#Though I do think some people are heavily overreacting with 'fork found in the kitchen' and calling s a bigot

[awesamforehead]

i think i was very lucky I was asleep during all of this i dont think i would've made it reacting to it live

[hymn2000]

Hope I’ve Got Something To Lose - MCU AU fanfic - C22 (Final)

Story overview: Peter has an accident, and Tony makes a drastic decision. In the midst of everything, a face from the past reappears - but Peter isn’t too sure about reconnecting after everything that’s happened.

Previous chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9  10  11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21

Part of my irondad and spiderson series.

Warnings/themes: injury, hospital stuff, hurt/comfort, mental health stuff, family stuff, corporal punishment, friendship

You can also find me on AO3

Random addition #3: Rocket Man by Elton John / Goodbye Yellow Brick Road by Elton John

Chapter 22 - Hope For The Future

-

“Where the hell have you been?!” Tony shouted. “How many times do we have to tell you not to leave this house without telling one of us where you’re going first?! And then you didn’t answer your phone, which is- Peter?”

Peter broke down into noisy tears in the kitchen doorway.

“Peter? Hey, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve shouted like that”

“Tony” Loki said. “Liz went home today”

Tony looked at him, and then back at Peter, his face softening. 

“You were at the airport, weren’t you?”

Peter nodded, knuckling his eyes.

“Oh sweetheart” 

“Come here, darling” Loki said. 

Peter went over. He let Loki pull him onto his lap and hug him tight. He buried his face in his chest and sobbed.

“Oh darling” Tony said. “Oh sweetheart”

Tony slipped Peter’s shoes off, letting them fall to the floor. He wound his arms round Loki, trapping Peter between the two of them.

“I know, it’s horrible. Shh, we’ve got you”

“I didn’t want her to go!!” Peter cried. “It’s not fair! I’m gonna miss her so much!”

“I know, darling” Tony said. “Hey, hey, shh, come on, breathe. Just breathe”

“Shut up!”

“Peter!”

“Hey” Loki said. “He’s upset. Just let him cry”

Tony sighed, resting his chin on top of Peter’s head. “Ok. Let it out, sweetheart. We’ll talk later”

-

Loki moved Peter to the reading nook once he’d started to calm down. He settled against the cushions with Peter in his lap. Tony soon joined them, handing Peter a mug of tea.

“How are you doing?”

Peter shrugged, not looking at him.

“I know it’s tough” he said. “I know you and Liz got close over the past few weeks. You’re going to really miss her, aren’t you?”

Peter nodded.

“You can stay in touch. She said she’d write, didn’t she? And you’ve got your phones. You’ll see each other again some time, kiddo”

Peter looked down at his mug. He couldn’t count on that. That was the thing with distance: it was so much harder to plan things when you weren’t on each others radar. They might end up losing touch altogether. He had no idea what was going to happen in the future. All he knew was that now, in this moment, he was sad, and he was hurting. 

“Why don’t you tell us what happened at the airport?” Loki suggested gently.

Peter shrugged.

“She gave you this, didn’t she?” he said, touching the scarf still round Peter’s neck. 

Peter nodded.

“She’ll have to see you again one day so she can get it back”

“That’s what she said” Peter said in a tiny voice.

“Well then” Tony said. “There you go”

Peter glanced at him, and took a mouthful of his drink. 

“You definitely found her and got to say goodbye” Tony pressed. “What happened, kiddo?”

Peter swallowed hard, keeping his gaze downwards.

“...She kissed me”

“Oh” Tony said, giving Loki a look. 

“It was a proper kiss too” Peter said. “It was nice”

“Well. That’s good, isn’t it?”

Peter shrugged. 

“Darling” Loki gave him a hug. “Listen to me. Just because she’s a long way away, that doesn’t mean you can’t still love each other. People can’t chose to stop loving people. No one can take that kiss away from you”

“It took us so long to get round to it. I feel like we missed out”

“These things have a habit of waiting for the opportune moment” Loki said. “Maybe you nearly kissed before, but maybe fate said it had to happen at the last minute. And that’s ok. Just because you only got the one kiss, that doesn’t mean it's any less significant, or important”

“...I forgot about everything, just for a second. It was like it was just us”

“That’s good” Loki said, sincerely. “You know, when you first got back in touch, you told me you used to have a crush on her, but didn’t any more”

Peter nodded. “It changed. She likes me too”

“I know. I could tell”

Peter raised his mug to his lips. Tony squeezed Peter’s shoulder.

“It’s ok, darling” he said. “Sometimes people who love each other have to cope with the distance. You’ll still be friends, no matter what happens. And do you want to know something?”

Peter looked at him. 

“She’s probably crying to her mum now, just like you’re crying to us”

For some reason, that helped.

-

Peter felt better for a little while. As nighttime approached, those feelings of sadness resurfaced. He sat at the breakfast bar, his head resting on his hand, spinning his fork on its prongs.

“You’re not eating” Tony said.

“Mm”

“You need to eat, darling”

“I’m not hungry”

Tony sighed. “I know you’re upset, sweetheart”

“Is there anything you want to say?” Loki asked.

Peter looked at him, and nodded. 

“I don’t know what to do with myself any more”

“I know, I get it” Tony said.

Loki gave him a look, and turned his attention back to Peter. “And why is that?”

“...As well as everything... Liz was a distraction. She was more than that, obviously, but she was still kinda a distraction. All of the stuff with her gave me something to do. Y’know, now that I’m not allowed to be Spiderman anymore. So now I’m stuck, because I’ve not got her. I don’t know what to do” he looked at Tony. “And don’t you dare suggest swim practice, because you know I hate it, not that you care”

Tony chose to ignore him. Loki gave his hand a squeeze.

“You’ll find something” he said. “It might just take a bit of time to find it”

“I still haven’t forgiven you for taking the suit” Peter said to Tony.

Tony looked at him. For a moment, he thought about clipping him round the ear for his attitude, but he thought better of it. Instead, he just sighed.

“Eat your dinner, sweetheart”

-

Loki held Peter tight.

“Ok darling, ok” he said gently. “Shh. I’ve got you”

He looked at Tony, silently asking for help. Tony sighed, resting a hand on Peter’s head.

“Hey. Shush. You need to calm down now”

Peter slapped his hand away. “Don’t touch me! I hate it when you pretend you care!”

“Peter, I do care!”

“No you don’t!” Peter cried. “Just leave me alone! I hate you! I don’t want you; I want daddy!”

He buried his face in Loki’s chest, howling. Tony shook his head, raising an eyebrow at Loki. Loki sighed, kissing Peter on the temple.

“He doesn’t understand! This is all his fault!”

“Shh, darling” Loki said. “You don’t need to speak. I know what you’re thinking”

Peter clung to him. He definitely believed him far more than he believed Tony.

-

Tony went down to the lab, hoping to distract himself. This hope soon went out of the window. He couldn’t help think about Peter. He got out an old, finished project, looking it over carefully, double checking everything even though he knew everything was in perfect working order. Sometimes he regretted being so headstrong.

-

Loki was the one to take Peter to bed that night. Peter didn’t want to so much as look at Tony. If Tony hadn’t overreacted over the incident at the abandoned building site, none of this would have happened. He’d still be ok. At least, that’s what he told himself. He let Loki tuck him into bed and sort his water jug and night light. He let him hug and kiss him goodnight, and he let him leave him alone. He was too sad to say anything to him at all.

-

Loki stopped in the doorway, glaring at Tony until the man noticed and turned to him.

“What’s that look for?”

“What do you think?”

Tony scowled. “You’re not perfect either, you know”

Loki rolled his eyes and stalked off again. Tony sighed heavily. Families were hard. 

-

Tony knocked gently at Peter’s door. There was no answer. He went in anyway, kneeling down by the bed, stroking Peter’s hair gently.

“You can keep your eyes closed as long as you want; I know you’re awake” he said, although he didn’t sound so sure. He sighed. “I love you, kiddo. You’ll be ok, I know that”

He kissed him on the cheek, half expecting the boy to hit out at him. Tony remained unscathed. He watched the boy a moment longer, noting the rise and fall of his chest, and the dried tears on his face. He sighed again.

“Goodnight, sweetheart”

Peter waited until the door had closed and Tony’s footsteps had faded away before opening his eyes. He blinked a little. The room always looked quite strange in the funny blue glow of the night light. He sat up slowly, and noticed a white box, about twice the size of a shoe box, had been left by the bed. He stayed still for another moment or two, checking the coast was clear, and then picked the box up, setting it on his lap. He hesitated, running his fingers over the card, wondering what could be inside. Whatever it was, it couldn’t make him feel better, not after the day he’d had. Tony was just trying to buy his affection, he was sure of it. What else could it possibly be?

Peter sighed irritably, lifting the lid, and his eyes widened in shock. There, carefully folded, stitched, repaired, and looking more glorious than ever, was his Spiderman suit.

*

*

*

[mforpaul]

Sonny’s Dad II

Did someone ask for an expansion?

@justmissp About Sonny’s Dad I: This could take some expansion!  Thanks for posting. 

If you insist...

“Look”, Sonny shifted his weight on his chair. “You guys already know that I am seeing someone and… um, I want to talk to you about… this.” Even though the level of excitement rose on the table, obvious by the anticipating smirks that the Carisi women shot to each other not so subtly, the sounds of silverware hitting plates did not lower down.

His son cleared his throat. “First, you should know that it is not a woman.”

On this Sunday evening dinner, moreover the first Sunday of Advent, in Pleasant Plains near Prince’s Bay on Staten Island, the world might as well have ended. Not just that the humming conversations, the resounding gale of laughter and the lurid tinkling of dishes had stopped, even the air flow in the room must have stopped because everyone was holding their breaths. The only thing that indicated that the world was still turning was his son who kept on eating. Sonny didn’t look up, instead he punctured peas on his plate one by one with his fork. Dominick Sr.’s own fork stood still in his hand, half way through the way from the plate to his mouth, a piece of chicken hanging uselessly on it.

“But he is really important to me and uh…”, Sonny continued to talk slowly. As cautious as the words left his mouth, they were not lacking confidence. “I want you to meet him.”

He felt his wife tense next to him. He could not make himself look at her. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw her knuckles turning white due to her clenching fist. The color must have left her face. Also out of the corner of his eyes, he realized that his daughters had frozen, probably trying not to look anywhere in particular. He understood, this was one of the rare moments in his life that his daughters were going to shut up and let their father talk.

“What are you saying, son”, the s-sounds rolled sharp off his tongue. It had not been intended. Dominick Sr. imagined it must be his own helplessness disguising itself as strictness, an act he usually couldn’t keep up in this family. His son, Dominick Jr., did not turn his head, but his eyes searched the ones of his father. Good, he could still look him into the eye. A realization that goes both ways.

“I am saying, that I found someone that I love very much and I want to introduce him to my family”, Sonny answered forcedly calm, but his voice gave him away. It was trembling, of fear, nonetheless leaving no doubt for the determination of his son’s words.

“But you cannot be with a man”, Dominick said simply. Or maybe not simple enough because redness flushed all over his son’s face. He observed Sonny’s posture stiffening. While the edge of screaming is the normal volume of conversations in this family, Dominick never used to raise his voice when making a point towards his children. Yet, now he had apparently done so. His daughters had ducked their heads. His granddaughter fixed her eyes on her plate. And his wife next to her didn’t say a word, maybe the worst sign of all.

“I cannot really change how I feel, dad”, Sonny still pushed the words out of his mouth with force, but as calmly as possible. His fingertips turned white at the spot where they held onto the fork. Dominick somehow found it too obvious to point out that their priest would profoundly disagree. Therefore and thus, Dominick was finding no words. As his son had decided to leave the peas on his plate to their own miserable being, there was finally no sound at all in the Carisi house. Dominick could swear to even be able to hear the electric hum of the fridge from the kitchen.

Sonny swallowed very hard. “I don’t know what God wants for us”, he spoke with a husky voice.  “But my take home has always been ‘do unto others’. And I don’t think anybody wants to be told who you could or couldn’t love.” His voice dropped heavily with the last words. As if his son needed to stop himself from talking before the inevitable tears would come floating out of system together with the words.

“Are you…”, Dominick stopped himself before using the word “faggot”. Actually, he had never liked the word and found it particularly unfair when someone used it. No matter if you understand… that or not, it’s not right to insult those people without reason. Nevertheless, Dominick couldn’t think of any other word in this moment. His son who had still locked eyes with him, helped him out.

“It’s not like, I don’t like women”, Sonny said, his fork dropped on his table with a sharp sound. “But there have also been men, sometimes.” If Dominick wasn’t already staring at his son, he would have needed a double-take. Wait, what? He likes women? Dominick didn’t understand that, he did not understand that at all. “I guess, I should have told you guys earlier… that I am bi”, Sonny gave a small, but hysterical laugh. “But I figured, if I end up with a girl, there is no need to upset you guys. So I guess, I was a coward.” He offered a tense smile. That’s when Dominick realized that his son’s hand was shaking. The red burn in his face could easily be interpreted as anger, but Dominick understood in this moment that his son was scared shitless. He didn’t quite see why his son was afraid, but he knew that he was afraid of them, his family, of him, his father.

Dominick also put his fork with the cold chicken on his plate. “How exactly do you think the family… or the church is supposed to react… if you turn up with a man?” This was the wrong question to ask, but Dominick couldn’t help himself. His heart was beating too loud for him to hear his own thoughts.

The air was dangerous. It was as if anytime a spark would appear out of thin air and burst into a fire.

“I was gonna bring him to our dinner on Christmas Eve, I thought”, Sonny bit his lip. The slight tremble of his hands was now impossible for Dominick to ignore.

“And for us it is okay?”, Dominick asked. Sonny swallowed again.

“He is really important to me”, Sonny said helplessly. “You are my family. And… he is also mine. So I want him to be there on Christmas… with us. And I hoped… I was confident, that you would understand.”

“We would understand.” The plain repetition of his son’s words helped nothing in understanding them more.

Sonny shakily took in a deep breath. “I want to bring him home for Christmas.” 

The sentence didn’t just stand in the room with the gravity that it contained.

His wife next to him opened her mouth, but Dominick raised his hand. This simple arrogant gesture prevented her from talking, probably out of total surprise. Because unlike cliché dictated for him, he was the soft parent. He usually left all the speeches and screaming to his wife. But in this situation his wife was about to overreact and he was not.

Seems like his son had made the foolish mistake to fall in love. The confidence talking out of his son’s picture of misery left Dominick no doubt about it. And does he, the father of this chaotic bundle, does he not know about love?

He felt his wife’s stare on him. How can you? She seemed to scream at him. No, dear, this is not the same as finding your children smoking in the backyard or cutting class.

And be sure, Dominick knew he had done his fair share of screwing up his children. He didn’t need to look at his daughters to know that. His eldest daughter had waited too long to finally take on the shame of divorce, not to mention that she had originally quit school to get married too young to that idiot. His second daughter had barely had the time to finish school because she was too busy sleeping through half Staten Island. Bella, her youngest and nicest daughter, had also committed herself to that no-good criminal. And now his son, Dominick Jr…

Dominick Sr. maybe should have worked less, spent less evenings drinking beer in the backyard and probably, he should have helped his wife more with the kids. After all, he had been the one to push for two more after the first two hadn’t turned out to be the bunch of boys he had wanted.

So, yes, Dominick Sr. had done his fair sharing of screwing up his children. But he had always brought them together on this dinner table, every Sunday, every Easter and every Christmas. No matter who had screwed up in what way ever, they had never failed as a family. They had always sat together on this very dinner table. And even though he didn’t like what was happening, he would hold onto that.

He proved to be right, because his son’s eyes lit up with thankfulness and relief when he mumbled his words of approval.

___________________________________________

Of course part of Sonny’s speech about his Catholocism and homosexuality is inspired by this deleted (why?) scene.

And also, this one shot is an add-on for Chapter 9 of my Family Fic on ao3. As this Fanfic is written from Rafael’s point of view, this part doesn’t make it in the story.