that tried to mimic Leo, standing up a little straighter and making sure to be loud. “Waitwaitwait, lemme guess: What’s green and uglier than a half-drowned mutant mole rat? And the answer is you! What’s my prize?”

Leonardo cupped his hands together and batted his eyes innocently, standing on one foot as he posed.

Leo didn't even address the annoying slider. “Donnie. What are you doing?” He asked slowly.

Donnie’s head shrank slowly into his shell. “Sorry Leo… I tried to stop them.”

“He spotted our April.” Raphael explained calmly.

“And so you thought you could just bully my brother into taking you out to get her?” Leo pulled up to his full height to try and tower over Raphael, even if the difference was only a few inches.

“Wha— bully?” Raphael frowned, not flinching at the attempt at a threat and looking more concerned for Donnie than for what Leo could do for him, “I didn't mean to bully him— did— did I?” 

Raphael looked back at Donnie with soft eyes. Donnie was looking incredibly guilty, his eyes locked on the floor as he sniffled softly and adjusted his glasses. Raphael gave a long, almost mournful sigh and approached Donnie.

“Gee, I’m sorry. I didn't mean to press you into anything.” Raphael apologized, “I just really wanted to find our April.”

The rest of the collection of mutants muttered similar apologies, Leonardo even giving a bow to the box turtle. Donnie looked to Leo to make sure he wasn’t the only one made uneasy by this strange situation. Leo seemed to carry a similar sentiment.

“Don’t worry— we’ll go out and find your April.” Leo said finally when he was able to, “But you all need to stay here.”

“Stay here?” Leonardo shot back, “Why?”

Leo was more than happy to challenge the slider again, almost glad he finally got the mutants attention. “My brothers and I know this city better than you.”

“Yeah, and we know our April better than you! And you’re not my leader!”

At a simple touch on the shoulder from Raphael, Leonardo immediately calmed down. “We won’t get in your way.” Raphael addressed Leo.

“You better not.” Leo said after a hesitation, so used to an aggressive remark that a kind one threw him off guard for a moment. “Suit up Don. We roll out in five. You two as well!” Leo called across the lair to Raph and Mikey.

“What?” Leonardo turned to Raphael with a hushed voice, “You can’t be serious!”

“I’m not.” Raphael whispered softly out of the corner of his mouth. “I said we wouldn’t get in their way, and we won’t. Never said we weren’t going.”

Leonardo understood immediately and gave a soft laugh, punching Raphael playfully in the shoulder. “April, here we come.”

[incorrectdanganronpaquotes]

Incorrect Danganronpa Tales: “Technical Difficulties”

Jabberwock Island, some time during SDR2…

Byakuya Togami paced back and forth in the central computer room for the Neo World Program. Before him, two of his fellow Ultimates- Makoto Naegi and Toko Fukawa- awkwardly waited for him to say something, having been called here several minutes earlier. It had been three weeks since the group had come to Jabberwock Island, rebelling against the Future Foundation in the process; Makoto, unwilling to see the captive Remnants of Despair executed, had sought to use the technology contained in this very room- the Neo World Program- to reverse the brainwashing inflicted on the 77th Class by Junko Enoshima. The program had been activated this morning and was now running independently, the Remnants’ bodies lying dormant in nearby stasis chambers; the screens throughout the room displayed various images of the simulated Jabberwock Island, showing the students walking around in the virtual environment.

“So what’s this about, Togami?” asked Makoto. “Is…something wrong?”

“S-shut up!” exclaimed Toko angrily. “Master Byakuya will speak to us when he’s g-good and ready!”

After another long moment, Togami finally stopped his pacing and turned to look at his two classmates. “Makoto,” he said, “are you trying to kill me?”

Makoto blinked. This conversation had immediately taken an unexpected turn. “Um…no?” he said cautiously, not sure if this was some kind of trap. “Why would you-”

“Because I am going to have a goddamn heart attack!” shouted Togami, causing both the others to jump backwards; this was easily the angriest they had ever seen the Ultimate Affluent Progeny, including that time Yasuhiro had accidentally touched his bare skin.

“Again, I really don’t understand what’s going on,” protested Makoto.

Togami, rather than speaking, simply pointed to the nearest screen. Makoto turned to look…and took a step backward in shock. The screen, which had previously displayed a beautiful tropical paradise, now showed an island with overcast skies. That wasn’t the worrying part, though; the worrying part was the fact that, rather than the adorable rabbit mascot designed by the program creator, the students of Class 77 were now being addressed by a suspiciously familiar black-and-white teddy bear. All of the students looked visibly alarmed by what this bear was saying.

“Do you know what that is?” asked Togami.

Makoto stared at the screen, the ever-so-familiar feeling of dread slowly overtaking him. “I don’t know, I mean…I guess it looks a little like Usami, or…?”

“That,” said Togami, “is a despair-themed virus overtaking the entire Neo World Program- something that should not be possible unless the firewalls specifically designed to counter such a virus were somehow disabled. Makoto, who was the last one to use this room?”

Makoto’s eyes went wide, the magnitude of what was going on finally hitting him. “Oh god. Byakuya, look! It was my first day on the job, my first time even in this room! I don’t know how to use a supercomputer!! All I did was push some buttons!”

Byakuya looked around in enraged confusion at the control room; every single piece of equipment was touchscreen based, courtesy of the facility’s ultramodern design. “H-how is that possible?!” he exclaimed. “How is that possible?! There are no buttons in here!!”

“Well, that sucks, because I pushed them!” exclaimed Makoto, now shrinking away in terror.

“Well, great!” Togami exclaimed sarcastically. “I don’t know how to fix this! And,” he added, rounding on Toko, “when I woke up this morning and tried to call the only man who could, I found out he was stabbed in the face! Do you know who stabbed him in the face?”

This time it was Toko’s turn to come to a horrifying realization. Her mind flashed backwards to her last mission with the Future Foundation, where she and Komaru had been sent to retrieve stolen documents believed to have been in the possession of Junko and the Remnants. While following the trail of evidence the two girls had encountered a man who had referred to himself as the Ultimate Tech Support, who refused to let them search his shelter for clues and became violent when they tried to force entry; it was around this point that Toko had been overtaken by Genocide Jill, who then- by Komaru’s account- entered into a fight which ended with at least one pair of scissors embedded firmly in the man’s skull.

“B-b-but master, I don’t understand!” stammered Toko. “H-he must have been working with the Remnants! He knew about Junko’s d-documents!”

“You mean the manual on how to fix this place?!” snapped Togami.

There was a long silence following Togami’s words.

“W-wow,” said Toko finally. “What are the odds?”

Togami buried his face in one hand. “How did none of you peons manage to recover any of the documents?!” he exclaimed.

It was at this point that Makoto decided he was going to stand up for himself, in the futile hope that this would somehow fix things. “Well, for starters, you sent two of us after three terrorists!” he exclaimed.

Now it was Byakuya’s turn to look embarrassed; his mind flashed back to Yasuhiro’s decidedly unsuccessful mission to pursue the third potential suspect. “Well, that’s…not entirely true…” he admitted.

At that moment, Togami’s cell phone began to ring. After checking to make sure that the security protocols necessary to keep the Future Foundation from tracking them were still active, he answered. “What do you want?!” he snapped.

“It’s Kyoko,” said the familiar voice on the other end. “Hina and I have a lead on the documents. We’ll keep you updated as we go.”

Byakuya sighed. “Well, it’s good to know that someone besides me has their act together today.”

“Oh, and by the way,” added Kyoko, “if you can at all resist it, try not to tell off Makoto too badly for this.”

Byakuya rolled his eyes. “Listen,” he said, as if explaining the situation to a child, “I understand that the two of you are dating, but I really don’t think you should be protecting him in this case, considering that he’s just jeopardized-”

“Who said anything about protecting him?” asked Kyoko, her tone of voice now hardening. “Believe me: when I get back to the island, I’m going to be one to yell at him. Over and out.” And with that, the phone clicked off.

“Was that Kiri?” asked Makoto, eager for news about Kyoko. “Is she okay? Is she coming back soon?”

“Oh, she’s fine,” said Togami, a smirk spreading across his face. “Tell you what: I’m feeling generous today, so I’m letting you off the hook for this.”

“R…really?” asked Makoto, now certain this was a trap. “Because I mean, I’m pretty sure this is kind of a big deal.”

“No, I understand,” said Togami, his smirk now somehow seeming to stretch beyond the boundaries of his face. “Plenty of people have difficulty with computers. You just head back to your dorm room and wait for Kirigiri; I’m sure she’ll be very happy to see you.”

With that, Togami turned and strode from the control room, leaving Makoto and Toko more confused than ever.

[A/N: So yeah, this is the kind of idea I had for Incorrect Danganronpa Tales; a lot of the dialogue is Incorrect Quote (mostly the middle section, in this case), but I also added original scenes when I felt the official dialogue didn’t work well, wanted to establish context, or just thought it would be funny. Let us know if you like this, and if so we might do more in the future! - Mod Snake] 

[one-of-us-blog]

The Pilot (Doctor Who S10E01)

Today Drew is forced to watch and recap “The Pilot”, the first episode of Doctor Who’s tenth series, which is also the final series of Doctor Who he’ll be discussing for this blog. The Doctor’s settled into an easy life as a professor at a university, but his teaching career is cut short when a young woman named Bill enters his life and he gets dragged into some interstellar drama taking place between her and her girlfriend. Can the Doctor get to the bottom of all of this? Can Bill handle the extraordinary world she’s stumbled into? Who’s going to grade all of the Doctor’s papers while he’s away?

Keep reading to find out…

Eli, as always, you’ve knocked it out of the park with your latest recap! I’ve always had some fond memories of this episode, mainly because I really like imaging the sorts of shenanigans Sophia would get up to in a cloister, and the running joke of her having a steady stream of best friends who either die, get put in a home or move in with family. I agree that the B plot was really wacky, but I enjoyed Rose and Blanche taking the law into their own hands in the search for vigilante justice. I personally think the next episode is a real slam dunk, and I hope you enjoy it! For now, though, I’ve got one more series of Who to get through, and it’s time to get started!

Buttocks tight!

Episode directed by Lawrence Gough and written by Steven Moffat

We start off on Nardole, who’s whirring like a robot for some reason, escorting a young woman (Pearl Mackie) into a fancy office. The office has all sorts of interesting things in it, like a desk atop which sits headshots of Dr. Professor River Song and Susan Foreman (the Doctor’s granddaughter) and a jar full of old sonic screwdrivers. Oh, also, the TARDIS, sporting an ‘out of order’ sign, is sitting in the corner. The young woman is about to inspect some of the screwdrivers when she’s startled by the Doctor shredding on his guitar. He introduces us to the woman as Bill Potts, and we find out a few key details. This office is at a university, and the Doctor is posing as a professor who gives really bitchin’ lectures. Bill isn’t a student at this university, instead working in the school’s cafetorium. Oh, also, Bill is gay as hell, and not in the lame, queerbaiting Clara/Jane Austen way the show tried to pull off in previous series. Despite not being a student, she’s made a habit out of sitting in on the Doctor’s lectures, and the Doctor wants to know why. Bill does a bit of fat-shaming about a girl she used to have a crush on instead of explaining why she’s sitting in, before finally admitting she just likes the Doctor’s lectures. Bill wants to know why she’s being singled out here, since lots of people sit in on the lectures, and the Doctor explains that he liked the way she seemed to get excited about things she didn’t understand instead of getting frustrated. Bill turns the tables and asks the Doctor a question of her own; he’s been working at this university to 50 – 70 years (depending on who you ask) and she doesn’t exactly understand what it is he’s supposed to be teaching. The university just sort of lets him do whatever he wants, and he’s cool with that. He makes a crack about Bill’s career as a french-fry gourmet and she’s ready to get the heck out of there, but then the Doctor eagerly offers to be her private tutor despite her not being a student.

After the credits, we get a montage of the Doctor lecturing while Bill whips up some mean fries and then sitting in on the Doctor’s lecture. At the allotted time, she meets the Doctor for their tutoring session. Bill talks with her foster mom and meets a cute lady with a weird eye, before eventually catching a glimpse of Nardole and the Doctor running off somewhere together. She follows them and winds up in a creepy basement, where she overhears Nardole chastises the Doctor for getting involved with her. Bill makes some noise and almost gets discovered, but manages to sneak out while Nardole and the Doctor are doing whatever they’re doing. Back outside, she catches sight of the cutie she met in the club. She asks about the young woman with the star-shaped defect in her eye. Bill picks up on the woman’s distress, and she asks her to join her somewhere. The woman admits she’s not a fan of London and wants to leave it, and says Bill might be able to join her. She takes Bill to look at a puddle which shouldn’t exist; it hasn’t rained in a week, but the puddle hasn’t dried up.

The young woman, Heather, asks Bill to study her reflection in the puddle. At first Bill doesn’t get what all this is about, but then she realizes her reflection is somehow wrong. Heather promptly dips, much to Bill’s disappointment, but promises to see her again. On the other side of the puddle, a spooky voice refers to one of the girls as the Pilot, and says a link has been established. Later on, Bill gets the Doctor a rug for Christmas and the two talk about Bill’s dead mother. At home, Bill gets passive-aggressed by her foster mom, who suddenly finds a box of pictures of Bill’s mother that no one noticed before. Surprise, surprise, Bill catches sight of the Doctor in one of the pictures. At the start of the new term, Bill seeks out Heather and finds her staring at that weird puddle again. Heather asks Bill to study her reflection again in the creepiest way possible and she promises not to disappear on her again, but she’s gone when Bill gets close to the puddle. Unbeknownst to Bill, Heather is stuck on the other side of the puddle and she doesn’t look happy.

Bill confides in the Doctor about Heather and all her oddities, and that weird puddle. The Doctor runs off to investigate, and Bill’s hot on his trail. She finds him studying the puddle, and he knows there’s something off about the reflection, too. The puddle is reflecting their images, but the reflection isn’t reversed the way it should be. The Doctor figures out that the water isn’t reflecting them at all, but mimicking them. He finds some scorch marks nearby, and tries to get Bill out of the splash zone. Whatever’s living in the puddle has plans of its own, though, and begins a pursuit. She thinks her foster mom is in the shower, but then she calls from a bar. So who’s taking a shower in Bill’s bathroom? Well, no one, it turns out, despite it sure seeming like someone’s in there. Bill inspects the water running down the shower drain, and sees Heather’s weird-ass eye glaring back at her. She runs to consult with the Doctor, but before she can reach him a sopping wet Heather appears behind her. Heather’s being weirder than normal, though, and is only mimicking everything Bill says to her. Also, it seems that she’s producing the cascade of water dripping off her all by herself, and Bill comes to the conclusion that Heather is some sort of drowned ghost.

Bill runs inside and makes it to the Doctor’s office, but Heather Alex Macks her way under the door as a puddle. The Doctor takes Bill inside the TARDIS to keep Heather’s moist hands off her, and, after a moment, Bill gets her first view at the inside of the blue box. Heather begins to attack the TARDIS, so the Doctor takes off and he, Bill and Nardole, who just got out of the shitter, wind up in that creepy basement from before. The basement holds a super secret vault that the Doctor’s been guarding all these years, and the Doctor thinks Heather is after whatever’s inside. Bill thinks that’s farfetched, since the vault’s been here for half a century and Heather’s only just turned up, but the Doctor doesn’t give a lot of credence to coincidence.

Heather appears and shrieks after them as they run into the TARDIS, which makes the Doctor pretty sure she’s after them and not what’s in the vault. The Doctor wants to see how far Heather will go to reach them, so he takes the TARDIS all the way to Australia. Bill’s struggling with all of this jumping around, and the Doctor does his best to help her cope. The Doctor gives her the lowdown on him being an alien and why the TARDIS looks like a police box, but this is interrupted as Heather abruptly appears. Everyone heads back into the TARDIS, and this time the Doctor takes it to the other end of the universe and millions of years into the future. Surprise, Bill, this thing’s a time machine, too! Bill soaks in her first steps on an alien planet, while Nardole wonders if Heather actually wants to hurt them. The Doctor’s pretty sure that’s a safe bet, as most of the things he encounters are dangerous. The Doctor does some lightning fast deduction, and guesses that the scorch marks around the puddle are from an alien ship taking off. The puddle that got left behind is some kind of space engine oil, but it’s intelligent, somehow. Heather has a desire to leave wherever she is, and when she looked into the puddle it recognized her as a pilot that could use its abilities to bop around the universe. It sucked her in and turned her into whatever she is now.

Bill glances at a nearby puddle, and Heather pops right out of it and tries to suck her in. The Doctor manages to get her into the TARDIS, and decides to really test her limits by taking the TARDIS through the deadliest fire in the universe. He tosses Nardole his own sonic screwdriver and tasks him with running interference while he and Bill run out into a war zone. They run into a Dalek right after seeing Heather, and try to trick the Dalek into blowing Heather up. Heather takes the Dalek’s blast like it’s nothing, just as a different Dalek starts chasing Nardole. Bill and the Doctor are cornered by a Dalek, but this Dalek is actually just another imitation generated by Heather. The Doctor points out that Heather could have killed them with the Dalek’s weapon, and implores her to simply leave them in peace. She won’t go, though, and Bill remembers that in her last exchange with Heather she promised that she wouldn’t leave without her. That last thought is still in Heather’s mind, and it’s compelling her to track Bill down and take her along on whatever journey she has planned.

The Doctor says Heather isn’t chasing Bill so much as she’s offering her an invitation, and that Bill has to release Heather from her promise. Bill does, and she and Heather share a moment despite the Doctor’s urging. Bill holds Heather’s hands, and Heather shows her the splendor of the universe as she sees it now. The Doctor says this is all a lure to get Bill to join her, and Bill finally manages to break free of it as she and Heather say goodbye to each other. Bill says she’s alright, but Nardole notices she’s crying; Bill says she doesn’t think they’re her tears.

Back at the university, Bill copes with giving up Heather’s offer to see the whole of space and time. The Doctor says they probably won’t see her again, and that Bill needs to forget about her time in the TARDIS. He tries to pull yet another memory wipe on her, but Bill’s watched some movies in her day and knows this kind of stuff when she sees it. She refuses to let the Doctor make her forget the only exciting thing that’s ever happened to her, but he’s set on making her forget. Bill asks him to put himself in her shoes and imagine what it would feel like to have someone steal his memories from him, and that does the trick. He sends her away, memories intact. The pictures of River and Susan, not to mention the TARDIS itself, all seem pretty insistent that he take Bill under his wing, but he insists that he’s made a promise to stay and guard the vault, and he’s going to keep it.

Bill, still thrilled and remembering her adventure, runs off for home, but finds the Doctor and the TARDIS in her path. He says that it’s a big universe, but maybe they’ll be able to find Heather again. He says what the hell and invites Bill to see space and time with him, and she leaps at the chance.

The End

~~~~~

I really liked this one! I thought it was a great introduction for Bill as a companion, and it’s especially great to have a queer woman of color as the Doctor’s companion. I like how spunky and curious Bill is, and I’m excited to learn more about her and how she’ll hold up under the stress of travelling with the Doctor as the series progresses. I’m wondering if Heather will be this series’ Bad Wolf, or if the vault is going to take that spot. Maybe both? Who knows! I don’t want to shit on Clara any more than I already have, but I have to say it’s very refreshing to see the Doctor with a new companion (or companions, I guess, since Nardole is apparently sticking around). I felt like the Doctor’s more relaxed, more fun personality really shone in this episode, and I’m loving Peter Capaldi as the Doctor more and more. David Tennant is still my favorite, but Capaldi’s wormed himself into my heart and if I had to assign rankings I would confidently declare him to be my second favorite Doctor so far. I feel like we’ve gone on a real progression with him, and seeing him transform into the Doctor he is today after starting out so gruff and rough is a real treat. I wish we got to found out why the bit of alien oil had been left behind, or if it was an accident or what, and I’m still not sure what’s up with Nardole. I guess he’s got a robot body? Could the Doctor not salvage his real body after Hydroflax’s body snatched up his head? I don’t know. Matt Lucas is a lot of fun to watch, though, so I’m willing to enjoy the ride with him.

I give “The Pilot” QQQQ on the Five Q Scale.

Tune in soon as Eli gets a big ol’ blast from the past with his recap of the next episode of The Golden Girls, “Mrs. George Devereaux”, and after that I’ll post my recap of the next episode of Doctor Who, “Smile”.

Until then, as always, thank you for reading, thank you for dripping and thank you for being One of Us!

[terresdebrume]

So on Saturday I mentioned that I was watching a play called La nuit de Valognes, by Eric Emmanuel Schmidt and told you guys that it has a lot of potential for shippers and, well, you probably guessed I love it already, but there’s more to it than just the shipping part.

Spoilers for the play, discussion of the impact of its main ‘plot twist’, of LGBTQ+ themes, and my personal history as a lesbian-who-didn’t-quite-realise-she-was-queer-until-long-after-discovering-the-play under the cut.

La nuit de Valognes starts out with a simple enough summary: five women (a duchess, a countess, a nun, a merchant’s wife and a romance novelist) who once loved Don Juan gather in a castle in Normandy to hold his trial and condemn him to either marry the duchess’ goddaughter (Don Juan’s latest conquest) or be sent to prison for the rest of his days (because nepotism was handy dandy like that).

The first act mainly consists of the five women discussing their affair with Don Juan. Most of them deny it ever happened (except for the countess and duchess) at first, but as time goes by, their memories come back, and you can tell the women present aren’t so much hurt at having lost their virtue as pissed off Don Juan left.

(In fact, by the end of the play, the merchant’s wife is quite clearly happy with what she got out of her affair with Don Juan.)

Toward the end of the act, Don Juan is left with Angélique, the girl he’s supposed to marry, who is very proud to have conquered Don Juan (through scheming but still) until she realizes he a) isn’t putting up a fight and b) is most definitely not in love with her.

In the second act, having realized Don Juan isn’t the womanizer he once was anymore (he played the part at the beginning of the first act, but it cracks once Angélique’s family is mentioned) and change his trial. From being tried for being, well, Don Juan, the guy goes to being tried for not being ‘Don Juan’ aka the mythical hyper sexual figure you guys probably already know about (if not, Wikipedia is your best friend). During this new trial, it is revealed that Don Juan hasn’t made any single conquest since he met Angélique’s brother, the Chevalier de Chiffreville (he doesn’t get a first name).

In the next six or so scenes, we see Don Juan and the Chevalier meet and grow closer, the Chevalier clearly falling in love with Don Juan while Don Juan himself is oblivious. At some point, Don Juan mentions that he doesn’t feel ready to let go of women, which causes the Chevalier to cut his ties to Don Juan without warning. Don Juan looks for the guy everywhere and winds up at the Chiffreville family’s house, where Angélique tells him her brother is busy drinking himself to oblivion and fucking an infamous local prostitute. Don Juan takes it badly and has sex with/rapes Angélique, who was earlier established to be her brother’s spitting image (1)

Later, the Chevalier provokes Don Juan to a duel, nominally so he can avenge his sister’s honor. However, when Don Juan refuses to fight, the Chevalier throws himself on his sword (2) and, in his dying moments, not only confesses his love for Don Juan but receives a similar one.

Chevalier: Don’t say [I love you] with words, they were dragged through too many mouths—say it with the eyes. … How well you say it. [...]

After this dramatic event, the play goes back to the ‘present days’ and Don Juan’s trial, where his judges, one by one, abandon charges. The nun decides to demand a divorce from God and gives a rather virulent atheistic speech. Then the romance novelist, who writes mutual pining without much resolution (from what the play tells us) goes kind of hysterical when Don Juan’s story with the Chevalier is compared to her novels.

The writer: My novels are stupid!

The countess, who is known (and disparaged) for her string of affairs, basically dismisses Don Juan for being too sentimental; and Angélique rejects him on the basis that she wants a man who will be possessive and jealous and ‘love her selfishly’ instead of the ‘we’re married but you get to do whatever you want while I promise never to touch another woman ever’ deal Don Juan offered her earlier.

After this, Don Juan leaves the castle—we don’t know where he’s going or what’s he’s going to do—and the play ends with Don Juan’s servant crying in despair when he realizes he has finally been paid after years and years of empty promises on that front.

There are many angles to take when looking at this play, some of them frankly not very satisfying—the general feeling that the women say ‘no’ but mean ‘yes’ is too in tune with rape culture and misogynistic discourse to be really palatable, and Angélique’s conception of love is, in my opinion, not a very healthy one unless you apply a sizable grain of salt to her last lines—but the one that attracted me was, you probably guessed it, Don Juan’s story with the Chevalier.

Yes, I know, it’s pretty much a textbook version of the bury your gays trope, and that’s just annoying—the play could totally have told a different story, though I’m not sure every writer would have handled it in a satisfying way either—but it remains my favorite aspect of the play, and the reason why this is, so far, my favorite play of all time (3).

I first read this play in high school—I think we were studying the ancient tradition of rewritings and transforming myths, and I think we can all agree that rewriting the womanizer as a man who fell in love with a man was a definite counterpoint to what mainstream media would expect, so it definitely had a place there. I wasn’t even out to myself at the time—although, as I’ve already mentioned, I think on a subconscious level I always knew I wasn’t straight—but boy, did that play appeal to me.

In the moment, I mostly looked at Don Juan and the Chevalier’s story and saw pretty much all the tropes I love in fanfiction. There was the mutual pining and longing, the oblivious partner, the jealousy who doesn’t realize (or doesn’t want to realize) what it is, and the heartfelt but ultimately tragic heartfelt confession of love at the end. My tastes have changes since then—I’m now aggressively into happy endings for queer characters, thank you very much—but at the time you literally couldn’t have written something closer to what I liked to read in my spare time. For real.

In all honesty, that love story still ticks several of my preference boxes.

Roughly ten years later, though, I think what keeps this play appealing to me is the fact that in the end, Don Juan’s not-love story with a man is his redeeming. When the story is told, the nun loses her faith in part because Don Juan’s story is so unfair (he finds love after so many years of messy searching and loses him just as soon), the romance novelist rejects the idea that doomed love stories are desirable or ‘the best’, the countess—who called him her teacher in ‘vice’—rejects him for not being an ass anymore, and Angélique refuses to marry him because his motive—to honor the cause his lover died for, even if only nominally—is too sublime.

There are so many—so many—instances, in literature and media in general, where someone falling for a person of the same gender is pretty much a doom sentence, when it’s not explicitly referred to as a bad thing (I would list examples but honestly I think a quick detour through Tvtropes will be enough to prove my point) but in this play it’s the reverse. Yes, Don Juan’s endgame situation still sucks mighty balls, and if you’re looking for a happy ending you should probably not look at this play.

But at the end of the day, Don Juan’s love story with a man is the very reason he’s forgiven, and that’s something that, combined with its position as the first play I saw with queer characters, is the reason why this text will always have a special place in my heart.

So, as you can imagine, seeing La nuit de Valognes on stage for the first time yesterday was a good experience for me. Not only do I love the text—honestly I kind of want to dig out my copy when I’m in France, and set to writing some meta about it because there are so many things to say about what’s a fairly short play, you guys—but the stage work was excellent. Okay, yeah, there were a couple stutters, but the actors all did a really good job, the directing was really creative and well handled. Don Juan and the Chevalier—especially the Chevalier—were especially convincing imo, and they really went for the kill in the romance story which is what the entire play rests on, so really kudos on them for that.

Also kudos on casting a LGBTQ+ dude in the Chevalier’s role (the actor is one of my male colleague’s husband, though I didn’t know that when I bought my tickets for the play) because, okay, that’s an amateur troop but it’s still nice to know, for one, and for two I think the Chevalier’s part probably resonates deeper for a queer man than it does for a straight one.

(I didn’t dare ask Fabrice about that. I’d like to know but not only am I AWKWARD with people I don’t know, you guys, there’s also the fact that this kind of question can be so wildly intrusive without meaning to it’s ridiculous. So, I didn’t dare ask but damn, I’d really like to know about his thought process in preparing for the role.)

Anyway, this is disjointed and not very coherent and mostly me throwing heart at a play despite its problematic aspects—don’t say I didn’t warn you—but yeah, I really wanted to talk about it with you. It’s been too long since I did that xD

(1) I don’t think it was consciously written as rape—at least I hope not—hence the use of slash, but the dialogue and the way it was played yesterday read more as rape than seduction to me. Plus, it’s pretty clear that Don Juan is having revenge-sex because he’s frustrated with the Chevalier’s obnoxious display of his relationship with the prostitute so consideration for Angélique is, at best, a secondary element of the scene.

(2) The double-entendre works in French, too.

(3) To be clear, I’m not a huge theater buff, but I did read/hear about a decent sample of plays during my studies, and La nuit de Valognes is by far my favorite.