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bluepenguinstories · 1 year

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Remoras Full Intermission VI: Found Family

Hestia

We arrived at the diner only to find it already packed. We were supposed to be the guests of honor, right? Well, I wasn’t the guest of honor, but I meant mom and her new wife. So why were there already people here before us? It is perhaps sad. Just a little bit, but sad, nonetheless. See, the most important people: Aphrodite, my girlfriend, Hermes, my brother, my mom, and Hera, my new other mom. Last but not least, there was me, Hestia.

It wasn’t like I was the most important person, no. But what about mom? Didn’t she matter at all? This was her party! We were supposed to get the VIP treatment!

But whatever. It was chilly outside, but weather was nice. It was bright and sunny. Worst thing I could say was the chill, but considering we landed the jet not far outside of the tall building called a diner. It was already taller than most diners I’ve seen in my lifetime, not that I’ve been to many diners; greasy food just wasn’t my thing.

The building had at least three floors, and while the exterior was a nice mahogany shade, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone mistook it for gold. Yes, it was like viewing a tall mansion or a royal palace.

I guess Hera would want that royal treatment, but seriously? Why does a diner have to be this flashy?

“I sense hesitation, Hestia, dear. There should be none of that. This is a time of celebration,” Hera nudged me. If she nudged any harder, I might have had a hernia.

Hera had that white hair with curls look that you might have seen in other older, affluent women. She claimed she was “strawberry blonde” but bitch, I saw no strawberries in that hair of hers. She liked to walk as if she was on her way to a business meeting, and stood at 175cm. Her nails were crooked, in a downward droop, and painted a milky pink color.

I had no idea what mom saw in her.

“I’m not hesitating, miss new mommy. I am simply admiring the place,” I corrected her.

If anything could be said about me, it was that I was the oldest of my siblings, and thus, the wisest. In other words, I was the most mature. I made sure to keep my shiny blonde hair straight at all times. In at least one of my pockets, there was a brush and/or comb. I never left home without it. There was nary a blemish upon my face, save for the freckles which surrounded my cheeks, which some people have mistaken for chicken pox. Those people were fools and uncultured.

Everyone, all four of us, had large, puffy gray overcoats. It was only appropriate in the current weather. Once we were inside, we’d have to dress down, but until then, even a few minutes outside meant that keeping warm was most important.

“I can’t wait. I hope there’s plenty of hot guys,” Aphrodite, my girlfriend, rubbed her smooth sienna hands together. Oft, for as elegant as she was, she liked to coat her hands in cheese puff dust, and I’d have to remedy the situation by applying hand lotion.

“That’s not why we came here,” I reminded her. She was one of those easily distracted people, like a bee in a greenhouse. Whenever she saw someone attractive, I had to put a metaphorical leash on her.

“Right. We came here for the free food,” she nodded. At last, she understood. I knew she had it in her.

“That is right.”

I’ll be honest: when I first met Aphrodite, I wasn’t impressed. I had my day off from floor planning at my architecture job and decided to visit a farmer’s market. I even volunteered to load and unload some crates for certain booths, because that’s the kind of person I am. I spent all day just being a saint and doing all that I could to get into everyone at the farmer’s market’s good graces.

Meanwhile, there was a buzzing fly hovering around several booths. And by ‘fly’ I meant ‘approximately 167cm beautiful woman with a dark brown mullet and rich brown skin with a low cut V-neck denim t-shirt (no bra, this detail is important) and a plaid mini-skirt’ and by ‘hovering’, I meant, ‘leaning against each stall and flirting with various men and women while lifting one leg behind her and failing to impress anybody’.

I was next to a truck, and there should have been no way for her to see me. I was inconspicuous, as I had made sure to wear a monocle and top hat that day, so anyone who knew me wouldn’t recognize me. Of course, I saw her, and I saw many flashes of her panties. For the most part, I ignored her (and said flashes) as I’m sure everyone else was doing the same. I will be the first to admit, I may have had some stigma in my mind, as while I wished not to shame her for her appearance or mannerisms, I did have such thoughts like:

I bet you’d look much better without panties on.

Seriously, if she wasn’t going to wear a bra, what was the point of wearing panties?

Anyway, I wasn’t turned on, and I just did what I was doing. Somehow, she found me, as if I was a buried treasure.

“Hey there, sweaty,” I heard someone nearby croon.

I can ignore this, I thought.

“Oh, sorry, I meant sweetie,” that same person nudged the side of the truck and the truck vibrated with such a force that I dropped the crate I was carrying on my foot.

“OWW!” I screamed.

With rage, and almost tears in my eyes, I turned to the menace who caused me such distress. Some carrots fell out of the crates. Those carrots meant nothing to me.

Before staring into her neon purple eyes, I wanted to yell at my tormentor, shove her to the ground, and pummel her. But once I did so, I knew I was defeated.

I wiped the sweat off my forehead and with the most heavenly voice I could muster, groaned:

“What do you want?”

Now, needless to say, I was not wooed by any of the pickup lines that I dare not repeat. She was very direct, too, about how horny she was and how she wished to strip for me and become a wet mess (‘cleanup on aisle 3,’ in her own words).

I think the reason we ended up going out was because weeks after, she kept following me around and begging me to make her mine. While any sane person would have gotten a restraining order, I had a different idea: what if I put a collar and leash on her and made her my pet?

For the record, I’m still sane. Just practical.

“I could go for some hot guys,” Hermes nodded along. He walked behind Aphrodite and I (I didn’t bring the collar and leash, for mom just didn’t understand. Still, I knew I could get her to behave as long as I brought treats) with his hands on his hips. Something told me that were it not for ruining perfectly good clothes, he would have ripped the sleeves off his overcoat just to show off his muscles.

Hermes wasn’t a very bright brother. Not to say he was dumb, just that his expertise lie not in academics. He liked to strut and walk tall, but he was only 155cm, and the third shortest of the Root family (Demetria still took the cake at 147cm). I was the second tallest, at 170cm. Log, who our family could never seem to get in contact with, but he liked to leave clues in the mail that he was still alive, was the tallest, at 190cm.

Hermes had small, brown curly hair. Chubby cheeks. He was something like what the kids nowadays called a ‘short king’.

“Hey, I’ll help you look for some,” Aphrodite nudged Hermes.

I rolled my eyes.

“Why don’t you just make up with your boyfriend? There are more important things than not skipping leg day, you know?” I suggested.

Apparently Hermes and his boyfriend, which I knew not his name because I cared not for such trivial affairs, got into a fight over something fitness related. Since then, they’ve been ‘on break’, but as far as I was concerned, they were still officially together. I saw no reason for Hermes to buzz around other guys when he was still in a relationship, the specifics not withstanding.

“Aw, you kids are so lovely,” Hera sighed, “I’m sure you can’t wait to be reunited with your darling sibling, Demetria.”

“Oh yeah! I hear she’s gotten swole!” Hermes said with undue eagerness.

“Yes,” I groaned.

I actually was interested, if for nothing more than to meet her supposed girlfriend, Remora.

According to mom, this ‘Remora’ broke Demetria’s heart once, and somehow had the gall to crawl back into Demetria’s short, stubby arms.

If Aphrodite tried that with me, the only way I’d accept her back is if she agreed to sleep on the couch for at least a week and abstained from sex for a month longer than that. Not to mention, she’d have to go without wet food. That meant no ice cream or pudding.

We arrived inside, no more hesitation. If all of us had shades to wear, we would have. There was a coat rack next to the door, and each of us took off our overcoats.

“Aw, look, we’re the main event,” mom pointed to the sign which hung from the ceiling:

‘WELCOME, SEQUOIA AND HERA.’

A little tacky, but it at least showed they had reverence for their guests.

For as many packed seats as there were, I held my objections in. The five of us who entered stood in the middle and assessed the situation.

“Somewhere among this crowd, Demetria awaits,” I muttered.

“Aw, you really do miss her,” mom gushed.

“Of course, she’s my dearest sister,” I smiled, all while scanning the area; wherever Demetria was, a Remora was sure to follow.

“Well, I’m gonna hit the snack bar,” Hermes raced off toward the table far off against the back wall where a cloaked young woman sat behind with a cauldron. Carrots and olives weren’t a surprise, nor was a bowl full of tropical fruits juice, but the cauldron was a shocker.

“You do you, bro,” I waved him off, then continued my search.

“Hun, I’m scared: there’s not many guys around,” Aphrodite whispered in my ear.

“So? There’s plenty of hot women. Even if most of them are taken, you can still mingle. Flirt to your heart’s desire. Just remember who your owner is at the end of the day,” I smirked. She licked my cheek and ran off.

There was a large redhead whose hair went down to her ankles with her legs on the table and several chicken drumsticks on a plate beside her. Men and women crowded on the seats beside her. She was loud, with a booming voice, and talked about ‘conquering Ottawa’ or something. I seriously doubted such a boisterous and annoying woman was Demetria’s girlfriend.

At another seat were two tall ladies: one blonde with red streaks, and another with an almost bald head (shaved black hair). The almost bald one was to the right of the blonde one. And, to the right of that buzzcut lady was a third lady: one with pigtails. In other words, my cousin Juniper.

Juniper and her wife had their heads rested on each side of the almost bald lady’s shoulder.

“Well then,” I huffed.

“Look at them, hun: all these people. Here to witness our love,” Hera had one arm around my mom’s shoulder while she used the other arm to hover over the mass of people in attendance.

I bet most of these people don’t even know who you are, I thought.

“Hey mom. Hera,” greeted the voice of a pipsqueak. The three of us (mom, Hera, and I) turned and saw Demetria, the short, green haired menace with her wavy green hair, form-fitting black shirt, and leather shorts.

“Ahem. I’m here, too,” I placed my hand on my chest and smiled.

“Right,” Demetria turned to me and looked up, “snooty bitch. What’s up?”

My blood boiled, but I kept it in. There were more important things than getting into a fight.

“So, where’s this girlfriend of yours? Or did you make her up?” I asked.

Demetria’s eyes shifted around.

“She’s..uh...in the bathroom. Probably.”

“Right. You know, you could just admit that she’s imaginary. No one’s going to look down on you for that.”

Mom scowled.

“Can you two PLEASE be nice to each other just once?” She asked.

I fluttered my eyelashes.

“What could you ever mean, dear mother?”

“Oh, dearest Demetria, how wonderful it is to see you again!” Hera looked like she was ready to drop on her knees and squeeze Demetria tight.

“Yeah. Hi,” Demetria shrugged.

Please, Hera. You act like you adore my sister more than you do my mom, I thought.

Some tall woman (I suspect about as tall as Juniper’s wife) walked up behind Demetria. She was muscular and wore a cardigan, as well as ripped jeans. Totally unwise attire. Unlike the buzzcut lady between the two wives, the tall woman had red hair in what I suppose some called a ‘pixie cut’.

“What’s going on here?” The redhead asked in a gruff voice. “Heard someone was picking on my Demetria.”

“Your Demetria?” I raised an eyebrow.

Demetria’s jaw hung low and let out a half-moan as if to protest.

“Yeah. I’m her girlfriend.”

“Oh, nice to meet you,” mom held out her hand. “You must be Remora.”

Demetria’s girlfriend [citation needed] shook mom’s hand.

“That’s...uh...yeah,” Remora (doubt) replied.

“Come on, you aren’t really her girlfriend. You look too good for my sister,” I argued.

“Oh, no, if anything, Demetria’s too good for me,” the supposed girlfriends pulled Demetria in and squeezed her tight, “isn’t that right, babe?”

“Uh…” Demetria gave a concerned look upward, but when she faced me, her expression changed to a smug one, “that’s right. You really doubted I could pull someone as cool as her? Ha.”

Hera and mom walked away with a smile, seemingly pleased to meet Demetria’s girlfriend. I still had my doubts, and as I walked away, I heard something which confirmed said doubts:

“Why did you cover for me?” Demetria asked in a low voice. “You don’t even like Remora.”

“I just didn’t like the way your sister was talking shit about you. I wasn’t about to stand for that. Anyway, I’m going to sit back down. Cybele reserved a bowl of shrimp for me and we’re going to feed it to each other.”

“Intricate rituals and all that,” Demetria muttered.

So that confirms two things: 1) Remora was real. 2) That redhead wasn’t Remora.

Hermes

Olives, olive oil, olive bread, garlic, garlic salt, garlic bread. All of those things got shoveled into my chiseled jawline.

Many, many cheeses lined the snack tables. Ricotta, cheddar, reblochon, mimolette, provolone. Those too met my insides.

“Hello, good sir, I see you found your way to the snacks,” came an utterly mysterious voice. Enchanting. Like an old witch in a 90s RPG.

I looked up to see a cloaked young woman sitting in a chair behind the snack table. She had a ladle in her hands.

“Yes, I have. And you are?”

“I am the witch, Hecate. I have procured many potions for this ceremony. Would you like to drink one?”

“Um. Are they safe?” I asked.

Look, I’d drink lots of stuff: protein powder, testosterone, grapefruit juice, goat milk, you get the idea. But “potions”? Nope. Never once tried that.

“They’re only as safe as you believe them to be. Is there something you might wish for?”

“Well...the relationship with my boyfriend’s kinda on the rocks. I’d like us to patch things up,” I confessed.

“I see. Please describe how you met your boyfriend and what the problem may be.”

This’ll sound really weird, as she was no doubt no therapist, and I didn’t believe in some new-age occult mumbo-jumbo, but to hell with it, I told her what the problem was.

“His name is Keto. We met at the gym one day. He agreed to spot me while I bench pressed. We ended up bonding over our love of muscular men. Next thing you know, we took turn carrying each other home. I didn’t even know I liked men before I met him, but I won’t say I ever felt anything toward women, either. Mostly, I liked being fit. Keto’s been skipping leg day at the gym in favor of baking bread, and while I’m happy for him, I’m sad for his legs. I told him as much and he said we should take a break from dating. So here we are.”

I didn’t say all that much, but Hecate’s head drooped down and it looked like she was nodding off. She jolted her head up, and with wide, blue eyes, answered:

“I think I have the potion for you, traveler.”

She reached down and pulled up a vial which contained some kind of thick, red liquid. One wouldn’t be blamed for mistaking it for blood. However, I noticed what looked like small orange bits, and clear, white flakes, as well as what seemed to be eggshell noodles.

“Again is this safe?” I asked as she reached the vial out to me.

“It is. Or your money back.”

“I swiped the vial from her hand. I couldn’t argue with that logic. Or, I could have, considering I didn’t spend any money, but at the time, it seemed like a pretty good deal, and I drank that shit right up. It tasted like…

“Hey, is this minestrone?” I asked after chugging the whole thing down. No doubt, there was a distinct smooth tomato flavor to the whole thing. Not to mention carrot, onion, and spice.

“That it is, good customer,” she smiled.

“I’d recognize that taste anywhere.”

“You have good taste, customer.”

“Yes. Minestrone is one of my favorite potions! In fact, I’m sure things will work out with my boyfriend now that I drank that! Thank you, wonderful witch.”

“ASSISTANT!” Shouted Hecate, the helpful witch.

I turned to my right and saw a girl with long, brown hair pass by, although I couldn’t get a good look at her face, as she held a wooden cutting board in front of it.

“Look at me, assistant! What if I faint on the job?” Hecate shouted once more.

The brown haired girl lowered the cutting board and I saw an olive-skinned young woman with watery eyes and her cheeks turned red. Her lips quivered.

“Please don’t use that against me…” The shy young woman groaned, while looking down and off to the side.

“We may have started sharing a room again, but you still haven’t touched my boobs!”

“I thought you didn’t like that!”

“I like it when you do it!”

Should I be here right now? I wondered.

“I guess we have a lot to talk about…” Proserpina sulked, then wandered off.

Hecate turned back to me.

“Sorry you had to see that, good customer. As you can see, there has been some business ‘complications’ as of late.”

I just laughed.

“Sounds like you two could use some minestrone as well.”

“Oh ho ho, believe me: we’ve been having nothing but minestrone these past few days.”

I waved goodbye to her and wandered off. There wasn’t any specific goal in mind, but when I saw a familiar pair of blonde pigtails seated at the end of one of the middle tables, with two tall women to her left, I knew I had to jog over.

“Yo! Cuz!” I greeted.

All three women looked up. I backed away one step. I only meant to get one person’s attention, but I suppose something like that was inevitable.

“Who talks like that?” The one in the middle, with a buzzcut (or pixie cut) asked. “I get ‘bro’ or ‘sis’ but what’s this ‘cuz’ business?”

“That’s because he’s one of my cousins,” Juniper explained.

“Just how many do you have?”

“I don’t know, but at least four, since Demetria and her siblings count. This is Hermes,” Juniper pointed to me, then gestured to the buzzcut lady, “and this is Rachel.”

“I am at the moment,” Rachel said.

“Just what does that mean?” I scratched the small bits of brown hair I had atop my head. I may have been balding or something, but I wasn’t worried about that. I still had plenty of hair on my chest and legs.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“And this is,” Juniper gestured to the one staring wistfully out the window.

“Oh, I know. That’s the wife.”

The wife, Ves, looked my way with a perplexed expression.

“The wife? Is that all I am?”

“Pretty much,” Rachel replied.

“Et tu?”

“You know, I could stab you at least 17 times if you’re going to imitate Caesar.”

Ves dropped her head on the table and groaned.

“I see your posture hasn’t gotten any better, either,” Rachel continued to berate poor Vesuvius.

“They’re fine. Probably. Just some healthy banter,” Juniper explained.

“Yeah. No one needs to get rushed to the hospital. So what do you want?” Rachel turned to me.

“Oh, I just came by to say hi,” I scratched the back of my head and grinned awkwardly. I didn’t know what else to do.

“Hi. You can go now.”

“Hey! Stop being rude!” Juniper scolded her.

“I’m not being rude. I said hi. That’s all he needed, right?”

“That’s right. There’s plenty more people here, and besides, I wanna see what my lil sis is up to.”

“Probably no good, if you ask me.”

“We’ll see about that. Well, nice to meet you, Rachel.”

“Was it?”

“I’m not sure, but so long!”

I hurried off, though as I did so, I heard Rachel say, “why do people say ‘so long’? What is the long thing being referred to?”

“It’s just a way to say goodbye,” I overheard Juniper explain. “And what about that ‘I am at the moment’ thing?”

“What? It’s just like what I told you. When we’re not at home, I should be Rachel. I still can’t be certain I don’t have enemies.”

I shuddered. Just who was that Rachel person and what relationship did she have with those two?

Nope. None of my business, I decided.

I was only a mere fitness instructor. Just like when I was in the track team in high school, I knew to stay in my lane.

As I walked away, I failed to notice what, or rather, who was in front of me, and I bumped face-first into a wide figure.

“Oh, sorry about that!” Said a soft-spoken man in his thirties.

He didn’t look much unlike me, except taller and wider, with a bit more of a belly on him. He also had a more full head of hair, with his fuzzy brown hair.

In other words,

“Oh, hey other cuz!” I greeted.

“Hermes, was it?” Trent, the brother to Juniper, and thus my other cousin, asked.

“Indeed it is! So how are things with your boyfriend, cuz? Y’know, Fern?”

Trent reeled back a little.

“Ugh...how do I say this?” He explained and looked off to the side in shame. “We broke up months ago. He kept wanting to have sex, but it was always at such inconvenient times, like when I was in the middle of a boss fight in one of my RPGs.”

“Oof.”

“Well, it’s not all bad. We’re still friends. I guess he’s dating a guy named Shrub, now.”

“Always those silver linings, huh? I’m still with my chunk of meatloaf, Keto, but we’re not exactly doing so hot at the moment.”

“Aw. Wanna talk about it over some beer? I already met Ray, the owner of this place, and he serves some of the best drinks I’ve had.”

Now, I wouldn’t classify myself in the alcoholic camp, but I was known to partake in some liquid courage from time to time. There was only one traumatic experience I had, and it was when I chugged down a bottle of tequila before going for one of my morning jogs. Needless to say, I’m not sure why I thought that would ever be a good idea.

“Sure thing!” I smiled, and the two of us walked over to embrace some good spirits.

Sequoia

If you think my life’s gone by pretty fast these past few months, you wouldn’t be the only one. I went from lonely without so much as a ferret to my name and only the occasional calls with Hestia (who I knew wasn’t as kind as most of the family thought, but she’s still one of my kids, and I still liked to hear from them) to finding a new love, getting married, and having a ferret which my new wife and I named Ares.

Quite a rush, right? And to think, I only happened to meet Hera due to going to an exhibit on ancient Greece at my local museum. I believe I was staring at a vase which displayed imagery of Apollo parading around a group of rats, when an elegant looking woman with a lace gold dress walked up to me. She had her hair all puffed up, and she kept patting it down, even as she spoke.

“Fancy cookware, huh?” She asked.

“Cookware? I don’t think they cooked with this. It was probably meant to store wine in,” I suggested, and looked up, already captivated by her beauty. Her skin was cracked in such a deliberate manner that even her wrinkles seemed to dance about in a rehearsed manner. Her crow’s feet served just to highlight her beauty, and the bags under her eyes gave off a shy impression, as if to distract the viewer away from her serene green eyes.

Ahem.

“I bet it held so much wine, too,” she crooned.

“Ah. Do you like ancient artifacts like this?” I asked the stranger.

“Some might call me an artifact,” she boasted, or at least I think that’s what she was going for. “But to answer your question, I’m interested in history, not necessarily the material. Don’t get me wrong, I have all sorts of decorations at my mansion, but the only one I see any value in is the text I have by Pliny the Elder.”

“YOU know Pliny the Elder?!” I gasped.

“Not personally. I may be getting up in age, but old men aren’t my thing.”

I laughed. That was meant to be a joke, right?

“Miss madam, would you give me the honor of creeping behind you while you partake in the exhibit? And then, maybe afterward, we could converse about our discoveries through a nice cup of espresso, no?”

I laughed again.

“Sure. But just know, if I find anything particularly interesting, you’ll have to listen to me talk about it for several paragraphs.”

“I would expect nothing less, madam.”

Maybe a little vain, maybe a little out there, but she was quite polite, and well-informed. Sometimes, when I would go over something in mythology, she would add onto it something I hadn’t heard before.

So naturally, we ended up going to a cafe afterward. Or rather, there was a cafe in the museum already.

We talked, and when she told me her name was Hera, I’m a little bit ashamed to admit that my inner fangirl jumped out. Yes, I knew she wasn’t the actual goddess, but then she mentioned having previously been married to a guy named Zeus, and then I gushed harder. I mean, say what you will about King Womanizer, but that god sure was a force of nature, huh?

Anyway, to make a long story less long, some other things happened and she moved in with me. Yes, you heard right: I could have moved with her to her mansion, and we did visit Olympia, where her mansion was, too, but we decided on a compromise, and she bought us a penthouse apartment. There was some downsizing to be done, but she had no problem with it.

The only thing was, I didn’t even know I’d be marrying someone rich.

No, there was another thing: we were already married by the time she proposed throwing a party to celebrate our marriage. Our whole thing was less than a wedding and more of signing of papers, as she already said she didn’t feel like being too flashy, so when she announced her plan, I guess she must have had a change of heart.

I wouldn’t have gone along with it, but I did want to see Demetria again, and her ever elusive girlfriend, Remora (to be fair, I guess they only just started making it official). Not to mention, I was curious to meet Ray in person, since we had only talked a couple times before on the phone.

So there we were, standing in the middle of a crowded restaurant/hotel in what was once a diner. So many conversations going on at once, all filling my ear, but no specific words registering. It was nice to see so many people getting along, but I wish I knew more people. It was hard having all these faces around me, but so few familiar.

At one table, I saw two young women, one with short white hair, and the other with long and thick brown hair. They looked like a young Hera and I. The white haired one was shoving a pile of waffle fries into her mouth, and the brown haired one was taking individual fries from the white haired one’s plate.

Hera pulled me close to her. Perhaps she sensed my uneasiness.

“Look at all these people,” she gestured, “and they’re all here to witness our love.”

“I bet most of these people only came here because they heard there was a party,” I looked up at her and sneered.

She ruffled up the top of my brown hair, stacked in many buns, and just like that, the tower of buns was toppled.

I turned my head behind me and saw a child with red and orange striped hair in a mullet run around. She stopped in front of Aphrodite, Hestia’s girlfriend, and Aphrodite crouched down.

“Hey, wanna see a magic trick?” Aphrodite asked.

“Sure!” The child roared and held her hands up like they were claws.

Aphrodite dug into her pocket and pulled out a quarter.

I looked away. I already knew what the trick was going to be. The old ‘quarter behind ear’ trick.

Imagine my shock when a minute later, and the kid went, “ooh! How did you do that?”

I guess classics are classic for a reason, I thought.

The tip-taps of footsteps behind me and a poke on my shoulder as if a spider had landed on me and I leaped up, only to turn around and see Aphrodite herself.

“Hey, Miss Sequoia,” Aphrodite said in a rather quiet tone, like she was all nervous. Quite the contrast from her otherwise flashy appearance (plaid skirt, thigh high rainbow socks, a button down denim shirt).

“You can just call me Sequoia, you know. Mom is fine, too, seeing as you two have been together for a little while.”

“Heh. Momquoia,” she twirled her hair and giggled.

“Okay. Please don’t call me that.”

“I wanna tell you a secret before Hestia comes over, okay? Mom-quoia?”

Great. Now she’s using a hyphen.

“Yeah. That’s fine. I don’t know how reliable I’ll be, but you can tell me anything.”

“Well...I don’t actually flirt around with a lot of people. I do like talking to people, but from day one, the only person’s attention I was trying to get was Hestia’s. I’ve heard about her before from a friend around town, and how she had this chaste and pure image, and how she turned a lot of people down. So I thought it would annoy her if I acted like the opposite of that.”

“I see. Why go through all that trouble, though?”

“Well,” she raised her index finger, “one relationship, right before Hestia, I was with a guy who didn’t pay attention to me. It worked out pretty well at first, since I get turned on when people ignore me or are annoyed by me, but then he just went on like I didn’t exist at all, and it went from a turn on to just lonely. So I told myself the next person I’d find, I’d get them to pay attention to me, even if I had to repulse them to do so.”

“That’s not a good way to go about things, though.”

“Oh, I know. But she likes to punish me, so I just go along with it. It works for me, because I do like being punished by her. That said, I’m not into pet play like she is, I’m just turned on from the fact that she’s turned on by it.”

“So you’re turned on by your acting? Or that you’re putting on a convincing performance?”

“Mm...something like that? I’m like a magician that way. I know a few tricks here and there. She may have leashes and collars and handcuffs and all sorts of goodies, but what she doesn’t know is that I’m something of a Houdini.”

“Knowing my daughter, she probably knows you’re not really into it, but is turned on by the fact that you act like you are anyway,” I suggested.

“Regardless, it’s clear she shows her true self to me,” she put her palm over her chest and smiled wide.

“Mom…” Came a longing plea from behind Aphrodite. I looked over Aphrodite’s shoulders and saw Hestia, with pursed lips and crossed arms.

“What is it, dear?” I asked.

“I keep asking around where Remora is and no one’s been able to give me a clear answer. I tried asking Rachel and she just went on and on about fish, which didn’t help at all.”

“Who’s Rachel?”

“Nobody important,” Hestia waved off.

From further away, someone leaned cupped their hands over their mouth and yelled: “GOOD ANSWER!”

I’m guessing that was Rachel.

“Mm. I asked Tigershark,” Aphrodite added in, “that’s the kid that’s been running around and cooking yummy food, and she says Remora’s around but probably not out here right now.”

“But I want to meet her!” Hestia whined.

“Is it really such a big deal? She’s Demetria’s girlfriend, not yours,” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m your girlfriend,” Aphrodite reminded Hestia.

“It’s not a big deal, no, but I want to know what she’s like. Is she real or not? Is she around or not?”

“Well, if others besides Demetria say she’s real, isn’t she real?”

“She could be like a Santa Claus thing,” Hera suggested. Doubtful, but we were up north.

A door creaked open, and all four of us turned to our right to see two figures emerge. First, Demetria, and half of another figure, about a foot taller than Demetria, leaned against her.

“Easy does it,” said Demetria.

The taller figure’s face became more visible as she stood out from the kitchen. She had black hair with faded, blue streaks in her hair styled as a bob cut. Her frame was wide and muscular, and she wore a black spandex uniform, with a puffy, blue and white overcoat over said uniform. Her pants were indigo colored and thick. Her walks were stilted, and she leaned her arm against Demetria’s shoulder from time to time when her balance looked off, but mostly, they walked beside each other.

“This is pretty easy, huh?” The tall one asked Demetria with a raspy voice and a cracked smile.

“It ought to be. It’s been a couple weeks now, hasn’t it?” Demetria wheezed out as the tall one pressed down on her shoulder once again.

I turned and saw Hestia, stood as a stone, all wide-eyed as well.

“Who is this? She looks similar to Rachel, don’t you think?” She asked.

“I don’t know. She looks like a less white Tigershark, if you ask me,” Aphrodite chimed in. I couldn’t tell if it was one of her ploys or if she seriously believed that. Guess that’s the magic of someone who claims to be a magician.

“I think you need your eyes checked,” Hestia scoffed.

“Huh? Rhe...Rachel is here?” The tall one gulped.

“Probably because Juniper and Ves are here,” Demetria didn’t sound too interested.

“Hey dear,” I called out to Demetria, and she looked up.

“Oh, right. Uh. This is Remora. The real one,” Demetria took a step back and held her hands out as if she was a game show host and introducing the prospect of a brand new car to a contestant.

Remora, the real one, I guess, wobbled about, but took a wide step forward and leaned a little to the left and was fine. Aside from the wincing and hissing noises she made.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I just had surgery a couple weeks ago because I got stabbed in the chest with a very large blade,” Remora explained, her tone a little dismissive about the whole thing.

“Uh. Actually...it was breast reduction surgery!” Demetria contradicted.

“No, it wasn’t. If you’re going to lie, you should at least consult me first so we can agree on a lie together.”

“Well, it’s nice to finally meet you,” I held my hand out. Remora looked down, gave it a little shake. Not anything strong or weak, just playful.

“You must be the mom.”

“Sure am.”

“And I’m the other mommy,” Hera also held her hand out and stood up straight like some some kind of statue.

“Oh, yeah. You’re the reason this whole thing’s going on, aren’t you?” Remora looked around the room. “Bit ridiculous if you ask me, but that’s life for you.”

“Hey, so if you’re Remora, who was that red haired person?” Hestia demanded, hands on her hips.

“I guess that was me too. I’m multiplying.”

I could at least see why Demetria might be into someone like Remora. She seemed...odd.

“Say, you’re not going to go breaking my daughter’s heart again, are you?” I asked.

Remora put her hand on her chin and hummed.

“Ma’am, I’ve done many stupid things throughout my life, and I’m sure I’ll do many more.”

“Amen,” Hera clasped her hands together and said as if in prayer.

“How does that reassure my mom, or anyone, in any way?” Demetria looked up and asked.

“I don’t know,” Remora shrugged. “I’m fresh out of witty romanticism. Just walking around is tiring.”

“Go on, sit down and be merry. Both of you,” Hera grinned in a way that reminded me of a beaver, what with two of her teeth sticking out.

“It’s gonna hurt sitting down.”

“Yeah. You really don’t know what a chest is good for til you hurt it,” Demetria sympathized.

“I really need to treasure my chest.”

Hera

Let’s get the show on the road, shall we?

Ignore my dear Demetria resting her head on Remora’s shoulder. Yes, love is a sweet thing. But lemons are sour, and much more worthwhile to take a bite into.

“So, hun, should we sit and share a meal as well?” My dear Sequoia, the tree that I chose to plant myself on, looked up and asked me.

“No,” I shook my head, with utter regret. “Save that for the falling action. Right now, I’m ready to climax.”

“You’re WHAT?!”

I clapped.

It drew a few eyes toward me. I couldn’t tell from which way, only that there were some eyes on me. It wasn’t enough.

I cupped my hands together and yelled: “ATTENTION EVERYONE! I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!”

The room turned silent. If I lost my composure for even a second, the draft from the chill outside may have crept its way into my skin. I could not falter.

Before I could speak, however, a hand shot up from one of the tables behind me. I only noticed due to my keen peripheral vision and my remarkable vibes.

“Yes?” I turned around and addressed the one with the hand.

Said hand belonged to a rather tall woman, perhaps as tall as myself, perhaps taller. That, I could not say, as she was sitting down. She had shoulder length, straight blonde hair, similar to me, although I wouldn’t call strawberry blonde (and she had a brighter shade of orange in her hair, while mine was just a faded glory). Her face was that of stone, and despite my royal presence, she seemed no more impressed than if I stood like a lowly peasant.

“Excuse me, who are you?” The statuesque blonde asked, and although her face still looked serious and unimpressed, her voice was quite soft, and showed no hostility.

“Of course. This is a grand opportunity for you, peasant! For you see, my name is Hera Root, and I am the current wife of Demetria’s mom, Sequoia.”

“Oh, okay,” she shuffled her way out of her seat, “good announcement. I’m going to go now.”

She walked away and headed past me toward what I could only presume was the kitchen.

Well, what a fascinating creature that peasant was.

I coughed into my fist. Some would call this “clearing their throat.” I didn’t care what it was called. It sent the same message across: that I held the floor (figuratively speaking) once again.

“I’m a former assassin, one whose dark endeavors could be spun into tales to scare children to behave. I was quite cruel and brutal, but then I met Sequoia, and her kindness won me over and showed me the light. Now we are married, and all I need is her love,” I held my hands out and presented Sequoia in all her glory.

“Whoa, there!” She took a step back, ever the bashful wife, “don’t worry, guys! She only means ‘assassin’ in the loosest of terms! From what she’s told me, she just did a lot of odd jobs around her community when she was younger! Hera’s truly a saint, trust me!”

Her nervousness was on full display as she waved her hands about every which way and her knees wobbled as if she were ready to collapse. Being put on the spot must not have been her strong suit. Oh well, leave that to me.

Another hand shot up before I could continue my grand speech. Such a pity. I had at least two thousand more words rehearsed in my head.

This hand belonged to another tall (from what it seemed, but she too was sitting down) woman, who had sat beside the blonde who left for the kitchen (perhaps to snack in secret). This woman looked near bald, save for some black saplings of hair which took root atop her head. It must have been a stylistic choice, but let’s not dwell any further. Her expression, too, was just as stony, but perhaps more chiseled like a marble sculpture, than the blonde lady. She shivered about, even with her sharp, to the point, look about her.

“Yes, you, the shivering puppy,” I pointed to her.

“Yes. I have a question: who the hell cares?” She asked with a sharper tone that I was expecting out of her. Yes, her expression was already sharp, but I expected just as much sharpness as the other lady had afforded me.

“Only anybody who’s important, of course,” I said, tall and proud. No one so rude, with so much disrespect, would bring I, Hera, down.

“Yeah. That’s not me. I’m out, too.”

She got up, and walked past me just like that previous lady did, with just as much disregard for my importance. How impudent.

I looked around. I knew how to ‘read a room’ better than I knew how to ��read a book.’ It was clear that others had become skeptical of the presence I had graced them with. Despite being the very reason for such a gathering, they seemed to have little interest in whatever else I had to say.

“Oh, whatever,” I surrendered to the crowd (as every queen should every now and then), “eat, drink, be marry!”

Everyone cheered and clapped, as if it was the most sensible thing I had said all day (such utter disrespect). They returned to their jollies and gorging their bellies. I suppose that, too, was satisfactory.

“Aw, don’t take it too hard, hun,” Sequoia reached up and gave me a pat upon the shoulder, “it just happens that many of these people have just as colorful personalities as you.”

“Heh,” I snickered and grinned. Another thing I knew was how to ‘save face,’ even though I knew better than to be trusted to ‘save lives.’

“I can humble myself every now and then,” I replied, “the fact that so many people gathered and are enjoying themselves, regardless of whether they care for the reason, is enough to be proud of.”

“Nothing gets you down, does it?” She smiled back, “I’m going to spend some time with my kids, and maybe meet some new people along the way. I also haven’t seen Ray or Sunny all night. I’d love to meet them.”

As wonderful as a thought as that was, there was one thing that got me down: Zeus, my once husband. We weren’t in contact since I shot his knees, and his dick, for good measure, but just thinking about him left a sour taste in my mouth. To think we once took great pleasure in taking many men and women into our beds, and yet when I wished to settle down, he wouldn’t extend the same grace.

I sighed a weak, pathetic sigh. It was a relief Sequoia had already walked away not to hear me make such a sound.

I too should do some exploring, I decided, and headed toward the window which overlooked the kitchen.

As I crept to the thin window, I overheard the two ladies speaking amongst themselves.

“Dare me to spike Hera’s drink?” The blonde asked, standing near a cup of tea with some powder in a pouch in her hands.

“Do it. ‘Former assassin.’ Who does she think she is?” The other, near-bald one, asked, while sitting atop the counter near a microwave.

“I know, right? People who think they’re self important for no reason annoy me to no end. Still, couldn’t you have at least pretended to be polite, like I did?”

The near-bald one shook her head.

“It takes me effort for me to be passive-aggressive than it does to simply be aggressive.”

The door burst open; I ducked, but still peeked my head through the window.

A shorter woman than the other two, with two long, blonde pigtails, stormed in.

“Hey, what do you two think you’re doing?!” She shouted.

“Don’t look at me, I’m an innocent bystander,” the near-bald one answered.

“I heard everything! Do not go poisoning her!”

The tall blonde ducked her head down in shame.

“I was just going to use a laxative powder. A little bit of irritable bowels never hurt anyone, right?”

“I mean…” The near-bald one replied.

“Behave, both of you! This is a family gathering!”

“Yes,” the other two groaned.

They walked out of the kitchen. I must admit, I found the whole exchange amusing.

When I caught the eye of the imposing, near-bald woman, she stared me in the eye with an intense gaze.

“Sorry about my rudeness. I’m sure you were joking about that assassin thing,” she let out a rush of cool air with her words. It was...refreshing.

“Oh, no. I was serious. I used to kill people,” I reassured her.

“Right. You must have made a killing off of that.”

“Indeed.”

“What kind of fantasy world am I living in?” She shook her head. I could see she was still skeptical, but such was the price I paid for being fabulous. Not everyone could see my sincerity.

“What about you? What do you do for work?” I asked her.

“Me? I live on a hippie commune with my weed smoking girlfriends.”

“Did you have any job before that?”

“I used to clean messes.”

“Ah. Like a janitor?”

She shifted her gaze around before returning it to me.

“Yes,” she answered, before walking away with the other two.

Interesting. Now that I think of it, you do bear a striking resemblance to that Remora lady, I noted. Such precise wording, even if she were to deny it. I can’t wait to meet up with Ray.

That would have to wait. I noticed someone, alone at a table.

“There’s two of them…” The stranger muttered, with her short, but fluffy crimson hair, and her hands over her head, with her head face down.

“Two of what, dearie?” I asked the stranger. She looked up, confused and startled.

“You’re Hera, right? Congrats on your marriage.”

“Ha! It’s nothing!” I waved my hand away. “Now what were you muttering about?”

“That too, is nothing. Just like I’m hoping that assassin nonsense was,” she glared at me. Just like that near-bald lady did. Sheesh. What an uptight crowd. You’d think they’d be more open to that sorta thing.

“Please. You heard the wifey. I just have that sorta...je ne sais pas...eccentric way of speaking. Ya dig?”

She shook her head.

“Whatever. As long as you’re not bad right now, I guess it’s none of my business.”

“That’s the spirit!” I gave her a few intense pats upon her head before departing. She tried batting my hand away, but I was too swift.

“Hey! Who gave you permission!?”

I whistled. I wasn’t a very good whistler, but I was good enough to ignore the protests of others.

There were two points of interests: one, the table where Demetria, and her beau, Remora, sat together and shared a bowl of miso soup. The other, Sequoia chatting about with a lean, bespectacled black haired man of mediocre height and a tall, muscular women (what’s the deal with all the muscular women? Lean women are just, fine too, I’ll have you know) with big, curly dark brown hair tied up in the back.

“Oh Ray, you’re just as funny in person as you are over the phone!” Sequoia laughed.

“He is, isn’t he? Sometimes I talk to him on the phone while standing next to him for maximum funny!” The woman beside Ray joked.

Wait. That’s Ray? That unassuming man?

I too spoke to him on the phone. If not for his establishment, there would have been no party. I had many a reason to speak with him.

But then...Demetria. My precious daughter-in-law.

Forgive me, wifey.

I raced over toward where Demetria and Remora were seated.

“My, you two look so adorable,” I cooed.

“Thank you for that,” Remora was the one to reply. I would rather it had been Demetria, but I wouldn’t say I didn’t find the one with the chest pains interesting as well.

“Won’t you give your dear mommy a hug?”

“If I wanted to do that, I’d get up and hug her,” Demetria retorted.

“Oh, boo-hoo. You still don’t consider me your mother? Is this the woes of the in-laws I’ve heard so much about?”

“No, Hera. It’s because it’s you.”

I made whimpering little puppy noises, to no avail. I truly was the most miserable, yet fabulous woman on the planet.

Admitting defeat, I turned my attention to the beau.

“You really are quite lucky, you know that?”

“I know,” Remora reached her arm around and pulled Demetria in tight, “I just hope I can continue to do right by her.”

“You’re honestly fine,” Demetria mumbled. “I’ve done plenty of stupid things to you, too.”

“And I’m sure you will continue to do so,” she smiled.

They’re almost too cute. This is going nowhere.

“When I first met Demetria, I was really impressed with her skills. She could become an assassin if she really wanted to,” I informed the paramour.

“I know. She can be anything she wants to. I truly believe that.”

“What would you do if she decided to become one?”

“I would support her, even if I don’t think it’s a good path for her.”

“And why not?”

“Because a life full of killing...that’s no way to live, in my opinion. I want her to enjoy her life, and I know her well enough to believe that she wouldn’t enjoy her life that way. Still, it is her right to choose her life.”

“How kind of you.”

“Hera, I know you’re just trying to get a reaction out of her,” Demetria said without lifting her head or opening her eyes. “It’s true I taught myself to be violent, but I would rather protect others’ lives than take them. I already felt horrible when I killed once. I don’t want to be that kind of person who sees that as an option for every situation. The life I’m living right now, with the people I care about, that’s what matters to me.”

“I see,” I bowed my head and smiled, “I must respect that.”

“And please, don’t tell my main mom about the things I’ve been involved with. She doesn’t need to know.”

“Of course.”

I walked away. Those two were quite the match, whatever match that happened to be. I suppose I had no place to try to steer them in any sort of direction.

Our little celebration was coming to a close. Soon we would have to call curtains on the whole thing. True, many of us would be spending the night here, and some lived here already, but the main event was just about over. There was no reason to call encore.

The only thing left was to speak with Ray and his beautiful wife. Send a message to the couple who helped put this whole thing together.

I walked over to where Sequoia was. Still chatting it up with the couple of all time.

“Why hello,” I greeted the couple.

“Oh, hey, hun, this is Ray and Sunny!” Wifey announced.

“Pleasure to meet you, Sunny,” I held out my hand.

Ray took it instead.

“Pleasure’s all mine, ma’am,” Sunny said in a rather gruff voice.

“And it’s nice to meet you as well,” I looked into Ray’s eyes.

“Oh, don’t mention it,” he laughed.

With my free hand, I pulled a small envelope out of my pocket. I handed it to him, and he took it with his other free hand. It was like we were playing a game of twister standing up.

“Enclosed is a large sum of cash for your trouble.”

“Why thank you. You’re always welcome here as a guest, you know. You and your wife. I’m always saying how much of a treat it is to have Demetria here.”

“That’s right. He’s always saying this,” Sunny nodded along.

“Is he really?” I raised an eyebrow.

“No, not really,” Sunny shook her head. “But just for a second, you thought he did, right?”

The four of us laughed.

What Sequoia didn’t know, and what Ray would soon know, was that the envelope didn’t just contain cash, but also a single page of vital information pertaining to an old friend of his. It was for Ray’s eyes, and not mine, nor the wife’s. Let him be shocked in his free time.

So it would go that many of us stayed the night at Ray’s establishment. In the morning, some of us departed by way of Cybele’s plane, while the wife, and her two kids, took my very special private airline.

#remoras full #I dont like the way it ends #well #the ending #so abrupt #but im honestly tired of working on this and wanna get back to the main story #also havent edited yet #will do later #writing #stories #slice of life #intermission

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brookston · 5 months

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Holidays 4.19

Holidays

Americas’ Day (Honduras)

Army Day (Brazil)

Bicycle Day

Bitcoin Halving Day

Blue Jay Day

Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Action Day

Day of the Indian (Venezuela)

Dog Parent Appreciation Day

Dutch-American Friendship Day

Electrical Load Shedding Day (Ecuador)

419 Day

Global Day of Action Against Spyware

Hanging Out Day

Holocaust Remembrance Day (Poland)

Horseless Carriage Day

Humorous Day

Indian Day (Brazil)

International Day of Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Awareness

International Spandex Day

John Parker Day

King Mswati III Day (Eswatini)

Landing of the 33 Patriots Day (Uruguay)

Leucothea Asteroid Day

Lexington & Concord Day

Lydia Asteroid Day

National Canadian Film Day (Canada)

National Cat Lady Day

National Day of Silence

National Dog Parent Appreciation Day

National Fingering Day

National Hanging Out Day

National Hayden Day

National Health Day (Kiribati)

National Indigenous People’s Day (Brazil)

National North Dakota Day

National Oklahoma City Bombing Commemoration Day

National Paw Parent Appreciation Day

National Poker Day

National Slow Down Day (Ireland)

National Spice Smoking Day

Night of Destiny (Bangladesh)

Navpad Oli (a.k.a. Ayambil Oli; Jain)

Oklahoma City Bombing Commemoration Day

Patriots’ Day (Florida)

Plastic Free Lunch Day

Primrose Day (UK)

Printing Industry Day (Russia)

Refresh Your Goals Day

Republic Day (Sierra Leone)

The Simpsons Day

Snakes Return to Ireland Day

Snowdrop Day

Stoner’s Eve (Orthodox Christian) [Day before 4.20] (a.k.a. ...

4/20 Eve

Got a Minute Day

Gotta Day

The Pre-Bake

Ursine Garlic Day

Warsaw Ghetto Uprising Remembrance Day

World Day of Action in Solidarity with Venezuela

World IBS Day

World Liver Day

Food & Drink Celebrations

Garlic Day

Espresso Italiano Day (Italy)

National Amaretto Day

National Chicken Parmesan Day

National Rice Ball Day

3rd Friday in April

Empire Day (Canada) [Weekday before 24th]

Friendship Friday [3rd Friday]

Fry Day (Pastafarian; Fritism) [Every Friday]

Make a Quilt Day [3rd Friday]

National Clean Out Your Medicine Cabinet Day [3rd Friday]

Weekly Holidays beginning April 19 (3rd Week)

Four-Twenty Weekend (Weekend Closest to 4.20]

National Dance Week [thru 4.28]

Independence & Related Days

Independence Declaration Day (Venezuela)

Kuban (Adoption into Russia; 2018)

Lexmark (Declared; 2019) [unrecognized]

Taman (Adoption into Russia; 2018)

Zimbabwe (Independence Day Holiday)

New Year’s Days

New Years Holidays (Myanmar0

Festivals Beginning April 19, 2024

Baltimore Old Time Music Festival (Baltimore, Maryland) [thru 4.20]

Buds-A-Palooza (Phoenix, Arizona)

California Poppy Festival (Lancaster, California) [thru 4.21]

California Wine Festival (Dana Point, California) [thru 4.20]

Cider, Wine & Done Weekend (Henderson, North Carolina) [thru 4.21]

Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival (India, California) [thru 4.21]

Crawfish Music Festival (Biloxi, Mississippi) [thru 4.21]

Dubai Food Festival Dubai, UAE) [thru 5.12]

East European Comic Con (Bucharest, Romania) [thru 4.21]

Jersey Shore Restaurant Week (Jersey Shore, New Jersey) [thru 4.28]

Kaunas Jazz (Kaunas, Lithuania) [thru 4.29]

La Fete Du Monde (Raceland, Louisiana) [thru 4.21]

Moscow International Film Festival (Moscow, Russia) [thru 4.26]

National Cannabis Festival (Washington, DC) [thru 4.20]

New England Folk Festival (Marlborough, Massachusetts) [thru 4.21]

Northwest Cherry Festival (The Dalles, Oregon) [thru 4.21]

Pompano Beach Seafood Festival (Pompano Beach, Florida) [thru 4.21]

River Falls Bluegrass, Bourbon & Brews Festival (River Falls, Wisconsin) [thru 4.21]

Schmeckfest (South Dakota) [3rd & 4th Fridays]

Texas SandFest (Port Aransas, Texas) [thru 4.21]

Hebrew Calendar Holidays [Begins at Sundown Day Before]

Education and Sharing Day [11 Nisan]

International Passover Joke Day [11 Nisan]

Feast Days

Ælfheah of Canterbury (Anglican, Catholic; Saint)

Alphege (Christian; Saint)

Amanda Sage (Artology)

Bandage and Lozenge-Sucking Competition (Shamanism)

Bendideia (Ancient Greece)

Cerealia (Roman Festival to Ceres, Goddess of Barley & Agriculture)

Conrad of Ascoli (Christian; Saint)

David Koresh Day (Church of the SubGenius; Saint)

Elphege, Archbishop of Canterbury (Christian; Saint)

Emma of Lesum (Christian; Saint)

Expeditus of Melintine (Christian; Saint) [Hoodoo; Nerds; Santerians]

Fernando Botero (Artology)

George of Antioch (Christian; Saint)

Geroldus (Christian; Saint)

Lager Day (Pastafarian)

Leo IX, Pope (Christian; Saint)

Ma Zu (Goddess of the Sea's Birthday; Taoism)

Olaus and Laurentius Petri (Lutheran; Saint)

Persephone’s Return (Pagan)

Pierre (Muppetism)

Strabo (Positivist; Saint)

Start of Pastover (Pastafarian)

Ursmar (Christian; Saint)

Veronese (Artology)

Willem Drost (Artology)

Zoot’s Day (Muppetism)

Lucky & Unlucky Days

Prime Number Day: 109 [29 of 72]

Sensho (先勝 Japan) [Good luck in the morning, bad luck in the afternoon.]

Tycho Brahe Unlucky Day (Scandinavia) [19 of 37]

Umu Limnu (Evil Day; Babylonian Calendar; 18 of 60)

Premieres

Alvin’s Solo Flight (Noveltoons Cartoon; 1961)

Bob & Doug (Animated TV Series; 2009)

Cake Boss (TV Series; 2009)

Carousel (Broadway Musical; 1945)

Fast Color (Film; 2019)

Goodie the Gremlin (Noveltoons Cartoon; 1961)

The Harder They Come, by T. Coraghessan Boyle (Novel; 2015)

Hound About That (Noveltoons Cartoon; 1961)

Illmatic, by Las (Album; 1994)

Iphigenia in Aulis, by C.W. Glucks (Opera; 1774)

Just a Little Bull (Terrytoons Cartoon; 1940)

King of Jazz (Oswald the Lucky Rabbit Cartoon; 1930)

The Land of Fun (Color Rhapsody Cartoon; 1941)

The Last Battle, by Cornelius Ryan (Novel; 1966)

L.A. Woman, by The Doors (Album; 1971)

Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit of …), by Lou Bega (Song; 1999)

Man for Himself: An Inquiry Into the Psychology of Ethics, by Erich Fromm (Philosophy Book; 1947)

Man Plus, by Frederik Pohl (Novel; 1976)

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (Film; 2024)

Money Doodles (Noveltoons Cartoon; 1960)

Moosylvania Saved, Part 1 (Rocky & Bullwinkle Cartoon, S6, Ep. 363; 1965)

Moosylvania Saved, Part 2 (Rocky & Bullwinkle Cartoon, S6, Ep. 364; 1965)

Mrs. Winterbourne (Film; 1996)

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Film; 2002)

National Barn Dance (Radio Music Series; 1924)

Oblivion (Film; 2013)

Oxford English Dictionary, 1st Edition (Dictionary; 1928)

Peg Leg Pete, the Pirate (Terrytoons Cartoon; 1935)

Plenty Below Zero (Color Rhapsody Cartoon; 1943)

The Producers (Broadway Musical; 2001)

Ring of Fire, by Johnny Cash (Song; 1963)

The Scorpion King (Film; 2002)

The Secret Life of Plants: A Fascinating Account of the Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Relations Between Plants and Man, by Peter Tompkins (Science Book; 1973)

Service with a Guile (Fleischer/Famous Popeye Cartoon; 1946)

Sing, Sing Prison (Terrytoons Cartoon; 1931)

Sinkin’ in the Bathtub, featuring Bosko (Looney Tunes Cartoon; 1930) [1st Warner Bros. cartoon]

A Small Town in Germany, by John le Carre (Novel; 1969)

Stand Up & Cheer (Film; 1934) [1st Shirley Temple film]

Symphony No. 6, by Jean Sibelius (Symphony; 1923)

Ticket to Ride, by The Beatles (Song; 1965)

Timid Tabby (Tom & Jerry Cartoon; 1957)

Tortured Poets Department, by Taylor Swift (Album; 2024)

The Trip (Noveltoons Cartoon; 1967)

Triplet Trouble (Tom & Jerry Cartoon; 1952)

Water, Water Every Hare (WB LT Cartoon; 1952)

Wings (TV Series; 1990)

The Zürau Aphorisms Franz Kafka

Today’s Name Days

Gerold, Leo, Marcel (Austria)

Ema, Konrad, Rastislav (Croatia)

Rostislav (Czech Republic)

Daniel (Denmark)

Aalike, Aleksandra, Alli, Allo, Andra, Sandra (Estonia)

Pälvi, Pilvi (Finland)

Emma (France)

Emma, Gerold, Leo, Timo (Germany)

Haroula, Theoharis, Theoharoula (Greece)

Emma (Hungary)

Emma, Ermogene, Espedito (Italy)

Fanija, Liba, Vēsma (Latvia)

Aistė, Eirimas, Leonas, Leontina, Simonas (Lithuania)

Arnfinn, Arnstein (Norway)

Adolf, Adolfa, Adolfina, Alf, Cieszyrad, Czech, Czechasz, Czechoń, Czesław, Leon, Leontyna, Pafnucy, Tymon, Werner, Włodzimierz (Poland)

Ioan (Romania)

Jela (Slovakia)

Expedito, León (Spain)

Ola, Olaus (Sweden)

Garey, Garett, Garret, Garrett, Garvey, Garvin, Gary, Gerald, Geraldine, Geri, Gerry, Jared, Jarod, Jarred, Jarrett, Jarrod, Jerald,Jeri, Jerod, Jerri, Jerrod, Jerry (USA)

Today is Also…

Day of Year: Day 110 of 2024; 256 days remaining in the year

ISO: Day 5 of week 16 of 2024

Celtic Tree Calendar: Saille (Willow) [Day 6 of 28]

Chinese: Month 3 (Wu-Chen), Day 11 (Guy-Chou)

Chinese Year of the: Dragon 4722 (until January 29, 2025) [Wu-Chen]

Hebrew: 11 Nisan 5784

Islamic: 10 Shawwal 1445

J Cal: 20 Cyan; Sixday [20 of 30]

Julian: 6 April 2024

Moon: 84%: Waxing Gibbous

Positivist: 26 Archimedes (4th Month) [Frontinus]