#Thank you for your input — I'll be sure to take it into careful consideration.

[wayward-sword]

I'm glad you think being a creep is funny. It just goes to show that you're aware of being a stalker. You don't care about the feelings of others, and you're going to continue your behavior without getting help. Go fuck yourself you narcissistic prick.

Well, since you've opted NOT to go calling me an ableist slur this time around (Kudos for that, bud. I'm real proud of you for being able to compose yourself for once), I'll deign to answer this one directly:

I dunno where all this talk about me being a "stalker" is coming from, but considering I block most folks I don't want to have any association with and ignore them as much as possible, it's a bit telling that you're looking obsessively at my blog to see whether or not I'm biting the bait you're putting out.

Sounds like if anyone's doing any stalking here, it's you. And considering I've kept your previous ask on hand, I'll be sure to correct that issue forthwith. Of course, I'm sure there's nothing stopping you from using a proxy service of some sort or making a new sockpuppet account to circumvent any blocks I apply, but hey, it just goes to show your own desperation towards attempting to harass me.

Thanks for playing along, chief. Have a good one.

Gonna also stealth update this post for the sake of transparency. Below the following Read More is a screenshot of the initial anonymous hatemail message I received, and I am Read More'ing it specifically for the comfort of others because this individual, as I mentioned earlier, has been legitimately, unironically ableist towards me in their initial ask and also referred to me by a derogatory slur as a result (which, I'll admit, I could care less about, but I feel like it goes to show the quality of this person's character by referring to me as such):

Like, I've never once blamed anything on my autism? Ever? And I was uncomfortable for years stating that I had autism until the last therapist I saw formally conducted a professional test to give me what was probably the third or fourth autism diagnosis I've received in my life. That one, I felt, was definitive enough, and my therapist helped me work through some of my communication shortcomings in order to accept my condition. Note: My condition apparently USED to (and I suppose in some practices still is) be referred to as "Asperger's", but that therapist in particular stressed to me that most psychological practices are trying to officially move on from that word in particular and, instead, file it under a general umbrella of "low level autism" (meaning, essentially, high-functioning, whereas "high level" would indicate low-functioning). The logic of it was explained to me such that too many people were thinking "Asperger's" was like a disease with no recovery and it wasn't conducive to patients' mental health to use it as a diagnosis, not to mention Asperger's sufferers have apparently been discriminated as such to such a pronounced extent that it just seemed "better" overall for the mental health community to try and move away from that term.

I've also... Never started shit with anybody on here? Before now, the first and only major conflict I've ever had with another mun is a certain guy who got REALLY mad that I became friends with Shay, and that's a whole bucket of worms to get into (which I believe I've talked about before on here).

The funniest thing of all here though is the fact that I do leave people alone and my mutuals can attest as much. Like... I must have shown this hatemail to all of my friends who are still active here on Tumblr and every last one has been like, "Kinkoz doesn't even do anything though??" You'd think, with how I've posted my follower/following count to show how ACTUALLY small my reach is and how much I notably stick to my own lane that this much would be blatantly obvious to anyone and everyone.

Like, what do I even have to gain by harassing people (like this anon is doing)? I just block and move on, man. I've got better things to do with my time than deal with all of that frustration. I'll fully admit that I enjoy the occasional schadenfreude, but I don't really do that whole thing of trying to tear someone else down myself in order to make myself feel better. I've had that sort of shit done to me enough times in my own life and upbringing that I don't dig doing it to others. Outside of teasing and joking, I'd much rather try to uplift people than to push them down, because that's realistically the only way we'll all get through this life better.

While I am greatly amused to have even gotten this anonymous messages in the first place, it's also kinda sad in a way. This person clearly hasn't figured out their own priorities in life if they're so paranoid about someone like me that they have to make things up like this. It must be nice to live in so sheltered and entitled of a life. That's also not counting the fact that most of this person's insults are contradictory to one another, like... Yes, I am definitely making up my autism. I'm also taking fiction way too seriously as someone who is lying about my own autism. I am also a freak stalker obsessive person and DEFINTELY not autistic as a result.

Although I will say that, oddly enough, the most complimentary thing they've had to say about me here is that I "scare" people. Like, shit, I hope I do. And that's not for any of the nonsensical "creepy stalker person who likes making people uncomfortable" reasons, but because hopefully, if I'm scary to others, it SHOULD ward away others like this anon from attempting to start shit with me.

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

But just because you have ptsd doesn't mean you can be mean or prejudge people. Having ptsd is not an excuse for anything. You're acting super weird lately.

... I have not pre-judged a single person. I have not used PTSD as an excuse for ANYTHING. I said "no duh I'm paranoid, I have GAD and PTSD." I'm not sure who you are but I'm guessing you haven't been here long? You know you don't have to follow me. If you're the same anon bully as before I haven't prejudged you, I'm REACTING to what you say. Like you want. I've always been weird hon, kind of the point.

Also thanks, of course this shit set my anxiety off because I don't like confrontation. How am I being weird? I get hate if I'm positive all the time and I get hate if I'm not. I can't make everyone happy and I'm not trying to. Are you expecting me to be nice to people attacking me? I'm so confused. I can be whatever I want, this is my blog. That's the cool thing about it. I didn't even have to answer this but I don't want to hide from my followers what I deal with.

Am I mean or weird lately guys?

You know what I am? Recently dumped. By someone who promised never to leave. Recently dropped by a friend who promised never to leave. Found out I have a very serious medical condition that alters my entire fucking life. I found out my dad's cancer is getting worse, and my mom is getting weaker all the time. September hit. The WORST time of year for me. It starts the hell months for me. Obviously you know me so well so you know I was raped by my first boyfriend in September years ago and lost a child in December. If you know me well enough to know I'm weird lately you know that right?

Why is everyone else, including you- allowed to judge and be mean? Why don't I have the right to emotions on my own page? If you don't like that sometimes I have feelings, you have the ability to go. I was literally just in the hospital and yet still I try to keep up my reassurance and care-taking personality. WHERE have I been mean? When I was defending myself? Stop hiding and bullying as an anon. At least I never hide.

Please though guys, if I'm weird or mean or something let me know! Comment here please? I don't know what's going on or why I'm getting singled out. Does it make you feel better picking on me? I hope so. I just feel bad for that. I really think if I'm such a problem you should just block me? Or unfollow me? See no one else has been saying this stuff. I'm assuming you're the same anon as before. Thank you for your input, I'll take it into consideration.

To everyone else, I hope you're doing well! Love you so much 🖤

[undertaker1827]

Hiiii~ I saw that your requests are open again and I just couldn't miss the chance. So I was wondering if I could have some headcanons of Ciel, Undertaker, Seb and Vincent with a S/O who feels really overwhelmed and self-conscious?

I know that this is a lot so please take as much time as you need and I'll completely understand if you don't write about all of the characters!

Thank you in advance and hope you have a wonderful day!💞✨

Greetings! Of course you can, hope you enjoy!!

Masterlist

-

Ciel

When Ciel comes downstairs to greet you, one of the first things he notices is how much you’re playing with your clothes

You always do it, but today it’s especially noticeable

The fabric is bunched up in your hands and your eyes are trained downwards on the floor, even as you stand next to Sebastian and wait for Ciel

You lift your gaze as he arrives and smile happily, and though he can see you’re happy to be with him, he knows the expression is forced

He says nothing of it until your comfortably settled together in a sitting room, each with cups of tea

He notices your hands trembling around the cup and saucer, but you quickly put it down on the nearest surface when you realise he’s looking

That confuses the earl, though from the way you’re still together and trying to avoid looking at him it all becomes obvious quite quickly

“Y/N,” he says quietly, not looking directly at you so you didn’t feel too pressured, “Are you alright? Do you want to talk with me about anything?”

The short sharp breath and subsequent stammering lets him know you were indeed feeling bad about yourself once again

If you try to say it’s nothing, you’re fine, he simply lays a hand over yours and asks once again that you please talk to him, because he’s sure that he can help and even if he can’t, he’ll know someone else who can

Eventually, after much consideration, you whisper out that you’re worried about how you look and what others think of you, that they might all be judging you and talking about you behind your back and how it all ends up getting overwhelming

Ciel dispatched Sebastian to go and get some more tea and a biscuit, then turned back to you with a caring look in his eyes and a light blush on his cheeks, dealing with this stuff isn’t exactly his forte

He then tells you that you look beautiful, especially in the clothes you had clearly worn specially to see him today

He says that everybody is not judging you as you go past but even if some of them are, what difference does it make to you?

Their opinions don’t affect you because what you do and how you act are nothing to them with them and you shouldn’t care in the slightest what they think, as long as you are happy

You shed a couple of tears listening to that speech and Ciel gently squeezed your hand, though the moment was broken by the muffled laughter coming from Sebastian

“My Lord, that was truly inspiring. You would make an excellent politician”

The Earl then pauses a moment in dismay, colour rising on his cheeks just a little more before he reprimands Sebastian for having so much input (as a servant, nonetheless) on what should have been a private conversation

You can’t help but laugh at the situation, which at the very least made the humiliation a bit more bearable for Ciel

Undertaker

Undertaker knew something was wrong as soon as you came into the parlour

He rushed over to you with his customary grin, arms wide open for the bear hug you always shared

You did look a bit squiffy (he was going to ask you about it in a moment) but as soon as he out his arms around you, you stiffened under his touch

That made the reaper frown deeply

You loved the physical contact he offered, it was always comforting to you - it had the same effect on him, hence why you were always physically close to each other

He moved back to see your face, hand moving to rest against it and you flinched before he even touched you

Now downright concerned, Undertaker stepped away completely, shifting his hair back so he could see you properly and worry evident across his features

“Love what’s wrong?” He asked immediately, eyes flicking between your own as you tried to avoid looking at him

The ‘it’s nothing’ was cut off with a ruthless, disbelieving scoff, his gaze becoming so intense that you were forced to look at him and be met with burning green, now unable to look away again

“Now why would you lie to me, hm? You ought to know better than that by now.” When you said nothing, he continued. “Please talk to me? I won’t think it’s daft, whatever it is.”

Rather than responding to his words, you swallowed harshly when you suddenly realised you had just pushed your partner away, someone you trusted absolutely and whose presence you adored

As if you weren’t already overwhelmed enough, that thought just sent you overboard

Tears starting to rim your eyes, you threw yourself at the mortician and hugged him so tightly that had he of been human, you may well have done damage

You buried your face in his shoulder as you tried to hold back your tears, revelling in the sensation that followed him dragging your body flush against his

He had an arm pressed firmly around your lower back and the other just beneath your shoulder blades, whispering sweet nothings in your ear in an attempt to calm you and allowing his hair to fall around you and form a protective barrier you could hide behind

Gently, he prodded again a little while later, eventually finding out this had all come from you feeling self conscious and worrying about yourself and what others thought of you

When you finally got it out, the reaper’s grip became impossibly tighter before he lifted you up like you weighed nothing and carried you though to the backroom, reclining back on the small sofa with you still laying on top of him

Undertaker held you in place when you tried to move, a hand starting to stroke back through your hair and nails caressing your scalp to try and relax you

He smiled when you laid your head in the crook between his neck and shoulder, then began his reassurances

You were gorgeous, he told you, utterly stunning and if anyone should ever say other, you should point him in their direction

He then went on to tell you that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought about you, the people who matter - him, others who you were close to - all considered you the wonderful, brilliant person you were and the unwanted opinion of a stranger was never going to change that

You both stayed fairly quiet after that, his hand still softly running back through your hair and the other tracing patterns over your back

Sebastian

Sebastian also knew something was wrong immediately

You smiled and kissed him lightly when you came in, but there was worry clearly radiating from you and the demon didn’t know why

He placed a gentle hand on your arm as you went to walk past him, drawing your somewhat reluctant gaze back to him

“Do you want to talk to me about it?”

He spoke so softly, like he was trying not to scare you away

You didn’t answer right away, surprised he’d even realised so quickly but also unsure as to whether you really wanted all of this to come out right now

You were already feeling overwhelmed today and the thought of explaining it all to Sebastian of all people was more than a little daunting

“Y/N? Your hand is trembling, are you alright?”

You glanced over to see you had rested your hand on Sebastian’s arm without realising and quickly went to remove it

You tried to tell him you were fine, but the demon merely said your name in a reproachful tone and turned you to face him, an eyebrow raised just to make sure you knew he didn’t believe a word you said

You sighed loudly, turning your head to the side once more

Sebastian's gaze was still boring into yours and it was clear you wouldn’t get away with saying nothing was wrong, so you quietly told him that you worried about how you looked, what other people thought of you and all of it just ended up overwhelming you sometimes

The demon let out a soft breath, extending his arms to offer a hug that you quickly accepted

You hid your face in his chest out of yet more worry over what he might say or think, over what was going to happen next

As it was, you just felt his hand start stroking over your head, closing your eyes when he craned his neck to press a kiss on your cheek

“Would you like tea, me love?” He asked, simply nodding when you said you did

He then startled a shock out of you by scooping you up bridal style and taking you into the other room where, by magic, there were two cups of steaming tea waiting on the coffee table for you both

Sebastian then put you down on the sofa, sat close by you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders as you curled into his side

“Now about these self conscious concerns of yours,” he murmured, head tilted forwards and eyes seeming to have just the merest glint of red, “they are entirely unnecessary”

He went on to tell you that the people you feared were judging you were nothing but strangers and therefore utterly meaningless to you

Their opinions, voiced or not, were unwanted and as such should be ignored completely

That said, he reassured you, he doubted there were many people with negative thoughts about you anyway, in particular those who didn’t know you

As for your appearance?

“Y/N, you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen in all the centuries I’ve been on this Earth. Please don’t ever doubt that.”

He took your hand then and lightly ran his thumb over the inside of your wrist, practically seeing the shivers pass up your spine at the sensation

He was smiling a little though, silently reassuring that what he said was absolutely true

Vincent

You had gone over to the Phantomhive manor to visit Vincent, a day you had both been planning for quite a while now

It kept having to be pushed back due to work and family commitments on both yours parts but now the day was finally here

And you were nervous about it

It wasn’t like your relationship with Vincent was short term; you’d been together for quite a while now

It was just that you hadn’t seen him in a few weeks and now you were completely overthinking what you had chosen to wear; whether he would like it, if it was too much or too little

That in turn led you onto what the servants might think, even though they would never say anything outright

All of this was still going through your head when you arrived, when you were met by Tanaka who was polite as ever and when you saw Vincent walk down the stairs, a charming smile across his lips

You walked arm in arm to one of the manor’s living rooms, sitting down on the couch next to each other

Vincent was holding your hand, thumb gently stroking over the knuckles and occasionally glancing up to find you were still looking away

He made no comment on the trembling in your fingertips, but you felt his gaze on you more steadily now

Eventually, when it became clear that you weren’t going to say anything unless he did, Vincent shifted so that he was facing you more directly, then asked if you were alright

He didn’t give you time to say you were, instead just saying that he knew you weren’t and he thought if you talked to him about it, you might feel better

After some amount of hesitation, you eventually told him what was going through your mind

The earl frowned in concern when it turned out it was his opinion that was concerning you so much

“You always look stunning, Y/N,” he told you softly, “Why would you think I would be upset with what you’re wearing?”

You rushed to tell him these concerns weren’t specific to him, that you worried about everyone

You placed your hands on him arm, imploring him to understand that he hadn’t done anything to make you think that way, just that it was how your thought processes worked

You didn’t need to have worried about that either it seemed, as Vincent immediately wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on top of your head, hands tracing little patterns on your back

He just told you quietly that you had nothing at all to worry about from other people and it couldn’t matter less what anybody else thinks as long as you’re happy

He went on to bury his nose in your hair, telling you that you had even less need to worry about what he thought

He assured you he would never think negatively about you, that he would always be on your side

You stayed in his arms for quite a while after that, just taking in the comfortable silence and relishing in the thoughts of everything he had just said to you

[the-wild-candy]

Hii, how are you? I wanna do an exchange

Que- what changes can I expect in year 2022?

If you're questioning something rn then you'll surely get the solution from a expierenced person. It can something related to profession. Maybe a counsellor or someone will help you out. Whatever decision you'll make, will welcome many changes, you need to act by thinking with logic.

A lot of problems will go away. I see you coming under sunshine after a cold period. You'll feel like a lot of weight is lifted from your shoulders. Leaving toxic people behind can also be one of the major theme.

You'll be trying to balance your life. Doing things slowly without any rush and making better choices. Taking everyone's input into consideration and finding a better solution after hearing everything

Something related to travelling or just moving forward in life starting a new chapter. Accomplishing something which can provide success.

Thankyou and have a good day/night

Hi, angel. I am doing just fine, thank you. How have you been? The reading resonates pretty well with my situation. I am not sure If I'll move out next year but since you mentioned travelling too, it all makes sense. Thank you!

For your reading -

Remember the blue tiger? Well, it came out in reverse when I asked your question. This makes sense because the changes you can expect are actually all about your manifestations coming true. The tiger finally taking a leap to get the prey. Your desires will not be under the surface anymore. They'll start showing results.

I see you becoming a better version of yourself. Confidence being the key here. Positivity and growth. "Trying out that smoothie you never did before". Basically testing out your own likes and dislikes. Getting to know yourself a little more than before.

Mental clarity. No matter how hazy your thoughts are atm, it'll all go away. I am seeing that you'll find the direction as well as the path to your goal. A clear vision set on whatever you're aiming for. No distractions. You know what you want and then actually working for it. I love this.

I don't know how you feel about yourself at this very moment but the another change which is coming through here is valuing yourself. Telling yourself that you are magic, and you always were that. Appreciating yourself for what you have achieved. A level up.

I hope it resonates because this was honestly so beautiful. Take care, boo! ❤

[youngbugandtonystank]

Again same anon with the sco pa tu manaa ask! mcu directors! anthony and joe russo, joss whedon, jon favreau, jon watts, taika watiti, james gunn thank you for answering!

Hi♥

I'll answer your other ask after this one.

Here:

Anthony & Joe Russo: At the beginning, I had mad respect for them, I really liked the way they directed their movies, the storyline was always excellent, really good choreographies, an amazing direction in everything. They made movies interesting. But after Endgame…I lost part of that respect a lot, not because they killed Tony, not because they ruined a lot of characters to give only one of them a proper ending, no. It’s because of their attitude towards their own fans. Instead of answering in the educated way they’ve done before in interviews, they chose to mock fans that have been supporting them for a very long time. Instead of actually giving proper answers, they decided it was for the best to just bash some character’s development and take double-standard decisions for others. Was it really hard to give Bruce a good storyline at the end? I’m not worried about Thor since I know Taika is going to do him justice, but what about the rest of them? Clint just shows up to fight, leaves his family and comes back. Repeat. That’s basically his whole storyline. What about Budapest? Or some other significant events that could redeem him as an essential character? Leaving aside my opinions about Jeremy Renner, I think they could’ve given Clint a better background. Natasha is the romantic interest for every avenger except Thor in the movies, glad they’re giving her the spotlight in the new Black Widow movie. Is Steve Rogers the only character available for them?

Then I thought about it and there’s one thing I didn’t take into consideration. The Winter Soldier is a Captain America movie, Civil War is a Captain America movie so they’re obviously going to treat Endgame as a Captain America movie too. People frequently think of CW as an avengers movie and forget that it is part of Captain America’s trilogy. They’re fans of the character, that is very much clear but was it really hard to ask other directors for input about the other characters? They always try and make Steve look heroic and perfect all the time, they think he can’t make mistakes. For more reference: x. See how they wanted to skip over the part where Tony and Steve actually talk about the events of Civil War and instead Robert Downey Jr. had to step in and improvise an entire resolution to that in one scene? They didn’t need a 10-minute conversation but how about 2 minutes? I’m sure RDJ and Chris E, could’ve covered that but sure, Hulk dabbing and Fortnite needed that screen time.

Also, in many of their interviews, they really showed how little they know about certain characters. Tony is always selfish and dying is his way of finally not doing something selfish? Did they skip the entire Iron Man trilogy? Why is Natasha the one dying when she’s the one receiving an actual movie that only makes her fans more excited about knowing more about her character’s background? Clint’s family has a total of 5 minutes of screen time in the MCU and that is somehow more important than Black Widow’s 1 hour and 50-minute contribution to the franchise? Tony had to make the sacrifice play when Thor, Captain Marvel, and Bruce were there? Why couldn't they make Nebula or Gamora kill their abusive father? It’s like they were solving riddles to make sense of their own decisions in the movie and when they couldn’t come up with a good explanation, they decided to mock fans that took it personally. Was that really necessary? You don’t need to shame fans only because they’re passionate about something. 

Having said that, you’re allowed to like them, I respect that. This is just my opinion.

Joss Whedon:

Jon Favreau: Great at character development, knows how to build the narrative, amazing continuity, outlines the details, understands his own characters, cares about the structure and is not afraid of giving an outstanding execution with very little resources. Mad respect for him.

Jon Watts: He’s the family-friendly version of all of them lmao. He’s a friend to every fan, he wants to fulfill his fan’s dreams. Not sure if that’s a good thing all the time but if the audience is satisfied and he agrees with his own direction, I don’t see anything wrong with him. 

Taiki Waititi: One of the things I remember thinking about him is how impressive it is that he gave Thor a more pronounced personality while still letting him conserve his character authenticity. When I saw Thor: Ragnarok, I was really impressed. The movie had a lot of funny parts but the essential ones, the ones that matter the most? Those parts were there. I like how he can make any character have profound instruction and still be aware of their individualism with different molds and identities. He’s definitely my favorite. 

Thnx♥

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Thanks for taking your time! I'll try being more specific. Firstly: No offense, but I don't really get your point. I clearly stated my interpretations were untrue. But if I should call that misinterpreting instead of overthinking, I can do that. I don't care either way. Moving on: When making a desicion involving someone else, I ask: How would they feel/How would they react? How would they treat me afterwards/How would their opinion of me change? --> I relate it back to myself eventually. 1/?

Back in college, we had a group assignment. The group as a whole seemed to have decided to not include one member because they didn't like her. That made me SO uncomfortable. I didn't fancy her either, but seeing her being overrun like that just wasn't okay in my book. Everyone else seemed to be fine with it. I just couldn't get into that dynamic and decided to stay in the background. So imo F is very important to me, I just get the feeling I suck at it sometimes. 2/?

When I'm confronted with a problem, what I'll do most of the time is ask for advice. I hate only having my own input, I need more opinions (this also applies to making desicions). I'm very disorganized normally, but when faced with a problem, I get the sudden urge to plan everything through. It will help reduce the stress. I struggle with being pulled out of a routine or plan. 3/4

When I planned on spending an evening a certain way, people can't just barge in and make plans. That just stresses me out. I like knowing what awaits me. 4/4

-----

Hi anon,

Sorry - I tend to both group the actual answer and feedback that’s a larger trend in the same asks (so ‘overthinking’ falls in that larger trend - you happened to be the person who reminded me of it but you’re not alone in using it that way).

I still don’t feel like I’m getting a good sense of behavior here, though the examples are helpful. I personally can’t decide between INFP and ISFJ:

Since you mentioned both introversion and wanting concrete examples, at the very least I’d expect tert sensing. However, since you mentioned that misinterpretation even when people directly said something, I wouldn’t rule out high intuition. As for ISFP, at this point I’m not sure how to explain it other than I don’t get an Se-Ni feel from this ask. But also I don’t see a whole lot of evidence of you doing things, for lack of a better term. Most of this is about your internal monologue and thought processes, which is good and the primary source of cognition, but I don’t get the sense that a lot of these things are leading to action.

The second reasons is most of the actions you describe walk a line that could be either Fi or Fe. I do have strong suspicions of enneagram 9, which I think makes that distinction harder, and I lean a bit more towards ISFJ here, but not enough to be sure.

For example, your decision-making process ultimately relates back to yourself, but after a lot of consideration of the other person’s opinion of you. Similarly, in the group project example, you don’t like the treatment of someone, in opposition to the group’s decision, but you neither addressed the problem directly and tried to include the person, nor joined in, nor tried to address the dynamic in general and find some kind of mutual compromise, so I can’t really judge on Fi vs. Fe because of that inaction. The reason I do lean towards ISFJ is because the result of that inaction ended up favoring the group over the individual.

The part about looking for input is another case that goes either way - INFP seeking outside ideas to inform Ne, or ISFJ looking for validation outside the self (Fe). Disorganization except in times of stress does seem more INFP, but preferring a routine is more ISFJ.

[mysynthfetish]

Um, Yeah.

Well it's damn near March already. What the hell? Where does the time go?

The whole world is in a huff about COVID-19, and here in Japan too, obviously, but people are in full-on freakout mode. First thing they did was go on a panic-buying-spree of masks, like surgical masks, you know, the ones everyone here wears when it's either flu or hay fever season. So, there's a shortage of masks now. "ONE BOX PER CUSTOMER!!" signs at the shops with any remaining stock. For me, the funniest thing is that masks do not prevent the wearer from catching a virus. The seal around the face is not perfect, so guess what, shit don't work. Unless you strap on a military grade chemical warfare motherfucker of a mask, like with the filter cans and shit? Nope. I mean, even the homepage of the WHO where you can find a coronavirus FAQ says so ("BUT THE WHO IS CONTROLLED BY THE UN AND THEY'RE SECRETLY OUT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD SO YOU CAN'T TRUST THAT!!!!" yeah yeah yeah. Shame. On. You). But nahhhh who cares about actually using your head and thinking about how viruses spread. See, the masks work (sorta) when worn by people already infected, as they trap most of the fun stuff ejected by a sneeze or a cough. Not all of it. We can still hope for some fun to be shared among the general populace can we not? Ahhh but it's easier to be a total idiot and follow the herd mentality and panic-buy useless shit. Then there was the fiasco with the cruise ship and not letting passengers disembark, and then it turns out a number were let off without having to go through screening, but the Chinese are still being confined to quarters blah blah blah. Jeeezus Fucking Christ EVERYTHING is made in China anyway, from rubber dog shit to the (probably) fake ICs in your military hardware to your beloved smartphones and related devices, shit, even the incessant machine-diarrhea geyser of clone synths too, so what the hell is the big deal about a potentially pandemic-level megavirus every few years? Chinavirus. Next in the ongoing series. Personally, I don't really care where the viruses originate, and to tell the truth, I get a warm feeling inside when people lose their shit over stuff like this, and even warmer when the death toll rises and rises. Can't think of a better species to get a good culling than the old homo sapiens. Heh. Mister Misanthrope at your service! But anyway.....

Found this ancient beast sitting forgotten and forlorn in a closet at work. It's a Luxman 38FD "High Fidelity Stereo Integrated Amplifier" made around 1970 (like me!). It is in near fucking mint condition. HEAVY. AS. FUCK. And the winningest part of the whole thing besides it being destined for the Big Garbage pile and as a result free for the taking? IT WORKS. Oh, and even better...

IT'S A VACUUM TUBE AMP!!! Those are the main tubes, 50CA10, pretty much but not totally unobtanium. Yeah, they fucking glow a warm orangey red, and after a bit you can see blue vapor inside. Well, if you turn off all the lights and take the top cover off. It runs hot as fuck too. I was just shocked the thing worked. It's sitting comfortably atop the desk in the lair, where you'd normally park a printer, with a pair of Yamaha NS-100X speakers on risers above it. Sounds great. There's considerably more noise (hiss?) than a modern amp, but with the volume knob raised to about 10 o'clock, it's already loud enough that the hiss isn't even a consideration anymore, and any louder would be asking for trouble with the neighbors. I can't believe it because the amp is supposed to be a mere 30 watts per channel. I guess 30 watts from vacuum tubes is a hell of a lot different from even triple that from a modern amp. LOUD!!! So yay me.

Oh and speaking of viruses....

I was watching this one on the auction for about a month and a half. The opening bid started out at around $1700 but nobody bid, and the auction ended, and one option here on the yahoo auction is for an automatic re-listing with the opening bid discounted by a certain percent. I watched for a while, then just when I'd forgotten about it, it came up in the look-at-me feed and the price was down to a grand so I bid on it and won. I had one of these before and regretted selling it, thus the TI Polar in my arsenal now, but the 61-key TI has THE BEST keys ever. Feels so good to play. Fatar! I thought yeah ok I'll just say see ya to the Polar and call it even. But... Hmm... Wait... One thing led to another and in the end I decided to keep both the viruses and... and...... and...... sell the ION. Say WHAT?!?! After all the work and repairs and maintenance and customizing LEDs and and and and.... Yeah. It's a hell of a synth, no doubt about it, but I think anything with the Alesis logo on it has a very definite shelf-life. The pots are gonna go, a few are acting up already, and those are unobtanium unless you wanna shell out the dosh and buy from syntaur. You can't get NOS pots either. So... After some serious deep-thinking and careful consideration and deliberation I had to say to myself, "self, it's a wonderful machine capable of some great sounds, but it's only 8-voice polyphonic, there are barely any effects to mention, ok sure the mod matrix and plethora of filter models and waveshaping are fantastic, but you know how ridiculously MORE powerful the Virus TI is almost every respect!" And I admitted defeat. To myself. Weird, I know. But there you go. I don't think I know anyone with two Virus TI (or TI2) synths in their collection. Maybe Anthony Rother. I know he has two IONs. 

Ahhhh but this 61-key virus wasn't without problems. Uh, well, OK one BIG problem. The power supply shat itself when I turned it on for the first time. The LCD sorta flashed, there was a brief sign of life with some of the LEDs, but then blip! Nothing. Aaaaargh! Unseat the power cable, reseat it, try again. Nothing, just a high-pitched whine that was getting louder. I put my head up against the front panel, listening for where the whine was coming from, and figured out it was the far right side. That's where the PSU is. Then suddenly the sound changed to a higher pitch that swept downwards over the course of a few seconds, all the while sputtering like it had a downward sawtooth filter on it, then POP! No more sound. When I opened the case up, I immediately remembered that for whatever reason, Access decided to go with a PSU like you'd use with a laptop computer, the big brick-like deals, and that they'd carefully bracketed the brick in so that the eyeglass-socket for the plug lined up with the hole in the rear panel. OK so all I needed to do was find a same-rating PSU and then go about modding the bracket so cosmetically it would look from-the-factory. Incidentally, I contacted Access and asked about parts, but the rep said they don't have any more PSUs for the TI series, only ones for the TI2 series, and that they aren't the same size so when they do the repair, they put a DC jack on the rear panel and the PSU gets left out—goes from internal to external if you catch my drift. Well, no thank you, I do not care for that approach, no sir, I didn't wanna go that route at all. So, thanks to having access to a drill press and diamond-saw dremel tools at work, I made the necessary mods to the bracket, padded it a bit so it would securely hold the new PSU in place, and in the end you can't tell it isn't a factory PSU (from the outside). Yay me, part two.

This is the bracket, post choppy-grindy. Yeah so I "secured" the cabling with Scotch 33+... Hey, from the factory it was held down with hot glue!

Yeah that's where it attached to the PCB. CHEEKY!!!!!!!

Not bad, right? You'd never know. But I've told you, so now you know. Oh and the PSU was $22 from a local parts chain (Marutsu). I think Access wants about $50 but I think that includes free shipping anywhere in the world. I'm just glad it's working fine now.

Other goings on... I've sold the Timeline and Space pedals, and used part of the proceeds to pick up a Sony DPS-D7 delay and a DPS-R7 reverb to use in their place. But the D7 had a wonky input knob that actually broke off in my fucking hand the second time I went to use it. That pot is super unobtanium, so I thought I'd just epoxy the broke-off-bit and not worry about separately controlling the input levels for the L and R channels (does anyone even DO that?)... Here's the pot.

Even after it was epoxied back together, it was fucking bent as fuck. Red line shows the angle, blue arrow shows where the epoxy ghetto fix went down. I saw another D7 listed as-is for $10 and nobody bid so I won it, and I had intended to just cannibalize the pot, but it turns out that it has a newer OS and it works fucking fine, so that was kind of a head-scratcher. People are weird. This delay is stupid deep. There's a multi-tap algorithm that has like 40 separately programmable taps, each with its own level, pan, feedback, and all that. The reverb (R7) is just as insane with parameters... Dudes, and dudettes, seriously, you need some deep-sea rated scuba gear to really get to grips with these Sony DPS motherfuckers. DEEEEEEEEEEEP AS FUCK. I've owned these before too. Had the F7 Filter too. That thing had a 40-band vocoder and a multi-part digital drum synth in it!? Man I think the engineers at Sony had access to some GOOD drugs back when they were working on this line of effects processors. Seriously. I mean, I love programming, but even I was intimidated by the sheer amount of programmability in these things. The ones I had before were a bit noisy, but these aren't at all. Strange. Fun shit though. Oh and there's this:

Ah fuck, looks a bit out of focus. That right there is a TOA DE-1000 delay. Rare as shit, and this one is in NEW condition. Insane! I've had this one on my radar for a while. Why? Because it's fucking WEIRD!!!! So the max delay time is 255ms or something really not that long at all, but you've got three to control: Left, Center and Right. Individual times (LEDs) and levels (white sliders), plus global wet/dry and feedback, AND modulation time and depth sliders. SLIDERS!!?? Ok it only has four memory slots, and no MIDI, but you can get up to some good mischief with this thing. Last two goodies to blab about:

Top: SONICWARE ELZ_1. What a weirdo synth. I heard that it's a raspberry pi under the hood but really? Who cares. It can do some off the wall shit. A handful of wacky synth engines, topped off by four effects processors at the end. And it has a speaker. My only complaint is no DIN MIDI, just USB and you have to buy a class compliant dealie. I suppose I should do so before I forget. Sounds pretty damn good though, and it does things that I've not heard other synths do. Built well. Fun to play and fun to program. Runs on batteries. Worth looking into. I was so impressed with this that I backed their next project (a groove box type thing it seems). Bottom: KORG AM8000R. This fucker does some WEIRD SHIT! I had one before (and its delay counterpart, the DL8000R) and for whatever reason didn't hold on to them. I think I was looking for more bread and butter, set it and forget it type effects. This was really cheap and it's in great shape. I don't think so many people know about these. Relatively easy to program, and you can get some really good, usable stuff as well as some super far out WTF stuff. The WARP! knob is good fun too.

Oh I suppose it's worth mentioning that I had an album released by Anti Gravity Device out of Tokyo a few weeks ago. Let's see if I can find a link...

https://anti-gravity-device.bandcamp.com/album/black-rainbows-agd036

Have a listen. It's stuff I recorded from about November through December last year, maybe even the first week of January this year. Live jam format, no master sequencer, wish I was an octopus because two arms and ten fingers just wasn't enough type stuff. All hardware. Fun!

So, my invisible tumblrpeeps, it's been a busy 2020 so far here. More things in the works. Keep your eyes peeled. Stay well. Watch out for number one, and don't step in number two. (thanks, Carlin!)