#The opinions of the comment I translated do not reflect my own views ok please don't come at me

[murderedbyhomework]

So i found an extremely interesting commment on bilibili from someone who had bought and read the entire og lhl script and also watched the show

translation: ask the director, so much fluff got deleted…. the script was filled with so much ship content, better than a lot of danmei novels i’ve read. In the later periods it was a solid reciprocal relationship, xiaobao was so top energy, and xiaohua really liked to sajiao (playing cute). When xh when to explain to xb that he didn’t kill his dad his first sentence was “i’m sorry i betrayed your trust, i was wrong okay?”. when xb went to save xh from the palace, xh was tortured for information and xiaobao helped him dress his wounds, and also broke the hand of the man who hurt him. xb felt so bad for him he started crying and xh started to sajiao “i’m very glad that you came to save me, but look (waves handcuffs), i had it under control” xiaobao also asked “how are you” xiaohua replied that shan gudao went to the palace to find the mother bug and xiaobao replied “i was asking how your wounds were”…… also when xiaobao broke out of the trap improving his original swordplay his opponent wasn’t qi mushan but li xiangyi….lastly when xiaobao gave xiaohua his qi xiaohua’s internal monologue was “the world only wants the all knowing, all capable, godlike li xiangyi, but at least someone still insists on treating me like the normal person li lianhua, that is enough” it’s all gone i’m so mad

[pompompurin1028]

Ok, I just finished "The Setting Sun" and wow I may have read a little too fast towards the end because I was so excited and eager to finish but I'm very much in awe of the whole novel. I hope you don't mind if I just put down my thoughts about it :')

Ig I should put a SPOILER WARNING and obviously, there's:

TW: Mentions of suicide

First off, my opinions of the main cast:

I honestly had very neutral feelings towards Naoji in the beginning but shortly after his suicide and his note to Kazuko I felt that I understood him a lot more. Maybe it was partly because the story took place in Kazuko's POV that I had a more discontented viewpoint of him but afterward I felt I understood him more as a person.

With Kazuko, I personally liked her character and the fact that she didn't seem like she was written to be the "perfect woman" like I've seen in some novels. She has flaws and I think her love for her mother is something I found interesting. Although towards the end, I felt that her love for Mr. Uehara sort of anchored her down.

Kazuko and Naoji's Mother was honestly my favorite character of the whole series. I adored her from start to finish. All the way from when she was first introduced she had a sophisticated and genuinely kind aura and when she died I honestly felt a little part of me die as well, haha. But her last line in the book: "It must have been a terrible rush for you" pulled my heartstrings a lot.

Secondly, I just wanted to ramble about some of my favorite quotes from the book lol

The first quote I highlighted was a line Kazuko says: "...The ones who die are always the gentle, sweet, and beautiful people." Which honestly felt so Dazai-like. In both the case of Dazai-sensei and the BSD version of him. There were so many times I wondered if it was the character speaking or Dazai-sensei himself adding himself into the character.

Another one I liked was "I wonder how it would be if I let go and yielded myself to depravity." I don't really have a comment on it, I just sort of liked it lol.

I highlighted so many in all honesty but I also wanted to point out this one: "The dying are beautiful, but to live, to survive--those things somehow seem hideous and contaminated with blood." Again, it just seemed so beautifully raw and just something I envision BSD Dazai saying and believing as well.

In Naoji's suicide note I almost felt as though it was coming from not just him but from Dazai-sensei as well. Which I'm beginning to see is a recurring pattern in the novel. In particular, this one line stood out to me: "Why must I go on living after what has happened? It's useless. I am going to die. I have a poison that kills without pain. I got it when I was a soldier and have kept it ever since."

I loved the Snake Metaphors(?) throughout the story. And especially Kazuko and Naoji's POV of their mother and how they call her "the last lady of Japan" I think they truly honor her and it's interesting to see such two somewhat lost and "tainted" characters almost obsess over this "light" and genuinely kind woman they hold in such high regard. It almost reminds me of BSD Dazai's opinion of Odasaku or even Atsushi.

That's mostly it- I just really wanted to talk about those things and overall I loved it a lot. It's been a while since I've been so absorbed in a book so reading it felt very relaxing and at the same time so riveting. I hope you don't mind me popping into your inbox and chattering on about this :')

Okay, before I begin, Ariel please don't apologize for putting down your thoughts here. I love discussing Dazai-sensei's novels, and I can't even begin to express how giddy, excited and overjoyed I am to receive this ask of yours. And please if you would ever like to discuss more of his works, feel free to chat with me as well, via asks or on discord it doesn't matter😭❤, I'm always down for it. And this whole thing is me rambling over this so please bear with me haha.

And, I want to say, I was extremely eager to read and finish the novel as well as I continued on reading. It is strangely alluring and compelling. And honestly, I tend to be in awe of Dazai-sensei's thoughts and writing as well😫💕.

Okay, so before I begin to address your thoughts on the novel. Let me write down some background information on the novel to hopefully give you maybe a better understanding of it and Dazai-sensei as well?

The book was published in 1947, not long after the end of the Second World War which ended in 1945. The book in general talks about the state of Japan after the Second World War, and the decline of the aristocracy that came with it. (It should be noted that Dazai-sensei came from an aristocratic background as well, but he also seems to have a sense of shame towards it). The title of the book is literally a metaphor for the decline of Japan. Japan is often known as the "land of the rising Sun", and therefore "The Setting Sun" as the title is fitting for this theme.

And well, this defeat created according to here (an article written in Chinese unfortunately😥) caused a great change in moral values in the Japanese society, which caused an uproar for democracy. Dazai-sensei, however, was quite critical of this, as he sees this as a sign that the Japanese do not feel any guilt or remorse for their actions in the war that took place. (From what I've read Dazai-sensei in his works is very much known for his sense, albeit unusual for Japanese writers from what I read, of guilt, remorse and in a sense seeking for atonement, in one of his prose he even wrote that he writes literature for "remorse, confession and reflection" [my translation from my native language]).

Also, it should be noted that The Setting Sun is also deeply inspired by a diary written by one of Dazai-sensei's lovers (especially chapters 1 to 5 I believe). However, Dazai-sensei himself is best known for his I-novels and their semi-biographical elements. In one of his short stories, or prose in his book I am reading, he confesses that he cannot write things he doesn't know or hadn't felt for himself...

Now onto your thoughts on the novel!

Naoji, I honestly felt the same about him at first, but the more I dove into the novel, especially in the chapters Moonflowers and his note to Kuzuko, I felt more connected to him. And when I read the novel I felt as though Dazai-sensei had actually reflected a part of himself in Naoji, and I read something from what @/bsd-bibliophile had said which confirmed that perhaps Naoji was in a sense an extension of Dazai-sensei himself. (Same for Mr. Uehara I should note, who is also an extension of Dazai-sensei, which I had also noted as well when reading the novel).

And yes! I loved Kuzuko as well, and I have to agree with your statement about her love for Mr. Uehara. I was somewhat disappointed with that as well. But I actually had just been reading on something today which is a bit interesting. However, I do not know enough on the topic yet, nor am I entirely confident at myself explaining it at the moment, but I will talk about it briefly down here.

CW Religious Mentions [Christianity] (Feel free to skip if it makes you uncomfortable <3 For this is simply for literature analysis uses)

Before I begin, I should note that Dazai-sensei is by no means a "religious person", many scholars do not believe so either. It was mentioned in a paper that he even holds a critical view of the Church. However, Dazai-sensei commonly mentions the Bible in well the prose of his that I am currently reading (which brought me to research this topic). It was written in some papers that I am reading that he simply understood the Bible through his own means and not what the Church says (perhaps he sees it as a piece of literature as well in a sense...). Some papers say that he formed his unique views of the need to find "atonement" for his own guilt due to this, which some say is not often seen in Japanese authors.

I'm getting off-topic, but what I'm trying to say is that some scholars say that that action by Kuzuko might've been an allusion in a sense. But what the paper was trying to say was that it was meant to be something powerful? But, personally, I'm not sure what I think of it, it might be a bit far-fetched. But I just wanted to make a note of it.

End of CW

And yes! I do agree I loved their mother as well. I loved how genuine and kind she was. I think she is my favourite too, but she also acted as a form of symbolism for the theme of the novel I believe, which I will talk about briefly later on.

"...The ones who die are always the gentle, sweet, and beautiful people."

I really liked this quote too actually! And yes, I can definitely see Dazai-sensei saying this... It is hard to tell which part is him confessing, but most of his work tends to have elements of his own feelings and thoughts. Personally, I think it might be Dazai-sensei himself speaking... But I'm not sure, but it should be noted that Dazai-sensei held the concept of "tenderness" in high esteem (other people have also mentioned it here).

And honestly, I get what you mean when you say you don't know what to say about it haha. Sometimes authors just put sentences and words together so beautifully.

And yes, I definitely understand that! I felt that as well, and as I said, Dazai-sensei seems to have put elements of himself into Naoji...

And ahh the snake metaphor! I read on it a bit before, and some say that it might've been symbolizing the decline of Japan/the aristocracy. And the use of the term "the last lady of Japan" seems to symbolize the fall of the old traditions of Japan. It had seemed to me that their mother was a symbol of the "old Japan" that had fallen after the war.

And yes, they do hold her in very high esteem! I wrote that in my analysis as well before! From what I have read, Dazai-sensei does seem to hold such people highly, especially those that are honest and genuine it seems. And yes, exactly, it reminds me of BSD Dazai as well T^T.

And please, thank you for coming over to chat with me about it haha. You could probably tell by how long this is how excited I am about such topics😅. Don't hesitate to come by if you want to chat more! And I'm also really glad that you liked the book as well <33

[miss-pettigrew]

Alright y’all. It’s been a little over a day since that meta post that earned me so many lovely notes and followers and reblogs and magic and I’m honestly so overwhelmed and yeeeeeee-ing over the positive feedback. 

So I got another one for ya, that I’m low-key embarrassed about because this entirely prurient but let’s not pretend we don’t enjoy KS half as much as we do for that very reason.

So I want to talk about Sangwoo and sex. 

I find Sangwoo’s relationship with sex pretty fascinating and it can’t hurt to dive a little bit into it. As always, this is purely my opinion and speculation and there are things I very well may be incredibly wrong about. Ok, who cares, let’s go.

At this point in the series (up through chapter 17) we’ve seen this dude get his nasty on quite a few times, in quite a few contexts. And the one thing that always stands out to me as it probably does to all of you is his complete lack of... response?

Take 1 - his handy from Bum. He shows absolutely no sign of arousal or pleasure other than the obvious erection. And we also know that he ejaculated because of the following scene - and yet, without that scene, I would have assumed he hadn’t. And we have the blushing scene which as this series has continued on, that panel becomes more and bizarre as we go because there is not a single other instance in which he reacts like that. In which his cardiovascular system met with his nervous system (i dont actualy know science isthis what happens) and blood rushes to his head in response to Bum. Like dang.

We then have the blow job part 1 in which Sangwoo kiiiinda initiates? Again, not moaning, no huffing, nothin’. Just a lot of disparaging comments and an ejaculation. 

Ok, so he clearly is getting something out of it. We also throughout all of this that with each sexual encounter with Bum, he becomes more and more affectionate in daily life. No longer requiring Bum to do chores, no longer keeping him chained in the basement. But all shallow appearances, he’s treating him well - and he’s viewing these sexual encounters intimately. Huh.

Then shit goes bad, and the next encounter in the basement in which Sangwoo gets off on Bum. Full disclosure, I haven’t actually read this chapter more than twice. It gives me the icks and as someone who IS NOT A SENSITIVE PERSON like at all, it gives me the icks. But, as I remember, Sangwoo is EXTREMELY responsive. Obviously, there is nothing consensual (ever) and Bum isn’t even touching him, but he is responding in a very normal way to sexual stimulus. Huh?

Next chapter he goes out and sleeps with another girl (in a place not his apartment therefore clearly not a victim). Then he goes to the gay bar and honeypots the man - which OF COURSE this is interesting. And I’ve read a few good metas on the reasoning behind this. Was it gay panic? I’m less inclined to think so, because in the larger context in the involvement of Bum - it appears to me that it’s more an olive branch? Sangwoo expect Bum to participate in his world and so let’s ease it in by offering him something he can relate to - gay men. That could be wrong, I don’t know - it’s entirely speculation here as there is nothing at all to compare it to. I will point out that the panel in which the man is kissing him the bathroom, Sangwoo does look quite vulnerable.

And holy shit COMPLETE SIDE NOTE BEAR WITH ME I’LL GET TO THE POINT.

Let’s talk about Sangwoo’s size. I see so many posts making fun of his “yaoi” body. Which believe me, I laugh at. But do you notice how incredibly large Sangwoo has gotten with each passing chapter. yes, he’s very muscular, he has to be to pull of the shit he does. But I have no doubt that is much more an effect of unreliable narrator through Bum. As Bum physically, mentally, emotionally deteriorates, Sangwoo becomes stronger, broader, more powerful and much more frightening. It’s meant to serve as a contrast between these two characters. Movies do this all the time. In Crimson Peak, they built the furniture larger to show how Edith becomes smaller and frailer the more she is poisoned throughout the movie. It’s 99% for effect. 

In that scene in the bathroom, Sangwoo (or what we see of him) appears SMALLER. Significantly so. He’s out of his comfort zone and his physicality reflects that. By the time they’re back in the basement he’s back to full size, because they’re in his world now and see how he grows.

Ok, let’s get to the almost point here.

I’ve stated before but I’ll state it again, Sangwoo sleeping with Jieun isn’t in reaction to Bum sitting on that guy’s lap. It’s not ultimately even something he set out to do to hurt Bum (though he can see the advantage of it after the encounter in the bathroom). It’s purely part of his modus operandi when he commits these murders. And this murder, in particular, is for Bum. 

(as a side note, I’m still terrified as how he expects Bum to participate in this part of the process - other than by watching through a slit in the door. please, god, let that be all)

What I do want to point out, and I’m going off fan translations until I buy the english chapter myself (BUY THIS STUFF Y’ALL GOOD LORD), but Sangwoo doesn’t make a god damn peep this whole time. It’s all Jieun. 

Not one chapter ago did Bum make the a huge deal about wanting to hear Sandwoo’s moans echo through the mic. The only time he has ever head Sangwoo moan was when he was being asphyxiated in the basement. Not the greatest context, poor wee babe. 

But the BJ in the bathroom, Sangwoo DOES react. Not significantly, but his breathing becomes labored. He rolls his eyes back when he answers the phone in pleasure. He’s physically showing how Bum is affecting him. When this man has otherwise, never shown any sort of reaction during sex.

And then there’s the kissing. And this to me is still pretty... grey for me because I have nothing to compare it to. We only have a few frames of the sex scene with Jieun but one thing is pretty obvious - he’s not kissing her. She’s talking quite a bit, so it appears he hasn’t even BEEN kissing her. I have no idea at what point he started his seduction and I find the idea of him kissing her both likely and unlikely - what I’m saying is, I have no idea what kissing means to Sangwoo.

Because he kisses Bum a lot. And in kinda gross circumstances. Chapter 2 - mouth full of porridge. Mouth full of vomit. Ick. Kissing is definitely something that leads to sex in his eyes, and therefore it is a sexual act. I wish I had a stronger point to make with this, but I don’t. It’s just, it’s something I’ve noticed and has been drawn and framed to be noticed and I’m wondering why. Maybe you all have ideas, and if you do, I would love to hear them.

So, we have a very sticky situation for Bum coming up. For me, I have a very hard time predicting what the fuck Bum is going to do in any certain circumstance. I can’t read him like I can Sangwoo, who comes much more naturally to me. What I do expect to see, in regards to sex and Sangwoo and especially sex and Sangwoo and Bum, is that the more intimate, the more possessive Sangwoo feels over Bum, the more likely he’s going to SHOW it.

For me, Jieun’s eventual murder will also very likely lead to an next step in the sexual relationship between Sangwoo and Bum. Does this mean penetration? I hope not, but maybe. But I can see Sangwoo absolutely losing his shit, but in the not angry way. But in the full blown out mooooooan, and maybe even the flushing. In which Sangwoo loses his very careful reserve when it comes to sex. Because to reiterate, what Sangwoo HATES more than anything else is feeling out of control. I think that IS why we don’t see Sangwoo react during sex. I think that’s why he doesn’t tend to lose his cool at all during the dinner scene, despite definitely feeling a little out of control then. I think that’s why he does lose his complete shit when he thinks Bum is gone. He never ever wants to feel vulnerable in the face of his own emotions in the wake of another’s actions. 

So him, reacting to sex - I think that’s the way we’re expected to see intimacy/vulnerability from Sangwoo. In my reading of Sangwoo, he doesn’t experience empathy. He can’t. He won’t experience “love.” He can’t. He can experience attachment, and possession and even affection - but those are internal expressions of those feelings. And not empathetic ones. He won’t show affection to Bum because he wants Bum to feel good. He’ll show affection to Bum because he feels affectionate and wants to express that. He’ll set up elaborate murder scenarios for Bum because that’s his way of showing intimacy, when Bum would probably much rather do with a hug or a kiss or a getting the fuck away from Sangwoo. 

Sex is a tool It makes Sangwoo feel good and it’s a way to lure victims into his apartment - to get them vulnerable, to physically break them down (I’m sure it is far easier to trap a woman worn out from sex than someone at their full strength. Obviously he would succeed either way, but it’s just so much easier this way and it makes him feel good.)

In a quick logical leap, I think Sangwoo gets off in the way he’s constantly surprised by Bum -without ever feeling out of control. It’s a bit of a trust thing, because he assumes (wrongly) that Bum, without fail, loves him. It makes him feel good, and feeling good happens when he has sex, so having those reactions overlap just seems like an obvious thing. It’s like “input stimulus here” “output stimulus here” but what the output is expressed in these very reptilian ways that Sangwoo understands. I feel good = sex. I feel safe = sex. I feel powerful = sex. But also, I feel out of control = fear/arousal - boner. But what he refuses to let himself feel is vulnerable so the way he actually physiologically reacts during sex is very controlled. At least until now - with Bum. Power and Control - Marina and the Diamonds.

Again, this is so long, and if you stick around to read it all, I don’t even know what to say but thanks. I hope you get a kick out of it though, and as always, please send me your thoughts. I truly enjoy the mental exercises I get when thinking about this stuff.

[aspiestvmusings]

RANDOM PERSONAL POST

This is, typical for my text post, very long, and very much “rambling babble”. Also, this is personal, and while I don’t mine comments, the one thing that I do not look for when I post something personal like this is “encouraging” replies. 

So I don’t mind comments to this personal post either, but please... no “it’s ok, it’s ok to be yourself” style replies... (if someone ever thinks of trying to “cheer my mood” with these type of comments... even if you genuinely think so..they’re not useful in my case) not to this personal post...not to any other.

Personal life comment: I had another example at work this week, when a “normal", in their typical way thought that telling me “you’re great at your job” is what they should tell me, when I absolutely hate compliments and encouraging words (it is my job to do the work well, so it makes zero sense to me to get praise for things I'm supposed to do... my mind doesn’t work the way normals & kids minds work). Luckily I also have other co-workers, who are more like me than the typical “normal” (also: in some ways the gender stereotypes often do apply, cause I “get along” better with men, who are more rational and direct, and not so well with women, who are often too emotion-driven & “sweet talkers” for my taste. But that’s just my personal experience with people I’ve worked with)

I actually get super upset when I get work related comments about great work etc... (And I know I can’t tell those “nice” people to not say what they say, cause they’ll get upset, cause they are just trying to be nice... so I’m double-”anxious” - about hearing what they say, and about not being able to ask them please not say that) 

Now to the actual topic, and personal story: 

I am deadly afraid, both in real life, and online (in fandom “discussions”) to say...anything. Because everything I say seems to upset people. So since I cannot make people see my way and what I mean by my words, and explain my different way of thinking and POV, I always end preferring to be silent, because “normals” (human being are so sensitive) and get upset about everything. My way of expressing myself (directly, bluntly, without sugar-coating things, and believing in logic, facts, and thinking human feelings are pointless, because they dont lead anywhere) always hurts people, because “normals” always find a way to get upset about anything that isn’t “sugarcoated”. 

I know I’m not actually attacking anyone or saying anything hurtful, but since I see things differently from most, and for most honesty equals meanness (I love kids, because they haven’t learned to be fake yet, so when asked if they like your new haircut, they say what they mean, they don’t lie and say the positive thing just not to hurt someone’s feelings).  I wish humans/adults were like kids. But somewhere on the way humans learn to lie and never speak their mind...because (other) humans are so fragile, and instead of seeing “I don’t like your new haircut” as the other persons personal opinion, it is seen as rudeness. When it’s not.

We’re all different, we all see the world differently, and like different things, so anyone expecting everyone to like their way, and considering any “non praise” as hurting their feelings, is setting themselves up for getting hurt, and living in a bubble, believing a lie. Instead of seeing “criticism” as just someone elses personal opinion, which doesn’t reflect the truth, just one persons view, a lot of people see it as rudeness and hence people learn to not say anything besides compliments and praise. Which sets people up for even more hurt, when they do encounter one honest person (even if it’s a kid)

I am honest, usually brutally honest, I don’t believe in sugarcoating things, I believe in saying what you think. I do it myself (or wish I could, because when I try to speak the truth... everyone has their feelings hurt, when they shouldn’t, cause there is nothing upsetting about someone elses opinion), and I expect others to do the same. But what I don’t expect is people feeling hurt by the way how someone else expresses themselves. 

But everything I say and do is seen as being mean, hurtful. My “tone” is seen as condescending, I’m perceived as “she thinks shes better than others” etc, when that is not the case at all. But I will never get my POV through to the people who feel this way about how and what I say. Why so many associate things I consider “positive” with “negative”, I don’t understand. I wish it wasn’t so. 

Examples from SCORPION: 

I am completely with Happy, not with Paige & Cabe... when in episode 2x16 her pitch about the airbags was more to my liking. And the fact that in our world sugarcoating, and “fake” pitches sell, because they “don’t hurt anyones feelings” saddens me. Instead of  “low eq people” learning to “lie/sugarcoat to not accidentally hurt someones feelings” I think it should be the other way around - “normals” should learn not to take everything as offensive and not confuse honesty and bluntness with dis-likable, condescending and mean. 

Another great example is the upcoming ep 3x20 and Happy/Paige storyline. Once again Happy expresses herself in her way, and once again Paige gets upset and misinterprets everything (I’m sorry, but scenes like this make me think she’s horrible at her job, because how is she supposed to “translate” the geniuses to normals, when she clearly still doesn’t understand them and what they think and say? Based on scenes like the sneakpeek 2 scene. When she is usually, at most times super amazing, but scenes like this ruin the character for me. She is smart & resourceful & a “quick thinker” & “problem solver”, she’s proven that over & over...in each season... during cases, yet she sees herself as ”less” because of some stupid IQ score... which unlike on this show, in reality, doesn’t matter. But the fact she thinks “cheerleader” means dumb is what I don’t like...why does she think in those kind of incorrect stereotypes, I don’t know. ). 

That condola scene is what I experience daily. Happy is saying their two different people/women, who do things differently, when she says Paige is a “girly girl” (cheerleader, who likes wedding planning and pink and frilly things), and she’s “non-girly girl” (likes black and leather, loves machines, hates wedding planning). But Paige reacts the same way I always see normals react to my words - she takes it as personal attack (on her, on her intelligence, on her skills...) and gets upset. When the way she interprets Happy’s words is not even close to what the bride-to-be was saying. 

All  I hear Happy say is “we’re both women/girls, but we’re different.” (to me this is the same as Paige telling Walt in s2 that Walt & Ralph are both geniuses with IQ around 200, but they are still very different, even with all their similarities... So why she cannot apply the same logic to her & Happy and this situation... confuses me.) But Paige, because of her own inner insecurities hears what she “wants” to hear. (Happy’s saying they’re just different, she’s hearing it as “you’re dumb”... when she should know by know that each team member is skilled in their field, and smarts comes in all forms... the fact that she still doesn’t get that IQ number means very little baffles me) And she’s allowed to get upset, because she is a normal, with EQ, and human feelings are ok. 

(sidenote: low eq people/aspies/neuroatypicals are not allowed to get upset, cause if we do, we are told we’re overreacting, and the same reaction that is considered ok for “normals” in a certain situation  is considered as  not ok for people like me in same/similar situation, so I’m not allowed to "snap” at anyone... just like on this show... the “normals”, Paige, can get away with the same thing the geniuses, Walt, cannot. eg. jealousy, and behaving “childishly”) That is an interesting observation I’ve made over the year, when looking at & analyzing different situations with NTs (normals) & NaTs (neuroatypicals/aspies/geniuses on tv shows) 

I wish Paige and normals didn’t take anything said to them as insulting, and hurtful. Like in the 3x20 scene, where he assumes Happy is saying she’s dumb, when if she’d actually listened to what the mechanic was saying she’d heard that that was not at all what she was saying. It’s just two different ways of thinking, being, and seeing the world. I believe normals would do much better if instead of focusing on HOW something is said, they’d focus more on WHAT is said /the meaning behind the words) PS. Its one of the many things why I hated studying psychology, because the way humans think - tone, word use, mimics, etc matter when socializing/communicating - because I simply cannot understand why anyone can consider something so pointless are important/vital. 

But yes, because of my way of thinking and doing things (in fandom that means: I believe in & promote the research method - everyone interested in spoilers doing their own googling/search... to feel how rewarding and amazing it feels to find the info you’re looking for & not answering questions that have been answered in FAQ/on the site or via googling, easily, nicely, and this is seen as condescending, and me sounding superior.) is different, it’s perceived as mean.  And because normals prefer “darling, please be so kind and look it up yourself” to “I’m not answering this because if you want to know you’ll have to look it up yourself”... which say the same thing, but because people expect “baby-talk” and find blunt/honest replies as insulting, they get hurt by words.... when they shouldn’t.  

Just like I won’t ever understand why people don’t think writing their question into google search is faster & better method than writing it in someone’s ask box (it bothers me greatly, when I see asks like “what is the episode title?” or “wha is the name of the lead actor” in other peoples/fans ask boxes/replies, too. I’s not hard to answer those questions, but I will never understand why people don’t search the answer for themselves. I’m that stupid...that I will never understand why so many don’t (why asking fellow fans is seen as faster & easier & better, when that is completely untrue). 

Anything that can be easily found by a google search or reading the FAQ/info pages is something I consider as things not to ask others. I’m 100% with Ralph, (”you could’ve just googled it”), not Cabe here. I see promoting doing ones own search as great advice, most see it as condescending lecturing & rudeness. I’ll never understand why.

Because I associate not taking time to read up on things, doing research (in fandom speak that means searching for spoilers & sources on your own) as laziness, and yes I put an = sign between lazy & stupid, because in most cases it’s not about the person’s inability (lack of time, motor skills) to do the searching, but simply lack of wanting/interest. And I genuinely believe that if you are not motivated enough and interested enough to look things up on our own, you are actually not interested in knowing these things. This - my belief in the “do your own research” & my choice of words (bluntness instead of politeness) is interpreted as being condescending & rude..

And since I cannot make anyone read “about me” info (reasons why you should not talk to me & ask me questions regarding fandom & spoilers) before asking me things that are either answered on the page (”How do we know they almost or for real get hurt?”, “nothing in the spoilers says they do get hurt/almost hurt”, when the spoiler text on the page literally says “they must save them before they get hurt/plummet to their death” &  the footage added shows “free falling”) or via googling. Because if you do, then I am gonna assume that you are lazy & are asking questions before reading the spoilers added. So since I reply bluntly, it sound condescending to fragile fans. (Tip: you should not ever get upset about HOW someone says something. I wish human beings would not... but humans have feelings and they do, hence I have started thinking of myself more like a robot than human, because these human emotions are "weird”, yet mos humans are all about feelings....) 

So…I have developed a major case of “fear” - I am genuinely afraid  of saying anything I actually mean, and expressing my personal opinion, and view... in the way I see and think... because most people see my way of speaking/writing (replying) as rude. So since I cannot make them see/understand that that is not my intention/what I mean...and not the reaction they should have... cause they simply don’t get honest/blunt talk... I’ve developed (long ago in real life, and lately online) kind of a severe "anxiety” about saying/writing anything at all... because no matter what I say, it always hurts someones feelings (because people take it personally). 

It’s sad & confusing how fake humans are & what kind of bubbles they live in & how fragile they are, because they get emotional about everything. So much of human communication and business & everything else is built up on maintaining an act (being fake, avoiding doing & saying everything that could possibly hurt or trigger the normals, who get upset about tone of voice, lack of eye contact, word choice, bluntness/not sugarcoating things...) and the species has perfected this fakeness & the roles... all because someone somewhere might get upset... when instead of teaching to react to voice tones & word choices... people should train themselves to not react to things based on these things, and react to the message, not the way it is communicated. 

In real life I can avoid all normals and interacting with normals (except in cases, where I absolutely have to -  like family members, co-workers..), but I keep all those interactions minimum. Online, in fandoms, (AKA blogging/posting about my interest - tv shows), I cannot do that...the same way (because while I've done all I can - added info about the kind of “blunt, rude” person I am to my bio, etc...to have the “sensitive normals” stay away so they wouldn’t feel hurt by what I post... I cannot make anyone read the FAQ/info before talking to me) it is not as easy, because here you can’t avoid people the same way like in real life...cause your posts are seen by everyone... 

They say that everyone should feel free to express their personal opinion and views...and say what they think. And at the same time they say that you cannot be mean. But the sad thing is that what I see as simply expressing my own, true thoughts and not rude or condescending or anything, just saying things my way..with no intention of hurting anyones feelings... is considered rudeness by so many. So while I see it simply as disagreement, and having different views & ways of expressing ourselves, I’m deadly afraid to say anything...because of (sounding) “mean”... aka everything I post is perceived as “hurting other fans feelings” 

It takes too much of my energy to “act” (fake) being NT (normal) in everyday, real life, I have no energy to keep up this pretend 24/7, also when I’m talking about my interests (tv - blogging about tv shows), and “lie” 24/7, without ever saying anything truthful...simply because a lot of people are offended by everything... and see everything as “rude”.  

 PS. (to clarify:) This isn’t directed at anyone on tumblr that I interact with... it’s about otehr people in otehr places