#THAL ? MAKING THEMSELF SOB ?? IT'S MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK

[thal-ent]

Zuza belongs to @soupedepates , Pelagia Klara Cernunnos Mi'Arach and Jakub to @corneille-but-not-the-author and Hanko to @noa-de-cajou (all only mentionned, and warning for some heavy angst lol)

I'm the last one.

It's a weird thing to think, when I've had children, and met people who should have been able to leave at least a little longer than me. But I'm the one still here, sitting on the roots of a tree I saw sprouting centuries ago. What was once a city I defended to protect the people I'll forever call my family is now the World Tree.

The cards are not helping me a lot, as they are. The ten of stars is telling me about transformation, regenration, taking some time. But the eight of crown and the Pest are talking about the worst, about being stuck and being at the end.

But the Pest allows me to see Zuza's face, on it. I wish I had been able to tell her more, her who, like the card says to do, kept coming back, kept being stronger.

I look up to the night sky. I almost can't see it, but it's not a bad thing. As much as I owe Star, I'm glad that right now I am allowed to be alone. I know Cernunnos and my sister understand, from where they are in the Tree.

I pull three more cards, leave the ones from before in front of me. The as of crown tells me about financial stability, about security, when i've left the troupe i've helped to create so long ago. The knight of shards is telling me about love and romantism, when all my loves are deep below the earth and hopefully where they finally get the rest from what our lives made us do. Finally, as if to mock me, the two of crown tell me of regrets and instability.

Have I made a mistake, all those years ago ? I didn't know the consequences of using the dagger's powers, allowing Jan's last gift to keep me alive far longer than any elf should.

I feel a breath, next to me, and turn almost expecting Mi'Arach to be here. I miss her, when she's technically alive and well. Like I miss our sister and her wife - Klara became my sister too after so many years. I miss the travelling homes, being able to switch which bed to use when we wanted to. I miss Pelagia and her snark, the glint in her eyes she gained after the years. I miss Sigi, her quiet support and understanding smiles. I miss my children, all of them, who died before me.

I try not to cry, as I lay three more cards. I sob, when the ten of scepters reveals itself to me. The card of New beginnings but also of emotionnal pain. I sniffle at the arrogant face of the knight of stars, telling me of my own and the violence I'm all too aware I'm capable of. But its king makes me break, as it tells me of my selfishness.

I miss them, and yet it is because I made a promise I can't join them yet.

The weight of the crown and the scepter are heavy, in my bag. I never dared to put the first on my head and the second is still cracked. The earring and tarot are always on me, I could never let them go.

I'm the last one. And for as long as this promise is unkept I'll stay alive, for the man who trusted a young elf who was cut from his people.

I clean up the cards, look at the two that almost fall to the ground. The Dancer and the God in the Stars are facing my eyes, two of the people I've loved dearly. I smile, my eyes red. I leave a kiss on each card, faces I almost forget until they find me again.

I'm the last one, and one day I won't be again.