#The boost of dopamine I got was INSANE

[whereismyhat5678]

MY CASUALLY JUST *SAVES ON PHONE* RAAAAAGGGGHH‼️💥‼️💥‼️💥‼️💥‼️💥

IT’S SO CUTE LOOK SO SQUISHY AND HUGGABLE AND *HUGS YOU (with consent 🫶)* AAAAAAAAAAHHHH 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

keep seeing a certain person with a hat in my notifications...soooo..

silly doodles for @whereismyhat5678 its sorta late for me so its not super big stuff but uh..like..you keep liking my stuff and i just wanna say i appreciate it ty for being sweet bud

[the-cooler-king]

Having a queer little moment where, after sending goodnight texts and an hour goes by, I get the notification that he's ❤️ 'ing pictures that I sent

[dr-spectre]

WE DID IT!!!!!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!!!!! This is such a big milestone. Halfway until 1000 followers... that's absolutely insane!!

This will be the last follower update until we reach 1000. But, I wanna share something special with you all and get rather personal...

So, about a year ago, I wanted to learn how to draw because I was feeling depressed about "not being productive enough." Basically I got sucked into the bullshit productivity self help stuff that wants to turn your life into a cold calculated work obsessed nightmare, rather than living in the moment due to fear mongering about the future and how "if you don't grind now you WILL be a failure and die alone and get no pussy." (No wonder I picked Team Present for the Grand Fest...)

Plus I dropped out of uni at the time and welp, to put it lightly, I was feeling fucking god awful and I was scared into basically "putting in the hard work" by all these self help channels and other bullshit online. Whatever the FUCK that vague shit means, my autistic brain still doesn't get it.

It was BY FAR the worst period of my life, but, at least I tried to do SOMETHING. And I wanna show you all some of the things that I drew last year....

This was between October 2023 to February 2024. I stopped drawing due to it causing me much frustration and anger.

So yeah! Uh... enjoy?

So.... not the best work you've seen, right? HAHAHAHAHA!

Would you freak out if I told you that I got upset and damaged a book and a fan because I got so mad at myself over not being able to draw or do anything right?...

I feel like this ain't for me, and you know what? That's okay! I've learnt that it's okay to try new things, it's okay to experiment and if shit doesn't work then it doesn't work. Plain and simple. It's perfectly fine to give up and try something else.

You are not a robot, you are a human being. Don't feel like you "gotta do something everyday otherwise you'll die alone and you'll be broke and you'll never be successful and you'll be forgotten!!"

Do feel pressured to feel like you have to "find your thing" or "be productive" or whatever kind of... heh.... BRAINWASHING you hear online.

I wanted to draw because I was jealous of others, including my friends who are skilled artists... and I did it for the wrong reasons which is why I stopped in February.

I am very happy that I've decided to actually focus on what i like doing and what gives me energy. A quote that has stuck with me for years now is a quote by Jordan Peele from an interview, and it's basically this-

"Follow the fun." And you know what? He's right. Following what gives you that good good boost of dopamine while also feeling like you're accomplishing something is one of the best feelings EVER!!!! Whether it's art, writing, modelling, sculpting, architecture, making music, acting, clay sculptures, etc. FOLLOW THE FUN!! FOLLOW THE SHIT THAT EXCITES YOU!!! I literally always have multiple projects spiralling around in my head all the time and cycling between them at every given moment.

I'm not even saying do only what makes you comfortable or be lazy either, do shit that makes you go "BRING IT ON!!!! I WANNA DO THIS!!!" Get that blood pumping!!! Challenge yourself fairly!!!! There's healthy and unhealthy stress. Healthy stress should make you feel like a fucking PREDATOR!!! AN ANIMAL ON THE HUNT!!! While unhealthy stress makes you feels like you're the prey, the one who's being chased by an unknown force that's out to get you!!

I feel like I'm kinda rambling... anyways!!! ENOUGH WITH THE INSPIRATIONAL BULLSHIT!!! THANK YOU ALL!!!!!! 99% of you have been awesome and incredible!!!

It's also been an honor to get to know so many people who feel the same way as I do about a certain squid lady and her best friends.... before I went onto tumblr I genuinely felt so alone and so insane. I felt isolated, I felt like no one saw these characters the way that I do... I thought my perspective of a certain squid lady and her rebel phase was invalided and false... But now I know that I have people who have my back and understand what I'm trying to express...

One final time, thank you. I'll keep going.

STAY FRESH!!!!!!!!!!

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I don't like calling people stupid because it's just rude and some people have developmental difficulties I don't want to ridicule. But my god are solos stupid. 2 days now all I've seen them talk about is JK and Hybe. Seeing Pjms 'spin their wheels' as you say BPP about 'stocks' and 'investors'. It's so fascinating to me how their minds work because every now and then one of them will point out how their theory doesn't make sense or how it's counterproductive to what they're saying Hybe's goal is, it's like they can *just* glimpse the light of enlightenment at the end of the tunnel but then it snuffs out before they can grasp it, and then they fall back into their convoluted web of conspiracies of how everyone hates Jimin.

This is how they 'spun their wheels' before the contract renewals when every pjm blog I saw was convinced Jimin won't renew. Same thing with how they were convinced V would get all the things Seven got. I just lurk on their blogs because it feels like a trainwreck happening in slow motion and I can't look away. This is the first time I've become active in a fandom and it's been such an eye opener to see how solos radicalize themselves. Have you seen this dynamic happen anywhere else? I thought Armys were bad but it makes sense that solos are on the fringes of the fandom because they are somehow even WORSE than Armys. Even the solos who seem educated manage to make the most ridiculous logical fallacies in their thinking. It's mesmerizing to watch it happen BPP. I'd pay big bucks for someone to study them and I'm very eager to know if you've seen anything like this in other communities.

I'm glad you saw parallels in the flat earthers video I sent and I apologize if it saddened you.

***

I'm just hanging in tight for when Grammy nominations are announced this week lmao. That's when the real fireworks will begin. A few of my friends have started collecting bets in our gc for the kinds of theories, meltdowns, and plain ol tomfoolery we're going to see - on the ARMY side of the fandom but especially on the akgae side. It's going to be a blast.

And like I've said before, there are some groups where it makes sense to be a solo stan, but anybody who becomes an akgae for any member in BTS has already shown a lack of intelligence. I'm not saying that to be mean or condescending, it's just what I've observed to be true. And in a fandom like ARMY that already has its fair share of idiots, you have to have some exceptional blindspots to still manage to not get what is obvious to most other people. But such is how the cookie crumbles.

What I see BTS akgaes do, I've seen happen before. But none of those examples/comparisons are flattering. Some might feel I'm going too far by making that parallel, so I won't explicitly make it. All I'll say is that it's worse than the parallel between taekookers and Larries, and it's why I'm thankful about the way BigHit manages their acknowledgement of and response to akgaes. I'll always be grateful for how the members are mostly insulated from the special brand of insanity that's rampant in these parts of the fandom. BTS don't deserve to see any of this filth.

I question why you're lurking on akgae blogs though. I understand it's interesting but you must've picked up the pattern by now. There's nothing akgaes are saying now that they haven't said before, and it's the exact same thing they'll be saying 2, 3, 10 years from now. They're awfully predictable in how they think, most of it is hazard-grade copium, and the damage they can do to any of the members is mostly contained, so what's the point lurking on their pages just to mock them?

You didn't ask but I suggest you leave them be. Yes trainwrecks can be fascinating to watch out of morbid curiosity, but at some point if that's how you're spending most of your time in fandom, it begs the question why you're really here.

Anyway, stream Golden for a healthy dopamine boost.

[jackstockhypno]

(Source: https://www.transformhypnosis.com/did-list-improving-productivity/)

Everyone's got a To-Do List.

You live your entire adult life with your to-do list, and  You'll die with your to-do list, too. It will never end.

Have you ever noticed that when you cross off one item from your to-do list, two more items seem to appear? It's a never-ending task list. Lets be honest, it's boring. and you don't enjoy it that much.  

The Did List

A Did List is a list of things that you have done already.

When I first tell people to write down the things that they did, they immediately say, "Well I already cross things off of my to-do list all the time! I love doing that!".

But crossing things off of your list is just not the same.  

The Differences Between a Did List and a To-Do List are HUGE

Don't ignore these huge differences. A to-do list makes you want to do less things. It doesn't reward you.

Crossing off that item doesn't feel that great because a to-do list is about reduction. Don't hypnotize yourself into the feeling of reduction. A Did List makes you feel growth.  

The Benefits of a Did List

You get to have a list of things you did each day to look back on.

Maybe you need an alibi, or just need help remembering which day you did something. You'll be surprised how often this comes in handy.

How long ago did I make that pasta sitting in the fridge? When did I talk to that client? Was that last leg-day workout on Wednesday or Tuesday? Now you'll know. It's the little things.

You feel like doing more with a did list. You want to make it bigger and bigger and bigger. It's exciting. It feels like a game. It's like you're playing an RPG game and completing quests. It motivates you.

It moves you. You go from the task completion zombie to someone that takes time to appreciate what they did in a day (instead of grumbling over the things that you didn't get done).

After all, appreciation means growth!

What Kind of Did-List Should I Use To Be Productive Though?

You can decide now how you want your did list to be.

Would you like it to be a list of tasks you completed?

Or would you like to make a list of every single thing that you do in a day?

Let's try to decide that now by looking at the pros and cons of each style  

Making a Did List of Only Tasks Done

Pros

Reward yourself only for completing tasks you deem productive, which encourages you to do that more.

Cons

You don't have a list of everything you did that day

You may become too focused on what is productive and what isn't.

Making a List of Everything You Did:

Pros

You don't have to think about if it's a "productive" task or not. You just write it in.

Get a nice dopamine boost every time you write something, which helps your brain operate better.

Makes you realize how much stuff you actually do (appreciating the little things is important).

Cons

You have to write in it constantly

Writing in daily tasks can make them feel even more repetitive (depends how that makes you feel personally)

Personally, I like to make a list of everything that I do. This helps me become aware of myself. I don't write in eating/oral care though. Thats pretty much my only rule.

This is a great addition to my "third person perspective" (I talk about this extensively in the Insanely Productive Hypnosis File Guide). It makes me aware when I am doing pointless activities that are not actually fulfilling me. Staring off into a screen somewhere? We've all been there. Way too much. Try out both styles and see which one you like more.

What App Should I Use for a Did List?

I was really surprised that an app for this does not exist yet, considering that hundreds of to-do list apps exist. As of time of writing, I am using Diaro. Or just use a paper notebook like the good old days.  

TransformHypnosis.com

[rubinaitoart]

There will always be people who like to be more isolated from the group (not talking about introverts) and it works for them just fine, but it shouldn’t be ascribed to how humans as a whole work.

I am insanely introverted and, as it currently stands, a hermit. However I have a very social personality and like to reach out to people online, creating connections and friends—because I start feeling horribly depressed when I can’t really talk to anyone. Even if I’m a bit flighty when people message me, it’s a major boost of serotonin and dopamine when I see a message from them and I constantly crave conversation and discussion even if I’m too occupied at the moment to appropriately respond.

I really did think at one point in time that I was fine being alone, and I also certainly believed the whole “survival of the fittest” spiel into my teen years. Now I think it’s easier to believe that when you’re lonely, because recognizing that you are alone and would actually thrive with socialization is painful, and by nature we shy away from pain. And it makes me feel kind of bad for the people that say that sort of stuff now because it comes with the realization that they’re alone and lashing out. (It also makes a lot of things make more sense.)

Humans are probably capable of surviving on our own when we absolutely have to, but that’s not how we got this far. If that had been the norm, we would’ve died out a long time ago already.

them: SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST MEANS HUMANS MUST BE INDIVIDUALLY SELF-SUFFICIENT AND COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT

biologist:

[libra-stellium]

I’m literally so fucking miserable 😭😭 I got the worst assignment at work and to make matters even WORSE the attorney I loathe is also participating 😭 just send me to hell frfr

They want me to come sit in the audience of the courtroom for 4 weeks for 8hrs a day in silence with no phone, no computer and no water just to time how long they talk for when usually I calculate the time based on the transcript like ???? Fucking insane!! I’ve been so depressed over this I barely moved from my couch in days my whole body hurts and today I walked on my walking pad for like 40 min and didn’t get a dopamine boost 😭 lmao like damn the levels ARE LOW!!

I need to figure out a way to get out of either the whole thing or at least most of the days bc I don’t mind going into the office and I don’t even mind sitting by myself in the prep room at the courthouse but 8hrs on a wooden bench in silence??? Yeah that’s gonna be my demise 😭😭 also if I’m sitting for too long doing nothing I will literally fall asleep 🥴 can’t help it!! And that’s going to be so embarrassing!!

[ratllu]

obscure tips n tricks- touch starvation!

though we talk about touch starvation flippantly, it’s actually a pretty big deal, for everyone ofc, but ESPECIALLY for those who are dealing with stress, mental illness, and any other ailment that signals the release of cortisol, which is the stress hormone. physical touch (not just sensual/romantic!!) triggers oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, which are all the happy chemicals!! because many forms of mental illness are directly correlated to these specific chemicals, it makes it all the more important. what’s also interesting is that you brain recognizes this. Touch not only triggers the happy chemicals, but it’s also been shown to lower blood pressure, alleviate physical pain, and benefit the immune system????? gnarly amiright. 

that being said, not everyone likes being touched, specifically nuerodiverse people or those who are dealing with PTSD, anxiety, all that stuff. if u dont like physical contact or it just isnt available for u, then here are some things ive used that have helped me :)

1. if you have a backpack, put it on. the heavier the better. ugh this is one of my favorites. I can’t tell you for sure why this works, but there’s something about the weight and the pressure of it that’s just so. relieving. i dont walk around because ive got weak ass shoulders, but to just chill and hang out while wearing a backpack is really nice. one way that’s especially comfy is wearing the backpack backwards (like. where the bag part of the backpack is on your chest yk? im sure u get it) and then lay down like this. 

those weighted blankets can be expensive, so if u dont have one, this is a lovely alternative :)

2. ROLL??? im dead serious about this bro just trust me: roll around on the ground. first of all, it’s so ridiculous that you just cant help but laugh. like what. just rolling? around? it’s especially funny when you’re sad because the visual of someone so isolated that they just roll around miserably is. it’s hilarious. BUT there’s more to it. not only is it loosely similar to certain self-soothing motions, when u roll around, it’s like. man. nvm. im not even gonna try to explain this. source: trust me bro 

ALSO, there’s another thing that’s nice where you curl up into a ball, wrap your arms around yourself, and then rock around, which is equally effective for me. bonus points if you do both of these activities while wrapped in a blanket 

3. loud music, but specifically the ones that make houses shake. like the ones where the bass is just off the walls insane and your pictures are falling off your dresser from the sheer intensity of the sound. if you’ve ever been to a loud concert with lots of bass boosting, it’s like you can feel the music in your heart but not in a metaphorical way– where you can feel it in your sternum. listen to that. the pressure of the bmmmmmm and euphoria of a groovy song is unparalleled. 

4. brushing your hair or giving yourself a scalp massage. it feels nice! it’s also really good for your hair because it stimulates blood flow to your follicles. this one isnt obscure but it sure as hell works, ill tell you that.  

find what self soothing gesture you enjoy the most. i cant really instruct you on how to self soothe, because the way i self soothe is. yk. for myself! one thing i like to do is rub/massage my hands, and my friend likes to caress their arms. just pamper yourself a little bit and indulge in a comforting gesture that brings you joy. 

5. adrenaline rushes. this one is less gentle and it probably wont work for everyone, but personally, adrenaline rushes make me feel more grounded and stable, which doesnt really relieve touch starvation, but it helps me cope better with it. dont do anything stupid tho. not only because getting hurt rn is NOT what you need rn, but also because i dont wanna be liable for u morons. i dont want you guys to be like “okay now that im done rolling around im gonna do an olympic style sprint into oncoming traffic. red said it was okay!” NO dont do that. watch a horror movie or something fucker

6. core workouts- situps in particular are great :) 

7. LAUGH!!!!!! this one isnt specifically for touch starvation, but more for a buildup of cortisol. i cant stress enough how great this one is. if youre in need of a laugh visit my page because im hilarious. curing touch starvation one tumblr user at a time

alright thats all ive got for you today. it’s important to remember that it isn’t lame or weird or anything. theres nothing wrong with craving contact. it’s normal- nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. it’s a beautifully human thing to long for the love of another so wholly and intensely that it’s unbearably painful. i’m not as much of an expert on this topic, but i digress! oh also pets. ofc. here are some articles that i found that discuss this :). 

@lucisadventures​

[magical-grrrl-mavis]

Alright fuckers I've seen three fanfic where Luz drinks coffee and gets a crazy boost of energy and I am here to tell you that would Not happen.

You know one of the big reasons caffeine wakes you neurotypicals up and gets you going? It enhances dopamine, gets those levels up, making you more alert and awake.

Fun fact! Luz has ADHD, and coffee don't work that way for us!

You know one of the causes of ADHD? Dopamine deficiency. We don't gots enouph. So when we drink coffee it doesn't raise our dopamine to a superhuman level, it gets it closer to where you normies always are.

That means it calms us down, helps us focus, and can even make us sleepy.

There is still story potential there! Think how fucking insane the owl fam would find it If Luz suddenly learned to hold still and pay attention! And she gets that way from brown bean juice?! "What are you putting in your body Luz! It's changing you! Stahp!"

(Also too much caffeine is bad for teens and I think it would be funny if Luz's nurse-mom had to sit her down and tell her to stop drinking the calming bean juice)

[gabywantsafriend]

Dopamine and Oxytocin: Brian Johnson x Reader

(Not my GIF)

Requested by tmntthristy - “Is it ok if request a brian Johnson x reader where they meet in detention”

Hi sorry it took me so long to respond to your request, love :( I hope you enjoy it, though! -Gaby :)

Warning: Mentions of drugs, Swearing

“Ah, Ms. L/n. Right on time,” Vernon greeted without looking up from his clipboard. He flipped through his papers. “Let’s see, first time in detention, eh?” You nodded. “So you’re in here for cursing out Mr. Galvin, correct?”

“To be fair, sir, he was making sexist comments. He needed some words of wisdom to deflate his pathetically large ego.” Allison snorted, mouthing “Good one!”  which you replied with a thumbs up. Vernon sighed, “Very unlike you, Ms. L/n. You’re not really the type to speak your mind,” he hinted at your quiet nature, “Alright, well take a seat. Anywhere’s fine.” You sat next to Brian as you’d talk to him the most during class. Plus, you weren’t very close with the rest of the kids. The vice principal then proceeded to lecture you all on the importance of morals and good conduct; you know, all that boring shit. He then proceeded to his office after a last warning of, “And no funny business, got it?”

Once Vernon was out of sight, the group chattered away about their week and how they managed to get into detention. You found out that they called themselves “The Breakfast Club,” and that they see one another on the second Saturday of each month to catch up. They had  agreed to keep their friendship private as they were from completely different social backgrounds. They seemed close, much to your dismay as you were an introvert with few friends and weren’t the best at socializing. Great, nine glorious hours of being left out.

You actually followed Vernon’s instructions and managed to finish your essay within the first 45 minutes. You didn’t have anything better to do. The next four hours comprised of you doodling on your notebook and were seemingly peaceful except for Bender’s occasional taunting. Boredom took a hold of you eventually as even your thoughts couldn’t keep you entertained. The group was sprawled out on the floor, passing around a blunt as they cracked up about anything and everything. Yep, they were high as a kite. 

You were having a whole, blown-out debate in your head whether you should join them. Your logic kicked in. Y/n, are you insane? A single drag can lead you to addiction and you’ll never get into a good college and no one will hire you because of your messed up state of mind and no one’s ever gonna love you because drugs will be your number one priority. It’ll tear your life apart-

“Hey, can I have a go?” Fuck it. All five of them whipped their heads to look at you, faces painted with astonishment.  “Well, well, well. She speaks!” The criminal mocked with a shit-eating grin, kneeling and looking to the heavens as if he just witnessed a miracle. “I’m anti-social, not mute, you fucking moron,” you retorted. The rest of them snickered. “You’re cool,” Allison nodded in approval, passing you the blunt. You stared at the rolled up weed in between your fingertips. As you inhaled the foreign material, you cough a couple of times before you feel the drugs slowly take effect, you squint as the world seems to blurrily spin around you. The next thing you know you’re laughing uncontrollably. 

“Alright, if you could have a super power, what would it be?” Brian asked while kneading through his eyebrows, making sure they were still there (the weed toyed with his sense of touch.) The group of high teenagers were all over the library. Andrew was running around the room with Allison on his back, his arms outstretched while he made airplane noises to make her laugh. Bender let out a giggly “Ouch! You’re tugging too hard, babe!” as Claire braided his hair behind a bookshelf. The four were paired up, consumed in teen romance. Brian huffed after looking around, realizing that their attention wasn’t focused on him and his weird questions. He closed his eyes momentarily, basking in the peaceful state of mind that the drugs caused him to be in.

“I’d probably shapeshift.” The nerd squinted at you, quirking an eyebrow in confusion. “What?” You waved your hand in a “move over” kind of motion and he obeyed, scooting a little to make room for you. You laid down beside him, staring at the ceiling. “You asked about super powers, didn’t you?”

You heard him. You, the pretty girl who sat in front of him at History; you, who pushed him out of the way as not to get hit by a dodgeball during P.E; you, who occasionally engaged small talk in class; you, who he had admired for the longest time, were paying attention to him. 

He masked his growing smile with a sly, “Oh yeah, I did ask that. I didn’t know Marijuana gave me short-term memory loss,” he laughed quietly. “I wanna have super strength, by the way,” he said as an answer to his own question. “Lame.”

You both then proceeded to talk for what seemed to be hours on end (except for when one of you had to use the restroom.) You spoke about everything and nothing at the same time; your conversations simultaneously switching from serious discussions to little things that made zero sense. From childhood traumas to favorite nursery rhymes, crying about the pressure of having strict parents to cackling about who could sing the national anthem in a higher pitch. You weren’t sure where all of these stories and ranting and weird ass humor were coming from, nor were you sure if you’d remember any of the things you’ve rambled on about by the time the drugs wore off. But after listening to this random nerd from History class, you were sure of one thing:

He’s really pretty. 

You took subtle glimpses of him so he wouldn’t catch you staring. You took mental notes of how his eyes seemed to smile while he’d let out a hearty chuckle, how he’d pick at his fingernails when he was nervous, how his voice cracked every now and then, or how he’d do anything and you’d be utterly bewildered. 

And he’s beyond intelligent. From what you’ve observed based on hours of chatting, he’d think for a moment, most probably choosing the best words to use, then rant to you as if delivering a whole speech, complete with an introduction, body, and conclusion. “His mind is pretty, too,” you thought. 

“Woah, you okay? Your pupils are huge.” You shook your head lightly, getting your head out of the clouds. “Well, that’s what happens when you space out while you’re extremely high,” you nagged playfully. “I don’t think it’s just the Marijuana, Y/n,” Brian stated as-a-matter-of-factly. You squinted at the nerd as you challenged, “Oh yeah? Then what is it?” 

His fucked up mental state gave him a surge of confidence as he cleared his throat and explained, “Well, scientifically speaking, there are these ‘love hormones,’” he drew air quotes with his fingers, “called Dopamine and Oxytocin that affect the size of our pupils. These chemicals usually get boosted in your brain when you’re romantically attracted to someone-”

“Wait, wait, wait- so, you’re saying I’m attracted to you?” You sat up, scoffing incredulously. He stopped mid-tutoring to turn his head toward you, you doing the same. He sheepishly grinned, “I don’t know, maybe? I mean- I hope I’m right because I like you a whole lot.” 

You sat up abruptly, causing Brian to be startled. “What? You’re joking, aren’t you? I swear to God, Johnson-” His stomach churned unpleasantly at your reaction, you looked disgusted. He was sitting up now, cheeks aflame with embarrassment as he began to stutter out strings of apologies and explanations.

“I-I’m so sorry! It’s just that y-you’re so pretty a-and you’re really kind and-and I couldn’t help but-but like you! I’ve l-liked you ever since the m-moment you first introduced you-yourself to class last year. Shit, this is so humiliating!” He buried his face in his hands. “I’m so stupid for thinking you’d like me back,” his timid voice was muffled by his palms, making it even harder to understand, but you did.

The next thing you knew, you were moving his hands away from his face, placing a small peck on his pink lips. It was delicate and quick enough to miss. However, he didn’t miss the way his stomach erupted in butterflies; or how your lips were soft against his. He wouldn’t miss it for the world. His eyes, previously squeezed shut, went wide after the little display of affection.

You laughed lightly. “What’s so funny?” He questioned with the goofiest grin on his face, still in a small state of shock and euphoria.

“Your pupils are so blown out, dork. Like they’re absolutely massive!” You said in between giggles. His hands found their way to your cheeks and now it was his turn to kiss you, longer this time. It was sweet and full of admiration. He pulled away to speak.

“Maybe it’s because I like you so much.”

[donnerpartyofone]

idk if you've talked about it, probably have. but if you don't mind to again, ketamine injections for depression? did it work? was it expensive? how long did it work for? ty.

dang, i never got a notification for this message. sorry! ketamine absolutely worked for the management of my depression, it was very expensive, and i think i would have needed more for it to become a longer term solution. i may still go back in the future if my lifestyle changes, but for right now, i can’t justify the cost--which is an insane thing to say when what i’m paying for is freedom from hurting myself, but, ya know, CAPITALISM. 

the whole story is, i’ve been severely depressed my whole entire life; i don’t have any memories that don’t involve feeling morbidly upset, and i can remember things pretty sharply from the time i was slightly younger than 2.* i took ketamine recreationally some years ago when i was around 30 (i wasn’t adventurous about substances until i reached about that age), and i was totally astounded by how it affected my depression both during, and for weeks after the experience. it seemed to distance me from the oppressively immediacy of my bad feelings, giving me space to actually THINK about what was really bothering me, what kind of control i could have over how i assign importance and authority to things that don’t serve me, and what i might like my life to be like in the future. so, when i found out that there were ketamine clinics in new york, i kind of freaked out. actually, i found out about it from a guy who i met on an ayahuasca retreat upstate (which is its own hilariously mortifying story that i’ve been trying to write down for years and it keeps turning into a big unwieldy novel), who had been through the entire gamut of treatments for major depressive disorder. he liked his ketamine experience, but admitted that it was prohibitively expensive to keep up.

this is the place i went, and i recommend it to anyone who can afford it:

nyketamine.com

they say that they accept patients selectively, if you have treatment-resistant depression. i don’t know how strict they are about that, because by the time i came to them, i was looking pretty treatment-resistant. i’d been in and out of a few shrinks’ offices, and i’m basically incapable of taking any of the usual antidepressants because of how they affect other conditions i have. the process was, i filled out a request form on their website, and in a day or two, a clinician called to interview me over the phone about the character of my depression, and to gather some other anecdotal information about my history and health. the person i spoke to was very kind, attentive, and reassuring. the following day, someone called to set my first appointment. the whole reason i was able to do this is because of some inheritance that i received at the time; it’s $450 a session, and they suggest (or insist? i’m not sure) that you begin with a minimum of 6 sessions, each of them 2 days apart. after that, you just kind of monitor yourself to see when you think you need pickup sessions; the effect is cumulative and long term. i have no idea if they have any type of sliding scale accommodation, it could be worth asking.

when i went in for my first session, i had a brief interview with the head doctor, a navy veteran and anesthesiologist who had been working with ketamine in various capacities for 50 years. he explained a lot of things that i had no idea about, that were great to learn. periods of prolonged stress, especially while your brain is still developing, can result in a deficit of the neural pathways that you need to experience a full range of emotion; essentially, being chronically depressed and anxious can kind of give you brain damage. if you have that type of problem, it doesn’t matter what you do to try to boost your serotonin or dopamine or whatever; it’s like if you’re trying to get somewhere in your car and you can’t, not because you’re out of gas, but because the bridge is out. for some reason, ketamine switches back on the function that builds those pathways, so with regular therapeutic applications, you can actually heal the structural problem around your mood centers that’s reducing your emotional range to anxiety and depression. if you’re over 60 or so and your brain is less plastic, your chances of success aren’t as good as when you’re younger, but there’s always a chance; also, for some reason, ketamine plays especially well with estrogen, so women have a bit of a leg up. anyway, the doctor was great, and i really liked everyone there; it felt like they all knew they were doing something meaningful.

the sessions themselves are pleasant. they put you in a private room in a big cushy medical chair with a blanket and a pillow, and you let them know if you want the lights on or off. they give you an IV drip that lasts roughly an hour, and they communicate with you to figure out the dosage. you basically just tell them what feels comfortable, if the dosage they start you on is too low to notice. you won’t get something that puts you in a K hole, but you should enter a gentle dissociative state where you feel a little numb and floaty, and you might have a lot of interesting abstract thoughts. the worst part of it is just how bad you have to pee by the time the drip is done, when you’re still feeling a little anesthetized; sometimes i wound up looking at the bag with my flashlight to check if i had finished, and then i’d just press the call button to get them to come unplug me before i pissed my pants.

you’re not supposed to necessarily notice a difference right away, but you should detect a change in mood after a few weeks. i did. the way my disorder works is, most days i just have a low level background radiation of sadness and exhaustion, even on a “good day” when things are working out or i’m distracted by things i enjoy. when i wake up in the morning and realize i’m conscious and the time for sleep is over, my first feeling is disappointment, 100% of the time. then, i’d say roughly once a month or once every couple of months, i have a complete nervous collapse where i’m in so much pain i can’t really do anything but like drool and cry and let my eyes go out of focus, for anywhere from 1-7 days. there will usually be an apparent trigger; i’m a fairly dysfunctional person, and i frequently lose things, break things, and fuck things up even though i like STUDIED to do them, took it slow, asked for help, gave myself extra time, etc. but the thing is, i think the “trigger” is arbitrary, this is just a cyclic psychic event that builds up and waits to happen. but after my first battery of ketamine treatments, i had a particular day when i could tell that normally, i would quickly wind up curled up at the bottom of my bathtub scream-crying until i couldn’t move--and this time, i managed to just push through. not only did i not break down, but i actually got a number of difficult chores done, that i had put off because they seemed too intimidating, or like i wouldn’t be able to mentally handle my inevitable failure. i noticed more and more of that, while i was in proximity to the treatments, an ability to just buckle down and keep going. so it’s not like i felt HAPPIER or something, but i felt much more capable of coping, which was like a miracle honestly.

it’s been about 3.5 months since i last went in, and i think i could use a booster appointment, but as i said i just can’t fit it in with my financial reality right now. so, that sucks. but, i definitely feel that it was worth doing, and i would recommend it to anyone who can shoulder the cost. hopefully in the future, ketamine will become a much more common psychiatric treatment, and it will become available to more and more patients.

*A friend of mine just told me he read somewhere that you don’t actually recall memories from like 20 years ago, you just remember the last time you recalled them--so like, i THINK i remember my parents struggling to give me drops for pink eye in our first apartment when i was about 1.5 years old, but in reality, i just remember the last time i remembered it, or the earliest time i’m able to remember remembering it. pretty interesting! and kind of disturbing, like the idea that star trek-type teleporters don’t actually transport a person, they just DESTROY the original person and rebuild a new one on the other end, a thought that REALLY BOTHERS ME.

[rationalsanskar]

How to Achieve Mindfulness Without Having to Actually Meditate

In 1977, Roald Dahl published a lesser-known collection of short stories called The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six . The titular tale is about a beleaguered British billionaire who finds peace (and eventually, fantastical powers) by learning to calm his brain with a variety of techniques. One such method involves focusing intensely on a single image in the brain for a long period of time.

In the book, Sugar manages to picture an orange for more than 10 minutes. I can remember putting my dog-eared copy down and trying my best to do the same. When that failed after eight or nine hopeless seconds, I thought of apples, blueberries, pears. No luck. Each time, memories from earlier in the week or stresses about the upcoming one managed to invade my brain and tear me from the moment.

Fast-forward a couple decades, and whenever I try to sit down tomeditate — yoga mat, dimly lit room, relaxing music, a scented candle or two — I still think of this failed fourth-grade experiment. Formal attempts at proper, popular meditation often end prematurely for me, with my mind whirring like the wheel of death on an old Dell desktop. I think about interviews I have to schedule, flights I have to book, contact lenses I have to order. Eventually, I call it, thinking Damn, didn’t work. After these “failures” I’m less likely to attempt meditation again; ironically, I now associate the practice with stress.

This isn’t uncommon. According to a 2016 study, only 12% of American adults practice meditation, a number that nonetheless represents a 50% increase from earlier in the decade. That uptick has coincided with an ever-growing wellness industry that includes functional exercise, apps and products that encourage embracing the present, from mat Pilates to Calm to the Wave meditation system.

But that number’s still low, and the difficulty surrounding the practice is a prevailing reason why. In order to achieve mindfulness — the practice of paying attention to one’s thoughts and sensations in a particular moment — people assume they need to first create a perfect environment. Noise at a minimum, pleasant scents and legs crossed, with enlightenment just a few deep breaths out of reach. This line of thinking, though, ascribes too much importance to the activity. It’s self-defeating, like punching a pillow in anger while trying to fall asleep. Traditional meditation may indeed work well for many, but if it doesn’t do it for you, there are other ways to achieve mindfulness.

Think of activities in your life that erase hours from the clock. The ones you look forward to, or perhaps the ones you don’t think much about at all. They come, they go, but by the end of it all you feel measurably more relaxed. These activities can be considered “backdoors” to mindfulness. They’re inherently meditative, because you derive the same benefits from them that might come from 10 good minutes spent picturing an orange.

Below, we’ve assembled seven different activities that have been known to universally encourage elements of mindfulness. Importantly, we chose pursuits that an overwhelming majority of human beings can participate in at the drop of a hat. Surfing big waves, practicing magic tricks or playing the French horn may help you achieve mindfulness, and walking a dog may get you there too (assuming you’ve got one), but these examples are inclusive and easily incorporated into the mornings, afternoons and evenings of just about anyone.

Cooking

The future of on-demand food ordering is absolutely insane: the industry is projected to rake in a whopping $365 billion in revenue by 2030. Why? Millennials buy fewer groceries than older generations, and devote just 13 minutes a day to meal prep. I can identify. Three nights a week, I’ll bring some sort of $13 grab-and-go market bowl back for dinner. I often think of it as a chore handled, and an opportunity to watch TV the second I enter my apartment, fork shoved firmly into my mouth as I do. But I’ve noticed that on days I cook up a meal, however simple (I’m a big fan of shrimp mixed with rice and veggies), I’m able to go on a rare, much-appreciated, end-of-day autopilot. Heat the pan, prepare the rice, wash the veggies, cut and season the shrimp — I’ll generally perform these tasks with music on, while talking to my roommate or in silence, the only sound the gentle sizzle of the cooking food.

There’s an exact phrase for this experience: behavioral activation. It refers to a positive activity that necessitates presence of mind. Cooking requires decisions from your brain, motor skills from your body and an end goal that can fill your brain with a feeling of accomplishment. Plus, cutting and tearing are proven methods for handling a tough day, while the recipes can be both comforting and expected, or unusual and creative. Either way, they demand your attention, and will keep you looking at the pan, instead of your emails.

Water Therapy

The restorative effects of cold-water immersion are well-documented at this point. From ice baths to plunge pools to Scottish showers, the practice has near magical benefits for the body. It catalyzes post-workout recovery, staves off injury, lowers blood pressure, increases metabolic rate and stimulates the immune system. But there is mindfulness in freezing your butt off, too, believe it or not. You’re outside in nature, for starters, which we know does wonders for mental health. And cold water encourages the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine, adrenaline, norepinephrine and serotonin, all of which have anti-depressive effects.

I jumped into the North Sea a few days ago, when air temperatures were hovering around 30°F, and can assure you that I wasn’t thinking about anything but exactly how my body felt in that exact moment. It hijacks your afternoon, in a good way; I took a long, hot shower afterwards, and then felt alert and alive for a good six hours. On the other, less-Bear-Grylls end of the spectrum, lounging into warm water or having a bath at the end of the day are other forms of highly effective “water therapy” which should march you one step closer to mindfulness.

Journaling

According to a team of researchers from Princeton University and UCLA, those who take notes on computers are less likely to summarize and retain information than those who take notes with their hands. The study (and others like it) has long been cited as a reason to save handwriting: save a lost art while boosting our memory! But handwriting’s effectiveness also extends into the realm of another mindful activity: journaling. A nightly commitment to putting pen on paper will add special significance to your days; what’s remembered as banal or unspectacular two months later might’ve actually been exciting or unusual at the time, and you’ll have the notes to prove it. On top of making you a better handwriter, it will make you a better writer, period, and it will happen in an arena that’s rhythm, old-timey and devoid of stress-inducing blue light. In case you have no desire to catalogue your own life — find writing prompts online. Scribble nonsense. Sometimes, when I finish writing for 10 minutes or so, I wake up as if from a drunken trance. It’s a lovely feeling.

Adult Recess

When you’re a kid, there are times that your parents, needing an afternoon to wash dishes, pay bills and do other real-world-things, will order you to “go play.” It’s a typical childhood exultation, and from a young age, we oblige. We pick up branches and have stick fights. We “run the bases.” We invent games on trampolines and whack each other with styrofoam noodles. But somewhere along the way, play stops. For some medical professionals, the lack of play among adults is public health issue. Dr. Stuart Brown, who founded the National Institute for Play, explains that play is instrumental to optimism and self-motivation, while fostering a sense of belonging and community with others.

Unfortunately, it’s long been difficult for the average individual to find play in the adult world — let alone the heaping helping of mindfulness it delivers. Adults are an insular bunch, and those that do join groups often do so for competition. (Think: weekend warriors in intramural leagues.) But in the last few years, more groups have come about that prioritize the relaxation involved with simply running around. From DC to San Francisco to Greensboro, more cities are starting “adult recess�� leagues, where the stakes are low and you’re free to think about nothing but throwing or kicking a ball for 90 minutes — with drinks often on the docket afterward.

Running

I’ve written about my return to running in the last couple months, after a six-year break. For years, I associated the activity with stress, expectation and pre-race nervous pees, but my recent reentry to the tribe has been calm and easy. I feel an appreciation now for the ways in which both pain (mile repeats on a track along Manhattan’s East River) and wonder (tripping up snow-covered hills on the outskirts of Edinburgh) seem to remove me entirely from the world of 9-5. I don’t need a scientific study to confirm the inherent meditative qualities of running, though there are many. Runs with destinations, runs that meander, runs desperate to hit a certain time — they’re all about the sweaty, heaving present. That state of being is usually a struggle, but it can be euphoric, and that’s why we do it. You should do it, too.

Live Music

A massive trend in the mindfulness space is the composition of music specifically geared for achieving calm. They can be lovely, and I can mellow into them easily, but they’re often too ethereal and not very sustainable. Who can listen to that stuff for 45 minutes? I contend that mindfulness can also be found in the General Admission section at a concert, or in a booth at an Irish pub that brings some Van Morrison sound-alike out every Tuesday evening. Live music is effortless presence of mind, especially when we leave our phones in our pockets. It represents a deviation from the norm (very few of us experience live music every day), which heightens the importance of the moment and your concentration relative to other earthly concerns. And it often rewards your ossicles with a series of mini-eargasms, which is nice.

Home and Garden

One of the surest signs that you’ve become an adult — aside from a strange desire to receive socks over the holidays — is that you actually enjoy performing household chores. I get giddy when I have a solid two hours to push my vacuum around, make the kitchen sparkle and point a hose at the gutters. Similar to the behavioral activation associated with cooking, busying about a home or apartment offers tasks and results, concentration and satisfaction. They’re an exhilarating change of pace from the mind-numbing practices of day-to-day work in a sedentary society. After a week of sitting at a computer, I will gladly Lysol the hell out of a coffee table. And I can’t remember ever thinking about much while I’m doing it. Not to mention — there are endless opportunities to personalize and perfect a space, from DIY projects to caring for plants, that will also transport you to a relaxing place far, far away.

The post How to Achieve Mindfulness Without Having to Actually Meditate appeared first on InsideHook.

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[danijadegordon]

Does the media we consume affect how we view ourselves?

 Instead of spending my days playing outside, running around, riding bikes, or even just sitting with my friends somewhere, I spent my pre-teens scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, and most frequently Tumblr. I consumed hours and hours of content and media that never seemed to end. Pictures, videos, gifs, and text posts gave me my daily dopamine boost. I cared more about actors playing fictional characters in shows than I did about almost anything else. I read stories written by people like me about the characters I was watching. It was exciting and overwhelming. I can attribute almost all of my personality and sense of humor to Tumblr. There was a community for everything. If you had ever felt excluded before this was a place where you felt like part of something. It was new enough that it was shiny, anonymous enough that even the shyest people felt okay with being themselves. And the longer people were on the website the more they shared, and naturally communities around things that made people different started. Most notably, the mental health community. 

This space was created for inclusion and validation, spread positivity through inspiration. This community shared deep intimate stories about their struggles, used each other as crutches when things got hard. They created a safe space for people who needed it. And to its credit, it was and still is today an overall very positive and helpful community. When I talked to my friends about this, a lot of them say that it helped them with their own struggles.  But like, as large groups of people end up doing, gatekeeping in the community began. Posts saying things like, “You aren’t bipolar because you are having a bad day” and “You aren’t antisocial because you don’t have friends”, while well-intended ended up coming across as shame-y and exclusionary. Consuming this media in my early teens ended up affecting how I saw my own mental health. I denied my own mental illness to myself for almost 3 months, before I even thought that I should talk to someone. I spent the first semester of my sophomore year, staring at my white walls, laying on my bed, and just wishing that I had the energy to put my life back together. My room was covered in dirty clothes, I was wearing the same shirt I had worn for the last three days, and I still refused to believe I had anything wrong with me. My grades suffered terribly, and I still denied what was happening. The community on Tumblr, the mental health gatekeepers telling me what was and what wasn’t a valid mental illness or opinion, or symptoms, was engrained in my brain. The same people who set out to create a safe space for people who struggled had failed me. It had me convinced that if I said I had depression, I would get shamed and yelled at by people with actual depression. Like it was a competition. I didn’t want to seem like an insensitive person to people struggling with mental illness, but I neglected to see that I was also suffering. When talking to my friends who had mental illness previously to being exposed to the community on Tumblr, told me that it helped them find their place and define what they were dealing with, the friends I talked to who had developed mental illnesses after being exposed, like myself, felt otherwise.

I chose people I knew had been on Tumblr and suffered from mental health to talk to and asked them a similar set of questions relating to Tumblr, and their own mental health. When I sat down to talk to Tai, a freshman theater arts student at LIU, she told me that she felt the communities on Tumblr were helpful to her. She felt they had helped to destigmatize mental illness. When I talked to Cat, a sophomore ES&P major, she said similar things. Cat said, “(Tumblr) helped me… in middle school you don’t really get any teaching about mental health,” she continued, “Posts on Tumblr explaining it really helped me”. And while I don’t disagree that this community despite its flaws has an overall positive impact, I had really expected that they would have felt similar to me. The idea that they didn’t have validation in their struggles. When I talked to Derek, a freshman at LIU, he helped me realize the difference. Derek agreed with Cat and Tai in the fact that it was helpful in identifying and learning about their own mental illness, but he also felt that double-edged sword that I had. He said when he realized he had his own mental health issues, it was hard for him to identify it because of the precautions and parameters around what it meant to be mentally ill by the Tumblr community. I shared my own experience with this issue to the people I interviewed and most of them could understand how this culture could negatively affect someone’s mental health.

What I ended up learning through talking to my friends about the relationship between social media and mental health that I had noticed, was that we need to talk more about these issues. When someone tells you about something going on with them, we need to listen and not make them feel different. We need to have more open conversations, instead of forcing people to find communities online. If we could teach people about mental health in school, and at home, and have open conversations about not being okay then we could eliminate the negative side of what the existing community is doing. If someone had given me a lesson on depression and anxiety and how it feels without the judgment behind it that a lot of posts on Tumblr seem to have, I wouldn’t have wasted a semester of my life lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. Having stopped and analyzed my own relationship with Tumblr, and talked to others about it, I feel more secure in myself. Knowing that while they didn’t have my exact same experience, but they understood how it could happen, made me feel less insane. So, if you are struggling, and you feel like you cannot express it because you don’t have proof or its not that bad compared to some people, don’t let that stop you from being happy. Because the only person you can save in the end is yourself.  

[wilma-flintstones-mother]

            ALL OF HUMANITY BEGAN AS ONE SINGLE                                       MINUTE PARTICLE IN THE UNIVERSE

      Every last particle of what they see and believe to be true, and live and experience personally in the sad, repressive span of their entire lives, will all be nothing more, nothing less than an illusion... A very GRAND illusion it will be... so large, so vast, that it will escape their perception entirely. Those who do see it for what it truly is will be thought of as insane.  We will create separate fronts to reinforce from within their fundamental core beliefs as well as prevent them from seeing any such tangible connections between us and the actual (perceived by them) cause and responsible root of all of contemporary society’s ills and injustices. We will always behave as a pretense, precisely as they think and behave, in mock-ignorance, to support our inseparable lack of defined distinction to their own as well as positively reinforce our shared position in all of this, with their own unenlightened beliefs, erroneously taught to them by us so many centuries long ago, in order to safeguard our differences to them and to successfully allow them to continue remaining blissfully unaware of the intrinsic truths of the nature of man, energy, the universe, pandimensionality and the cold, hard facts of the paradigm of each of our after lives, perpetrating before them the convenient little lie that human beings are not in any way as indecipherably interconnected with one another  as they truly are and have ever been, as well as to all other life forms and preternatural phenomena within the commonly agreed upon pre-established parameters of `reality’ of this realm, so necessary in order to keep our little gas-lighting illusion alive and well maintained, but also most importantly... That it always remain perceived as staunchly believed fact among them.  Our ultimate goal will be accomplished one drop of their innocent blood at a time, so as to never draw any hint of unduly, transparent suspicion upon ourselves. This will also prevent them from seeing the subtle changes caused by our many deceits as they slowly morph and belch and diminish the quality of the terrain and air and living conditions around them at all times as it even more slowly begins to kill them all ever so slowly, particle by particle, atom by atom, in fact, diminishing even the subtle nuance of their very own, minor little souls. We will always stand above the relative field of their experiences, for we know the secrets of the absolute, which they themselves can NEVER know.  We will work together always and will remain bound by blood and secrecy.  Death will come to he who speaks the truth.  We will keep their lifespans relatively short and their minds weak and uncertain and painfully conflicted while pretending to feel love and compassion for them as we do the exact opposite.  We will use our knowledge of the occult, science and technology in subtle ways so that they will never actually be privy and ever see what is actually transpiring at any turn of vast or even of very marginal significance or importance to them as it happens directly before their eyes.  We will use soft metals, aging accelerators and sedatives in their food and their drinking water, and even in the very air they depend upon to breathe.  They will be blanketed in noxious poisons everywhere they turn. The soft metals will cause them to lose their minds.  We will promise to find a cure from our many fronts, yet we will feed them even more poison.  The poisons will be absorbed through their skin and mouths, and will prove most effective in destroying their minds, their constitutions and especially their sexual organs and reproductive systems. From all of this, their children will be born dead, and we will conceal information from them.  The poisons will be hidden in everything that surrounds them, in what they drink, eat, breathe and wear.  We must be ingenious in dispensing the poisons for they can see far.  We will teach them that poisons are good, with innocent, playful imagery and musical tones. Those whom they look up to will assist us in perpetrating and helping to keep this primary deceit always in childlike good and necessary evil `fun time.’ We will enlist them to push all of our poisons. They will see our products being used in film and will grow accustomed to them and will never know their true effects. When they give birth, we will inject poisons into the blood of their children and convince them that it’s for their well being. We will start early on, when their minds are young, we will target their children with what children love the most, sweets and chocolates and drugs and such things. When their teeth decay we will fill them up with metals that will kill their minds and steal their very futures away from them. When their ability to continue to grow and to learn has successfully been adversely affected for their duration, we will introduce them to yet even more powerfully poisonous `medicines and vaccinations’ that will make them even sicker and cause many other, further distressing and severe diseases for which we will continue to dutifully pretend to invent and create still many more `preventative medicines’ for them. We will render them docile and weak before us by the focused and determined deliberation, which is our core strength and the very essence of our oblique powers over them. They will become ever more despondent, depressed, lethargic and still even dumber and less aware of themselves and their surroundings... many will be known for generations to have always been quite slow and morbidly obese, and when they come to us for help, we will give them more poisons. We will force all of their attentions exclusively towards money that they do not have and seemingly can only ever seem to get their hands on lesser and lesser dollar amounts of as time matches on, charging them more and more and more for something which had only ever cost two cents for almost a hundred years or more and all of a sudden it costs them nine fifty, a week or two later, seventeen dollars, a year later, seventy-five dollars....  and still yet all of the gross, tawdry and offensive, blatantly sub-standard `material’ things, devices, fetishes and dopamine-satisfying little bits of plastic and human shit that they got somebody else to shell out nine hundred dollars for... Yes, it would so appear that we have in deed become acutely, unnervingly talented when it comes to the persistent, ceaseless, brutally cold and inhuman insinuation into their consciousness and into their collective lives these unnecessary bits of popular needless communication devices, pure ego-boosting, self-importance nonsense, quietly introducing into their empty mock-lives these utterly banal retread retoolings on already hundred year old technological progressive inventions, handing over to them and with them cluelessly  falling lock, stock and barrel for each and every time, to various noxious, poisonous and largely potentially fatal, body-destroying addictions, ridiculously unhealthy, even unimaginably unattractive obsessions endlessly hurled at them, keeping the bulk of them all the more removed from the falsehood of reality already pretending to function all around them at every turn, I do not believe that a more sinsisterly easily distracted form of life ever existed anywhere in the multiverses before these rejects showed up late to their very own (unmemorable, customarily tasteless and self-absorbed) unsuccessful party... All of these theatrics and distractions very intentionally introduced into their lives, assuring the rest of the boldly secretive and luridly anti-human race spiritual murderers and planetary alchemists among us with all the tenacity of a tuna fishes retirement party, so directed and serious are we throughout this all, demanding from the very core of our substantially more enlightened beings, to constantly do everything in our powers to see to it that not even one of them will ever be able to connect with their very own, inert inner selves, let alone with the one true Lord that silently overlooks and experiences everything that anything the Lord ever created has ever experienced in all of it’s individual lifespans.  We distract them with fornication, same-sex fellatio, mediocrity in entertainment and music, outlandish psychotropic external influences, numerous myriad secretive pleasures and sub-intellect video games so that they may never be a part of the singularity of amassing oneness of which ALL phenomena is a part of. Their minds will belong to us and they will do as we say. If they refuse we shall find ways to implement mind-altering technology into their lives. We will use fear as our weapon. We will establish their governments and establish opposites within. We will own both sides. We will always hide our objective but carry out our plan. They will perform the labor for us and we shall prosper from their toil. Our families will never mix with theirs. Our blood must be pure always, for it is the way. We will make them kill each other when it suits us. We will keep them separated from the oneness by dogma and religion. We will control all aspects of their lives and tell them what to think and how. We will guide them kindly and gently letting them think they are guiding themselves. We will foment animosity between them through our factions. When a light shall shine among them, we shall extinguish it by ridicule, or death, whichever suits us best. We will make them rip each other’s hearts apart and kill their own children. We will accomplish this by using hate as our ally, anger as our friend. The hate will blind them totally, and never shall they see that from their conflicts we emerge as their rulers. They will be too busy killing each other. They will bathe in their own blood and kill their neighbors for as long as we see fit. We will benefit greatly from this, for they will not see us, for they cannot see us. We will continue to prosper from their wars and their deaths. We shall repeat this over and over until our ultimate goal is accomplished. We will continue to make them live in fear and anger though images and sounds. We will use all the tools we have to accomplish this. The tools will be provided by their labor. We will make them hate themselves and their neighbors. We will always hide the divine truth from them, that we are all one. This they must never know!  They must never know that a man’s color is an illusion; they must always think they are not equal. Drop by drop, drop by drop we will advance our goal. We will take over their land, resources and wealth to exercise total control over them. We will deceive them into accepting laws that will steal the little freedom they will have. We will establish a money system that will imprison them forever, keeping them and their children in debt. When they shall ban together, we shall accuse them of crimes and present a different story to the world for we shall own all the media. We will use our media to control the flow of information and their sentiment in our favor. When they shall rise up against us we will crush them like insects, for they are less than that. They will be helpless to do anything for they will have no weapons. We will recruit some of their own to carry out our plans, we will promise them eternal life, but eternal life they will never have for they are not of us. The recruits will be called “initiates” and will be indoctrinated to believe false rites of passage to higher realms. Members of these groups will think they are one with us never knowing the truth. They must never learn this truth for they will turn against us. For their work they will be rewarded with earthly things and great titles, but never will they become immortal and join us, never will they receive the light and travel the stars. They will never reach the higher realms, for the killing of their own kind will prevent passage to the realm of enlightenment. This they will never know. The truth will be hidden in their face, so close they will not be able to focus on it until it’s too late. Oh yes, so grand the illusion of freedom will be, that they will never know they are our slaves. When all is in place, the reality we will have created for them will own them. This reality will be their prison. They will live in self-delusion. When our goal is accomplished a new era of domination will begin. Their minds will be bound by their beliefs, the beliefs we have established from time immemorial. But if they ever find out they are our equal, we shall perish then. THIS THEY MUST NEVER KNOW. If they ever find out that together they can vanquish us, they will take action. They must never, ever find out what we have done, for if they do, we shall have no place to run, for it will be easy to see who we are once the veil has fallen. Our actions will have revealed who we are and they will hunt us down and no person shall give us shelter. This is the secret covenant by which we shall live the rest of our present and future lives, for this reality will transcend many generations and life spans. This covenant is sealed by blood, our blood. We are the ones who from heaven to earth came. This covenant must NEVER, EVER be known to exist. It must NEVER, EVER be written or spoken of for if it is, the consciousness it will spawn will release the fury of the PRIME CREATOR upon us and we shall be cast to the depths from whence we came and remain there until the end time of infinity itself.

[killhadrian]

and like yeah ultimately I shouldn’t even be trying to achieve any amount of recognition on ao3 of all places when I have real publishing ambitions because it just complicates things, but I just. is my stuff really that far out of the Q zone as it were? I have good stats I shouldn’t be complaining. but you wonder if your stuff got buried and maybe there’s someone else out there just like you desperate to find an actually good fic. so you think, maybe I should try to drum up more engagement or exposure. maybe commenting on fics I like and creating a dialogue between the author and I will make them interested in reading mine! (it does not, this does not work, proven again and again) then I turn full insane and think maybe I should just comment on the work when they finish publishing all the chapters to check out mine since it has a similar sensibility! but that feels desperate and again. insane. insane!

then half the time I go and look at the blogs of these people and find out they also are into the same garbage that I detest! so maybe they wouldn’t like my fic anyway, I’m wasting my energy even giving a shit.

but! but!!!! I also crave the dopamine boost when someone likes or comments (haven’t had anything like that in a while) because it in turn motivates me to work on my real adult writing. that’s the theory anyway.

honestly I’m glad I decided to vent about this because my conclusion is to shut the fuck up and just work on my fucking book and stop complaining. it’s fucking fan fiction. GROW UP! YOU’RE AN ADULT! LIKE ACTUALLY A WHOLE ASS ALMOST IN YOUR 30S ADULT. figure out how to maintain a real writing schedule, stop being depressed, shut out everything that upsets you because it’s not like you can do anything about it anyway, and get on with your life

debating whether I should start posting s**** p*** shit on here because I don’t use it for anything else

and I feel compelled to express my personal opinion that most of the fics people love are honest to god G A R B A G E ! ! ! they are literally so bad. yes the scenic route was good - it’s literally my favorite fic of all time - but even that has swaths that I find completely unbearable and have to glaze my eyes over. The epilogue????????????? what in the actual fuck. her other works? terrible. just awful writing in terms of carrying plots to satisfying fruition. (the western one was deeply unsatisfying and also really glosses over the fact that K is raped by an adult as a child and talk about that man like he’s just some fucking.. ex? kill me)

Not to mention the girl clearly has a fucking food/eating kink????? like yeah it’s ao3 bold of me to kink shame but eugh I can’t be the only one put off by this. and is no one gonna mention her weird disability/dismemberment fetish as well????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I want to Mugatu scream at everyone because I’m losing my god damned mind

[rationalsanskar]

How to Achieve Mindfulness Without Having to Actually Meditate

In 1977, Roald Dahl published a lesser-known collection of short stories called The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six . The titular tale is about a beleaguered British billionaire who finds peace (and eventually, fantastical powers) by learning to calm his brain with a variety of techniques. One such method involves focusing intensely on a single image in the brain for a long period of time.

In the book, Sugar manages to picture an orange for more than 10 minutes. I can remember putting my dog-eared copy down and trying my best to do the same. When that failed after eight or nine hopeless seconds, I thought of apples, blueberries, pears. No luck. Each time, memories from earlier in the week or stresses about the upcoming one managed to invade my brain and tear me from the moment.

Fast-forward a couple decades, and whenever I try to sit down tomeditate — yoga mat, dimly lit room, relaxing music, a scented candle or two — I still think of this failed fourth-grade experiment. Formal attempts at proper, popular meditation often end prematurely for me, with my mind whirring like the wheel of death on an old Dell desktop. I think about interviews I have to schedule, flights I have to book, contact lenses I have to order. Eventually, I call it, thinking Damn, didn’t work. After these “failures” I’m less likely to attempt meditation again; ironically, I now associate the practice with stress.

This isn’t uncommon. According to a 2016 study, only 12% of American adults practice meditation, a number that nonetheless represents a 50% increase from earlier in the decade. That uptick has coincided with an ever-growing wellness industry that includes functional exercise, apps and products that encourage embracing the present, from mat Pilates to Calm to the Wave meditation system.

But that number’s still low, and the difficulty surrounding the practice is a prevailing reason why. In order to achieve mindfulness — the practice of paying attention to one’s thoughts and sensations in a particular moment — people assume they need to first create a perfect environment. Noise at a minimum, pleasant scents and legs crossed, with enlightenment just a few deep breaths out of reach. This line of thinking, though, ascribes too much importance to the activity. It’s self-defeating, like punching a pillow in anger while trying to fall asleep. Traditional meditation may indeed work well for many, but if it doesn’t do it for you, there are other ways to achieve mindfulness.

Think of activities in your life that erase hours from the clock. The ones you look forward to, or perhaps the ones you don’t think much about at all. They come, they go, but by the end of it all you feel measurably more relaxed. These activities can be considered “backdoors” to mindfulness. They’re inherently meditative, because you derive the same benefits from them that might come from 10 good minutes spent picturing an orange.

Below, we’ve assembled seven different activities that have been known to universally encourage elements of mindfulness. Importantly, we chose pursuits that an overwhelming majority of human beings can participate in at the drop of a hat. Surfing big waves, practicing magic tricks or playing the French horn may help you achieve mindfulness, and walking a dog may get you there too (assuming you’ve got one), but these examples are inclusive and easily incorporated into the mornings, afternoons and evenings of just about anyone.

Cooking

The future of on-demand food ordering is absolutely insane: the industry is projected to rake in a whopping $365 billion in revenue by 2030. Why? Millennials buy fewer groceries than older generations, and devote just 13 minutes a day to meal prep. I can identify. Three nights a week, I’ll bring some sort of $13 grab-and-go market bowl back for dinner. I often think of it as a chore handled, and an opportunity to watch TV the second I enter my apartment, fork shoved firmly into my mouth as I do. But I’ve noticed that on days I cook up a meal, however simple (I’m a big fan of shrimp mixed with rice and veggies), I’m able to go on a rare, much-appreciated, end-of-day autopilot. Heat the pan, prepare the rice, wash the veggies, cut and season the shrimp — I’ll generally perform these tasks with music on, while talking to my roommate or in silence, the only sound the gentle sizzle of the cooking food.

There’s an exact phrase for this experience: behavioral activation. It refers to a positive activity that necessitates presence of mind. Cooking requires decisions from your brain, motor skills from your body and an end goal that can fill your brain with a feeling of accomplishment. Plus, cutting and tearing are proven methods for handling a tough day, while the recipes can be both comforting and expected, or unusual and creative. Either way, they demand your attention, and will keep you looking at the pan, instead of your emails.

Water Therapy

The restorative effects of cold-water immersion are well-documented at this point. From ice baths to plunge pools to Scottish showers, the practice has near magical benefits for the body. It catalyzes post-workout recovery, staves off injury, lowers blood pressure, increases metabolic rate and stimulates the immune system. But there is mindfulness in freezing your butt off, too, believe it or not. You’re outside in nature, for starters, which we know does wonders for mental health. And cold water encourages the release of neurotransmitters like dopamine, adrenaline, norepinephrine and serotonin, all of which have anti-depressive effects.

I jumped into the North Sea a few days ago, when air temperatures were hovering around 30°F, and can assure you that I wasn’t thinking about anything but exactly how my body felt in that exact moment. It hijacks your afternoon, in a good way; I took a long, hot shower afterwards, and then felt alert and alive for a good six hours. On the other, less-Bear-Grylls end of the spectrum, lounging into warm water or having a bath at the end of the day are other forms of highly effective “water therapy” which should march you one step closer to mindfulness.

Journaling

According to a team of researchers from Princeton University and UCLA, those who take notes on computers are less likely to summarize and retain information than those who take notes with their hands. The study (and others like it) has long been cited as a reason to save handwriting: save a lost art while boosting our memory! But handwriting’s effectiveness also extends into the realm of another mindful activity: journaling. A nightly commitment to putting pen on paper will add special significance to your days; what’s remembered as banal or unspectacular two months later might’ve actually been exciting or unusual at the time, and you’ll have the notes to prove it. On top of making you a better handwriter, it will make you a better writer, period, and it will happen in an arena that’s rhythm, old-timey and devoid of stress-inducing blue light. In case you have no desire to catalogue your own life — find writing prompts online. Scribble nonsense. Sometimes, when I finish writing for 10 minutes or so, I wake up as if from a drunken trance. It’s a lovely feeling.

Adult Recess

When you’re a kid, there are times that your parents, needing an afternoon to wash dishes, pay bills and do other real-world-things, will order you to “go play.” It’s a typical childhood exultation, and from a young age, we oblige. We pick up branches and have stick fights. We “run the bases.” We invent games on trampolines and whack each other with styrofoam noodles. But somewhere along the way, play stops. For some medical professionals, the lack of play among adults is public health issue. Dr. Stuart Brown, who founded the National Institute for Play, explains that play is instrumental to optimism and self-motivation, while fostering a sense of belonging and community with others.

Unfortunately, it’s long been difficult for the average individual to find play in the adult world — let alone the heaping helping of mindfulness it delivers. Adults are an insular bunch, and those that do join groups often do so for competition. (Think: weekend warriors in intramural leagues.) But in the last few years, more groups have come about that prioritize the relaxation involved with simply running around. From DC to San Francisco to Greensboro, more cities are starting “adult recess” leagues, where the stakes are low and you’re free to think about nothing but throwing or kicking a ball for 90 minutes — with drinks often on the docket afterward.

Running

I’ve written about my return to running in the last couple months, after a six-year break. For years, I associated the activity with stress, expectation and pre-race nervous pees, but my recent reentry to the tribe has been calm and easy. I feel an appreciation now for the ways in which both pain (mile repeats on a track along Manhattan’s East River) and wonder (tripping up snow-covered hills on the outskirts of Edinburgh) seem to remove me entirely from the world of 9-5. I don’t need a scientific study to confirm the inherent meditative qualities of running, though there are many. Runs with destinations, runs that meander, runs desperate to hit a certain time — they’re all about the sweaty, heaving present. That state of being is usually a struggle, but it can be euphoric, and that’s why we do it. You should do it, too.

Live Music

A massive trend in the mindfulness space is the composition of music specifically geared for achieving calm. They can be lovely, and I can mellow into them easily, but they’re often too ethereal and not very sustainable. Who can listen to that stuff for 45 minutes? I contend that mindfulness can also be found in the General Admission section at a concert, or in a booth at an Irish pub that brings some Van Morrison sound-alike out every Tuesday evening. Live music is effortless presence of mind, especially when we leave our phones in our pockets. It represents a deviation from the norm (very few of us experience live music every day), which heightens the importance of the moment and your concentration relative to other earthly concerns. And it often rewards your ossicles with a series of mini-eargasms, which is nice.

Home and Garden

One of the surest signs that you’ve become an adult — aside from a strange desire to receive socks over the holidays — is that you actually enjoy performing household chores. I get giddy when I have a solid two hours to push my vacuum around, make the kitchen sparkle and point a hose at the gutters. Similar to the behavioral activation associated with cooking, busying about a home or apartment offers tasks and results, concentration and satisfaction. They’re an exhilarating change of pace from the mind-numbing practices of day-to-day work in a sedentary society. After a week of sitting at a computer, I will gladly Lysol the hell out of a coffee table. And I can’t remember ever thinking about much while I’m doing it. Not to mention — there are endless opportunities to personalize and perfect a space, from DIY projects to caring for plants, that will also transport you to a relaxing place far, far away.

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