#THE MUSCLES HELLO??? I'M GONNA DIE OF GAY

[milkiedimitrescu]

HDJSHDSJSHSJSJDJDHDHSJSHDVDBSNSBDBXBSKSBZNZSHSJDBSNAJSB

It smells like lavender

[jeanmoreausautismstickers]

things my best friend has said as marauders quotes

Sirius at James and Lily: don't breed. breed is bad.

Sirius: he (remus) would be a good stripper I think

James to Sirius: you're a hoe. but a lovely hoe

Barty: listen. I've cut open humans before and they have big breathing sacks-

Sirius about Regulus: he's a middle aged child

James explaining Sirius and Remus's relationship: they're besties...with benefits 😏

Peter: is there an ankle kink?

Regulus: because ALL ghosts just HAVE to be white don't they?

Evan, mispronouncing androgynous: yeah I feel a bit an-dro-gy-noose today

James: [sirius], please stop assaulting my pen

Evan: I'm a little German boy, I'm gonna get your toes with my little German boy fingers

Barty: give me the dead fetus, I have plans

Peter to Remus: do you have... a knee kink?

Marlene: I think the eggs for breakfast caused my period actually

Marlene: monkeys are the ancestors of cats

Barty, to Regulus: are you a keyboard? cos I'll play you like one

Sirius: I swear to [Merlin] I will sniff your arse

Sirius to Remus: can I unwrap you like a Christmas present?

Marlene: step-mummy please😩

Remus: no one likes a dog that vibrates [padfoot]

Mary: if a bee hit it from the back would it die before it could orgasm?

Peter: I think I could top a spoon

James to Lily: im not wearing anything under this mirror👀

Barty about Regulus: evil dick, giant brain

Sirius: haha [marlene] ate dick

Marlene: BOOBIES? WHERE

Lily, after a marauders prank: I could write a sixteen page essay on how much I wish I were a lesbian

Sirius when Remus walks in: hello sexy male

Sirius: a secret, third thing, my deep ass cheeks

Remus: Lma-no.

Remus: stop saying thick-arse rim!

Marlene, drunk: horse shoes don't go on horse cock, that's why they're horse shoes not horse condoms

Barty, about Regulus: I'd let him punch me for free, but you got PAID?

Sirius: [Regulus!] you devious little dog!

James: I can confirm, [Marlene] and my mum did not have sex to make me

Sirius: someone cummed in a glue bottle, that's why it's so hard

James, panicking to Pomfrey: MY JUGULAR IS JIGGLUNG

Remus: mate stop fingering the biscuit

James: I don't want your drug pens!

James at Marlene: stop underlining your nipple

Sirius: haha there's a man on your tit

James: my mum is not a man! nor a football!

Sirius: [Dumbledore] is a BOTTOM everyone

Barty: I'd be the one DOING the fucking, not getting fucked

Regulus: can I refer to you as a travelling circus?

Barty, in response to ^: well I am a walking joke

Sirius: if you're homophobic you get sent to bitch jail

James: I'm just too quirky for my own good

Sirius: does that mean pussy is dogwater

Sirius when Remus gets rid of his trousers: how much are you selling your arse fabric for?

Remus: I dare you to drink the bananas cum

Lily: I don't want to hold hands with Jesus, put him back on his cross

Sirius, after losing his virginity: I started celebrating because I got to touch arse

Remus: christ no I don't want to touch God's nuts

James when Remus gives him anything: thanks. it doesn't have weed on it, right?

Sirius: I'm like a bird hi-YAH oh shit I pulled a muscle

Remus: the wake up woman touched my penis

James: please stop serenading my father

Marlene: whore core?? I think you mean me when women

Sirius and Regulus about slow walkers: you know what career they can pursue? ROADBLOCKS

James: be careful. I'll beat you up with my Calvin Klein man muscles

James: im clutching my house keys

Effie, about Sirius: I saw him and I knew immediately I should put him in my child jar

Sirius after drinking water: im gonna break records with how much I piss today

Evan, seeing Sirius from afar: is that Jesus christ? why is he so white? absolutely translucent

Barty, holding Regulus's diary: I think this may be a gay sex book

baby James: what do you do? I'm a snot picker

Sirius: thaddeus with the phatteus

Sirius about Regulus: stop babygirl-ifying him! he is not babygirl material! I am :(

Barty: he was a man. probably a white one, there was a lot of audacity

Sirius: that is two cheeks too many mate

Sirius: give me the fathers I need to collect them

Remus: stop squeezing my fucking flange

Regulus: calm your foot before I eat it

Marlene: it dried my nose. it was so dry. drier than a straight man's wife, I'll tell you that

James: oh, you did competitive ballet when you were young? my parents loved me so I can't relate

James, trying to help Remus and Sirius get together: do you like balls bursting in your mouth?

Barty: stop playing with balls in your mouth

James, watching Regulus, Evan and Barty walk into the toilets: three men just walked into the loo, they might kiss~

Remus, trying to find a body wash: does this smell like weiner or hydrangea

Sirius when McGonagall: turn your bagpipes off for [Merlin's] sake

Evan: thumb me bitch

Sirius to Marlene: you already knew you liked women! you were in her boohs!

[hopingforromanoff]

You Promised {N. Romanoff}

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: talk of injuries 

Requests are open, so feel free to send in requests and I will do my best to get them posted ASAP. I'm gonna keep them open for now but please be patient with the length of time it takes to finish them.

A/N: I’m back from the dead....I think! I have a part two for this in the works so expect that soon!

Also! This was beta read by my beautiful gf @too-gay-for-marvel so send her some love!

Hope you enjoy!

My Masterlist

-------------------------------------

Easy mission. In and out. They won’t even know that you’re there. Or at least that's what Steve had said when he coaxed you from Natasha’s bed earlier that morning. 

“I love you” Natasha whispered, stroking your cheek with her thumb for a moment before pushing a fallen piece of hair behind your ear. 

“I love you too, baby” you turned your head slightly and kissed the inside of her wrist. 

Natasha shifted her weight off of her shoulder, still sore from her last mission. You shivered and cuddled closer to her, seeking her warmth when the blankets shifted with her movements. 

“Sorry, baby” she chuckled and repositioned the blanket. 

“You’re not sorry” you mumbled into Natasha's shoulder.

You let out a long groan as your phone rang from the bedside table. You listened to Steve relay the details of the mission that would pull you away for the rest of the day. 

“No, you’re not allowed to go” Natasha tightened her arms around your waist. 

“Baby, I'll be back tonight, I promise. Then you can have all the cuddles you want and we can stay in bed all day tomorrow, I promise, baby” you turned to face her. 

You shouldn’t have promised, you knew better than to promise something like that. It wasn’t an easy mission, it had gone south, and it had gone south fast. 

Your cover had been blown, and people had died. You had watched two of your team members get critically shot and a bomb had caused most of the building to collapse. 

And now, with a cry, you shoved a large piece of fallen wood off of your midsection, your shoulder clicking back into place. You laid there for a moment to survey your injuries; there was a big piece of debris embedded into your upper thigh that was rapidly leaking blood, the metal had likely nicked your femoral artery with the amount of blood. There was also blood coming from somewhere around your stomach but you couldn’t identify where it was from. 

“Mayday, we have been compromised, we need extraction immediately” You spoke into your comms system. You waited a few moments, but no response came through. 

Upon inspection, you noticed that the radio box had been shattered in the blast.  

You needed a Plan B. You noticed a small gap in the rubble, probably just big enough for you to fit through, and knew that was your only option. 

Your chances were slim, but you couldn't let that stop you. It was escape or death, and you weren't ready to die just yet, not without a fight. Your thigh muscles twitched and throbbed when it became weight bearing. Scorching blood poured around the large piece of metal sticking out as it shifted with your muscles.

It was a tight squeeze, but you were determined. Just as you were nearly through, the metal in your thigh got caught and ripped from your skin. With a scream, you hit the floor. You were sure this was going to become a recovery instead of a rescue as blood started coming faster and faster. 

Determined and with adrenaline pumping through your veins,  you pushed yourself from the ground and made it the short distance to the parking lot. 

A storm was brewing overhead, and you could hear thunder rolling in the distance. Large drops of rain started to fall. 

You rested on the back of an abandoned car, as your breath began to become shallow with overexertion and blood loss. You reached into the waistband of your pants, pulled out the burner phone you had been given and dialed the number so familiar to you. 

“Hello?” Nat answered the phone confused. 

“Hi baby,” you spoke gently.

“Baby? Why are you calling me? What happened?” You could hear the worry in her voice. 

“I got hurt.” You tried to keep your voice strong. 

“Baby, how bad?” You heard movement on the other end of the phone as she hit Steve to get his attention. 

“Natasha, I love you.” 

“No, that doesn’t answer my question, baby.” 

“I know, I just wanted to tell you that I love you.” 

“I love you too, Y/N. It’s really bad isn’t it?” 

You hummed in response; talking was taking a lot of energy out of you. You looked down at your injury, the flow of blood wasn’t letting up at all and had now left a sizable puddle around your feet. It swirled and mixed with the rain water. It was kinda pretty and cool to watch…..you know if it wasn’t your blood. The rain picked up and began to wash some of the blood away. Most of your energy had left your body by now, and you slid down the bumper of the car, landing hard on the soaked blacktop. 

“Baby, please, are you there?” Natasha finally managed to get your attention again and you could hear the faint hum of the Quinjet in the background. 

“Mmm yeah, I’m here.” Your finger drowsily ran along a crack in the pavement. You sloshed the water that had gathered in it from the rain that was now pouring heavier and heavier as seconds passed. 

“Baby, I need you to stay awake for me, yeah? I’m coming to get you so I need you to hold on just a little longer. Almost there, okay? And then we’re gonna get you fixed up,” she fought back sobs. 

“It’s cold,” you mumbled, not even able to concentrate on her words for very long. 

“Baby, focus on my voice, I need you to hold on, please. I love you, baby, please, I need you here.” She no longer tried to fight it and let out a heartbreaking sob. 

“Please don’t cry…” you whispered, your own sobs followed hers. 

“I need you to stay, baby, please,” Natasha begged between sobs. 

“I don’t know…” you felt yourself drifting off, your body wanted to sleep so so bad. 

“No, Y/N, I need you to stay with me, okay? I’m coming to get you and you’re gonna be okay.” You weren’t sure if she was even trying to reassure you or herself now. 

“I’m trying....” you whimpered, fading in and out of consciousness. You wanted so hard to fight, to survive, for Natasha. 

“Well I need you to try harder baby, okay? You promised, you promised me you were coming home, you promised me you were coming home to me and you can’t break that promise, okay? I need you.” Natasha shoved down her tears and tried to give you hope, even though at this point there wasn’t much to hope for. 

“Natasha I love you, and I’ll always love you baby, I promise,” you managed to get out. 

“Y/N, no you have to stay, please, you promised,” Natasha cried and cried until you couldn’t hear her anymore. You felt a final gush of blood leak through your fingers as you fell unconscious.

[trancowboy]

Hi Charlie, I'm making a thing and I was wondering if you could help me by shraing your view about steve rogers and bucky barnes, as individual characters as well as your view of their relationship together, headcanons and such, is totally okay if you can't, but if you do I'd be eternally grateful! Thanks anyway

Pal, you basically just invited me to write a whole entire essay about these two assholes, so… I’m sorry? This is gonna get long and most likely sad.

Steve Rogers:

Steve is an asshole, through and through. He’s got a heart of gold and being a good person is in his nature, but my god is he an asshole.

He will fight anyone who does him or anyone he cares about wrong. He won’t hesitate to pick a fight and he would much rather throw some punches than have a verbal conversation/discussion.

Steve Rogers talks with his fists. He’ll fight until he physically can’t stand anymore and even then he will stand up and push himself just that last little bit.

(”I could do this all day.” Steve, my angry baby, have a seat and take a nap.)

Steve is the bisexual we deserve. I think he’s always been aware that he’s attracted to both men and women, but he never told anyone about it back in the day. He didn’t need people to have another reason to beat him up, so he kept it quiet.

(And if he paid a little more attention to certain drawings of a certain boy, then that was his business.)

I don’t think he knew there was a name for what he feels until he woke up in the future. But once he found out and learned more about it, I like to think he’d be a Proud Bi and just tell everyone he comes across because it’s okay now and he can do it.

Sure, it gets a little tiring when he answers his phone with, “Steve Rogers, proud bisexual. Hello,” but his friends get used to it and strangers get past the confusion quickly.

Steve swears. A lot. Like a whole fucking lot. I actively ignore the whole “Language” line (unless it was a joke that Steve only told because he’s tired of the ~grandpa~ jokes, which, ok, I can get behind that) because Steve Rogers has the mouth of a fucking sailor.

Steve can swear up a storm but compliment him or flirt with him or be extra nice or anything and he’ll blush like a tomato and become so awkward he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Even after all these years, Steve still feels a bit awkward in this new body of his. He doesn’t miss being skinny and sickly and tiny and on the brink of death all the time, but sometimes he doesn’t like being big and muscle-y either. Sometimes he doesn’t like how he can’t make himself invisible as easily as he used to.

Sometimes he just wants to curl up under the covers of his bed and hide from the outside world that has painted him as a person he’s not; a world that sees him as a soldier and Captain America™ rather than a human being.

He lives in a world he doesn’t recognize where everyone he ever knew and cared about are either dead or only remembers him half the time. This deleted scene from The Avengers shows just how detached to the world he feels and honestly, I have way too many feelings about that three minute video.

Steve throws himself into danger (jumping on a grenade without thought, crashing the Valkyrie, jumping out of a plane without a parachute, etc) because he doesn’t really care whether he lives or dies. He never feared death because death has loomed over him like a shadow since he was a child.

And maybe he wants death to take him sometimes. He definitely wanted to when he crashed the Valkyrie. He could have fought more, could have figured out a way to save the world and still survive, but he was tired and he just wanted it to end, so he stopped fighting.

And then he woke up 70 years later to more fighting and he just never slowed down or took a break, because if he did, he’d have to deal with how he was feeling and he couldn’t handle that. He didn’t want to deal with it because it was too painful.

While extremely heavy on the angst, Einherjar by thecommodore_squid perfectly portrays Steve’s depression. Steve in that fic is pretty much exactly how I see him.

MOVING ON TO HAPPIER THINGS, SHALL WE?

Steve is a Disney nerd. He probably didn’t get to catch up on all the new Disney movies between TFA and CW, but between giving up the shield and becoming Nomad (@ marvel let me have bearded!nomad!steve pls and thanks) he probably took a breather for the first time in years and started on the list.

(Does he sit with a laptop by Bucky’s cryo freezer and watches them with him??? haha shoot me)

Steve will fight for what he believes in, no matter what. He proved that in CW when he gave up everything for Bucky without thinking twice.

And then, of course, there’s my headcanon that Steve is trans but if I dive into that, this thing is gonna end up 100k on Steve alone.

Bucky Barnes:

Bucky cares so much. He’s the guy who stood by this skinny, little punk’s side when no one else did. He’s the guy who probably worked his ass off for hours and hours just to get enough money so Steve could get healthy (or healthier) again.

He’s the guy who went through torture and trauma and had the opportunity to get an honorable discharge after what he went through, but he didn’t. Instead he followed his best friend back into war and it cost him his life and freedom and self.

But I’d bet my left foot that he’d do it all again, because he’s Bucky and Bucky cares so goddamn much about everyone but himself.

Bucky is gay. Yes, he was with women back in the day and yes, he kissed them and fooled around with them and probably got off a little, but I think he did it just because it was expected of him.

If it wasn’t because it would be suspicious to everyone else, he would probably just stay home with Steve and pine every single day.

Bucky is such a giant fucking nerd. He finds science and technology incredibly exciting. I mean, he did spend his last night before going off to war dragging Steve to the Stark Expo (and their dates but eh).

Imagine his reaction to all the science stuff he missed while being used by Hydra? He’s gonna light up like a child on Christmas. God, I love my nerd son so much.

Bucky is smart as hell and no one can convince me otherwise. I mean, “[…] having been an excellent athlete who also excelled in the classroom” is proof enough.

Bucky has been through hell and back several times. He’s been wiped of his memories and himself until he was a blank slate for Hydra to do whatever they wanted to with, and it’s happened probably more times than he’s been able to keep track of. And every time he started regaining just a little bit of himself or just one little memory, the torture would start all over again.

He’s been through hell, so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that he suffers from a severe case of PTSD.

Bucky Barnes is a man who cares and protects and when he’s made into a weapon who kills and murders and destroys – when he himself becomes the danger, he locks himself away because he thinks that’s the best thing for everybody.

Steve + Bucky:

There’s no Steve without Bucky, and there’s no Bucky without Steve. Steve and Bucky have always been SteveandBucky, and one without the other means they’re never really whole.

They’re their own person, sure, but they’re better together. They make each other better. Bucky makes sure Steve doesn’t kill himself with his stupidity and recklessness, and Steve makes sure Bucky gets protected and cared for too.

Steve will give up everything for Bucky, no hesitation and no questions asked, and Bucky will do whatever it takes to protect Steve, even if that means hurting him in the process (ie going into cryo).

Bucky is Steve’s dark side and Steve will do anything for him.

I have mixed thoughts on who fell in love with who first. My first instinct is to say Bucky fell in love with Steve first because of all the obvious pining in TFA, but then I think about little Steve Rogers who everyone beat up and disregarded and didn’t care about getting saved by this wonderful boy who doesn’t look down on him and treats him like an equal and I think it was easy for Steve to fall in love with Bucky, so I’m just¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

It doesn’t really matter who fell in love with who first though, does it? What mattes is that they love each other unconditionally and ‘til the end of the line (and beyond cause c’mon. That kinda love is never gonna die).

To end on a lighter note, I’m gonna give you some fluffy headcanons cause I have A Lot.

Steve is the big spoon. He always has been. Bucky loved when there was a skinny octopus clinging to him and barely being able to cover him and he loves it when he’s surrounded by pillowy muscles and warmth.

Bucky was Steve’s favorite subject to draw. And even after everything, even when he hadn’t seen him for years and thought he was dead, Steve still drew him because he never wanted to forget the face of the man he loves.

Whenever Bucky talks about science stuff, he gets all excited and extra cute, and Steve always falls in love with him a little bit more.

Same for when Steve talks about art or literally anything he’s passionate about. Steve could talk about poop and piss for an hour, and Bucky would be making heart-eyes at him the whole time.

Steve used to wear Bucky’s shirts all the time. His excuse used to be that he was too lazy to do laundry, but really, he just liked wearing Bucky’s clothes. (Bucky never minded.)

Clothes sharing is a Thing with these two. It’s a Thing that happens a lot and no one can convince me otherwise.

Bucky loves having his hair played with and Steve loves to play with Bucky’s hair.

Bucky has always loved dancing. That doesn’t change over the years, and he will make Steve dance with him again. (”I don’t care that the serum didn’t fix your two left feet, Stevie, dance with me.”)

When they finally do get together (whether that was before the war or after TWS doesn’t matter) Steve never wastes an opportunity to tell Bucky he loves him, and Steve takes every chance he can to kiss him because now he can.

Steve was probably the one who made the first move.

Steve is a little shit and Bucky loves him even when he’s being Extra and Dramatic and even when Bucky’s exasperated with him. Steve can be as much of an asshole as he wants to, because Bucky will always love him.

Bucky loves flirting with Steve just to see Steve blush bright red. (Sometimes Bucky will just casually put his hand on Steve’s butt or boob and Steve will become Captain Tomato.)

Steve will fucking fight anyone who says anything bad about Bucky.

Conclusion: Give these boys some hugs and a happy ending, please and thank you.

Anyway, I’ve got a ton more Thoughts but this is already so stupidly long, so I’m gonna stop there. Hope this was helpful (was it??? idk) and thank you for letting me ramble on about these two fuckers.

PS, tell me more about your thing or link me, maybe, if you wanna 👀