#There are so many ethereal ppl on this planet

[astrow1zar6]

Beauty indicator pt 2- 29

Venus in the 5th house: usually very attractive to the opposite sex (or whatever they prefer). They LOVE the idea of love even if it’s for a short time and really enjoy flirting with ppl their attracted too. I notice they tend to flirt/ lead multiple ppl on at a time. They got some great rizz & can pull a lot of ppl by their charming natures.

Mars in 8th house: I wouldn’t say this is a classical beauty aspect but these ppl have amazing magnetism it’s insane. People can become pretty obsessed with these people especially after uk what 😏. People can become so obsessed with them they can attract a lot of stalkers or internet stalkers.

Venus in Leo: these people are like intimidating pretty, they’re always so made up and have the most shiny voluminous hair even if it’s long or short it always looks so healthy and shiny. They give off wealthy vibes & I notice ppl with this placement are really really smart, like a lot of people I meet with this placement are like top of their class. They usually dress in very trendy outfits & refuse to come out looking a mess, even on their bum days they still look made up. (I’m usually obsessed with women with this placement they’re just so 😩😍 I think it’s cuz I have an Aqua Venus so the opposite energy is very fascinating to me.

Leo rising: these people are like IT girl popular pretty & are amazing at engaging with groups of people which can be seen as really attractive to everyone around. They shine the most when they are entertaining others. These people can become really famous on tik tok or social media for their beauty. A lot of people with Leo risings are really into film and look amazing in front of a camera. They’re beauty and charisma makes them really attractive to others

Jupiter positively aspecting ascendant: these people have such a beautiful glow to them. Not a mysterious glow like Neptune on the ascendant but this enlightened joyous healthy glow. They just look like they take really good care of themselves internally and externally. This can make so many people want to be around them and hear their thoughts. This isn’t as much physical beauty (although a lot of the time these people look pretty good) it’s more they have a beautiful souls and they can uplift the mood just by walking in the room.

Planets in the 14th degree ( especially in big three or Venus) this is a Taurus degree and usually grants people with a beautiful appearance as well as a beautiful soul on the inside. These are the pretty girls who are also pretty on the inside as well (especially Moon and Venus). They have very well mannered and refined personalities. They have this amazing natural beauty about them they tend to look really good without a lot of makeup. They give forest nymph vibes.

Venus in 12th: they’re very ethereal looking and mysterious. These are usually people who are so attractive but doesn’t really give away much about themselves to others. This mysterious quality that draws a lot of people to them. They are a lot of people’s secret crush and people usually fantasize about them a lot.

Taurus moon: they have like amazingly soft features they’re really pleasant to look at. Usually have big doe/ Disney princess eyes. They have a very sensual look to them and move really gracefully. They usually have amazing fashion sense and love dressing up. They can make some of the most boring pieces look so expensive. They also all have amazingly clear skin like howwww

Uranus in 1st house: Gucci models energy. These people are so uniquely beautiful, they usually have something about themselves that stands out from those around them. I see in many cases they looked so unique that they were considered “ugly” as a kid but as they aged they grew into their features. A lot of supermodels have this placement.

[lalalian]

LITERALLY every single DR I have

I have not completed the scripts for most of them 😭😭

KEYS: 💭 = Non-Media / Not from a book, movie, or show DR

Sorry if the grammar is bad, I’m too lazy to look over this post 😭😭

Magical Girl DR 💭

heavily inspired by Precure bcccc it’s cute. Who doesn’t want to fight enemies with frilly dresses?

Regular School DR 💭

School but like filled with drama, I have some things written out 😭😭 it’s super 2015 Wattpad-y so idk if I’m gonna talk abt it

Fantasy Minecraft YouTuber DR 💭

I KNOW WHAT YOURE THINKING… I DO NOTTTT LIKE ANY MINECRAFT YOUTUBER OTHER THAN LDSHADOWLADY AND SNIFFERFISH. I MEAN THAT LITERALLY. don’t misunderstand, please and thank you 🫶

Dreamscape Station DR 💭

I had a vision, but I’ve yet to work on this script enough for me to post a lot about it 😞 I did post about it tho on my TikTok account! Essentially it’s like the backrooms but cute, ethereal, not dangerous (kinda), and full of shifters from other realities. You take a train to different parts of ‘Dreamscape’ and explore! I made tickets for this DR too 😭😭

K-Pop Stan Life DR 💭

Self explanatory. I’m gonna be a fansite, buy as many albums as I could possibly buy, and trade cards with ppl online + provide lots of freebies!

J-Pop Idol DR (💭 kinda)

This was a requested script from someone on my request form (I’ve just realized I didn’t link my request form here on tumblr… it should be up before anyone’s read this). I ended actually using this script for my love live DR cuz my old love live scripts were the ugliest thing on the planet

Obsidian Bride DR

Obsidian Bride is a manhwa that’s literally Singles Inferno but in an isekai otome manhwa world + everyone’s based off a gem, your gem is chosen based on your life and personality!

MHA DR

I was influenced to shift here bc of Priicklleshifts on TikTok 😭😭😭. I don’t really like the actual anime that much, but it seems like a really fun place to shift to! The script for this DR is 100% complete (I haven’t added anything to it for months now)

Wind Breaker DR

Wind Breaker’s a bike racing manhwa that you can read for free on Webtoon. Idk who I’m gonna date, but I literally CANNOT date Jay bc he reminds me of my brother 😭😭

Made of Stardust DR

I’m so mad that nobody’s shifting here 😭 if you like fantasy romance books, stars, enemies to lovers, magical forests, angst, etherealism, I bet your ass would want to shift here. I plan to be Kalisa, and so far I don’t want to change the plot

Futuristic K-Pop DR 💭

Also self explanatory. I do have a filled version of this DR up if anyone wants to use it (It’s not in my current format tho cuz the script is old asf😭). I scripted in a contestant show where the contestants would come from different planets (Mars, Earth, and Kepler smth… I don’t remember the numbers)

Better CR DR 💭

The place I’ll probably be permashifting to

Hallows Ball DR 💭

Okay so I started this script like 2 years ago or smth and I was supposed to finish it before Halloween (it’s a masquerade ball DR but with a twist) and I just haven’t finished it yet 😭 let’s hope I finish it this year

How to Get my Husband on my Side DR

Another manhwa DR!

TGCF DR

I bought the first book to read bc I absolutely loved the anime 😭😭 I haven’t read more than like 30 pgs… I just really don’t like it when books are in third person 😭😭

Fantasy Kpop DR 💭

I completely forgot about this DR until I went through my TikTok account to see how ugly my themes were 😭😭 Basically this DR is set in a fantasy world, each of the kpop groups I scripted in are of different species (fae, vampires, elves, etc…) and I’ve gotta gather certain groups to help me find artifacts in every single kingdom so that magic doesn’t disappear (so corny omfggg…)

Hogwarts DR

I only wanted to shift here bc everyone else wanted to 😭😭

Old Kpop DR 💭

Not gonna shift here anymore, but the script is complete 😭😭 I remade it for my Kpop contestant DR

Kpop Contestant DR 💭

Self explanatory, there’s filled and non filled versions on my linktree

My Own Kpop Group DR 💭

This script happens in the same reality as my Kpop contestant one, this is this group I’ll be in once my contestant group disbands. My own Kpop group is time and mythology themed!

Laurier Academy DR 💭

An actual idol school DR, you learn how to be a Kpop idol + a bunch of other stuff. I made a whole school website for this DR and there’s a four versions of this script:

Filled Co-Ed

Empty Co-Ed

Filled Girls Only

Empty Girls Only

(Co-ed is all genders in one school)

Elite School DR 💭

Idk why anyone uses this script bc not only is it ugly but the formatting is 😨😨 this was my first script that I posted to TikTok, and it has all the characters from my other DRs as students. Idk why, but I made everyone has an animal form. Mines a cat (kinda boring but I wanna be able to sneak around 😭)

Dragon Rider Academy (Aethergarde Academy DR) 💭

There’s also a filled version of this script in my linktree, don’t recommend it tho cuz it’s also poorly formatted and ugly. I think this was the second script I posted on my TikTok account

Shifting Library DR (Realmwalker Library) 💭

It’s a shifting library but better! All the books here are written by shifters. There’s different sections for world building, storytimes, quizzes, fanfics (of other ppls DRs), tips & methods, nsfw storytimes (adults only plz), philosophy related to shifting, and discussions about shifting (idk why I didn’t just merge discussions with philosophy..). Don’t be surprised if some or most of the shifters here aren’t human! I scripted that all non malevont beings that shift can come here; this does also mean that the books are automatically translated into the language you understand best. Oh and the authors aren’t always going to be human.

Love and Deepspace DR

My script for this one is pretty much complete, but I really want to know more about MC’s evol before shifting here 😭

Mental Health DR

I won’t talk about this DR at all on TikTok or on here (sorry) bc it’s super personal and I don’t want to seem like a damn baby 😭😭. I’m actually kind of scared of men irl, plus I didn’t have the best high school experience in my DR. My goal with this DR is to practice talking to people and get over my fear of men. This DR is my first ever DR; my original intent with shifting is to help get over my fear of men + people in general, especially taller people

Waiting Room

My waiting room is essentially an isekai manhwa mansion 😭😭 I scripted that there’s a serving cart with one of those 3 tiered afternoon snack things + milk tea, the milk tea has special properties that calm me down immediately when I drink it. My goal is to use the smell of the tea to know that I’ve shifted, and to drink the tea so I don’t fuck myself over and shift back to my OR 😭😭

[sewersidoll]

have an extremely successful n$fwtwt/OF account

manifest ur ideal lifestyle, be able to fully romanticize ur life, literally have cheat codes for life, ur life is on easy mode, have no issues, have extreme luck n good karma

make immense amount of bags, ur bank account literally needs to be the size of 10 football fields bc of how much money u make

look like a pretty, perfect silicone doll incels would purchase

u are srsly the most beautiful person on this floating planet, u are always insanely gorgeous, pretty, angelic n absurdly ethereal

u are unbelievably hot n sexy, u are quit literally everyone's dream n standard, u are insanely s3xually n physically desirable

ur skin is so perfectly n unrealisticly clear, flawless, soft n smooth

ur skin is super textureless, poreless, blurred nd airbrushed looking, ur skin is extremely healthy, even toned, moisturized n hydrated

ur skin is incredibly hairless, smooth, soft, squishy n marshmallowy as if u are a human sized plushy

ur body is genuinely a beautiful piece of art, a divine creation made by an artist who's blood, sweat n tears went to it, in order to make it ultimately perfect n flawless

have ur desired body, bone structure, beauty n face down to the most specifically crucial detail

u already have everything u've ever desired physically, visibly n mentally

ur pics always turn out super cvnty, perfect n flawless, every picture of u is an absolute ethereal masterpiece, u look unbelievably beautiful, hot, photogenic n pretty in every position

manifest cute, soft, fluffy pastel colors lingerie

manifest the hottest, cutest, prettiest lingerie sets that fits u perfectly n beautifully

manifest so many xxx toys, manifest pretty, high quality, effective, silent xxx toys

no matter what u post, ppl will luv it a bit too much, dck riding u just to get ur attention

attract ppl that are exactly ur ideal type, ur dms are always flooded w creepy, obsessed simps, ppl are absolutely head over heels, obsessed w u nd ur bodi, they cant stop commenting on ur pretty bodi nd what thy would do to it if they had a chance, get constantly s3xualize, objectify nd f3tishize, ppl give u sm money nd attention, ppl r willing to give u money in exchange for ur pics (any kind of pics)

u enjoy ppl's attention towards u sm

immune to attract unwanted ppl, immune to ever get caught, family n close friend never find out abt ur accounts

immune to get ur info leaked w/o ur knowledge n consent

[moonliched]

I just wanna say I adore your fic so so much. Everything is so nice and entertaining. I certainly can't wait for the proper meeting of the complete fishy bois. Also you don't have to compare the assistant ai!! I love bon-bon so much that he's growing on me like algae/lh

I love how he just worries about Y/N when they just brush him off saying they're just another replaceable cog to this system. Like the way he goes.

"But you're a person."

Makes me think he's not really well versed in stuff and still learning and that's what makes him so cute and fascinating. Bonbon our only ally fr fr

ALSO MOON!!! HE'S SO ANXNJEJDJRJF I JUST WANNA SQUISH IM AND BITE HIM. SHAKE HIM LIKE A FERAL DOG W THEIR TOY.

A MENACE.

I still snicker at the misunderstandings like Y/N trying to run away and Moon just goes "Play? Play! FRIEND PLAY!!!"

He's like a cat batting at anything that moves SJXJJEJDJDNEKD

Can I ask what he was trying to do, throwing fish at Y/N? Like I initially thought it was like a thank you but HAHAHA I'm not so sure.

I cackled on the bit where "IT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME" Junior researcher. PLS YOU LITERALLY LIKE EXPOSED EVERY DCA ENJOYER.

NOT THE REDACTED IM FUCKING SOBBING OVER IT.

Bonbon literally has the normal reaction and reader's like wdym haha

I wanna ask so many questions but I must be patient and wait for everything to unravel OWOENDKSNDJD

Honestly I got curious and went to tumblr to see some extra content and it didn't disappoint.

I didn't expect the scene where Bronii and Y/N sees Moon glowing to be so ethereal looking!!!

He's sk beautiful augh. NOT ONLY HIM BUT OUR VERY OWN Y/N

Y/N is very pretty and i love them sm. I love the banter between them and BonBon. I just can't help but laugh that the bunny was going to jab about their ancestors in their oceanic planet.

I absolutely adore your AU and will keep rereading it <333333

I sincerely hope you recover well and take your time to heal before attempting to do more <333333 Put yourself first <3 we can wait

sneef aheem heem🥺 this is such a nice message🥺😭😭💕

i'm ecstatic you like it!!!!! tbh BON-BON is growing on me so algae-like that i need to elevate other characters so he doesn't overtake them😅 i'm sure some ppl know how it is when a supporting character kinda starts to overshadow the mains accidentally. but instead of cutting him down, the others will rise instead. also you're right, BON-BON has confidence but he's not as well-versed in relationships and social knowledge as he presents himself. he's naive, a little. and he has a mental hierarchy of AI at the bottom, living beings at the top that's being challenged by how carelessly Y/N is being treated.

i ADORE writing Moon! so when he was throwing the fish at Y/N, he was mimicking their tactic of using food to lure him forward. kinda like how they were doing with the crabs in that moment. he wanted to form some kind of trust using food and make them come closer. at that point he had yet to see them without their mask, so to his knowledge other communication methods like speech weren't available.

heeheehoo i wanted him to look very dazzling during the hypnotism scene🥰😳 and i noticed with half of his face covered with the esca he looks more human?? which would help with luring humans bc it kinda obscures the uncanny valley aspect of his usual face shape. i love drawing all of them!

i hope to update the fic soon! recovery isn't going as planned, so i'll be sure to rest, but i've been looking forward to answering this since i saw it in my inbox☺️and i love getting Q's about my fic. thank sm for such a nice message!!💞✨💗✨🌼💖

[youremyheaven]

astro observations pt11

taurus placements hate cutting their hair

air signs & ppl with pisces placements have really foggy memory

scorpios have a reputations for being "mysterious" but yk who is really mysterious ?? pisces ppl. think about your pisces friend and what you really know about them? the answer is nothing xD

ive noticed that a lot of people with earth + water combo have a Kibbe Romantic ID

sooo many gemini/taurus artists are obsessed with garden of eden/heaven imagery & concept

10h stellium/sun ppl tend to be vvv popular and well liked

cancer folks love cats

fire signs are usually dog persons

ppl with their big 3 conjuncting any outer planet (esp neptune or pluto) tend to be very ethereal seeming. they dont belong to this world.

so many aries moons i know have self harmed when they were younger.

[whyshanti]

twenty nineteen. periodt.

i genuinely felt the need to write this because i was bored i have not written anything in a really long time. but mostly because there’s only a few who might read this and not care afterwards. it sucks to not be able to do something that i used to enjoy for quite a while. but here i am!

a lot of thoughts to unburden and a lot of unspoken feelings to unpack. let’s get to it, bih.

1. this year felt like it was dragging on. i wanted it to end asap.

so this year, i actually had A LOT of time. where did it go? 

to: movies, series, anime, music, watching youtube videos, breakdowns, feeling stuck & paralyzed,  academics, reading articles about pop culture & mainstream shit, going out with friends, chatting random ppl at night bc i thought i could trust them (and some of them, i can), and etc.

but on a more serious note, i really was more into the world of media, of both mainstream and indie worlds. i still can’t believe i got through this semester when i have been doing these things unrelated to uni. some ppl are also baffled by this activity log that i have. 

point is: i felt like a walking zombie. probably looked like one as well. there is this routine that i have to do and i got really sick of myself. i didn’t have the motivation to strive more. i was always either sleeping (at least for the first half of the year) or watching. it all feels lifeless. the latter part of the year, my body clock was wrecked. i did not like the weather during daytime. at all. i slept during the day when i did not have classes then i was awake at night. but i try to get as much sleep as i can because my health is declining. i think.

also this year felt like it had 3 sequels. unnecessary, boring, full-of-jump-scares type of sequels. fuck.

2. feeling anxious and chill at the same time.

the only thing that made me feel chill at the latter part of the year is the fact that this shit... like all these shitty things we’ve been doing... will pass anyway. 

i don’t know if it’s because of the new system that was implemented but it definitely feels like the stress levels were high only during exam weeks. for real. i am grateful to have THAT kind of “stress privilege (??)” but i also wish i was stressing over something that gives me LIFE. i know i’m studying for something that will actually help me provide something for myself and for my family but my soul (oh crap here’s where things get cheesy) screams i should do something else. 

my friend always tells me to chill but i couldn’t because there’s always that nagging thought that i have to do something productive everyday. i think it stems from past disappointments, failed expectations from ppl close to me, and just basically feeling like a failure. i’m a frantic mess who somehow has the time to do unnecessary things. wish the energy was put into finishing acads on time or earlier, but here we are. think they meant that i should be chill with mysef. to be kind to myself. to not panic and breathe.

another thing is that there’s a load of information shoved in my head that really paralyzes me to act on something.

3. leaving behind the things i’ve outgrown.

it’s so funny how i’ve met few new people this year who i already treasure only to have quite a number of people to walk out of my life.

it’s not really surprising to me. i think we all wanted it to happen anyway. i’m just happy that things kind of subtly fell apart for things to make more sense. the feeling is kind of like how a misplaced puzzle piece is put into its rightful place. finally, i don’t have to force myself and i think the feelings are mutual. anyway, this year was a revelation in itself despite how dragging the pacing felt. love how the gunk went out and i see now what i’ve been blind to. chuck the deuce! definitely a thank u, next moment.

4. meeting new people, unexpected unions.

i definitely did not expect to form connections and be reunited with some of my old friends this year. also witnessed deepened friendships. 

there’s always this thing where i put my energy on a high level when i’m meeting new people just to seem decent and happy then slowly revealing how tired, sad, and boring i can be. then there’s that fear of losing people’s interest in me or people not becoming excited to talk to me about... anything really. never thought i’d have this fear of losing certain people in my life. i want to detach myself from that and from people themselves too (in a healthy way ofc). 

i’ve never ever felt like i could lose people in an instant. there’s that thing where i worry if i’m too much or i’m lacking for people. so i appreciate people who let me know if i’m crossing the line or if i’m doing something that completely annoys them because i really want to be part of people’s lives, meaningfully and genuinely. a good one. i don’t want to half-ass my relationships with other people and i seek loving relationships that thrive and inspire where it doesn’t only get good at the start but is continually progressing even when we don’t see each other often. it’s fascinating how as we get older, we see how relationships are not as simple as we think they are but really are simple at the same time. we have different goals, we are at different stages in our lives, we are facing shit that nobody else seems to understand and things that don’t seem to end, and we can only hope that our mere presence and emotionally available hearts will listen to whatever the other person has to unburden. 

to somehow let them know that they don’t need permission to rest and to do things that they are afraid of pursuing. 

4a. discovering new artists.

AURORA: the most underrated artist for sure. watched every interview/video/set because she is that bitch. her SONGS, man. i swear. she is that ethereal fairy from the forest. her fucking voice just draws me in. she deserved a better role in frozen 2 tho. she needs to be a lead in a musical animated movie. idc idc i said what i said.

beabadoobee: fucking rockstar, reviving the 90s grunge music and looks.

Billie Eilish: a badass. hate how she still stans bieber tho. 

5. daydreaming of a new life.

you don’t know how many times i’ve been dreaming to have a big house. 

it’s time. we really need a new house. i’m not, as what the kids say, vibing with this old house anymore. this is what i wish to leave behind as soon as possible. how do i even get the MONEY to afford it? i’m just hoping for a miracle to happen, you know. i really wish my family gets to be in a better home soon.

i think if u know me, u might have caught me spacing out a few times. 

idk why this always happens. it’s so rude to the person speaking to me but my mind literally drifts off to another planet. it’s not that they’re boring. i just can’t help it. i feel like shit thinking about how many times it has happened to me. 

sometimes, i dream of being this whole new different person. 

someone who is better than who i am. someone who is good at something and is passionate about the things she does. there are a lot of things i am interested in doing but i don’t have the courage to actually do it. idk why i always turn into a statue when i think of things that i wanna do.

6. God.

it’s been a long time. i have lost contact with You but You are always there to patch things up for me. every effin’ time. i cry everytime.

it must be because i was raised in a christian setting. that’s why i always think it’s You who’s working behind the scenes. but still i am grateful.

saved me from certain people.

saved me this semester.

saved me from pulling worthless all-nighters.

provided me financially esp when i thought i had nothing.

prevented a severe acid reflux situation.

gave me new friends.

did literally so many things that saved me from bad situations and people in general like WHO DOES THAT??

7. a life without a plan.

this is literally what i wanted to happen. not carelessly but like where i don’t have to worry about what to do next. just let things be and go with the flow. the first half of this year, i really did not think things through as i normally would and i let plans fall just to enjoy what was in front of me. be at ease and be present during that time. and i did. it was a peaceful, cheery time tbh.

8. every day i wanted to start over just to get over a lot of things.

9. i missed a lot of ppl.

10. i wanted to be held. not by a certain someone. not romantically. but by anyone close to me. *plays i’m with you by avril lavigne*

sometimes we all just need a long hug. that’s all. and it’d be nice to hear more stories from people. :)

11. not everybody will reciprocate the same energy that i send out to them and it’s okay.

this bummed me out. felt like an effin’ loser but i’ve learned that people have businesses to do. life doesn’t always happen the way we want it to.

12. this the final year of college. just finish it already, dumbass. 

13. why can’t i just be kathryn bernardo or AURORA for like a month or a year? i promise i will not ruin their careers lmao.

14. i want to make major changes in my stupid life but money is an issue.

15. the stars are below the sky now.

the state of the environment is the same as of our minds. polluted and overloaded with gibberish to the point that we get scared of doing one thing at a time and where we also don’t throw away the unnecessary baggage/s. 

we’re so intent on doing things all at the same time. finishing everything in one sitting. being productive became an addiction and it scared me how i was becoming affected by this. there’s this constant thought that we collectively share which is to do something by every day and it only adds up to people’s anxiety and depression. social media definitely made us aware of mental illnesses/disorders but then it became a trend. people self-diagnose themselves and end up with the wrong treatment. some people use it as a tool to get followers and... ugh it’s all a mess. i hope people get the right treatment/s AND/or professional help because if they don’t, they’ll lose themselves. i mean... just look at the sky. there’s literally no sign of a star now if u live in the city. we’ve lost sight of what should guide us. we are unconsciously following a false light thru our devices. 

i’m not good at analogies or at explaining things as u can tell. but moving on...

this hyper self-awareness that i have gained from social media has its advantages but is also distracting me from living my best life. i didn’t realize that i was making my own christmas lights inside my seemingly dark mind when really... it’s just clouded by all this information that’s coming in fast and has affected who i am and certain areas of my life. i’ve almost forgotten this and i’ve come to believe again that there’s always an ever-present light and it will take time to get used to its brightness once my mind gets clearer by the day. hopefully, it will.

anyway, CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL AND WE NEED TO SAVE EARTH. 

16. men are trash. 

17. the people who i should avoid always looks odd or unpleasant and has bad energy. i know shit when i sense one. 

18. i’m not happy with my life and with who i am but i’ll work with what i’ve got.

life gives u a mirror and shits on your face. sheesh.

for some reason, i can’t forget what my adviser told me during my 4th year of high school. she told me “it seems like you’re a person full of regrets” and every time i have a cryfest, i think of that. idk why. (never underestimate the power of a few words, folks). you know how like in flow charts, u encounter decision points? the diamond shapes? i think i always decide no and end up with the worst consequence and then there’s no more starting over. 

i don’t think i understand flow charts well. ugh. 

i can’t come up with a cool transition to me having insecurities so let’s say i did!

some people’s beauty, inspiring. but others just make you feel like shit.

i really want to explore my feminine side more because i was more masculine when i was younger. i’m not gentle, i’m a bit aggressive. and it just doesn’t fit with who i want to be. idk why. and also, it’s fun (!!!). you get a taste of what it’s like and it’s so EMPOWERING at least for the short experience that i had. but can make me feel very conscious of my entire being and i just end up wearing cartoony disguises. ironic but BABY STEPS. when i think about it, there’s really no black or white answer whether this or that is feminine or masculine.  

self-love is not a 5-step process. 

it is continuous improvement of oneself to the point where you don’t give a fuck about what they say. i really envy the ones who are comfortable in their own skin, who are totally embracing their flaws. they just bloom. some people just look like them. like it’s SO THEM. unmistakably them. and i think if everyone had that, we would not have standards anymore.

oh, to live in a time where individuality is encouraged but is also discouraged when not lived up to its standards. hurray.

19. this year was the year of mindless decisions. periodt.

20. hoping that the new year, 2020, will be the year of CLARITY where i know who i really am, embracing it, and where i will not be taking anymore of anyone’s bullshit. where i know where i stand in my relationships with other people and vice versa. there will be intentional but meaningful endings that will pave the way for blossoming beginnings. 

let’s hope it unfolds the way it should be. for the better.

bonus: nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing. everyone’s just going with the flow. be yourself.

note: this is a compilation of thoughts, informally. thank u.

[lexidem-blog]

dreams: parallel universes. kinda like a video game; each level was a crazier world. one was this beautiful pastel gradient one w/ these tall beautiful alien ladies bouncing on big pastel spheres. then i used the taxi service which was run by “kind demons” and u had to tell them which hill to take u to and then they just appeared and u were there but everything was fuzzy and dark blue and it took about two seconds n u were dropped off and took a few minutes to be conscious again. giant phone book full of hill names. bag w/ it as bottom. xbox game theif rides in a tropical place. paddle to the other side of the lagoon and then there was a ride i’m little boats w/ like half real half plastic ducks on it. running into the ocean but it was really hot water i was at a family party in a huge backyard and there were sooooo many dogs!! but then it was june and cold and ppl were trying to swim a dream that adele michaela madi and taylor kept being rly rly rude and then were acting like i was being ridiculous for being upset. carol was angry then agreed with them. adele would ignore me whenever i spoke. then later taylor apologized and said i was right n we were in a relationship so it was like back in high school and she made out w/ me and then i was like “ur straight” and told her abt her future and she was like no way i’m in love w/ u n i was like yea but ur straight in the future lol jordan skype showing me t-shirt’s all ugly she was annoyed in big weird space hbd mackenzie emoji straight to 😎 from ❤ lily frankle loook for vid dt n amusement park makeup skipping laughing feet in holes. racing game grandmom real cars. purple mascara. til mirror. lots of tickets. amy talking about marriages florence across table “knew you’d choose jordan” told her i didn’t choose her two dreams about florence’s parents checking in on me & one miimz checking i wouldn’t kill myself but angrily hours: 9 big confusing party was cuddling two girls then graduation but swim i got low place in figures b/c it was split into junior senior but one award set. then hiding but it was m n okay but then they like lost it b/c i held them too tight cuddling. also video games chris beds idk. then i think chris was antagonist. two submarines battling. kept shrinking ourselves but we were inside antagonists lair n breaking all the like dinosaur skeletons. halloween costumes mom orange wig. downstairs laundry  washing bloodstained gown using bar soaps scrubbing. surrounded by half dead little girls doing same woke up in a cold sweat i couldn’t shake b/c all the blankets are cold n damp too. very long dream moving to africa to study abroad. still don’t know what country in africa. started by visiting to see if i’d like it disney style thing could see coronado springs. stranger things kids? then was home n there was maybe gonna be a storm so i was gonna miss my flight but made it. iphone has stopped working so was using my env3 but then phone started working. michaela and other swim ppl were there again saw her friend got bad vibes she got annoyed and i said all her friends still give off mean popular kid vibes. purple lit tunnel after long security/suitcase weird stuff. took like 7 different flights to get to the right country. u could see soooooo many stars and a huge planet and it was on the sea n there were so many mountains. then i had one i was at this place on rollerckatser w/ these girls from a glasgow band and they wanted to be my friend. the one was vegan and knew like ellie’s friends. then i was in this shop thing then a hut and some guy was fingering me and everyone was like “no that’s their job” these like beautiful ethereal women that lived in the water next to the shop. then i lived w/ han n cal n ppl and was tucking them into bed n we were having vegan food n wine also a part w/ a trick where id be chained in the middle of this part and tricked other ppl into me being set free n then ran to find a bus but they were all taking ages then bethany was there more cold sweat 13 hours don’t remember which night. started in moms house and kept feeling stressed. was w/ other ppl and went in an elevator kept checking around each corner. turned out main characters sister was villain and had made it so every time u went in a different room u went into this disorienting like parallel universe and back. walked towards evil sisters hub and hid in jewelry store that was closed for the night. could make self invisible. turned out sister had made eating meat a requirement for her followers? i (main character now?) revealed that she was evil and everything was okay. scaffolding ? climbing. something about a little boy (my child?) none. two hours sleep. i was in a little shelter and held a teeny tiny baby german shepard and pet an american eskimo but their fur was v matted. i was on my moms street and taylor and i were laying down and holding hands and men kept being like “ooooh”. then we were at a party and it was the weirdest mix of people in this weird space that looking back seems maybe. spacestationy? idk how else to describe it. but then i went to the kitchen and it was p normal but like huge and american and laura was there and she was being v sweet as usual and i was talking about baking and left to go to this other meet up thing. these 3 people there wanted me to make them v specific huge drawings in chalk pastel. one of the people was michael from IT who wanted it to be of his one professor and he had a photo of him in his pocket in an envelope. we were about to clean up the cakes n all but then i remembered i needed to grab stuff from this other stall (they were in like fair-esque stalls) and the lady in charge gave me the key and it was like this old cottage and when i went inside i felt like. suffocated. b/c it was rly hot and stuffy. but grabbed my stuff (two stone carvings of giraffes, two of a smaller animal, and two of lions that i realized were poorly done w/ the mane so i was like oh man i’m gonna put fur over them to fix the manes) they were v heavy and i held them in my shirt folded up like a child. the one girl kept saying she needed the chalk pastel thing by tomorrow n i was stressed 10 hrs. i was back w/ florence n hanging w/ her and miimz and we were all v happy very stressful. one w/ big bridge. driving. one w firefly patrol jordan replied. i was rly angry. also she cut her hair soooo short went to cheesecake factory. they said i couldn’t eat alone. was like wow i gotta tell marte at a play w/ like alice. walking down the stairs. colonial british men. teal set on stage. had to go to bathroom. amy and leah woke up and if rainbow reflected mckenzie room plants  then on bed w/o her and tab but pad all over the bed trump was paying me to meet up gave me £700 florence mom debt angry dorney water park uber 2 stars

Brie