#THIS IS THE PERFECT WAY TO PROCRASTINATE
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My faith is weak, and I feel a dark shadow over me.
Possession Johns are below the cut !! (blood/gore warning)
i will pay for your therapy
#tw gore#tw body horror#i drew this like WAYYYYY way way wayyy back when. didn't post this until now (obviously)#i was procrastinating and wandered into the faith tag and was overcome with the sudden urge to show you guys the babygirl#twas early this year- see that downgrade in art style and quality and the old signature? me too. retches. also hands. goodbye#i might do a redraw but idk#bro looks like he's questioning why the demon in the mirror is doing uh. doing the. hmm#also the missing roman collar!!!!!!!! literally sobbing. cannot be bothered to go back and edit it in. pretend it's there#i was hesitant to post this bc uh! gore!! but i figured eh why not. weeeeeeeee#john im so sorry you look so sad in this i'll do you better in the redraw i promise#like. the teeth. they're not even good teeth. the dentist in me is sobbing. im sorry. i'll give you perfects molars and incisors next time#tw blood#tw horror#john ward#faith game#faith the unholy trinity#john faith#faith john ward#artoftheagni
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to be so honest im starting to think i really need to see a professional for my social anxiety
#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖#it is so bad in ways i can’t even articulate but today i felt sick over having to send one text message and procrastinated the entire day#i’ve gotten so bad recently#and that’s not even a fraction of the texts i need to reply to.. i feel like im crumbling under the weight of how awkward i am#and i hate it because im sure everyone thinks i’m rude and i know it comes off as so weird when i reply to a text fucking SIX WEEKS late#but i genuinely feel so awful and guilty over it i just cannot make myself do it. i’m so scared ill say the wrong thing or fuck up#or i just forget because i have memory issues but it’s awful all the same and i feel so terrible#and i assume everyone hates me until i see them again because i never texted back and it makes me feel like an awful person#but i have good intentions and i really just want to give everyone the kindness they deserve but i get so scared to talk to ppl it’s crazy#it’s so awful. i really need it fixed it feels like it’s rotting my soul and ruining my relationships#people will be so nice to me and then i just don’t get back to them… it’s horribly horribly rude and i know it i just get terrified#or i forget most the time i really do just forget but it feels bad all the same#i think it stems from like.. i don’t want to say the wrong thing so i need to think hard about what to say but then i forget or get so ->#caught up in trying to say the perfect thing that i get overwhelmed and procrastinate then forget entirely#i’m an awful person i truly cannot stand myself#i guess the only way forward is to just be better in the future but fuck i feel so guilty
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As my dad and grampa used to say:
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right!"
Which means most things aren't worth doing because I won't get them right the first time!
#Dndjdjjdjddkdkdjdk#Personal#Asdf#I know they meant that#I shouldn't cut corners#And not that#It should be perfect the first time I try something#But I think I absorbed it the way I said it anyway#Both my dad and grampa are some of the best and holiest people I know so this isn't knocking them#But#Yeah#Roots of my executive dysfunction and procrastination?#Maybe#Quote#Quotes#Work#Family
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would u try
#i would take a bite#ctubbo#ctubbo fanart#i will never use the main cc tag thay is so scary i feel like im way too early 2021 pilled my username is gonna get me on a list somwhere😭😭#it is 2024#sorreyyy no big pieces lately i am in School and actually that has nothign to do with it i just like to spend 3 hours walking around my Park#IT WAS BEAUTIFUL TODAY LIKE OMG.insanw ir was 80 degrees perfect weather i Trained to school and Back it was so nice and oughgh when i went#to the park after it was LIFERLALY THE PERFECT WEATHEE like all that crazy wind from the day before GONE i was so happy and the clouds were#so beautiful i love the park i lovvee my town i literallu]t live in heaven im so serious]d#tomorrow i will make zucchini bread.....i need to write this essay too but then IM FREE i can lock in i literally finished my part for this#history project in like an hour i am a Pro Procrastinator i got that😅😅#thays it for tofay i think nothing crazy ok good night#read gourmet hound on webtoon its SOO GOOODDS every time i think of sweets i think of thay damn Webtoon#omg i need to write a rant abour that but not today.....Tomorrow maybe i have so much to say about that ok bue
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since my exam is done I'm gonna speedrun this kenma fic and hopefully post it this afternoon. HOPEFULLY.
#rev rambles#I procrastinated the fic while procrastinating studying for the exam I just took LMAO#but now it's out of the way and I can have some fun >:)#(staring at the screen hoping that the words will teleport from my mind to the screen with perfect flow and grammar)
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maybe the changes I have felt aren't evil. maybe it's okay that I don't love the things I used to. I am doing other things, old and new. change isn't the end of the world. it isn't the end of me.
#maybe I'll never watch anime on my own again. maybe I won't cosplay ever again. maybe I won't play video games anymore.#maybe I'll never watch stargate again. or hannibal. maybe I won't become obsessed with a story ever again.#but then again... probably none of those statements are true. they just might be the case right now.#I am reading again. going to the library again. I write faster than I ever have before. I am less stressed about grades than ever before#I have more of a social life than I have had in a very long time. I am cleaning more frequently than ever before. I procrastinate less#(not never... but I can't imagine I will never procrastinate ever again in my whole life. dream though lol)#I spend more time outside. I get more exercise. I just do things that sound pleasant in a way I never have before.#Idk. my life isn't perfect by any means but it isn't bad to feel sort of different and new#my life IS different and new.#idk. everything I am isn't made up of fandom. I have always existed outside of that#and I am allowed to explore that part of myself too. It doesn't mean I'm a completely unrecognizable person
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I feel depressed again about how much work I have to do but I think I just need to dedicate some time tomorrow and Friday to digging myself out of the hole I’m currently in 😩 here’s the full list of drafts I need to leave feedback on, loosely in order of importance:
SD topic check (I found the energy to do this today YAY me)
JW UCs
JW long essay (just one paragraph)
NF long essay… poor NF I am just at a total loss for how to help this kid. I might need to tap in our coaching director for help sigh
NF activities list (just make sure it’s finalized)
EP Ross
EP additional info
TW long essay
MN topic check (??)
MN Stanford
MN long essay if he finishes it
okay…. I can do this. I’m feeling defeated by the list because I’m so tired tonight but it won’t take as long as I fear I just have to get myself started. I think tomorrow and Friday I might take my meds and see if that helps me power through.
#I think the other part of my dread/despair is just like#October is always always crunch time#and always feels so bad bc of deadlines#but ok. let me talk my way through this fear.#as soon as I can figure out how to help NF he will be done we did all his supplements first so it’s just that long essay#MN suffers from a bit of gifted writer perfection paralysis but he’s also such a gifted writer that I’m not at all worried about shin#him*#TW is really close on the long essay and is also very creative so supplements should go ok#DN is unfortunately going to be with me till the bitter end because of her procrastination issues sigh#EP is a challenge but has been doing SO well lately. he needs a lot but also they’re paying me extra for him lol#I think it’s all going to be manageable it’s just like#if I can get two kids across the finish line this will all be so much easier
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I'm so completely unable to just sit down and do important stuff and i swear every time i give it a try something else happens that just takes my entire attention off what im supposed to be doing it's not even my fault this is the universe sabotaging me!!! It's not even funny anymore i need to apply to jobs and do other paperwork but i just cannot do it!!!
#i can hardly tell the unemployment burau 'sorry i didnt write enough applications i really wanted to but oasis are reuniting and i got#distracted'#I'm not even an oasis fan i just have the worst adhd brain right now and i dont know how to deal with it!!!!!#yesterday i actually sat at my lapotop and was going to do shit and all i managed was read two mails and then my brain shut off again#and after that all i did was write ao3 comments (which tbh was on my to do list but uh yeah)#like the conditions were perfect for doing stuff and then it didnt work anyway??? what am i supposed to do???#my executives are dysfunctioning!!!!!!#im so stressed out and the longer i keep procrastinating the more stressed out i get but like in a way that does not make me productive!!#mine
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thinking about my fictional lil guys even though i really need to focus on my assignments
#i have 3 weeks left of this term#but mentally i am checked tf out#i found the most perfect song for arthur & harley & now they are all i can think about#i think i'm gonna have to finish making them as sims just so i can make an edit of them#they had the most messy ugly codependent friendship & it ended so badly. like the tension between them is palpable.#i haven't written anything for artie's story in months bc#i've decided i do actually need to kill him off regardless of how much it hurts my feelings#& so i've been procrastinating#BUT i have been thinking about them almost nonstop for weeks#decided i might try to write by hand rather than typing to see if i get more done#idk yet#n e way#rainyrambles#dl
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why
why do I do these things to myself
aughhhhh
#i procrastinated. by the way.#and now have less then an hour to perfect my side of a piano duet before we rehearse tomorrow morning#I think my fingers might fall off
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i just wanna point out that, like. it's okay to disagree with the main character. just because they're the pov of the story doesn't mean they're infallible or that their word is law? you can like that character that tried to kill the mc. you can think the mc made the wrong choice. you can forgive things that the mc would never forgive, or choose not to forgive things that the mc does, because you're not the main character. you are the reader of the story, and just because you can't change it (and it's not the author's responsibility to capitulate to fans) doesn't mean you can't form your own opinions about it. it's fictional! that's the point! have fun with it!!
#sometimes.... main characters....... can be wrong#of course authors will generally try and make you like or agree with the mc (in some way at the very least) but like.#even the most perfect 'good guys' have flaws or else it's not usually a very well written story. and it's okay to acknowledge that!#it's not even really an issue of the whole 'protagonists can be bad guys/antagonists can be good guys' thing (ex. death note)#but like. even if you 100% root for the mc and think they're totally in the right you can still..... like the character that betrayed them?#nothing you say or think about them will make them NOT betray the mc in canon. so why does it matter if you like them despite it?#it's fiction - you can like multiple parts of the story simultaneously. it's okay. i give you permission.#on a similar note. it's okay for people to have different opinions about the same thing#to continue the analogy: maybe your friend doesn't forgive that guy for the betrayal but you do. that's great!#everyone can have an opinion about that guy and just bc someone disagrees with you doesn't mean you can harass them to change their mind.#while im down here#sorry about all this. im procrastinating on a project and ill do anything to stop thinking abt it so im thinking abt this instead#take death note. i do NOT agree with light but i also don't necessarily agree with L either. and i like both of them!#light HATES L and yet he's one of my favorite characters. i hate everything light does and yet i really enjoy reading from his pov.#its not black and white!#have opinions! change them after two days or think about the same blorbo for years! critical thinking and personal enjoyment can coexist!#anyways.
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Fanart of And Then We Danced / და ჩვენ ვიცეკვეთ (2019) dir. Levan Akin
...or more a "fantasy over"? Like, you know, when "what if..." (Irakli did not kick Merab out of his room) was followed by "and then...", like a possible continuation of my little fic or... Whatever - just enjoy it!😅
I don't really think humping in their jeans would let them feel any less awkward afterwards than their actual first time in the film but at least they'd be more comfortable on the bed
#my art#merab x irakli#merab/irakli#and then we danced#და ჩვენ ვიცეკვეთ#ATWD#atwd fanart#my atwd fanart#my ATWD fanfic#atwd fanfic#atwd fandom#gay art#gay couple#lgbt movie#levan akin#well that's one way to procrastinate#I enjoy drawing a totally random thing like this with no stress at all (if it's not good I just don't share)#instead of drawing more ambitious stuff (which I'd also enjoy but with a struggle to make it perfect)#a potem tańczyliśmy
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Thinking about just dropping random drabbles here so I can put them somewhere because I don't think they're good enough to be official stories. They won't make much sense, but they'll be there.
#I have no clue why this is uh idk some sort of “announcement”? but it is#I also just think I need to start posting them because I've been playing the “make them perfect” game for way too long now#I have so many cute little drabbles it's kind of crazy#My Docs are just filled with unfinished fluff and ideas I didn't know how to finalize and I think I'll just tag them#and make a new masterpost or smth#I don't know I'm just brainstorming right now and procrastinating
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Torn between cat-kissing you and chick-stabbing you... Might as well do both :p.
You'll never find my library, foul beast! Not even over my dead body.
All I need is for someone to gently cup my face and tell me I'm not as doomed as I feel.
#procrastinated replying so much because i couldn't insert the chick stab gif despite trying a couple of ways T_T#why is tumblr like this#finally had to give up perfection and settle for using just the image#chick stab gif... i shall have you one day#(feeling less doomed with time i appreciate it <3)#reblog
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tragedy that i'm not throwing some kind of halloween party year as i just happened upon the perfect halloween music compliation in the most difficult and random way
#t#i also realize i'm saying 'halloween music' like it's a genre and not explaining#the show i'm watching has such an interesting soundtrack but i'm finding it really difficult to find the actual music anywhere#i'm like deep diving to find reddit posts that maybe discuss it because the lyrics are not actually posted anywhere to search in that way#i'm doing all right so far but not perfect which is a bummer#anyway that's my current project definitely not procrastinating
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ELSA, what kind of death do you embody ?
Pandora's Box.
in the modern age, knowledge is given to you no matter what. being ignorant to the ways of the world is a choice, and you feel so helpless, WATCHING, and it envelops you in fear and guilt. you let it paralyze you. knowledge is a burden if you let it be. but you must act when necessary. you are not responsible for the CRUELTY of the world. you are not the victim. ACT.
tagged by : no one, I picked it up off the ground like a lost penny
tagging : steal it I dare you <3
#this is just another way to procrastinate‚ isn't it ? ( DASH GAMES. )#that perfect girl is gone. ( ELSA. )#(( UM ?? OW ??????#I feel like this is specific to her hero and villain verses but also there is definitely some of it from her main verse too#this is hurty ))
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