#THREE separate things that I've written lmao

[fuckedupcleric]

Triggers

I love suffering, don't you? Inspired by this art by @sarathrwizard

---

Donnie stared at the screen with a slack jaw, eyes glued to the You died! message that had popped up. His latest Minecraft build was absolutely destroyed. He could see the remains in the background of the death screen. He'd been almost finished! Just the last few bits of decoration had been left! And now… hours upon hours of work. Gone in an instant.

A long, frustrated groan escaped him and he tossed the controller to the side, prompting Leo to glance up from his phone and take in the words on the screen, as well.

“Wait,” Leo said. “What happened?” 

Donnie pursed his lips. “...Nothing.”

Leo smirked, putting away his phone and leaning closer. “Oooooh it’s embarrassing, isn’t it? Tell me. Tell meeeeeeeee.” 

Ugh. Here we go. “Drop it, Nardo.” 

“Come on, Don-Tron.” The amusement in his tone made Donnie cluck his tongue, and he pointedly ignored his brother. Leo leaned closer, practically draping himself across Donnie’s right side before he was irritably shoved away, only to start repeating “tell me” over and over, poking Donnie in his side with each utterance of the phrase. Donnie reached for his tech bo just to have something to squeeze that wasn’t Leo’s neck and shot him the nastiest look he could manage. It did nothing whatsoever to deter Leo, though, who was still smirking and poking and being an annoying goddamn menace. “Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, t-”

“Oh would you - Kassinove! Fine!” 

Leo sat back, giving Donnie a smile that somehow managed to look both completely innocent and infuriatingly smug at the same time. Donnie sighed and looked at the screen again. You died! still stared back at him. He shook his head, looking anywhere but at Leo, his mouth twisting into a grimace as a noticeable blush crept up his neck. “I was trying to fix the lighting system and… I placed down a block of TNT instead of a block of redstone… and…”

He glanced back at Leo, whose eyes widened. “Wait, so you killed yourself AND blew up your house? With your own TNT?”

“...I forgot it was in my hotbar.”

Leo was still for a moment, and then he burst into hysterical laughter, bending forward and clutching at his stomach. “PFFFFFFFT oh my GOD!”

Donnie just scowled, watching with growing self-consciousness as Leo continued to lose his absolute shit at what was apparently the funniest thing he'd heard all week. He waited for the laughter to die down, but each time he thought it would, Leo suddenly dissolved into renewed giggles once more. 

As the laughter dragged, on and on and on, Donnie found himself getting more and more annoyed. He'd put a lot of time and effort into this stupid build. Leo knew that - he'd been hanging out here a lot over the last two weeks, just chilling while Donnie worked, so he'd actually seen most of the progress in real-time. 

Donnie heaved an enormous sigh as Leo continued laughing, smacking his knee obnoxiously. 

Okay, enough. It wasn’t that funny.

Leo swiped a finger under his eye before wheezing out, “Donnie, that was so dumb of you!”

Donnie bristled, feeling the embarrassment and annoyance spill over. He let out a harsh breath, snarling, “Oh just- wipe that grin off your face!”

A sudden choking sound had ice shooting through Donnie's veins, his irritation instantly disappearing. Leo was still as stone, his expression of mirth replaced by wide-eyed terror. His eyes held a faraway look, and for a long, terrible moment it seemed like he couldn’t quite manage to inhale. 

Donnie felt his brows furrow. He reached out but left his hand hovering in the air between them, hesitant. “Leo?”

Leo didn’t answer, but he did finally start to breathe. Short, rasping breaths stuttered out of him, and he blinked rapidly a few times, clutching at the fabric of his hoodie over his chest. Leo was shaking, Donnie realized, and then Leo let out a high-pitched whine and Donnie started to panic.

“Leo, what’s wrong? How can I help?”

He still didn’t answer. 

Donnie clenched and unclenched his fists uselessly, floundering. Not wanting to make things worse and unsure what he could do to make things better. He didn’t know what was even - didn’t know what had - maybe a scan would tell him? - but when Donnie lowered his goggles, Leo jerked away from him so hard he fell onto the floor. Donnie watched, horrified, as Leo scrambled backward until his shell hit the wall hard, his eyes never leaving Donnie’s face. His entire body was trembling, little, terrified sounds slipping out of him that made Donnie’s chest tighten and his stomach drop, and now Donnie was really fucking panicking. 

He stood and took a step toward Leo, but that made Leo flinch violently again, his hand raising as if to shield himself and his shell making an unpleasant scraping noise as he pressed himself further against the wall. Donnie stayed still. Unsure and panicking and useless useless useless.

An agonized sound clawed out of Leo’s throat. There was a slight shake of his head, his eyes still glued to Donnie, before he started to whimper. “No, no, no. No, I - I escaped from - this isn’t - you’re not real, you’re not-”

A box popped up in the interface of his goggles, pulling Donnie’s focus. NO MEDICAL ANOMALIES IDENTIFIED. PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS CORRELATE WITH EMOTIONAL DISTRESS. PRIMARY CONCLUSION: PANIC ATTACK.

Fuck. Fuck. Okay. 

Donnie swallowed and licked his lips, thinking. Should he call Mikey or Raph? Would more people make it worse? What was he supposed to do? He pushed his goggles back up, still trying to think think think, and Leo’s babbling abruptly cut off. 

For a long moment, both brothers were frozen. Staring at one another. And then something in Leo’s eyes changed and he took in a sudden, shuddering breath before lowering his arm and clutching at his hoodie again with a trembling hand. He swiped his other hand across his face, and when it dropped he was no longer looking at Donnie. He stared at the floor, his face perfectly, completely blank, and the silence was so, so loud. 

Donnie wrung his hands and watched his twin, still afraid to advance. “Leo? Are you-”

“I’m fine,” he said flatly.

That was very much a fucking lie, but before Donnie could say anything Leo pushed himself unsteadily to his feet and stumbled out of the room. Donnie blinked in shock, his mouth hanging open and his brows furrowed. He watched Leo retreat until he disappeared around the corner, then pressed his lips into a thin line.

He should go after him. Right? He should… find out what the fuck just happened. And why. And whether it had happened before. 

Donnie sat down, twisting his fingers in his lap and trying to keep his breaths steady. He needed to go talk to Leo. He needed to go talk to Leo. He needed to go talk to Leo.

Why wasn’t he moving?

…Donnie would go to him. He would. He just… needed to do some research first. He needed to be prepared. In case it happened again. Just some research. Some preparation. And then they would… talk.

(Right?)

[ellewritesalright]

Nine Long Years - Part 3

Nikolai Lantsov x Rietveld!reader, Kaz Brekker x sister!Rietveld!reader (platonic)

Part 2 --- Masterlist --- Part 4

Synopsis: After watching your brothers die, you found yourself working on the Volkvolny. In the many years since then, you somehow became the queen of Ravka while your brother somehow survived firepox and life in the Barrel, rising through its ranks. In disguise during a diplomatic trip with your husband Nikolai, you meet Kaz Brekker for what you think is the first time, only to find out that he is your long-thought-dead little brother.

Author's Note: Hello and welcome to one of the saddest things I've ever written. The next part will be a little lighter I promise. Also the next part will not be the last, this story might go one for another like three or four parts lmao.

Warnings: Death, Lots Of Angst, mentions of vomiting, panic attacks, firepox and illness, mentions of the Hertzoon con.

Word Count: 6,000

..........

FOURTH YEAR

"You're lost, and I'm the one who will pay for it!" 

"I am not lost. We're in the woods of West Ravka," Sturmhond said plainly.

"Oh, really?" You exclaimed, wanting nothing more than to smack him upside the head. "I didn't know that, Captain. And here I thought we were in the Wandering Isle!"

He ignored your sarcasm, forging ahead. You followed like an idiot with nothing better to do. No, only one of you was an idiot, and it wasn't you, the person who'd said to steer clear of those Drüskelle for Tolya and Tamar's sake. Your captain was very much the idiot, and now you were separated from the twins and wandering in what felt like an entirely aimless manner.

You had objected to the trip from the very start. Sturmhond wanted to go to Ravka to expand his communication network--for what reason, you did not know. He seemed to already know everything that happened in the Grand Palace even when he was thousands of miles away; surely there was a line of communication to his family, if that's what he was worried about.

But no, he insisted that he needed informants from all over Ravka, not only Os Alta. So he decided to rope you, Tolya, and Tamar into a little "business trip" as he put it. You didn't want to go, but he made it seem vital that you be there as his trusted second in command. Part of you only agreed because you wanted to see more of Ravka than just its ports; you had a fascination with the country. The interest stemmed from your time with Old Lady Trokowsky and the stories she told of her homeland. She made the vast country sound beautiful with its rivers and mountains and forests and tundra; you had only ever known the field and the city between your youth at your family's farm and the bustle of Ketterdam.

Still–despite your excitement at seeing Ravka–the fact that he dragged you out here only to get you lost and split up from the twins made you want to wring his neck.

"Fucking scoundrel," you muttered to yourself in your native tongue.

"You swear like a sailor," Sturmhond said in Kerch, slipping into the language with the refined lilt of a well-tutored prince. His words made your blood boil, and you sent him a glare. Honestly, it was like he made it his job to irritate you.

"I am a sailor."

He dared to laugh. "An apt assessment."

The two of you traveled until the woods gave way to a field of overgrown grass and miserable-looking crops. You stopped at a barn that looked like it might collapse at any moment as you looked past the field at the main house. It looked just as decrepit as the barn.

"You stay here, I'll check out the house," he said.

"Like hell I'm staying here," you argued, starting off towards the house.

Sturmhond muttered something snippy beneath his breath, and you glared at him over your shoulder. Despite his muttering, he still followed you.

You took the main floor as Sturmhond took the upstairs. There was nothing useful to you inside, but through the front window you spotted a well. You went outside and drank and splashed your face with the water before Sturmhond emerged with some blankets and a few dry matches.

"The place is pretty picked over," he said after taking a turn drinking the water. "But it looked like someone might have been squatting there recently, so I'd rather not run into them if they come back." 

You gave him a sour look which he easily deflected. "You want us to stay in the barn, don't you?"

He made no apology or a sheepish look of any sort, though he really should have. This was all his fault.

You shook your head and went back to the field. The crops were mostly unsalvageable, but once you searched the grass you found some gourds that had managed to survive without care. You cut them from their stems and brought them to the barn where Sturmhond had travelled off to.

He was setting the blankets over two beds of hay. You sighed at the sleeping arrangement. You were so used to your cabin on the Volkvolny now, and you dearly missed your real bed.

"I haven't been camped out like this since my army days," he said. "The nostalgia is almost nice."

The last time you'd slept without a real roof over your head was when you were on the streets of the Barrel, and you had no desire to reminisce on those days. You started building a fire with some scraps of wood Sturmhond must have gathered.

"Do you miss the army?" You asked him this question to keep your mind off the cold cobbles of Ketterdam.

"Sometimes. My family was proud of me then," he confessed. "They liked that their son was fighting for his country, but they liked it even more because I was good at it. My mother would brag to the court about how her son was the youngest Major in the First Army."

He sat beside the fire you started. 

"What about you? Does this barn remind you of your home?"

You pursed your lips. "Our barn wasn't quite as big." 

He nodded, letting the topic lapse as he knew you wouldn't divulge more information.

It was completely silent–save for the crickets–as you ate. The sun slowly set in an orange haze, and you had to admit the view was pretty. But once it was gone the air turned cold, a tell-tale of a long and miserable night.

……….

You shivered awake. The cold was something you hadn't borne since the nights you and your brothers spent on the streets of the Barrel. It leeched through your veins like the freezing northern waters of the True Sea. You were too numb to move your body, and you could only rub your arms to keep warm. Then you heard Sturmhond speak.

"We're going to freeze to death out here," he said, his teeth chattering.

"An apt assessment," you responded.

"I shouldn't have made our beds so far from each other."

"I'm not moving them now. I think my legs are frozen through."

You heard him get up, and in the next moment he was standing beside your bed, his blanket around him. Your eyebrows scrunched together as he nudged you.

You snapped at him, “What?”

“Move over,” he said, nudging you again.

“You’re not sleeping beside me on this shitty little bed.”

“I made that shitty little bed, thank you very much, and it’s either I sleep beside you or we both spend a night in frozen agony on separate beds and get killed on our travels tomorrow because we're too exhausted to think properly." He nudged you once more. “Now, move over.”

With a frown, you rolled onto your side, making space for Sturmhond to lay down beside you. He pulled his blanket over the two of you and huddled closer to you. His hand was shaking as he slowly brought his arm around you. When you didn't elbow him in the ribs he slunk closer to you.

He gave you some warmth as he rested against you, but he was still shivering and it made sleeping beside him more than a little uncomfortable. So with extreme hesitancy, you grabbed his shaky hand in yours and drew it close to your chest. He stilled for a second, but then you felt him chuckle, his arms softening. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding as the cold in your veins ebbed.

“Not so bad, now is it?” He said lowly, his voice close to your ear.

“Shut up, you twat.”

……….

In the morning, neither of you spoke about the night before, though you could tell Sturmhond wanted to. He kept staring at you and then looking away when you caught him.

You woke up with your face in his chest and your hands gripping his shirt for dear life. He was still asleep, and you thanked the saints that you were spared the humiliation of being caught in that position. You slipped away from your bed before he awoke and went to find food. The whole morning was spent dancing around the sleeping arrangements of the prior night.

You had no idea how you'd survive the rest of this unexpected journey.

After you ate, the pair of you packed up your things and took to a road off of the farm. It was a long and lonely walk, but after forty minutes you reached a village.

Sturmhond posted a letter to an address in Novokribirsk, a contact in the network that he had been building before your untimely encounter with Drüskelle. The contact would reach Tolya and Tamar and the four of you would be reunited soon enough, or so Sturmhond assured you. But, for now, you were to lay low in the village. 

There was the issue of where you would stay, but Sturmhond left you in a pub to order food and said he would sort it out. When he returned the first thing he did was grab your hand. You narrowed your eyes at him as he slipped a ring on your finger and pressed his lips to your knuckles. You had half a mind to punch him with your new ring, but you held off because of the people around you. There was no need to attract attention, especially when you were supposed to be laying low.

"Hello, my dear," he said, sitting down. "You should be more excited that I found your misplaced wedding ring, you know."

"I'm over the moon," you told him, rubbing a thumb over the flat gold band. Sturmhond had worn it since the first day you met him, but it fit you surprisingly well for a hand-me-down.

He hummed in response, picking up his knife and fork. You followed suit, suspicious and slightly confused, but too hungry to bother. 

On the walk through the village, he held your hand and explained to you that he told the innkeeper he was spending a few days in town with his wife.

"He seemed the old-fashioned type so I thought he might start asking questions about the two young people sharing a room." He gave your hand a squeeze. "This was easier."

"Alright, but why did you have to kiss my hand in the pub and why insist on holding hands now?" 

He flashed you a smile, his green eyes crinkling a bit. "We'll be stuck here for who knows how long; we have to keep up appearances."

You weren't thrilled about this, but you nodded to yourself. "Fine. What are we to be called?"

"Pytor and Ilse Ivanov. I gave you a Kerch name to explain away your accent."

"And here I thought my Ravkan accent was perfect."

"It's passable at best."

"Now you tell me."

When you arrived at the inn, you learned that Sturmhond was right about the innkeeper. The man had a razor-sharp stare on your hand, eager to spot a ring. Only then did he give you a polite nod. 

When you got to your room you weren't surprised to find a double bed instead of two singles, yet the sight of it still made you frown. You didn't want a repeat of last night in the barn and the embarrassment that came along with it.

"One bed," you commented.

"It's more cost-effective." He took off his drab coat; brown was an odd colour for him. "Plus, I thought you wouldn't mind seeing as we've slept together before."

He phrased it like that just to see you squirm, you were sure of it, but instead of giving him a reaction, you walked into the bathroom where you promptly began muttering swears at him in Kerch; he would still understand them, and you would still be giving him some kind of reaction, but you were too tired to bottle it up completely. 

You were glad to scrub off your travels with a warm bath. While you were at the pub, Sturmhond booked this room and went to a nearby shop to pick out an outfit for the both of you, so you were able to change into something clean, thank the saints. Once finished, you sat in a chair by the window as Sturmhond took your place in the bathroom. You started reading a slim book he also purchased. 

He'd spoken of cost-efficiency, and yet here he was making unnecessary purchases.

When he came out of the bathroom he looked rather put-together. The sight wasn't what you were used to from him. He was usually a rugged scoundrel, but right now he looked almost respectable with his face clean and his hair slicked back from the water. It wasn't a bad change, especially not when the ties at the top of his shirt were open and you could see droplets trailing his chest.

What was it about him with his shirt undone that sought to poison your mind? You ignored the warmth creeping up your neck as best as you could and returned your attention to the book. 

He was your captain–your employer–and you would not get more involved with him than you already were. A freezing night spent in each other's arms was one thing, but actually pining over him was something else entirely. 

And then there was the issue of his feelings toward you. You knew he liked you as more than a captain liked their second--he had practically told you that night in the Ketterdam harbours--but you couldn't encourage his crush. It wouldn't be right to lead him on when you did not intend to be with him.

"What are you doing?" He asked, leaning against the bed post.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"I mean, how are you--a lovely sailor from Kerch--reading a book in Old Ravkan?"

You turned your page. "Because I know Old Ravkan."

He chuckled to himself, laying down on the bed. "Never a real answer with you, is it?" Once he was settled against the pillows he spoke, "Read to me."

"Was that a request or an order?"

"That book is the entirety of our entertainment budget and I'm frightfully bored just sitting here with nothing to do, so read it to me, please."

You rolled your eyes and flipped back to the beginning, reading it aloud this time. He listened peacefully, staring at the ceiling as he laid back. After a while, you peered over and his eyes were shut, so you closed the book and climbed into your side of the bed.

"Why'd you stop?" He asked, definitely not asleep. 

"It's late and that book isn't very long. We have to pace ourselves since we're stuck here until further notice."

"It should only be a few days, a week at the most."

"Still," you said, "it'll be done and we'll be bored out of our minds."

"It's nice being read to." He turned on his side to face you. "It didn't happen much in my childhood; the nanny said I was too impatient to sit still and listen, though I suspect she just didn't want to read through the boring histories that collected dust on the shelf. But besides that, your voice is pleasant to listen to."

"I used to read to one of our neighbours. She was Ravkan."

"And I presume she's the reason you know Old Ravkan," he speculated, a light smile tracing his lips.

"Wouldn't you like to know," you teased.

"That's the thing," he said, his hand reaching for yours. "I'd like to know everything about you."

The sincerity in his eyes had you at a loss, and you pulled your hand away. Facing the wall, you murmured goodnight and turned out your lantern.

……….

You started your second day in the village with arms around you. Sturmhond couldn't keep to himself when he slept, and he was leaning the entirety of his weight into your side as you lay there on your back. Your head was tilted towards him when you opened your eyes, and you could see the top of his head from this position. His red roots were no longer red, a blond colour bleeding into his hair.

It seemed strange to you that his real hair colour was blond, but you supposed it wouldn't not suit him; he seemed like he could sport any look. 

A part of you was interested to see his real face and hair. Though it might pose problems if the people in the village caught on to his changing appearance. Worse still, they could recognize him as prince Nikolai and ransom him or commit some other terrible act. You were stuck in West Ravka, after all, and there was not as much support for the royal family to be found on this side of the fold.

When he woke up he didn't immediately remove himself from you. He slowly looked up at you, meeting your waiting stare.

"I'm surprised you didn't push me away," he said, a smirk encroaching on his features.

"My arm is numb from being trapped by you, how could I ever manage to push you away?" You asked. He still hadn't shifted, but you moved the conversation along anyways. "There's an issue with your hair."

"I've only just woken up," he grumbled. "You should see your hair."

You glared at him. "That's not what I meant, idiot. You're going blond."

That got him up. He hurried to the mirror in the corner of the room and peered at his hair. "Tolya re-tailors my hair and face every week. I'll probably be back to myself by the time we see him again."

"Will people here recognize you if you look like yourself?" you asked, rubbing the feeling back into your arm.

"They might." 

"Then maybe you should stay inside. I can bring you meals and--"

"I can't stay inside," he complained. "I'll go crazy being pent up in here."

"What other choice is there?"

He pursed his lips. "You could get me a hat. And a scarf for my face. Maybe some glasses for when my eyes change."

"We'll be spending too much money."

"How about we stay here one more night so we can hear back from Tolya and Tamar then move on to another village tomorrow?" He sat down beside you on the bed, reaching for your hand again. What was it with him and holding your hand?

"How many nights did you pay the innkeeper for?"

"Two."

You gave him a look. "You knew we would be leaving."

"Preposterous." He waved you off with a smile. "It's nothing but a happy coincidence, my dear."

You stood and went into the bathroom. His antics were getting on your nerves.

He called after you, "I wasn't joking about that hat, though. By tomorrow I'll be blond again."

..........

FIRST YEAR

Sleeping on the streets was less than ideal, but it was the only way you could stay with your brothers.

Working reception at the Exchange barely afforded you lodgings with one bed, and the houses you had looked at were strict with their tenants. Lodging houses were either split in gender, meaning your brothers wouldn't be allowed to join you, or they had a ratio rule of beds to people so renting for three was impossible. You were saving your money for a sufficient room for your family, and the Kruge that would help you do so felt heavy in your pockets.

After the Hertzoon scheme that Jordie talked you into fell through you insisted that you should be the one responsible for what little money the Rietvelds had left. Jordie couldn't argue much, and the money he and Kaz scrounged in odd jobs always went straight to you. 

Tonight as you shivered on a bridge, staring at the Barrel flash and hoping for one moment of rest, you felt particularly run-down. You had to look presentable and clean for your office job, yet it was easier said than done when you were living on the streets. You knew a woman from work who was kind enough to let you get ready at her house every morning, but she was not kind enough to do more than that. She had once offered you a room in her home, but when you asked if your brothers could come with you she shook her head. 

"Not enough space for rambunctious boys," she'd said.

"But they're not like that," you defended. "They behave very well."

"Look, I can take you alone or I can't take you at all."

In the end, you chose to stay with your brothers. They needed you, and you wouldn't leave them. You couldn't.

Kaz was slumped over in your lap, and even Jordie was leaning against your arm. The elder of the two wasn't asleep, but he had lost enough pride that he was no longer too good to cuddle up to his big sister. He would pass into a realm of bad dreams soon enough, though, and it would only be you staring at the gaudy lights.

It was the early morning, and in a few hours you would make your way to the more respectable neighbourhoods and enter through a backdoor so that none of the neighbours saw a Barrel rat coming into your associate's house. You would emerge respectable-looking, walk to the Exchange and scribe letters and brew coffee all day, then you would meet your brothers at the abandoned coffeehouse and try to find a safe place to sleep for the night.

It was the same as it always was, and you left as the sun started rising, shifting Kaz into Jordie's arms. They would try to find work during the day, but you imagined all they would find was trouble. It was the Barrel, after all, and there was no place there for little boys with decent hearts.

When you met up with them the sun was setting. There was the issue of dinner, and you shared something unfulfilling from a street vendor. You took the smallest portion because you always did. They fed you lunch at your work, but you never knew what your brothers might have had during the day. Every morning you left them enough money for one meal shared but it was hard to say what they could have gotten.

Kaz was against your side as soon as he saw you, and he barely separated himself once you were eating your dinner. He sat next to you, packing food into his mouth like a squirrel about to hole up for winter; you had to remind him to slow down. 

Jordie didn't have that issue tonight. He ate with small bites, as though the taste of it was abhorrent. It wasn't particularly bad, and saints knew you all had eaten worse from the street vendors of the Barrel, so you looked your brother over with wary eyes. When you pressed your hand to his forehead and he barely swatted at you, you knew something was amiss. He was burning up, and in the dim light you could see a patch of inflamed skin on his neck.

Firepox.

You had contracted it as an infant and survived, meaning you would be immune to it now, but Kaz and Jordie had never been exposed to the detrimental disease. You tried to contain your panic as you watched Jordie's eyes gloss over.

He was sick, and there was only so much you would be able to do for him. When you were sick with it, your parents had paid an arm and a leg for a Grisha Healer to keep you alive, but it cost them for many years. Now your remaining family was impoverished and without so much as a roof over your heads, and there was no way you would be able to pay for a Healer or university medik. 

You just prayed that Kaz wasn't infected yet, but it was unlikely he would be unscathed. They spent every day together. You let Kaz sleep in his brother's arms, for saint’s sake. There was no way that if Jordie was sick then Kaz wouldn't soon be sick as well.

"I can't finish this," Jordie said, pushing his portion away from himself. "It hurts my throat."

You scooped up his food before your littlest brother could reach for it, mixing it in with yours. Kaz frowned but said nothing as you kept eating.

You couldn't sleep at all that night. Tucked away in a narrow alcove, you kept Kaz on one side and Jordie on the other. He was coughing, a raspy noise that only got worse as the night went on. It was keeping him up, too, even though he needed the sleep if he was to recover. Kaz was safe in your arms, with no symptoms popping up yet but plenty of time for them to make an appearance. 

"It's firepox, isn't it?" Jordie wheezed as a gondel of masked revellers passed. 

"It is," you said, grabbing his hand. "But don't worry, we'll figure something out."

You had no idea what you could do for your brother but your reassurance was enough at that moment, and when you left the boys in the early morning they were both asleep, propped against opposite sides of the alcove.

When you saw them again at the end of the next day, Kaz was sluggish and Jordie was still glossy-eyed. They sat on the ground in front of the coffeehouse, skin burning up. You brought them dinner, but neither of them ate much. For once, you had a full belly, but you felt so sick with worry that you could have emptied it into the canals. 

You slept in the cover of a wall of wooden crates for the rest of the week, and you didn't bother trying to keep your brothers apart. As much as it pained you to think about it, there wasn't much hope for them to survive. You figured if they were going to die they might as well die in familiar arms. You couldn’t give them much, but you could at least give them the comfort of each other.

From then on your family stayed beside the piled-up crates your brothers had named the Nest. You would finish work every day and hurry to them, checking on their worsening conditions before finding dinner and forcing them to eat.

Kaz still attached himself to you like a leech, but his arms were weaker now and when he coughed you could feel his little body shake from head to toe. Jordie had abandoned all his pride and allowed himself the comfort of your arms in his last days. He seemed to know better than Kaz that you wouldn't be able to do anything more for them besides bringing hot chocolate and reciting old bedtime stories. One day you bought a vial of pain relief made by an alkemi, slipped it in their hot chocolates and prayed that it would do something to help them, but it only numbed some of their pain.

The fever did not wane and the cough did not subside. They were still terribly sick, and it was your fault. You hadn't kept them safe like Da had told you to. And now you would lose your brothers in a matter of days, maybe even hours; they were completely pale and clammy, and they both could hardly stay awake.

Every time you approached them after work or when you were bringing them food you had to brace yourself for the fact that they could be dead. And yet, all the preparation in the world couldn’t have made the sight of it any less terrifying.

It was only a week after Jordie had initially fallen ill; you were coming back from the university where you unsuccessfully begged a medik for aid. There was dread in your step, and you had taken to speaking to any saint who might be listening to protect your brothers. Your family wasn’t raised religious, yet you recited every blessing and prayer Old Lady Trokowsky had uttered in front of you. They were made in vain, though, you realized as you finally saw their lifeless bodies. A sob struck you and you fell to your knees, trying to rouse them awake, trying to bring them back to life, but it was no use.

They were dead. 

Though they were limp in your arms, you couldn’t help but hold your brothers. You should have been there when they passed, should have kissed their sweaty foreheads and whispered that it would be alright. But you weren’t there.

You added this to the long list of things you would never forgive yourself for; it would be right at the top. 

You huddled close to them for a long time, breathing in grime and sweat and the residual filth of the Barrel; it was the smell of death.

When the body men came through you had trouble parting with your only family, but after a bit of coaxing, you let go of them. No matter how badly you wanted to look away, to focus on anything besides their limp bodies, you forced yourself to watch them be rolled onto the sickboat. They deserved your attention at that moment, even if it pained you to see them rowed away. 

Then–hours after they were gone and you felt strong enough to move–you wandered up the streets, stopping only to vomit into the canal every so often. It was pitch dark by the time you reached the abandoned fifth harbour, and you were only dry-heaving. You sat there and stared at the boats. Your vision was blurry, your tears had not dried, but that didn’t matter. There was no one to remain strong for, so for the first time in forever, you were allowed to fall apart.

..........

FOURTH YEAR

Trembling awake, you sucked in a halting breath. You could see the dull blue wallpaper on the walls. You weren’t in Ketterdam, you weren't huddled against some crates in the streets of the Barrel; you were in a cheap little inn settled in a small town just outside of Novokribirsk.

A hand met your shoulder, and you turned to see Sturmhond's worried eyes in the dark. Without a second thought, you clambered into his arms, welcoming the comfort of his embrace. He smelled of soap and pine, and you were able to shake the scent of death from your head. You couldn't get the image of them being nudged onto the sickboat out of your mind though. How they rolled along the cobbles at the prodding of the bodymen's hooks.

Another shudder went through you and you squeezed Sturmhond tighter. He was sitting up, so you were practically in his lap, but you couldn't care less at that moment.

As always, you were completely unprepared for the nightmare recount of your brothers' deaths. It happened every so often, and you would normally cry alone and wait until morning for things to get better, but this time someone was willing to help you through it.

He leaned his cheek against your head, whispering to you that it would be okay.

"I'm here," he kept repeating. "I'm here."

He held you as your breathing slowly levelled out and you opened your teary eyes. He rubbed circles into your back and swayed back and forth in gentle motions.

It had been so long since you were held this way. Even when you had a living family it was usually you who was doing the cradling, whether that be Kaz on a stormy night, or Jordie when you were kids and he'd broken his arm. Or when they died, you thought with a near-retch.

You swallowed the bile in your throat and forced yourself not to think of that. Focusing instead on the lull of Sturmhond's heartbeat, you were able to distract yourself. It was more than unprofessional to be in his arms like this, yet you didn’t want to be anywhere else. He felt so warm, and after the bitter chill of your memories, you could do with some of that warmth. 

……….

You didn’t remember falling asleep, but you must have because suddenly it was morning and you were still lying in Sturmhond's arms. He had barely moved, simply settling the two of you down against the pillows. His shirt was soft against your face, and you pinched the fabric between your fingers, tethering yourself to the world around you through the white linen. Despite how small they were, your movements woke him, and his grip tightened around you for a second then relaxed again. He was a light sleeper.

“Good morning,” he murmured, his cheek resting against your head as it had in the night.

You should have slipped out of his arms and asserted that it was wrong to be so close to each other for the sake of your working relationship, but your position on the matter hadn’t changed since last night when you hurriedly sought his arms.

Maybe it was a defect of being away from the ship for too long, but you simply didn't care anymore about your working relationship. It was a crazy notion–a notion that made so little sense to you yet somehow made more sense than breathing. Suddenly it didn't matter if things would become awkward or stilted between the two of you; he was cozy and warm, and for the first time in so long you were completely comfortable.

Sturmhond shifted, moving down the mattress so that he could be at eye level with you. He studied your face like a book, reading every line with careful consideration. You thought you might collapse under the weight of his stare, but you held steady. When he finally spoke his voice was low and calm.

“Can I ask you about last night?” He inquired.

Dropping your eyes, you let out a breath. You knew there was an explanation to be had, but you weren’t sure you could give it. For so long you had hidden your past, and now it was jumping out at you. 

“I only want to help you,” he said, closing a hand around yours. “You were thrashing and kept repeating ‘don't die, don't die.’ If I'm being honest, it scared me. Please, just tell me what’s wrong.”

A heavy breath escaped you and you clamped your eyes shut. He wanted to know why you had woken up in the dead of the night, thrashing and sick to your stomach. He wouldn't have to pry–though you were sure he was too polite to pry anyway--because he deserved an explanation for the circumstance in which you willingly sought his arms.

And so you buried your face in his shoulder as you slowly told him everything. You outlined your move to Ketterdam with your brothers, how you had been swindled out of your money, how they’d gotten sick, and how you were powerless to help them.

It took a while, especially since you began crying halfway through. It came out in stuttered, breathy sobs, and you couldn’t look at him the entire time. His shoulder was wet with tears, and you held tight to his shirt.

"It's not your fault," he said once you had finished.

"Didn't you hear a word I said?" You rubbed your eyes. "It is my fault."

"It was an outbreak of firepox. You were in no way responsible for that."

"But I was supposed to look out for my brothers, Sturmhond." You sat up, slipping from his grip. "I should have kept them away from it!"

"You did everything you could," he insisted, leaning forward and gently setting his hand on your back. "I've read about firepox. It's not easily contained or cured. You did the best you could in a bad situation."

"It wasn't enough."

You slumped back down in resignation and he followed. After a moment you sought his arms again. He sighed and gave up trying to convince you of your innocence in the situation. For now, he just held you as he had for hours and hours. 

……….

A/N: Thanks for reading! Feel free to like, reblog, and comment if you want to read more, I really appreciate the feedback! The next part should be out in like a week. If you want to be tagged please comment on this part or send me an ask. Otherwise, I hope you have a great day/night :)

Part 4

Taglist:

@babyblue-chaos @mischiefmanaged71  @red-ace-in-space @almostjollypizza @gabby10100 @rosexdenis @tayswiftlovebot @cecebridgerton @houseoftwistedspirits @gxdsmonsters @sweet0pia-uw @starrynightsil @ell0ra-br3kk3r @knmendiola @lyria-skyfall @adharanotfound @kato-ptris @unicornfairytail @milkshake0 @inluvkai @wwwlusspace @for-writing-shit @stickyfictioninwriting @4-everm-0-re @reidwritess @fallonaurr @lollulroofl @meg-the-second-greatest  @justsomecreaturewandering @madnessinwrighting @goldenpoison @theghostofshadows @bilesxbilinskixlahey @wolfmoonmusic @nyctophiliiiiaaa @avengers-assemble123456 @catzpawn @angelhxneyy @alinasmcu @itshardtopickaname @pomagranteseeds

[mixelation]

i'm thinking about marking pyre complete and moving the second chapter (which chronicles deidara and tori meeting) to the Kusa Incident fic, or else make it a second stand alone fic. i didn't anticipate liking pyre as much as i do as a standalone fdjflh

the second chapter is a fly-by of what deidara does while living as a feral forest child, and then him finding tori. my plan is to have it immediately dove tail into The Kusa Incident. the thing is, now it will be arranged

Deidara POV section

actual incident (three chapters: Tori POV - Kakashi POV - Tori POV)

fallout (i've written a lot of this already -- it's a mix of Itachi & Kakashi's POVs)

in theory these could all be three separate fics but it turns out i don't like having a million works on my page LMAO. so i could combine them all in one weird fic??? or i could split off the Deidara POV one and the kusa fic will be four chapters. idk idk idk

or maybe i will wait until i finish the chapter and see how well it goes with pyre thematically? bc i want to play with deidara having a massive art block related directly the fallout of pyre. so if it matches pyre well enough maybe i'll WANT it as a second chapter

(deidara's art is fueled by his perception that his life is chaos and destruction without meaning. but having an adult understanding of cause/effect of his own trauma changes this view)

[alto-tenure]

For the latest character ask meme, can I suggest Inspector Cananela from Ghost Trick? :)

ask game

1) three facts about them from my personal headcanons

met Jowd and Alma both separately, but after they started dating

has an extremely light-hearted grudge against Missile for having chewed his scarf once

the most science-y of the named detectives in the game

2) a reason they suck

His style of speech is very difficult to get down. I think I've gotten it now, but every time I write him I start grumbling about having to do it.

3) a reason they are great

I love his sense of honor and his kindness and the fact that ultimately he wants to do what's right, even if he doesn't always succeed.

4) a reason I relate to them

perfectionism babey

5) (what I consider to be) the top tier otp/ot3 for that character

I'm an Alma/Cabanela/Jowd truther forever.

6) five some things that never happened to that character that I believe should've happened

oh this is really hard. I really respect how tightly Ghost Trick is written, and it's hard to pull apart at the structure without things falling apart. most of these are post-timeline reboot, I think.

more references to dynamic with Memry (this would have helped if Memry died, I think, though there really isn't space for that)

I know this is a limitation of only having so much space but it would have been cool if his coat was different in the new timeline due to there being not as much of a need for his perfectionism like there is in the old timeline

honestly sometimes I just think about that one scene where they're all just talking in the Ghost World and then suddenly the Justice Minister pipes up IRL and I still feel really bad for Cabanela here though I know it's a little early for him to be let in on the ghost circle information LMAO

7) five people that character never fell in love with

Lynne. He's probably known Lynne since she was a teenager, with her ambitions, and he would definitely be a creep if he was.

Pigeon Man. Co-conspirators, certainly, but not lovers.

I'm not a huge Yomicabs person. Like I get why people like it and I certainly can't judge people who do on the basis that I've shipped worse but idk. maybe this is also in some part pushback against the idea of shoving Sissel (human) aside too -- even tho we don't know anything about her beyond the fact that she exists doesn't mean we have to exacerbate the worst parts of canon

but, like, that doesn't mean Cabanela can't fall in love with him. it just means that I think it wouldn't be requited.

meh. idk. we'll put Yomiel down for this anyways. uh

Rindge. I don't think anyone ships this but I'm running low on characters and their relationship is purely professional imo.

Memry. I see her as a couple years older than Lynne, and also they wouldn't have met when she was a teenager, but I think he has too much self-respect to fall for someone like a decade and a half younger than him who is also a lesbian

[pedroshotwifey]

20 Questions for Writers 📑

I was tagged by @nerdieforpedro. Ty bb I love you ♥ I feel like some others may have tagged me in this a while ago so I send my thanks to you as well 🥰

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Technically, I only have 32. I would personally count all of my collections and challenges as separate fics, but I'm honestly too lazy to format them that way. (mostly thinking ab wcc here)

2. What is your total AO3 word count?

I have a total of 200,985 words right now. Didn't realize I'd hit the 200,00 mark yet!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I think it's safe to say Pedro Pascal is my fandom. I have no objections to writing for any other characters though---in fact, I've actually featured some Oscar Isaac characters in my fics before. I also have an unpublished Marc Spector fic that's been sitting in my docs for a while 🤭

4. Top Five fics by kudos:

Joel Fucking Miller (ao3 link) has 377 kudos. Dom Joel Miller fucks you over a table in this age gap enemies to....lovers(?) one shot.

Favorite Bounty (ao3 link) has 144 kudos. In this series, you unexpectedly hitch a ride with the Mandalorian and begin to grow close to him until you find out his secret.

Beg for it (ao3 link) has 121 kudos. Subby virgin Din is completely at your mercy in this one shot.

Wifey's Christmas Countdown collection (ao3 link) has 96 kudos. Lots of different characters and plots! Some are fluffy, some angsty, some smutty. Some are all three! Love these and I think some of my best writing can be found here.

Cramped (ao3 link) has 78 kudos. Subby virgin Din sitting in a teeny tiny cockpit with you. What more can I say? (gn! reader)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Always! It may take me a bit sometimes, but I love interacting with people who care enough to leave comments for me!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Already published, I think I'm gonna have to go with Cuts. I personally love this fic and think it's a bit underrated. (dark!husband Jack Daniels x f!reader)

OOO actually I think Alone Always is gonna take the cake here. (Din Djarin x gn!reader)

7. What is the fic you wrote that has the happiest ending?

I honestly have a habit of making most endings happy 😂 I don't feel like digging right now so I'm just gonna say What Matters. (Age gap Joel Miller x f!reader) This is also my most popular one shot on Tumblr with over 1,000 notes.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not too much, but I have gotten some shit for little things on TTF. This rly sucks because I let it get to me too much and I end up getting into a slump.

9. Do you write smut?

Do I write anything else?

jkjk, I love writing it all, but smut is for sure one of my more dominant themes!

10. Craziest Crossover?

Probably One Condition. Ezra (prospect) and Marcus Pike x f!reader. Messy dubcon-ish sex pollen one shot. It's pretty fun and got a lot of good feedback!

11. Have you ever have a fic stolen?

As far as I know, I have not. And I'm really hoping it stays that way! I'm just hoping that since my writing isn't super great, most copycats will stay away 🤣

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Have not, but I wouldn't be opposed. I know my friend (@kewwrites) and I have talked about doing fics and eventually crossing over into each other's before.

14. All time favorite ship?

Me and Pedro, Duh!!

Lmao nah in all seriousness, pls don't hate me, but I'm a little obsessed with Dinluke 😂🫣

And I'll go ahead and take this opportunity to say that my absolute least favorite ship is Dinbo 👎

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

omg I don't know 😭 I have some that are very slow going but I don't want to admit defeat because then it's set in stone 😂 Hopefully everything will be finished at some point!

16. What are your writing strengths?

No idea. I honestly think that sometimes I kind of lock in and am able to write immaculate stories, but most of the time they're just meh. Great at description at these times.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

BURNOUT FUCK YOU BURNOUT FUCKK YOU FUCK YOU VERY MUCH

Currently going through an awful streak of it and I'm stressing out because I finally have time to write and am just not able to 🫠

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Fantastic if used right! I love little terms here and there depending on the ethnicity of the character and their first language since it definitely adds to the authenticity. I do like for the translation to be at the end of the phrase/excerpt though instead of at the end of the fic.

19. First Fandom you wrote in?

PPCU! Loml fr

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

This is so tough because I forget them all 😭 And then I'll read them again a few months later and fall in love and be like "this is the best thing I've ever written", and then forget again. 🫠 I genuinely have no idea.

I would love more than anything right now though if anybody would care to drop their favorite fic of mine in the comments of this post or even in my inbox ♥ I think it would help a lot to hear atm!

NPT: @kewwrites @notjustjavierpena @iamasaddie @strang3lov3 @freelancearsonist @janaispunk @beardedjoel @ghostofaboy

[outpost51]

The 51 Post

Figured I'd start some kind of digest!

Contents:

Things You Might Have Missed

This Week's Jams

WIP Breakdowns

From the Skwad

Around the 'Blr

Things You Might Have Missed:

I've got a taglist form now! Because who doesn't love a good form?

BRHP: Chapter 14 posted; Atria learns the meaning of touch starvation and really, really misses her dad.

WIP Intro: Caught in the Crossfire (18+)

WIP Intro: The Arsonist Chronicles (18+)

WIP Whenever (Open Tag): BRHP chapter 15 snippet; pop pop is having a time time

Crossing Over: the 5th entry into the Lighthouse in the Fog shorts; a new player has entered the fray, and a familiar face reappears.

Vampire Council lore and vampire origins lore

Aria/Omega snippety snip

This Week's Jams:

friends like these || Brassie [spotify/youtube]

Little Girl Gone || CHINCHILLA [spotify/youtube]

EVERGREEN || PVRIS [spotify/youtube]

Eyes on Fire || Gold Souls [spotify/youtube]

WHEN THE PARTY'S OVER || Cami Petyn [spotify/youtube]

Lizard Lady || Laura Doggett [spotify/youtube]

WIP Breakdowns:

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Chapter 15 should be coming out later today, with 16 slated for release sometime late this week or early next week. I'm finally in the chapters that don't require a ton of rewrites; most of what I've been doing is adding content. The whole thing is outlined through chapter 30 though! Since this is my entry for WIP Big Bang, updates will "stop" at chapter 18, since that's what I had published before the rewrites. After that, you'll have to wait for the release date! Which also means I have to wait for the release date for the serotonin, and that's going to be a nightmare.

Unlikely Adventures of Bitchface and Go F*ck Yourself

At this point, it's just a matter of making myself work on it. About a third of chapter 9 is written and the entirety of Act II is outlined.

Blinding Neon, Shades of Grey

nervous laughter

Stellar Parallax

Fuck, I missed this WIP. I missed Jane especially, she's so fun to write -- I'm about a third of the way into chapter 9 and it seems to be flowing pretty well? I just wanna get to the part where she and Saren beat the shit out of each other LMAO

Lighthouse in the Fog

Dunno if y'all saw, but the lighthouse keeper stories have a tag and a tentative title now! It's going to remain as a series of loosely connected shorts, and that may very well be what I end up doing with Xatal as well. Anyway, we have some lore groundwork laid! Look out for the 6th short later today!

In the Works

I still have questions in my inbox that I am absolutely getting to! I've also got a bunch of unanswered tags in my drafts and Notion. Losing a week and a half of planned answer time threw my schedule WAY off. Submission for SSSC #006 is in the planning stage. Hannah and the MILF Squad Get Up To No Good is about 30% written and fully outlined. I have... so many Kryterius prompts left to fill, and so many more spotify wrapped prompts left, send help. Still working on separating out the Daddy Issues smutshots, hoping to finish up the rewrites for the F!Shali one before the end of July. TIPYNTS is most likely going to come out in October, and by then I'm hoping to have a backlog of chapters to make posting more consistent.

From the Skwad:

Door's always open! 18+ writing server for both fanworks and original works! Camp is starting soon! We also have a flash fiction challenge and three bingo cards running until the end of the month!

@teamdilf continues to absolutely baffle me with her productivity here we go: A Cheesy Situation is now complete, ch 16 of Alice's Adventures in Andromeda is live, ch 18 of The In-Laws and the Grandparents is live, A Night in the IKEA dropped which I'm absolutely dying over, and that's not even all of it. holy shit J i don't know how you do it but i'll have whatever you're having thx

@thetrashbagswasteland dropped ch 4 of the Sunseeker rewrite and I'm adsfdafdadsf yes. thank you king

@sparatus is tearing me to fucking pieces with Make Less the Depth of Grief. i hate you (i love you)

@uraniumwriting also obliterated me with their FFF entry.

@wrathbites is back and I'm literally beside myself I missed the Vampire AU so fucking much.

oops @commander-krios got me invested in Star Wars please look at this.

@starknstarwars updated Smuggler's Ruin aaaaaaaaaaaaa

A few of our members participated in Shenko Summer!! @dandenbo wrote Volta and @mrsd-writes wrote both We Got Here the Hard Way and Forever Home!

@regalbois dropped a new original oneshot and has been going bananas over Bioshock lately and gifting us MORE mlm deliciousness, ch 3 of Magnum Opus went live last night.

@inflarescent has a new wippppp aaaaaaa -- intro post for The Roulette Paradox here!

@discoeffect updated Far From Any Road and I am devouring the first book so I can read this one!!

Around the 'Blr:

Have you checked out the Writeblr Directory or Writeblr Cafe yet?

I'm literally still thinking about @captain-kraken's Heitha translator.

@void-botanist dropped some witch lore I'm eating with a spoon.

@tc-doherty ALSO popped off with the conlang.

The dates IRL are lining up with the dates in @elshells's Agent Ace EXCITING also a new chapter is dropping probably by the time I post this lmao

@liv-is dropped this GOLDMINE of relationship writing tips also TIL what Liv does for a living not sorry

@writernopal first of all made me absolutely CRY being sweet in the tags last night and also dropped an aasoaf 3 sneep while i was composing this thank you my friend i needed the energy snack

did y'all see Find the Word XVIII from @artdecosupernova-writing i'm going FERAL

@tabswrites's Silver Sentinels has a second chapter, I am VIBRATING

@oh-no-another-idea just slid in with this little diddy that i LOVE.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Outpost Updates Taglist: @tabswrites @writernopal @freedominique @asher-orion-writes @liv-is @starknstarwars @captain-kraken

Ask to +/- in the tags, replies, DMs, or HERE!

[saltynsassy31]

Regarding that Silvaze post. I, of course, can't speak for anyone else, but I can say why I personally fell in love with Silvaze. It's strange, I swear this is like the third time now I've written a response like this to someone asking why people ship Silver and Blaze. I don't want to spend too much time on this, I often get carried away with stuff like this. Ultimately, it comes down to three points:

1. Dynamic - Goofy cringefail boyfriend x stern emotionally-reserved kickass girlfriend, is a fun dynamic. Not to mention I'm a sucker for 'guy who worships his partner like a goddess' archetypes. Lots of fluff potential. That's the fun part, then there's always the angst.

2. Backstory - It's like a damn Greek tragedy! Two people who, in a dark future, only had each other, no home, friends, or hope, just each other. They grow so close that one decides to sacrifice herself for the other. History is reset, memories are erased. Blaze is reborn as a royal in a paradise dimension. Silver is left to relive his life in the apocalypse, only this time all alone. Separated by time and space, memories erased, their life together never existed. And yet! They manage to meet again! And through a strange feeling of deja vu they remember one another! Through muscle memory alone they act in sync without the need for words. AHHHH Like come on, that's writing gold! And that brings us to the final point:

3. Potiental - I would go so far as to call Silvaze a crackship or rare pair, because content for them can be a drought sometimes. It really comes in waves, rather than a constant stream. And canon seems to like to keep them apart which I suppose is poetic in a way, or if they do meet the writers don't really seem interested in their relationship. I think you can count on your hand the number of times they've actually had conversations with each other. Which is a shame. But what often makes me daydream about them, what made me fall in love them is the potential! What if they rediscovered the memories of their previous life? Would Silver be consumed by shame of letting Blaze go when she sacrificed herself for him? Would Blaze feel guilty about leaving her friend behind in a nightmare world while she got to live in a paradise with all the riches and luxuries she could ever ask for? What if we explore their early years in the 06timeline, how they met? Would they be overprotective of each other? Would Blaze offer to shelter Silver in her kingdom to make sure he doesn't have to return and live in his devastated future? What if we explored the whole time travel thing, how it works, can Silver do it on his own? How would they aid each other in their quests? Silver protecting the Sol Kingdom, Blaze returning to the future in hopes of fixing it. There's literally so much you can do with them, they're so interesting!

But those are just my thoughts. Hope this isn't too long. Bye.

Oh dude, don't even WORRY about that, I love long posts! Despite taking forever to reply to them XD

These are some pretty interesting points but that second point....WHAT THE HELL!?! FR!?!

Wait oh my god, I think that has been the biggest revelation to me I'm stumped huh????? Oh god i really have to look deeper into them now wtf

And they have lacking content? That's so unfair! Ugh man, now I wanna try to contribute, I really love them and finding out more about them has only solidified that 😭😭

It's like I can never win with my ships here lmao, I thought I'd be safe with sonamy, only for sonamy to have less than a thousand (completed) fanfics on ao3 with sonado at almost 3k 😭😭 (nothing against sonadow btw, just surprised sonamy doesn't have more)

But I'll try my best do do Sonamy and Silvaze right! I don't have the talent of writing to do nothing with it!

Thank you so much for this small, in depth explanation, I'm really shocked about their past part, this is pretty interesting shit lmao

[joshbruh10x]

Ok first how long have you shipped Fazcule

second did freddy and Bonnie see Monty at the same time and go " yup he's ours now" or did one fall then the other,

Thirdly did you ever write out or draw out how that kind of relationship affects the game or does it exist separately

And finally ( sorry it's long) I have a dumb, probably not funny doodle comic idea I'd like to draw and it would cross over our characters so I'm asking for permission to draw your characters totally fine if you rather I didn't

Oh my asks about the Fazcule <:0

It's been a while!!!

(warning, very stupid long rant, I didn't realize how long I've written, oh dear god I'm so sorry)

Ok firstly, when I went to Tumblr with the help of @lmaojune (hi bestie if you see this). I was completely blind to the fandom, I used to be in a Pokemon Amino and posted whatever, what're aus? What're fics? Ships? Didn't know em. Then saw all the Monteddy art and was like y'know what? Why not draw them. Then it dawned on me I could basically draw anything I wanted , didn't matter how goofy (yes it took me that long to realize, I was a very serious artist back in Amino). Not long, I saw everyone's Glamrock Fronnie, as a Monty enthusiast I was like NOOOO HE WAS LEFT OUT :( but then I stumbled upon other people's art with Monty and Bonnie, I've read so much fics about them being enemies or fics where Bonnie's the abusive partner of either Monty or Freddy but I didn't see him as how I see him today (the sweet idiot hornball). Then I started drawing Bonnie more but then I saw Izzy (holidayturkeyy who which I will NOT tag I do not need them seeing this rant guys, pls save me the humility) and their idea of a polycule with the three guys, polycule and Fazbear? BOOM FAZCULE (also it's a reason I don't call the ship Gatorbearbun, I think that derived from Twitter? The hellscape land of musk :> /hj), and THE ART WAS TOO SWEET I COULDNT KVMDKDLS then dots aligned and I got hooked. Sorry for the long answer but to cut this short, I've been shipping them ever since I've discovered the ship's exsistance, that being like 2 years ago already (geez time is fast)

Secondly, yeah that was my first impression of the ship, Freddy and Bonnie are ogs and they find this new guy they both really like so they were both like YEAHHHHH we'll just uhhh talk to him. And then they started to become a polycule. Although I did have ideas back then where Bonnie and Monty drag Freddy into their relationship. This is actually canon to the TOH au me and June share.

Third, yes actually! If you go to AO3 and see my Fazcule Drabbles (short Fazcule Oneshots which I have yet to update lcsmdmldnfk), multiple times have I mentioned about the effects of a polycule relationship to their modern lives, I'm about to do the same thing with a new fic series I am about to write (still on break from writing lol)

And lastly HELL TO THE YES I WOULD FRICKIN LOVE THAT And I've mentioned it before, I WOULD LOVE FANART/IF SOMEONE WERE TO USE MY CHARACTERS/IDEAS

I don't see anything wrong with it (unless people yoink my art and claim it as theirs, ya know those kinda stuff)

Sorry for the long rant lmao :p

[jakowskis]

s2 time! i'm not gonna be as thorough with it as i was w s1 bc i'm not a huge fan of season 2 ff but here goes

(this post's gonna be tosh/owen + some fragments talk, then i'm gonna reblog with a day in the death stuff, and then ill make a separate post for adam bc. woo nelly. that one warrants it.)

so lets start with the tosh/owen differences. a lot of their little scenes in s2 are markedly different - mostly as far as body language. there's a surprising amount of physical affection between them.

four separate occasions (eps 3, 4, 8, and 9) where there's physical affection between them in the script that didn't make it into the episode. i find this intriguing. tosh and owen are both very... non-affectionate people. both of them could be, with someone they loved romantically, but they don't strike me as the type of people who like to cuddle with their friends. they're both naturally very aloof and non-touchy, which makes that casual physical touch very ooc. i imagine that's why it didn't end up on screen. i figure the writers here knew the show was meant to push the tosh/owen angle in s2, but it's interesting to me that it ended up being a lot more subtle and... awkward in the show itself. i've already said i'm not a towen fan, for many reasons, but one is that there's just... zero chemistry between them (in s2, anyway). every interaction is forced and uncomfortable. it's weird enough that i was thrown off by it for a long time and couldn't figure out what the show was trying to do with them, lmao. i know that their awkwardness probably appeals to some people, and is cute or smth, but i dislike it personally. mostly i'm just petty the show reduced tosh down to that relationship tbh but whatever.

i can't help but wonder if they had this casual physical affection with each other, and if it fit in and didn't feel ooc for them, if i would like them as a couple more. but honestly i have thought about what the show could've done to make tosh/owen endear me, and i don't think uncharacteristic physical affection would be it. i do like that first scene, the way their communication styles clash a bit and they don't know quite how to talk to each other. i like owen awkwardly trying to comfort her, i love when he does that, how it's like a baby deer walking for the first time fhsdjfkds. im very endeared by the way owen's empathy is either out of nowhere and all-consuming, or something he has to force and is awkward about wielding. whenever he tries to be kind it's very tentative, because it doesn't come natural to him (anymore, at least), but he does care enough to try. i'm so fond of it. also hes sooo nd ehehe. tosh too.

will say this: i do appreciate owen getting hugs. he does need it. tosh needs it too. if the team WAS physically affectionate with each other they'd be better off, i think.

two more tosh/owen things...

see, this is what i mean when i say i couldn't tell what the show was doing with them. the SHOW can't even tell. this whole scene is written very vaguely, with little insight into owen's head, like the damn writer doesn't even know why he finally agreed. this is probably my, like, fourth favorite tosh/owen scene, which isn't saying much, 'cause i still don't really like it. it's cute in like, three spots, but mostly it just feels... weird. i don't understand what burn was intending with his acting choices, because owen comes across as insincere and slightly snide. it's weird and gross, and it rubs me wrong. i don't know if he's trying to be casual and play it cool or something, but the way he laughs at her makes me wanna punch him. the way owen treats tosh is just about the only place i legitimately can't stand him.

one last bit about it. see, 'fondly'. in the actual scene, i would describe the way owen looks at her in this moment as.... amused (at her expense) and slightly condescending. like he thinks she's laughable. it fucking bothers me. which sucks because i wanna like them, i do. i think they could be compatible. but the way he treats her in canon is nauseating and i can't get behind it.

right, and then two fragments moments i wanna discuss

all i really wanna say here is again (as mentioned in my end of days talk), chibnall didn't specify owen crying or anything, but he spends his whole segment of this ep in tears. point is i wanna thank burn gorman for the way owen constantly is teary eyed and miserable, with those big pretty brown doe eyes of his. it means the world to me. thats all

actually it's not all cuz i also wanna point out jack grabbing owen to stop him instead of owen collapsing into tears and sobbing into jacks chest while jack holds him. the dead man walking script similarly didn't specify the physical touch between jack and owen in the three places it appears, so i imagine that was largely something decided by the actors... i'm very compelled by the three separate instances where we see owen attack jack one minute / at one point in the ep and then sob in his arms the next. their relationship is sooo unhealthy fff

[lunar-years]

I don't necessarily want to be too hard on Sudeikis because like, I've never written a tv show, but at the same time I will be because I don't think he had the skill level to lead the 3rd season on his own the way he did, and it shows. I Know the show is called Ted Lasso but it honestly felt like he was too wrapped up in providing himself with moments to shine that he forgot about wrapping up huge plot points for other characters and for some reason decided their time was better spent wasted on weird side plots. If I was a suspicious person, I'd honestly say that it felt like he was sabotaging other actors by either turning them into one dimensional cut outs of themselves with no depth (Roy), dropping huge issues for the character and then completely washing over them, and also forcing a highly emotional moment by a great actor to be a farce (Jamie), or neglecting any actual potential character development and sacrificing a well developed character for a cheap shot at "yas girl boss" (Keeley)

hmm i know a lot of people blame the bad pacing and super long episodes on Bill Lawrence's departure and Jason's lack of show-running knowledge. I'm not saying he didn't make the problem worse in s3, but to be fair I think that was already well underway as a problem in s2 (when i think Lawrence was still involved?), so I don't really blame him alone. The pacing was only tight and great in the first season and then it went downhill from there.

As for the character stuff...I disagree that Sudeikis was only concerned with writing himself moments to shine (and if it’s true he did a terrible job of it lmao), because imo Ted's character is just as much of a sloppily-written mess in s3 as the rest of them (and also I think Ted's plot was less central in s3 than it was in s2 especially). Apart from the scene with Ted and his mom at the end of Mom City and maybe his season finale locker room speech, I can't really think of any scenes that are standout in terms of really emphasizing Jason's acting range/serving as award-fodder.

I also strongly disagree that he was intentionally sabotaging his fellow actors by giving them bad plots LOL. Actually I think it was quite the opposite, in that he was extremely focused on giving each of the others a “highlight reel" episode to present to the Emmys committee. Like, you can look at the season and immediately pick out which episode was written for each emmy submission (Paris is Juno's episode, Chelsea is Brett's episode [still shocked he didn't submit it tbh], International Break is Hannah's episode, etc.) Like, Mom City was clearly written with Phil winning his emmy at the forefront of the writer's room minds, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. heck, that's my favorite episode of the season! (side note that I agree with you that Jason is to blame for THAT jamie boot room scene though because like wow was that bad directing, and the bts video shows he was the one telling Phil to play it like that lmao). But i do think the segmented structure of the episodes probably did contribute to the pacing problems and the lack of cohesiveness in the season as a whole.

(I also don’t think Roy was one-dimensional in s3 🫢. Apart from a few things that didn't quite land for me, I really liked where they took Roy's arc this season on the whole. IMO they gave him more depth by really diving into his insecurities, showing him as a leader with Isaac, learning to be a friend to Jamie, coming into his own as a coach and a person, going to therapy and becoming manager. And his ending was ultimately satisfying for me).

ANYWAY, in my opinion Jason's biggest crime was being so rigidly committed to the three season vision of the show he dreamt up in the beginning, even when the show and plots had gotten too big for that original vision to contain. Season 3 could have been separated into two seasons easily and it would have given them the time they desperately needed to address many of the characters and relationships in a much better and holistic way, as well as dedicate more time to thoughtful endings for all of the main plots. Instead they tried to do way too much with way too little space. And also gave a weird amount of screen time to pointless characters (cough Zava cough Shandy...)

[spiteless-xo]

Haiiii Tiff! Hope you’re having a good start to the holidays! I just wanted to ask how long did it take you to plan TBAW or any of your other fics? I’m currently in my planning phases for this Jean f.f but I don’t know if I’m hitting all my marks? If that makes sense? anyways happy holidays girl! 🫡🎄

hello!! 🥰 happy holidays to you too!

for my posted oneshots, i usually just come up with the idea and then bang out it in one sitting. i'll let them sit for like a week or so, re-read them and made changes, and then posted. so minimal planning for those. i've noticed that if it takes me more than one sitting to write a oneshot, i'll get really in my head about it -- but that's just a me thing so do whatever works for you!!

for tbas, i only had a beginning and ending planned out and then just kinda made it up as i went along lol

i was kinda the same for tbaw, but after i was halfway through the original draft, i realized that the story was way too long and decided to take what i had written so far and add some structure.

since i already knew how i wanted it to end, i split the story into three parts and then tried to plan out each part separately. i would break each part (arc 1, 2, and 3) into 11 chapters and then give myself a rough outline of key things i wanted to happen in each chapter and then i just kinda winged it for the rest 💀 sprinkling in foreshadowing and stuff where i could.

for the fics i'm working on now, i've done something similar to tbaw by splitting the story into 3 and then giving myself the key points that i want in each part. i'm not breaking it out chapter-by-chapter like i did with tbaw, but we'll see if that changes when i actually start writing

for reference lol here's some of the outline that i have for the reiner fic if it helps? there's also a third arc but i've hid it because i don't wanna spoil the whole story lol

i also have little "character bios" for each of the main characters and main details about them and what i envision for their character arc, why the make certain choices, and how the ending shows their growth 💀💀💀 ahhhhh sorry this is so embarrassing to talk about lmao

i keep the outlines vague so i can give myself some creative freedom when i'm writing, but the important thing to me is knowing how the story is going to end so i know what i'm working toward.

i try not to spend too much time working on a plan because things will change as i start writing and as the character take on minds of their own 😳 but as long as i know what the ending is, i can stay focused.

i hope this helps? idk 🙈

[ko11ok]

Just wanna say ty for being some of the chosen Kollok people that carried the hashtag and are still around

hahaha yeah ofc!!

honestly i still need to like. actually finish series 2 (cannot call it kollok because kollok 1991 is always just kollok in my heart) i got maybe three episodes in because personally I wasn't enjoying the direction they went with it. i think it would've been better as an independent series, it just didn't have the heart and soul kollok 1991 had.

okay. i was like. i don't need to go on a rant....but i want to >:)

one of the things I liked about kollok 1991 was how messy it was, it was messy and fun and dark at the same time, there was a lot of cool stuff about it, and it felt like watching someone's beloved homegame with their unhinged dm, where not everything got wrapped up neatly and you never quite knew what was going to happen next.

the second series felt to clean to me, everything was put together, very streamline, very neat. it didn't have the edges or the humor 1991 had that was integral to [of course], my personal enjoyment of it. i feel like the ascended in general felt flat to me as well, like they were trying so hard to get us invested and interested in them that they wrapped back around to myself feeling like i didn't know them at all.

i think they tried really hard to do a little bit of everything, trying to let old fans see the legacy cast and their story, bring in a new audience with the ascended and the new story. it just all felt like? too much? like by catering to everyone and anyone they catered to no one. I remember zac saying that he wanted the second series to be something that anyone who'd never heard of kollok before could pick up and start watching, but to me that was so incredibly flawed. 1991 by its nature is a complex story, even if you created something new in the universe, the deeper lore and characters are still there, especially with how it was written.

my only pet peeve with zac's gaming style is that it's clear he almost always bites off more than he can chew, and when he needs to reconcile what he's bitten off, he almost always just spits it out (retcons) rather than just tries to swallow it (improvise, shift). he has extremely rich backstories and background written, and he likes to drop hints and ideas, but he never reveals any answers that are truly satisfying. (which maybe I missed because i didn't watch the second series). he likes to tease his audience, but never truly satisfy, in my opinion the most satisfying moments almost always came from the players.

imo legacy and the ascended should've been two different shows. they could've had the same format, they even could've existed in the same universe! [BIG BIG, "this is coming from someone who watched only like the first few episodes"], they could've just broken them up into separate shows at separate times. they could've given the old fans a satisfying ending, and given the new fans something to chew on with the ascended.

in my like. dream scenario, legacy's timeline instead takes place in 2002. (i've mentioned how i think a "kollok 2002" would be really cool, another palindrome year, most of the cast would be 11 years older, and in their late twenties/early thirties) they could still have mallory having gone into the black rock, tibby wracked with guilt, and the others sort of far flung. i think they could've pulled the same stuff and gotten a good result!! they could've even kept the timeline!! the ascended would rebel shortly after, the could've even done a series about that, which would've felt very similar, and ended where the show eventually got to, with the disillusioned ascended trying to figure out what the fuck they were going to do

idk! just my ten cents on it. sorry for taking your message and doing a lil rant lmao hope you don't mind

maybe i should do a sweet kollok rewatch in the future soon....like 1991 is pretty long but maybe i could swing it again >:)

[tea-earl-grey]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @isagrimorie (thanks for the tag!)

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

only 9 lmao. you're never gonna guess what my fic writing weakness is.

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

108,636 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Doctor Who (and various related fandoms. though funnily enough i've never posted a new who fic), Star Trek (currently just Star Trek Picard but i have a few Voyager wips too), and a single Steven Universe fic.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

this happiness is hell on earth – Steven Universe fanfic about Pearl and Rose's toxic relationship and Pearl learning to recover after the series

And They Became Monsters (the fall of great men) – Gallifrey/Bernice Summerfield/DWEU fic that's a novel length character study of Irving Braxiatel and started as a way to explain his timeline and then i was carried away by the themes.

The Office – a somewhat silly Gallifrey fic where Romana and Narvin fight over an office following Enemy Lines when Romana takes over the CIA

A Holiday – a fluffy Eighth Doctor audios fic where Eight, Liv, and Helen go on vacation and accidentally run into the Doctor's past...

What is Beautiful – Gallifrey fic where Narvin and Leela explore one of the Axis worlds alone and Leela makes Narvin see the beauty in the world

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try to! a few comments always get lost in the email weeds but i try to make an effort to respond.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh this is hidden lore because i wrote it before i had an ao3 account but i posted a Gallifrey fic called Hope in Times of War in 2015. it was on my old tumblr so i doubt that is survives online but was about Gallifrey succumbing to Rassilon's military dictatorship during the Time War and Romana, Brax, Leela, and Narvin all being separated and i remember Narvin was executed as part of military executions and well... no one else had a great time either. i've learned that i prefer writing bittersweet endings to purely angsty ones.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i don't tend to go for outright happy 'everything's fine' type endings. the closest is probably What is Beautiful because it doesn't have much of a plot other than some musings on Narvin's character growth.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

on the one SU fic i wrote, i got a weird hate comment an hour after posting it and the commenter edited it like three times so it was no longer hate but just... vague disapproval and complaining about... not even my fic but just the standard interpretation of the show. anyways it didn't bother me but i did think it was funny how bothered this person was over the canonical fact that Pearl and Rose had a toxic relationship.

other than that, i don't really write for big enough fandoms or write controversial enough things to attract any hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

none published :) i've written some smut but i've been far too insecure to publish it because 1) i'm very ace and i think it shows in my writing and 2) some people i know irl have my ao3 and i tend to be conscious about how things i post could escape online containment. if i do publish any smut i'll probably publish it anonymously.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

again – none published. i have a few Gallifrey fusions i've sketched out before and one Gallifrey/Voyager crossover that i wrote a few pages of over the summer.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope but i would welcome it!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! i think my writing habits are far too erratic to be a good co-writer but i love sending ideas back and forth with people.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

the Gallifrey ot3. not even necessarily in a romantic sense, just in a 'these characters' lives forever revolve around each other and they can never escape even if they want desperately to leave' sense. Gallifrey was the first fandom that i was really dedicated to and spent a lot of time thinking about so these characters have permanently left a mark on my brain.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i only have one posted WIP that i am very much intent on finishing but as for my eternal drafts i have two notable ones that i still work on occasionally but will never be published in their current form:

Star Trek Perseverance – i challenged myself last spring/summer to create my own 20 episode season Star Trek series that i would want to see in the world. it's a slight AU of the end of Picard s3 where Seven and Raffi were given a new ship called Perseverance instead of the Ent G with a mostly OC cast of main characters and a more similar 90s vibe of an episodic series with different tones. i have an outline of all the s1 episodes and a few of the "scripts" written but yeah... writing 20 full length episode scripts is simply too much for me to tackle but i'm toying with the idea of adapting a few to prose/taking out the AU elements to publish because i do really love the "episodes" i wrote and it was fun to experiment with some comedy/light hearted stories which i tend not to write.

also during lockdown i started a 'Romana survives the Time War instead of the Doctor' AU of new who and i sketched out an outline of s1 (and some other big season plot points) but only wrote about 10 pages. it has some excellent writing tbh but given how long it would need to be, it's destined to live forever on my hard drive and in my head.

16. What are your writing strengths?

character voices 100% if i feel like i can't find a character's voice for whatever reason then i simply will not write for them. even when i go back to my old work, i cringe at the pacing/grammar errors, but generally i think the character voices are pretty on point.

i also like to think i've become pretty good at adding rhythm and pacing to my prose when i put in the effort. it's quite hard to do sometimes but it's so satisfying when it works. i'd never claim to be a poet but i love writing prose that just feels good and melodic to read aloud.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

... finishing things. or just committing to projects and ideas that i can actually follow through on.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

oof. i know enough Spanish (and Russian to a lesser extent) to get through some dialogue but i would very much want to run it by a fluent speaker first. however neither Spanish nor Russian have ever come up in my fics.

the only non-English languages that's come up in my fics are French and Latin. the French was for an abandoned fic and i asked my French-speaking friend to translate. the Latin was for ATBM and i'm pretty sure i ended up taking the line out because i didn't know any Latin speakers(?) (i mean it's a dead language so.... readers? translators?) and was too shy to ask a stranger.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

technically i wrote some HP fic in a notebook when i was 8 though i didn't know what fanfiction was at the time. (obligatory note that i'm not a HP fan or supporter right now given JKR's bigotries and hate speech)

20. Favorite fic you've written?

And They Became Monsters (the fall of great men) without a question. i poured my heart and soul into that beast and was the first time i wrote something that felt like Real Writing with Layers and Themes. when i was done i felt like my writing meant something more than the usual short fic i'd write. like at the end of the day it's a fanfic but it's also a critique of Great Men histories, a dissection of how art and the ways we view art perpetuates imperialism, studying how abuse causes abuse in cycles, how egotism stems from insecurity and slowly eats away at the self, how the self is just a performance and mask of something no one can ever name, and how sometimes the only thing you have to do to break away from cycles of tragedy and violence is to ask for help. (sorry i'm being too pretentious but i am very proud of my work on that one)

it was also the first time i feel like i put real effort into small details and experimented with them like tense – the story is told from the perspective of two versions of the same character and depending on the POV, the story is either told in past or present tense. there are even a few scenes when the two versions meet and i still narrate one's actions in present tense while the rest of the scene is in past tense to drive in how the present-tense character is quite literally out of place. there are also quite a few sections that i purposefully wrote as fragmented and run-on sentences to mimic the thought processes of someone having a breakdown/ideological crisis.

if i had to pick a favorite excerpt it would probably be the confrontation between the two different versions of Braxiatel:

He sighed. “You believe this is my fault? Deferring responsibility? Are you sure that you have grown up?”

“You were the one who lied. You told me I was a hero. You told me I would win the War. My future is Gallifrey’s future. Don’t you remember that?” Braxiatel wouldn’t rise to anger because he was better than that, he would never give up the game. (It’s always been a game.) 

“I told you that you mattered. All children believe they matter.” Neutral, impassive, infuriating. He wasn’t belittling. Maybe to him, Braxiatel was still a child – the wayward son fallen far away from a distant and demanding father. Maybe that was the truth. What a cruel family he’s created. Just another cycle. Ad infinitum.

And here they were, blame circulating around and around. Things would never be resolved. Things would never heal. Braxiatel didn’t even want to heal. He wanted to leave this jagged cut deep inside – so deep that maybe the wrong Braxiatel felt it – because if there was an ugly scar for all to see that meant all the hurt was real. His bitterness and anger was justified because wasn’t healing just erasing? Forgetting the hurt meant letting it happen again and again, and there’s another cycle because he just can’t seem to get away.

Tagging: I can't remember which of my mutuals are fic writers but if you see this feel free to fill it out!

[twofortea]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

I was sent this by three separate people lmao so I suppose it's time to do it. 😅 Thanks also to @heartensoul and @mrssakurahatake who sent this my way. An Accidental Peek Through Time Rating: M (incomplete) | Words: 22,458 What was started as a one-chapter fluff piece is now somehow so much more in-depth than I ever expected and I really got invested in doing it justice. Not complete, but definitely in progress and always in the back of my mind. (You Give Me) Fever Rating: E (complete) | Words: 10,067 I was working on this fic for months and months before it all came together. All fics are a passion project, but this one especially. Really poured my heart, soul, and deepest darkest thoughts into this one lmao.

Death and the Maiden Unrated but not explicit | Words: 777 Just really liked writing this dynamic and it's short and sweet (for now)! I've always loved reading other people's mythology AU's and was really excited to try my hand at my own :)

Strangers in the Night Rating: E (complete) | Words: 28,161 Almost obligatory to put this one on the list because it was my first published fic and will always hold a special place in my heart for that <3 But also... I think the smut is pretty good 👀 Baby You Can Drive My Car Rating: T (complete) | Words: 2,714 Honestly just had a blast writing this one haha and it was the first thing I wrote / published based on prompts from other people.

[hideyseek]

5, 9, 12!

crab!! hi hi hi hi hi hiiiii~! ty for quastions :3

from fanfic asks for the new year

5. Which WIP is first on your list to complete this year? Will you post a snippet?

aha, well. technically the first is mini heist!au but none of it is written that is in the shape of the final thing that i haven't already posted on here so i'm gonna cheat and say uh. wow huh okay then i kind of have no idea. ah! maybe my arthurcobb fic then! cos it sure won't be narrative!fic, lol!

here is a snippet from the current draft which is uhh three and a half years old (by which i mostly mean to say, there are a couple things in here i would write differently now.):

Arthur brings his coffee up to the counter where Dom has already deposited his onion rings and says, “Excuse me, can I purchase a — a temporary phone?” If he doesn't call it a burner maybe he will come off as more the kind of person he actually is. The cashier puts up a finger in question and Arthur nods but behind him Dom says firmly, “Two.”  Arthur turns, surprised. “Why — we don’t need two?” They’re traveling together, after all. Arthur’s not about to leave Dom alone, so it’s not like Dom will need his own phone. It’s not like Dom’s super functional, anyway. The three days he’d spent on Arthur’s couch before they read the news and had to leave town extremely suspiciously, he’d really just spent on the couch. “We don’t need two phones, Dom,” Arthur repeats.  “What if we get separated,” Dom points out. “How would we get in contact with each other again? You should have your own phone, too.” Arthur would rather not think about circumstances that would separate them. Dom says, “Arthur,” and it feels pointed. Something like panic hollows Arthur’s chest. Things are already out of control, apparently. Two days into being on the run and apparently Dom can call these shots but he can’t be on the run by himself.

9. Short term goals… what do you hope to complete this week or in January?

ahaha actually, getting this ask made me decide that i'm going to try my absolute best to finish the project i've been calling "mini heist!au" (which ... at this point ... is just an au of heist!au without any heists in it, lmao) this month! i used answering this ask as my bribe for reading through all the existing material and drawing up a revision plan / new fic story structure actually. i'm not sure i'll be able to, i suspect there are 2-4 drafts and i simply do not write that fast (at least one from scratch based on a new outline, possibly a second from scratch, and then a second/third that's just like. content/theme/cadence/character arcs etc revisions. though that might get complex enough to be two drafts). but we'll see! there are still 24 days so at this current moment i am optimistic :3

12. Will you change anything about the way you edit or rewrite this year?

YES I SURE FUCKING WILL. I HAVE BEGUN IT ACTUALLY, mostly i'm continuing to test a thing i tried in december 2023 to see if it still works for projects that aren't the specific situation of the beginning of devotion (so far, yes!) anyway the way that process goes is like this (recipe below):

first, write a terrible draft. some scenes can just be a note of what needs to happen. ideally: expend as little fucking effort on this as possible bc like. almost none of this will stay. just write enough to get the vibes of what you're going for.

second, read through that draft taking notes of what you like or don't like (or, the way i phrase it for myself to make the goal clearer "what feels like it is aligned with my vision for the fic vs what isn't") but most importantly. WHY.

for me doing this second step has 2/2 turned into "here is a rough outline of the story, completely restructured" but also, with no ending (which is fine, i just have to trust that the ending will appear when more of the draft is written).

third, compile those notes on a new draft into a narrative-order outline (linear for me).

fourth, write the new draft.

fifth, try to do step 2 again. but what i found for the beginning of devotion and therefore what i'm to a certain extent expecting, is that i will just have a bunch of Ns/dislikes and then go. ah. because the things i dislike are too granular to require big-picture story structure changes now.

sixth, copy the most recent draft into a new doc. and read through and revise directly on the page. maybe title at some point so that revision stuff is aligned with the mood/tone/content/vibes/whatever of the title. and maybe come up with initial tags and a summary here also to make sure the vibes are all aligned. hopefully the content of the ending will become clear at this point and you'll draft that for the first or second time.

seventh, idk i like to do an out-loud readthrough bc reading cadence is important to me personally. and also i am scared to lose the skill of reading aloud considering i do it about zero times a year other than this.

that's it basically.

[fridayyy-13th]

20 questions for fic writers

tysm @three-magpies-in-a-trenchcoat for the tag!!

How many works do you have on Ao3? 4

What's your total Ao3 word count? 13,296

What fandoms do you write for? i used to write for the Hermitcraft fandom, but i've discontinued the one fic i started for it and moved on to The Magnus Archives. i've got a couple story ideas for other fandoms, but idk if they'll go anywhere.

What are your top five fics by kudos? well, i've only got four! but from most- to least-kudosed, there's: - Double Trouble (Hermitcraft, rated G, incomplete multichapter) - Know What Can't Be Shown, Feel What Can't Be Known (TMA, rated T, oneshot) - Time Enough to Spend Some Time Alone (TMA, rated T, oneshot) - Here, Nowhere, Somewhere With You (TMA, rated G, oneshot) and i'm totally not salty my two most kudosed fics are an incomplete work and something i posted at 3am, respectively.

Do you respond to comments? hell yeah! i love answering comments <3

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? gotta say Time Enough, bc it's more refined than its predecessor, Know What Can't Be Shown (man i really need to stop giving my fics such long titles, i always end up shortening them when referring to them). but for reference, both are pre-Unknowing jmart kiss fics; it's a favored headcanon of mine. Time Enough also spends more time musing on how Jon and Martin are feeling—that is, they feel Bad. Absolutely Terrible. sad and scared, both for the Unknowing and for each other.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Here, Nowhere, Somewhere, absolutely. the ending itself is pretty open, but Jon and Martin have reunited post-MAG 200, admitted they still love each other after its events, and found themselves Somewhere Else. it's the most hopeful.

Do you get hate on fics? not yet, thankfully. i'm not a well-known enough author for that lol.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? i do not! and i doubt i ever will. props to everyone who does, though.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? i don't really write crossovers, at least none i ever planned to publish, but i do have a couple fusion AUs in the works (that is, taking one story's premise and combining it w/the characters of another). and funnily enough, both are based on songs.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? i sure hope not.

Have you ever had a fic translated? no. though if someone offered to, i'd be honored!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? technically? a friend of mine and i made a couple AUs for a few different MCYT fandoms that never really went anywhere, but i've never co-authored something that's made it to publishing.

What's your all time favorite ship? probably jonmartin. i've read a ridiculous amount of fanfic for them, and i think pretty much all my WIPs feature it if both Jon and Martin are there (sometimes i'll make them queerplatonic, and sometimes they'll be part of a poly ship like jongerrymartin, but jmart tends to be pretty Do Not Separate in my mind lmao).

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? ages ago i was reading this one rom-com webcomic where two people wound up as roommates bc the landlord accidentally rented the single apartment to both of them, which i thought was a really cute premise, but then BAM there was some really awful transphobia in it. when called out in the comments, the author doubled down, so i snatched up the concept and decided "i'm gonna make this t4t out of SPITE." but uh i've found spite doesn't work very well as a fuel source for my work, and i can get the same awkward domesticity/mutual pining out of a safehouse fic, so it'll probably just stay buried in the WIPs folder.

What are your writing strengths? dialogue. or at least, making a character's dialogue sound like their voice. vocabulary, things like stammering or using filler words, cutting oneself off or pausing a bunch, that sort of thing. though sometimes the dialogue itself feels a little clunky. i also think i'm rather good at writing emotional scenes, especially once i'm in the editing stage of things.

What are your writing weaknesses? over-editing. my utter beloathed. i sometimes get really caught up in trying to make everything as clear as possible, when that just makes the work 5,000 words too long and takes way more time to do. i'm trying to be better about it.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i think it's neat! but if you're monolingual you should read up on writing bilingual/multilingual characters beforehand, don't just wing it.

First fandom you wrote for? probably Pokémon? i'm not entirely sure.

Favorite fic you've written? Time Enough, hands-down. (though uh, hypothetically, if i wanted to make some small edits to it, would it be weird to do so? especially seven months after posting? there's a handful of lines i wish i'd phrased a bit differently.)

tags (no pressure!!): @radical-dadical-rafael @dramaticdads @winterswrandomness @ollieofthebeholder @ladydragonkiller @incandescentis @cornmazehater @jewishjon