#Silently trying to piece ourselves together like a puzzle because we're afraid of using the wrong words and getting called fake
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Page Five of When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith, Ph.D. that I bought at a thrift store.
I am using the cut-up technique and going page by page.
#dave.txt#she speaks#poetry#self help books#When I Say No I Feel Guilty#Cut-up technique#coping#depression#This is about being discharged from the mental hospital when we were 14 and returning to school#And not being able to heal because we were too embarrassed to open up to our friends about the reality of our mental state#We were too busy thinking about how we must be overreacting.#Silently trying to piece ourselves together like a puzzle because we're afraid of using the wrong words and getting called fake#And for years we doubted our transness because we couldn't.. Tell if we were faking it for attention. Bc that's what it always feels like#It all feels so fake because every detail about ourselves feels like a grab for attention.#Just thinking about being depressed felt like we were making a mockery out of ppl who were actually depressed and suicidal#I'm sorry for being so emotional about this piece. For trauma dumping. I'm also sorry if you're reading this. And sorry that I was scared.#I am okay I'm just really tired. Tired of being sick. Being sick makes me cry. I feel so useless. Like a lump.#I am curling up in embarrassment#dear diary#vent
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