#TRANSMISOGYNISTIC RHETORIC IN YOUR “NOT THAT SERIOUS” ���”“JOKES”“”

[bunnyboy-juice]

you guys know butch =/= taking T right? you guys know dyke masculinity is not correlated to being transmasc right? you guys know that even your silly jokes where you flatten butchness to taking T/being transmasc is extremely transmisogynistic right?

[meret118]

It’s my first time. I suggest reading the post above by star-anise to find out more about it. She expresses things more eloquently than I could.

He says this about me, and asks that the post be reblogged.

meret118 and [redacted to protect their privacy] are also homophobic as they derailed the post mentioned in the paragraph above to talk about slur discourse. Again, my post had nothing to do with slur discourse and derailing my post, where I’m addressing the homophobia in this fandom, is homophobic.

Similar to [redacted to protect their privacy] , meret118 displayed transmisogynistic behaviors by watering down the meaning of TERF to include people who think queer is a slur. Again, I don’t care about the discourse. I’m just laying out the facts. When I called them on this, the only sources they had for why it is TERF rhetoric were tumblr posts written by transmisogyny exempt (TME) people. (Note: I am transmisogyny exempt.) Of those TME people were an anti-anti and a user who has been lesbophobic and antisemitic in the past.

Deplatform these people. It’s as simple as that to be honest. Bigots of any stripe do not deserve to have their voices heard.

If you want to read what actually happened:

https://meret118.tumblr.com/post/628089332573650944/transyusuf-meret118-transyusuf

https://meret118.tumblr.com/post/628094662518964224/transyusuf-has-blocked-me-which-is-absolutely-his

I still don’t understand how being pro-queer and anti-terf makes me homophobic. Nor am I sure what “deplatforming” me means. Not reblogging me? Forcing me out of TOG fandom? Off tumblr entirely?

I’ve been in online fandom longer than he’s been alive. Most of you have known me far before The Old Guard movie came out. If you think I’m a bigot then you should unfollow or block me. I wish you well. I’m not spending another moment on this bully.

The whole post is under the cut in case he decides to change or delete it:

The Old Guard fandom has a problem with homophobia.

I’m just going to be blunt about it because there’s no point in beating around the bush about a serious topic and one that seriously impacts my ability to engage with this fandom in a meaningful way.

I’m also going to be very clear: LGBT people calling out homophobia and transphobia, people of color calling out racism, disabled people calling out ableism, so on and so forth isn’t fandom drama. Also, I think it’s important to curate your fandom experience but when your curating includes blocking and silencing people who are speaking out about real problems, you’re being a bigot.

But, I’m a trans gay man and in my short time in this fandom I’ve seen a lot of “progressive” homophobia (and transphobia) go on unchecked to the point where… I don’t feel comfortable in this fandom. Especially not when the people spouting these “progressive” homophobic takes are given a platform/

Fandom is supposed to be enjoyable, I get that, but for me it’s not enjoyable because every time I turn around I see “progressive” homophobia and transphobia, or I’m calling out that “progressive” homophobia and transphobia.

Don’t get me wrong, I block these people but honestly, blocking is a joke when they still come across my dash because people still platform them despite them being publicly bigoted… but in acceptable ways.

Before we get into it, I want to make it clear that reblogging this is okay. I want you to reblog it, which is why I spent so much time writing this, and liking this post doesn’t… do anything so please, reblog this.

I’m tired of seeing homophobia in this fandom.

I’ll get into the specific issues but first I want to “call out” specific users in this fandom who have a platform despite the homophobic behaviors they’ve openly exhibited. I’m not doing this because I want them to be sent hate, I don’t think you should do that. I’m doing this in the hopes that… people, especially my mutuals, will stop platforming them.

Stop giving these homophobic people a voice and making the LGBT people, especially gay/bi men, in this fandom feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

star-anise (fandom side blog: with-my-murder-flute) has publicly stated cishet men do not benefit from privilege more than cis gay men when they do. Cis gay men might be cis but they’re still gay and they still are oppressed under homophobia and as such, cishet men are more privileged and arguing against that is just being homophobic.

While this isn’t the point of this essay, they’re also an anti-anti or the fact that, when I thought about following them, one of the first few posts on their blog was them reblogging another person saying that cishet men and cishet women who do drag are queer. There’s a lot to unpack there.

sixth-light is transmisogynistic and homophobic. They derailed my post to talk about slur discourse when the point of my post… was for people, especially cishets, to stop being homophobic and had absolutely nothing to do with slur discourse. But in talking about slur discourse they were transmisogynistic because they water downed the meaning of TERF to include people who think queer is a slur. I do not care about that discourse but it is transmisogynistic to warp the definition of TERF to mean whatever the fuck you want it to mean.

I don’t know if these users have a platform but oh well, I’m going to include them: meret118 and vashti-lives are also homophobic as they derailed the post mentioned in the paragraph above to talk about slur discourse. Again, my post had nothing to do with slur discourse and derailing my post, where I’m addressing the homophobia in this fandom, is homophobic.

Similar to sixth-light, meret118 displayed transmisogynistic behaviors by watering down the meaning of TERF to include people who think queer is a slur. Again, I don’t care about the discourse. I’m just laying out the facts. When I called them on this, the only sources they had for why it is TERF rhetoric were tumblr posts written by transmisogyny exempt (TME) people. (Note: I am transmisogyny exempt.) Of those TME people were an anti-anti and a user who has been lesbophobic and antisemitic in the past.

Deplatform these people. It’s as simple as that to be honest. Bigots of any stripe do not deserve to have their voices heard.

Anyway… moving onto the homophobic behaviors I’ve seen in this fandom.

I’ve seen the short-lived twink Nicky discourse get… kind of homophobic with the definition of twink. What is a twink? The definition varies depending on who you ask but the definition I like and the one I use is: “a twink as a man with a smooth, youthful, only slightly-muscular, physique.”

In my opinion, I don’t think Nicky is a twink but the reasons I’ve seen people list for why he’s not a twink are… dumb, inaccurate, and at times homophobic. At the core of the twink, bear, otter definitions, they all rely on body type and body hair amount more than age or assumed age from what I’ve seen based on my interactions with other gay/bi men.

That being said, not every gay/bi man calls himself a twink, bear, or otter even if he fits the definition because… it’s kind of a personal identifier, I guess, but also lately I think calling yourself a twink or bear can be uncomfortable because of the way people have warped the definitions.

Personally, I’d call myself a twink because I fit the definition but at the same time, I… do not feel comfortable calling myself a twink because a lot of people have warped the definition to mean something it’s not. (And, according to fandom definitions of “twink”, I’m not a twink when… I literally am.)

Twink isn’t synonymous with small, short, delicate, or any other descriptors such as that nor does it mean a man who looks like a teenager/child. It is literally a word to describe body type and how hairy a man is.

While twinks are also associated with youthfulness/looking young that doesn’t translate to “looks like a teenager/child” and I feel saying that implies really gross, homophobic and pedophilic things about the men who are attracted to twinks. Twinks are also associated with femininity but that doesn’t mean there aren’t masculine twinks or there can’t be masculine twinks.

Also, there absolutely is an issue with predators in the gay/bi male community, along with every other community, but twinks aren’t part of that. A man isn’t inherently predatory or pedophilic because he’s attracted to twinks.

Stepping away from twinks… let’s talk about bears.

Bears are fat and hairy. A bear is generally over thirty years old and they’re quite literally defined by their hair, which they have a lot of, and being fat. (A man who has a bear build but is under thirty is called a “cub” but… I don’t think anyone’s going to yell at a man under thirty for calling himself a bear.)

Yusuf al-Kaysani is not a bear.

Please, stop calling him a bear and also just stop using words you don’t know the definition of. I’m literally begging y’all because if I have to see another person define twink in a homophobic or just plain inaccurate way I will lose my mind (but let’s be honest- I kind of already have which is why I’m writing this).

If you must apply gay/bi male subculture terminology to Yusuf and Nicky’s body types, just call them otters. But also… I’m not so sure Nicky or Yusuf would use subculture terminology, even ignoring the fact that I’m pretty sure these terms came about within the last fifty or so years.

What is an otter? The middle ground between a bear and a twink. Definitions vary but a definition I like is this: “otters can encompass a variety of body types and hairy-ness, but generally otters are lean with more body hair than a twink but less than a bear.”

Moving on from twink/bear discourse, let’s talk about Nicky and Yusuf’s sexuality. If Nicky and Yusuf are bisexual men, they’re not bisexual because “they’ve lived long enough they don’t care” or anything that implies sexuality is a choice or that someone can’t be happy with “only” one gender (and, by extension, one partner) for centuries.

That is homophobic. If Nicky and Yusuf are bisexual men, they’ve always been bisexual. They didn’t decide to be bisexual after a couple centuries because they got “bored” of homosexuality or being attracted to one gender, they didn’t suddenly decide they were attracted to women, etc.

Also implying, or outright stating, someone cannot be happy with “only” one partner for centuries is iffy on its own but especially within the context of Yusuf/Nicky it’s weird, because do you think they’ll get bored of each other at some point? Or, do you think that’s different?

Another issue I’ve noticed, related to their age, is people talking about their sex life. I’ve talked to a friend who told me people think that Nicky and Yusuf have wild, destructive sex due to their immortality. I don’t have a well thought out response to this, but I do ask that… if that’s you then please further examine why you think that’s what their sex life looks like? I can’t comment on the potential racialized aspect of this, but it definitely feels a little homophobic to me.

When it comes to sex, LGBT couples are often written to have more wild, unsafe, dangerous, etc sex compared to cishet couples and it’s weird, it’s homophobic, please think. That’s all I’m asking- just think about why you see these characters have the sex life they do and the sexual positions that they do.

Speaking of sexual positions…

Let’s briefly talk about top/bottom positions and dom/sub dynamics.

I know, I don’t want to talk about it either but y’all have forced my hands so… here I am talking about a subject no one wants me to talk about.

But top/bottom and dom/sub are not interchangeable. You can’t say dom when you mean top and you can’t say sub when you mean bottom because they’re separate terms that mean different things.

I hate top/bottom discourse. I genuinely do because top/bottom discourse and associating those positions with certain characteristics has put me, a real life gay man, in uncomfortable situations because people have used my interests, how I present myself (irl and online), my height/my body type to “determine” my sexual preferences and it’s weird.

Height, body type, interests, clothing, speech, being a twink or bear or otter, or whatever else you can think of has nothing to do with sexual preferences. None of that influences whether a character is a top or bottom or verse.

Top/bottom has to do with whether you are on the receiving end of penetrative sex (bottom) or you’re the one on the giving end of penetrative sex (top). Dom/sub has to do with power dynamics within sex and these dynamics can be applied to cishet couples as well as LGBT couples, though I see these dynamics applied… way more to LGBT couples than cishet couples in fandom.

You can be a dom bottom, sub bottom, dom top, sub top. You can be a twink top, twink bottom, bear top, bear bottom. Or you can just be a top/bottom without power dynamics attached because sex, especially gay sex, doesn’t have to come with dom/sub dynamics involved. I think the fact that a lot of people, especially a lot of cishet people, do try to attach dom/sub dynamics to LGBT couples is… suspicious.

To wrap this up, here’s a really informative post on the fetishization of mlm in fiction (not just fanfiction/fandom) that I encourage everyone to read, especially if you’re not a mlm. About a month ago, I also wrote this post on transphobia in fandom spaces that I encourage people to read (and reblog) if they haven’t already.

Additionally, I currently have commissions open for anyone looking for a sensitivity reader. More information can be found here.

If you found this post informative, please consider donating to my cashapp which is $noahsokolowski or my ko-fi!

Been called out again. Fun times.

[colorisbyshe]

@slowwshoww replied to your post: “I saw someone accuse you of being a terf and saying there were a bunch...”:

i dont understand like i'm not trans or nb but afaik you've only ever been an incredible fount of information and you always work to uplift trans voices like do they know what a terf is? they don't like literally they do not under what a Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist is. terf isn't just a word you throw around for anyone who disagrees with you. steph a lot of stuff you get into wrt the discourse upsets me but this is really Too Much

It's really fucking upsetting to see this term thrown around as if it isn't smeared in blood and poison because I know how much it invalidates the struggle of trans women. It's not a petty insult or a joke or a silencing tactic. TERFs are a legitimate threat that endanger the livelihood of ALL trans people and trans women especially. When you treat it like a game, it makes it that much harder for trans women to be taken seriously, even when it comes to life or death issues.

Call me the fuck out for anything transmisogynistic I do. As a nonbinary person who is not a trans woman, I am fucking sure I have done and said something transmisogynistic. I understand that. But TERFs are a political alignment to exclude trans women (and trans folk in general but lbr) from women’s spaces and LGBT spaces and deny them the resources they need.

It’s not just a random person that pissed you off or maybe said something ignorant. It’s not an LGBT person having an intracommunity discussion about cishet aces with someone who happens to be a trans women and disagreeing with them. It isn’t me calling out people for bad and harmful rhetoric/politics and them happening to be trans. Because trans women are people too, oddly enough. They are human beings and they can be wrong. I’m allowed to disagree with people like WWP or Carmen without that being a statement on how I feel about all trans women.

So, yeah, it fucking sucks to be called a TERF. But more important than my hurt feelings, is the fact that we need to remember that TERF isn’t some he said she said accusation. It’s not a joke. It is not a silencing tactic for someone you don’t like.

TERFs are a serious threat that need to be taken seriously. If you want to support trans women, you can call me on out specific shit I’ve done because I’m sure I have done it. Only use TERF to help trans women, don’t just use it as some fucked up checkmate moment without providing sources or a way for anyone to do better by trans women.

[patrickbaeddman]

btw this wall of text is funny and has jokes so dont be afraid to read it in full♥( like i never read theory posts i just skim cuz they’re usually really boring)

im genuinely asking all you girls lol. i think that theory and stuff is fun but its got a lotta girls caught up in it to where they think all issues are equal. because in theory they are. but this is totally war, like, our numbers are limited. and also we cant afford to make things any easier for people who are invested in killing us.

 like in theory what if we had a utopian capitalist society; trans women would be treated perfect, cis women would be treated perfect, etc, except for that capital would exist lol but im just saying its capitalist because of the epistemological impossibility of describing a post-capitalist society. so cis women would have their uteruses respected and all that stuff (what do cis women care about????? idgi tbh) and trans women would y’know, not be in the absolute shithole. 

so in that situation theory coincides with and applies to society so if a misogynist trend appeared it wouldnt hurt trans women to work with cis women on whatever was an issue with them with that. well the only thing that would hurt would be being seen in public with such unfashionable people. but i digress. 

however in this late capitalist metadata-shaped reality, if we want to really center and support ourselves and our sisters, we have to preform some kind of triage. triage is a practice in medicine and more specifically field, military, and emergency medicine by which doctors quickly determine prognosis (oversimplified: how likely someone is to survive) and more importantly the effect of treatment on said prognosis. and then decide the order to treat injured based on that analysis. so basically they treat the ppl with severed limbs first so they dont bleed out, but the people cut in half last cuz it would be near impossible to save them anyway. you probably already knew all this, like, if you’ve seen apocalypse now or anything but i just really like talking about medical science lmao. humor me. 

so we have to decide where the focus of social and material resources is most important and will do the most good for tw. thats pretty intuitive. i think if i said that to any tw i know shed agree. well tw dont usually agree with my taste in icecream muchtheless politics so maybe not. anyway :p♥

looking at it from a military/conflict analytical perspective, because there’s little difference between physical and emotional conflict and often its helpful to look at them the same, there are a lot of people working on cis womens “rights”. in fact many men also work with cis women on their ~issues~ ; trans guys being especially invested in this cuz its a way to be transmisogynist and gain power 4 free basically. cis women have that shit on lockdown, lemme tell you. they’re bringing their boyfriends and everything. meanwhile our boyfriends or cis girlfriends dont wanna be seen with us. but like i said a bunch already, nobody’s even working for trans womens basic needs (not rights) except ourselves. let me say: every time we go participate in a womens march, in a trans march, we’re getting played hard. 

like hard girls. like major funny business. like serious shenanigans. why? because cis women and trans men use us and our incredible skill, talent, etc, and get us to organize, direct, speak at, etc the march and they get all the benefits. we get none. in fact we usually get sexually assaulted, traumatized, verbally assaulted, et ceteraaaa. like, are you seeing what im seeing? my triage says that thats definitely NOT something i should get within 10 miles of. dont rhetorically defend that, dont go, dont give your labor to ppl who are lookin to simply exploit you and send you home with less that you masked up with. or pussy hatted up. god thats the worst. fashion nightmare. 

everybody has limited resources. it simply doesn’t make sense to spend our resources as tw on stuff which doesnt give back. every time you theoretically defend cis women in even a minuscule way i wonder why?? cuz the problem is you’re not gonna get anything from it! i mean maybe this is too max stirner but not really cuz what i’m saying is that we are small in active numbers, and we dont get any tactical assistance from anyone but our selves, and thus its crucial to focus solely on gaining resources for and preserving our own selves. especially when its not just a waste, its dangerous. the more leeway cis women get from trans women, the more they will exploit that and exploit the trans women in their movements; and use those women to decredit the women outside of their movements. dont be a token! i’m not kidding when i say you won’t get anything out of it.

remember the study that said trans women participating in communities are more depressed than trans women who dont. cis womens movements will suck you dry. okay that sounds kinda hot. they’ll do it in a non-hot way. they will use your brilliance for their own ends and dehumanize your daily life. 

so when you give your energy to them, whether you’re a fulltime h8r like me or you dont really h8 anyone (i bet theres someone you h8 dont lie to yourself, we’ve all got that dark side hatred inside us), its not useful to ever focus on cis women. even if you like them a lot they dont really need your help. unless you’re a hardcore masochist and wanna never focus on yourself and only focus on others, which i get, its kind of a thing with tw, but lemme tell you its the most dangerous goddamn thing when done with cis women. at least if you put the needs of other tw over your own they will prolly help you in return! anyway please become an egoist and put your needs above others. thats not even actually egoism, so dont even worry about karl marx’ ghost coming to haunt you. 

trans women need to use that kind of thinking more than any other kinda people, but we like put ourselves first the least! we are way too selfless. and literally everyone is conspiring to play the fuck out of us so we are sooo vulnerable to being tokens and hurting ourselves by giving energy to communities that just wanna exploit us. it sux!! 

the moral of the story is, please never talk about uteruses and vaginas and reproductive rights and petty acts of misogyny like catcalls ever again lol, cuz the (millions) of cis women who talk about those things have got way more resources to fight those things which are comparatively nothing to what threatens trans women, and they are also 100% invested and complicit in your exploitation and demise! also it makes me sad cuz i want sisters to care about me and focus on me (and themselves) cuz i’m super vain. 

i feel like what politics posts are missing on tumblr is like, honesty! ive become way more honest this year and i dont think it detracts from what im saying to say that posts focusing on trans women and validating us and totally tossing out all the cis bs thats constantly around us make me feel more cared about and more happy. i want people to care about my experiences and listen and share my passionate emotions. im extremely passionate about trans women fucking winning at life. and i know that cis women, men, every non trans woman always tries to stop me and my sisters from winning at every fuckin turn! damn! that sux!! but we have to deal with it, forreal, like, we can and will win by ourselves. nobodys gonna help us, as fucked up as that is, we have to make our own lives and come into our own resources and contacts and happiness and safety. but i know we can. and i know that cis women especially, who are very sneaky and try to pull like 10 fast ones on us a minute, (how do they do that) can be soooo harmful for us. anyway indulge me and just try not really focusing or contributing to cis womens or “transgender” movements et cetera et cetera cuz it’s the way2go. focus on yourself, real life, not theory, (like not theory as a huge major thing in your life its totally fun as a hobby, just dont let it control how you like, relate to people! cuz i see that a lot), your sisters, and winning. dont put your energy towards movements that really, honestly, will never be able to truly see you as human and give you any support or benefit whatsoever. jeez why’d i write this post this is so long wtf i never go on tumblr ok bye girls♥♥♥

dont believe the hype, bitches are the lowkey fbis sis !! ♥♥♥