#Sacrificed I can work on while i prepare one of my exam for a class so that's great for me!

[weirdcharacter]

List of stuff to do before october arrives:

finish writing The Myth of König

(Possibly) edit The Myth of König

send the story to friends

Work on Sacrificed (format of the story)

Work on sacrificed (plot)

Do hw of course

Keep up with classes of course

go back to my grandma's house to get some bricolage material

make a lil guy out of papier maché and take it as my first steps in manual arts/ miniatures

think about my chrishmas list

prepare for Nanowrimo

socialize (if i got some energy and time left for that lmaoo)

[threeletterslife]

Insurrection (It’s About Time)

→ [4/7] of the Glossary Series

→ summary: If you told Park Jimin he was going to fall in love with a young cult leader, he would've laughed. But honestly, who's laughing now??

→ pairing/rating: jimin x reader | PG-15

→ genre: 90% angst, 9.9% fluff, 0.1% crack | high school!au

→ warnings: death, mentions of suicide, academic dishonesty, cult-like activities, profanity, school threats (bombs & shootings)

→ wordcount: 18.3k

→ a/n: this is a story that is near and dear to my heart. it actually kind of hurt to write because a lot of these scenes are similar to my experiences or the experiences of loved ones. i’ve had this idea for almost two years now and i finally decided to write it out. i hope you enjoy (:

Jimin is punctual. In fact, he is on another level of punctuality. At any given event, he arrives at least fifteen minutes early. For what reason? His answer would be 'just in case.' There are a plethora of events that can go wrong, a multitude of catastrophes that can erupt in his face last-minutely. Jimin's not going to take any chances jeopardizing his own future.

Especially his future in education.

Much accordingly, since he is exceedingly punctual, Jimin can not—for the love of god—stand people who dilly dally. The atrocity of them to dare to be late and waste others' time!

This is the exact reason why he absolutely despises his calculus teacher.

I sacrificed my goddamn lunchtime studying for this exam. And now he decides to be late.

Jimin's hands shake violently as he brings up his notes to his face, eyes boring into the paper filled with equations and example problems. Hands clammy and sticking to the paper, he balances himself on the balls of his feet and rocks in an attempt to try to settle his spiked nerves.

This is definitely not a good way to start off finals weeks.

Jimin has exactly an 88.3% in AP Calculus BC, and a morbid B+ will do no good in his future—at least that's what the school propaganda and his parents say. He'll have to score extremely well on this fall semester's final exam, especially because his teacher refuses to round up the grades.

Goddamn. He's really late. Late to his own final.

Jimin starts biting his nails again. At this point, there isn't much nail to bite left, but he manages to gnaw at the skin around it. It's a small habit that goes far; he does it when he's nervous, but nail-biting always does such little to do away with his gargantuan amount of stress.

In frustration, Jimin lets out a massive sigh, clutching at his chest where his lungs threatened to collapse on him. His stomach feels tight and queasy, which doesn't have much to do with the fact that he hadn't eaten. He is just anxious. Unlike the others around him.

Next to Jimin, Jeon Jungkook, his friend, casually leans against the brick wall, eyes focused on his phone screen as he mumbles nasty profanities under his breath. "That's motherfucking right, die, bitches," he mutters. Jungkook moves his body along with the avatar inside his game. He's so into it that his eyes gleam when he reigns victorious. "Ha!" he screeches, throwing up his hands. "Fuck you, you cowards! I win!"

Jungkook finally looks up from his game and meets eyes with Jimin. He grins. "Hey, bro, wanna log on too?"

Jimin's mouth hangs open with a mixture of complete surprise and utter disapproval. "We have a final this period, Jungkook. Aren't you the tiniest bit worried?"

He regrets asking that because he knows the answer he's going to get.

"No, not really," Jungkook snorts. He looks back at his phone screen and hoots. "Fuck, yeah! He's not here yet! I think I can squeeze in another game."

If Jimin's parents knew that his friend—aside from his straight A's and musical accomplishments—played video games, namely Fortnite, to pass time, they'd probably transfer Jimin to another school. A school that could be worse than this one. Which might as well be a prison.

Jimin shakes his head, harshly gripping his notes and looking away from Jungkook. Jimin doesn't want to admit it, but he's jealous. While he's stuck having a mini internal breakdown over the teacher's tardiness, Jungkook's taking the extra leisure time to play some shitty mobile game.

It's unfair. Jungkook gets his straight A's without moving so much of a goddamn muscle. While Jimin, on the other hand, has to stay up until four in the morning every other day, studying or doing homework from the moment he's awake to the time he goes to bed. He will never understand why, despite his grueling efforts, that he has a fair share of B's in his transcript.

It's a shitty, unfair system. But then again, it was set up to be unfair, anyways. Here at Welton High School, every student has taken a rigorous entrance exam, of which only the top 25% scoring students are accepted. Every student is well above average—they are students from all over the world and have probably never heard the word 'average' spoken to them in their entire lives. Until they faced Welton, of course. Now of the top 25%, only 1% can truly be special.

Jimin sometimes thinks that when he was accepted to Welton, he must've been barely at the cut off line. He speculates that he must've been in the top 24.99%, and was very lucky that he wasn't waitlisted.

He worked twice as hard from freshman year until now, junior year, to be on level with the young, walking Einsteins of Welton. But no matter how hard Jimin tries, he has never been able to outsmart the intellectuals who were born to change the world with their IQ's alone.

Competition is way too fierce.

No, Jimin thinks. Competition is deadly.

And it is. Student suicides, school shooting threats (from the students), student protests... Teenagers crack under pressure. But what can Jimin do about it? The system's shitty, yes, but he has no choice but to follow it, or else the promise of a stable future goes down the drain and into the sewer. For that exact reason, Jimin studies like there's no tomorrow every day.

Wake up. Go to school. Eat. Study. Sleep (if he's lucky). Wake up (sometimes). And do it all over again.

So fine. Jimin's jealous of Jeon Jungkook. Because he doesn't seem to put in the effort for his perfect grades. And it irks Jimin. But it shouldn't. Jungkook's his friend, so Jimin should be happy for him.

It's hard though when the person you're closest to is so far beyond your league that you begin to think yourself inferior to them.

"Sorry, class!" Jimin's calc teacher huffs as he nearly spills over his coffee while skidding to a stop in front of the classroom door. "We've lost time for the final! Get in your seats, take out a pencil, eraser and graphing calculator! Be ready in your seats so I can pass out the exams!" he orders in a frenzy.

How can you be so irresponsible? Jimin thinks, glaring daggers at the back of his teacher's head.

He's almost blinded by rage until he realizes what he's really here for: to take the test. Right. His stomach flips at the thought. Jimin shoves his notes into his backpack, wincing when he hears some of the papers ripping.

Shit, this is the moment. He's been dreading this exact time for weeks now. Each step into the familiar class makes him feel like he's walking the plank, inching closer and closer to his impending doom.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Jimin feels a migraine creeping in already. I don't know if I can do this.

Next to him, Jungkook is still playing Fortnite. Jimin doesn't know if he should spitefully tell his friend to stop or to let him continue. God, it's not fair.

Jimin's teacher is all over the place, holding his cup of coffee while also carrying dozens of test booklets in the other hand. For a split second, Jimin wishes his teacher would spill his coffee on the tests. Maybe that would delay the final. Maybe Jimin would get his first stroke of good luck in the nearly three years of high school he had already faced.

But luck is not on Jimin's side today. It never was.

The test booklets make it out in perfect condition, and Jimin's slightest bit of hope is crushed when his teacher finally sets down his coffee on his desk.

"Get your tests! Come on, pick them up!" his teacher shrills. Jimin breathes in deeply. At this point, he's just going to accept his fate. He might as well accept a B+ in this class. God, I feel faint.

"Don't write on the test," the teacher continues. "The scratch paper is up here if you need it and—"

The loud, blaring fire alarm interrupts him. It echoes deafeningly through the class, the raucous noise piercing through Jimin's ears to such an extent that he covers them with his hands. Jimin shakes in his seat, making eye contact with Jungkook.

For once in his life, Jungkook looks confused in a class setting. 'What the fuck??" he mouths aggressively to Jimin.

What the fuck, indeed.

Sometimes, the administration liked to schedule secret fire drills to get the students and staff better prepared in case of a real emergency. But really, during finals week? When students are already nerve-wracked from exam season? God, they had no shame for fuck's sake.

Jimin's teacher sighs, running his fingers through his head of unkempt hair. "All sorts of things happening today," he mutters to himself. "Must be a mistake," he declares with an affirmative nod of the head. "Class, as I was saying before—"

"Holy fuck, the other classes are evacuating!" Jungkook shrieks, pointing out the classroom window. Sure enough, teachers are already herding their students outside to the evacuation areas on the soccer fields. "I don't think this is a dr—"

Before Jungkook finishes his sentence and the teacher disciplines him for his explicit choice of language, the intercom buzzes, momentarily halting the horrendous fire alarm. Everyone freezes and it goes completely silent. So silent that Jimin can hear his own heartbeat.

A loud crackle and another buzz ring from the intercom, then the principal begins to speak in a hurried voice: "This is not a drill. Please proceed to evacuate out of the buildings. Thank you."

The moment he finishes, the intercom crackles again and the fire alarm carries on.

Jimin's anxiety flies to the roof. Not a drill? What could've possibly happened?

His teacher looks almost as—or even more—shaken as Jimin and he yells panicked directions to the students. "I'll be the last one out! Meet me at our safety corner on the field!"

Jimin quickly finds Jungkook and the two of them walk side by side out of the building. As soon as Jimin can see the sky, he looks up instinctively to check for smoke. But there is none. In fact, the sky looks clearer than normal today.

"Do you even think there's a fire?" Jimin asks his friend. He almost lets out a scoff of disbelief when he sees Jungkook playing his mobile game again.

"No idea," Jungkook replies nonchalantly, jabbing at his screen with his thumb. "Don't think it's anything serious. Probably just a small fire in chem class. Nothing to worry about."

Jimin's still uneasy. "You don't think anyone's hurt, do you?"

At that, Jungkook hums, his forehead creasing slightly as he finally shuts off his phone and pockets it. "There's no ambulance," he points out. Jungkook turns to Jimin fully, grinning at him to Jimin's shock. "Loosen up, Jimin. This is junior year. We might have a chance at canceled finals because of this real evacuation! Now isn't that nice?"

"I guess..." Jimin mumbles. But I need the final to raise my grade...

It's strange to see his peers smiling and laughing as they walk side by side with their friends. It's almost as if the fire alarm isn't threateningly blaring in the background. Do none of them care that this could be a serious matter??

"By the looks of it, we're definitely going to skip the calc final today!" Jungkook shouts victoriously, pumping his fist in the air. "No more fucking math!"

"True..." Jimin admits nervously. "But he might have to take the final after school..." He's almost too embarrassed to say that he needs this final to raise his grade.

Jungkook snorts. "Welton's not allowed to keep us after school with such short notice," he says. "If things go right, we might not have finals for the rest of the day."

When Jungkook puts it that way, the thought sounds heavenly.

"Yo! Bros!" a familiar voice calls, breaking Jimin from his reverie. "Y'all okay? We could've literally died!"

It's Taehyung, Jimin's other friend. The only guy in the whole school who's unafraid to use the word 'y'all' and be judged for it.

"Man, I heard the girl's locker room caught on fire!" Taehyung announces.

Jungkook cocks an eyebrow. "Unless you were in there, how would you know?" he teases.

Jimin laughs as Taehyung huffs disapprovingly. "Some girls told me. I would never sneak in there," he pouts, crossing his arms.

"Really?" Jimin says. "How would the fire have started in there, though?"

"Oh, you'd be surprised to see what goes down in the girl's locker room," Jungkook says, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"What went down so hard to cause a fire??" Jimin asks.

"Nah, don't believe him, Minnie," Taehyung laughs. "Jungkook probably sneaks in there from time to time to be a little perv."

Jungkook shrugs, unfazed by the accusation. He even plays along with it. "Well, I need something interesting to do in my high school career."

At that, Jimin and Taehyung shoot each other a look. Them and a majority of the students at Welton don't have enough hours in the day to study, let alone to seek for 'something interesting to do' in their high school careers. It's so like Jeon Jungkook, the genius, to say shit like this.

"Whatever, y'all," Taehyung says. "I don't even care what happened. We're still alive, you know? I'm just glad I'm missing out on that stupid physics final."

"Lucky," Jimin says. "I'm supposed to take that shit tomorrow."

"Uh, yeah, if there even is a tomorrow," Jungkook says, scrolling through his phone. Jimin thinks he's playing some mobile game again, but he soon realizes he's reading something. "It's not a fire in the girl's locker room after all..."

The three boys immediately stop walking, Taehyung and Jimin looking over Jungkook's shoulder to read what was on his screen. It's an email sent from the principal to all attending students and their guardians:

Dear Welton Community,

Today at approximately 12:48 pm, an unidentified caller phoned in a bomb threat to Welton High School. The caller stated seven pipe bombs had been planted on campus and were going to detonate in 25 minutes. The Police Department was called and immediately responded. Along with them, the School Administration decided to evacuate all buildings and bomb-sniffing dogs were called to search the entire school. When they have completed their search, I will send out another message to our community with the all-clear.

Thank you.

Bombs. Bombs?!?! Jimin panics again. Actual bombs! Seven pipe bombs could do serious damage—maybe even decimate half of the population of Welton High. What if they go off? Will this really be the end?

"Well, that explains the excessive amount of helicopters flying above us," Jungkook says, shrugging.

Before Jimin can shoot his friend a look of utter incredulity, he hears the sharp voice of his calc teacher. "Jimin! Jungkook! What are you doing out of line? I'm taking roll!"

"The Grinch is calling," Jungkook snickers. "We'll see you later," he tells Taehyung who salutes the two of you.

"See you guys," Taehyung says before sauntering off to his physics class.

"Text us!" Jimin calls.

Taehyung doesn't turn around but gives two big thumbs up indicating that he had heard Jimin.

Quickly, Jimin and Jungkook get in line while their dratted teacher takes roll. Once they see that their teacher isn't eagle-eyeing them, they slip out their phones, opening their group chat with Taehyung. It looks like Taehyung had already sent them multiple texts. All cries of pity.

Group: dead men + kook

[half-dead cowboy]: y'alls

[half-dead cowboy]: literally save me

[half-dead cowboy]: idk anyone in this class

[half-dead cowboy]: keep me entertained

[half-dead cowboy]: don't leave me hanging

[half-dead cowboy]: guyds

[half-dead cowboy]: guys*

[nO yOu]: serves u right for deciding to take physics ii lmfaoo

[half-dead cowboy]: shut up kook

[half-dead cowboy]: where's my boi minnie when i need him

[lil dead man]: Shit Tae I keep forgetting to tell you not to call me that

[half-dead cowboy]: you know why?

[half-dead cowboy]: because you not-so-secretly lobr it

[half-dead cowboy]: ugh

[half-dead cowboy]: love*

[nO yOu]: how did u even get in welton tae lmfao u can't even spell

[half-dead cowboy]: no

[half-dead cowboy]: i can SPELL i can't TYPE

[half-dead cowboy]: there's a difference you jerky

[half-dead cowboy]: ARE YOU KIDDING ME

[half-dead cowboy]: jerk********

[lil dead man]: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[nO yOu]: i feel quite honored to b called a jerky

[half-dead cowboy]: stfu

[nO yOu]: no for real bro

[nO yOu]: thank you

[lil dead man]: Back at it again with the sarcasm Kook

[lil dead man]: Anyways what's the girl's locker room like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[half-dead cowboy]: not the lenny face

[half-dead cowboy]: please no

[nO yOu]: nO yOu

[lil dead man]: How long have you been waiting to say that

[nO yOu]: months

[nO yOu]: thanks for noticing. u my man

[nO yOu]: also if tae won't say anything bout the girl's locker room i will

[lil dead man]: What the fuck bro I thought you were joking when you say you knew the shit that went down????

[nO yOu]: lmfao i'm still jokin chillax minnie

[half-dead cowboy]: i hate you guys :((((((

[nO yOu]: damn that frowny face has 6 chins holy mothatruckafucka

[half-dead cowboy]: :(

[lil dead man]: That's more like it!!

[half-dead cowboy]: hold up hold up

[half-dead cowboy]: oh shoot y'all hearing this?

[nO yOu]: no?? we're texting? wE hAvE nO vOicE

[half-dead cowboy]: no you illiterate f*cks they just cleared the school the bomb threat as phony

[lil dead man]: Whew

[lil dead man]: I'm happy I won't blow up into smithereens but also pissed off as fuck that we'll have to live to take finals??

[nO yOu]: agreed, minnie

[nO yOu]: k but more importantly

[nO yOu]: tae did you just censor out a fucking cuss word

[half-dead cowboy]: i'm trying not to cuss as much anymore if you haven't noticed. but y'all make it f*cking hard. f*ck

[lil dead man]: We'Re sOrRy wE'Re bAd iNflUenCe

[half-dead cowboy]: :(((((((((((((((

[nO yOu]: 15 chins lets git itttt

[half-dead cowboy]: F*CK Y'ALL

It feels strange. The shortened school day had been so eventful... but also uneventful? Sure, there was a bomb threat, but it had been fake. Jimin thought a full-on Hollywood action scene would've commenced after the bombs detonated, but the bombs were never there in the first place. There weren't any finals either. All of them had been rescheduled to take next week, which was good news for most students.

It wasn't just good news, too. It was great news. Superb news. The best news students have gotten since they began attending Welton High School. Now, students are thanking the bomb threat for its rather impeccable timing. Some are even pissed that it hadn't happened earlier (so more finals could have been missed).

"We need to celebrate this once in a lifetime opportunity!" Taehyung announces as soon as the three boys are reunited. "It's not every day that a bomb threat cancels your finals!"

"We deserve a break, anyways," Jimin says. "I'm down. Kook?"

"Mm..." Jungkook makes an unintelligible sound at the back of his throat as he pauses his video game with the tap of his finger. "Sorry guys. Can't. Have to go somewhere."

"You?" Taehyung gasps dramatically. "Have plans?"

"And without us?" Jimin says, feigning a hurt expression. "Are you ditching us?"

Jungkook rolls his eyes. "No. I'm just... busy."

"Ha! Busy," Taehyung snorts. "Yeah, busy with that little sophomore girl you've been—cough—seeing."

"What the fuck," Jungkook scoffs. "How do you know about that?"

Taehyung opts not to answer the question, instead, he giggles. "It's a date, isn't it?" he sings.

Jungkook puffs out his cheeks in annoyance. "Fine," he says, slipping his phone inside his back pocket. "It's a date."

"Oh, we are so following you," Taehyung says.

"Don't you dar—"

"No, we're following you," Jimin grins.

"No, I swear to fucking g—"

Jimin and Taehyung are following Jungkook. The boy's surprisingly agile as he zig-zags around stumpy trees, tall bushes and overflowing trash cans. Sometimes, he quickly looks behind him as if to see if someone was trailing his back. Every time, Jimin's heart sinks with the fear of being caught, but Taehyung seems to love the thrill of the adrenaline rush.

At this rate, Jimin feels like an outlaw. But he's only just chasing his rather suspicious-looking friend. Or maybe he really wanted his relationship with the sophomore girl as a secret?

Or maybe there was no sophomore girl in the picture at all. Jimin's not too sure.

"It's as if he doesn't want anyone to know he's dating a teeny weeny 10th grader," Taehyung whispers, a mischievous grin stuck on his lips.

Yeah. If the girl exists. But Jimin doesn't say that. "I wonder who she is," he whispers back. "I mean, who on earth is worthy of dating our Kook?"

"My expectations for this girl are high," Taehyung snorts. "She better be the most intelligent girl I've ever—wait, what the fucK??"

The latter is more of a reaction. Taehyung grabs Jimin's arm, pulling him to take refuge behind a particularly bushy bush. He points at a rather unsettling scene unfolding before them.

Through the leaves of the shrub, Jimin can make out Jungkook, all right. There's also a girl—who might be a sophomore, standing confidently on a tree stump. Jimin doesn't even know if you go to Welton. But what makes the whole situation peculiar is that there are others—including Jungkook—gathered in this little half-forest clearing. And they're gathered around the tree stump in which the girl is standing on.

Jimin tries to make a rough estimate of the number of people—seemingly students because they're all wearing backpacks— in his head. Twelve? Maybe fifteen students? He's confused, furrowing his brows as he squints at them through the bush. "What's this shit for?" he whispers to Taehyung who looks equally confused.

"No idea," Taehyung mutters. "Looks like a cult," he snorts. "But it could be a stupid Fortnite club for all I know."

"I doubt that a club would meet at such a sketchy place," Jimin murmurs to himself.

There is something definitely fishy going on here...

Jungkook blends in way too easily in the crowd of supposed students. The only person that stands out is the girl. The one on the tree stump. She stands casually, favoring her left leg. She's petite, but her posture and stance emit an aura of valiance and authority. Her eyes seem to sparkle with determination and her lips are curled up in a happy smile. A... victorious smile.

"That's her!" Taehyung whispers aggressively. "The girl I've seen our Kook with! The little sophomore!"

Ah... She's a sophomore... Jimin nods, cocking his head as his eyes scan the group of students to see if he recognized anyone other than Jungkook. He sees a few seniors (that he can't quite remember the name of) and finds it weird that they're huddled below the sophomore girl as if waiting for her command.

Whoever she is, she's the leader. The president, maybe? Of whatever club this was? If it even was a club, that is.

Jimin's thoughts are proven when the girl clasps her hands together, taking a deep breath before bellowing out a "Thank you for coming!" She offers a friendly wave to everyone looking up to her (literally) in awe.

Jimin has never seen the genius himself, Jeon Jungkook, respecting an underclassman before. Even the seniors in the crowd look at the girl approvingly. As if she were a queen and not just the president of a small club.

The girl speaks again in her light, lilted voice, turning to a lanky boy with unkempt blonde hair covering his eyes. "Yoongs! Attendance, please?"

"Perfect attendance, Y/N!" the boy deemed as Yoongs reports back to the girl. He winks. And she—Y/N—blushes.

Jimin frowns. What was going on???

You giggle, looking fondly at Yoongs before returning your attention to the rest of the crowd. "So, our experiment worked as expected," you say, shrugging rather casually. "I did feel bad for wasting people's time..." you trail off, unsure.

Experiment? Jimin feels chills run down his spine when he realizes you probably mean the bomb threat.

"It was worth it, babe!" Yoongs calls from the group.

You smile. "It's always worth it," you reply. "I'll make today's meeting short for those of you working on college apps and the others of you participating in competitions."

You're so casual in the way you speak—as if the people you were looking over were your friends. But you're also entrancing. As if everyone else has to be silent to hear what great words you have to say. And apparently, you have a lot on your mind to share.

"As I always say," you start, "never waste your time on your grades. They don't define you. Nor will they shed a light on the person you are inside. Nevertheless, everyone here should have straight A's..." you smile, looking over at Yoongs. "A round of applause for Yoongi's excellent coding skills for which we would've never been able to pull this off without them!"

The crowd erupts in enthusiastic applause, leaving Yoongi beaming from his proud accomplishments.

You wait for the crowd to simmer down before speaking again. "We tricked and cheated the system," you admit. "You might have doubts about that. Morality and integrity may play into your thoughts. But," you take a dramatic pause, "how moral are grades, really? They're tools for adults, which is as far as it goes. Teachers corrupt the system, watch silently as all hell breaks loose from the intense student competition... They make it a game. They know you'll do anything to get the letter grade you want," you take a painful breath. "We're only fighting against something that is as equally as or more morally ambiguous. The world cares about you as a human. They won't care about a robot that spits out impeccable grades but has no soul, no passion, no life. They want you at your best—what you can do that will benefit others. We don't need to take part in something as trivial as our high school grades, do we?" you smile as the students around you cheer.

"Of course... college is a different story. Depending on the college you go, that is..." you trail off. "When you start to learn about things that you have a genuine interest in, that's when grades might matter. But for now, struggling this hard on obscure subjects that you'll never touch again after graduating from Welton? I say it's a good thing we're cheating the system. How great was the system anyway to have contributed to three student suicides in the last two years?"

There's a collective murmur as students nod their heads.

"A moment of silence for Heegyung, Bonsoo and Chaewoon, please," you say, voice barely above a whisper but everyone hears what you say and they all bow their heads down to obey. You, yourself, close your eyes. Your face is etched with pain and actual remorse, which makes Jimin feel a little guilty he wasn't truly mourning the students' deaths.

After a few minutes pass, you clear your throat, blinking your eyes open and waiting for the other students to look up at you again. "Ah, yes," you say. "Thank you for the short mourning period we were able to squeeze into this meeting... But now to get to the purpose of this gathering," you pause for a split second before continuing again. "The finals you will have to take next week shouldn't be as stressful as other school days. Apply our methods and you'll be fine. If you need extra help, text me as soon as possible." You pause again, but this time, it wasn't to gather your thoughts, it was to shift the mood of your speech. A bright grin settles on your face.

"Now, for the moment we've all been waiting for!" you exclaim. "Let's give a special round of applause for Jeon Jungkook and Min Yoongi for their collaboration on this excellent evacuation plan!"

The crowd does more than applaud. Students whoop, yell and chant their names. But Jimin's not in a celebratory mood.

Jungkook did what?? Jimin shoots Taehyung a panicked look. It was one thing to realize that this group of students probably somehow organized the bomb threat, but it was another thing to realize that Jungkook was a large part of it.

"It was extremely difficult to create an automated call that couldn't be traced—" you begin.

"Eh, it wasn't that bad," Yoongi shrugs nonchalantly. "Child's play."

You laugh, eyes twinkling as your turn to Yoongi. "Well, thank you," you say. "Ah, and as for Jungkook, thank you for volunteering to use your voice to record the bomb threat. It must've been so nerve-wracking."

Jungkook snorts, shaking his head. "All I really did was speak into a mic. And we totally distorted my voice. Severely fucked up the frequencies and all that."

Jimin's blood runs cold. He looks over at Taehyung with his eyes wide. His friend isn't faring any better with his jaw clenched and fists tightened.

"It took an immense amount of courage to sacrifice your voice for an experiment like this," you say, smiling down at the older boy. "Oh, yeah! How's your album going, by the way?"

Jungkook beams. "It's going great!" he says happily. "I've been having so much fuckin' time to work on it that the whole process has just been insanely smooth."

"Love that!" you say. "Productivity at its finest, right?"

Everyone nods eagerly.

"Well!" you sigh, placing both of your hands on your hips. "The meeting's officially over, now! Please text me your work progresses, guys. They're due before midnight. Thank you so much for coming!"

"Thank you for hosting it, babe!" Yoongi says, rushing over to help you off of the tree stump by offering his hand. You take it gladly, stepping back on the dirt ground.

You start waving at the students who begin to file out of the meeting place. When Jimin sees them start to move towards him and Taehyung, he grabs his friend's arm. "Shit, Tae, we've got to—"

"Hey, Jungkook?" you call. The boy turns around, looking at you expectantly. "Can you please tell your two friends that hiding behind a bush is quite ineffective?" You giggle when Jimin falls to the ground in shock. "Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung, was it?"

Jimin's in shell-shock, unable to move or dust off his pants. How the fuck did you—

"You can come out of hiding, you know," you reassure them with such a honey-like quality to your voice that it's almost impossible to resist. "We don't really bite," you giggle. "But... I mean, Yoongi might," you tease, earning a flirtatious shove from the boy.

At your invitation to quit hiding, Taehyung jumps out from behind the bush, dragging Jimin along with him. "Who the fuck are you and how do you know our names?!" Taehyung roars.

Guess he already gave up his no-cussing streak, Jimin sighs. But he's also glad that he's not the one who has to stand up for both of them.

"Don't be so rude, you ass," Jungkook scoffs. "Motherfucking stalkers. I told you not to follow me."

Stalkers?? We were just looking out for you! Jimin thinks. "We're sorry, Kook," he manages to say. "But you lied to us! And more importantly, you obviously haven't been telling us things."

Jimin's frankly hurt by his friend's lack of honesty, but it seems so that Taehyung is more vocal about it.

"Yeah, Jeon Jungkook, what the fuck?" Taehyung yells. "You're a cheater!" he accuses Jungkook, stepping closer and poking at his chest harshly with his pointer finger. "You're a fake! You're a bomb threatener!!"

"Wait a minute!" you cut in. "Let's not get into accusations like that so early. Jimin, Taehyung, I—"

"How do you know our fucking names?!" Taehyung screams. "We don't even know who you are, you cheater!!"

"Watch it," Yoongi says dangerously. He tries to take a step forward, but you stop him, placing a hand on his arm.

"I'm Y/N," you say. "We're all students of Welton, so there's no reason for the animosity. Besides, I memorized the yearbook." You shrug, but you gesture apologetically to Jimin and Taehyung. "I'm very sorry, but I didn't invite you two to join our little group for a major reason. Of course..." you trail off. "Now you have to join... For safety reasons."

"Little group?" Taehyung snorts. "Where did the specificity go?"

"Hmm," you hum. "What do you think about a school revolt?"

Jimin does not like the idea of a school revolt at all. It sounds stupid. Students would never be able to pull it off. Even Taehyung, who's usually more open-minded than Jimin, seems skeptical.

You ask Jimin and Taehyung to meet up in Panera, later that day with Jungkook, to discuss the specifics. By the time Jimin and Taehyung get there, you and Jungkook have already saved a corner spot in the cafe.

Jungkook's eating pieces of sourdough bread while you sip your frozen lemonade. It looks to Jimin and you and Jungkook are getting along as both of you gesture wildly as you speak. You even let out a large laugh after Jungkook says something funny.

Jimin feels weird interrupting the already happy conversation, but Taehyung seems to have no problem. Taehyung slides into the seat next to Jungkook, leaving Jimin to sit with you.  Jimin suddenly feels very self-conscious about himself.

"Glad you two could make it!" you chirp, setting down your frozen lemonade. "Want anything to eat or drink? They have hibiscus lemonade here and it's literally amazing!"

"I'd rather you cut to the chase," Taehyung says, frowning as he folds his arms.

Jimin agrees with a short nod.

"Oh," you say, "sure!"

"You said something about a school revolt," Taehyung says. "Explain."

"God, would it kill you to say please?" Jungkook rolls his eyes. "She's doing you guys a fucking favor. Man, if Yoongi was here, he'd whoop your asses."

"It's fine, Jungkook," you say. "I get how confusing this can be... Our little group has one goal," you start. "I want to help struggling students. You know what Welton is... Ruthless competition. Kids cramming without actually understanding the material. Rote memorization... Wasting time by doing four pages worth of math homework every night... Way too specific reading quizzes that have nothing to do with the storyline of the novels..."

The more you talk, the more Jimin begins to relate.

"It's horrible," you sigh. "That they're making us become a servant to the school. They use the students to boost the credibility of the teachers. They thrive off of our hard work, you know."

"They're bitches," Jungkook snorts. "Never really care for us. Remember Chaewoon? He told his counselor about his suicidal thoughts and she didn't do shit. He might still be alive with us if the counselor cared."

You nod. "Yes, our mental support system at this school amongst the grown-ups is preposterous," you say. "There are too many problems with Welton. And I reach out to deserving students to offer them a solution."

"A solution?" Jimin mutters.

You turn to him, nodding politely. "Yes! A solution. Students have dreams, Jimin. Taehyung, don't you ever wish you could be putting in your time somewhere else instead of studying for a subject you don't care about?"

Taehyung nods. "Who doesn't wish that around here?"

"Exactly," you say. "I'm offering you, Tae, and Jimin a great chance to follow your dreams. High school is when you feel the spark growing inside you. The spark is an extracurricular or a hobby of some sort that you've always loved with your whole heart. You probably had to sacrifice a lot to join Welton's elite debate team, right Taehyung?"

"Never even liked debate that much," he answers. "I had to quit theater for that shit."

"And you couldn't do both because...?" you say.

"Because the debate coach told me theater would interfere with the debate practice schedules," Taehyung says. "And he said that debate is much more intellectual than theater. He said that I won't be able to balance my studies with both debate and theater."

"Exactly," you say. "It's utter bs, don't you think? Why do we have to sacrifice our hobbies, our passionate dreams to do what some adult tells us to do? You do realize that they put down the arts because they want their smartest students participating in their intellectual or STEM-related activities? The more intelligent students that are in these activities, the higher the school rating skyrockets. It's purely selfish reasons."

"That is utter bullshit," Taehyung scoffs. "You're right. That is pretty fucking selfish."

"Right," you say. "I want to teach you, Tae," you say, looking the boy dead in his eyes. "I'll take care of your grades. I'll teach you the best ways to get away with outsmarting the teacher. I'll plan class distractions—like today—and if things still don't go well, my boyfriend—you met Yoongi today, right?—can make a last-ditch effort to hack into the grades system and work his magic. You'll have extra time to do theater—at school and at other professional intern sites. How does that sound?"

"Fuck," Taehyung curses. "That sounds fucking great when you put it that way."

Jimin's not so sure. "What if someone snitches?"

You laugh. "Oh, they wouldn't," you say. "I have eyes and ears everywhere."

"She does," Jungkook says. "There's no one she doesn't know. C'mon she's the first sophomore Editor-in-Chief of the school newspaper. You'll be safe if you join."

"You're juniors as well," you say. "There's a lot of pressure to do perfectly in school now. And you'll be in college before you know it. I reckon that you want to know your ride-or-die interest before you attend university."

Jimin looks down at his hands. This is wrong, he tells himself. But it'll do so much good. Not moral good, of course. But still.

Taehyung already seems sold on the idea, a fast grin spreading across his face as he nods his head enthusiastically.

You notice Jimin's skeptical look. "Hey, I'm gonna run to the bathroom," you say. Jimin gets out of the seat to let you through, and as soon as you're out of sight, he collapses on the seat and groans.

"Great, she's fucking gone," Jimin says. "Tae, you can't possibly think this is a good idea."

"What do you mean? It's a fucking fantastic idea!" Taehyung says. "Dude, don't you understand? I'll get to do what I love without sacrificing my grades! Once in a lifetime opportunity, bro."

Jungkook snorts. "Yeah, well, I have my music and you have your acting shit, Taehyung, but Jimin doesn't know anything other than the pages of a stupid fucking textbook."

It hurts because it's brutally true. Jimin bites his lip and shakes his head.

"Fifteen people is awfully small for a cult," Jimin grumbles.

"It is not a cult," Jungkook argues, crossing his arms over his chest. "And no one knows how many students are actually involved except for Y/N. She figured it'll be safer that way."

"Bro, I'm in," Taehyung says. "I was in like seven minutes ago."

"Good choice, man," Jungkook says, slapping Taehyung's back approvingly. "And honestly? Jimin? You don't exactly have a choice. You have to join."

Jimin scoffs. "Why?"

"Because you know this group exists and it's likely you'd snitch on us if you don't get anything out of it," Jungkook says, raising an eyebrow at his friend. "Y/N's being really generous with you right now. You're basically going to freeload."

"Freeload?" Jimin says, glaring at the man with intense ferocity. "I didn't ask for any of this!"

"Hey, it's okay!" Taehyung says. "You can just find some hobby or something. So you're still following protocol."

"Um, easier said than done," Jimin mutters.

It's silent after that as Jimin sulks in his seat and Jungkook and Taehyung awkwardly watch him do so. You come back from the "bathroom" (you were gone for much longer, so Jimin suspects you were just giving them time to discuss) only to see the three boys sitting in complete silence.

You cock your head. "Everything all right?"

"Yeah, yeah!" Taehyung says. "It's final. Jimin and I are joining!"

"Great!" you say, smiling as you clasp your hands together. "Oh, you'll have to get started on your theater process right away," you tell Taehyung. "And Jimin, it's fine that you don't know what you like now. You can hang tight until you find something, all right?"

Jimin lets out a grumbling, "Yeah, sure."

"It's set, then!" you say, sipping your not-so-frozen lemonade drink. "Thank you, Jungkook. I owe you."

"No, it's fine, really," Jungkook laughs, shaking his head. "Just doing my job."

You smile at him fondly before turning to Jimin and Taehyung. "I'll text you the details pertaining to each of you, okay?" You glance down at your watch and gasp. "Oh, shoot, I'm late for my date! Um, I'll see you three at our next meeting? Or at school. Bye, guys!!" With that, you grab your drink and practically fly out of Panera, never looking back once.

Jimin and Taehyung are a bit dumbfounded.

"I gotta go work on producing my album," Jungkook says. "See you guys, too?"

"Yeah, duh," Taehyung grins as Jungkook slides out of the seat. "You basically saved our lives."

Jungkook snorts. "Sorry I didn't say anything about it earlier, by the way," he says. "We're not allowed to talk about it to anyone. Mostly because we don't really know who's involved."

"Nah, it's fine, man," Taehyung says, shaking his head. "At least we know now, right?"

Jimin stays quiet.

"Well, see you," Jungkook sighs as he glances at Jimin but doesn't say anything further. He leaves quickly.

"God, Jimin, he's your friend," Taehyung says as soon as Jungkook turns a corner and is no longer in view. "You shouldn't be that cold."

"Oh, really?" Jimin says. "He was living lavishly all this time and didn't bother saying anything!"

"He just said he didn't have a choice, Jimin!"

"God!" Jimin says, running his hand through his hair. "Now how are we any different from the motherfucking cheaters out there?"

Taehyung frowns. "I don't mind cheating. Y/N didn't even call it cheating. She called it 'outsmarting the teachers.' And besides, we have a reason for it too."

Jimin shrugs. "Yeah, whatever..."

"You'll come around," Taehyung smiles, shaking his head. "But what the heck do you think Jungkook meant by saying no one knows who's in the group??"

"No idea."

But it soon becomes quite obvious when Jungkook escorts Jimin and Taehyung to their first official meeting. Jimin and Taehyung gape as they realize no one they saw last time was here. You must hold several of the same meetings. All with different people.

Now it's for sure that nobody knows how many people are in the goddamn cult except for you. It dawns on Jimin that he's getting himself into something much, much larger than he had previously believed.

You've created quite an advanced system. So advanced that it took Jimin a while to get used to. It was a cheating plot so elaborate and well-planned that it almost didn't feel like cheating. Instead, it was like embarking on an evil heist in the adult world.

You had a master plan behind every single class in Welton. Jungkook said you harbored hundreds of paper documents (not digital, or they could be hacked) that had information about every teacher, every subject in the school. From there, you would investigate each subject and find the students who were genuinely interested in pursuing it in the future—the experts. Those students would then be in charge of making and organizing all of the class lecture notes; it would be their responsibility to fully learn the material and redistribute it to the other students who, more or less, didn't give two fucks about the class.

Homework was rotated amongst the "expert" students, and they'd send the other students the answers. (But, of course, there were always different versions of the homework so teachers would never suspect.)

Tests weren't a problem either. Somehow, you'd get a copy of every test or quiz before the exam date and distribute it to the experts. In a day's time, the rest of the students would obtain the answers (and work, if it was a math-based test). But to ensure that not everyone got the same exact score, you'd implemented quite a simple but complex system.

Test grades were higher for experts (especially experts who were able to make large progress on their personal projects). From there, the non-expert students were given scores solely based on how well they have updated their progress to you, and how much they have advanced in their extracurriculars.

The hardest questions on every exam were hand-picked by the experts themselves. And only the experts were allowed to answer the question correctly.

Essays were different. Not everyone read the given book, but the experts would always be ready for all kinds of topics—the holy grail was definitely the database of all past Welton essays that you handled yourself.

In that way, you had every single class in the whole school covered for the students in your group. (Which was ultimately a huge bummer for the students who had no idea of the behind-the-scenes 'outsmarting' that was going on.)

Jimin thinks the system is good. Could be better, but it works.

He's just pissed that he never has any progress to report back to you, so he always ends up scoring a high B on exams. It happens to be a pretty good deal, though, factoring in the fact that he didn't study for them. Scoring B+'s on exams was enough to keep his grades at an A.

But sometimes, it just feels wrong. Especially on his physics tests (where the class average is 60%, but he ends up with a raw score of 88% without having to put in the minimal effort). No matter how many times you call the action 'outsmarting the teachers,' Jimin thinks he's just plain cheating.

He's been wanting to report it for a while... Just because the little angel sitting by his shoulder is telling him that this is unfair to all the other students who were truly trying but weren't even getting close to the scores that Jimin was getting just by copying others' answers. Jimin remembers when he had been in that unfortunate position. When he'd watched students do suspiciously well on certain subjects while having time to do other activities, while he, himself, had to study for eight hours straight to get a C on the test.

But Jimin's not part of that unfortunate group of students. He's now pretty damn fortunate.

And he can't stay fortunate if he reports the cheating. Jimin's desperate. He's desperate to obtain decent grades without spilling countless tears and studying from early morning to the next morning after. It's the only reason that he hasn't reported your little group yet.

Besides, Taehyung is seemingly adapting better to this non-student-like lifestyle. He's already joined two theater productions and is applying to work as extras in films and such. And Jungkook's been continuing to work on his album too.

Jimin's friends seem to love being a part of the group.

Maybe Jimin's just salty because he hasn't found his passion yet. Though he doesn't know everyone in your little school cult, it seems like everyone involved in it has a passion, a dream they want to reach for, except for him.

A part of him wants to find a hobby just to say he has one when someone asks. But another, larger, part of him wants a hobby because of greed. Finding a passion and pursuing it meant Jimin would get a higher chance of getting better test grades for texting you about his progress. But Jimin can't just latch on to any existing hobby... He needs some advice.

Well, you'd told him that he should come to you if he needed advice... It's weird to think that he, a junior, has to ask advice from a sophomore. But maybe he's that desperate.

You're usually in your own little private newspaper office (as the Editor-in-Chief). So Jimin decides to give you a visit. But when he walks into the room after school, he sees you comforting a crying girl. Whether she's part of the cult is unclear, but Jimin immediately discerns her as one of those band girls—with frizzy hair, leggings and a boxy t-shirt. The girl's crying so hysterically that Jimin feels uncomfortable intruding. He leaves without another look.

Crying girls are not a good sign; he'll just come back tomorrow.

When tomorrow comes and Jimin walks into your private newspaper room, there is no crying girl to his relief. You're on your computer, probably reading or editing some student-written articles. Jimin feels awkward disrupting you being so focused on your work, but the longer time he spends just waiting for you to finish, the more time he wastes.

So: "Um, hi... Uh, Y/N?" Jimin says. He grabs a chair and pulls it up next to you.

"Oh! Jimin!" you greet him, turning from your computer to face the boy in front of you.

"I came yesterday," Jimin says, shrugging, "but you were busy with someone else... I came back today."

"Ah, you mean Chunseo," you say, nodding. "She was having a hard time yesterday."

Jimin's silent, waiting for you to elaborate, but you don't. It becomes quite clear to him that you don't like to talk about others behind their backs.

"So, what are you here for today?" you chirp. "Advice? Questions? I know everything must be new to you, so I just hope you feel comfortable with the whole system."

"Oh, uh..." Jimin would like to tell you that you're doing a great job and that everything's going fucking great, but that's unfortunately not what comes out of his mouth. "I still don't know what to pursue. I mean, I have so much extra time on my hands now, but I'm just spending it on my phone. My friends have been advancing in their passions, but I have nothing... I was just wondering if you could um, help me? Help me find a passion, maybe? I don't know."

"Hm," you say, looking thoughtfully at Jimin. "I can definitely help you with that..." you trail off, looking Jimin up and down and cocking your head. Jimin thinks you're analyzing him—not just his physical qualities but his personality as well. He feels almost vulnerable under your gaze.

"Have you ever had any hobbies, Jimin?" you ask him.

"That's the thing," he sighs. "No, I haven't."

He looks so miserable that you have to place a comforting hand on his arm. "Hey, it'll be fine, Jimin," you say. "I'm sure it'll come to you one day. A hobby isn't something you should necessarily force out of yourself. When you feel a connection with an activity—when you aren't exactly looking for one—then that meets you've found your hobby. And if you really love this hobby, then it can grow to be your passion. You just need to be patient. Don't worry," you smile, "you'll find something."

Jimin glances at your hand on his arm and then glances up at your face. God, you have a way with words. He feels much better, even though you didn't exactly offer him a cut-out solution.

"Thanks," he says. "I needed that."

"No problem, Jimin," you beam. "I know not having a personal project to work on leaves you with the lower grades, but you're probably only at the A- ranges, right? That's not too bad," you say. "Hm, how about this?"

Oh? It looks like you're going to offer him a plan. So Jimin scoots closer to you on his chair and listens intently for your next words.

"You're a junior, and before you know it, you'll have to write your college apps. Maybe instead of spending time on your phone, you can start with your college essays now? Is that all right to suggest?" you say, cautiously. "It never hurts to get a head start, you know."

You're right. Jimin should probably be productive, just like everyone else in the group. "Yeah," he says. "That's a good idea, actually."

"Great!" you say, clasping your hands together. "And I really appreciate you coming here to tell me the truth. You'd be surprised that a lot of others don't do the same as you."

"Oh..."

"Yeah," you giggle. "Hey, what about this? We'll compromise. I'll ask my boyfriend to change something for you as a thanks from me to you for being open and honest."

"Really??" Jimin says, his eyes growing wide and a small smile appearing on his face. "Thank you!"

You shake your head. "No problem, Jimin. Good luck on your college apps!" you call to him as he leaves the room.

"Thanks!"

Wow.

Jimin's heard a lot of great things about you from his friends, but now he realizes they really weren't kidding. You're a leader, all right. But a balanced one too.

Not only did you offer him emotional support with your words of affirmation but also you showed him a solution—at least a temporary solution to his problem. And you're also incredibly generous as well.

Hm. Now Jimin can't possibly think to report your little cult. Of course, it's still half wrong, what you're doing... But after talking to you, after receiving your feedback and help, there's no way Jimin would be able to double-cross you. As weird as it sounds, you kind of have a nice smile, and he doesn't want to cause you stress or grievances that you're actively trying to avoid with your group. In other words, he doesn't want to be the cause of your frowning.

Jimin's never seen you frown before, but he doesn't exactly want to see it in the future.

"Damn, I was such a bad procrastinator before joining the student group! The study group? The group? I don't even know what to call it," Taehyung laughs. He takes a large gulp of his boba drink and continues, "I feel like being a part of this community is improving my lifestyle. Like seriously, though. I haven't had a normal or healthy lifestyle since eighth grade!"

Jungkook nods vigorously. "Dude, I know! I've never been this productive before I met Y/N! Doesn't it feel so nice to be able to dedicate time to your strongest fucking passions?"

"Duh!" Taehyung says. "Man, what if this makes me peak in happiness in high school?"

Jungkook throws his head back to laugh, but Jimin doesn't find it so amusing.

Instead, he feels a bit left out. While his friends were diving deep into their passions, Jimin had yet to find a hobby. "Why doesn't the group have a name, anyway?" he asks. "Seems kind of inconvenient."

Jungkook wiggles his eyebrows at Jimin teasingly. "Because..." he trails off spookily. "A name can always be traced back to the source. Haven't you thought of that?"

"Apparently Y/N did," Taehyung snorts. "Sometimes I wonder how she's so big-brained. God has favorites, I'm telling you."

"She's a fucking legend," Jungkook says. "I would worship her if I wasn't so stubborn about holding onto my dignity."

Jimin laughs, nearly choking on a tapioca pearl doing so. "Too bad she has a boyfriend, huh?" he jokes. "Jungkook sounds like he'd totally hit her up."

"I do not!"

"Sure, bro," Taehyung snickers. "When you talk to her, your pupils dilate."

"They fucking don't!" Jungkook says. "I have my interests elsewhere. Thank you very much!"

"Another girl?" Jimin gasps, placing a hand to his chest in shock. "Who?"

"Not a fucking girl, you bimbo," Jungkook says exasperatedly. "My music! I have interests in music. You guys fucking suck."

Jimin and Taehyung spiral into a fit of laughter. And the teasing and back-and-forth passive-aggressive remarks continued until the boba cups were empty and the three friends realized they talked up enough of a storm.

It used to be rare to meet up like this—because Jimin and Taehyung would always be overwhelmed in schoolwork—but now that their academic life was taken care of by you, they've been able to give themselves healthy breaks.

Jimin feels refreshed albeit a bit tired after parting with his two friends. He decides to walk home because his mother would kill him if she had to pick him up from the boba place when he should be studying at home.

The outside air feels nice against his cheeks, and Jimin finds himself becoming much more attentive to his surroundings. Back when he was a full-time serious Welton student, he couldn't ever spare to look at the intricacies of the vicinity—he always had to jump straight to the point, skipping the little moments to shove his face into his textbooks. It's a nice change.

Jimin notices a whole bunch of stores and studios on his walk home and he takes the time to admire each logo and memorize each name.

Damn. I never even knew some of these places existed...

There's even a dance studio called Hart's Dance Studio that Jimin swears he's never seen. The logo is an eye-catching red with a silhouette of a ballerina jumping over the 'Dance.' Jimin finds himself staring at it. Then, his eyes gravitate to the glass walls where he can see the dancers just... dancing.

And a lot of them are good. Like dancing is as easy as walking to them. But an unmoving figure amongst the active dancers catches Jimin's eyes. When he squints to get a better look, he realizes the stationary figure is you.

You're furiously typing on a laptop, occasionally looking up to watch the dancers once in a while.

What are you doing there? From your skinny jeans and lace top, it doesn't quite look like you're there to dance. Maybe you have a sibling in dance class?

But then again, Jimin remembers that Jungkook had once told him in a hushed whisper that you are definitely an only child... only after you lost your older sister to suicide, that is.

So really, what are you doing there?

Jimin cocks his head at you but realizes how weird it is to stand in front of the studio and stare. So finally, he just walks away.

But you're quite the mysterious figure. You're the exact type of person who makes others want to get to know you. You have an open quality where everyone feels welcome to talk to you, but you're also enigmatic, refusing to tell people a lot about yourself. Jimin sometimes even wonders if he's ever seen you at school with the same friend group. It looks like you're always jumping around.

Maybe you don't like to get to know people in a deep way. It's possible that you're a fan of shallow relationships, which there is nothing wrong with, of course. But then again, you have a boyfriend, whom you seem to really like. You're very hard to crack.

And even when winter break comes, Jimin's still been wondering what you've been doing at the dance studio, typing on your laptop. He's run all kinds of scenarios in his head. Maybe your mom works there? Or your friend dances there? But something inside him tells him whatever reasons he came up with are incorrect.

Meanwhile, Jimin's still waiting to find a hobby. He's already been to Taehyung's play and listened to the rough draft of Jungkook's album. But nothing seems to give him the inspiration that he needs.

Jimin just decides to go on a walk. The cold winter air nips at his skin, so he tightens his coat around himself, breathing steadily as he looks around at his surroundings. It's then when he finds himself stopped in front of Hart's Dance Studio.

He walks a bit closer to get a better look into the glass windows. And he smiles when he sees you. There is no one else around you, but you don't seem to mind. This time, however, you're not vigorously typing on your keyboard. You're... dancing.

Jimin doesn't know what prompted him to enter the dance studio, but the next thing he knows, he's inside.

You don't see him because your eyes are closed. Jimin takes the time to notice that you're wearing a simple black outfit consisting of a tank top and leggings. Your feet are left completely bare.

But the strangest part—you're not dancing with music. It explains your rather awkward movements. As if you can see yourself dance freely in your head, but you can't quite execute it in reality. Still, no matter how awkward you look, you radiate a majestic aura. So much so that from far away, you could look like a professional dancer.

Jimin doesn't realize he's staring until you startle him.

"Hey! Jimin!" you say. Your eyes are bright and wide open now and you wave at Jimin, motioning him over to you. "Hi!"

"Hi," Jimin agrees as he walks closer to you. "I didn't know you danced. Is that your passion?"

"Oh, god no," you giggle, shaking your head. "God forbid, no. It's for this book I'm writing!"

It finally makes sense. She's part of the school newspaper, and I'd seen her typing on her laptop.

"What kind of book?" Jimin asks curiously as he sits down on one of the metal benches in the dance room.

You take a sip of water from your water bottle before smiling. "It's this fictional book about a broken dancer. I'm an aspiring author! I've really been trying to get into my character and experience dancing so I can write her more realistically!"

"Oh, wow," Jimin laughs. "That's dedication."

"It's what I do to try to get good content," you say. "How's your winter break been going, by the way?"

"Pretty uneventful," Jimin says, leaning back on the bench. "I wrote and rewrote five drafts of my college essays. I don't think writing's my thing."

You laugh. "Well, we can rule that out in the list of possible hobbies you can partake in."

"Yeah," Jimin agrees. "I'm still trying to find—but not actively look for—a hobby."

"It's hard," you shrug. "You shouldn't stress too much about it, Jimin. I'm telling you, it's gonna come. I can see you be so dedicated. You just have to wait until the time's right."

"Sometimes I feel like my time will never come," Jimin admits. "Taehyung's already been writing, directing and filming his own short film these days and Jungkook's adding four more tracks to his album. I don't know whether I should feel inspired or pressured."

You shake your head. "You need to get out of your competitive mindset, Jimin," you say. "Realize that you should be doing things on your own time. Everyone has different paces, you know. Maybe you should take your mind off of everything you've been thinking of these days. Wanna dance with me?"

Your question catches Jimin off guard. "Sorry, what?"

"Would you like to dance with me?" you repeat, giggling. "Sorry, it was kinda abrupt but my character needs to experience partner dancing and so do I to write that scene. I've already asked Yoongi, but he won't budge! That boy hates dancing! So maybe you can dance with me?"

"Uh," Jimin awkwardly fidgets his fingers. "I've never exactly danced before."

You snort. "Well, honestly me too. I suck. But whatever, you know? We're going to try."

"What kind of dance?" Jimin says. "I think the only dance steps I've ever learned were the square dancing steps from fourth grade."

"We could try waltzing," you say. "It's pretty simple, I think. C'mon!"

You drag Jimin to the dance floor, guiding his right hand to lay on your back and taking his left hand in yours. Jimin feels awkwardly close to you, but when you laugh and joke about how preposterous the two of you must look, he feels a little more comfortable.

"This might end up with me stepping on your feet constantly," you say apologetically, "but I'm trying to capture the feeling of dancing with a partner. So essentially, it's the emotions that count, not the physical steps."

Jimin laughs. "I'll try not to step on your feet."

"No way," you say. "How are you better at this than I am right now? I thought you said you didn't know how to dance!"

"I don't!" Jimin protests.

But something feels right. Something kind of clicks. And the moment Jimin parts from you and rushes home, he watches dance videos online. He finds out that there are many genres, and the ones he finds the most moving are contemporary and lyrical. There has never been something that has enamored him more.

Jimin irrevocably and quite willingly falls into the rabbit hole of dance.

It's been two weeks since Jimin danced a simple waltz with you at Hart's Dance Studio, but the time seems to have flown by too quickly. The next time Jimin passes by the studio, you're still trying to dance. And when he walks in to greet you, he's met by music. You're dancing to music this time!

"Hi, Y/N," Jimin speaks over the music, breaking you from your reverie.

"Oh, gosh! Jimin! Hi!" you say, immediately turning to pause the song. "Long time no see! How's school?"

"Great," he answers. "Um, just thought I would visit the studio. Do you still need a dancing partner?"

You grin. "Well, kind of," you say. "I need to see an amateur dancer do a little improv routine. Do you mind? I tried doing it myself and recording it, but it's just not fun seeing myself be a fool on camera."

Jimin laughs. "I don't mind at all."

You gesture to the dance floor. "It's all yours."

"Thank you."

Jimin stares curiously at the dance floor, the bright lights flooding the whole room. He feels like he's on stage, but he likes that feeling. He closes his eyes and sees the hundreds of dance videos he binge-watched every day for hours. And then he dances.

Somewhere along the way, you turned the music back on, which makes it even easier for Jimin to dance. He moves instinctively, fluidly like he's water. And he stops only when he finds himself out of breath.

Your jaw is dropped open when Jimin opens his eyes.

"Jimin!" you exclaim, hands thrown in the air. "You're a natural! How did you do that? What the heck??"

Jimin shrugs bashfully, shrugging. He doesn't mention the hours and hours of stretching and practicing he had done before coming here. There would've been no way he would have agreed to improv dance for you if he hadn't felt so confident. And it's funny. Dancing is the only thing Jimin's found in his life that makes him feel self-confident so far. He would've never expected it.

"You should enroll in this studio!" you say. "With some training... You could do great things, Jimin, I mean it!"

Jimin's not too sure about that. Yes, he likes to dance, and maybe it was a hobby. But enrolling in the studio meant full-time commitment. He isn't so sure if he is ready for that. He isn't sure his parents are ready for that.

"Okay," Jimin says. "I'll um, think about it." But not really.

It's like you can see right through his lie, though. "Oh, okay," you say. "Then maybe you can practice dancing in this studio by yourself. I'm friends with the owner so she lets me swing by whenever I want. Wanna meet here every Friday? I could use a beginning dancer like you to really write a story about a dancer's progression."

Jimin's face lights up. Getting to dance one day a week in an actual dance studio?? "Yeah, sure!" Jimin says. "I'd really love to." Now I have an excuse to go to the studio and dance.

This could be the start of something great.

The start of something great it was. Fridays quickly become Jimin's favorite day of the week. After school, he rushes to the studio to meet you and work on learning the basics of dance by watching tutorial videos on the internet. Usually, he works in silence—except for the clicking sounds of your laptop, but today, when he strides onto the dance floor, you're waiting for him in the middle.

"Do you have music requests?" you ask him, scrolling through your phone as if you are deep in thought. "I always feel like it's easier to express yourself with the music you actually like."

"Music?" Jimin frowns. "I, um, don't listen to music that much."

Your jaw drops. "What??"

"I don't even have earphones," he laughs awkwardly.

"You don't have what??"

And that was all it took for you to teach Jimin music for the whole day. You went through the hundreds of songs in your playlists, putting Jimin on the dance floor and making him dance to the songs he likes best. By the end of the session, Jimin still feels like he's soaring. His heart in his chest beats to the rhythm of the music. When he steps out of the dance studio and parts ways with you, he can't help but wish it were next Friday.

But at least he has a whole week to go music hunting. Jimin's never been much of a music man, but he's found that certain songs make him want to dance. He'll search them out and practice with them in the following days.

At school, Jimin feels like a mindless machine. He's still on the fence about cheating the system that's supposed to help him; the ethical part of Jimin wants him to stop—of course it's nothing against you. Jimin just thinks that if the system to help the students exists, every student should be involved. Even he was invited into the group much later (and technically, at first, he was forced to join for catching a meeting in progress).

Yet at the same time, Jimin owes it to you and your group that he's able to do what makes him happy. And he can't bear the thought of betraying you.

At home, Jimin lies on his bed, listening to all of the songs you showed him on repeat. His family doesn't have any music streaming services so he secretly started a three month free trial on iTunes. But he knew his parents wouldn't approve of his music taste (they usually don't approve of anything too teenager-y, so Jimin borrows his father's pair of earbuds.

Jimin didn't know, but earbuds bring a whole new dimension to music. He lies face up, closing his eyes as he pictures himself jumping, dancing, moving to the sweet rhythms of the songs. It's like he's been introduced to a whole new world.

Friday rolls around way too slowly for Jimin's taste, but when he's finally there, talking to you and dancing upon your request, it feels like he's on cloud nine. Today, you ask Jimin to describe what it feels to dance.

Jimin's not exactly very good with his words but he tries his best.

"I don't know," he says at first, blushing as he looks down at the brightly lit dance floor. "It makes me feel like... how do I say it? Like I'm just in a vast room with no one but myself? The moment I hear a good song, I just get this heavy gut feeling to move, I guess. And then I see the colors and the movements... And I dance."

"A vast room?" you say in awe as you unceasingly type across the expanse of your keyboard. "Elaborate, please."

"I guess it feels like I'm on my own stage. And it's a good thing because it feels like no one's watching me," Jimin says. "Uh, kinda like I'm dancing for myself. I'm dancing to express how I feel. And if there's someone watching, I don't really feel it because I'm so uh... I'm so..."

"Enraptured by your own world?" you finish for him.

"Exactly!"

You smile. "Thank you, Jimin! You meeting me here every Friday is so helpful. I really don't know how to thank you properly."

"Oh," Jimin shakes his head. "You've helped me so much already. There's nothing you could possibly do to help me better."

After exchanging a few more words with Jimin, you deem that you have to go home early to celebrate your mother's birthday. Jimin bids you farewell, but he remains in the studio. It feels empty without you, but it doesn't really matter. He's always by himself when he dances, anyway.

Jimin turns on his music, which echoes across the dance room, ringing against the walls and thumping in his chest. He can't stop himself from moving. His body twists graciously and he leaps across the dance floor as the synths in the song sing their melodious tones. He's so into the dance that he doesn't notice a tall woman watching him in the background.

Jimin finishes off his improv dance by striking a majestic pose he had come up with himself a few days ago. He didn't expect anyone to clap when he had finished, but there was this sharp-looking woman who was applauding and smiling at him approvingly.

"O-Oh," Jimin stutters. "I'm so sorry. Uh, Y/N left a bit earlier so I just thought it was okay to stay..."

"You're Jimin!" the lady says. "I'm Miss Hart. I run this dance studio. Y/N's told me how talented you are."

Jimin blushes. "I don't know about talented."

Miss Hart shakes her head, walking closer to Jimin in graceful strides akin to that of a ballerina. "I want to offer you a spot in my dance studio. This is a personal offer."

"I-I, uh," Jimin stutters. He's caught off guard by this sudden invitation and he looks left to right in a very panicked manner. "I-I don't think my parents will allow it... Um, sorry... I have to, um, go..."

He flees before Miss Hart can get another word out of him.

It's the sad truth. Jimin's parents would likely never approve of his current hobby—even listening to music while he studied was a stretch for them. But the more Jimin thinks about Miss Hart's offer, the more he realizes how great of an opportunity that is for him to progress in the path to find his true passion.

As nerve-wracking as is it, during dinner, Jimin asks his parents if it would be okay if he started taking dance lessons. Their reactions aren't as severe as he had expected, but his parents still seem pretty surprised.

"Isn't it too late to start something new?" his mother says. "You're a junior now, Jimin. You should already know what you're good at."

"I agree with your mother," his father says. "Why the sudden interest?"

"I don't know," Jimin answers truthfully. "It just happened. I really, really like it though..."

Jimin's father raises his eyebrows. "Really?" he sighs. "I don't think so, Jimin. Think about it. I know your grades are good right now, but now you should be busy with getting ready for college, shouldn't you?"

Jimin had expected this. "Oh..."

"And have you been taking my earbuds?" his father says.

"Oh, yeah... sorry," Jimin winces. "I'll give them back right now." He trudges up the stairs, feeling dejected and miserable at the same time. He decides to give the earbuds one last listen, plugging them into his phone and placing the buds in his ears. The familiar light-hearted, serene music floods into his head. Jimin can't help it. His eyes close, his mouth parts and he begins to move. His feet take him across his room, leaping over textbooks and dirty socks as his arms move fluidly to support his upper body.

Time has a mind of its own when Jimin enters the dancing world.

He doesn't notice an audience member at the entrance of his room. Jimin's father stares at his son, taken aback by the pure emotion and passion put into such a performance. He cannot hear Jimin's music, but he is able to feel it through Jimin's movements. Jimin's father watches the dance a bit longer, then leaves. When Jimin tries to return the earbuds to his father, he rejects them. "Keep the earbuds," he tells his son. "I don't need them anymore."

On Saturday morning, Jimin's surprised when his father calls him downstairs to talk. Truth be told, Jimin's a little nervous to have a serious one-on-one talk with his father. But his anxiousness melts away when his father asks:

"Have you been learning dance by yourself?"

Jimin perks up. "Uh, yeah! Um, well, kind of. I just saw YouTube videos... And I go to a dance studio every Friday with a friend to um, practice..."

"What studio?"

Jimin freezes. "H-Hart's dance studio?"

Jimin's father nods. "All right. Here's the deal. The moment your grades slip, you're going to have to quit, okay? Let's go enroll you right now."

Jimin almost faints from the sheer amount of happiness.

It is official. Jimin is to have private dance lessons (to make up for being such a late starter) once a week. This was a bit like a trial run; Jimin might get more lessons per week if he really decided to pursue dance.

And now that Jimin's actually a student at the studio, he can come in to practice anytime he wants! Which was every day after school for three hours.

When Jimin tells you the good news on Friday, you insist that you ditch today's dance-writing sessions and get some celebratory boba.

It's the first time Jimin's with you, alone, outside of school, without being in the confines of the dance studio. If he didn't know any better, this felt like more than two friends meeting up on a Friday afternoon. It felt like a date.

You're rather chatty with Jimin, making him feel comfortable and trying to get to know him better. But it comes to the point that Jimin wants to get to know you. So he finally asks the question he had been dying to know the answer to since he'd first met you in the dance studio.

"Do you mind if I ask what your book is about?"

"Oh, I don't mind at all!" you say, aggressively sipping your boba as you think. "Hm, okay, well, I kind of changed the plot halfway through... So now instead of a broken dancer, the story's about this newborn dancer who realizes her talents rather late in her life, but she throws all of her doubts—and others' doubts—away because she realizes if she's passionate about something, it doesn't really matter how long she's been pursuing it. What matters is that she is pursuing it in the present."

"Wow," Jimin breathes.

"Yeah," you giggle, tucking back a strand of your hair behind your ear. "It's a coming of age story. I want it to be heartbreaking, bittersweet and heart-wrenching." You sip your boba. "But I might have to rewrite a lot of scenes because I'm thinking about changing the gender of the main character from female to male. I think it feels more right."

"Oh, that's gonna be a lot of work," Jimin says.

"But it's going to be worth it."

Jimin nods. Of course it will be. You put your best effort into everything. "Do you know what your title is going to be yet?"

"Eh," you laugh, shrugging goofily. "I'll think of it one day."

The light-hearted conversation takes a twist as the outside of the boba place gets darker and the afternoon morphs into the night. Jimin finds himself talking about his personal struggles as an "average" Welton student. He reflects vocally upon the times in which he had to beg to receive an A in his classes. The times in which he despised himself and didn't understand the exact point of life. The times when he was existing and not living.

It's then when you reveal your own darkest moments. And what lies beneath the smiling curtains was a murky past.

Your freshman year at Welton hit you like a bomb—it was the same year that Jimin had been suffering in the depths of sophomore year's turmoil. You became miserable, competing for first place in your classes in subject matters that you had no interest in. The tests contained little material about understanding and more about the nitty-gritty details (that were barely significant). You used to write your stories the moment you came home from school until you had to go to bed. But now, you would be lucky if you could even get a few paragraphs down before being pressured into studying something tediously and frankly, useless. It drove you nuts.

To the point that you were tempted to be pulled under into the dark world of self-hatred and suicidal thoughts. Your older sister had jumped off a building when you were only eight; you watched her stuck in a coma in the hospital with twelve broken bones until she died in her sleep. So you figured if your sister did it, so could you.

But slowly, gradually, rationality took charge of your head, driving out the demons. You garnered your anger and self-hatred towards Welton and not yourself. And during the last few weeks of school in your freshman year, you decided that you were going to make a system to help every student in need—for those with big dreams but little time.

Jimin watches and listens in awe as you continue to tell your story.

"I met Yoongi in freshman year when I was interviewing him for winning first place in a tech comp so I could write about him in the school newspaper," you explain. "He was the first person I told my idea to. And then from the summer between freshman and sophomore year, I planned the whole system. Yoongi assisted me a bit, too, but I didn't want him to be burdened."

Or, Jimin thinks, you don't trust other people.

"Yeah, and then we really kicked off," you say.

"Wait, you and Yoongi? Or the whole system you created?"

"Both," you grin. "Yoongi and I started dating during the summer. And as you can tell, our whole group flourished too. Now you're here!"

"The group's relatively new then," Jimin says. "So um, I don't know if I can ask but, how many people are really involved?"

You smile, shaking your head and denying Jimin an answer. "The trick that I use to run this system is to never trust anyone."

"Oh... wow. Not even your boyfriend?"

"Oh, it's the people you're closest to that end up failing you. Just ask my sister," you shrug. "And you never know. You aren't still thinking of reporting me, are you? I know you were contemplating that for a while..."

"O-Oh!" Jimin stutters. "Oh, shit. No, uh, definitely no. Not anymore. God, I didn't know you knew. I'm sorry."

"It's really no matter," you tell him, giving him a reassuring smile. "I think it was really nice talking to you. When we usually meet up, you're dancing and I'm taking notes or writing so this is a really nice change."

"Yeah," Jimin agrees. "I had a lot of fun, getting to know you." He glances at his watch for a split second and his eyes turn huge. "Shit, Y/N, it's almost 10 p.m.!"

That's when Jimin's able to notice that there is no one else in the boba place except you and him. The store must be closing soon. And the outside is nearly pitch black.

"Oh, wow, we've been talking for a long time," you laugh. "I guess that means we'll have to leave, huh?"

Jimin wants to be in your company for longer, but he nods, agreeing with you. "Yeah, I guess," he says. "I'll see you on Monday?"

You nod, tucking your hair behind your ear. "Goodnight, then, Jimin."

"Goodnight, Y/N."

Jimin's now been getting dance lessons three times a week now, and according to Miss Hart, he's improving at an alarming rate. Miss Hart proudly tells Jimin and his parents that he would be able to compete in local dance comps in three months and easily place.

"The boy's born to dance," Jimin overhears his teacher tell his father. He repeats those words over and over again to himself until he falls asleep that night.

His parents took his success in dance a whole different way. Immediately, Jimin was to train his muscles and stretch every day to accommodate three days' worth of hardcore lessons. And he was also ordered to join the school dance team—even though Jimin tried to tell his parents that tryouts had already been held ages ago.

But when Jimin expresses his problems to you, you bring a solution the very next day. Apparently, you had some inside sources in the dance team; you just had to pull a few strings, and the next thing he knew, Jimin was in Welton's elite dance team.

For the first time in the cult, no, group meetings, Jimin has something to show. He's able to track his progress by videos and live performances that you watch on Fridays. With all the advancement in his newfound passion, you reward Jimin with the second-highest scores on every exam (because the highest scores were reserved for the "experts").

Jimin's now sitting at the peak of a figurative mountain. His grades are soaring. His passion is soaring. He feels like his whole life has become a never-ending, high-velocity dance.

And he loves it.

There are no more meetings left after this one, you explain to all of the students. It's the last meeting for it's the week before finals. The school year will end soon, which is a huge relief to every Welton student.

You claim that outsmarting the teachers with the finals would be easy, especially with your advanced system, so there was really no need to worry. The meeting is short, concise and sweet. You douse everyone with your love and passion and thoroughly thank each and every individual for allowing another wonderful school year.

The meeting ends on a great note. You tell everyone that you have great plans for next year. Something that'll top the bomb threat. Something that'll effectively help the students and put the teachers and administrative staff to shame.

Everybody is excited.

The first time Jimin meets you during the summer is in the dance studio. He'd dressed in his workout clothes but still had enough self-dignity to spritz some cologne and put on some deodorant before seeing you.

But when he walks into the studio, he finds that you're not alone—you're with your boyfriend. Laughing. Joking. Touching. Yoongi has his arm around you and you have a casual hand placed on his thigh, leaning into him as you talk animatedly to your boyfriend.

Yikes. Jimin thinks it's going to be awkward before he actually feels awkward.

You and Yoongi really seem to like the time you're spending together and Jimin doesn't exactly want to interrupt. And there's something about the way that Yoongi tugs you closer and looks at you with sparkling mirth in his eyes that sets Jimin off.

He quickly recognizes the feeling as jealousy. It confuses Jimin even more.

Oh, fuck it.

"Hi, Y/N!" he says, waving at you. "Hey, Yoongi."

You stand up immediately rushing to greet Jimin as Yoongi stays in his spot, nodding his salutations to Jimin. "Yoongi just wanted to know what I was doing every Friday after I said no to a fifth Friday night date," you giggle. "Is it okay if he joins us today?"

"Of course," Jimin says. "I don't mind."

I kind of do.

Meeting at the dance studio was an activity exclusive to you and Jimin only... It's weird to see Yoongi butt in.

"Okay, great. Thanks!" you say. "Just do your thing, and I'll be taking notes as usual!"

Jimin nods, bracing himself to dance after he turns on the song he'd been listening endlessly these days. But today, he feels stiff. Rigid. Something's not quite right.

Today, he doesn't feel like he's on a stage alone. He feels someone watching him from the audience with scrutiny. Suddenly, Jimin can't move. He feels trapped in his own world. When he turns to look at you, he finds that you and Yoongi are immersed in a deep conversation. You're usually watching his every move.

Jimin tries to focus again, closing his eyes to immerse himself into the music. But he can't do it. Not when you and Yoongi are talking like that. Shit. Why is that so distracting?

Jimin figures one day of giving up practice wouldn't kill him. He turns off the music and walks over to you and Yoongi and plops down on the bench.

You smile but Jimin watches as Yoongi flinches just slightly, and a disgruntled look flashes across his face just briefly. Jimin ignores him.

"Yoongi and I were just talking about legacy," you explain to Jimin. "You know, what we'll leave at Welton High School."

"Oh, wow. You'll be leaving a whole elaborate system," Jimin says. "But what's going to happen to it when you've graduated?"

You shrug. "We'll have to wait and see," you say teasingly.

"I'll already be gone by that time," Jimin huffs.

"We'll keep in contact," you say. "I promise."

It's a small promise but Jimin's heart skips a beat. He wonders if you'd still be dating Yoongi then.

Why am I like this? This definitely isn't the right time.

Maybe Yoongi senses Jimin's thoughts because he tugs you closer to him. "Come on, babe, do we have to stay here forever? I want to take you out on a date..."

"Aw, Yoongs," you coo. "I don't know... Maybe the three of us can go get boba or something?"

"Babe..." Yoongi whines softly, intertwining your hand with his.

Jimin watches the movement and another pang of jealousy hits his chest, this time larger than the last. He couldn't possibly have feelings for you. Jimin concludes that he's not jealous because Yoongi is your boyfriend, he is jealous because he's stealing you away when he and you should be hanging out.

But he doesn't exactly want to get in the way of Yoongi, who already seems to dislike Jimin for hanging around his girlfriend.

So Jimin shrugs. "I don't want to intrude on a date. It's fine, Y/N, enjoy your date night."

Yoongi shoots Jimin a grateful look and even lets out a beaming smile. "Really, Jimin? Thanks!" you say.

Jimin has to admit, seeing you skip away with Yoongi arm in arm makes him happier. Fuck, no. He's starting to mirror your emotions.

This isn't a very good sign.

Jimin's right. It isn't a very good sign. He's starting to feel weird around you—emotions that he can't quite explain or justify with words.

The more he hangs out with you, the more he notices little things about you—your little habits, your speech patterns, your dimples when you smile...

It comes to the point, you confess to him one day, "You know, Jimin, I've been hanging out with you more than my boyfriend."

Jimin feels honored by that, "Well, I've been hanging out with you more than my own to friends."

And it's true. Taehyung's been busy with his theater things and has picked up a girl along the way—the girl who was notorious for spilling tears arbitrarily. Jungkook's got his eye on some shy girl Jimin doesn't really know. So the friend group's already pretty split up. But Jimin doesn't really mind as much as he should. He and his friends are happy and have split to pursue their interests. There are no regrets.

Sometimes, when Jimin notices the blush on your cheeks after he teases you, he wonders how you truly feel about him. If all the time you spent around him was doing any good.

"I guess we've become quite the team?" you smile, nudging Jimin's shoulder. "I would've never been able to come up with a revamped idea for my book without you."

"I don't think I would've come this far in dance without you."

"No, it's your pure talent," you say. "I didn't do anything." You giggle, admiring the ruffles on Jimin's dance costume. "Break a leg out there, Jimin. I know you'll kill it in the solo division."

"Thanks, Y/N. I swear, I'm not even that nervous."

That's a lie. Jimin's so nervous he's been feeling like he needed to use the bathroom for two hours now. What if I forget a step? What if I'm offbeat for a split second? What if I trip on my costume? What if the wrong song plays?

There's absolutely no pressure that you've offered to come to watch Jimin dance to write about a dance competition in your book. Jimin has to get his routine down perfectly unless he wants to wind up embarrassing himself and disappointing his eager parents. He needs to be perfect. Maybe to impress you.

But this will be the first time that Jimin will be on stage with a true audience. Even though he will dance like he's the only one in the world, he will have hundreds of watchers and a panel of judges who will scrutinize his every move.

Jimin tugs at the ruffles of his white blouse and looks to the stage nervously.

"Hey, you've got this," you whisper to him, patting his shoulder. "What matters is dancing. It doesn't matter what place you get."

You're right. Jimin's here to dance. He is not here to flaunt his talents to others; he is here to make his own progress for himself, for his passion. What matters is that he has fun on stage.

Jimin keeps that in mind when he walks on the platform. The lights shine down on him, and his ears ring incessantly. But as soon as the cello begins to let out its low, elegant sound, he dances. The music envelops his body, and he sees nothing but colors. There is no need to think of which step is next when it comes to him naturally. He twists and turns accordingly to the rueful tones of the oboe, leaps at the entrance of the violins and finishes the dance with a grand pose in the middle of the stage.

He doesn't hear the clapping when he shakily gets off the platform.

Jimin's numb. He can't remember the performance, nor can he remember if he had gotten all of his steps right. But when you lunge at him with open arms and a bouquet of flowers (that you hadn't had before) in your hands, none of his performance matters anymore.

"JIMIN!" you screech at him, almost knocking him over with the force of your hug. "YOU WERE AMAZING!"

He's so taken aback, he can't answer, just holding you to his chest as you laugh happily in his arms.

"I hope you don't mind that I recorded the performance," you tell him. "It was just... wow. I can't even think of words to describe it because... wow."

Jimin pulls away from you, grinning wildly and his heart thumping in his chest—from post-dancing or from hugging you, he doesn't really know.

"Was it that good?"

"Yes!" you say. "Come on, we just have to wait to see how you placed. Not that it matters."

And it really didn't. Even though Jimin took home silver, otherwise known as second place, everyone—his parents, Miss Hart, you—was proud of him. No one could argue that his dancing was the most emotional—the most beautiful. The dance competition was only the beginning of Jimin's journey.

Now it's even more normal for you and him to hang out. Even outside the dance studio to just talk and keep each other's company. Anyone can find you typing on your laptop and Jimin dancing and think it's a normal occurrence. Especially with the two of you on summer break, it became insanely frequent to spend a whole day out together.

Sometimes it seems as though you're flirting with him, but Jimin just tells himself that it's his imagination. You have Yoongi, for fuck's sake. You would never go after Jimin because you've said it yourself—you and he are best friends.

Yet it's socially unacceptable, apparently, to only be friends with the opposite gender (especially a younger opposite gender in Jimin's case) and expect the relationship to be purely platonic. Jimin's been noticing you stealing a couple of extra glances at him when he stretches before he dances. And he's been guilty of staring at you when you write because he likes how focused you can get in your typing sprees.

A couple of times, Jimin swears he could've leaned in to kiss you. But being rejected scares him away to ever take the chance. Besides, he doesn't want to come between you and Yoongi. That would be unfair and immature of him.

God, Jimin's mind is mixed up and his feelings are confused. He's not ready to admit it to himself yet, though. So he stays confused until a new school year comes around.

Being a senior opens up Jimin's eyes, and he realizes he had been just plain stupid—and blind. He likes you.

Fuck.

It's not a question of when these feelings had developed, but a question of why. You have a boyfriend. Jimin's already a senior, which means he'll be gone next year. You're the leader of a group—that's practically a cult, according to Google—and you keep secrets from everyone no matter how much you love them. It's just not going to happen.

And if it did happen, then what about Yoongi? He's an essential member of your group. If you break up with him to be with Jimin, assuming that you even feel the same way, then what might Yoongi do? Would he ditch your group and let it fall to the ground? Would he report you and your system to administration? Would he get revenge on Jimin?

No way is Jimin going to get involved.

He should've seen it coming. He should've prevented himself from completely falling for you the moment you started caring for him, hanging out with him, helping him... But he didn't and now he doesn't know what to do.

Well, actually, he does.

Jimin's just going to simply get rid of his feelings for you for his own sake and yours. He just won't see you for a couple of months, and by then, his feelings for you would be gone, vanished into thin air. At least, that's what he hopes.

So, Jimin creates an elaborate plan of his own to avoid you for several months, max. He secretly changes his dance lesson times and tells Miss Hart to keep his schedule from you. And when his teacher inquires why, Jimin makes up a bullshitted lie that he wants to surprise you with his next performance. Then, he skips all of his individual practices and dances at home instead so you won't be able to find him. He even misses scheduled group meetings, texting you that he was sick (when he was only lovesick).

She's just using me to write her story, Jimin tells himself. I'm nothing but a character for her.

Deep down inside, Jimin knows that's false, but he makes himself believe it. Maybe it'll help him dislike you—which isn't exactly possible—but it could at least help him stop liking you.

But it turns out that maybe you never liked Jimin the way he liked you. All too soon, Jimin finds out from Miss Hart that you haven't been coming to the dance studio, so he switches his lessons back to his normal time. You've stopped texting him about coming to group meetings too. Which was strange because Jimin was still given homework copies and test answers when he needed them.

Maybe you took the hint that Jimin didn't want anything to do with you? Jimin doesn't know.

He does know that still, every time he thinks of you, he thinks of a generous, beautiful, mature, thoughtful person who chases after her own dreams and encourages others to do the same. It's hard to stop liking you, in other words.

Already, finals week is around the corner. Jimin has a few suspicions that you're going to hatch a complex plan again to put an end to student stress altogether, but he wouldn't know because he hasn't been attending the meetings. But whatever you were planning, it would be better than the last bomb threat for sure. Because you were always looking to improve, to better yourself to help others.

God, fucking shit. Jimin can't seem to think of one bad thing about you.

His days are spent dancing mostly as he'd submitted his college apps early (thanks to your suggestion), but he also can't get you out of his mind. Your absence makes him grieve for your presence. But he can't give up now. He doesn't want to show up in front of you one day and have to explain why he avoided you for months.

So he continues with his plan.

It's the Friday before finals week.

Jimin sits around in the corner of his school's dance room as the rest of his teammates go over the routine for the winter dance competition. He'd told the captain that he was getting a bad migraine, so he was allowed to sit out for the rest of the practice.

In reality, Jimin can't stop thinking about you. He knows you're here, after school, in your newspaper room, finishing up your last edits before publishing the paper on Saturday. He wonders if you'll welcome him if he meets you. He wonders if he should apologize for avoiding you. Maybe he can get rid of his feelings by hanging out with you more. Or he'll just act like the two of you are best friends and pretend he doesn't want anything more than a platonic relationship.

Jimin doesn't know what courses through his veins to make him stand up.

"I'm going to the bathroom," he murmurs, trudging out of the dance room and outside. He'll have to cross the quad to reach the newspaper room. Jimin nervously checks his watch. 4:42 p.m., it reads. You usually leave by 4:45 p.m., so Jimin doesn't have much time.

Or maybe he shouldn't go to you at all? He hesitates, lurching forward but taking a step back.

He sees another girl, not that far away from him, walking across the quad. There's a boy behind her, yelling "Wait up!" as he tries to catch up with her while holding a stack of heavy textbooks. The girl looks back around and laughs, taking half of the boy's stack and nudging his shoulder. They continue to walk across the quad, side by side. They must be dating.

Jimin quickly recognizes the tall boy to be Namjoon, his acquaintance, and as soon as he's about to wave, there's a loud bang!

Jimin flinches. Was that a...? He can't quite believe it. But there's a lot he didn't believe but still has come true at Welton High School. Or maybe this was another one of your plans. Fake a school shooting to cancel finals. He wouldn't know. He didn't attend the meetings.

But the blood rushes out of his face and it dawns on him that this is reality as he watches Namjoon's girlfriend fall to the ground in slow motion. His own breath quickens and his eyes are alert but he's almost frozen. No. This has to be fake. This has to be a trick. There's another bang! and this time, Namjoon lurches forward, hitting the ground with a resonating thump.

Jimin's frantic, trying to find the source of the loud bangs. Maybe Namjoon and his girlfriend are part of the group. Maybe it's all a plan. Time flies too quickly and slowly at the same time. Jimin sees blood leaking from the girl as she lay face down on the cement. Namjoon is knocked unconscious. That has to be fake. You can buy fake blood, right?

But deep down inside, Jimin knows the truth. He panics. It's hard to breathe.

Then there's another bang. Jimin feels searing heat engulf his chest. He feels himself fall backward, and he clutches his wet chest—not in pain but in shock.

He tilts upwards, and his last view is of the soft gray clouds in the darkened sky.

Then everything becomes black.

Two students, two seniors are reported to be dead. One shot in the head, another in the heart. One has miraculously survived a gunshot wound and is being treated in the hospital.

"Do you know them?" you say in a shaky breath.

Your boyfriend hugs you. "You know one of them..."

"Oh, god," you whimper. You can hear the police and see the bright flashing red and blue lights from afar. "The shooter was targeting students involved in after school activities. How cowardly. When there would be fewer adults around. They were looking to attack the students."

"I know, babe," Yoongi says. "The girl... she was part of the volleyball team. Her boyfriend is the one who survived, apparently. And the other boy... He... He was on the dance team."

Your eyes turn wide as you pull away from your boyfriend. "H-He..."

"Jimin, Y/N. It was Jimin."

You feel like you're falling down a pitch-black abyss with no one to catch you or help you. "A-Are you sure it was him?" you manage to whisper. "What was he doing outside the dance room?" you sob, throwing yourself into Yoongi's chest as your boyfriend tries to comfort you.

"Park Jimin, yeah... It was him," Yoongi says, petting your back. "I heard from the dance captain that he was having a bad day. Something about migraines..."

You can't speak. Nor can you even think straight.

"Jimin's body was found significantly away from the other two," Yoongi says. "He could've run away."

A heavy weight tugs at your heart and you let out another sob of despair. "Yoongi, he could've thought it was fake."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you get it?? He thought it was like the bomb threat!—fake! Planned! God!" you shriek, pushing Yoongi away and standing up, starting to walk around in frantic circles. "I killed him, Yoongi! I fucking killed him!"

You collapse on the ground with your hands on your head. "I killed him..."

"You didn't kill him, Y/N," Yoongi says. He crouches down with you. "Hey, it wasn't your fault. He's the one who wasn't coming to your meetings. If he did, he would've known we weren't going to pull off a stunt like that until next year's finals."

You shake your head, hitting your forehead repeatedly with your palm. "It doesn't matter, Yoongi! I should've never faked such a serious ordeal!"

"Y/N..."

"I deserved to be out there in the quad."

"You're the students' hero, babe... Don't think otherwise."

"Oh? Really?" you scream. "If I really were a hero, then why the hell was the school shooter a student from our school, huh? I obviously wasn’t keeping everyone happy!"

Yoongi falls silent.

"I don't care what you say, Yoongi," you say, your voice shaking from anger and devastation. "I failed. I tried making a system, but it didn't work... And now, people are dead... And I never got to say goodbye..." And he was avoiding me for months. I never got to know why...

"Hey, hey. Your system is perfect, baby," Yoongi answers. "It just doesn't work on psycho murderers."

That makes sense, too.

"I'm sorry, Yoongi," you say. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess. Thank you. For comforting me. God, I'm sorry..."

"It's okay," he says. "Things will be fine." He pauses. "You know, on the bright side, they might cancel finals."

[2 years later]

The moment you graduated out of the hellhole of a school, you discontinued your idea of a school revolt, and your system collapsed without you nurturing it.

Welton High School went under investigation after hundreds of parents and students protested. Counselors were fired and replaced. Administration was put on probation. It didn't take until two students' murders to fix things.

Funny.

Three student suicides weren't enough for them to realize something was wrong with the school.

You're bitter, but you try not to let it get in your way. Jimin will never get full justice because he will never get the life he deserved back. He was supposed to win hundreds of dance competitions. He was supposed to get to the end of the path of his dreams. But his life cut him short.

You dedicate your debut novel to him.

Now, when you walk around a supermarket, a library, a bookstore, you see your book on the stands or stacked up on tables. The white cover contrasts from the title inked in a black font: To Jimin (It's About Time I Told You I Love You).

The book tells the tale of Jimin. A newborn dancer who becomes tangled in the depths of a rigorous high school. There's one twist, though.

The story is told from a girl's perspective. A girl who loves Jimin, but never admits her feelings until it's too late. She watches him grow, blossom and become a star. But she isn't there for him when he dies.

She is you.

And you think it's about time you admit to yourself that you loved Jimin. Except he probably never loved you.

—masterpost

—masterlist

[basia2002ib]

Profile & summary of my CAS

Learning outcomes

All in all I can say I achieved all learning outcomes. 

1. I identified own strengths and developed areas for growth. I got involved in activities that based on my prevailing skills but opened new ways to develop. Language can be deepened without limits; although I have got a certified C2 level in German I can still develop my skills and I continued to do so throughout my CAS.

2. I have undertaken a range of challenges, for instance passing a C2 exam in German seemed outlandish at first but then I got used to the idea and focused all my efforts to pursuing this goal. And I did it, even though it might seem abstract. I wanted to challenge myself to spice up my life a little bit and grow personally from the process. Now I can see a difference - my German language skills developed to such degree that when I am reading literature in German now I see an immense difference - now I can easily spot nuances and extract the deep meaning.

3. I initiated and planned CAS experiences thoroughly. I am a pragmatic person who tends to stick to the plan because it gives direction. CAS stages came naturally to me, I did not have to force them because they are inherent parts of planning process. My intellectual challenges undertaken in German - 2 competition and one language certificate required detailed planning for adequate preparation. Also my internship in the foundation required planning and time-management skills as I had to combine it with my various initiatives and rigorous IB programme. CAS stages were useful to plan my CAS project as well - I was in MUN staff, which means I coorganized WawMUN 2019.

4. Commitment and perseverance are prerequisite for success. I understand it therefore in every action I take these factors resonate. Otherwise I would accomplish my goals such as honours in German, I would not be able to play volleyball in the first-line up or I would not fulfill my demanding duties throughout my internship effectively. These are only examples of actions where I used my commitment and perseverance to succeed.

5. I saw benefits of working collaboratively during the WawMUN 2019 conference, which I organized as my CAS project but also in my internship in the foundation and my service as a student goverment vice president. In the student government we need to rely on one another and have each other’s back. We do share responsibilities to make sure nothing is neglected. We help each other and in case of emergency may replace one another either during a debate or while discussing issues with the head mistress. Throughout my internship I served as an assistant therefore I needed to adjust to the current responsibilities. I was instructed by more experienced employees all the way and assigned tasks. WawMUN conference is the biggest MUN in Poland therefore the organization process is complicated and required the division of tasks. If we did not trust each other and if we did not share responsibilities, the effect would not be so spectacular. The results showed the benefits of the team work from its best side.

6. I engaged with issues of gloabl significance throughout my CAS project which was co-organizing the MUN conference. Practising debating skills is crucial in today’s world and new generations of politicians have a chance to challenge their capabilities on the conference. The topics discussed in individual commitees touched upon issues of global significance. It is great to give my peers a chance to gain skills, delve into controversial subjects and defend their position. Some of them would probably pursue politics further in life; MUN conferences are truly inspirational in this respect.

7. One of the ethical issues I adressed during my activity as a student government vice president was the animal consumption. To relieve the environment, make my own step to reduce cruelty against animals, at least at the local level, I negotiated with the canteen supervisor to introduce vegan food. Unfortunately it was not possible to serve vegan dinners because of technical diffuculties but vegan sandwiches appeared in the canteen soon after our proposal. This is the way to satisfy needs of people on a plant-based diet but also a way to promote environmentally friendly food, with no associated cruelty.

Creativity

I love literature and foreign languages. Throughout my CAS, I combine this two effectively to follow both of my passions simultaneously. I read and write a lot in German and do far beyond what is required in my school. My goals in German are wide-ranging and not confined to my German B classes, but I challenged myslef to take part in competition and to read German literature. Once I have read “The Sorrows of Young Werther”, “Faust”, “The Visit”, “The Trial” in original and it commenced my relationship with German literature. I was captivated by it to such extent that I made a German classic “The Magic Mountain” the center of my Extended Essay. I also chose “The Metamorphosis” by Franz Kafka to use in my oral exam. Thomas Mann and Franz Kafka are one of my favourite writers of all time and they allow me to trace different nuances of German language. Close analysis of these works of art should involve in my opinion delving into the original work. A valuable experience might be to compare it with the translation, which I did throughout my independent study.

My tangible achievements in German (the evidence for my skills) were: a C2 certificate in German, a disitinction in the translation contest “Juvenes Translatores” organized by the European Commision and a finalist title in the National German Olympiad. I reached my aforementioned goals in 2020. They involved CAS stages. 1. I investigated the area I wanted to deepen my skills in and specific aims I wanted to pursue and these were competitions in German. 2. I prepared my strategy, researched the most respectable competitions and exams I wanted to take part in, signed up for them and planned preparation which was necessary because of huge amounts of school work and limited free time. 3. I took specific action, exposed myself to the language days before the exam and throughout multiple months I was doing practice papers, reading and watching a lot. 4. I realized that by pursuing my passion in German and going beyond the curriculum I freed myself and could really delve into the language. The experience provided me with the sense of purpose - my life was not only concerned with my Diploma syllabus but I could get acquainted with literature and recognized the power of translation in terms of its strong influence on the reception of foreign texts. 

From then onward I worked to maintain my German on the same high level. I should not take it for granted - I am not a native speaker. My accomplishements required huge amounts of work and also talent but might disappear if not cared for properly.

Activity

In the course of my CAS journey I have been active in many disciplines. Sport is one of my few ways to unwind and stop stressing about reality. I think that the limited possibilities to practice sport were one of the major obstacles during the pandemic. I was deprived of my only way to switch off and relax. Before the pandemic I used to swim and play volleyball in a school team every week plus I attended 3 Physical Education classes per week. Now my prefered activities are not possible to pursue because of lockdown which entailed school, sport halls and swimming pool closures. Moreover I am concerned with the virus. At the start of 2020 we managed to take the fouth place in district-wide volleyball competition. My team and I wanted to improve next year but the pandemic unexpectedly shattered my plans. I am grateful, however, for having been given a chance to represent my school in the first line-up. Moreover, I would attend volleyball practice every Saturday.

My PE classes give me a chance to play volleyball, football or do fitness. I enjoy almost every activity that is physically demanding. And I am also great in sport which boosts my motivation. Beyond school, I used to exert myself a lot in swimming and have difficulties to find enjoyment in it. However, I am a really good swimmer and it strengthens my determination, improves posture and health.

Throughout the pandemic, I have been practising sport independently, as it is an extremely important part of my life. However, in the first lockdown in the spring I used to overexert myself doing long and intensive workouts every day on an empty stomach to the point when I got health problems. I had to give it up and switched to another physical activity, less demanding but equally fun: walking. Never before have I taken walks so often as during the pandemic. Now, in the winter lockdown I also go for a walk sometimes.

Service

I began my CAS journey in 2019 with giving tutoring to a primary school student from a underprivileged background. Teaching subjects I am comfortable in (English and German) and his improved grades were reasons for my satisfaction. It required a lot of patience and perseverance as it was extremely difficult to teach him something because firstly he lacked motivation and secondly he had difficulties memorizing. This made it a huge challenge but turned out to be rewarding.

The second half of my first IB year (2020) I sacrificed for my internship (voluntary work) in a foundation.  My scope of activity consisted in the cooperation with the Fundraising Director and the Spokeswoman of the foundation; I had duties related to fundraising and media such as: preparing summaries of the reports from humanitarian missions for fairs in Dubai, translating posts for English social media profiles, collecting data for media reports, translating official requests for the sponsorship, gathering contact details of potential sponsors i.e. big companies and Presidents of the biggest Polish cities, monitoring press mentions.

Throughout 2020 I have also been fulfilling duties of the student government vice president. My team was elected in February 2020 and until now (beginning of 2021) I hold this position. I resolve current problems with the head mistress, co-organize and participate in events e.g. open days, control social media, coordinate logistics. In March we attended an event for student governments across Warsaw. I also tried to organize the Physics conference with my 2 friends in my school but it was cancelled last-minute due to imposed school closure, one week before it was scheduled to take place. Everything had been arranged with lecturers and we had to cancel feeling miserable.

My wide range of CAS activities - other examples

Apart from my core activities which I described, I got involved in numerous other CAS experienced described on this blog. One of the most enriching ones was my participation in the process of creation of a book. I wrote my own essay to a book published this month by my former class teacher. I entitled my work: “School is people: about sparking authenticity and breaking patterns”. I also cooked a lot and published some of my recipes on the blog, wrote to my school newspaper, took part in environmental protests, wrote some poems, some diary entry, practiced Frech, including writing, took many beautiful photos on my trips abroad,... 

I also co-organized WawMUN2019 conference as my CAS project.

[chillmichelle]

Hurt Me

Shawn hurts her and tries to fix it

-

Y/N’s got a lot on her hands.

She has two jobs, one being a minimal paying internship she’s working for the sake of her education, and the other being a late evening job she works to pay off her student loans. On top of that, she’s a full time student (although she can’t seem to dedicate even half of her time to her studies, leaving her stressed out most of the time), and she has the responsibility of meeting with her professor twice a week every week for her extra credit.

So Y/N has her reasons for not wanting to go tonight. In fact, she has a reason on top of the business she’s just admitted: she doesn’t like the lifestyle that she’ll inevitably be exposed to if she goes.

There was a secret party for musical artists in downtown New York, which meant that the term “Secret” was aptly given considering it was a party in one of the largest venues in New York, and it also meant that the ride there would take at least half of an hour in itself.

But nevertheless, she’d promised Shawn that she would go, and Y/N was many things, but she wasn’t a liar. Plus, she loved and supported her boyfriend enough to spend some time with him and suck up whatever problems she had with the entertainment industry.

Dressed in her dress with her makeup (that had been done in a hurry) finished, Y/N lies on their shared bed, her homework papers and notes scattered across the pillows and sheets as she tries to cram for the exam she has tomorrow that she isn’t prepared for at all.

She doesn’t want to go, in fact it’s about the last thing she wants at the moment, but she wants to suck up her on needs because her boyfriend wants her there. And with her busy schedule she hasn’t exactly been there with him that much recently. She plans on making it up to him.

“Y/N do we have any more cereal? I can’t find any in the…” Shawn trails off, his words stopping when he walks in the room to see Y/N already dressed for an event that they’re not leaving for in hours.

Y/N turns around, taking in his facial expressions but turning back around to stop more time from being wasted.

“You know we leave in” Shawn checks his golden watch, probably worth more than her yearly salary at the bar she works at, “Three hours, right?”

Y/N sighs, rubbing her temples as she pushes herself up by her elbows.

“I have an exam tomorrow I haven’t studied for, trying to fit in as much as possible before your party.” She tells him. He furrows his eyebrows, but nevertheless he nods, placing a small kiss on her forehead.

“I guess i’ll let you get to it. Good luck, baby.” He tells he encouragingly before walking out.

-

Y/N is proper panicking.

It’s been three hours, the car is going to pull up at any given moment and she still doesn’t understand one of the major concepts for her exam tomorrow. She lets out a breath of stressed air, huffing in her chest before frustrated tears start to prickat her eyes. Going to the party to support her boyfriend could very well ruin her chances of passing her first exam for this class.

She tugs at her hair, not caring if she messes it up. Swallowing her tears, she feels footsteps pounding towards their shared bedroom.

“The car should be here in about ten minutes.” Shawn looks around the room, seeing a deck of cards spread out all over the counter in front of the mirror, the mess of Y/N’s notes scattered across their bed, scribbled out problems in paper wads hurled carelessly around the room.

“Y/N…”

She’s preoccupied by her thoughts. She knows that she promised him that she’d go, but she just can’t bring herself to do it. It wouldn’t be right, it wouldn’t feel right if she sacrificed her own opportunities for her boyfriend’s.

“Shawn I don’t think I can go tonight.”

She waits for his disappointment, waits for him to huff disapprovingly or tell her he’s slightly upset before heading off to his party. But instead of replying right away, he showcases a variety of emotions.

First he’s shocked, registering what she’s just said to him. Then, he tries to, really tries to understand where she’s coming from.

But then his jaw clenches and unclenches, he balls his knuckles into fists and places them at his sides. He pulls his lips together tightly as she turns around to focus on her textbook and the document pulled up on her computer.

“You’re not going?” he asks, just to be sure that he heard correctly. She sighs, stressed but still feeling incredibly guilty.

“I’m sorry, Shawn. I just have too much to do I-”

He interrupts her, not with his words, but with the action of letting out a loud sigh and loosening the black tie that accompanied his black undershirt.

“I don’t fucking care, Y/N. You promised.” He bites back because honestly, he does feel betrayed. He feels betrayed because his girlfriend, who promised she’d finally spend some time with him, who’s supposed to support and love him unconditionally just cancelled on him last minute and he’s completely shocked.

“I know, Shawn. I know and i’m so sorry.” She sits defeatedly on the bed, dress riding up as she pulls her legs into a more comfortable position and stares at him, makeup still heavily on.

When he doesn’t reply and they’re left staring at each other, his gaze uncomfortably blaring into hers, she continues, “I just, I have this exam and I thought i’d be ready but i’m not. If i go tonight I know I won’t be able to study enough to do well on it.”

She stares at him pleadingly, “I get it. It’s just another case of ‘I’m too busy to be your girlfriend because my responsibilities are more urgent than yours.” He bitterly replies. Y/N, feels bad, yes, but she begins to become just a little bit annoyed at his words.

“I’m sorry Shawn. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I want you to be there for me like I am for you! I’ve dealt with you blowing me off for the past week and i’ve tried to justify it, but it seems like you don’t even try when it comes to me.” He raises his voice a bit. Y/N flinches at his confession, a little knot forming in her chest.

“Shawn, or course I care about you, but our ways of supporting each other aren’t exactly even!” She turns away from her work, scooting over to the edge of the bed to move closer to him as their discussion escalates.

“What do you mean, Y/N?” He asks, face scrunched up as if he isn’t even taking her words seriously.

“I mean there’s a clear difference between you making me dinner to make sure I eat while I write my essay, and me having to face hundreds of people who don’t know who I am, or think of me as nothing but scum at a party to support you.” She admits. She’d never felt comfortable at any of Shawn’s events, she hated the lights, hated the interviewers, and hated the looks she received because she didn’t have over a million followers on Instagram or a hit single to her name.

“So you hate my career that much? Newsflash, Y/N, some people would die to go to one of those events.” He bites back. And it’s true, tons of people would drop everything to attend the VMAs or the AMAs or the PCAs, but Y/N wasn’t like that and Shawn knew that, at least she thought he did.

“Cool, find one of them to go with you and have a good night.” Y/N turns back around to get back to studying. Shawn rolls his eyes, muttering something under his breath that wouldn’t have been heard had Y/N not turned off their heater and air conditioner to focus on her studying an hour ago.

“This would’ve never happened to me if it were Hailey.” He mutters under his breath and Y/n tenses up. She has her back turned to him so he doesn’t notice the way glassy tears pool at her eyes a little bit.

“Well i’m so sorry that i’m not a model who was born into a famous family, with famous friends, whose career is to attend award shows.” She fires back. She might not be in the best situation financially, but she was damn proud of how far she’d come herself.

“I’m sorry that you can’t realize your career is going nowhere, and that those people who attend the award shows that you despise so much are ten times as successful as you’ll ever be.”

His chest is heaving, mind clearly foggy because if it were any other situation he would’ve never uttered those words. But just as he begins to calm down from his it of rage, he notices she’s not replying. No snarky comeback, no smart ass reply to hurt him just as much as he hurt her.

She stares down at her lap in defeat, looking at the pathetic heaps of papers surrounding her. He’s right, she thinks to herself, because she works a job at a bar, she spends her weekends studying for things she barely understand and she spends her nights replacing dinner with salted peanuts that are complimentary at the club she bartends for. She causes stress upon her parents because they both struggle to pay the cost of her tuition at the college she barely has time to study for, and she has an internship that isn’t even a real fucking job.

Her heart physically aches, she look up towards the ceiling to prevent her tears from tipping over the brim but it’s no use as they fall onto her cheeks anyways. She lets out a sniffle, and when Shawn hears it he understands why she didn’t reply with some snarky response, because he didn’t just hurt her with his words, he physically broke her.

Y/N never cried, she didn’t cry when she broke her arm on their second date, she didn’t cry when she failed her final exam, she didn’t even cry when her pet hamster passed away after 3 good years.

“I shouldn’t have said that.” Shawn admits. He knows he shouldn’t have said it, knows he could’ve pushed whatever compelled him to spit those words at her to the back of his mind and he knows he could’ve been a better man, a better boyfriend. But he did say them, and now there was no going back.

“Go.” She simply tells him, she refuses to turn around and let him see what a wreck he’s made her, “Go find a girl at your party like Hailey. Find someone who’s successful, and who has a real career, and who’s able to handle your lifestyle, Shawn.” She begs him. She just wants him to leave, she just needs time and space and she needs to be away from him because her chest physically feels like it’ll rip out of her chest at any given moment.

“Hone-”

“I try so hard, Shawn.” She hiccups, uneven breaths making it hard to speak. Shawn’s chest aches when he hears her struggling to make out her words, when he hears her hurting because of him.

“I work a job every night where I make drinks for people who base their lives around how many one night stands they have to pay for this fucking expensive ass college that I can’t even seem to do well at. I spend my afternoons serving coffee to people who look down at me, for almost no money because I need a real career after I graduate, I deal every day with the guilt of not being able to see my parents be happy when they’re retired because they have to spend their vacation money on my college tuition. I try to support you because I love you, but every time i’m out with you it’s an array of headlines and a bunch of tweets saying that i’m a horrible person for loving you. I’m sorry that I can’t be like Hailey, Shawn. I’m sorry I can’t just be successful by existing, because that’s not who I am. And i’ve tried so hard to become who I am, but - “ He stares at the back of her head as she shakes her head, body trembling a little bit, “It’s not enough is it?” She laughs through her tears, “It never will be.” She mutters.

“Y/N.” He calls out her name softly. She doesn’t respond at all, crying to herself and all he can hear is her sniffling before choking on her tears again.

“Y/N, god, i’m so sorry.” He tells her. When she doesn’t even flinch, he walks over to where she’s sitting on their large bed, sinking into the mattress next to her and wrapping his arm around her shoulder to pull her head into his chest.

She sniffles, wiping at her blotchy cheeks with the skin of her wrist,foundation smears off with her tears but she’s too tired to care anymore.

“We don’t have to go tonight. Let’s just stay in.” He suggest. She nods, taking a deep breath before removing her head from his shoulder. She grabs at the papers on her bed, trying to reorganize them so she can at least pass the exam tomorrow.

Shawn’s offput by her silence, his chest filling with worry. After her little breakdown he didn’t know if they were okay or not, especially after his words towards her.

“Y/N, are we okay?” He asks, his voice is shaky, mouth a bit dry and the biggest thing on his mind isn’t the party they’re missing, but the status of their relationship.

“I think we should take a break.” She honestly replies, her boyfriend clouding her thoughts but her eyes focusing in on her work. Tears still pool at her puffy eyes.

Shawn panics, his thoughts jumbling up into one big mess as he tries to put words together to form coherent sentences. His cheeks heat up and his entire demeanor changes and he wishes the past hour never happened.

“I’m sorry, please don’t do this.” He frantically replies. He grabs her hand, the pen that was in her grasp unfolds and falls out of her fingers.

“Shawn, don’t do this right now.” She scolds tiredly.

“I love you, Y/N, god I love you so much. You’re the most amazing person i’ve ever met and i’m so incredibly proud of you. Please, please don’t do this.” He begs. She doesn’t want to, but how could she just forgive him after what he said? After what told her?

“You don’t mean that,” She sniffles, shaking her head, “Or else you wouldn’t have said what you did.

‘Oh honey,” He pulls her into his chest, tucking her head right under his chin so she breathes in the warm smell of his cologne, “I didn’t mean it, ay of it. I spoke out of anger and i’m so sorry for that, but i’m more proud of you than i’ve ever been of anyone in my life. Y/N, every minute i’m with you i’m happier to watch you become the person who I know you want to be. I love watching you achieve your goals, even if they’re not million dollar modelling contracts, or photographed by paparazzi. I love you because you’re you, and you shouldn’t ever have to be ashamed of yourself because of me.”

They’re both silent for a moment, Y/N bathes in the close sound of Shawn’s heart thudding quickly in his chest. Her stomach can’t help but jump a bit at his words, and she wraps her small arms around his chest to hug him just a little bit closer than he already was.

“I love you.” She breathes quietly, her voice is a bit worn out from her crying and from her exhaustion and he breathes in relief, nuzzling his nose into her neck.

“I love you.” He affirms back t her, “Now what is this test over? I make some damn good flashcards.”

[m4isofia]

The very last semester

I don’t know how many times I have typed for this post.Technically,I had finished composing the entry but accidentally deleted the tab without saving it to draft....but first let me tell you guys how much i have put myself in the past yesterday just to recall everything to make this post feels very nostalgic.I try my best to put myself in everyone’s shoes because I want everyone to know how much we struggled for spm last year.SPM year was one of the best years for me like I want to repeat all those times again without sitting for spm OF COURSE cus I swear it was tiring as heck.

Nonetheless,please excuse my grammar mistakes as I have barely write anythinh now so I kinda think that my writing skills is getting rusty.

I don’t remember the exact date we started our final semester but all I know is,we were struggling for trials.We kinda made our teachers proud for trial right? mrsm tpg was below us and I can’t help myself but to remember how proud cikgu masyitah was when we managed to get number satu for sejarah trials spmrsm! geng,we all were so happy ~ even though addmaths spmrsm reminds me of how stupid I was ~ zaman trial was tiring,it felt as if we were in endless battle.To be very honest,things started to get more serious after trials ended.A week before spm starts,we had our last class in the class sebab after that,we had gemilang almost everyday at surau and classes could not be used as the form4 students used them for igcse exam.Basically,surau was our second home/dorm.Imagine staying at surau the whole day?? we literally left our belongings and books all scattered in the surau sampai kena marah dengan ustazah :/ especially when we (form 5 girls) had our very own spot at the surau so i guess leaving all my stuff could be safe?? and i was so lazy to bring all the books to dorm after all nanti kena turun balik surau,so it’s just the same,the bad thing was,surau looked messy because of us hihi.

As I mentioned earlier,we had gemilang everyday at surau,even after gemilang habis pun,some of us would stay back and sambung study.That was how much we were scared to sit for spm.The pressure for spm was real,dengan the endless handouts for every freaking subject and most importantly,the 10 set handout sejarah ( I swear we all were stressing out because of this haha).When I said that this is an endless battle,yes it is,after habis trials pun i still keep reminding myself that the battle hasnt ended yet mai,hold on a little bit mai,this will be over soon.LIKE LITERALLY EVERYDAY.Countdown to spm was terrifying,to see how fast each day went by,dengan the mental breakdowns some of us had because of addmaths,everything went so fast.Sometimes I felt like i didnt want spm to start so that we can always study together at surau.

Even during riadah hour,girls in my batch started to turun awal surau,we sacrificed our golden hour to nap just to revise more and more.Even if it’s mrsm that we are talking about but that does not mean we are guaranteed to get straights A+,even most of us are the stuggling students that need to work our ass off barulah score.At surau,gelegam became more closer that I remember,gelegam is the girls in our batch,we called ourselves gelegam sebab the name of the whatsapp group is gelegam,so honestly I don’t know where that came from??anyway i still remember how chaotic the surau was when gelegam turun awal surau.Everyone was literally stretching up their muscles on the field while some of us rather studying in the surau.I remember when some would ask “sape tahu dinner apa”,,,,”weh cafe bukak tak sekarang”,,,,fuh i never thought i would come to the point that i would miss those kind of questions.The voices are always lingering on my mind to be honest.I remember how I nganjing nad almost everyday cus she’s gonna sambung study kat utp so i kept nganjing her everyday,our hakak utp :) hahaa see now nadirah is a freaking utp student! proud? yes i am.

During the spm month,the time was slowly arranging its pace but at the same time everything was so fast that I couldnt catch a breath.During those trying times,parents and teachers played a very important role.I am grateful to have teachers that endlessly motivating us despite all of our worries towards spm.Remember when unit sejarah,(cikgu masyitah + cikgu rohaya +cikgu azizan) pesan to us before we entered the hall for paper 3 sejarah,

“kamu bertarung untuk kertas tiga dalam dewan selama 3 jam,cikgu cikgu akan masak kenduri untuk kamu selama 3 jam,kamu mula je 3 jam tu nanti maka cikgu cikgu sejarah kamu pun akan mula memasak”

weh i literally heard cikgu masyitah’s voices in my head! hahaha,truth to be told we had no idea what’s the kenduri gonna be like,makan apa,minum apa.BUT,after we finished the freaking 3 hours,and bukak je pintu dewan,there were two long tables with bihun goreng + sirap ais on it.WE WERE ALL SHOUTINGGG AND CARI CIKGUUUU! wow that was the best times i ever had in mrsm pt *cries a river*.I would never forget the taste of the bihun goreng (anyway sumpah lapar after 3 hours in the hall),i would never forget how lega our sejarah teachers were sebab sejarah battle is over.Aaaa I miss.Anyway not to forget,cikgu masyitah was there for us since day 1 of spm! she was there right in front of the hall,bila dah nak start pun,tak kisah lah subject apa pun she was still gonna be there depan dewan tunggu kita beratur except for physics sebab cikgu balik kampung.Other than that guys,what’s funnier is,cikgu masyitah literally the only warden that woke us up during the toughest month yet especially bila hari takde exam! tahajjud semua entah ke mana haha,trust me bila ada gap spm tuu fuh heaven but stress at the same time cus the subject coming up usually makin susah.Cikgu masyitah would literally turn off our kipas dorm and on lampu besar!!!!!!! see how chaotic.

Two weeks ago,we eventually ended our battle geng.The long-awaited day has come.Pagi pagi lagi as usual takde selera nak makan.Group whatsapp batch has been filling up with spm 2019 stats,press conference kpm.Everyone was literally freaking out and excited sebab lama tak jumpa kan.Sekali jumpa,ha satu dewan bising.Truthfully,I will never fully prepare for result’s day.Bila dah masuk dewan,the place we all used to sit for spm ,is now the place for us to receive our spm result.Vermillion,congrats guys,congrats for the flying colours and uxpected result.We even made it to the news! One of the mrsm yang achieved gps below 2.00.That was incredible.Everyone was at their happiest time ambik result and I thank Allah for that.Some of us were hugging our teachers so tight because we managed to get A.Some of us were talking to cikgu about our batch ranking.We made it to top 5 guys! top 5 mrsm semalaysia,thats crazy sia.

Before I hit the sack,I really hope our path cross again someday and i can’t wait to see each of us become the woman and the man of our dreams.I hope everyone gets to pursue in the course that you guys have been dreaming for.I pray that we will have a stable life,financially stable,physically and mentally stable.Things that happened in maktab taught us a lot and I really hope we could bring the best out of it.All those things,would teach us in so many possible ways that we couldnt imagine.If you find yourself lost in the middle,please reach out to someone,remember what teacher naza said to us,pilih kawan yang baik baik,solat jaga,jaga diri.

I end my entry with a few pictures of my one and only batch,vermillion.

thank you,thank you vm fam,for these 5 years.

[fullmetalirin]

Fullmetal Alchemist: Episode 49

This is gonna be a big one. This is the episode that raises OG from good to sublime.

Fullmetal Alchemist Episode 49: "The Other Side of the Gate"

Envy delivers Alphonse to the leader of the homunculi in the city hidden beneath Central. Edward soon discovers the city thanks to a page from Nash's diary, leading to a final confrontation with Dante. Edward also learns that Dante is planning to transfer her soul to Rosé's body using the philosopher's stone from within Alphonse. She then sends Edward through the Gate of Truth and he awakens to find himself and Hohenheim in a wartorn London.

We open with Bradley giving his gift to Selim (a toy train). Selim behaves much more like a real kid here, I feel; Brotherhood!Pride was really overacting.

Envy knows Dante is stringing everyone along, but he doesn't care – he just wants to watch the world burn.

Envy reveals that 7000 soldiers were absorbed at Liore. I thought it was 1000? Al gets upset and feels like he should have died instead.

Apparently, Dante's secret city was the "real" Philosopher's Stone lab. Ed enters by just tearing a hole open instead of using Dante's method.

So, the underground city appears to be where Dante and Hohenheim lived 400 years ago. The Tringhams speculate they used everyone in the city to make the Philosopher's Stone, which seems to contradict the flashback in 45 where the city still seemed intact after they made it.

Dante is creeping on Rose. She seems to have been put in some sort of trance.

Gluttony is upset about Lust, but Dante waves him off.

Wrath is upset about Sloth. Dante coldly tells him homunculi don't have mothers, and he can't make demands of her because he's not human.

Wrath keeps leaping at them, but Envy effortlessly knocks him aside, building his credibility as the final boss.

Izumi's strength is fading against Archer as she coughs up blood, but Ross and Brosh rescue her. Izumi asks where Ed is, and Ross reiterates her thing about adults needing to believe in children.

Dante makes Rose dance with Ed. Is Dante planning to take Ed as her husband? Ick.

Ed figures out Dante's bodyhopping pretty quickly. The deduction that Greed didn't kill her is reasonable, but the rest is a bit of a jump.

Ed throws a spear at her, and she vaporizes it in midair. Ehhh, that's wonky but she is supposed to be the ultimate alchemist. She may still have some red stone, too. Ed uses that to confirm she's Dante, as she transmutes without a circle.

Dante doesn't give an exact number of bodies, but she says it's been less than ten.

Dante confirms they used the residents of the city, as well as "the nation to the east" – that would be Xerxes, I suppose.

Dante says Hohenheim was the one who actually made the Stones.

Dante frames her actions as virtuous, saying she's keeping people away from the Stone so they don't misuse it.

Dante claims she is no longer human. She does have homunculi eyes...

And yep, she just said she wanted to bang Ed – specifically, "Hohenheim's son". Why are you so creepy, Dante. I guess this could be an extension of her general hedonism.

Ed tells Gluttony Wrath killed Lust, making him BSOD.

Dante attacks Ed with a rock snake. He dodges and cuts her bodice, revealing the rot has nearly reaches her heart. That seems… fast. It's been, what, a week? That strikes me as a bit of an inconsistency, as she was clearly in her previous body for many years. We can perhaps fanwank that she botched the transfer due to running out of Philosopher's Stone; this would also explain why she's convinced she can overcome the rot if she gets a new one.

Ed… somehow deduced this already as well. He cites equivalent exchange: this is their punishment for their evil. And now we get my favorite scene:

DANTE: Equivalent exchange? Do you still believe in that childish theory? EDWARD: It's no theory! It's the law of alchemy… no, of the whole world! You're the one who said so, aren't you? That in order to obtain anything, it requires something of equal value? DANTE: That's something that only a child would say. Like "make everything equal," or "that wouldn't be fair." However, there's no such thing as equivalent exchange. […] To gain, something of equal value must be lost… In that case, if you reverse it… if you pay a price… you are certain to obtain something, right? EDWARD: That's right. That's why people put forth an effort to pay the price. DANTE: But there's something strange about that. After all, even if you pay the same price, you can't always necessarily obtain the same thing. […] Consider the State Alchemist exam which you passed with flying colors. How many others took the test that day? Spent months, years preparing, some working much harder than you? Yet you were the only one who passed. Where was their reward? Is it their fault they lacked your natural talent?

This moment is, to me, the heart and soul of OG. How many stories have the bravery to do this? To spit on the hero's hard work and natural talent both, to destroy the comforting fantasy of a fair world? To tell the hero that he is wrong? Because he is – Dante is right. But it goes even deeper than that. There's a reason why it's the villain who propagates this lie. In the dub translation, Dante specifically says it's a lie the oppressed tell themselves – and that's key. That's key to so many of the things that are so wrong with our lives, our culture, and our world. This lie controls people. If the world is fundamentally just, then what happens to you can't possibly be anyone's fault but your own. If you're attacked by a mugger, it's because you didn't try hard enough to defend yourself. If you're dying of starvation, it's because you didn't work hard enough to provide for yourself. But if someone else gains riches and fame? Well, they must have just worked so hard for it! It's ad-hoc reasoning: you see the effect, and then you say everyone must have done something to deserve it. And if you can get the people you're subjugating to believe it too, you've won. You've created a populace who will oppress themselves for you. Those people dying of starvation and disease and brutality, they don't deserve the barest scrap of aid, and they're leeches for thinking they do. Those toddlers ICE is murdering at the border right now, they must have done something to deserve it, or their parents did, somehow. Someone, somewhere, did something that justifies everything the oppressors do, we're sure. You can cut someone's throat and tell them they deserved it, and they'll believe you.

Dante actually proceeds to demonstrate this exact example by holding Rose's baby hostage.

DANTE: And people's lives are not all equal, either. If I just clap my hands, this baby won't survive. […] And if I do it, where is the world's balance in that? Does it mean the baby was only born so that it could die?

She goes on to bring up privilege as well, pointing out some people work their whole lives and still die in poverty while others are born into luxury.

I don't think it's a coincidence that it's also the mastermind of a violently imperialist culture who's saying this, either. Just world goes hand in hand with sunk cost. If you made a mistake, you just need to keep working harder to fix it. Because you must be getting something for everything you're sacrificing, right? That's proof you need to make more sins and more sacrifices because one day, somehow, it'll all be worth it and you can undo all those mistakes. That's how Dante gets people desperate enough to make homunculi. That's how she gets people desperate enough to sacrifice thousands of people for a Philosopher's Stone. That's how she gets good people to commit genocide for her. That's why Edward has been doing all of this from the start. It's the perfect lie.

This is what changes OG from just "a good TV show" to true art, to me. It's so incredibly rare to see popular culture or even academia address these issues so brazenly and openly. This is a message we need to hear. It's far too easy, especially in a capitalistic culture, to fall into this comforting lie. And stories are some of the biggest peddlers of the just world fallacy. Stories are designed by a guiding intelligence. In stories, everything does make sense, everything does happen for a reason, justice is often served in some form or another. We need to hear that sometimes, but it's so dangerous to really believe it. It's scary to acknowledge that there is no inherent justice to the world, that effort can be wasted, that bad things can happen to good people, that there's nothing to catch you if you fall. But it's the truth, and denying that will just hurt you far more in the long run. That is the biggest reason why I respect OG so much, despite the slow pacing and the awkward setups and the somewhat rushed conclusion – that's all worth it for this. It did something very brave and it deserves commendation for that.

In terms of the specific framing, I think Dante's character can also be taken as a criticism of ivory tower elitism; not coincidentally the kind of people likely to buy into the just world fallacy. She claims that alchemy can do so much good for people, yet she has made the decision that they are not to be trusted with it – she is, of course, the only one with the wisdom and intelligence to use the power responsibly. And obviously, this is a bald-faced lie – just an excuse to hoard all the power for herself. She cloisters herself, doing everything through proxies of proxies because coming to any personal harm is unthinkable to her, yet she slaughters people like cattle for her own uses. She claims she's ascended beyond the flaws of humanity, yet she's so disgustingly greedy and hedonistic she can't wait to kill an innocent girl just so she can bang her boyfriend's teenage son. She's a warning to all of us never to think our knowledge and class makes us better than other people, never to think that it excuses us from examining our own flaws.

Now, this is, effectively, the "final boss" – there's a bit of conflict after this, but it's not really a full-on battle. Cinematically, Ed vs. Dante is objectively disappointing, yes – they exchange, like, two attacks and that's it. But as I've said before, that's not what OG is trying for in the first place. The sphere of this conflict is philosophical, not martial, and by that scale this is just as intense as Brotherhood's final battle. Dante effortlessly dismantles the philosophy Ed has lived by all his life, and the philosophy the narrative itself seemed to be telling us. In the face of this, Ed is completely unable to make any logical refutation. That is powerful. A flashy fight scene entertains you and then it's over, but this is the kind of confrontation that sticks with you. Can you prove Dante wrong? We all want to, but it's so hard. You have to come up with your own refutation, your own reason to keep on fighting in the face of this painful truth; it's on the audience to truly defeat the villain.

[nehawriter16]

7th October, 2018 23:05 pm Average, Mediocre, Loser

For the longest time, I had myself fooled. I was on a secret mission – to study for all 8 papers even though I hadn’t done classes for 4 of them (the really tough ones) and there was hardly any time to prepare for them without sacrificing my marks in the others. I didn’t tell any of my friends or the senior who was mentoring me this. I just picked up the books and began to try to figure things out myself, going into panic and frustration when I couldn’t understand something.

I’d spent time drawing up timetables that required studying 300 pages a day, which was obviously impossible, even if I sat for 16 hours a day with barely any breaks. All of my friends were appearing for only 4 papers, which was the sensible thing to do because it meant passing with good marks and a part of me wanted to do the same, to make things easy for myself, because it meant I wasn’t going to have to resort to extremely unhealthy sleep/eat/social patterns such as alienating every single person I know, completely switching off from social media, and most importantly, sacrificing my creativity in terms of writing. Giving up everything else seemed like a small price to pay – and I have endured years of mental, emotional and social sacrifice for this course already, so I’m used to it – but writing is in my blood. Writing is the one thing that brings me immense happiness. I can’t give it up. Even if it’s not monetarily viable, even if nobody is reading what I have to say, it is as important to me as breathing.

But I wanted nothing more than to somehow pass. To wake up one morning in January close to my 23rd birthday and find that I was a Chartered Accountant. I knew that seeing that four letter word on my marksheet wouldn’t mean pride for having “made it.” It would mean giddy happiness for finally being DONE. Done with this course that I never wanted, would never be good at, would never enjoy no matter how hard I tried.

I just wanted to slap the degree in my parents’ hands, pack a bag, move to Bombay as soon as my articleship ended in March. I had so much to do – my unfulfilled creativity, a half written book to finish, a part time job in poetry waiting for me, and most importantly – the new-found freedom of being a young, single, self sufficient wild thing in a city where nobody knew who I was. It was a new beginning and when I was falling asleep every night, when I woke up every morning, and when I couldn’t force myself to keep going – it was all I would think about. I associated Bombay with the first breath of fresh air after being in jail for 5 years, because that’s how sickening this city, the course, and the people had become for me.

I knew I would never fit in the minute I walked through the doors on the first day of class for the first level. These people weren’t like me, and I wasn’t willing to change what I enjoyed for the sake of a 5 year period, or even for a single day. Words would always be my poison. Not law, not numbers, not the robotic ways in which the students around me seemed to be able to sit in one place for hours, learn things I couldn’t get myself interested in despite trying so hard.

But from the first day, I forced myself to study, because what choice did I have? I’d shunned science when my parents offered it to me, and arts was not a choice. I passed, faltered once, but landed a big four articleship and kept going. On the surface, everything seemed to be working out. Inside, I felt suffocated. The artist in me was screaming for release, which is how I started to get more involved in my Instagram account. For 2 years I spent all day at work, trying to excel in a field I was starting to dislike more and more by the day, but convinced that quitting so close to the finish line was stupid and out of the question.

There were only 2 things that kept me happy – a boy I was in love with, and narrating stories for my Instagram account. I relied on them heavily and hopelessly as reasons to wake up every morning and go to work, or class. I watched the girls I call friends do much better than me and began to develop a serious inferiority complex. They loved what they were getting to learn and wanted to be better. I was trying to chameleon their behaviour, and failing miserably.

In June of 2017 I lost the boy. But like Nikita Gill and Rupi Kaur would remind me in numerous poems, he lost me, not the other way around. Either way, it was a loss, and my happiness took a monumental blow. I held on hopelessly to hope till my hands turned to scabs. I did things I’m not proud of. I resorted to reckless behaviour to replace the big, gaping hole that seemed to have opened up in my heart. But heartbreak was not a new concept to me, so I gritted my teeth, wrote some poems, and pretty much managed to put it in the past. I still had the writing, after all.

Still, emotional loss can leave you marinating in nostalgia forever, especially if you have the tendency to feel things deeply. As Pablo Neruda so beautifully put it, love is so short and forgetting so long.  

Writing kept me alive in those months. I began to compile a collection of poetry and stories that I would someday turn into a book. That people were excited to buy.

Work was getting worse and worse because I had been allotted to a team that was not welcoming at all. I travelled for almost 4 hours every single day. I got into several fights with my seniors, who were rude and callous and made me feel worse while I was already dealing with coming out of emotional trauma. The deadlines we were asked to meet were insane. I began to fall sick a lot. I would look out of the window and sob in silence every single day.

But I decided to put my health first and left. In hindsight, I wish I hadn’t. Because even though I didn’t realise it then, work, no matter how bad, kept me distracted from the terrible thoughts that were forming in my head every time I let it be idle for a few minutes. I moved into a smaller firm and suddenly had a lot of free time. The jobs I was assigned there were much more mundane, and the people working around me had no ambition at all. I stopped making the small but relevant amount of money that was guaranteeing my financial independence of sorts, and brought a completely self-dependent girl back to her parent’s allowance.

All in all, it’s safe to say that in the beginning of 2018, I walked myself into a mental trap. On one hand, my heart was broken and it was extremely hard to get over the fact that even though I hadn’t done anything wrong, somebody I was convinced would stick by my side chose to hurt me when I was least expecting it. I began to distrust people and alienate them as an impact. Lots of good, kind friends were lost. Romantic and platonic connections that could have been beautiful if I had allowed someone past my suddenly very high walls never got a chance.

Second, my workplace and academic environment was choking me with monotony. There was no incentive – earlier, at least the ping of money credited into my bank account made me show up and put on a show, but now I didn’t even have that.

Third, and most disheartening of all, was nothing to look forward to for the rest of the year but this endless tunnel of having to stay home and study for exams that were in November. I felt handcuffed all times of every day. The only momentary happiness I felt was when I was well sedated with alcohol or hanging out with two of my best friends, one of whom moved to London for the last year of his university and our conversations became limited to Facetime calls.

Writing got spotty because every time I opened a word document, this voice in my head would remind me that I needed to study. When I tried to study, I could never get enough done because I simply hated it. I fucking hated it all.

In April of 2018 I decided that if I kept going this way, I would send myself into chronic depression. I already felt like I was there – what with the self-imposed ban on writing. It made more sense to space out the papers, even if it took 6 months more than I had originally planned. At that point in my life, it didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

Giving 4 papers in November and 4 in May of 2019 meant I wouldn’t be pulling 16 hour days for 6 months. This way, I could balance my dislike for the subjects with allotting enough time for social outings and just being a normal 22 year old. But on 20th July, the results for everyone else’s exams came out.

I found a seething jealousy begin to build in my heart because the girls and boys who were my age were now done and would be embarking on the life that I would have to wait a year for. It consumed me. I couldn’t sleep at night. I screenshotted their marksheets and stared at them. I would check their facebook pages and compare every little detail of their lives to mine, causing my already fuelled inferiority complex to grow. I completely forgot that CA was not my gift, art was.

It felt as though I was standing in a room of overachievers holding bulky files of their accomplishments, and the only thing I had was a knack for poetry. Except, nobody CARES about your knack for poetry in the Chartered Accountancy world. No one gives a fuck if you can write. And so I felt like the biggest loser in the room.

I still do. It is October now, just days away from the exam, and even though my secret mission was always impossible, I was unwilling to accept it. Even if I was able to sit for 16 hours, even if I was able to study for all this time like everyone else probably had, I would never have been able to complete the course by January. This is not because I am dumb. It’s because I put myself into the wrong race and I’m trying to compete with people who are in love with what they do. Put me in a room of poets and I will outshine most of the room (or so I like to think).

But all these 5 years – and especially these last 5 months – have done for me is cause my brain to believe its inferiority. Everyone else my age has either graduated from university, or is months away from getting a well paying job. Their lives are starting to bloom, while mine just looks dark till May of 2019. Till July, in fact, because that’s when results come out.

I am handcuffed to my identity, to this city, to my mediocrity, to my parent’s supporting me financially for the next 8 months, with absolutely no way out. I have no space for writing. I have nobody to call my own that doesn’t live oceans away.

I wanted to be great at something. I wanted to be doing well in at least one thing, you know? But it seems impossible now. I am not good at anything. I feel mediocre at best.

The voice in my head does not fail to remind me that I am standing in a room where nobody sees me as competition or a threat. That they never will. Accept it, she says to me incessantly, you are average. You will always be average.

What do you do when your self belief in your own failure is so deep rooted, your brain is mocking you constantly? How do you fight your own mind?

[epacer]

Surge of Xenophobia and Racism

Asian Americans Wary About School Amid Virus, Violence

A Chinese American mother in the Boston suburbs is sending her sons to in-person classes this month, even after one of them was taunted with a racist “slanted-eyes” gesture at school, just days after the killings of women of Asian descent at massage businesses in Atlanta.

In the Dallas area, a Korean American family is keeping their middle schooler in online classes for the rest of the year after they spotted a question filled with racist Chinese stereotypes, including a reference to eating dogs and cats, on one of her exams.

As high schools and elementary schools across the country gradually re-open for full-time classes, Asian American families are wrestling with whether to send their children back out into the world at a time when anti-Asian hostility and violence is on the rise.

Some Asian American parents say they’re content to keep their children in virtual classes, especially with the school year winding down and COVID-19 cases rising in places. Others are conceding to adolescents craving normalcy, while still others refuse to shield their youths from bigotry.

Asian American students have the highest rates of remote learning more than a year after the coronavirus pandemic shuttered school buildings and forced districts to pivot to online classes. A federal government survey released earlier this month found just 15% of Asian American fourth graders were attending classes in-person as of February, compared with more than half of white fourth graders.

Those rates appear to be rising in some cities, but are still far lower than those of Black, Latino and white students. In Sacramento, Boston and Chicago public schools, for example, roughly a third of Asian American students are expected to return to in-person classes this month, compared with some 70% of white students, according to the most recent district data available.

Asian American youths have also not been spared anti-Asian harassment. A September report by Stop AAPI Hate found about 25% of Asian American youths surveyed experienced discrimination, including verbal harassment, social shunning, cyberbullying and physical assault, during the pandemic. The San Francisco-based group, which tracks incidents of discrimination against Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders, also says more than 12% of its reported incidents involved youths ages 17 and under.

Concerns about virus spread and rising racism are factors in the in-person learning disparities, but many Asian families also benefit from living in multi-generational households where grandparents and other relatives can help out, said Peter Kiang, director of Asian American Studies at the University of Massachusetts in Boston.

“These ethnic-defined support systems have been operating for more than a year already while parents are out working long hours, so there is no urgency to return to in-person classrooms,” he said.

Another factor is that many Asian Americans live in major urban areas like Boston where schools are only now starting to widely re-open, said Robert Teranishi, a professor of education and Asian American studies at UCLA. Meanwhile San Francisco, where about a third of public school students are of Asian descent, has no timetable for the return of middle and high school students.

For Grace Hu, a 16-year-old in Sharon, Massachusetts, who has been learning remotely all school year, the decision to go back to in-person classes later this month was easy.

The high school sophomore helped organize a recent rally against anti-Asian hate in Boston, but said she's not concerned about facing vitriol in school. The district, about 25 miles (40 kilometers) south of Boston, has a sizeable Asian American student population and she's felt generally safe and welcomed.

“I’m feeling trapped at home,” Hu said. “I just want to see my classmates again.”

Closer to Boston, in Quincy, a city with the highest concentration of Asian Americans in the state, Kim Horrigan said she and her husband have struggled with their decision to keep their 8-year-old son in remote learning this school year, but for altogether different reasons.

Horrigan said she’s never really considered racism a threat to her family, even though there's been tension in Quincy over the years as the Asian American community has grown to roughly 25% of the population, transforming a city famous for being the birthplace of two American presidents.

Instead, she's most concerned about exposing her household, which includes her Chinese immigrant parents, who are in their 70s, and two younger children, to COVID-19. At the same time, Horrigan worries about her son falling behind the longer he's home.

“We’ve taken so many precautions and sacrificed so much,” she said. "Why would we drop our guard now, with just a few weeks left?”

Meanwhile, in Needham, another Boston suburb, Denise Chan said she hasn’t second-guessed placing her three young sons back in classes full-time in recent weeks, even after the “slanted-eyes" incident.

Chan said another student approached her 11-year-old son at lunchtime, made a comment about Korean eyes and pulled his eyelids upward in the mocking gesture as other students looked on.

She said her son called out the racist remark, and his teacher eventually had the student apologize and promised racism would be addressed in the class curriculum.

“If the teacher did not deal with it the way she did, I would be more worried about sending him back,” said Chan. “I was also proud of the way my son handled it. We’ve talked about why it’s important to speak out.”

But in Carrollton, Texas, Joy Lim said her parents decided to keep her younger sister in remote learning after publicly raising concerns about the racist test question.

The 21-year-old college student said the decision is in part because of fear of reprisals if the sixth-grader returns to classes. The district denounced the exam question as “derogatory and hurtful” and placed three teachers on administrative leave.

“What’s been most discouraging is that people are still defending these educators,” Lim said. “These aren’t joking questions. They’re cruel.”

Swan Lee, a Chinese American mother in the Boston suburb of Brookline, isn’t so sure keeping Asian American students at home is the answer to what ails the country.

Her two high school-age teens are preparing to return to classes full-time later this month, and she's emphasized the importance of being strong and staying positive, though she admits she's worried about what might happen outside the relative safety of the school building.

“It’s not about protecting and shielding them. That’s too passive and too defeatist,” Lee said. “It’s about confronting this in a constructive manner. People need to understand this kind of racism is wrong. That’s the only way it goes away.” *Reposted article from the Associated Press by Philip Marcelo, April 20, 2021

[yourmotivationguru]

How Parents Can Help Their Kids Go Through Exam Stress

Exams are a stressful and challenging time for every person. The thought that your entire future depends on your grade may knock off balance even the most diligent ones. Committed to the idea to perform as best as they can, students often sacrifice regular meals, sleep, and simple joys that only hinder their productivity and may lead to heavier problems such as low self-esteem, anxiety, and even depression.

During this hard period, least of all they need to be cold-shouldered and put on edge by their parents. Blinded by the desire to afford a brighter future for their kids, parents often push them to work harder encouraging unhealthy choices and negligence to other important parts of their life. And while it may seem helpful at that exact moment, oftentimes, it doesn’t prove worthy in the long run.

In this article, we are offering the opposite attitude. With these eight tips, parents can help their kids stay healthy and stress-free without sacrificing their productivity.

How Parents Can Help Their Kids Go Through Exam Stress

Don’t Compare

Sometimes, parents start comparing their kids to their fellow-students or someone they know out of good faith and motivation. And while competitive spirit can often do us a huge favor, experience shows that it doesn’t work for exam-stressed students already buried under a lack of confidence, fear, and lots of doubts.

Instead of judging and assessing their children from the perspective of academic performance, parents should be empathic and supportive. Offer your help once in a while and better explain to your child that a lower than expected grade is not the end of the world: there are many other ways to achieve success. Your child will get the confidence he lacks and become more enthusiastic about studying.

Encourage Healthy Eating

Squeezed into tight deadlines before the coming exam, young students can easily forget about regular healthy eating and start making do with random snacks and junk food. Not only is it empty calories for their body but overindulgence can also bring serious health problems in the future.

It’s the parents’ responsibility to provide a healthy eating routine for their kids and encourage them to consume food rich in macronutrients, vitamins, and minerals. Setting regular meal times and preventing your child from skipping them is important both for a young student and for the family in general. This way, exam-takers will fuel their body properly, as well as have meaningful distraction time among their dearest ones.

Foster Healthy Sleeping Habits

It always starts with frequent all-nighters and sleep deprivation. And this is where the catch lies: lack of sleep only brings loss of efficiency and productivity, even though you expect the opposite outcome. It has been proven by many researchers that regularly sleep-deprived students show worse cognitive and memorization results and need longer to restore their previous level.

Therefore, it’s crucial that parents watched over their kids and never fostered at-night studies in exchange for sound sleep. They should help their young students to create conditions where they have 7-8 hours of at-night rest. This brings us to the next tip:

Arrange a Schedule

Having a schedule helps to be in control of your daily tasks, plan your activity, and track progress. It is the first thing students should take care of when exams start looming on the horizon.

From the perspective of their experience, however, parents can help their kids to arrange their daily routine the way that would include some free time in addition to studying sessions.

Remove Distractions

Distractions are the worst enemy of productive studying. It has become especially critical in the era of smartphones and the internet when students are constantly tempted by endless messages from friends and social media notifications. Thinking of scrolling the feed to relax a bit when it gets hard, students in fact gobble a great amount of their time and lose their focus.

It is in parents’ best interests too to remove distractions and help their kids study well. It may be a good idea to discuss leaving gadgets out of the room for a certain period or even take stricter measures like using app blocks or forbidding internet access completely. However, often it is enough to explain that the more efficient they study, the more free time and stress-free life they can have.

Encourage Physical Activity

There is science behind it: regular physical activity facilitates good mood and academic progress. And parents should make sure that their preparing for exams kids get enough of it.

Sitting for the exam is a stress both for body and mind, and having an extra source of endorphins and something to be proud of won’t be odd. The best idea is when parents and kids train together. Thus, students will have their daily portion of the movement, as well as social communication and support. Sometimes, such moments can be a lynchpin in their academic progress.

Allow Meeting with Friend or Enjoying Hobbies

One of the worst things parents can do is forbid their children to have small daily joys like hanging out with friends or enjoying their hobbies. Even though students have significantly less free time before the exams, it is crucial to encourage them to have a life outside their room. Meaningful distractions prove to be really helpful in reducing stress and boosting energy levels. Besides, meeting with friends can be a great opportunity to discuss difficult issues or support each other.

Show Your Care

At the end of the day, however, it is all about parental support. Students who are not afraid to disappoint their parents and know they are loved no matter what usually perform better at life, like our reader Macy Conrad.

“I failed my high school exams. It annoyed me so much that the next year I was the best in the class. Now I am offering college essay writing help and receiving the second degree abroad”

Explain to your kids that there are numerous outcomes and one single failure doesn’t define them as a person.

https://www.yourmotivationguru.com/exam-stress/

[furinjuru]

Our Sea Of Today - Chapter 16 - Improvement

It’s only been a week since she actually met You, but Yoshiko thinks she’s got a pretty good idea of her personality. Although it would be a gross oversimplification of their characters, she feels like it wouldn’t be amiss to compare her to Chika. They’re energetic and passionate about the things they enjoy. They like helping people, but also somewhat self-sacrificing. If they were in an anime, You would fit a lot of different characters. The childhood friend, the girl-next-door, the energetic sports-loving girl, and the popular girl just to name a few.

There are, obviously, a few things about You that Yoshiko doesn’t think she’ll ever know the answers to. Like whether or not she actually has a senpai-complex. Still, she feels like she understands You enough to at least make an accurate guess (yes).

However, the You she saw on Monday morning seemed...off. She still smiled and did that salute she did often when they saw each other, but other than a brief greeting they barely talked to each other. And it’s not like Yoshiko wasn’t trying. They had a lot to talk about! They could talk about boring things like the weather and schoolwork, or something more exciting like the new popularity of Aqours, or what they can do to revive the Supernatural Club. Every time she tried to start a conversation, You would follow along for a few minutes before getting distracted again. It’s more than a little frustrating.

Her mood didn’t improve when she got off the bus, either. They just walked together in awkward silence before parting ways, Yoshiko heading to her class where Chika and Dia were waiting. Today, it seemed like they were the center of the conversation, something Yoshiko couldn’t be happier for. Riko had come over to them to congratulate them personally and seemed at least receptive to the idea of helping them write more songs. Other than You, no one else had signed up yet, but that’s fine. If they continued to impress, more people will come. Chika and Dia know this very well, already tossing ideas back and forth for their next live.

All things considered, today is a fantastic day. She just hopes You will be back to normal sooner than later.

  By lunch break, You still isn’t back to normal. In fact, Yoshiko might think that she’s gotten worse. Her, Chika, and Dia were waiting in the schoolyard when You arrived. Apparently, she forgot her lunch at home. After refusing their offers to share their lunch, she runs towards the cafeteria while promising she’ll return soon. As soon as she’s gone, Dia glares at Yoshiko. She’s not the only one who realizes that You isn’t her usual self

“Yoshiko, did you do something to her?” She asks, suspecting the worst.

“Why would you think that?” Yoshiko did nothing wrong, of course. She’s innocent, and she tries to get that fact across to Dia, who is still glaring. “Look at me! I couldn’t hurt her if I tried!” It’s humiliating to admit that a first-year probably could kick her ass in a fight, but she’s worried that Dia would actually kick her ass.

“You’re the one who takes the bus with her every day, so I thought you had something to do with it.”

“Well, I don’t. She’s been like that all morning. Even I don’t know why.” The two turn to face the third person in the group, who’s biting down on two slices of mikan simultaneously. She realizes that all of the attention is on her and nervously gulps down the fruit before asking.

“What?”

“Chika, do you know the reason You is acting like this?” Dia asks, hopefully. “It can’t be that she’s sick of us already, right?” Chika pauses, seeming to ponder the possibility of such a scenario before shaking her head.

“Nah. I think it’s just because her dad left.” Yoshiko’s jaw drops, as well as Dia’s.

“What?!” She exclaims far too loudly. “Her dad left?” Chika nods, and the other two feel a heavy weight settling in their chest. This feels like something personal, far too personal to be casually mentioned in a conversation in public. But both of them are curious, and Yoshiko takes the risk by asking the question. “D-did something happen between him and You’s mom?”

Chika gives Yoshiko a flat stare, before bursting out into laughter, startling Yoshiko and Dia. Wiping a tear from her cheek, she grins at them. “That’s not what I meant, silly!” She says, close to another bout of laughter. “Her dad is a boat captain, so he’s back to work. Didn’t I tell you two about this before?”

“I think I remember you telling us that in the past,” Dia says calmly, as if she hadn’t been panicking as well. “I see. That’s understandable.”

“Yep,” Chika says while chewing on another mikan slice. “Her dad usually isn’t even around at the start of the school year. But since she’s starting high school, he decided to take an entire week off to see her. Usually he only comes back in summer and winter.”

Unfortunately, they’re unable to continue their conversation as You returns soon after with a few sandwiches. The way she’s acting makes more sense now that they know the reason behind it. Yoshiko’s surprised that she didn’t notice it before, but You looks more lonely rather than sad. It’s an expression she knows very well; the same expression she sometimes sees on her own face.

She knows exactly what You needs right now.

  On the bus ride home, Yoshiko confronts You about it.

“I heard from Chika,” she says, finally getting You to look at her. “You dad’s heading out to sea, right? That’s why you’re a lot...quieter today.”

“Yeah.” You smiles wistfully. “Sorry. I guess it isn’t really much fun sitting with me when I don’t really answer to anything.”

“Don’t worry.” You nods, and the two fall back into silence. You stares out of the window, while Yoshiko stares at You, concerned. “...would you mind if I talk?” She asks. “You can just listen. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.” You doesn’t object, so Yoshiko continues.

“I kinda get what you’re feeling. I don’t see my dad a whole lot either, and my mom always works late. We’d probably have dinner together and then go to bed.” You turns around, facing her as if asking her to continue. “In fact, I can even remember a few times when she missed Christmas and New Years.”

“That sucks,” You says, surprising Yoshiko. She thought You would stay quiet for the entire ride. She continues.

“My mom isn’t happy about it either. But there’s not really anything she can do about it. I’m sure your dad feels the same.”

She coughs, wracking her brain for the best way to articulate her thoughts. “What I’m trying to say is, if something is bothering you, you can definitely tell me about it. You keep listening to me talk about my problems, and it feels unfair that it’s only one-way. Besides, I’m supposed to be your upperclassman, and I want you to rely on me sometimes.”

You doesn’t respond, and Yoshiko assumes the worst scenario. “B-but, you don’t have to,” she says dismissively. “I’m just saying that it’s bad to let those kinds of feelings pile up, and it wouldn’t be good if my loyal little demon was distracted by those kinds of things. So you should-” You giggles, and Yoshiko stops talking.

“Thanks, Yohane,” You smiles genuinely for the first time today. “I’m glad to hear it. Really.” Her words cause a smile to appear on Yoshiko’s features as well. The conversation dies out, but this time the silence is warm and comfortable, two friends simply enjoying each other’s comfort. In a shocking move, You breaks it. “So, I guess it gets pretty lonely at your place, huh?”

“Unfortunately,” Yoshiko replies curtly.

“Well, even though you don’t need my help with sewing or anything right now...do you want to come over to my house? I got chocolate.”

Yoshiko’s eyes widen, but she agrees without hesitation.

Maybe You wasn’t the only one who needed some company. Maybe they’re both helping each other out.

 The students of Uranohoshi live peaceful lives. After a stressful first week at school for juniors and Club Day preparation for sophomores, they're eager to relax. Seniors are enjoying their last months of freedom before starting cram school and focusing on exams. Even with the possibility of their school shutting down looming over them, few know how dire the situation actually is.

Within the halls of Uranohoshi, there's one room that has become forgotten over time. Its lack of general use and absence of people entering and exiting has caused students to ignore it. But today, the room has two people occupying it. "The constant developments in Numazu are unpredictable and ever-changing, so to assume that Uranohoshi would become irrelevant within the time span of a few years is completely idiotic." Kanan sits on one of the many comfortable chairs in the room, watching as Mari performs an oration. The normally carefree expression on her face has been replaced by a steely, yet fiery gaze as she speaks loudly and passionately.

As she finishes her speech, Kanan claps her hand. “So, was it good?” Mari asks, smiling.

“A lot better than last time.”

Mari frowns. “But still not good enough, right?” Both knew the answer already, but Kanan nods nonetheless. She lets out a tired sigh, collapsing onto her plush seat. “...I need more practice.”

“What you need is a break,” Kanan interjects, standing up and walking over to Mari. “You’ve been practicing this speech for four hours now.”

“The speech has to be perfect, Kanan,” Mari mutters. “The fate of the school rests on it. I have to take this seriously.”

“When is the presentation, by the way?” Kanan asks as she goes to the water dispenser, filling a cup with water; Mari must be thirsty after reciting the speech so many times.

“This week. I’ll be meeting up with all of the board members and see if I can get them to cancel the merging.” She sighs again, closing her eyes. “It’s stressful. They don’t take me seriously because I’m just a high school student. They say I ‘don’t get it’ even though I love this school more than they do. It’s so frustrating.”

“So that’s why you want the speech to be perfect?” Kanan sounds impressed as she places the cup on the table. Mari thanks her, taking slow sips as she lets the cold water wet her parched throat. “Because you want them to take you seriously?”

“Yes. It’s alright since it’s for Uranohoshi.”

“Then...” Kanan points to herself. “Why did you ask me to help?”

“Two reasons.” Mari smiles. “You’re the former student council president. You have experience when it comes to making speeches.”

“I’m not that good.” She answers bashfully. “And the second reason?”

“Because you’re my friend.” She stares at Mari, asking her to continue. “Dia is...serious, but she thinks of us as her older sisters. I’m worried she won’t be honest when judging me. Also...” Mari looks out of the window, staring at nothing in particular. “...I don’t want her to worry too much.”

Kanan pauses, realizing that Mari has changed more than she originally thought. She’s not the same girl she remembers from childhood. Hell, Kanan might argue that she’s not the same girl who left Uchiura over a year ago.

Still, she thinks, some things never change. She goes around the table, standing behind Mari before patting her on the shoulder. That seems to do the trick, as Mari’s pulled out of her thoughts, her eyes looking at Kanan questioningly. “You’ve always cared about her a lot. You’re like her mom.”

“Ehhh?! No way!” Mari laughs. “I’m nowhere near old enough. Besides, ever since we were kids, you’re more like her mom.”

“Aren’t I younger than you?” Kanan laughs as well, smiling as Mari’s normally cheerful expression returns. She ’s still the same happy-go-lucky girl, but she’s learned when to be serious now.

“So, do you want to start practicing again?” Mari nods, turning towards a piece of paper on her desk. There are scribbles and words all over it as Mari made corrections through the course of a few hours. Kanan leans over Mari’s shoulder to look at it, not noticing the blonde tensing up and her cheeks becoming flushed. “So, I think you should change this part here.”

“Oh?” Mari asks, her voice an octave higher than normal. “W-why is that?”

“Since you want to be taken seriously, it would be better to use polite words. When we’re not sure, better safe than sorry.” She then points towards the last part. “Also here. They won’t appreciate you calling their decision ‘completely idiotic’. I think a word like ‘asinine’ would be better.”

“You do know they mean the same thing, right?”

“That’s exactly why we should change it,” Kanan says. “Since they mean the same thing, the point of your sentence doesn’t change. But I think one sounds more polite.”

“I see....”

As Kanan helps Mari practice her speech, she can’t help but feel warmth spreading inside of her. It’s almost like their childhood days, although they’re missing Dia. But for now, this is okay. Even after two years of separation, their friendship hasn’t changed.

That’s what she thinks.

She doesn’t remember feeling so much happiness just being with Mari. She doesn’t remember the way Mari’s quirky voice gives her goosebumps. She doesn’t remember feeling happy that Dia isn’t with them.

She doesn’t remember her heart beating oddly when Mari is around.

...she’s probably just nervous. Yeah, she’s nervous for Mari’s presentation, because it could decide what happens to Uranohoshi.

Nervous. That’s what she’s experiencing. She’s just nervous.

She takes a deep breath, her eyes locked onto Mari.

She feels even warmer now.

[dailykhaleej]

Class of 2020 in Dubai left to graduate via Zoom

Commencement ceremonies happen via Zoom for Dubai’s Class of 2020 Picture Credit score: Provided

Dubai: Highschool seniors in the UAE and school graduates of 2020 who have been trying ahead to their commencement ceremonies, promenade nights and grad journeys at the moment are having to settle in with the brand new regular, their plans compromised, in consequence of the coronavirus pandemic.

As if cancelled A-levels and IBs weren’t sufficient, the Class of 2020 or the Pandemic Era (as they’ll now be identified) at the moment are having to let go of closing farewells and embrace on-line get-togethers whereas the certificates arrive by submit.

Dressing for a web based promenade

Cassandra Teulon from the Dubai English Talking Faculty (DESC) regrets having no official commencement ceremony and no proms. She has already secured admission in a Bachelors diploma programme in International Improvement Research in a college in Canada, however does really feel annoyed with the modifications in her life.

“We were so annoyed when the exams were cancelled,” she instructed DailyKhaleej. “I worked hard for three years and then we were told we were not taking them. And now, no graduation ceremony either. We were so looking forward to that and the prom night. And there was also a grad trip being planned to Bali.”

Cassandra in her promenade costume prepared for a celebration on-line Picture Credit score: Provided

To make up for her dashed hopes, her mum, Cyndi Teulon, not too long ago organized for a digital commencement occasion with associates. “I wore a nice prom dress, got my hair and nails done. Then we zoomed in with family and friends. Mum arranged for some cakes and balloons and she got graduation caps for my friends,” says Cassandra.

Her college, she says, has requested closing 12 months college students to ship in movies with messages. “I am sure they will send us something for a keepsake.”

“I wanted to do something special for Cassandra,” says Cyndi. “She had worked so hard for her A levels and also had great predicted marks which got her into a great university. We needed a marker for her that would officially signal the end of her school education. So we arranged for an online party.”

Joanne Jewell

Mindfulness coach Joanne Jewell agrees that discovering a way of marking this necessary chapter in the lives of kids present rather a lot of parental help.

“Whether it’s renting a graduation gown, taking a picture, or having a special meal… acknowledging the milestone in some is always helpful.”

Commencement events via Zoom Picture Credit score: Provided

Cassandra agrees that going to a brand new nation does fear her. “But right now with what looks like an online first semester, it will be business as usual with no first day in college to look forward to as well,” she says.

Miss thanking my academics

Tayte Stefaniuk of the Gems Wellington Worldwide College agrees that it was “devastating” to hear that the IB had determined to cancel the examinations. “I had worked so hard and sacrificed so much to succeed in those exams. I had felt as though all of my hard work had been robbed.”

Tayte might be taking a niche 12 months to assess his choices for college. “Since I was very young I marveled at the prospect of being a marine biologist and had arranged internships in this discipline for my gap year which have subsequently been delayed. I am now using this time at home to take online courses to investigate a career in environmental law or environmental studies.”

He agrees that his associates have been trying ahead to a correct commencement ceremony. “Many had arranged to go on grad trips around the world to commemorate our time together. When it became evident that no physical graduation would take place, a virtual graduation was announced by the school. Graduating students were asked to send video clips in our graduation attire which would be made into a video presentation that will be shared with us.”

His biggest remorse is that he’ll miss thanking his academics in individual and say a correct goodbye. “I can’t thank them enough for their guidance and efforts during my time at GWIS and especially during this time.”

A photograph-op and planning a visit

The Gems United College that had deliberate a drive-through commencement ceremony for its college students, cancelled the occasion final Thursday, deeply disappointing Youssef Moubadder who had actually been trying ahead to it.

Youssef Moubaddder in his commencement robe Picture Credit score: Provided

Youssef has secured an admission in Surrey College in the UK and is annoyed that this second, which he has waited all his life, is now simply lowered to only a picture alternative in a commencement robe and cap that his college had organized someday again. “It really sucks,” he says. “We had also planned a special trip with senior students. Now we keep talking about how different life would have been without Covid-19.”

However Youssef agrees that he has learnt some sensible life classes from the pandemic. “To appreciate every little thing, and never to take anything for granted. We are still making plans with friends about going to Croatia for our Class of 2020 trip. That’s what keeps us going. Till then we just have to meet online and look forward to when things will get back to normal.”

Searching for a commencement robe

Dubai-resident, 21-yr-old, Salpie Dawood might be graduating with a diploma in in Worldwide Enterprise Communication from the Radbund College in the Netherlands. Though Salpie has been bodily attending courses in the Netherlands since 2017, she had to full her final semester on-line.

“The college had planned a graduation ceremony in August but now it’s all cancelled and I am really upset that I cannot celebrate my special day with my family,” she says.

Salpie Dawood at her college in the Netherlands Picture Credit score: Provided

Salpie plans to get herself a commencement robe and a cap and have a particular on-line celebration with household and associates. “In another world there would have been an elaborate ceremony in college with speeches and all. We would then take photographs at the iconic spots on campus, followed by a dinner with family and party with friends.”

Salpie says she retains replaying the image of a traditional commencement day in her thoughts. “I guess I took so much for granted. But I am going to make the most of it and get myself a graduation gown – a nice outfit and celebrate with my family and friends online.” The diploma certificates can come by submit, she says.

Speaking in regards to the job market, Salpie says, “I feel there will be opportunities for 2020 graduates, as this generation is most familiar with technological transformation. Hence, it is important to stand out and use the opportunity to further educate oneself.”

An unsure and traumatic time for younger adults

Tanuka Gupta

Tanuka Gupta, a medical psychologist, explains that the “pandemic situation is a prolonged state of trauma that humans are going through much like a natural disaster, war or violence. The effects of trauma always lead to some level of mental health concerns. Thus, young adults will be having the same range of emotions about the pandemic and their future or career much like the adults around them. From my interaction I have found the most common emotional states are that of anxiety, confusion, sadness, depression and grief. Especially the age where they are at the cusp of stepping into a world of career and responsibility, stress level will be especially higher than young children who are more dependent on their parents for their wellbeing.”

The uncertainty of the scenario, the loss of alternatives to graduate, get an internship or a job or be with friends will proceed to gas the state of worry, fear and unhappiness in them, she explains. “There is a sense of ‘powerlessness’ or ‘victimhood’ that comes from a prolonged state of being in a ‘limbo’ of not being able to do anything.”

However every particular person, Gupta says, have their very own coping mechanisms. “Some people would probably become more cynical of the hope of doing well while some will quickly bounce back and go with the changes like social distancing, wearing masks and other restrictions. Some may lose trust in the overall system and some would come out of it learning lessons about humanity, compassion and equality.”

What are you able to do as a father or mother?

A supportive, calm and balanced house setting is extraordinarily necessary always however particularly now. Kids study to address stress primarily based on what’s modelled by their dad and mom to a big extent. A house setting the place there may be panic, despair and constant hypothesis in regards to the pandemic will exacerbate worry in the kids.

Course of your personal stress in a peaceful method. Be sincere about what you are feeling and share that with your loved ones together with your kids.

Examine in on the emotional state of your kids and pay attention to how they’re processing the scenario.

Don’t impose your opinions on them. Don’t inform them how they want to really feel.

Settle for their emotions as that will give them a protected house to share. There are not any “wrong” feelings. All feelings are legitimate.

Focus on the absolute best methods of dealing with this case. Don’t push advices however supply solutions.

Lead a balanced life of wholesome sleep and waking hours, bodily train, nourishing weight loss plan and restricted digital time.

Ask for his or her assist in home tasks.

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[malkialotus2]

Motherhood Isn’t Linear

A woman can never truly prepare for motherhood. I never thought that I would have it all figured out; it’s impossible. I was hoping for automatic support from the jump. No one told me that you would kind of have to figure it out on your own. From the birth of my son, I was greeted with “Welcome to Motherhood!” That phrase has always made me cringe, because how are we so sure she wasn’t a mother figure to someone else? All the love I was getting during my pregnancy dwindled a month after birth. At the time, I couldn’t tell if I was being selfish or if it was valid to feel this way. I was being selfish and my feelings were validated. (Never allow anyone to make you feel like your feelings are not valid). The ones that continued to show that they cared, even two years later, have my complete appreciation and thanks.

 When my son was six months old, I was laid off from my job. I wasn’t completely upset with the decision because I wanted to be home with him. Being at work, even though it was part-time, was depressing me. The idea of being a stay-at-home mom is a beautiful one to me. During this time, I decided to go back to college. I changed my major and enrolled in a community college. The plan was to take as many morning classes as much as possible and be home by noon or one o’clock. This way I can pursue my dreams and still get to spend the majority of the day with him. Instead, I got a job offer a month after my layoff, and I still decided to go to school. It takes a lot to go back to school after four years.

 During the interview process, I informed my boss that I would be going to school while working (the hope was to be a part-time employee). Anyone would advise against this because most businesses don’t want to hire anyone with other obligations. I took that chance anyway. Luckily for me, I got the job. It’s been an interesting ride ever since. I started school in the spring semester under one condition, my boss wouldn’t allow me to work if I was going to school during the day. I worked nine to five, Monday through Friday. It was hard enough that I was missing out on my son during the week, now I had to miss him during the evening too? It was a stressful decision and an even more stressful semester.

 I complied simply because I needed the money for bills and tuition. My boss and I agreed on me leaving an hour early to get to school on time. My first semester back was a full one. Tuesday through Thursday I attended school six to nine at night, and Fridays were six to ten. I thought it could be done because I had the weekends to spend with him, but how was I supposed to study? With school, work, and an infant, it was rough. That feeling lasted a whole three semesters. Thankfully, I will be done with school by May 20th with a current GPA of 3.1. It has been one hell of a ride.

During this time, I’ve struggled with the idea of if I was doing motherhood right or not. After a year and a half of constant self-torture, I can say that I was doing everything a working, schooling mother could do. My mother has been my biggest support. When I had an online exam, and no one was home to watch him, I could bring him over so I could focus. Let me not forget all the babysitting she did. She sacrificed a lot of sleep (she worked the night shift) to make sure I was getting what I needed to get done. 

 Ironically, we had a lot of issues when I was younger. We weren’t on good terms. Once I became a mother, we became closer. She has helped me with my constant doubt as a mother. I felt like I was a horrible mother for going to school and working full-time. With the help of her, and therapy (another post), I was able to understand that I was doing everything I could.

With the current COVID quarantine, I have become a whole lot closer to my son. I was working from home, attending classes from home, and dealing with us being attached at the hip. As I’m writing this, he is literally by my side. I went from working at home to being furlough within two weeks. I was relieved because I could focus on being with him for most of the week. While there are days where I feel I cannot breathe; I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I use this time to get to learn his beautiful personality.

 As the semester comes to an end, I can focus on being the stay-at-home mom that I wished to be. I will spend all this time learning about him better and teach him how to write his name. Being a mother is one of the best things in the world. In the past two years, I have learned that motherhood isn’t as linear as society would like us to believe.

[typetwofun]

The Future As A Result of Coronavirus

This post should take you roughly 13 minutes to read

A little over 78 years ago America was attacked by the Japanese in perhaps the most monumental military strike in modern history. The results of the attack were catastrophic for the Americans: 2,335 young men and women lost their lives, 1,143 more were wounded, 4 battleships were sunk and over a dozen more were damaged. In the ensuing world war the United States lost over 400,000 lives and the national debt climbed from $42 billion to $269 billion.

The attack caught the Americans completely flat footed and entered us into the second world war before the country was fully prepared to do so. Hindsight being 20/20, we can play MMQB and say that the U.S. should have been better prepared for such an attack given Pearl Harbor’s vulnerability and its strategic position in the pacific. It was no secret that Japan was taking over the Pacific rim as it needed resources to fuel its war machine. When the Americans established an oil and gasoline embargo on Japan in 1941 leaving them with less than two years of reserve supplies it was only a matter of time before Japan would do something desperate.

Despite our Commander in Chief's dubious leadership qualities and his lack of ability to unify the country, I believe in the future the way we view the American response to Coronavirus will be similar to how we now view the American response to the attack on Pearl Harbor and the ensuing World War.  We were proven to be greatly underprepared for both catastrophic events which caused extraordinary damage, significant losses of life and economic damage that will take years to recover from. The only difference is 45 may not provide a speech that resonates throughout the ages like FDR did.

The reason I reference this history lesson is that I hope we can take a moment and think about a few lessons both of these events have taught us:

First off, the United States has always found a way to overcome the obstacle in question despite significant odds and no matter how grim the prospects look. This isn’t the first pandemic we have ever faced and it certainly won’t be the last.

Secondly, we also learn a great deal from adversity and come out the other side with a new perspective and brilliant understanding of previous errors in judgment. The focus on mobilizing for war ultimately led to the invention of synthetic oil & rubber, radar, jet engines, helicopters, and aircraft with pressurized cabins. Our culture has been yielding the dividends for these inventions for nearly 80 years now.

I hope to share a few predictions I have of the innovation and learning I believe will happen as a result of the Coronavirus pandemic and use it as a springboard for discussion. These projections are the way I envision certain innovations developing post pandemic. As with everything there are pros and cons, I will try to build counterarguments and the downside of each thought. But the main focus of this article is mostly about potential upside and there are only so many hours in a day.

I’m also sure in a few years I’ll look back and have the good fortune to observe how off base I was and what an idiot I am. But hey, at least we’re learning.

Oh - one more thing. These are merely opinions and predictions that might spur on conversations of what our world might look like after this is all over with. Please don’t take any of this personally, this isn’t that serious.

Ok, let’s dive in.

Remote Learning Demonstrates It’s Ready for the Big Time

The global pandemic has forced many of the world's learning institutions to switch from an in-person educational model to a remote learning model quite literally overnight. The switch has been an interesting case study and in the coming months and years we will learn of its impacts both positive and negative. Despite being drastically underprepared, our educators are making do with what they have and adapting to continue teaching despite the less than desirable circumstances.

This new learning format may not actually be a great challenge to our students given the malleability of a children’s mind and their sponge-like ability to learn new concepts. Their teachers however may have greater difficulty in adapting. Our public school teachers are trained in how to deliver information in person and how to adapt their curriculum to meet the needs of different learning styles. Our nation’s education institutions also aren’t equipped with the technical infrastructure to pull off this remote learning switch.

Up, Up, Upside

Remote learning has the potential to provide incredible utility to our global population. While I don’t foresee or advocate for public schools moving to an entirely remote model, I do think it can be a wonderful compliment for our nation's public schools and a more realistic alternative for secondary education that is both more cost effective and accessible.

With access to remote learning, students are not limited to the material that is taught by the educators at their high school, university, or trade school. A 10th grader in West Virginia may now have access to advanced Spanish, classic american art or the basics of fluid dynamics education she was previously not exposed to simply because of where she was born. Or a 10th grader in Queens may not have the help he needs on his homework because both of his parents work past his bedtime, but he will now have access to a tutor to prepare for his algebra exam he needs to pass in order to earn his High School Diploma.

One of the greatest challenges underrepresented groups face today is the lack of access to a good education, let alone the best education. The scale of remote learning will allow our best teachers and educators the ability to deliver information to more students across the country and even the globe. Remote learning provides the ability for lectures and workshops to be distributed to students who would not previously have access to such material because of their location or socioeconomic standing.

I have the opportunity to work with some incredibly talented software engineers that deliver training and enablement on the subject of how modern enterprise software should be built in the cloud. Previously a customer had to have both the budget and the engineering talent to validate bringing our engineers on site and this greatly limited the number of students we could reach. Due to the restrictions from the virus we have been forced to pivot to a remote delivery model which has afforded us the opportunity to reach people who previously couldn’t access the training. It remains to be seen if the quality of our enablement is sacrificed, but I believe there is a balance here where a minor sacrifice in effectiveness is worth it if we can reach more people.

Downside

The most concerning aspect of remote learning as it stands today is that students of lower socioeconomic status may not have the appropriate technology to participate in remote learning at home. They are also less likely to have the same level of support from their parents or guardians as their peers in middle and upper class families. This challenge may further exacerbate the gap in income disparity we are currently wrestling with on a national and global level. If remote learning is to be adopted on a more permanent basis in our nation's public schools, we will have to figure out how to ensure all children have access to proper technology and are equipped with a stable internet connection at home.

Attendance for remote learning during the pandemic is hard to track and you can bet your bottom dollar that some students will find a way to use any lack of in person accountability to their advantage. Students from underserved communities as well as kids who are bullied and students with learning disabilities who are more likely to skip school in the current model will have an easier time playing hooky or not paying attention in remote classes.

A drawback my team is dealing with in delivering remote software development enablement is a drastic reduction in the ability to read the room through the screen. It is much more difficult to identify who’s paying attention or who’s struggling with the concepts and who’s at the head of the class.

But why now?

One major obstacle of effective online learning is the lack of connectivity. Internet speeds and useful remote communication tools like Zoom and Slack are fully baked products ready for primetime to host lectures, group projects and one on one tutoring. This is a critical piece of the puzzle that is going through a major litmus test this past month as public schools were forced to switch from an in person teacher led training to virtualized remote training environments essentially overnight.

Orthogonal thoughts on remote education

Inflation of the cost of higher education is a real problem in this country and making secondary degrees cost prohibitive for many Americans. The rising cost of education is leaving many of our young adults with a debt burden that alters their life decisions

Ideas of how to combat this issue such as nationalizing higher education have been discussed at great length. Some states like the one in which I live have already begun to implement such programs. Although this reduces the cost of education for the individual, does it actually lower the cost of education?

We’re not going to tackle that in this post, but I do think organizations like Kahn Academy and Codecadamy have demonstrated how powerful remote learning can be. Imagine if we harnessed this progress and adapted it to our formal education programs.

Possible Near Term Outcomes

Children derive so much utility spending time with their peers at school and I cannot imagine depriving any young person of that necessary social interaction. However I can foresee a mixed model where students enroll in remote classes for special classes not offered at their campus, from home when they are sick, or if another emergency occurs.

Higher education will continue to be disrupted and paying top dollar for a meal plan and a dorm room is no longer required to receive quality secondary education. Leading tech companies are already eliminating the requisite Bachelors/Master’s degree check box for all employees. I expect the rest of the rest of the world to follow suit.

Remote Work Becomes the New Normal

When I worked at Apple Nearly 8 years ago now, I started off as a sales rep in the retail store selling Macs and iPhones. Eventually I got promoted to a B2B sales role which involved me getting an iMac and a phone in a little office in the back of the store. When I was interviewing for the job one of the managers asked me if I knew this job wasn’t just surfing the internet all day in the back office.

That question seems kind of ridiculous to me today and I think the push back a lot of employers have with remote working employees will feel similarly in 10 years. Yes I have more than a few non work tabs going on my Mac at all times, but that doesn’t mean my work is suffering or that’s all I’m doing.

Prior to this pandemic it wasn’t unusual for me to work from home somewhere between 1-3 days per week. This is commonplace for many of my peers, many of whom are very high performing professionals. A lot of people I work with almost exclusively work from home and some don’t even live in a city where my employer has an office. Which has me wondering, if technology companies can work from home effectively, why can’t other organizations?

FWIW I do not buy the argument that people in tech are more disciplined or more trustworthy than workers in other disciplines, I think we just have more practice.

Work productivity tools like Zoom and Slack are so seamless in their integration to our workday already that making the jump to fully remote really isn’t that difficult for most organizations to imagine.

Enter Coronavirus and most of the world seems to be handling the new change quite well. Long term the answer probably lies somewhere between a 100% remote staff like my buddies at Tackle.io and the 40 hour per work week in a physical office. There is too much utility gained from in person meetings and social engagement with our colleagues to go entirely remote. Like education, a hybrid scenario where office space shrinks and employees are assigned 2-3 days to come in to have 1:1’s with their boss, customer meetings, or team get together.

Employee Benefits

Employees benefit greatly from the flexibility to work from home a few days per week. It affords greater flexibility to do chores or errands, easily pick up kids from school, work remotely to tack on a few extra days of travel or on a vacation. Given that the average American spends nearly an hour commuting (almost 8% of waking hours) that’s a lot of extra time added back into your day.

Employer Benefits

The benefits for the organization might not be quite as obvious and there are probably plenty of solid counter arguments, but here it goes: If a majority of your staff was coming in 2-3 days per week you could reduce the amount of office space you need to rent thus lowering your opex. Employee flexibility to work from home will reduce the need for employees calling out sick or for personal reasons. Especially after this global event, the tolerance for people coughing and sneezing in the office will hopefully be lower. Parents who can be home with their kids more often will want to work for companies with flexible work environments. If you have this policy you will attract those people.

Air Travel Disrupted

Do you remember flying before 9/11? I don’t. But I would imagine the impact of this pandemic will force a major overhaul of the way we are screened before hopping on our next flight. I don’t have a good idea of when I expect to fly again, but let’s just say it won’t be until July or August of this year. I would be surprised if the next time I fly I do not have my temperature taken before heading through TSA.

If TSA starts to restrict flying privileges to people registering a fever this will be a major change in the way we travel. If you are told you can’t catch that flight to the Bahamas because you have a fever you will certainly hate it, but this change might help reduce the impact of future infectious diseases.

Doctor-As-A-Service Becomes The New Default

Once upon a time when you were sick the Doctor came to you to make a house call. That kind of service sounds incredible to me because I hate visiting the doctor’s office. For one, that’s where the other sick people are congregated, and I don’t want to be anywhere near that huddled mass. Secondly, it’s one of the greatest bureaucratic tar pits one can get stuck in and just an overall black hole of personal time and energy. Online doctor appointments have shown its usefulness more and more in this time of Coronavirus and I truly hope it is a trend that will stay.

The concept of telemedicine is not a new one. In fact, it’s a lot more widely used than I had realized. My fiancé shared how she has leveraged a remote doctor for several non urgent medical needs in the not too distant past. I recently logged into my medical insurers website and the landing page presented me with two options: “Select Primary Care Provider” and “Connect with a Doctor Online”. Next time I need to visit the doc for something other than my annual checkup, I know I’m going to do a virtual doctor’s visit.

The main utility the teladoc provides is whether or not you should seek in-person medical attention, or can it wait until tomorrow. Additionally, if you need to visit a doctor in person to seek further diagnosis if you should visit the ER or you could just go to the neighborhood urgent care? The National Center for Biotechnology Information estimates that between 13.7 and 27.1 percent of all emergency department visits could be treated at either an urgent care or retail clinic with a potential cost savings of approximately $4.4 billion annually to boot. Imagine the ER with just 13% fewer patients in the waiting room...

Delivery services like DoorDash are now offering pharmacy deliveries so if you’re sick, not only can you visit the doctor from your home but you might also be able to avoid visiting the pharmacy. This kind of service could be quite impactful in preventing future pandemics.

TL;DR

For the most part, I’m very bullish in the future of humanity and more narrowly the USA post-Coronavirus. We have always found a way to take difficult situations and improve them. We are also not perfect and will probably make lots of mistakes coming out of this, but given the relatively low fatality rate of Coronavirus, I believe we will learn from this and be much better off because of it.

Thanks and stay safe.

[sweetwritertanya]

Is mandatory to go to all classes only IF you want to pass without taking a final exam, but its up to u. I did that last year and my grades were almost perfect so i want the same this year thats why i push myself to stay there even w a horrible migrane. Thing is I change my "goals" all the time. So i don't have a specific thing in mind to keep me going. It was more of "meh, i know people with this degree tend to have a good well paid job and is my hometown so might as well just give it a go"

(cont.) I mean as a child i wanted to be an actress and pretend i was one but everybody goes thru something like that i think, and lets be real, it will never happen lol i used to write too but not enough to say its my thing idk it's hard yo explain i wanted to be many things. I'm just scared that i'm not making enough sacrifices for what i want in life and even more cuz idk what i want, what i'm good at and what's more convenient at this day and age. I sorta like what im studying...

It feels too serious, and when in doubt i think that maybe i should do something that doesnt involve treating w patients, but then i think that if i get to help somebody and make a good living then its the Best of both worlds it's just aghhhh. Again, sorry to bother you w this but i like the way you interact and well that was it. Thanks ♥️ and PS: love your writing pls pls never stop i read them when i want to scape reality lol which is pretty often these days haha

You don’t bother me at all honey, I’m just sad I can’t be more helpful to you. I truly think you shouldn’t go for a specific carrer just because you think it pays well or it’s what’s expected or something, It should be something you enjoy even if only a little, cause it’s something you’ll be doing for most of your life. But I also know not many people get to do what they truly love and that sucks. 

If you truly don’t know what you want yet, do a bit of reserach and think about it for a while. There has to be something that sparks your interest out there. Don’t pressure yourself to make sacrifices if you don’t even know if the reason you are sacrificing its worth enough. It is admirable that you want to help people, but there are many other jobs in which you can do so that you may prefer. Maybe look into it. Also, money is important but not the most important thing. Don’t stay in a job you don’t like only because of money, it’s unfair to you and unfair to the people you will work with (colleagues and patients).

As for college, I also had exams at the end of each semester, it would be a full month of six to eight final exams. It was stressful studying for them, but because I was mentally prepared and could study on my own terms, it was worth it. I can’t say how it would be for you, so if you want to attend every class and avoid the exam I wish you luck. But please don’t strain your mental health over it. Part of being an adult is to know when you need a break. Take care of yourself the best you can, alright?

You can “talk” to me whenever you’d like, I like interacting with you all too! 😊 And thank you for telling me you enjoy my stories, it always makes me smile to know that. I have no intention of stopping for now, so don’t worry! You already have too many concerns, don’t add that to the list honey. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[sardonic-at-heart]

Sunbeams (Sam x Mika)

Sam comes home to find a rather interesting sight. Set after the first game and before the second game.

Warning: Contains swearing. Go figure, right?

PS: I listened to Love Exists by Amy Lee while I wrote this. It’s an English cover for L’amore esiste by Francesca Michielin. Both pretty and poetic songs, so I recommend listening to them.

You can also read it on AO3.

After a grueling day of paperwork and meaningless tasks his boss gave him, Sam just wanted to relax on the couch and listen to his girl’s soothing voice talk about anything to distract him from his exhaustion. He was searching the perimeters of the mansion when he finally found her.

Out of all the things he would come home to Sam didn’t expect to see Mika asleep in the backyard. Yet there she was laying on her side, textbook open beside her, and her backpack placed under her head as a makeshift pillow. The tree had blanketed her with its shade, save for the small gaps between the leaves, tiny sunbeams scattered across her body. A patch of light shined on her eyelids and, completely unfazed, Mika shifted her position so that she was now laying on her back.

Sam smiled at the sight, a quiet chuckle at the back of this throat. He should have been used to her sleeping expression after two years of sharing the same bed together, but she captivated him every single time. She held a peaceful countenance as a soft sigh tumbled out of her delicate lips. She often had a habit of furrowing her eyebrows if she was dreaming, but from the way they relaxed he assumed nothing was happening in that doofus brain of hers. He thought that was a cute quirk but she thought otherwise.

A sudden idea came to him and then he pulled out his phone. He saw her like this during the weekdays when he was too busy getting ready for work in the morning and only had time to kiss her sleeping face goodbye. And on weekends, if he was given those days off or had night shift, she would get up before him while he slept until the afternoon. It seemed like a great opportunity to take pictures of her right now so that he could stare at them during his lunch breaks or while he was on patrol. Or blackmail.

He needed to be very quiet and secretive about this. Mika didn’t like him taking pictures of her without her permission, especially while she was asleep.

Sam stepped closer to get a better view of her, the grass muting the sound of his footsteps for his plan. Swiping on his screen for the quick access to the camera he jumped a little when he realized the front camera was on and showed his face a little too close for his liking. Shit, he hated when that happened. Always caught him off guard.

Okay. Do over.

Switching to the back camera, the green eyed incubus proceeded to snap a few pictures: some zoomed in to see her expression and also zoomed out to capture her entire lax position. He took a minute or two just to appreciate his photographic work and also to make sure they weren’t blurry. Technology, despite astounding a demon who never had things like this in the Abyssal Plains, was a bit finicky at times, and he didn’t want it acting out on him now.

“Sam…?”

SHIT!

His eyes snapped to his girlfriend who slowly sat up, green eyes half-lidded and black hair in slight disarray from the remnants of her nap. Mika rubbed the sleep from her eyes before noticing how stiff his stance was, and narrowed them in suspicion. Crap, did she know? He needed to play it off as if he just came home. She closed her eyes to stretch and yawn, which Sam took as an opportunity to regain his cool and act as if he didn’t do anything wrong. Well, he didn’t exactly do something wrong. More like doing what she didn’t like.

“One and only,” he shoved his phone into the pocket of his letterman jacket and plopped down beside her. “Sleep good?”

She smiled and accepted the kiss he placed on her lips in lieu of a response. “You’re home early.”

“Think again. It’s almost six o’clock.”

“W-what?”

Mika’s hands launched to her phone to check the time and then threw her head back with an over dramatic groan.

“I was supposed to wake up an hour ago.”

He chuckled at her reaction and pointed at her economics textbook. “Looks like you were studying.”

“Tried to,” she corrected. “But nothing seemed to stick, so I thought taking a nap would clear my mind.”

She buried her face in her hands and groaned again. “Why didn’t I put an alarm on?”

“Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

In his efforts to be as supportive as he could, Sam picked up the book and flipped through a few pages. It couldn’t be that difficult, right? He was well accustomed to understanding letters and reading sentences by now, but when he scanned through the paragraphs filled with economic jargons it was like he was reading an entirely different language. Well, served him right for assuming the English language was always straightforward. Wincing, he returned the textbook to the floor and pushed it from him until it was at arm’s length away.

“When’s your exam?”

“Two weeks from now.”

“Doofus,” he gave a gentle flick to her forehead. She yelped in surprise. “Why’re you panicking then? You have plenty of time.”

“I know, I know. It’s just,” she reached out to the textbook, her finger picking at one of the worn out corners of the paper cover. Her voice was quiet that the wind could have blown it away. “This class is a little difficult to understand. I don’t want to barely pass like last time. I want to really be prepared.”

Sam’s playful atmosphere vanished at the sound of her tone. He wished he had the experience to sympathize with her. To find the right words and say it so that her worries could be watered down to nothing from the situation.

He knew how much she valued education, how many hours she sacrificed in exchange for good grades and keeping up her GPA (it always made him upset knowing how those things could drop so easily with one bad grade). And he also knew how much stress it put on her. He lost count of all the nights she stayed awake studying until the odd hours of the morning even though she had classes the next day. The dark circles under her eyes and sluggish movements he noticed every few weekends when she finally had a break from her homework and exams. He didn’t have a sound advice to give her, but as he watched a frown gradually sour her beautiful features, he decided to tell her what she should hear.

“Look,” he leaned his back against the tree trunk and crossed his arms, his legs stretched out in front of him. “I get you want to pass this test with flying colors, but if you really want to do a good job, then give yourself a break. You’ll probably forget all you studied if you start now.”

“It won’t hurt to at least get an early start. That way I wouldn’t rush to make a study guide on that week.”

“I’m not saying you’ll slack off if you don’t start right away. Just pace your studying, okay? You listening?”

Conflict flickered in her eyes, and she reached out to her book. Sam grabbed it and placed it further from her reach.

“Mika,” he spoke in a gentle yet firm tone, “Take a break this week. Please. Don’t stress yourself out.”

“But—”

“I mean it, alright? I hate seeing you overwhelmed and tired all the time.”

She looked off to the side, her thoughts written on her forehead. The incubus took note of the way she played with the tips of her hair in an absentminded gesture. Sam relished in gazing at the bits of sunlight hitting her figure. The lighting and natural background that surrounded her enhanced her beauty and it stole his breath away for two solid seconds.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he was thankful that he took those pictures.

“Fine,” she relented. “But you better kick my ass if I start procrastinating.”

Much to her disagreement he smirked. “‘Course.”

As Mika stuffed her textbook into her bag Sam propped an elbow on his knee. “Why’d you come out here to study? You could’ve done the same thing inside.”

“The weather’s nice,” she shrugged. “Plus, nature can’t be topped. Smell the roses and all that.”

He couldn’t deny that fact. In the middle of summer, Chicago was smoldered in uncomfortable heat. The moment he stepped out of the police station his clothes stuck to his skin, sweat accumulating in the most uncomfortable way that was possible. But as he sat next to her in the shade the heat seemed a little tolerable. He watched the leaves above him shift ever so slightly in the wind, finding solace in the whimsical chirping of a few birds with a calm expression on his face.

The peaceful atmosphere washed away all the tension from his shoulders and he sank down until his back touched the ground with a muffled bump. An involuntary yawn left his mouth as he placed his arms behind his head, legs stretched and crossed at the ankles. His eyes were about to close, when he caught Mika zipping her backpack closed and rising from her seat.

“Wait a minute,” he grabbed her wrist without moving from his position. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Inside? I was going to let you relax here after a busy day at work.”

He furrowed his eyebrows in an attempt to hide his sulking. “And I can’t relax with my girl? C’mon and sit back down with me.”

She looked down at him and took a few seconds to read his expression before she narrowed her green eyes and flashed a lopsided smile.

“Alright. But only because you asked so nicely,” she teased.

Tossing her bag carelessly to the side Mika sank to her knees and crawled over to the space beside Sam. With his hand that still held her wrist, he trailed his fingers up so that he was now holding her hand and lifted it to his lips, placing a tender kiss on the back of her hand. A hint of a blush colored her cheeks, which she tried to hide when she laid next to him. His arm returned to cushion the back of his head to watch the leaf-covered sky as she made herself comfortable.

“So,” she drawled, “how was work?”

He grunted in reply.

“That bad, huh?”

“Like every day.”

He saw her move from the corner of his eye and the next thing he knew, she was rolling her body on top of his, their faces inches apart. Her crossed arms were placed over his chest and she rested her chin on them with a curious gaze.

“Want to talk about it?”

“My boss is a dick.”

“As usual,” she agreed with a nod.

“And normally that wouldn’t bother me, right?”

“Right.”

“But today he was being more of a dick than usual.”

“What happened?”

“At first, just annoying errands that had no purpose, but then he wanted me to clean the fucking bathrooms.”

She scrunched her nose in disgust. “Should I be touching you right now?”

“I took a shower, doofus,” he rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I sped up the cleaning, hoping that’s the last time he’d bother me. But after that he makes me file a bunch of paperwork that he was supposed to do.”

Her mouth fell open in disbelief.

“I’m talking about those kinda boring papers that no one wants to do. Drops it all on me. I’m glad I actually managed to finish it before my shift ended. That way he wouldn’t make me do it again tomorrow morning.”

“Your boss,” Mika said with a smirk, “is the dickiest.”

The incubus chuckled, a smile plaguing his lips as he reached up to grasp the side of her face. His heart warmed at the sight of her leaning into his touch, her eyes closed in bliss.

“I forget all the stress whenever I’m with you. I hope you know that.”

The blush was a darker shade now and she closed the distance with a slow kiss. He kissed back with the same gentleness while his arm pressed her closer than she already was to his body. They pulled away a few heartbeats later, green eyes gleaming in content.

“That was really corny.”

“You liked it.”

She bit her lip in an attempt to hide her smile. “Maybe.”

God, he really loved her.

After placing another kiss on his lips she rolled off to his side, her long black hair cascading down her shoulders from the movement. His right arm tucked under her head like a pillow as his left hand drew gentle circles on her back. It was his favorite thing to do, especially when they were in bed, clothes scattered to the floor and sweat glistening on their skins after their recent love making. A satisfied hum escaped from her throat and her eyes closed once again, her right arm wrapping around his waist as she huddled closer to his chest.

He could feel exhaustion reeling him in like a wave creeping onto the shoreline. There was a slight movement he noticed from his girlfriend, but he was already in the process of closing his eyes in preparation of a nap. All the tension in his muscles from his work rolled off as his breath slowed to a calm pace. Nothing could ruin this moment of tranquility.

“Sam?”

“Hmm…?” He slowly opened his eyes and turned to look at her.

What he saw instead of a smile occupying her face was his phone in her hand with her lips pressed into a thin line. Her blank stare barely concealed the intense aura that swirled around her.

“What the hell is this?”

He looked at his screen and it showed rows of pictures he took of her. How did she…? That was when he remembered how she had her arm around his waist, her hand close to his pocket where he kept his phone, and the small shift she made while his eyes were closed. He let his guard down.

All his intentions to take a nap vanished in an instant as his eyes widened in realization. If this was a different scenario, his expression could have been considered comical. But right now Sam was in trouble.

“I told you to not take pictures of me without my permission.”

He was in big trouble.

“Uh,” he began.

“I’m deleting these.”

Using his super speed, Sam swiped his phone from her grasp and zipped away into the mansion. Her frustrated scream could be heard as he tried to find a place to hide.

“Come back here, Sam!”

He decided to stay hidden for an hour, since he knew that was how long she would be mad at him. Either way, he was not planning to give up those pictures.

“AOMARIS!”

A bright light surrounded him at the mention of his true name, too quick even for his own speed to avoid. The incubus was standing in the backyard once again, but this time he faced his angry girlfriend glaring up at him with her hands on her hips. At that moment he knew that no matter how fast he ran or how far he would get, it meant nothing as long as she called his true name over and over again.

Sam gulped at his fate. “Fuck.”

Want more Sam? Read my fanfic(s) here!

[blackjacketsandpens]

you owe it to him (and me)

Set after the Yakuza arc, assuming they rescue Eri successfully.

Class 1-A’s dorm was in chaos. Well, relatively speaking -- the place was still in one piece, but there was a lot of shouting. Izuku, Uraraka, Kirishima, and Tsuyu had returned safely, but the extent of their injuries and Aizawa-sensei’s injuries had meant it was impossible to conceal what they’d been up to. Much to Izuku’s relief, Aizawa-sensei had been the one to explain everything, but much to his horror, their teacher had bailed after that to go to sleep.

And thus, the shouting.

Half the class was furious that they’d been out of the loop -- and couldn’t help -- and the other half was frantic with worry, having been told both about Eri and about the bullets that had nearly taken Mirio’s quirk, and would have if it weren’t for the little girl they’d rescued. Iida and Yaoyorozu in particular were going on and on about what could have happened, especially to Kirishima, who was the worst injured of the four of them.

In the middle of all the yelling and clamor, Izuku couldn’t help but notice the distinct lack of one of the loudest of them all -- Bakugo. It was immediately noticeable, honestly; he’d have thought Kacchan would be the angriest due to the fact that his house arrest and the license remedial studies had prevented him from even knowing about the internships in time, let alone helping. In fact, Izuku had been prepared to get assaulted by the blond as soon as Aizawa-sensei had vanished upstairs. But...nothing. Not a single screamed “Deku!” or a swear. It was creepy.

Weird how you get so used to something that you shouldn’t necessarily be used to, so instead of being relieved when it doesn’t happen, you’re worried, Izuku thought.

Regardless, he took advantage of this momentary lack of anything shouty or enraged to flee upstairs to his room before attention could finally turn from Kirishima to him. He really didn’t want to talk or think about it much, now. He wanted to rest -- tomorrow he’d go to the infirmary and visit Mirio and Eri, tomorrow he’d think about it, tomorrow he’d talk to All Might and tomorrow he was sure Detective Tsukauchi would want to ask him about the two from the League of Villains that were there. That was all tomorrow, though. Right now he wanted to follow Aizawa-sensei’s example and sleep.

He was so tired he almost walked into Mineta’s room instead of his, realizing his mistake at the last second and nearly tripping over himself in his haste to not. He really, really didn’t want to know what Mineta’s room looked like. Especially not when he’d just gone through some scary shit already. Chisaki and his men were enough for one day, thanks.

Shaking his head a little, he pushed his door open and entered, only for that fleeting sense of relief to pop like a bubble as his heart dropped into his feet next to his stomach. Bakugo was in his room, arms crossed, staring at him with enough barely-restrained anger to set something on fire.

What was that about missing something when it doesn’t happen? Izuki thought briefly, fighting back a nervous giggle. “K-Kacchan!” He managed, voice a few octaves higher than it really should be. “Wha-wha-what are you doing in my room?”

Bakugo didn’t answer for a moment, hands shoved in his pockets, and Izuku realized there was something else in his face besides anger; he almost looked...upset. Not just angry-upset, but something more complicated, and Izuku honestly had no idea why. “Kacchan...?” He asked. “What’s wrong?”

“...the bullets would take away someone’s Quirk, possibly permanently. In fact, it’s likely that Togata would have lost his Quirk forever if it weren’t for Eri.”

Whatever had been said before that -- mostly bullshit about some Yakuza guy they were investigating and some little girl he had, the one that Deku and them got to go off and rescue while he was stuck here in the fucking dark -- and whatever after -- probably more about the girl and the Yakuza and how they were all so fucking heroic and shit -- went in one of Bakugo’s ears and out the other.

Lost a Quirk forever? Like All For One’s--? No, worse. All For One took it, yeah, but he could give it back if you punched his fucking old fart ass hard enough or if he wanted to. Those bullets, they could’ve just...erased it. Forever. No getting it back, no nothing. Togata, that-- that guy. The one he hadn’t met, the one with the stupid face. One of the big three, he could’ve lost it forever.

Deku could’ve, if they’d shot him.

That’s what’s getting him, that’s why he disappears up the stairs before Aizawa’s even finished. Not that Deku could’ve lost One For All. But that he’s so fucking pissed about the idea in the first place.

It’s stupid. It’s fucking stupid. Deku hadn’t had a Quirk at all ‘til recently. He hasn’t had that shit for a whole school year, even. For all their lives, Deku’d been Quirkless. He’d just be the same old Deku if he’d lost what All Might gave him. Right?

Every time he tries to think about it like that, like it’s no big deal, he can’t help but remember all their fights. Deku fighting Todoroki hard enough to nearly kill his fucking stupid-ass self. Deku and him fighting All Might in the exam. Deku trying to save him from the League. Stupid fucking Deku and his stupid fucking smiling face, wanting to be a hero bad enough that he’d break his own body into a thousand pieces for it. Stupid fucking Deku and the scars all over his arms, the proof of how willing he was to hurt for it. The guy All Might himself sacrificed his power to.

He can't help but think of Deku’s face if he lost his Quirk. He wouldn't be fucking smiling then, would he? He was sure the guy would break for real, not just his arms. He'd just shatter like a pane of glass, and Deku would never smile again.

The fact that that bothers him is mind-boggling.

He hates Deku's fucking smile. He hates his attitude and his determination and his stupid compassion for literally everyone, ever, regardless of whether or not they want it. He hates literally everything about Deku, and especially the fact that they had been friends once. He doesn't know why he hates it so much; he just...does.

But -- and this hits him with more force than any of All Might's punches could dream of -- he doesn't want Deku to lose One For All. He'd fucking hate it more than anything if after all this, now that Deku can actually pose a real challenge, a real threat...if he lost that. The Deku of today wasn't the same person from last year, the same person from all the years before that; he was “I can do it” Deku, not “pathetic” Deku.

And fuck. Fuck, he kind of liked “I can do it” Deku.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He stops halfway up the stairs to the fourth floor and goes back down, shoving Deku's door open. The idiot’s not there, though, so he waits. Deku's room is covered in All Might shit, predictably, and it kind of makes him glad he'd bailed on the stupid room contest -- his own room was almost as bad. He's actually a little jealous, and absolutely doesn't pocket one of the action figures on Deku's shelf -- he won't miss one, and this was a limited edition Bakugo hadn't managed to get in time. Besides, Deku had two of them.

The room makes him angrier the longer he waits in it; it's a testament to how much Deku looks up to All Might, and it reminds him he's the same. That's a frustrating thought. He hates comparing himself to Deku, but sometimes it's impossible not to.

The rest of his thoughts are interrupted when Deku finally shows up, and when he -- of fucking course -- asks what's wrong, it's a surprisingly long moment before he can get words out.

Izuku waits a weirdly long time for Bakugo to say anything; that in and of itself is unusual, because Bakugo is almost never quiet. But finally he does speak, stepping forward to grab Izuku by the collar and shoving him up against the wall in an act that’s almost comforting in how normal it is even though it’s so violent.

“Don’t you ever,” Bakugo snarls, “ever, ever fucking do something that goddamn reckless again, Deku. If you lose your fucking Quirk after all this bullshit, I’ll fucking kill you. You hear me?”

….and that is not at all what Izuku was expecting. He stammers for a moment, absolutely gobsmacked, before nodding wordlessly. “Y-Yeah,” he manages. “I hear you, Kacchan.”

Bakugo lets go of him after that and steps away, staring at the wall like he wants to kill the plaster and concrete instead. “Don’t fucking waste what you got from All Might,” he mutters. “You owe it to him.”

The ‘and me’ is unspoken, but Izuku hears it anyway. He just smiles at that, straightening the collar of his shirt, and nods. “I won’t, Kacchan,” he promises. “Thanks for worrying.” He regrets that part immediately when Bakugo’s eyes shift back to him, and he swallows. “A-And next time, I’ll make sure you get to come with us. A-After all, you’ll probably have your license by then, r-right?”

Oh my god, can I stop talking now, he thinks desperately when Bakugo growls, but the blond’s tenseness fades after a moment.

“Yeah,” he says, shouldering Izuku aside as he exits the room. “I’ll be there next time.”

Izuku has to smile again at that, watching Bakugo storm down the hall. He was still the same old Kacchan, really. Arrogant and loud and constantly furious with the world for existing, but he cared. Even if he didn’t seem to know how to go about caring like a normal person without shouting or swearing, he cared. People didn’t really understand why Izuku put up with him after all the other boy had done over the years, but...that was okay. Izuku knew why -- he knew Bakugo better than anyone else. He understood him. He could put up with it all because he knew they were still friends, even if Bakugo had forgotten how to be friends with him.

Sooner or later, though, it would work back out. Just like everything else tended to; with a little effort and a little hope, it would work out.

And really, given what had just happened, wasn’t it working already?