#Tohru never 'explodes' but that's why she was so creepy to me

[longagoitwastuesday]

The curses want to do with Gojo what was done with Sukuna, and basically for the same reasons. The parallels between them keep increasing, further enhanced by the parallel between the structure of both worlds and povs

[turnupswritessometimes]

Scars - KyoRu - Fruits Basket - Oneshot

Title: Scars

Word Count: 3102

Description:   She had lied to him. Kyo wouldn’t have ever known – he never would have known. But it wasn’t like he meant to see. Really, it was her fault for leaving the door open when she was in the bath. He had only seen for a moment. That moment had been enough. It had been enough of a glance for him to see the silvery scars stretching over her neck and shoulder like lace. Scars that had come from him. His claws. * Set after the True Form arc. They say in the manga, Kyo doesn't leave any scars on Tohru, but I wanted to explore if he did. Hurt/comfort to a little bit of fluff.

Note: This is available on A03. I would post a link, but then Tumblr wouldn’t include it in search results.

She had lied to him.

Kyo wouldn’t have ever known – he never would have known.  But it wasn’t like he meant to see. Really, it was her fault for leaving the door open when she was in the bath.

He had only seen for a moment – a flash of her pale back and her long hair tied in a neat bun on the top of her head. She hadn’t even turned around all the way, before his face was burning and he was slamming the door shut with such force that it shook the walls. That moment had been enough. It had been enough of a glance for him to see the silvery scars stretching over her neck and shoulder like lace. Scars that had come from him. His claws.

She had laughed it off when she came into the front room in those oversized pyjamas of hers. Ridiculously cliché, button up at the front pyjamas like something out of a storybook. Of course, they suited her, and Tohru’s friends were right, pink really was her colour. That was good, because Kyo’s face was still much the same colour.

“I’m so sorry, Kyo-kun, I just wasn’t thinking!” she said, sitting down like everything was normal.

Shigure muttered something about Kyo being lucky, though his eyes never strayed from the game show rerun on the TV – Kyo hoped he was just leaning into that bizarre creepy Uncle joke. Yuki simply gave him a look of pure disgust and disdain – a more intense version of the way he normally looked at him.

“I didn’t damn well mean to see!” Kyo had snapped.

His eyes had flickered to hers as he said it. He couldn’t help glancing at her shoulder, though the scars were covered now. Just the thought of them made a lump appear in his throat, like he had swallowed a plum. A plum that seemed to dry out his whole mouth and send his head reeling.

So, he stormed out of the room.

Kyo couldn’t deal with all those emotions – rage, guilt, disgust, remorse – and his master had always taught him to just walk away when that happened, so that he didn’t explode. He couldn’t head to the roof. She knew he always stormed there, so he hid himself in his room, stormed across it and flung himself down on his bed and-

Brooded.

The moment was gone. He was alone. What now? He’d never been told what to do next. Calm down, he guessed. Easier said than done. Kyo sat there, one hand curved into a fist as he stared at the wall. How long did he sit here and stew in his own guilt and hate and loathing? It just sat there, washing through him like a wave – like he was floating in the ocean and was being dragged along by the tide.

He was drowning.

He heard footsteps and listened to them fade away. He swallowed, paying attention to the bile receding down his throat. It was still sore, like he’d swallowed a dagger. He fell backwards onto the bed and lay staring at the ceiling. The tree outside cast shadows across the blank white ceiling like reaching fingers.

So, take him already, he thought. If he couldn’t drown, then just take him away from here, and be done with it. He was lying on a book. It was digging into his back. But he couldn’t find the energy to move.

The footsteps returned. There was a knock at the door.

“No.”

The door opened anyway. Enough for him to get a glance of a big, brown eye. Like a Shiba Inu asking to be let in. She never listened to him.

“You saw, didn’t you?”

Tohru’s voice was soft. A strange mix of nervous, embarrassed and apologetic.

Kyo had meant to reply – that was why he sat up, but the bile surged up again and silenced his words. It was all he could do to clench his jaw and nod.

“I’m sorry, I-“ Tohru was opening the door all the way, stepping into the room. She stopped at the sound of his voice.

“The hell are you apologising for?” his voice was more of a growl than his usual bark. “It’s not your fault, is it? You’re not the reason you have-“ he couldn’t say it. “Just – shut up.”

It was a weak ending, he knew it. But what else could he say? There was nothing to make this better.

“I’m sorry that you saw,” Tohru’s voice had none of its usual quiver. When he looked up, he found a determined stare on her face. She was sorry – he could see in her eyes – but she wasn’t apologising. Which was infuriating – because it was the one thing, she did too much and the one thing Kyo told her not to do so much. Now she seemed to be taking his advice – and that made the corners of his rebellious mouth twitch upwards.

But then the anger returned.

“Are you sorry that you lied to me?”

She winced then. At the harshness in his voice, but she also didn’t hesitate. She had thought her answers through.

“I didn’t want to worry you,” she said.

Kyo slammed his fist against the headboard. His flash of fury, like a flash of lightning, had demanded to be let out. He was bad at controlling his temper – that was what everyone had always said about him.

“You should have told me, dammit!” he snapped. “You should have said – that I – I scarred you! Do you not get that?! That’s on you for life. I. Scarred. You. For. Life. It’s my fault – it’s my fault that you have –! You should hate me – you should punch me!”

He leapt to his feet and stalked over to her. Tohru’s face was blurred in his vision, but that was because of how close he was. Definitely that and not the fact the plum in his throat had exploded into mush. He could still see that her skin was pale, and she was swallowing hard, as though she was trying to keep the tears in her eyes spilling onto her cheeks. Her eyes were just two dark blurs, wide and staring back at Kyo.

But she stood her ground, her hands clamped at her sides and her jaw set.

He grabbed her wrist. It seemed pitifully thin underneath his fingers, like it would snap under his fury. He pulled her hand up, and to his surprise she resisted him. Clenching her wrist underneath his fingers. She was really trying, but he was stronger. Her pulled her fist up so that it hovered near his face.

“Go on!” he yelled and Tohru winced again, her eyes on her hand. “Hit me! Hurt me as much as I hurt you! Come on!”

His hand fell.

It was like a rock at his side and he was panting as he stared at her, searching for any sign of hatred. Any sign of bitterness. Because there had to be – she had to hate him. She just couldn’t be this nice and understanding. No one could be. The cat wasn’t meant to be treated with kindness. The cat was meant to be hated and why didn’t she hate him when he had hurt her – she was the one he had genuinely hurt –

Tohru had to hate him.

Her hand wavered in the air, a trembling butterfly.

It alighted on his cheek. Soft but cold. Steady but trembling.

“I can’t hurt you, Kyo-kun,” she said, her face sombre as though she were delivering bad news to a loved one. Something in her had changed. No, not changed, it had just come to the surface how strong Tohru really was. “Not when I know you never meant to hurt me.”

“I did,” Kyo’s voice cracked and he felt something drip down his cheek. “I did. I did want to hurt you.”

“That was just because you were scared. And that’s okay,” Tohru said. She was close, a shaking hand moving up to cup his other cheek. “It’s okay.”

His eyes were hot. Hot and itchy and he wanted Tohru to stop touching him – to get away from him, because she couldn’t see him like this. No one could see him like this.

No one usually saw him like this. No one had ever touched him when he was like this. Not when he was snarling and hissing.

But now Tohru was there – right in front of his face, even though his vision was blurring again. Much worse this time and he couldn’t stop the tears.

And Tohru could see. She could see everything. She could see the rage, guilt, disgust and remorse, but she wasn’t leaving. And Kyo was staying, because for some reason that was okay. For some reason, part of him wanted her to see. Then she would understand – she would understand this feeling in his chest that felt like fire and ice and as if he was full of butterflies that he couldn’t put into words.

Kyo’s arms moved without his mind registering. They wrapped themselves around Tohru’s waist, pulling her closer towards him. Her hands slipped from his face as he rested his chin on her shoulder. She had one hand in his hair, another curling itself around his neck as if he was a wooden post in the middle of a stormy sea.

He was holding her too tightly – he realised just as the air was filled with smoke and he was transforming. Still held in her arms, though now his legs dangled off of the floor and he had dug his claws into her shoulder because of the shock. That was probably hurting her – he retracted them. Then, allowed his eyes to squeeze shut for just a moment, before he tried to untangle himself. Before he hurt her – just like he had before.

But Tohru didn’t let him go. She clung to him, just as tight. Too tight.

It could have been the longest time Kyo had ever been hugged for. It felt good – considering he could barely breathe through the pain in his throat, and his eyes were itchy with tears and he thought he might be shaking, but that might have been Tohru. It felt like he was realising all of the emotions he didn’t know what to do with around them. Like they both were. Tohru was taking his rage and taming the storm – showing him there was nothing to be angry about because she wasn’t “angry and don’t be at yourself, because there’s nothing you can do about it now.” There was nothing to be guilty about because “it’s better that it strengthens us, than tears us apart. I don’t want to be torn apart from you, Kyo-kun.” There was nothing to be said about because she was “happy. Happy for all of the time that she got to spend with the Sohmas, and if she got a few scars helping them, then fine. It was worth it. It was worth this.”

Kyo wished he could have replied. But he was still choking on that plum in his throat and waiting for the pain to subside in his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Tohru whispered, the breath of a butterfly drifting by his ear. She had knelt down now, and his hind legs had found purchase on her knee. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”

That – impossibly – made him chuckle. Not even really a chuckle, an exhale of breath and a slight upwards turn of his mouth. He pinched his claws into her skin very lightly for just a moment, so that she got the message.

“You’re sorry?” he muttered. He could feel her heart hammering in her chest – just under his. Could feel his own, pounding steadily under her ear. He could feel both heartbeats in every muscle of his body. “I’m the one who’s-“ a monster. “Cursed.”

"You didn't do anything to get cursed," Tohru said.

"I hurt you." He stared at the fabric of her shirt. Underneath his paws were silver, spiderweb scars.

"Ah, but you hurt me after you were cursed." She pulled away and - impossibly - smiled down at him. That almost cheeky smile that made her entire face glow like she was a star captured on earth. "So that's not a reason for you being cursed in the first place."

"Maybe it was a pre-emptive curse," Kyo said, because he needed to argue. He had to, because so much of those horrible emotions had gone. They had left a huge void in him that his heartbeat was echoing in and he needed something to fill it. "Because I  would hurt you, I was cursed ahead of time."

"That's not how curses work." Tohru was still smiling, as she shook her head, slightly, and finally let him hop back down to the ground.

"Oh, I didn't realise you were some kind of curse expert." He shook himself out, stretching his tail as far as it would go.

"Well, no - I'm not, but-"

"So how do you know there can't be a pre-motive curse?" Kyo sat and cocked his head to the side. He didn’t even realise that he was smiling at her. More of a smirk, really. The kind of smirk he had when he was winding up Yuki.

"Because you can't be cursed for something that was my fault!"

"It was my fault, dammit!"

"Well maybe I'm the one who's cursed,” Tohru cried, which was just completely nonsensical to the whole conversation.

He was saved from coming up with a counter argument by another puff of smoke and the return of a human body. Which, of course, made Tohru yelp and turn away as he tugged his clothes back on. It was strange, he hadn’t even thought much about the transformation. He had noticed it, but there wasn’t quite as much loathing at her seeing it. It wasn’t so uncomfortable to have her sat there talking to him as a cat. It was just like being with her normally.

He liked being with her normally, he realised.

"Idiot." Kyo surprised himself by how soft his voice sounded. The small chuckle that came out of him surprised him even more. For some reason, his hand was on Tohru's head and it was ruffling her hair.  "If anything, you're a blessing."

She stared up at him. Her eyes were still damp, like the tears had been caught in a net. It took a long moment, but then she smiled again. A grin, really, that made her large eyes twinkle like the star that she was. Only this grin had pink cheeks to accompany it.

"I didn't - I didn't mean that in a weird way, or anything. I just meant-"

"Thank you, Kyo-kun," Tohru said. Her hands were suddenly clasping Kyo’s. They were still cold and trembling, but still sent a rush of warmth through him. "And thank you for being so worried."

"Well, it's-" jeez, it really was warm in here. Kyo faced the window to try and get a breeze to cool his face down. "It's only right, right?" He paused, using his free hand to rub at the back of his neck. “Thanks for – I don’t know, checking up on me, I guess.”

“You’re a real gentleman, Kyo-kun.” Tohru said. Her fingers slipped from his hand rather than let it go, and he immediately missed its presence. It hadn’t been an unpleasant sensation. “One of the Sohma Princes.”

What the hell was she going on about now? Kyo had no idea, but he did snort at the notion. Sohma Prince, indeed.

“Yeah, more like Beauty and the Beast,” he said, sitting back down on his bed. He had sat on a book. He moved it aside.

“Oh, I love Beauty and the Beast,” Tohru said, sitting right by him as if this had been a perfectly normal evening. He supposed it was, for the Sohma household. “But Cinderella is also nice too – and Alice in Wonderland is really interesting!”

She burbled on a bit longer and Kyo half-listened to her. He was concentrating more on the way her face lit up – the dreamy, far off look that appeared in her brown eyes. She was – incredible really, and she didn’t know it.

Tohru trailed off when she glanced at him. There must have been a weird expression on his face – but he didn’t feel like changing it. She had seen the ugly side of him tonight – the hateful side – now maybe she could see the flip of that.

“Thank you,” he said. “For tonight.”

“That’s what the year of the cat fan club is for!” She was trying a little too hard now punching him lightly on the shoulder and grinning at him so widely that it was a near impossible feat not to grin back. Fortunately, Kyo was getting used to the light of Tohru’s star – and her punches were still as weak as ever.

“Yeah, whatever,” he said. And realised he hadn’t succeeded completely – he was smirking. The fan club thing was some bullshit, and yet it brought that warm feeling back. The warm feeling was feeling the emptiness of his stomach and that was good. He brushed his knuckles against her shoulder in return. “Don’t you have rat boy’s homework to be copying off of?”

“Yuki-kun only helps me with my homework-“

“And we have a history pop-quiz tomorrow.”

“Then I’d better get to work!” Tohru hopped up from the bed, panic mixing into determination. She was crossing the room much too quickly for Kyo’s liking. He was finding that he didn’t want her to leave yet, after all.

“Tohru,” he said. And waited until she had turned back to him so that he could see her face as he asked, “Will you let me see them? Not now, but – one day?”

She blinked at him for a moment, not understanding. Then her hand went up to her shoulder and her expression softened. She nodded.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

“And – uh-“ It really was boiling in here. His face felt like it was on fire and his heart was racing for some reason. It was like getting in a bath that was much too hot. “I get better results than that damn rat, so if you ever need any help with homework – you can – you can come to me, if you like.”

Maybe he wasn’t used to the light of Tohru’s star after all. She seemed to fill the whole room with that smile of hers, and he couldn’t look anywhere but at her.

“Thank you. Kyo-kun.”