#The small hip design doesn't even make any sense. The large hips would help him carry his large tail.

[iggyredacted]

Why, oh why does Bandai Namco keep doing this to Frieza? Why can't you guys leave this man's hips alone? The one on the left is from Super, and the one on the right is from Dokkan Battle. There must be some conspiracy behind this because this does not make any sense. Is making his hips smaller supposed to appeal more to the male fanbase or something? His hips look fine in Fighterz and Sparking Zero, so I have no clue why all the mobile games insist on doing this. I'm not mad, I'm just confused beyond belief because this isn't the first time it's been done.

[wornoutmouse]

Day 13: Voyeurism

Notes:

Bruh I freaking love this. Also, I decided that with the kinks that I don't exactly know how to write, I'd just replace it with something else i can right. (As I'm writing this I looked at my kink list and voyeurism is day 26, on my momma I can never catch a break" also since I'm so far behind yall gon keep getting these probably well into November)

You had been dating Kai for about a year now but you had yet to do anything physical. Ever since the beginning, you knew that he wasn't big on touch to start with. In fact, it took till the second month of the relationship for him to even hold hands with you and three more months after for him to even kiss you on the cheek. Your friends would love to joke that you were in a long-distance relationship with Kai much to your annoyance. Even so, you loved him and would never dream of pushing him beyond his comfort level and he thanked you for that internally.

"Kai, I brought you your lunch!" you say pushing the door to his office open. Kai paid you no mind as you he trailed his gloved hand over his keyboard typing an email to an investor. You intricately placed his salad in the middle of his plate, making sure that no green leaf crossed the swirling blue design the plate possessed. You place 10 small pieces of tomatoes in a star shape above the lettuce then sprinkled it all with shredded cheese and pepper before sitting down a champagne glass of Vanilla Shasta. The last part you personally thought was doing too much but your boyfriend became a bit of a brat when things weren't exactly how he liked it.

You jump slightly as you feel a hand graze lightly across your rear end. You smiled recognizing the gesture as you felt the slight heat from his fingers dancing over your lower back. You go to leave the door whisper small encouragement to him as you see him pick up his food. 

As for the work you had to do today, there were none since you were finished. You had the rest of the day to yourself to relax because you knew Kai would not be leaving his office till 2:30 pm and it was only 9. Gaining a mischievous smirk, you tiptoe to your shared bedroom and hop under the covers grabbing your phone and putting your headphones in. Since Kai has yet to be comfortable touching you, you have had to help yourself in regards to physical pleasure. 

You trail your hands down delicately tracing your skin with your fingertips trying to get yourself worked up. The sound of your personal video flooded your senses as you listen to the asmrist instructing you on how to touch yourself. "I want you to take your hands and massage your breasts." you follow the instructions unhooking your bra from their confinement and sighing as all the tension falls away from you. You circle the outer parts of your areolas following the bumpy trail that covered them. "Pinch your nipples, my dear." 

Due to the cold air in the room, your nips had long since hardened from the change in temperature so it took only a little prodding to get them standing at attention. You lick the tip of your finger and circle your hard bud between itself. You softly whimper as you feel yourself slowly becoming aroused. You imagine the voice becoming deeper, similar to that of Kai's as it tells you what to do. "Take off your panties." You peer through your closed lids and pull down your underwear, shivering as you felt your wetness sticking from your folds to your underwear. "Don't touch yourself yet baby instead I want you to trace your inner thighs, so close, yet so far." You internally cringe at the pet name because you knew Kai would never call you that. 

Your legs tremble as you got closer to your entrance but were forced to retreat from the place you wanted to be caressed. At this point, you had become uncouth with the sheets around you tossed off of your body exposing your lower half to the open-air making you shiver as the AC comes on. You turn your head to the side, eyes closed, "I want you to trace your folds but go no deeper." You whimper as you lightly graze your entrance not going any further.

You worry your plump lip in between your teeth as you use all your self-control to not go on ahead and delve inside yourself. You groan as you feel your earbud slip out of your ear. You reach your hand back to grab it but feel your hand touch something leather-like. You open your eyes lips pursed before sitting up sharply as you make eye contact with Kai. 

"I...I." you stutter out unable to explain yourself as you feel your face get warm with embarrassment. Kai doesn't break eye contact with you as he holds your earbud a small distance from his ear, close enough to ear the vulgar words the asmrsit is speaking but far enough that it isn't touching his ear. You bring the blanket up to cover yourself but it's promptly snatched from your hand by Kai. You bring your legs up to yourself thoroughly embarrassed at being caught. Kai, still holding the earbud walks out of the room before walking back in with a chair that he positions in front of the bed. 

Kai sits down tossing the earpiece on the bed sitting back and crossing his legs, gaze piercing through you. "Show me." You jerk your head up at the order, "H-Huh?" Kai leans forward propping his elbows on his knees. "Show me, what you were doing." You blinked a few times and you could feel yourself blush, honestly glad that he wouldn't be able to see it. You exhale shakily trying to calm yourself. 'He's not mad, but He's not happy." You jump as you feel a ruler tap your legs open and you gaze up as at Kai as he slides a gloved hand over your knee prying them open. "Touch yourself." 

Seeing no other option you trail your hands down your body shakily and grimace as you feel yourself wetter than before. You trail your fingers through your wetness and moan slightly. The grip on your knees tightens as Kai's gaze bores into where your hands played with yourself. Kai's hands glide down your legs as he squats in front of you only inches from your entrance. His predatory gaze flickers to your's and you couldn't help but hold eye contact feeling as if it was against the rules for you to look away. 

Kai takes hold of your wrists and angles your fingers above your entrance making you sink the tip of your index finger inside of yourself. "Crap." you curse out at the teasing sensation your finger caused. "Watch your language." Kai grunts still maintaining focus on how your finger dipped in and out of your wet entrance. You couldn't see over the bed, but you could tell he was affected by the hint of sweat collecting on his forehead. Taking his hand, Kai pulls down his mask exposing the rest of his face before taking a gloved hand in between his teeth pulling it off. 

You jump as you feel a larger finger push itself inside unforgivingly joining yours. "Your absolutely filthy." Kai growls out scoffing as he feels you tighten around his finger at the remark. You slowly finger yourself slightly annoyed at the stationary position Kai kept his finger you jerk your hips slightly trying to encourage him to move. Kai narrowed his eyebrows, a thin tongue swiping over his lips. You whine happily as he begins to move it, though rough in speed, pleasurable in direction. "You were being an absolute tramp on my bed, dirtying it with your lustful thought." Kai moved his finger at a rougher pace as he stands up propping himself above you with one hand. "Yet you had the audacity to pleasure yourself with another man's voice." You could feel yourself getting close to your release as you unconsciously grip onto Kai's forearm, "Release me!" you drop your hands down and throw your head back as you shake uncontrollably eyes screwed shut as you focused on your pleasure. 

Kai slowed down his pace the slightest bit as he prods your cervix with his finger circling it carefully before pushing at it as if trying to breach it. "Kai that kinda hur-ts." you stutter outreaching to touch him but stopping yourself from doing so. Kai proceeds to resume his brutal pace on your walls and you couldn't help but arch your back violently as you feel wave after wave of pleasure crawling through you. 

With a loud wail, you cum and to your horror, you feel a large amount of liquid exit your body and sprayed over Kai's arm and his leg that he had propped on the bed below you. Kai continues ignoring his discomfort, fingering you through your orgasm. When you're finished, he pulls away and you can finally see the amount of damage you did. His pants are obviously stained dark from your release. "I had heard about women releasing copious amounts of liquid from their sexual organs. I at first only thought it was urine but based on smell and consistency I now see that this is not so." Kai studies his hand that is drenched in your fluids ranging from clear to white.

He takes a few steps back sitting on the chair behind him before unbuckling his belt and pulling himself out. You gasp as you gaze at his dick for this is the first time you've ever seen it. It was heavily covered in pulsating veins and the tip was an angry red from being left unattended for so long. Taking the hand covered in your release, Kai uses it to stroke his member growling as he finally gets the stimulation he needed. You watched hungrily and somewhat proud that you were the one that caused your calm and collected boyfriend to overcome his obsession with cleanliness.

"Are you proud of yourself?" Kai grunts as he polishes the head of his cock with the palm of his hand. His arms flexed and his feet raised up onto his toes as he breaths heavier coming closer to his own orgasm. "Bringing me down to your level like this." Kai throws his head back thrusting his cock into his hand which force that you craved would go into you. 

You walk up to Kai and hungrily gaze at his long cock as your combined fluids pooled along with the opening of his pants that at this point were hopelessly ruined. "Can I.." you started swallowing shallowly as Kai teased the tip of his cock with his thumb. "Can I please have it Kai?" you beg sounding completely ruined. Kai smirked at you releasing his cock as you position yourself above it sliding down with a moan. Kai brings his hands, one gloved, one not, and holds your ass tightly as he uses his strength to bounce you on his cock. "Look at you, so pathetic, taking everything I give you." You nod your head babbling nonsense as his cock bumps your cervix the same way his finger had moments before.

Kai plants his feet flat on the ground as he meets you halfway thrusting into your body breaking your mind with how good it felt. You come once again, pulsating around his dick making Kai also reach his peak as he releases deep inside of you. You two rest your foreheads together as you come down from your high.

Kai promptly lifts you up and heads to your large bathroom that, to your surprise, was already filled with warm water. Your face heats up at the thought of a server sneaking past the two of you to fill up the tub. Afterward, there are small kisses and Kai's complaints about how messy you were as you washed each other's backs.

[stormgardenscurse]

Happy Birthday, Yuki!

My first proper(-ish?) A3! piece, featuring Yuki’s birthday! Fem!Reader, suggested to be around the middle/high-schooler age. Kind of tomboyish (running around with Juza and Taichi, gaming with Itaru and Banri, etc.) This is a casual type of reader insert, since I’m just starting to write for these guys. Do drop by my askbox if you’d like to see more of this fandom!

“How much time have we got?” Banri asks you, surveying the pile of decorations.

School’s just ended, and the plan was to occupy Yuki on his way back in order to set up for his birthday. Normally you'd distract him yourself, but in light of a small time-frame you’ve decided that all hands on deck were needed.

“One hour by Muku, then we’ll send Taichi over for another hour.” You turn to Banri with a grin. “Just like a game, right? We’ve got all our pieces set up.”

Truly, spending time with him and Itaru was rubbing off on you.

“A game, huh?” A competitive gleam enters his eyes. “Then we’ll clear it, easy.”

“Stop standing around and yapping,” Sakyo enters the room. “If you want to surprise Rurikawa like you planned you better hurry up.”

With that as a reminder you begin to assign items to everyone, double-checking as you go to make sure nothing was overlooked. You’ve decided that since Yuki always looked out for you despite your quirks and troubles, you’ll do your best for him today.

Strengthening your resolve, you turn to the boys that’ve gathered. “Right, let’s get to work!”

-

"This was nice and all," Yuki says to Muku, picking up the takeout bag. "But it isn't like you to be so spontaneous and try out a new cafe."

Reading his suspicion, Muku quickly covers it up with a short laugh, waving his hands as if to clear the air. "I just wanted to do something with you for your birthday, is all~ The guys on the track team mentioned that the desserts here were stylish, so it made me think of you!"

Fortunately, nervousness isn't an oddity from Muku, so Yuki relaxes his guard a bit. "I guess that makes sense… Though I don't get why people make such a big deal of birthdays, sometimes."

"It's an opportunity for us to show our appreciation for you." Muku opens the door for them as they leave. He's bought the others an hour, but isn't sure if that was enough. "Speaking of, why don't-"

"Yuki!!"

The pair jumps at the sudden sound, turning to see Taichi running towards them at an alarming speed. He doesn't seem like he intends to slow down, which makes Yuki step back and raise his hands in an attempt to stop him.

"Slow down, you dumb-"

"Happy Birthday!"

Taichi attacks Yuki with a side hug, hanging by his arm like a child. This earns him an unimpressed stare from the green-head, while Muku manages a little chuckle at the sight.

"What are you even doing here?" An exasperated Yuki sighs, pushing the other boy off. "Shouldn't you be back at the dorms by now?"

"Actually!" Taichi reveals a shopping list, "I came to help with buying groceries, but there's a lot to carry so it’ll be easier if we all go."

"How did you know we were nearby?" He rests a hand at his hip, wearing a doubtful look. "Creep."

"It's not like that! Y/n gave me a heads up in case I needed the help."

"Ah, right! We sent her a picture of the desserts that looked cute." Muku joins in, asserting Taichi's excuse. 

In reality, you had planned out this entire scene by asking Muku to send updates from the cafe. Since you’re normally messing around rather than planning things like these, your strategic ability came as a surprise to most. Both he and Taichi make a mental note to never cross you, lest you use your powers for evil.

"...and Y/n is probably busy climbing the roof with Trianglian or something." Yuki shakes his head, seeming to have bought into the story. "Fine, we'll help you out. No one needs the groceries to be damaged from mishandling."

"I'm fine with that." Muku agrees, turning in the direction of the supermarket. "Shall we get going?"

-

- During the party -

“Why’d you go so far to buy two hours, though?” Yuki gestures to Taichi, who had intercepted him and Muku to further stall. “Did it really take that long to set up?”

“Well, Y/n was pretty adamant about having things up to standard.” Azuma smiles. “If anything was shoddily put up she’d go after whoever was in charge; no one would’ve dared to slack off.”

“It didn’t help that Banri and Sakyo were backing her up, too.” Tsuzuru recalls, grabbing another snack. “I thought I’d hung the decorations upside-down at one point - my heart almost stopped.”

You feel your face burn from their words. “It wasn’t that bad!”

The party goes on for a while. You and Yuki chat over at the side while the guys take to start a new video game (Itaru apparently bought it in honour of his birthday, so they were determined to clear it perfectly on the first try in his name).

Sounds of battle and intense playing sound over Kazunari’s narrations, which cause Yuki to roll his eyes. “Those idiots… It’s a good thing the place is large enough that we won't disturb any neighbours.”

“Not like anyone would dare come over, though.” You laugh. “The last time the mailman arrived Juza answered the door, remember?”

He shakes his head exasperatedly. “Those Autumn gangsters… They’re hopeless.”

As if summoned by the mention of them, Omi passes by. He joins in the conversation for a bit. “Hopefully the cake’s to your taste?” He asks playfully. “Kazunari helped draw on the cats on top as a memento to your second play.”

“I knew it… Those designs looked too familiar.” Yuki brings a hand to his head. “I guess I should be grateful he didn’t just paint a portrait on.”

Omi chuckles. “It would be quite a sight if he did.” As if a thought just occurred to him, he turns to you, voice melting into concern. “Y/n, did you ever treat your knee?”

You suddenly remember what happened - the injury had dulled away so it never crossed your mind. “Ah, I completely forgot… I’ll just wrap it up later at night. It doesn’t even hurt.” You try to assure them.

Yuki gives you a strict look. “No, you’re getting it treated now.”

When he starts off in the direction of the rooms, Omi bids you good luck. “It’s nice to know that he’s looking after you.”

Your shoulders slump as you make to follow him, guilt wrapping around your reply. “He shouldn’t have to… It’s his birthday.”

“I don’t think he minds, actually.” Omi lends you a knowing smile. “You should hurry so that you can return soon.”

-

“Seriously… How‘d this even happen?” Yuki applies the sanitizer to your knee, making you wince from the sting.

“We were hanging up the banners,” you sheepishly smile over the pain. “I tripped from the ladder and caught myself, but…” You gesture to the injury. “I scratched it on the roof.”

“You should’ve let the others do it.” He’s wrapping it up now. “Pretty sure Misumi or Banri could’ve done it quicker.”

You pout at that, crossing your arms defiantly. “I wanted to work hard for you! And I shouldn’t be let off from the work just because I’m a girl!”

Yuki sighs, clipping the first aid kit shut. “This isn’t about you being a girl.” He then meets your eyes seriously. “It’s about you being clumsy when you get too excited over something. You’re always running around with the others and come back fine, but once you’re distracted you’ll be open to injury.”

You open your mouth to rebut, but come up short. “Betrayal.” You say semi-dramatically. “I can’t believe you’re calling me out like this.”

He snorts, “I just don’t want someone important to me getting hurt.”

As if he didn’t just say something touching, Yuki gets up from the bed to store the things away. When he looks at you again, he pauses and raises a brow at how you’re staring. “What?” He asks, suddenly conscious of his surroundings.

You shake your surprise away, getting up as well. “Nothing, nothing…” By now you’ve made it to the door of his room. He’s a little ways behind you, to which you turn back, shooting him a happy look. “Love you too, Yuki. Thanks for patching me up!”

With that, you hurry away, leaving Yuki stunned in confusion.

What…?

“Hah?!” He exclaims, following after you. It’s not everyday you manage to throw him off like this, but with the ‘love you’ hanging in the air, no one can really blame him. “What was that about? Y/n!”

[element-effect-blog]

Being Nice at Work (& as a Leader) Doesn't Hold You Back

On a hot, Houston summer day this past June, Daniel (my husband) came home from work like any other day.

However, rather than greeting me in my office -- which sits right off our front door -- he found me at the kitchen table with a glass of red wine.

“What are you doing in here?” Daniel asked.

As soon as I opened my mouth to answer him, I burst into tears.

I started to tell him about my day -- unfortunately, I couldn't answer him in any sort of coherent way, through my sobs.

"Take a break, slow down," he said. "Start from the beginning." 

An Ordinary Meeting That Made Me Question Everything

I had just come off a nine-hour IMPACT leadership team meeting. (No, it wasn't the fact that it was nine hours that made me cry.)

Each month, the IMPACT leadership team gets together for a day to discuss progress against our organizational objectives, address issues that need to be addressed globally within the company, and talk about future business plans.

Even though it's a full day's worth of candid discussion, brainstorming, and problem-solving, I typically feel invigorated and ready to take on the next month, following those meetings.

I know I represent my department the best I can, fight for what I think is right for the company, and bring my A-game every time.

(I even put on jeans instead of my beloved yoga pants, even though my leadership team peers only see me from the shoulders up. #remotelife)

We don’t necessarily battle in these meetings, but things can get heated because we’re all so passionate.

I love getting to express this passion since I usually tend to be more reserved and collected, especially in front of those I manage. The leadership team meeting is a space where I can speak freely without judgement.

After a long day, as we were wrapping up and discussing how the meeting went, I was called "sweet."

No, it wasn't a compliment. It was a direct answer to the question of how we could improve -- and I, specifically, was advised that I could stop being so nice.

My immediate reaction is that I was being called weak, or someone who lacked the necessary passion to be a leader.

So, whereas I normally walk away from these meetings feeling like I communicated effectively -- that I’m strong and that I’m meant to be in a leadership position -- that comment made me question everything.

But then I decided questioning myself was a stupid exercise.

I started my career at 22 as a graphic designer for a small resort in middle-of-nowhere Missouri.

I didn't achieve that in spite of being nice. I've gotten to where I am because I'm nice.

Mad Men Is Alive & Well in Some Corners of New York City

I love being nice. In fact, I pride myself on it.

When I was in second grade, I remember vividly my dad picking me up from a friend’s house and talking to my friend’s parents while I fiddled around a little more.

On the way home, he told me that my friend’s mom said I was the nicest girl her daughter knew. He also told me, with a boastful smile, it wasn’t the first time he’s heard that from other parents.

This moment of making my dad proud by being myself has stuck with me ever since. Being nice matters to people.

Fast-forward to my junior year of college, I went on a trip to New York City through the Mizzou School of Journalism strategic communications program.

We visited seven advertising agencies to learn more about the industry and where we could fall within it once we graduated.

How did it go? Well, I'll say this... 

Even though the Mad Men-era was 50 years ago, the culture of advertising being a dog-eat-dog world is still alive and well -- especially on the famous Madison Avenue. Sadly, this culture is also romanticized, even though we all see fault in it.

So, quite frankly, while I didn't meet everyone at each of the agency's we visited, a large majority of those I did meet on that that trip were jerks.

(That may sound flippant, but when I say “jerk,” I mean six out of the seven agencies we went to were full of people who must have been directly transported from 1965 through some sort of time machine.)

They were proud to step on their peers’ toes to win a pitch.

They thought it was funny how they could waste client money for “big ideas” whether they got results or not.

They stopped working in the early afternoon to drink in their fully stocked bar in the break room.

In general, they were more attracted to the idea of the Mad Men culture than doing good work for clients who genuinely needed help.

I decided right then that I would never move to New York City to work at a big, traditional agency. This was not my tribe.

An Agency That Believed in the Power of Nice

Kaplan Thaler -- now part of Publicis, a global agency based in Paris -- stood out from all of the rest. Of all the agencies we went to, it was the only one with memorable work we all actually knew.

(If you’ve ever heard of the Aflac commercials, you might also be familiar with their work.)

As we walked in their conference room for a presentation about their agency, I expected the owner to stand up and say how amazing they are for a couple hours. Then, they would get us drinks to show us how hip they are.

Instead, the creatives behind the Aflac campaign introduced themselves and told us the story of how the duck came to life. They were funny, engaging, and exuded passion for their work.

When they were done, Linda Kaplan Thaler, the agency principal, closed out our session.

Thaler talked about her agency -- but not in a misplaced, prideful way. She talked about their culture, and how we, as students, could get ahead by following one simple rule:

In the advertising world. In New York City.

Nice Translates into Healthier Organizations

In the book, Thaler talks about how “nice” companies have lower employee turnover, lower recruitment costs, and higher productivity. She also gives personal examples of how being nice can serve you in making more money in life, and being happier and healthier.

This book could not have come into my life at a better time.

The University of Missouri School of Journalism is an amazing educational program, but it is not always a nice place. 

My friends and I seemed like the only people who realized that one day we might all be coworkers and should focus on building ourselves up, not tearing each other down.

That's why, when I read The Power of Nice, I was relieved.

It was a gentle reminder that I was operating under my values and didn’t have to change to conform to some strange culture within the education system or business world.

There’s an odd sense of purpose when you stop trying to be something you’re not.

I’ve noticed a recurring theme in myself that the universe always provides nice wakeup call moments like this -- and that is when I start to cave under the pressure to act a certain way that is not inherently myself, I fail.

Conformity Is Not a Necessity

When I first started at IMPACT, I was on the receiving end of a lot of coaching around needing to be more assertive.

I was working as a strategist with clients who needed to trust me. When I’d discuss communication challenges I was having with my mentors, I was told I wasn’t confident and needed to be more bold.

The only issue is I was confident. That wasn't a problem.

(By the way, telling a confident person to be more confident is very confusing advice.)

I knew I was smart and I knew the strategy I was prescribing was the right thing to do. I knew I could educate and obtain buy-in from my clients.

After so much feedback stating the opposite of how I felt, I started to doubt myself.

I googled things like, “how to be more assertive.” 

But I only found worthless articles like these:

11 Ways To Stop Being Too Nice At Work & Start Being Assertive(but...I like being nice. We’ve established this. Why can’t I be both?)

Stop Being Nice All the Time and Start Embracing Your Inner Bitch(Ugh! Since when does bitch equate to leadership?)

(How does doing more lead to apologizing less? And there’s that “bitch” word again…)

Even googling "being nice at work" is demoralizing:

Then, I realized something.

Why do I have to be a bitch to get ahead?

I’m going to go into this at some point in another article at a later date, but I do want to acknowledge here that there is a problem with our society coaching women to be a bitch to get ahead.

You don’t need to be a bitch, and neither do I.

But back to this moment when I had given up on Google.

Whenever I start to doubt myself -- which was starting to happen in this moment, since I couldn’t figure out my client communication issues and was being told it was because I wasn’t assertive -- I ground myself by listing out my accomplishments.

This helps me remember that I don’t completely suck at life and this one little blip doesn’t define me. Looking at my list gives me a wake up call to focus on the real issue rather than let self-doubt navigate and muddy my thought process.

I sat down in that moment and made a list in my Evernote called “Things.”

I blurred it out, but, as you can see, it’s really called “Things.”

Turns out it was a pretty long list.

I could stop worrying that I wasn’t doing a good job or in the wrong profession, because I clearly was and just needed to fix this one problem.

When I fully contemplated the real issue, and how it was perceived that I wasn’t assertive enough, I realized that I was communicating to the C-suite level contacts within my accounts the same way I was communicating to the marketing managers.

I was giving way too much detail, talking way too long before getting to the point and providing data that wasn’t helpful to them.

I instead worked on improving the real issue -- focusing on tailoring my messaging based on my audience in conversations, not my confidence.

Earn Trust by Trusting Yourself

As I’ve stepped into in a leadership role at IMPACT, I have had to play my list game more times than I’d like to admit.

The problems I’ve uncovered about myself are not as simple as tweaking how I communicate.

The larger problem is any advice I seek out online is so twisted and stereotypical into how a leader should act.

This stressed me out when I first became a manager. The advice I’d read simply did not align with my values.

(I don’t want to be a bitch, okay?)

So, instead of trying to fit into the archaic mold of leadership, I focused on what I could control and the levers that would catapult me the quickest into becoming an effective leader; that being my strengths.

If you haven’t heard of , it’s a book and concept that says to focus on your strengths vs. trying to improve your weaknesses.

You take an assessment and find out what your top strengths are, and each one is categorized into four themes: Strategic Thinking, Executing, Influencing, and Relationship Building.

According to my assessment, my top strengths are:

Strategy (Strategic Thinking)

Achiever (Executing)

Competition (Relationship Building)

Ideation (Strategic Thinking)

Focus (Executing).

In looking at my own strengths, I am equally strong in strategy and execution, but have zero influencing strengths.

I have a team of directors that report to me, and I bet you can guess which strength theme I was looking for to complement the team.

Once I started to focus on myself over what books and articles told me to be, I started growing faster in my career than I ever have.

Being Called "Sweet" Was a Gut Punch

"Wait, what about that leadership meeting?" 

To illustrate the full blow of being called sweet in the context of that leadership meeting in June, let me backup to start of this year.

Prior to forming The Sales Lion, Marcus ran a swimming pool company that cracked the code on inbound marketing, which he wrote about extensively in his book.

A lot of people know him from his teachings -- but for me, I had been a fan of his since 2011, when I was working in a digital marketing agency that specializes in swimming pool marketing.

I have followed his career ever since.

So, when his career led him to IMPACT, it was a surreal moment for me. He sits on our leadership team, and now I’m in a strategic business meeting with someone I’ve admired for so many years.

He was the one who called me “sweet,” and when he did, I was crushed.

Immediately, I thought, “Great. Marcus Sheridan thinks I’m weak.”

Why "Sweet" Sounded Like "Weak" to Me

To be fair, Marcus wasn’t trying to insinuate anything other than I was perhaps holding back. He’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and further proves the point of the title of this article.

But, at the time, I didn’t know Marcus very well.

We had been in a handful of meetings together, but hadn’t had a full conversation with just the two of us yet.

I don’t even remember the full conversation of how saying I was sweet was a negative thing -- but my instant reaction was that he was trying to make me fit a mold of being an “assertive, bitch boss,” that I would never want to be.

It also struck a nerve because it pointed out an area I already know is not a strength -- my influence over others.

As much as I know focusing on my strengths has helped me improve the most, the fact of the matter is I still lead a department and need to find some kind of way to influence and motivate others.

The combination of feeling resentful that I was being misjudged and my insecurities spilling over that I wasn’t influential is what made me so upset.

I let the noise of my fear cloud the real issue he was trying to address.

Getting to the Bottom of the Real Issue

Chris suggested I reach out to Marcus to build a better relationship with him. He knew him better than I did at the time and could see the our lack of alignment happening in real-time.

I took his advice, and I set up a call and learned more about where Marcus was coming from with his feedback.

In our meeting, he said I am intelligent with visible passion for our organization, but have a tendency to undersell myself and my ideas.

"Oh. That wasn’t so bad.He didn’t tell me I’m completely inadequate to do my job," I thought to myself.

Was he telling me I need to yell in those meetings? No.

Was he telling me I need to be more assertive? No.

Was he telling me to be a bitch boss? Hell no.

He coached me on choosing better words and remaining firm in my delivery of an idea. That makes a lot more sense to someone who is already confident. My delivery is off.

I have since caught myself on three occasions using passive language vs. active language when stating my idea. So, in my head, I changed up how I was going to say something at the last minute and used a calm, but firm tone to show how I really felt about it. And it worked.

Once I was able to -- again -- let go of the worry around what was happening and focus instead on the real issue, and what I could control to fix it, I was able to grow.

Find & Master Your Own Style

I share all of this to you, you confident, calm, reserved, thoughtful leader, to show you that you don’t have to change what’s good about you.

Instead, focus on how to make what makes you great, even better. You can have your own style and still be effective.

Maybe you like being weird. Maybe you have pink hair. Maybe you love Star Wars -- hi, Chris. Whatever is your thing, it’s okay!

You don’t need to fit into the age-old mold of what a great leader is. You only need to focus on the real challenges you’re experiencing from a lense of what you can control and improve on your own.

Being nice is perfectly acceptable.

In fact, , most of whom I’ve met are nice, end up creating the strongest teams of high performers.

Keep your chin up. The world needs more nice people like you.

This content was originally published here.