#SOMETIMES I'M REMINDED OF MY INSANITY FOR THINGS AND I HAVE TO. GRIP MY PHONE. GETTING READY TO DRAW.

[rassblerry]

5 FOUND DEAD IN MIAMI DUE TO IDIKEI [not clickbait]

[suchalonelysunflower]

Perks (c.h)

Pairing: Calum Hood X Fem!Reader

Requested: YES

Summary: You haven’t seen your boyfriend for five months thanks to quarentine, time to make up the lost time

Warnings: Smut. Thigh riding. Mentions of quarentine. Dirty thoughts and talk. Language and probably some mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count: 1.7K

Author’s note: So we are all aware that this is Calum’s world and we are living in it, right? I’m not very familiar with writing smut so I hope this is okay and that you’ll like it 😊 thank you so much to the anon for requesting this! Reblogs, likes, comments and feedback are always more than welcome! Thank you so much and Happy reading 🦋💕

My materialist

“OMG! Request! Request! Request! reader finally gets to travel and see Cal for the first time since Quarantine and is Shocked by his physique. smut, where they basically ride cal's thigh, while gripping his arms. i'm a slut sorry lol. female pronouns are preferred, but use whatever you like!”

Five months.

You haven’t seen Calum in five months and it was driving you insane.

When quarantine started you never thought you’d be trapped inside the state borders of Virginia. You thought you would have enough time to go back home to your boyfriend and spend the next few weeks cuddling up by his side. But, since timing can be a bitch sometimes, your work required you to stay a little bit longer and you missed the last flight to LA. So to say that you were ecstatic to get home would be an understatement.

You haven’t told Calum that you were on your way home, wanting to surprise him when you open the door to your shared home. The smirk on your face could only be matched with the up and down movements of your leg, being almost impossible to contain your excitement.

The Uber driver finally pulled up in front of the house after nearly one hour in traffic. You smiled through your mask and thanked them several times before jumping out of the car with your bags in hands, wasting no time in opening the door and stepping inside.

The smell of home invaded your senses, as tears gathered up in your eyes. It’s been too long, too long without this feeling of content.

You dropped your bags in the entrance hallway and made your way to the kitchen, hoping to see Calum there and surprise him with a long awaited kiss. Yet, Calum wasn’t in the kitchen, in fact it appeared that he wasn’t home at all! It was quiet… too quiet.

You washed your hands and started walking around the house, trying to find at least a clue of where your disappearing boyfriend went. You searched in the music room, the laundry room and finally your bedroom but he was nowhere to be found. That was until you peaked out of your bedroom window and you had to remind yourself of how to breathe properly.

There he was, tank top soaked in sweat as he worked out in the garden. His hair has gone longer, you never could tell in your FaceTime calls because he always wore a hoodie or some kind of bucket house whenever he was on the phone with you, and now his curls were unsuccessfully tamed in a headband, preventing it from hitting and sticking to his head. You slightly bit your lip at the thought of ripping that headband off his head and pulling on his curls just like you used to do.

He’s got a lot bigger too, you could feel your cheeks getting warmer at the sight of his muscles flexing with ease every time he stretched his arms. The need for him grew stronger as you imagined how it would be like to be held down by those arms, pinning you to the mattress as he ran his hands through your body until they landed on your neck, squeezing it just right until…

“Holy shit!” A voice said, interrupting your daydream. You looked down to see Calum already staring at you, blinking a few times just to make sure his eyes were not fooling him. You smiled and waved, quickly getting away from the window as you started running downstairs to meet him.

Calum entered the house just in time to see you walk the last step of the stairs and catch you in his arms as you ran into him, wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist.

“I’m not dreaming, please tell me I’m not dreaming. I’m so gonna hate myself if this is another dream” He said, hiding his head into the crook of your neck.

You laughed as you pulled away a bit, cupping his cheeks into your hand and pressing little kisses across his face “It’s real, baby” You said through kisses and happy tears “I’m home. I’m finally home”

Calum’s smile reached his eyes as he started giggling with you, wasting no time to press his lips against yours.

The kiss quickly turned heated as you parted your lips and granted him access to deepen the kiss the way you both needed. ’It’s been too long’ you thought ‘too long without his kiss’

His hands traveled down grabbing your ass and giving it a little squeeze, making you moan into the kiss as you felt his growing erection through the thin material of the shorts he was wearing. Without skipping a beat, Calum walked backwards until the back of his calves met with the soft cushions of the couch, sitting down and pulling you on top of his lap without breaking the kiss.

You straddled his thigh and started moving slowly, creating a soft rhythm that matched with the movements of your lips “You dreamt about me?” You ask, breaking the kiss and starting to trail your lips against his jaw.

“Yes,” Calum breathed as he pulled you even closer to him, almost not believing you were actually there “All the time I imagined you were coming home, almost lost my mind for a second there”

You hummed, trailing your hands up and downs his muscular arms “I see you got yourself busy while I was away” You giggled.

Calum’s plump lips made their way to your neck, kissing and leaving marks wherever he wanted, making you moan softly when he found your sweet spot right under your ear “Thought you might like it,” he teased as his hands started to touch you under your shirt, leaving goosebumps wherever they touched “Let the hair grow as well”

“I could tell… Cal-“ You whimpered. His hands were cupping your breasts over your bra, thumbs slightly rubbing your nipples over the thin fabric, making you roll your hips with more intent as you bite your lips trying to contain the moans.

Calum groaned at the sight “Nu-uh,” He said, kissing you so you’ll stop biting your lips “I wanna hear you baby, please” He almost begged, adding more pressure to your nipples “It’s been too long without your pretty little sounds, love. Can't wait any longer, I need to hear you”

You obliged, thankful that you were not going to bust your lip open from biting it too hard. Your hands quickly found the haim of your shirt, pulling it over your head and unclasping your bra, tossing them god knows where. “Fuck.” Calum groaned at the sight of you.

“Like what you see?” You grin.

“Fucking love it” He said, replacing his hands with his lips in a matter of seconds, kissing from your nipples to your jaw and from your jaw to your nipples again, leaving no place unmarked, no place untouched.

One of his hands traveled to your hips while the other one ventured even further down over your panties. You were so thankful you decided to wear a skirt today.

He rubbed his hand over your lips, smirking when he felt just how wet you were “All of this for me?” He asked with a smug expression.

“Yes,” you breathed, quickening your pace so you were rubbing on his hand.

“Yes what, princess?”

“Ah- all for you, Calum” You whimpered in extacy. The FaceTime calls, the sexting and the naughty photos could never compare to the pleasure of the real thing, and to think that you haven’t even started.

“Wanna ride my thigh, baby girl?” He asked whispering in your ear as he bit your earlobe while removing his hand from your pussy and grabbing your ass with a strong grip that you were sure would leave marks tomorrow.

“Yes, sir” You moaned.

Calum slapped your ass and made you yelp at the sudden hit, somehow making you even more wet that before “Do it,” He commanded “Make yourself cum on my thigh, baby girl”

You started to move your hips again, kissing him as you slowly quicken the pace. Your hands flew to his hair, fingers tangling in his messy curls and tugging them with enough force to make him moan in pleasure.

A trail of moans and quick breaths came out of your lips as you felt Calum’s grip on your ass, guiding your movements and pressing you down against him, making you feel everything and more, proud of the mess you were making with every thrust.

“Babyy.. “ you whined, lips parted as you pressed your forehead with his, tugging on his hair so he could meet you halfway for a deep, sloppy kiss “Calum-“

“That’s it, baby. That’s it” He breathlessly praised, feeling over the moon hearing your moans and whimpers, knowing it’s just for him “So beautiful like this, baby girl. So fucking beautiful”

You were close, you were close and he knew that. Calum grabbed your hips and started quickening the pace even more “C’mon baby, cum. Cum all over my thigh”

Your moans grew louder as your vision started to become a little foggy. Your hands trailed down to his biceps as you dug your nails into his skin, trying so hard to hold on just a little bit longer for him.

“Cal- Calum, baby” His name became a mantra in your lips, feeling your climax even closer “I’m gonna cum, baby”

Your nails sank deeper into his arms, making Calum hiss as he was sure you would mark him but in this moment he didn’t find a single fuck to give as you were coming closer and closer with each movements “Fuck. Cum, Y/N. Cum. I got you, baby. I got you”

You closed your eyes as your orgasm ran through your entire body, making you shiver as you slowly came down your high, still feeling Calum’s big hands on your hip.

Once again, you grabbed Calum by his hair and pulled him towards you, clashing your lips together into a passionate kiss, telling everything you need to know at that moment.

“God, I fucking missed you” He said, once you broke the kiss to breathe.

You giggled, still a little breathless “Ditto” You wrapped your arms around his neck, pecking his lips one more time “This was one hell of a welcoming”

“You surely don’t think this is over just yet” He said, a small laugh leaving his lips “I’ve spend five months without you in that bed, you’re not leaving my side anytime soon”

You hummed “Wanna take me there and make up for lost time?”

In the blink of an eye Calum got to his feet and pulled you over his shoulder, making you yelp and giggle as he carried you to your shared bedroom, once hand around your waist while the other one soothed your ass.

“What the hell?” You laughed.

“Perks of working out, honey” He smiled “And we’re about to do one hell of a workout”

[iffyswriting]

ICE 2

With my forehead pressed against the wheel of my car, I took three big inhales each one for different unrelenting stresses.

Unwinding after my day made it easier to deal with going inside. Swiping up my phone I checked the time, knowing Daddy was probably waiting up for me.

11:12.

Getting to all my courage, I finally got out of my car and went inside my home, my father being exactly where I expected.

"Where you been?" He asked looking just as worn as me, his body limp in his big green reclining chair.

"I told you, I had practice. " I replied tiredly, dropping my keys into their porcelain pot.

"Janelle-"

"I already know what you're going to say and my legs hurt. Can talk in the morning?" He stared momentarily before waving me off, making my shoulders slump in relief. Walking towards the stairs, he cleared his throat making me turn around.

"You not gon' tell me good night?" Rolling my eyes with a tiny smile, I walked back over and placed a kiss to his cheek telling him I loved him. I walked down the stairs to the basement taking in my space.

Bouncing onto my bed I slid off my shoes my feet aching horribly. I  checked out the heels of my feet sighing at the bruises that lined them. Red and purple, red and purple as usual. I unscrewed the top off of my Vapo rub and swiped it onto my soles, letting it soothe my pain.

Flipping out my phone, I scrolled through it, pulling up some music for me to listen too.

SZA softly poured out of my speaker, Broken Clock's hypnotic beat floating into my ears as I laid down fully, curling up in my covers.I turned my music up a bit, letting it relax me further. I was so sleepy but my eyes wouldn't shut as I looked up at my ceiling tracing shapes with my eyes into my popcorn ceiling.

❄

"I have to be in this next competition," I told my coach, Simone. We either practiced early in the morning or late in the afternoon, to combat with both our schedules.

"What competition?"

"The one at the end of this month," I said in a duh tone. "I know you know about it. "

"And you know I'm going to be in it." She stood still before speaking.

"Do you think you're ready for it?"

"Of course I do!"

"Janelle, they not only judge off of skill but presentation and-" She started off looking everywhere else but at me and I tightened my jaw, my blood beginning to pump faster.

"I can get enough money for a decent costume."

"Can you?"

"I don't pay you to fucking degrade me, Simone." I spoke angrily sitting down on the bench stretching the shoestrings of my skates, tying them up tight.

"You barely pay me at all." I scoffed, snatching my guards off keeping my eyes on the other side of the stands.

"Then quit." She sighed her eyes softening as she looked me over, sitting down next to me.

"You know you'll have to tighten up."

"I will!"

"So that triple axel will be together by then?"

"Yes."

Hours passed and everything stayed the same.

Even with all my trying, all my attempts-I kept falling.  Hitting that ice felt like I was hitting a knife and I was repeatedly getting up just to stab myself all over again.

After my seemingly 100th try, I skated back to the bleachers needing to sit down and breathe. I gripped my seat trying to force the lump in my throat all the way back down, biting back any tears that blurred my vision.

"And you think you're ready." She said smartly, making my stomach twist into more knots.

"I am!"

"But you can't get this crucial part of you're routine together and you wanna throw yourself into an even harder competition!"

"I can do it sometimes!"

"Sometimes isn't guaranteed!"

"It's enough for me to keep going!"

"You're supposed to believe in me!"

"I'll believe when you try harder."

"All I fucking do is try!"

"Okay, Janelle." She brushed her hair back from her forehead and I counted each wrinkle, trying to focus on something else other than my burning anger.

"I think we're done for the day."

"Simone."

"We'll try again tomorrow." She spoke, set in her words. I didn't want to stop her because, at this point, I needed some space away from her.

It's so fucking frustrating.

I keep failing and failing and failing, yet I'm always expected to get back on my feet unscathed and ready for more action. I'm not this resilient person I'm putting on to be and it's becoming harder and harder each day to pretend I am.

Why can't I get it right?

I sniffle softly, my throat becoming tighter and tighter as the minutes ticked on mocking me.

"You not getting on the ice, today, Icey?"

I look back at the deep soothing voice, matching it to a handsome face.

A really handsome face.

He was much taller than me and leaned against the railing of the steps, his hands stuffed into his jeans pockets. He was clearly freezing, goosebumps running up the side of his arm. I'd become used to the cold, so much it was like a second kind of blanket.

His skin was stark against all the white that surrounded us, a dark brown that reminded me of hot cocoa- the juxtaposition being a beautiful contrast.

"What'd you call me?"

"Icey. I don't know your name, so I just made up a lil something." He paused before licking his bottom lip. "Hope you don't mind."

"I don't. What was your question?"

"Are you not going to get on the ice today?"

"I'm not feeling it right now."

"Damn, I was hoping to watch you." He sounded genuinely disappointed and I was a little shook, starting to chew on my bottom lip.

"You watch me all the time?"

"Not all the time-"He said quickly, kind of flustered, "I just like the way you move and the sounds- I guess you do your thing or whatever." He finished off, studying my features sheepishly.

"I don't know if you're trying to be nice-"

"I'm being honest." Chuckling, I couldn't help but shake my head at him.

"Well, thank you for that. That's the first compliment I've heard about my skating in years."

"You can't be serious."

"I am."

"If I could get out there and fucking hurl myself across a block of ice every day, everyone would see it and everyone would be respectin' me and my talent."

"You're making it sound so insanely impossible."

"Not everyone can do it. " He paused again slickly starting to smirk. "Not everyone can do it the way you do."

"Stop hyping me up, stranger."

"Amir." He said quickly, his name becoming locked into my head.

"Stop hyping me up then, Amir."

"Well Stranger-"

"Janelle." I said making him let out a breathy laugh.

"Well, Janelle- I'd love it if you tried again."

"I don't know."

"I think your discrediting yourself too much. I know your coach yells at you about how you fuck up on this or mess up on that but- you still look breath-taking. Like a real-life figurine but with passion and grace."

I blinked unsure of what to say or how to feel.  Standing up straight, I leaned on the rail and gave him a small smile.

"Okay, I'll give it another go. Maybe your seeing something I don't."

I stretched to touch my toes then put my arms outward, my pose before I began.

Starting off slowly, I did an easy figure eight, looping in a circle.

I was in the air for a couple of seconds before landing on my feet, my arms in the air as I kept my balance. I couldn't dwell long in my excitement as I launched into a toe loop, spinning the exact way I should.

His straight white teeth were on display as I stood still finished with my performance. He clapped loudly, whistling too as my own grin grew wide on my face.

"I knew you could do it!" He yelled, His support making my heart thump harder in my chest as I bounced up and down in place.

"I don't know what you did but-"

"I didn't do anything that was all you!"

He gave me another thumbs up from the door and then turns on his heels leaving me alone in the great big space.

I didn't know what to think, or how to feel.

Well, I felt good- confident even.

I started to skate again doing the triple axel once more and I wish Simone was here to see it.

See that I could do it.

He made me think about why I loved skating so much, why I had to keep this dream alive.

When I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time at my Grandma's house.

I didn't realize at the time it was because my father was unstable and he struggled to make things better for our little family.

At GiGi's house you could never expect but so many channels but on satellite, there was this one channel where figure skating was played regularly.

Little Janelle was captivated- it was the only thing that could keep me quiet because it was so beautiful and pristine. Princesses dancing on my screen, twirling on the ice in their gorgeous costumes and slicked up hair-dos.

None of these girls looked like me and I wanted to be one of them. I wanted to become someone

I expected my daddy to treat my dream as unrealistic but I didn't expect him to be as dismissive of it as he was.

When you're little you think that you can do anything and when you're supported in that, you keep aiming for stars beyond your reach.

My dad never had that philosophy. Aim for easy goals makes failure and heartache, not an option, so life goes smoother and you feel more settled.

I told him I wanted to be an Ice Skater and he told me I could clean the ice. I'd have an even better chance of working at the concessions.

You can only teach what you know, so I couldn't even be mad.

No matter what- I have to skate. I don't know if we've all got our destiny determined for us before we're born but I know that this one thing, I was always meant to do.

I know it's just a stupid sport but it's my passion and when you're so passionate about something you're willing to put your heart on the line consistently to see it through, you can't just abandon it when shit hits the fan.

Even when I fuck up, it's like I did it. I got a chance to fly even for seconds all on my own and when I come back down from my high still standing, it's a rush I refuse to let go of. When I succeed it only gives me more reassurance to keep going, never stop because there's a chance you're going to make it and people are going to know your name.

So no matter the circumstances, I gotta push as far as this skating shit will take me.

Because its the closet thing to a dream, I've ever wanted to be real.

@fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @chaneajoyyy @bakarilennox @domdollass

[smileyoongle]

Yandere BTS! An Accidental One Night Stand

@floatingpandamonster hello there! I really like this request for some reason and I hope you like it. I know I answered this months later so apologies! You'll find the request below 😊

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Kim Seokjin:

You woke up, feeling the light from the morning sun on your face. You rubbed your eyes and sat up, feeling a slight ache all over your body. Frowning, you looked around the room which certainly wasn't yours. Oh right! It was your best friend's, you were hanging out with him the night before. Suddenly, the realisation dawned on you and you gasped. Checking under the covers, your eyes widened when you saw yourself naked. Your head felt like it was gonna explode with the number of thoughts running in your mind. This was so wrong. You covered your face with your hands and shook your head. The sound of the door opening caught your attention. Jin walked in with a smile on his face as you stared at him, not knowing what to do. "Good morning, princess!" He chirped, walking towards where you were. Getting your muscles to move, you scanned around for your clothes and exhaled in relief before quickly grabbing them and putting them on. Jin already saw you naked, right? Besides, all you really wanted was to leave before he got the wrong hint. "What are you doing?" He asked, frowning on seeing you in a hurry. After buttoning up your shirt, you turned to him. "I'm sorry for what happened last night, Jin. You're my best friend and I don't see you in any other way. I hope we can forget about it and move ahead with our lives. I don't wanna lose what we have. I hope you understand." You said, giving him a small smile. You were impressed by your own speech, surely he would understand, right? Without waiting for his reply, you moved past him to leave only to be stopped by his hand on your wrist. Suddenly, his laughter filled the room, making you uncomfortable. You turned around to see why he was acting like this. "Jin!" You called out to him, making him stop abruptly. He clenched his jaw and pulled you towards him, his grip on your hand tightening with every second. Your breath hitched as he tucked your hair behind your ear. "I've held back for too long.....not anymore." He whispered in your ear before turning you around so that your back was against his chest. You whimpered when his hand wrapped around your throat lightly.

"Dedicate yourself to me, darling. I don't want to hurt you."

Kim Namjoon:

Tears fell down your cheeks as you stood in your living room, wearing the black dress from when you had gone clubbing. You had lost your virginity to a stranger whose name was Namjoon and that was a mistake. You had been saving yourself for someone special. How could you have been so careless? Maybe if you had been cautious enough, you wouldn't have been in the situation you were currently in. Namjoon circled you as you froze in your place, a knife in his hand. You had sneaked out at 4 AM from his house and made it back to yours only to find him sitting on the couch, patiently waiting for you to turn up. "You shouldn't have run away, Y/N. I was really looking forward to waking up next to you." He stated, shaking his head. What was he talking about? "Look, Namjoon, last night was a mistake and I greatly regret it. Also, I don't even know you so-" you tried explaining but he cut you off with a chuckle. "You don't know me, baby, but I know you. And I carefully planned everything for tonight. You wanna know why? Because I didn't want you to have your first time with any of the men out there. They don't deserve you. Only I do! No one can love you as much as I do!" He yelled, pulling you closer to him by gripping your hair. You whimpered as you tried to get out of his hold, crying uncontrollably. Seeing how hurt you were, he loosened his grip and hugged you. "I would never hurt you unless you hurt me, Y/N. So please, make this easy for yourself and come with me, okay?" He smiled, caressing your cheeks. You bravely shook your head, making Namjoon place his knife on your throat. "Let's try again, shall we?" He asked, trying to contain his anger. Taking the knife away from your throat, he cupped your cheeks. "I-I'll go with you." You mumbled, shaking in fear. He smirked and kissed your forehead.

"I love you, baby. I swear you were made only for me."

Min Yoongi:

Bad decisions have bad consequences. You always knew that but never really experienced it. But then again, there's always a first time. You cried silently, your hands on your forehead and your elbows resting on the kitchen counter. You had lost your virginity to your boyfriend, who sometimes drove you crazy with his possessiveness. But the past few days, he had been extra nice and caring. You being naïve, believed that he was probably the only man you'd ever love and decided that it was okay for you to do 'it' with him. You cried harder when you thought about how you broke your promise to your parents. You needed time away from Yoongi to think this through. There was no way you could look at him without thinking about what had happened. So you wiped your tears and grabbed your phone along with your wallet. Quietly walking to the door, you turned the knob to open it only to find out it was locked. You shook the knob and frowned until your eyes fell on the newly installed locks further up on the door. "You really thought you could just leave? My love, you keep forgetting that I know you better than you know yourself." Your head turned to see Yoongi standing in the hallway with his arms crossed. "Y-yoongi, what is all th-this?" You stuttered, trying to keep your calm. Yoongi walked towards where you stood and held your hands in his. "You were gonna leave me, Y/N. I know that. And I know about the promise you made to certain people but, baby, you don't have to worry. There will never be any other man in your life. It's only me. It'll always be me." He said, his blank expression creeping you out. You shook your head and tried to move away from him but he twisted your fingers making you scream in pain. You wildly thrashed, finally getting out of his hold and falling to the ground. You held your hands close to your chest and cried. You didn't think your boyfriend was a monster. Yoongi sighed before kneeling down in front of you and placing his fingers beneath your chin. He slowly pecked your lips and gave you a smile.

"You only belong to me, love. I'll make sure you never forget that."

Jung Hoseok:

You snuggled closer to the person whose arms were wrapped around you, smiling in content at how warm it felt. But something wasn't right. You ignored the uncomfortableness and tried to go back to sleep until you remembered. His lips on yours. His body against yours. Your eyes shot open and your heart started pounding. Did you really do it? You looked up to see Hoseok sleeping soundly with a smile on his face. He wasn't your boyfriend, you had barely been on 3 dates and last night was no different. You had no idea how you ended up in this position but clearly, things went down between you two. Guilt started eating you up inside, you had decided that this was gonna be your last date with Hoseok. You just didn't see him as your potential boyfriend. You pried his hands away only for him to tighten his hold. Your breath hitched when he nuzzled his face in your neck. Once again you tried to do the same, receiving a groan from him. "What do you think you are doing, angel?" He asked, voice raspy from sleep. You mentally sighed in relief, at least you didn't have to escape like a thief. Getting out of his arms, you sat up in his bed and turned to his confused form. "Hoseok, I'm just going to say it. This shouldn't have happened and I'm sorry if I got your hopes up. I just don't think there can be anything between us." You said, fiddling with your fingers. You slowly looked at him to find him sad and upset. You were horrible for doing this. Suddenly, he smiled widely. "You think I don't know that, Y/N? Why do you think this happened, angel? It's because I wanted it to. And now I own you, so no one else can dare look at you. You're only for my eyes." He said, making shivers run down your spine. You were beyond scared and disgusted. "I don't belong to anyone so you can go to hell with your stupid fantasies!" You bellowed, preparing to leave. You gasped when Hoseok grabbed your hand and pulled you to lay on the bed, straddling you. You struggled as he pinned your hands above your head, burying his face in the crook of your neck and taking in your scent.

"Just let me have you, angel. Because you drive me absolutely insane."

Park Jimin:

You stared at the mirror in the bathroom. The marks on your neck were fading but they were a reminder of what had happened 4 days ago. You had told your mother about what you had done, only to have her yell at you and tell you that you were tainted now. Your head hurt from all the stress. And the fact that Jimin was so happy about it was bothering you. You let out a heavy sigh and sat down on the bathroom floor, leaning against the door. Tears rolled down your cheeks while you closed your eyes and told yourself that it was okay. You loved Jimin, even though sometimes you felt like you didn't. A knock on the bathroom door made you flinch. "Baby, are you okay? You've been in there for too long." You could hear the concern in Jimin's voice. Wiping away your tears, you unlocked the door and stepped outside. "I'm fine." You gave him a small smile. He cupped your cheeks and looked into your eyes. "No, you aren't. In fact, you have been crying. What happened, Y/N? Who hurt you? Just tell me." He frowned and rubbed your cheek with his thumb. You sighed and held his hand, bringing it away from your cheeks. "I shouldn't have let that night happen, Jimin. Now everything's ruined. My mom hates me and she will probably never want to see me again!" You stated, walking away from him and into the living room. You heard his footsteps following you. "Are you telling me that you regret it?" His voice was small, you could tell he was hurt. You turned to face him, wanting to scold yourself for hurting him. "No, Jimin. I love you, I really do. I just think we should have waited. We don't even know how long we'll-" you tried holding his hand but he pulled away. "I dare you to finish that sentence." He said, expression turning from sad to angry. You shivered, his dark eyes making you scared. He had never been this angry before. Slowly, he took steps closer to you while you moved backwards, your back hitting the wall. He placed his hands on the wall behind you, trapping you. Your breathing was heavy and you felt small under his gaze. "Jimin, that's not what I meant." You mumbled, looking down at your feet. He held your jaw with his fingers, giving it a tight squeeze and making you whimper.

"I own you mind, body and soul. You'll be mine even in death."

Kim Taehyung:

Clutching your purse in your hand, you walked the endless corridors of the huge house. You were searching for Kim Taehyung, your boss who you had slept with. It was a party thrown by him for highlighting the achievements of the company. You didn't know how, but one thing led to another and here you were, with an aching body, looking for your boss, in order to know if you were going to get fired. You heard his voice when you passed the door to his study, halting immediately. Taking in a deep breath, you knocked and heard a small "come in". You entered the room and closed the door behind you, facing him only to find him looking at you intently from his seat. "Did you sleep well, Y/N?" He asked, breaking the silence. You nodded and bit your lip, moving to stand in front of his table. "Actually, I wanted to apologize for last night, Mr Kim-" you started, only to be interrupted by him. "Taehyung. I prefer Taehyung from your pretty little mouth." He said before standing up from the leather seat and walking towards you. Your throat ran dry and your hands became clammy. Pretty little mouth? "And there's no need to apologize, baby. Because this is going to happen again and again and again." He said, placing his hands on your waist and pulling you closer to him. You frowned, heart hammering inside your chest. "What is th-that supposed t-to mean?" You asked, your voice coming out as a whisper. Taehyung smiled and leaned his forehead on your shoulder. "You've had all my attention since the day you stepped in my office, Y/N. And now look what you've done. I'm in love with you. No matter how many times I touch you, it will never be enough." He confessed, making your eyes widen. You felt uncomfortable being there. You had always maintained your distance from him, meeting him only when he called, talking only about work. You held his hands and pushed them away from you, making his smile disappear. "Mr Kim, nothing can happen between us. You're my boss and I would appreciate it if you kept it that way." You said and turned around to leave. A squeal escaped your mouth when he grabbed you from behind and lay you down on his table before standing between your legs. You struggled and screamed, only for him to laugh at you. He gripped your wrists harshly and held them above your head. Leaning down, he kissed your neck before placing his lips next to your ears.

"Someday you'll know that we're meant to be. Until then, I'll just have to keep reminding you."

Jeon Jungkook:

His lips trailed down your neck, leaving marks that would be hard to cover up. You moaned as you ran your fingers through his hair, your body shivering under his touch.

You woke up with sweat beading on your forehead. It was only a dream, but a wet dream. And that too about Jungkook, your ex-boyfriend. You placed your hand on your chest and felt your heartbeat go back to normal. Why the hell were you dreaming of Jungkook? You frowned, feeling the strap of your bra beneath your fingers. You looked down at your body, gasping on seeing yourself in only your undergarments. To add to your surprise, you saw dark marks on your thighs. Love bites. You removed the blanket from your knees to reveal a metal cuff around your ankle which was connected to a chain. "Pretty, aren't they?" You flinched on hearing his voice. You looked up to find him leaning on the wall in front of the bed, shirtless and smirking. Your heart shattered when you remembered what happened last night. It had been so difficult to break up with Jungkook. He was too controlling and manipulative. Even after the breakup, he kept following you and tried to convince you to go back to him. A single tear fell down your cheek as you reached out to pull at the metal chain, only to find it cemented into the wall. "Don't bother, my love. They are strong enough to stop you from leaving me again." Jungkook said, moving to sit on the bed, close to you. You immediately moved back and pulled your knees to yourself. "Please let me go, Jungkook. I don't want to be with you! Don't you get it?!" You yelled, your lips quivering. His eyes turned dark and he clenched his jaw. "Who said you had a choice anymore? Don't YOU get it?! We are inseparable, Y/N!" He bellowed, emphasizing on the 'you'. You shook your head as you broke down into sobs and hid your face in your hands. Jungkook wrapped his arms around you, feeling you stiffen in his hold. You started struggling and pushing him away which only made him hold you tighter. Eventually, you stopped and cried against his chest while he caressed your hair, smiling at how you gave up so easily.

"I'm the only one who can make you happy, Y/N. I promise to love you for eternity."

Tbh, I don't think I did my best with this reaction. But it's not that bad, I guess. I also don't know if this was what you wanted, I hope I got it right though!

-XX

[verycharmingmonsters]

Billy Pilgrim

It is just an illusion we have here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone it is gone forever. (Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five)

Is it 2023 for you?

It is not always 2023 for me. For me, sometimes for a second, or a spell, or a stretch, it is once again April 17, 2016, or it is a fragment of 2018 that I can't quite place on a timeline, or it is a jumble of moments from 2019, or it is no time at all.

Do you ever think about how you experience time? How it is that you have a sense of things proceeding along in a forwardly direction? How your perceptions and sensations arise into awareness, slip away like a falling tide, and then are tucked neatly into the orderly narrative of your life? I used to know time this way. Now, I have a new kind of time. I have yesterday, and today, and yesterday-today, and now-not-now, and now, and sometimes I am free falling, and sometimes I can't find tomorrow. Sometimes, I have to make an effort to remember when I am.

In my living room in March 2023, I open social media. I see photos of my friends smiling, laughing and dancing at an event. I swipe through the next photo and the next. I am happy for my friends. I mildly regret missing out, but I look forward to the next time.

I swipe through to the next photo. It is him. It is him among my friends, in the one small, safe place I thought I had carved out in this city.

I am ripped out of 2023. I am frozen. My heart is pounding. There is an immediate, urgent, real and present danger. My muscles tense up. If I had been hungry, or if I had felt nature calling, I do not feel these things anymore. It is 2019 and I need to run away, but there is nowhere to run. The threat is inescapable. It is everywhere. Now, I am in a new apartment. It is October. My friends are his champions; they tell me I am having a bad breakup and I just need time. They remind me that my relationship had good times, as if I didn't know. These are not really friends, but I don't understand that yet. I swallow. It is August and I am gasping for air between heaving sobs, bracing myself over a pedestal sink in a sweaty, moldy wet room in rural Vietnam, while he screams at me that I am insecure, weak, sniveling, insane, just like my mother. There is nowhere to go. I am trapped here. I see my face in the mirror. There is clear, sticky snot running down my face, dripping off my chin. Is there a mirror? Or am I outside myself? No, here are my hands, gripping either side of the cold, white sink. But why can I also see the curve of my back? Now I am curled in the fetal position on musty grey sheets. How did I get here?

This moment does not know its place in history. It fell off the timeline. It is whenever it wants to be. I force myself to breathe in-two-three-four-five. I pause. I am drifting out of 2019. I breathe out-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight. Pause. Again-two-three-four-five-pause-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight. I count five things I can see, four things I can hear, three things I can touch, two things I can smell, one thing I can taste. I keep breathing. I am intently focused on my breathing. It is 2023, and I can see my phone in my hand. There was danger, but it is not here in this room. Not right now. My body is catching up with my breath, but it is protesting. Are we safe? Are you sure we're safe? I'm not sure how to answer that.

I will spend weeks trying to persuade my recalcitrant body that we are safe and firmly planted in the here and now. It has been a while since we fell out of time like this. I use the tools I learned in 2021. Breathing. Self talk. Gentle, slow, mindful movement. Healthy foods. A full night's sleep. I reach out to a women's support centre and schedule calls with a support worker. She tells me to try tapping my thighs, my shoulders. Try hugging myself. We talk about EMDR and somatic release practices. I tell her the things that scare me. We talk about "lethality assessments". She has concerns. We talk about prioritizing my safety. I schedule appointments with my therapist. I tell friends that I need to take a time out to focus on myself. They want to help. I don't know what to tell them. I'm apologetic. I'm embarrassed. This again, this again. I don't want to bring this up. I want to forget it, too. I want to be okay. I want to be in the moment. I want the past to stay in the past, just like it does for you. It is hard to explain why it will not.

Listen: Billy Pilgrim has come unstuck in time.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

And In This Light I Think I'm Falling

A/N: This is my first fic in a while so the style is a bit different than my usual--but I found it in my drafts and wanted to finish it while I’m still working on larger stories. Written in response to this prompt from before we conquered the ship name! 

Why does everyone assume they're together? Penelope can't stop thinking about it and feelings ensue. 

Penelope x Schneider, One Day At A Time. Also on AO3.

He catches her when she trips walking past the couch, one hand at her side and the other gripping her hip until she steadies herself. The feel of it lingers longer than she wishes it would.

The next night, after a terrible first date, it’s that moment she finds herself thinking of: Schneider's fingertips digging casually into her skin. How warm his hands are, his broad palms.

Loneliness is a terrible reason to ruin a friendship, she tells herself firmly.

Victor is just the first time.

It’s hilarious, her husband looking at that man–even if Schneider does walk in shirtless without knocking, even if he does that sort of thing a lot now–and thinking he’s her type.

After spending so many years with her, the fact that Victor can see them side by side and decide that they make sense…well, it’s just more proof that her marriage is a lost cause.

But the more it keeps happening, the less funny it is.

****

It’s the mom of Alex’s new teammate, who is behind them in the stands during the first home game and asks what Schneider does for a living while her own husband is getting snacks.

Penelope and Schneider’s corrections are so hasty they overlap into gibberish, impossible to understand, before she’s elbowing him and starting over with less panic.

It’s not like it doesn’t make sense, of course. It’s a simple mistake.

One that seems to occur every baseball season.

****

It’s the waiter at the restaurant they go to for her Mami’s birthday, when Schneider sweet talks Lydia into it in spite of Penelope’s insistence that they can just have the usual fun family party.

Really it’s no different from being at home. They’re still loud and happy, Elena and Alex sneaking glances at their phones even after she scolds them, and Lydia flirting until the chef sends dessert out on the house. Penelope can’t help basking in how warm and settled it all feels–this isn’t the future she saw herself having, but it’s a pretty good one and she’s happy in it.

Schneider goes to the bathroom and the waiter comes by to hand her the check, says he hopes the evening went well and that she and her husband will stop in on their next date night. He’s gone again before she can find the words to correct him, some way to make the truth clear without frantically overreacting and turning that into the issue instead.

Does it really matter, she wonders, when the kids and her Mami are sitting right there and don’t even notice the man’s mistake? They all know it’s not true. That’s what counts.

****

It’s at Elena’s high school graduation, because of course Schneider is there taking endless pictures and would've brought a professional film crew if she hadn’t threatened him with violence. Of course he cheers almost as loud as her Cuban family and cries the most and hands Elena a gift he wrapped himself.

Now it’s not one person, it’s most of the people, who weren't close with Elena and don’t know Victor is overseas and make the assumption that the man with the proud grin and matching glasses is the father of the girl Penelope is preparing to send into the adult world.

It’s reasonable, she thinks, and so she talks around the subject, she slides past the titles and assumptions and tries not to think too much about how it feels.

Because it makes her more melancholy than she wants to admit, the way the world expects them to be a couple, expects her to have someone at her side who loves her kids and supports her without question.

Schneider being so easily mistaken for that guy hurts. It reminds her of what she’s still trying to find.

****

It’s the way the kitchen light hits him early in the morning, catching hints of green and grey in his blue eyes when he takes off his glasses to rub at them. Waiting for his coffee and blinking, he notices her gaze.

Schneider asks if she’s okay, gratefully taking the mug after he puts his glasses back on.

As soon as he speaks it’s like a spell is broken and time moves normally again. Alex is complaining about his school clothes and Elena is arguing with her Abuelita about summer break and Schneider is the guy who hangs around too much.

But for a minute he wasn’t. For a minute he was somebody else.

Somebody she couldn’t stop looking at and wondering, what did other people keep finding there? What about the two of them seemed like such a good fit?

So without her ever really meaning to, one morning Schneider is a man Penelope sees differently.

And she likes what she sees, that’s the worst part of all.

She likes it a lot.

****

It’s the way he’s not pushy, he lets her come to him, but he’s also totally open. Inviting her in for a hug without needing to say it, always being a safe place for her to run to. His body language has its own gravitational pull.

Really, so does he.

But it’s also the way he always reaches out to her, and when Schneider does reach out, he doesn’t hesitate.

His hand is at the small of her back when they leave a room together, a friendly gesture he doesn’t even seem to notice. He grabs her shoulders to maneuver her into sitting, a move that never fails to work because it stuns her into complying.

She was in the Army, she knows fifty ways to leave him gasping for air, but Schneider will lead her around gently and firmly and wordlessly as though it doesn’t occur to him to be afraid of her reflexes.

He catches her when she trips walking past the couch, one hand at her side and the other gripping her hip until she steadies herself. The feel of it lingers longer than she wishes it would.

The next night, after a terrible first date, it’s that moment she finds herself thinking of: Schneider's fingertips digging casually into her skin. How warm his hands are, his broad palms.

Loneliness is a terrible reason to ruin a friendship, she tells herself firmly.

Even if now he insists on showing up in her dreams.

****

It happens on a stifling August day, when the kids have fled to a temperature-controlled movie theater with their allowance and she opts to do the same for free.

Pretty close, anyway, because if she’s hanging out with Schneider at his place and she hints, he’ll leave the AC on all day without complaint.

She’s there for the free cool-down and the company, and whatever plans he might have had, Schneider seems happy to see her.

He always seems happy to see her. These days, Penelope can’t tell if that’s because he’s just such a happy person or if it’s about her.

She hopes it’s her.

They put a movie on and he offers to fix lunch. For a minute she can’t breathe, she’s laughing so hard.

The man cooks such terrible food, it hadn't occurred to her to take his offer seriously--but she didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. Sometimes she forgets he has any that are easily bruised. Because the pained look on Schneider’s face is sincere, she hurries to apologize.

Shifting closer on the couch, Penelope hugs him and promises that if he makes her food, she’ll eat it. She presses her lips to both his cheeks in big, exaggerated kisses to get him to smile again.

When that works and there’s only an inch between them, Schneider beaming at her so sweetly that it makes Penelope ache, she realizes she can’t take it anymore.

She kisses him again, this time leaning in to brush his mouth with hers, as slowly and carefully as if he might break. His smile is gone.

Penelope can see questions in his eyes, but Schneider doesn’t ask them. He frames her face with his hands and kisses her back.

She has questions too, because giving in to temptation didn’t mean expecting him to respond. She’s had time to develop feelings, deny them, and finally choose to acknowledge the insanity of them and hope they would go away.

Not once in all that time did she stop and think maybe Schneider had feelings for her too.

She’s pretty sure she has confirmation now, though, with him sinking deeper into the kiss and his hands tracing up the curve of her neck. Penelope's been wearing her hair up off her shoulders to beat the heat all day, but he's freeing it to run his fingers through.

With his hands buried in her curls, Schneider tugs her closer. Before she gets the chance to tell him her hair was up for a reason, his tongue finds hers and she lets him swallow her protest.

He’s being careful--she can tell he’s holding back just like her, still trying to figure out what this is and how far they can push the line before they cross it and something really important gets damaged.

But they’re making out in his chilled apartment, the air between them getting hotter by the second, and he’s practically got her pressed back into the couch and damn it feels good. All her rational arguments can’t stand up to the feel of him, a solid and comfortable weight on top of her.

Schneider smells like a forest, but not in a gross way–like an actual forest, rich and earthy and male. She’s never going to be able to stand near him again without noticing that and remembering them here, Penelope realizes.

With his mouth moving to her neck, he asks permission before he slides one hand under her tank top, and she holds back an eyeroll. Only Schneider would still be checking in while she was straddling him and her teeth were grazing his ear.

Of course, that's what she likes about him. However much he's enjoying himself--and she's got a front row seat, he's enjoying himself a lot--he would never want anything to happen between them that she might regret later.

God, that would almost simplify things, being able to consider today some form of temporary insanity. As she tugs Schneider's t-shirt over his head, Penelope wishes she could say she was going to regret this.

But she doesn’t think she will.