#STILL CRYING THAT THEY CANCELLED THE SEQUEL AND EVENTUAL SERIES

[duhragonball]

Neon Genesis Evangelion 25

It... really isn't though.

Last episode, Shinji killed the last Angel, albeit reluctantly, and that pretty much wraps up the main conflict of the series. So now we just need to wrap up all the loose ends. You know, answer the lingering questions such as:

What is an Eva?

Where did the Angels come from?

When did the Second Angel show up? Did I miss that somewhere?

What's the deal with Rei?

What was SEELE up to?

What was Gendo Ikari up to?

No, really, what's the deal with Rei?

What actually caused Second Impact?

Where did the Dead Sea Scrolls come from, and why did SEELE and Gendo believe the apparent predictions that it made?

Why did they need fourteen-year-old children to pilot the Evas?

What is the Human Instrumentality Project, exactly?

I'm not kidding, what the fuck is the deal with Rei? You can't just dodge the question; she's one of the principal characters. You put her on all the merchandise for crying out loud.

Did Pen-Pen get reunited with Misato after she sent him away to live with friends just before the final battle?

Wow, that's a longer list than I realized. Anyway, Episode 25 takes a long hard look at those unanswered questions and then wads it up and throws it in the trash, then sets the trash can on fire and burns down the entire house. Then Episode 25 goes back in time and erases the very concept of information from the fundamental design of the universe, so that no coherent answers can possibly exist.

If you enjoyed Neon Genesis Evangelion, and are curious to know what happens after Episode 24, Episode 25 wants you to know that it hates you. When you watch Episode 25, you know less about this show than you did before you watched it.

Now, I expected something kind of abstract and surreal. I've heard about this. Fans were dissatisfied with the way the series ended, which eventually led to the release of "End of Evangelion", which promised to deliver a more satisfying conclusion to the series.

I never quite understood, until today, just how dissatisfied the fans really were at the time. I feel like I heard once, long ago, someone complaining that NGE was simply unfinished. Like it got cancelled or something or the writers gave up without writing the rest of it. But that appears to be untrue, so I'm left to assume that whoever said that was just being sarcastic. It's like that xkcd cartoon about the Matrix movie, and the characters lament the fact that they never made a sequel. The joke is that they know there were sequels, but they prefer to pretend that they didn't exist.

And I think at some point I found out that End of Evangelion was like a retelling of the story, but I assumed it was just because you see that a lot in anime. Adolescence of Utena basically does a whole other version of the story in the Utena TV series, basically.

But no, I eventually found out that fans just really, really hated Episodes 25 and 26, and EoE was a make-good. Like, it literally functions as a new Episode 25 and 26 for the TV show, from what I understand. I was looking over an episode list on Wikipedia, and that's how it's listed. There's Episodes 1-26, and then 25A and 26A.

That's wild. I've been curious about this the whole time, and now I'm here and man, Episode 25 is some serious bullshit. I kind of expected it to be weird, and maybe inconclusive, but still in a good kind of way. Like... well, Revolutionary Girl Utena is probably a good example. I watched that show a few years ago and I'm still baffled by most of it, but it had a charm and beauty to it that kept me engaged. I would have preferred a more coherent narrative, but I still found enjoyment from it.

But NGE 25 just sucks. There's no other way to say it. It doesn't advance the plot, it doesn't reveal any secrets or solve any mysteries. It doesn't really do much of anything. I'll try to explain this mess, but fair warning: I don't think there's much to unpack here.

So we start with Shinji agonizing over the way he killed Kaworu, the 17th Angel, at the end of the last episode. This might be promising, except he already agonized over this at the end of Episode 24. I mean, he could continue where he left off. That would be fine, except this episode even repeats the same scene where he talks to Misato about it and she assures him that he did the right thing. No new insights are introduced here.

Shinji imagines himself in the grasp of Eva Unit 01, and laments that he still has to pilot the Eva, even after all that's happened. Uh, who said you have to keep piloting the Eva, sport? I'm not saying this is true or untrue, but why does Shinji assume this when he has no more enemies to fight, and his dad hasn't assigned him to a new mission?

This is what pisses me off. In a good episode, the story would just move forward in linear time. The battle with Kaworu would be over, and everyone would dust themselves off and ask what's next. Gendo would either tell everyone what to do, or they'd defy Gendo and try to stop him. Or something. Someone would have to tell Shinji that he will have to continue piloting the Eva, or that he never has to pilot it again, and he could react to that information.

Instead, we have him whining about facts that aren't even in evidence. Does he have to keep piloting the Eva or not? We don't know! Neither does he! And we can't find out because this stupid episode is some sort of dream sequence/acid trip instead of being set in the "real" world!

And again, I kind of knew it would be like this, that NGE ended with Shinji having some weird introspection instead of a proper finale. But what drives me nuts is that we really don't learn anything new about him. He hates his dad for abandoning him! He does what he's told because he's desperate for the approval of others! He's afraid of people hating him! He hates piloting the Eva but he does it because people appreciate him for it! We already know this! Dammit, we've been hearing about it for the entire run of the show.

Hey, did you know Asuka's bio-mom hanged herself when she was little? Yes, you did, because we found out in Episode 24. Episode 25 just... shows us all over again like it's new information. It doesn't do anything new with it. It just rehashes the same observation that Asuka craves attention and glory and praise because she fears losing her identity without it. Nothing is added nor resolved.

I think the one new tidbit we get from this episode is that Rei has longed for the day when she would no longer be of any use to Gendo Ikari, and he would discard her. She waits for death, but now she fears it, which is pretty dark. Assuming that this is even the "real" Rei making that statement. We'll come back to that.

Oh, hey, Ritsuko Akagi is dead. When did that happen?

And so is Misato. Okay, maybe we're getting back to the real world, and seeing events play out. Gendo has triumphed over the Angels, and now he's liquidating his allies as he moves on to the next phase of his plan...

Wait, no, they're alive again, and arguing over the merits of the Human Instrumentality Project, which Ritsuko claims is designed to merge all human consciousness together into one big collective mind. Except... I don't believe that explanation, because it's being presented in a surreal fantasy. Ritsuko had a bullet hole in her a second ago and now she's fine. How can I accept any information presented in this scene?

Episode 25 then examines Misato's character for a while, under the pretense of proving some sort of oblique thesis, but in reality it just slut shames her for having casual sex with Kaji. The episode accuses her of giving in to base, carnal desires, and she screams denial after denial. I kept waiting for some deep dark secret to be at the heart of all of this. Like Misato only drinks and fucks to hide some secret shame, but no. She just drinks and fucks, because she's a grown-ass woman who can do whatever she wants when she's off-duty. This isn't catharsis, it's just filler disguised as drama. Who is she even arguing with?

Finally, Shinji finds himself in an empty theater, surrounded by other characters from the show. Like a Greek chorus, they inform him that this is but one of many realities, and what he's experiencing now is the reality he chose, a world cut off from everything that could possibly cause him discomfort. Also, he can't escape this fate, because he chose it, even though he repeatedly denies doing so.

And this is where I wrote off the episode as trash, because the like "This is real, but only one of the many realities" is the biggest cop out ever. So we're saying everything in this episode both happened and didn't happen? Then why does any of it matter?

This is why I question the point of Rei admitting she longs for death. If the real Rei thought this way, then it would be powerful. We know Rei. We've come to care about her over the course of the series. But the Rei we see in this episode may only be a figment of Shinji's imagination. Or she may not even be that. What she admits or denies in this episode is meaningless.

Anyway, yeah, fuck this episode. The only takeaway here is that Shinji has somehow gotten lost in his own head. He created a private haven for himself, but it's nothing more than a prison. Whooptee-shit.

Yeah, yeah, the next episode preview has deteriorated to mere script drafts instead of visuals. It's not cute anymore.

[anotheruserwithnoname]

Possible hint from Gaiman on how Johanna Constantine will be featured?

Inverse just ran an exclusive Q&A with Neil Gaiman in which he addresses some of the criticisms The Sandman TV series has received related to casting, etc. His responses to haters and those crying woke for the most part are not new and they are what they are. (My two cents is I agree with most and disagree with a couple, but the changes weren’t enough to be deal-breakers for me and the response to Sandman was still tame compared to what Rings of Power ran into).

But he made the following comment regarding Jenna Coleman’s Johanna Constantine:

Again, people were like, why did you gender-swap John Constantine and why did you replace him with this imaginary character that we’ve never seen in the comics before? But Sandman fans know that she was a character introduced in Sandman No. 13 in 1989 and that she goes off and has several more adventures in the Sandman storyline. So it was much more economical for us to get her and to have Jenna play her.

A couple of things to unpack here. First, yeah, if you want to criticize something like this, do a little homework first. It’s just as bad as trumpeting something as being “the first XXXXXX ever!” only to be told someone did it years ago. The recent She-Hulk series caught some flack for breaking the fourth wall because Deadpool allegedly did it first. Uh, no, he didn’t. She-Hulk wasn’t even the first, but she was still doing it before DP came around.

Anyway, Gaiman’s comment doesn’t touch on the fact that, as also described elsewhere, the rights to John Constantine had become rather complicated at the time Sandman S1 was produced - take (for example) the character’s sudden ouster from Legends of Tomorrow around the same time (resulting in them having to create a new character on the fly for Matt Ryan so they didn’t have to fire the popular actor) - likely due to the proposed (and, for now at least, cancelled) Constantine TV series that JJ Abrams was planning for HBO; plus I’m sure Gaiman and Co. were connected enough that the announcement of the Keanu Constantine sequel was probably not a surprise to them either.

"More economical” can also be read as meaning that while John Constantine was created by somebody else (I think Alan Moore), Johanna Constantine was created by Gaiman for Sandman. So they probably didn’t have to pay a fee (even though in Jenna’s episode of Sandman they did retell some of John/Johanna Constantine’s backstory out of necessity - otherwise the whole “I’ll stop the dream” plot angle wouldn’t have made sense.

“...she goes off and has several more adventures in the Sandman storyline.” So that can be read as Gaiman implying that we definitely haven’t seen the last of Johanna, though more likely the one from centuries ago. Though I rewatched the “Dream a Little Dream of Me” episode again over the weekend and there is definitely wiggle room if Gaiman wants to bend his story a little and have Lady Johanna succeed in her efforts to get eternal life, hence the modern Johanna is the same person, but she’s like Ashildr/Lady Me and can’t remember everything.

So does this mean when Jenna eventually returns to the set of The Sandman it’ll be as 18th-century Lady Johanna, or modern-day Johanna? How slavish is Gaiman planning to be with his adaptation; will be change storyline to give her more airtime given how popular she was in Season 1? Now the Abrams series is in limbo, will that open the door to the spinoff we want (assuming Jenna wants to do it?). Time will tell.

[peeterparkr]

perennial;tom holland|prologue

sequel to perfidy. 

Prologue: daffodils 

↳ flower meaning: new beginnings. 

story summary: After the war, Tom let the flowers die of thirst, Harry decided to water dry flowers and Timmy never stopped taking care of his. But flowers speak for us, flowers have meanings. And like flowers, maybe you’ll keep on blooming, it’ll be up to you if you decide to wither. And it’ll be up to you what flower you end up choosing.  

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: a bit sad, just a little. 

word count: 3k

first chapter.  perfidy (final chapter) ( series masterlist) 

perennial masterlist.

wanna be tagged?

Hello, finally, the long awaited prologue is here. I hope you like this as much as you liked perfidy. Hope I can live up to your expectations! I’m super excited for this! Let’s bloom. 

To make a flower last, you have to water them, provide them with enough sunlight, and love. There are flowers that last, flowers that don’t. There are flowers that bloom again, there are flowers that even in times of diversity, they manage to get up and in their colors. There are flowers that only bloom once. 

Perennial flowers tend to keep blooming, for short times, then fall dormant the rest of the year.

Flowers, like humans, die of thirst. 

But humans, like flowers, can bloom again. 

You hadn’t, you wouldn’t. Not now. 

The usual thing after a breakup is to feel lost, cold. Everyone tells you to keep yourself busy, to reach out for people, ignore social media, change your surroundings. Keep yourself distracted, go out with friends. 

Start a new life. Bloom again. 

In other breakups it had been easy, you had cried a few days. You had pitied yourself and listened to sad music. Watched sad movies. You remember going out with your best friend to parties, movies, park, arcades. You remember shielding on your studying, your photography, your writing. You kept yourself busy.

Keep yourself busy. That’s what everyone tells you. Re-start your life. You should go to a new beginning. Keep yourself busy? Bloom again? 

How were you supposed to do that? You had died of thirst.  You had technically no job now, none of your friends wanted to speak to you. You didn’t want to write. You didn’t want to go out. 

How?

What were you supposed to do? How pathetic. 

How were you supposed to when you were the one who had wrecked your relationship? 

You wondered what would’ve happened if you’d told him sooner about it, if things had been different. Would you be in his arms? 

You needed to call your friends.

You didn’t want to do that, really. What friends, really? 

Timmy? Sam? You couldn’t call them. 

Charlie and Danielle? You didn’t want to. 

Emily? You were never close with her. 

Harry? No, not Harry. You were very angry at him. 

Tom? 

Tom. 

He was the only one you wanted to call. But he never was a friend. And well… He wouldn’t answer. And why would he? 

And why would you call him? What would you tell him if he answered? 

You should; though. 

After that day, you were seeing his face everywhere. You knew it would come. You thought you had initially imagined Tom after the kiss. You thought it had been your imagination, as if your mind was playing a trick.

But it hurt to think you could’ve built something so beautiful. Timmy had asked you why you still loved Tom. 

Why wouldn’t you? 

There was still so much love waiting for Tom. In the little time you’ve spent together, you had learned that kissing comes in many different forms and emotions. You learned a new superpower he had, how to take away minutes from time so he could make it stop. You learned that you could really run out of breath from laughing, and you learned that it is possible to share one only breath. You learned that he could take away your breath with only one single glance, and you had learned how to lie. 

White lies, to help you both sneak into places where you could only bump smiles to one another. You had learned how to forgive him. 

You had forgiven him. But he would never forgive you.

And maybe that was what made this one breakup more difficult. Knowing that you had killed a flower. 

Loneliness is a curse, a very horrible curse. You didn’t want to call your brother because you didn’t want to hear another lecture over what you did was wrong but how it wasn’t your fault and then trying to stop him from coming for Tom. 

You hated Harry right now. 

Because, you were confused. Very, very confused. Why wouldn’t you? 

Harry had kissed you. 

Tom had seen it. 

And Timmy was currently calling you. You ignored the phone call. And thought about it, how stupid this felt. Confusion wasn’t new. And your mind was shooting you with flashbacks, just like it had done with Tom. 

But now, Harry? Harry? But this wasn’t right. Harry was a friend, right? 

Yes, he was a friend. 

Harry. 

There hadn’t been any sparks. No. Because you loved Tom. 

You really loved him.

But…? 

No. 

But then there was that thought in your mind again. How did you feel about Harry? 

Right now, angry. Yes. Because for now you didn’t care about you, you cared about Emma. Emma was a friend you’d found along the way. And really, you missed her. 

You’d lost too many people in the sake of a few days. 

Best you could do now was to pretend you’re okay. For your parents, for your brother. For yourself. 

Damn, but this was so stupid. How the hell had Harry done this so selfishly? 

You really couldn’t call him out on selfishness. But you were angry. Because you were so vain. Naive and vain if that makes any sense, at all. 

And you knew that the letter you’d sent to Tom could have… calmed things. Now they would seem like your words were empty. 

It should’ve lasted longer, you knew it wouldn’t, but it should’ve. Tom. Tom was who you loved. 

You’ve given him one letter, you wouldn’t write another one. There wasn’t much to be said now. You had spent most days building up an excuse or a plan to forget about him. 

You had cleaned out your room, removing every Polaroid from your wall, because now that you didn’t have Tom’s it felt empty. And maybe that was what opened your eyes, you had to cleanse yourself, because all your life you had had that question. 

“What if?” 

Tom had been that constant what if in your mind and that’s how it turned out. Big disaster. And then you hated it, again. It was meant to always end up that way. 

How many chances had you left behind because you had been clung to Tom? How many romances had passed by because you had ingrained in Tom? Because of that stupid thought. 

Loneliness is a curse, yes, but it’s also a blessing. Because you realized it. And it had been good that you’d gotten rid of everything and given it to him, you couldn’t keep holding on to something that would lead you nowhere, you couldn’t keep holding on to something that would end up in another disaster. Though you knew it was him and always him and you’ll always keep waiting for him to show up… you couldn’t keep up with that. 

Even now, you were waiting for him to show up with yellow flowers, but he wouldn’t. He wouldn't show up. He wouldn’t call and it was stupid to be waiting for one call. 

And though in your walls it had seemed easy to take off, the real story wasn’t. How many things had you let go off because of Tom? 

He’d robbed you of every chance of being happy. He was the reason why you’d probably always cancelled plans for him, and he had been the reason you’d said no to a marriage proposal that would have probably been the ideal ending for you. 

But it was Tom. Always. Always. Always Tom. And no matter how many times you’ve tried, it kept coming back to you. Every time, you always stopped yourself from taking new chances, of beginning again because there was always that thought in your head, that Tom and you were meant to be. You were so stubborn, like a tired child who is throwing a tantrum for a popsicle. 

But no, you saw it again, in the most poetic and romantic way, the way it could work for a story. Everlasting. Never ending. Infinite.

That’s so dumb. 

It was different now, and you’d always been crying for him. There you were now, again crying for him, hugging a pillow staring at the empty walls. You shouldn’t have left that day, you should’ve explained it to him. Tell him you hadn’t been the one to start the kiss but at the moment, you saw it as a loss. 

Had he read the letter that you’ve written a whole night? 

Maybe. Maybe not. 

He probably was crying too. You know Tom was a silent crier, something you’ve learned among the years. You knew he probably would cry when he was in the shower or brushing his teeth, or just as he was about to go to bed. 

You were very much alike. But you knew he probably wasn’t crying right now. You knew you probably were the only one laying down on the bed crying. 

Had this been all inspired by that stupid child that had first fallen in love with him? 

Everything was… lost. 

You’d touched rock bottom. That meant you could only go up from now. 

Maybe it had never been supposed to last forever. And you knew you had known it from the first time his sight turned tender, this wouldn’t last. Just like flowers, you would wither. And you had. 

And although New York was a bliss to remember, you wanted to forget it because it hurt. 

People say that when you break up with someone you should start again. Maybe you would. 

And the sun always comes out after the storm. The brightest of dawns would come after the darkest nights. 

It would come. 

Like a flower you’d bloom again, eventually. But you wondered if any flowers were able to bloom after the coldest of  winter frosts. 

A change. 

But there you were still ignoring Timmy’s call. 

Life had presented a chance. And you were wondering if you should take it. 

It would be stupid if you didn’t. It wasn’t… The opportunity of a lifetime. Maybe it was But it was a chance for a change. 

A big change. 

Would you let another chance go because you were still attached to Tom? Would you let go another life because of Tom? 

Cherry had called. She was moving to London. Cherry. Your cousin, around your age, few months older, pretty, very pretty and cheerful. Her mother, your mom’s sister, had moved to LA to follow her aspiring acting career but ended up opening a flower shop. 

She was quite a character. And she had had a proposition which seemed like a crazy fever dream when she said it:

 “I got offered a job in London! Can I go crash your place for a bit? Let’s be roomies! Or we could switch places! Come to LA, and go after your dream, sweetie! Come help with the flower shop!” 

That was… An idea. Crazy idea. 

Cherry was your cousin, you wouldn’t be alone if she came. That part of the plan you were kind of okay with. 

But leaving?

You had told Timmy about it. Because you had to face that, too. Timmy was leaving. Timmy, and you couldn’t be more thankful, had been making sure you didn’t feel lonely. You didn’t know why he had been so kind to you. But Timmy was leaving. 

He had told you a few days before, how he had kept it as a secret for a while. He’d be leaving for LA. Hollywood. 

And he wouldn’t go alone. 

Emma. Emma was going with him, too. They were starting again. A new life. Chasing their dreams, going for the stars. 

Hollywood. 

So there you had been, wondering if you should tell Cherry to come and live with you. Have some company, not be alone. Maybe she’d make friends and then you could tag along with them. 

Or switch places

“What would you lose?” Timmy had asked you. “Maybe it’s the change you need.” 

“Dunno. Leaving home to a stranger?” 

“It’s your cousin,” Timmy said. 

You shrugged. “I don’t like people invading my space.” 

“That’s just an excuse for you not to go.” 

“Why would I leave?” 

“You need a new start, y/n,” Timmy said. 

“But I can re-start here,” you pointed out. “Besides, working at a flower shop.” 

“Then tell her to come,” Timmy said. 

“But I can’t live with… someone,” you chuckled.

“You can, you’re just giving excuses to stay alone.” 

You stayed quiet. “I am alone.”

“I don’t want you to be.” 

You sighed. 

“You could tag along with us, too.” 

“Emma wouldn’t like that.” 

“She’s forgiven you,” Timmy said. 

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Timmy had assured you. “She understood it wasn’t your fault.” 

You didn’t Answer anything. 

“What would you lose if you came to LA, too?” 

You would lose your chance to see if Tom ever showed up at your door again.

“Is there anything you could lose?” He asked again. 

Was there? 

And you had called Emma. And it had been difficult, complicated, and weird at the beginning. You apologized again. Because Emma really didn’t deserve to be there. 

She told you she’d given back the ring. You had told her about the kiss… That was not your place to tell her and you would be risking everything by telling her. But you needed a new beginning and this involved telling things. Even if it risked ending things earlier.

But she’d understood. No, it wasn’t easy. And it was a conversation that lasted a couple of days. And at least that had kept you busy. Trying to mend that relationship. And maybe Emma needed a friend, too. Maybe Emma really needed someone too. And of course, she was angry. 

She didn’t blame you, though. She believed you. And Emma knew it, then. You told her the whole story, beginning to end. Script and memories and explanations, of everything. You even told her about your feelings for Harry and how angry you were. You told her that yes, you had felt something, but friendship was more important. 

You didn’t have that friendship anymore, though.

She understood, more than anything. Because maybe it’s a universal thing. To not know how to feel. To be confused. The heartbreak. To feel like you’re not going to bloom again. 

But she saw you, going through the pain that she felt. And you listened to her, and you cursed every damned time the damned script came up. But you understood each other. Because both of you didn’t understand it. And she’d seen your story, and she didn’t blame you. Because sometimes you give everything nd it’s not enough. And maybe that’s why she’d pitied you, because she’d also given everything, but Harry had broken her once, and Tom, Tom had broken you once, twice, three times. And no, it hadn’t been easy. But maybe she needed the other side of the story or maybe she just needed a girl friend. 

Just like you needed one. 

Because Emma, Emma was lonely too. 

Honestly the conversation with her had ended up in the incredible conclusion that all of us women get to eventually: Men are trash.

“Honestly, you know what we should do?” You had said. 

“What?” 

“Let’s go to Greece, sleep with three men—“

“But—“ Emma frowned.

“Hear me out,” you chuckled. “Make sure we get knocked up—“

“Are you insane?” Emma cackled.

“I haven’t finished,” you laughed. “Open up a nice Greek hotel, wait 20 years until our respective daughters get hitched and wait for them to invite their three possible dads to the wedding. And we can have fun singing ABBA songs.”

“Is that—“

“The plot to Mamma Mia? Absolutely.” 

And maybe you should’ve gone to Greece. Honestly you were considering it. But it was soothing, having a friend. It was nice. You had both talked on the floor, crying over two damned Holland’s. You’d start a club. And it was the beginning of an old friendship. It’s nice to have a friend.

So of course you were bummed she was leaving.

“Let’s go to Hollywood, y/n,” Emma said. 

Would you take Cherry’s offer? 

You wouldn’t. That was only stupid. And though Hollywood was talking to you and you aspired to follow the big dream. The big screen called you, and you were probably blinded by every light that was begging you to go, you knew you’d only reach out for a dream that had tumbled you down. The dream that had withered you. And really, to go without any job? And go work in a flower shop… You loved flowers, but it wasn’t… You didn’t know anything about them, just that yellow flowers made you cry, that Timmy gave you peonies and that lavenders meant calm. 

And going to LA without any chance…. No. 

Because Timmy had one. And Emma had one.

You didn’t. 

So you’d received your cousin. A roommate.  Which was… Different. She’d asked about your room, how lonely it seemed. First thing she noticed was the yellow flowers you had, from the scratch bouquets you’d made for Tom. 

“Yellow tulips? And yellow roses? Hopeless love and forgiveness? Daffodils? New beginning. Who did you hurt, cousin?” 

You didn’t tell her anything about your life, not really. Except you wanted to start a new one. You told her that you were going through a tough time and you wanted a new beginning. 

“Like a daffodil, then,” Cherry said. 

You didn’t answer. 

“Like daffodils, those pretty yellow flowers, you had them here.” 

“Yellow… flowers?” 

“Yes, perennial flowers, they bloom each year in spring, just after the coldest of winter frost,” she grinned.  “They mean new beginnings, we should get some for the house, I believe that flowers help us heal, sometimes we don’t get it but the flowers we choose are normally the ones that say what we want,” she nodded. “You know, maybe it’s cause I’ve been in that flower shop my whole life, but I really do believe that flowers speak for us, so let’s get you some daffodils, get you a new beginning.” 

You weren’t a daffodil. But you really were going through a winter frost. At least you felt as cold. But would you bloom? 

“Yeah, like a daffodil.” 

And life really wanted you to bloom again it seemed, and it really wanted you to have a new beginning. Life then again, gave your other chance.the big opportunity. Life having mercy. 

Because there had been another call, too. A few days after Cherry arrived. 

“Y/N, hello dear, why haven’t you been answering my calls?” 

“I’m sorry, Alessandra, I’ve been… busy.” 

“You have a job already?” She asked. 

“I—“

“Because if you do I need you to quit right now.” 

“What?”

“Because they’re producing your script.”

“I thought they didn’t—“

“I sent it to another studio, we are going to Hollywood, darling.” 

And maybe this was your chance to bloom again, like a daffodil. And you had tried to call him, Tom. 

And he never came, until it was too late. 

And you’d asked Cherry that if he ever came, to give him daffodils. And he had, and he had brought heleniums, evening primroses and chamomiles. 

“Yellow flowers, too,” Cherry had told you as soon as you’d landed on LAX. “Funny thing, cousin, he didn’t even know what flowers he’d chosen, can you believe it! But once again the flowers spoke for him, he brought heleniums which mean let me comfort you, and chamomiles, oh chamomiles which mean he admires your courage and the lovely evening primroses, which mean he’s unsteady, but will learn to love you.” 

“Did you give him the daffodils?” 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s funny isn’t it? You both chose yellow.” 

“Yeah, funny.” 

“The other guy, he brought daisies.” 

“Other guy?” You asked. 

“Yeah, Harry, he said that was his name.” 

Harry had brought you flowers. 

“It’s funny isn’t it, the guy in the morning who helped you pack-- He brought peonies.” 

“Harry?” 

“No, your friend bought peonies,” Cherry pushed. “Those mean romance, huh.” 

“No, but… Harry came?” 

“Yeah, yeah he brought daisies,” Cherry said. “Isn’t it funny, though, the three of them brought perennial flowers.” 

“What even-” 

“Perennial flowers, which means they were dormant but that eventually, they'll bloom again.”

But who would bloom? 

first chapter. perfidy (final chapter) ( series masterlist)

perennial masterlist.

wanna be tagged?

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[nat-roman0ff]

saturday, wait

the here and now; sequel to another certain time and place (read the full series in my masterlist)

ii. saturday, wait the one where time starts to catch up wc: 2454 warnings: mentions of depression, bad words, and fluff

---

The skies of Toronto opened up Saturday morning at about 5am. She only knew this because there was a gutter that ran above the window on their bedroom balcony door that constantly overfilled. The steady drip drip woke her up from a very lovely dream to a cold and lonely bed. 

 Shawn had been gone for just over a month now and the loneliness was beginning to set in. He’d insisted she move into the condo before he left, so they scattered at the last second to bring all her things over in time for him to take off on the last leg of tour. She rolls over to stare at Shawn’s unmade side of the bed and sighs. There’s not a single wrinkle in the white of his duvet. The condo still didn’t feel like it was quite theirs; but more like she was on an extended house sitting visit. She played through the motions (oftentimes accidentally setting off his stereo system that she still didn’t know how to work) and kept the household going. 

 She watches the fat drops of water slam and streak down the glass of the balcony door. The skies seem to hang low today, and everything is covered in a sheet of gray. She grabs her phone to confirm the time and rolls her face into her pillow to scream in frustration. 

There’s an itch she can’t quite scratch. It’s the weekend - which means she doesn’t have to do anything. But she can’t stand staying at the condo, it’s a constant reminder that Shawn isn’t here and she is. It’s like a tomb of memories that she can never escape, every step is a reminder that he’s on the road and she’s not waking up in his arms every morning. But, she lacks the energy to actually do anything. Plans with friends go cancelled and never rescheduled, and as the days pass she becomes increasingly homebound, despite the pain it causes her. 

 Tossing and turning, she ends up staring at the ceiling. She watches the memories project onto the ceiling like old school films, playing over and over, just there to remind her of her loneliness. There’s no escape from him here, but her brain and heavy heart tell her to just stay in bed.

 Just get up and pee, go make yourself some toast, pour a cup of coffee, anything. She begs to herself but its like she’s chained to the bed and without the responsibilities of work (on the days she’d actually shown up lately), she can’t seem to make herself move.

 Around six thirty her phone buzzes. Her eyes blink lazily. She knows it’s Shawn but she’s not in a rush to answer. Despite missing him at the depths of her core she’s not desperate for him. She doesn't want FaceTime or phone calls, she doesn’t want a goodnight text or a morning meme. She wants him here, next to her in this empty fucking bed. 

 Her hand reaches onto the bedside table and grabs her phone. Of course it’s a message from Shawn as she suspected. It’s a simple one;

 good morning, gremlin. i know you’re probably still snoozing but i wanted you to have something to wake up to. day off today, so call me when you get up and we can facetime a bit. love youuuuuuuuuuuu.

 It almost hurts to smile, it’s been a while. 

 hi bub. feeling down this morning and could stand to hear your voice. call me when you’re able to, i’m just laying in bed.

 The phone rings almost instantly, “hi baby,” Shawn says, his voice low, still groggy with sleep.

 “Hi,” she manages, her own voice cracking. 

 “What’s got you up so early?” He asks. 

 “Rain.” 

 Shawn laughs, “that damn gutter, huh?” 

 “Yeah.” 

 He notices her shortness and knows it’s not from tiredness but tells himself so anyways. He doesn’t want to be a thousand miles away worried about his girlfriend back at home. Maybe he’ll call his mom later to pop over and check on her or call a mutual friend to take her out for lunch. Shawn knows she’s taken it hard, it was a different type of goodbye now than before when they were just friends. 

 “Do you have any plans this weekend?” Shawn asks.

 She yawns, “not really. Maybe read a book or do some laundry.” 

 “Oh,” he pips, “I could have my mum come over and visit for a bit.” 

 “You don’t have to do that Shawn,” it comes out almost venomous. 

 He sighs, “I’m just worried. People have been telling me you’re not going out much, cancelling on them last minute. Are you okay, baby?” 

 She breathes in deep and lets out a long single breath, “no.” 

 There’s no stopping the floodgate of tears that happens then. It’s not just him being gone, either. Work is exhausting and uninspiring and she feels herself slipping away from the things she loved to do, and the people she loved to do things with. 

 “Fuck, I wish I could come home,” Shawn breathes. 

 He doesn’t make her talk, he doesn’t ask questions. He just lets her cry and it takes everything in his power not to cry with her because he can feel his heart shattering as she gasps for breaths between sobs and he hates himself for not being there and holding her in his arms.

 When she’s finished, she’s silent. Neither of them speak for a while and she waits until her breathing has returned to normal and her face is wiped dry of tears to speak, “I’m sorry.” 

 “W-what?” Shawn sputters, “baby, do not apologize. I want to make sure you’re alright. I’m gonna come home. I don’t care if it’s for an hour. I’m coming home. If I leave for the airport now there’s a flight that will get me there this afternoon. Can you pick me up at the airport at three?” 

 “Shawn that’s crazy, you’re going to be so tired. I’ll go see your parents or something. I’ll be fine, I’m just in a funk,” she pleads. The last thing she wants to do is cause issues and force him home just because she’s sad. 

 Well, she’s more than just sad she thinks. She’s depressed, and she knows it. And the sooner she accepts it, the better off she’ll probably be. Depression is a slippery and nonlinear slope. At first she trips into it, noticing she’s more disengaged than usual, then the anxiety and overthinking kicks in, followed up with isolation until eventually the days blend so fluidly together she can’t tell if it’s June or Saturday.

 She can never pinpoint exactly when it happens, at least not until she’s drowning in her own sorrow and can’t get herself out. When bed is the only place she wants to be and she hasn’t eaten or drank in thirty-six hours. 

 “No, I’m coming home or I’m bringing you to me. Take your pick.” 

 She sighs, “just come home.” 

 ---

 Her thumb nervously taps the steering wheel as she waits outside the arrivals terminal at Toronto Pearson. She’s chewed her lower lip in to bits and it’s sore and chapped. She hadn’t bothered to get dressed, and wore one of Shawn’s teeshirts and a pair of leggings for the occasion. There’s a metallic taste when she chews on her nail beds, adding to the already scabbed hangnails that adorned her fingertips.

 Shawn spots her first and runs towards the Jeep. He throws open the passenger’s side door and wraps his arms around her, his elbow hitting the horn and scaring them both. He pulls back and her face feels heavy in his hand. A tired and empathetic, “baby,” is all he can say. 

 They drive home in silence, their fingers interlaced. Shawn peppers kisses on the back of her hand and up her arm but sparks no reaction. His heart sinks into his stomach. It’s so fucking painful to see her like this, so radically unlike herself. There’s no sarcastic quip, or banter or even fucking speck of his usual girl in there and that terrfies him. 

 “What do you want to do for dinner?” He asks, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb.

 She shrugs, “don’t know.” 

 “When’s the last time you ate?” 

 She shrugs again, “can’t remember.” 

 Shawn’s head rests on her shoulder and he lets out a sigh, “will you please come back with me?”

 She can feel the tears bubbling up again. She wants to say yes, she wants to say yes so fucking bad. But she knows Shawn and being with Shawn will not be the end all cure all. The thing about depression is, it doesn’t just go away with a change of scenery. It’ll go dormant for a while, sure; weeks, months, years even, if you’re lucky. And then all of a sudden it shows up again out of nowhere like a bad rash and it’s back to square one all over again. 

 “I don’t think that’ll help, Shawn,” she says as they pull into the parking garage at the condo. 

 He treads lightly, “I don’t want to start an argument with you baby, I just want you to feel your best again. At least if we’re together you aren’t alone.” 

 Her hand leaves his and she puts the Jeep into park, shuts off the ignition and unclicks her seatbelt. She thinks, hard. It’s the hardest she’s thought in a while and she forgets the feeling of trying to rationally mull something over. Her forehead tingles a little, and she weighs the options that Shawn has presented to her;

 One; stay home. Stay home at the condo, wake up Monday through Friday and work a job where she’s disrespected, underappreciated, but is making connections that will hopefully help her in the future of her career.

 Two; leave with Shawn. Go on tour with Shawn and live on a stinky tour bus with two other boys and wake up in a new city every day. But at least they were together.

 “I’ll do it.” 

 Shawn doesn’t think he’s ever smiled so big in his life.

 “Really?” 

 She nods.

 “Well let’s go get you packed then.” 

 ---

 An hour later the bedroom is strewn about with clothes and an open suitcase lying in the middle of their king sized bed. She folds, unfolds, and refolds everything. Nothing seems to fit and it’s making her teeth itch. Shawn just keeps digging through the closet, holding up a random item of clothing and saying ‘this’? When he does it for what seems like the thousandth time, she snaps.

 “Shawn just go in the fucking living room and I’ll finish packing, okay! You’re messing everything up, throwing my shit all around. Just let me finish the packing!” 

 He tries not to let it hurt him. It’s the most emotion he’s gotten out of her in weeks and he supposes it’s a step in the right direction. It’s better than the alternative. Shawn closes the gap between them in a few long strides and kisses her forehead.

 “That’s fine. Just let me know if you need anything and I’ll go book our flight for the morning, alright? I’ll order some dinner and we can take a shower together?” He kisses her temple, and then her chin, and then her jaw. 

 “Okay,” she starts, “and I’m sorry for yelling.” 

 Shawn kisses the top of her head, “it’s alright. I love you.” 

 When he leaves the room she sits on the edge of the bed, staring at the half packed suitcase beside her. She realizes her decision was rash, she’ll have to call her boss on Monday morning and tell her she’s not coming back...like ever, tell her friends that she'll be gone for basically the rest of the year, and her brain was still searching for a way to explain all of this to her mother. But the last part was for another day when her brain wasn’t feeling so scattered. 

 It’s remarkable how quickly she finishes packing when Shawn is out of the room. She finds him in the kitchen making two drinks and dancing around, singing under his breath as he grabs his ingredients from around the room. She has to hide her chuckle when he spots her, covering her mouth with her hand. Shawn reaches his hand out for her to come dance with him.

 The moment her hand is in his, he pulls her close, letting their bodies bump together. He cups her face and gives her a kiss and feels her relax against him, “I missed you,” he says, brushing his nose against hers for an eskimo kiss. 

 “Can we take that shower now?” She asks, kissing his chin. 

 Shawn laces their fingers together and leads them across the condo to the bathroom. She sits on the counter and watches him fuss with the knobs to find the perfect temperature. He wipes his wet hand on his jeans and turns back to her. They undress each other slowly. It’s not sexual in the slightest, but a caring gesture. She steps in first, letting the rainfall showerhead cascade over her. 

 It feels so impossibly good. It’s revitalizing and awakening. Her senses come to and she’s suddenly hyper aware of Shawn standing at the corner of the stall. He waves and she grabs his hand to pull him under the water with her. He turns her body facing away from him, pressing himself against her back and wrapping an arm around her waist. He peppers wet kisses down her shoulders and across her back. 

 “Can I wash your hair?” Shawn asks, his fingertips tracing across her belly.

 She answers as a chill runs through her, it had been so long since she felt his fingertips pressed into her, “yes.” 

 Shawn smirks and grabs the shampoo bottle from the shelf, squirting way too much into his hand and globbing it into her hair. His fingers move without much precision and there’s fits of giggles as he tries to style her heavy hair into various hairstyles. It feels good to laugh and she’s sure the feeling won’t last long, but she’s happy to be back in her cotton candy cloud for a little while.

 When they finish they just hold each other for a while under the warm stream of water. It was terrifying and exciting all at once and it was the first time in too long that she actually felt anything more than an exhausting, draining sadness. Even though they’d been friends for years, the relationship is still so new. 

 Will we grow tired of each other? She thinks. 

 And she doesn’t have that answer right now, and she won’t have that answer until much later.

[halflingkima]

Mid-Year Book Freakout Tag

I wasn’t tagged, I just watched a lotta them on youtube. I wanted to feel included. Also I’ve read more in the 6-7 months of 2020 than all of the past five years put together, so I wanted to sorta celebrate.

my goodreads | my storygraph

Q&As under the cut. (I hope read mores work on mobile, if not, im so sorry)

1. Best book you’ve read so far in 2020

Still, Normal People by Sally Rooney. Never had literary fiction hit so hard before. Still shocked that I somehow empathized with/liked the male lead more than the female lead. Still afraid to watch the series bc what if it’s not as good. I read this way back at the beginning of March and I’m honestly not surprised nothing has come close. This wasn’t just 5 stars, this was a new all-time favorite.

2. Best sequel you’ve read so far in 2020

I really haven’t read many sequels this year. I’ve literally read Mortal Instruments 4&5, Artemis Fowl 2-4, Authority by Jeff Vandermeer, and Dark & Dazzling by Elizabeth Varlet and hated them all, so I guess the “best” sequel goes to Perfect by Cecelia Ahern. Both Flawed & Perfect were middling reads, 3 stars, and I found them a little uncomfortable in relation to “cancel culture” discourse, but at least they were entertaining, I guess?

3. New release you haven’t read yet, but want to

I’m really not big on new releases in the slightest (see: unemployed), but I have found You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat through my library’s hoopla, and I do plan on reading it soon. Honorable Mention to Love, Creekwood by Becky Albertalli, but I have a feeling that’ll be a little more difficult to get my hands on.

4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year

I have no clue how ppl learn abt upcoming releases and no desire to learn, as they mean next to nothing to me, a broke bitch. So I’mma say Loveless by Alice Oseman before it drops in four days. I’ve not read Alice Oseman before but I am SO thirsty for aro and/or ace rep.........

5. Biggest disappointment

The Confession by Jo Spain. It’s classified as a psychological thriller and reviews hailed it as “dark” and “twisting” and “gripping” and I was literally just bored. It’s not a thriller, it’s not even a mystery, it’s just a sequence of [awful] events told in an entertaining method – which is why it’s 2 stars. Literally none of it surprised me. (Coffee Cake by Michaela Grey was probably a bigger disappointment, but I didn’t expect much in the first place)

6. Biggest surprise

Honestly, Normal People, probably? I went in without expectations and came out a different person so. I’d say that qualifies.

7. Favorite new author (debut or new to you)

The only author I’ve read more than one book by and loved both was Annabeth Albert. Both Knit Tight and Conventionally Yours were 5 star reads, and I’d not read her before. I’m a little wary that she could be a cishet white woman writing only m/m but the stories themselves have not seemed fetishizing upon reading them so I’m gonna be optimistic here. I love the bg rep and would flip my lid if she published a f/f story, but hopes are not high.

8. Newest fictional crush

I was definitely into a couple of the side character girls in Skyward by Brandon Sanderson, but I don’t rmr their names :(( Otherwise probably Zafir from All the Wrong Places by Ann Gallagher. I mean, I don’t rly think abt him since reading the book, but while reading it BOY did I wanna be Brennan lmao.

9. Newest favorite character

Really loved Connell from Normal People, so he probably wins. Ayla and Crier from Crier’s War by Nina Varela and Spensa from Skyward are close followers tho.

10. Book that made you cry

Nothing has made me really cry this year? I did get a little misty-eyed reading Normal People, and I’ve shed a tear or two of joy at HEAs in a couple romances. The Parting Glass by Nina Marie Guadagnino was really fucking depressing, if that counts.

11. Book that made you happy

In addition to both Annabeth Alberts mentioned previously, All The Wrong Places by Ann Gallagher made me happy in a rly specific and unique way. It definitely could’ve been better and had more depth, but as I mentioned, I’m hella thirsty for ace rep (and it turns out I have a weakness for bi dads)

12. Most beautiful book you’ve bought so far this year (or received)

The last gift books I recieved were technically from 2019, and I’ve only bought 5 thus far (which is a lot for me but also: quarantine) – the original Shannara trilogy, Complete Stories of Zora Neale Hurston, and How Long Til Black Future Month by NK Jemisin and I gotta say that one has to win. I love the front cover, but the yellow spine just really [clenches fist]

13. What books do you need to read by the end of the year?

I mean I’d like to get through everything on my immediate TBR, including the books I most recently bought for myself, but I’m thinking I definitely need to read A Line Made by Walking by Sara Baume bc I have a physical copy from the library and I think they want it back eventually. I haven’t gotten to it yet bc I can tell it’s gonna be 5 stars but I wanna make sure I’m in the best possible mood to read it so I can experience it In Full, y’know?

14. Favorite book community member

I don’t really consider myself part of a book community, but I do like talkin’ bout books. Guro’s a solid 50% of the reason I began reading again, Starlah is my favorite booktuber, and I’m enjoying watching Mina’s videos while following her here on tumblr. Also my mom, bc I can finish a book and then throw it at her and yell “read this” and if she does, we can discuss it lol

[okimargarvez]

GUARDIAN ANGEL

Original title: Guardian angel.

Prompt: Luke’s spirit POV, unconditional love, paternity.

Warnings: Character Death.

Genre: romantic, family, supernatural, friendship.

Characters: Luke Alvez, (Penelope Garcia, Spencer Reid, O.C.).

Pairing: Garvez, Penelope x Spencer.

Note: oneshot 5 in Garvez collection; sequel of Empty.

Legend: 💑❗👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💍🎈⚰.

Song mentioned: Lacrime di pioggia, Antonello Venditti.

MY OTHER GARVEZ STORIES

GUARDIAN ANGEL  

With Spencer Reid, right with him! Up here I should not be able to feel jealousy, but perhaps things are more complicated than I could have explained in fifteen years of Catholic school. He had become my best friend. Probably because together with Penelope he was the most fragile person of the BAU. I felt obliged to protect them, both. And then I fell in love with one.

I remember perfectly the day of our wedding. How beautiful she was with that white dress. Until the priest had declared "You may kiss the bride" I hadn't relaxed, as had happened when I had graduated. And he was there, next to me. He was my witness.

It's strange to see Penelope again dressed like that, although this time she didn't wear anything white but a colorful dress. It's strange to see her fall in love with another man, see the way she looks at him, the delicacy she uses towards him. And vice versa, the care of every gesture of him. They're two wounded souls.

I'm jealous but I'll never stop thanking him for saving you, my love. I was next to you when they told you that I had been killed. There wouldn't have been another place where I should have been. I saw you absorb the blow, waver and then fall into the darkness. I saw you squeeze your stomach apologizing, make it up to a creature that could never see the sun. I saw you cry all the tears until you exhausted the reserve and then suddenly stop, change expression, change your traits, lose weight. I saw you wishing to join to me to build that family in heaven that we couldn't have been on earth. I saw you coveting death without almost remembering why.

And yet I watched you turn off slowly, stop smiling, go on automatically. Become a robot, an automaton, a machine without life; a cog of a mechanism that went on on its own.

I heard you ask the Lord the reason for so much pain, but not just yours, everything you had been forced to see since you were born. I heard you ask Him if all this really had a deeper meaning, that we poor homunculi aren't able to interpenetrate. My ways aren't your ways. My thoughts aren't your thoughts, they have taught us this way. But really believing it, blindly, is much more difficult. It's almost necessary to cancel oneself in the Whole.

And then I listened to your prayers, your words, your fears and I tried to console you, to caress you through a sudden breeze of wind that opened the window, scaring you. I became the water that came out of the tap you used to erase the traces of tears from your face. And I hugged you, all night long, until you fell asleep. I tried to talk to you through dreams, but I'm not allowed to reveal everything I'd like. Life would have no meaning without death, a bitter but necessary truth.

I watched you struggle with yourself, uncertain whether to drop or get up. Receiving Spencer's visits, trying to drive him away and eventually giving in to the embrace that was needed for both. I tried to enter his body to feel the sensation of your skin on my hands, but it was not granted to me. I envied him and loved him at the same time.

After the passing I spent several days (although the temporal units here are useless) to question me if what was between my wife and my best friend had more distant roots. If I had been stupid, when I was alive, too naive to realize it. But I never thought that you both had betrayed me, neither for a moment. Perhaps my mistake was to consider him harmless. But I'm not convinced it's a mistake.

He was there before I died for you. After Diana goes away, he had begun to come more and more often to our house and conduct the investigation from there. He no longer took the jet, almost the fear of his mother had been transmitted to him at the time of the passing. He was close to you when you needed it. If I think back to the time I wasted, the lost opportunities ... I would feel incredible rage, if I wasn't here, but here the feeling can't even germinate, it fades. I should have hugged you more often, pampered you, told you what I felt right away. It's useless to end up prey of regrets.

From my limbo I have scrutinized you, it was strange to observe things from an external point of view for once, to see love bloom, a fragile flower with an even finer stem.

I was there the day when Lucia came into the world. I held your hand during the caesarean section. I supervised because the doctors couldn't make mistakes. I wanted you close to me, but not at this price. It's because of feelings like this egoism that I'm still stuck here. But I feel that the moment to go is approaching.

I'm sure my mom appreciated the choice of the name. And that for things like this you'll not even spend a second dangling between earth and sky. You have always been the exact contrary of selfishness, going to the opposite extreme. So many times, you've canceled yourself for others and you're doing it with our daughter too.

I watched you show her the way, give her the right means to face it, without forcing her to make any decision. Because a teacher is someone who tells you where to look, but not what, said Akexandra Trefor. And you've always supported it. I saw you correcting the tasks with her and I caught the signs that a new passion was born. I was with Spencer while he was choosing which pastels and felt-tip pens given her. And I'll accompany her to the exam of maturity, I'll give her the right push the day of the discussion of the degree, I'll be close to her when she'll present her first show and then ... These are all things that have yet to happen. She'll make you proud, our little Lucia. You'll have the confirmation that she was the most beautiful gift that the same Lord who took me from you, could give you.

And that nothing happens by chance, as you have always maintained.

But they haven't been and will not only be happy days. There will also be many moments of difficulty in which you'll almost come to regret having made love with me that evening. Almost. Like when you'll accidentally throw one of her favorite designs and even you'll look for it in the trash you'll not find it. She'll cry out to you that she hates you, even if she doesn't really think so. And I'll be next to her, because you'll find comfort in Spencer.

My little Lucia, so lucky to know soon enough that you have two fathers. Your mother and your stepfather have given you the opportunity to develop an affection for someone you've never known officially. They can't know that the imaginary friend you played with was me. I'll listen when you'll cry after banging the door, shed nervous tears because you know you're wrong and you'll regret the very instant when those two little words will come out of your mouth. And I'll caress you and whisper in your ear that All the love you have for me, give it back to your mother's heart. Remember or notice all the sacrifices and renunciations she has made for you. Despite the smiles you're used to see, you which having grown up surrounded by that warm atmosphere, remember that she has never been one of those people capable of loving themselves, but only others. She was a mother before she became it physiologically.

You have so many fathers and mothers, Lucia, someone close and someone up there. You'll never be alone. Don't ever feel lonely, my baby. You have two parents who love you, a little brother who can't wait to meet you and a series of uncles and uncles who have always loved you. You'll have fun shopping with aunts Emily and JJ, while mom and Spencer enjoy a weekend on their own. It'll be too easy to be spoiled by grandpa Rossi and you'll take the first serious crush on his nephew. You'll discover the sudden suffering and joy that catch those who fall in love. But first you'll play and beat Hank and Jack at football, you'll learn to play chess and magic, you'll train with Michael and Henry. One day, soon, Mom and Spencer will take you to visit a tomb and tell you the story of a man who was their leader and who together with your grandfather Dave founded the unit where I worked, so he helped create you, offered the right coordinates.

And then I'll whisper other words, to you little one and to you, corazon, my loves. Things that are valid for both. In her thoughts I'll live, with her hands I'll caress you. But now I feel something, a force that pushes me away. I have yet to say something...

Hold you each other tight when you're scared, that there's my love that doesn't abandon you. But now I can no longer oppose.

One last look, another look ...

-You're now husband and wife ... -.

I watch he kisses you and there is no more envy inside me.

-How will we call him?- he takes your hand. He poses his on your belly.

-You already know. He's a male.- he sighs. -You knew all long it .- he smiles and turns off the light, bringing the room in the dark.

-Lucia and Lucas.- he weighing the names on the language. It's the last thing I hear. The sweet sound of Penelope laughing.

I have heard all your doubts, pequena and neither in the place where I'm going there is the answer you're looking for. Is there only one true love? And what is what coming afterward? So, you have to suffer and be alone even if you lose your beloved at fifteen? And how can the theory of soul mates be reconciled with that of reincarnation?

I have witnessed many discussions between you and Reid like this. Not even Spencer's superior intelligence can suffice.

But stop, it's no longer the time to think. I'll always watch over you, even from here, immersed in absolute light.

Don't be afraid.

There is no emptiness. There is room for everyone and I wait for you without haste. Where fullness reigns.

  Tags: @martinab26 @janiedreams88 @talesoffairies @yessenia993 @arses21434 @teyamarra  @c00lhandsluke @gcchic  @rkt3357 @orangesickle @entireoranges @jamirn@kathy5654 @lovesgoodluna @thisonekid@thenibblets@ambrosiaswhispers @perfectly-penelope @courtneyxoxo1 @jahreau @gracieeelizabeth27  @silviajajaja @ichooseno  megs2219 @ smalliemichelle99 @skisun @chewwy123 @maziikeen92 @ gracieeelizabeth27  @ thinitta   @franklintrixie  @jenf42 Tell me if you want to be removed ^_^

[just4penguins]

#Madagascar Week 2017 - Day 7: Madagascar Day! | History of Me in the World of Madagascar

Well, it has been 7 days since we kicked off this year’s Madagascar Week with the Movie Day, and finally, we reached the Madagascar Day which this time is on the last day of the Madagascar Week. Today is the day when Madagascar was released in the United States of America, but 12 years ago. And that is when I first met Madagascar, although I didn’t really like it. Not that I hate it, but I don’t have the likeness, you know what I mean? Anyway, although I think I told this story a lot of times, though probably in the tags only and less elaborated, for this year’s Madagascar Day, I will be telling the story of how I met and fell in love with the Madagascar fandom, and then all the way until now, the moment I am writing this...

2005 - It was, a good day. Don’t remember much about it though, but it was a historical day as it’s the first time I am going to the United States of America. At the time, Madagascar was very new, probably a few months old, I don’t know, didn’t really pay attention to that information back then. And obviously, to get to somewhere that far, I’ll have to use a plane and there I go on a plane ride. And at the time they were playing Madagascar on the plane TV, and I thought like, well, might as well want to watch it before I got distracted and ended up doing something else like looking at the clouds and all. My little sister though, was really into the movie. She liked it so much that after I can’t remember how many times she watched it, she accidentally slept and woke up during the credits before crying because she missed it. At the time, the movie to me was a normal movie, mostly because I did not really pay attention to it and watched the boring-ish parts only. And it was all about to change when the year 2009 comes.

2009 - So it’s been four years and I literally forgot about the whole thing, it wasn’t a main and important thing anymore. The only thing that reminded me about the movie was the sequel to the movie, which, I still didn’t really care about. It was more of just a “Oh, it’s this movie, I remember that” kinda remark. But then one Saturday morning, I was going to a local hardware store to look for tools so my father can assemble some IKEA wardrobes and do more, I don’t know, but that kind of stuff. Somehow even as unimportant as it is, I can remember the shop name even though I only went there once. The name is “Tukul” which means ‘Hammer’ in the Malay language. And over there they had a TV, and they had the, probably number 1 channel in this country on, and they were playing TPoM at the moment. I still wasn’t really interested, but was quite. The fact that they ended up not only making a sequel movie but also a TV Series, it must be a good show. But then being me, I got back home and forgot all about it. But after that, probably the month after that, I bumped into the story on a Saturday morning. They were playing Penguiner Takes All and Two Feet High and Rising, and I was like, “Oh, not a bad story afterall”. So I began to like the story, and eventually bumped into Madagascar on a Friday night. That was, I can’t remember how many years after 2009.

2014 - By this time, I had already loved TPoM. It got sad at one point when the channel stopped airing the story. But after just a week they uncancelled it like how King Julien uncancels Xixi’s show. I remember on the 8th of March, I was watching TPoM before I received the news that the Malaysia Airlines flight 370 went missing. And TPoM was the last non-news story which was played on the channel before they went on about MH370. Ok, that’s not the point here. The point is that the Friday after that, they were supposed to air Madagascar 2 and 3, but they cancelled due to the tragedy. So sadly, I had to wait for like a month before they decided that they can play the story already. So back to the point of this, I watched the two other movies and decided that among the three, Madagascar is the best, then comes Madagascar 3, and then Madagascar 2. And then suddenly came Penguins of Madagascar. I first only saw the name and only know that it’s a movie at that time, and I was so excited since I am expecting an elaborated story on Dr. Blowhole. Or Hans (not the zombie :P). OR BOTH OF THEM!!!! But sadly, it was about a whole new villain. Not that it’s a terrible movie, I mean, after rewatching it, it was, pretty good. But then it’s very disappointing to know that it’s not a sequel or a part of the The Penguins of Madagascar plot. But then, it was interesting anyway.

2015 - The year is still new to me, I still occasionally write 2014 instead of 2015. It was February, my favourite month, and I was... I can’t remember exactly what I was doing. But it was something to do with King Julien. And then I found a TV Series called All Hail King Julien. I was quite shocked to see this. So I looked for the story and found it on some site, and watched the first five episodes. It was, pretty good. Not as good as TPoM back then. And I only watched it once, and practically forgot about it. Then exactly one year has passed since I watched TPoM on the day of the disappearance of MH370, I was watching, TPoM again (never realised how it’s on the same day until now). Somewhere in 2014, they moved the story to Sunday, and brought it to 10:30 AM instead of just 10. They were playing I Know Why Caged Bird Goes Insane on that day, and my favourite part was the Commodore Fluffington, causing me to make a search on Commodore Fluffington. And when I searched for it, I found a picture which is part of a photoset posted by @the-bus-called-graveyard-8​. I was quite surprised to see that the fandom is actually still alive and has like lots of Tumblr blogs. So I decided to follow the-bus-called-graveyard-8. At that time, I only have my now ‘closed’ primary blog, so I tend to reblog some stuff there. I can still remember when the-bus-called-graveyard-8 made the first Madagascar Week, to celebrate the 10th anniversary of Madagascar’s release. At that time, I did all the stuff using my primary blog, and it was a really nice event which then came again last year, and once more this year. July comes closer as I began to think whether or not I should make a Madagascar blog which focuses on the Penguins. And on the 6th of July, I decided that it will not be a good idea, because it will be a great idea to make a Madagascar blog of my own. I thought of a name that will represent my blog, and that’s when I got the name Just4Penguins, because when I created this blog, it was dedicated to the penguins. And although now it’s kinda more dedicated to the lemurs, I still keep the name there. And also an additional information, I began to like AHKJ more than TPoM somewhere in November 2015.

2016 - Somewhere in mid-March, I turned on the computer and do some stuff before I opened Tumblr, just to see what’s new and reblog some stuff. I saw a post about Season 3 of AHKJ which will be released on the 13th of May. I was excited. By this time AHKJ is my favourite TV Series already, and I had been waiting, and waiting, and waiting since October or November for the new season to come since Season 2 had a suspense ending. So we were all excited for this. ... ... ... Until they suddenly changed it to June 17th instead. It was, really sad when that happened. But I remained patient like Sage, and just waited for ages before we finally reached 17th June. I was away at that time, but I was free. Or free-ish. I saw a picture posted by @lemurslovethelemurladies​ at around 6 o’clock, telling me that it has been released. And I also can still remember watching the Prom Drama clip in the room I stayed in. I left my earphones so I just played it like that. And when I returned home, I went on looking for it, just in case someone upload it online early. I waited for weeks, and WEEKS (3 days) and finally found it! I watched all the way to The Butterfly War where Ted was singing, and then I had to stop and finish doing some stuff. I think I finished the whole season the day after that. Four months after that, I was informed that Season 4 shall be released on 11th November. I remember how excited I was. Compared to Exiled and Season 3, the preparation for Season 4 was the best, despite me being away again (at the same district where I was at during the release of Season 3). And a month after that came the 2nd anniversary for AHKJ. I was shocked to know that, I was not at all prepared. Suddenly @stevulien posted a post about it. So I stopped, and thought for a moment on what should I do for this event. And I decided to make the long poster which I made and posted rightaway. Finished it in around half an hour, and went off to sleep since it was in the middle of the night at that time. The next day, I noticed a few mistakes which I made while making that poster :P

2017 - The year of, a that moment Season 5 and Season 6. I was all ready for the announcement of Season 5. But then it took such a long time that I practically forgot it. But then one day I woke up and saw, can’t remember who posted a promotional poster for Season 5. The picture of an empty throne with the logo of AHKJ on it, but with the word ‘King’ faded. I was going out when I read it, so the next day when I returned home I quickly did some research on this, and began making posters which most of them weren’t even successful. I mean, I made a whole All Hail King Koto logo, but then I forgot to post it :P On the 15th of April, we learnt that the new season shall not be called Season 5, but All Hail King Julien: Exiled, after lemurslovethelemurladies posted this info on her blog. And we all waited till the day of its release. On 12th May I was away (again, at the district where I was at during the release of Season 3 and Season 4), so when I went back from the long trip, I tried a lot times using a lot of methods to watch Exiled. All of them failed. Lemurslovethelemurladies even offered to help me by letting me borrow her Netflix account, but then it’s not available in my country. KissCartoon was closed due to the DMCA thing. Someone else remade that site, but then they only update popular stories. On the 16th of May (man, that’s just four days. IT FELT LIKE WEEKS!!!), I was contacted by both the-bus-called-graveyard-8 and @dazringtail, saying that there is a way to watch Exiled. Dazringtail also cannot watch Exiled on Netflix, I think because of the same reason as me, so the-bus-called-graveyard-8 helped dazringtail by using rabb.it to stream Exiled so that we can watch it. I spent 8 days watching it, because I only get to watch parts of the season because people kept on interrupting me. I started on the 19th of May, watched Episode 1-4. And then I resumed on the 22nd and managed to watch Episode 5-11, but I only managed to watch half of Episode 11. And then yesterday, I finished the whole season, and it was the most amazing season ever. I’d like to rewind a bit back to 21st May, though actually it’s 22nd for me. Madagascar Week 2017 started. I was quite sad since I was looking forward to post things for every day of the Madagascar Week this year since last year I was extremely busy during Madagascar Week. I was informed that I will be busy on the 23rd, 24th, and 25th. Or 22nd, 23rd, 24th for most people. But luckily I managed to post things for all the days even when I was out. On AHKJ day, I was already scared because the internet there was extremely slow, and I cannot upload the GIFs of The New Wiper Fluid which I made on a laptop I brought. I tried to upload it to OneDrive and it works! So what I did was, I asked my little sister who is at home to open the computer, open my Tumblr account and upload the photos there before saving it. And once it is uploaded, there’s no more problem for me as all I did was add the texts, tags, and BOOM! it’s posted! On the 24th, I got some time to draw Pancho from the intro of Episode 3 of Exiled, and on the 25th, I made the Favourites Questionnaire, also when I was outside. I literally cannot believe that I actually made it through this year’s Madagascar Week.

I’d like to thank @the-bus-called-graveyard-8 for this amazing event, a good way to celebrate this great fandom’s anniversary. So that’s all for today, it took me hours to write this and I just realised that I didn’t wait that long to watch Season 3 and Exiled. And now, I am officially ending Madagascar Week 2017 for me. Even though it’s 28th already here, but I usually use 12:00 noon as the end of the day for this event. And now it’s 11:30+ so, close enough. I’m sorry if there are any mistakes in this post, I am not going to go through the post one more sine I have a lot of things to do right now.

Goodbye, Madagascar Week, see you again next year.