#So here we are in June (;v;) happy pride? It's been a long year already hhhh | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

abiiors · 6 months ago

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the ball's in your court - george x reader (ft. matty tihi) ˚˖𓍢ִ໋`🔆:✧˚.🍉⋆𖧧🐚

a/n: aka the challengers au threesome aka utter summer filth. this is mostly george, matty's just in it because he's pretty cw: very pathetic descriptions of tennis because i know fuckall about it. men kissing (happy pride month), semi awful flirting i guess but it's not too bad this time, threesome, cumplay, joint fingering??? blowjobs, masturbation, no actual p in v sex though wc: 4k

sweat. that’s the first thing you remember. sweat dripping on the hot tennis court on a blistering day in june, running down their faces in rivulets and flying off in droplets whenever they jump and run and swing and breathe.

sweat, soaking their t-shirts, making it cling to their sculpted bodies. their sun-tanned arms move beautifully. they’re visually appealing, at least, even if their tennis skills are a bit pathetic. too much twisting of the wrist, too much swish, a shot that’s too wide, a shot that’s not wide enough.

at least they’re good entertainment if not good players. the joy of watching country club brats fall flat on their asses is like no other.

you pop the gum in your mouth, and watch them from the shade. matty and george. george and matty.

they’re regulars, and they might not know you or your name, but you know them. in the same way you know the creak in a stair—not because you’ve tried to look for it and made an effort, but because it’s a force of habit.

you’ve watched them so many times too, right here on this court, taking out their aggressions on their rackets and tennis balls. their t-shirts ride up each time they jump, exposing their tattoo-covered torsos, the bands of their underwear. the muscles in their thighs are pulled taut too—they’re nice to look at, you think. certainly easy on the eyes.

“we have audience,” george says, his eyes trained on matty, his mouth curved upwards into a smirk. not once does he look at you.

matty looks at you from the corner of his eyes. his gorgeous, dark curls are plastered on his forehead, the bridge of his straight nose glistens with sweat. you bite your lip in anticipation.

you should have gone straight inside after making sure all the balls on the empty courts were collected. you should’ve been making sure you’re not needed somewhere else. and yet here you are… indulging.

“what do you do? just watch?” george asks loudly. suddenly, his dark gaze is trained on you. the sun might be on them directly but it’s you who feels dizzy.

you push off the wall, walk a little further and out of the shade. “i work here.”

for a bit he doesn’t say anything, he just looks at matty who seems to be barely stifling a smile. you can’t quite decipher what happens between them then, a nod and a coy smile, like it’s their little secret code. it’s about you, that much you’re sure of.

and your point is proven a second later when george sets his racket down and walks up to you.

up close he’s huge, tall enough to tower over you and leave you craning your neck. the hollow of his throat is pink with a hint of sunburn, glistening just like the rest of his forehead. his white uniform is stained with grass a little, but you doubt that bothers someone like him, someone rich enough to afford a year long membership at one of the top country clubs.

you don’t back away from him though. if anything, you wonder if you should take a step closer, wonder if you should give matty a show since he’s so busy gawking at you and george.

george, to his credit, doesn’t try to cross the boundary. although he certainly toes it.

“no, i can see that,” george thumbs the top button of your uniform, the one right below your throat and just above the dip between your breast. he toys with it a second, until it threatens to pop open. “i mean what do you do on the court? just watch? or…”

“do i play, you mean.” you place your thumb over his, pop the button open easily since it’s already so precarious. when george raises his eyebrow, you shrug. “what? it’s hot.”

george rolls his eyes, but there’s a ghost of a smile on his face too. “oh, do you?”

“a little, we aren’t allowed, technically,” you admit, “but the patrons…”

“old, sleazy men who like pretty girls in tennis skirts?”

you laugh. “yeah, them. the managers can’t say no to patrons. and i can’t say no to tips.”

the club’s not being very subtle either, what with your uniform being a literal tennis skirt, not one that might be functional in the slightest, not for its actual purpose anyway…

george takes a moment to look you up and down. you can’t lie, it’s certainly flattering to steal his attention like this.

“george!” matty calls out for him, shitting-eating grin stretched wide on his face. “quit flirting and come back for the next set.”

“yeah, go back for the next set, george,” you tease, twirling a strand of hair around your finger. he doesn’t move an inch.

“come play a few sets with us.”

“there’ll be three of us. a bit crowded, no?”

“why?” he cocks an eyebrow, “afraid you can’t take both of us on?”

you look him up and down, lingering especially on the t-shirt sticking to his stomach and his broad chest. then you click your tongue. “the real question is… can you take me on?”

george is distraction personified.

you decide it’s best to play against matty first—george decides it, more like and you agree. except now that he’s sat in a chair, legs sprawled wide and t-shirt discarded on the ground, you regret it.

the tattoos covering his arms glisten under the sun, his tanned sweaty chest makes your head turn every few seconds, and every time george catches you staring, he smirks. insufferable, annoying, fucking hot.

focusing on matty’s no better for you. he’s worse than you at tennis, that much is a fact. you’ve already won the first set against him, but then he has that way of staring at you across the net, curls dropping in his eyes, and his crooked smile on display. it’s disarming, if you’re being completely honest.

“a break?” george calls out when you set your racket down. you are panting a little, but it has little to do with the sport and more to do with the other kinds of heat coursing through you.

“maybe…” you begin walking off court, toying with the idea of undoing another button. it would be crass…

across the court, matty takes his t-shirt off too, throws it on the ground and takes a swig out of his bottle. you sit closer to george.

once your breathing returns a bit to normal, you train your gaze on him, on the way he looks at you with barely concealed interest, subtly flexing his arms while he leans forward, elbows on his knees and his chin on his fists. his jaw looks sharp enough to cut like this, and yet you have the strongest urge to run your finger along it. maybe even your tongue.

“my friend’s dying for your number.” his tone is so nonchalant that you almost miss it.

“matty?” you steal a subtle glance at him, lying there on the court shirtless, sun warming his skin. “and he told you this…when?”

george pokes his tongue in his cheek, concealing a smile. “we don’t always have to talk, love…”

“i see…” you mirror his pose, leaning forward with just as much interest, relishing in the way his gaze dips to your cleavage and then back up to your face. a quick glance, a stolen glance. “and you’re not? dying for my number?”

“would you like me to?”

“would you rather i go home with your friend?”

“oh who said anything about going home?”

an image flashes in your head. you, george, matty—in the locker room that would be empty this late in the day, but of course there’s always a chance someone might walk in. someone might see… quickly, you cross your legs together. george notes the movement with much interest.

“what would you do? just watch?” you steal another lingering glance at matty, who’s sitting up by now, forearms on his knees, watching this exchange with a kind of intensity on his face that you haven’t seen yet.

“there are worse things than watching, won’t you agree?” george steals your attention away again.

“and is that what you do? watch?”

george laughs, leaning back. then he hooks his foot under your chair, swiftly pulling you closer somehow on the grassy turf.

“where?”

“the lockers are free.”

“i’m serious…” he looks at matty, nodding subtly, “we are serious.”

“who says i’m not?”

matty gets up then, dusting off his shorts and walking up to you, right behind you, until his hands are on your shoulders, lightly massaging. you can’t resist a low moan that slips out of you, rolling your head back and closing your eyes. you hope he’s just as good with his hands everywhere else…

“have you decided then,” matty asks, “picked one of us?”

“why not both?”

matty grins, all sharp teeth and wicked smugness. “if that’s what you wish.”

“aren’t you so bold on the court,” george’s breath is hot on your neck, his arms circling your waist, fingers trailing under your t-shirt and up, up, up until the graze the underside of your boob. you hiss, matty falters in his step.

still, he doesn’t turn, surveying the locker room like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. “matty?”

george’s hand still. “oh is that who you want now?”

“want you both,” you moan, “like i was promised.”

“you were promised—” george whirls you around, manhandling you like you weigh nothing to him until you’re pressed flush against his chest, and he’s close enough for you to kiss him “—nothing.”

“come on, now…” matty’s there suddenly, pressing his chest against your back, grabbing your hips until you can feel his hard dick against your ass. “let’s not lie.”

“mmm i like matty,” you smirk at george, then turn your head sideways so matty can grab your jaw like there’s no tomorrow. at this angle it’s an awkward kiss—teeth against your lips and his tongue on the inside of your cheek, but you gasp just the same, throwing yourself into it.

george takes the opportunity to kiss your exposed neck. it’s more than just a kiss, if anything you know it’s going to leave a mark impossible to hide. his teeth graze over your pulse point, tongue circling it until you moan loudly into matty’s mouth.

george pushes against you. “shower. now.”

his voice is a growl, low and urgent, and not one bone in your body is capable of disobeying him. you break the kiss and turn back to george, walking backwards toward the open showers, making sure not to break eye contact. you do however undo a button of your shirt with each step until it’s completely off you, leaving you in a cream lacy bra and the tiny tennis skirts. matty whistles appreciatively, about to take his shirt off too.

“no,” you object, almost inside the cubicle. “i want george to take off your t-shirt. go on now.”

matty raises an eyebrow and turns to look back at george. his eyes are still trained on you however, glittering with a challenge.

“oh you want a show, darling? she wants a show matty…”

matty hmms, “go on, do it then.”

you bite your lip, eyes trailing on their bodies with barely concealed lust. george grips matty’s jaw. it’s not forceful or harsh, but it is enough that his eyes widen. he doesn’t move away though, he just lets george pull him closer and tilt his chin up. he just lets george pull him into a kiss.

it’s a sloppy kiss—teeth colliding against each other, mouths moving out of sync—it’s a mess, frankly. and yet you can’t look away as george holds onto matty’s neck, fingers tight around the nape and lips hot on his jaw and for a moment it’s like you’re not in the room at all.

matty whimpers. it’s a pathetic little sound that sends a bolt of thrill straight to your cunt, and you rub your thighs together, clenching in anticipation.

they only break the kiss so george can pull the t-shirt off matty and discard it into a rag. you’ve had enough of being ignored.

“oh you are greedy,” he taunts, gripping your wrist tight just when you try to undress him. something tells you he’s used to getting what he wants, inside the bedroom and outside.

“you’ll have to earn it though,” matty joins in.

earn. yes.

breathlessly, you nod, blood pumping through you at a dizzying pace. you know what george wants as he stares at your mouth, far longer than before. and so you give in, eager to please and to taste him, and you kneel, right there on the cold bathroom floor.

“is this good enough?”

“much better,” he smirks, tracing your lip with his thumb. it would almost be a loving gesture if it weren’t for the utter and complete lust written all over his face.

george looks eager, exchanging glances with matty, who stands against the wall, watching. his shorts are almost pulled down, exposing the v of his pelvis and the boner that he palms. matty is content watching. you turn your attention back to george.

george leans against the wall, discarding his t-shirt somewhere and letting you pull his shorts down until they’re around his ankles, until he’s completely exposed with his hard cock centimetres away from your face. your mouth waters at the sight of him, but you choose to put your hand around him first. around his base, holding him in one hand while the other rests on his thigh. the bathroom tiles dig into your knees, but george groans and suddenly it’s all worth it.

he moans when you move your hand—a trail of your finger up along the thick vein that runs along his underside. you stare at him through your lashes, making sure he’s looking at you when you lick up his slit, already leaking with precum.

“fuck…” matty groans behind you.

you rather like this attention, like the fact that he’s getting off to the sight of you on your knees, about to get face-fucked by his best friend.

george tries hard to keep his eyes open, to watch you as you put just the tip of his cock in your mouth. your hand is wrapped around his base, pumping lightly. you know it feels good because a moment later, his eyes flutter shut.

his soft sighs turn into groans as you take him deeper into your mouth, only halfway through, still pumping him with one hand and swirling your tongue around his tip. the weight of it feels delicious on your tongue, the taste and the smell of sweat and grass and remnants off his cologne. it’s an odd mix, one that wouldn’t appeal to you otherwise. but here, now, it breaks through any semblance of control you feel over yourself, even as you try to take it slow, tease him mercilessly before you give him anything else.

but george is getting desperate, his hips bucks as he thrusts into your mouth reflexively, making you gag slightly. instead of apologising, george smirks. matty whimpers too, the sound of skin on skin and you look up at george, at his eyes that flit between you sucking him off and matty pleasuring himself.

“do it again,” you tell him, clenching your thighs together for at least some friction.

george raises an eyebrow. “that how wanna be treated?” his voice has almost turned into a growl, something so deep and feral, it has you taking him deeper into your mouth, all the way until you gag around him once more.

“she’s asking so nicely,” matty taunts, breathing harshly between words.

whatever hold george has on himself snaps at the encouragement. his fingers tighten in your hair, holding you in place as he thrusts his hips again, faster than before, harder. and with each thrust you feel more of his control slipping.

you feel the saliva pooling in your mouth each time his tip hits the back of your throat, feel the burn around your mouth from his thickness. feel the ache between your legs that grows stronger and stronger.

“oh fucking! shit—” he moans, cutting himself off as you hum around him and hollow your cheeks. your scalp stings from his hold, mixing pain and pleasure, making you hiss each time.

somewhere in the meantime, matty has walked up to you, completely naked now and so much closer, closer still when he kneels next to you. you whimper, pleading to be touched, even if it’s just a little. matty seems to understand what you want.

“such a perfect girl,” he coos, words falling carelessly off his lips while he pumps himself slowly. matty waits a moment, then unhooks your bra, letting it fall off you before he grabs one of your tits in his hand, pinching the nipple between his fingers and rolling it until white hot pleasure zings through you. your jaw grows slack and george groans in frustration.

“did i tell you to stop?”

you come back to the present, back to matty touching you while he’s touching himself, back to george with the tip of his cock resting on your lips, back to the ache between your legs.

you take him in deeper as frustration builds in your body, a need for release so strong that you might almost be on the brink of insanity.

both george and matty pant, their breaths coming out harsher, and even when your jaw aches and saliva dribbles down your chin, george keeps going, fucking your face like your nothing but a blow-up doll to him.

“good girl,” he grunts between them, “perfect, perfect girl.” and you know it’s not long now, you can feel him twitching inside your mouth, can feel the way his hips buck and his moans grow louder. you hollow your cheeks again, moan again to let the vibration do its job.

matty moves to stand behind you, breathing loud and almost irregular.

“shit shit shit—” george pants, eyes rolled to the back of his head and jaw slack from pleasure, “gonna cum,” he moans, “gonna cum in your mouth okay?”

you want to say yes, nod, something to let him know how badly you want to taste him, for him to fill up your mouth.

his entire body tenses in that moment, stomach tightening visibly before you feel the thick, warm cum shoot right into your throat and all the way down. you try to keep up with him, swallowing everything he gives you but some of it dribbles down your chin anyway, mixing in with the drool, making a mess.

almost exactly a second later, ropes of cum shoot down your back, your spine. matty, reaching his own orgasm. it’s utterly pornographic, the scene—you on your knees with cum dribbling down your chin and your spine. two men staring at you with lust-riddled eyes, in complete and utter awe.

“pretty little mess,” matty sighs softly, as if reading your mind. george still thrusts in your mouth, gentler now as he rides out the last waves of his orgasm, his cock leaking with the last drops of cum.

you keep your mouth open when he pulls out, letting him see his release on your tongue—thick and white and milky. then you turn to matty. “wanna share?”

matty nods, crashing his lips against yours. the moment his tongue slips inside your mouth you moan. he can taste george on your tongue, can taste every drop of his cum you failed to swallow. you bite his lip, enjoying his hiss a little too much. matty lets you though…

he’s too busy digging his fingers in your jaw and your neck, almost squeezing the sides of your throat. it’s not enough to cut off air completely, but it’s enough to make your head spin.

when matty pulls back, milky release almost coating on his lips, you feel the breath leave you in a whoosh.

george kneels next to you, hand on your hip.

“take this off, yeah?” his fingers taps against the waistline of your skirt. “your turn now.”

“touch me,” you whimper, grabbing george’s hand and moving it up your thigh until his fingers are practically at your aching cunt. he stills and looks at you with a grin.

“matty can help, can’t he?”

“wha—”

“you’ve been so good to us” he whispers right into your ear, nips your earlobe while he’s at it too and you moan just from the thought of it—both their fingers stretching you out, making your see stars, the taste of cum still linger on your lips and you nod, breathless, spreading your legs to bare everything to them.

“please,” you nod eagerly, letting matty part your legs wider, letting him graze your thigh. george, not one to be outdone, joins in a second later.

this time when you kiss matty, you make sure to slip your tongue inside, something he seems to enjoy a little too much, and you take advantage of his distraction.

“like that,” you moan in his mouth and grab his hand, pushing a finger inside and searching for george’s hand right after.

“want more?” he smirks. his eyes look pitch black, blown out wide and so dark, it sends a thrill down your spine.

george presses a kiss on your neck again, mouth rough, all teeth and tongue until you’re close to a blackout and grinding on his hand. you feel the stretch when his fingers enter you, right alongside matty’s. their hands work in tandem, pulling out and pushing in, and the burn of the stretch is divine. your eyes close of their own accord, hips undulating, back arched.

“please d-don’t stop,” you beg, moving your hips faster and faster, matching the thrust of their fingers, “i’ll die if you stop.”

your voice is raspy and rough, like you’ve been screaming unintelligible things for hours. and maybe you have been; your body certainly feels like it, on fire with a current running down your spine every time their fingers push in deeper.

“won’t” george promises, at least you think it’s him. his voice has morphed into something you barely recognise. but his hand moves faster and faster, thumb circling your clit, and that’s all you seem to care about.

“ohgodohgodohgod,” you chant like a blind devotee, drunk on them both, pathetic and desperate. matty’s moves, kissing the other side of your neck, teeth over your earlobe and tongue against your collarbone. if tomorrow you woke up covered in hickeys, you won’t regret it one bit.

heat burns hotter in your chest, the bottom of your spine as you clench around their fingers, stretched out and almost at the edge

“that’s it baby, look at me,” george says. no…it’s almost an order, “look at me when you cum.”

instinctually, you open your eyes, look right at him—at his face that is so close to yours you can practically feel his breath fan your cheek, at his completely dilated pupils and swollen mouth. he kisses you hard and rough, probably tasting himself on your tongue and that tips you over the edge.

with a cry you cum all over their hands, panting and breathing hard. it’s barely even audible over the rushing blood.

“fuck—” matty chokes, utterly speechless. you feel no different.

instead, when matty pulls his hand out, you take a hold of it, place it in your mouth. he makes a sound at the back of his throat—a choked moan like he can’t take it anymore. the moan frees itself when you swirl your tongue around his fingers, licking every inch of them, sucking them clean, not breaking eye contact even once.

you turn to george next, almost expecting him to stick his fingers in your mouth, shoved deep down until you gag around them too but he’s quicker, eager enough to swirl his tongue around them while you and matty watch.

“at least you’re better at this than tennis,” you mock, earning an eye roll from george and a laugh from matty.

the showers stink of cum and sweat.

your uniform is probably unusable now. fuck.

with shaky legs you get off the floor, utterly naked, with no idea how to go back outside and how to do your job.

“shower?” matty asks, utterly nonchalant.

george looks at you for an answer. oh well… “and a smoke after that,” you add.

“that’s the plan then,” he agrees and turns the shower on.

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#summer fics #seasons #the 1975 #matty healy #george daniel #george daniel x reader #george daniel x you #matty healy x reader #matty healy x you

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brodingles · 2 years ago

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Year in Review, 2022

I actually made a couple of these, because it was hard deciding what really encompassed my year. The version above is the one with my Aesthetic version, which has the pieces I think were the prettiest or most aesthetically pleasing ones I did for that month.

This post has my thoughts on the pieces and some overall thoughts on my progression through the year! I’ll post one with just the image afterwards.

January

I spent most of January coming off the end of IR and DMP, and as such I had a lot of. Juniper, Dorkus, and Angie on the brain. I actually made a few of these little comics. >:0 Dorkus is one of my favourite expressions I’ve done in a long time, and it lives in my army of Discord emotes haha.

This kind of WAS my meme for the month, my favourite thing overall.

February

This piece is actually part of a set that I did on stream! It’s part of a set. Keep this artstyle in mind, it will come back later!

Was still drawing Triad Shenanigans this month. I just wanted to share Discount Chocolate Dorkus.

Despite what it may seem like, I actually spent this month planning Tiny Gents! I made headshots for every important NPC for the first oneshot I ran ever in my life. Very shaky knees, but everything went well!!

March

I have no idea what came over me for this one I just went as feral as Barbeau haha. This HAD to be when we were talking about doing a certain DnD game, but the DM and players have been so busy all year we never played. Maybe 2023 is the year Barbeau comes into fruition??

Not the full comic and no Dorkus because I’ve already shared plenty of Dorkus and Juniper needs to be in here SOMEWHERE, but apparently I was still going strong with these in March?? Wild!

We ran the second(?) Tiny Gents session this month. I am including Tiny Gents because it was such a big part of the year in total haha. April

I actually don’t like this piece very much, if I’m honest, but I made it and that should be worth something!! I had the song Eyes Don’t Lie going on loop for this, and I put it on my Rememdium playlist, which is probably my most played playlist of the year (If not, it’s TG). This song is going to come up again, but it definitely put me in A Rememdium brainspace.

I actually spent the month drawing more Tiny Gents stuff. Pictured above is one of the “Feral Group” PCs (featuring Charming reading a book). I did some more character design stuff this month, mostly sketching traditionally.

May

This piece is actually from a LIST of pieces that I did in a row for the Song Meme. This one just looks the nicest when cropped to me haha.

I also redrew a classic comic with the newer designs for the TG RA’s. I...got so much done this month haha.

June

Pride! Emilio and (then) Geon! This was actually NOT the highlight of the month, because this month I created Aine!!

She just POPPED into existence while I was listening to Eyes Don’t Lie and then she took over my brain for a while.

I also did more Tiny Gents art because I had brainrot all year.

July

ANTHONY TOKEN

So Anthony, my boy, came into existence a little before this month, but I didn’t draw him much or think about him much until AFTER I drew his token. Now I’m obsessed with the goober. I plan on redrawing this, I’m not as happy with it now.

I actually posted this one here recently, but I did this as a send off with the Feral Group for TG. They haven’t played since and I miss them ;v;

August

I did a lot of doodles? This month? It was a little slow. I created Hisscisca (the half orc) and Jamie (the pink goth). I actually did frames for an animatic done by @anatthema-art

Also created another character with the help of @churrobird

Got back into Triad shenanigans and made Dorkus a gf. I also did a set of outfits for Juniper! I’ll try to post these separately, this post is getting long.

BUSY MONTH.

September

More Tiny Gents. I did so much Tiny Gents. Not so much art but just doing Tiny Gents.

BUT I ALSO WENT INTO ANTHONY BRAINROT

I HAVE SO MUCH ANTHONY. I DID AN ANIMATIC FOR ANTHONY I WEEP. I SOB. I CRY.

October

I drew this one in a haste and for love of the game to do MOTI’s Songtober! It was a really fun piece to do, and I’m surprised I have not done more fanart for this game ohoho. Omori made a big impact on my art.

I also tried really hard to do a TG comic this month, and I did 3 pages. Hooray! I can’t find it in my files, but it sure is a thing I did.

I also did like...3 birthday pieces because I have so many OCs with October birthdays.

I actually also spent this month working on an even bigger project...

So Monkey’s Paw is not mentioned ANYWHERE in this summary, and that’s because I forgot I had to do a ton of art for it despite it consuming my being for several months. It is a surprise I got anything else done, really. I don’t even remember when I drew these-- technically they should be earlier. I’m glad the song and video are out haha. Also yes I put an Omori reference in the video.

November

This piece kind of changed how I approach my pieces in general? There was a lot of reference gathering and editing that went into it, even though it didn’t take long to actually draw. I just wanted to try something cool, and it seems to have succeeded. Really this month I did a bunch of cool art with Anthony, I’m also quite fond of the sword piece.

I have so many feelings about this image you don’t understand.

December

I actually don’t know if the person I did this for has a Tumblr, but it was a Secret Santa gift! I did other smaller pieces this month, a lot of them, actually, but I mostly just chilled out. December was very reflective for me personally, and I became so grateful for things that happened this year. This summary is very visual heavy and I apologize for that, but there’s so much art to share this time around and I wanted to do that! Conclusion

I spent this year working mostly on my own projects, which was very surreal. I’m very grateful for being able to do that, and would like to continue working on projects throughout 2023 as well!

#summary of art #summaryofart2022 #summary of art 2022 #art #long post #dingaling crossing

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plush-anon · 4 years ago

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SCOOB! Stream of Consciousness Review

Here we are folks - I finally review the originally cinematic, fully CGI animated Scooby Doo Movie (one year later... I did not queue this as I thought I had last June - damn you, Tumblr. I’m not changing much here, so enjoy as it was intended).

Created by a team who have professed their affection for this mystery team and their meddling dog too, will this be a lush experience fit to satisfy any Hanna-Barbera fan? Or will it be a hot garbage cash-grab, littered with Easter eggs and references that do nothing to hide a meatless mess of outdated memes and shallow character development?

LET’S

FIND

OUT

Below this cut is my entire stream-of-consciousness review on the SCOOB! Movie, as experienced. SPOILER warning here - I’m digging into everything, no plot points spared.

Here we go~

And we start off with a decent shot of the California coastline (looks like the kids backstory is front and center), some 90s hip-hop synthwave song about California, and OH SWEET JESUS THESE MODELS LOOK TERRIBLE

Ahem

Yeah, this is a problem right off the bat - some of these people in the opening shots look remarkably unfinished - think three shades above “Rapsittie Kids: Believe in Santa” level - and the animation on them is less than stellar.

On the plus side, we do see a fantastic variety of ages, sizes, and races - there’s a brief blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Sikh man on roller skates playing a sitar - but when the designs look rushed in the opening shots, it’s not a fantastic sign. At least they’re brief, but it’s hard to see if this is a lower level of the film’s style due to rushed animation, or if they didn’t care to polish it up as much, given that it’s maybe a 30 second scene.

Still, kudos to actually going for variety in the crowd shots. Minus kudos to making most of the clothes look like Play-doh draped over a Barbie doll. I’m not even kidding on that one, the clothes are super basic and barely have any sign of texture or creasing or even fabric/cut variety. Almost reminds me of the first Toy Story movie’s design for human clothes, yeesh.

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Ahh, our first introduction to Scooby Doo at a Greek gyro food stand. That’s foreshadowing right there folks! 😉

Sadly, he is really weirdly animated in his run sequence - he looks out of proportion as he’s running on his hind legs, and the human animation has really bad consistency - some background characters are really janky, while others actually move really nicely. The characters we immediately focus on seem to be pretty smooth at least, but that’s still very strange.

On a side note: Ruby and Spears Sub Sandwich shop. Nice 😁

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They are reaaaally pushing the super over-the-top dramatic music for a bike cop chasing a dog that stole gyro meat

Why

It’s not even interesting chase music, just generic super-hyped-up chase music

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And now we finally get to see a young Shaggy, standing next to a tie-dye food stand called Casey’s Confections that… sells meat. Hm. Guess WB hasn’t learned after all these years 🙄

Unfortunately, I’m not a huge fan of the kid they got to play him, Iain Armitage. He’s not a bad voice actor by any means, but he just doesn’t sound right for Shaggy. I know that as a kid he’d be much less likely to have a cracking/squeaky voice, but he sounds… it’s hard to pin down a word, but - precocious? Darling? Either way it doesn’t quite match, especially given how Shaggy sounds when he grows up via Will Forte. Just… no connection there.

I tie it down to the particular vocal twangs and nuances the gang usually has. I’ll touch base on that note later I think, once we hit the teenage versions of the gang, but for now I’m just not feeling it.

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On the one hand, I empathize deeply with Shaggy and his Spotify’s unsettling ability to pinpoint his insecurities with song choices, and also deeply enjoy that one small gesture where his fingers kind of shake & tighten around his phone while he takes a deep breath to calm himself- it’s a very nice, subtle sign of frustration

On the other hand we just passed two guys with no nipples and an unerring likeness to a Ken doll in those Barbie movies, so I’m distracted by that now

(between this and Fred’s no-nipples in Happy Halloween SD!, is WB just terrified of giving men nipples in animated movies now? what gives?)

Also distracted by the thrifty lesbians who bought those two shirts that come together to make a heart in the middle, on the store’s 2 for 1 day

happy pride y’all!

---

Finally got context for the two sand piles!

Very, very sad context, but still! Progress!

Basically Shaggy’s practicing talking to people in order to learn how to make friends, since he either has no idea how, or has never had a friend before. So he’s trying to learn the right way to do it since his own attempts have failed

And him talking to these sand piles not only counts as practice, but he’s using them so that his mom thinks he’s spending time with friends like he told her

Ow :)

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So ketchup leather is apparently a thing that exists

I’m learning so much today!

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Given that Shaggy has no friends at this stage, but he’s still called Shaggy, I’m kind of wondering if that was a mean nickname that everyone called him, but he was just grateful for the interaction/pretended it was from friends, so he kept it 🤔

Actually, take it back, his mother is calling him that. Family nickname, maybe…?

----

Shaggy has Blue Falcon (classic) and Dynomutt funko pops

noice

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Oof, you can reaaaaally hear the age in Frank Welker’s Scooby voice. Can we get Scott Innes back? He sounds almost identical to his performance 20+ years ago :/

Also talking waaaay too much - even SDMI Scooby wasn’t this wordy, and he NEVER shut the hell up

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Okay wait

So Shaggy met Scooby on Halloween day - then met the rest of the gang hours later?

Huh. And here I was thinking it would have been a few weeks minimum

Although I have to say there is a lot here to work with, if it paces out how I think it does

Shaggy meets Scooby. Bare hours later, he buys him a collar (instead of his mom? weird) and asks him to stay with him, despite not really knowing him. Then, only a couple hours after that, he finally makes some friends… but only when Scooby is with him.

Given that it looks like the gang are all around the same age in the same neighborhood, there’s a solid chance that they’ve taken classes together at the same school. If none of them met/knew/made friends with Shaggy then, but only did so AFTER Scooby came into the picture, that might lead to the argument we know about later when they split up; afterwards, S&SD go to the bowling alley, then get abducted by the Blue Falcon, plot continues. This could make it seem like they were only friends with him at the start because he had a dog.

And the brief scene earlier with the music device shows that he tries to tamp down on his anger/doesn’t really address it - could lead to something more later

hmmmm 🤔

---

Wait what

These two kid bullies just came out of nowhere, stole Shaggy’s candy… and then started on about how Halloween is only a marketing ploy to get companies to rot your teeth and go to the dentist more, before throwing the bag through a window and telling the two that ‘your blood sugar will thank us for it!’

Are - are these the brainwashed children of a Karen? Is that what I’m seeing?

I mean we could have had a Red Herring cameo, but apparently informing children about candy conspiracy theories is more important :/

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Daphne: It’s Halloween - no one should go home without their candy

FD&V: *none of them have candy/candy bags*

???????

(Wouldn’t it make more sense if the bullies had stolen their candy too? What the hey man)

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I do find it neat that we actually get to SEE the wires the ‘ghost’ uses to fly in full effect - that’s actually pretty cool, and not really something we get to see up close in older Scooby shows. Most of those just have the bad guy randomly flying about, and the wires revealed after the fact

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Actually, given how FD&V react to this ghost almost immediately… have they already been solving mysteries? It seems like it, given how smoothly they move together to capture him

That’s kind of odd in kids. Like, even in PNSD they weren’t perfectly in-sync on stuff

This then leads to the gang solving mysteries together… in spite of the fact that all Shag and Scoob did was hide in the wardrobe that had the stolen goods, while FD&V captured the dude

Granted, they do ask Shag and Scoob if they wanna join in and say yes, but that seems like an strange jump after what could have been a one-time deal

I just find that a touch odd - esp when they could have had a five minute scene or so of them wandering around the house, touching on some old SDWAY traits. Heck, show that they’re SCARED in some way, and don’t immediately move to tackle what looks like a murderous spirit at age 8-9 or so. Even just showing the kids learning about each other would be enough, but what do I know. I’ve only watched Scooby Doo everything since I was 4 🙄

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Ahhhh, and now for the updated rendition of the theme song

Where they’re all still kids doing everything the teenage gang did in the theme song

It doesn’t look as good as the OG, though - kind of like a computer game simulating the SDWAY intro using the PNSD kids in CGI. It’s honestly strange to see, and a little jarring - especially when we then transition to the older teenage gang right in the middle

Like, we don’t get to see you guys age through the song as you’re chased by/catch different monsters? That could have been pretty neat honestly - shows how long they’ve been doing this

Tho I gotta admit, seeing the Spooky Space Kook with his OG sound effects is pretty awesome, brief as it waoH MY GOD FRED WHY ARE YOU HAVING A ROMANTIC BEACHSIDE DATE WITH THE MYSTERY MACHINE

THAT WASN’T IN THE ORIGINAL AND NO ONE ELSE GETS A CHARACTER INSIGHT SHOT LIKE THIS

WHY

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Huh, looks like Ruby & Spears gave up their subway sandwich shop for a coffee shop

That apparently the gang goes to in order to eat malt shop food

okay?

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Ah, and here’s where we finally look at the voice acting of the older teenage gang. Buckle up folks, cause I gotta lot to say

We’ll start with Fred, bc honestly? I think Efron actually fits him pretty dang well. He’s got a different cadence from Welker, true, but as far as an update goes? I think he’s a solid fit. Very much in line with the all-American kid that Fred’s kind of been slated as for the past 50 years or so, but updated more for the modern perspective. I call it solid (and possibly a replacement for whenever Welker decides to retire).

Next? Oof. Velma is, IMHO, the weakest casting. Velma, no matter her voice actress, has ALWAYS had some form of nasal twang to her voice - that’s part of what makes her Velma to begin with, and helps her stand out. Nicole Jaffe, Pat Stevens, BJ Ward, Christina Lange (PNSD), Mindy Cohn, Kate Micucci, Linda Cardellini -heck, even Haley Kiyoko from ‘The Mystery Begins’ and Sarah Gilman from the ‘Daphne and Velma’ movie understood this! They all had that nasal twang to their voice - differing between actresses, of course, but still recognizable as Velma. Gina Rodriguez though? Honestly, it just sounds like she’s acting it straight. Not bad acting at all, by any means - she just doesn’t sound like Velma, and doesn’t seem to be trying to. (Honestly wondering if she was only hired bc she voices Carmen Sandiego in the reboot cartoon for the lolz fun reference! type connection)

Daphne is sort of similar in voices, but hers is more of a pitch her voice hits - Heather North, Mary Kay Bergman, and Grey Delisle Griffin all have that pitch they hit naturally when speaking. Amanda Seyfried? Does not - in fact, her voice is actually deeper than I was expecting - but it’s not quite as big a difference as it is for Velma. It fits her character type okay, and she does well with it overall.

And finally, the most controversial one: Will Forte’s Shaggy.

I’ll go ahead and say this: he’s not Scott Menville levels of bad Shaggy voice acting. If I were to place him on a list, I’d probably put him around Billy West level - kind of sounds similar via vocal tics (voice cracking, likes and zoinks, etc), but his own voice just overtakes the impression he’s seeking to hit. When I hear him speak, I don’t really hear Shaggy; I just hear Will Forte trying to do an impression of Shaggy.

In comparison: when Scott Innes took over for Shaggy, it was like Casey Kasem’s, just a touch more of a twang to his voice and just a dash over-the-top - but it was still Shaggy, and you didn’t doubt that for a minute.

Same thing for Lillard, but maybe moreso - he was pretty much the most perfect casting for a live-action Shaggy there could be at the time Scooby Doo (2002) was made. Him taking over for Kasem from there made perfect sense: he was honestly the best cast Mystery Inc member of the live-actions, and a lot more recognizable to the general public as Shaggy than Scott Innes was. He could also do different emotions with Shaggy that not a lot of the other voice actors had the chance to do (mainly bc script), so for future stuff they have that flexibility, if they wanted to play around a little more.

With any luck Forte will get better over the course of the movie, but honestly the casting could have been so much better with Matt Lillard and Kate Micucci.

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Shaggy Rogers, evading taxes since 2020

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siMON COWELL??!?

WHAT THE

WHY?!?!?

ALSO HIS CHARACTER DESIGN STYLE IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM THE REST OF THE GANG WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON?!!?

IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SD CELEBRITY CAMEO

IF YOU WERE GOING TO DO A CAMEO FROM AMERICAN IDOL WHY NOT RYAN SEACREST

HE TOOK OVER FOR CASEY KASEM ON THE AMERICAN TOP 40 WOULDN’T THAT MAKE MORE SENSE

aaauuuggghhh

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Also he’s there as a potential investor in Mystery Inc as a detective agency

A music industry professional… is interested in funding a detective agency.

Like… did he miss out on Josie & the Pussycats? Is that why he’s here?

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Wait a minute

Oh noooooo

I know why he’s here

I remember this spoiler

Shit

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And once again, here is your reminder to tell Simon Cowell a great big fcuk you

Only this time it’s for making Shaggy and Scooby feel worthless and saying that friendship is worthless and cannot be counted on for anything worthwhile

Simon Cowell: Professional Dickhead

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Welp, at least this gives a solid reason why they leave: Simon Cowell was being a professional dickhead, and the gang didn’t really say anything against him or interrupt him on his whole ‘Shag and Scoob are worthless spiel’

Or, well... Daphne stepped up some, but more to say ‘they’re our friends!’ rather than ‘that’s entirely wrong, our friends aren’t worthless!’ Better than nothing, but yeesh

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Ahhh, Takamoto Bowling - the emptiest bowling alley in the evenings this side of Coolsville

(no seriously, the past few times my dad has taken my sister and me bowling pre-pandemic, no matter the day or time? it’s ALWAYS got more than 6 lanes of people there, what the heck)

Also Scooby wears three bowling shoes, which honestly makes more sense than I thought it would - that pup goes spinning and sliding every which way on a normal floor, bowling alley floors would be like ten times worse

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here’s a nice little detail - when Scooby sees one of the bowling pins peek out with red eyes and he yells that to Shaggy, Shaggy actually squints and walks closer to see if it actually does have eyes

aww

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Huh, okay

Panicked Will Forte Shaggy actually sounds more like a good Shaggy voice than normal talking Will Forte Shaggy

I can dig it

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Still kind of underwhelmed by the Shag and Scoob disguise scene - wouldn’t it make more sense to have them like, dish up hot sauce or something on a plate that nonsensically makes the robots overheat before they discover their ruse?

Idk, maybe they’re off their game after Simon ‘Dickhead’ Cowell

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Carlton Way - must be named after Fred’s only other voice actor, Carlton Stevens of PNSD

Also Hanna’s Barber Shop is next to Barbera’s Pizza! Cute.

And… Pitstop’s Pink Perfume ad. Wait, who is that? *assorted googling noises*

...ahhh, Penelope Pitstop from Wacky Races! Who, according to Wikipedia, was revealed to have Greek ancestry in the 2016 Wacky Raceland comic book, having been born on the island of Aegina

Now I’m wondering if we’ll see her in this too, given Cerberus...

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Honestly kind of fascinating to see the gang with a police radio in their van

Also fascinating to see that only main characters are allowed clothing variety and texture/creases/folds

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it’s actually really sweet to see Fred, upon hearing that Shag and Scoob are likely in danger, immediately makes a 90 degree turn in traffic

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It looks like they changes Dee Dee’s name a hair - now it’s Dee Dee Skyes, instead of Sykes

It works well for the Falcon aesthetic, so that’s cool

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Shaggy, after Dee Dee tells them that Dastardly’s trying to kill them: Scoob, someone thinks we’re important enough to *mimes slitting throat*!

Scooby: It’s nice to be wanted.

Excellent! This movie has captured Shag and Scoob’s blasé attitude towards death! Now we’re onto a solid Scooby film :D

Dee Dee: Hmm, I hear that!

And they even have a friend to share in their attitude! Splendid!

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Christ, I can work photoshop better than Blue Falcon can, and I don’t even know how to use photoshop

I will give major kudos on his costume tho - it maintains the important elements of the OG Falcon, while still updating it with more bird-related aesthetic, like the feathered appearance of parts of his costume, the split cape resembling the tail feathers, and the talon gauntlets & boots. neat!

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Yooo, Dynomutt, I thought secret identities were still a thing with Superheroes, what the hey are you doing giving it out to a duo you literally just picked up behind a bowling alley

Ngl, I’m kinda hoping we get some scenes where Dynomutt messes up a little like in the OG cartoon - this one feels really serious, which is kind of strange

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Okay now I want to see older!Blue Falcon come in for a cameo

Mainly bc I’m getting the feeling that this one is a major dumbass, and not in the fun and friendly himbo kind of way 😑

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Wait, THAT’S our first look at Dastardly? That’s a bit abrupt, isn’t it?

Also his ship must be pumping thousands of gallons of toxins into the air, that smoke cloud looks hideous. Forget logging into his mom’s Netflix account like the trailer said, EPA should probably be hunting him for sport with a laser cannon, jesus fcuking christ

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Honestly kinda want a plane you can pilot like a motorbike now

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Welp, it looks like we have a fun, mustache-twirly, puns-aplenty, loves-to-be-bad kind of villain on our hands folks! This is gonna be FUN AS HECK

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Eurgh, this scene - the super-stiff-but-stretched-out ‘yeeurgh’ faces really squick me for some reason, but I can’t really pinpoint why

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I have decided I highly dislike the Brian Blue Falcon, or Brian Falcon for short, and would like to see Dastardly tie him to some railroad tracks

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North St for Heather North, and… wait… Funland Carnival? Like where Charlie the Robot hung out?

Apparently that’s in Romania.

A very yellow-greenfilter Romania at that.

Like, I’ve seen blue washes on movies trying to portray evening in the middle of the day so they don’t actually have to shoot at night, but yellow? That’s normally used for deserts and hot days and uhhh

NOT for evenings in a country with landscape like THIS

odd

(I mean I guess they got the mountains and trees right, but still. Yellow filters make a place look arid, which Romania is Not, to my knowledge)

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Dude, Brian Falcon is such an idiot even Shaggy and Scooby, commonly portrayed as the idiots of Mystery Inc, look at him like he’s a moron.

(They are Not Amused.)

Also Brian Falcon is an absolute coward. That’s new. Even Shaggy and Scooby face off against the robots directly in a Whack-a-Mole game and destroy some. Dude, get your head in the fcuking game already, yikes

Woah, Laff-a-Lympics, Wacky Races, Hex Girls, The Banana Splits, Penelope Pitstop, Space Stars, Posse Impossible, and Hong Kong Phooey easter eggs in one shot

Geezus

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Another nice moment: when cornered by Dastardly, Shaggy moves to stand in front of Scooby to protect him

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Dastardly (to Shaggy): I don’t care about YOU. You’re not REMOTELY important!

*proceeds to shoot Shaggy THROUGH the ceiling and up into the highest car on a Ferris Wheel where Brian Falcon is hiding like a man baby*

Welp, so much for a fun and zany villain. Time for this Plush Anon to kill a bitch *cocks shotgun*

I will, too - kudos to the animators for hurting me so badly with the face Shaggy made right before being shot because

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Ehehehhehe, yess, the infamous ‘Dick’ scene

Dastardly: No, I’m a DICK. With a D!

You sure are, you sack of dildos with a D!

This scene had to be put in on purpose - if this had been released in theaters, I just know the adults would be dying in laughter 🤣🤣🤣

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Shaggy: Brian, do something!

Brian Falcon: Like what?

Shaggy: Like, drop some F-Bombs!

love it 😂

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Is it like movie law now, that if there’s an action scene with a Ferris Wheel in the background, it has to fall off and roll down a mild incline like a wheel? Because it kinda feels like it

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Aha! Dastardly said his drats! Perfection.

Now to shoot him through a ceiling to make them matter even more :D

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OOF.

Well that hurt.

Poor Shaggy - basically internalizing now that he’s the worthless one and weak link of the group now that Scooby is considered more important

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Holy fcuk I’m crying

Shaggy just broke Brian Falcon down to his deepest insecurities without even trying while talking to him

He even used the words ‘imposter syndrome’

Shaggy hon, you’re the best

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Oh hey, Fred, Daphne, and Velma! It’s been a while since we saw you guys again, what are you doing?

Arguing about the metric system and realizing that Shaggy and Scooby reminding them to eat periodically helped them keep a clearer head...

And using the word ‘hangry’.

But then looking through a ridiculously cute photo album of the two and a video the gang took together (the video is honestly really heckin’ cute, 10000/10 would recommend)...

And then getting pulled over so Fred can have a brief ‘oo-la-la’ montage about the pretty blonde cop who honest-to-gods looks like a Barbie doll.

Where Daphne then describes how ugly Dastardly is...

Right before the petite blonde cop who’s maybe like 5’7” at best rips off her outfit to reveal it was Dick Dastardly this entire time, all 7ish feet of him.

And then kidnaps them all along with the Mystery Machine while he makes terribly fun dorky puns

…

...SO BACK TO SCOOBY AND SHAGGY...

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...where Scooby is making kissy faces in the mirror while wearing his Blue Falcon uniform

Hrm, that’s not really better is it

We actually see Shaggy reading (OG) Blue Falcon’s autobiography, and making hurt but snide comments about Scooby’s ego

Which are actually pretty clever tbh

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Cooooooongratulations, Fred Jones! You are now officially a full-on himbo!

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Alas, poor Daphne. While your knowledge of the tropes of your show might have served you well in other places, this was to be a theatrical release once upon a time, and so such knowledge falls to ruin.

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You know, I just realized - we’re never really told HOW the Cerberus skulls work, both in how each skull can be used to find the others, and, presumably, in releasing Cerberus itself. We’re given a brief glance-over of Scooby’s ancestry (and I mean REALLY damn brief), and a quick mention that these are supposed to be Cerberus’ skulls being stolen, but… that’s it. Nothing else is given.

Now, I read the first few chapters of my SCOOB! Junior Novelization, and it actually went into further detail about the skulls themselves and what Dastardly’s initial plan was early in the book - open the gates of Hades and obtain the seas of treasure therein. It acted as an introduction both to the climatic endgame we’ll face at the end of the movie, and to Dastardly, who uses the same disguise trick he used as the Barbie cop when he stole the first one in South America.

(They actually DID plan to use this as Dastardly’s intro, but cut this… 3 minute scene for time. Yeah. See below video for the details - honestly think they should have kept it in. Saves time later and definitely more show than tell, compared to what we got)

youtube

I feel like that would be a better introduction to him than the one we got - hell, it would have fit in quite neatly after the revamped theme song montage. They could have the scene with Dastardly finding/stealing the first skull as an introduction (as above), then have him answer a call or something. Exposit openly “You found the key! Excellent! Now where are we going next?”

THEN cut to the diner/coffee shop scene we had earlier. We still wouldn’t know exactly what the key was/entailed off the bat, and they could still have FD&V find out on their own - maybe by hacking the little robot instead? IDK.

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The final skull is on Messick Mountain.

Cute.

On a side note, I do love how Dastardly’s ship interior looks - very dieselpunk

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Velma just hacked into Dynomutt… somehow, and I finally get my wacky Dynomutt shenanigans! Hazoo!

...sadly that was really dang brief. Realistic, yes, but still too brief.

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Eyyyy, we finally get the whys of why Scooby is needed! … really dang fast.

Also Fred says Jinkies.

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Hey, Muttley popped up! In a shrine… to his demise… that we find out he reached when Dastardly pushed him forward into the Underworld to steal the treasure of Alexander the Great in a portal he rigged up… only for both of them to find out it was a one-way deal unless they used the key to be able to come back. The key, of course, being Scooby Doo, descendent of Peritas, Alexander’s dog.

Eh, workable enough-ish. It’s interesting to see that Dastardly, despite how much he disliked Muttley in the older cartoons, still cares about him to a certain extent.

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Pfff, Fred’s a poor man’s Hemsworth XD

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Sweet, we’re in ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth’ now!

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O W W W

You guys really had to do the ‘me or them’ thing with Shaggy and Scooby… and tHeN hAvE sCoObY cHoOsE tHe FaLcONs?!? Just because they said he was important as “the key” and gave him a spandex costume.

Over at least 7 years of friendship.

Booooooooooooo

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actually no I’m Not Done Yet

This whole scene is a mess.

Shaggy’s turn was really dang fast… but I can still see how he gets to it. It’s at least a day between Scooby being chosen as a pseudo-sidekick and the island arrival, during which Shaggy’s talk with the main adult (who has taken up the mantle of his favorite superhero) essentially confirms his feelings of worthlessness and leaves him to stew for HOURS on end (on top of another adult, Dastardly, who also calls him “not even REMOTELY important” at the carnival before freaKING SHOOTING HIM THROUGH THE CEILING NO I AM NOT OVER THIS). Tie that to a teenager who also believes his only friends have come to think he’s meaningless baggage, and suddenly his entire support system is vanishing underneath him to one of his former idols without ANY sign of hesitation from Scooby’s part (with the exception of the collar scene, but I don’t think that that means the same to Scooby, given how quickly he bounces back)

Scooby tho… hrm. It could be that he’s clinging to the good feelings Brian Falcon inspires in him (by choosing him as the next possible Dynomutt), as a way to overpower how FD&V hurt him, while also building on how he came to love the duo because SHAGGY loved them so much. But the movie doesn’t frame that up… at all?? At least compared to Shaggy.

Idk, maybe I’m missing something, but this scene is a mess through and through

Boooooo

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Scooby: *tries to leap into Brian Falcon’s arms like he did with Shaggy but falls*

Brian: Uh, what are you doing?

Scooby: Rhaggy never missed.

Damn straight he didn’t

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oh hey, it’s Captain Caveman

I was wondering when we’d see him.

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AAAUUGGHH

It’s that blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene from the trailers I sobbed over - the one with Shaggy holding Scooby’s collar

Fun fact it actuALLY FADES INTO THE FLASHBACK

THAT WAS NOT A TRAILER THING THAT’S ACTUALLY HERE IN THE MOVIE

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Oh No

Fred is here, alone, after that whole scene with Dastardly saying he had a use for Fred

...while that’s likely Dastardly in a Fred suit (that sounds creepy just typing it), I’m still going to enjoy this brief but absolutely lovely hug Shaggy and Fred share...

(seriously tho, look at this, it’s a genuinely close, squish-your-lungs-out kind of hug, I love it)

...as well as Shaggy, who's still hurt from his fight with Scooby, immediately gearing up to go help him after hearing Dastardly’s trying to kidnap him.

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Brian Falcon and Scooby Doo now have to take on Captain Caveman in gladiatorial combat in order to claim the final skull of Cerberus

I love cartoons sometimes

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Captain Caveman just put the smackdown on Brian Falcon and punched him into the ground up to his CHEST

Then smacked him so far into a wall he cracked the stone around him!

GodDAMN is this satisfying 😆 altho minor question here: how did he gain the rank of Captain? Do cavepeople have a naval force?

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He just whirled Scooby around his head, then spun him so fast his costume broke off

I may have to look into some Captain Caveman stuff now, that’s fantastic

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Shaggy and Fred - sorry, “Fred” - just smashed through to the colosseum in the Mystery Machine

And Dynomutt just fired missiles at Captain Caveman to smash him into an Amigara-shaped hole of himself

I REALLY love cartoons sometimes

---

Oh No

Just as Shaggy starts trying to apologize, “Fred” kicks him in the back, rips off his disguise to normal Dastardly self, and kidnaps Scooby atop the skull, before revealing he destroyed the Falcon Fury jet

New tagline for this movie? Shaggy Rogers and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day

...at least the rest of the gang is back together?

---

Brian Falcon: *Immediately tries to blame Shaggy for inadvertently leading Dastardly to them, while storming up to get in his face*

Fred: *upon realizing BrianF is blaming Shaggy for everything, without a SINGLE moment’s hesitation, immediately leaps in to defend Shaggy and physically push back Brian Falcon several feet*

We stan one Himbo, theydies and gentlethem

Also?

Velma (sneering): What kind of hero blames other people for his problems? *Walks over to comfort Shaggy with Daphne, while Shaggy looks dumbfounded they’re defending him bc he also blames himself for Scooby’s kidnapping*

This. This right here, is the kind of Mystery gang content I wanna see.

I don’t care how the rest of this movie goes now, this scene right here is ambrosia to the Scooby fan’s soul, and therefore makes this entire movie worth it, outdated memes, lingo, and all

---

Cackling rn - Fred and Brian Falcon are in a point-off a la the Spiderman meme 😂

or, more specifically, the post-credits sequence of Spiderverse where they’re arguing about who started pointing first

It gets better when Velma and Daphne try to pull each other off of their pushing fight, and Velma grumbles “Toxic Masculinity” I’m crying

---

WOAH

More super Shaggy stuff here (apart from being flung through a building roof without a scratch) - he pushes apart both groups effortless, and even knocks them back several feet

If we estimate Dynomutt as… we’ll say 450 since he’s made of metal, Falcon at 220, Dee Dee at 160, that’s about 830 lbs on one side

Then Fred, Daphne and Velma on the other (hmm, 180, 150, 130?) would be around 460 lbs

Dang boi

---

Oh honey no, it’s not your fault

But dang if he didn’t get a good message from it, one I’ve done my best to transcribe here:

“I was afraid that... things were gonna change. And they did change. But like, that’s okay! People can grow. But it doesn’t mean that we’re growing apart. Because the one thing that will never change is that Scooby Doo is my best friend! Ten years ago, a little boy made a promise to a stray puppy that he’d never leave him no matter what. And I’m gonna keep that promise! Now it’s time we stopped that mustachioed menace from opening the gates to the {underworld} and letting loose that fearsome {Cerberus}. So what do you say we get out {of here}, and go get my always-snacking, never-lacking, often-napping dog back? Who’s with me?”

Honestly not a bad message for kids. Things will change, people will change, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends. (Obvs real life exceptions apply, but that’s not a bad note honestly)

...shame that that conclusion comes right the FUCK outta nowhere

How, exactly, did he come to this conclusion? WHEN? What inspired him to realize this, what was the impetus for this specific line of thought, that it’s okay for friends to change?

It kinda feels like this should have been either the happy ending speech given after they’ve saved the world, or one at the start of the third act, like if Shaggy arrives when Scooby thinks he’s chased him away and ruined everything, and Shaggy & the gang still save him. And Scooby asks him why he did that - when Scooby tried to change himself to fit what Brian Falcon wanted, instead of treasuring the friend he still had, or maybe why Shaggy reacted the way he did. THEN Shaggy gives the speech we hear, a la:

“I yelled at you because… like, because I was scared. I was scared that... things were gonna change. And they did change. But like, that’s okay! People can grow. But it doesn’t mean that we’re growing apart. Because the one thing that will never change is that YOU’RE my best friend! Ten years ago, a little boy made a promise to a stray puppy that he’d never leave him no matter what. And I mean to keep it!”

At least that would make a little more sense to me. Again, not a bad speech, but a little rearranging would help to really hit home.

---

Okay, now we’re back with Dastardly in Greece, and suddenly the background people all look MILES better than the ones at the start of the movie. Did they just forget to polish the first two minutes of film, what the heck?

Also, Dastardly’s ship is literally the entire length of the Greek ruins presented o_O

---

HOLY SHIT THE SKULLS TURNED BACK TIME AND MADE THE RUINS INTO AN ENTIRELY RESTORED PALACE WITH THE GATES OF THE UNDERWORLD BEFORE THEM

They’re also colored a very atmospheric neon arrangement that’s surprisingly quite tasteful ^.^

----

The Mystery Machine can fly now!!! eeheeheeeheeheeheeheeee

----

And so we finally see Cerberus, a massive, towering figure with sharp teeth and pffffffhahahhahaa why are all three heads wearing Spartan helmets

To its credit, they’re also wearing basic body armor, wrist guards, tail spikes, etc, but the helmets are killing me 🤣 who thought to stick that onto the dog? Did Hades forget to remove the armor after winning the Gods’ Pet Costume Contest, or was it like that horse in the ATV costume - it felt safer so it didn’t let anyone take it off?

Or was this a precaution against Herakles coming back? These are questions - hilarious, hilarious questions 😁

---

Awww. Scooby immediately runs to the battered Mystery Machine to rip the doors open for the gang!

And… wait. THIS is where that wonderful hug was in the trailers? I thought that was at the end of the movie when everyone was safe!

This now does not bode well. But we’ll worry about that later. Time to enjoy this gorgeous wonderful hug of the entire gang, and Shag and Scoob apologizing to each other for fighting 🥰

Yet another scene to make the rest of this movie worth the rest

(halfway wanna frame this shit and put it on the wall, it’s that lovely)

----

Fantastic! Dastardly is now in Hell, where I’ve been wishing him this entire movie! :D

And dang… he actually apologizes to what he believes is a dead Muttley. Who is, naturally, snickering at all of this. The two bicker predictably, but eventually hug and make up, too happy to see each other to resort to old habits. Honestly a nice little scene, all-in-all.

---

Back to the gang and they’re doing the glowy eyes in the dark bit! I actually haven’t seen that in a Scooby movie forever, it’s neat.

Also Fred is now going full Liam Neeson over his van, war paint and all, using the tire cover as a shield and… holy shit.

HOLY SHIT

THE ASCOT IS BAAAnnnnnd it’s gone. Boy, that was… short.

Fred just ran full-tilt at Cerberus, screaming like a mad man, before getting flicked away by its big toe, and losing the ascot and makeshift shield. It punched so hard his facepaint came off

It was fun while it lasted y’all

---

Heyyy, Shag and Scoob just came up with the plan, and it’s actually solid! I’m so proud, and so is the rest of the gang! Also willingly going to distract Cerberus while the rest figure out how to close the gate and stuff Cerberus back in

I love my boys 😊

---

Annnnd there goes Brian Falcon like the coward he is

To… call his dad? And admit he isn’t a hero.

Only for Dynomutt to point out Shaggy and Scooby are taking him on and are terrified.

This then cuts to Shaggy and Scooby running around in a chariot and gladiator wear, running back and forth a la the door gag from Cerberus to the OG SDWAY theme

I think I love this movie

(although they’re hinting at Dynomutt being resentful of OG Blue Falcon essentially abandoning him to his incompetent son, and I really wish it had been touched upon more

that’s actually rather heartbreaking, when you stop to think about it, and there’s a lot that could be done with an additional two minutes of screentime)

---

Huh, another good message for kids: it’s okay to fail and be scared, so long as you keep going and try to do what’s right.

Two good messages for kids in one movie. Not too shabby, on the whole.

---

Brian Falcon just flew in and punched the three-headed dog, then jumped into its mouth as it tried to eat Scooby, resisted the MASSIVE JAW STRENGTH, and got them out of there safe and sound

Finally, something heroic!

I was wondering where Dastardly and Muttley got off to - apparently they’re off to take a money bath.

Aight

---

Shag and Scoob have now convinced the Rotten Robots to turn into bowling balls to knock Cerberus off their feet a la the classic marbles pratfall back into the underworld

That is a sentence I just wrote

----

OH FCUK NO

ABSOLUTELY NOT NO

YOU ARE TELLING US THAT AFTER ALL OF THIS - ALL OF THIS - ONE OF THEM HAS TO STAY IN THE UNDERWORLD TO LOCK THE GATE

THAT OCTOBER LEAKER WAS RIGHT WHAT THE HELL

LITERALLY SO

I mean i know its a kids film specifically Scooby Doo so happy ending but what the literal FUCK

---

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGHHH

SHAGGY NOOOO

“Buddy, back when we were kids, you saved me. Now, it’s my turn.”

and he dOES THIS WHILE HOLDING SCOOBY’S HEAD TENDERLY IN HIS HANDS

AND WHEN EVERYTHING REVERTS IT’S JUST RUBBLE AND RUIN AND SCOOBY’S LEFT SOBBING OPENLY AT NOTHING

AND THE GANG ALL COME TO CLING AT HIM AND CRY OVER THEIR FRIEND WHO THOUGHT HE WAS WORTHLESS MOST OF THE MOVIE AND THOUGH THAT THE GANG THOUGHT THE SAME ABOUT HIM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH

---

WELP, TIME TO COPE WITH INAPPROPRIATE HUMOR

Shaggy: I yelled at my dog, got him kidnapped, and ended up helping the bad guy to open the gates to Hell. Guess I’ll die.

Dee Dee: Well actually, this is more Dastardly’s fault because -

Shaggy, yelling as he slams his hand against the lock: GUESS I’LL DIE!!!

----

Ah, so the writers wrote themselves into a corner, and the only way out was a Deus Ex Machina (at least, I think I’m using that term correctly…)

Because to get Shaggy back, a giant statue of Alexander the Great and Peritas appears out of nowhere - literally, since it definitely wasn’t there before - with an inscription Scooby has to read to get Shaggy back.

This would have been a lot more effective if we’d seen it when Dastardly arrived in Greece - maybe even as the marker for where the gate to the Underworld was. Have Alexander facing one way, and Peritas facing the other. You open the gate on Alexander’s side, and come home on Peritas’ side. Having this unfold into the gate gives it more purpose than “magically appears right the fcuk outta nowehere” and you could have a pun with the “backdoor” escape. Everybody wins!

And if that’s too good for ya, how about a brief lingering shot by it at some point as Dastardly flies into Greece, behind where the gate materializes, or directly across from it on the plaza? Maybe have one of the gang kick it after Shaggy leaves, and say ‘This is all your fault! Why would you make something like this?’

It’d still be a magical contrivance, but at least it would make some fcuking SENSE.

(Granted it DID lead to this hilariously ominous shot, so maybe I shouldn’t complain:)

---

Velma: I finally figured out what you guys are! You’re the heart of Mystery Inc.

Me: YEAH BABY! *flips over table* I’VE BEEN SAYING THAT SHIT FOR YEARS AND NOW, I’M FCUKING VALIDATED AT LAAAAAAAAST!

----

Shaggy: *rips off Dastardly’s face to reveal…*

ALL: SIMON COWELL??!?

Me, choking on food: I’m sorry WHAT?!?!?

Velma: *takes off mask again to reveal*

ALL: DICK DASTARDLY?!?

Dastardly: Drat! No one ever goes for the double unmasking.

So I was right all along - Simon Cowell truly was a Dick this entire time.

-----

And so we close on the gang unveiling a Mystery Machine paint job on their official detective agency building, Brian Falcon living the good life as the DJ at their party, the Falcon team gifting a sleek new Mystery Machine to the gang (which honestly looks pretty unique - it’s not the classic, but it is something new that isn’t awful, so kudos there), and the gang on their way to another mystery.

So, at the end of the day is this a good Scooby movie?

Meh? *waves hand in meh motion* But it definitely had its moments.

This Scooby film is flawed as heck, no doubt about it - the plot has a MAJOR problem with telling instead of showing, some parts feeling out of order or WAY too short, and of course the deus ex machina ending. I honestly would have loved some more time for their first mystery as kids, where we actually got more character moments/bonding from Fred, Daphne, and Velma as they solved it the more traditional route, as well as not framing FD&V as super duper mystery solvers right off the bat???

The stuff with Blue Falcon isn’t AWFUL, per se, but it is ridiculously satisfying to see him get smacked around. Captain Caveman was honestly one of the funniest bits in the movie, same with Dynomutt.

As far as the character stuff? It all felt fairly natural, progression-wise. Shag and Scoob don’t have this big break-up with the gang - they’re hurt by the literal Dickhead’s comments the gang don’t speak up against, and go to blow off some steam together. Shag and Scoob don’t have this giant blow-up argument - it builds over the film into a hurt spat they both recognize they overreacted to almost immediately. The gang (FDV) go looking for them almost as soon as they leave, and, upon hearing they’re in danger, turn and head towards them to save them, realizing how important the two are to Mystery Inc along the way. They defend each other, help each other, have some of the Best Dang Animated Mystery Inc hugs I ever did see - THIS feels more like the Gang I’ve been waiting for forever to come back to DTV (and in a rough sense, did). While I do wish we’d gotten more screen time of FD&V, what we got wasn’t too bad.

Weirdly enough, at the end of the day, I’ve actually grown more accustomed to Forte’s Shaggy - it feels like it fits this different style a touch more than I originally thought, and holy hell if I didn’t come close to tears at that ending gate scene, he knocked that one out of the park. Velma still doesn’t feel much like Velma, but I did get used to it by the end. I kept cracking up at Efron’s Fred, and no complaints on Seyfried’s Daphne.

Jason Isaacs as Dick Dastardly absolutely killed it. Blue Falcon Crew was okay (excepting Mark “The Racist” Wahlburg - it was just him talking, no real effort. You could recognize Wahlburg right off the bat, acting as a goofy douche) and freaking Captain Caveman was awesome. Apparently they combined both Billy West and Don Messick’s recordings for Muttley (awesome!!!), so this may very well be Don Messick’s final role in a Scooby Doo film.

It got off to a rough start, but ended well enough. The animation was solid, the writing has some unexpectedly clever and funny moments sprinkled throughout, with some pretty fun action sequences on the side. Watching this, I really do believe that the people working on it love Scooby Doo and all things Hanna-Barbera… at least in their own way.

I ended up buying this instead of just renting it ($5 more, why not) and I am honestly glad I did so. Despite its flaws, it has some great moments with the gang as friends, and I have been Craving That Shit for DECADES

And if these writers/directors ever did another Scooby film? I think I’d be up for giving them a chance - at least so long as we got some more absolutely BEAUTIFUL hugs with the gang

I hope you enjoyed this stream-of-consciousness reaction to SCOOB! (2020)... a whole ass year LATER, admittedly (I didn’t switch my Save Post to Queue, curse my hubris), but hopefully y’all’ve been entertained. Good night everybody!

#scoob!#scoob 2020 #scoob #scooby doo #plush reviews: final thoughts #note to self: never use queue for the big posts

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twoidiotwriters1 · 4 years ago

Text

Young Blood V -(PB/WITS Crossover)

A/N: Last part! We had so much fun writing this, we might come back to this baby in the future :) -Val & Danny

Words: 2,700

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Summer 1996

“So, Hermione,” Sirius handed her a drink, he was grinning widely. “Tell us all about Percy back at school, is he a good boyfriend?”

“Dad,” Percy started, Hermione chuckled.

“He’s really nice, yes. My parents want to ask all of you to my Dad’s birthday in two weeks, they’re looking forward to meeting you.”

“Oh, wanting to meet the boyfriend’s parents already?” Persephone raised a brow. “We have to be on our best behaviour Sirius, they’re paying half of the things for their wedding!”

“Mum!” Percy frowned, trying to stand up to leave the room. “Let’s go, Hermione, it’s getting late…”

“Thought Matthew was going to take you to the movies?” Sirius raised a brow.

“I rather walk than stay here and be humiliated in front of my girlfriend,” The young wizard replied. “Honestly, you guys don’t act like this with Lyra, this is ridiculous…”

“Lyra’s an angel,” Sirius said with an accusing finger. “She’s never done anything wrong in her life and she’ll stay single until she’s forty.”

“The fact that she’s never been in detention doesn’t mean she’s an angel,” Percy scoffed. “And I saw her flirting with a sixth-year Slytherin the last term.”

“She what?” Sirius straightened in his place.

The doorbell rang and Percy was quick to stand up and answer it, Harry walked in looking rather anxious.

“Your parents are here?”

“Yeah?” The boy raised a brow. “Why?”

“Good,” He whispered. “I’m pretty sure Mel’s dad has been planning a way to murder me tonight and make it look like it was an accident.”

Perseus laughed.

“What?”

“Shh!” He looked over his shoulder. “He’s coming!”

Matthew’s imposing figure stepped into the entrance, Mel walked in after him. She was tinier than her father, but her scowl was enough to make people fear her.

“Lovely night, isn’t it?” Matthew asked out loud.

“Wonderful,” Mel replied sarcastically. “If only my dad stopped acting like a baby.”

“Watch your words, girl,” The man warned her.

Matthew Dumbledore’s daughters were usually calm, sweet daddy’s girls. However, whenever they had a disagreement people could just feel the power emanating from them. Now that Mel was older, it was really obvious that she had inherited her father’s character.

“Ruddy,” Sirius’ eyes were darting nervously between the two. “It is a lovely night, so let’s try to keep a nice attitude, shall we? It’s a group date! Love is in the air!”

“And it stinks of hormones,” Matthew replied angrily.

“Oh god,” Mel rolled her eyes, she turned to look at Hermione. “Hi, are you having a good summer?”

“Er… yeah,” Hermione stared at Mel’s dad nervously, he was usually the most charming man. “Yeah… and you?”

“It’s been good,” Mel walked up to Harry and he flinched, eyes immediately fixing on Matthew’s. “This is ridiculous!” Mel turned to Persephone. “Could you please talk to my dad? Harry’s been nothing but a gentleman in and out of school and it’s time he gets over his overprotective nonsense.”

“Alright, enough of this, Ruddy,” Persephone crossed her arms and looked at him sternly. “You know Harry since he was a baby! His parents are your friends! It’s family already, c’mon…”

“I’m sorry, but I find it a bit hard to believe that in a matter of months this boy dropped all the mischief and bad behaviour,” Matthew frowned. “The Potters are professional charmers, they would know how to trick a crowd.”

“Hark who’s talking!” Persephone exclaimed in disbelief. “You spent a whole year flirting with the whole school just to get Emily’s attention!” She turned to the children. “Which didn’t work, by the way.”

“My dad did what?”

Matthew’s eyes widened, he blushed a deep shade of red.

“That’s… that’s different, I was a kid.”

“I was a kid too!” Harry argued, finally finding enough courage after Persephone’s scolding. “I won’t use it as an excuse, I’m aware of how bad I was…” He looked down. “I just… I spent my whole childhood wanting to be like you and my dad… I saw an opportunity and took it.”

“That’s true,” Percy decided to back up his best friend. “He’s always admired you, Uncle Ruddy.”

“Admired?” Matthew grimaced. “Why?”

“You guys are legends,” Harry said. “And Mel is the coolest girl I’ve met. I promise I’m not dating her just to fool around… I’m…” Harry looked over at Percy and his mocking grin, Harry groaned internally, he swallowed his pride and fixed his eyes on the tall man in front of him. “I’m in love with your daughter.”

Mel beamed at his speech, she looked back at her father with her bright, sweet eyes and for the first time in the whole summer, Matthew felt ashamed of his attitude towards the boy.

“Fine,” He sighed. “You’re a good boy, Harry.”

“He’s amazing,” Mel responded, hugging Harry by the waist and looking up at him adoringly.

Matthew groaned, Sirius patted his shoulder and muttered something that sounded like ‘you’ve lost her, mate.’

“Hey, guys?” Remus suddenly appeared at the doorstep. “Hurry up, the movie starts in twenty minutes.”

“Moony,” Sirius frowned. “Thought Matthew was the only one chaperoning the kids?”

“He’s not here to babysit us,” Percy smirked. “Mel invited Tonks and uncle Moony suddenly had time to join us.”

“Really?” Sirius raised a brow, he walked slowly towards Remus, eyeing him up. “How come?”

“Ever since Mum brought her to talk about her work as Auror,” Percy explained. “He’s been awful social.”

“Uncle Moony has a crush,” Mel grinned.

“I don’t!” Remus tried to look offended. “I — I just want to spend time with my favourite nieces and nephews!”

“Huh,” Harry raised a brow. “Is that why you offered to take Tonks home separately?”

“You’re trying to woo my cousin, Moony?” Sirius stood in front of him.

“Oh, I saw the way they greeted each other this afternoon,” Matthew raised his eyebrows. “Pretty sure he’s wooed her for at least a month now…”

“Ruddy!” Persephone swatted his arm. “Don’t be vulgar!”

“And he still has the nerve to complain about Harry,” Mel teased, Harry now had his arm firmly wrapped around her shoulders.

“Seriously, it’s getting late,” Remus insisted, completely ignoring their comments. “And we don’t get to use magic at muggle theatres, so you don’t want to get caught in the middle of a long line…”

“I insist, we don’t need babysitters for our dates, we’re sixteen!” Percy whined as he walked out of the house followed by the rest.

“Tell that to Prongs’ car,” Matt snorted. “It’s lucky we have magic, otherwise you would’ve spent half of your parent’s money paying for a new one.”

June 1998

They had decided to make the party at Lupin’s place because it had a beautiful, wide garden. Usually, they would wait until July, but this was a special occasion.

Harry, Mel and Percy had finished their last year at Hogwarts.

The place was full of familiar faces, friends from school as well as their families, even some of their favourite teachers were there, even Snape, who was (unfortunately, in James opinion) part of the family since he was Joshua’s godfather.

James and Sirius had been snickering close to the man’s table, laughing at how absurd Snape was looking surrounded by colourful balloons and confetti.

“We can’t deny he’s been quite a decent godfather to Joshua,” James sighed. “Although Joshua has never been a problem, bless him, he’s all Lily. Snape’s lucky he got the quiet one, I can’t even imagine what he’d do if he’d gotten Cassia or Ivy.”

“Drop dead, probably,” Sirius smirked.

“I can hear you,” Snape turned around on his chair, looking at the men with a quirked eyebrow. “Loud and clear.”

James choked on his drink and quickly replied with an apology, Sirius couldn’t stop the silly grin on his face from widening.

“You’re worse than your children,” Snape sneered, standing up and moving away to get a drink.

“Yeah we’re happy to see you too, Snivellus,” Sirius snorted.

“Leo Regulus Black!” Persephone’s voice came from the kitchen.

“Sounds like my wife needs me,” Sirius excused himself.

Back in the house fourteen-year-old Leo is looking at his mother with an innocent expression that it’s not working at all.

“What’s the matter, love?” Sirius enters.

“McGonagall told me just now that she never got a reply for her last letter,” Persephone said heatedly. “She says our dearest son set fire to the Hufflepuff Keeper! And he’s got this ongoing prank war with Cassia and Ivy, did you know they somehow managed to turn Filch’s cat bright green?”

“To be fair, that one was meant for Dennis Creevey,” Leo said. “I can’t stand that git—”

“You’re grounded,” Persephone crossed her arms. “For the whole month. I don’t know how you did it but I know you intercepted McGonagall’s letter and you’re in big, big trouble.”

“C’mon Mum, don’t be such a bore…”

“Leo Regulus —!”

“Yeah?” Regulus Black walked into the kitchen, holding a piece of cake.

“Not you!” Persephone replied moodily.

“She’s talking to the other Reg, mate,” Sirius said, patting his brother’s shoulder as he walked past. “Glad to see you could make it! How’s life? How’s work?”

“I’m not telling you what my job is, Sirius,” He replied with a knowing smirk.

“Oh, c’mon!” Sirius whined.

“— and if I hear you tried to steal another toilet from the school’s bathrooms I’ll write a letter so they ban you from the Quidditch team!”

Leo gasped, his mother walked out of the room fuming and Sirius looked down at his son trying not to look too proud.

“Bad luck, boy,” Sirius sighed. “At least the twins think twice before messing with the school staff.”

“It was their idea,” Leo sulked. “I wanted to turn Filch’s office pink.”

Sirius snorted, he shook his head and ushered his son out of the house.

“That went well,” Sirius sighed, looking over at the garden.

Outside there were two large tables so all the kids could sit in the same spot. Harry, Mel and Percy were all together as usual, although now Harry had his arm around Mel and Percy was holding Hermione’s hand on the table. Next to them were Ron and Ariana, who was laughing so hard she was almost crying.

Matthew had suffered the last two years, Ron was Harry’s best friend right after Perseus, meaning he’d been part of their mischief, but Emily hadn’t let him scare Ron and he’d been dating little Ari for a year and a half now, she looked happier than ever.

Next to the big group of lovebirds were the Potter twins: Cassia and Ivy. The redheads where talking animatedly with Lyra and Leo. Further down were the Weasleys, Erick Flint and his cousin Jo, Neville Longbottom, Josephine and Luna Lovegood. Persephone’s nephews and nieces were also there, although they were seated at a different table.

Sirius had never been fond of huge parties when he was younger, but this one was completely different to the one he remembered from his childhood.

“Needed a break from the noise?” Remus spoke behind him. “Me too, but I think I should get used to it.”

Sirius turned around and smiled, his friend was standing there, holding his newborn and glowing with happiness.

“Little Teddy has entered the party!” Sirius rushed over to carry his nephew. “Look at him! Nice hair, buddy.”

Remus laughed, standing beside him.

“Tonks has been trying to make him change it to pink, but so far Teddy’s favourite’s are blue and green, she’s not happy about it.”

“Well I think he looks good,” Sirius made a funny face to make the baby laugh. “Isn’t that right, little Ted?”

“Don’t let him fall asleep,” Tonks said, looking slightly anxious. “We’re trying to keep him awake so he’ll sleep the whole night.”

“It’s fun, isn’t it?” Sirius teased. “Real fun to have a baby...”

Remus shook his head, chuckling lowly. “Well you tell me, you had four.”

Little Teddy started to squirm in his arms and Sirius quickly returned him to his father, Remus was happy to take him back. The couple walked out of the house with Sirius behind them.

“Elena’s first year was uneventful, I heard,” Remus grinned.

“Yeah, she’s a nice girl like Lyra,” He smiled. “Leo says she doesn’t hang out with him and Joshua a lot, but they look after her anyway.”

“They’ll come back, you know?” Remus pointed to Percy with his head. “He’ll be around for a while before he moves out.”

“Yeah, a year or two,” Sirius smiled at his son proudly. “He wants to earn his own money, and he’ll need a while for that, then he’ll get his own place and leave us… Blimey, he’s a man now, I didn’t have enough time to enjoy him, you know?”

“It’s not like he’s leaving for good,” Remus calmed him.

“No, but it’s not the same, is it?”

“What are you guys whispering about?” Persephone got closer and kissed her husband’s cheek.

“We’re running out of kids,” Sirius nudged her side. “How about we have another one?”

“Absolutely not!” Persephone raised a brow. “Easy for you to say it, you don’t have to carry them around for nine months!”

“You know I’d do it!”

“My answer is no and that’s final, Sirius.”

“Oh well, I had to try,” He pouted.

“Is that Teds?” James called across the garden. “Bring him over, Moony!”

“My favourite thing about parties is that everyone always holds the baby for me,” Tonks winked, walking away from the couple with her husband following her.

“Is only a matter of time before Percy marries Hermione,” Sirius shook his head. “At least Lyra still hasn’t shown any interest in boys...”

“Yeah, she hasn’t,” Persephone snorted. “Because she’s dating Ginny Weasley.”

“She what?” Sirius’ head snapped to the side quickly, he spotted Lyra in no time.

Ginny was shamelessly flirting with his daughter, something Lyra seemed to be enjoying a lot.

“Ah, I know that smile,” Sirius frowned. “Well, okay… at least she knows how to use it.”

Persephone laughed at his reaction, kissing his cheek again.

“So what now?” Ari asked them with a bright smile. “What’s your plan? You guys will all live together for the rest of your lives?”

Percy made a face, Harry and Mel chortled.

“Nah,” Harry and Mel shared a look. “We’ve talked about it, actually…”

“I’ll work with mum,” Mel said excitedly. “I’ll learn all I can from her, she’ll teach me everything… then we’ll travel around the world looking for magical creatures for research and stuff...”

“You’re going with them?” Ron asked Percy.

The boy shook his head.

“I’ll make enough money to get my own place and then…” His gaze lingered on Hermione. He smiled. “Then I’ll do whatever she wants.”

Hermione rolled her eyes.

“Don’t be silly, you’ll know what to do by then, you won’t need to ask me.”

“Maybe,” He leaned and kissed her. “Doesn’t mean I won’t ask for your opinion, though.”

“You can join us if you want, Ron?” Harry offered. “I know you told your brothers you’ll help them with the shop they opened in Hogsmeade, but…”

Ron thought about it, Ariana was quick to intervene.

“Oh! Can’t you wait for me?” She said, her clear blue eyes staring at them imploringly. “I’ll graduate next year! If you wait we can all go together!”

“Didn’t you say you wanted to become a teacher?” Mel asked in amusement.

“Uncle Lupin said he’ll wait until Elena graduates to resign, and that’s six years away,” She shrugged. “Said he wanted to be around before his son was old enough to go to school — So travelling with you just like my uncle did might help me!”

“Sounds right,” Harry shrugged. “We’re not leaving until Mel decides it’s time, and that may take a while.”

“Well then, I could start working at the joke shop so I can have some money for the trip,” Ron smiled. “How long are we going to wait?”

“A year, maybe two,” Mel squirmed in her place with a huge smile. “It’s exciting, isn’t it? I can’t wait!”

Harry looked at her with adoration.

“Don’t worry, Mellow, we have time…”

WITS Taglist:

@dee123ksha @vampiregirl1797 @siriuslysirius1107 @stardusthigh @mikariell95 @vernon-dursley @thesuitelifeofafangirl @tomshollandz @kylosleftbuttcheek @reverse-hxlland @bloodorangemoonlight @omiwashere @t-rexs-world @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @21bruhs @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual @dielgonacoffee

PB Taglist:

@avipshamitra @auroraawrites @findzelda @lizlil @siriusmuch @may-rapp @the-specific-oceans @eveft @secret-obsessions @theeicedamericano @xkonpinkx @inkandpen22 @littledeadgirlwalking @chloe-geoghegan1 @medalloway-blog

#twoidiots writing #pureblood #WITT fic #youngblood crossover #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #hp fanfic #sirius black xoc #harry potter xoc

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fitnesshealthyoga-blog · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://fitnesshealthyoga.com/yj-tried-it-white-tantric-yoga/

YJ Tried It: White Tantric Yoga

White Tantric is an ancient group meditation practice that can help you release deep subconscious blocks and heal your body and soul.

I’m sitting cross-legged on the floor of the gymnasium of the Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic monastery in Santa Fe, New Mexico, looking into the eyes of my meditation partner. Five rows of Kundalini yogis are arranged in straight lines, marked by red yarn taped along the worn wood floor. Moderators walk between the rows, asking participants to move their mats and sheepskins closer to their partners so that their knees touch.

There are about 200 of us here to practice White Tantric Yoga, and we’ll be meditating in pairs all day: gazing into the eyes of our partner for five 31-minute meditations and one 62-minute meditation, with half-hour breaks in between.

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A moderator has already come over to ask me to adjust the white silk scarf wrapped around my head, to make sure it is fully covering my crown. When practicing White Tantric Yoga, you are supposed to wrap the top of your head, not just the arc line around your temples, to contain the energy created during meditation and focus it toward the ajna chakra (the third eye chakra, or sixth chakra).

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See also How to Use the Seven Chakras in Your Yoga Practice

In Kundalini Yoga, your turban is your crown. By wearing a turban, along with pristine white clothing, you are expressing deep reverence for this practice. It’s a simple way to channel the raj (royal) lineage of yoga and honor your own divinity.

My partner, Erin, is from my 200-hour Level One Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training cohort. We’ve traveled from Colorado independently for this event, and we’re happy when we find each other in the parking lot and decide to partner up.

Before completing our Kundalini Yoga certifications, we’re required to attend at least one day of White Tantric Yoga. Both here for the first time, we’re slightly anxious about what is in store.

See also A Beginner’s Guide to Kundalini Yoga

What is White Tantric Yoga?

White Tantric Yoga is a form of Tantra Yoga. Before you get too excited, it’s not about sex. (That’s Red Tantric.) According to Kundalini Yoga practitioners, White Tantric is an ancient group meditation practice that can help you release deep subconscious blocks and heal your body and soul. Plus, according to proponents, it works at lightning speed—one day of White Tantric Yoga is said to be equal to a year of meditation alone, and the effects can last for up to 40 days afterward.

Its opposite is Black Tantric, which could be considered “black magic”—the yoga of manipulation, used for selfish purposes.

Tantra Meditation: Explore Negative + Positive Mind Energy

How Does White Tantric Yoga Work?

Pairs are lined up precisely in straight lines in order to harness a strong group diagonal energy designed to cut directly through long-held blocks in the collective subconscious. The practice connects your subtle body with the subtle bodies of other participants, strengthening the group vibration and allowing you to work deep into your subconscious mind to release old trauma.

Gazing into your partner’s eyes is an important aspect of White Tantra. If you’ve done even one minute of eye gazing with a stranger in a yoga class, you understand its power. Eye gazing allows your experience to become both internal and external. It breaks down barriers between us, granting us the power to experience oneness with the infinite and with each other.

There are multiple day-long White Tantric sequences, and all were recorded on video during the 1990s by the now-deceased Yogi Bhajan, who acts as the Mahan Tantric, or lead instructor. TVs are rolled out between meditations so Yogi Bhajan can speak to participants and introduce the next set from beyond the grave.

See also Kundalini 101: 5 Ways This Style of Yoga Can Help You Create the Life You Want

Admittedly, at times, it did seem like a total scam. About 10 minutes into the first meditation, I was thinking, “Wow. I actually paid $175 to sit on the floor of a church gymnasium while holding my arm above my head and pressing my hand against my partner’s for 31 minutes, while staring into her eyes? Sucker.”

I pride myself on my skepticism. I’m a journalist, after all. But I’m also a lifelong seeker, and my spiritual journey had led me ultimately to Kundalini Yoga—a practice that has transformed me so deeply that I feel called to spread it to others through teaching. So I let go of my judgment and settled into the full experience.

Kundalini Yoga hasn’t let me down yet.

What I Learned from White Tantra

I arrived anticipating an intense and difficult emotional experience, but it was much lighter and joyful than expected. Erin and I smiled and giggled through some of the most difficult postures and made up harmonies while chanting the mantra “humee hum brahm hum” (translation: We are we. We are God.) for 61 minutes.

Yes, there were moments where I thought, “Is this working?” Some people were crying around me; others were giggling like us. Mostly, I felt motivated to support my partner by completing each meditation no matter how ridiculous or uncomfortable I felt. Erin and I made it through together. It was a team effort.

10 Top Teachers Share Their Go-To Yoga Mantras

Most of the time, it seemed like nothing was happening. I didn’t experience any great insights or bursts of clarity or even a sense of release. However, when I got back to my hotel room at the end of the day, I lay down and soon fell into a deep, dreamless sleep for 13 solid hours. I can’t remember sleeping that long otherwise in my entire life, and I’ve traveled across multiple time zones all over the world.

Deep, restorative sleep continued over the next week. I also noticed that my usual Kundalini Yoga classes in Boulder became exponentially more powerful. Stuff was coming up: old memories and stories, old grief. Each time painful memories or realizations surfaced, the tears came, too. But this time, I felt a deep release of long-held childhood pain.

Bring along a white meditation cushion like this one from Amazon.com.

Mindful and Modern

What to Bring to White Tantric Yoga

Thinking of attending White Tantric Yoga for the first time? Here are three tips to help you prepare:

1. Wear White and Bring a Head Covering

According to Kundalini philosophy, white can extend your electromagnetic field. A strong auric field helps ground you and protect you against negative energy and increases your radiance. As previously mentioned, covering your head focuses energy to the third eye, increasing intuition.

2. Take a Meditation Cushion

You will be sitting on the floor all day. I forgot mine, so I brought a bed pillow from the hotel where I was staying. My knees and back were a wreck for days afterward. You’ll also want your mat, a sheepskin if you use one, and a blanket to cover yourself during deep relaxation between meditations.

7 Best Meditation Cushions to Support Your Practice

3. Drink Plenty of Water

Staying hydrated is always important in yoga. You will be meditating, and possibly chanting, from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Drink water before, during, and after your practice.

Try It

Go to whitetantricyoga.com to find a schedule of upcoming events all over the world. Better yet, try the ultimate three-day White Tantric experience at Summer Solstice, June 18–20, in Española, New Mexico, where you can meditate in the desert with thousands of yogis. This year’s Summer Solstice marks 50 years of Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan in the West.

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hucc · 5 years ago

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Hackney Umpires v Brixton Barbarians

The Gentrification Cup Final

Sunday 23rd June 2019, Millfields

Sorry to be a bit unimaginative but I thought I’d start this match report by talking about cricket. Specifically Steve Harmison, the Ashington Express, and the 2005 Ashes, the defining cricket experience for anyone born too late for ’81 but before 1990. And, almost inconceivably now, the 2005 Ashes was live on actual normal telly (note for people born after 1990 ‘normal telly’ means the 4 ‘terrestrial’ free-to-air channels and, grudgingly, channel 5).

Yeah, so Steve Harmison and 2005. After a decade and more of utter domination by the Aussies the series begun unsurprisingly with them beating us at Lords, despite some signs of resistance. But instead of folding meekly in the second test at Edgbaston, England were fighting hard. As the day 3 reached its close things were in the balance: Michael ‘Pup’ Clarke, the youthful blond-haired batting machine, was on 30, Warney at the other end on 20. Australia are 106 runs away from victory with three wickets remaining. It was exciting. It was tense. But we knew the Australians didn’t give a Castlemaine XXXX for the warm foam of our cricketing hopes. So while we hoped, it was more the hope that we could keep on hoping for as long as possible until the inevitable calamity of defeat arrived.

I like Steve Harmison. He didn’t sound much like a sportsman, he didn’t seem to have the single-minded flinty-eyed certainty that every Australian in the 2000s possessed. He seemed like a nice fella, but with the great skill of being 6’4” and letting go of the ball at 90mph. The faster and the bouncier the better. And so, late on that 3rd day in Birmingham, with the light of my 2005 reminiscences turning a lush golden hue, the big man comes loping in from the boundary. He gets to the wicket. He bowls. It’s a useless full toss. Clarke readies to punch it away. He flinches. The stumps are broken. It wasn’t a useless full toss…it was a brilliant slower ball that totally fooled Michael Clarke. Pup is in the doghouse and we jump to our feet in celebration as the wicket brings the day’s play to a triumphant end, and sets up a nail biting finish that we win by just 2 runs on the way to a joyous series victory. I don’t think I ever saw Steve Harmison bowl a slower ball before or after that. It appeared to be a perfect one-off. The ultimate surprise, executed perfectly.

Why am I telling you about this? Good question. As ever with cricket there’s a fiddly bit involving a sequence of numbers to get us to where we need to be but there is a connection. So we move forward 14 years to 2019 to find the Brixton Barbarians chasing down a lowly 138 for victory against the Hackney Umpires.

Gary ‘Yesno’ Aubin, after a year out probably due to disciplinary matters, is in the midst of an excellent spell of bowling, troubling the batsman with accuracy and surprising one-liners. But despite this and Kieran’s superb 7 overs 1 wicket for 19 runs Brixton are close, needing just 23 runs from 8 overs and they have 6 wickets left.

Dijon Malla the Brixton no5 has been the chief thorn in our side, compiling 40 runs, the highest score on either side on a pitch that was difficult to bat on.

Gary comes loping in from the boundary. He gets to the wicket. He bowls to Malla. The batsman’s eyes light up he swings. He might have even had a chance to swing again such was the sheer lack of pace. Slower ball! Deadly straight. The ball hits the stumps and it is out.

A slower ball, particularly a disguised slower ball, is not an easy thing. I know because that’s my secret weapon delivery. Just been hit for 6? No problem, run in harder and let it go with maximum arm swirling but as little effort as possible. Doing that bit is fairly simple, it’s doing that and getting it on the right trajectory that’s the difference between the rankest filth and pure genius. Gary Aubin take a bow, this was genius. In the blink of an eye 115 for 4 is suddenly 119 for 7 as left arm spin then accounts for 2 in two balls. And then, the same over, another stonewall LBW (happy 50th anniversary) right in front of the stumps, back pad, not playing a shot. So out that the appeal, although spontaneous and hearty, felt something like of a formality…oh, OK then... not out. I mean it looked out to me is all I’ll say ,but on the other hand I have stood as umpire quite a few times and I can count the number of LBW decisions I’ve given on that self-same finger that gave the decision.

If you live by the inscrutable shake of the head then sometimes the boot is on the other foot. Mixed metaphors aside the point here is that Gary’s slower ball has unlocked the door, the collapse is on, 19 runs from 4 overs and just three wickets and that boot that was on the other foot is bearing down on that inscrutably shaking head like a metaphor out of control.

Earlier that day the Hackney Umpires, representing north London, were put in to bat on a warm and cloudy June day against the Brixton Barbarians, an unknown quantity from south of the Thames, in the so-called final of the Gentrification Cup, which I think was something someone said by mistake at our previous match and then we seemed to end up playing it.

First impressions count and my first impression of our team was: there’s only 9 of us. My first impression of the opposition: why have they all got matching club kit, with squad numbers and their names on? Including a dedicated scorer! Also with kit, number and name.

The classic sign of gentrification did not take long to arrive: our skip in the skip, bowled by Denton for a disappointing 18 by one that he had no chance to defend. Dave F was next. He struggled to time it on the pitch and the bowlers didn’t give him much. Bowled Denton. Matt Veal the Bournemouth Bulldozer in, then out, bowled Denton. Ol changed things up, being bowled by Shaw, for a duck, bowled via glove and then box. Painful. And so the architrave of our top order was ripped out and consigned to the dustbin of history thus revealing, somewhat prematurely, the startling original features of our middle order.

Dave Fawbert is often ahead of the curve. A former A&R man he can spot the next trend quicker than even the most zietgeisty millennial. So when Nostrafawbus turns to me and, with us being about 60-4 all clean bowled, and says: ‘well at least we haven’t had a run out’ it did set a bit of an alarm bell ringing. That ringing swiftly transformed into the bell of Notre-Dame as the spark of Dave’s speculation took hold in the vaulted ceiling of our innings and Kieran hunched back towards us having been dismissed short of his ground amongst the burning ashes of a sorry collapse.

If Anthony and Dave F are the load-bearing wall of our batting. The David Dawkins and Manny Hawks would be the party wall. Dawks and Hawks set off on a rebuilding mission, and though Manny played around a straight one, David top scored as the wickets continued to fall reaching 28 before he unerringly picked out the fielder at mid on.

With 8 down and having run out of players the opposition took pity on us and offered to allow a batsman back in. Ol’s pride, and other places, were sufficiently restored for him to retake the field. He avoided a second duck and ended not out with a 20 run last wicket partnership. In some ways it felt wrong to accept the invitation for a batsman who had been out to go again. Wrong but helpful. It could only be hoped that the cricketing gods, those cruel arbiters of fate, had already been satisfied with the run out and would not also single out Ol for some painful retribution at a time of their choosing.

So 137 all out. Bit crap but what can you do. Go out and bowl them out was the answer. And bang Ol was on it straight away taking out their opening. Bang again at the start of his third over. Only this time it was the sound of his hamstring. And we were hamstrung without Ol’s hamstring, leaving us deprived of the club’s all-time leading wicket taker and effectively reduced to 6 fielders. Dave F made up for goading the cricket gods by single-handedly covering the entire leg side for long periods. Matt Veal troubled the batsmen but could not break through. Despite wickets by David, Manny and Kieran the Brixton middle order held firm.

It is partnerships that hold the key in cricket and Brixton’s 4th and 5th wickets added 84 runs between them. The Barbarians were now at the gates.

But then as we know, the slower ball, the double wicket maiden, just 4 overs remain, 19 runs still needed the opposition scrabbling around for equipment, panic on. Could this be a famous victory for north London?

Another Harmison anecdote occurs to me now. As brilliant as that slower ball was, in some ways Harmy is much better known for another ball he bowled. This one at the very start of the 2006 Ashes, the first ball six months on from that triumphant home series. The big man loped in at the Gabba, an expectant hush around the ground, that turned instantly to derision as he bowled what was officially dubbed the worst ball in history fielded by Freddie ‘Pedalo’ Flintoff at second slip setting the tone for a series that started badly and fell away from there.

But wait I need to finish this match report, enough of the Steve Harmison anecdotes. Where had I got to? Oh yes, 19 runs with 4 overs to get them in. Gary Aubin lopes in, an expectant hush…OK maybe you’ve guessed what’s coming. If Ol had been able to bend over at slip then maybe he would have stopped it. I’m not sure it was the worst ball in HUCC history, but it certainly wasn’t the best. The ball scoots through slips and on to third man. But with just 6 fielders there is no third man. Matt Veal sprinting from mid on makes a valiant attempt to stop the thing but it trickles gently over the boundary for five wides. 15 runs in total from the over and well it wasn’t to be. It would be harsh to blame the loss on that over. Don’t get me wrong I’d like to try but it wouldn’t be right. Brixton played well, they simply bowled and batted better than us, took a couple of excellent catches had the top scoring batsman and the bowler with the best figures. So let’s just remember the slower ball as the defining one yeah, just don’t get carried away Gary because I can re-edit this to focus more on the 5 wides.

HUCC 137-9 29 overs (Extras 30, D Dawkins 28, K Kumaria 26)

BBCC 138-7 34.1 overs (M O’Brien 2/18)

Brixton Barbarians win by 3 wickets. HUCC man of the match Gary ‘Harmy’ Aubin

Up the Umpires!

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weownthenitenyc · 6 years ago

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Start planning your summer getaway with some of the best festival experiences for 2019

Whether it’s discovering new underground acts or indulging a travel buzz, music fans demand an extraordinary experience from festivals these days. A festival no longer means piling into a field for a weekend and accepting the meager facilities on offer. More often it’s a wallet-friendly trip to a different country, to combine music with local culture, nightlife, sightseeing, and gastronomic delights. From partying in a 17th-century Balkan fortress or an Icelandic glacier, to pool parties, beach raves or lakeside gigs, there’s something here for everyone.

SEA STAR FESTIVAL – SUPERSTAR DJs AND MEDITERRANEAN POOL PARTIES IN CROATIA

May 24-25 | seastarfestival.com

Acts Announced: Sven Vath, Nina Kraviz, IAMDDB, Illario Alicante, Enrico Sangiuliano, Petar Dundov live, Vojko V, Krankšvester, High5, Fox, DJ Jock, Lawrence Klein, Unique, Hazze, Buntai, Smoke Mardeljano

Sea Star is another coastal dance extravaganza hatched by the experts behind EXIT, so it’s no surprise that it’s been nominated in the Best Medium Sized Festival category in this year’s European Festival Awards – less than two years after its first edition (it was also nominated for Best New Festival last year). Sea Star will return this year to the idyllic Stella Maris lagoon in Umag, Croatia on May 24 and 25, with special opening and closing parties on the 23rd and 26th. With over 70 artists on six stages, from local Balkan heroes to international superstars, Sea Star is an event with high production values in a stunning Mediterranean paradise. And if you need a time-out from dancing, Umag’s historical Baroque and Renaissance buildings and winding streets are a hive of quaint bars and restaurants. Still, it won’t be long before you’re drawn back to the lagoon with that 4/4 pulse nearby… Sea Star festival takes place from May 24-25, with an opening party on May 23 and a closing party on May 26.

SECRET SOLSTICE – GLACIER RAVES AND SURREAL MIDNIGHT SUN IN ICELAND

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June 21-24 | secretsolstice.is

Secret Solstice is all about unique experiences – the most obvious being the fact that the sun doesn’t set for the whole 96 hours, so get used to midnight pool parties in bright sunshine. As well as an eclectic line-up of US, European and local acts, Iceland’s premiere music festival is a bucket list party in the capital Reykjavik during the magical summer solstice. The carbon-neutral festival prides itself on using Iceland’s stunning natural spaces and rugged landscape as a backdrop – while the main stage hosts many of the blockbuster acts, you can literally have an underground vibe, at exclusive raves in a glacier and a 5,000-year-old lava tunnel. Back above ground, catch DJ sets in naturally heated lagoons or at boat parties in the midnight sunshine – and marvel at glistening waterfalls, black sand beaches, caves and vast volcanic fields on special day trips. Secret Solstice is celebrating its fifth anniversary, and 2019 is set to be its biggest edition yet.

EXIT FESTIVAL – PARTY IN A 17th CENTURY FORTRESS OVERLOOKING THE DANUBE IN SERBIA

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July 4-7 | exitfest.org

For four days every summer, the 17th century Petrovaradin Fortress opens its gates for EXIT – the award-winning music festival in Serbia’s second city, Novi Sad. EXIT began in 2000 as a student protest fighting for political change, and over the years it’s grown into one of Europe’s biggest festivals, with [thousands] partying in the stunning citadel perched high on a cliff overlooking the River Danube. The positive activism remains in the air, and each year has a specific theme (it was ‘Freedom’ in 2018). EXIT has possibly the most diverse line-up of any European festival, with 20 outdoor stages that feature everything from death metal to pop, indie, reggae, and techno – among cobbled paths, courtyards, grass verges, ramparts and underground tunnels. The Dance Arena is the festival’s energetic hub, with 20,000 raving in the fortress moat waiting for the awe-inspiring moment when the sun rises above the ancient walls. Many DJs say the Dance Arena is the greatest place in the world to play, and after Nina Kraviz closed EXIT 2018 with an extended set until 9am, she called it “one of the most special places on Earth.”

DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE – WHERE YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE WHEN NO ONE CAN SEE YOU

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July 5 – 7 July | rabbitresort.nl

Down The Rabbit Hole says adventure, confusion, surrealism and psychedelics, which has been an inspiration for (psycho) rockers, DJs, artists, designers, and filmmakers ever since the rise of the pop culture in the uncurbed 1960s… Good company, so get ready to tumble! We have all the time in the world, there’s no rush. Take your time to dine in dozens of restaurants from all corners of the earth, go meditate in the forest, lie down in the green pasture, swim for a bit, strum by the campfire, discover hidden discos… Have a ball with brand-new bands or finally see that classic artist in full swing. We’re out and we’re loose! Build your own party and celebrate, enjoy what you do, all with an open mind and in a sustainable way: we’ll keep it green & clean. A trip to Down The Rabbit Hole is a perfect summer getaway! Bring your own camping gear or rent luxurious accommodations at our Rabbit Resort at Groene Heuvels – Beuningen (near Nijmegen).

OFF FESTIVAL – A VOYAGE OF UNDERGROUND DISCOVERY IN POLAND

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August 2-4 | off-festival.pl

OFF is a unique boutique festival that values experimentation and diversity above everything else – with founder and organizer Artur Rojek’s hands-on vision an inspiration to ambitious promoters and dreamers worldwide. OFF takes place in ‘Valley of Three Ponds’, Katowice – a beautiful green hideaway in the industrial Silesia region, with a huge choice of bars, restaurants, and cultural centers to explore in the city close by. OFF ignores popular trends in favor of an expertly curated programme of esteemed artists – with the festival bringing many acts to Poland for the first time. It was created in 2006 as a way for Rojek to indulge his “dreams and passion for sharing music”, even if that means a black metal band can play next to a techno DJ, a post-punk act, avant-garde noise-rock, hip-hop, jazz, post-rock and beyond. From the greatest international underground heroes to essential forward-thinking Polish artists, OFF is an inspirational meeting of minds.

LOWLANDS – MUSIC, ART AND CULTURE CLASH AT THE DUTCH CAMPING PARADISE

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August 16-18 | lowlands.nl

A Campingflight to Lowlands Paradise is the Netherlands’ most prestigious music festival that’s been a rite of passage for the Dutch since 1993. It takes place in rural Biddinghuizen – only an hour away from Amsterdam, so there’s even a chance to add in a city break either side. It’s a true music, arts and culture weekender, featuring the world’s biggest headliners on the circuit, as well as installations, theatre, comedy, film, debates and even science workshops. Each of the uniquely designed stages are covered so you can party rain or shine, and the iconic ‘Armadillo’ area is the festival’s power station, quirky bars, DJ booths and artisan restaurant areas that surpass regular festival food stalls. The Dutch are world-renowned as expert festival organisers, and Lowlands is a perfect smooth operator, from the intuitive layout to the lack of queues for bars, food and bathrooms – with the best campsite facilities of all the big European festivals. It’s a proper lost weekend too – Lowlands doesn’t do day tickets, so once you arrive on the Thursday you’re on a journey with your fellow happy campers until Sunday. This vibe was picked up by 2018 headliner Nile Rodgers, who posted: “Lowlands was fire! This was an amazing f-ing crowd! Truly insane, and that’s how we like it!”

SEA DANCE FESTIVAL – PARTY ON THE STUNNING ADRIATIC COAST IN MONTENEGRO

August TBA | seadancefestival.me

Acts announced: David Guetta, Robin Schulz, Ofenbach, + many more coming soon

Sea Dance in Montenegro is an extension of the EXIT family – a gold standard guarantee in the festival world. Like EXIT, Sea Dance is also an award-winner, and was voted Best Medium-Sized Festival at the European Festival Awards after its first edition in 2014. The festival bottles some of the magic of EXIT’s dance stages and transports it to the alluring golden sand beach of Budva on the Adriatic coast, with narrow medieval streets just a short walk away. EXIT’s famous No Sleep Novi Sad stage is repackaged for Sea Dance, with over 100 performers shared around numerous other stages. Evan as a relatively new addition to the festival scene, Sea Dance already has reputation for securing the biggest names in electronic music. Montenegro was recently listed by Skyscanner as the number one cheap holiday destination, with mountain biking, hiking and watersports available for those with energy left after dancing all night to the world’s biggest DJs.

AMSTERDAM DANCE EVENT – IMMERSE YOURSELF IN ELECTRONIC MUSIC CULTURE

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October 16 – 20 | amsterdam-dance-event.nl Acts to be announced soon

Amsterdam is world famous as a hub for nightlife and electronic music, and every October it becomes the centre of the electronic music universe for five days during the Amsterdam Dance Event (ADE). Some 400,000 people hit the Dutch capital every year for ADE, which features more than 2,500 international artists performing in over 100 of Amsterdam’s most iconic venues including Melkweg, Gashouder, Claire, Shelter, Paradiso, the NDSM Docklands and De School. But it’s not simply a five-day rave – ADE offers an inspirational conference programme that covers all aspects of dance music culture and the industry. By day, across Amsterdam’s five main districts, there are dozens of seminars, workshops, exhibitions, artist interviews, feature and documentary screenings, DJ showcases and tech classes. Amsterdam Dance Event takes place over five days every October and is the ultimate festival for electronic music fans, who can even learn more about the culture between the parties.

Festival Guide 2019: Start planning your summer getaway with some of the best festival experiences for 2019 Start planning your summer getaway with some of the best festival experiences for 2019

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