#Thinking about how the others see Siffrin's behavior... They have no idea what's going on and Siffrin killed themselves so suddenly...

[romans-empire]

It must honestly be so confusing and traumatizing to see your friend essentially kill themselves just as you mention that there's no way progressing. Before that, he's never even shown any hint of giving up, so why now?

[apple-onigiri]

hi can you talk more about your reading of siffrin and loop's relationship please. I'm so curious 👀

(omg hii i love your analyses)

well i guess now i gotta huh!! the demons (the people on my computer) are telling me to do it, do it, do it, so here it is!! most of it below a cut! because this ended up being really really long!

so! self-love and self-hatred play a big role in isat in general. the whole story is kind of about accepting that you are capable of being loved, and not, in fact, inherently repulsive so maybe you should open up, siffrin. imagine that. and i'd argue these themes crystallize into their final form with sif and loop and how they interact :) my ants. my mentally ill ants

(this sidesteps the curious meta element of how both the narration of siffrin to himself and loop addressing siffrin as they talk uses second person. it's very interesting but this is already gonna be long enough)

looking at all their interactions, especially through the lens of knowing who loop actually is, gives a pretty good idea of loop's attitude towards another version of themselves, and, by extension, their own self (this is a bit confusing because there are Too Many Siffrins Here)

the long and short is the resentment they feel towards themselves - because loop never went through the realization they're not unlovable - is externalized and often taken out on siffrin.

they are very condescending with how they interact with him. he's just a silly little stardust! so stupid, so naive! knows so little about literally everything. awww, let me help you out, stardust, before you hurt yourself.

on my first playthrough i actually initially distrusted loop a lot because of this. i saw it as the last thing siffrin would need when they already put themselves down so heavily; how they call themselves "stupid" multiple times for any and all mistakes they make and how unforgiving they are to themselves (especially the key hidden in the classroom exemplifies this). but with the knowledge of siffrin and loop starting out as the same person, it makes a stark amount of sense. when you have a mindset similar to siffrin's and loop's, no one will ever be more critical of you than you yourself.

it sometimes feels like loop's forgetting they're not talking to themselves internally and that this is a whole separate being they're talking to that they can't just externalize their own self-hatred onto, enough that they have to backtrack and apologize because hurting yourself in a way that resembles hurting someone else makes you think twice about what you're doing to yourself. there's a healthy dose of regret there, and guilt that they said something you can't easily erase from the mind of the person you said it to.

there is still care in loop's behavior. conversely to the previous statement, nothing will make you more sympathetic to your own plight than literally seeing it from an outsider's perspective and being able to acknowledge that you need help (sidenote, but kinda twisted of the universe to grant loop's wish in the most roundabout way possible. you want someone to help you? okay! help yourself! your other self, but hey, it counts, right?)

(cut here because this is getting out of control and i can't let it appear in unabridged form on anyone's dash, especially on mobile)

as acts go on and quests progress, loop gets these moments of honesty and empathy for siffrin more often. they obviously have been helping before but you know what i mean, don't you. those moments where loop's facade drops and we get a feeling that this isn't them acting, this is their true... shades, lol. examples!!

aftermath of touch therapy! of course they'd know what the root problem here is and how to best help. this is something acutely familiar to them and they're able to tell what siffrin needs to stop spiraling. and!! siffrin reciprocates this! haven't talked ab him and his attitude towards loop specifically a lot but this too is important. i'm rapidly becoming ill btw

forgetting the party's names upon waking up on the meadow and calling loop! it happened to loop before so seeing it happen to another version of you must make one feel... complicated. they patiently remind siffrin each name and make sure they're fine.

honestly, throughout the entirety of the story, but especially by the end of act 4, they find it very crucial to make sure they reassure siffrin they're there for him, that he's not alone in this. they know where feeling completely alone leads.

okay i can't take it anymore i gotta talk about this.

loop so doesn't want siffrin to use the dagger on themselves. it's genuinely heartbreaking to see their distress about the idea

they even try to dissuade siffrin from it later on, when you first attempt to use it, and are very very upset still afterwards

they care about siffrin!! they don't want to see him hurt! they don't want siffrin to befall the same awful fate they met where self-destruction melts into the natural state of being and you just spiral spiral spiral! they don't hate him, and seeing them fall so far from okay that they're fine with stabbing themselves to save time in a time loop where literally no time is wasted because it loops back anyway is awful for them.

this is where loop transforms from the voice in your head pointing out your deepest flaws to one that can tell what you're doing is self-destructive and bad for you and you really, really should stop. the, pardon my wording, tug on your stomach, like the one you get when you're standing over the ledge and looking down. and when you get the stupid thought how easy it would be to fall, your brain reacts by jolting you away. loop is the jolt.

loop is the inner instincts of siffrin personified at many points of the story. sometimes they're hurtful towards him as instincts of a self-destructive person are wont to do, which is justified with them just wanting that other version of themselves to Be Better, Get Better. and sometimes, it's self-preservation they depict; feeling at home with your self and expressing empathy towards yourself and your own awful situation.

when act 5 comes, loop is clearly crushed about not being able to help siffrin out, about not being able to get them out of their despair.

then, just like he's done with everyone else, siffrin rejects loop too. when siffrin shuns loop here, it's out of anger for being kept in the dark, yes, but it's also a rejection of any positive thoughts they might have about themselves.

siffrin's rejection of loop isn't only rejecting one last person they're close to like they did with their family members. it's a rejection of any and all instincts to care for himself and his well-being. it's the same thing that allows him to use crafts with no cooldowns. it's the same thing as memory of emptiness that lets him loop to the point where he died and just keep going. it's what lets mal du pays take form.

this refusal of loop's help is, in my opinion, the ultimate act of self-hatred in isat.

okay depression time over act6 twohats happy times yayy!!!

after a little bit because loop is - kinda justifiably - upset at how their suffering amounted to nothing and now this siffrin gets their happy ending. and they don't!! how is that fair? we have to keep in mind a lot of what we've learned was news to loop too. they spent so long in the loops, not knowing why, to the point where they begged the universe to get them out and help them.

their roles from act 5 essentially swap here. here loop is the one self-destructing and rejecting any help at all, and projecting the hell out of themselves onto siffrin, just like siffrin did in the "friendquests" in act 5.

so i haven't talked a lot about siffrin's outlook on loop before now (when his psyche is not literally split into tiny pieces, that is) but my little pet theory is that, just like they really hate repeating their lines, being all fake, and only do so because they feel they have to, they're often annoyed by loop because they can kind of sense the front they put out. if you hate the way you pretend, these feelings are most likely gonna transpose to another version of you doing the same thing.

but in this fight, the siffrin in it is not the one still trapped in the time loops. this is a siffrin tentatively learning that maybe it's okay to not hate yourself. so, just like act 5 is the greatest act of self-hatred, the ending of this fight is the ultimate act of self-love and self-acceptance, regardless of how it ends but with some caveats to both outcomes.

if siffrin wins, he refuses to hurt loop, stating outright that they don't hate themselves enough to do so. he won't do it even if loop is literally begging for it.

if loop wins, they cannot bring themselves to hurt siffrin. they feel too much empathy towards them. it's impossible to hate him - and themselves - the same after seeing the struggle from outwards.

regardless, they both exhibit the kind of care only you yourself can give yourself after fighting tooth and nail to prove to your own self-esteem that you're worth it. siffrin wouldn't be satisfied with killing loop because it would mean a rejection of some fragment of themselves.

siffrin went through a capital-C Change due to the loops (the theme of change in isat is another thing i could write on and on about), and part of that Change was having a version of you, your past self, still stuck in how they used to be and the situation that made them so. a healthy type of growth means changing for the better, yes, but also learning to love and respect who you used to be. if you met your younger self, would you resent them? or would you want them to know that all their struggles weren't for nothing? Change means leaving something behind but not forsaking it, letting it rot and fester unacknowledged

(insert rant about how isa's Change was actually kind of partial because he decided to completely sever ties with who he used to be instead of being appreciative of the aspects of himself he seems to still like, like being smart, and him resorting to hiding it instead WE DON'T HAVE THE TIME RIGHT NOW ASK ME LATER IF U WANNA but tl;dr actshually isa Change doesn't need to be full-on destruction because the eggshell is still there the Change God told me okay enough of this)

this. this is love. self-love given form. to me.

"you matter. your suffering mattered. it helped me become who i am right now. nothing was in vain. it hurt, and might still hurt for a long time - but it was never for nothing." that's what i got from this scene.

anywayyyyy i warned you!!! that this would be long!! if you let me yap! it's yap central over here. if you got all the way down here, thank you for enduring. have a cupcake :)🧁

[livesworthlivingau]

Lives Worth Living Chapter 10

ISAT spoilers below! CW: Uhhh... talking to your family? That's pretty traumatizing right?

"30 YEARS?!" (You flinch as you hear everyone shout in unison from the other side of the wall. It took everything in you to finally tell Isa the truth, so thankfully he offered to explain it all to the others for you... Oh Isa... I swear I don't deserve you... You lay your head against the wall, pressing your ear closer to try and hear their muffled chatter.)

"So how many times has he looped this go around?"

"... He said only one but... I don't know, I don't think he's ready to talk about that yet..." (...)

"... Does he know what caused him to loop again?"

"..." (The room goes silent... it seems Isa didn't want to say it either.)

"... Ah..." (Odile pipes up, having gotten whatever hint Isa was giving.)

"So does this mean Frin is the oldest now?"

"We are NOT going to discuss that Boniface." (You can't help but give a little chuckle at that, despite the overwhelming dread washing over you.)

"Let's just be sure to take it easy on him, okay? It took a lot for him to admit that... we should try our best not to overwhelm him. Let him go at his own pace, yeah?" (Oh Isa...)

"You're right, this is... a lot, for all of us I'm sure..."

"S-So this means that... Siffrin knows the future?! Like THAT far in the future?! Oh no this is bad, that NEVER goes well in the books! What if we mess up the timeline or something?!"

"Well the world isn't falling apart yet... I don't like the idea of simply ignoring this but... it's not exactly a rush either, now is it?"

"I guess it's not... b-but if anything weird starts happening, we should be careful!"

"Definitely, but for now, we should just be here for Sif. He must be really going through it right now..." (You sigh as you pull your head from the wall... You suppose it's time to face everyone, for better or worse. You stand up, leaving the room, and knocking at the door. You wait nervously for what feels like an eternity, terrified to face this moment. Finally the door slowly opens to Isa... just seeing his sweet smile calms you down.)

"Hey Sif... You ready to talk for a bit?" (You nod, entering the room as he steps aside. Everyone is standing there... staring at you... You retreat a little behind your cloak and hat.)

"Oh Siffrin... I can't imagine what you must be going through..." (Odile starts, Isa approaching from behind and placing a hand on your shoulder. You lean back against him out of habit and need for comfort. The rest of your family start to approach, and you give a light nod of approval, being encased in a wonderful hug from everyone. Safe, Loved, Safe, Loved...)

"Th-Thank you... Okay... I'm ready to talk." (You sigh out, trying to keep from crying again. You know they'd support it but you're just sick of it at the moment. You walk over to the nearest chair and flop down into it... just sitting in awkward silence until-.)

"So when do you two finally kiss?"

"BONNIE!"

"DSKALJDSAJLSDAFJLSF" (You face burns darker, looking away as you hear Isa's very flustered noises. You take a moment before deciding to answer.)

"two months..."

"HAH!" (Odile can't control herself for snorting, Bonnie giggling to themself as well while Mirabelle looks mortified at their behavior. You don't even need to look at Isa to know he's absolutely writhing, but you do since it's fun to watch.)

"canwemoveonprettyplease?"

"Do I become a head housemaiden?!" (Mirabelle shouts out, as if having been holding it back this whole time. You open your mouth to answer-.)

"NO WAIT SPOILERS! DON'T TELL ME DON'T TELL ME SORRY!!" (She panics, covering her ears as a precaution.)

"So much for not overwhelming him..." (Odile sighs, rubbing her temple before continuing.)

"Well, since you have some of foresight on the matter, do feel free to keep us informed of things to avoid. Especially for your own sake." (You nod in response, sharing that familiar appreciative look you both are used to.)

"Do I become a master cooker?!" (Bonnie's eyes light up brightly, leaning closer in awe as they await the fated answer.)

"Hehe... Yup, got a famous cook book and everything." (Bonnie raises their fists in triumph, running around excitedly and shouting about their future accomplishment. They help break the tension as always.)

"Uhh... Sif?... Uhm... A-Are we... Y.. Y-know..." (Isa begins, trailing off as he can't seem to find the words. You just blush some more and giving a light nod. You reach for your earlobe and rub it a bit, helping ensure you're on the same page. His face grows several shades darker.)

"Alright everyone, let's not get too focused on our futures. The more we know the less likely things will play out the same anyways. As I said Siffrin, if it feels important then please bring it up. Otherwise I think we're all best off knowing as little as possible..."

"R-Right!"

"Y-Yeah, probably a good idea..."

"Awwww, no more future secrets?! No fair, Dile!"

"Heh, sorry Bonbon, granny's orders." (You tease, thankful that you don't have to divulge your entire previous life.)

"But you're older now! That means you're in charge!"

"I said we're not discussing that Boniface!!" (Bonnie just snorts and sticks their tongue out.)

"Regardless, there's still an important detail we haven't discussed... What are we going to do about this?" (Odile asks in a serious tone, looking directly to you for some sort of answer.)

"... I... I don't know... now that Loop is back, I-"

"Loop? What do you mean they're back?" (… Crab.)

"... Right... I forgot to mention that.." (You take a few deep breaths to calm yourself.)

"I can't... I can't explain everything right now, but Loop never showed up again in all those years. B-But as soon as I looped back I heard them! They're here, I saw them, b-but..." (Your voice trails off. You realize you were starting to sound desperate, everyone giving you those same concerned looks they always did whenever you got rather frantic... How do you explain this? What CAN you say?...)

"... I'm sorry... I-I just can't explain it right now..."

"Well, I suppose telling us at all is a major improvement from before, so we'll take that victory where we can." (Odile teased as she walked over, lightly ruffling your hair some.)

"And no matter what anyone says, I'm the elder around here." (She added... you weren't quite sure if that was a joke, or some sort of threat.)

"But it's been a long day for everyone, let us get some rest and maybe we'll figure out what to do about this in the near future. For now, our plans remain the same, off to Bambouche to find Boniface's dear sister." (Stars, you completely forgot...)

"Uhh… actually..."

"... She left to try and find us, didn't they?"

"... I don't remember where they ended up either..." (Odile pinches her temple and gives a long sigh.)

[siffrintriotrouble]

other than the trio, are there any other alters?

roles within the system?

co-hosting at all?

(brain dead right now sorry)

First off, don't apologize, you're good! I love asks! They let me talk and can make me consider things I wouldn't have before!

Second: Oh we will see, won't we! As I said, primary focus is currently on Siffrin Loop and MDP, as they are who I would consider to be the three most active alters as of the start of this play, but I don't believe they would be the only ones! Siffrin's behavior in canon seems to align with what would be expected of a host of a system that just. Isn't aware they're a system yet. Then again I treat canon like a guideline more than a hard rule when it comes to AUs anyway, so there is that!

So the focus is on Loop MDP and Siffrin because those are the ones who are most likely to be fronting and/or interacting with each other currently, not because they are the only alters in the system. Focus, admittedly, may shift over time to include any new alters I introduce, at which point I will update the pinned post accordingly.

Co-hosting? I hadn't thought much about that specifically- Siffrin is definitely the one who fronts the most, and who I would consider to be the host. Loop is going to be around a lot and co-fronting semi-frequently, so they're the closest thing the system would have to a co-host.

Roles and various details are as follows:

Siffrin: Host, deals with the day to day stuff. Generally refers to the body as "my body" or "our body" depending on the context. Uses the royal We only if it's for a punchline of a joke.

Loop: Internal helper, generally helps keep track of the things Siffrin fails to (you know when you can ask Loop what you were supposed to be doing while under the Favor Tree? That's where this idea came from for me), generally tries to let Siffrin front when it's calm if they reasonably can, especially around the family (they think something along the lines of "it's not your body, you gave up your chance long ago, and you don't get to steal their family now"). Says "Siffrin's body" or "the body" (never "my body"). Frequently uses the royal We in conversation.

Mal Du Pays: Persecutor (do not confuse persecutor with evil please they are not the same), generally more mistrustful of everyone (in part due to holding more traumatic memories than the other two), does not like talking to the family (or really anyone), generally afraid of being abandoned and how that abandonment could harm the system (uses the logic of "if we push them away it'll hurt us less than if they push us away") (Siffrin and Loop disagree) (MDP continues to use this logic anyway). Always says "the body" or "this body." Does not use the royal We.

Miscellaneous: The family is aware of Siffrin being a system (Odile helped him do some research after the loops ended), though that doesn't mean all of them are very good at figuring out who is fronting.

There's definitely so much more but I am tired and can't remember it all, feel free to ask more questions if you want more specifics. I plan to get a post up tomorrow (it was gonna be today but I got distracted by the ask, oops!)

[madbard]

Ok ok ok ok sorry to keep spamming with more Epic/ISAT thoughts but this is actually the first one I made a connection with that I have been holding so very close to my heart ever since first listening to the musical but. Something I feel like Loop would have A Lot of internal turmoil about would be ever feeling as if they in any way embody some of the same aspects or behaviors as the King, how their own selfishness to stay with their family, and then to escape the loops because it was too much to bear on their own, would feel just like him deciding to freeze Vaugarde in time out of his own fears of loss. How if pushed far enough what atrocities would Loop be capable of inflicting on others if it meant achieving their own desires?

And yknow I really think some of the lines we hear Scylla say to Odysseus fits that exact sort of vibe of having a monster see themself in you, doesn't it?

“Deep down, you hide a reason for shame.

Deep down, you know that we are the same.”

They are both from the island. They both used Wishcraft to protect the thing they love most, whether that means their family or the entire country of Vaugarde. Both of their wishes only destroyed what they most yearned to protect. Both of their wishes made them so much more/less/other than human, something terrifying, something relegated to shadow.

Selfishness is at the core of it, isn’t it? The King wanted to preserve Vaugarde because he loved it, ignoring what anyone else wanted or needed in favor of his own desire. Loop ‘selfishly’ wanted to cling to their family, even if it meant the people they loved couldn’t move on towards their own dreams. Does it make a difference if the damage done is unintentional? Does it make them any less of a monster for condemning their family to the worst fate imaginable in a world defined by change? (It does. It matters.)

“Leaving them feeling betrayed,

Breaking the bonds that you’ve made.”

Loop telling Siffrin to stay with them, letting the family go into the House with the full knowledge that they won’t be coming out again, knowing what’s about to happen, knowing Siffrin will hate them for doing this, knowing that it must be done if they’re going to figure out what’s causing the loops. Loop, looking at their bright reflection without an ounce of pity for the one who trapped them here in the first place, burning bridges, acting the monster for the only person left who could know and care about them, because it needs to be done, and it’s better if Loop is the one who suggests it. It’s better if Siffrin continues to protect the actors. It’s better if they don’t lose meaning for him - not just yet. (And, of course, Siffrin in Act 5, but since this is Loop-centric I’ll just leave that there.)

“There is no price we won’t pay.

We both know what it takes to survive.”

They’ve both lost so much, too much. There is everything left to lose, and they won’t let another thing be taken from them - no matter what.

“Deep down, we only care for ourselves.

Deep down, we’re lonely demons from hell.”

Again, the idea of the desire for love as selfishness. Because to love Loop is a curse, a burden. (It’s not.) To force others to love and stay with someone so rotted inside is an act of such deep and abhorrent selfishness. (It’s not.) Both demons, both monsters, cast away from home only to be shown grace on the shores of a foreign country. Only to realize that that grace will not last forever. Nothing lasts forever without intervention - but they can intervene. A single work of wish craft, to escape the depths of hell.

“We are the same, you and I.”

Loop is so ready to believe the worst in themself. The parallels between them and the King are there, it’s undeniable. But the differences are there as well, and they are so, so important.

The King chose to freeze Vaugarde, without regard for what its people wanted. Loop didn’t even know they had made a Wish, not the kind that could make a difference. Their wish transformed into a nightmare around them, and they did everything they could to break free. They loved their family so much, and wanted to be loved in turn.

Was that really so wrong?

[crisis-starter]

Hello

I did not expect to write Odile’s moment in less than half a day.

Stars, its twice as long as Mirabelle’s and that took me 2 or 3 days to do.

Well, anyways, I hope you enjoy!

)•{+}•<>+<>•{+}•(

Odile was by the staircase in the final room, waiting to talk with Siffrin. The entire trek through the house was filled to the brim with suspicious activity. Facial expressions, behaviors… it was all strange. And with the knowledge of Wish Craft and Time Craft… she had an idea of what was happening. Bonnie was seemingly thinking about something. She had never seen the child be so quiet before. And Isabeau was looking right at her. Siffrin was chatting with Mirabelle, so she awaited them. Soon they will have to talk to her, she could feel it.

Then she felt the slight twinge of Craft. Isabeau wasn’t looking at her anymore, instead performing an odd kind of craft, if his hand was any indication. And then she heard his voice in her head:

‘M’dame Odile. Please. Whatever you are planning to do right now? At least be gentle.’

Odile copied the hand signal she saw Isabeau making before replying, “He’s trapped himself, and subsequently the entirety of Vaugarde in time! Perhaps even worse than the King! And you don’t want me to say my piece?”

‘I am not saying that you shouldn’t say something. I’m saying that, if you are, please don’t push him. He is already that close to the edge.’

Odile was silent. Skeptical. She had an idea of Isabeau’s stance, but this really couldn’t go unsaid. Siffrin was hiding something that clearly felt like common knowledge to everyone except her. And Isabeau had this… worry in his voice. Like he knew something she didn’t.

‘M’dame. I… I can’t tell you right now. Because we’re on a time limit. But I will tell you what I remember seeing once we get back. Here’s to hoping you remember what happens next.’

Isabeau cut the connection there. Odile looked at Siffrin, and realized why. The rogue had finished talking with Mirabelle. She put her hand down and returned to reading through the notes of her investigation. Siffrin approached her, a seemingly disinterested expression on his face. The two glanced at each other before Odile started talking, “Ah. Woop woop, we did it, we won, etc.”

She wanted to start soft, somewhat. So why not comment on how she feels after the fight with the King? She continued, “Urgh. Whatever. This was… quite a workout. My entire body is screaming.” Odile rolled her shoulders a little. She did feel somewhat sore, “Savior of Vaugarde, huh? That’s something to add to my list of accomplishments.”

Maybe mulling over any future plans may help a smoother transition? She didn’t know. She never said she was… good at this, “But now, I can finally go back to traveling. I’d be curious to visit more Vaugardian cities and hear what they have to say about an event like this. It’ll be weird to travel alone now, but I’ll get used to it again. Or I could just go home to Ka Bue… Hm…” Maybe she could convince the others to travel with her? Not right now, that would be too… embarrassing. Everyone here has their own life. She didn’t want them to put it aside so easily over a grown woman not wanting to leave without a proper goodbye and happy, stress-free memories to take with her.

Siffrin hid in their collar as they spoke, “To do your fake research?” There it was. Another suspicious detail. How they knew her research was fake was a bit of a mystery but she needed to say something, “…Yes. My fake research…” She probably looked a bit… frustrated there. She quickly fixed her expression, “Don’t tell anyone. I’d like to see Isabeau try to figure it out for a little longer. Very excited to hear what he comes up with next. Spoonology? Bananalogy?” Siffrin’s expression changed to that of an odd smile. A fabricated one. Concern began to blossom in her heart.

Maybe Isabeau was right.

Siffrin joked, “Bananalogy would be quite aPEELing.” Odile didn’t find it funny. But… at least fake something, “Hah… Yes.” Her face softened, “Ha… I’ll miss you, Siffrin. You’re a little strange, but you’re a good kid. Maybe try letting down your walls every once in a while, huh?” The researcher felt a smile sneak onto her face, “And come to Ka Bue anytime. Maybe we’ll meet again during your travels.” Odile really hoped so. Siffrin forced himself to smile. Wait.

Odile looked at Siffrin, concern fueling her entire being, “…Siffrin, is everything-“ Siffrin’s expression flashed into something akin to confusion for a second. Odile looked around. Bonnie, Mirabelle, and Isabeau were looking at her, worried. Great. She had spectators now. But… was she the main act? She sighed, hoping to brush off the added tension. She hoped that this would go smoothly. Odile asked, softly, “But really, is everything okay?” Siffrin is back to that fabricated smile, “What do you mean?”

Oh… Oh this is how things will have to go, huh. She continued, “I don’t know, Siffrin. You’ve felt off since yesterday. More withdrawn, mostly. Tell me what’s wrong.” Siffrin continued avoiding the question, “Nothing’s wrong!” This defiance… it was messing with Odile’s patience. But she was trying, “…it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me, you know. I’ll find out eventually.” She probably already did. Maybe everyone did, and she doesn’t remember. Siffrin replied, hiding in their collar again, “But I’m not hiding anything.” And that was the final straw. All attention was on them both. She was starting to get a headache. Time to lay it all out, no matter how harsh it felt.

Odile looked at Siffrin, abandoning any kind of calm or leniency, “Is that so.” She made her frustration known, “Is that so? So Time Craft has nothing to do with you?” Siffrin dropped the facade and grew shocked, “No that’s-“ Odile will not let him deny it. She continued, noticing Isabeau trying to approach. No. She needed to say her piece, “And the fact that you knew how to read that book about Wish Craft… Knew how to wish correctly, when no one else did… It doesn’t mean anything, either?”

Siffrin gave that fake smile, only more shaky, “It’s not like that, I-“ She was cornering them. No more excuses, just continue, “And the way you’re acting, doing that stupid smile like nothing’s wrong… It doesn’t mean anything, either?!?” The smile was dropped. Siffrin was looking at Odile, shaken. Silent. There’s more evidence.

She looked away slightly, still stern, “I’m not stupid, Siffrin. If I find something strange, I can do nothing except give it my full attention.” She turned her attention back to Siffrin, “And you are acting strange.” Siffrin looked stressed. Staring at her with this need to run away, but being unable to. Her headache was getting worse. She’ll deal with it later.

It was at this point she made her anger known, “There were so many signs… I did not understand them, but now I do! You’ve been acting strange since you woke up from your nap, yesterday!” She started to ramble on about more evidence that came to mind, “When we talk to you, you act out of it, almost bored… And the way you reacted to the rocks falling… We all jumped, but you just looked at them fall, calmly.” Odile rose her voice again, “And there’s so many other things, the way you reacted to so many things throughout our entire journey through the House!” The researcher faltered a little, “And, and… How every time you found the keys we needed to proceed, you didn’t seem surprised, like you knew exactly where they were. Even that key in the classroom. Almost like…” Odile looked at Siffrin for answers, “…Like you had found them before, maybe?”

Siffrin started to grow panicked, “B-but that’d be impossible, though!” Isabeau was looking at the two of them, nervous yet willing to step in. Siffrin attempted to reason. To save themselves, “How could I have known where the keys were when it’s my first time here?!?” Odile, frustrated, asked, “I don’t know, Siffrin, why don’t you enlighten me?!” Siffrin’s breathing was escalating. Odile continued, “Don’t think I believed that whole ‘I wished croissants would disappear~’ thing, too. So, if you lied about your wish… What did you wish for, then? That’s it, isn’t it?” The researcher looked at her hands, “Did something happen? To you, to us? Did we die against the King, maybe?” Odile looked up, spotting Siffrin pulling at his hair. Oh no. She only had one thing left to say, then she could try to start calming Siffrin down. It’ll be okay. She finished by asking, “Is that why you’re repeating the same events, Siffrin?” She was about to maybe ask Siffrin to calm down and relax before it happened.

Siffrin snapped back, “SHUT UP!!!”

Everyone was startled by the outburst. Odile herself was shaken. Isabeau was right. She couldn’t be a bit softer, huh? And now, Siffrin was on the edge of a breakdown. The traveler continued, breath ragged and irregular, “Even if you figure it out, Odile… It’s too late! It’s too late! It’s always too late!!!” Siffrin looked right into Odile’s eyes as they spoke, a combination of panic and rage in his eyes, “Did you have to figure it all out now, when it’s all about to end? You can’t help me, Odile!!! No one can!!!”

Isabeau was stunned, muttering a quiet, “Sif, Odile…?” Bonnie was hidden behind Mirabelle, asking, “What’s happening? Why are you yelling?” …When did they get so close? Odile’s headache was getting worse. The air started to feel strange. Her heart was pounding in her ears.

Siffrin continued, erratic, “It’s too late!!! YOU CAN’T HELP ME!!!” Odile tried to get a word in, but couldn’t. So she continued to listen to Siffrin’s pleas, “And I think, weirdly, I don’t even want you to help me?” Siffrin gave a panicked smile, “Why don’t I want you to help me?”

Odile felt her hands shaking. What… was this her fault? Was she the final straw? All she could really do was try to ask them to calm down, “Siffrin-“ But she couldn’t even do that without being cut off, “Maybe because I know that if you help me, you’ll start hating me!!!”

What?

“Because I don’t know why this is all happening, but-“

Wait.

“It must be because of me, that we’re repeating the same events!!!”

Siffrin stop. Please, you’ll hurt-

“And if you knew that, you’d hate me-“

Mirabelle cried out, “Siffrin?!” Maybe to snap him out of it. The air tasted like sugar. A taste so strong, it was horrible. A terrible omen. Siffrin continued, “And I don’t want you to hate me. So, so, so-“

And everything stopped before everyone was sent back to their places. Odile was silent. She decided… to say something, “Siffrin, please. You don’t… have to talk to me. But I will find out somehow. What’s causing you… harm.” She already knew. But maybe it was more comforting to claim ignorance. Siffrin quickly fabricated a smile before cheerfully saying, “Maybe, teehee!”

That… that felt unsettling.

Bonnie, Mirabelle, and Isabeau looked at Odile, worried. Odile herself? She wanted to sit down. She felt faint. That was so much information to take in at once.

Just how… how deep has Siffrin buried himself?

Siffrin faced her, the same chilling smile on their face. Odile stated, “Alright, well, if that was all…” Siffrin took this as his cue to leave as Isabeau straightened his act up.

Once Siffrin was gone, Odile sat down on the stairs. Her headache was gone, but she felt guilty. She just sat there silently, internalizing information.

It seemed that her spacing out helped pass by sooner, because she soon found Isabeau by her side, trying to check if she was doing okay. She could barely hear him.

Her eyes were on Siffrin. They hesitated a little before trying to talk to the Head Housemaiden. Then they approached her. They happily told Euphrasie about something. She responded happily.

Then the pressure in the air grew. Something was wrong. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. The Head Housemaiden was dismayed. Siffrin pleaded with her.

She crouched down to Siffrin’s level, cupping the rogue’s cheeks with her hands. She made sure she was close to Siffrin as tears streamed down her face. Siffrin was stunned. He couldn’t move. The world grew darker. Something was happening. Something was oh so horribly wrong.

A lightless shade almost appeared to engulf everything. For a split second, Odile saw something. Hundreds of silhouettes. They all looked just like Siffrin. All looking at Euphrasie. And then…

She awoke and stumbled back, nearly crashing into the shelf behind her. Her heart was pounding. So she attempted to calm down. Then she heard someone enter the shop.

Isabeau was trying to catch his breath at the entrance. He looked at Odile, worried, “Are you alright, M’dame?” Odile just looked at him, shocked. Her hands were shaking again. Isabeau sighed, “So… you remember, hm?”

)•{+}•<>+<>•{+}•(

This was VERY fun to write.

So… those are the 4 “loop awakenings”.

I’ll compile them all in chronological order and post it to AO3 (which was the original plan but I felt like you folks would like it).

I hope you have a good day/night! Until next time!