#Sneaks in a heartfelt post about depression and the recovery from such in the middle of the night when no one's awake

[desultory-novice]

"Brighter Skies"

...Ended up drawing this while working on other sketches. Because my brain is just wired for wistful, emotional takes I guess XD

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Arguably, White-Haired Noir, the Noir who lived, is the Noir who had the hardest journey learning to love not hate himself. Teenage Noir could have never imagined this kind of life for him, because his whole life, he'd just been waiting to die.

In Darkened Skies, when he makes a soft, restrained plea to Kirby for that blessed mercy kill, some part of him was relieved, calm even, that he'd finally survived to the point where he might at last be set free from the pain of living. An ironic wish...

It's a damn hard thing to learn: to live and live positively for yourself. To trust and move forward even though you're lost and confused and making constant dumb mistakes and there's no one around to reassure you, "Of course you're a good big brother!" (or whatever else one might be) when, hell, you don't FEEL good on the inside, but somehow you still NEED to hear it. And to hear it from someone else, because you've lost the ability to trust your own voice ages ago...

Kirby's "stop" is referring back to asking Dark Matter Swordsman to stop the invasion of Popstar (1) but in a general context can also be read as "I'm glad you learned to stop hurting yourself."

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(1) Random Apologies AU AU Lore

As White-Haired Noir grew up, he became aware that he is only alive because he exists in a branch dimension. He was never supposed to survive. Adeleine was. His fate was always to become Dark Matter's Swordsman and be consumed, body and soul. You only have to live on Popstar for a while to pick up on the existence of alternate dimensions/timelines, and Adult Noir knows he is living in one. 

Kirby, through some mysterious power no one can explain, is also aware of this. Furthermore, on occasion, he expresses explicit, true knowledge of the main timeline, while Noir himself only has guesses about how a world without him would have played out.

(These sideways flashes mean that this Kirby does know about and misses playing with Adeleine, same as he would miss the absence of any of his friends, but Apologies AU AU Kirby cares equally about Noir. He could not trade one sibling/one friend for the other.) (2)

Even when he wasn't sure his existence was an anomaly, White-Haired Noir spent most of his later teenage years trying to find a way to "fix things," to either trade his life back for Adeleine's or to bring her back through some other means. It was following the Apologies AU Star Dream incident where Noir finally realized pursuing this path would only end up with him dead and no one happy. He began, at last, to accept his own reality not as an anomaly or a mistake but as something fragile, yes, something unprepared for, yes, but entirely and wholly for him and to start to cherish his own existence.

Now, if you were to wave a wish granting star or magic wand in front of Noir, he would solemnly decline it. And if you dropped a random AU Adeleine in his lap, he would do no more than give his alternate sister the warmest hug (she would be willing to accept XD) and tell her that, whether his words sound like utter nonsense or not, "Your older brother wishes you all the happiness in the world."

Then he'd send her back on her way.

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(2)

This is ki~nd of meta-textual based on the fact that while Kirby isn't ever really like "Oh man, Meta Knight's not in this game!" we the players are aware of it and put our feelings into Kirby.

...Or something. I thought it was a fun idea at least?! ^^