#TWO LEONARD COHENS LET'S FUCKING GO

[majortomwaits]

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[joeybrr9]

Part 4 - Poetic Man

Summary: Aurora continues to work on her new album but might have a new distraction

Warnings: None

a/n: So sorry it took so long for this part to come up. Finals week was KILLING me. So excited for Christmas break. Also, what are we all thinking of this break in at Joe's house???

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“One more time.” Jack Antenoff was helping Aurora put together her 6th studio album. Jack was well known for creating success all across the music industry; the two first started working together for her album “i used to think i could fly.” Jack reached over and put his headset on, signaling to Aurora that he wanted her to sing her song again. “Alright…..let’s do it from the beginning.”

Aurora heard the music begin and took a deep breath.

“You're so dumb and poetic

It's just what I fall for, I like the aesthetic

Every self-help book, you've already read it

Cherry-pick lines like they're words you invented

Gold star for highbrow manipulation

And "love everyone" is your favorite quotation

Try to come off like you're soft and well-spoken

Jack off to lyrics by Leonard Cohen”

Aurora had very obviously written this song about her past relationship with Paul; it was a song that had become very intimate and personal for her. She hesitated even adding it to the album. Aurora worried once he heard the lyrics she would receive a nasty phone call from his display all his distaste for her work. 

"Don't think you understand

Just 'cause you talk like one doesn't make you a man

You're so sad, there's no communication

But baby, you put us in this situation

You're running so fast from the hearts that you're breakin'

Save all your breath for your floor meditation

You're so empathetic, you'd make a great wife

And I promise the mushrooms aren't changing your life

Will you crash the car and abandon the wreckage?

Fuck with my head like it's some kind of fetish”

Nothing Aurora did in her relationship with Paul was right; whether it was making the wrong dinner plans, flying out to see him on the wrong weekend, interrupting his ‘work time,’ or even just being in his presence, she knew he didn’t want her around. Many people would ask why she stayed with him for so long and there was only one answer, he knew how to manipulate her. When they would have a terrible fight, the next day he would buy her 100 red roses. A big gesture. Love bombing some people would say.

“Don't think you understand

Just 'cause you act like one doesn't make you a man

Don't think you understand

Just 'cause you leave like one doesn't make you a man”

“Honestly Aurora, that might have been the last take.” Jack leaned back with a huge grin plastered to his face high-fiving Mark. Aurora on the other hand felt sick to her stomach, singing such an intimate song had her feelings at an all-time low. She exited the recording booth and was greeted with a bunch of smiling faces. “What’s wrong, we release Espreso in five days and the album is almost done.”

“Speaking of that.” Mark cut Jack off and took a step closer to Aurora. “Have you decided who you want in your music video for your second single? We should probably think about filming it soon.”

“Yeah, I haven’t thought about it yet. Let me get back to you.” She let out a nervous giggle because Mark had already reminded her to pick someone, a month ago. “ Well, on that note I should definitely get going. I have two hungry football players at my house right now.” She quickly tried to grab her stuff without any more interrogations.

“Football players, who is at her house?” Aurora heard Jack but she didn’t have the effort to explain why she had two NFL players staying at her home. 

“I think it’s that Joe Burrows dude and his friend. I don’t know and honestly, I don’t care.” That was all Aurora was able to hear before she let the door close behind her. She got in her car and hit the call button on Ja’Marr’s contact. It only took two quick rings for him to pick up. 

“Hello, my girl. What’s up?”

“I’m heading home right now. Did you guys settle in okay? You didn’t fight him over who gets the bigger room right.” Aurora heard a laugh in the background, assuming it came from Joe her cheeks reddened. 

“No Ma'am we did not start a fight in your home. Did miss you though Rory, thought you said it would only take you a little bit. It’s been five hours. I’m also starving. You don’t keep much food around here, like-”

“Okay Marr I get it, you're a starved man and it’s my fault. I’m only fifteen minutes away so how about we order when I get there, or can you not wait until I get there?”

“I guess, but you better buy some snacks for me. I’m not sure how you survive on wine and ramen noodles.” She let out a little laugh before sighing.

“Snack and dinner. I got it. I’ll be there soon. Love you, Marr.”

“Love you too Rory.” She hung up the phone, taking the exit to her house. Aurora sat in silence in her car, loud silence. For a few moments she thought about calling Ja’Marr back to fill the silent void for the last few minutes of her drive but instead, she pushed the on button to her radio. A random Dua Lipa song filled the car, only making Aurora forget about her thoughts for a couple of minutes. 

Eventually, Aurora pulled into her driveway, seeing her living room lights were on and she could see Joe and Ja’Marr sitting on her couch. A black truck was parked in her driveway, which must have been what the boys rented for the days they were staying in California. She quickly parked her car in the garage and gathered all the stuff to bring inside when she was met with Ja’Marr at the door. 

“Here, let me grab that.” He instantly took everything out of Aurora’s hands. When she was around Ja’Marr he treated her like a queen. “Soooo, I was thinking.”

“Well, that’s never good.” Aurora heard Joe say from the couch. She let out a little laugh.

“Yes Marr, what can I get you to eat tonight? I know I kept you waiting until,” Aurora took a quick glance at the time displayed on her stove, “5:30. Oh my gosh Ja’Marr it’s 5:30. I expected it to be around 7.”

“When I’m hungry, I’m hungry. Sorry girl.” Ja’Marr put his arm around Aurora as the two walked over to the couch. Joe was sitting comfortably watching Spongebob on the TV. 

“Okay boys, what do we want? Pizza, Chinese, Italian, In-N-Out, or Mexican? All of that sounds really good to me so you can choose. Aurora exchanged glances between Joe and Ja’Marr until Joe finally spoke up.

“Pizza sounds good to me.”

“What kind are we getting?” Ja’Marr wasn’t too concerned with the food. He was too busy watching the content displayed on the TV.

“What about pepperoni and sausage?” Joe and Aurora said at the same time. She felt a blush grace her cheeks as she smiled at him. 

“Yeah I’ll order it now-”

“No, I got it. You don’t need to be paying for our food when you’re already letting us stay here for free. I got it.” Joe left to go call in a pizza, leaving just Ja’Marr and Aurora. 

Aurora could see Ja’Marr looking at her out of the corner of her eye. “Instead of staring at me Marr, why don’t you just say whatever you want to?” He chuckled awkwardly, rubbing his jaw.

“Me and Burrow were talking today. About you. A little bit. Not the whole time. Don’t let it get to your big head.” He gave a gentle push to Aurora’s shoulder making her giggle. “He mentioned that Tee sent him your interview. He seemed to think it was funny, in a cute way. Don’t be embarrassed Rory, he thinks you're cool.” She looked over to her left where Joe was standing in the doorway of her library on the phone. He hadn’t said much, or anything at all, to her since she got home.

“That interview got kinda out of hand. I’m embarrassed he even saw that.”

“You don’t listen. He thinks you’re a cool girl.” Ja’Marr wrapped his arm around Aurora pulling her into him. She was a little curious if Joe was still dating his long-term girlfriend from college. It had been reported a couple times that they had split but Aurora wanted to know from an inside source.

“Um, would he happen to still be dating that one girl from college? Not that I care or anything. I just see a lot of stuff on TikTok. You know.” Real Smooth Aurora. Ja’Marr looked down at the blonde girl with a cheesy grin.

“They did in fact break up. It was all on good terms. Joe is a very focused guy when it comes to football. Not sure that’s what she wanted. Sometimes he needed his space and they couldn’t agree on it. No bad blood as far as I’m concerned.” Aurora nodded her head. “So yes, he is single, Rory.” Ja’Marr poked her sides making her squirm and move away from him. 

“I got three pizzas and an order of breadsticks. Also, Aurora, I noticed you have a lot of wine in your cabinets so I ordered some wine too. Hope you don’t mind.” Joe took his original spot next to Aurora on the couch.

“I could never mind someone buying me wine; that was very thoughtful of you.” She flashed the quarterback a quick smile. 

“Pizza should be here in about 35 minutes.” Joe looked between Aurora and Ja’Marr.

“Did you guys want to put on a movie until then? The group decided to watch The Hangover until the pizza arrived. One of Ja’Marr’s favorite movies.

“Bro, did you see that tiger?” Ja’Marr was clutching his stomach from laughter. Aurora had stood up to get the pizza that just arrived.

“Yes, Marr. We all saw it. I’m pretty sure you’ve seen it about a thousand times too.” Aurora disappeared for about two minutes coming back with all the food. “Alright boys, I’ll let you get yours first.” She set out plates for everyone and a glass for her wine. 

“Here,” Joe reached over to open the bottle of wine he ordered and opened it. “Let me get this for you.” He poured her a glass and got her a couple slices of pizza.

“Um, thanks.” Aurora grabbed the gestures from Joe and made her way back to the couch to finish their movie with dinner. As she was walking back to the couch she overhead Ja’Marr and Joe.

“Try hard?” Ja’Marr scoffed as he grabbed a beer out of the fridge.

“Dude, she’s just a nice girl. I’m not gonna be rude to someone who’s letting me stay in their house for free. I’ve never met her before either. Good first impressions.”

“You sure it’s nothing else loverboy?” 

“Yes, I’m 100% percent sure. I’m focused on football, not girls.” Joe laughed. Even though there wasn’t anything going on between Joe and Aurora, she couldn’t help but feel disappointed. She hadn’t been able to move on since Paul and a very small part of her thought Joe would possibly be that person for her. It was a stupid thought anyway. 

Joe and Ja’Marr joined Aurora on the couch to enjoy their pizza dinner and movie. Ja’Marr was able to eat 10 slices of pizza while Joe only had 6. Aurora stuck to her original 2 slices with a bread stick. 

“Sorry to cut the night short but I’m gonna head to bed. Sleep good Rory. Night man.” Ja’Marr ruffled Aurora’s hair and dabbed up Joe. The two were left alone on the couch with the ending credits of The Hangover displayed on her TV. 

After a long couple minutes of awkward silence, Joe cleared his throat. “So Ja’Marr tells me you are working on your sixth album. That’s a pretty big deal.” Aurora took a big drink of her wine finishing off the glass.

“Uh yeah, I am. It should be out sometime this summer. I’m really excited to release another album.”

“He told me you won Album of the Year at The Grammy’s last year. That’s huge. Congrats, I know it’s a little late.” Joe chuckled. 

She swished around whatever was left of her wine. “Yeah, you know, you do something incredible like that and you feel like you need to live up to those expectations again. I just don’t want to let anyone down. I have an amazing producer and if I don’t win another Grammy with this next album I know I won’t only be letting myself down, it will also be hurting him.”

Aurora looked over at Joe and by the look on his Face she knew he wasn’t sure what to say to her singer/songwriter trauma. “Can I get you another glass of wine?” Aurora debated before she answered his question. Did he want to down here talking to her? This would be her third glass of wine.

“Yeah, sure.” Joe hopped up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen. Aurora couldn’t help but observe him in person. He was a good-looking guy; even better in person. 

“Here you go. Tell me more about yourself. How did you get your start in music?” Joe got himself comfortable on the couch; showing Aurora he had no plans of heading to bed anytime soon.

“My first album was “Singular Act I,” so that was obviously my big start. My huge single off of that album was Sue Me. Have you ever heard it?”

“Uhhhh, I don’t think so. Don’t hate me.” Joe laughed, making Aurora crack a smile.

“No hurt feelings. One day I just started posting videos of myself singing on Youtube and it started blowing up. Eventually, a record label contacted me and they wanted to produce a single. Fun fact, it wasn’t Sue Me.”

“Do I get to hear this legendary single?” Joe smirked at Aurora.

“Absolutely not. I like to brush that song under the rug. I never-”

“You know if you don’t play it for me right now I’ll just look it up later. Matter of fact, let’s look it up right now.” Joe pulled his phone out of his pocket and started typing something into Google. Aurora jumped up from her spot on the couch to move closer to Joe.

“Joe stop, I hate that song. I’m not kidding. Listen to it later, not right now.” Aurora reached for Joe’s phone the second she heard the beginning verse to Thumbs playing out of the speakers. “JOE, stop it right now.” Aurora couldn’t contain her laughter at this point. She was leaning over him, grasping for the phone.

“And the bank robbed the people, so the people robbed the bank.” Joe sang along, laughing in Aurora’s face. She took one more reach for his phone, failing, before falling back beside him. After the song ended Joe tuned toward the blonde girl.

“Honestly, I was expecting worse. Not sure what skidledeee deee dat dum means but I can roll with it. Definitely added to my warm-up playlist.” Joe gave Aurora a cheesy smile before bursting out laughing.

“I fucking hate you.” 

Aurora and Joe sat on the couch and talked until 2 am while Aurora drank, not one, but two, bottles of wine. She definitely would feel that in the morning. Joe knew that as the night whet on Aurora had become wine drunk and nothing she said he could take too seriously. She did tell him he had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen, and that the curl in his hair was his best feature. Around two thirty Aurora passed out on Joe's lap while watching How To Train Your Dragon.

Joe carried Aurora up to her room while also trying to figure out which one was hers. When they finally made it there and he had tucked her into bed; it was time for his escape. He felt her hand grasp his wrist. 

“Can you please stay? Please Joe, just this once.” Aurora hardly opened her eyes but that was all the convincing Joe needed to stay.

[raininyourblackeyes]

What happened at world's??? I'm not up to date 😭

LMAOOO WHAT DIDN'T????

Ok brief summary of every disciplinne which will end up long so

MEN:

Boyang messed up so much in the SP he didn't even get to the free. To quote his coach Brian "I don't even know what that was." My boy obviously thinks that the men need to flop in every city starting with M... Milano 2018, Montreal 2024.... let's hope he keeps that mindset for worlds and olympics because they are also in Milano

Junhwan also flopped in the SP, but not as much thank skating gods! He did better in the fs but I really didn't get anything from his programs this season anyways so I wasn't as devastated as I would be let's say with any prev season's fuck up

Kao also flopped SP missing the combo because of the 4T attempt. Absolutely magnificent opening 4S, best of the SP event! He attacked some titans in the FS but got eaten immediately by 4Lo and 4S

Shoma finally listened to me telepathically and flopped the free

Jason was overscored as fuck, he should not have been above Deniss in any segment but he has the american money. However, he did serve.

Have to mention Nikolaj Memola having a very solid senior worlds debut!!!

Ilia uuuh got the world record in the FS, 227 something and now he's going viral and how I feel about it is 😐 The 4A was magnificent, and yeah yeah he can jump and yeah it's a Succession program but PLEASE WATCH SOMEONE WHO'S ACTUALLY DOING FIGURE SKATING! One can only wonder what's next? A quint? A quad-quad combo? Because he did everything else and I doubt he'll decide to get some skating skills

Donovan was absolutely stellar! And the audience loved him!

The epic highs (Romsky SP) and epic lows (Romsky FS) - as usual

Deniss went clean (if we don't count popping the opening quad in the FS) in both SP and FS. His SP is a religious experience, and he's skating to Hallelujah exactly how Leonard Cohen would have wanted. 100% worth watching (costume deduction for showing tits is soooo funny). He also did a mad thing and debuted a new free st worlds. I was sad to see Blues Deluxe go and very sceptic about Lion King, that's junior music to me but IT WAS STUNNING and I hope he keeps it for the next season so I can see it live in Zagreb

Yuma... GOD!!!!!! He is right now THE best skater we have in this disciplinne. Carolina Costner is doing wonders for his skating skills. And somehow this was meant to be a recovery season. Meanwhile he blew everyone else out of the water. Yuma is definitely worth getting into figure skating. Two stunning programs, some textbook jumps, mind-blowing performance ability and just lovely skating skills

Adam was probably the definition of men singles skating event. 19th in the sp, everyone despaired about him... because you know, there's no hope for Boyang but there is some for Adam? And boy was there hope!!! He goes clean in the FS, does a fucking banned backflip which I am not a fan of, probably thinking "fuck it I did an amazing program but from 19th I have no chance to medal anyways so I'll just do this instead" so he takes 2 deductions. And medals. Biggest jump placement wise in history of the sport. Sooo then fucking Benoit who is already delusional about his choreo skills goes and says how he wants to create choreo so revolutionary that could potentially get him banned. My dude, you should have been banned a long time ago for Kaori's I love being a woman free at least...

WOMEN:

Tbh they were in the middle of the night for me and since men singles is my fave disciplinne it's also the only one I'd stay awake for so... not much to say here. Sorry. But there wasn't any insane drama I think, the results did take me out in the SP, but it ended up pretty nice in the end

I did see Kaori and while her programs are far from my favourites this season I am 100% convinced that girl could sell me anything. The highlight of both her performances, apart from how insanely well she did to come back from 4th to win overall in the FS, was her reaction to a botched Lutz landing in the SP. Her SP is also dedicated to her niece and nephew and it's so soft. Also imagine in a few years a teacher asks kids to say a fun fact about themselves in the first class and this kid gets up and says uuuh my aunt won her 3rd consecutive world title with one of the programs being about me being born. THE FLEX!

I only got to see Hana's FS in real time and I have made an entire post about Shakuhachi so please go watch that if you haven't, it's a masterpiece. Koo Koo Fun is also a masterpiece in some other aspects! Also go watch that! I think she did an amazing job for a kid at her first worlds in her first senior season.

Mone WHAT A COME BACK IN THE FREE!!! Which rip... I like her SP more, but definitely also chek out the Sendai baby Mone if you haven't

I've seen Amber's FS, the only clean 3A of the evening. I really hope she can one day pull off a completely clean free one day

Young had an epic performance in the SP, that StSq is just cheff's kiss. I didn't catch her FS but uhhh I also don't really want to hurt myself so I won't even try to look for it

Chaeyeon sadly has a Benoit abomination for her FS, her SP is also by Benoit but she sells it so well. I say this about her FS because quite frankly it's the FS that got her the medal.

PAIRS:

Deanna and Maxime. That's it that's what you need to know about pairs. She is a superstar, they did an Interview With the Vampire free with stunning costumes. Their SP was a firecracker! Deanna is the oldest woman ever to win the gold in figure skating, and she should be THE inspiration to all little girls trying out the sport thinking that it's just a few years of fame. You can be 40 and winning gold in your home city!

Riku and Ryuichi did so well considering they are coming back from an injury and they brought back Woman (2020-21 and 2021-22 FS). Silver was very much very well deserved

I think the only other team I remember leaving an insane impression on me were Hocke/Kunkel in the SP, absolutely fucking robbed.

Pairs was overall the best disciplinne and you should watch it, I didn't have time to see any free skates except for SD/D and M/K so that's about what I can say about the event

ICE DANCE:

Head in hands, this used to be a disciplinne where you go to therapy (skating skills) after the horrors (jump fests)

Chock/Bates won which is a fucking joke because the only thing they have going for them is the fact that Madison is hot and that can be a distraction once or twice, but not at every fucking competition and not at worlds. When will they retire?

Piper and Paul were stunning, their programs are always either a hit or a miss no inbetween and this season they are a HIT! Especially the Wuthering Heights FD you should see it! They won the free, but Skate Canada forgot to homecook in the RD so they got silver overall

Charlene and Marco have the campiest RD this season but it works!!! The only superheros I am willing to watch on my screen, marvel wishes it's characters had what these two do. Their FD is also really nice. LOVED Barb's interview where she said Madison and Evan are slow af lol, but rip she was so confident about G/F placing above G/P and then bam bronze

LALA THE TRUE WORLD CHAMPIONS! Absolutely stunning and fun RD to Thriller with Zachary actually being the main character. It's also my mom's favourite ice dance program of the season overall! And then you have a complete change of emotion and tone in their Roses FD which is just soft and elegant and she is literally dressed in flower petals. They showed so much variety and growth this season. It's a program made to be adored, and their skating offers so much quality. RD is passionate and mindblowing, FD is enchanting seamless. If ice dance was a real sport they would be the world champions!

Christina Carreira and Anthony Ponomarenko in strong contention for my fave RD this season. I am probably a bit biased becasue it's Stevie Nicks. They had an amazing glo up this season imo. Their FD offers a lot of intense character projections: obsession, possessiveness. Choreo is intricate, it's a very tasteful program. Someone on here said we should have more programs about murder after their performance and I couldn't agree more. ALSO Scott and Madison in the K&C!!!!!!

You can barely guess that Lim/Quan are a first season senior couple. They managed to make me watch Let's Go Crazy without sighing about how much I miss Yuzuru. Insanely hot in that program. Their Umbrellas are also in my top 3 free dances this season. Amazing performances at their first senior worlds

Ok I'm only gonna mention absolute delight and theatrics that Pirihara bring on the ice. Such a unique Chicago presentation! I can't wait to see what they plan to do next season.

[wurmzirkus]

another tag meme from 2023, this time tagged by @imperial-evolution who i love very dearly

LAST SONG - Suzanne by Leonard Cohen. we continue our way through the concert video

FAVOURITE COLOUR - OH MAN! i love yellow. but also green and orange and brown and-

CURRENTLY WATCHING - been watching arcane s2 with my friend. we're both kind of befuddled and confused about where it's going but ugh. it sure is the most beautiful shit you've ever seen

LAST MOVIE - nnnnnot sure. the two towers maybe?

SWEET/SAVOURY/SPICY - SAVORYYYYYY. i love....... salt

RELATIONSHIP STATUS - very funny question to ask in a tag meme. single! had a very exciting year but i'm ending it where i started out.

CURRENT OBSESSIONS - bro. i've been really into certain albums that came out last month. i might have mentioned it once or twice, idk. i have lots of feelings about it. (it's the new halsey album. it left me a huge fucking mess) also been really into POETRY as my ability to commit to prose has exploded in a big mess of Girl Has A Lot Going On

LAST THING YOU GOOGLED - leonard cohen lyrics. also how much star trek box sets cost..... (criminal: apparently the dvds are twice as expensive as the blurays??)

very grateful for all the stuff you tagged me in and all the patience you've had with me hehe. i know i've been tagging people left and right bc i've done so many of these so uhm. don't let me bother you too much LMAO but i'm tagging @lilhawkens, @agentmika and @haunthouse

[wecouldmakediamonds]

Jukebox January: Day 4, and 5, and 6... and 7... and 8 and 9 too...

the original post tag of all my posts

So, I fell victim to the classic "I got distracted and missed one day... so now I'll just do two the next day... but that's overwhelming so maybe I'll wait until the weekend... and then somehow now it's the 9th and I missed doing a whole bunch of days that I really had great songs for." So I'm doing it all now. At once. But in a smaller format: no links, and I'll only write paragraphs for the ones that I have a lot to say about. Then I can feel good about catching up!

On to D, E, F, G, H, I:

Demoni - Joker Out My soundtrack of 2023. The song that changed my year by making me fall in love with the music of five shagadelic Slovenians. The first Joker Out song I listened to when I wanted to check out more music from Eurovision artists, and I was hooked. Seriously, this song creates such an atmosphere that I had to listen to it over and over and over. I think it's that the beat kind of reminds me of a heartbeat? Like when you're alone and it's very quiet and all you can hear is your own heartbeat. Which does feel a bit like you're alone with your demons...

Democracy - Leonard Cohen Released in 1992, but sounds almost like it could have been written in 2020. I listened to this song a lot that year, and it captures America so well, all about the irony of the struggle for democracy in a country that's theoretically based on democracy. I could say a lot about this song, and maybe I'll come back to this later and write more, because every line has something I could say about the connections between 1992 and 2020.

Dear Dictator - Saint Motel All I have to say here: "It's not too late to say you're sorry, but it's too late to truly mean it" is one of my favorite lyrics ever, never have I heard it said so well, how I feel about people who have done unforgivable things.

Dzeguzes balss - Carnival Youth A cover of a song from a Latvian movie from several decades ago, and while I admit I don't know the whole context of the movie, the song's lyrics are so, so good. No matter what, the voice of the cuckoo can't be stopped: "Mēs to norakām bedrē, sirds stūrī/Bet, kad mazliet atlaidās sals/Tad kā naiva narcise izlīda/Dzeguzes balss!"

Dead Star - Muse

Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys

DESTROYA - My Chemical Romance For one of my favorite lines ever: "with blood they wash in money", and for how much I love the overlapping vocal parts in the end.

Dear Jealousy - MIKA

Dīvainas Parādības - Embark I have to plug this band because I'm one degree of separation away from the ex-drummer. So, check them out!

Eternally Missed - Muse Too good of a song to be buried as a B-side forever, the guitar effects in this building up the tension are amazing, and the emotion just pouring from Matt's voice.

Eve of Agnes - XIXA and Imarhan

Eyes - Sudden Lights

Enjoy the Silence - Depeche Mode

Ero s onoga svijeta - Let 3 I always love crazy Eurovision acts because they almost always have a serious meaning buried underneath the music. When I got to learn about Let 3's long history of saying "fuck you" to fascism and the background of this song (taken from the most famous Croatian opera), that's what made me love them most of all.

Fifty Years After the Fair - Aimee Mann So, this is again a song of some really specific interest of mine, and this is from a time in my teens when I had a fascination with the 1939 World's Fair. And the song is all about how the fair was showing such a bright future and then--WW2 in Europe broke out while the fair was still going on. "How beautiful it was, tomorrow" is the line that breaks my heart every time.

Famous Last Words - My Chemical Romance

Fallout Shelter - Mike and Bernie Winters Another one of those Fallout-game-vibe songs that I love so much.

Figure It Out - Duncan Laurence I don't actually listen to Duncan much, but this one is important to me because it's the one that @sorrelink sends to me when I'm anxious about the future.

Friction - Imagine Dragons I know this band is much-maligned for making empty stomp-clap stadium music, but their second album is really, really good and has some incredible lyrics. This one in particular I remember listening to a lot in my last year of high school when I was feeling a lot of pressure to succeed and stressing about it.

Fitter Happier - Radiohead Less of a song and more of an interlude on the album. I just used to listen to OK Computer a lot in my teens and this is what I always think of with that album.

Gennifer Flowers - Fever Dolls

Give Me The Future - Bastille

God Knows I Tried - Lana Del Rey Another artist I don't listen to much anymore but who I listened to a lot in the past. To me she does satire of America amazingly, but at the same time doesn't seem self-aware of it, but it also might just be an act of her stage persona? Anyway, this song is a favorite of mine just for how this line makes me feel: "Put on that Hotel California, dance around like I'm insane/I feel free when I see no one and nobody knows my name"

Ghost Lights - Woodkid

Gladiator - Jann

Hysteria - Muse One of the best songs ever, and I know I'm biased because I love Muse, but: The legendary bassline. The way the guitar solo builds all this tension and then explodes out. "I'm not breaking down, I'm breaking out." 1000/10, if you don't know this song you need to.

Hooked on Radiation - Atomizer Sometimes Spotify gives you some random song from 2003 and it's really good?

Haemoglobin - Placebo

H.S. - Tom Cardy The most inspirational comedy song ever. Like, it's meant to be funny but it also makes me feel so much better about myself. Also it's about space.

Home - Dotan

In corpore sano - Konstrakta Every single time I look at the lyrics of this song (or someone's analysis of the song) I get more and more layers of meaning. This whole song is literally an art piece, she is so good at seeing social issues and writing about them in a way that packs so much into a 3 minute song. And as someone who has a lot of health related anxiety -- "a sick mind in a healthy body" is all too real of an experience for me.

Izbēgšana - Sudden Lights

I Appear Missing - Queens of the Stone Age

Istanbul (Not Constantinople) - They Might Be Giants Could not resist adding this. If you don't know it, you need to. Why did Constantinople get the works?

In the Year 2525 - Zager and Evans A classic in the "looking at the future from the 1960s" genre I love so much.

I Am Not a Robot - MARINA (Marina and the Diamonds) An important reminder to me, someone who struggles a lot with being a people-pleaser: better to be hated than loved for what I'm not.

[tyrantisterror]

Ok, I'd like to keep this experiment going, but I also think it's time to check the results so far. This is only going to focus on, like, specific songs that were suggested, rather than artists/albums that I still have to sift through.

Holy shit this one is so fucking good. It's got that Fairport Convenstion style of mixing medieval/renaissance sounding music with rock and roll, and the way it builds in intensity from beginning to end is so goddamn good - perfectly captures the heroic yet slightly mad passion that characterizes Joan of Arc in my mind. It also made me download like five different Heather Dale albums, she's gonna be an artist I need in rotation more often.

Leonard Cohen's song captures the melancholy of Joan - the lonesomeness she must have felt and the way she was destined for a tragic end, which is an important part of her legend, since it's what gives her heroics such poignancy. But I'm personally looking for songs that focus a bit more on her... well, I want to say agency, but let's be honest, it's probably a more shallow desire for badassery. The Joan that set the world on fire before the world returned the favor.

I mean this in the best way - this feels like Rob Zombie made a Joan of Arc song, except better because it's got lady vocalists (in my nebulous criteria for Joan of Arc songs, "being sung by a lady who I can pretend IS Joan of Arc" is big points).

It's probably nostalgia, but 80's music always feels very appropriate for medieval stories to me - and that definitely goes for Joan of Arc, since my Joan obsession probably started with watching Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure before being reinforced by my Catholic upbringing. Like I'm 90% sure Bill and Ted were my first exposure to Joan of Arc and when I asked my parents about the pretty knight lady they explained the cliff notes version of her story and I was immediately concerned that she was going to burn at the stake and hoped Bill and Ted would save her. They could have saved her. They could have saved Joan. If I had a time machine I would have saved Joan of Arc oh god I do have a complex about saving doomed women what's wrong with me

...was this song on an It's Always Sunny episode? It feels familiar.

Wait, why haven't I listened to The Smiths till now? Aren't they one of the bands famous for being popular among depressed people? I need to connect to my roots.

This one doesn't feel about Joan of Arc so much as Joan of Arc is tangentially related to what the singer is going through, but I do like it. Note to self, check out The Smiths.

This one was a bit out of left field and the suggester acknowledged as much but... I dunno, I think I get it. I can see the Joan battle scene set to this. It involves a lot of slo-mo sword swinging.

My Chemical Romance came up a few times in the suggestions, with these two being the only specific songs singled out. As a filthy casual MCR fan (i.e. I've mostly only listened to The Black Parade along with a few other scattered songs), I'm intrigued by what others could fit, especially if they're from the albums I shamefully haven't listened to yet. I'm also interested in the explanation of why they connect to Joan, because I can kinda see it but I'd like to hear someone go into more detail. Like, I think I get where you're going with this but would like to know more of where your head is at.

Anyway, please don't stop sending me Joan of Arc songs. I need more, like a fire in search of kindling and a sword in search of British necks.

You know, I bet enough people on tumblr share this particular derangement of mine to be helpful, so I'm gonna pose a question to you all and see what answers it gets.

What songs would you put on a playlist themed around Joan of Arc? The saint, not the Clone High character.

[gothprentiss]

albums of the year! shoutout to @explosionshark for the tag-- i was scheming one of these anyway and now i have LICENSE

some notes: i don't follow new releases very closely, so there's a pretty neat split of new this year / new to me / new friendship with old albums here. this isn't untrue to my music taste but this was very much a like, 'i have one or two core artists and then am just kind of dicking around with some new stuff otherwise'-style year. these are all in abc order. there are some notes where i feel like i must say something. that being said:

new this year:

ashenspire - hostile architecture (sometimes songs feel like they were just made for my tastes. béton brut is one of those) blackbraid - blackbraid i blood incantation - timewave zero conception - state of deception

is this album "good", you might ask? to which i reply: how dare you address me. it is the music event of my entire lifetime. ROY KHAN'S BACK BABEY!

the damned - night of a thousand vampires (give me a live album and i go ape. simple easy elegant.) darkthrone - astral fortress (i feel like i should be embarrassed by this one. but darkthrone just tickles me.) epica - the alchemy project

another "don't ask me if it's good, ask me if it makes my grinchy little heart grow three sizes" album. it marks a blessed and glorious era, imo, of epica both having a clearly defined sense of their sound (which they lacked in the 10s, as far as i'm concerned) such that they feel like they can 'alchemize' it, and epica actually experimenting with what they can wrap their sound around. if their next studio album sucks you can find me wailing in the nearest earthen cave

lexie liu - the happy star nas - king's disease iii pusha t - it's almost dry ripped to shreds - 劇變 / jubian (the reverberating OUGH! in violent compulsion for conquest is always in my head) sudan archives - natural brown prom queen undeath - it's time ... to rise from the grave vein.fm - this world is going to ruin you wormrot - hiss

honorable mention of 2022 goes to M.I.A. MATA. i know she's in perpetual trouble for bad politics. i know my deep love for /\/\/\Y/\ (2010) is unpopular. despite everything i still think she rules and puts together some of the coolest noises around.

new TO ME this year:

armani caesar - the liz (2019)

clipping. - visions of bodies being burned (2020) coil - unreleased themes for hellraiser (1987) (incredible writing music) epica - omega alive (2021)

i've got a lot to say about epica for this list but it's because i'd tuned out for... a DECADE? and saw a new live epica album and was like yeah, sure, let's give that a try. and now i'm a diehard tryhard epica stan again. life's good! the thing about this album is that it's, like, not a normal live album-- recorded during covid, they clearly had the latitude to spread it out into a couple of sessions, ensuring relaxed vocal performances (not that simone simons has ever been bad live. don't even think that.), really energized instrumentals, and also some absolutely bonkers mixing. i think this is really like, epica's sound perfectly balanced.

leonard cohen - thanks for the dance (2019) sarpanitum - blessed be my brothers (2015) snowsedim/雪沉 - lead to evening death (2018)

actually the wrong album cover here lol, the website just didn't have the right one. the album cover here is anthology of ebony (2017) which i don't like. anyway this works for me in the same way symphonic metal does: you get two ostensibly contrasting styles of instrumentation and performance which sound bonkers and exquisite together. traditional chinese instruments sound fucking amazing-- ethereally brutal-- with more traditional metal stylings when they get the balance right.

tribulation - the children of the night (2015) (probably i like down below (2018) more, but you can't beat this album art) veil of secrets - dead poetry (2020)

VIBEKE STENE'S BACK BABEY! I FOUND OUT I'D MISSED THIS ALBUM BY TWO YEARS IN THE LAUNDROMAT!

watain - casus luciferi (2003)

new APPRECIATION this year (these all get explanations):

kamelot - poetry for the poisoned & live from wacken (2011)

this is to some extent a lie, because this is one of my all-time fave symphonic metal albums, my favorite kamelot album, AND a reissue with a live album. so it's never been underrated or forgotten for me, or anything like that. but recall that this is the the year i found out roy khan was back!!!!!!! it's been 11 years!!!!!!!!!!!! and this is also the year i bit the bullet and actually looked up reviews for this album, which i hadn't done before because i'd assumed they were negative (the karma / epica / black halo run is often lauded as this perfect kamelot era). and they were pretty good! anyway this album rules. if you ever hear anyone hyping up the karma thru black halo era as kamelot’s best just know they're a coward who hates sexy vampire music and visions of the end and such like.

kate bush - aerial (2005)

i've always felt more at home with late 70s/early 80s kate bush; 50 words for snow, aerial-- even the sensual world and the red shoes-- don't get as much play for me. taking some time to appreciate aerial (see above: slower, calmer, more meditative music isn't really my vibe) was really worthwhile. beautiful storytelling, dreamy and honeyed music.

lacuna coil - comalies (2002)

they did a 20th anniversary remake album which was kind of cool but drove me back to the original, which was my middle school bus music. my middle school bus music ruled.

nick cave and the bad seeds - no more shall we part (2001)

honestly a super underrated bad seeds album for me until this year. it probably is down there with push the sky away (2013) as my least favorite part of their discography (which, to be fair. is still music i wuv). but still! i got REALLY into the lyricism on the album (hallelujah and darker with the day are transcendent), and got obsessed with the building intensity on the sorrowful wife. it's transcendent and cathartic. i think the way the instrumentals get pared back to let the lyricism shine is often a bit... like... you can do better, you know. in fact, their last two albums have been standout examples of not sacrificing a cohesive and compelling album sound to push the lyrics forward. but even so, definitely a familiar friend this year.

siouxsie & the banshees - peepshow (1988)

like poetry for the poisoned, this was NOT an underrated album for me. it's my favorite siouxsie album. that is a high ass bar! BUT! i got nice new headphones this year and switched to apple music for lossless and the instrumentals on this album are how i test all new headphones. and then once i'd tested them, i just... hung around some more. honestly if you're looking for a baller music experience, go listen to scarecrow in the dark, loud as hell. with, you know, good headphones. it feels like you're tiny and being jangled around the ribcage of a dancing animatronic skeleton in a funny little hat. it's a great fucking album. i think i go nuts for it like once a year. whatever.

[d-criss-news]

Nine Songs: Darren Criss

When Disney, Phantom Planet and Mr Hudson collide: Glee star, Emmy and Golden Globe winner and musician Darren Criss talks Andrew Wright through the pivotal songs in his life and the unexpected ways they found him.

“When we are younger, our gateway drugs to a lot of popular things don’t come from the sexiest of places. It’s up to you how proactive you want to be with your curiosity from there, and how far down the rabbit hole you want to go, if you go down at all.”

Choosing the songs that define you is a tricky business to say the least, especially when the power of song has provided an ongoing soundtrack to your life. “When you’re as avid a music consumer as musical artists are, trying to pin down Nine Songs is difficult,” Darren Criss laughs. So much so, his final choices only really crystallise as our conversation draws to its close. “It’s hard for me not to see the value and joy in literally everything,” he explains. “The curse of the creative person is that your ideas and your interests always move way faster than your body can execute.”

Criss is a creative par excellence. As well as his Emmy and Golden Globe winning performance in The Assassination of Gianni Versace, where he played serial killer Andrew Cunanan, to his upcoming role in Muppets Haunted Mansion Halloween special as The Caretaker, he’s also a prolific musician. Criss enjoyed a decadent musical consumption since childhood, so “this was a bit of an archaeological dig,” he admits. As such, everything from jazz standards, to 808s, punk rock, ‘90s teen pop, and musical numbers are excavated in the course of our extemporaneous journey through the music he loves.

Equally on his mind is how to go about approaching the task of creating his Nine Songs, full stop. “The interesting social experiment is: Are my answers going to be songs that actually shaped my life and were formative to me as an artist? Are they songs that were formative to me as a human being? Or am I picking songs that I think represent who I am to people that do not know me? All three of those things aren’t necessarily the same thing.”

He reaches a conclusion of sorts. “For the purposes of making some kind of decision, I’m gonna lean less into trying to look cool to your very cool readership, and more into the literal, ‘What made me think about music in a different way? And hit me in a very emotional way?’ I think that’s probably the healthiest route.”

Embracing the accessibility that characterises Criss’ picks - or at times the initial touchpoints that led him to them - are something he vacillates over during our chat. “I’ve seen a lot of other people’s Nine Songs and they’re super cool. It’s like Leonard Cohen B-sides and old opera records and stuff. I’m gonna be pretty honest with the pop culture zeitgeist of how I grew up but explain why there is so much value in those moments.” His contemplation continues into the next day, Criss’s publicist passes on his regrets at being tentative to admit how he encountered one of his song choices via the Shrek soundtrack.

A yearning to reinterpret accessibility and the value attached to it drives Criss, however. He tells me that a festival performance that applied the anarchic verve of punk rock to a more refined Great American Songbook number remoulded his perception of music entirely. His love of the fusion of these two genres in particular symbolises the salient musical backdrops of his childhood - the guitar bands he played in with friends, and his musical theatre endeavours that led him to Broadway and multiple Ryan Murphy juggernauts, including his breakthrough playing Blaine Anderson in Glee.

Criss employs these contrasting musical lexicons, and other areas in between, on Masquerade, his new EP. Comprising five stand-alone “character-driven” singles, it sees Criss donning different musical personas. “I’m leaning into people that might know me as an actor,” he explains. “Because if actors can do Shakespeare, romantic comedy, and then do a horror movie and wear a prosthetic nose and a wig, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just do that with music.” The song “walk of shame” draws on jazz-standard chords interlaced with hip-hop production, “i can’t dance” looks to new-wave, and “for a night like this” is the product of Criss’ goal to create the ultimate end-of-the-night crowd-pleaser for a new-year bash, wedding or bar mitzvah. “This is all of the parts of me as a lifelong fan of these genres, trying my hand at servicing the pieces of them that I love.”

“I really love all styles of music and understanding what makes them unique and special and what makes them really pop. There are so many things that really make things sing - for lack of a better verb - and I like acknowledging those things and celebrating those things.”

“So, let’s begin. I have runners up and shit, and I have artists, I don’t just have the songs, so we might have to pick them as we go.”

“Part of Your World” by Jodi Benson

“When people read this, they’ll go ‘That’s cute, he likes Disney songs’, but it’s more profound than that. Some of the most formative pieces of music to hit me at a very early age would have been any of the songs that were coming from ‘The Disney renaissance.’ The early-mid ‘90s explosion of The Little Mermaid, Aladdin and Beauty and The Beast.

"One of the through lines between the three of those musicals was Howard Ashman, who is one of my all-time heroes. Dramaturg, songwriter - he really was the voice behind what made those songs great. I have always loved Howard’s lyrical sensibility and also Alan Menken, his partner who wrote these songs with him. There was a musical structure to a lot of the songs which I would unconsciously pick up in my own songwriting, not just musically, but the idea that not only did somebody make these songs, but they wrote them for a story.

“There’s a clip of Howard Ashman vocal directing Jodi Benson, who was the original voice of Ariel. It’s a wonderful example of his genius, where not only was he songwriting but he was storytelling in the way he would tell her how to perform it, and you can really see the song coming to life in that clip. That’s when you cross the street from ‘It’s a song’ to ‘This is an experience.’

"There are certain ingredients that are required to elevate music that goes beyond just a nice melody, a beautiful orchestration and a good voice. There are things that are required to really give a performance a characterisation, context and a vulnerability, that he architects in real-time with Jodi Benson. You see that what he’s doing is what makes the record so special, and that’s something that’s always been inspiring to me.”

“MMMBop” by Hanson

“I think my love of Hanson was because some people didn’t like it, so I was like ‘Fuck you, I like this, how do you feel about it?’ But this is difficult for me, because you know, I’m speaking to The Line of Best Fit and we’re trying to be cool! Although, do you know what’s cool? Being accessible! Writing a pop hit when you are 10 years old. Being in a band with your brothers and you’re all below the age of 15, you have a record contract where you are writing, producing and performing songs that are doing well.

“I was 10 years old when their first album Middle of Nowhere came out, and I remember reading somewhere that there were these kids that had a record. At the time, I was playing guitar and I was writing songs, but in my mind I was a kid, and that was it. I couldn’t be on the radio; you had to be a grown up to do this.

"This was the first time where I realised ‘Holy shit, kids can do stuff!’ It’s the value of seeing yourself in the media - that’s a whole other conversation to talk about - but there’s an immense value in feeling like there’s a piece of you out in the zeitgeist and doing well because it’s encouraging. You go, ‘Holy shit, maybe I can do this as well.'

“When you see children doing things, you’re ‘Wow, this is so cute and fabulous’, but then when you actually look at it you go, ‘This is miles above what most people in this age group are capable of,’ and that’s all I saw, because I was in the same age group and I was so inspired by that. This whole album was really a turning point for me, where I was like, ‘I can do this, I can do music too, because these guys can.'

“Ooh La La” by Faces

“This song really blew my mind. It became my own theme. It’s that ‘Make your heart sing’, nostalgic moment when you’re a teenager, driving in the car listening to it, playing guitar with your friends and you’re singing “I wish that I knew what I know now / When I was younger.” You’re like, ‘because I’m an adult now, I’m 15-years-old. If I only knew what I know now.’

“I was doing theatre from a young age and I was part of a young conservatory called A.C.T. in San Francisco. By way of somebody who knew somebody, I had an audition for a movie. As a kid not being near New York or Los Angeles it was really exciting, and this audition was for a film called ‘Max Fischer’, which would become the movie Rushmore, which would become one of my favourite movies of all time by the now very distinguished Wes Anderson.

“Separate from my own objective love of Wes Anderson, when this movie came out I was just around the age of getting into my own sort of identity with music, but also movies - indie movies - and trying to assert who I was. So, I see this movie Rushmore and I love it. I love the soundtrack, I love it so much, it’s one of my favourite albums ever. This song is the end sequence, and the way it made me feel - the vocals on it, I could play it on guitar and it was part of a cool movie - it really represented a lot in my life.

“And because of the acting thing, and Rushmore being great - it’s about this kid in high-school who's misunderstood but has his own agenda - everything about it was just so fucking cool to me. To this day, I cite that song as one of my favourite records of all time.”

“Recently Distressed” by Phantom Planet

“A guy that really formed the way I would sing and write songs is Alex Greenwald, the frontman of Phantom Planet. I went to see Phantom Planet because I loved Rushmore and I found out that Jason Schwartzman [who had been cast as Max Fischer] was also the drummer for a band called Phantom Planet.

"So, when I saw their name on the bill I went, but I didn't know their music. I was barely 14, but their set blew my mind. It was Rock and Roll, but I loved Alex Greenwald’s voice. I loved everything, and I would follow their career from there. I always tell people that my voice is a combination of me trying to be Alex Greenwald, Paul McCartney and Rufus Wainwright, but failing. Alex was incredibly formative for me.

“One of their biggest records was a little while after I first saw them, which was the song for The O.C., "California." That was more of an Elvis Costello thing, and they employed a lot of stuff that sounded to me like The Beatles and a lot of ‘60s mod/pop-rock. But later they would employ things from Fugazi, Radiohead and harder shit, and that eclecticism, again, only accelerated my love for Phantom Planet.

“Recently Distressed” is from their 1998 album Phantom Planet Is Missing. This was a cool rock song that employed these George [Harrison] and Paul [McCartney] background vocals and included all of the things that I loved. It was harder but melodic and employed minor 4th chords and more complicated chords than I was used to. I had grown up with power chords - which are very Gregorian - on a lot of alt. punk rock, like Green Day or Nirvana, and if Kurt Cobain was using power chords then that’s how I was playing guitar. Hearing this music was like ‘Oh, I’m using full chords, not sevenths, minor 4th chords, diminished chords’, shit that I would learn to use more and more.

“When you haven’t experienced much, anything that gives a hint towards possibility, even though it’s probably always been there, you’re like, ‘I like this, I’ve always kind of liked this, but it’s very encouraging to hear somebody else do it and it’s gonna make me reconsider my possibilities.’ That was literally the moment that my power chords turned into full barre chords.”

“Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk” by Rufus Wainwright

“I forgot the other day how I got into Rufus Wainwright, because all of this stuff I was getting into quite young. It’s like when I talk to 11-13 year olds, it’s funny to think that this was when I was really starting to build my musical identity. But then I remembered, and I didn’t want to say because I didn’t want to sound uncool, because he is such a revered artist who exists in a much cooler place than what I’m about to say.

“I loved soundtracks and I would always buy soundtracks for movies that had cool playlists. I had the Shrek soundtrack, and there’s a cover of Leonard Cohen’s seminal “Hallelujah” that Rufus does and he smashes it, and I’m like, ‘Who the fuck is Rufus Wainwright? What a beautiful voice.’ Then I saw that he was going to be at the Virgin Megastore in San Francisco one week, so I go and he’s there promoting his new album Poses. I remember I didn’t have enough money to buy the album that day, so I had him sign my sneaker and I saved that shoe.

“The first song on Poses was “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk”, which is a very dark and reflective song about his own battles with addiction, but he’s singing it over this really beautiful, whimsical song that has a lot of really great wordplay. I always love when artists, especially lyricists, can encapsulate an idea with not exactly what they’re talking about. The song’s called “Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk”, it’s not called “Addiction”. Its talking about things that he craved and how that’s representative of other things that he’s gone through. There was a sophistication and elegance to that that I really gravitated towards, that I didn’t possess but wanted to shoot for. So when I saw him, that was a big one for me and he would also continue to influence me later in my life.

“I’ve become friends with Rufus since. I’ve performed with him and we’ve made records together, which is crazy. His songwriting was very complex and punk-rock, but he had this classic cabaret voice, the kind of voice that I don’t have. I was fascinated that there was somebody that could write this really dark material but have such elegance on top of it. He was virtuosic on the piano, which I thought was very cool because musicianship is always the thing that gets me going the most about artists.

“You know what? People say, ‘Don’t meet your heroes.' I completely disagree. Chase the living fuck out of your heroes. I’ve spent a lifetime doing so, it’s made me a better artist, and I’ve sometimes got to meet them and work with them. I’ve worked on music with Alex Greenwald of Phantom Planet. I’ve performed with Hanson. I’ve performed those Disney songs with Alan Menken at The Hollywood Bowl.

"This is all because there are people that I love who I have put on my vision board, and the things that they have done are the things that are bringing me to them. So it is nuts, but at the same time you’re like, ‘Well, what else did you think would happen?’ They did stuff that some part of me connected with, so obviously there’s a magnetic pull towards that person.

“Rufus Wainwright is one of my absolute favourite artists of all time and like I said, me trying to sing like him and failing is a big part of my own journey as an artist.”

“3x5” by John Mayer

“John Mayer’s another guy that came around when I was 15. I heard a song of his on a middle-of-the-night, singer/songwriter college radio show. This is where I used to get music. You would listen to these carefully curated playlists that you wouldn’t be able to hear anywhere else, and the host played “No Such Thing”, a new song by this young kid who had just dropped out of Berklee College of Music - John Mayer.

“I’m listening to this song and I’m like, ‘Not only is this guitar playing really interesting, but the lyrical value and everything that is going on here ticks all the boxes.' It was jazz, but it was pop. And he did something that all these other guys and girls I’ve mentioned did. They made something very unique and very accessible.

“I immediately went out to buy this album, Room For Squares, and I listened to it over and over again. It was an album that was really formative for me. "3x5” is a really beautiful song that employs a lot of chord structures and melodies that blew my fucking mind at the time, and it made me wish that I could write songs like that.

“That album was a huge turning point in the way I played the guitar, because it was the first time in my life where I would look up tabs. Up until this point in my life, if I heard a song I could play it instantly. It was like a party trick, I would get how it worked if I heard it, because most of the songs I would hear on the radio - especially those that involved a guitar - were [centred around] power chords. And now I’m hearing all of these ninth chords and thirteenths, and I’m like, ‘What the fuck is this?’ So I’d have to look up tabs.

“I think any young artist can attest to this - when you try and learn other people’s shit, it’s the best tool for educating yourself. Playing other people’s music really helps you lock in what your own style is. Trying to learn these songs - and sometimes pulling it off and sometimes not - really changed the way that my hands moved around the guitar and considered chords and voicings that I’d never really thought of.

“There’s another tie to musical theatre here, where I remember seeing Audra McDonald, who is a very venerated theatre actor, and she did a cabaret. If you’re familiar with cabaret culture, it’s more about performing the story of the songs – ‘Life is a cabaret’. She did a John Mayer song because she thought it was from a musical theatre show, and I was so tickled by this, because I was like ‘Yeah, if you really think about it, I don’t think he knows this and I don’t think his fan base even thinks about this, but there’s a number of his songs that feel very theatrical in the way that the lyrics play with each other and the way the chords move’.

"When I saw this I thought, ‘That is why I like John Mayer’, because yes, he’s an amazing guitar player, but he’s also a really strong songwriter.”

“Cabaret” by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes

“Also, around this time growing up in San Francisco, as a guitar player playing music with your buddies, the number one thing that you play is punk rock. There are different parts of the spectrum of punk rock, there's the NOFX, Swingin’ Utters, like real punk, punk. And then there’s the pop-punk thing that was happening at the same time, which was also equally influential - blink-182 and Green Day.

“Fat Mike was the frontman of NOFX. I loved NOFX, and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes were a supergroup of different members from different punk bands, of which Fat Mike was one of the main architects. They would cover songs and turn them into punk rock songs. They have an album of hits from the ‘60s, and they also have an album called Me First and the Gimme Gimmes: Are a Drag, and that record is just a tonne of musical theatre covers that are done through punk rock.

“That was completely in line with everything I loved at this time of my life but didn’t really know how to articulate. I loved punk rock but I also really loved musical theatre. Not only the performative element of it, but there was a real musicality to musical theatre that wasn’t as present in some of the other shit that was popular at the time, just harmonically, or where chords would go. There was a sophistication I loved that seemed to not exist in punk rock.

“Then hearing Fat Mike at The Warped Tour going ‘Alright, which one of you Motherfuckers loves Julie Andrews?’ and hearing a mixed bag of reactions, because people were ‘What? I was not expecting that from you, sir?’ And then they start playing “My Favourite Things”, a classic Rodgers and Hammerstein song which is very accessible, but sophisticated nonetheless. And I am just living. I’m like, ‘This has got the attitude and simplicity of punk rock, but the sophistication of a beautiful song.’

“That was the first time in my life where I went, ‘It’s just all music. All these categories and boxes are completely arbitrary.’ So I thought, ‘I can do that.' I was playing power chords in punk bands but I realised that you can take chords and make them into other rhythms and voicings and have the same song. I could take a punk song and make it jazz. I could take a jazz song and make it country. So, quite providentially, I would end up on Glee, where they took popular songs and would sometimes do their own versions.

“By that point, I had been doing this my whole life. The first time this ever became a possibility for me was seeing Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, and that way of thinking about music and genre. I’ve put that into Masquerade, and it’s all born from that moment of ‘Oh my God, nothing has to be one thing. It’s just about how you look at it.'

“Cabaret” is from a pretty famous musical that I would’ve probably heard about later in life, but I first heard that song as a punk song and then I went back and heard the original. It doesn’t matter how these things happen, the inspiration happens and then you can go from there. But Me First and The Gimme Gimmes were a huge gateway drug and I play “Cabaret” now every year at my festival. That’s why the festival is called Elsie Fest, because it covers the song.”

“Modern Nature” by Sondre Lerche

“One of the great joys of being a younger brother is that you get to inherit the music of your elders. My brother and I were both really proactive consumers of music, so we would share stuff with each other all the time. But then he would come home from college, which is like coming home from a music festival essentially, right? He was in a new time zone with new people, so he’d bring home these mix CDs that he’d made from people that he’d heard about, and he brings home this guy named Sondre Lerche.

“Hearing this guy blew my mind, because he also was using jazz chords and drawing on musical theatre. Musical theatre’s a massive category, so I can’t just say that musical theatre sounds like one thing, but when I say this, I’m referring to The American Songbook, the jazz standard songbook. “Modern Nature” was a duet that I would go on to play many times with one of my oldest musical collaborators, Charlene Kaye. When we got to college and we both found out that we loved this guy.

“There was a much more whimsical way to how he wrote these songs. And what’s crazy is that loving this guy meant that we also loved Rufus Wainwright, that we also loved these other artists. But Sondre was the first time I considered that I loved that type of music, but I didn’t know that you could be a singer/songwriter and put out music that sounded like it.

“I don’t know if ‘twee’ is the right word to use, but with “Modern Nature” there was a playfulness about it, and again, a musicality that I really gravitated towards. There is a through line - there was a sophistication that was accessible, and me trying to learn those songs did make me rethink the way that I was writing music. The structures were weird and different and I liked that.

“To this day, I find myself writing songs that I think might be difficult for people to ingest, because they’re a little too left of centre, and I realise that I’m trying to write like Sondre Lerche, or I’m unconsciously just copying him.”

“Everything Happens to Me” by Mr Hudson & The Library

“I was in an H&M in Stockholm when I was 21, and I heard this really cool groove and the lyric was “Why must I always play the clown?” It was sung with a really thick British accent, had an 808 feel on it, and lyrically it had an attitude. Who would say something that sounds so like you’re in a Gilbert & Sullivan musical, but it feels hard? It was cool.

“I went home and looked this up and it was off the record A Tale of Two Cities by Mr Hudson and the Library, which would really, really fuck me up. I bought the album immediately because I loved this song. I had to order it on the internet because I couldn’t find it. It was doing well in England and he was on the festival circuit in the early-mid 2000s, but the first song on the album was a musical theatre cover with 808s.

“It was a pared-down, sort of a hip-hop version of “On The Street Where You Live” from My Fair Lady, and I’m like ‘No fucking way, this guy gets where my head is.’ I’d thought about punk rock musical theatre, but I never thought about 808s and 909s scoring these beautiful songs. I go down the track list and he has “Everything Happens to Me”, which is another very famous standard, and he had this really cool, what we would now call chill-hop, ‘study beats’ version of this song. I was like, ‘This is it. This guy gets that good music is good music and you can reinterpret it to offer it as a new song.’

“I would later become great friends with Mr Hudson. I got to meet him years later when I was with Columbia Records, and they said to me ‘Who do you want to meet?’ He was at the top of my list. I went to London and we’ve been friends ever since and have created all kinds of music together.

“He told me a story where Tyler the Creator went up to him once at Coachella and said, ‘Oh man, “Everything Happens To Me”, that’s like my song.’ We both wondered if Tyler the Creator knew that it was a Chet Baker cover. And we were thinking how cool it is that you can offer these songs to a new audience through a different lens. Tyler’s a smart guy, he’s very cultured, and I’m sure he did know. But it’s more the idea that if someone experienced this song and didn’t know that it was a cover, and this is like the first time they ever get to experience it.

“Mr Hudson would go on to do his own thing with Kanye and was on 808s & Heartbreak and has had his own career. I think “Supernova” was a hit in the UK, it didn’t really cross over here to The States, but before that moment for him, that Mr Hudson and The Library album changed my life. People use that phrase willy-nilly, but this literally was a turning point in my life. It all had to do with the same thing that happened with these other songs, where I saw someone do what I always wanted to do but didn’t really know how to pull off. Where he had this fusing of old songs delivered through a contemporary lens, but also laced it with his own original material that also employed the things that made that old songwriting interesting.

“It’s like changing the font of a great essay but finding the font and figuring out that that font is its own art form. He really displayed that marvellously on this.”

The Masquerade EP is out now

[struwwelzeter]

2, 9, 14, 21, 22!

Thank you, dear 🥰

I have answered 21.

2: Best concert you’ve ever been to

I feel this is the same answer I just gave to 21, but I’ll name two other very amazing ones: Airbourne in Wiesbaden, 2011 or 2010, I’m actually not sure. The energy level was something else. Also, the last gig I saw before Covid was 3TEETH in Frankfurt in early March 2020. Tiny club, midweek, even tinier crowd, but Alexis is scary good at giving like, scary brainwash speeches about it’s ok, you can let go here, fuck your job tomorrow this is more important right now. I will never know if it was on purpose or if the light system was broken, but it was the darkest gig I’ve ever seen, and the closest I came to feeling high without actually taking anything at all (not even alcohol).

9: Dream line-up

Oh gods. Something very eclectic that probably noone else would ever pay money for? I don’t think you could actually coherently form a Line up from my favorites. It would be such a weird mix of like. Everything from Lana del Rey and Billie Eilish to like, scandinavian black metal and progressive rock. Ad some electronica and techno, a few loud and catchy punk bands, a shit ton of deep grooves blues, at least one coutry band, Rammstein and a philharmonic Orchestra. Can we resurrect Leonard Cohen, Charlie Watts and Bon Scott? Oh, and Eminem would be nice. This is a bad business idea tbh.

14: Moshpit, barricade, back, or rafters

Tbh, the only one of that that is a hard no for me personally is the back. I won’t see anything (FOMO), it’s like all the downsides (people) without any of the upsides (people that are really (!!!) engaged with the artists and the music). I’ll pass. Moshpit really depends on my state of mind and my energy level that day, but I do get in there from time to time.

22: Latest concert

That’s actually Rammstein in Düsseldorf this summer. I haven’t done as many as usual sadly, idk. I should go out more.

[allhailthemightyquattro]

Rules: pick a song for each letter of your URL and tag that many people.

Thank you, @fuzzyghosts for the tag. *looks at my long username* Fuck. Oh well, here we go:

A - Ashes to Ashes - David Bowie L - Life on Mars - David Bowie L - Let Her Cry - Hootie & the Blowfish H - Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright (original by Leonard Cohen) A - All Too Well (10 Minute Version) - Taylor Swift I - I Can't Decide - Scissor Sisters L - Light Surrounding You - Evermore T - Two Beds and a Coffee Machine - Savage Garden H - Here Comes the Sun - The Beatles E - Even Angels Fall - Jessica Riddle M - My Immortal - Evanescence I - I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor G - Gives You Hell - The All-American Rejects H - Hero - Enrique Iglesias T - Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden Y - You're On Your Own, Kid - Taylor Swift Q - The Queen - Sammy J & Randy U - Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield A - Affirmation - Savage Garden T - This Is Me - Keala Settle & The Greatest Showman Cast T - Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton R - The Rock - Harry Chapin O - Ordinary Day - Ben Barnes

As much I like playing these kinds of games, I hate tagging people, so I'm just gonna leave it open for anyone who wants to play.

Rules: pick a song for each letter of your URL and tag that many people.

Thank you for tagging me @shouldbestudying41 ❤️❤️

M - Minimum by Muse

A - Arabella by Arctic Monkeys

T - Tomorrow Never Knows by The Beatles

T - Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino by Arctic Monkeys

M - Misery by The Beatles

U - Unintended by Muse

R - R U Mine? by Arctic Monkeys

D - Dragon Attack by Queen

O - One Hit (To The Body) by The Rolling Stones

C - Catapult by Arctic Monkeys

K - Knee Socks by Arctic Monkeys

S - Substitute by The Who

S - Starlight by Muse

T - Time Is Running Out by Muse

A - Achilles Last Stand by Led Zeppelin

R - Resistance by Muse

L - Love is a Laserquest by Arctic Monkeys

I - In Your World by Muse

G - Guiding Light by Muse

H - Hysteria by Muse

T -Taxman by The Beatles

Tagging @chvoswxtch @bellaxgiornata @loveroftoomanyfandoms @she-likesorchids @hellscupboards @amberlynnmurdock @kayhi808 @mattmurdocks6thscaleapartment @taliaxxb @mattmurdockscox @babygrlmurdock and who ever else wants to join!!

[nemo-of-house-hamartia]

TOP 5 ASSASSIN'S CREED CINEMATIC TRAILERS

GOOD EVENING.

I am here to present another "TOP 5" that no one has asked me about, but I shall share it anyway, because I NEED.

Let me tell you, whoever was responsible for choosing the songs to go with the videos was a freaking genius, because dear Gods above, they are AMAZING. The animation is incredible (and a bit deceiving, looking at you Jacob and Shay, acting so badass, and in truth, you are two doofuses) but in my most humble opinion, the songs truly help drive the point home.

ANYWAY.

LEMME PRESENT TO YOU MY TOP 5.

1) ASSASSIN'S CREED ORIGINS

LEONARD COHEN'S VOICE??? THE WHOLE CONFRONTATION BETWEEN BAYEK AND THE ORDER OF TEH ANCIENTS??? AMAZING. I think I have rewatched this cinematic the most among all the cinematics. And I shall rewatch it again lol.

2) ASSASSIN'S CREED UNITY

Imma be real, this one was REALLY CLOSE to be at the first place, it really goes neck and neck with the Origins one, because GOOD GODS! Lorde's voice, THE BAGUETTE BOIS IN ACTION (Ubi, one of your greatest fault was not the glitching game, but the fact that you have baguettebaited us and never delivered. *grumbles*), ARNO BEING ALL BADASS.

YES. I AM GOING TO TAKE A SECOND PORTION OF THAT PLEASE.

3) ASSASSIN'S CREED BROTHERHOOD

The swag my friend. THE SWAG.

THE BOLDNESS. THE COOLNESS.

Dear Gods above, Ezio was EVERYTHING IN THIS CINEMATIC TRAILER.

The epic music that accompanies Ezio while he is about to face Lord Farquaad Cesare Borgia, it truly truly conveys how freaking badass Ezio has become. Seriously amazing. I adore this. And tbh, I squealed when I saw the novices on the roofs, backing their Mentor up. ADORABLE. AND BADASS.

4) ASSASSIN'S CREED III

While not my favourite game in the whole saga, I have to admit that this trailer rocked my whole world the first time I saw it. Connor's voice narrating in the background, so soothing (he seriously has one of the best voice among all the Assassins and a dick of a father, so I can relate.) THAT BADASS RUN, SO SO AMAZING. You see, in this video, we have a similar situation (so to speak) to the one we saw in the AC:Brotherhood's trailer, but I can see a different attitude between Ezio and Connor: Ezio's strut is confident, almost arrogant; Connor's is brave and fearless, AND I WAS LIVING FOR THAT. AMAZING.

5) ASSASSIN'S CREED SYNDICATE

AND OF COURSE.

COULD I LEAVE OUT SYNDICATE??? COULD I??

Of course not!! How could I leave Mr. SIDEBANGS, HE-WHO-STRUTS-LIKE-A-PRO???? I simply couldn´t!!😂😂😂

This is truly an amazing cinematic, the freaking song is TO DIE FOR (I mean, why do you think I have called my own fic with that title??? like yes! fuck yes!), with Mr. Frye jumping around like a cricket? AND JACOB JUST BEING ALL COOL AND GOING "I'll let you take it from here, lads," as if he had been doing this ever since he was a wee lad (but I bet my top hat that he had been DREAMING of doing this ever since he was a wee lad. In your face, Ethan). And that FINAL STRUT AS HE GOT OUT OF THE PUB, JOINED BY HIS ROOKS?

YES. DAMN STRAIGHT.

Only downside of this all was that I would have loved to see Evie too, tbh. that's the only negative point I would give to this video.

HONOURARY MENTION

-ASSASSIN'S CREED REVELATIONS

BADASS DILF EZIO.

ENOUGH SAID.

--Nemo

[keelywolfe]

Drabble: High Praise (BAON)

Summary:  Stretch learns that when you're getting down in the dirt, it makes it that much easier to have a filthy mind.

Tags:  Spicyhoney, Established Relationships, Domestic Fluff

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

~~*~~

Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

"you know, babe, i'm always happy to help out."

"I know and I appreciate your willingness."

"it's no trouble at all."

"As you've said, several times now."

"but. are you sure i'm the best volunteer for this?"

"Stretch," Edge said, and the calm patience in his voice held the slightest fragment of exasperation. "I am perfectly confident in your weeding skills. If you want to help me—"

"i do! i mean, if you want me to."

"—then you are perfectly welcome to help and of course I want you to. Love, it would be a sad day, indeed, if I didn't want you around. I always want you close."

From where he was sitting in the middle of the garden, Stretch couldn't help grinning, even though Edge was sadly out of reach. "oh, yeah, butter that toast, baby."

Edge only arched a browbone at him. “I can either bake or weed, I can’t do both.”

The pile already heaped next to him of forbidden greens that had met their demise stated clearly which direction he was heading in.

“guess getting baked on weed doesn’t count,” Stretch murmured and was summarily ignored.

Eh, that was fine, and Stretch took a moment to mentally buckle down before he dove into his own row of growing veggies. Honestly, the garden wasn’t too weedy, anyway. Edge kept up on it pretty well, hell, Stretch was half-convinced only the bravest of weeds would dare invade this sacred territory. Probably should give them a better burial than a paper lawn clipping bag. Maybe he could get Edge to go for a ceremonial bonfire, complete with a solemn moment of silence for the fallen before they roasted marshmallows.

When he looked at Edge again, he was already halfway down his own row and Stretch gave himself a mental shake and got to work. Weeding went faster when he was focused on it and that was sort of the point. If he helped, that would free Edge up for funner things and if he wanted to play with his honey, then he needed to speed things up. Even if he was a little dubious about the difference between an interloper and a plant that belonged.

It got easier as he went along and soon enough, he’d finished with the section with its label that declared the tiny green fronds as heirloom carrots.

"there!" Stretch sat back on his heels and wiped off his sweaty forehead with his sleeve. "finished the whole row!"

Edge was working on a second row of his own and did not look up as he said, "Good boy."

It was so obvious that he said it absently, not even teasing or putting any real weight on the words. That only made it all the more embarrassing the way those words made a warm pulse start in Stretch’s soul that coyly wound its way straight down to his crotch.

But fuck, the way he said it! Edge always seemed a little dissatisfied with his own voice. It wasn't like his or Papyrus's, that was true, and Edge usually claimed he had a bad singing voice but that was entirely untrue. His pitch was fine, his voice was only unique. Like Leonard Cohen, velvet dragged across concrete and to hear him say that in his beautiful, raspy voice? Hit Stretch in all sorts of lovely, wrong ways.

The heat in Stretch’s pelvis followed a tingling path up his spine to his skull, his mouth filling with soft magic like it was expecting to soon be replaced with the taste of something delicious. Stretch swallowed it away and shoved it to the back burner, 'cause much as he wanted to pounce his honey, they were both sweaty and filthy, neither of which was nearly as much as a turnoff as the fact they were in their front yard with a wide variety of neighbors lurking around, all of them with cell phones at the ready to capture any skeleton shenanigans to liven up the community message board.

Stretch wasn’t gonna give them the satisfaction. Besides, it was Papyrus’s turn to give them some gossip fodder.

Belatedly, he realized Edge stopped weeding and was looking at him suspiciously with narrowed sockets. He dredged up an innocently sunny smile before any of the clockworks in Edge's mind put two and two together and got a sum of dirty, dirty pervert.

His addition might’ve been a little off, but Edge was clearly still working on his calculations as he asked, “Problem?”

“nope!” Stretch shook his head and shuffled quickly over to the next row to hastily start searching for any weedy intruders that dared invade Edge’s prized cucumbers. “not a thing, getting back to work right now, yep, yep, yep.”

That was sort of the working definition of protesting too much, but Edge kindly let it go and went back to his own weeding. With his back to Stretch, there was no way he could see Stretch pausing long enough to take a long, appreciative look at the way the back of Edge’s shirt was riding up, exposing a few precious inches of the gorgeously intricate line of his spine.

Difficult as it was, Stretch tore his gaze back to the plants literally at hand. Time enough later for a math lesson and Stretch was betting by the end of it, he could add up to be a very good boy, indeed.

-finis

[glowcrizzle]

Today is the 1 year AO3 anniversary of Slow Show by @mia-ugly. I am beyond grateful that this experience (and it is an experience) has existed in my life for a year and felt it needed commemorating. 🎂  

I’m not a creator but I made this playlist for me, so I could take the fic with me, have it with my eyes closed, while driving -- you get it. Today seems like an appropriate day to share it. 

It’s a. It’s a lot. Excessive you might even say. Tumblr will only give you the first 100 songs in this, so, Spotify will fulfill you (or overwhelm you). If you hit my username on the playlist, there are separate playlists for each chapter. 

This is also on Apple Music, if that’s your jam, just hit me up and I’ll send you the link. 

🎉 Happy Slow Show Day!! 🎉 

13 pages of track-lists and excerpts below the cut. Godspeed! 💙

Key:

Songs from Mia’s soundtrack

Songs from the Fic

.

--Title--

Slow Show – The National 

_

--Prequel--

Loverman – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds 

Devils – Say Hi 

_

--Chapter 1--

Here I Go Again – Whitesnake 

_

bad guy – Billie Eilish 

-trash a set and shag your husband

_

Something About You (ODESZA Remix) – Hayden James 

-what it would take for Avery Fell to let his guard down

_

A Little Wicked – Valerie Broussard 

-The handkerchief in his hand is now stained purple

_

You Light Me Up In the Dark – The Hounds Below

-His hair catches the light like a halo, making him look more of an angel than ever.

_

Lazarus – David Bowie 

-This could be a problem

_

--Chapter 2--

Unsteady – X Ambassadors

-much easier than talking about the way his heartbeat is still racing

_

Heart of a Dog – The Kills

-Call me darling again.

_

The Twilight Hour - Still Corners

-Looked across the set and thought, Ah fuck me. I’m in love with him.

_

God’s Mistake – Tears for Fears 

-Avery: He’s closed his eyes again, mouth going flat and still.

_

Lounge Act – Nirvana

-Tell her all the terrible things I want to do to her husband

_

Transatlanticism – Death Cab for Cutie

-There’s a strange urgency tonight, though, and Crowley can guess why.

_

Do I Wanna Know? – Arctic Monkeys

-What could it hurt?

_

Clueless – The Marias 

-“Better - yeah. ‘S late.”

_

Motel – Meg Myers

-The hotel room is another disaster

_

--Chapter 3--

Alone in a Room – Asking Alexandria 

-“I’m having a moment here!”

_

Since You’ve Been Around – Rosie Thomas 

-makes Crowley feel like he can breathe again

_

Home Again – The Disco Biscuits 

-It’s starting to feel like home again

_

Every Other Freckle – alt-J

-Perfect. Ridiculous and impossible and perfect.

_

Something For the Longing – The Orchids 

_

As Far As I Can See – Phantogram 

-it’s been a really, really long time

_

Sinister Kid – The Black Keys 

-“Mothering buggering shit-”

_

All These Things That I’ve Done – The Killers

-Crowley fists one of his hands against his forehead, shuts his eyes tightly.

_

--Chapter 4--

I Like Me Better – Lauv

-I liked the outline of your face under the stagelights

_

I Do This for You (ft. Marlene) – Giorgio Moroder

-“Let me see what I can do. About your precious Hamlet.”

_

The Longing – Imelda May 

-Avery POV: “Look at him like - like - you can’t let him see the way you look at him.”

_

Just a Man – Los Lobos

-Avery POV: like he’s being led into battle and not onto a set to do the job he loves

_

World In My Eyes – Depeche Mode 

-wants to make that bastard purr

_

Tired (ft. Gavin James) – Alan Walker

-Let me be a magpie for you

_

Blow My Mind – The Benjamin Gate 

-Avery: “I know you now.”

_

Breathe You in My Dreams – Trixie Whitley

-Crowley’s seen that expression on Avery’s face in his dreams

_

Love Me Like That (ft. Carly Rae Jepsen) – The Knocks

-What have I done to - oh. Oh. Right.

_

Like Real People Do - Hozier

-“Sure, angel, what- whatever.”

_

Clearly – Grace VanderWaal 

-Crowley waits for the rest of the night.

_

Gwendel – PeelsDeen 

-Az sits in the back seat, away from Crowley. Alone.

_

Now I’m In It – HAIM

-Avery POV: It’s a look like an open grave, a look like desire tempered with grief…

_

Flesh for Fantasy – Billy Idol

-Crowley isn’t lonely for the rest of the night

_

--Chapter 5 (Avery POV)--

Smalltown Boy – Rosborough 

-1978, Hartlepool

_

Bright Horses – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

-1986, Newcastle Upon Tyne

_

The Runner – Foals

-1991, Bristol

_

Shock To Your System – Tegan and Sara

-Tracy: “Why d’you let them?”

_

Cracking Codes – Andrew Bird

-“Forever, of course. I’ll never -”

_

Colour me In – Damien Rice

-Their fingers - just touch. Slightly.

_

I’m Not in Love – 10cc

-Less to regret by not ever speaking of it.

_

--Chapter 6--

Electric Current – Lower Dens 

-“I’ll let you know when you find it.”

_

Guess I Miss(ed) You – The Daylights

-Keep talking, keep him here a little while longer.

_

Reflecting Light – Sam Phillips 

-“don’t meet his eyes like that, it looks like it’s a lead-in to a kiss”

_

King of Pain – The Police

-a good reminder of the kind of life he’s got to live

_

I Wanna Get Better – The Bleachers

-and Avery’s gaze is so gentle it hurts a bit

_

Feather – X Ambassadors 

-Avery: “Someone has to”

_

Darker Side - Jonny Lang

-Avery: “Oh - good Lord.”

_

Firestone (Acoustic) – Conrad Sewell 

-“Will you show me?”

_

Velvet Gloves and Spit - Timber Timbre 

-“Anthony - ”

_

Wrong – Depeche Mode

-Avery: “I have to go.”

_

F**k it I love you – Lana Del Rey 

-“Not your fault, angel”

_

--Chapter 7--

Somebody to Love – Queen 

_

Heavenly – Cigarettes After Sex 

-“I fucking still.”

_

Will Do - TV on the Radio

-“You too. I’ll see you there.”

_

Monster – Colours

-No wonder Avery ran off like a thief after a heist

_

Swallow My Pride – Ramones 

-“I feel fucking ill about it.”

_

I Was Wrong - The Oh Hellos

-Avery: “I’m the one who has to apologize, not you.”

_

The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret – Queens of the Stone Age

-Avery: “Please don’t tell anyone”

_

Wait for Me – Kings of Leon

-Avery: “Right now, I’m just - a bit in pieces.”

_

Don’t Stay – X Ambassadors 

-“You can - stay or leave or - whatever you like.”

_

The Moth - Aimee Mann

-Avery’s eyes meet his, and then it’s like a car accident

_

Red Door – Julien Baker 

-“I can - I can wait longer.”

_

Can’t Pretend - Tom Odell

-“I wasn’t apologizing for that. This morning. I won’t.”

_

Come Down to Me – Saving Jane

-Avery: “You were wonderful”

_

Secret Smile – Semisonic

-And if sometimes he catches Az watching him between takes

_

I Want More - KALEO

-Az laces both of their hands together, stares at them.

_

I’m Gonna Do My Thing – Royal Deluxe 

-“So don’t tell me what will hurt me. I know what hurts.”

_

--Chapter 8--

Perfect Day – Lou Reed 

_

Remember to Breathe – Sturgil Simpson

-“You can’t sit in the car all night you absolute nightmare”

_

Wild Love (Acoustic) – James Bay

-The two of them stare at each other and then both look away awkwardly.

_

Seasons – Future Islands

-finally, fucking finally, he’s exactly where he wants to be

_

Closer – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “if you like”

_

I Want All of You – The Verve Pipe 

-“If you think I can survive this without looking at you -”

_

Use Me – Miguel

-whatever he sees in Crowley’s face makes him come to some sort of decision

_

So Much Love – Depeche Mode

-Love, he said love

_

Don’t Be Scared, I Love You – Bill Ryder-Jones

-I know you, Crowley wants to say, but doesn’t.

_

Become My Dream – Silya & The Sailors 

-“Even if - anything, angel.”

_

I Belong In Your Arms – Chairlift

-For nearly two weeks it goes like this.

_

Faster - Matt Nathanson

-“You’re going to fucking kill me, angel -”

_

Come Together (feat. Sivu) – LAUREL

-In case you think they don’t wake up together

_

The High – Kelela

-Az has pulled a stool over to the edge of the tub

_

Just in Time – Valerie June

-Then Az’s hand is on his shoulder, turning him around.

_

I Can’t Take It – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “Don’t rush, just - like this.”

_

Like This – Jake Scott

-Avery murmurs and it takes Crowley back to their first kiss

_

Terrible Love – The National

-Flinches away from him.

_

Help You Out - Emarosa

-And he nods.

_

--Chapter 9--

I Remember You – Ramones

-The first person Crowley loved was a liar.

_

Brighter Skies - Race Banyon

-As if they were cut with a jigsaw, as if they were meant to fit.

_

Not Tonight – Tegan and Sara

-When they reach the edge of the city, his hand slides out of Crowley’s.

_

As Sure as I Am – Crowded House

-So Crowley kisses him.

_

A Promise – Miriam Makeba

-And for awhile, he believed her.

_

Mistaken for Strangers – The National

-They’re only two small words, but they still make Crowley’s teeth ache.

_

Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye – Leonard Cohen

-“Good-“ Swallow, speak, leave.

_

The Fear – Pulp

-Crowley should have been smarter this time. He really should have been.

_

Take Me – Leela James 

-“I’d like you to close your blinds.”

_

Whenever You Want It – Clare Maguire 

-“What do we do now?”

_

At My Weakest – James Arthur 

-“It will be.”

_

Komm zurück - Fotos

-For years and years and years, nothing did.

_

Come on Get Higher – Matt Nathanson

-their feet sliding in the tub

_

Lay Down – Sarah Proctor

-I want to wake up with you.

_

Sort Of - Ingrid Michaelson

-Why is my heart breaking?

_

Fairytale of New York – The Pogues 

-Just pump that shit straight into his veins.

_

What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? – Ella Fitzgerald

-Avery: “What do you think?”

_

We’re Gonna Have A Real Good Time Together – The Velvet Underground

-“You want to grab dinner somewhere?” 

_

Hiding – IAN SWEET

-Crowley stops walking. Looks at Az in the darkness.

_

Romance Dawn – Radkey

-A slice of light cuts through the darkness.

_

Crown of Love – Arcade Fire

-Crowley feels like the world has never been darker, and his heart will never stop beating

_

Devil’s Backbone – The Civil Wars

-He thought he was ready for this conversation, but at the sight of Az’s face, his throat has gotten too tight to speak.

_

Sinners – Lauren Aquilina 

-“If this all goes down in flames, if it all falls apart - we can go off together.”

_

Please Forgive Me (Song of the Crow) – William Fitzsimmons 

-Avery: “It’s over. I’m - I’m so sorry.”

_

Start a War – The National

-He twitches and trips and yet somehow manages to walk away without falling over.

_

Broken – Daley

-And this soft heartache was somehow the sharpest of them all.

_

--Chapter 10 (Avery POV)--

Daily Battles - Thom Yorke & Flea

-He tries to remember these things - but the background is still a chorus of beeping machines. There’s nowhere he can be but here. 

_

Everybody Wants You - Red Hearse

-Go out and surround himself with people much more interesting and available than Avery. Better people, certainly.

_

A Thin Line – Blackchords

-But still - roads not taken, and other fun middle-aged spirals.

_

My Own Soul’s Warning - The Killers

-When was the last time someone asked Avery that? When was the last time he asked himself?

_

Who Am I - NEEDTOBREATHE

-I miss you.  There. It didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would. 

_

Wait for Me - Jack Curley 

-What he wants to say is ‘don’t find someone else. Not yet. You and your black leather and your cut-glass profile: you’re gorgeous and God knows other people want you.’ 

_

Coming & Going – Amaal 

-“Two ships passing in the night,” he says quietly.  Then he takes a swallow of wine, lets it roll down his throat. “If you were here -” 

_

Iron - Woodkid

-Crowley leaves him there, pressed against the wet brick wall.  Crowley leaves him there.  Crowley steps between Avery and a camera, and then leaves him.

_

The Greatest Bastard - Damien Rice

-He can’t be the person that kicks Crowley into the ashes again. He can’t hurt him like this, and Avery’s going to hurt him - he already has. 

_

No Right to Love You – Rhys Lewis

-He deserves someone like - like Daniel. Deserves to be loved in the daylight.

_

If It’s Hurting You - Robbie Williams

-Time is a tricky business when you’re dying slowly; it skips like a flat stone on a quiet lake.

_

Happy For You – Gayle 

-But surely - surely he’s allowed just this much. Just one message, just so Crowley knows that - that he’s happy for him. That Avery is so happy.

_

I See You (ICU) - Phoebe Bridgers

-When Avery sees Crowley on the red carpet, it feels like the sudden remembrance of a lovely dream.

_

Once In My Life - The Decemberists

-Crowley: “I know there’ve been some - hard times. That’s - that is what it is. But for me - it’s been a privilege. A dream. So.” He nods and nods and nods again. “Thank you.”

_

Coming Down - Dum Dum Girls

-Tracy: “But I wasn’t. I was hurting you. This whole time, Az.”  She shakes her head, wiping frantically at tears that won’t stop falling. “He loves you.”

_

I Don’t Know Anything – Little Voice Cast

-He’s afraid of finding out that all this time - he was doing the wrong thing anyway. He’s afraid that Anthony Crowley will never talk to him again.

_

Sweet Sour - Band of Skulls

-"And you're fired"

_

Heart Attack - Devarrow

-The sun is still rising when Avery gets out of the car, closes the door behind him. Though some of the roads have changed, his feet still know the way down to the docks of his youth. He was never a sailor, but the shoreline is familiar as a childhood sweetheart, as a long lost love. 

_

Landslide - Robyn Sherwell

-He’s alone, and he’s nearly fifty years old. He could get on a ship, he could throw himself into the sea. There’s no one holding him back anymore. 

_

All I Can - Sharon van Etten

-And he knows. He knows.

_

--Chapter 11-- 

Salvation - The Strumbellas

- there’s a moment where he swears he sees a young idiot in black standing in the crowd. Red hair gelled up into spikes, black t-shirt full of holes and safety pins. A young man who has no idea how much he’s about to lose.

_

Soldier - Fleurie

-And he’s still fucking here.

_

Easier – Mansionair

-Then he gets the fuck above ground and he calls Beez (oh great, they’re his emotional-support-asshole now. That’s healthy).

_

Deep End – Holly Humberstone  

-“I brought you cheese,” Beez says, and Crowley starts crying.

_

Falling Short – Lapsley

-For the next few days, he lets his stupid body do what it needs to do to keep himself upright.

_

Chariot (Stripped Version) - Gavin DeGraw

-Shit, this was a bad bad idea. 

_

Quiet Light - The National

-There’s a text from Az later that night, and his name on Crowley’s phone makes him feel like jumping off a cliff.

_

All That We Had is Lost - Postiljonen

-He’s not allowed to be in love with that man anymore. Wasn’t ever, really.

_

Heal - Tom Odell

-It makes a rather hysterical laugh well out of his throat. Anthony fucking Crowley. You are still alive. 

_

Let Me Go - HAIM 

-Crowley tries to ignore the soft, injured expression on the other man’s face as he turns away.

_

A Beginning Song - The Decemberists

-“What’s more frightening than having a choice?”

_

The Spark - William Prince

-And he likes to think he would have just burned the world to ashes with the power of his love, would have said fuck everyone, I choose you – but who knows. 

_

Sharp Scratch - The Slow Show

-So stupid, I know, and I’m - sorry, I still love you and I’m tryin’ to stop and I will I just - needed to tell you that. I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. Just miss you.

_

Beautiful & Brutal – Plested

-Crowley moves without thinking. Falls like a stagelight, glass everywhere. He walks forward and is kissing Az before the door has even been pulled shut.

_

Bad Chemistry - Fake Shark

-“I’ve been - thinking about this -” Az says between darts of his tongue against Crowley’s overheated skin.

_

All We Do – Oh Wonder

-“But I - I love you. And I can’t -  hide. It hurts too much.”

_

Broken Strings - James Morrison (ft Nelly Furtado)

-“I wouldn’t survive it. That way it was. I wouldn’t.”

_

Stole the Show – Parson James

-But even on their distant shores, Crowley and Az don’t stop looking at each other. It feels like an ending. Maybe it is one. Not a happy ending, but not a bad one either.

_

Level Up - Vienna Teng

-excerpt from Anthony Crowley: Out of the shadows, under the spotlight

_

The Wire (Alternate Version) – Patrick Droney 

-Avery: “I’m rather in - in love with you.”

_

Sweet Thing - Van Morrison

-“You can stay at my place. If you like.”

_

Falling in Love - Cigarettes After Sex

-“I love you. I’ve missed you, and I love you, and I want you -”

_

Stay - Cat Power

-He watches the slow flicker of awareness in Avery’s blue eyes. The curve of his mouth into a shade of smile that Crowley’s never seen before.

_

Freedom - George Michael

-“To the world.”

_

--Chapter 12--

Banks - NEEDTOBREATHE

-What he wasn’t used to was bringing someone else down with him, and jail would be a bloody blessing compared to seeing Az grey-faced and staring out windows, or that one time Crowley’s pretty sure the man was crying in the bathroom, trying to swallow down the sound so that Crowley didn’t notice (he clenches his hands into fists just thinking about it).

_

Black Mambo - Glass Animals

-“It’ll have to be.” Crowley drops to his knees. “There’s a lot of ground to cover.” 

_

Florets - Grace VanderWaal

-Crowley can let his fingers curl against Az’s palm, can watch him open as a flame, not caring who notices.

_

Sight of the Sun - fun.

-That this longing won’t destroy him, and won’t destroy Az either. It’s not a shovel for burying Crowley alive - it’s a spade for planting things.

_

Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground

-Az drops his hand onto Crowley’s knee (“What is this song? I rather like it.”).

_

Only Everything (Acoustic) – Quinn Lewis

-“It’s nice to have someone make it for you, right? Sometimes,” Crowley says softly, too much love in his throat and in his hands. It’s hard to breathe around it, especially when Avery is looking at him.

_

The Book of Love - The Magnetic Fields

-“You bought a cottage for us.” Crowley is an animal being taught to speak through scraps of meat and electric shocks. “This cottage.”

_

Say You’ll Be Mine – Christopher Cross

-Avery: “But if you wanted -” Fuck, there are tears in Avery’s eyes. “If you want. I’d like to call you my husband. I’d like to say ‘let me ask my husband,’ or ‘I brought my husband with me’ or ‘my husband won a BAFTA’.”

_

Anthem - Leonard Cohen

-Their broken edges match. And somehow, the light still shines through.

_

Precious Love – James Morrison

-When the light catches them both, they shine. And so do you. So do we.

_

Good Man (acoustic) - Josh Ritter

_

_

If you made it this far...wow, hi hello. So, this is ours and my musical exposure is limited, if you’ve got a better song for an excerpt, feel free to shoot it over, more than happy for this to be a living changeable thing. 🤡 

[bradie-valentine]

To Live in a House That is Haunted

By Bradie Valentine

The afternoon sun bakes me through the windshield as I drive towards Leah’s house. She hasn’t answered my texts in a couple of days. Not that unusual for her, even before this silence. And yet I’m still on my way to check on her. We’ve been basically inseparable since we bonded over our family troubles in grade three and this is the longest we haven’t seen each other since then. The quiet from her side of our friendship has gestated long enough.

When I pull up to her house, a wave of unease washes over me. The house looks almost the same as it usually does, but just slightly off. The grass is way too long and I can see a pile of mush near the mailbox, the storms of summer turning her mail into pulp. As I head towards the house, parting the long grass that tickles my legs, I notice the stack of oak she bought a few months ago. The wood is bloated and full of wet rot, another victim of the January showers.

Don’t get me wrong, Leah has always been quiet, reserved. But this is different. Besides the occasional ‘I’m still alive’ text, I’ve barely interacted with her in the past two months. I can’t exactly blame her though. I can understand why she hasn’t been feeling very social. Her husband, Brian, died two months ago; the death of Leah’s voice immediately following.

I was with her that day, the day cops turned up to deliver the news. We were in the lounge room, chatting about Leah’s upcoming carpentry projects when there was a knock at the door. Leah answered it, there was some muffled chatter and then a sorrowful screech, like an animal caught in a trap. I leapt up from the couch just in time to see Leah collapse in on herself. The strong statue of the woman I knew, reduced to a pile of discarded tissues; delicate and tear soaked.

It was a freak accident that killed her Brian. A bump on the head at work. Rushed to the hospital, and he was dead on arrival. We found out later that the knock had popped a massive aneurysm that was nesting between the folds of his brain.

I take a deep breath and rap on the door a couple times but Leah doesn’t answer. I pause for a few seconds, knock, pause again, and knock again. I pull out my phone and text her, a drop of sweat trickles down the back of my neck. The heat and worry working together to slick my skin. I try calling too, but the phone rings out. Usually I wouldn’t bother worrying over Leah, but since Brian, grief has metamorphosed her, leeching both her light and strength. I think I should go, maybe come back later, but then I notice the sound of music. Leonard Cohen’s deep voice emanates from within the house. I try the handle and it’s unlocked, as soon as I open the door I get hit with the foulest stench of my life, even worse than when I used to get paid to wash down animal cages at the local vet. The stench clogs my nostrils and makes my mouth water with pre-vomit saliva.

I call out to Leah and get no response in return. Covering my nose, I start down the hallway, passing picture frames filled with photos of the happy couple. I call out again and I still don’t get a reply. Oh god, I should have come sooner. As I approach the bedroom, I hear a buzzing. I can’t place it for a second, and then I realise, it’s flies, a swarm of flies.

It’s all making sense, her favourite album playing, their wedding anniversary is coming up. The stench of sickly sweet death crowding the hallway. Leah has killed herself and now a horde insects are busy getting comfortable in the rancid warmth of her lifeless corpse.

I brace myself, a few steps and I’ll be able to see the bedroom, the carnage Leah has made of herself. And then I hear a laugh, Leah's laugh. The fear mixes with confusion and I’m so disorientated, I stumble the last couple steps forward and then I see them.

Leah is lying on the bed, holding Brian’s hand. It takes me a second to realise that the swollen form on the bed is indeed Brian. The flies have made their home here a while ago. There is a split in Brian’s belly where the gasses of rot have burst him open. Maggots spill off Brian and wiggle across Leah, like they can’t even tell anymore where the death ends and the living begins.

I turn away and run for the kitchen. My stomach is roiling and lurching. I only make it halfway and end up vomiting on the floor. Bile and this morning's toast exploding from my mouth.

“Hi”

I look at Leah. She’s knobbly and bony where she used to be muscular. There’s a stain down the left side of her night gown. It’s yellowy thickness let’s me know it’s broken down fat that has leached out of Brian and onto her. As if he was trying to offer back some of the bulk that weeks in bed have taken from her.

I’m still gagging when she starts talking.

“I dug him up, after the funeral. I brought a shovel with me.”

“Why?” 

“I was getting ready for the funeral and all I could think about is how he would be so lonely in the ground. You know how much he hated being without me.”

“Leah, this is fucking crazy, you know that right? I love you but holy shit. You need help Leah… you need serious help.”

She just turns away and walks back to the bedroom. 

“Leah, stop! I’m serious.”

She doesn’t listen to me. I follow her down the hallway and watch her climb into bed next to the mass of degrading flesh in a burial suit. 

The liquid of his body has seeped into the mattress and the carpet beneath their bed. No one is ever going to be able to scrub him from the carpet or the floor below. An oily stain has spread up the wall above him, a halo made from his desecration. Brian now has a permanence he never had before. I wonder for a second what will happen to this house after they’re gone. Who would even want it now?

“Go away,” She says.

“Leah please”

She stays silent, just staring at Brian’s empty face.

“This is beyond fucked up, I’m getting you out of here. If… if you don’t come with me, I’ll call the police. They’ll be able to drag you out”

There is another long pause, and I almost think she has forgotten I’m here. She’s so clearly out of it.

“Please… please just let me say goodbye” She finally replies, “I need to say goodbye. I didn’t get to say it last time, please“

She leans in close to the bloat and starts whispering. I feel like I’m watching something I shouldn’t. I head for the front door, for fresh air. As I’m walking through the house, I realise all of the pictures on the wall that used to be of parents and cousins and nieces have been replaced. 

They’re all of Leah with Brian’s body. All taken in the house. In one, Brian is propped up on the couch. Leah is sitting straight, like she’s posing for a portrait. The self timer on her phone capturing a record of her depravity. The photos all vary in poses and states of decomposition. The latest one I find is of them in bed. Brian already shiny and slick, his body bloated and gnarled. Leah has an arm around him and her head on his chest.

The front door is calling to me, fresh air and a reprieve from the incessant vibration of insect life. I reach for the handle when I notice the frame right by the door. The photo is of Leah, Brian and I at their wedding. It was Leah's favourite of the night, the three of us caught in laughter together. I sigh and head for the lounge room instead, climb the couch and slide open the window, pressing my face to the fly screen, breathing deeply the outside air.

The light tap, tap, tap of Leah’s steps announce her presence in the hallway.

“It’s okay now,” she says, “I got to say goodbye. We can put him back and no one has to know. You don’t have to call the police or anything.”

“Leah, you dug up his body, I can’t just pretend like that didn't happen.”

“Please! If anyone finds out, they’ll put me away. I don’t want to be alone. I lost Brian, I can’t lose everyone else as well.”

She’s just standing there in her yellowed nightgown, hands wringing each other. Leah looks so young, so helpless, like she’s in third grade again. Actually, she reminds me more of myself when I was in third grade. Unsure, broken, needing someone to look after me. Leah was the one who took care of me then, she was my person. Now I have to be that for her.

“Alright,” I say, getting up from the couch, “you get the gloves and aprons, I’ll get the rope.”

Standing in the bedroom, decked out in aprons, gloves, and face masks, we stare at the pile of flesh on top of the mattress. Assessing the best course of action, I really stare at Brian. Once a man, a great man at that, he is now somewhere between human and object. Tender and fragile, a bag of rot. Meat, past its use by date. A spoiled egg, one sharp prod and he’ll pop like a runny yolk. We have to be gentle.

Next to the bed, we lay the blue tarp I grabbed from the shed across the floor. Leah climbs up beside Brian, the movement jostles him, shaking the fluid filling his skin, wobbling like an oversized hot water bottle. Bracing myself over the tarp we grab his arms and pull him towards the ground, our fingers sink into his raw sausage meat arms. He slips from our hands a couple inches from the floor, with a wet slap he hits the ground. We rear back, and Leah spews a startled cry. The gash in Brian’s stomach yawns wider and a rush of melted organs spill from his open body; a thick grotesque puff of odour erupting with it. Following closely behind, a swarm of flies and maggots escape his bodily cavity, startled from their reverie.

Shocked still for a moment, we spring to life and scramble out of the room and slam the door shut. Leah slides to the floor, moaning and crying.

“What do we do now?” She asks me.

Dropping to the floor, I gather her gently into my lap. Trying not to think about bits of Brian swill getting all over me, I pat her matted hair.

“We take care of you now, the way you took care of Brian, the way you’ve taken care of me. Whatever that means.”

“Okay,” she says, “okay.”

Once Leah is soundly asleep, I dial triple zero. The operator seems a bit surprised by the situation I describe.

“My friend dug up her husband’s dead body and had been living with it for two months, can you send an ambulance over?”

“Uh, yeah. Right away.”

Once again, Leah and I are startled by a knock at her front door. I’m the one who answers it this time. Leah stands at the end of the hallway, she must look frightening to these strangers. Gaunt and covered in sludge, sticky with the putrid stench of the death that was stewing in that once pristine bedroom. They’re gentle with her, she goes with them willingly. We finally get outside, the freshness of the crisp air disorientating. Leah stops and turns to me.

“I’m sorry for bringing you into this,” she says.

“Anytime,” I say.

We both laugh a little bit.

“Leah?”

“Yes?”

“You’ll be okay. Eventually, things will be better.”

“I know,” She says, “will you be okay, without me around?”

I think it’s a joke. Her, also trying to lighten the mood. I answer her seriously anyway.

“Yes, Leah. I think I will.”

[tragedynatural]

Hey I know you posted it like a month ago but I would love a detailed song-by song reasoning/annotations for your Sam/jake mix. If you have time it would be great to hear your thoughts!

anon i've never jumped so hard at the chance to explain my totally normal thought process in depth before. thank you! yes of course! i will try to be as brief as possible! but probably not!

the first caveat i have to give you is that this mix was based mostly on a concept where cold oak lasts for ~2 weeks. so there's time for complicated relationships and despair to set in and a lot of this won't match the like..two days? it takes in the show. also this tracklist might be different from the post. i was editing.

we must be killers (mikky ekko) - "children of the wild ones" - references demon blood and my loose interpretation of what it might feel like to have these burgeoning powers, and then the "killer" refrain is because imo a key part of boyking4boyking is about how they both Know one of them is going to die, probably by the other's hand. also i'm compelled by similarities i see between jake and sam and both have spent their adult lives (hunting, military) being trained to kill. and i think neither of them want to do that, and in this situation they're forced to consider killing their peers..oof. thinking about jake's face when he has to kill ava, thinking about how sam and jake have been in situations where they've needed to kill someone in order to ensure the safety of someone else (in the logic of spn universe's approach to hunting & military)

like real people do (hozier) - this is abt that sense of knowing i was talking about. in the 2 week cold oak au jake and sam both find out from azazel early on how things are supposed to go. and they spend a week not killing each other! but they don't know each other very well and each fears that the other will snap first. "i will not ask why you were creeping / in some sad way i already know" - a sense of like, scorpion-and-frog anticipation that the other's going to turn on you but wanting to prolong the peace before it happens. also this dynamic is a product of a horrible time for them, they know that they probably won't both make it out - the "kiss like real people do" refrain is about an idle wish of like, what would it have been like if we were normal?

damn these vampires (the mountain goats) - i just like this song i think. this was rlly about the atmosphere, capturing the sense of being changed against your will that jake is reckoning with for the first time and sam is still struggling with. also, you know, there's a little bit of a defiant feel to this song. "scream when captured... let this whole town hear your knuckles crack." at this point they think maybe they can refuse to play along with azazel, and that it might be possible to get out anyway.

our time is short (gang of youths) - look, you know, rn they've been here for a ~week? they're not sure if they're ever making it out. the other kids died in the first couple days so it's just jake and sam and i think they're going through 'last 2 people on earth' feelings at warp speed. this is .... a moment of feeling good b/c they know it won't last very long, and there's a bit of last hurrah energy. "so let's drink the best wine now..before lightning strikes us down" etc.

another place (bastille) - the jake/sam connection is a genuine feeling but it's also very much....a foxhole thing to quote bobby. they like each other genuinely but both are aware this is the result of an extraordinary situation. even if they were both getting out alive...they live completely different lives. this song is about, don't make this more than it is because even though maybe we'd both want it to be, it's not attainable.

heavy in your arms (florence + the machine) - "who is the betrayer? / who's the killer in the crowd?" is absolutely my concept for the 2 week cold oak. sam and jake being plagued by dreams from yellow-eyes, and they don't want to suspect or betray the other but. well. they'll be stuck here forever. this is both of them wondering who'll crack first. also "heavy in your arms" is a little foreshadowing for when jake stabs sam and holds him while he bleeds out. thanks!

as the world caves in (matt maltese) - look. they're going to nuke each other up boys till old satan stands impressed...on their final night alive it's YOUUU that i lie with.... this is last few days of peace before Inevitable Conflict as the tension hits a peak. it's about "i like you and i care for you and i know eventually one of us is going to kill the other but i can't be the person to pick up the knife first. so every night i sleep across the fire from you and hope you fall asleep before i do." and azazel is there.

no one would riot for less (bright eyes) - "everything is eclipsed / by the shape of destiny" - the fact that the lives of the special children have been counting down to this moment! their hopes, dreams, personal morals, affections for others are eclipsed by fate baby! inescapable! the whole "little soldier" section is again about how both of them have been made into weapons to fight for various causes, and now they're being. pitted against each other. "love me now / hell is coming" and "help me out / hell is coming / could you do it now / hell is here" is obviously about them knowing shit is going to go down soon and also this sense of like. just kill me if you're going to. don't prolong the inevitable.

have to explode (the mountain goats) - similar theme here, feeling like you're counting down to the inevitable - "the stage is set / someone's going to do something someone else will regret" sam and jake are pieces in a plan that's been in motion for years and everyone's just waiting for them to buckle down and play the role. "the fuse will have to run out sometime / something here will eventually have to explode" - dean only finds sam once sam's been stabbed and jake has 'won'. if no victor emerges they stay here until one does, and they know that they can't hold out forever.

tusk (fleetwood mac) - i put this on every playlist sorry about me! also it's, okay, jake wakes up in the night to see sam stuck in a nightmare and he knows the demon's visiting both of them. what's it saying to him, he thinks, what's sam going to do? this is about creeping dread, and this sense that the person you're with maybe knows something you don't. that they're planning to betray you, that they already have. and musically the frantic melody and vocalization just ups the tension.

bite the hand (boygenius) - jake's pov. sam is the one who pushes for a truce and holding out for another option out of cold oak, and jake is on board. at first. but as time kicks on he realizes that there's no other option whereas sam is still a little bit in denial. so the "i can't love you how you want me to / i'll bite the hand that feeds me / you want what i can't give to you / who do you think you are / who do you think i am / maybe i'm afraid of you" - is about him doing a heel turn where he realizes like, i can't do this (stay indefinitely here to find a dubiously-real other way out for a guy i just met) and sam can't do it either, and one of us is going to snap, and i'm afraid it'll be sam first.

i bet on losing dogs (mitski) - sam's perspective on ^ - he does know how it's going to end but he can't quite. give up on hoping that it won't. he doesn't kill jake when he has the chance. he must know jake'll kill him if he's not dead or knocked unconscious, but he hopes. that he won't. anyway. and he's wrong. he knows he'll be wrong, i think he can sense that jake is doing a heel turn but also, they're getting played by azazel who's planting seeds of doubt and they're stuck in this depressing place alone, and sam's not sure how much he can trust himself. he's betting on losing dogs.

samson (regina spektor) - "you are my sweetest downfall / i loved you first" - jake's pov on a guy he genuinely likes who he knows he's going to kill. before the fight & the cemetery they cared for each other. "we couldn't bring the columns down / we couldn't destroy a single one" - in the end trying to hold out against azazel does nothing, the gate opens, the apocalypse happens. it's futile. and the story never mentions jake or cold oak again - i think the fact that sam tried to like, help & protect the special kids & then had to watch andy, ava, and lily die, & then jake tried to kill him, & he had to kill jake is like. pretty fucked up. those are the last people like him on this earth man he was 23!

heaven or hell (digital daggers) - vibes! also: "i’ve got the same deep wounds as you / my love can double as a weapon too" - jake and sam's similarities are so key to me. either one of them could have been the person to turn first. i'm anti-trying to make jake into a bad guy for stabbing sam! he wanted to go home! "show me the side no one else sees / turn it back on me" - what's it like for sam to be around other special kids? does he feel more normal or less than he does with dean? thinking about that "it doesn't matter if we believe it only matters that they do" scene- SO interesting! what a cool moment of jake and sam connecting on a level of both being leaders, both knowing what a lose-lose situation looks like, both knowing how to keep the hope alive, and do what has to be done. of course this is also the trait that leads to jake killing sam / sam killing jake. they're the same.

old college try (the mountain goats) - this is specifically like, night before jake stabs sam. he knows he's going to kill sam by now. "i want to say i'm sorry for stuff i haven't done yet / things will shortly get completely out of hand" - jake thinking about this last like, goodbye. and "i will walk down to the end with you / if you will come all the way down with me" - seeing it through till the end, sam has a burgeoning sense of something wrong.

it seemed the better way (leonard cohen)- again i literally just put this one on everything i can. also you know, it's jake thinking about listening to azazel and killing sam. it seemed like the better way then, but now, when azazel's threatened his family and he realizes he can't get out of it, it's too late to go back in time and do it differently. he has to obey azazel + play along. "i better hold my tongue / i better take my place / lift this glass of blood / try to say the grace". yes i know this is about religion i'm not trying to make light of the song i just think. i'm squinting okay.

don't let me be misunderstood (nina simone) - LISTEN! JAKE'S INTENTIONS ARE GOOD. this is like, meeting in the cemetery and sam is alive and they both know what's passed between them and what can never be and where it has to go now, and jake's thinking "just remember that i'm not evil. just remember i have a family that i wanted to come back to like you, don't let where this went eclipse the fact that you cared about me, that you know i'm a good person." it's also me holding a large stick and pointing it at everyone in supernatural so that they remember that he did nothing wrong.

say goodbye (fleetwood mac) - okay bear with me. in my version. of cold oak jake doesn't get killed by sam. he kills azazel and sam and dean let him go. this is a retrospective on the whole thing for both of them. "i let you slip away / there was nothing I could do / that was so long ago, yeah / still I often think of you" and "so don't let it get you down / just a time within a time / just a scheme within a scheme / a little world within a world / yes, a dream, just a dream" are the thesis lyrics for this song. cold oak's done, azazel's nuked, back to the real world now. it's a bitter way to say goodbye to a person you cared about after they killed you/you killed them, even though you both sort of. expected it to go that direction. by this point i was just like IT FEELS RIGHT (adds to playlist).

[curator-on-ao3]

A Little Bit More

Ooh ah, just a little bit Ooh ah, a little bit more Ooh ah, just a little bit You know what I'm I'm looking for -- “Ooh Aah... Just a Little Bit” by Gina G

Recently, the ladies of the @voyager-book-club shared recommendations for fics they felt deserve some extra lovin’ -- by authors outside of book club. But book club is a powerhouse of fic writing and here is a list of fics by book club authors that other book clubbers nominated as excellent pieces of storytelling that deserve “a little bit more” readership, love, attention -- you name it. Please consider reading and giving these fics some lovin’.

Evasive Action (M) by IceCream_Junkie: Katrina Cornwell/Gabriel Lorca; This is a great little fic that focuses on THAT scene in the first season of Disco. You know you liked it, you know you need more of it, you know you want those feels. So read this fic .;) (recommended by @killermanatee)

Quicksilver (G) by Helen8462: Harry Kim/Seven of Nine; K/7 in general deserves more attention than it gets, and this is my favorite K/7 fic. It’s heartbreaking in the way you’d expect from Course: Oblivion, but it one-ups the episode with the ending and gives us a beautiful relationship to root for—and grieve for—that we didn’t get in canon. (recommended by @cnrothtrek)

Across Oceans (M) by BlackVelvet42: Chakotay/Seven of Nine; On the show, the relationship between Seven and Chakotay came seemingly out of nowhere and because of that felt forced. However, in this story BlackVelvet lets it build slowly over time making it so much more believable. It's an enjoyable story even if, like me, you don't ship them. (recommended by @icecream-junkie)

War Torn (T) by Curator: Kathryn Janeway & Miles O’Brien, Kathryn Janeway/Mark Johnson; This fic is such a meaningful story about a mission in the Federation-Cardassian war that connects two pieces of canon (one from TNG and one from VOY) in a way that is brilliant and heartbreaking and ALL THE THINGS. Drop everything and read it, and give it some much-deserved love. Hands down, my favorite fanfic ever. (recommended by @cnrothtrek)

A Patient Man (G) by Helen8462: Kathryn Janeway/Mark Johnson; I love explorations of the beautiful, tragic love between Kathryn and Mark, and this one stands out for following Mark as he faces canceling their wedding and later makes the heart-wrenching decision to move on. Plus Ben Sisko makes a short appearance, which is wonderful. (recommended by @cnrothtrek)

uncharted (E) by killermanatee: Christopher Pike/Kathryn Janeway; It is the ONLY fic with this pairing and dang it I LOVE this pairing!! Also, Killermanatee writes Kathryn Janeway like no other. I love her version and I love how she explores her. To get to read her put my rare pair together was just awesome! (recommended by @ariella884) Also recommended by @allthewians, who says, “This is a lovely Janeway/Pike fic. It was the first time I'd read that paring, and I'm into it,” and by @icecream-junkie, who says, “Time travel shenanigans leading to sexy times. What’s not to like? ;-)”

160 Shades of JetC (Series) (G) by khurst: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway; So to be honest it's been a really long time since I read this entire series, but I remember really enjoying all these small moments from each episode. I want this to get some more love, because maybe she will come back to it and finish ALL the episodes! (recommended by @ariella884)

The Prisons You Inhabit (T) by MiaCooper: Chakotay, B’Elanna Torres, Ayala, Kurt Bendera; Mia is arguably the most popular writer in the Voyager fandom, so I don’t understand how the fuck this fic has such low stats. It’s amazing! She deftly provides us with a look into Chakotay’s harsh experiences in the Maquis, his “angry warrior” moniker, and his thoughts/feelings when he agrees to be Janeway’s XO. It’s a much-needed insight into one of the show’s most short-changed characters. (recommended by @cnrothtrek)

Where There is Love There is Life - Fictober 2019 (G) by arcadia75: Carla Johnson/Mark Johnson, Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Kathryn Janeway & Mark Johnson, Carla Johnson & Kathryn Janeway; These drabbles were my true introduction to the form and they have stayed with me ever since. Each of these eighteen, 100-word explorations of Carla and Mark’s relationship is a gem. Read them all and you’ll feel richer. (recommended by @curator-on-ao3)

Air (G) by cnroth: Marla Gilmore & Joe Carey; Remember the first time you finished Equinox II and you thought, wow, it’s going to be interesting watching this new crew integrate into Voyager? Well, where the show failed you, cnroth has your back with this gorgeous exploration of Marla Gilmore’s strength and fears. Bonus: Joe Carey being awesome (because, hello, he’s Joe Carey). This fic has lived in my heart since the first time I read it, and I think it’s worth a place in yours. (recommended by @curator-on-ao3)

The Sun and the Other Stars (T) by ariella884: Kathryn Janeway/Mark Johnson; This fic offers everything you hoped their relationship was. It's sweet and romantic and knowing that their relationship was doomed makes it also bittersweet. I just adore this moment between them and fully accept it as headcanon. (recommended by @killermanatee) Also recommended by @arcadia75, who says, "I have such a soft spot for Mark and this is just a lovely story of a pre-series moment between Mark and Kathryn."

The Dying of the Light (T) by cnroth: Janeway/Chakotay; Okay. You guys. I will eternally tell everyone who will hold still long enough just what a beautifully heart-breaking piece of art this is. It's based on the TNG episode "The Inner Light" but about 500 times better. At least. This fis is beyond fantastic and it's a fandom crime that it doesn't have more comments and kudos. (recommended by @killermanatee)

Fatal Mistake (T) by muldy: Janeway/Chakotay, Tessa Omond/Chakotay; This is the only reading of Tessa I will ever accept because it's perfect. It's the Timeless fic I've always wanted and that this fandom deserves. How on earth this gem currently stands at 39 kudos and 11 comments is beyond me. It's such a wonderful reading of Tessa and it deserves so much more love. (recommended by @killermanatee)

to falter (M) by Miss_Mil: Janeway/Chakotay; This is a gut-wrenching, but wonderfully poetic addition to Full Circle focused on Chakotay. I love every single word in this fic. Everyone should read it and comment and leave kudos. Even if you haven't read Full Circle, because this fic is just so damn good. (recommended by @killermanatee)

Take This Waltz (M) by BlackVelvet42: Janeway/Chakotay; Part of the 2019 Cohen fest, I hope you know what to expect from this. ;) Because it is certainly dark and painful and a punch to the gut. But it is also incredibly beautiful at the same time. It's such an honest depiction of depression and loss and how it impacts the love you feel. Just a wonderful fic. (recommended by @killermanatee)

Severed Hearts (M) by Devovere: Chakotay & Torres, Chakotay/Torres, Janeway/Chakotay, Torres/Paris; THIS FIC! YOU GUYS! How can it possibly only have 46 kudos???? This is a brilliant piece showing what getting older does to these characters, how their lives have changed them and how they struggle to cope and it's so, so, so beautiful in all its pain. Read it!! (recommended by @killermanatee)

In plain view (E) by Icecream_junkie, Killermanatee: Sylvia Tilly & Number One, Christopher Pike/Christopher Pike, Christopher Pike/Sylvia Tilly/Christopher Pike; A very kinky and very good BDSM AU, that deserves so much more love (recommended by @allhewians)

formal wear (E) by Killermanatee: Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Christopher Pike; Hot dudes in dress uniforms being kinky, I love it (recommended by @allthewians)

For You (E) by Killermanatee: Philip Boyce/Christopher Pike; It's sex with feels, and I couldn't ask for more, everyone should take a read:) (recommended by @allthewians)

Within my reach (I could have touched!) (E) by IceCream_Junkie, Killermanatee: Christopher Pike/Sylvia Tilly; A great Pike/Tilly AU. It's funny and sexy and just amazing. One of my favourites (recommended by @allthewians)

A thing that can ignite (E) by IceCream_Junkie, Killermanatee: Christopher Pike/Sylvia Tilly; Another very sexy Pike/Tilly AU. I love the way the characters are written so much (recommended by @allthewians)

You Make It Easy (E) by TheShorty: Christopher Pike/Sylvia Tilly; Sexy and sweet Pike/Tilly fic (recommended by @allthewians)

Begging Angels for a Sin (E) by TheShorty: Christopher Pike/Sylvia Tilly; I really love the way both Pike and Tilly are written, and I like the sexyness (recommended by @allthewians)

Lighthouse (E) by Wians: Philip Boyce/Christopher Pike; This isn't just any Pike/Boyce fic. It's a DISCO-SPECIFIC Pike/Boyce fic. On top of that it's sweet and sexy and such a perfect add-on to season 2 of Discovery. It is labelled as incomplete, but I promise you won't be left hanging. (recommended by @killermanatee)

Every New Beginning Comes from Some Other Beginning’s End (G) by curator: everyone; This is an amazing sequence of portraits of what you didn't see in Endgame.  Very in-character and very striking. (recommended by @amoderngirl)

Yaala (E) by Prixin47: Janeway/OC; I used to run away from OC pairings, and this is the story that changed my mind about them for good.  Super sexy and fun, with a great Tom and Harry moment as a bonus. (recommended by @amoderngirl)

Red Queen Running (T) by Caladenia: Janeway/Chakotay, Janeway, Seven, B'Elanna; This is a cracking fun adventure that builds off of one of my favorite episodes, "Distant Origin."  Read this to see the Voyager ladies kick some ass! (recommended by @amoderngirl)

The road ahead (T-E) by Killermanatee & Wians: Christopher Pike/Sylvia Tilly; The first story is tagged "It gets worse before it gets better" and it does, but all these stories are so beautifully written that I happily accepted the heartache. If you don't want to read the whole series, at least read the third story "To not lose heart", because it is absolutely amazing. (recommended by @icecream-junkie)

When the West Wind Moves (M) by Devovere: Katrina Cornwell/Gabriel Lorca; I may be biased, because this story was gifted to me, but it hit me right in the feelz – repeatedly. I love how the relationship between Lorca and Cornwell is portrayed here and how much they care for each other. (recommended by @icecream-junkie)

Venom (T) by Helen8462: Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay; A delicious dark snack (recommended by BlackVelvet42)

A Long Journey’s Night (G) by Curator: Kathryn Janeway & Kathryn Janeway; Pick any fic from this writer and prepare yourself for a pleasant, refreshing surprise. (recommended by BlackVelvet42)

Shattering Glass (T) by Devovere: Janeway/Chakotay; This is a brilliant reinterpretation of the first scene in the Full Circle relaunch novel.  So heartbreaking and beautifully written. (recommended by @arcadia75)