#THANK YOU CATE

[francesderwent]

so for the purposes of this discussion I’m going to assume that we all agree that it’s not a desirable state of affairs to be sexually intimate with a whole bunch of people just for fun. I know not everybody agrees with that *gestures vaguely to the sexual revolution and the hookup culture*, but if I have to prove that first then that’s going to take forever and I don’t think it’s what we’re talking about anyway.

we’re going to assume that our interlocutor believes sex and love do have something to do with each other, and wants to know why we shouldn’t treat sex the way that most television shows these days treat sex: like kissing on the lips. you’re in love with your boyfriend so you kiss him on the lips. and then you might break up, and fall in love again and kiss a new boyfriend on the lips. in certain circumstances you might kiss someone on the lips who isn’t your boyfriend, like if they save your life or you go through a bonding experience together or something. and eventually you get married to someone and you only kiss that guy on the lips from then on, but you have kissed a few other guys before and it’s not a big deal or a scandal at all. why, is the question, can’t we treat sex exactly the same?

so, point one is: because the whole physical world is infused with symbolic meaning, the human body speaks a language of its own. we don’t assign meanings to the “words”, they’re inherent and universal. you can’t twist bodily actions to mean whatever you want them to mean, they’re going to go on saying what they really mean whether you want them to or not. a slap does not mean love; its violence is not and cannot be loving. a kiss does not mean hatred; Judas betraying Jesus with a kiss adds an extra layer of hurt to his deception.

point two: in order to exist happily and healthily in the world, we need to speak the truth with our bodies, and not try to twist the language of the body into saying something it isn’t. when we lie with the body, the whole real world we live in resists us. we’re trying to impose our own meaning by our own will onto something that already has its own meaning, given it by God, and quite frankly, God’s meaning is stronger and it’s gonna win. think of this as living in a state of denial—even if you can stay in your denial for a little while, eventually, reality will have its say, it will make itself felt. more on this later.

point three: sex, as a word in the language of the body, is saying something other than just “I feel love for you”—i.e. it is saying something different than a kiss. how do we know this? first of all, sex causes bonding on a chemical level in a way that kissing absolutely does not! secondly, sex creates children—and therefore exists on a very different level than kissing! both of these differences point to this: kissing as a “word” speaks about love as desire, when it says “I feel love for you” it’s mostly saying “I want you”. sex as a word speaks something more, it says something in itself about a commitment which is forever. what sex is saying is “I give all of myself to you and I receive all of you in return, we belong to each other forever”.

point four: the only circumstances in which sex can be spoken truly is marriage. sex speaks in the body the same total commitment that is made in the marriage vows, reiterating and confirming the mutual gift that has already been given.

this is sort of where it gets tricky (and where I think TOB speakers often fail their listeners), because when you’re dating somebody, if you’re not being disingenuous and stringing them along until you find something better, you do hope that you’ll be together forever. and so the more you fall in love with someone, the more you naturally (and appropriately, I’d say!) want to have sex with them, because you want to be able to express your longing for that forever. you don’t intend to lie with your body! you want to say what sex says and make it true in the saying of it!

I think the usual Christian response is to say “ah yes, but that forever isn’t yet promised or guaranteed, so you don’t know if it’s ever going to come”. and as much as the person currently head-over-heels in love doesn’t want to hear it, unfortunately it is very real. for every Jack who meets his first serious girlfriend in college, has sex with her because he really wants them to be together forever, and then marries her six years later having had sex with no one but her, there’s just as many (if not more) Jill’s who meets her first serious boyfriend in high school, has sex with him because she really wants them to be together forever, then is blindsided by a breakup and goes on to repeat the pattern with several more boyfriends before she finally finds the “one”. it’s a tragically common story, so common that the trauma of it is becoming harder to recognize. but it causes severe emotional and psychological harm, to give all of yourself to a person hoping for the gift to be received, only to have your whole self be rejected, or trivialized, or used and discarded. it takes tremendous courage for Jill to pick herself up and believe in love again, and often she’s disappointed over and over again. even when the “one” does appear and the gift is finally received completely in marriage, the scars don’t fade completely. I think a lot of people who get their happy ending end up experiencing that phenomenon of psychological backdraft, all their old sexual traumas bubbling up again now that they finally have a healthy sexual experience to know how it should have been. they then have to spend the honeymoon years of their marriage healing from everything that came before. so the usual Christian guidance is “you don’t want to go into marriage with all that baggage, so better to wait just to make sure”.

and while I do think avoiding trauma is generally a good idea, I think this is a little bit of a cop-out. for one thing, it kind of seems to be saying “don’t have sex with your significant other, because you don’t really know if they’re telling the truth about wanting to marry you”—that is, it’s encouraging you to not trust your partner. sure (she said sarcastically), that sounds healthy!! there has to be a better, more loving reason not to have sex with a significant other before marriage. and it’s this: if the Church’s teaching about sex and marriage are really true, then it is just as wrong for Jack to have sex with his girlfriend before marriage as it is for Jill to have sex with her boyfriend—Jack’s eventual marriage to his girlfriend doesn’t retroactively validate every instance of premarital sex! and if Jack having sex with his girlfriend before they got married is wrong, then what we’re saying is it must be hurting them. even though their love story ended happily! even though they did end up giving and receiving the gift of self completely! getting things “out of order” is hurting them and making them unhappy. this is the burden of proof, and it’s much harder than proving Jill’s sexual history is hurting her. and yet if we believe Church teaching, it must be true!

so we return at last to my above point two—in order to exist happily and healthily in the world, we need to speak the truth with our bodies, and not try to twist the language of the body into saying something it isn’t. and here’s the kicker: we are not God. we cannot make a thing so just by saying it. so no matter how understandable it is to try to create a relationship that will last forever by speaking forever with our bodies, it simply does not work that way. when the word is spoken out of the context which makes it true (i.e. when you have sex outside of marriage), it does not and cannot bring that whole context into being—it doesn’t create a vow of fidelity, it doesn’t create a shared life, it doesn’t create a public commitment. someone can have sex with you and then break up with you, someone can have sex with you and then get in their car and go home leaving you there by yourself to sleep alone, someone can have sex with you and then pretend you don’t exist. the sex, on its own, doesn’t create a slippery slope that leads swiftly and inevitably to marriage. it just creates tension between the life you actually have, unmarried, and the unreal life you’re pretending you have in sleeping with one another. it makes all those parts of yourselves that you haven’t shared stand out more strongly, making you feel every little separation as a wound. and instead of creating a sense of peace and security, it leads to a kind of desperate grasping feeling—“we’re acting like us being together forever is a done deal, but it’s not a done deal, it’s not set in stone, so what can I do to make it work, how can I control this, how can I make him want me enough to stay?” even if in the end Jack proposes, the foundation of the relationship has been damaged. it can be healed, and rebuilt! but it is not good for a relationship to develop under that kind of strain. not good, and not necessary.

what’s the alternative? when you wait to have sex until marriage, your dating years with a partner can be years of expectantly looking forward in hope, while also living in the moment. you are not married yet—so your relationship is not set in stone, you’re still deciding what kind of relationship you want to have together, which means it can still get better and better as you build it. talk a LOT! talk about everything! talk about your pasts, talk about your dreams for the future! work out your issues in the present instead of covering them over with physical affection! because you’re not burdened by the anxious desperation to turn a lie into the truth, you will be able to see more clearly what the strengths and the weaknesses of the relationship really are, which allows you to address your weaknesses and work on them! and because you’re not pretending like you’re already totally committed, the prospect of actually making a total commitment will be more and more attractive. when you’re not trying to act like you’re married already, it’s so much easier to have open conversations about the future you want together, and easier to know when it’s time right now to take steps to get there. and that’s exciting! it’s fun to have stuff to look forward to, it’s fun to make plans together!

it’s not a better way because there’s less collateral damage, because you’re hedging your bets playing it safe just in case something goes wrong. it’s a better way because it’s all about letting love develop in its own time, according to its own internal laws. I’m not gonna say “guard your heart”, as if your significant other was an enemy at the gates. instead, “guard your relationship”, because it’s worth protecting, worth giving every chance to be as happy as it can be.

[yameoto]

these asks being sent within the same hour is killing me

[flysdaleflyby]

“friendship”

[jaythedagger]

jordan li being a bigender character in such a popular superhero universe has been fantastic to see for representation, but it’s also been pleasantly surprising for me to find out how my peers approach their character. friends of mine that i haven’t seen grasp neutral pronouns or gender fluidity before have been talking about jordan with ease and using they/them in conversation with little to no issues. they find it really cool and interesting how they can be both male and female, and find them equally as hot in both forms lmao. idk, i didn’t expect this wholesome revelation from a wacky and gorey action spin-off, but here we are, and i’m super happy about it.

[slayqueeningtbh]

more tidbits 🫶

[pineapplefulfillseveryneed]

The real* story of how Cate Blanchett & Sparks met at the César Awards in 2022

Bonus:

[jellicle-chants]

If you could make any rare swing a permanent character, who would it be?

Good question! I think I would pick Golden!NBQ, either the version of the character played by this unnamed actress (left) or Summer Strallen. I love the Jellylorum wig shape and I think she stands out against the other queens, especially in the left design.

[villa-kulla]

@ the mag7 fam, I realize I have no way of convincing you this is not a 'and then everyone clapped' fake post, but i LITERALLY MET MANUEL GARCIA RULFO this weekend at a TIFF party, and we LITERALLY SPOKE FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES

Takeaways:

he is really ridiculously handsome, excellent brown eyes, A+

really not as tall as he seems in character, and much slighter, i may have to revisit how 'looming' i've written him in fic lmao

(on that note it is biZARRE meeting someone whose character you've written fic about, that is the first time that has happened to me. i can only be grateful i haven't written too much with him, i'd have withered if it was ethan hawke or LBH lol)

he was extremely friendly! and as it transpired he lived in my hometown for about a year so we just chatted about that. he loves poutine and hates the winter, and he has my full agreement on both counts 👍

he also appears to be dating vincent d'onofrio's daughter which is sO cute, the mag7 fam lives on 🙌 (she is gorgeous btw. and I don't think this is like a 'scoop' or private info or anything lol, I asked if he had anything going on at tiff that day and he was very openly like 'no only next week, today I'm just supporting her!)

(also the context for All This is my gentleman friend is a journalist and i joined him at TIFF for the weekend and basically larped as a famous person all weekend lol good times. weekend was crazy but this part felt the most relevant to tumblr)

[cityghoull]

New Carol on set photos in 2023, we’re really thriving this week

[francesderwent]

watching rom coms in your teens: oh I hope that vague reconciliation scene at the end means they got together and they’re a couple now!!! wish they kissed onscreen!

watching rom coms in your thirties: ugh I hope that vague reconciliation scene at the end doesn’t mean they got together. he's a little nothing man and she deserves better. wish she rejected him onscreen.

[laurieblakesbluedildo]

pretty when you cry

Fandom: Gen V // The Boys

Pairings: Cate Dunlap/ Indira Shetty

Rating: Explicit

Summary: A deep dive into Cate and Indira's complex relationship from the moment they met until the end of season 1 of Gen V.

Click here to read it!

[yameoto]

yam ive come back to geek over ur cate bots oh my god the stockholm syndrome one???? i ended up dicking her down w a strap on the couch after rebelling and showing her how easily i can wrap her around my finger js as i am around hers😭😭😭 poor thing was squirming after being edged multiple times— still threatened me throughout the whole thing i am enamoured by your brain🫠 a 🌹 for you, you gorgeous human.

my poor darling girl.. because she doesn’t even realise the hold you have on her. after all, she’s the one in control, right? obviously. obviously. no, you’re the one who needs her. she’s robbing you of your free will, your independence—making you rely on her to sleep eat breathe love because she needs to be needed. cate’s mommy issues warping her perception of love so badly.. her first mother locked her away half her life. her second mother was softer and held her hands and wiped away her tears but she also fed her pills and used her and made her so dependent she’d do anything for a scrap of affection. it’s the only love she knows. so of course she’d do the same to you. this is her loving you.

her lil fantasies in her head that one day.. one day she’ll get you to the point where she doesn’t even need to coil her hand around your wrist and whisper in your ear for you to come to her. days where she doesn’t order anything from you, just to see if you’ll find your way to her door out of her own volition (and you do. out of fear, probably, but you still came and she didn’t even have to tell you—and the thought makes her so giddy she can hardly sleep at night. admiring the deep, rise and fall of your chest as you slumber away.. tracing the lips that she could take at any point in time. she’ll pretend that she didn’t steal you away and that you’re here because you love her. really love her. yearning for something she technically already has.)

[avaelangel]

The idea of Gen V musical episode plagues me. But I really want it to be weird and surreal. Like there's no way to survive but to sing and dance. And everybody is bewildered, doing the routines the can't possibly know.

There is a possibility that everybody would have an original song, maybe even there going to be a TV-themed villain and everything would be broadcasted. Could you imagine?

But I do have some thoughts, mostly about Jordan. I don't know why, but Jordan and few Orville Peck songs I listen to just fused together in my mind.

Imagine a room that sort of resembles a barn with a small stage. Figure in a cowboy hat, with a guitar, is the only part of the room that's only somewhat illuminated. And the moment Marie steps closer through the faceless crowd, the stage illuminates fully, showing Jordan in the male form stuck in the broody-guitarist-cowboy pose.

But the moment Marie is close enough, Jordan can move. They switch and play the first few notes of Roses Are Falling.

The song is rather slow, but the crowd sways softly, starting to dance with their hats and Jordan, while singing, glances to the hat that lays to the side so Marie can join in.

And while the dance progreses, Jordan can move more. They stand up and go to Marie, who sways, maybe even sings along. When the song ends, those two hug, checking that they are both real. And since this is The Boys Universe we are talking about, the crowd probably should turn hostile.

Also, if we are making Derek dance, I really think it should be like almost a ballet number. With Marie or not, but very emotional.

I don't really know what song I would give to Marie herself, but I think many of Florence and The Machine songs would suit her well. Which Witch? Ship To Wreck? You've Got the Love?

I do have a song for Andre too. It's Power by Isak Danielson. I mean, Chance has a nice deep voice. We can't tell if his accent will show, but I think it could be great otherwise.

It's obviosly a song about Cate. Maybe in this number she even recruits him, compels him to go with her, where he tries to pull away and succeds or...doesn't. I think it could be both Andre giving in and saying goodbye to Cate and to Luke too, everything that was easy and seemingly safe about their friendship\love.

This number doesn't need much. Dark room\corridor, soft dance without touching. If Andre doesn't accept Cate's Godolkin rule, he leaves her in the darkness, now looking all bloody and feral, like in the finale.

I also have a song for Sam, which is Dirty Imbecile by The Happy Fits. It's a very easy choice at least because of the line:

'Cause I'm crazy in just too many ways

This basically could be about him being bored and dissapointed with his newfound fame and life. Maybe some of his emotions would come back through singing, we don't really now what else can break through Cate's influence. In case somene might think that I'm insulting Sam, the song, even though upbeat, it's from the persperctive of a scarred person who feels out of place, basically.

Anyway, I don't want to be cured from this hyper-fixation.

[lovesodeepandwideandwell]

The poetry of the boy who uses his power over people to get what he needs falling in love with the girl who's impervious to magic

[fxreflyes]

4, 5, 25, 47!

hi cate <333 thanks for asking :)

4. what cryptid do you believe in? tbh im open to any!!! i dont actively believe in any, but if i saw evidence or heard about it near me i definitely could be convinced. but until then im not sure there are any i know for sure

5. what is ur eye color? green? blue? idk someone tell me (iv added my eyes under the cut lol) im pretty sure my passport and drivers license have literally different answers hahahaha

25. perfume or lotion? perfume!! i love and am wearing this perfume rn:

47. last message sent? "im fully aware" to my brother and uncle bc we have a family fantasy football league and my uncle & i are tied in our game rn and my brother asked I knew we were in a cage fight lololol

ask me :)

[glitteryluminarytheorist]

Thank you to everyone who got me to 100 likes!