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artist-issues · 3 months

Note

Could you rank the album Blurryface and explain your rankings, please? Thanks and have a blessed day!

my brain

yay

Listen readers, if you like my posts about Disney movies & classic books & Old Hollywood or whatever, or if we’ve ever crawled into a story together and deepened our perspective on that story in one of my posts, but you’ve never cared about twenty one pilots, just trust me and read a little bit of this post. I want to show you something so good.

This is my favorite question in a long time. But you have the key to the obsession-corner of my brain, and you let yourself in, so this is a BIG rambling post, and you brought this upon yourself, and I’m very glad

Okay! I’m going to rank it concept-wise. As in, I’m going to rank it based on how in-depth and well-thought-out and excellently-communicated the ideas in the songs’ lyrics are. Because I don’t know anything about music—so any part of the rankings that are affected by something musical are that way because of personal preference, not because I know what I’m talking about. I recommend taking it slow, every one could be its own post because I suck at being succinct. 🙄

14. Lane Boy

I’m not going to defend myself, something had to go last, and everybody knows I’d rather listen to Lane Boy than any non-twenty-one-pilots song, and I think it blows any secular non-twenty-one-pilots song out of the water. So there. But it’s last on the list just because I think the concepts in the song don’t have as much brain-dissecting meat, and eternal value, as the other songs on the album. Other songs are about how we compartmentalize our issues, or they’re about mankind’s messed up state, or they’re about the dichotomy of fear and love.

And then this song is basically just about how twenty one pilots goes where they want to, musically, and doesn’t bow to the music industry or the patterns of what’s popular. But they’re tempted to. And that makes perfect sense, because on an album where he’s fighting his insecurities, being insecure about what “The Audience” thinks of you fits on the list.

I think the best part of the song is the lyric “don’t trust a perfect person and don’t trust a song that’s flawless.” From what I observe about Tyler Joseph, he actually does care whether or not a song, or a performance, is as good as it can possibly be. That’s super clear. But what’s also clear is that he believes in singing about something real, especially real flaws he has, so that other people can relate and use the information. So I don’t think he’s saying “don’t trust a perfect person and don’t trust a song that has no technical issues and couldn’t be any better.” I think he’s saying, “don’t trust a person who claims to be perfect, or their vague meaningless songs that don’t reveal their flaws.” (You know, when we gonna stop with it / lyrics that mean nothing, we were gifted with thought-type stuff.)

Which is still pretty deep, in a song that on the surface is saying “I know the music industry and genre-fans have expectations but I do what I want.”

Side note: I love the aesthetics of the music video and the “tempted by control, controlled by temptation” voiceover they used to do for the concerts with this song. The whole idea that Fame and Success have to be in hazmat suits, with gas masks on, is awesome. I don’t care if the concept is “Fame and Success can’t even deal with us, and all the insecurity we talk about in our songs,” or “Fame and Success are always interacting with songs that are rotting, dead, already on their way out of relevance.” It works either way. It’s cool either way.

But let’s just be real. It stabs me in the heart every time he sings the line, “if it wasn’t for this music I don’t know how I would’ve fought this.”

Like. Really? You don’t? If it wasn’t for music, you don’t know how you would’ve fought the dark thoughts? There’s nothing else you can think of, nothing else that specifically works against dark thoughts, that you might want to clue people in on? In a song that’s about not making decisions motivated by remaining popular, you’re going to point them to your own music as the only weapon you know of which works?

When you set yourself up to tell them that Jesus Christ is the hope that lasts eternally, not just moment-to-moment? When you could’ve said that you know a an everlasting Light in times of darkness? No?

So this one gets skipped more often than the others, and I know for a fact it’s because even subconsciously I don’t want to hear that line. I hope I’m wrong about it. I bet I am. I don’t think he meant all that. I think he was looking for a way to conclude that “I know about pain and darkness and that’s what should be in songs” thought, in a way that rhymed and sounded good. But still.

12. Tear in My Heart

(note: the list got out of order here because tumblr’s post editor is the worst and I couldn’t fix it. but Tear in My heart is ranked one higher than Stressed Out, that’s all you need to know.)

I like it when Tyler Joseph picks a concept that’s simple and then reminds everybody how true it is by talking about it like he does with Tear in My Heart. “Love hurts.” That’s a simple concept. “Yeah okay we know.” But in this song I listen to it and I want to be like “No, do you get it, love, giving all of who you are, even the messed up parts, to somebody and letting them do whatever they want with that, hurts. Not just because you’re afraid they’ll reject you—but because you’re afraid they won’t reject you, you’re afraid they’ll stay, which is harder and demands more of you, and you’re afraid they’ll see you, and change you.” Yes, change. For the better.

That’s the point of the music video. He’s looking around at everybody but he can’t see them clearly, everything warps around when he tries to meet their eyes. But not with his wife (then fiancée, I guess.) They see each other clearly. And then she beats the Blurryface out of him. Because that’s what real love does. It doesn’t ignore your flaws or accept your flaws. It sacrifices to help you grow out of your flaws. And that hurts! That’s uncomfortable! That’s Eustace getting un-dragoned in The Chronicles of Narnia.

But it’s also the best thing for the loved one. And! He introduces the whole idea with “sometimes you gotta bleed to know / that you’re alive and have a soul.” When you’re just in your comfort zone, even if it’s a bad place, you go numb. It’s scary to propose to somebody, or show them who you really are, or tell them how you really feel, but the good that comes with it is exhilarating.

And he uses the words, “she’s the tear in my heart,” which, if you dissect that: the medical term is SCAD, and the result of a tear in the heart are basically anywhere from irregular heartbeat (heart skipping a beat. aww. they’re in love and stuff.) to heart attack, (she has the power to bring him to a jarring halt) to slowed heartbeat. (She can also calm him down.) Even a more zoomed-out idea of the lyric, where you just picture what happens when you cut a tear in a heart, is a great metaphor in this context: blood gets out. It was safe and nobody knew what he was feeling. Now what’s inside his heart is finally visible. Because of her.

One more, one more! “She’s a butcher with a smile.” I love that he said ‘butcher.’ A butcher’s whole job is to follow a plan, and neatly organize, arrange, sort, the meat. From what I understand, a butcher typically follows the muscle routes that are already there. It’s not mad hacking and wanton destruction; it’s thought out. There’s a purpose. There’s even usually a plan, a map they’re following. He could’ve said “she’s a cutthroat,’” or “killer” or even “cutter.” But when there was nothing on the page, he chose to put “butcher, carver.” Purposeful cuts.

And he keeps it on-theme, with the album. Because like I said, the whole album of Blurryface is about insecurity—but it’s about fighting insecurity, and the number-one weapon he uses is putting that insecurity on display. Shining a spotlight on it. Because when you’re insecure about something you try to cover that up. You try to compensate for it, direct attention away from whatever you can;t control. Letting everyone see the thing you’re insecure about is hard and you feel exposed, but that action is actually the reverse of insecurity. Doing so with his wife is the best.

13. Stressed Out

This one is this far down because it’s about wishing for the comfort of simple, nostalgic things when in reality you’re freaked out about the future and the present. And that’s a really relatable concept, for a song, and it’s not super deep. We all do it. But it’s still on-theme, which is what makes the song feel deeper.

I like to get lost in the past because it’s what I know. (And the opposite of shat I know/what I can control is? Insecurity.)

If I have to choose between a difficult adventure in the present, or a painful memory to over-analyze, I’m always going to reach for the painful memory even though it’s a sucky headspace, and nothing new and helpful is likely to come of it. Why? Because I know what happens in that reel in my head. I feel control over it just by knowing what happens. But I don’t feel that control when I spin myself out imaging what could happen, and all the things I can’t control, in the present or the future.

Yeah, I’d rather go back and wax nostalgic for the days I played outside with my siblings, or the houses we used to live in, then think about how rent is due in a couple of weeks or how I might never get to have the career everybody expects me to have. So it’s very relatable.

The thing I don’t like about this one is that it doesn’t have that hopeful note in it that I like in twenty one pilots. It kind of goes, “yeah, wish we could turn back time, but everyone tells us to quit dreaming and make money, and it sucks.” And…that’s it. In the song, itself, there’s no hopeful conclusion. Versus in Tear in My Heart, at least he’s feeling like he has a soul and he’s “higher” than he’s ever been, and the butcher is smiling. At least in Fairly Local, there’s, “I’m not evil to the core / what I shouldn’t do I will fight.” But not in Stressed Out. Stressed Out leaves you dissatisfied, and maybe that’s the point.

11. We Don’t Believe What’s On TV

I love the progression of the ideas in this song (because it does come right after Polarize;) he’s actually taken a hard step. He’s not just standing at a crossroads between decisions, being insecure and never moving. The lyrics are “I need to know that when I fail, you’ll still be here.” He can’t fail if he’s not trying. So I like that the song has such a happy beat, and it’s the first one on the record (unless you count Heavydirtysoul) where he’s not just thinking about being insecure or what to do—he’s committing to doing something.

And then I find the song super relatable. The thing about having a dream is that when you chase it you risk a lot. You risk money, you risk time. You risk your emotions, obviously. So anyone close to you is going to notice you’re chasing after something. It’ll become part of your identity. Like me, proclaiming that I was going to work for Disney for years. If you fail, what do you say to all the people who knew you were shooting for that goal? How will they see you? As a quitter? As a failure? Are they going to feel sorry for you? Maybe it’ll be hard to talk about the things you used to talk about—and then they don’t know what else to make small-talk about. Not only your big direction in life is gone, but now something as comfortable as talking with friends is suddenly affected. And from there it’s easy to go, “wait, who am I without that dream I was going after?”

So the lines “what if my dream does not happen? / would I just change what I’ve told my friends? / don’t wanna know who I would be / when I wake up from a dreamer’s sleep” are spot-on. And they uncover the unattractive side of having a dream: the side where you fail and lose and feel like you don’t know who you are without it, so maybe you cover it up by “changing” the dream, or acting like you never really wanted that anyway, or act like you’ve found something new, to cover the loss.

But I also love the fact that the song is about how superficial things aren’t really what matter—your “dream” isn’t who you are. And the people who really love you and care about you know that, so when the dream goes away, they’ll stick around. Just like how Tyler says he doesn’t care about what’s superficial about them: “I don’t care what’s in your hair, I just want to know what’s on your mind.”

Fun fact: when I bring twenty one pilots up for any reason my father responds with “yeah-yeah-yeah” by default.

10. Ride

Ride is only higher than WDBWOTV because of the rapping verses. And not because it’s the one twenty one pilots song my father allows me to play when I’m in the car with him.

This feels a little repetitive, but I like Ride because it’s what twenty one pilots is about. They’re all about thinking carefully about what’s going on in your head and then making a decision to live for something. (I wish they’d come out and say that “something” is God, but whatever.) Ride is all about that. Living rather than dying is hard, especially when it means living, not coming up with meaningless extreme scenarios where you can imagine dying for someone, or staying happy all the time, or conquering your foes. It just means taking your time, and as life rides along, being careful to live for something day by day. Then again, it is a song that’s still just about thinking about what to do, instead of doing it.

9. The Judge

I think this is one of the clearest allusions to the Gospel Tyler Joseph ever makes, and I love the way he makes it. First off, that by saying he can’t tell if the song is about himself or the devil, he’s acknowledging that he, on a sinful level, is just as worthy of condemnation as the Devil.

That’s why he says, “found my way, right time, wrong place, as I pled my case.” You plead your case, in front of THE Judge, when you’re dead. So it’s the right time—everybody has a date on the calendar when they’re going to die, they just don’t know what it is yet. But it’s the wrong place—he’s in front of God, and he doesn’t deserve to be, any more than the Devil. But that’s why he’s pleading his case by freely admitting his soul matches Hell, not Heaven, so all that’s left is to beg that The Judge be merciful.

I like the mood of the second verse, where it feels like he starts describing what’s going on ‘three lights are lit but the fourth one’s out / I can tell cuz it’s a big darker than the last night’s bout,” etc., but then when he gets to “but I’m not good with directions” he speeds his flow up and sounds like he’s getting panicky. He’s giving excuses for why he’s lost—well why? Because he’s bad at directions. Listening to what he’s told to do, and then following through. And then just admitting that one flaw as an explanation for why he’s lost leads to admitting other flaws, at random, like he can’t stop himself: “I’m a pro at imperfections and I’m best friends with my doubt.”

I personally think, because of the context, that the three lights which are lit, but the fourth one that is out, are representative of Tyler not being clear about his faith. I think it’s an allusion to Peter, denying Christ 3 times (like Tyler already alluded to in Ode to Sleep.) But in Ode to Sleep, Tyler follows up the line about 4-denials with “metaphorically I’m a whore.” My take is, he’s only a whore metaphorically—because in Christ, he’s a new creation. But he keeps talking like he isn’t, worrying over his relationship with God and whether or not he’s really saved. Maybe because he struggles with doubting God keeps His promises, maybe because he struggles with doubting God is real, maybe both.

And after all, what was Peter doing when he denied Christ? He was denying specifically that he knew Christ. That he was in a relationship with Him, that he followed Christ. Peter was basically saying over and over, “I’m not a disciple of Christ. I’m not! I don’t know him!” to the people who ask. But it wasn’t true. Peter was Christ’s disciple; Christ chose him, and that’s what made the denial so hurtful.

So I think the lights going out, one by one, and he can tell that a season of that doubt is coming on, are his cue to leave. Get out of there, that place where darkness is creeping up, and go somewhere sunnier. But he can’t get there, because he’s not good at directions, and then he kind of spirals and goes back into the chorus realizing he never had any right to be “Christ’s disciple” in the first place, that’s true, and his only hope is the mercy of The Judge. Which is great, not something to despair over. Because The Judge is merciful.

But the cool part is there’s still an element of “insecurities” in there, distracting him from what would ultimately be a good place. It’s good to realize you’ve got nothing, and to realize that if you could wriggle out of God’s embrace, you would do it every time. Because then you realize all over again that He is merciful and He loves you, and you’re secure because it’s all based on His strength. So that particular cycle is good—when it ends with that realization. But instead, he’s getting hung up, not on “what will God think of me when He realizes (even though He knew it all along) that I’m unworthy?” but on “what will everyone outside my house think of me when they realize I’m unworthy?”

And when that happens, when you’re focused not on what God thinks of you, but on what others think of you, because of your insecurities, you can satisfy yourself, not with God’s love, but with pulling the wool over other people’s eyes. Maybe the people outside your house see the real, unworthy you—but you can cover that up. You can fool them. You can compensate for those insecurities, front, be fake. God always sees you clearly, but the people around you can be fooled into thinking you’re an okay person, and you have your act together. So his insecurities, Blurryface, is hijacking the cycle that would’ve led him to rely on The Judge and making him chase after the opinion of his peers, instead.

Instead of focusing on who God is, which is the hope in everything, Blurryface gets him to focus on who he is—whether that leads him to a revel or despair, doesn’t matter, as long as he’s not focusing on who God is.

I love this song.

8. Hometown

”My shadow tilts its head at me

Spirits in the dark are waiting

I will let the wind go quietly,

I will let the wind go quietly.” <- Those are some of my favorite lyrics ever. Ever ever. Why would a shadow tilt its head at you? Because it’s creepy interesting imagery, yeah, but also, because it’s puzzled. But it’s your shadow. So you’re looking at it like you’re puzzled, too, because shadows don’t move independently; either the light source is moving, or you are.

So the character Blurryface is puzzled because he’s trying to figure Tyler Joseph out—like Tyler is trying to figure him out—and/or because the light is on the move. What light is mentioned in this song? The sun. Which, in all their other songs, is representative of God or the kingdom of God.

Either way, all the insecurities and flaws and doubt that Blurryface embodies doesn’t understand God, or actions made in faith. So he’s puzzled in this song; because this song is about the songwriter begging God to do for him what he can’t do.

I don’t care. That’s what the song’s about. Tyler Joseph does his clever triple-meaning thing, so you can say that the song is about how people back home in Columbus, Ohio don’t really get twenty one pilots’ deep lore and metaphors, and that’s what the song is about—how people back home still don’t know who they are because they’re least famous among people who know them best—but that doesn’t cover the lyrics about “take me home and show me the sun/Son,” or “bring the fire, my bones will make it grow.” And a faith-based interpretation of the lyrics does.

(I mean, obviously, people can sing the song to themselves and assign whatever meaning they want. That’s fine. That’s how using words works. But I’m saying that what the songwriter meant can be understood by the lyrics he chose in the song—and if it can’t, then he didn’t want to be understood or was bad and making himself clear, and that’s just bad communication/useless artwork. But neither of those explanations are descriptive of Tyler Joseph.)

The first verse is what the songwriter wants to have happen—the place he’s from is dark, it’s without the Sun/Son, he wants to go Home, and he can’t do it without dying to himself, and only God can pull that off.

But the second verse is a call to action, for everyone listening, not just a plea for himself out of what he’s feeling. And that action really does have something to do with the temporal “hometown.” You can grow up hearing about God, one way or another, but eventually, you encounter darkness on your own. You realize you’re messed up, whether anyone else sees it or not. And that’s when you can either be insecure and give up, or you can look for salvation. But at that point, you have to look for salvation in something outside “tradition” and just “what the people around you believe.” You have to find out if any of that is rooted in truth, and then choose to believe it yourself. Whether anyone else, including the people who helped make you who you are, from your hometown, agrees or disagrees.

In Christianese we say “make your faith your own.” Even if you grow up in church there comes a time when you have to decide if that’s what you believe, whether your parents drop the faith or not. But it’s not just a church thing. It’s a universal, worldview thing. Even if you grow up in an atheistic community you have to decide, at some point, if you believe that, as an individual. Be introspective and decide what you believe, what you’re going to live for—the message of the band.

And of course, the language he uses is so overtly Biblical! It’s from Joshua 24. And the context of that passage is, God has finally given the Israelites rest from all their enemies, and Joshua, the faithful one who has led them in their homeland, is telling them that it’s decision time. If they choose to serve God, it’ll cost them everything. They can’t serve God and the pagan, materialistic idols their fathers fell to. It’s one or the other. He knows it’s a huge ask, and an impossible ask, actually, because God is Holy. God has to give you the grace to follow Him (same conclusion Tyler sometimes gets to in The Judge.) Here’s the verse, enough of my yammering:

“If it is evil in your sight to serve Yahweh, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve Yahweh.”

Then later, after the Israelites say that’s what they want to do, they want to serve Yahweh, he repeats,

“So now, put away the foreign gods which are in your midst, and incline your hearts to Yahweh, the God of Israel.”

And this whole passage is really interesting, because Joshua is telling them to do this in the same place, geographically, that Jacob, their ancestor, hundreds of years before, had commanded his own family to bury false idols in the ground and turn to Yahweh. So when he says “put away,” it’s in reference to that moment; their earliest forefathers had a pattern of chasing after the beliefs and false hopes of the world, and then needing to bury those and follow God instead.

Anyway. This song is awesome because it’s about him coming to, in Christianese: “the end of himself.” The lyrics say that nothing about a human being knows the secret to redeeming souls. Only God knows that; only God can do that. So in an album that’s all about interviewing yourself, fighting the worst parts of you, trying to figure out how to beat Blurryface, Hometown says, “aaaand you can’t. You can’t do it. But God can. You don’t have the secret, you don’t have the playbook. But God does.”

7. Goner

This song is higher than Hometown because I like that when he does something slower and more complex, lyrically, without the same speedy metaphors, it’s just a straight-up war cry.

It is kind of a complicated song, though. I think. Because I can’t decide what exactly he was aiming for. Sometimes I listen to it and I think it’s about the songwriter fighting Blurryface, refusing to give up, and parts of the song could be sung by the hero, while others are answered by the villain, during that fight.

But sometimes I listen to it and I think he’s declaring that the fight is already over, (after all, it’s at the end of the album) but he knows it’s a cycle and he might get dragged back into the doubt that starts it all over again. “I’m a goner.”

Or, sometimes, I listen to it and I think it’s just a recap of everything the album teaches: 1) I’m messed up 2) but I’m not a hopeless case 3) but I’m tempted to hide the messed-up part 4) the only way to fix the messed-up part is to admit it, get it out where everyone can see it 5) but even then I can’t fix it, and they’ll all see I’m unworthy 6) Remembering unconditional love and grace fixes it.

Being “known” is the opposite of what the Blurryface character should want. Because again, insecurity is all about avoiding the things that make you afraid, make you feel out-of-control, and putting up a front like you’re fine. You make decisions based on what you want people to see, out of a desire for control. That’s why he’s called “Blurryface.” You don’t get to see his face. You don’t get to know the real him, because the real him’s messed up, and he can’t let anyone see that.

I think the one interpretation I vaguely settle on when I hear the song is that, if all you ever focus on is how to control everything and pretend you’re not messed-up—if all you ever put on is that “blurry face” mask—pretty soon you convince yourself, along with everybody else, that that’s who you are. You start to forget the real you. You can’t see your own flaws anymore—but hiding them is still puppetting everything you do, so ironically, they’re in control. Luckily, the people you’ve opened up to (if you ever have) and God, remind you of who you really are. So that humbles you, and saves you, from just being totally fake.

One thing about the actual lyrics. The fact that he says “the ghost of you is close to me” supports all of those above interpretations. Could be the Holy Spirit (you know, “Holy Ghost”) being closest to the singer when he’s “inside out,” being vulnerable, seeing himself for what he really is and admitting it. Could be the character, Blurryface, who’s been defeated but maybe Tyler forgets that, and feels “haunted” by insecurities that should already be harmless if he’d just remember what killed them.

I see some people saying that what he means is, Blurryface is so intertwined as a part of himself that he doesn’t know what would be left of him if all his insecurities died. I think that’s super bleak. But I can see why it would be that. If it is, it doesn’t bode well for Tyler or anyone who agrees. If you’re already at the point where your weaknesses and insecurities are something you identify with, something you think belongs in you, instead of a foreign contaminant that your soul’s antibodies need to purge, then…you’re really forgetting the Gospel. That’s not who you are anymore. It’s as much a part of you as a set of dirty clothes that you took off when you were 4; even if you’re cramming them back on, that doesn’t make them part of who you are.

I also frequently see people saying, “he’s not just asking for God’s help, he’s asking for anybody’s help! He says ‘somebody’ catch my breath!” Right. But then he says, “I wanna be known by you.” And in Kitchen Sink, it’s clear Tyler Joseph doesn’t believe anybody can know him, fully. Also, Anathema. Also, on this album, Not Today, and Message Man. There are too many lyrics where he explains that he doesn’t think anybody can know him—except God, who, in The Judge, and in other twenty one pilots songs, is depicted as the only one who can see all the way down to the bedrock of who Tyler Joseph is. And who all of us are. Hidden insecurities pulling the strings and all. So when he calls for help, he might be willing to accept anybody, but only God is going to be able to deliver, in the very end. (Friends and his wife can help, but in the end.)

Personally I believe the songwriter knows that. Based on the evidence in everything he writes. I don’t know for sure, though.

Anyway. I love that he ended the album with this song. Specifically, it’s not until the very last note that everything is resolved, and sounds like there’s some kind of peace, some kind of vanquishing of Blurryface. Like the fight is definitely taking everything to win. But Blurryface does lose; there is hope; that’s what I like about twenty one pilots.

It’s that Halloween-style “using darkness to show how weak darkness can be.”

6. Not Today

The concepts I’m talking about liking are getting repetitive, but that’s because he comes at the same topic (battling insecurities) from different angles, dropping into the same cycle at different points. But it’s still the same topic, same cycle.

Anyway! I love Not Today because of how awesome the lyrics are in the chorus, in response to the lyrics in the verses.

He keeps the metaphor of a house in there, but those first lyrics: “I just feel I’m better off, staying in the same room I was born in,” have this lie. The room you’re born in could mean you’ve never grown, never taken any chance, you’ve literally never moved from where you started. Especially because he gives a reason for it; he’s seen the world outside, and he doesn’t see what he can do to impact it for the better. <- That part is why I don’t think those lyrics mean “it would be better if I were never born.” Even though the same basic idea, that he thinks he has nothing to offer, is in both interpretations.

But because of that melodic (is that the right word) pause between “I don’t know why” and “I just feel I,” in the opening line, I think you can miss the meaning of the full thought. He’s admitting he feels this way, but he’s not accepting it, necessarily. Because the whole song is a strike back at “Blurryface.” He admits how he feels, but the fact that he starts with “I don’t know why I feel this way” is a clue that he’s examining the feeling, instead of trusting and accepting it as fact. It’s true that he feels that way. But he’s not making it his home. He didn’t even pick the words, “staying in the same home I was born in.” Or unlike in The Judge, he doesn’t use a possessive objective. He doesn’t say “my room I was born in,” not just because it would sound weird, but also because he’s in a headspace where he’s not accepting these feelings at “face” value.

So I love that opening.

Then, in the first chorus, he’s basically talking about how those dark thoughts, those insecurities, aren’t just in his head anymore. They’re out in the open. Where everyone else can see them—yikes, maybe—but he’s focusing on the fact that they’re out where he can see them. Insecurity wants to hide and fake. Getting it out in the open is step 1 in the right direction. Now the lies, the insecurity, can’t get to him the way it used to when he kept it in his mind as if it were something worth entertaining or identifying with.

Then I like that he takes a break in the second chorus to be like, “pay attention to what I’m doing, the sound of the music is happy but the words are not.”

Because he’s feeling like there’s no use in trying—bad thing. But he’s not giving in to that feeling, he’s examining it for weaknesses—good thing. Happening at the same time. Like the happy sounds, but down words, of the song.

Which just makes you feel like you’re watching a battle. Which one is going to win? The good or the bad? Right now they’re both in the picture—what’s going to be the killing blow that knocks one out of the picture?

Then he goes back into the chorus, but this time I think the words have a different meaning, even though they’re the same: he took that aside to address the audience and explain what’s going on. So the lines in the second chorus, “you aren’t seeing my side,” seem like he’s still talking to us, telling the listeners that they haven’t been understanding what’s going on in his head as he fights his insecurities, but now he’s showing them, which is what they needed to wait for: you can’t know what someone’s going through or how they need help till they choose to let you see.

Then there’s the bridge about him fighting someone for testing him. Which I think people mostly take to mean “I’LL KILL YOU BLURRYFACE.” But I don’t think that’s what he’s saying.

I mean it’s fine. That could be why. But I think it kind of misses the fact that a dude who insists, “just because I play the piano doesn’t mean I am not willing to take you down,” is insecure. That’s an insecure thing to say. He thinks people are going to see him as weak. And he just throws out “because I play the piano” as like, an example of what he thinks people are judging him about. And he’ll fight them. But then immediately he’s like “I’m sorry.” And it’s funny, I love that whole lyric, my family always joins in on that part because it’s fun to sing.

But the point, I think, is so smart—he’s back to saying something insecure. He has an outburst about how others see him. Then he says “sorry.” But it’s even an insecure, embarrassed-sounding apology. So this verse transitions out of talking to the listener about what he’s insecure about, into, while he’s at it, worrying about what they think of him—and whoops, that was a Blurryface moment, wasn’t it? He was supposed to be fighting that. He was supposed to be examining it. He just slipped into it again, suddenly, and the mood of the song is an involuntary explosion, like he couldn’t help it. So then the next chorus, the changed one, is more of a confession of being messed-up, all over again. “I’m, I’m out of my mind / I’m not seeing things right / I waste all this time trying to run from you, but I’m, I’m out of my mind.” It’s “I’m out of my mind” in the traditional sense—he’s crazy, as in, he doesn’t see reality, even when he’s looking at himself. And you could take that “I waste all this time trying to run from you” as him trying to run and hide his messed-up self from others—which is a waste, because it’s born of insecurity—or you could take it as him running from God. Of course. Both work, for this moment in the song.

But. I think the chorus is the best part. It sounds like two recordings of Tyler Joseph’s voice is singing this part, so I can see why people think it’s a duel between him and the character Blurryface: he’s singing, “not today, let me rip open the windows—now I dare you to make yourself heard.” If he voices his insecurity, the people who love him will come help. But maybe the character Blurryface is singing that right back to him; “not today, let me rip open the windows—now I dare you to make yourself heard.” As if taunting him with the idea that people who hear the real Tyler Joseph may not accept him; if he’s exposed, he shouldn’t draw any attention to himself.

But for all that effort I put into verbalizing how I’ve seen the take that the chorus is Tyler Joseph and Blurryface fighting each other, I don’t 100% agree with it. Because it doesn’t make sense, based on the well-established idea that Blurryface is insecurity—and insecurity would never do this: “tore the curtains down, windows open now make a sound.”

The whole rest of the album takes the tack that turning yourself inside-out, showing people the real, messed-up you, being open, is exactly what the character Blurryface wouldn’t want. He’d never be saying anything so clear as what’s in the chorus.

I mean. Time out. Not to get too geeky in this already-absurdly-long post. But everything about the character was against that. He’s blurry. You can’t see the real him, his face. He doesn’t even like that he has a name, or has been distinguished from Tyler Joseph in any way. In all those cryptic videos from what I can remember of social media before the album came out, you never saw him, even though he was the one supposedly recording. And the videos made no clear sense, I feel like I remember one being just, like, a dark shot of the woods at night and like breathing or something. In the in-character Twitter posts, he can’t spell—he can’t even type anything that he has to say clearly, because clarity itself is a kind of commitment in communication, it tells people something about you one way or another, and Blurryface doesn’t want anyone to be able to hold him to anything he says.

So no, I don’t think he’s got any part in the chorus. I could be wrong. But I don’t think I am. I think it’s someone from the outside, who knows the fight going on inside Tyler Joseph with Blurryface, breaking in. Ripping the curtains off the rod. Kicking the windows open, letting the light in. Telling him to get it out there in the open. Or, daring the Blurryface character to say his lies out in the open. And I think it’s God. Because again, we already established, nobody else can see inside of Tyler Joseph, in his entirety, except God. But if it is, then Tyler isn’t just getting scooped out of the fight by God’s rescuing hand. He’s joined in the fight, and then told to keep fighting—and tell other people about it. “Heard your voice, ‘there’s no choice’ / tore the curtains down, windows open, now make a noise.”

This song would be higher up if it hit me in the emotions as much as Doubt does. That’s how good it is. It’s the big fight scene, but the character Blurryface loses once the house is torn open.

5. Polarize

GGGGR this is taking too long. But I love all of these songs so much, even if Blurryface isn’t my favorite album, I can’t just say succinct things about it.

There’s this interview I watched with Tyler Joseph way back when I was fresh into high school. I don’t remember the exact timeline, or whether or not this album was out already. But he basically talks through Romans 9 without saying so. He tries to explain to the interviewer that he shouldn’t be “messed up.” That that’s not just him being hard on himself, and oh, we’re all imperfect people. He tries to explain that there’s something broken in everyone, that we want to be better than we’re actually capable of being, and that points to the fact that we were designed to be different, and something went wrong. He tries to really organically explain that, but if I remember correctly the interviewer comes back with like another platitude, and I think the subject gets changed. (If I can find it again in the bowels of the Internet from 2013 or whatever it was I’ll post it. It’s what gripped my teenage brain about this band. And about trying to phrase the Gospel that I’d always heard in a way that made sense to people who have never heard.)

But this song is that. It’s him, trying to explain that he’s noticed the polar opposites of his nature. And he’s trying to decide which parts are which, and why, and where the division starts and ends. The problem is, the only One who can help him divide those clearly is God—and surprise surprise, Tyler Joseph’s trust in God is split, too.

This one is ranked so highly because of that. Because instead of just stopping at “I want to do the right thing, but I can’t, so let’s sort that out, and You help me,” he goes even deeper. “Wait, how do I even depend on You to help me when I can’t even decide if you’re there or not?” It’s Semi-Automatic all over again. It takes a different kind of deep thinking to admit that you can’t even ask for help with absolute certainty.

Polarize might get its own separate post.

4. Fairly Local

Fairly Local is this high on the list partly because of the music video and I’m not ashamed.

It’s the introduction to the character of Blurryface, and look at how he can’t make sustained eye contact. I love that.

I also love that the microphone in the music video is a light bulb. Because it’s the words of the song that are illuminating what’s going on in the songwriter’s head.

The duality is just a preview of Polarize, in the lyrics, but I love his vocalizations. Maybe you expected me to say more higher up on the list, but this is too long already, and the more I like it the more I want to make a separate post, if I ever let my obsession out of the locked-door part of my brain on tumblr again. (look now I’m using twenty one pilots imagery, what have you done?)

3. Doubt

This one is this high because he says “even when I doubt you, I’m no good without You.” And he’s talking about God. I might elaborate on that in a different post. I know how this song feels. Getting lost in trying to trace the paths you’ve already gone down in your brain, until even thinking about God isn’t a lifeline as much as it is a maze, because you’re thinking too much about your part in it, and you’re just left reaching out for Him blindly because you can’t see which direction He’s in anymore, in your own brain. And you need something from the outside to reach in and dig you out of yourself, because there’s nothing trustworthy in here anymore. I know how that feels. This song is Addict With a Pen’s sister.

2. Message Man

This one gets its own post for sure. But the lyrics are better than any other song aside from Heavydirtysoul on this album, I think.

1. Heavydirtysoul

This one is top of the list because 1) I don’t think it can take second place to any song musically on this album, and 2) the lyrics sum up the band. I’ll make a post of its own about this one, too.

Is that disappointing? That I went all the way to the top and didn’t give you a thought-out reason for the number one? Well, now you feel some of the insanity I experience when I listen to this band. “What do you mean, you’re stopping there? You took my hand and led me this far and now I have to stumble around in the dark and figure out the rest myself?”

😈

I really may come back and edit it. I’ll tag you if I do. Or just follow the “my favorite band” tag. Hey, thank you so much for this ask! I know I look way too hyper-fixated, but truthfully, they just came out with the new album. And you have to understand, the people around me can’t stand me saying two words about them, because I’ve talked too much about them. So you’ve become my outlet.

If you made it this far I want to hear your opinions, too! I’d do this for every album, but hopefully you learned not to open this can of worms 😂 because then I never stop talking

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uselesssomebody · 2 years

Text

𝕓𝕚𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕘𝕪 𝕘𝕚𝕣𝕝 (𝕝) - eddie munson x reader

complete masterlist | stranger things masterlist | eddie munson masterlist

“𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝 𝕒𝕤𝕝𝕖𝕖𝕡 𝕚𝕟 𝕞𝕪 𝕔𝕒𝕣, 𝕚 𝕕𝕣𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕖 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥’𝕤 𝕠𝕜𝕒𝕪, 𝕚’𝕝𝕝 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕒𝕧𝕠𝕚𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕖𝕤 𝕤𝕠 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕤𝕝𝕖𝕖𝕡 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕖” - tear in my heart | twenty øne pilots

words || 𝟜.𝟝𝕜

summary || in which eddie tries to help his crush out

a/n || still on my eddie munson shit ➵ this is part one, part two will be out soon ➵ i said it before i'll say it again: joel/pedro stans, this is your time, type up a lil request in my asks ➵ hostage!reader/celebrity!reader x bodyguard!bucky on the way? stay tuned! ➵ send me requests if you have ‘em. enjoy!

warnings || fluff

eddie didn’t get calls from steve harrington all too often.

sure, now that they knew each other quite a bit better, he was privy to conversation as they hung out with their group of friends, but that had never extended to the more intimate, one-on-one experience that a phone call allowed.

picking up on this fact, eddie greeted steve with a cheeky remark.

“hey, sailor…whatcha calling at 11 on a friday night for?” his voice carried a faux-sultry cadence, akin to a seductress in a movie, and he smiled goofily when hearing the silence at the other hand. he could practically picture steve’s face, one of shock and - practically - horror, as steve wondered how best to react to the comment. eddie figured he should be used to it by now - the metalhead always jokingly teased and flirted with hawkins high’s very own.

“i - uh,” steve, on the other end of the line, had to blink a few times as he processed eddie’s strange tone, before brushing away the joke, “i need you to come over.”

eddie, who had been balancing the phone between his shoulder and his ear as he picked at a frayed string on his sweatpants, gasped - scandalized.

“steve! i am not a booty call!” he bit back a laugh as steve groaned aloud a ‘shut up’.

“munson!” the urgency in his voice caught eddie’s attention.

“sir, yes, sir.”

“come down here and help me out with your girl!” eddie - now having the roles reversed on him, blinked in confusion. as far as he knew, he didn’t have a girl. hell, he hardly even had any girl-friends, with nancy and robin both being far too busy for him to have hung out with in some time.

“i think you’ve got the wrong eddie munson, my friend. i am as celibate as they come.” steve rose an eyebrow - for sure that he was lying.

“i’m talking about that girl - uh, the one in your biology class.” suddenly, the pieces clicked into place, as eddie suppressed a smile.

oh, biology girl. of course, he knew her name, but he also kinda adored the moniker he had to assign to her for the first week and a half he’d seen her - not exactly having the guts nor the reputation to talk to her.

but, god, she was pretty. she was pretty, and smart, and charismatic too, and those qualities shone in the otherwise dim, dim, dim classroom that was mr. hart’s biology class. eddie’d never been one to come to the class. well - to come to any class - but especially biology, until he noticed her in it.

she’d keep to herself, mostly, only really partnering up with a friend that sat on the desk next to hers. she’d answer most of hart’s questions, and her soft voice wasn’t very loud in the big room, but its sweet tone kept everyone hanging onto every word.

but, it wasn’t really everyone. that’s just how he felt when he listened to her.

he liked looking at her, listening to her, being around her. and - unlike most of the student body - she actually noticed him. with quick greetings and flashed smiles, she had become the highlight of his days - save for, he supposed, hellfire and seeing his friends in the cafeteria.

eddie’d always reciprocated her casual conversation, but had never really taken it any further, fearing her impending rejection. he figured he would just wait for the perfect opportunity. and, sooner rather than later, one presented itself, in the form of lab partners.

dissection labs were always sessions in which biology teachers would fear the worst. and, to mr. hart, eddie munson was the worst. if the teacher had it his way, he wouldn’t let the boy within a five-mile-radius of a scalpel. knowing that wasn’t really a viable option, he decided that pairing the troublemaker with one of his smarter, better-mannered students might have been the best.

she’d already been slowly and meticulously following the dissection instructions on the laminated paper in front of her and, as eddie approached her, he found himself to be both a little flustered and a little useless - she seemed to have a pretty good hang of it.

“hey, could you just read the instructions to me? i just finished step two.” taken out of his trance, eddie clears his throat, nodding and picking up the paper. slowly, carefully, he reads out the instructions to her, as she just as carefully follows them. the process, which usually takes a whole period, was therefore finished in just over a half-hour for them, delayed slightly as she’d asked eddie to note down some of their findings, and he’d stumbled like a bit of a doofus when he realized he didn’t even have a pencil.

like, come on ed, who doesn’t even bring a pencil to class?

she didn’t mind though, handing him one of her own.

after she’d shown her findings to mr. hart, he gave her an approving smile, and eddie a neutral, cursory glance, before allowing them both to leave. she discarded all of her equipment with an everpresent look of disgust on her face.

she must have noticed eddie’s staring, as she smiled and tried to adjust her expression to look more neutral.

“sorry, i just don’t like dissection labs.” caught, he also smiles, shaking his head.

“i don’t think most people do.” he holds open the classroom door for her as they exited, and she beamed at the gesture. he could only focus on her quirked lips, trying to drink in that pretty smile.

“what have you got next?” after a moment of silence as they walked to her locker, at the other end of the hallway she proposes the question.

“oh, me? i’ve got-” he stared blankly for a moment, trying to think, before realizing it was a wednesday. he loved wednesdays, knowing it was the only day he finished before three, “nothing - actually, i’ve got nothing.” she groans in jealousy, but the playful tone of it calms his nerves.

“lucky! i’ve got some freshman to tutor.” that’s right - he had heard that mike got tutored for english by her on wednesdays. he always wondered why the kid never just went to his uber-intelligent sister, nancy. though, after seeing one interaction between the two, he realized that that was definitely not a viable option.

“oh, come on, give the kids some slack,” she clammed up for a second, almost embarrassed by her loose tongue, but he quickly clarified, “no, actually, never mind. freshmen do kind of suck.” she looked at him in a slight shock for a second, before laughing.

god, her laugh’s so pretty.

they’d walked up to the exit of the building, as she realized they would now part their ways.

“well, i guess i’ll see you around, eddie.” he tried to hide his shock, not expecting her to have remembered - or even really known - his name.

“oh - yeah, yeah, ‘f course.” she waved him a small goodbye, turning on her heel and walking back into the school. the doors shut in front of him, and he’s left in the small noises of the outside of the school, her voice as she mumbled his name replaying in his ears.

he’d never been outright about his attraction to her, but he’d never been particularly subtle, either. when the rest of the hellfire club would notice his longing looks at her across the cafeteria, or his uncharacteristic jumping at the mention of her name, he’d been subject to ruthless teasing. dustin and mike were the worst of the two: while the rest of his mates could and would concentrate their comments to that lunch table, the two freshman would poke at him about it constantly.

when they were in his van, being dropped off due to his own generosity? absolutely! when they’d see him coming out of one of his classes with her, commenting on the he was sure nonexistent flush of his cheeks - for sure! when they’d see her in the hallway, and eddie’d hid his face in hopes of her not recognizing him, forgetting his unique mass of hair, as they pointed her out and commented on how smitten he was? regrettably, of course.

thank god, she hadn’t heard them.

their worst was their big mouths, passing the story on to the older group. eddie had not a chance when steve and robin came to know, the both of them hell-bent on teasing him. though, robin still found some sympathy in his plight, as it mimicked her own with vickie. on the other hand, steve’s common ability to woo women only manifested in further ragging of eddie, constantly asking why he couldn’t just ask her out.

but of course he couldn’t just do that. first of all, he technically didn’t even know her that well and, on top of that, the few times they had spoken, she’d been friendly and kind, but nothing more. she was obviously not interested. besides, eddie was - in the most shallow sense - scary. the black clothes, symbols? taste in music and unruly hair? crazy mannerisms and niche - borderline strange - interests? it all culminated in the wide eyed glances people shot him, or how they’d go out of their way to avoid him.

above all, he’d hate to scare her away.

besides, he just liked looking at her. listening to her, sometimes discussing something with her, all that. and he was perfectly content doing that from the arm’s length of being an acquaintance if it meant he still got to do it.

eddie was quick to stumble out of his place, having shoddily placed on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, forgetting the bite of the cold air outside by neglecting a jacket. his van creaked as he stepped into it, but, when did it not?

hawkins was very peaceful in the night. he’d not call the town peaceful usually, but - shockingly - the absence of its residents made it somewhat picturesque.

the harrington house was literally the perfect place for parties, as it was massive, but farther out of the town, providing a privacy that was necessary to allow some underage drinking and to minimize noise complaints. eddie’d only really been to steve’s house once or twice, in the day, and when he was the only one there. in those moments, he found the building quite beautiful, with a rustic architecture that contrasted nicely with the more modern inside. there were well-pruned fences, a garden in the back, and holiday decorations across the lawn year-long. he knew it was probably critical, how much he liked the ‘preppy’ house, but he tried to ignore that, allowing himself to indulge in the rich fantasy - in every extent of the phrase.

now, though, he found the cramped porch and practically full interior quite disgusting, possibly due to the moving mush of bodies inside. he squeezed through people practically the whole way to the kitchen, only allowed a moment of reprieve as he gripped onto the granite island. he took a deep breath, immediately regretting it, his face contorting in the sour stench of the air. luckily, he had no more than a moment of disgust, as he could hear steve’s voice shouting his name over the music.

the other man sat by the backdoor, another clearing with minimal human activity. as eddie craned his head to see him, he could see steve nursing a mumbling girl in his hands. ‘biology girl!’ he thought, adoringly. steve looks a little exhausted and, as soon as eddie gets to him, he gently places her swaying form on eddie’s chest, taking a deep relieved breath at the weight taken off his - literal - shoulders.

eddie turns to look at her, and she has a big, dopey smile on her face, clinging to the bottom of his shirt and leaning her head deep into his clavicle to stabilize herself. eddie places a tentative hand on the small of her back, looking at steve when he hears him grunt.

“she - hah” he pants, and eddie bites a smile, making steve roll him eyes with his minimal energy, “she’s had too much to drink, i think. this - here-” steve reaches into his pocket, procuring a paper, “her friend gave me her address.” eddie pockets the paper, nodding, before steve gestures to the backdoor. eddie nods, thanking him, before leading her out slowly.

there’s a small step on the way out and, though he warns her, he’s quick to grab her when she inevitably stumbles. feeling his grip after the fleeting second of worry, she mumbles a breathy thank you, which he reciprocates with a smile, at no one in particular.

he’d never been this close to her, and the way she was holding onto him for dear life, though he realized was practically a necessity for her, was making his heart race. she steps over a few rocks, her feet, his feet, and every time she does, his grip on her tightens, and her grip on him does as well. it’s a shaky road back to his van, but he helps her in, practically holding her up with one hand, and pushing the door shut with the other to make sure she didn’t fall out, akin to how you would with a closet stuffed to the brim with clothes.

when she was safely secured, he came over the driver’s side, reaching over to fasten the old seatbelts around her form, and he thinks that he hears the mumble of another thank you before she’s passed out, head leaned against the window.

eddie’s as exhausted as steve must have been, but it’s almost worth it in the knowledge that she was safe and, observably, peaceful, a small smile creeping onto her lips at the much needed rest. he started the ignition, quick to turn the radio off so as to not disturb her.

as soon as they were out of steve’s street, he came across the first pothole. the dip made his car jerk and creak, causing her to adjust just slightly and grunt, and for a moment, he went deathly silent, hoping he hadn’t woken her. after a moment or two, he breathed a sigh of relief at the knowledge that he hadn’t. the next minute passed without issue, the only sounds being that of his small puffs of breath.

then the next one came, and, once again, his eyes widened as she sighed loudly at the second disruption. though, she continued to slumber, and eddie’s eyes opened just a bit wider, now on an active lookout for the potholes. every time he’d see one, he was gentle in attempting to avoid it, thanking the stars above that there were no others on the road that were able to see his seemingly erratic driving. she stirred not even once to his diligent actions, and in another 10 short minutes, he’d pulled in front of her house. the lights were all off, and there were no cars in the driveway, indicating the absence of her parents.

he went over to the passenger side, and opened the door, forgetting the precarious position she was in. before he could react, she tumbled down onto him, and he clutched her tightly at the last moment to ensure the didn’t hit the floor like a bag of bricks.

though she came out of it unharmed, she jolted up, waking with a start and with several short, quick breaths. she looked over wildly, realizing the hands on her shoulders and waist, desperately trying to zero in her eyes on who was holding her. though, she felt she already knew through her other senses.

her nose twitched at the soft smell of smoke that mingled strangely with an almost sweet laundry detergent. she only knew one person with whom she’d experienced that combination, and he was just as interesting as the contrasting scents.

“eddie?” she mumbled, and, as she said it, his unruly hair and bright smile came into view, closely followed by his slightly worried eyes. she was shocked, not having even spoken to him much before, and now having somehow ended up getting out of his car while she was still out of it? never mind that now, her head hurt too much for contemplation.

“you - uh, you okay?” he’s helping her to stand upright now, and she looks at the ground beneath, nodding - yet not knowing if she was. her head still felt fuzzy, and she had a sudden and intense urge to vomit.

“where are we?” the street beneath her looked familiar, but so did - she was sure - all streets.

“your place. do you have your keys?” she glanced down to where she'd usually keep her purse on her wrist, but realized that it wasn’t there. her head had begun pounding, and the added annoyance of the bag made her groan. eddie sucks in a sharp breath, worried, so she masks her wince.

“there’s one under the pot.” he nods, practically sprinting as she hobbled shakily onto the porch, grabbing the key and swiftly turning the lock. in the next moment, he’s by her, helping her up, and she can’t help but let a laugh escape, “god, slow down, ed!” she says it jokingly, of course, and so quietly, that she worries he might not have heard.

but he had.

she’d never referred to him by the nickname before and, while they hadn’t really had many previous occurrences for the event to occur, it still made his cheeks flame, shocked by her casual words.

truly, he was shocked that the moment she’d seen him, she hadn’t recoiled at his touch, disgusted by him. he knew it wasn’t in her nature, but he always felt that worry when being kind to those he didn’t know that well. and, the added fact that he so didn’t want to screw up her friendly attitude towards him.

he obliged immediately, slowing his steps, and a relieved breath left her lips, making him smile. the first step in was tentative, ensuring that her parents wouldn’t wake up to the scene, and - confirming his suspicions - no one was there. the interior was practically pitch-black, and he was pretty sure he banged a shin onto one of their ottomans as he redirected her to the living room. upon setting her down, he fumbled with the lights for just a moment, as she sunk as deep as she could onto the sofa. noting she was fine, save for the slight disgust on her face, he thought he was in the clear to walk over to the adjoined kitchen and grab her a glass of water.

though, by the time he came back, he immediately realized she was nowhere to be seen. his eyes widened in shock and worry, where the hell did she go?, until he heard groaning from the bathroom, as well as a flush.

he practically ran in, the door ajar, and - in hindsight - that was an incredibly stupid decision. he was happy he did, though, as she looked half-dead on the floor. the only indications that she was alright was the labored breathing from her lips and the movement of her chest up and down. he slumped against the door frame, relieved.

he pulled her up, and she managed to sleep through the effortful action of practically carrying her to her bed, and he was quick to tuck her in, to the best of his ability. he returned to the bathroom, ripping out two aspirin from the medicine cabinet behind the sink’s mirror and placing it by her, along with her neglected glass of water.

when he climbed back into his van, having closed the front door behind him and placing the key back, he realized just how badly he’d be teased by dustin, mike, or steve, if they’d heard the lengths he’d just gone to for a girl he’d spoken to only a few times.

though, he was sure, the knowledge that she was safe would make up fro even the most ruthless comments.

the next day, he went into his early biology class, and smiled brightly at her, holding the door open as she walked in. she gave him a curt nod back, refusing to meet his eye, before practically scurrying to get to her seat. hmm, he thought, weird.

then, at lunch, she happened to pass right by him, and he mumbled a ‘hi’. no reaction. though she might not have heard it, he was certain that her steps had quickened just slightly as she continued forward.

the behavior continued over the course of the next few days.

and, for the life of him, eddie could not tell why. at first, he was worried that he’d somehow overstepped when he’d brought her back to her house, but that worry slowly just morphed into him feeling as though she’d finally given into all the rumors and stereotypes about him.

he felt genuine upset at each hidden glance, at each ducked face, and each ignored wave she swung his way. he hated to admit it, though it was obvious on his face: his friends were quick to pick up on his disgruntled frowns and deep grimaces, which had replaced the gentle longing and soft smiles that he’s previously worn as he looked over at her.

it was eating at him, the stress of the complete 180, and not knowing what he’d done. he decided there was only one real way to solve the issue.

he’d been meaning to speak with her, and the opportunity presented itself perfectly in his next biology class. she’d been a bit sloppy with placing away her things, and he was sure she’d realized that they were the only two left in the classroom, the rest of their peers departing hastily. she attempted to shove her pencil case into her bag, but it dropped with a loud clatter, the zip - just barely open before - now widening and spilling the contents of it.

she sighed deeply, dropping to her knees to pick them up, and he kneeled in front of her, placing the straggling pencils and one highlighter on the outskirts in her hand. she looks up, not shocked by the gesture, and still avoiding his gaze. she mumbled a quick thank you, scrambling to her feet as quickly as she could.

eddie lightly cups her elbow, attempting to stop her speed-walk out of class, and it works, as she spins to face him. he takes a deep breath to steady his nerves, just now realizing that they hadn’t even spoken in a week.

“can - can we talk?” she finally brought her eyes to his, and they welled in worry.

“about?” he fought the urge to scoff, smiling instead.

“you’ve just - you’ve been avoiding me. did i do something?”

she’d known this talk would come at some point or the other, but the sincere fear in his question made her lose her own inhibitions, suddenly adamant in ensuring his peace of mind.

“no! no, of course not.” the sigh of relief he let out may well have been audible in the next classroom, and it makes her laugh softly. seeing it, he also cracked a smile.

“then, what’s up? you’re feeling alright, yeah? after last week?” it had been a long night for her, he was sure, and he hoped she’d handled it fine. what he hadn’t expected was her quiet groan, her face being covered by her hands.

she didn’t even want to look at him, worried what he’d have thought of her making a complete ass of herself that night.

see, not only had she not wanted to go to one of harrington’s parties, she also did not want to get drunk at it. and she really didn’t want to get so drunk that she’d spend her evening clinging to her all-too-patient host, and she really, really didn’t want eddie fucking munson to be the one to see her in that state.

she’d been too proud to express herself truthfully to him in their previous conversations, but god. she could never stop looking at him. his big, doe eyes, his stupid, mischievous smile, the way he gesticulated when he talked. his aura was enchanting, and she really liked the way his friends’ faces would light up when he’d speak to them, concocting some fanciful story that she’d had the pleasure of hearing snippets of when passing him in the cafeteria, or in the hallways. she liked his fuck-it attitude, one she knew she’d never have, but instead one she’d live vicariously through his actions.

truly, his opinion meant everything to her, and though she’d assumed that she’d managed to keep her cool in all their short interactions, that fucking night sent a complete wrench in her behavior.

“god, i am so embarrassed.” she mumbles it into her fingers, “you must think i’m so immature.” his hand retracts from her lightly, and she takes it badly, turning her head. he was simply shocked, though, quick to realize it hadn’t been him all along, but rather her own worry of her image.

“what? no - i don’t think you’re immature.” she shook her head.

“it’s just - i’m a total lightweight, and all my friends were drinking, and i think i just had one too much and -” she was rambling right into her hands, and he knew it was better to stop her before she wallowed too far. he lightly took her wrists, pulling them off of her face and urging her to look at him, “i’m sorry - i, uh, i talk a lot when i’m nervous-” he smiled, and it made her stop her ramble, swallowing instead.

“do i make you nervous?” the question had a cheeky undertone, as did, she realized, his smile. making her furrow her eyebrows for a half-moment, a bit confused.

“wha-what?” his smile immediately changed, becoming less cheeky and more cheerful.

“oh, what i mean is, you don’t have to be nervous around me. i get it. everyone does stuff like that - trust me, i’ve done a lot worse.” she smiled softly, intrigued by the notion.

“like what?” a moment after saying it, she realized how intrusive it was, aided in part by his amused exhale, “oh, sorry, i’ll-”

“tell you what, i’ll tell you my stories, if we go get lunch sometime. you free saturday?” she blinked up at him, unbelieving in the sudden comment. but, he obviously didn’t mean it like that, right?

“what - as friends, or?” he laughed, and she let out a shaky smile.

“well, friends do get lunch together. i really meant more like a - date. unless you’d rather-”

“no! i mean - i’d love to. i’m free saturday.” she shook her head immediately, not allowing the opportunity to pass her.

“i’ll pick you up, yeah?” she nodded, cheeks stretched in a wide smile.

she'd blinked to herself after eddie had waved her goodbye, holding the door open for her.

was it really that easy?

#stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things 4 #eddie munson #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fluff #joseph quinn #biology girl #tear in my heart

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