#Sorry I got bored of making it illegible halfway through. It's actually so hard because I'm so smart and coherent that it's sooo hard to

[mood2you]

No no no I'm seriuos abbout "the hitory" o hithhikers.

Thjis iis the Paii rst Trail whih ii 10o0 melles lon gamed opal you will hike it by bapain. You'r stellipd I yo play ten oh "hav" to "hike" the that swole thin got oatmeal tied, moist and all oh, why perpheration puppies May themselves to entertain a oiles passed our that used to ts--and as a peeper wi a ar n Yosemite o welhel ao get susted twit.

What i you're hiking on the John Muir Trail or doing the Valley > LIttle YV > Tuolumne loop and won't iniish iit? You need to go bak to your base amp.

Usually what II Isee rom Hithhiikers is limbers who just limbed bak down a mountain

Imagine that this map, the yellow shows the loop o the ree shuttle and the red is the other roads. I've gotten 2 hithhikers that seemingly just didn't want to walk 3 miles rom bridalveil on top o everything else they've just done.

Now... Grnted... Imagine... Beleiving that Yosemite is one o the last hithiking strongholds and piking up someone who is abusiing that belie

[smol-and-grumpy]

Light My Fire - CH03

Pairing: CEO!Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: She always thought her boss was an ill-tempered man, but when he presents her with a proposition she can’t quite deny, she gets to know him better. It’s not bad, right? Because all she has to do is being fake married to him for six months, sounds do-able, right? Right.

Warnings: There’s sweet fluff in this.

WC: 2738

Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.

Beta’d by @deanwanddamons​​ <3

SERIES MATSTERLIST

They enjoy their glass of wine in silence before her stomach starts to growl. It growls the loudest she’s ever heard. Maybe it’s because she hasn't had anything to eat since this morning, and her stomach rebels against the wine as it’s  the only thing in there. She should have known better.

Dean must have heard it because he starts to chuckle, “What toppings do you like? I thought we could share one.” 

“Sure, but don’t judge, please?” She says as she stands up, sees Dean’s eyes on her and feels the urge to cover up. He gets up from his chair and takes the towel she brought out with her, holds it up for her to cover herself.

When he looks at her again, he has one eyebrow cocked, “Why should I judge?”

 “Uh, because I quite like pineapples on pizza,” 

“I don’t judge,” Dean scoffs, and adds, “But I really think that should be illegal,” He laughs, but he doesn’t say anything more, and goes in to order their pizza. 

Y/N slips in while he’s on the phone and goes straight to her room, and changes into something comfortable. Now that she’s seen that he wears sweats, she’s happy to match him. It’s actually pretty weird seeing Dean like this because the only clothes she ever saw him in are suits, it makes her think that he even sleeps in them. She wonders if he has other clothes at all.

When the pizza arrives, Dean moves the glasses and bottle into the living room and asks her what movie she wants to watch, but she really doesn’t mind so she lets him choose. Dean zaps through Netflix and settles on Bird Box. 

While the movie starts, he hands her some napkins, and she’s wondering if that’s enough, because she’d hate to ruin the nice couch. He must have sensed her hesitation because he’s smirking, “It’s okay, you don’t wanna know what I managed to spill on this couch already,”

“Ewww,” She mocks, cringes her nose and he snorts out a laugh.

It’s easy, she thinks. It’s easy to let herself go. It’s easy to be here with him and just talk about anything outside of work. She comes to the conclusion that Dean’s not such an asshole after all. In fact, he’s a real gentleman. And that’s not really good, is it? It makes her feel things she shouldn’t feel.

She shakes the thought out of her head and takes a slice of pizza out of the box. It’s then  that she realizes that the whole pizza is riddled with pineapples. She frowns, “I thought you didn’t like pineapples on pizza?”

“I don’t,” Dean shrugs, takes a bite and pretends to wrinkle his nose before he grins with his mouth full and continues to eat. 

Y/N doesn’t think she makes it far into the movie because her eyelids are getting heavy halfway through. It’s the most illogical, most boring thing she’s ever seen, but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings so she tries to watch it. 

Last thing she remembers, though, is that she’s half leaning against Dean before she fell asleep. 

 ***

 Y/N wakes up in a bed. It’s clearly not hers. It took her an embarrassingly long time to realize that she’s in Dean’s apartment and that she’s in her bedroom. 

Oh no, she remembers eating pizza with Dean, remembers falling asleep to the stupid movie. He must have carried her to her bed. 

Her own fucking boss had to carry her to bed! If that’s not embarrassing she doesn’t know what is. 

She scans the room and her eyes settle on the clock on her nightstand. It’s already past 8am. She slept like a baby through her alarm but in her defense, the bed is so fucking comfortable, more comfortable than her own, and it’s only a fucking guest room. She wonders how comfortable Dean’s bed must be. How he can even wake up and get out of it every morning astounds her.

And then, the thought of being late for work crosses her mind before she realizes that she doesn’t have to go in. Realizes that she didn’t sleep through her alarm because she didn’t set one in the first place.

Grabbing her phone, she sees that there’s a text from Ruby.

 R: How was your first night? Did you consummate your fake marriage? *wink wink* 

 Then a text ten minutes later.

 R: Oh my god, it should have been a joke but you did, didn’t you? He’s in a remarkably good mood. Didn’t bitch about the coffee I brought him at all!

 Ah, Dean’s already at work then. He’s usually there before she turns up, and now she knows why. It’s only about a ten minutes walk from his apartment. 

 Y/N: Relax, nothing happened.

R: Ah, there she is.

Y/N: I slept in. The bed is so comfortable!

R: His bed I’d hope!

 She snorts out a laugh. 

 Y/N: No, I have my own room that’s bigger than my apartment.

R: Ugh, maybe I can come see you? Wanna see how the most not eligible bachelor lives. Or send me pics! Oh shit, he called out for me. I need to go. But I swear, whatever you’ve done to him. Do it again! I like to work for him when he’s not constantly yelling at people.

 She chuckles at that. She doesn’t answer Ruby though, instead she sends a text to Jack, telling him that she’s got another job that would secure him his degree and that everything’s okay.

Climbing out of bed, she decides to get coffee. It’s weird not having to go to work and she kind of misses it a little. 

Y/N walks out into the kitchen where there’s still a faint smell of his cologne and coffee in the air. A deadly combination for her brain apparently, because it makes her insides tingle in all the right places. She looks around and immediately spots a yellow sticky note left on the machine. 

It’s Dean’s handwriting. She knows it from all the scribblings he leaves on her desk when he already shut off his laptop and thinks about something that she must do for him the next day. 

 The machine is easy to handle. On, off. That’s it. I’m sorry I made you watch that movie. If you want to know, it didn’t get better after you fell asleep. Two hours of our lives, wasted. I’ll see you tonight, maybe we can watch something else — D

 She’s smirking. He really took his time this morning to write her a fucking novel. It really baffles her that he goes out of his way for her and it really seems like he genuinely cares to make her stay with him as comfortable as he can. Well, it does benefit him too, come to think of it.

 *

 After another round on the massage comforter, she walks into her room to find a message from Jack. 

 J: I hope you don’t sell yourself for my benefit. But I trust you. Miss you x

 She has to smirk and immediately types an answer back.

 Y/N: Just stay in college and make me proud, alright?

 Just when she’s about to put her phone away, it lights up with a call.

Dean.

“Hello?” She says, wondering if she should add sir to it at first but decides to drop it.

“Hey, you slept alright?”

She smiles, “Yeah, thanks. It’s the most comfortable bed.” She bites on her tongue so as to not ask him about him carrying her back to said bed.

There’s a light chuckle on the other end, “Good. Listen, I went over my schedule today because Ruby didn’t do it for me, and saw that I can’t have a movie night this evening like I wrote on the note,” He pauses to think, “You found the note, right?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“So, you maybe did know this because you arranged the invitation and you put it into my calendar, but I didn’t until about twenty minutes ago,”

She thinks hard about his schedule, remembers that there was something. An event. Some kind of gala. 

“But instead of watching a movie, what would you say to me taking you out?” He says, “I called them and managed to do a last minute adjustment to my invitation.”

“Oh,” She huffs out, knowing where Dean wants to go with that.

“Thought it’d be a good opportunity to show them my wife. Are you in?”

He still asks, even if he actually doesn’t have to? Because yeah, she obviously can’t be a fake wife in private. The world needs to see it. Amara needs to see it.

“I guess,” She mutters. She is actually not really sure if she can pull that off. Her heart beats faster just thinking about walking on a red carpet.

“Y/N, you don’t have to, you know,” It’s as if he senses her dread, “I don’t want to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, but we should at least try to look like a happily married couple and we can’t pretend if you don’t want to.”

“No— I mean, it’s okay, I’ll do it,” Her voice is more firm this time. She wants to. Wants to show him that she can do it. 

It shouldn’t be hard, right? She’s been with a man before. She knows all that hand holding stuff. And Dean’s paying her double for god’s sake. What’s an evening of being flirty with him? It’s not like he is an old greasy man. Well, maybe that would be better? Maybe then she will not risk falling for him? Because that’s what is going to happen if she’s not careful, she just knows it. And then she’ll get her heart broken. Even though a broken heart is a little price to pay if it means that Jack can finally start his own future, come to think of it.

“Okay,” There’s a huff of breath, he’s smiling, she can hear it, “Good. I’ll get Gabe to drop off my card, you can go shopping for a dress. The card has no limit, just buy whatever you want, alright?”

She grins smugly, “I need shoes, too.”

“Buy all the things you want.”

“Alright, sir.”

“Y/N, stop calling me that. Unless,” He pauses and there’s a playfulness in his voice, “That’s what you like.”

She’s glad it’s not a video call, so he isn’t able to see that her face is burning up. She doesn’t say anything and Dean takes the hint.

“Right, I have another meeting, I’ll see you around 7pm. The gala starts at 8pm.”

“K, bye Dean.”

“Have fun.”

*

 Y/N’s standing in her room as she waits for Dean to come back. He’ll probably need to shower and get dressed too. 

Gabe came by to drop off Dean’s Centurion card and he walked straight into Dean’s bedroom to drop off Dean’s tux onto his bed. She never had such a card in her hands, it feels heavy, made of platinum, not like her cheap plastic one that she only uses once in a blue moon.

At first she didn’t know where to go because she hadn't been dress shopping for a gala before. She wondered if H&M would be a good choice but then thinks that it probably wouldn’t. While she was out shopping she looked into shop windows and came across a beautiful long sleeved sequin pattern dress in gold. 

She never knew gold would look good on her but the shop assistant was so nice, even though she knows it’s that woman’s job, she felt really good in the dress and it wasn’t over the top with the price so Dean should be okay with it. She couldn’t resist buying matching shoes, too. 

Later, she splashed out some money for lingerie that she could wear under it and hoped that Dean wouldn’t mind. He told her to buy whatever she likes, so.

And now, she’s nervously pacing around her room. Her pacing only stops when she hears footsteps approaching.

There’s a knock at her door, “Y/N, you okay?”

“Yeah,” She manages to say.

“Good, sorry I’m a little late, had to pick up something on the way. I’ll shower and get dressed. Meet you in the living room in thirty minutes?”

“Sure,”

She hears him opening the door to his room.

Thirty minutes. Ugh. She hasn’t even applied makeup yet. She’s so nervous.

After a last check in the mirror, she walks out into the living area, her heels clicking on the marble flooring. She’s not used to wearing such high heels, and prays  that she won’t stumble and fall flat on her face. 

As she rounds the corner into the living area, she sees Dean already waiting for her, dressed in a fitting tux and smelling so fucking delicious. He looks like he’s just stepped out of a glossy magazine spread and that’s not fair. She can already see the press giving them a caption for their picture together. It reads, DEAN WINCHESTER COULD DO SO MUCH BETTER. 

Y/N can feel Dean’s eyes on her. They’re wide and his lips part slightly before they curve up into a smile. It’s bright and white. She’s smiling too, can’t not smile when he’s looking at her like that. Looking at her like she’s the only one that matters. She’s not used to it at all.

“Wow,” Dean breathes out, “You look beautiful.”

She was already blushing before but now her cheeks heat up a little more, “Thank you. You’re not bad yourself.”

Dean has to chuckle and then all of a sudden, he runs back to his room, “I’ll be right back,”

After about a minute Dean reappears clutching things in his hand. One of them is a pocket square. He went in and picked out a color that matches her dress. She has to grin at that.

He places it inside his jacket but he seems to struggle, “Can you help me, I—”

“Of course,” She grins, and steps closer to him, arranging the pocket square so that I’d look nice. Patting his pocket, she leaves her hand on his chest when she’s done, feels his heartbeat underneath her palm. She can swear it beats a little faster than usual, not that she knows his resting heart rate. “All set.” She says and Dean grins at her. 

“Okay, now my turn,” Dean licks his lips and clears his throat, and she can’t help but wonder what he means by his turn.

She doesn’t have to wait long, because Dean opens up the little box he was still clutching and she can see the princess cut diamond engagement ring with a matching wedding band. 

“Dean, no.”

“Why, Dean, yes.” He chuckles, takes them out, and takes her left hand in his. “Y/N, will you give me the honor of being my fake wife for real now?” 

Y/N has to giggle at that, “Yeah, of course,”

He smiles, slips the ring onto her ring finger and to her surprise, they fit perfectly. She looks at Dean, raises her eyebrow, “Let me guess, Ruby?”

“Yeah,” Dean smirks, and then he shows her his left hand, “I have one, too. So, you ready?”

“Not really?” 

“That’s the spirit,” Dean places his hand around her waist, pulls her close and kisses her cheek softly. 

It does nothing to calm her down because she’s even more nervous now. 

“You gotta try to keep me from falling, okay?,” She says as he moves his hand to the small of her back, and guides her to the door. 

“I would never let you fall,” Dean shows her a small smile and they step into the elevator. 

In there, she eyes him up again, can’t quite take her eyes off him. He looks so good with the slight scruff and the freckles, the crinkles around his eyes deepen the longer she stares at him. 

“What?” He asks her, raises an eyebrow.

“You look good, Mr. Winchester,” She says with a smile.

“You too, Mrs. Winchester. Most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. And I’m not lying.” He leans in, places another kiss on her heated cheeks before the elevator comes to a halt. 

He helps her get out and Gabriel’s already waiting, holding the limousine door open for them.

CH04

[smutbymia]

streetracer!mark (pt.2): 2 Fast

Click here for streetracer!mark (pt.1): Go

Mark hadn’t said much since he started driving. You had tried to make conversation here and there about racing but he seemed to dismiss everything you said fairly quickly with curt responses. He did however, slide his hand over your thigh as he gripped it for the remainder of the ride, sometimes tapping his fingers against it to the beat of a song as he hummed or simply rubbing his thumb back and forth over the delicate flesh.

You couldn’t help but feel uneasy at the sudden display of affection but why? There’s no way I’m actually... feeling things for him, you thought to yourself. After only having sex once? You accidentally let out a deep sigh. Mark snapped his head around to face you with a look of concern before squeezing your thigh softly.

“Babe, are you okay?” he asked suddenly. “I-i mean... shit my bad,” he stuttered as he pulled his hand away from your thigh to grip the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles went white. He was next to let out a deep sigh, but the awkwardness didn’t last long before his phone rang. He fumbled around for it in his pocket before putting it on speaker and dropping it into the cup holder.

“Hyung, where the hell are you?” said a voice on the other line. “Ah, haechan... I’m on my way into town now. I’ll see you in a bit, I’m driving,” responded Mark. You recognized that name. Haechan was one of the 6 boys in marks crew and a rookie racer who had competed and done fairly well in smaller circuit races.

“Driving what? We have your car!” responded Haechan. Mark sighed again “Are you at the spot? Im 5 minutes away and I’m coming to get my car. Don’t even think about getting in it if you idiots have been drinking again. I have to race that thing tomorrow night,” he scolded. It was the first time in a while that he seemed like the Mark you were most familiar with.

“Race? What race?” you tried to whisper. Official races were never scheduled back to back. “HEY, whose voice is that hyung?” teased haechan in a sing-song voice. Mark ended the call immediately without giving the boy a chance to say anything else. You met his gaze and raised your eyebrows at him.

“He’s drunk and annoying, don’t mind him,” he said. “Oh, and that race... let’s say it’s a bit of a side thing. It’s not an official race for the competition.” All races were illegal but you heard that there were other ones that would happen even without the knowledge of officiators because the stakes were incredibly high with houndreds of thousands of dollars up for prize money.

With stakes that high, the races were considered to be the most dangerous as they had very little rules in place. The amount of “accidents” that would occur during them were far too high to be a coincidence and a lot of the racers that participated were ones that were kicked out of the main league for racing too dirty.

“Mark... why would you get involved in those kinds of races? You know you could end up being disqualified from the main league, right?” you asked, sounding alarmed. “Besides, you could get killed if you even come close to winning. I heard —“ you began.

“Cut that shit out,” mark said frankly as he interrupted you mid sentence. You were taken aback by his sudden disrespect. The shock turned into anger almost immediately. “Excuse me?” you proclaimed. Mark ran one of his hands through his hair as he silently cursed himself. He knew he shouldn’t be speaking to you that way but, fuck it.

“Just shut up, okay. I know what I’m doing,” he said. You had arrived at some bar in town where a bunch of racers would gather after a night like this. Mark pulled the keys out of the ignition before you both got out of the car. He tossed them to you over the hood as you made your way back over to the driver seat.

“Go home,” he ordered as he walked past you and straight for the entrance. “Asshole,” you yelled after him, your voice cracking slightly. He seemed to hesitate a bit before turning around and walking back over to you.

“C’mon baby girl, don’t tell me you thought I’d be a changed man after one fuck,” he said in low and hushed tone as he approached you. That darkness was back again. He stood over you now, reaching for your chin the way he had done earlier that night, gripping it so tight you couldn’t look anywhere but at his face.

You clenched your hands at your side as tears pooled in your eyes. Marks eyes glanced quickly at the fists you had formed next to you before laughing quietly. “I can tell you want to hit me again but you already know what that does to me,” he began. “I know you’d probably love it if I fucked you right here for everyone to see but I don’t have anymore time to play with you tonight,” he said as he pressed his body onto yours as your back remained forced against the driver door of your car.

“Maybe another time though, yeah?” he said as he landed a wet kiss on your lips and wiped a tear from your cheek as he forced a fake — almost evil, smile onto his face. You shoved him off of you as he laughed again, before you got into your car and sped out of the lot. You watched as a couple of faces pressed against the bars windows as they tried to see what the commotion was about.

Mark stood in place and watched as your car disappeared down the street. Despite how it seemed on the outside, Mark couldn’t stop the feeling that was growing inside of him. He didn’t even bother to stay and hang with the guys. He took his keys from haechan and headed straight home. He knew you were right. He knew he was taking a big risk. And because of that, he couldn’t afford to fall for you any faster. He couldn’t feel as though he had anything else to lose other than the bet he had placed on the race for tomorrow night. It was better for him to cut his most significant losses now.

You didn’t see mark again until the following weekend. Neither of you participated in the race that week so you hadn’t gone anywhere near the track, but you were out celebrating at the official after party being thrown that night at a club in the city to commemorate the halfway point of the competition being reached.

The private rooms on the second floor were reserved for the racers. Taemin was back in town and had convinced you to join him and his friends in their room with his girlfriend being the only other woman there to keep you company. It had been a rough week and all you cared about at this point was drinking until you didn’t even know your own name anymore.

You watched as people greeted your superstar brother from left and right as they grilled him about his latest races and praised him for his accomplishments. Because of him, so many young people saw street racing as a mere phase in their lives that would lead them to doing the real thing one day. They saw potential in themselves. You couldn’t help but feel proud.

“Yuri, cover for me please?” you begged Taemins girlfriend. You had spent most of the the night so far ranting to her about mark. She nodded and you used the opportunity to slip out of the room and head to the bar. 5 shots later, you were starting to feel so much more at ease. At this point lots more racers had finally started to arrive since the weekends race had finished up.

You set your eyes on a tall beautiful boy who donned a black leather jacket who you recognized. His name was Lucas. You had met in passing at races and talked on a few occasions so when he met your gaze from across the room, you knew it was only a matter of time before he made his way to you.

You skipped the pleasantries. “How was it tonight?” you asked him. He filled you in on the races as you guys chatted casually and drank together. He cracked jokes and flashed his heart stopping smile and you were thankful for the distraction because a minute later, you felt the energy around you shift. You looked over Lucas’ shoulder and locked eyes with Mark who was at the other end of the bar just as he slammmed a shot glass back down on the table in front of him. Lucas followed your gaze before turning back around to face you.

“Is your brother around? I should go say hello,” he said as he brought your attention back to the conversation. “Oh, yeah... I’ll take you to our room,” you offered as you slipped off of the stool. Lucas towered over you as you slipped your hand in his and dragged him through the crowded space. You didn’t even need to look because you could feel marks gaze follow you the entire time until the both of you disappeared out of his sight.

Mark was pissed. His friends chattered around him but seeing you had killed his mood entirely. It had been a week since the last time he saw you and had tried hard to distract himself but he cursed you for being right. Every time he got in his stupid car all he could think about was your soft voice calling him daddy and the way you rode him that night. The thought of tasting you again was the only thing that got him through that awful illegal race the next day but he felt uneasy knowing he fucked things up between the two of you. Now he was drunk, pissed off, and horny all over again and the one thing mark hated most was losing.

“I’m gonna go take a piss,” he lied, as he dismissed himself from his group of friends. He headed down the hall to the private rooms in search of you as music blasted around him. The lights had fallen low as the party went into full swing and he found himself shoving thorough groups of people in search for that bastard Lucas.

You had brought Lucas to see your brother before excusing yourself to head to the bathroom to avoid their boring conversation. You had just finished splashing some water on your face when you walked out and collided with a firm body, sending your own drunk body stumbling forward into it as they gripped your forearms to steady you.

“Sorry—“ you began to say, until you saw who you had run into. “Oh, it’s you,” you finished as your expression went cold.

“Mmm, you don’t seem very happy to see me,” taunted Mark as you pulled away from him. He stepped in front of you, blocking your path back towards the party. “Sexy,” he muttered as he ran his hand across the hem of the little black sphagetti strapped dress you wore.

“What the fuck do you want this time, Mark?” you asked him. It wasn’t until he had stepped backwards a bit out of the darkness of the hall did you realize he had a cut on his face that still semed to be healing underneath one of his eyes. Your voice dropped. “What happened to you?” you asked.

“Oh this?” he asked, as he ran his finger across the red line that had began to scab over, “Mm, I did pretty well at that race. They didn’t seem to like that very much though.”

You reached your hand up to run your fingers over the cut, sighing softly. You knew something would go wrong. Marks eyes fluttered shut as he let out a relaxed hum when your skin made contact with his. He slipped his arms around your waist and soon it felt like you were back in that world where only the two of you existed that night. He looked like that soft boy you only ever got to see a glimpse of, before he turned back into the asshole he typically was.

You dropped your hand from his face, suddenly remembering your last conversation. Marks eyes flew open and he pouted at the loss of contact. You tried to push past him but he blocked your path again before grabbing your hand and pulling you quickly in the opposite direction down the hall where no one had been all night. The darkness was so overwhelming that you had no idea how mark was even navigating you through it. You reached a small room, almost out of breath by then and he pulled you in before shutting the door behind you both.

“Mark, what the hell -“ you said before his lips crashed down against yours. He roped his hands into your hair and pulled gently, tilting your head back to expose your neck to himself. For a few seconds he did nothing but drop his face into the crook before taking in a few deep breaths. “Don’t ask me to explain myself,” he began. “Please.”

You had no clue what he was talking about. He lifted his head and released your hair from his grasp. This time he roped his fingers around your neck as he sprinkled soft kisses on your lips and across your face. “You better stay five feet away from Lucas and any other guy for that matter, at all times,” he whispered.

You couldn’t believe he even had the audacity. “I don’t belong to you, Mark,” you stated. “But don’t you, though?” he snapped back as he finally started to kiss his way down your neck again, gripping it softly in his hand. You let out a soft moan as you felt him press his body into yours, his erection planted firmly against your stomach.

“Mmm... you’re only trying to claim me because you desperately want me to claim you,” you said as you forced his hand off of you. The only way you could describe this interaction was as if it was a standoff of some sorts. You knew Mark was always putting on a tough guy act and you were determined for him to finally crack.

This time you took the lead on the kiss, leaving him flustered when you pulled away. You placed your hand on his shoulder pushing down slowly. Mark tried his best but you both knew he seemed to lose control the second you worked him up enough. He dropped to his knees in front of you as you began to hike up your dress. He kissed at your thighs as he dragged your panties down the length of your legs.

“Mark...It’s you who belongs to me, don’t you think?” you asked in a sultry tone. Mark froze, looking down at the floor. He hated this.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he muttered under his breath. “Just consider this as my apology... for being an asshole that other night,” he said in a quiet voice.

He buried his face between your legs, licking you with every ounce of energy he had in him. It was this very feeling you had been yearning for since you last saw him. His tongue lashed against your clit, knowing it was the quickest way to get you dripping for him before he directed his attention to your center, licking at the hole to taste your sweet juices. He hummed against your skin. He pulled away to slip a finger into you slowly, hooking it to massage against your g-spot. You arched your back and moaned at the sensation. Mark was so focused that he hadn’t even looked up at you once. He kept his gaze glued between your legs, mouth open in awe as he inserted another finger and watched as they both pumped in and out of you. He groaned at the sight alone before slipping both fingers out of you and popping them right into his mouth before pulling you towards him again for more.

At this point you were seeing stars. If this was his way of apologizing then you’d let him pick fights with you whenever he felt like it, you thought to yourself. Another moan escaped your lips as he explored every inch of your folds with his tongue, even stopping to kiss at your flesh in worship. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, mark thought to himself. He wanted every lick, every kiss, every taste to convey that message to you because he couldn’t bring himself to say the words out loud. He wanted to be yours so badly but he had too much pride to let such a confession slip from between his lips and so he committed himself to the sole objective of making you fall apart completely with his mouth and his mouth only.

The muscles in your abdomen contracted from the pleasure. He was begging for forgiveness and you could feel it. You whimpered and tried to pull away from him as the pleasure intensified. He pulled at your thighs, forcing you back into his grasp as he suckled on your clit, trying desperately to push you over the edge. He worked his fingers back into you as he targeted your g-spot once more. The combination of both sensations were too much to bare and your body convulsed against your will. You felt whatever feeling you had left in your legs disappear as they shook beneath you. Mark held you up until he felt your body relax and layed you down on a couch inside of the room. You took in deep breaths of air before allowing your eyes to flutter open. He hoevered above you and planted a soft kiss on your lips before speaking.

“I-i won’t be like that again, I promise. It was shitty. I’m shitty most of the time but you’re cool so i shouldn’t be so shitty to you, at least,” he said shyly. It was the closest thing to an apology you were going to get. You watched as his erection fought against the fabric of his jeans before you slipped your hand down to palm him gently. He let out a deep breath as he locked eyes with you.

“Your mouth is magical, Mark,” you responded as you trailed one of your fingers over his bottom lip. He kissed them sweetly. “I don’t care what you do to me as long as you keep making me cum like that,” you joked. He let out a soft laugh mixed with a groan as you unbutton his jeans and slipped your hands into his boxers to feel his flesh.

“Seriously,” he said as he planted another kiss on your lips. “You shouldn’t be okay with that kind of stuff,” he scolded. You raised your eyebrows at him before breaking into a smile.

“Wow, Mark Lee... do you actually care about me that much?” you teased. He blushed before he pulled your hand away from him. “Stop being funny y/n... don’t make me say it, because I will,” he warned.

The smile fell from your face and you felt your heart begin to race. You weren’t sure if you were ready to hear it yet. You sat up to pull his shirt from over his head and gasped when you saw the bruises that covered his torso. Patches of blue and purple were scattered over his body.

“Mark, what... what did they do to you?” you said as your eyes filled with tears quicker than you had ever expected.

“Hey, don’t cry. I’m fine. I promise,” he said as he wiped at your cheeks. “Just be a little gentle with me, okay?” he said as he flashed you a wink and drew your face in for a kiss. Gosh, what is wrong with me? You thought to yourself.

Soon things between you both had heated up again. You covered each others bodies with kisses, not waiting for the other to stop or to even give each other turns. You were fighting to give each other affection. Mark suckled on your nipples and you ran your fingers through his hair planting kisses on top of his head. Sex this time was different. It was like you were having a conversation with just your bodies.

It wasn’t until he was in between your legs and slowly slipping into you that you felt doomed. Your eyes locked into place with his. This time, each thrust wasn’t filled with just pleasure but raw emotion as he held you close, not daring to look away for even a second. Your shallow breaths and the sound of your wetness each time he pushed himself deeply into you was all that filled the room.

“Y-y/n, listen,” he said between grunts. “I was being a dick when I said it before but I’m going to say it one more time,” he moaned.

“Me and you, we can’t keep doing this forever,” he said. Your heart dropped, confused by his words. “Don’t get me wrong, It’s fun. But I can’t keep playing these games with you anymore. Especially when I keep losing,” he rambled on. He was quickly unravelling above you. His monologue was interrupted by a series of curse words that escaped him as he thrusted into you.

“I have too much of a temper to see you with other guys,” he confessed. “It’s bad enough I have to race those bastards to survive, I don’t want to have to compete against them for you too,” he said angrily. His thrusts became a little more agressive. He groaned loudly as he dropped his body down against yours and burried his head into your neck, sprinkling it with kisses as he moved in and out of you. You could feel your second orgasm approaching.

“Mark, don’t stop,” you ordered. “Please, baby!”

The sound of the precious pet name caused goosebumps that you could feel beneath your fingertips to raise over his skin. He was slowly unwravelling as well. Like electricity you felt the climax reach you through every inch of your body as it went into shock. Mark grunted, letting the prettiest, softest moans spill from his lips, seconds away from his own release. “I-I’m yours,” he said with his final thrusts “if you’ll let me be,” he finished. He released his load into you, warm cum spilling against your walls and filling you up.

“Ah, fuck,” he said as you felt his body relax overtop of you. You almost forgot where you were until smalll bits of the clubs music drifted into the room. You couldn’t help but be annoyed at the sounds of people nearby snapping you out of your dream like state with Mark. Soon you were shaking him off of you. “We have to get dressed,” you said.

He quietly pulled his clothing back on and helped you into your dress, zipping it up and running his hands down your arms as he planted a kiss on your shoulder from behind. “You look pretty tonight,” he murmured. You turned to face him and he gave you a soft smile. Before you could respond, the door flew open.

Haechan stood there mouth open as a smile danced across his face. “Sorry to interrupt but I had a feeling I’d find you here,” he said as he broke into a fit of giggles.

“Oh good, you guys actually have clothes on,” he continued. Mark sighed and rolled his eyes. “Haechan, what’s going on?” Mark asked.

“Oh, nothing... Taemin was just asking to see you,” he said with a devilish smile on his face. You and Mark exchanged a look.

You both rushed out of the room, trying your best to look composed.

“Y/n?” you heard your brothers voice call as he squinted at you from down the hall as his gaze became stern. He looked back and forth between you and Mark with a bit of anger dancing behind his expression. You knew him well enough to know he was silently scolding you. “Taemin, hey, I’m gonna get another drink!” you tried to say casually to escape the situation. You stumbled a little and both Taemin and Mark reached out to steady you.

“I’ll take you home,” the two of them said in unison before their heads snapped up to look at each other. Taemin held Marks gaze firmly as Mark blushed and seemed to stumble over his next words. Haechan truly tried his hardest to conceal his laughter but failed as he watched his friend falter under the pressure.

“We have some business to discuss,” Taemin said to Mark. Marks gaze went dark but he nodded.

“Y-you should go wait in your brothers car. Haechan will take you there,” he said to you. You nodded before quickly grabbing his face between your hands and planting a kiss on his lips. “Gosh, y/n...” he whined as he rubbed at the nape of his neck the way he always did when he got nervous.

You turned to your brother, shoving him on his shoulder. “Be nice to him,” you squealed as he pinched at your ear in retaliation.

“Wow, you’re really trying to get him killed aren’t you?,” Haechan said as he offered you up his arm and you linked yours with it. Taemin threw him his car keys and he slipped them into his pocket. You turned back to wave at both boys, who were looking at you with matching expressions that said you were going to be in lots of trouble with both of them later on.

However, you decided that you’d cross both of those bridges whenever you got there. Then it dawned on you. You looked up at Haechan as you shook him by his shoulder.

“Wait, what business do they have to discuss?” you turned around with the intention of going back but both boys had already disappeared and Haechan was forcefully tugging you through the party towards the safety of your brothers car.

Click here for streetracer!mark (pt.3): highway to heaven

[movedtosalamoonder]

Edge of a Knife ~ An SI5 Fanfic [ch. 2]

Jacobi may be an idiot, but Kepler’s even more of an idiot. Plus: snuggling with Maxwell, nearly turning into the wrong exit, Cupcake Wars, and really bad ideas.

Wordcount: 1.8k

Genre: Angst, slowburn,prequel/origin story

Warnings: Brief mention of sickness, unhealthy relationship

A/N: Thank you to Niamh and Ellie for proofreading this chapter!

Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Three || Read it on AO3 || || Masterpost ||

Jacobi hates sleeping in the car. He hates trying to position his head comfortably against the door, hates leaning it on the seatbelt and then being jolted awake at every stoplight as it slides out from under him, hates trying to use his arm as a pillow and getting pins and needles. He hates giving up and resting his head, more upright, against the window, and then feeling as though his teeth are being shaken out of his head when the car starts vibrating.

Lana’s asleep on his shoulder, blissfully unaware of his suffering. She curls into herself, lets out a soft sound like a purr and tightens her grip on his tee shirt. This makes it increasingly difficult to find another position to sleep in.

He tries resting his head on hers but the angle is awkward and he can tell that if he stays like this for twenty seconds he’s just going to get neck cramps. He can’t take  it anymore.

“Colonel,” he whispers, trying not to wake up Maxwell. Silence. He blinks a little, trying to keep his eyes open, watches the lights of the traffic beside them.

“Kepler,” he hisses a little louder.

There’s a very deliberate pause, and then:

“What was that, Mr. Jacobi? I didn’t quite hear you.”

Jacobi swallows a frustrated sigh. “I’m trying not to wake up Maxwell.”

“Did you say something?”

Jacobi grits his teeth and speaks as loud as he thinks is reasonable without risking waking her. “Sir, I would greatly appreciate it if we could stop at a hotel for the night.”

There’s a longer pause. Jacobi’s sure Kepler heard him. He’s just making him wait. He suppresses the impulse to repeat himself.

Finally Kepler says, “I suppose we could do that.”

“Thank you, sir.”

There’s an even longer, more uncomfortable pause, and Jacobi realizes that now he’s revealed he’s awake, he’ll probably be expected to make conversation.

He doesn’t feel like conversation, though.

“Kepler, why are you like this today?”

“Like what, Mr. Jacobi?” Immediate. Pleasantly curious, but not overly so.

“Like-like-” Jacobi grunts in frustration. “You know, you’re such a. You’re such a child sometimes, Colonel.”

He’s not sure if he’s offended Kepler (maybe even hurt?) or just made the next week of his own life ten times more difficult. Either way, he wishes he had bit his tongue, kept quiet.

“In...what way...am I a child, Mr. Jacobi?”

He doesn’t want to speak again. He’s only going to dig himself deeper into a hole.

Perhaps Kepler can sense his reluctance, because he turns briefly from the road to look at him. “You’ve started this, Daniel. Don’t think you get to leave it unfinished.”

“Sir-” Jacobi starts, and then stops. “I only meant-”

“No, don’t ‘I only meant’ me. You have something to say? Say it. Spit. It. Out.”

Jacobi bites his lip a minute longer. Kepler’s still looking at him; Jacobi can see the red glare of the dashboard reflected in his eyes. He’s still struggling to find the first word, to start himself off...diplomatically. Then he yelps, jolts forward-“KEPLER-the exit!”

Kepler swears softly, swerves the car into the exit so hard that Jacobi slams against the window in a maneuver that Jacobi is nearly certain is illegal. Someone behind them honks.

Maxwell mumbles something that sounds like “unclosed brackets” and resnuggles against Jacobi’s chest.

“As I was saying,” Jacobi continues, trying to regain his breath, “you’re kind of a child, sir, because you do things like that. Because the dramatic effect of glaring into my eyes is more important than watching the road.”

He feels his face go hot, but he’s glad he said it. Kepler doesn’t take as long to respond this time.

“I...see your point.”

Silence for another few seconds. They’re in a small town, glittering with McDonald’s and gas stations and uncrowded stoplights. Jacobi spots the hotel a little ways off to the right, in the distance. They’re on a bit of a hill, and so everything lays itself out neatly in front of him.

It’s kind of beautiful.

“But...I have to ask,” says Kepler, and Jacobi feels himself tense again, “what happened, today, that you would classify as...childish behavior?”

Jacobi blurts out, “Do you have to stick your nose into everyone’s business?”

Kepler clears his throat. If anyone can clear their throat in confusion, that’s what Kepler was doing. He seems actually taken aback. “I’m...sorry?”

“Maxwell. Could you just. Maybe please. Leave her alone and not do the whole...fucking….you know, passive aggressive thing.” He’s pushing his luck, he’s pushing his luck, he’s pushing his luck so hard...

“Ah.”

They’re turning into the hotel parking lot. Maxwell had stirred at the mention of her name; Jacobi runs a hand through her hair in an effort to get her to go back to sleep. She’ll wake up in a second anyway, but he wants to finish this conversation without her.

“You know...Mr. Jacobi…”

“Yes, sir?”

He’s lost whatever courage he had. Now he’s just hoping Maxwell doesn’t wake up until he moves. Kepler pulls into a spot, throws an arm over the back of the passenger seat and turns so he can straighten out the car properly.

“I only want what’s best. For you and Alana.”

“I...understand, sir.”

“Be sure that you do.” There’s a slight emphasis on ‘sure’, not enough to mention, but enough to make Jacobi think. Kepler seems to want to leave things where they are. Jacobi’s still indignant on Maxwell’s behalf. He wants answers. He wants actual, real meaningful talk, he wants Kepler to stop being so….coy.

But he’s tired, and hungry, and his neck is beginning to cramp again and Alana’s not going to stay asleep much longer if they start arguing. He huffs a breath out, resigning himself. It can wait. Much as he’d rather it not.

Something big is about to happen. He can feel it. The air’s been thick with change since they left Canaveral.

“Maxwell, wake up,” he mutters.

“Five more minutes,” she mumbles into his shoulder.

“In a second. C’mon. We’re getting out of the car.”

“Hm- what?”

“Wake up,” he repeats, and glances up long enough to roll his eyes at Kepler. Kepler doesn’t say anything, but even in the dim light Jacobi can see his face break into a half smile. It’s a moment. Jacobi doesn’t know of what, but it’s certainly a moment.

“Okay, fine, getting up…” Maxwell runs a hand through her hair, blinks, realizes where she is. “Oh. You got him to stop?”

“I...decided to stop, Doctor Maxwell,” says Kepler, at the same time that Jacobi says, “Yeah, you proud of me, Lana?”

The hotel clerk looks bored and tired and thoroughly unimpressed with Kepler’s threats when he’s told that the only available rooms have either two or one beds. Jacobi’s examining the grungy corkboard of local businesses on the wall and not really paying attention. Maxwell starts to brush a strand of hair out of her face with her shoulder, decides it isn’t work it, and dumps the suitcases she’s holding on the ground with a dull thump. “Just get two rooms?” she asks sleepily.

“Can’t,” says Kepler, through clenched teeth. “Mr. Cutter has me on a budget.”

Maxwell raises an eyebrow. “Okay then. Just get the one with two beds, Colonel, honestly, we don’t care.”

“What do we not care about?” Jacobi asks.

“Nothing. We’re sharing a bed.”

“Oh. Okay.”

The clerk’s already handing Kepler a set of keys, taking Maxwell’s comment as confirmation. Kepler growls under his breath but takes the keys.

They’re halfway up the stairs when Jacobi says, “Wait, ALL of us?”

“No, stupid. Two beds. You and I are sharing.”

Kepler and Jacobi glance at each other almost involuntarily. It was the obvious choice, after all. But the glance made it awkward.

The room smells like cigarette smoke and stale food and the walls are painted a sickly, unnecessarily textured shade of green, but there are clean towels in the bathroom and mints on the pillows. A note with the wifi password is taped to the nightstand, next to the remote. Jacobi doubts they’ll get more than maybe twenty channels, but he can think of worse places to spend the night.

Like that hedge outside one of Goddard’s competitor’s office in the pouring rain. Kneeling in the cold mud for hours playing rock paper scissors with Maxwell, feeling the support beams shift across his shoulders, not looking at Kepler. The stupid support beams. Ugh. He still remembers the way it felt, walking away, rain plastering his hair to his forehead and the scent of explosions thick even beneath the rain, like lightning.  He remembers the raw quiet power he felt the following morning when Kepler tossed a newspaper from the gas station they’d stopped at into his lap, mumbling “Page four,” as the car started. GAS LEAK CAUSES EXPLOSION AT LOCAL BUSINESS, the article reads.

He feels like a god. As long as he stays at Goddard he can do anything. Anything. Cutter has more power than the average human can even dream of, and because Cutter has power and likes Jacobi, Jacobi has gained more power than the average human can ever dream of.

He can do anything.

Jacobi had shifted his left shoulder like he always does as Kepler turned to back out, his right hand too close to Jacobi’s skin.

Almost anything.

Everything’s quiet now. Lana’s fallen asleep on top of the sheets, still in her street clothes. Kepler’s in the shower. Jacobi turns on the tv, scrolls the volume way down and searches for something to distract himself with. He settles on a late rerun of Cupcake Wars and decides to get changed quickly before Kepler comes back.

But Cupcake Wars has turned into Chopped and Jacobi’s already successfully maneuvered Maxwell under the duvet without waking her up before he realizes that Kepler has been in the shower for a borderline ridiculous amount of time.

With a mental shrug he turns the tv off. It’ll probably be easier to fall asleep without Kepler in the room anyway. Jacobi climbs carefully in next to Maxwell, fumbles for the lamp switch, and closes his eyes.

The hotel room is bigger than his bedroom. It’s also darker. He still has his eyes closed but he can feel it; feel the space around him swallowing him and Maxwell. He rolls over so he can rest his forehead between her shoulder blades. The sheets smell like sand and Maxwell’s generic drugstore shampoo, something citric and sweet.

There’s coughing coming from the bathroom then, muffled by the crook of an elbow or a towel or something. Harsh, strangled coughing, the kind that happens when you’ve been coughing for days and try to hold it back but can’t. It goes on for about a minute and then stops.

He’s intensely awake now.

Chapter Three

[meltlilies]

he's like a hurricane, trouble's his middle name;

raywood | 1.7k | fahc / past implied illegal box

most couples, when they share clothes, have their friends make a couple jokes at their expense and realize how physically different they are.

however, in typical melodramatic fashion, ray and ryan cause a citywide police blockade and chase, destroy a business linage with one bullet and break gavin's nose.

on AO3

honestly, special thanks to @michaelsgavin and @juggey for retweeting ray in ryan’s jacket one day, which lead to me commissioning some art from sami and then writing this. enjoy! it’s my first ragehappy fic, i hope it’s a good one!

Ray’s pretty fucking sure that the cops of Los Santos must’ve paid to get onto the force, because these assholes definitely didn’t make their way through an entire college degree; Ray thinks himself pretty damn smart despite getting a GED the very first time he got the chance, but these goons are, some-fucking-how, stupider than Gavin is on a bad day (or an old crew member, on a good).  

 “It’s the Vagabond!” No, it’s Brownman in his jacket. I don’t even have half the muscle mass or ass he does. “Call in the SWAT team!” I’m gonna kick Ryan’s ass for taking my hoodie from the safe house. How the fuck does that thing even fit him? He’s a human dorito that’s a good two or three sizes bigger than me, he’s gonna look like an asshole. Well, a bigger one than usual.

 Today, was supposed to be a nice, clean hit. Get to a rooftop, pop some rich kid’s entitled head off. Now he’s got half the police department on his ass because he and his morally repugnant (better) half had to give the old clothes switcheroo. Ray has spent the better part of a fucking year beating around the bush about how close he and the hurricane of a mercenary, the Vagabond, and this is gonna ruin everything. He can already see Gavin's smug fucking face. God damn it. He just revs of the engine of the bike he just stole, trying to get to his position before the cops actually come to their senses and attempt to do their fucking jobs right for once in their lives.

 -

 He's a little early for the time he'd been given despite his hectic encounter--this wasn't a fakes job, he just was bored in their downtime and some old friends asked for a favor--so he set to slowly putting his rifle together; the rendezvous point had originally been but a couple avenues down from the safe house he was currently housed up in with tall dark and scary, but the unexpected police convention in the 7/11 he'd planning to get a monster and a couple donuts from made for some good time to kill. 

 Apparently most of the downtown area was under surveillance for the Vagabond.

 They can have fun looking for what isn't there. 

 Now, back to the scheduled actual homicide. Ray takes a breath, and looks into scope, taking in the all glass building where his target's supposed to making some kind of business deal that'll probably make him ever richer than he needs to be; there's too much movement, too many faces and bodies blocking what he needs to see and he goes to grab his phone to check the reference picture when--

~♫ here he is, the biggest douche in the uuuuuuniverse ♫~

[11:47:87] gavinofree: Y'know, most people don't raise hell on their walks of shame.

[11:48:72] gavinofree: Is keeping each other's jackets a consolation prize for the worst sex of your lives?

[11:49:32] gavinofree: Sorry, Rye's life. 

[11:51:81] gavinofree: I called it, by the way. I knew you two were shagging! {attachment the_smug_gavin_face.jpeg}

It takes Ray a good moment to collect himself, and not consider kicking Gavin's ass. He settles on ruining the mountain that is his nose, less collateral damage that way. 

[11:59:69] brownman: you use the word shagging between ryan and i's names ever again and i will permanently change your legal name to austin randy powers

[12:00:13] brownman: also i'm gonna go independence day on your god damn nose when i get back to the penthouse

[12:00:77] brownman: say goodbye to your sharkfin face, asshole

[12:01:42] gavinofree: You're gonna throw tea on my face, wot?

[12:01:57] brownman: the movie, with will smith

[12:01:88] brownman: i'm gonna hit you again, for not seeing the classic film

[12:02:07] brownman: you're a god damn travesty

  He sighs, quickly taking a look at his mark's picture. The breeze is strong up here, and he has to zip up--Ryan's jacket that is way too big and baggy on him and makes him feel warm and fuzzy inside like when he perfects a game or snipes through five people with one bullet or makes Gavin knock into something expensive in the penthouse and watches Geoff tear him an absolutely new one--so the flaps in the wind don't throw off his aim. 

  Breathe.

  He crouches, ever so slightly, mentally calculating the allowances he's got to make to get the shot perfectly. Align his back, angle the barrel straight, angle a few degrees off to the side. 

  Breathe.

  The asshole goes up to the window--wall? he doesn't fucking know how these stupid yuppie skyscrapers work--and right into his crosshairs. Perfect.

  Bang! 

  It's almost beautiful for a split second, the glass shattering like the beautiful lovechild of a snowflake and a spiderweb, before it all goes red and the entire board room goes into a panic. Ray shakes himself out of his dramatic and poetic stupor, to first take his rifle apart, pack it up and fucking book it out of here, then to send a text.

  [12:17:49] brownman: okay, quick question

[12:17:69] brownman: i wanna do this the right way myself

[12:18:09] brownman: actually two questions

[12:18:99] brownman: can you grab michael for like, a minute when i get to the penthouse and how do you throw a good like one-two punch

[12:19:86] BMVagabond: I have a feeling these two things are very interconnected. Do you mean like, grab as in distract or grab as in hold him down because I can do both.

[12:21:19] brownman: you're not wrong

[12:21:52] brownman: whichever works, i doubt michael's gonna stop gavin from getting his ass kicked

[12:21:97] brownman: like baseball is for normal americans, seeing gavin get his just desserts is the crew's national pastime

[12:22:22] brownman: now give me those punchy deets

[12:23:44] BMVagabond: Okay, I'm just gonna send you a video, it's quicker. Let me hide in the bathroom real quick.

[12:23:77] brownman: make sure you make lots of moaning noises, pretend to have phone sex with me

[12:24:01] brownman: let the visual of my sensual unfit skinny body rock your dick, babe

[12:27:88] BMVagabond {Attached fist_vid_for_ray.mp4} Okay. 1: I didn't know we were at babe level, good to know. 2: I never want to read or listen to you stay those words ever again or I'm going to have to break up with you and find a more eloquent boyfriend. A real wordsmith. 

[12:28:31] brownman: aw babe don't hurt me like this, you haven't even gotten to the rest of my horrible personality traits

[12:39:21] brownman: WAIT DID YOU SAY BOYFRIEND

  Ray proceeds to spend the rest of his commute--he ties the jacket around his waist, goes and eats about seven burgers for lunch and takes the subway all the way back to his actual home, like a proper member of society--practicing making a proper fist along with swinging whenever there isn't someone next to him and mentally screaming because Ryan just used the word.

  The big old word.

 The b word. 

  Hoo boy. Oh man, he'll deal with that later when he doesn't have a smug British invasion of privacy to stop.

  -

  Ryan greets him as the door and it takes a lot for Ray not to burst into laughter at the sight before him. He's honestly amazed that the man even managed to get the thing on his arms, much less zip it all the way up; he looks like someone had the misfortune of putting a condom on an eggplant in health class, and it's equally jarring that he's in such a bright color too. 

  "Hey, you give that back right now mister. You're gonna ruin the elastic--big bad Vagabond and boyfriend or not, I can't have you going around and besmirching my aesthetic all willy-nilly. I work very hard to look like garbage, I'll have you know." 

  "Those are some big words and if I didn't know better, I'd say you read a thesaurus since your last text."

  "You better know better. Please, you know I never learned how to read." He just tugs on the older man's sleeve--well, his sleeve, whatever--with an almost pout. "Give it back. I don't wanna get Gavin's blood on your good jacket when I break his nose." Ryan shrugs in a 'fair enough' way and they exchange jackets. Ray's a little pissed about the sleeves being slightly stretched out, but a good wash would fix it (but a wash would get rid of the weird scent of gunpowder and cologne that Ryan has on him and that would absolutely lowkey upset Ray--maybe he should just, do this again). He's about to take the first step to giving that smug asshole a good what for, when Ryan grabs his shoulder and he spins on his heel. "What."

  "So you gotta keep your hands level with your shoulders, right--" Ryan gets behind Ray, and positions him properly. "--and have a wide stance. Twist your hips a bit when you swing and you'll have more power behind your strikes. Lead with a quick jab to daze him, and then give him a right cross." A couple demonstrations and Ray leaves--no, saunters out of the room--ready to strike. 

  Ryan's halfway through a sip of Diet Coke when he hears a distinct sound of a dying bird squawk, follow by the sound of the same bird hitting the carpeted floor of the living room floor. Geoff, walks in and sighs.

  "If you two are gonna start dating, you better keep each other on a leash. 'Cause I can't afford Gavin getting sent to the hospital every other week because you two decided to double team him."

  "Duly noted." And in that moment, Gavin comes in clutching the ruins of his once great and large nose.

  "Geoffrey, Ray broke my nose, he's being a prick--" His whining is drowned out by both Jeremy and Michael, cackling and obviously video taping the whole thing. 

  Michael replays the whole thing for Ryan, and it's a pretty good first try. 

  They find Ray sulking on the couch, playing one handed tetris while the other is wrapped in an ice pack. 

  "His stupid face hurt my hand."

[wolfhourr]

100 questions

I was bored af and tried to do these questions.

1. Is a kiss considered cheating? ya.

2. Have you ever faked an orgasm? Not one I could think of

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? probably flying

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? hopefullyyyyy

5. Tell us some funny drunk story. Oh my god I know so many but a bunch of friends and I were celebrating midsummer and we had this wooden cross which we’d decorate with branches and flowers and one of my friends (he’s got long wavy hair) stole my flower crown and carried that cross halfway home through half of the town we live in and it was like half past 1 in the morning and the people on the streets were shouting ‘oh my god it’s Jesus’ all the time and that was freaking hilarious

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex? long distance isn’t cool

7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? I don’t think of shit like this often but I’d like to have it quick and simple

8: What are your current goals? becoming a pro in photography (concerts mainly) and drone videography (basically shooting aerial footage for music videos and movies, that would be the most rad thing)

9. Do you like someone? I actually like a lot of people

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you? ugh, there are a few people who do that frequently but mostly band members

11. Do you like your body? parts.

12. Can you keep a diet? Nope I’m pretty weak regarding food

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? Stop fucking killing each other and try to love everyone regardless of their origin or religion or sexuality or views

14. Do you work? I study Scandinavian Studies but I’ll be working as an aupair in Finland starting in August 2017

15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of you life, what would it be? This is the toughest freaking question anyone has ever asked

16. Would you get a tattoo? I actually have 5

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? concerts, cameras, things that make me genuinely happy

18. Can you drive? what? A car? A person insane? Like a fucking champ

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? my best friend aka Julienne that gorgeous shining bean

20. What was the last thing you cried for? my dad being my dad

21. Do you keep a journal? I have a scrapbook where I put random little things like receipts from vacations or stuff like that in and I also print out mini photos for it

22. Is life fun? What kind of question is this? Life’s an up and down

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant? as long as they don’t hear it and you can smell it away

24. What’s your dream car? VW Golf R in metallic dark blue

25. Are grades in school important? As long as you don’t fail the class entirely or get kicked out of school it’s fine. Grades are so fucking overrated these days

26. Describe your crush. Ahahahaha he’s suuuuch a dork, especially whenever he’s drunk haha no but seriously he’s a dork and he get’s pretty touchy then

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? uhh, can’t rememberrrr

28. What was your last lie? I really don’t lie often but maybe I said I wasn’t feeling well just to avoid going out with some friends

29. Dumbest lie you ever told? I think there are a lot of dumb things I told so I can’t really think of one specifically right now

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing? depends on the people but generally yes even though it shouldn’t be

31. Something you did and you are proud of? my photographs of band members

32. Favorite cocktail? Not tasted all of em but I love Mojitos

33. Something you are good at? sleeping, eating, taking photos, being dumb

34. Do you like small kids? depends on the kids

35. How are you feeling right now? stuffed with lunch and tired but generally fine because life’s good

36. What would you name your daughter/son? daughter: Ebba son: Heinz-Ewald!

37. What do you need to be happy? music, positive vibes and photography

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now? I’m a very non-violent person so nope.. maybe Trump tho

39. What was the last gift you received? my grandma bought me a new handbag yesterday and it’s fabulous

40. What was the last gift you gave? frozen flavoured water to my beloved Fachschaft

41. What was the last concert you went to? A Finnish band called ‘Wake The Nations’, I had the pleasure to take pics for them there hehe

42. Favorite place to shop at? C&A, H&M

43. Who inspires you? Sawyer Hartmann & Logan Henderson, actually a lot more human beings

44. How old were you when you first got drunk? I’m pretty good with alcohol so I have to drink a ton to get drunk and I’m a poor student so basically I was 20 (and I still am 20 lol)

45. How old were you when you first got high? never got there

46. How old were you when you first had sex? never got there either

47. When was your first kiss? 2013 lol

48. Something you want to do until the end of this year? staying in Finland haha

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? A lot of embarrassing things honestly

50. Post a selfie there are photos of me on this blog come on

51. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friends of course!

52. Name one thing that terrifies you. insects

53. What kind of books do you read? none honestly

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self? “Nick Jonas won’t marry you and never fall for boys, they won’t value your good heart”

55. What is your favorite flower? white roses

56. Any bad habits you have? I have many, can’t choose

57. What kind of people are you attracted to? ugh, I deffo don’t have a specific type of person, it really strongly depends on the person. It can be the metalhead in one of the other Fachschaften and it also can be the hot model or the mysterious musician whose head is in the clouds 99% of the time. As long as the person treats me right and isn’t suuuuuper weird it really can be anyone.

58. What was the last thing you cried for?  didn’t we have that question already

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgusts you? Yaaaaa. I hate mushrooms, any sort of fish, snails, insects, basically all that stuff that Germans don’t eat, and oh yeah we have that thing called blood sausage here which is the most awful thing ever

60. Are you in love? all the time

61. Something you find romantic? lying in the grass at night time staring into the sky and talking is something I wanna do with someone special

62. How long was your longest relationship? 6 months? long distance I mentioned that

63. What are three things that irritate you about the same sex? - why do girls bath their faces in tons of make up EVERY SINGLE DAY like I don’t even wear more than mascara EVER - why do girls have to be so disgusting when it comes to public toilets and stuff - arrogance

64. What are three things that irritate you about the opposite sex? - superior behavior - beards - can’t think of the third rn

65. What are you saving money for? for my further studies in October 2018

66. How would you describe your bad side? bad..? 

67. Are you actually a good person? Why? I always try to be nice to people and approach them without any prejudice and I try to make people feel good in my presence

68. What are you living for? music and photography haha

69. Have you ever done anything illegal? I parked illegally a couple times lol

70. Do you like your body? check out question 11

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? I strongly hope I haven’t

72. Ever sent nudes? lmao nope

73. Have you ever cheated on someone? In my mindddddd lol

74. Favorite candy? Ferrero Rocher. I’d die for them.

75. Is there a blog you visit every day or almost every day? Tag it! nopeeee I’m sorry I’m lame

76. Do you play any computer games? What’s your favorite? I used to play Rollercoaster Tycoon and Sims 2-4 a loooooot

77. Favorite TV series? Riverdale!!!! And the old German series ‘Wege zum Glück’ which is such a soap opera but I’m a sucker for it still

78. Are you religious? Does God exist? There have been so many “coincidences” that make it hard to believe he isn’t existent. And also there’s so much positive stuff in my life right now, I think he led me where I am right now.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? I read a Swedish book from Henning Mankell about murders and it was cool

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? everyone is allowed to eat what they want, I don’t even careee

81. How long have you been on tumblr? since 2011/12, not sure

82. Do you like Chinese food? every now and then, yes.

83. McDonalds or Subway? Megges!

84. Vodka or whiskey? V!

85. Alcohol or drugs? only done alcohol so that’s it for me

86. Ever been out of your province/state/country? of course!!!

87. Meaning behind your blog name? it’s my favorite song by the Swedish band called ‘DNKL’

88. What are you scared of? not finding someone to spend the rest of my life with

89. Last time you were insulted? I tend to suppress things like this

90. Most traumatic experience? being taken away from my grandparents regularly when I was young

91. Perfect date idea? it has to do with sunsets and the ocean

92. Favorite app on your phone? Instagrammmmm

93. What color are the walls in your room? white

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favorite youtuber? I love the vlogs from Lex&Los and I am obsessed with the videos of the Swabian comedian Dodokay.

95. Share your favorite quote. boy there are so many I can’t even come up with one right now

96. What is the meaning of life? finding that one passion and doing everything to live that passion every day

97. Do you like horror movies? N O P E

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? probably my birth has made her cry at some point

99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way? the way some bandmembers treat me is truly something special hehe yes

100. Can you keep a secret? for sure!

[snake-house]

Chikara Ennoshita X Reader - truth.

warnings: very vulgar language her/she pronouns used for reader when you see '--' it means some time has passed ___ "prompt: what does it take to force a Haikyuu chara to date a girl/reader they don't like, then have them fall for her along the way" prompt suggested by the lovely patcherinko ___

"You've got to be kidding me Tanaka." Ennoshita sighed. Was he serious? The brunet was questioning the other's sanity at the moment. "I am not going to ask someone out on a dare. That's rude and incredibly low." "But this is [Last Name]-san, and she's a total babe, why wouldn't you? She could say yes." Tanaka tempted, "Plus if she does say yes, props to you, and plus it's one date, how hard is that? One date and you aren't obligated to do anything more." He added, trying to persuade the second year. Another sigh, "No, I will do anything else but that." Ennoshita said, looking over at Nishinoya and Asahi for help, but they were focused in and nodding with everything Tanaka was saying. "Plus I don't even like her. She's blunt, vulgar, and way to lazy. Totally not my type." He argued, but Tanaka was grinning, "I'm not doing it." "I'm not asking you to confess, I just want you to take her on a date while we follow you around so see how it goes. And you may even find you like her and we will be the ones who get to claim we set you up!" Ennoshita rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, and stayed silent for a moment. He could either stay here and keep refusing the dare and suffer whatever they had planned for him as repercussions, or he could agree and ask you out on a date. The four were over at Tanaka's on a Saturday, so he wouldn't even see you until Monday at school. The brunet grabbed another slice of pizza from the box in front of him, "Why are you even daring me to do something I won't be able to do until Monday?" Tanaka shrugged, "I dunno, I guess because I asked her out but she said she was already into someone else. So I asked who but she wouldn't tell me, which I expected," Ennoshita sent a half-glare at him, wanting him to get to the point, "Anyways, all she would tell me is that they had brown hair and were on the volleyball team, and here I am. Just trying to help a lady out." That was an incredibly stupid reason. "Tanaka," Nishinoya started laughing at Tanaka's explanation, "You do realize that Daichi, Asahi, Kinoshita, and Yamaguchi have brown hair too?" Tanaka's grin faltered, but he still held his place, "Everyone knows Yamaguchi and Hitoka are secretly dating no matter how hard they try to hide it, so it's not him. Asahi and Yuu are a thing, and I know it's not Daichi because I asked if it was him but she denied it, so you were next in line! So if it doesn't work out, I'll be talking to Kinoshita next." He made a look like he knew what he was doing and this was his point all along. Chikara flopped back onto the floor, "Why do we even do stupid stuff like 'truth or dare' still?" "Because of reasons like this." Noya chimed. "Whatever,-" "Why are you so upset about it anyways?" Asahi spoke up, cutting Ennoshita off. "Because I wouldn't want to be asked out by someone that I may like and then find out the only reason why they did it was because of a dare. It would hurt, and I don't want to hurt her for your guys personal gain. Simple as that." The brunet replied easily, "But, I am more scared of what there is in store if I refuse to do the dare, so I'll ask her out." The three cheered, but Asahi's was more muted because he didn't think of it that way and now felt bad. "But I get to do it my own way, and that means telling her up front that it's a dare and I don't actually like her so she doesn't get the wrong idea, and hopefully says no." He added. "Deal!" Noya and Tanaka said in union. -- Monday rolled around and soon enough, Ennoshita found himself staring at you during lunch with Tanaka and Noya on his heels. He was contemplating doing it now or waiting until after school. "Why you little motherfucker." You mumbled at the game console in your hands, picking at your food between quests and fighting sequences, completely unaware of the three, now four since Asahi showed up, sets of eyes on you. "When are you going to man up and do it?" Tanaka smirked, "If you chicken out, you got hell coming for you Chikara Ennoshita." He threatened. The brunet waved the fellow second year off, "Shut up, I'll do it, but I said on my own time so respect that." With that, he straightened his blazer and trudged over to where you sat on a bench a few feet away. You glanced up when you felt a presence approach you, and when you heard a throat being cleared, not showing the surprise you felt on your face when you met Chikara's brown eyes. "Can I talk to you [Last Name]-san?" He asked. You nodded skeptically before you turned off your game, saving it of course and patting the empty spot on the bench next to you. "Uh, What's up I guess." You trailed off, glancing away momentarily, unsure of what to make of his sudden request. He never or rather rarely talks you, despite the fact you were in the same class. "I'm just going to say right off the bat that I am sorry, but I am scared of Tanaka and Noya so this is the reason behind this." He blurted out quickly, making you connect the dots and sigh, nodding for him to continue, "I was dared to ask you out on a date, so [Last Name]-san, I heard you have a sweet tooth and would like to ask you to accompany me to that new candy store in town some day this week after school?" Before you could even answer his request you said, "Those two little shits are going to get it from me one day, I swear  on it." You muttered bitterly, but smiled at the boy beside you, "Oh sure, I'll go, you're too nice for your own good, but let's make a deal." Ennoshita wasn't liking the mischievous glint in your eye, it made an uneasy feeling surface to his stomach. "What... kind of deal are you suggesting exactly?" He quivered, he really didn't want it to be anything illegal. Why would he think it was something illegal? Maybe it was because of your track history with pranks in and out of school, with some bordering being illegal. "Just something to get payback on the two." You scooted closer to him, "They're idiots who need a taste of their own medicine is what I say. This is like one of the stupidest dares ever anyways, if I wasn't who I was, you could have just hurt a poor girls heart." You placed a hand over your chest and made a fake pout, "But I am who I am and couldn't give a fuck, so let's discuss." Throughout your lunch period, the two of you, mainly you, exchanged ideas of what you could do to go along with the dare while turning it around on them. Ennoshita was just glad they got bored of not being able to hear what you two were saying while being hidden from sight. On Thursday is when the plan would go down. -- You waited patiently for Ennoshita to finish volleyball practice outside the gym, and of course you sat there playing on your game. Still on that stupid freaking level. More than once did the volleyball players here you curse and groan over the game, even from outside. Chikara said you could come inside and sit on the bleachers, but you refused saying you would rather enjoy the nice weather before it starts getting cold. "Ready?" The said boy asked as he exited the gym. You stowed away your game and stood up, brushing the dirt from your skirt, "Yep! How about you lover boy?" You teased, slinging your backpack over your shoulders. "Yeah, I'm ready." He said, not commenting on the name you gave him. About halfway to the candy shop, you guys were still walking in silence. Neither of you attempted to strike up some small talk. Ennoshita had it already set in stone that he didn't like you so he didn't want to even try to get to know you, and you just didn't have anything to say. "Do you think it will work?" Chikara suddenly said as he saw the shop come into view. You grinned at the brunet, "I'm sure. I know Tanaka, I used to live a few doors down from me so I've grown up with him, I know he will fall for it." "But will your parents be ok with it? Won't it be bad is rumors started?" He muttered, his nervous tone ringing through his words. You rolled your eyes and elbowed him in the side, "Does it matter? It's not like I have a good reputation as it is. My parents live in Tokyo and don't even try to check up with me, I could get pregnant and they wouldn't even bat an eye." You said indifferent to how sad you actually sounded. Ennoshita stared at you for a moment, feeling bad for once. He had no idea. You flashed him a smile as you walked into the candy store, "Even if this was a dare, I still expect you to buy me something." He returned your smile at your words and nodded, "I know, I'm not that much of a jerk." "You're not even remotely a jerk so shut up." You quipped, eyes roaming over all the candies there. The spiker glanced out the front of the store to see Noya and Tanaka sitting on one of the benches on the sidewalk, watching the two of you intently. He shook his head and continued to follow you around the store. He realized that this was the longest time he's been around you and haven't heard you cuss. It was a nice change to see you get to giddy and bubbly at such a mundane thing such as candy, rather than being so cruel and hard of the time. But, it did occur to him the reason why you were like that all the time was probably because of your parent's neglect. "Stop watching me and get some candy too." You said as you thought over whether you wanted chocolate or regular candy. The boy blushed suddenly and looked away from you, maybe he was staring too much. "Right." He mumbled looking around the place. You decided to get a bag of [favorite candy], as well as a soda. Ennoshita only grabbed a candy bar because you said so, and also got something to drink. When you left the shop, you lead the way back to your apartment. And this time as you walked, you guys chatted. "Do you have a job?" Chikara asked, taking a sip from his drink. You shook your head, "No, my parents send me enough money to live every month. But I guess I do have a job if you consider the nursery." "What?" He blurted, looking over at you. You raised an eyebrow at him, "The nursery? The plant nursery at the school? I'm always there helping so it feels like a job." You didn't understand why he looked so baffled, "I didn't know you helped with that." You shrugged at his comment, "If you're always there, do you want to do something like that in the future?" "No, it's just a hobby since I don't have enough room at my place to keep plants." You explained, popping a piece of candy in your mouth. "Anyways, I don't like talking about myself. What else are you into besides volleyball?" "Hmm... I like movies, like making them and watching them. But that's just a hobby too." He added quickly. "Oooo, sounds fun." You mused, walking up the stairs to your apartment, you glanced out the corner of your eye to see the two trailing boys not too far behind. "I bet if you keep at it you could make a career at it." You said, pulling out your keys. Your place was the first one at the top of the stairs. You unlocked the door and motioned for him to follow you in, slipping off your shoes as you entered, Ennoshita doing the same as he shut the door behind him. "You should have picked truth." You said suddenly, placing your backpack and candy bag in the small couch before turning to him. You shuffled through your bag to find your lipgloss, the one you were wearing to day. It was tinted just for the occasion, since you usually wore the clear kind that tasted like vanilla. Ennoshita took off his shoes and nodded glumly, "I know I should have." "So you can do whatever you want, you gotta stay in here for like five minutes to make it believable." You said, "I'm going to change, so make yourself at home." You added before slipping into your room to do just as you said. The brunet stood there by the door awkwardly for a moment, and slowly made his way to sit down beside your things on the couch, setting his bag on the floor. then his phone went off. [Tanaka] 4:48pm yoooo what are you doing inside [last-name]'s place??????? [Ennoshita] 4:49pm can't talk rn [Tanaka] 4:49pm YOU BETTER TELL US EVERYTHING Ennoshita couldn't help but feel smug at the the short exchange. You were right, Tanaka was falling into the trap. Only a few minutes later you came out of your room wearing a tee shirt that had some band's name on it and a pair of shorts. "Ok come here lover boy." You teased as you walked over to him. He stood at your request. You started unbuttoning his blazer, making him flush at the action, "Hey what are you doing?" He asked, trying not to let his voice give away his embarrassment. But you looked at him, and his blush gave him away, making you giggle, "I'm making it believable, I won't get you naked or anything, have faith in me Ennoshita. I'm just disheveling your appearance." You stated simply. You untucked his shirt from his pants and finally ran your hands through his hair to mess it up a little. You smiled and put your hands on your hips but then remembered your lipgloss. "Wait here." You ran back into your room and came back with the small tube of red-tinted lipgloss. "Don't take it the wrong way." You said before putting the lipgloss on. His blush deepened as he realized what you were going to do, but nodded. You were just helping him out, so it wouldn't mean anything. He didn't know why he was starting to try to convince himself again that he didn't like you. You weren't his type, you weren't cute or docile, you were rough around the edges, still gorgeous he would admit, but vulgar and sometimes crass. But you liked gardening surprisingly, and you were always on your own, even your parents didn't care about you. And you loved candy which was kind of cute, you were blunt, but it was growing on him. Oh no. Once you were satisfied with your application you placed your hands on his shoulders to bring him down a little to your height. You planted a kiss full on his lips, then one on the corner of his lips, and then one of his cheek. All leaving a red kiss mark behind. You let him stand up to his full height as you smudged the kiss marks with your thumb to make it look like you were making out. "There," You said triumphantly, "You better tell me tomorrow at lunch what they say, promise?" You asked as he got his things together. He slipped on his shoes, "Ok," His voice was softer for some reason, "See you tomorrow then?" He asked, glancing back at you. You smiled and nodded, "Yeah, see you tomorrow. Good night." You added as he walked out of the apartment, calling a 'good night' behind him as he walked down the stairs quickly. Ennoshita wasn't even all the way down the steps when he was ambushed by his fellow second years. "DUDE!" Noya exclaimed, "What was that?! And what's on your face?!" Tanaka looked at his face and grinned widely, "Oh my God, you guys did not." He said, Chikara blushing and started walking towards his house now, "You did! You're even blushing!" Tanaka beamed. "Oh we are so good!" Noya added enthusiastically. "What happened to, 'she's not my type'?" He teased. Honestly, he didn't know why he was blushing. He's been kissed before, even made out with someone before, and never was this embarrassed about it. It could also be the fact that it was staged and some how had to pull it off. He started rubbing at your kiss marks, but it just made it worse by smearing the lipgloss. The two laughed at his reaction. "Did you find out if you were the one she's into?" Tanaka said after he gathered himself from his laughing fit. Ennoshita paused, he took out a tissue he had in his bag to effectively wipe the lipgloss of his face, and realized that he didn't even ask you. But with how chill you were about the whole situation, he probably wasn't. His heart sunk at the thought that it wasn't him. But then again, with your personality, you wouldn't have let it show on your face if it were true that you were into him. "I-I forgot to ask..." He mumbled, looking away from the two. "Anyways, see you tomorrow I guess!" He added quickly before turning down the street towards his house, knowing the two didn't live on the same street. Tanaka yelled something at him, but Chikara didn't catch what he said, only being worried about getting home. -- You flopped down on your bed after Ennoshita left. Since he was gone, and the dare date was over, you could finally let everything go. Tears blurred your vision, making you sigh. Tears were useless, and crying solves nothing, but you couldn't help it this time. "Stupid, stupid, I am so fucking stupid." You muttered bitterly before reluctantly getting up to fetch your back pack from the couch to start your homework. You tried to do your homework to get over the emotions swirling through you. You were so excited when Ennoshita approached you that day, you thought it was going to be genuine. But you should have known. Nobody liked you, you thought you had a terrible personality, so you should have seen the dare coming. It had to be revenge from declining Tanaka's proposal. You should have just said yes. And you really should have known. Ennoshita, he was cute, caring, calm and collected, and one of the nicest boys in your class. You should have known he wouldn't actually be interested in you in anyway romantic. You were polar opposites. Furiously you wiped the tears that threatened to fall from your cheeks, and taking a deep breath before starting on the few assignments you had. You would be better than your emotions. Just swallow them down and eventually you'll forget you were even interested in the boy. -- A grin surfaced to your lips as Ennoshita sat down beside you at lunch. You turned towards him, "So, spill what happened, did they fall for it?" Both Tanaka and Noya were in different classes than the two of you, so you have yet to see them today. Chikara returned your smile, "Totally fell for it." He said, taking out his lunch, you already had yours out and currently was eating, "But they think I'm head over heels for you because I couldn't stop blushing." He admitted sheepishly, his face warming up again but not bad enough where you could see it. Your smiled faltered a little, which he noticed, "Yeah, sorry about that." You said laughing as well, but it was strained. "I can 'break up' with you in front of them if you want." You added quieter. You went back to eating your lunch, not looking at the boy to your side. He watched you for a moment. Your entire demeanor changed, and it was startling for him. You weren't being cocky, or loud, or anything you normally were. Your shoulders sagged to hide your face from him, and that laugh, it was hear trenching. All this did was answer his question. He was the one you had a crush on, and now he was just the biggest jerk by laughing at you. "I'm not head over heels for you," He started and your shoulders tensed, "But, I'm starting to be." Your eyes shot up to him. They weren't wide like he expected them to be. They were narrowed at him, questioning, and not convinced. He didn't blame you for being skeptical. "I can prove it. I can prove that at first I resented having to ask you out for my friend's gain and your loss, but started to feel differently about you." He looked away from your intense stare, "And even through the rumors about you I've kind of started to like you?" He was more asking himself than you, "And feel twice as bad about the situation than before." "How are you supposed to prove it?" You voice cut through him like a knife, making him nervous. "By asking you out on a real date and hoping I get another chance." He said, now much more somber and quiet, looking at you and begging you with his eyes. He sounded so genuinely bad, it made you start to blush now. The warmth started in your chest and blossomed up your neck to your cheeks in no time. Maybe he was telling the truth. You were silent for a while, fighting with yourself and your emotions. You weren't used to people being interested in you. Yeah you were used to people thinking you were hot, but that affection was just physical, not romantic at all. "I guess I can give you a chance." You said suddenly, "You said you liked movies, so let's go to a movie some time then." You suggested with a small smile forming on your lips. Ennoshita beamed at you, your blush and acceptance making him beyond happy. "Great!" He said eagerly, which made you giggle, "Um, can I have your number so I can text you and what not?" He asked, already pulling out his own phone. You nodded and handed yours to him and took his to put in your information. "I look forward to our date Ennoshita." You said as you started putting your things away, as well as your finished lunch, "Want to walk to class with me?" You asked as you stood. "Yeah," He said, the smile never leaving his face as he did the same as you. As the two of you conversed on your way to class, Ennoshita came to the conclusion that he was glad he chose dare. 

[mst3kproject]

206: Ring of Terror

This was the only episode in the show's entire run where they showed the movie before the short.  I assume this was because they wanted to get the damn thing over with and forget about it as quickly as possible.  I sympathize.

Ring of Terror begins with a graveyard custodian, who looks rather like a corpse himself, calling to his cat Puma as if he intends to molest it.  He happens across a gravestone belonging to a Lewis Moffitt, who supposedly died at twenty-two – we then flash back to meet this 'young' man, a dedicated medical student who claims not to be afraid of anything.  Blood doesn't shake him, and rattlesnakes merely piss him off.  His one terrible, secret fear?  Zombies.

For a fraternity hazing, Moffitt is dared to steal a ring from a corpse.  When he tries to do so, he is startled by Puma the cat, thinks the corpse is coming to life, and dies of a heart attack on the spot.  I think we're meant to assume that the fraternity brothers were deeply sorry and promised never to haze anybody ever again, but there's no denoument.  We just cut back to the graveyard custodian, and the movie ends.

A good indication of the general level of creativity on display here is that the screenwriter, Lewis Simeon, and the main character, Lewis Moffitt, have the same first name.  He named the main character after himself.  Bert I. Gordon at least named Glenn Manning after the actor who played him.

Let's begin by dealing with some of the most obvious badness in the movie.  As Joel and the bots observe, repeatedly, almost all the actors are way older than the characters they're supposed to be playing.  It's hard to tell the difference between the students and the professors.  George E. Mather was forty-two when he played twenty-two-year-old Lewis Moffitt.  That's gotta be some kind of a record.  Esther Furst, playing Moffitt's girlfriend Betty, can't be that much younger, but I’m not gonna complain too much about that.  I mean, how creepy would it be to have an actual twenty-two-year-old playing opposite Mather?  Apparently this was something that figured prominently in the original reviews, too – when people think your actors are too old in a business that's used to overage movie college students, you know you screwed up.

The acting is distractingly bad, stilted and recited.  Everybody looks bored – in a scene at the snappily-named Campus Cafeteria Club, the dancers look bored, the diners look bored, the band looks bored.  Even the skeleton in the dissection theater (hanging out in between shoots for Teenagers from Outer Space) looks bored!  The only characters in the whole movie who honestly seem to be having a good time are Tiny and Ragdoll, who are there to be the butts of a series of fat jokes.  It's not funny the first time, and it gets less and less funny as the movie progresses.

Actually, Tiny and Ragdoll probably show more character – in the sense of both personality and fortitude – than the rest of the cast put together.  Tiny refuses to starve himself to gain the fraternity's approval.  He'd rather hang out with people who accept him for who he is.  He feels ill and momentarily passes out at the autopsy, but does not leave the room.  He thinks Ragdoll is the most beautiful girl at the school, inside and out, and does not qualify it with references to her weight.  Ragdoll herself enters a beauty contest, apparently not a bit bothered by the possibility of ridicule.  They appear to be a committed, happy pair who honestly adore one another, and they're the only couple in the movie with any chemistry or anything in common. Just let them eat their ice cream and be in love!  You wish you had that kind of confidence!

The bad actors get no help at all from the terrible script.  Simeon barely even attempts to give anybody a personality, and everything that happens feels contrived, as if the entire movie is serving a plot purpose rather than showing us natural events.  We are more told what people are like than we are shown. Characters inform us that Betty is intelligent and devoted, but we don't really see any evidence of either.  Betty says she feels like there are two sides to Moffitt, always battling for control, but he seems like one person, one bland and boring person, to us.  We are told that Moffitt brags and swaggers because he's proudly not afraid of anything, and that this behaviour upsets Betty, but we never see it.  Actually, since she uses the phrase 'they say', perhaps this is rumour with no truth to it, but we don't see anybody else talk about it, or any other effect it has on Moffitt or his reputation.  We hear that Wayne Arnold, the boy who died in a car accident halfway through the film, was a daredevil and close to the others, but we never met him – or if we did, nobody ever called him by name.

The movie is also a study in padding.  The framing story, with the custodian and the cat, exists merely to make the movie longer (and to emphasize that, despite all evidence to the contrary, Moffitt is twenty-two years old).  All the 'comic relief' with Tiny and Ragdoll is padding.  Moffitt wanders around the mausoleum for far longer than necessary, also padding.

Then there's Moffitt's scare, which is supposed to be the whole point of the film.  In a previous scene, he let a friend in on his one fear: as a child, Moffitt had to sleep in the same house where his grandfather's corpse was waiting to be buried, and his mother told him that if he didn't stop complaining and go to bed, the body would get up and 'give him a licking'.  He's had nightmares about it ever since, and sleeps with the light on.  And yes, that's scary – but I'm not sure what it is about this particular situation that reminds him of the incident.

At the funeral home, with Arnold's corpse laid out in a coffin and comfortable surroundings, the lights go out and Moffitt immediately panics as he remembers his chidhood scare.  That makes sense.  But in the clinical environment of the autopsy room he shows no fear of the John Doe corpse whatsoever.  When he finds it later in the mausoleum, it's stored away in a drawer and the environment doesn't appear to be particularly dark.  It's clearly not as dark as it was in the funeral home, and Moffitt has no trouble reading the signs and lables.  The setting is completely different.  The music suggests that the ring is somehow important in Moffitt's mind, but we don't get an explanation for this.  Was his grandfather buried with a similar one?

Why is Moffitt given such a dangerous and illegal fraternity assignment at all?  The other characters' hazings are harmless. One guy gets doused with Coca-Cola, another has to dress up as Cupid and surprise couples making out, a third has to go begging for pennies, and Tiny is merely asked to lose some weight.  Yet Moffitt is told to break into a place, desecrate a corpse, and steal a piece of jewelry? What sense does that make?

Not to mention the rather obvious fact that the movie makes no attempt to scare the audience. Rather than trying to put us in Moffitt's shoes, where we might experience the heart-stopping terror along with him, it presents its story in a dry, textbookish way that lacks interest or mystery. From the very beginning we are told how it ends, with the shot of Moffitt's headstone, and it continues to be dull and predictable from there. Nothing in the script is even surprising, let alone scary, which comes across as an absolute ripoff in a movie with such an evocative title.

Now, let's talk about how this movie depicts women.  I honestly wonder if Lewis Simeon ever met a woman.  He clearly had no idea what they do when there are no men around.  Maybe he thinks women are quantum waveforms who only collapse into actual people when they are observing or being observed by men.  None of the female characters in the movie appear to have lives of their own.  When we see them, they're talking about their boyfriends.  Or going to the Cafeteria with their boyfriends.  Or visiting the beauty parlour to look nice for their boyfriends.  Or entering beauty contests for the approval of their boyfriends.  Are they even at school here, or are they just hanging around so that the boys can get laid?  None of them appear to study or even attend classes.

Oh, silly me, they're all taking Home Economics!  They don't have to study when cooking and sewing come so naturally to women!

The women are also notable for their peevish selfishness.  They collectively give the boys the cold shoulder for 'abandoning' them at a dance in favour of attending an autopsy.  As Moffitt points out, though, they must have known that attending the autopsy was necessary for obtaining full course credits.  Perhaps if the women have no lives outside of the men, they assume the men should not have lives outside of them?  Betty is an exception to this, as she's annoyed with Moffitt over the rumors of his bragging rather than because he stood her up, but as I noted above, that doesn’t make sense either.  I'm kind of astonished that we never get a reference to the idea that they're all just dating medical students in the hopes of being wealthy doctors' wives someday.

At the end of this movie, Joel asks the bots if they can name something good about it.  Nobody can, but I think I've got one: despite what Crow says, I'm pretty sure they did use a fake snake for the scene in which Moffitt stomps it to death.  The snake in the back of the car was probably an Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake, but it is never seen in the same shot as any of the actors and I expect they had a professional snake handler to work with it.  The snake Moffitt stamps on does not show the rattlesnake's bold markings, so if it wasn't rubber it was at least not the same snake.  I hope it was rubber.  Killing things just to put it in a movie is inexcusable –I'm looking at you, Ruggero Deodato.

Do I get a ram chip?