#SNS Pub

[29121996]

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[mischievouslittlecreature]

Part 21: The Shadow of the Abattoir

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x OC

Summary: The ghost of dead, long lost loves continue to haunt both Tommy and Lucy.

Word Count: 5,664

Notes: Warnings for depictions of smut including a threesome and references to past sexual assault and blood.

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Chapter 10: Change the World

When she stepped into the Garrison, it was to find the pub empty. Not a single soul, behind the bar or seated in any of the chairs or booths, was present. She chanced a quick glance into the snug, but found that to be vacant too. 

A frown settled itself on Lucy’s lips, brows creasing. It was dark out, but surely not closing time yet, was it? She fumbled for her pocket watch, then froze, looking back up at the pub. 

This was not the Garrison as she knew it. At least not in its current state. 

This was the Garrison prior to the explosion. Before they had moved to Arrow House. Before Tommy had bought it from Harry. Back when…

Lucy swallowed roughly, throat suddenly sandpaper dry, and approached the bar with trembling steps. She rested one hand on the smooth top, running her hand along it. Looking around, she fully took in the interior of the pub. It looked as it had when she’d first arrived in Small Heath, a little smaller, and not nearly as extravagant and gold as it was after the renovation. 

A prickle of nostalgia welled up within her chest. 

“What can I get you?”

She jumped so hard she almost screamed. Whirling around from where she’d turned so that her back was to the bar, she spun to face it again, and was met with golden waves surrounding a bemused expression. 

“Hello, love.”

“Grace!” she gasped, and half lunged across the bar, flinging her arms around her neck. Grace laughed, hugging her back. Lucy pressed her face to her hair, closing her eyes against the scent of her perfume. 

“I can’t stay long,” Grace murmured after a moment, stroking her back. Lucy pulled away, albeit reluctantly, unable to take her eyes off her as she got two glasses and a bottle of whiskey down from the shelves. She looked as she had when she was working at the Garrison: golden hair loose around her shoulders, a red sweater pulled on over her white blouse. 

It had been awhile, since Grace had appeared to her, be that just in dreams or visions while she was awake.

“I’ve missed you,” she said, swirling the amber liquid in the glass Grace passed to her. “Where have you been, Grace?”

Grace smiled at her sadly. “I’ve been around. Even if you couldn’t see me,” she took a sip from her drink, cocking her head. “Are you going to kill the Italians holed up near the Midland?”

Lucy did look away then, momentarily. That the ghost knew what she and Tommy got up to at the Midland made her stomach clench hard with guilt. She took another gulp from her glass, letting the burn of the alcohol steady her nerves.

“Yes,” she finally answered, setting the drink down and raising her gaze to Grace’s again. There was no judgment in her sky blue eyes, just simple curiosity. 

“Tommy may fight you on it.”

Lucy cracked half a smile. “Probably. But we both know he’s not all that good at saying no to me.”

Grace chuckled, leaning closer to her across the bar. Lucy caught herself just staring at her, half transfixed by the glow of her hair and the bright look in her eyes, a dimple appearing in her cheek every time that she smiled. 

“He just worries,” Lucy said, trailing a finger up and down the bar. “And he’s gotten more protective since you…” her words stuttered, smile and happiness dying in an instant, the lump that was suddenly lodged in her throat cutting off any further potential speech. 

Grace’s hands reached out to cradle hers, squeezing them with surprising strength. She crowded in closer, until her forehead was almost brushing Lucy’s. 

Clearing her throat awkwardly, Lucy pulled one of her hands free to swipe at her cheeks, where a few stray tears had managed to break containment despite her best efforts. Sniffing once, she forced herself to look up, and was met with the steady comfort that lived within Grace’s eyes. 

“It’s not just me. He’s scared for everyone.”

“Yeah, but with you it’s different.”

Lucy stuttered. “I don’t…I don’t think…”

“Don’t think you’re special?” Grace raised an eyebrow, expression suddenly very, very serious. “I worry about his will to keep living, should anything happen to you, Lucy.”

Her eyes widened. “I…I think you might be overstating things a little, Grace.”

Grace shrugged. “You said it yourself during your talk with Polly, love. You’re his main source of emotional support. He doesn’t have anyone else to talk to or to lean on, without you. Not really,” she squeezed her hand. “Just remember that, when he loses his shit at the idea of you being in any sort of direct, potential danger. It’s not that he doesn’t think you can handle it,” Grace’s thumb stroked along her knuckles, tracing over the plain golden rings Lucy always wore. “He loves you. The idea of losing you is probably terrifying.”

Lucy felt her cheeks flare hot with bashfulness at Grace’s words. With one hand, Grace cupped her chin, delicate fingers gingerly tilting Lucy’s face up to look at her. She cocked her head. 

“What are you afraid of?”

Lucy blinked, the question catching her completely and utterly off guard. She shifted from foot to foot, suddenly uncomfortable, cracking a small smile to try to displace some of the serious foreboding that seemed to have cloaked around them. 

“Oh, you know…small spaces, thunder, and moths are pretty creepy…”

“No,” Grace said, and the heavy, earnest solemness contained in her voice stopped Lucy right in her tracks. Her hands started to fiddle through her hair, running through the messy curls before dropping down to mess with her rings, clearing her throat, prolonging having to legitimately answer Grace’s question for as long as she could. 

“I’m afraid of it happening again,” she said, voice so soft it was a wonder that Grace could still hear her. There was no need for her to specify what it was. They both already knew. 

Behind her eyelids, every time she blinked: cobblestones slickened with a combination of rain and her own blood, the jeering, cruel cacophony of the men surrounding her. The agony between her legs where they violated her, and the burning bite of blades dragging through her flesh. 

The scars that still marked her body from that night itched and ached at the memory.

Lucy took a deep breath, feeling Grace’s hand curl over hers again, squeezing tightly as a way to ground her. When she opened her eyes, her dead lover was looking at her steadily, silently urging her to continue.    

“I’m…scared of losing Tommy. Of being a burden. Or unwanted. Or unloved,” she looked away hastily, out towards the windows, where nothing but pitch black darkness peered in at them. Lucy suddenly felt as though it were slowly closing in on them, leaking in through the windows and under the door, creeping in steadily, closer and closer with each passing moment. 

Grace’s hand touched her cheek, turning her face back to look at her. She was on Lucy’s side of the bar, now, and Lucy wondered how she could have moved without her hearing. “You never have to worry about those last two,” she smiled gently, leaning forward to kiss her between the brows. “Tommy and I will always love you.” Her gaze tracked over Lucy’s shoulder to the advancing blackness. “No matter how dark it gets.”

Lucy dropped her head to Grace’s chest, arms wrapping around her waist. Grace hugged her back, gingerly stroking her hair. The darkness was creeping closer to them, slinking silently across the floor. 

“I miss you,” Lucy said, tears welling in her eyes. Grace smiled, and dipped her head to kiss her softly on the lips. 

“I know, dearest. I know.”

The empty, black void was kissing the very tips of Lucy’s shoes. But she and Grace did not let go of each other. 

“It’s going to be alright,” Grace said, and then the darkness swallowed them whole. 

Lucy woke up with a sharp jerk, eyes snapping open and body fully aware in an instant. It took a moment, before she realized that she was not still lost in the all-encompassing blackness that had surrounded her and Grace. Her eyes adjusted slowly, taking in the small room illuminated only by the moonlight filtering in through the curtains. 

Lucy shivered despite the blankets pulled up around her. Her scars were still itching and aching uncomfortably, her breathing a little labored. 

“Luce?” mumbled a sleepy voice beside her, and then a hand, warm as hot sand that had been left baking in the sun, touched her clammy back, smoothing up and down gently. “You alright?”  

“Yeah,” she croaked out. “Sorry.”

Tommy slowly wrapped his arms around her, drawing her back in until she was laying on his chest. “Nightmare?” he asked.

“No. Not exactly,” she shifted her head until it was nestled in her spot between his pectorals, his smattering of chest hair tickling her cheek. “I’ll tell you about it in the morning.”

“Mm, alright,” he mumbled, already half asleep again. She smiled a little to herself, his arms strong and safe around her. 

But, despite that, the memory of the harsh darkness closing in with alarming speed left goosebumps to erupt across her flesh, a shudder running down her spine. Every time she closed her eyes, she was reminded of it. She had been powerless to stop it, and once it had surrounded her, there was no way out. No way to go back to the way things were before it came. No light to guide her through it. All she could do was hold onto the body pressed up against her, and hope that, eventually, the void of unending despair and dark agony would pass. 

It was a very long time before she was able to fall back to sleep.    

∗ ∗ ∗ 

They were just finishing getting dressed when they heard the gunshot ring out. Lucy only had her waistcoat pulled halfway on, the buttons undone, when the explosion of sound echoed outside. Tommy lurched into movement where he’d been standing by the window, peering outside through it before turning and racing for the stairs. Snatching her revolver where it was sitting on the dresser, Lucy tore after him. He burst out onto the street, banging a hand hard on Arthur’s door, where the blast had come from. It took an agonizingly long moment before Linda yanked open the door, and Tommy went barreling in, barely giving her enough time to get out of the way before he was rushing through the house towards the back. Lucy hurried after him, Linda following. 

Arthur was standing outside, in only his loose undershirt and boxers, the gun clutched in his right hand dangling limply. Tommy scanned the area around them frantically, eyes darting into the alleys and nooks and crannies where enemies could be hiding. 

“He fired the bullet,” Linda explained from the doorway. Lucy looked from her to the gun cradled in Arthur’s hand, and things finally clicked together in her head. She relaxed, uncocking her weapon and shoving it into the waistband of her trousers, since she hadn’t yet gotten her holster on before they ran outside. 

Tommy moved to comfort Arthur while he sobbed softly, patting him on the back, then holstering his weapon.

“You did well,” he told Linda as he moved past her to head back into the house. 

“God spoke to him, not me,” Linda said, the golden cross resting from a chain around her neck seeming to blaze for a moment. Lucy looked at it distastefully. 

“Just take the compliment, Linda,” she said softly, managing a small smile that she hoped wasn’t too much like a grimace before following Tommy through the house, out the front door, and back inside to their own lodgings. 

“You alright?” Lucy asked, setting her gun down on the nightstand as she watched Tommy sit on the edge of the bed. He rubbed a hand across his face, pinching at his brow briefly before dropping it to rest on his knee. She moved to settle beside him, the mattress dipping with their combined weight. 

“Yeah.”

“It was for the best,” she twisted the ring encircling her left index finger, eyes fixing on the ugly wallpaper covering the wall across from them. Tommy hummed in agreement, reaching across and taking her hand in his, ceasing her fiddling and running his thumb across her knuckles.

“What were you dreaming about? Earlier, when you woke up in the middle of the night.”

Lucy shot him a knowing glance, aware that he was likely searching for a distraction from the memory of Arthur sobbing dryly.

“Grace.” She felt his hand tighten in hers at the name. “She was asking me all these strange questions about what I’m afraid of. And then this…I don’t know, this black mist came creeping in and surrounded us.” Lucy shrugged. “It was odd.”

Her breath came out a little shakier than intended, and Tommy immediately wrapped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her into his side. She locked her hands around his middle, hugging his ribs with her head on his shoulder. 

“It’s been awhile since she came to either of us,” Tommy remarked. 

“Yeah.” So long, in fact, that they had both started to wonder if maybe she really was gone for good; the ghost, hallucination, or whatever their visions of Grace actually were fading away as time ticked on past the moment the real Grace had died in their arms. “I really miss her, Tommy.”

His other arm came up to encircle her, large palm resting on the side of her head, thumb tenderly stroking her hair while he pulled her closer.   

“I know, love, I know,” his lips brushed against the crown of her head. “I miss her too.”

She sniffled a little, closing her eyes as she clung to him, feeling the heat from his body seep into her, breathing in the comforting scent of his expensive cologne and aftershave, mixed with a trace of pine and smoke. They held each other for a good long while, until the sun–which had only just been rising into the sky when they raced out to check on Arthur–was high above the city, and morning had officially broken. She could hear the beginnings of the streets below their window starting to stir to life. 

“Lucy?” Tommy asked, voice soft.

“Hm?”

“I have an idea, if you’d be up for it…”

She raised her head, intrigued, and listened to what he had to say. 

∗ ∗ ∗ 

Lucy readjusted the cigarette clutched between her fingers, eyeing Tommy with a sympathetic look where he was seated at his desk, glasses perched on his nose, eyes continuing to dart over to the photograph of him and Greta laid out beside his paperwork. She reached out a hand to squeeze his forearm, and he looked up at her, offering a weak smile when their eyes met, appreciation clear in his face at her understanding.

The door opened, and Lucy smiled at Lizzie in greeting as she approached the desk, plopping down into the chair across from Tommy that wasn’t occupied by Lucy. She gave Lucy a small squeeze to the shoulder to say hello. 

Lucy watched her as she grabbed a cigarette from Tommy’s case where it was sitting on the desk, telling them about how the girls at the shop were arranging a prostitute for Finn. It hadn’t been until this past year that she and Lizzie had gotten closer, what with most of the family being estranged, Lizzie had stepped in to help with more of the higher up duties within the company. 

It was nice to have a friend. Even if that friend had brief bouts of jealousy that made her icy cold and sometimes rather cruel. Lucy tried not to take it too personally. Or to let it fester into guilt. 

It wasn’t like she was stealing Lizzie’s share of love from Tommy, or anything like that. Though sometimes…

Sometimes she worried that maybe Lizzie’s feelings of envy were not entirely unfounded. Perhaps, if Lucy wasn’t a factor, maybe there really could be a chance for her and Tommy.

Lucy shook the thought away with a small frown, taking a drag of her cigarette to distract herself from the unsettling thoughts. Upon raising her gaze, it was to find Tommy looking at her, brow raised curiously. 

You alright?

She gave him a tiny smile. Yeah.

You sure you want to go through with this?

She turned the cigarette over between her fingers. Yes.

But a pang of guilt swam up within her. How many years had been, that they’d used Lizzie as a stand-in for others? Enough to be shameful, easily. But that had been the standard procedure, hadn’t it? Before Grace, it had just been for a bit of fun and variety. But after Grace, the women who they hired occasionally to spend the night with were simply warm bodies for them to hold close while they closed their eyes, imagining that it was their dead love with them instead. 

As had been the case when they hired Lizzie in the past, back when she still did that kind of work. And even for a spell after, shortly following Grace’s death. But after the whole incident with the family being arrested, Lizzie had clammed up somewhat towards them on that front. Lucy wondered if it had something to do with Tommy trying to pay her for her services in front of the entire family. So they had stuck with the whores. 

But currently, they had to be careful regarding anyone who was outside the family. All it would take was one girl on the Changretta’s payroll, and what should have been a simple fuck could wind up being a very deadly encounter. Neither of them were willing to risk that.

So here they were, coming back to Lizzie.

Lucy couldn’t entirely shake the feeling that they weren’t being fair. But she’d figured that Lizzie must be over Tommy, given the way that she’d softened towards her over the past year. Surely, she had to know, given that nothing had happened between her and Tommy in the long years that they’d known each other, that there wasn’t little to no chance of him ever falling in love with her. If he was going to, surely it would have happened by now. 

But, try as she might, Lucy couldn’t quite shake the feeling that she wasn’t entirely correct in that assumption.

I’m just being paranoid, she insisted to herself. Lizzie could be an adult about the whole thing, same as them. She understood the routine. They’d done it so many times by now, it would be shocking if she didn’t. 

“Tell them to pay extra and get someone nice,” Tommy told Lizzie in regards to the girl they were hiring for Finn. 

“Nice women don’t do that sort of thing,” Lizzie said, and Lucy’s brows lifted at the edge of superiority she thought that she detected in Lizzie’s voice, as if she had not also done ‘that sort of thing’ for many years. It did little to help alleviate the layer of unease in the back of Lucy’s mind. She opened her mouth, to gently remind Lizzie that she really had no room to talk, but Tommy beat her to it. 

“Yes, they do. What about you?”

Lizzie’s face twitched, quickly looking down, and Lucy immediately felt bad. She had to figure that there were a good many aspects of that part of Lizzie’s past–if not all of it–that she was eager to forget. 

Tommy grabbed his suit jacket, pulling it on. Lucy stood, grabbing her coat where it was hanging by the door, securing it snugly around herself and taking his hand. At his urging, Lizzie followed them out the door.  

He led them along the streets, zigzagging through alleyways until they started to work their way down, following a path that led them along the edge of the canal. They came to a stop by where a couple of abandoned boats were floating in the water, a few barrels and a stack of hay lining the path. Lizzie stepped over them to duck into one of the tunnels lining the wall, sitting down and drawing her coat tighter around herself while she shivered. Tommy came to a stop looking out over the water. Birds chirped overhead. It was nice here; quiet. Away from the booming of the factories or the roar of cars and bustle of people. 

Lucy linked her arms with Tommy’s, listening quietly as he recounted how he and Greta used to come here. Lucy gave him a small squeeze, hoping to comfort him somewhat. It seemed to work, as he turned his head to press a kiss into the top of her head. Together, they began to move towards where Lizzie was sitting. Lucy hopped up to sit beside her on the hay, scooching in close until their sides were touching.     

Tommy rubbed Lizzie’s arm, stepping in close, and Lucy wrapped her arms around the taller woman’s waist, resting her chin on her shoulder, watching as Lizzie’s face changed, understanding dawning upon her face as to why they’d brought her there. 

Tommy cupped both sides of Lizzie’s face and kissed her softly, while Lucy dragged her nose along the delicate skin of her neck. She smelled of a combination of perfume and smoke.

“Are you kissing her or me?” Lizzie asked, and Lucy felt another twinge of guilt, but at the same time, relief. At least it was clear that Lizzie understood. She angled her head slightly, to see Tommy’s response. She saw his face contract momentarily with the same guilt she’d felt stutter inside her, and she had to be sure that Lizzie saw it too. But he got it under control quickly, mask settling back into place, eyes glazing over with dissociation, losing himself in the fantasy, replacing Lizzie’s face in his mind with another.  

“You.”  

Lucy bit back a smirk. Liar, liar, pants on fire, Thomas.

If Lizzie was bothered by the obvious lie, she did not show it. When Tommy leaned in to kiss her again, she let him. Lucy turned her head back to rest against Lizzie’s neck, pressing careful kisses there, finding the spot that made her shudder. One of Tommy’s hands slipped into Lucy’s coat and under her suit jacket, smoothing along her waist, the warmth of his skin seeping in through the material of her white button down. He trailed his hand up, until he was cupping her breast. Lucy let out a soft purr against Lizzie’s neck at the soft squeeze he gave her.  

Lizzie moved her arms, helping Lucy to pull her coat off of her shoulders. It took some shifting, Lizzie opening her legs for Tommy to step between them, him unfastening his trousers, groaning when Lucy leaned forward and snuck her hand into them, circling her small fingers around his hardening cock. Her eyes fluttered closed, for a moment, as Lizzie’s lips brushed across her cheek.    

Tommy shivered when she swiped her thumb across the head of his cock, smearing the precum beading there, gathering it up and spreading it across his entire member. Lizzie squirmed against her in impatience, and she let Tommy go. He repositioned Lizzie hastily, pushing her skirt up and hooking one of her legs over his hip. Lucy fumbled with the fastening of her own trousers, loosening them just enough to slide one of her hands in, past her knickers to feel her wetness. 

A deep sigh left Tommy’s throat as he slid into Lizzie. She moaned softly, head tipping back to rest on Lucy’s shoulder, eyes fluttering closed, hands grabbing at Tommy’s back and shoulders. Coiling an arm around her, Lucy cupped her small breast through the material of her dress, the fingers of her other hand circling her own clit. Tommy’s steady thrusts rocked Lizzie’s body, and Lucy let herself move with them, closing her eyes, resting her cheek against Lizzie’s soft hair. 

Behind her closed eyelids, she could see blonde waves and a dimpled smile. Could almost hear the low, joyful way that Grace would laugh, when all three of them tumbled into bed together after a long day. 

Large fingers snuck between her legs, gently pushing away her hand so they could replace it in rubbing circles into her clit, one teasingly dipping just the fingertip into her. Lucy cracked her eyes open at the groan that reverberated from Tommy’s chest at how wet she was.

He was looking at her with lazy, half lidded eyes, lips parted with his heavy breathing. Lizzie had leaned forward, face pressed into his neck as she moaned, Tommy’s hand that wasn’t busy between Lucy’s legs cupping the back of Lizzie’s neck.  

His gaze softened when it met hers, leaning in despite the somewhat awkward angle when she moved to kiss him. It was a gentle, soft press of their lips meeting, a tiny gasp of pleasure departing from Lucy’s mouth to be swallowed by Tommy when he pushed one thick finger deep inside her, beginning to move it rhythmically in time with his thrusts into Lizzie. His tongue stroked into her mouth, and she spread her legs a little wider, opening herself up more to eagerly accept the second finger he gave her. 

With her other hand free, she was able to snake it up under Lizzie’s skirt, feeling for a moment at the place where Tommy was buried within her, brushing the pads of her fingers gingerly around Lizzie’s stretched hole and Tommy’s throbbing cock.  

Tommy broke their kiss to tilt his head back, groaning deeply, and Lucy watched in fascination as his eyes, clear and present while he’d been kissing her, suddenly glazed over into a look she knew well as one of dissociation. When his focus was on Lucy, he was there, no one else in his head but her. And yet the second that his attention moved to Lizzie, he was lost once more in a fantasy; fucking not Lizzie, but someone else–probably Greta, after all he had brought them to the canal because it reminded him of her–in his head.

Not that she had any room to talk, considering she was picturing Grace beneath her hands rather than Lizzie. 

Had the higher levels of her brain been more functional at the moment, Lucy may have once again felt a stab of guilt at how they were so blatantly and selfishly using her. 

Instead, she moaned at the feeling of Tommy pressing his thumb down onto her clit, rubbing in quick circles while he picked up the pace of his thrusts. 

She rested her forehead against the crook of Lizzie’s neck, hips shamelessly riding Tommy’s hand while she found Lizzie’s clit and began to rub it, her moan echoing in the tunnel. It took only a few quick circles of Lucy’s fingers and she could feel Lizzie’s muscles tensing, the soft groan Tommy let out alerting her to Lizzie’s orgasm. His fingers curled inside her, and she gasped out harshly. 

Tommy grinded his hips roughly, growling as his own release drew closer. He pressed a kiss to Lizzie’s temple, and then his eyes shifted back to Lucy, gazing at her intensely as he continued to move. She lifted a hand, cupping the side of his cheek, feeling her heart flutter at the way he leaned into her touch. Her thumb stroked along his cheekbone, and he grunted, eyes closing and movements stilling, pressing deep inside Lizzie as he came. 

For a moment, all was still, save for their ragged breathing and Lizzie pressing insistent kisses to Tommy’s neck. His eyes opened, glazed over with pleasure from the aftershocks of his orgasm as he blinked slowly at Lucy. She leaned forward, resting her forehead against his. Shifting her hips to get more comfortable drew his attention to where his fingers were still curled inside her, and his gaze suddenly sharped, pulled from the bliss he’d been lost in by the realization that she hadn’t come yet. 

Before she could fully process what was happening, he’d drawn back, pressing a quick kiss to Lizzie’s cheek and her hair, making sure she was settled stably on the haystack so she wouldn’t fall before he let go of her and pulled out. Lucy whined when he withdrew his fingers from her, both hands landing on her hips and pulling her forward a little on the hay, so that he could tug her trousers and knickers down further for better access. His mouth crashed onto hers with a hungry growl, tongue invading her mouth and tangling messily with hers. He tasted of whiskey and cigarettes and just barely of mint and it made her head spin, hands clawing at his chest and shoulders for purchase. Distantly, she was aware of Lizzie readjusting herself, leaning back and watching them with an unreadable expression on her face. 

Tommy was reaching between his legs, taking himself in hand and pumping fast, grunting into her mouth, free hand running lightly through her hair and then palming her breast. Diving a hand into his hair, Lucy scratched her nails lightly over his scalp. The hand not busy palming himself back to full hardness gripped her tightly by the waist, and suddenly she was being lifted up off of the hay and onto his hips. A startled moan sounded from her throat at the movement, hand briefly landing on his bicep and feeling the way that the muscle flexed powerfully as he held her like she weighed next to nothing at all. 

Which, maybe to him, she did. She was quite tiny, after all.  

Her arms looped around his neck, gripping onto his shoulders and shifting her legs to gain better purchase around his middle.

And then the head of his swollen cock was bumping against her entrance, and she smirked fondly at his impressive stamina before they were both groaning into each other’s mouths as he pushed into her.

He fucked her hard and fast, one arm around her waist while the other cupped the side of her head, kissing her deeply between moans. She was close within a matter of thrusts, already so pent up from him fingering her and watching him and Lizzie that all it took was Tommy shifting the angle ever so slightly so that his pubic bone was rubbing against her clit. With a cry, she came, back arching and pushing her chest into his. The hands she’d had gripping his shoulders again threaded through his hair, her head falling back and eyes closing as white-hot pleasure flashed through her in a flood. 

Tommy growled, clutching her in tighter, hips bucking upward only a handful more times before she felt him swell and still inside her, emptying with a soft groan and a whisper of her name. 

He slumped into her, face burying in her neck, hands holding at her waist, rubbing small circles into the material of her shirt. His chest rose and fell rapidly, warm puffs of air tickling her throat. Hugging his shoulders, Lucy nuzzled at him, feeling a few strands of hair sticking to her forehead with sweat. With a gentleness that nearly brought tears to her eyes, he set her back down onto the hay, still keeping his arms around her, lips pressing tenderly into her neck and shoulder.  

Eyes opening dazedly, she looked around the dim tunnel, one arm remaining around him while the other reached out. 

“Lizzie,” she said, quietly, not wanting her to feel left out. She had just been sitting there, a little disheveled, with her coat still half off and skirt hiked up around her hips in a few places. That unreadable look still in her eyes. For a moment, she hesitated, and then moved towards them, letting Lucy wrap an arm around her so she could also lean against her and Tommy.  

For a moment, they just leaned against each other, three dark shapes huddled together in the privacy of the tunnel, the only sounds their breathing and the chirps of the birds roosting in the trees that bordered the canal. Tommy let out a small sigh, raising his face to press a kiss to Lucy’s forehead, then to Lizzie’s. Lucy winced from overstimulation when he pulled out, his hands rubbing apologetic circles into her hip. 

They helped each other clean up and straighten themselves all out quietly, fumbling a little in the fading light. When it was all said and done, they wound up lingering at the opening to the tunnel, Lizzie seated on a stack of hay and Tommy standing with Lucy tucked into his side. He handed them each cigarettes from his case, taking one for himself, lighter clicking harshly, the flame flickering when he raised it to each of their cigarettes in turn.

Head resting against his shoulder, Lucy listened silently as he told Lizzie of his new plans to build two more orphanages, and his intention to put her in charge of the project.

“Why?” Lizzie asked, and Lucy craned her head around Tommy to get a good look at her face. Lizzie’s eyes were fixed solely on Tommy, gleaming with something that made a needle of anxiety ping in Lucy’s heart. She suddenly was struck with the feeling that for Lizzie, in that moment, she might as well have not existed at all.

“Because I promised someone I’d change the world,” Tommy explained. Lucy reached up to squeeze the hand that he had wrapped around her shoulders. He squeezed her back as he reached out the other hand to Lizzie, who took it eagerly, letting him pull her up from the hay, and together, the three of them started to make their way out of the canals. 

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[bucketsofmonsters]

Where the Light Enters - Part 12

cw: unreliable narrator, hurt/comfort, slow burn, enemies to lovers, past childhood sexual assault, past sex trafficking, past nonconsensual body modification, vaginal fingering, oral sex

Cole/Female Inquisitor

word count: 4k

ao3 link

Masterlist

Cole could not get drunk. He could get a little tipsy and his walking most certainly suffered from the alcohol, but he couldn’t quite seem to get drunk in this new phase he’d entered.

He could get hung over though. 

She never got drunk. It was bad form for a career manipulator. She was mildly tipsy, and Cole had given getting drunk a good try. After the ball, Rosemary had told Bull she needed to take Cole to his room, using the way he stumbled over rocks and then glared at them after as proof that he might not be able to make it there safely on his own. 

As soon as they’d gotten back to the attic, she’d collapsed on the mattress in a fit of giggles, everything suddenly seeming incredibly funny to her. 

Cole lay on the bed beside her, positioned so he could stare right at her as he was wont to do. 

She pulled him closer, pressing kisses across his face between giggles as he just stared, big eyes straining to focus on her while she was so close to him.

And then a wave of exhaustion passed over her and she closed her eyes. 

“Am I drunk?” Cole whispered to her, still not great at volume control. 

“I don’t think so,” she said. “Do you feel drunk?”

“I feel dizzy. Your thoughts are all wavy in your head. I don’t feel like that.”

“Probably not drunk then,” she said, peeking her eyes open to touch her finger to the tip of his nose. “I’m going to sleep now. You can stare at me if you want.”

She wasn’t sure if he said anything after that, passing out almost as soon as the words had left her mouth. 

When she woke up, Cole was asleep beside her. He was curled in on himself, body facing her with his knees tucked into his chest, his head ducked down. 

His eyes fluttered behind his lids, like they still wanted to stare even as he dreamt. 

She was content just watching him, wondering if this was the first time he’d slept. She wasn’t aware of him sleeping before, but she wouldn’t put it past him to fall asleep and not inform her of it. 

He began to rise far too soon for her liking. She wasn’t done observing him, the tables turned for once. 

He awoke with a pained groan, the likes of which she’d never heard from him before. 

“I think there are bees in my head,” he announced, flinching at how loud he’d been. 

“Well, that’s concerning. Should probably get them out of there.”

His nose scrunched up. “You’re teasing.”

“I can’t help it, you make it too easy. Now come on, I’ll get you something to drink, it’ll help.”

“Help what? Why are there bees?” he whined. 

“You drank too much, it’s called a hangover.”

“I don’t like it,” he said with a pout. 

“Few do. It’s the price you have to pay for drinking, or else no one would ever stop doing it.” 

“You drank more than me,” he declared accusationally. 

She shrugged, knowing it wasn’t true and neglecting to correct him. “Guess I’m just better at it than you are.”

She ran downstairs to the pub and asked for a cool glass of water. The bartender shrugged and said she had no mages on call and so she took a warm glass instead and ran to go see Dorian. 

Dorian seemed less than thrilled to see her, sporting a mild hangover of his own. “How are you so spry?”

“I’m still young, I’m sure it’ll wear off when I’m your age,” she said with a laugh. 

She’d had a hard time with Dorian. He didn’t respond to flirtation, at least not from her, and he didn’t seem to care much for her sweet and vulnerable act. It had taken her too long to figure it out, to recognize that the way he bickered and joked with everyone was his own form of bonding. 

A few verbal sparring sessions later and he seemed quite fond of her. 

He rolled his eyes. “You’d better not be here to ask me for a favor.”

“It’s not for me. Cole’s got his first hangover, or perhaps some bees have snuck their way into his head. With Sera downstairs I suppose it could be either. Regardless, something cold would be much appreciated.”

He scoffed. “And why have you come to me for that?”

“Vivienne won’t do it if she thinks it’s for Cole and Solas won’t do it if it’s me asking.”

“Fair enough.” He waved his hand over her water, causing a layer of frost to form on the outside of the glass, also handing her a stone that was cool to the touch. 

“That will stay that way,” he said, nodding at the stone. “It’s rather handy for headaches. I don’t know about bees but it's worth a shot.”

She grinned at him and grabbed a pair of scissors she was eying before calling out, “Thank you so much, I owe you one. Good luck with the hangover!”

She was off before she could hear whatever jab he’d sent at her next, moving as fast as she could without spilling the water. 

When she returned, Cole was laying face up on the mattress, hat draped across his face. 

“Come on,” she said, pulling his hat off of him. “I’ve got stuff to help.”

He grabbed for his hat as she took it. “The light hurts,” he said, and she supposed that explained why he was doing it. 

“Come on, you have to drink something.” She handed him the glass of water and then pressed the stone to his forehead as he sipped at it. 

“Dorian,” Cole said, and it was an unusually brief thought.

“What?”

“The magic, it whispers to me. Electricity in the air, pieces of things that could have been. The water tastes like it, crackles on my tongue.”

“Yeah, it’s from him. He sends his well wishes.”

Cole’s head perked up and he looked up at her. “He’s like this too. I’m not the only one who hurts.”

“You are not. It’s kind of ridiculous, you’d think a magister would be able to hold his liquor.”

“He’s like you,” Cole said. “Afraid to drink because secrets might come out. Last night he wasn’t afraid, drinking to forget instead of refraining to remember where the lines are. You never stop being scared so you never drink. Always just enough that they won’t know.”

“Whatever you say,” she said with the same huff she used whenever he’d been right about something she’d rather he hadn’t been right about. 

He was uncharacteristically quiet for the next few hours, Dorian’s magically cold stone balanced perfectly on his forehead. 

She was content in the silence, just laying on their little tucked away mattress with nothing else to do or worry about.

Eventually, he began to stir, the painful grimace almost entirely gone from his face. 

She turned to him with a grin and asked, “Are you feeling better?”

He turned to her and asked, “Already?” with a bit of a huff, neglecting to answer her question.

“No time like the present,” she said as she pulled the stolen pair of scissors out from her pocket. 

He sat on one of the dusty crates that resided in the attic, full of who knows what. She should really go poking through them one of these days, see if there was anything useful in them. 

“I could always get someone else to do this, you know,” she said as she ran her fingers through his hair, experimentally pulling it back from his face. “I feel like Josephine or Varric could do better than I could.”

He shook his head. “I want you to do it.”

Whatever, if he wanted it he couldn’t complain if she messed it up. He wore a hat anyway, it didn’t matter that much. 

She supposed she had to start somewhere and so she took about an inch off of his hair, just enough so it wouldn’t hang into his eyes. She trimmed it practically, prioritizing letting him see over anything else. She kept the back mostly untouched, shaggy and long on the nape of his neck.

Speaking from a fashion sense, it was a travesty, but she doubted he cared that much in regards to fashion. Besides, it was a travesty before the haircut. It did what she needed it to do, it wasn’t like she couldn’t just cut it again in a week if it became a problem. 

“How much of me could you take before people wouldn’t see me anymore?” he asked, owl eyes looking up as if he was trying to see his own haircut.

“I promise you, I could cut off every last piece of hair and people would still recognize you.”

“People didn’t recognize you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not using blood magic on you so we shouldn't have that issue.”

There still was no mirror in the room so she directed him at the window where she looked at herself on occasion. “See,” she said, running her hands through it for him. “You can barely even tell. Plus, without it in your eyes, you can actually see yourself.”

He turned and pressed a kiss onto the bridge of her nose, hands cupping her cheeks gently. 

“What was that for?”

“You made sure I’d feel like me,” he said, hand shifting to feel the long hair at the nape of his neck. “You think it looks silly but it’s me and you didn’t want me to feel wrong.”

“I guess,” she said. “It’s really not a big deal. If you want to look stupid, that’s on you. I just didn’t want my soldier to be blinded by his own hair.”

He gave her a look, one that was more than familiar. One she’d seen many times before, usually from more disillusioned gentlemen. 

She burst out laughing. “Oh my god, you love me. Like really love me. That’s kind of embarrassing.”

Despite her outburst, he did not seem embarrassed by it, more confused than anything. “I thought you knew.”

She shrugged. “Sorry, I can’t poke around inside your head like you can with me.”

“You’re supposed to be able to read people,” he said accusationally. 

“You’re harder, you react to things weird. How did you not know what I didn't know? Can’t you see inside my head?”

“I can’t see everything, just things that hurt or things that help.”

He was being vague, intentionally talking around the truth. When they’d first met she’d taken everything he’d said as the same spirit nonsense, all just regurgitated thoughts and simple statements, none of his own input in them at all. 

Maybe that was true then, but now he would talk around things sometimes. Misdirect and tell her things that were almost answers. 

“You know full well that my thoughts on you often fall into both of those categories. There’s no way you didn’t know.”

“Sometimes I could see it. I almost told you on the roof, curiosity spinning through your head. That’s what it has to be. You can’t want, it would spit in the face of every time you didn’t. Wanting only hurts so you must be wondering. I loved you then too.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You were scared. You would have run.” He was probably right. That’s what she usually did when things got too scary, although they tended to get scary in the other direction. 

Some part of her knew that wasn’t really the type of running he meant. She was safe and content here, she wouldn’t actually have booked it. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew she wouldn’t give that up because some spirit had developed something resembling a feeling.

It would have changed things though. She would have run from him. It would have made him another mark, revealing a weakness ready to be exploited. She would have jumped at the chance. 

“You have very little faith in me.”

“I’m right,” he said, brows furrowed, inevitably at least seeing pieces of her mental concession to his point. 

“I know. But that doesn’t negate the little faith thing,” she insisted. 

“You won’t run now,” he said, and it sounded like he believed it a little more than she did. 

“You’re sure of that?” she asked.

He nodded. “I can’t see it. Thoughts jumbling, tripping over themselves to blame and accuse in layers of lies. But I do have faith in you. You won’t run. Not anymore. Not with me.”

She wondered if he was lying. Maybe he could see into her better than he was letting on. Maybe he didn’t believe in her but simply knew. Maybe he was hedging his bets, telling her he had faith in her because it was the answer that he thought was most likely to convince her to stay.

Maybe she didn’t care. 

She leaned forwards and kissed him, hands raising to tangle themselves in freshly cut hair. 

He pushed into her eagerly, pressing up against her with every point of contact he could manage. In doing so, he seemed to incidentally grind his crotch against her, letting out a moan as he did and then going still. 

She giggled and went to tease him before something occurred to her. 

“You’ve never had sex before,” she said, like she was just now realizing it. She’d always known it, of course, but now it was really hitting her. 

“No,” he said. “I know how it works. I watch sometimes, people coming together. Flesh against flesh.”

Her hand flew over her mouth, stifling a shocked laugh. “You absolutely should not be doing that.”

His head cocked to the side. “Why not?”

“It’s meant to be private

“They never asked me to leave.”

She gave him a look that said they both knew no one was ever aware he was there. “You’re being disingenuous.”

“I was curious. I see lots of private things, I don’t know why this one is different.”

“Are you even interested in sex?” she asked, leaning back to really take him in. “I mean, besides in theory.”

“I want to make you feel good.”

“That’s not even close to an answer. You’re being very evasive today,” she said, scrunching her nose up in playful displeasure. 

He shrugged, eyes down. “I don’t know. I don’t think I like it the way they do but you don’t like it the way they do either. I want to be close to you sometimes, want to touch and hold, but I don’t know what it’s tied to. It’s harder to see when it’s in my own head.”

He paused for a minute before speaking again. “I want to try,” he said, determination tinging his words. “But only if you want to try.”

Did she want to try? She’d never enjoyed anything resembling sex but then again, it had been ruined for her before she’d ever really gotten the chance. She’d never had someone she cared about before like this either, not really. 

Sometimes when she looked at him, when they kissed, she wanted more. It wasn’t desire, or if it was she couldn’t recognise it as such, but she did want more of him. 

“Yes,” Cole said. “Like that. But I don’t know how to know if we’ll like it if we never try.”

“Anything in particular catch your interest?” she asked, her voice light, trying desperately to mask the uncertainty that was winding inside of her gut. 

“In Varric's books-”

“Nope,” she said, cutting him off. “Bad frame of reference.”

“Why?”

“They’re not real. The stuff in them isn’t real.”

“I know,” he said, sounding almost mildly insulted. “But I saw something I wanted to try in there. Is that not what you were asking?”

“I guess. Can we not talk about Varric when we’re discussing sex?”

He cocked his head to the side. “I saw it in your head too, sometimes when you think about me. Fleeting but there. You’re scared if you think it too much it will sour. I thought that might be private too.”

“It is,” she said with a laugh, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “I don’t mind though.”

She threw her arms over his shoulders and began to walk backward, sending them both tumbling onto the mattress. 

His arms caught him instinctively so he didn't crush her, his face inches above hers as she lay flat on the mattress. 

“Can I touch you?” he asked, breathlessly. “My hands want to touch.”

“I’m sure they do,” she said, grabbing his hands and sliding them under her shirt. He held her bare waist gently, keeping them where she placed them. They were soft, softer than they had been due to his insistence upon using her lotion now. They were also cold, although less cold then they had been when they’d done their little ritual. It was kind of nice, raising goosebumps in their wake everywhere they touched. 

She liked the way they felt against her, pressing gently while clearly wanting more. She selfishly wished he could mark her up, that next time Bull saw her he would know what had happened here. She wanted marks on her body that she actually wanted there. 

He whined a little, clearly reading the thoughts from her. His eyes were verging on desperate, looking down at her with a naked longing in his eyes.

“Can I touch you?” he asked again, and his hands flirted with the band of her pants. 

She nodded, doing her best not to tense as his hand slipped down her pants. 

His hand meandered, ever gentle in his exploration. It ran down the inside of her thigh and then back up to her lower stomach, pressing down tentatively. She let him, relaxing as she basked under the attention. 

When his finger grazed over her clit she jolted a little, the sexual context almost forgotten under the calm that had passed over her, besides the low burn of arousal she was almost shocked to find simmering inside of her. 

He paused but continued on, reading her eagerness from her easily. 

His hands meandered, brushing over all parts of her without real intent. He’d occasionally pass over a sensitive part of her, pulling a sharp intake of breath from her, but he kept moving, never lingering. 

And then he moved more intentionally and one of his fingers slopped inside of her and they both gasped at the same time, Cole’s eyes widening. “You’re so warm,” he said breathlessly. 

It was only one finger, so much less than she usually took. She didn’t know why it was affecting her like this, why she wanted it to stay so desperately. There was something grounding about it, about his presence inside of her. 

His fingers warmed inside of her, leeching her heat off of her. 

He moved his finger experimentally, hooking it up in a way that she was certain he’d stolen from the mind of some serving girl thinking about how she got herself off. She was relieved that at least that was where he was gathering his information from instead of cocksure stablehands. 

“Is this what you wanted to try from Varric’s books?” she asked with a laugh, hips pushing up into his hand a little, not wanting more but simply rising to meet him.

He shook his head. “No. I wasn’t sure if you’d want it.”

“Try me,” she said, emboldened by how much she was enjoying this. 

He wordlessly drew his hand out of her pants, falling to his knees beside the mattress and looking up at her with those big eyes. 

She moved to sit up and he laid his head on her thigh, eyes questioning. 

She knew immediately what he wanted and hooked her hands in her pants, pulling them down to her knees. 

He stared openly at her as soon as she was exposed, taking in everything between her thighs. 

The way he observed her, expression completely naked of any pretense, didn’t make her feel exposed. It felt like he was exposing as much of himself as she was exposing of her, everything safe inside their little attic. 

He moved towards her tentatively, hands moving to rest on her thighs. 

She nodded, despite the fact that she knew he could see every little twinge of emotion inside of her. 

He moved in suddenly, the second she gave him permission. 

He ate her out like he kissed, unsure but enthusiastic, eager to please. He seemed more interested in the exploration than anything else right now, tongue running along every bit of her, occasionally running up her thighs just because he could. 

She knotted her hands in his hair, not to move him in any way, just so she could feel him, to give her something to touch. 

It was nothing. He wasn’t moving either of them towards a climax, was barely rocking his hips, with nothing to get any friction against. It shouldn’t have made her feel anything. 

It was everything to her though. It was like he knew she needed this, the quiet exploration needed to occur before anything else could happen. 

His tongue brushed against her clit at just the right angle and she saw sparks, just for a second, a hum of something like pleasure forming inside her. 

And then she wasn’t there anymore. Then she was younger. 

They never meant it. Not really, not when they touched her like this. They just wanted her to want them and this was the quickest way to it, in their minds. It was easier when they were bad at it, quick and sloppy. It hurt more when they knew, when she started to feel good and couldn’t fight it. 

Cole was off her in an instant, sitting beside her on the bed, clearly hesitant to touch her.

“Sorry,” she said, legs snapping shut as she tried to come back to herself. 

“I hurt you,” he said quietly. 

“You did not,” she said, voice firm, leaving no room for questioning. “You did nothing wrong.”

He nodded, taking her at her word, and then laid down in the bed. 

“I can sleep now,” he said, clearly referring to the night before. “Do you want to sleep here again?”

“I should really be getting back to Bull,” she said, pulling her pants up. 

“Stay? Please?” he asked, and he shifted nervously in the bed. 

She wondered why he wanted it so badly. Was it the guilt from the way she was now? Was he emotional after his first time doing anything sexual? Or maybe his first time knowingly going to sleep he just wanted someone around. She supposed the concept of sleeping was a little frightening if you were unaccustomed to it.

“You think too loud,” he declared, and she laughed, collapsing into bed beside him. 

“Whatever. Don’t get used to this though, I can’t stay often.”

He nodded. “That’s fine. Just this once.”

She shifted on the mattress, getting comfortable beside him as they figured out how to lay beside one another properly, their legs getting tangled in the process. Admittedly, that was mostly her fault. 

“Can I try doing something to you next time?” she asked as she settled in. “I think I might like it more that way around, if I’m not involved at first.”

He nodded and she heard his breath hitch, just a little. She wasn’t sure if it was from interest or guilt, but she heard it and filed it away. Maybe she’d add it to her little book.

[naddy-and-stuff]

Ikemen Villain OC: Nessie

So Nessie is my first OC. She's got the hots for Harrison Gray.

Here is her first encounter with Harry and here's a thing in the future where they're together-together. They aren't posted in order cause I didn't plan the sequence of this soooo... ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Also backstory that isn't really happy. I don't necessarily think it needs a trigger warning but please do tread carefully.

More below the cut.

Here are some facts about Nessie:

🍄 Nessie is not her real name. It's a nickname that was given to her by their church's choir conductor. Eventually, everyone else called her that.

🍄 Her father was a miner and that led to a lot of health complications and injuries. He always attributed his survival to his faith and because of him, their entire family were devout in their faith. He eventually passed at fifty when Nessie was just shy of her twenty-first birthday.

🍄 Her mother was also sickly, likely from their poor living conditions and complications from several miscarriages. Nessie was her fourth child and the only surviving one. She and her unborn child would have survived if she had been able to afford medicine and visits to the doctor. This was two months after her father's death.

🍄 Though not rich, Nessie was learned. The nuns and choir conductor at their church helped her along with other children to learn how to read and write.

🍄 Nessie is a mezzo-soprano.

🍄 Once there was a preaching at their church that denounced the use of vigilante justice, though that preaching veered towards discouraging women to retaliate and hold grudges against their husbands. The preacher cited the aqua tofana incident in Italy. Nessie did not take the warning to heart and found herself fascinated with the women involved in it and the power they must have felt. Later on it became a fascination with poison. She kept this fascination to herself: reading about it discreetly at the church library.

🍄 Following her parents' deaths, Nessie tried to make a living out of singing. She loved singing in pubs and parks and occasionally the church. She gained a number of suitors because of this, but she often found herself disappointed when they expressed that they liked her singing and nothing else.

🍄 Eventually, her paternal aunt introduced her to a young man looking for a wife. The preparation for the wedding took little to no time at all. But then Nessie found out about the crimes her husband-to-be committed with a number of other people: human trafficking and levying exorbitant prices of medicine and doctors.

<>.<>

Here is the picrew I used for Nessie because I can't draw. XD

[laresearchette]

Wednesday, December 14, 2022 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES?: NATIONAL TREASURE: EDGE OF HISTORY  (Disney + Star) AWAKE SURGERY (TLC Canada) 10:00pm

WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT FINDING HARMONY (ABC Feed) MASTERS OF ILLUSION: CHRISTMAS MAGIC 2022 (CW Feed)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

CBC GEM FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER (Season 4)

CRAVE TV MARY MAKES IT EASY: HOLIDAY HANG

DISNEY + STAR AMERICAN HORROR STORY: DOUBLE FEATURE (Season 10) ATLANTA (Season 4) THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN BECAUSE WE FORGET EVERYTHING (Season 1) NATIONAL TREASURE: EDGE OF HISTORY PRIMAL SURVIVOR: OVER THE ANDES (Season 1) TOMORROW, I’LL BE SOMEONE’S GIRLFRIEND (Season 1)

NETFLIX CANADA DON'T PICK UP THE PHONE GLITTER I BELIEVE IN SANTA KANGAROO VALLEY

FIFA WORLD CUP SOCCER (TSN/TSN3/TSN4/TSN5) 1:45pm: Semifinal: France vs. Morocco

NHL HOCKEY (SN) 7:00pm: Habs vs. Sens (SN) 10:00pm: Canucks vs. Flames

NBA BASKETBALL (SN1) 7:30pm: Kings vs. Raptors (TSN/TSN4) 7:30pm: Knicks vs. Bulls (TSN/TSN4) 10:00pm: Timberwolves vs. Clippers

THE OTHER SIDE (APTN) 7:30pm: With exclusive access to the Prince Albert Historical Museum and all the artifacts inside, the team learns that the team uncovers more than they could ever imagine.

THE CHRISTMAS CHECKLIST PART 2 (CBC) 8:00pm: Still healing from the loss of her mother, Ruby, Emily’s confusion grows after hearing from Dave, who urges her to come back to Seattle so they can give their relationship another chance.

MISTLETOE MATCH (City TV) 8:00pm: When Olivia goes undercover to report on the popular annual Mistletoe Match event, she meets Thomas, who is just as skeptical about the event as she is. Sparks fly, but she may risk losing a promotion for the romance she never saw coming.

SPIRIT TALKER (APTN) 8:00pm:  Shawn travels to Georgian Bay and to Wiikwemkong First Nation to meet with Norman Assiniwe. Norman takes Shawn beaver trapping and shows him how to make beaver mittens. Later, the spirit of a father connects with his son and a strong presence comes.

JINGLE BELL PRINCESS (Super Channel Heart & Home) 8:00pm:  After a series of mishaps, sophisticated Princess Amelia becomes stranded in the small town of Tucker Maine, where she becomes a guest of the unsuspecting Cutler family, widowed father Sam and daughter Sophie, but doesn't tell them she's a princess.

GHOST HUNTERS OF THE GRAND RIVER (APTN) 8:30pm:  The ghost hunters investigate the Franklin House, the alleged home of a mischievous spirit named Jesse who is said to occupy the second floor of the hotel-turned-pub and plays tricks on patrons and employees.

SARAH'S MOUNTAIN ESCAPE (HGTV Canada) 9:00pm: Despite the roadblocks along the way, Sarah Richardson and her husband, Alex, are almost ready to open their Whistler, British Columbia, vacation rental.

[gyohkou]

26/11/22

ザベストメニューオブ近所のタイ料理屋がTOM YUM FRIED RICE に決定しました。かなり辛&ちょい酸っぱの水分多めトムヤムソース炒飯で、具材はでっかいミドリイガイ(ムール貝の貝殻に綺麗な緑が混じっているような貝)×2、いか、マッシュルーム。£9.00だから円換算だとちょっとお高めだけど、他メニューよりもはるかにわたし好みの味だから明日も食べちゃうかも。旨辛な味付けによわい。

月曜日に突然英語の流暢さがアップして、先週よりも少し長く喋れるようになった。気がする。ある言語を喋るっていうのは、文法が理解できるとか読めるとか聞こえるとかとは全く別のベクトルの技術であるらしい。（わたしはギター弾けないけど、）コードのことは全然わからないけどギターが弾けるアーティストがいると聞いたことがあり、構造としてはそういう話なのかなと思った。スピーキングっていうのは多分、もちろん基礎練習は大事だけれど、勉強というよりかはもっと身体的なこと、運動や楽器を練習するのに近い。ヨーロッパ系のクラスメイトはtenseもままならないくらい文法が不出来なのに、めちゃくちゃぺらぺらと長い文章を喋る。対してわたしは、文法や語彙はかなりできる方だが、雑談とかディスカッションには弱い。イタリア人に、あなたは文法ができないのによく喋る、わたしは文法ができるのに喋りは下手、なんでなんだろうね？と言ったら、同感だがわからないとのこと。

スピーキングは身体運動だからそれにまつわる全てが楽しい。わからないことはそのままにせず発言する欧米文化に倣って、授業進行を中断する形になっても質問を投げかけたり、自分の意見を言ってみたりするのも楽しい。わたしは多分喋ることがもともと好きなんだけど、英語はリズムがあるから喋ってて気持ちいい。リエゾン（単語と単語の音が繋がること）や、シラブル（一単語に含まれる、一度に発音する音の最小単位）がうまく再現できて、口の中で音が響く感じがすごく好き。中学生の時、英語の授業をやってくれた教育実習生がすごく綺麗に教科書を読んでいて、「発音するのが楽しくて英語教師を目指すようになった」と言っていたのを覚えているが、おそらく同じバイブス。

先週末にワールドカップが開幕してからフットボールの話が頻繁に持ち出されるようになり、ついにPubの大スクリーンでブラジル-セルビア戦を観た。ホールのように広い店内で、グラス片手に立ち見をする客に溢れてライブ会場のようだった。色んなタイミングで大きな歓声が上がったり、（店内はブラジルサポーターが多かったので）ブラジルの応援歌が歌われたりと、自由で、エネルギッシュでよかった。歓声と怒号と、厨房で割れるグラスの音が響いていた。グラスが割れたのは厨房内だけではなくて、隣の席の興奮したサポーターがビールグラスを床に叩きつけて割っていた。すぐさま箒と塵取りを持った店員がやってきて、やれやれ、とでも言いたげに、そそくさと掃除をして消えていったので、Pub観戦茶飯事みたい。ブラジルのリシャルリソン選手が決めた回転ゴールがめちゃくちゃかっこよかった。でも実はこの時、ちょうどお手洗いに立っていて、ゴールの歓声を聞いたのはトイレの中で、実は実はゴールの瞬間を見逃したんだけど...（なぜか見栄?張って、一緒に来ていたクラスメイトに「（ゴールの瞬間）観たよ！すごかったねー！」とか言っちゃったんだけど......）。わたしは昔からこういうところがあって、アルバイトしてた居酒屋の店長のお誕生日会に出席した時、お手洗いに立っている間にケーキが運ばれてきていて、席に戻ったらハッピーバースデーは歌い終わって店長の話も終わってた、という思い出がある。聞くにしのびないね。

属しているコミュニティが学校しかないから学校の話ばかりになるんだけど、先日の宿題で、継続的でネガティブなトピックをひとつ選んでプレゼンする、というものがあった。（海洋汚染、大気汚染、原子力発電、ファストフード等。）興味深かったのは、カタールで開催されるワールドカップの裏側についてのプレゼンで、会場建設に携わった多くの人が亡くなっていること、移民労働者がLGBTQだった場合はカタールの法律に則り違法とされ懲役や罰金が下されること、暑いカタールの会場を冷やす空調設備のための莫大な資金と環境汚染、が問題だという。（英語で聞いたからもしかしたら事実と異なる部分があるかもしれない、ご容赦。）このプレゼンを聞いた日にPubでフットボールを観たんだけど、ワールドカップ開催の影とは裏腹に、純粋に試合観戦を楽しむ人たちで溢れていて複雑だった。2021年に開催された東京オリンピックにも様々な批判が集まったけど、莫大な資金が投じられていて、世界規模で、メディアの注目も集まるイベント（プレゼンしてたクラスメイトはスペイン語が母国語で、mediaticと言ってた。mediaticは英語の辞書には無いらしく指摘を受けていたが、スペイン語でmediatico?はメディアに関係していること表す形容詞みたい。）を簡単には中止できないという意味で、構造が似ているなと思った。

このプレゼン関係で交わされたトピックトークで色んな史実が持ち出され、世界で起こった非人道的な事件は人類が共通して持つべき記憶であるという気づき、それらに疎いがゆえに感じるもどかしさ/恥ずかしさから、この歳にしてようやく世界情勢や歴史に興味が湧いてきた。パリの同時多発テロ事件がどのくらいの規模だったのか知らなかったし、テロとは何なのか説明できなかったし（政治的、宗教的なイデオロギー上の目的���成のために行われる暴力や犯罪のこと）、福島の原子力発電所で何が起こったのか詳しく説明できなかったし。地下鉄サリン事件もテロだよね。昨晩はパリ同時多発テロ事件のwikipediaを読んで夜を過ごした。物事に興味を持つ時は、その物事がある程度のリアリティを持って自分と関係することがきっかけになる。

ちなみにわたしは、核融合発電の問題点をプレゼンした。今世界中にある原子力発電にはウランの核分裂が使われていて、うまく管理しないと核分裂の連鎖反応が起き、福島原発のようにメルトダウンを起こして放射性物質が外に漏れ出たりする。対して核融合は連鎖反応が起こることはなく、安全性が高いエネルギー供給法と言われている。ただ、核融合に使われるトリチウムという物質が全く足りてない問題 / トリチウムを作り出すためにはウランを核分裂させる必要があるけどちょっとずつしか作れない問題 / てかクリーンなエネルギーのためにまた核分裂させるのかよ問題 / トリチウムは半減期が短いから作っても取っておくのが難しい問題 などなど、燃料供給に潜在的な問題ありらしい。ひとつの記事しか読んでないから事実とは異なるかもしれないけど、絶対実現むりじゃん。ウケた。ところで、授業の先生が物理学部卒でロケット自作したり、種子島にロケット見に行ったりしてる人で、宇宙ってロマンチックでいいよね、物理ってかっこいいよねの気持ち思い出してる。（That's why 核融合について真面目に喋ってみた。）

仕事したい。Pubで3パイントもビール飲んだから翌日まで酔っ払ってて、どうしてもお米とお味噌汁を体が欲っして、高いお金出してお寿司とお味噌汁をランチにしたんだけど、日本人としては納得いかないクオリティ。おいしい日本食を出すレストランへ気兼ねなく行くためのお金が必要だし、賄い目当てで日本食レストランでバイトするのもいい。タイ料理はおいしいけどタイ料理は日本料理ではない。

オフィスワークもやりたいから現地エージェントに登録したんだけど、「ご角煮おねがいします」とか、メールの誤字がすごすぎて楽しい。角煮持っていって、わたしがエージェント代わろうかな。

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ここからが本題で、日記を読んだ友人がくれた感想を引用させてもらうんだけど。

"あなたという人間から見える世界の在り方自体は何も変わってないのに、舞台がロンドンになった途端、あなたの生活にストーリー性や瑞々しさが生まれているかのように見えてくるの、おもしろい"

わたしが思っていることをとても上手に言語化してもらった気分だった。わたしは世田谷からロンドンに引っ越したみたいな感覚で、自分の生活が、人生が、場所を変えて継続していくだけで、生まれ変わったとか、輝くものを手に入れたような感覚は全くない。渡英前も、わたし本人よりも、渡英するという選択を聞いた周りの人の方がよほど嬉しそうに、感慨深そうにしていて、不思議だった。（安定と変化を天秤にかける人はいても変化を実行に移す人はそうそういない、すごい、とか、海外へ行くと決めたわたしを見て勇気と元気をもらえた、とか。）

自己認識と他者認識の相違をふまえて、

・自分が経験したことのないことに対して抱く感情は幻想、過度な美化だという可能性 ・客観的に自分の立場や能力の特異性、稀有性を捉えることの難しさ

のことを考えている。わたしは羨ましがりで、SNSで人の生活を垣間見ては落ち込み、友人の近況を聞いては焦り、つまり比較ばかりしていた。しかし、羨ましいという気持ちはわたしが頭の中で作り出した幻想や過度な美化によるものではないか？当人には当人なりの地獄、そして天国。人には人の乳酸菌。追及すべきは自分なりの幸福の形であって、羨望や嫉妬に支配されるのは間違っている。ロンドンでの生活に対する印象が自分と他者で大きく異なるという実体験から、他者を羨むことって実はあんまり中身がないんじゃないか？→過度に羨んで落ち込む必要ない、の回路が形成されてちょっと楽になった。とはいうものの、海外へ行くなんて大したことじゃないよ、と平坦に扱うことは違うとも思う。長期で海外へ行くという選択が容易にできる程恵まれた環境、タイミングであったのは事実だと思うし、それに加えて自分の適性もプラスにはたらいているだろう。わたしは新しい環境に対する適応能力が高くて、異なる価値観を"受け止める"力があるらしい（友人談）。たしかにそうかもしれない。人には各々なりの価値観に至るバックグラウンドがあって、好ましいか否か以前にそれらは全て尊重されるべきだというスタンスが根底にあって、それが異文化の人と接する上で潤滑剤になっている気がする。（好ましくなければ否定はするけど。）このような自分の特異性、稀有性に自覚的でいたい。さもないと他者を傷つけかねない。もう傷つけているんだろうか。

自分からみた世界の在り方はあまり変わっていないけど、大きな変化があったとするならば、時間が正しく流れるようになった。以前は、ひどく綺麗な夕日がとっぷり暮れた後にひとりで夜を迎えるみたいな毎日で、そういう日々の中で流れる時間というのは一方��に規則正しく進んではくれず、途方もない。ところが今は、決まった時間に起きて決まった朝ごは��を食べ、学校へ行って授業を受け、帰宅して夕飯を食べ、勉強して、ゆっくりして、眠る、ことが、無理なくできる。正しく時間が過ぎていく。

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ちょっとポエティックになっちゃったけど、いや、なっちゃったとは言いたくない。大学のサークルの先輩がわたしのTwitterを見て、ポエマーだよね(笑)と言ったのをずっと根に持っていて、今思い返しても腹が立つんだが、ポエティックな言葉はうつくしいだろうがよ。

文脈を忘れたけど、クラスメイトが授業中に Live like your last day. と言い放って、お〜ポエティックでいいね〜、てなったのよかったな。

今週はあんまり写真を撮っていないから、お寿司とお味噌汁の写真を載せる。

[a-z0-9-i-n-gram-completionist]

1:    0 1 2 4 8 9 a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z    32/36    (26/26)    (6/10)

2:    08 11 18 19 41 42 84 90 ab ac ad ag ai aj ak al am an ap ar as at av aw ay ba bd be bi bl bo br bs bu by ca cc ce ch ci ck cl co cr cs ct cu cy da dd de df di dl dn do dr ds du dy ea eb ec ed ee ef eg eh ei el em en eo ep eq er es et ev ew ex ey fa fe fi fo fr ft fu ga ge gh gi gl go gr gs gt gy ha he hi hn ho hr ht hu hy ia ib ic id ie if ig il im in io ip ir is it iu iv iz jo ju ke ki kn ks ky la ld le lf li lk ll lm lo ls lu lv ly ma me mh mi mo mp ms mu my na nb nc nd ne nf ng nh ni nk nl nn no ns nt nu nv ny oa ob oc od oe of og oi ol om on oo op or os ot ou ow ox oy pa pe ph pi pl pm po pp pr ps pt pu qu ra rd re rg ri rk rl rm rn ro rp rr rs rt ru ry rz sa sc se sh si sk sm sn so sp sq ss st su sw sy ta te th ti tl to tr ts tt tu tw ty ua ub uc ud ue ug ui ul um un uo up ur us ut ve vi wa we wh wi wo wr xc xe xi xt xu yb yg yl ym yn yo yp ys yx ze zo    290/1296    (282/676)    (8/100)

3:    184 190 842 908 abd abl aca acc aci ack acr acs act ade ads age ain ajo ake aki ale ali alk all alm alo als ame ami amp ana anc and ane ang ani ans ant anu any ape app ard are arg ark arl arm aro arr ars art ase ask ass ata ate ath ati ato att atu ave avi awa awr ayb bab bac bal bas bdo bea bed beh bel bet bey bio bis bit ble blo bly bod bon bou bow boy bra bre bst bul bur but cal can cav cce ccy cee cen cep che chi cia cie cin cks cky cle clo clu coc com con cos cre cri cru cti ctu cul cut cyx dar dda dea dee den deo dep der des dfi did die din dis dle dne doe dom don dor dul dur ead eak eal ear eat ebr eci ecr ect edd edi eed eei eem een efe egi egs ehi ein eir eit ela ele elf ell elo elv ely ema eme emo emp ems emu enb enc end eng enh eno ent env eos eou epo eps ept equ era ere eri erl erm ern err ers ert eru ery erz esc ese esn esp ess est eta ete eto etw ety eve evi ewh exc exe ext exu eyo fam far fat fem fer fes fib fie fif fin fir fis for fos fra fro fth fur fus gap gel gem ges ght gic gif gio gir gla glu gol gon gou gre gro gth gys han hap hat hav hea hei hem hen her hes hey hic hig him hin hip hir his hit hiu hna hol hot hou hro hum hus hym ial iar ibe ibi ibu ica ice ich ick icu ide idf ied ien ier ies iet ife ifi ift igh ila ili ill ima imi ims ina inc ind ine inf ing ink ins int inu iny iof ion ior iou ips ird irs isc ise ish iso isp iss ist ite ith iti its itt ity ium ive ize joi jor jus jut ked kel kes kin kiv kne kno ksc lan lar lat lde leg len les let lex lia lie lif lis lit lli llo lls lly lmo loa log lon loo lop lou low lso lue lun lus lvi lym lyp mag maj mak mal man mar mas mat may mel men mer met mew mil min mit moo mor mos mou mph mpl mpr mse mur mus myg nac nad nal nat nbo nce ncl nde ndi ndn ndo nds ndu nec nee nei neo nes nex nfr nge ngs ngt ngy nhn nim nky nly nne nop nor nos not now nox nse nsi nst nsw nta nte nti ntl nto ntr nts ntu nuo nus nve oac oat oba occ oce oci odi ody oes ofi oft ogi ogo ogs oin old ole olo oma ome omi omp omy ona ond one onl onn ons ont ool oos oot ope ops opt ora org ori orm ors ose osi oss ost osu ota ote oth oti oto oug oun oup ous out owe owi oxi oyl par pat pea pec ped pel per pho pic pin ple pli pmh poi pos ppa ppe ppo pre pri pro pte pti pub qua que qui rac rai ral ran rap rat raw rdl rea rec red ref reg rel rem ren res ret rev rge ria rib rig rin rio ris rit rki rks rly rma rmi rmo rms rns roa rob roc rog rom rop ros rou row rpr rra rro rru rsa rse rsi rst rte rth rti rto rts ruc rum rus sac sal sam sav say sch sci scl scr scu sec sed see sel seq ses sha she sid sim sio sis sit siv siz ske ski sma smo soc sof som sop sor spe spi spo squ sso ssu sta ste sti stl sto sts stu sty sua sub suc sue sup sur sus swe syn tai tak tal tan tar tat tea teb ted ten ter tes tha the thi tho thr thu thy tib tic tid tin tio tip tis tiv tle tly tom ton too tot tre tri tsi tte ttl tty tua tud tur tus twe two tyl typ ual uar uat ubi ubs uch uco udi uea uen ues ugh uit ula ume und ung unt unu uou upp ups ure uri urn uro urp urr urs urt usc use usi ust usu uta ute uts vel ver vic vid vil vit war wee wel wer wha whe whi who why win wit xcl xem xio xte xtr xus ybe ygo yle ylo yme ymp ymu yno yon you ypi ypm yst zoo    802/46656    (798/17576)    (4/1000)

4:    1842 1908 abdo able ably acce acin acru acti actu adep ages ainf ajor akes akin alis allo alls ally almo alog also amil ampl anal anat ance ands andu aneo ange anim answ ants anus aped appa appe area aren arge arki arks arly arms arou arra arsa arte arti arts ased aske atar ated ater athe atid atio ativ atom atte atty atur avit awar aybe babl back ball base bdom bear bedd behi belo betw beyo biof bitt blog bodi body bone boun boyl brat brev bsta bula burr bute call cavi ccen ccyx ceed cent ceps cept cher chiu cial cien ciet cing cles cloa clus cocc comp conn cons cont cosu cret crib crum ctio ctua ctus cula cuta dard ddar deal deed denb denc deos depo dept desc dfis died dies diet ding disp dnes does dome domi dors dula duri eaki eall ears eart ebra ecia ecre ecti ectu edda edin edis eedi eein eems efer egio ehin eing eith elat elet elop elow elvi emal emel emen emor empl emur enbo ence endi ends engt engy enhn enop enor enti entl entu enve eous epos epti eque eral eran ered eres erio erly ermi erru erse ersi erte erti erto erus escr espe esti esty etal etat eton etwe ever evic evid ewha excl exem exte extr exus eyon fami fatt fema femo femu fest fibu fied fift find firs fish form foss frac frog from furt fuse gely geme gest gica gion gird glan glue gold gona gous grea grou gyst hape have head hear heir here hert herz hese hich high hims hind hing hips hird hite hium hnac hole hoto houg hroa hume hyme hymu iall ibed ibio ibul ibut ical icep icks icky icul idea iden ideo ides idfi ienc iety ifes ifie ifth ight ilar ilia illi imag imal imil imse inal incl inde infr ings inky inse insi inst inte into ints inuo iofi ions ious irdl irst isch ishe isop ispo issu ists ites ithe itio ittl itty ivel join jori just juts kele king kink kive knee know ksch land larg larl late lati latu lden legs leng leta leto lexu liar lier life lifi litt llie llow lmos loac logi logo lond loos lope lops lowe lowi lung lusi lvic lymp lypm mage majo make male mall many mark mass mati mayb mely meno ment meru meta mewh mila mili mina mite moot mora most moun mous mple mpli mpri msel murs musc must mygo naci nads nali nalo nato nboy nclu ndee nder ndin ndne ndon ndul nect neit neou ness next nfro ngem ngth ngys nhna nima nnec nopt norm nost note noxi nsec nseq nsid nsis nste nswe ntai nter ntin ntio ntly ntri ntua nuou nusu nvel oaca obab occy ocee ocie odie oesn ofib ogic ogou oint olde olog omat omen omew omin ompr onad ondo only onne onse onsi onta onti ontr oolo oose ooth oped oper opte oral oria orit orma ormo orsa oses osit osso oste osto osty osus otal oted othe otic ough ound ount oups outs ower owin oxio oylo pare part patt pear peci pelv perl phot pica pine plex plif poin pose posi post ppar ppea ppos pred pris prob proc prop pter ptid pubi quar quea quen ques quit ract rain rang rans rapp rate rath rawr rdle real reat rect redi refe regi rela reme rent rest rete reve revi rgel rges rial ribe ribu righ ring rior rise rity rkiv rksc rmat rmit rmou roat roba roce rogs rope rost roun roup rowe rpri rran rrou rrow rruc rsal rsed rsio rstl rteb rter rthe rtic rton ruco sacr sacs sals same save sche schi scie scle scri scul secr sect seei seem self sequ shap shes side sidf simi sion sist siti sits sive size sked skel skin smal smoo soci soft some sopt sori spec spin spos sque ssor ssue stan stea ster stic stin stio stly stom stot stud styl sual subs such supp surp surr swer syno tain take talk tanc tane tars tata tead tebr tend tera tere teri term tern than that thei them ther thes they thig thin thir this thou thro thus thym tibi tica tick ticu ting tinu tiny tion tips tiss tive toma tomy tons tota toti trem trib tsid tter ttle tual tuat tudi ture turn twee tyle typi uall uart uate ubis ubst ucos udie ueak uenc uest uite ular ulat umer unde undi undn ungs unus uous uppo urin urns uros urpr urro urth uscl uscu used usio usiv usua utan utsi velo vely verr vers vert very vice vide vill vity ware ween well were wers what when whic whit whol wing with xclu xemp xiou xten xtre ygol ylou ymen ymph ymus ynos

yond ypic ypmh ysto zool    815/1679616    (813/456976)    (2/10000)

5:    abdom accen acing acrum actio actua adept ainfr ajori aking allow almos alogo amili ample analo anato andul aneou angem anima answe appar appea arent argel arges arkiv arksc aroun arran arsal arter artic asked atars atera ather ation ative atomy atter ature avity aware bably balls based bdome bdomi bedda behin below betwe beyon biofi bitty bodie bound boylo brate brevi bstan burro cally cavit ccent ceedi centu cepti cherz chium ciall cienc ciety cloac clusi coccy compr conne conse consi conta conti contr cosus crete cribe ction ctual cular culat cutan ddard denbo dence depos descr dfish dings dispo dness doesn domen domin dorsa dular durin eakin eally earts ebrat ecial ecret ectio ectus eddar eding edisp eedin eeing egion ehind eithe elati eleta eleto elope elops elvic emale emely ement emora empli emurs enboy endin ength engys enhna enopt enorm entio ently entua envel eposi eptid equen erans erest erior ermit erruc ersed ersio erteb ertic erton escri espec estin estio estyl etata etons etwee evers evice evide ewhat exclu exemp exten extre eyond famil fatty femal femor femur festy fibul fifth first fishe forma fosso fract frogs furth fused gemen gical girdl gland golde gonad great group gysto haped heart herto himse hnaci hough hroat humer hymen hymus ially ibiof ibula ibute icall iceps icept icula ideal idenc ideos idfis ience ifest ified ilarl iliar illie image imila imsel inali inclu indee infro insec insid inste inter inuou iofib irdle irstl ischi ishes isopt ispos issue ither ition ittle ively joint jorit kelet kinky ksche lands landu large larly later lativ latur ldenb lengt letal leton lexus lifes lifie littl llier llowi lmost loaca logic logou londo loose loped lower lowin lungs lusio lusiv lymph lypmh mages major makes marks matid matio maybe menop menti merus metat mewha milar milia minal mites mooth moral mount mplex mplif mpris mself muscl muscu mygol nacin nalis nalog natom nboyl nclus ndeed nding ndnes ndula necti neith neous nfrog ngeme ngyst nhnac nimal nnect nopte normo nosto noted noxio nsect nsequ nside nsist nstea nswer ntain ntere ntinu ntion ntrib ntuat nuous nusua nvelo obabl occyx oceed ociet odies ofibu ogica ogous oints olden ologi omati omewh omina ompri onads ondon onnec onseq onsis ontai ontin ontri oolog operl opter orial ority ormat ormou orsal ositi osits ossor oster ostot ostyl other otica ounde oundi oundn outsi owers owing oxiou oylou paren parti patte pears pecia pelvi perly photo pical plexu plifi point poses posit poste ppare ppear ppose predi prise proba proce prope ptera pubis quart queak quenc quest quite racti rainf range rathe reall rectu redis refer regio relat remel rentl resti rever revic rgely rgest ribed ribut right rkive rksch rmati rmite rmous robab rocee roper rosty round roups rower rpris rrang rroun rrowe rruco rsals rsion rstly rtebr rther rtica rticu rucos sacru scher schiu scien scles scrib scula secre seein seems seque shape sides sidfi simil sists sitio sivel skele small smoot socie somew sopte soria speci spine spose squea ssori stanc stead steri stick sting stion stoma stoti studi style suall subst suppo surpr surro swere synos tance taneo tarsa tatar tebra tendi tends teral teran teres terio termi their there thert these thigh thing third thoug throa thymu tibio tical ticks ticky ticul tinuo tions tissu tomat total totic treme tribu tside ttern tuall tuate tudie turns tween typic ually uarte uated ubsta ucosu udied ueaki uence uesti ularl ulatu umeru under undin undne unusu uppos uring urost urpri urrou urrow urthe uscle uscul usion usive usual utane utsid velop verru verse versi verte verti vicep viden video villi wered which white whole xclus xempl xious xtend xtrem ygold ymeno ynost ypica ystom zoolo    622/60466176    (622/11881376)

6:    abdome abdomi accent action actual ainfro ajorit allowi almost alogou amilia amplex analog anatom andula aneous angeme animal answer appare appear arentl argely argest arkive arksch around arrang arsals articu atarsa ateral athert ations attern bdomen bdomin beddar behind betwee beyond biofib bodies boylou brevic bstanc burrow cavity ccentu ceedin centua ceptid cially cience cloaca clusio clusiv coccyx compri connec conseq consis contai contin contri cribed ctions ctuall cularl culatu cutane denboy deposi descri dfishe dispos domina dorsal during eaking ebrate eciall ecrete ection eddard edings edispo eeding either elativ eletal eleton eloped emoral emplif enboyl ending engyst enhnac enopte enormo ention entuat envelo eposit equenc eresti ermite erruco ersion ertebr ertica escrib especi esting estion estyle etatar etween everse evicep eviden exclus exempl extend extrem famili female femora femurs festyl fibula firstl fishes format fossor fracti furthe gement girdle glands glandu golden gonads groups gystom hearts herton himsel hnacin humeru hymeno ibiofi ically icepti icular idence idfish ifesty ilarly illier images imilar imself inalis inclus indeed infrog insect inside instea intere inuous iofibu irstly ischiu isopte ispose jority keleta keleto kscher landul largel larges latera lative lature ldenbo length letons lifest lified little llowin logica logous london lowing lusion lusive majori marksc mation menopt mentio metata mewhat milarl miliar minali mplexu mplifi mprise muscle muscul mygold nacing nalogo natomy nboylo nclusi ndness ndular nectio neithe nfrogs ngemen ngysto nhnaci nnecti nopter normou nostot noxiou nseque nsists nstead nswere nteres ntinuo ntribu ntuate nusual nvelop obably oceedi ociety ofibul ogical oldenb ologic omatid omewha ominal ompris onnect onsequ onsist ontain ontinu ontrib oologi operly optera ormati ormous ositio ossori osteri ostoti ostyle otical ounder oundin oundne outsid oxious parent partic patter pecial pelvic plexus plifie points positi posits poster pparen ppears predis probab procee proper pteran quarte queaki quence questi ractio rainfr rangem rather really rectus redisp region relati remely rently restin revers revice ribute rksche rmatio rmites robabl roceed roperl rostyl rounde roundi roundn rowers rprise rrange rround rrower rrucos rtebra rtical rticul rucosu sacrum scherz schium scienc scribe scular sculat secret seeing sequen shaped sidfis simila sition sively skelet smooth societ somewh sopter sorial specia sposes squeak ssoria stance sterio sticks sticky stomat stotic studie sually substa suppos surpri surrou swered synost taneou tarsal tatars tebrat tendin terans terest terior termit therto though throat thymus tibiof ticall ticula tinuou tissue tomati totica tremel tribut tually tuated tudied typica uarter ubstan ucosus ueakin uestio ularly ulatur umerus unding undnes unusua uppose urosty urpris urroun urrowe urther uscles uscula usivel usuall utaneo utside velope velops verruc versed versio verteb vertic viceps vicept videnc videos villie xclusi xempli xtendi xtends xtreme ygolde ymenop ynosto ypical ystoma zoolog    446/2176782336    (446/308915776)

7:    abdomen abdomin accentu actuall ainfrog ajority allowin alogous amiliar amplexu analogo anatomy andular angemen answere apparen appears arently arksche arrange articul atarsal atherto bdomina beddard between biofibu brevice bstance burrowe ccentua ceeding centuat clusion clusive compris connect consequ consist contain continu contrib ctually cularly culatur cutaneo denboyl deposit describ dfishes dispose dominal ecially ections edispos eedings elative eletons emplifi enboylo engysto enhnaci enopter enormou entuate envelop eposits equence erestin ermites errucos ertebra ertical escribe especia etatars eversed eviceps evicept evidenc exclusi exempli extendi extends extreme familia femoral festyle firstly formati fossori fractio further glandul goldenb gystoma himself hnacing humerus hymenop ibiofib iceptid icularl idfishe ifestyl imilarl inclusi infrogs instead interes iofibul ischium isopter isposes keletal keleton kscherz landula largely largest lateral ldenboy lifesty llowing logical lusivel majorit marksch mations menopte mention metatar milarly minalis mplexus mplifie muscles muscula mygolde nalogou nboylou nclusio nection neither ngement ngystom nhnacin nnectio noptera normous nostoti noxious nsequen nswered nterest ntinuou ntribut ntuated nusuall nvelope nvelops oceedin ofibula oldenbo ologica omewhat ominali omprise onnecti onseque onsists ontinuo ontribu oologic opteran ormatio osition ossoria osterio ostotic oticall ounding oundnes outside parentl particu pattern peciall plified positio posteri pparent predisp probabl proceed properl pterans quarter queakin questio raction rainfro rangeme redispo relativ resting reverse revicep rkscher rmation robably roceedi roperly rostyle rounder roundin roundne rrangem rroundi rrowers rrucosu rtebrat rticula rucosus science scribed sculatu secrete sequenc sidfish similar skeleta skeleto society somewha soptera special squeaki ssorial sterior stomati stotica studied substan suppose surpris surroun synosto taneous tarsals tatarsa tebrate tending teresti termite therton tibiofi tically ticular tinuous tomatid totical tremely tribute typical ubstanc ueaking uestion ulature undness unusual urostyl urprise urround urrower uscular usculat usively usually utaneou veloped verruco version vertebr vertica vicepti vidence villier xclusiv xemplif xtendin xtremel ygolden ymenopt ynostot ystomat zoologi    297/78364164096    (297/8031810176)

8:    abdomina accentua actually ainfrogs allowing amplexus analogou angement answered apparent arkscher arrangem articula atarsals atherton bdominal biofibul brevicep burrower ccentuat ceedings centuate clusivel comprise connecti conseque consists continuo contribu culature cutaneou denboylo deposits describe disposes dominali edispose emplifie enboylou engystom enhnacin enoptera enormous entuated envelope envelops eresting errucosu ertebrat escribed especial etatarsa evicepti evidence exclusiv exemplif extendin extremel familiar formatio fossoria fraction glandula goldenbo gystomat hymenopt ibiofibu icularly idfishes ifestyle imilarly inclusio interest iofibula isoptera keletons landular ldenboyl lifestyl lusively majority marksche menopter metatars mplified muscular musculat mygolden nalogous nclusion nections ngystoma nhnacing nnection nopteran nostotic nsequenc nteresti ntinuous ntribute nusually nveloped oceeding oldenboy ological ominalis onnectio onsequen ontinuou ontribut oologica opterans ormation ossorial osterior ostotica otically oundness parently particul pecially position posterio pparentl predispo probably proceedi properly queaking question rainfrog rangemen redispos relative reversed reviceps revicept rkscherz rmations roceedin rounding roundnes rrangeme rroundin rrucosus rtebrate rticular sculatur sequence sidfishe similarl skeletal skeleton somewhat sopteran speciall squeakin stomatid stotical substanc surprise surround synostot tatarsal terestin termites tibiofib ticularl toticall ubstance unusuall urostyle urroundi urrowers usculatu utaneous verrucos vertebra vertical viceptid xclusive xemplifi xtending xtremely ygoldenb ymenopte ynostoti ystomati zoologic    189/2821109907456    (189/208827064576)

9:    abdominal accentuat analogous apparentl arkscherz arrangeme articular bdominali biofibula breviceps brevicept burrowers ccentuate centuated clusively connectio consequen continuou contribut cutaneous denboylou described dominalis edisposes emplified engystoma enhnacing enopteran enveloped errucosus ertebrate especiall etatarsal eviceptid exclusive exemplifi extending extremely formation fossorial glandular goldenboy gystomati hymenopte ibiofibul inclusion interesti isopteran ldenboylo lifestyle markscher menoptera metatarsa musculatu mygoldenb ngystomat nnections nopterans nostotica nsequence nterestin oceedings oldenboyl onnection onsequenc ontinuous ontribute oological ormations ostotical particula posterior pparently predispos proceedin rainfrogs rangement redispose revicepti roceeding roundness rrangemen rrounding rticularl sculature sidfishes similarly skeletons sopterans specially squeaking stoticall substance surroundi synostoti tatarsals teresting tibiofibu ticularly totically unusually urroundin usculatur verrucosu vertebrat xclusivel xemplifie ygoldenbo ymenopter ynostotic ystomatid zoologica    112/101559956668416    (112/5429503678976)

10:    abdominali accentuate apparently arrangemen articularl bdominalis brevicepti ccentuated connection consequenc continuous contribute engystomat enopterans especially etatarsals exclusivel exemplifie formations goldenboyl gystomatid hymenopter ibiofibula interestin isopterans ldenboylou markscherz menopteran metatarsal musculatur mygoldenbo ngystomati nostotical nteresting oldenboylo onnections onsequence ostoticall particular predispose proceeding redisposes reviceptid roceedings rrangement rticularly stotically surroundin synostotic tibiofibul urrounding usculature verrucosus vertebrate xclusively xemplified ygoldenboy ymenoptera ynostotica zoological    60/3656158440062976  ��� (60/141167095653376)

11:    abdominalis accentuated arrangement articularly breviceptid connections consequence engystomati exclusively exemplified goldenboylo hymenoptera interesting menopterans metatarsals musculature mygoldenboy ngystomatid nostoticall oldenboylou ostotically particularl predisposes proceedings surrounding synostotica tibiofibula ygoldenboyl ymenopteran ynostotical    30/131621703842267136    (30/3670344486987776)

12:    engystomatid goldenboylou hymenopteran mygoldenboyl nostotically particularly synostotical ygoldenboylo ymenopterans ynostoticall    10/4738381338321616896    (10/95428956661682176)

13:    hymenopterans mygoldenboylo synostoticall ygoldenboylou ynostotically    5/170581728179578208256    (5/2481152873203736576)

14:    mygoldenboylou synostotically    2/6140942214464815497216    (2/64509974703297150976)

Why are rain frogs so round? What's /inside/ of them around such an itty bitty skeleton?

So it turns out this is a really interesting question.

The first thing we must be aware of is that rainfrogs as we see them in videos of them squeaking are not quite the same shape as they are when at rest:

[x]

But you are quite right, they are very round. This is exemplified by the skeletal photo you refer to:

[X]

So what are we seeing?

Well, firstly, note that the body cavity in these frogs actually envelops the femurs, such that only the tibiofibula (fused in frogs) and the tarsals and metatarsals are outside the body. The arms are quite similarly enveloped, but a bit of the humerus does extend outside the body cavity too. This predisposes them to a rounder body shape.

Next, note the ilia - the U-shaped bone in the pelvic region. These in some breviceptid frogs are synostotically fused with the sacrum - that is to say, they are bound by bone-based connections to the bow-shaped vertebra at their tips. This whole joint seems to be quite smooth, and as a consequence, the back of the frog is quite smooth. The other thing we can see here is that the urostyle (i.e. the frog version of a coccyx) juts quite far beyond the ischium and pubis. This extends the body cavity beyond the hips. Note also that the pelvic girdle seems to be largely below the spine, rather than the typical position for frogs behind it and continuous with it. This makes the legs sit below the spine, rather than at its end, enhnacing the vertical roundness of the animal.

Next, let’s talk some soft tissue. Now, I’m not as familiar with soft-tissue in frogs as I am their skeletons, so you’ll have to bear with me a bit (rawr). Beddard (1908!!) studied the soft tissue of Breviceps verrucosus Rapp 1842. It seems that the majority of the body of these frogs is actually muscle. Beddard noted that muscles join the leg at the knee that extend into the body cavity, such that the inclusion of the thigh in the body cavity is further accentuated by musculature. The rectus abdominalis muscle is unusually large, extending from the lower abdomen up and around the sides of the body. Indeed, this large size appears to be the pattern with all of the major muscles, though in the throat the typical arrangement of large and small muscles is somewhat reversed. On the lateral side of the head, there is a substance that is not muscle, but appears to be loose tissue in which sits what is apparently the thymus gland.

There is a very large gap between the end of the urostyle and the anus (one fifth of the total length of the frog), in which there are almost no muscles, save for the one surrounding the lower cloaca. On either side of this area, between the posterior-most muscles of the thigh, lie two large ‘lymph-hearts’, as described by Beddard. These are between one quarter and one third of the total length of the frog. A further lypmh-sac sits between these lymph-hearts and the skin of the femoral region, and they are thus probably analogous to the femoral lymph-sacs of other frogs.

I find it interesting that Beddard (1908) did not mention any glandular formations in the dorsal region. As is evidence from many images (see below), these frogs are able to secrete a white, sticky, noxious substance from their skin (which they actually have to use during amplexus, as the male is too small relative to the female to mount her properly, and so he sticks himself to her with his glandular glue… kinky).

[x]

These glands do not apparently take up a great deal of the cutaneous tissue, and so I suppose are of no consequence to the size of the frog, especially relative to its enormous muscles.

The diet of these frogs consists almost exclusively of hymenopterans and isopterans (ants and termites). Neither of these insect groups are particularly fatty, so it is little surprise that their bodies appear to contain no large fat deposits - fatty bodies extend from the gonads up to the lungs and heart, but these comprise only a tiny fraction of the frog’s mass, and don’t contribute to the round shape. Instead, their bodies are extremely muscular, allowing them to be adept burrowers, ideal for their fossorial lifestyle.

So TL;DR: rain frogs are little balls of muscle (maybe the largest muscle mass relative to body mass of any vertebrate? science just doesn’t know).

Ref:

Beddard, F.E. 1908. On the Musculature and other Points in the Anatomy of the Engystomatid Frog, Breviceps verrucosus. Proceedings of the Zoological Society of London, 1908:11-41 [x]

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Fortified Wine Market 2023 Global Business Insights Report

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When no one in the world could imagine, I had created these.

ㅡ Copyright T.H. Kwon All Rights Reserved.

▪️ 스마트폰 / 사물인터넷 / 메타버스 / 스마트시티 / 스마트시스템 / 가상화폐 / 디지털화페 / 암호화폐 / 타임언어

ㅡ 가장 위대한 작품들이다! 저작권 등록물임!

과거도~ 현재도~ 미래에도~

이러한 작품들은, 누구도 상상조차 할 수 없을 때~ 창작했다.

ㅡ Author T.H. Kwon ㅡ

☆ 저자의 동의 받고, 저작권료 지불하고 사용하라!

    If you want to use it, use it after you pay a royalty!

■■●◇□■◇◇

☆ 불법으로 저작권의 모방과 표절 침해자(국가, 기업, 개인)는 누구든 저작권 침해에 대한 모든 책임이 있다!

Don't use without the permission of the copyright holder.

저작권자의 허락없이 사용하지 마세요.

ㅡ Author T.H. Kwon ㅡ

☆▪️🌏🖋🌍▪️☆

🔹🔸[000t0=Time Language, World Language, Number Language]🔸🔹

[27×t=35×t]=Honesty is the best policy.

                       정직이 최선의 방책이다.

27×t=Honesty 정직

35×t=Best 최선의 방책

0t000=TIMEnasa

🎼🎼🎼 ✒+.×.÷/=!

※※※ (×=Multiplication sign)

🔸🔹🔸

000t0=Time Language, AI Language, Common Language, Computer Language, Digital Language, Future Language, Global Language, ICT Language, International Language, Internet Language, IoT Language, Link Language, Number Language, Program Language, SNS Language, Thinking Language, TNS Language, Universal Language, World Language

🔸🔹🔸

We're introducing Time Language all over the world. Time Language is the world's language consisting of numbers that anyone in the world can easily use. Time Language frees us from foreign languages. Now, there is no need for interpretation and translation. Time Language is pronounced in the language of each country and the meaning is the same. [000t0=Time Language, Copyright 1974. T.H. Kwon All Rights Reserved.] Looking forward to our interactions. Thank you. Huibok Choe, Ph.D.

💼 CMO at TIMEnasa

🎓 Ph.D. in Business Administration

🔊 030t 2t6 16×t 0t000

🔸🔹[000t0 Service Site]🔹🔸

● http://www.facebook.com/TIMEnasaGroup

● http://www.facebook.com/000t0

● http://www.facebook.com/huibokchoe

● http://www.facebook.com/huibokchoe.3

● http://www.facebook.com/huibok.choe.311

● https://story.kakao.com/phdchoe

● http://blog.naver.com/choephd

● https://instagram.com/hibokchoe

● http://post.naver.com/choehuibok

● https://www.linkedin.com/in/huibok-choe-ph-d-cmo-649298a7/

● https://www.linkedin.com/pub/th-kwon/105/106/105

● http://doctorchoe.tistory.com

● http://cafe.daum.net/timelanguage

● http://cafe.naver.com/doctorchoe

● http://www.pinterest.com/Timelanguage

● https://twitter.com/TimeLanuage

● https://twitter.com/choehb

● http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100005183118164

● http://www.facebook.com/huibok.choe.39

● https://www.flickr.com/photos/136914266@N05/

○ http://www.1000xt.com

○ http://www.0505t.com

○ http://www.50t50.com

○ http://www.88t8.net

○ http://www.000t0.com

••• You should google 000t0. •••

🌏 TIMEnasa's Creations(Books & Works) 🌏

1. TIMEnasa 🌐

2. 000t0=Time Language, World Language, Number Language

  Copyright 1974. T.H. Kwon All Rights Reserved. 🌍

3. Nti2000=IoT, Metaverse, Smart City, Smart Systems

  Copyright 1978. T.H. Kwon All Rights Reserved. 🌎

4. Number Money=Digital Currency, Virtual Currency and Cryptocurrency

  Copyright 1969. T.H. Kwon All Rights Reserved. 💰

5. PocketBox=Smartphone, Copyright of the APP

  Copyright 1978. T.H. Kwon All Rights Reserved. 📱

6. M+W=People Language 📖

7. ~ 14. TIME theory 📕

15. etc. 📡

🔊  Don't use without the permission of the copyright holder.

ㅡ Author T.H. Kwon ㅡ  

■ TIMEnasa

□ TIMELANGUAGE Inc.

□ TIMEmilk Inc.

□ TIMEnasa university Inc.

■ TIMEnasa Site

□ www.timelanguage.net

□ www.timenasa.com

□ www.pocketbox.co.kr 

 

0t000 TIMEnasa 0t000 TIMEnasa 0t000 TIMEnasa

[vsngrv]

ある新興SNSの終わり

Pebble(旧T2)が11月1日を以てサービスを終了すると発表した。

Pebbleの生い立ちは英語版Wikipediaに譲るとして、上手くいかなかった原因を考えてみる。

招待制の時代に𝕏のアカウントによる審査を要求した

まだ招待制だった頃、待機リストに登録するには有効な𝕏(旧Twitter)のアカウントを指定する必要があった。

これはT2時代から運営が言論統制をしいていて、問題のある単語が入力内容に含まれると投稿出来ないシステムになっていた。待機リスト登録時点で𝕏のアカウントを見る事でその人がどのような投稿を行うかを審査し、問題ないと判断されれば10日程で招待コード(実際は招待リンク)がメールで送られてくる。一方問題があると判断された場合はいつまで経っても送られてこなかった。Blueskyで中々招待コードが送られてこない事を既に知っていたため私は普段から使っている3つの𝕏アカウントそれぞれで待機リストに登録していたが、3つの内2つは上記の通り10日程で送られてきたものの、柵を廃した転生アカウントで現在唯一使用している3つ目のアカウントだけは投稿数が少なく判断に迷ったのか、2か月半経って漸く招待コードが送られてきた。

9月中旬にT2がPebbleに名称変更するのに合わせて招待制は終了し、誰でもアカウントを作れるようになった。

しかし蓋を開けてみれば、やっている事は招待制の時代と同じだった。最初に𝕏のアカウントの入力を求められる。単純な煩わしさは勿論、誰もが𝕏の代替を求めている訳ではない事をPebbleは失念していた。既に新興SNSはいくつもあり、とうの昔に𝕏のアカウントを削除してしまった人も大勢いたはずである。Pebbleはそんなユーザー候補を審査によって締め出してしまった。

プロフィールの登録が完了する前にアカウントが公開された

他のSNSではプロフィールが初期状態のままでもすぐに投稿する事が出来るが、Pebbleではプロフィール文と画像を登録しないとHomeページに遷移出来ない仕様になっていた。

これは私が2つ目のアカウントを登録しようとした時に起きた事だが、マルチバイト文字の処理に不具合があり、特定の文字列の組み合わせでプロフィール文を保存出来ない事態が発生した。既に画像の方は登録していたが、この不完全なプロフィールの状態で戸惑っている間に通知バッジの数値が上がり始めたのである。T2の時代は招待リンクを使ってアカウント名とメールアドレスを登録及び認証した時点で自動的に創業者3人がフォローしてくる仕様になっていたが、数値は4以上に上がっていた。つまり既存のユーザーは私のアカウント画像と、もしかしたら保存されていたのかも知れないユーザー名と所在のみでフォローしてきた事になる。これには恐怖しか感じなかった。

不具合について運営にメールを送っても1回目は相手にされず、1週間後に2回目のメールを出して漸く対処方法を記した返信が来た。と言っても「ラテン文字のみで入力して下さい」という、修正する気があるのか全く判らないものだった。実際、この不具合は最後まで解消されなかった。結局プロフィールは全て英文で書いた。

誰もが国際交流を望んでいる訳ではなかった

私がT2時代に使っていた当初から言語を気にせず誰もが気軽にリプライを飛ばしていた。機械翻訳すれば何とかなるため、私も特に気にせず機械翻訳を通してリプライをしていた。

しかし翻訳ボタンが設置されて、Google翻訳で翻訳出来る言語なら何でも翻訳出来るようになった事で状況は一変する。

従来の何倍もの頻度で英語やフランス語、イタリア語でリプライが来るようになった。しかもGoogle翻訳はお世辞にも精度が良いとは言えない。機械翻訳による誤訳に基づいた勘違いリプライが多発するようになった。それに対して「それは誤訳だよ」と言った所でその日本語を機械翻訳が誤訳すれば元も子もない。日本語でリプライするのは諦めてDeepL等を駆使して可能な限り正しいと思われる英文に翻訳してからリプライするよりほかなかった。

本来は楽しいはずの国際交流が機械翻訳の誤訳によって余計な負担を強いられるようになり、投稿頻度は減っていった。そして遂に我慢の限界に達した私は1か月半程前にPebbleのアカウントを放置した。誤訳を考慮しても気軽に出来る国際交流を楽しんでいる日本人はある程度いたが、私には無理だった。

終了の予兆

Pebbleがサービスを終了する予兆は1か月程前から既にあった。

まず唐突に招待コードが大量に追加された。大量のコードに対して「一番沢山招待した人を投稿上で表彰する」と言った。人が集まらないのでもっと呼んでくれという事だったのだろう。しかし結果はユーザー数を見ればご覧の通り、5000人程度しか増加しなかった。

2つ目はプレミアムハンドルに課された義務が結局行使されなかった事だ。アカウント名が8文字未満のアカウントは30日以上ログインしないと予め入力を求められる予備のアカウント名に変更されると規約には記されていた。過去に開発担当のミスでその時に送信されると思われる警告メールが全ユーザーに届いた事があり、1か月以上放置している私のプレミアムハンドルのアカウントには当然それが届かなければおかしかった。しかし優に1か月を過ぎているのにメールが届かない。試しにログインせずに直接プロフィールページにアクセスすると、プレミアムハンドルのままになっている。既に確立しているシステムが不具合を起こすとは考えにくい。これもユーザー数が足りず、規則を厳格に行使する事によるユーザー離れを防ぐのが目的だったと思われる。

3つ目は営利企業なら当然利益に結びつく施策をするはずだが、それらしき素振りが全く見られなかった事だ。国産新興SNSであるタイッツーを見れば解るが、運営資金を得るために様々な策を実施している。いつまでも投資家におんぶに抱っこしている訳にはいかない事は運営も解っていたはずなのにビジネスモデルを確立出来なかった。心地良い空間を作る事にばかり腐心して運営を維持する事を後回しにしてしまった事で既に取り返しのつかない事態になっていたと思われる。

Pebbleの未来

サービスを終了するという事は、新たな投資家が現れなかったという事だ。

やろうと思えばクラウドファンディングで運営資金を集める事は出来たかも知れない。しかし仮にユーザー全員がそれに賛同して資金が集まったとしても数か月の延命が限界だろう。もし実施後にサービスを終了したら、お金を持ち逃げされたと勘違いした人が批判の刃を向けて最悪のサービス終了になる。そうなる位なら潔く止めた方が後腐れなく綺麗に終われるはずである。

何処か体力のある企業が買収してサービスを続けてくれればと思うが、叶わぬ願いだろう。同様にサービス終了までに新たな投資家も望めそうにない。

さようならPebble。短い間だったけどありがとう。

開発担当がMastodonでサーバーを開設

Pebble Social

https://pebble.social/

サービス終了当日になって動きがあった。Pebbleで開発を担当していたGabor氏がMastodonにサーバーを建てた事が明らかになった。

先にBluesky上でも「T2/Pebble Pub」の名前でカスタムフィードが作成されたが、万一既にハンドル名が使われていた場合にどうやって本人と証明するのか問題があった。新規のサーバーであるこちらならそのような心配はほぼない。チェイン投稿出来ない点とAI投稿補助機能がない点を除けばPebbleは勿論、𝕏にも最も近いため機能面の心配もほぼない。

何故『ほぼ』と断ったかというと、pebble.socialにはmastodon.socialのような翻訳ボタンがないからだ。

翻訳ボタンはPebbleに於る国際交流の要となる機能だ。これがないと一々翻訳サイトを介すか、翻訳機能のあるMastodonのWebアプリを頼らざるを得なくなる。現状ではかつての気軽に出来る国際交流が成り立つかは見通せない。

それでも私はアカウントを作ったが、既にMastodonには雑記用に加えて目的特化のアカウントが複数あり、書く事が思い浮かぶかは判らない。「実験的」と断っている事もあり、安定した運営が続けられるかも疑問符が付く。しかもT2/Pebble同様の審査制を始めてしまい、再び敷居が高くなってしまった。安全を重視し過ぎる余り、交流を二の次と考えているのかと思われる恐れがある。

Gabor氏がT2/Pebbleについて振り返った記事がMediumに投稿されていた。

[codeonedigest]

AWS Simple Notification Service SNS Tutorial for Amazon Cloud Developers

Full Video Link - https://youtube.com/shorts/0TkAJncwAio Hi, a new #video #tutorial on #aws #amazon #sns #simplenotificationservice #awssns is published on #codeonedigest #youtube channel. @java @awscloud @AWSCloudIndia @YouTube #youtube @codeonediges

Simple Notification Service (Amazon SNS) is a managed service that provides message delivery from publishers to subscribers. It is asynchronous communication between publisher & subscribers by sending messages to a topic. Amazon SNS is a serverless pub/sub service. Amazon Simple Notification Service (Amazon SNS) sends notifications in two ways, A2A and A2P. A2A – A2A provides high-throughput,…

[dawningocean]

I'm coming here new because when I look up where to post blog in English, this SNS is recommended.

I will practice to write in English here by writing blog.

I wonder which picture to share, but this is one of my hobby, Garageband. I made cover instrumental of "Pub and Go!"

[laresearchette]

Tuesday, March 12, 2024 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES? THE LIONHEART (HBO Canada) 9:00pm PASSWORD (CTV2) 10:00pm 7 LITTLE JOHNSTONS (TLC Canada) 10:00pm WILDCARD KITCHEN (Food Network Canada) 10:00pm

WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT FIXER TO FABULOUS (TBD - HGTV Canada)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

CRAVE TV THE LIONHEART

NETFLIX CANADA MIRACULOUS: TALES OF LADYBUG & CAT NOIR (Season 4) STEVE TREVIÑO: SIMPLE MAN TURNING POINT: THE BOMB AND THE COLD WAR

MLB SPRING TRAINING (SN) 1:00pm: Yankees vs. Jays

TENNIS (TSN3/TSN4) 2:00pm; Indian Wells - Round of 16 (TSN3/TSN5) 9:00pm; Indian Wells - Round of 16

NHL HOCKEY (SN) 7:00pm: Red Wings vs. Sabres (TSN2) 7:00pm: Blue Jackets vs. Habs (TSN5) 7:00pm: Penguins vs. Sens (SNWest) 9:00pm: Avalanche vs. Flames (SN) 10:00pm: Knights vs. Kraken

BIG BROTHER CANADA (Global) 7:00pm

NBA BASKETBALL (TSN) 7:30pm: 76ers vs. Knicks (SN Now) 8:00pm: Pacers vs. Thunder (TSN) 10:00pm: Timberwolves vs. Clippers

THIS HOUR HAS 22 MINUTES (CBC) 8:00pm

HUDSON & REX (City TV) 8:00pm: Jennica Malouf, a wealthy socialite, turns up dead on a golf course.

MARY MAKES IT EASY (CTV Life) 8:00pm: Pub Crawlers

SON OF A CRITCH (CBC) 8:30pm: When Mark starts a business venture as a school project, he quickly realizes that running a profitable company is more than having a good haircut, talking loudly, and exploiting underlings.

COMFORT FOOD WITH SPENCER WATTS (CTV Life) 8:30pm: Spencer prepares a Chinese-spice chicken halves with apple slaw and fries, a fifteen minute lamb bolognese on polenta, and a spiced pork loin with honeyed root veg and apple butter.

ONE MORE TIME (CBC) 9:00pm: A curse descends upon the store on inventory night, terrorizing the staff.

TREATY ROAD (APTN) 9:00pm: Erin and Saxon visit Treaty 2 territory and find out how people were forcibly displaced from their homes in the creation of a national park. Attempts to seek justice reveal that Canadian law offers no protection to Indigenous people.

GOLD RUSH: WHITE WATER (Discovery Canada) 9:00pm (SEASON PREMIERE): Dustin gambles his entire life savings, purchasing a remote Alaskan claim rumored to hold life-changing gold; but Mother Nature's wrath descends, pushing them beyond their limits in their pursuit of the ultimate treasure.

RUN THE BURBS (CBC) 9:30pm: On their long-awaited date day, Camille and Andrew meddle to prevent Hudson and his ex from rekindling their romance.

DOWNEY'S DREAM CARS (Discovery Velocity) 10:00pm (SERIES PREMIERE): Robert converts his K10 pickup to an electric vehicle; he test drives two fully-electric cars.

[kierianpattonphoto]

Cultural Project - Development and Research

The prospect of developing and shooting a project based on cultures or subcultures is a very exciting opportunity. For years i have wanted to shoot a photo-project showcasing cultures in Scotland that you wouldn’t normally see within Scotland or even outside of Scotland. This country has such a vast array of scenes and cultures despite having such a small population on the world stage. From the underground dance music scene to the software and design companies based in Scotlands major city’s. 

i had a few initial ideas such as documenting scotland's dance music scene, hiking culture and drinking culture, all three we are known for in scotland, some better than others. I wanted to do something accessible to the majority of the population, something that it doesn't matter about your background or financial status, you can access it. I decided to do it on football culture, football is something i hold quite close as its something i grew up with and have been constantly surrounded with. You can’t really avoid football in scotland as it is the country's biggest sport and near enough every pub or bar will show it when its on. You will also notice the numerous football pitches from the amateur grass fields to the professional steel structured stadiums dotted all around scotland.

I aim to document football culture in scotland as a whole and to inform the viewer of how scotland see’s football and how it interacts with it. I would like to capture the professional top flight teams all the way to the lower league sunday amateurs. The main focus of the project is to document the fans, without the fans football wouldn’t be as big and exciting as it currently is. 

Risks and Challenges

Risks associated with documenting Scottish football culture should be properly evaluated and managed. The following are a few potential risks:

- Football is frequently associated with deep and emotional feelings, hence it is usual for rivalries to turn violent. Being aware of potential conflicts and avoiding circumstances that can endanger myself is vital. To protect my safety, this can entail collaborating with security at the games.

- Privacy and consent: While taking pictures of people in public places, privacy and consent concerns may come up. Despite the fact that people in public places have no expectation of privacy, it's still crucial to respect their right to privacy.

- Misrepresentation: Photography has the potential for influencing public narratives and attitudes. Nonetheless, care must be taken to avoid misrepresenting or stereotyping individuals or communities and to ensure that the photographs accurately reflect the reality of the situation.

- Laws relating to defamation and invasion of privacy are among the legal concerns that i must be aware of. It is crucial to make sure that any photos taken do not violate these rights within the clubs rules. 

- Photographing Scottish football culture may have an emotional effect, especially when photographing delicate or contentious subjects. It's critical to recognise my own emotional reactions as well as taking the steps to deal with it.

Strategy and Objectives

Of course, gaining access to some of the top flight teams is very difficult as they have contracts signed with companies such as SNS group which typically covers any sporting event in scotland with their own photographers. Sometimes for a few of the top flight teams they will have their own internal photo and video team for documenting for their socials. 

Thankfully, when shooting sunday amateur teams or even premiership teams they aren’t as strict with allowing photographers and or students in too take images. By approaching these smaller teams and gaining more access would allow me to create a better narrative and story. I think shooting at the top flight teams would be interesting for a few images especially in the ultras sections but i think having the full photo story be about them would be rather boring. 

In order to even get access to the bigger teams you would firstly need to build up a rapport with the smaller teams and get images you can show the bigger clubs so they have a better understanding for what you wish to shoot. 

Although i do plan on attempting to shoot some of the top flight team’s fans at away games travelling to and from the stadium. Typically these do make for interesting images as pyro or smoke bombs are used. Typically these fans will be fairly rowdy, so proceeding with caution when approaching these fans is advised. 

I would also like to document some iconic and some unknown stadiums in scotland. Taking inspiration from Brian Sweeneys photo series “great stadiums of the north” he documents amateur football pitches all over from the north of scotland, faroe islands and iceland. His images have a slight liminal space feel as they are commonly shot with no people in the shot and most of the time are shot when the weather is overcast, dark or rainy. The use of weather gives the images a nostalgic feel as i can recall playing on pitches similar to these as a child in similar weather, i think that's what partly draws me to the series. 

Equipment

Choosing equipment is always a tricky thing as you feel like if you dont take that extra lens or two you wont come out with the shots you want, or sometimes if you have too much equipment you give yourself too much choice and you overthink it. My typical rule of thumb is two prime lenses and a zoom, usually being a 50 1.4, 85 1.4 and a 24-70. Sometimes i will take the 70-200 instead of the 24-70 but obviously its very subject dependant. 

One would think taking a 70-200 to a football match would be the obvious choice, but for the images i wish to create it wouldn't work. The images i have been researching and looking at looks as thought they are shot between 24mm and 70mm. I think using a lens with a larger focal length can run the risk of creating a distant and removed feeling from your subject. I think my go to lens for the project will be a 50mm as its the closest focal length to how the human eye perceives perspective and distance. Plus, the 50mm is notorious for allowing the photographer to get in nice and close without distorting the subject.

Regarding cameras i plan on taking two, one being my Nikon D850 and a small Nikon 35mm point and shoot film camera. It would be good to only shoot this project on film and would create interesting results. Although i cannot risk relying on 35mm film to get the shots im after. Currently i think the chance of the exposure or metering being way off is quite high as it isnt manually dialled in plus it isnt the most advanced point and shoot. It is also because i may need the high resolution of the 46 megapixel D850 if im planning on cropping in close and if i need the dynamic range to push and pull the shadows. 

I have decided the D850 will be my main go to camera during the project as i know i can get consistent images that are well exposed and sharp while shooting fast moving action such as crowds. Regarding the film camera i would plan on using it as a secondary camera to capture images that are more candid and use it in places where using a large professional camera would be noticed. 

Since im using a film camera i will obviously require film. I plan on using two types of black and white film, Ilford HP5 and FP4. Im using these two specifically since it is a fairly common film which i can buy easily and develop easily. I like the idea of shooting some of the images in black and white as it can suppresses individual team colours and makes a stand showing that everyone is all supporting the same sport and shares similar values which is typically forgotten about in the current world of football. 

Research and Inspiration 

I recently had a phone call with Brian Sweeney for guidance for this project as throughout the past few years he has shot football ultras and commissioned his own projects based around football culture in scotland, most notably his series “ great stadiums of the north”. We had a fairly in-depth chat about taking certain approaches when contacting clubs and shooting fans. His advice was fairly similar to what i suggested i do when approaching clubs which was start with the smaller clubs and work your way up. He also invited me to assist him on a shoot for lower block where he plans on shooting a local football ultra’s fan group in airdrie. He mentioned ‘Lower Block’ was the perfect website and publishing company for drawing inspiration. The website features articles about european football and its fans, the articles contain beautiful user submitted images of the stadiums and fans, i can already tell this site will be one of my main sources of reference and inspiration. 

These images are of the san siro which is the home of AC Milan. These images were taken Alex Amoros's series documenting both Inter milan and AC Milan. In these images Alex documents the stadium and surrounding areas and focuses on the graffiti and artwork created by the fans. As you can see, the stadium has an influence on the surrounding landscape usually creating themed bars and coloured wall featuring artwork from the ultras groups.

Celtic FC has a similar fan group which creates elaborate artwork such as political murals or simply painting walls with the colours of the irish flag. Celtic has a strong political stance as its more left leaning since the club was created by immigrants. The club often creates banners during matches referencing its stance on pro-immigration and its anti-israel narrative. The reason why they are anti-israel is because they believe israel stole the land from palestine which is similar to how the british took over ireland, so therefore they resonate with the palestinian people.

Another project i have been looking at on lower block is one by "Makl Oddo" she documented monza FC as her grandfather was a long term fan. She was taking images at the games during the run up to the team being promoted to serie A in italy. I am a big fan on how these images have been shot as they create a very nostalgic feeling and almost a throwback to 90's football culture on the continent. Shooting the images on film using what i presume to be a small compact point and shoot allows to you to become part of the crowd and not to be alienated by using a large professional camera setup. At football games nowadays especially with clubs that feature ultras fans group people are growing more and more skeptical as there is typically a large police presence and or undercover police. For example, at one of Celtic FC's recent games there was 4 undercover police standing beside the ultras section. the fans quickly realised who the were and took a picture of them and placed the images on twitter.

I have also been looking at John Ingledew’s series on Chelsea FC in the 90′s which documented how chelsea plummeted from top of the league to the mid table team and in the worst case the division below and then rocketed back to champions of Europe. What drew me to these images was how timeless they look, not just through the use of black and white but also the fact what people wear and how they act has not changed from the modern day game. 

I think what make these images successful is they give a spectator view of the game instead of the perspective from the sidelines where the photographers usually are. I also enjoy the fact the images capture the reactions of the players and give an insight as to how the fans were feeling at the time since their team had just dropped a league. 

One thing i have noticed in all the photo projects i have researched is that they are either shot on film or include film photography one way or another, I think this quite interesting and thought out. As previously mentioned most football fans are quite wary of cameras inside stadiums and even more so amongst the crowd taking images of the supporters. By shooting on film it almost disguises you as a novice or some random tourist. Especially now that film has become fashionable again in the last ten years or so its not uncommon to see people using a film camera and i think most people still see it as a novelty so i imagine people do not take you as seriously if you’re using a film camera rather than a professional digital set-up. 

For example, a few years back i was experimenting with a bit of street photography and i was using a professional DSLR and a 24-70. Obviously this isn't the most subtle of setups but i was still trying to be inconspicuous and even going as far to taping up logo’s on the camera and lens. But, as soon as you raise the camera to your eye people instantly notice as if its some sixth sense. My theory is that people associate big professional cameras with press and journalists shooting some sort of news story, therefore when they see it they instantly glance over to see whats going on. 

Then a week after that shoot i went back out with a fairly small point and shoot film camera. Instantly i noticed i could raise the camera to my eye and look through the viewfinder and nobody would bat an eye. Like i previously said i think a lot of people see film cameras as a novelty and a bit of fun therefore they do not think about it as much.

Applying this knowledge to when it comes to shooting this project i think will be very helpful. My original plan was to only shoot on digital but to get the images i want it would be wise to shoot on a mix of film and digital.

Shooting plan 

Im already quite fortunate going into this project as i knew the head of marketing over at Kilmarnock FC as i had previously done a shoot for him when he was at his last job, so i already knew i could rely on him for access to some kilmarnock games and hopefully some connections. 

I knew i wanted to shoot celtic or celtic park as i have a been long term fan of the club so it would be quite special to feature the current squad in the project or even the stadium. Firstly i decided to get into contact with Gregg over at Kilmarnock as i could be guaranteed to shoot at least one match. We firstly had a call discussing what my project is about and what i aim to achieve.

I also reached out to the liaison officer at Celtic FC as he directly deals with fan enquires directly. I thought this would be a good place to start regarding possibly being granted a press pass for an up-incoming home game. I reached out over email explaining my situation and the images I aim to get.

From here we organised a call and went over the technicalities with allowing me into shoot a home game. Sadly it was going to be very difficult due to SNS Group having a contract with the club and by allowing an external photographer in would be a breach of contract regardless of what they are shooting. John did suggest reaching out to the Celtic TV team and put me in touch with one of the videographers but i didn't get a response sadly. Although me and John came to an agreement where i would be allowed in to shoot aspects of the stadium that you normally couldn't get access too on the normal tour such as the standing sections, pitch-side and the back corridors featuring artwork.

I also reached out to Hampden for the possibility of shooting the Celtic vsRangers cup final. Since i did not have any connections there i did go on linkedin and looked up who worked at hampden and sodexo. Linkedln is a wonderful platform for finding names of people who work behind the scenes of these places.

I reached out to Rory MacDonald who is the marketing manager at Hampden with a message explaining who i was and what my project was about and then he put me in touch with someone at the Scottish FA who handled the press side of matches.

As you can see I wasn't able to get a pass as im presuming its due to them only allowing publication photographers / in house teams access to the match since it was one of the biggest if not the biggest match of the season. I would get in contact again but from the final till the project due date they did not have any matches that i wanted to cover unfortunately.

First Shoot - Celtic Park

Since my first contact with John i have been lucky enough to be granted a private tour of sorts from the disability access officer who was more than happy to take me behind the scenes and allow me to shoot. I was able to walk around for about an hour taking photos of the standing section, the artwork inside the corridors and the stadium itself. Getting to the stadium was very easy, i stay in hillhead so it was a case of headed to the subway station and then getting off at buchanan street and then walking to central station to then get the train to Bridgeton station. From Bridgeton station it would take a 17 minute walk, i was due to be at Celtic Park for 11am therefore ideally i would liked to be there 15 mins before. 

Route from Glasgow Central to Bridgeton station

Walk from Bridgeton station to Celtic Park 

I was originally worried it would be a fairly rushed tour where i could only go to one spot and shoot but thankfully i was allowed to take my time and was able to ask questions about the club. Below is 32 images i selected that i deem as usable and would contribute to the project. 

As you can see most of the images are of the artwork and stickers as i think they are able to represent the club and its ideologies nicely. I think from each game i shoot i would like to get images of the stadiums and behind the scenes as its not something you typically see as often therefore making the series a bit more interesting, an example of this would be these images.

One of the main points for this project is context more than anything. For example, if i’m simply taking images of just fans there isn't much context than it just being people enjoying themselves. Since the project is about Scottish football and its culture as a whole then its the images like the ones above that provide the depth. By showing these types of images it also shows and gives indications towards the individual subgroups within the sport as a whole such as the ultras fans and the implications they have with the clubs and the police. 

Selecting the images

Out of the 32 images from Celtic park that i had condensed down from the original 244 i have chosen 6 to be used in my wider project. I will discuss why each image was chosen and how it will contribute to my project. 

Image One - 

I chose this image for the fact it shows off the standing section at Celtic Park, which is far as i’m aware the only one in the top flight scottish football. What drew me in the most was the thin sliver of light that stretched across the standing section giving the image a bit more contrast. I also enjoy the leading lines in the image, leading from the standing section towards the seated section and then to a large triangle of light which once again adds something dynamic to the image. I flipped this image to black and white as this area of the stadium had a lot of different coloured stickers, signs and logos which i feel take away from the sliver of light and leading lines. I also cropped the image to 5:4 as i prefer this aspect ratio mainly due to the fact i feel like regular 16:9 is either too wide or too tall for most images, cropping into 5:4 i feel gives more emphasis on the subject within the frame and is easier on the eyes. 

Image Two - 

This is one of the images that i mentioned would give more context to the overall project. The more formal analysis of the image would be that it represents the Green Brigade and the Bhoys interaction with the club and the fact they have their own standing section which in itself shows the club is willing to give them a platform to create their atmosphere and display their messages. But, in a more contextual analysis an image like this contributes to the message that this project wishes to project and that is that scottish football isnt just people gathering on a muddy pitch on a sunday. I want this project to show how passionate people are about their teams and how they are almost passed through the family like heirlooms. 

Image Three - 

Another image of the famous standing section with the back wall decorated with the words “ NORTH CURVE “. Typically most ultras fans regardless of the teams either settle in the north curve of the stadium or behind the home team’s keeper. Im a fan of this image as its not one you get to see, the. only time you will see images of this wall is when its game day and the standing section is filled with home support. 

Image Four - 

I wanted to include an image or two which showcased some stickers in the standing section as a lot of them were politically motivated and others not so much. Taking pictures of the stickers which are faded and have clearly been there for a long time which can compliment the dedication of the dedicated fan group who have stood beside the club for so long. I included this image for context as i believe it contributed to the overall story of this project. 

Image Five - 

Similar to the previous image but this image showcases more of the stickers that the ultras fan group have created. You will notice there are a few stickers that aren’t the usual Celtic colours such as the “nautica 10 ans” sticker near the bottom. This sticker symbolises the long term relationship the green brigade and Paris St.Germains ultras group have established as they both share similar views and ideologies. This relationship is something i would loved to of documented but it would fall into a longer term project as gaining access and getting their trust would be very tough. 

Image Six - 

This image was taken in the corridor below the standing section. The corridor was full of murals like the one below. I decided to choose this image as it directly relates to the other images since it features the same logos and colours. I think images like these draw the overall project together by showcasing that it is about the more hardcore fans of scottish football.

Second Shoot - Kilmarnock Vs Hearts (Rugby park)

Like i mentioned previously i have stayed in contact with Gregg McEwan and we had set out an idea of the games i wished to cover, kilmarnock vs hearts was one i wanted to cover. I liked the idea of shooting two smaller teams in the league as it hasn't been covered as much as the two old firm teams. I spoke to Gregg regarding whether there were ultras fans on either side and he said “each side do but they arent that big” then i asked where about they sat so i know where to position myself. 

Around a day before the match i got sent through the press accreditation list containing who got access where and everyones roles. ( see below ) 

Kick off for the game was 3pm, therefore i had to plan ahead in terms of what train i will get and how long it will take to walk from the station to the stadium. Ideally i wanted to be at the stadium roughly 30 minutes before kickoff, this gives me plenty of time to drop my kit off in the press room and then locate which security gates i can walk between to get to each stand. 

Below is the route from station to stadium.

Train tickets - Glasgow Central to Kilmarnock

Stadium arrival 

After arriving i made my way to the press entrance and had my name ticked off the list and then made my way to the press room where others had already setup. I then got given my press pass which would allow me everywhere but the behind the scenes offices.

Upon arriving into the press room laid my kit out and had a look at what i needed. Since i was unsure where i could go i did pack multiple lenses just in the off chance i was away from the main body of fans. I ultimately decided to keep things light if i am shooting amongst the fans while keeping a low profile. I didnt want to risk damaging any of my kit despite having insurance nor hit someone with my camera. I took out my D850 and a 50mm lens with a small film point and shoot. 

I was unsure what camera i would use the most as i believe both had their own uses. For example, i would use the dslr for capturing high res portraits and pictures of the fans celebrating or just watching the game. If i was taking pictures of the fans celebrating i couldnt risk missing the shot so by using a camera with an advanced auto focus system and that could fire of multiple frames a second i was confident in my ability to get ‘the shot’. I would use the film camera as a general camera whether it was to shoot wide shots of the fans or specific detail. I was not worried about getting images of any of the players as this isnt what the project is about, the only time an image would feature a player would be when they run up the fans in the stands and interact with them celebrating. 

Shooting 

There wasnt a huge number of fans from either side but they did have numerous hardcore fans from either side. Hearts had a sizeable turn out for one of the non old firm teams which was good to see. I positioned myself amongst the crowd at the back of the stands so i could see what was happening and who was creating the most action. I wanted to spend the first 45 mins in the hearts section and the other 45 in the kilmarnock section. but ultimately i wanted to go with the flow since hearts could score multiple goals therefore the atmosphere in that section would be the best to shoot. 

contact sheets from the game 

before getting into the main body of images, i took these while i was getting on of the famous pies at halftime and what struck me the most was the look of the place, the old images of the trophy winning teams of by gone days and ex superstars. In most stadiums it has been completely modernised and images like these are stored away or just gotten rid of so its interesting to still see these images hanging up. I would like to integrate this imagery into the series but my only concern is having images of the fans and then having these before or after, i dont think it would link very well but ill try and see how it looks in the final series. 

Picking the finals - Film 

I picked these images for a multitude of reasons. One of the reasons being as i believe they captured the game perfectly, kilmarnock won this game against hearts which was fairly unlikely as kilmarnock were near enough bottom of the table and hearts were third in the table behind celtic and rangers. judging by the images of the crowd they were fairly happy about it. Another reason why i chose these as some gave me nostalgia for going to football matches with my Dad, moments i hold close. Its such a common occurance to have the football ground out the way and sometimes amongst houses so the walk from the car, bus or train is quite a strange one. As you are in a huge crowd walking past someones front room and going up little side streets where any other day the place would be very quiet apart from the odd dog walker. Some of these stadiums seem very out of place and random, some even giving off a liminal space sense of emotion. 

I think overall images of outside the stadium also gives the image series a bit of context regarding the football experience and culture as a whole. I think if it was images of only the fans the series would really be about scottish football culture as using the terms culture implies more than just people in the stands.

Out of this selection of images the first one would be my favourite as theres not any defining symbols or ideas of locations for where the image is from or who is in it. I believe it is an image which would symbolise the ‘away day’ experience which typically involves a large group of people travelling by bus or train, could make a good front cover for a zine!

 Picking the finals - Digital 

Similar to the last group of images this bundle has a bit more focus on the fans. The first three sums up the general feelings of the hearts fans, first they score then suddenly kilmarnock put two past their keeper then its all over. I cropped these images to 5:4 as i much prefer the look compared to the crop straight out of camera as i felt it was too wide. By having the crop at 5:4 it allowed me to allow for more focus on subjects as when i had it at the original crop there would be points where id have half of someones face in the image and it took away from the image overall. 

Out of the digital bundle i have three favourite images. The first one being the third image of the hearts fans after kilmarnock just scored. I like this image not only for the reactions of the fans but more for the conclusions i can draw from it. You will notice that the more prolific reactions are from the younger fans and the older fans maybe in their 30′s are a lot more reserved. I think this is because when you are young you can get away with more things and they arent taken as seriously but when you have  a job and a probably a family you cant be seen making gestures like what the younger fans are doing. 

My second favourite is the second last image for the composition. When i shooting this i wanted to just get the younger fans leaning over the railing but when i shot the image the other fan appeared in the bottom left of the image. Only when looking back at the image after the game i noticed it. Initially i didnt like it very much but cropping it to the 5:4 ratio allowed the image to feel a bit more balanced for a normally awkward composition. 

Lastly i like the last image too as its a good sum up of the younger fans in scottish football. These fans would of grown up going to matches with their dad or family when they were younger but i think due to covid and growing up during that time they were unable to attend matches in person. So by dressing like this and being the ones to incite chants and gestures they are almost making up for lost time, gone are the days of adidas sambas, blue jeans and stone island apparel. Its time for the nike tech tracksuit, nike airmax and north face jackets. You could draw some symbology from the image based on how he is standing, his slight awkward and hand placement could symbolise the attempted integration they have into the football scene with all the older fans and attempt to find where they place on the hierarchy. 

Celtic Vs Kilmarnock 

This is the game i was looking forward too the most as celtic always have a very good turn out for away games. In this case celtic took up the full away stand, therefore i decided to position myself in these stands for the whole game. This is because celtic is dominating scottish football at the minute and have only lost one game therefore a lot of kilmarnock fans didnt turn up as they knew they would lose, which they ended up doing.

When shooting the Celtic Kilmarnock game away i was amongst the Celtic support specifically between the two ultras groups the 'Green Brigade and the 'Bhoys' both previously part of the same group but split due to internal conflicts and beliefs. I know they are typically suspicious of people with cameras so i made sure to speak to both groups before kick off to just let them know I'm here with a camera and their faces wont be in the images. The paranoia stems from undercover police being present at the home games in their standing section so i don't blame them for the suspicion. 

screenshots from some videos i took 

Learning what i did last game i used the same approach which was look around and see who looks like a good subject and or who is making the most noise. Like i previously said i couldnt shoot the ultras fans since they didnt want their faces in the images either. Thankfully in the first half celtic scored 4 goals so fir that first 45 i was able to get a lot of images i was happy with since the atmosphere was great.

Final Images - Film 

I didnt get many images on film, if i remember correctly i only shot 12 frames out of the 36. I got these three im happy with, the first one im a bit iffy with as it strikes me as quite a random image. But, like i said when i was talking about the previous images from the last game part of football culture is taking public transport to these grounds so i guess it does add some context to the project overall. 

The second image would be a good one to accompany it as it depicts three people walking through a train station with a bag full of beers. But what also adds to the image is that the person in the middle has a celtic cross on his leg which is the same symbol you can find on the back of older celtic tops and inside the stadium. 

Finally the third image shows off the smoke bombs and pyro the celtic fans used at the game to add to the atmosphere, again since smoke bombs are used so often in matches.

Final Images - Digital 

I am very happy with how these images turned out because i think they have added a bit more variance to the project. I like how i managed to get some images of the ultras fan groups too as its quite rare to see images of them.

One of my favourite  images would be the second one as the composition is a bit more thought about. What i like the most is how all the fans are looking in the same direction and how the composition is made up of geometric shapes such as triangles and squares. 

Another image i enjoy is the last one as it shows how varied the ages of people are who go to some of these matches and it contributes to the overall project.

Presenting and displaying the work 

Since most of my images are in a 5:4 format i will need to be careful in how i display it as having a 5:4 image in a standard A3 landscape frame may look a bit unbalanced. 

Looking at articles from Lower block when i was in my development stage i was fairly inspired to create a zine. I think this project would work best as a zine mostly because there is such an abundance of images. If i displayed 25+ images it would only work if i had my own gallery show which a the current stage isnt viable. Therefore having the images in a zine and then printing multiple copies it would raise awareness of the project and then hopefully would allow me to create a gallery show at the end of the day. 

Hypothetically speaking having a gallery show would be quite an interesting opportunity to display the work. Because scottish football is engrained in our culture it would make sense to display it in and around buildings that relate to football. For example, this series would work well displayed in some of the hospitality suites at Hampden since it is Scotland’s national football stadium therefore multiple teams play at the park.

Getting in touch with Lower Block 

Recently i won a competition on instagram to win a zine of my choice from lower block and i decided to pick this one mostly because the san siro is being demolished and rebuilt in the current year or so therefore it would be like owning a piece of history having a zine about it. 

I spoke to the person who runs the pages and asked about submissions. 

He then sent me over some questions.

Where are you from? Where do you now live?

Originally from Dunblane just beside Stirling in Scotland, it's usually easier to say " ever heard of andy Murray? the famous tennis player? yeah his hometown haha".

But recently i made the move to Glasgow to improve my network and finish my degree.

Profession (how you describe yourself) - if not a photographer?

This is always a tricky question as i see myself as a fairly flat person, id often describe myself as an introvert mostly which is quite an odd personality to have when 

photographing people or shooting in public. Usually other than shooting you can find me at the top of a munroe and being from Scotland its a fairly typical thing to go up one every weekend.

Who do you currently support and why? How long have you supported them?

Currently supporting Celtic! its a team my dad and his dad and so on has supported. The interesting thing about supporting a football team in Scotland is that a team is passed down to you 

like a family heirloom. Like you're told when you are young that this is your team regardless of what happens whether they get relegated or win the champions league, its something you just stick by them.

I remember times growing up where my dad would mention celtic legends and speak about famous goals and performances. 

Any particular footballing idols from your time growing up (and why) First big name player saw live?

Sadly didn't get to see him in person and I'm sure everyone who supports celtic will agree with me when i say this but it has to be Henrik Larsson, the man was a god. Scoring 174 goals in 221 matches across

his career at Celtic, not to mention his scoring streaks in Europe, he was ahead of his time as a striker and could be argued at the time he was one of the best in Europe. No wonder Barcelona snatched him up after leaving celtic where he

continued to score. Sadly getting tickets to any game at Celtic park was always a struggle you or your dad had to know a guy who knows a guy who had a season ticket who couldn't attend. Only being to Celtic park a handful of times was a 

common occurrence for most, but recently i got to see Celtics current striker Kyogo Furuhashi who has been at the top of his game since his arrival and i believe he will turn into a club legend. 

First match attended as a fan? Any early memories from that match or attending / playing football growing up?

Most matches i attended was when i was fairly young therefore i cant remember much, one springs to mind and its when i went to see manchester united play another league team. We were

fortunate enough to get hospitality since it was my uncles birthday treat. I always used to play football growing up and i was part of my local youth team "Dunblane Soccer Sevens" where i played defense.

I remember the Saturday morning car rides to amateur league grounds to play other local teams in a freezing cold November. 

What is it / was it that drew you towards football as a fan? Any experiences that connected you to football and football culture?

I think its something i have always had an interest in, i remember there was a time period where i wasn't super interested in football but id always check the Celtic score whenever they played. 

Like i said your team is a family heirloom and its something you will always have in your heart regardless of whether you are invested in football. Only really in the past few years I've gotten more 

and more invested into my team as a whole, especially since the incredible job current manager Ange Postecoglou has done. But speaking on Scottish football culture as a whole is quite an interesting thing as its

so ingrained into Scottish society its hard to miss. One thing that really sticks out about it all is how invested people are in their teams even to the extent of not wearing an item of clothing that is the same colour as your

football rivals but at the end of the day you can still have a laugh with someone who supports another team. Its always surprising to see the week in week out turn out for games too, for example Celtic has one of the highest 

average attendances for home games in Europe which i think speaks for itself regarding the passion people have for their teams.

Tell me a bit about this project. How did it come about? What was your inspiration for it? Any interested anecdotes or obstacles that you have to overcome? What does the name mean?

So I'm currently studying for my BA in photography and the project came around as we were given a brief where we had to document a culture, whether that be a sub culture, food culture or car culture, it just had to fall

into the category of a culture. Straightaway i wanted to document football culture in Scotland since its so engrained into society. At the time to my knowledge i had not seen a project which documented football culture from a 

fans perspective, yeah whatever you get photos of fans taken by guys on the sidelines with huge lenses but its so flat. I wanted to be amongst it getting genuine reactions and documenting how good the atmosphere really can be.

The only issues i really ran into was getting access to some clubs as they have a contract with a media group in Scotland that basically have a monopoly on photographers at not only football matches but most sports events, most know 

my feelings about this so i wont bother going into detail about it here. Thankfully i know a few people behind the scenes at some clubs due to previously doing work for them who managed to issue me a pass for some games. 

When shooting the Celtic Kilmarnock game away i was amongst the Celtic support specifically between the two ultras groups the 'Green Brigade and the 'Bhoys' both previously part of the same group but split due to internal conflicts and 

beliefs. I know they are typically suspicious of people with cameras so i made sure to speak to both groups before kick off to just let them know I'm here with a camera and their faces wont be in the images. The paranoia stems from undercover police 

being present at the home games in their standing section so i don't blame them for the suspicion. 

What kit did you use for this project?

Kit-wise i wanted to shoot fairly light as i didn't want to clock someone over the head with a lens when celebrating. So i used a Nikon D850 and a 50mm, i wanted to use a DSLR to capture some action as I've found the hard way 

that a film point and shoot is rubbish for getting anything spontenous or fast moving action. I also decided to use the D850 so i can get all the resolution i can so I'm able to print large eventually when i decide too and just so i can get a 

bit more control over the image in post as i like to mess about with the colours. Then for a few more candid images i used a film point and shoot loaded with Ilford HP5 or FP4, i mainly used this to get random images of the crowd celebrating goals or

the end of the match.

When / how did you get into photography?

I only properly got into photography when i got my first camera at 16. Like most 16 year olds you're into hanging out at the skatepark with your bike or skateboard, that hobby translated in to watching countless bmx videos on 

youtube and wishing you could make your own edits. So i tried my hand at making bmx clips for youtube and realised quickly i was better at taking photos of people on bikes rather than creating videos. From there it was a general interest till i 

finished high school at 18 where i wondered if i could take photography a bit more seriously. I took a year out after high school where i developed my craft and ultimately decided to not study engineering or computer science at university but to 

take up a photography course at Edinburgh College, i didn't take it as serious as i should have so i didn't get into second year. I then took the same course at City College in Glasgow where i thankfully finished the course with good marks and now 

I'm at the same place doing my BA in photography. 

Any photographic / artistic influences?

Currently, I've been looking at Brian Sweeneys work, specifically 'Great Stadiums of The North'. He documents all these stadiums in Scotland and in places like iceland that you would consider as a sunday league pitches. 

there is something really nostalgic about the work and liminal and I'm all for it. 

What was it about taking pictures and telling stories through images that interested you?

I liked the idea of bringing more awareness to scottish football as a whole, since somtimes i feel like the atmosphere and the passion goes un-noticed amongst the other leagues in Europe. It sounds cliche but using photography to convey a sense of feeling is a big thing for me. For example, a few years back i did a project on liminal spaces but all the locations were places where i had grown up and felt some sort of nostalgia for which ended up creating a melancholic feeling around the project.

First match / footballing event attended as a photographer or with a camera?

Id say back in 2018 when i shot kilmarnock vs motherwell, i think i just did it for the experience mostly. I was sat there amongst the pros on the sideline with a sh*tty zoom lens and just shot images for fun really.

Do you have a favourite photograph that you have taken?

Not really, im never really satisfied with my work enough to be like “wow yeah thats the shot” since i study photography im always in the mindset of being like ‘what if’. But currently, i am happy with how this project is going, its only a matter of time before i find flaws in the images and shoot more. 

For you, what makes photographing football lifestyle / culture such a fascinating subject? What is it that appealed to your visual senses?

I think its such a longstanding subculture that has developed in recent years with the advent of twitter and instagram. Now more than ever ultras groups such as the Green Brigade at Celtic can reach out to followers to contribute to the match day atmosphere. Previously you had to be part of the inner circle to be in on the tifo’s and pyro displays. So documenting the subculture in modern times is interesting now that more than ever people of all ages is getting involved. For example, in my project people as young as 15/16 are sitting amongst the ultras who tell stories of ‘The Jungle’ at Celtic park which is nuts. 

As a photojournalist and a fan what are your thoughts / experiences of different football subcultures? For example; connections between football, music and fashion and style. The food and drink. The architecture of the grounds. Kit / training kit design / boots and balls. Footballs place within community and society and the power of football to bring people together. (These are just some ideas that resinate with me for reference).

I think football has always been a working mans sport. Most towns and cities in Scotland or even the UK have some sort of football team whether its a Sunday league team or a European winning side so i think naturally football will link up with fashion and design. Up in Scotland i haven’t noticed a huge shift towards a more mainstream culture. Although one thing i have noticed is the slight change in styles of clothing. Gone are the days of Adidas sambas, blue jeans and stone island jackets, ive noticed people are shifting towards Airmax 95′s, nike tech fleece tracksuits and North Face jackets.

Best advice ever given and what advice or tips they would pass on to any aspiring photographer?

Be a people person at the end of the day especially when shooting projects like this. Being quiet and awkward gets you nowhere when doing this sort of work. I like to think i’m quite a confident person but when shooting this project and having to point the camera towards ultra groups is quite scary stuff. People appreciate it if you speak to them and make some sort of connection before you stick a camera in their face.

Best place(s) to signpost for; sales / exhibitions / promoting this project or other work(s) / getting in touch for editorial or commercial commissions and licensing / keeping up to date with you and your work?

Im still choosing the final images for his project and may create a gallery show. But in the meantime follow my instagram “kierian.jpg” or drop us an email “kierianp@gmail.com

What's next? Do you have any future plans / other projects you’re working on?

From now finish my photography BA, try and shoot a few more football games before the end of the season and then we will see haha.

Anything else you’d like to add?

Until the last rebel. 

Before these questions i had sent over a sample zine thats purpose is just to show the work and it wouldnt be the final project. 

From here im going to start creating mockup covers for a potential zine. i would like to keep the inside pages of the zine fairly straightforward with just white backgrounds and image placement. 

Some design inspiration i have been looking at, im quoye drawn to this type of design for numerous reasons. One of which being the bold graphic lettering and how the words are placed onto the title page. Its proven that a photo zine doesnt need to be something boring and flat, it can be a reflection of the images via the use of design. I also like the colours used, some are more bold than others and a bit more muted. 

Design mockups 

Above is a selection of posters which could all be for my zine. I already have a favourite but before that im going to discuss why i dont like the other three. The first two posters are fairly similar but i believe the reason why i havent chosen them is because they are too simple and arent thought out. When looking at the poster my eye is immediately drawn towards the shoulder of the guy in the white jacket and not towards the title. For a zine this is obviously something very important as someone may look at the poster for a second before they look away, therefore you have second to catch their attention and the title should be the thing that does that.

The last poster is better than the two previous as it features an image of someone sticking their fingers up at the opposition fans which is a good symbol for what the zine is about. My only issue with this is that the typeface, lettering and placement. I feel as though my name could had been a different font and to be shifted to below the picture, similar to were the ‘01′ is but on the opposite side.

My personal choice is this one, the cover does everything right in my opinion. Funnily enough this title took next to no time to make compared to the other ones. I like how balanced and timeless the over feels, it doesnt feature any strange design techniques and the text placement is fairly timeless. I originally wanted to have the cover feature super modern text and design practices but my worry was that in a few years time current trends could be considered ugly. Whereas keeping the cover simple and timeless eliminates that completely. 

Evaluation 

Overall i am fairly with how this project turned out and despite it taking a slightly different approach from the original plan i still gained invaluable experience and images while shooting this project. Originally i was going to focus on one team and one group of fans but due to circumstances out with my control i had to improvise. Thankfully i had a contact at kilmarnock who sorted me with press passes to shoot two games. Initially i was skeptical with shooting other teams which had smaller turnouts for games but i ended up getting some great images. 

I think if i was to reshoot this project i would have reached out to more amateur clubs in Scotland or the central belt. In my experience going to these amateur games as a child there was always a good atmosphere and turn out. Since the clubs would be a lot smaller it would be easier to be granted access to shoot during matches. 

I think going forward with this project would be a great idea as i have proved that even in 2 matches i was able to get a zine worth of work. The potential to expand this body of work is massive, one could even extend the work to Europe and attend matches there. I could even use this body of work as a pitch to allow me access to some bigger matches with bigger clubs as it shows i am capable enough to keep my head down and shoot what i need to shoot, thankfully Gregg over at Kilmarnock even said he will vouch for me if i need access to any game in the the premiership. 

I wish i took more time to sit down and design a proper zine. Sadly down to my own timekeeping i was only really able to design the front cover but thats my fault. If i had started designing the zine in conjunction with shooting i would of been able to design the inside pages and possibly even added the questions and answers which i got sent from Lower Block. The staff at Lower Block did say however if i do create a physical zine from this project at some-point down the line they will happily promote it however they can.

I would deem this to be a successful project in my eyes which gave me a great body of work that i would be able to show news, publishers and football clubs in future if i decide to expand this project. The project has allowed me to develop my own social skills and negotiating skills, when shooting members of the public i think its always important to speak to them as if you weren't planning on taking pictures of them. What i found is that striking up a conversation about a player or asking a question about the club as an outsider allows them to open up therefore you develop a human connection which then in turn makes them an easier subject to shoot as you had just gotten over the hard part.