#Started rewatching the show and couldn't help myself tbh

[rainbowsndshitig]

Castiel and his grief (angst drabble)

Just a quick a/n: I got some inspiration from some pins on Pinterest but for the life of me I can't all find them, but if I can I'll update this with all them at the bottom <3 thank you, enjoy

"Cas will you just- shut up for once?!"

Dean glared at Castiel, his shoulders tensed and drawn up near his face, his face scrunched slightly in annoyance before falling in realization at what he'd said.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, you know we're working on a hard case, I'm just stressed, please-"

Castiel stood, staring straight forward, unsure of what to say. A wave of this immense… Feeling? Washed over him, making him feel like he was going to be knocked back by its force.

Was this how humans felt? Was this anger? Was this finally what sadness felt like? He had previously known what it was like to be betrayed but not like this. Not like this. Not by his boys. Not by his boy. Not by HIS Dean. His head shook from side to side slowly in a 'no' signal. His hands curled into fists slowly and tightened so tightly they started shaking and felt as if he wasn't even making a fist at all. His jaw tightened and he felt his brows furrow.

His throat and chest felt tight, his eyes dry, his breathing was shaking. Castiel didn't understand. What was this? Why was his body having such a reaction? Yes, he had cried, tears had fell from his eyes, but not in this manner. He felt extremely uncomfortable.

"No. That… That isn't acceptable"

Castiel lowered his gaze to the floor as Dean walked toward him in a rushed manner, only to be too late, Castiel had left to be at a field with flowers and such for a moment of fresh air.

And that memory of emotion, the first of that intensity, caused by something he couldn't remember, brought a sad smile to Castiel's lips as he swallowed dryly. That was years ago, everything is different now.

He was sitting in a rusted, broken down and now nature reclaimed car, that once was loved by the two humans he cared for most. The two humans who now resided in the kingdom from which Castiel originated, Heaven. He smiled and imagined the boys in the front seats, remembering all the drives they had been on. He missed the missions.

Later, he returned to their home, The bunker. The home they all once shared, Before everything ended. He'll have to force himself to smile and remember they earned it, they earned their peace. He'll have to force himself to realize there isn't anything he can do anymore, because he isn't an angel anymore.

To be honest with himself, he didn't know which was harder to come to terms with. Losing the men he was closest with, or knowing he couldn't go up and be up with them, because even if he tried it wouldn't work out.

He missed Dean's laugh, left with only the vague fading echoes from his memories. He missed Sam's caring nature. He missed seeing the two "arguing" in the kitchen. Castiel missed it all, everything. He cant lie, he didn't have the same relationship with Sam as he did with Dean, but he still missed Sam regardless. If he could give it all up to go back to that first night and do it all over again, knowing it would end the same, he would do it just for the sake of being with them again.

They were real, and they were loved, Castiel was loved and they were his family, and now they're gone.

"I'm always happy to bleed for the Winchesters."

Even if he never got anything in return, because being with them was return enough.

One of the images I could find! ↓

[lucianalight]

Hi! I'm back :) after another long hiatus😅 I have missed all of you❤️

First of all a huge thank you to everyone who were worried and asked about my health and how I was doing. I wasn't doing well tbh. I'm one of those people who had the misfortune of never quite recovering from covid. I already had one chronic illness that was messing up my life and health. Having another on top of that takes a lot of physical, emotional and mental toll and limits my energy greatly. So I needed time to get used to my new reality and condition and learn to how manage it and live with it. It's still a work in progress and doctor appointments are seeming endless but at least some meds are helping. So there's that.

You probably already know the second reason why I wasn't doing well. I've seen terrible things…And you need time to process them. To grieve, to deal with trauma and survivor's guilt, and nurture your anger and keep fighting, keep resisting…

And well, internet connection still sucks so using social media is kind of an ordeal :D

There were a lot of times that I wanted to come back on tumblr but every time some issue would come up and take my motivation and energy. Then two weeks ago, after I couldn't crush the little ray of hope that maybe this time I'm going to see sth I like, I started watching season 2 of Loki. I watched it while promising myself that I'm not going to care anymore if it's bad, reminding myself that I might see sth as bad as season 1. Still I was surprised that I didn't hate it. On the contrary there were moments that were entertaining and even enjoyable. And those moments were more than the ones I dislike. It was better than season 1 and admittedly that's a low bar since I consider S1 one of the worst tv shows I've ever seen, but there were noticeable changes in pace and tone of the narrative and characterization in S2. Some issues in S1 was addressed. Loki was actually the main character of his series and got to do badass magic stuff :D The characters were flesh out and three dimensional and likable(I love OB so much :D). There was no romance. The ending was great.

There were of course things I didn't like. Removing Loki's backstory and his issues with his family from the story is one of them. How some of his moments in past was addressed. The episodes at times got boring or very predictable. There were times that Loki was ooc or comedic moments that weren't delivered well.

It wasn't perfect but at least acceptable. And probably the best Loki content we got since TDW. And I liked the ending a lot. I found myself keep going back to rewatch some scenes. I found myself analyzing the content happily. I had things to say. So here I am :D basically I'm 100% back to my Loki bs and I'm making it everyone's problem :P

Whether you loved the series or hated it, you're welcome on my blog and you're welcome to send me your opinions and engage with me in discussions and metas. I will tag posts accordingly in case you want to avoid certain content(tbh I still don't know what the new tags will be because I haven't written anything yet but I will make a post when I do).

There will be posts of some new fandoms so block their tags if you don't want to see those posts. The new fandoms are Sandman tv show(I haven't finished the comics so plz don't spoil them for me), Wednesday, My Hero Academia, Shadow and Bone, and The Bifrost Incident.

As I mentioned above I'm dealing with multiple chronic illnesses and have a limited energy each day. I will try to answer your messages, comments and asks as soon as I can but it might take a long time. Sry about that.

And finally a warm welcome to all the new followers and thanks to everyone who are still following me❤️

[ohmybitna]

↳ 8 Shows To Get To Know Me

i was tagged by @sorrowfulliming and @heesulovebot thank you both so much, I had a lot of fun doing this list! ❤️ I tried to choose some shows that have had kind of played a significant role in my life in one way or another, maybe you'll learn a bit more about me through this idk

one tree hill (2003 - 2012) i feel like this one is the most important show if you want to know me. It's half of my personality. I grew up with this show and all of these characters mean the absolute world to me, I relate to them on a deep level and I've rewatched all 9 seasons of this so many times that if you tell me a quote from the show I can tell you who said it and in what context and season (maybe even episode) it was said. It's probably the best teen drama ever made and except for lack of representation (which i can excuse to some extent because it started airing in the early 00s) this is really something everyone can and should watch. Nothing beats the friendships in this show. I'm still searching for the brooke & haley to my peyton tbh

the vampire diaries (2009 - 2017) this show is very special to me because I started learning english more intensely and on my own outside of school because I couldn't wait until they were showing the eps with german dub half a year after they originally aired. I had to wait 4 years until the show made stefan & caroline a couple and no other ship has ever come close to how I felt (and still feel) about them. best friends to lovers will always get me and they did it so well. we do not talk about anything after 7x05, the show ended there for me tyvm. they were by far the best part of the show for me since I dislike a lot of the decisions the show made a lot of the time. but they were the reason I created a tumblr account back in 2015 that I've since forgot the name and password for 😂 it was an account dedicated to making icons for tvd. ugh i miss shows with multiple seasons and 24 eps for each season

blueming (2021) this bl drama is always gonna be important to me since it made me decide to choose film as the thing I want to major in. I got really into independent movies after watching blueming because the cinematography of it astounded me and I wanted to learn more about it and how to create beautiful shots like those in the drama myself. I also rewatch it frequently. siwon is very dear to me.

taxi driver (2021 - 2023) i debated if i should put this or the devil judge/flower of evil/happiness here because i love them all dearly and they're all tied for my fav kdramas of all time but this one was the first kdrama i watched weekly as it aired and I was so obsessed with it and its cases and characters. i love darker themes and case-by-case dramas, it's my favorite genre when it comes to korean shows. kim doki is such a dear character to me and i love the way jehoon plays him. words can't describe how happy i am that it's back on my screen and just as good as it always was. (plus pyo yejin is one of my biggest celebrity crushes i love her sm)

the haunting of hill house (2018) one of the greatest shows ever made and imo the best of its genre. ep 6 of this show especially impressed me so much because it just consists of multiple one-shots. i love mike flanagan, he's my favorite director and if you're into psychological horror i more than recommend watching this and midnight mass because they're both masterpieces. mike has this way of connecting horror and sadness and he does it so so well. I could write essays about his filmmaking and he's my biggest inspiration when it comes to film.

my engineer (2020) this was the first bl I was really invested in, I even bought tickets to the online fanmeeting which i usually never do for anything. these characters and actors really helped me get through the lockdowns in 2020. one of the few bls where they managed to give everyone their fair screen time and made everyone's story enjoyable to watch. also very important part of why i loved watching it was the lack of fanservice they made the actors do and that we got them all in one room reacting to every episode together. it was the best and i wish more shows would do it.

light on me (2021) oh what a show. even though I don't like the ending and I think the last episode had some continuity issues and felt like a second thought in some ways I thorougly enjoyed the ride this drama took me on. the runtime allowed for the show to explore its characters well and made us able to connect with them. i miss that for newer shows a lot. shin daon is and probably will always be my favorite k-bl character, he felt so real and I could see an old version of myself in him. he deserved a lot better and I hope he's off to college living his best life, he deserves it.

one day at a time (2017 - 2020) let me just say that I am NOT a sitcom enjoyer. shows that are targeted to make me laugh usually don't and I get bored early on because I don't get the appeal. nothing against these shows, they just don't speak to me. HOWEVER odaat is a huge exception because I was hooked to the well-balanced use of humor and deep conversations and topics portrayed in this show. plus it also made me laugh!! and sometimes also cry both in the span of 5 minutes. these characters have a special place in my heart. elena halped me a lot in my journey of self-discovery and I loved the way the show portrayed her journey.

bonus: (i know this technically makes it 9 but i didn't know where to put it)

wish you (2021) I'm adding this as well but extra since I only ever watch the movie version of it. it's imo the only kbl that works as a movie. even though not a lot of people love this, it is my most rewatched k-bl (and I think bl in general). I adore Sang Yi, he's a lot like me and watching him be an awkward mess in front of his crush and idol is very cute to watch. the OST for this show is also so good i listen to it all of the time.

i will tag @ghostvalleymasters i hope you haven't done this yet :)

[vtori73]

Back when Yuri on ice first came out I was very depressed, I deal with depression on & off kind of regularly but this time it was specifically triggered from a big event/s that happened in my life. Tumblr is what introduced me to the series too, I saw gifs that made it seem hilarious and ridiculous, I mean imagining being a sexy pork cutlet bowl, really???

And so I started watching it on my own, and it immediately became my new hyper fixation, it's what kept my mind off of the depressing thoughts and brought some joy back into my life, I related so much to Yuri too being someone who suffered from social anxiety, depression, low self esteem, having a dog that passed recently (same year the anime came out & fyi was one the thins that set of my depression), black hair + glasses and also being bisexual (of course this part is a head canon but it did seem hinted at).

I honestly kind of forgot about this too but then hearing about the movie cancellation and reading people's reactions and love & nostalgia for the series I was very much reminded of the adoration I had for this show. I'm more so mad than sad about this news tbh, I honestly wasn't ever expecting the movie to actually get made but I can't lie and say a small part of me held out hope for possibly more YOI content because that was very much a show that held my heart together when i couldn't do it myself. I also can't help but feel anger over how the studio went about this all, I mean why drag things out for so long? What was the point of it all? Why not just be honest and just cancel it and not wait 7-8 years to do so? Why???

Yuri on ice was exactly what I needed at the time, and while I haven't really rewatched since I might have to finally give it a go some time soon. Part of the reason why I held off doing so was because some aspects immediately didn't age well for me and made it hard to want to rewatch it because I didn't want it to taint my original memories of the show and the enjoyment I had for it but I think I should finally give it a go.

[siriwhatsmygender]

Yo we're about to switch from Don't Starve to Kdrama reviews and maybe Sims4 stuff for awhile so if you wanna hop off now I will not be offended.

Anyway, shows I've been watching lately! The King's Affection, Joseon Marriage Agency, and the first episode of Homme Fatale. And of course, my nth rewatch of The Good Place. I've got my mother hooked on it, too! Below are my thoughts on The King's Affection.

The King's Affection - I think I got about halfway through this series. It's not that I'm definitely not gonna finish it, but I've kinda lost interest in the last few episodes.

CW: Child death, public executions, suicide, murder, sexism, childbirth, torture, light gore, and probably other's I've forgotten or haven't got to yet.

Summary: Because twins are banned in Joseon, the King orders the Crown Prince to kill the younger, girl twin his wife just gave birth to. With the help of her trusted bodyguard, the Crown Princess fakes the girl's death and sends her into hiding. Many years later, the boy twin dies, and the girl twin must disguise herself to take his place.

Thoughts: starts off very sad, with the death of multiple children. The first episode is pretty emotionally rough. The second episode lightens considerably in tone, but the series is pretty dark overall. I love the main character, Lee Whi, who is hot has heck crossdressing as a man. The main love interest, a royal tutor, is sweet, cute, and very likable. He's quite smart and uses his wits to help him survive the palace and win the favor of the King, though he'd much rather be working at his health clinic. He also falls in love with Lee Whi when he thinks she's a man, and freaks out a little bit but then takes it in stride, which is endearing.

The second main love interest.... is Lee Whi's cousin. So that's a bit rough. He is loyal and the kinda of politely deranged character that I love. Everytime I feel sad that his love is unrequited, I remind myself... they're cousins. Don't feel too bad.

They kill off the mother (the current queen) fairly quickly and with no lead up. Just, Lee Whi is learning to be a boy and the crown prince, and then it's a quick cut to the mother dying. I had to rewind to find if I missed something. Nope, it's just a plot device to show that Lee Whi is almost completely alone.

I stopped watching because... at some point, all Lee Whi does is cry. Which is fair! She's losing everything! But the middle episodes are so steeped in misery, I didn't want to keep watching.

There is also some minor issues with the side characters being hurt for plot devices; you see their affect on the character and on Lee Whi but by the end of the episode you couldn't tell they had been hurt.

I very much like the Prince's bodyguard, who is silent and brooding and quietly loyal but! There's a twist. Might go back to watching just for him, tbh.

[yesimwriting]

fic ideas!!

a/n some fic ideas i've wanted to write but couldn't bc i was on a family trip and my laptop was broken,, i'm making this post to motivate myself to write and to sort out my ideas and motivate myself, these aren't really in a particular order of motivation lol

also the fandom list is kinda all over the place lmao,, many interests

Matt Murdock x reader - I'm personally not a full-on song fic person, but i can't stop thinking about a fic that's (loosely) inspired by 'The Way I Loved You' by Taylor Swift. Like imagine the reader and Matt broke up bc Matt was struggling to keep his identity secret from her, and now she needs legal help and her perfectly well meaning, super nice boyfriend contacts Matt to be her lawyer. She keeps insisting that she likes how her current relationship is easy, and then they get into a petty argument and she realizes she misses it.

Conrad Fisher x reader - (first quarter-ish is actually in the drafts), basically the reader is childhood best friends with Belly and is staying in Cousins as Belly's guest for the summer, but she recently got broken up with and her ex's family happens to be renting a house at Cousins for the summer. Conrad and her come up with a fake dating plan bc he wants an alibi as he sulks and drinks by himself for most of the summer. Fake dating in the Jenny Han universe is everything to me. Considering turning it into a love triangle thing with Jeremiah but not sure how I feel about that lol. Could see this having multiple parts.

Anakin Skywalker x reader (rewatched a couple movies on my flight and it woke up a bunch of my old feels lol) - reader is royalty and Anakin's been assigned to get her through a difficult political time where people keep attempting assassinate members of the royal family, but while that's happening she's meeting with suitors bc she has to get married and he gets jealous. Also could see the reader being portrayed as kind of chaotic and wanting nothing to do with a body guard and then when anakin pulls up she's like oh no :0 he's hot Could see this as a multi-part fic with me adding some world building stuff just bc i want to practice that.

fleabag - honestly no idea but that show has been STUCK in my head and i would love to do something with it, but tbh i don't think there's an audience for it and idk i feel like i wouldn't do it justice

i also want to do something for the great, and i have a started one in my drafts but idk lol

peter parker x reader - technically* spider-man x reader bc this would be set after no way home, and would be about the reader as someone who recently got super powers and is now kind of working with spider-man, but she doesn't know his secret identity. The reader comes from a wealthy background and her family sets her up with Harry Osborne, and ofc, after No Way Home, that name is a total trigger, so he's like ?? and then some jealousy stuff bc i love that vibe

honestly reallyyyy in the mood to write about marvel (i like the idea of writing for bucky), i kinda want to make a marvel oc but probably won't lol

[namtanlovesfilm]

I don't know about you, but I still live in the illusion that Not Me hasn't ended yet. Like I keep rewatching it, read fanfictions and interacting with the fandom. I honestly haven't been able to watch another tv show let alone another bl since episode 14, and I tried really hard. I downloaded Instagram just to follow Off, Gun and the rest of the cast. I bought fabric paint just to try to remake Black's iconic jacket, and fail. I made PowerPoint presentations to explain to my friend, who doesn't watch Bls, why Not Me is so great. And I presented it to him while "dressing up" as Black. And let me tell you something sleeveless shirt don't suit me at all, but I painted on my arm Blacks tattoo and needed to show it off. Actually I lied the only show I was able to watch is Theory of love, but thats only because regardless of what's going on in my life, I have to rewatch it at least once a month.

I know we were all joking about the Not me brain rot, but I don't think is a joke anymore. Send help

OMG!!! firstly, I'm sorry but you making a powerpoint presentation to convince your friends of not me's greatness while dressed up as black is literally the most iconic thing ever, WHAT??? I love u for that anon!!! secondly, oof. I feel you so much, like I get so sad every day bc not me was the most vivid fandom experience I'd had in a while, and now it's over :( I watch a LOT of shows every year, and there's many that I love, but none of them have captured my heart quite like not me. like for fourteen weeks, the ONLY thing constantly on my mind was not me, and it's hard to turn that off. in fact... I don't want to turn that off. I still think about not me all the time, and I think I'll do a rewatch next week after my theory of love rewatch that I'm starting this week :) and also since I write not me fanfics, that world is never truly leaving me & it stays in my mind every day. but I don't think it's a bad thing tbh, it's amazing to be so invested in a show, and I hope this fandom doesn't die just yet bc I'm personally just getting started. and as for being unable to watch other shows, especially bl... I feel you. I'm watching a few but they're pretty mediocre so it doesn't feel the same. and even my ride, which I loved, I only watched bc I knew it would have NOTHING in common with not me (and it still managed to use one of its songs & have yok's mom in one of the scenes LMAO.) that's why I'm not watching kinnporsche rn tbh, I genuinely can't bring myself to bc it's also a dark & mature bl show and I wanna stay in my not me bubble. so yeah... I couldn't agree more with you, and I actually think it's refreshing that this show is having such a lasting impact on many of us? in a world where shows are being consumed at an increasingly consumeristic pace, I love that this little vigilante show just... hits different <3

xxx

[dialovers-translations]

Happy 2 years anniversary☺️👏!

I'm glad I found thy blog. Honestly speaking it helped into getting me into the franchise. Thou hast no idea how much I owe thee.

I was looking online for reverse harem and vampire animes and stumbled upon Diabolik Lovers. At first I thought it wouldt be about a human moving in with vampires, then she falleth in love with one of them and they fall for her and create a love triangle. (For some reason I also was under the impression that Subaru wast the oldest brother?).

How wrong was I ?!

I always do some research before deciding whether or not I will watch or read something and I saw plenty hate blogs about Diabolik Lovers and the abuse featured in it. But I preferred watching for myself.

When I first watched the anime, I dropped it immediatly because the way they treated Yui triggered my abuse and bullying traumas. But then I thought about all the characters and shows that I first hated, but ended up loving later on. So I gave it a second shot. Needless to say I only watched a few parts and never a full episode, before dropping it again. Still, something wouldt just not let me forget about it. So I gave it on more chance. But instead of rewatching it, I checked online about more informations on it. When I read about the characters' pasts, I felt for them because I can relate to everything they went through. (All those things literally happened to me too). But I still could not excuse not tolerate the way they treated Yui.

In spite of myself, though, I still felt a connection to Subaru. The loneliness and pain I sensed in his eyes and aura were very relatable. So I did more research and learnt about the games. Which confused me even more, because even though I had grew up with mangas and animes, I had never even heard the word 'otome' before.

And while searching, I happened to come across thy translations. I admit that at first I only read things that had Subaru in them. Everything else just interested me not. But with time, thine other translations picked up my curiousity and started taking sneak peeks on other characters routes and compact discs. Which helped me learn more about and understand better the characters and the franchise.

So thank thee. Oops, I only meant to congratulate thee and I ended up rumbling about myself again. My apologies.

Congratulations again.

Thank you so much!

I find it interesting how our initial experiences with DL are kind of similar? While I don't have any personal experience with abuse (nor is it a direct trigger for me), I don't particularly enjoy dark content so when I picked up HDB, Laito's route was enough to turn me off the game for almost two years. ^^;; I could somewhat manage Ayato's route because he has some funny and cute moments too, but I just couldn't understand how ANYONE could play Laito's HDB route for their personal enjoyment.

I'm still not a fan of that route in particular, but I've grown to like most of the characters through the additional content (mostly the funny tokuten CDs tbh xD) and now I enjoy playing most of the routes and listening to most CDs. uwu (Just no icky bodily gore noises Rejet plz ;;;)

[namtanlovesfilm]

Hey Axelle, thank you so much for rewatching tol, because i started rewatching myself (2nd time for 2022 - i won’t say how many times i rewatch it since my first watch but it’s a lot because it hurts soooo good)

To me, tol is so iconic & tbh yes off’s acting was off the charts in not me but he was so good in tol too, like actual king, he lit up my heart with his cuteness and then broke it with his sadness

(some) reasons why tol is iconic:

both leads being super cute and savage at the same time;

the straight baiting with two and lynn;

the absolute genius of the change of pov;

the importance of the movie theme, it’s so important for the characters AND the storytelling;

the way they use the romantic tropes, like they even ruin the ones they use e.g. when third first rode with khai on chawee, it’s with romantic & like a romantic scene but then in the next ep, third relives the experience as horrible because khai is a terrible driver, and i adore that;

the way third values his friendship with khai without letting his jealousy ruin it. Like, he helps khai with girls (e.g. he’s the one organizing khaki’s first date with curly hair girl) while in other medias he would’ve done all he could to ruin khai’s chance with girls. I love that when third says he doesn’t want to ruin their friendship because it’s so important to him, it is actually shown to the audience & we really feel like third doesn’t see his situation as being "friendzoned" but as a "i’m in love with my best friend" and it really shows (i don’t know if i’m making sense but yeah…)

Anyways, i love tol, it’s one of my fav show of all time and all places, and i love revisiting it, so thank you again for bringing it back to me 💕

(And reblogging your awesome gif sets, thank you!)

hi anon! omg yay we're twinning with the tol rewatches <3 could not agree more, off was INCREDIBLE as khai too & deserves more credit for it!!! and your reasons???? ummm... YES!!! couldn't agree more, firstly every character of the show is so lovely, I adore them all!!! second of all, the "straight baiting" is SO great bc like the whole untwo-lynn storyline is SO bisexual and full of angst & repressed feelings, yet lynn is not ONCE demonized, and you just KNOW two & her stayed friends afterwards and laughed about how they dated for a month, like... ugh don't get me started on the untwo storyline bc it's literal perfection!!! then I've talked in length about how theory of love is one of the rare shows that was able to choose one theme and RUN with it, like that show just makes you want to watch movies so bad & incorporated them so well into the plot, it's just SO good ahhh!!! and OMG you are SO RIGHT about them having the cliché romantic tropes but also mocking them at the same time!!! like even third, as I've said before, is one of the only bl & romance characters that is in love & knows he's incredibly biased and would do anything for khai, but also ROLLS his eyes about it bc he hates it LMAO! like it's so relatable bc being in love is not just heart eyes 24/7, it's also being like "that man really isn't that great" and "why the fuck did I do that?" :'))) and finally, YES about the friendship!!! I've said it since my first watch during the summer of 2019, but I consider theory of love a friendship show more than a romcom imo, bc the friendship is not only central to the whole show with the savage gang (tol is one of the only bl posters that features the main friend group on it & not just the main bl ship!), but also central to khaithird's relationship bc they are best friends before becoming lovers. so yeah, that show is truly so special & even though it's so angsty I'm just going 🥰🥰🥰 the whole time!!! thank you for supporting my gifsets, it means a lot <3

xxx