#The one thing I've really wanted for like 3 years is Wind Waker and Twilight Princess switchch ports but

[appolojustice]

I had no expectations for this Direct because I genuinely didn't expect them to do one this month (I was expecting them to wait until September like last year) and it ended up being really cool!!!

[doubleddenden]

It's time for another look at

The Timeline

As always, I am your little gremlin host. Today we simply look at the last 2 months to see wtf's goin on in the world in my attempt to guage the stability of our timeline.

If anyone lives in the middle of the fucking Atlantic Ocean and wants a porche and a VW, great news! There's apparently a cargo ship called Felicity Ace that is ON FIRE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WET ASS LIQUID OCEAN. The crew safely abandoned it, and under Maritime law, the ship is now Finders Keepers TM. I'm sure that whatever life forms arise from this latest environmental disaster will appreciate being able to drive in style

Nintendo has announced they are shutting down the 3DS and Wii U e stores in March 2023, and some people say they've already hit the Wii U store. Because nothing stops piracy like making games even harder to come by, obviously. Titles such as Xenoblade Chronicles X, Twilight Princess HD, Wind Waker HD, the entire catalog of the 3ds Pokémon games, and more are gonna be harder to find soon, much like my will to live

Kirby doesn't chew and vores things far too big for his precious little adorable nightmare body. He has ascended to many new nightmarish forms, including KARBY

Microsoft bought Activision Blizzard. Good, keep the annoying CoD and LoL players on Xbox

Sony bought Bungie, which is great for the current 2 games Bungie has worked on in the last 10 years.

Platinum Games is open to BEING bought. Maybe *you* can become their new sugar daddy

Attack on Titan started its final season- er, the second half of it, which is totally different from being a season, I'm sure. I for one am very excited to finally see the day weebs shut the fuck up about Attack on Titan and finally watch and talk about something else. HiS wHoLe sQUaD!!!!!

Shenmue, the game from the SEGA Dreamcast, has an anime now. Now you too can experience a game from the 90s set in the 80s by watching an anime from the 20s that looks like it came from the 10s. Catch it on Toonami Saturday nights, or Crunchyroll

Jurassic World has another movie coming out, proving that everyone most definitely learned their lesson from the original movies and stopped bringing back mutated versions of ancient murder machines

Pokemon has released Legends Arceus, a game where everything wants to kill you, and for the first time since the Switch era started, most fans agree that it rocks, but needs more polish. Finally, some good fucking food after 6 (really 3) garbage fire games

Chip n Dale has a new live action movie in the works based on the amazing Rescue Rangers cartoon show. Of course, what Disney crypt raid or franchise revisit would be complete without making fun of very iconic and beloved voices they themselves made, and what live action adaptation would be complete without replacing those iconic voices with some generic guy's boring ass voice?

There are truckers in Ottowa being annoying and protesting over vaccine mandates, because they can't just be annoying everywhere else. It's okay to be afraid of needles, guys, I swear it doesn't hurt! I've been jabbed 3 times and the 5g microchips doesn't interfere much with the government tracking devices in literally everything else.

Futurama is in talks about getting another season on Hulu, once again proving Matt Groening is some sort of necromancer but for cartoons. Of course the biggest news from this is that the voice of Bender- aka arguably the most popular character from the show- John DiMaggio, does not want to come back unless they can negotiate his contract better and open the floor to give him and his fellow voice actors a raise. This very reasonable act of ensuring everyone is paid fairly is apparently one of the evilest things you can do to the fans, according to like, 5 guys on Twitter. But sure, I'm so certain replacing the show's most iconic character's very iconic voice will go over very well with everyone, like replacing Mario's Charles Martinet with Chris Pratt.

Norway got 15 gold medals in the Olympics! Holy shit! They beat their own record from 2010 where they earned 14, shared with Canada. There's nothing to make fun of here, that's just cool

Apparently a lot of Catholic baptisms are suddenly being invalidated due to the usage of "we" instead of "I," which has thrown many of the religion into a frenzy due to having similarly worded Baptisms. Basically, imagine you've lived your whole life by the book, helped countless unfortunates, gave away your riches, confessed every sin, served your god dutifully and worshipped him every hour of every day and attended each and every church session no matter what, gave a kidney to the little girl with an extremely rare blood type that you happen to match, you are a genuinely good person and an excellent example of Christianity and have never asked nor expected anything in return, and you STILL don't get into Heaven because St Pete asked for RC Cola and you were given Sam's Cola, and couldn't tell the difference once the guy poured it into your red solo cup. That's about the situation a lot of people seriously think they are in.

The following has to do with politics and war. If that's not your vibe, scroll on. I should also mention I am just an ordinary Joe with a hardly a penny to his name. I am not a news reporter, I'm not a journalist, or anything of the sort. However, most of this can be found by Google, so take that as you will

The Trumps apparently aren't cooperating with subpoenas, and Trump apparently got pissy about them going after "children" like his 40 year old daughter Ivanka. 40, that's barely out of diapers! Hey, remember when he said on live TV that he'd date his own daughter if he could?

Speaking of, apparently the horse's ass is keeping very important TOP SECRET docs at Mar-A-Lago, including love letters (as he called them) to Kim Jong-un and President Obama's presidential letter to him. Hey, at least he didn't violate the Presidential Records Act- oh wait, HE DID, and much like last time, he probably won't get punished for it.

Rudy Giuliani, aka Mr "LETS HAVE TRIAL BY COMBAT," was also subpoenaed. He claims its illegal. I wonder how legal inciting violence and an attempted coup is?

Just a personal opinion, I'm very tired of hearing anything about the Trumps or any of their cronies. Follow the example of the Dodo bird: Look stupid, go away, and never be heard from again. Please.

And in a very serious turn of events, Russia is trying to invade Ukraine. I don't want to frighten anyone, so you can Google if you need more info, but things are looking pretty grim. But if you have anxiety or depression, try not to doom scroll, okay?

Here's a pic of a Lemur to help calm your nerves. Look at it. Beautiful creature. Call him whatever you want, he's here to be your friend.

Anyway, see yall again in like a month or two