#SOUJI AND THE CATS WON'T STOP

[akumanoken]

[/yasss - that actually is the dmc bois. souji should know-- aside nero since only brothers/friends, but dante is all about teasing yet also knowing how to care for his kitten. still the more sexual of the twins. then we got vergil, just spending time like they do & their quiet reading time & also he knows how to take care of him since that post i did of that is still that & taking their baby boy out. v is about the books & some talking. they all have their things & a blushy souji still. ]

@s1lxcs

Souji really does just blus no matter what. Dante is a teasy boy but when the actually get to relax Souji really is like a lap cat wit him and feels so safe. Vergil and Souji are... THEY ARE MARRIED FULL STOP I won't go into it like normal but quality time was so accurate i had to reblog it honestly that's what compelled me. With V, they really are just chill book friends right now (though Souji's crush is so big LOL)

I just... love them all....

Also Nero and Souji being best friends and brothers are the best it makes me so hapy.

[kawaiikatanabushi]

Hakuouki Okichi Belated Fictober 2019

November Latetober entry Day 4 “I know you didn’t ask for this.”

Fandom: Hakuouki

Pairing: Okichi

Triggers: Depression, suggestion of divorce, illness, tuberculosis, minor self-loathing, angst

A snippet taken from an upcoming Okichi story in which Souji and Chizuru wind up in a self-arranged marriage deal.

They were falling into a steady rhythm, adjusting to his home health care with hardly any effort. She would rise before him, make breakfast for herself as she allowed him to sleep a few hours more, give him his first dosage at 11 as he was waking and feed him if he was hungry, write her nurse's notes and attend to his needs with ease and still make time to be his wife in the evening. It had been a flippant moment of chance that had brought them into marriage. Her heart being broken and his own agenda aside, they had become a good team. He had never expected to be so humbled and indebted to her. She was the pinnacle of goodness and he felt his uselessness settle as a weighty depression. He didn't deserve any of her tender care. He hadn't even given her a family as he had promised. It was their deal and he was skimping on the bargain. He felt worthless as she juggled their lives and he slept through most of it.

"Souji," she called softly, noticing the somber hue casting his features in dismal drudgery, "Are you alright? What's the matter?"

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes against her fondly mussing his bangs. She deserved far better than him. She hadn't even picked up on his cowardice, being unable to tell her how madly in love with her he had become. He was a failure, laid up in bed and eating up her youth. He had brought sickness into their lives and tormented her future with his worthless life.

"I know you didn't ask for this," he began, shaking his head lethargically as she opened her mouth to protest, "Please, Chizuru. Let me finish. Your brother suggested you leave me. That idiot Kazama has promised you a future countless times. Kodo-san would be thrilled. You're wasting your life with me. Even your friend Sen thinks you'd be better off without me. I think their right. You don't need me. I'm no good for you. I can't give you that baby you want. I'm too weak. I'm always tired, out of breath. I can't even hold my own bowl of food. You always feed me. Bathe me. Usher me to the bathroom. You didn't sign up for nursing a sickly husband. You didn't sign up for being with a pathetic man. You didn't ask for any of this!"

A culmination of feeling horribly ill, feeling a burden and being in love reduced him to frustrated tears. It seemed the only thing he could do was cry, as much as he had forced the urge away and despised the act for several months. He slowly rolled onto his other side, shielding her from seeing his emotional breakdown. He had come to the end of his rope, reduced to a grieving pile of sorrow.

"You should leave me," he choked out in a small whisper.

A warm petite hand rested against his back, rubbing soothing circles as she shushed him tenderly. She allowed him to release his pent-up frustration and self-loathing, knowing that a good cry might relieve some of his stresses. He was being all-too-hard on himself, as was expected of a warrior. It was so difficult to nurse the emotional needs of such an independent and stubborn man. She pulled back his blanket, settling down behind him. She wrapped her arms about his neck, planting kisses to his head as one hand stroked his chest.

"Shh, Souji, shh," Chizuru muttered into his hair, nuzzling her nose onto his head, "You're just having a rough day. It's perfectly expected to feel like this when you're so unwell. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay, it's okay. Just let it out, Souji. Let it out and I'll make you some daikon porridge, okay?"

"Food doesn't fix everything, Chizuru," Souji sobbed, wiping at his nose, "You're too good to me. I don't deserve this. You'll come to resent me. It's only been three months of this whole setup. You'll tire of me eventually. I can't give you anything. I can't give you a family and I promised it to you. What if these antibiotics make me sterile? There goes that baby we planned on,"

"We can always adopt," Chizuru mumbled tenderly, holding him all the tighter, "Don't despair, Souji. There's always hope,"

"What if we can't afford a baby?" He asked quietly, weakly lacing his hand with hers.

"Oh, Souji," she sighed in sympathy, shifting to rest her cheek on his, "I don't think you understand. I came to the Shinsengumi, a simple homecare nurse who lived a quiet and average life, even as an oni. Yes, I had a giant crush on Hijikata-san, but do you know who came to my rescue when he announced his engagement? Who asked after my feelings, Souji? Who listened to my woes and offered a solution, unorthodox as it was? You know him. I married him. He's such a feeling and good man. Kids and cats alike adore him. He's playful and mischievous, but I can't imagine having a life without him now. I don't care how difficult this time is. We're going to get through it. Do you know why, Souji? Because, you are my family. My life. My husband. I didn't ask for this, that's true. But, I don't mind. I want to care for you. I can't abandon you now. I got too close. I care too deeply for you. I'm not going to leave you, I'd rather die first. You're my husband, for better or worse. Yes, I want to be a mother, but the importance of that pales in comparison to my husband getting well. You're my life, now. I don't want to be apart from you. You're my everything,"

He could not respond. He wanted to tell her then, be the one to say he loved her first. His heart was so overwhelmed, all he could do was cry harder. She always managed to push away the debris surrounding his heart and heal him in the most broken places. He would be lost without her and the reality of being abandoned by her was too frightening a thought. He never wanted to lose her. He wanted to be selfish and keep her, even at the cost of her happiness. He loved her so much, his heart throbbed.

With great effort, he moved to lay upon his back and pulled off his oxygen, motioning from her to come closer with a tender half-smile. She smiled serenely, meeting him for a tender kiss. It was all he could do to express his gratitude. She balanced everything in his life and he would be lost without her.

"Never leave me," he begged upon parting, rubbing his nose on hers, "I'd be so lost without you,"

"Thankfully, the weight of my wedding band will keep me at your side, always," Chizuru promised, kissing his forehead, "Now, let's get you hydrated again and fed. No more silly talk of leaving,"

"How about a compromise? We're both so tired, I think a nap should be prescribed," he smirked, his eyes soft and sparkling for the first time in a while.

"Alright," Chizuru laughed, settling herself in the crook of his arm, "But, you're eating as soon as I wake up,"

"It's a promise," he agreed, wiping away his residual tears.

She was almost instantly asleep in his arms and exhausted as he was, he remained awake for a moment to watch his sleeping wife. It was as if he had an angel in his embrace. He placed a few weary kisses to her forehead, stroking his fingers through her hair. How serene and healing it was to hold her against him, watching how peaceful her sleeping expression was. How was this connection so precious fulfilling for him? She completed him in a way he could never express. He rested his forehead to hers, kissing her nose.

"I love you," he whispered, looking over her face with unveiled adoration, "One day, I won't be such a coward. One day, I'll tell you how you complete me. You deserve to know how I feel. One day, I'll be braver. I'll be better just for you. I promise. You can have all of me. I'll stop holding back. Just, wait a little longer, ne? I'm so scared of failing you... and... I'm talking to myself. Uh, Souji. Just tell her in person, ne?"

He chuckled to himself, yawning widely as his lids became heavy. Sometimes, there was no better emotional cure than a lengthy cuddle with his tender, feisty and cute wife. She was his everything.