#Rozzlynn's fanfic

[thezolblade]

Okay so about the proposal thing. If Jon and Martin were to get married, I kinda have the feeling that no matter what route they were in, Jon would stil be the biggest briezilla ever and would definitely make some poor wedding planner's life hell. Anyway how do you think a wedding/married life would work out for them?

Heh, I hadn't thought as far as this before these marriage asks, but once I started wondering, it was very much a matter of 'yep, he would'...

Jon would sure have some perfectionist ideas about the event. Depending on the timeline, it could play out as:

1. If they do the paperwork during the worm siege as a financial/medical safeguard, they'll plan to wait until they're out of danger to throw a party, and if it takes a while before they're in the clear, maybe make it a vow renewal.

2. If they marry in a relatively good patch, they'll both feel pretty hopeful and enthusiastic, even if they're still working out some issues. Jon would be hyped about finding an interesting venue, looking into renting an event space in a manor house or renovated castle with some colourful local history. He'd have an initial idea of a reasonable budget for an event, determined not to get taken in by businesses that charge higher prices for the same service if the client says it's for a wedding. Then everything he really wants would be more expensive than expected, when it all adds up, and he'd get into into arguments over the phone, maybe sometimes getting a discount, other times getting dropped as a customer and having to go elsewhere. Martin would try to help, then get a bit tired of Jon saying his input is welcome but shooting down most of what he actually says. Eventually he'd convince him that a wedding planner would be worth the fee, to get everything coordinated. After adjusting the budget, Jon still considers it a worthwhile use for a portion of his savings, which are made up of his parents' life insurance, minus what he spent while studying, topped up by what he's saved since starting work. As for the guest list, Jon would want to make it small but 'prestigious', and invite the other department heads, the rest of the Archives team (if they're still on speaking terms), and the university professor who gave him a reference (even though they haven't spoken in a few years). Some of those acquaintances show up even though they're a bit surprised to be invited, and some decline the invitation. At least one of them is up for arguing with Jon about the local folklore, helping him settle his nerves. Martin invites his Mum, and says he understands if she can't make it to the venue, what with her health, but it'd be good to have a phone call on the day, while bracing himself for disappointment. (Either she agrees out of obligation, they have an awkward phone conversation for a few minutes, and then Martin breaks down a bit in private about nothing ever being enough, while Jon tries to comfort him. Or she doesn't pick up the phone, and Martin halfheartedly tries to talk Jon out of calling the care home reception, until he gets through and blackmails the staff into putting her on the line, which results in an even more awkward conversation, and mixed feelings. ) Jon always felt that his closest surviving relatives were too distant to get in touch with, but he might dig out his grandmother's old address book and send out some invitations anyway, figuring that if he's ever going to contact them, this is the time. He barely remembers his grandmother putting him on the phone with them when he was a little kid, and doesn't expect to necessarily get a reply now. Some of them do respond, and even fly out to meet him, happy to see how he's doing now that he's all grown up. Spending time with living family again affects him more deeply than he'd have anticipated, and he resolves to keep in touch, now that he's truly getting his adult life established. Martin's glad to meet them too, though the day gets a bit overwhelming all in all.

3. In a dark route, if Jon takes over the institute and keeps Martin close until he's worn down, then he'll only propose once he knows that Martin's committed to working on their relationship as the only avenue for improving his life. Even if Martin's still unhappy about a lot of issues, he'll resign himself to trying to talk Jon into doing better someday, even knowing that he might go the rest of his life without changing Jon all that much. They still can't help but love each other, and he has nowhere else to go, so he might as well devote himself to that kind of hope, and try to enjoy the good days, even if he expects to be unhappy more often than not. Once he's said yes, they'd have a bit of a honeymoon phase, and Jon would try to encourage his loyalty by rewarding that kind of progress. He'd let Martin pick the venue, somewhere scenic in the countryside, and agree to make it a break from any work-related creepiness (no talking about fear entities, or ghosts, or anything like that). If it ended up raining, Jon would be pretty annoyed about the one thing he can't control, but Martin would assure him that it's okay, he doesn't mind the rain, honestly, he actually likes this kind of atmosphere. They'd stick to the marquee while their guests are around. Later on, they'd go for a walk after changing into casual clothes instead of suits, so they can get soaked and then retreat to their hotel room to peel off the clinging fabric. Martin gets shivery from the cold and nerves. Jon promises to warm him up.

[thezolblade]

Just curious, during the darker routes, would Martin ever consider cheating?

Probably not. I imagine that even if he tries to leave, a part of him would be hoping that now he's put his foot down about the behaviour that he refuses to accept, maybe Jon will reflect on his mistakes and work on self-improvement, and then they can get back together someday. (Martin would kinda hate himself for being naive enough to hope for that, but he'd feel that way anyway, and want to take a while to wait and see, while framing it as just taking time for himself.) So long as he's emotionally invested, he wouldn't want to ruin the chance that it might work out, especially knowing how possessive Jon can get.

In the versions where Martin is pretty sure he wants to leave for good, even if he doesn't manage it, he'll be worried that Jon will target anyone he gets involved with, and he really doesn't want to drag anyone into that kind of trouble, so he'd wait until he'd actually managed to cut Jon out of his life before trying to get together with anyone else. The worse Jon gets, the more Martin would worry about giving him a reason to hurt anyone.

Long term, if Martin felt resigned to an unhappy relationship, I guess he might use Jon's jealousy to get someone else into trouble if he hated them. Vaguely along the same lines as S5 Martin asking Jon to kill the people he hates. Under the wrong circumstances, if Martin was out to self-harm and hurt everyone involved, he might let a creep cross some lines, then confess it to Jon, and admit that it was a cry for attention, or lie and say that he was assaulted (if he wasn't being compelled) so that Jon would go off and get revenge.

[thezolblade]

Something I've been thinking about is how Jon has said he couldn't possibly have assaulted Martin because Martin’s stronger than him, which begs the question... if Martin was hypothetically weaker than him, or at least in a position where Jon could somehow easily overpower him, would Jon have gone for it?

Hm, that's quite a complicated question. I think the short answer is that if Jon had more physical advantages in terms of being able to grab and shove Martin, he'd do that so long as he was in a frustrated mood where he didn't want to stop pestering and intimidating him until he'd gotten him to give in. So that could potentially go worse for Martin, in scenarios where he'd have otherwise decide to shove Jon away and leave. Still, in the story so far, Martin cooperated quickly anyway.

This Jon wouldn't want to think of himself as someone who does awful things unprovoked (early on, at least), so if he lashes out, he'll excuse it with sentiments like "I can't be expected to never get frustrated when people are being difficult", if he feels like they're making fun of him or refusing to listen to something important. And if he gets permission to do something intimate, he'll push his luck and go even further, with the reasoning that "if he's letting me do this too, it must be okay, and I can push him to agree that it's okay", even if he knows he's going too far really.

He wants an element of submission from his partner, so he wouldn't go for 100% violence to override a firm 'no' - and that's for selfish reasons, as well as some degree of morality. He enjoys feeling like someone who's impressive in their own right is choosing to defer to him, the same way he'd see it as more impressive to have a pet wolf than a pet mouse. Part of what's gotten him conflicted and confused is that he doesn't know why he's starting to think of Martin as someone special, since he's still torn between seeing him as weirdly incapable, versus being impressed by his endurance and determination, following the Prentiss statement. (He's magically felt Martin's hatred for Prentiss, and he doesn't want to accidentally push him into determinedly hating him the same way.)

If this Jon saw someone as just a weak pushover, he might feel protective in a pitying way, but he wouldn't find them as appealing. Of course, Martin's physical strength didn't have much impact on how the Prentiss encounter went down, so a weaker Martin might still have a similar personality.

I headcanon that when he was a teen, Martin took a few months of self defense classes, to feel more confident that he could handle himself in a crisis. He canonically carried a knife during the worm siege, and I figure he looked up some training videos to refresh on knife fighting while he was on his own in the Archives. It didn't make it into the fic, but he left his knife with his day clothes when he got ready for bed. (There wasn't a natural point for his narration to mention that, since he was never thinking about using it.)

I imagine this version of Martin as just a few inches taller than Jon, but much broader, and Jon as a beanpole with significantly below-average strength. (He couldn't lift a metal pipe very easily, his colleagues find it hard to imagine him beating anyone up, and he tries too hard to be respectable in a professional sense because he's never been able to command other kinds of respect.) If Jon gets deeply angry, he can get fighty anyway, and he provoked his way into a few physical fights at uni (which he either lost, or won by getting a bit feral and bitey, mostly while drunk), but he's hidden that side of himself at work, until now.

So for Martin to look weaker than Jon, he'd have to be far skinnier. And if he was that much smaller, Martin would've stuck with the martial arts for a bit longer to be extra sure he could handle himself in an emergency, and since he'd be better trained, he'd be very capable of beating Jon in a fair fight. (Though Jon wouldn't necessarily know that.)

And if Jon was significantly stronger and more visibly intimidating, he'd have started to get his head around what it's like to have the power to defend himself and push other people around much earlier. (On one level, the canon feels like a process of 'new manager handles the promotion badly, ends up feeling guilty for the way he had an impact on subordinates, then gains enough evil magic powers to stand his ground against a world full of threats for the first time, realises he's hurt people, and has to decide whether he can live with that' - as if having strength & advantages was new to him. And while this version of Jon is meaner, is still partly comes from a feeling of being a frustrated underdog. If he was already used to being able to throw his weight around, he'd be somewhat different. More practiced and considered in how he goes about trying to get his own way.)

(When dark-routes!Jon gets more practiced at having power, he'll refuse to let Martin leave the relationship, and he'll push him to agree to ground rules that give him an excuse to enforce them, like not letting Martin go out alone for the sake of his safety, but maybe letting him go out with Institute security as bodyguards. Jon sometimes wants to make Martin cry, but he still wouldn't want to make him hate him forever, so he'll rely on his ability to compel honest answers to try to walk that tightrope.)

[thezolblade]

Does Jon take photos of Martin? Does he ever take them without permission/without Martin knowing?

Yep! The first night Martin stayed over, Jon took a photo of him sleeping soon after he went to bed, then talked himself into deleting it, then gave in and took another.

When Martin's awake he'll sometimes ask Jon not to do that, but he'll refuse to see anything wrong with it. ('If you don't mind me being here and seeing you in person, why would you mind me being able to see a record of the moment afterwards?') Eventually Martin will give up on asking, because the amount of effort and argument involved in even getting Jon to retake an unflattering picture isn't worth it. Nobody else gets to see them anyway, so it doesn't really matter, compared to anything else.

[thezolblade]

Would Jon ever apologize for the first night? Would it depend a on the route? I can picture he *might * even in a less good route , if he reaches a more honeymoon phase (on his side.) Thinking Martin was just being silly because of his feelings for Jon.

Yes, sort of! That's one of the things that'll definitely vary, and I haven't pinned down every detail yet.

Jon's very averse to accepting any blame by apologising, and I've had some thoughts about where that came from, as characterisation details that he wouldn't be able to put into words this way. After the Mr Spider incident, he got hit by a ton of survivor's guilt, and the feeling that he should have done more to save his bully's life - but rather than stewing in it as much as in canon, he got too overwhelmed to cope with all the fear and guilt, and mentally pushed back with an eight year old's defense mechanism of 'it's not my fault, it's not my fault, I didn't do anything, it's not my fault'.

Anything else which pushed the same buttons got the same reaction, so it became the way he coped with neglect and unpopularity growing up. His experiences reinforced the message that if he ever did accept the blame for something and apologise, the people he knew would probably just use it as a reason to give him a hard time, and then leave him on his own feeling upset and rejected. If he reacted with indignant anger, he was left alone quicker, and he felt like he was becoming less of an easy target. So he leaned into his instincts, and 'deny & attack' became quite ingrained as both a crisis reflex and a conscious strategy.

He can sometimes recognise that he ought to say sorry, despite that aversion. If it's very clear on a logical level that he'll get a better reaction that way from someone who wants to reconcile, he might make an effort. Though he'd struggle to avoid pitfalls along the lines of "I'm sorry you're upset", or addressing one small aspect of a problem and ignoring the rest, or looking at the whole thing from a skewed perspective. ("I'm sorry I got so worried, I should have known there was no need. You were always going to behave for me, weren't you?")

Or if he gets broken down to the same degree as in some of the life-threatening moments in the show, like when he was hiding from the not!them and recording a panicked apology in case his assistants found the tapes... Well, I'm not going to reuse that much of the canon plot, but hypothetically, he could still be overwhelmed.

Or if he felt safe with someone, he could look back on past mistakes that they've long since moved on from, and feel able to say sorry without worrying that he's owning up to something that he'll be abandoned for. If he's been feeling regret for a while, he might plan a smooth way of bringing it up; "I'm sorry I didn't understand how to look after you." Or if his denial cracks suddenly when he looks back with the benefit of hindsight, he might find himself trying to talk through a lot of feelings at once.

[thezolblade]

What is Martin into sexually? So far, I got the impression he's not nearly as kinky as Jon, but to be fair Jon is pretty hardcore.

Oh yeah, Martin's not nearly as kinky. There are enough points of overlap for compatibility if they work on it, at least.

Martin likes informal romance as a lead-in to calm his nerves. Cuddling up, having a laugh together, putting on music or TV as background noise and a topic of conversation while they relax. Thanking each other for thoughtful little gifts or home cooked meals, kissing while they're feeling all affectionate, and gradually getting more heated. Slipping hands under clothes to get hot and bothered before undressing, to make that part less awkward. Maintaining lots of skin contact, and being well cushioned by a good bed or sofa. Resting together for a good long while afterwards, and waking up together in the morning.

(He gets self-conscious and worried about anything too formal, like expensive restaurant meals, or events with a posh dress code, or the kind of clubs that are too loud and crowded for him, where everyone else seems to be showing more skin than he wants to, personally. He also feels really awkward about undressing in advance, all in one go, in front of a partner who's watching and judging. He's tried out casual sex, and come to the conclusion that he doesn't like it so rushed or impersonal, since it hits him too hard in the self-worth issues.)

He likes getting to take a break from feeling perpetually guilty and worried, by being told that there's nowhere else he needs to be, and nothing else he should be doing, everything's okay, he's doing great, he can relax now...

So that plays into the whole feelgood domesticity thing. When the atmosphere is set for a lazy day in bed with a boyfriend, it helps him feel like he's okay, and all is well.

He doesn't have as much experience with submissive play, but that can offer a similar appeal. When a partner who's promised to look after him takes the lead, and tells him that he's doing exactly what he's supposed to do, absolutely perfect, he doesn't need to worry about anything except being good, just like this...

Mm, he has a praise kink, and he likes abdicating responsibility when he can trust that it'll go well. He could really enjoy being tied up for gentle sex, and being held and soothed, with a partner stroking his hair. Though he'd probably be too embarrassed to ask for that, even at the best of times.

When he feels restless to prove himself, he'd also enjoy being of service; preparing treats and hand-feeding his partner, or being fed a few bites of a meal that he made for them. Giving a massage, and following it up with sex.

He'd find it very cathartic to hold the sort of scene where he makes a mistake, and gets reassured by a dom that he's still good and lovable, with lots of kissing and "I know you're doing your best". (He'd never think of that as something he could request, so it wouldn't happen unless they stumble into it somehow.)

He'd be up for occasionally doing a silly roleplay to help process his demons - probably not more than once every month or two, if he was following a schedule of his own desires. 'Oh no, a sexy monster has followed me home', or 'my boss is telling me off for being too sexy and distracting', that sort of thing. When he's feeling that adventurous, he wouldn't mind play-acting a struggle or a physical punishment, but only if he didn't actually have to do anything that really hurt.

All in all, he could deeply enjoy a lot of things that Jon would enjoy too. But so long as they have awful issues with trust, consent and communication, that'll get in the way.

[thezolblade]

Could we get some more info on what Jon likes about Martin? But specifically during the darker routes where he's much more obsessive?

Sure! Jon likes Martin's tenacity, the way he's determined to survive the horrors and stay by his side as someone stubbornly loyal and affectionate. Jon wouldn't want someone who was too fragile to deal with his problems or too inclined to give up hope in dangerous times, since he wants someone he can trust to survive and stay dedicated to being with him.

He had conflicted feelings about Martin getting himself into trouble in the first place (walking up to Prentiss when he didn't need to and only barely getting away), and seeming unreliable sometimes (not wanting to research statements that are too gory or claustrophobic). But when he heard Martin's statement (and felt his fear as if it was his own, while he relived it, thanks to the statement magic), he felt the way Martin's terror had been tempered by a stubborn determination to survive, and was impressed by his endurance. And by the way Martin had done it all for him, and run straight to him afterwards for help and validation. He likes the way Martin takes him seriously as an authority on the topic (at least some of the time) and looks to him for guidance. Though that comes with too much pressure when Jon feels he can't live up to it, so Jon gets mad about his own shortcomings and displaces the blame onto Martin for causing him worry in the first place, and then craves a scenario where he can get catharsis from Martin following his lead.

He likes that Martin seems steady and homey, when he gets into a routine like regularly bringing tea. Jon hasn't had much reliably routine company for a long time, besides working with people who aren't as fond of him, and he really wants to think that if he gets attached to someone, they'll be his to keep. (With both of them having abandonment issues, they're quite inclined to stick together.)

He thought of Martin as aesthetically handsome even before he was attracted to him, since he combines looking strong and sturdy with enough softness and colourful fashion to look welcoming instead of intimidating. But he likes that Martin thinks himself unattractive to most people, and doesn't flirt much with anyone, since that makes Jon feel like he's got less competition, and keeps his jealousy & insecurity relatively manageable (compared to if Martin drew more attention from everyone).

Sometimes he finds Martin's stuttering and rambling irritating if he's feeling particularly impatient, but the rest of the time he finds it at least a bit cute. And he likes that he can one-up him sometimes. Like the conversation about wine tannins being headache triggers at Jon's birthday party, when Jon sounded mildly amused while telling him that tea has tannins too. Martin often invokes the conversational equivalent of the 'cute klutz' trope. Jon likes the thought that he could get Martin even more flustered in bed, with embarrassment and pleasure-pain, and startling surprises, and desperation, and oversensitivity.

The more Jon feels like he can do whatever he likes with Martin, and he'll get what he wants and Martin will promise loyalty every step of the way, the more confident Jon feels about getting invested, and the longer it goes on, the more intolerable the idea of losing him would be. So he'll go to great lengths in the bad routes, when nothing else matters half as much to him.

Still, even in Reconciliation, Jon likes those same things about Martin, and when he was hit with the realisation that Martin might leave, that possibility was hard to bear even on day one. He had just enough sense to realize that he needed to do something to make Martin happy to have the best chance of staying in his life and getting closer again somehow, when he'd flat-out been told "I need you to be better than this", and he really didn't want to have to deal with the police again (especially when he didn't know that he had Eye powers, or that he couldn't be fired and Martin couldn't quit). He really didn't know what to do, and wouldn't have come up with any great ideas on his own.

His feelings were so new to him that he wasn't consciously aware of everything that he liked about Martin. And what he was aware of, some of it wasn't the sort of thing he could use as a compliment ("I like how you think I'm the best you can do. Sometimes I think you're the only one who takes me seriously. I enjoy feeling amused at your expense, and I'm looking forward to repaying your loyalty by making you scream.") And what would have worked as a compliment, would have maybe sounded too vulnerable, or too clingy ("please keep putting up with me, please stay with me forever"), when he was vaguely aware that staying on his best behaviour after being told off meant acting a bit more 'normal' about dating.

And even if he could have told Martin that he liked how sweet and pleasant he could be, that would've highlighted the way he'd never told him that before, and maybe turned the conversation towards explanations and apologies that he didn't feel he could handle.

So, if Jon doesn't want to give an honest answer on that topic, it feels a bit safer to say "I don't know, let me think", and keep Martin eager to prove himself by eventually giving him an answer along the lines of "I like that you're eager to please, and I want to look after you if you keep that up".

In the darker routes, he'd also be inclined to praise Martin for obedience and dedication, to encourage those qualities, even if he'd be more confident in how he phrases it. And the gap between what he says and how he feels would still be basically the stuff above. At that point, Jon would miss the spontaneity and humour that Martin often used to bring to their conversations. He'd be more aware of what he liked about Martin's happiness after making it difficult to bring back that kind of mood between them. (Knowing that it's his own fault doesn't necessarily help.)

[thezolblade]

If Martin asked Jon why he likes him, what qualities does Jon see in him, what would Jon say? (And what does Jon actually think)

This prompted a lot of thoughts, and some of them crystallised into this. (It'll probably be used in one of the next few parts of Reconciliation, depending on how that shapes up.) There's definitely a big discrepancy between what Jon thinks and says. And between how he feels, and what he lets himself think. This isn't a complete answer, but I hope it's enough to sink your teeth into for one post.

---

Jon considered the question for a while, leaning against the kitchen counter. "...I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?" Martin asked, hearing his voice turn tight with stress. 

Jon at least had the decency to look uncomfortable. "Well, you've put me on the spot here. It's like those interview questions that ask for your five greatest strengths and weaknesses. Unless I've prepared an answer in advance, my mind goes blank. Isn't it enough to say that there's something worth exploring between us, even if we haven't gotten our heads around it yet?"

"Yeah, that's fair." Martin tried to suppress his disappointment.

Jon stepped closer. "You look like you have more to say."

"No, you're right."

"And yet you're still pouting." Jon reached out to stroke his face.

"Sorry." Martin looked away, but Jon tilted his chin back up and waited until he met his gaze.

"I want to know what you're thinking, even if you already know that you're wrong."

Fucking hell, how did he say things like that with a straight face? Martin took a step back, and tried to find the words.

"It's just... You really can't think of a single thing you like about me? I can usually tell when people are into me, even if it's just superficial attraction. I know I'm not everyone's type, but I am some people's type, and I've gotten compliments about being tall, and having a nice smile, that sort of thing. Are you saying you don't even like the way I look?"

"Of course I do, but that doesn't count. You asked me about your personal qualities, so I assumed we were talking about your personality."

Martin blinked, and tried not to react. Why had he opened his mouth in the first place? He should have taken 'I don't know' as an answer.

Jon seemed to read something alarming from his expression, as he rushed to explain himself. "Lately, I've gotten the feeling that I don't understand you as well as I ought to. And that's incredibly frustrating."

"Oh. Really?" Martin wasn't sure what to make of that.

"Maybe it doesn't make sense to call you an enigma, considering how often you seem flustered and keen to please. Honestly, that sort of behaviour is quite appealing. I'd be able to call it cute without a downside if we didn't work together, and I wasn't relying on you for results. But there are times when your actions don't seem to add up, and I can only conclude that you've been careless when you should have known better, even though you gave every appearance of making an effort. Sometimes I can't help but wonder whether you're being deliberately obtuse. I can't stand that kind of bad attitude. Lately I've been more inclined to believe that there are other explanations. It's perfectly understandable that you're preoccupied, what with everything that's going on. If you really are doing your best, then I - I want to do more to look after you, even if I find it hard to trust that you're being genuine."

"Jon... I wish I knew what to say."

"I've been told that I can get overly paranoid under stress. When I'm not sure what to think, I often fall back on talking about work, to avoid making things weird. Though that didn't quite work out for us... Now that we're on more familiar terms, I hope we can move past our doubts. I want to know everything there is to know about you."

Well, fuck. If Martin said that he'd always been completely genuine and that Jon was clearly struggling with paranoia, and then his CV fraud came to light someday... Until now, he'd been able to tell himself that it was a victimless crime, but if he carried on lying after Jon had opened up about his issues, then he'd be gaslighting his lover. Or close enough that his intentions wouldn't make much difference.

"That's, uh... Thank you for telling me all of this," Martin replied, trying to smile despite the fresh serving of guilt weighing him down. "I... There are things that I don't tend to talk about at work, since it isn't the time or the place. I guess I do get preoccupied, even if I don't vent about everything that's on my mind. I don't think I can fit my life story into one conversation, and I'd still like to focus on having a nice time tonight. We can take our time getting to know each other, can't we?"

"Alright." Jon stepped closer, a strange look in his eyes.

Martin held his breath as Jon leaned in and kissed him, soft and sweet. As their lips parted, Jon's hands landed on his waist. He pushed Martin into stepping backwards until he was pressed against the wall.

"Wh-what did you want to...?" Martin loosely wrapped his arms around Jon's back, unsure what exactly had brought this on.

Jon kissed his cheek, then replied in a clear attempt at a seductive purr. "Let's have a nice time."

"Okay...?" Martin found himself smiling at the surprisingly sweet non-answer.

"I did say we'd do things your way tonight."

[thezolblade]

Does Martin ever find out about Jon's history with Georgie?

It'll probably come up in passing at some point, with Martin getting the feeling there's more to it than Jon's saying, but they might not talk about it for long. Sore spot and all.

[thezolblade]

Just out of curiosity, what would've happened if Martin rejected Jon during the first night at his flat

Okay, got this ask before posting chapter 1 of Reconciliation, and I think that helps answer it? If he'd been firmly and completely rejected, at a certain point he'd have backed off.

Not that he'd have been reasonable - if he'd gotten a "no" when he first asked whether Martin was into him, he'd have still been wound up enough to ask "why? what about...?" and list the things he'd thought he'd noticed, while getting quite irrational and insulting. But if Martin had insisted that he saw him as nothing more than a colleague, Jon would have started doubting himself enough to mostly believe him, since he'd been telling himself right up until then that Martin couldn't really be interested. He might've snapped about how Martin shouldn't have sent mixed messages, to get the last word in before storming off to his room.

Then in the morning, once he was trying to get back into a professional mindset for work, he'd have given a very reluctant and vague apology for reading too much into things, while still 80% believing Martin, and 20% having doubts. He'd have tried to pay close attention to see if he could resolve his doubts from that point on, and would've been a mix of paranoid, desperate, and trying to keep his emotions hidden to keep up a respectable image. If he ever ran across strong evidence that Martin really did like him, e.g. by snooping and finding a written confession, then he'd have confronted him again.

However, if Martin had still answered that first "Do you want me?" question with a "yes", and then tried to say "no" to getting together that night... Well, Jon would have been far more persistent. He'd have asked "why not?" until Martin had given him some kind of reason, and "under what circumstances would you want to act on this?" - and no matter how hypothetical Martin's answer, Jon would have used it to set goals: "if and when we meet those criteria, then you'll say yes?"

Whatever conditions Martin laid out, Jon would have set his mind to making them happen - whether they were as simple as "let's see if we can go a week without arguing, and then go out on a date during the day", or as difficult as "become close enough friends that you never shout at me or insult me, and look for opportunities for one of us to be promoted / find a job elsewhere so that you're not my manager anymore, and then consider dating after a few more months of stability".

Even if Jon tried as hard as he could, he'd have slipped up if Martin set the bar high enough that losing his temper and behaving the same way as before for at least part of a day would mean failing. But if he kept up the effort for long enough to gradually improve, Martin would probably be impressed enough to encourage him, and recommend therapy, which Jon might actually consider if the issue at hand was his own mood swings (instead of a murder investigation that everyone wanted him to drop, like in season 2).

If Martin had been psychic and known all of this, he'd have been far less worried about putting his foot down. But of course, he barely knew Jon, and couldn't have guessed exactly how volatile or violent he'd get, and in a bad argument there might well have been more shoving and shouting along the way, so it would've been difficult to handle without any guarantees about the outcome.

[thezolblade]

Heart of the Disaster update!!!!!!!!! The part in Martin's fantasies, about Jon saving him from Prentiss makes me think about a scenario where, as in canon, Jon seeks things out in a more risky than necessary manner, and Martin's naturally worried, and Jon brushes him off and gets angry, "isn't this what you wanted? What you dreamed of? Me finding you a solution?"

Martin would have a lot of trouble with Jon's unhealthy behaviors in general. Reminders to sleep and eat probably won't go over well. Saying he's worried about him would get a similar result.

Thanks!!! Ah yeah, I could see that. Jon was already feeling the pressure to fix things, and now he's gotten the message that Martin's affection depends on it, as well as his life. And Martin would struggle to fix Jon's problems too, especially while he doesn't know the spooky causes behind some of them.

[thezolblade]

What kind of dates would Jon want to take Martin on?

( Interesting question, I'm not sure how many of these will fit into the fics but I do have an idea of what he'd enjoy.)

Museum dates would be high on Jon's list; lots of interesting things to look at, chances to talk about his own background knowledge to impress Martin, gift shops with books to browse and ornaments they could pick up to make the flat feel more homey (and give Martin more reason to be grateful, when he offers to get him anything he likes, no matter how quirky or expensive). They'd take a look at the big London galleries too, where they'd both see at least a few pieces that draw them in, but overall Jon would drift through those a bit more quickly.

In the evenings, they might see a few films at the cinema, but Jon gets irritated about not being able to talk through them; he'd rather catch things on dvd. Still, he wants to be able to say that it's an option. And they might visit a checklist of nearby 'haunted pubs'.

When they want some quality time outdoors, they'd wander round a park, and take that as a chance to talk and make other plans. If he finds out that Martin likes rowing, he'll want to see him in action. Botanical gardens would appeal, especially ones with tours that go over their history. If Jon tried to look up similar attractions, he might suggest visiting a butterfly garden, and Martin would have to tell him that he doesn't fancy being surrounded by swarms of insects again any time soon, even if butterflies are better than worms. Jon would see his point.

If they get into formal kink, they might want to attend some talks and demos as dates, but they're too private to want to do much together in front of an audience, so they wouldn't get heavily into the club scene.

Jon would book theatre trips sometimes, and Martin would keep quiet about not enjoying it much. Martin would want to attend some poetry nights, and he'd half hope that Jon wouldn't want to come along so they'd have some separate hobbies for breathing space, but Jon would go with him, and complain about the performances, and insist that he likes complaining, so he'll come along next time too. :)

[thezolblade]

Now I'm picturing Jon playing dress up and pressuring Martin into wearing overly cute or sexy outfits like lingerie for example. And whether or not Martin feels comfortable, he'd still take plenty of photos. So many.

And the 2nd outfit ask! (Sorry I'm a bit slow getting through them right now, real life's gotten weird, nothing that won't work itself out, but, anyway, it's nice to have online stuff to come back to.)

The sorts of underwear/lingerie/sleepwear that Jon wants to dress Martin up in at home, well, they tend to fall into 3 categories:

Clothes that Martin's fairly comfortable in, and it's only being told what to do that gets stifling, though he tries to enjoy himself anyway, if he can. E.g. boxers made from nice silky fabric, fluffy dressings gowns, and anything else that's not a million miles away from what he picks out for himself.

Clothes that he finds embarrassing, but Jon can push him into wearing them. Styles that Martin associates with the gay scene enough that they feel masculine or unisex to him, even if a straight guy wouldn't wear them. Some of it he's too insecure to think he'd look good in, and other stuff he's pretty sure would look embarrassing on anyone, but even if he's really uncomfortable, he'll wear it if Jon asks (maybe after double checking that he's serious), because it's a relatively easy way of keeping him happy. And if Jon seems to genuinely think he looks good in it, that's sort of flattering... E.g. some kinds of leather gear, harness style lingerie, rainbow flag stuff, occasionally black lace if it looks good on the cis guys modelling it in the photos. If & when he and Jon are on good enough terms to relax and get kinda silly, then some 'sexy halloween' costumes might be used for roleplay.

Clothes that Jon suggests, but gives up on. If lingerie looks too feminine in Martin's eyes, and the idea of wearing it stirs up dysphoria, then his refusal takes a different tone even if he doesn't necessarily expect to be listened to, and Jon can tell that he's in dangerous territory even if he doesn't exactly get it. He's heard Martin talk about things that were deeply unpleasant, and if he can't convince himself that Martin wants things on some level then he can't sell those ideas to himself either. If Jon really had his eye on an outfit, he might ask "would you be okay with it if we both wore it?" - and sometimes the answer is still no, but sometimes Martin looks him over and bites his lip, and replies with a slightly squeaky "I guess?", and then he'll go ahead and buy them one each. Even when Jon's wearing something pink and frilly, he'll be as dominant as ever in bed, and Martin finds it quite surreal to have to hold back laughter, an unusual addition to his mixed feelings. (Jon still takes photos, but doesn't show them to Martin, on nights like this.)

[thezolblade]

Does Martin have any exes? Would Jon stalk any of his past lovers?

Martin has a few ex-boyfriends, some of whom lasted a few months, and some a few weeks. He never talked much about himself, since he didn't want to have to answer his partner's questions about his university days, and then let them talk to his coworkers about all of that, or be in a position where he has to tell a serious partner that he's been lying about his age for an embarrassingly long time. (Combined with his self esteem issues and how he's hit hard by abandonment... after every breakup he took a long time to live for himself and feel melancholy, without rushing into another chance to get hurt.)

Jon hasn't heard any gossip about Martin's history. The new phone that Martin bought after the Prentiss incident basically only has work contacts on it, and he's picked up on the jealousy enough that if asked, he'd pretend he just had a few hook-ups so long ago that he doesn't remember their names. Which means it's unlikely that Jon will find out enough to stalk anyone. If he did learn about an ex, he'd look into them quite intrusively, and then get bored when there was nothing suspicious going on and he couldn't find much time to spare. And then maybe he'd occasionally check up on them again whenever they crossed his mind, quite erratically.

[thezolblade]

👉👈may I ask what Jon's nightmare(?) was about in Found Wanting?

Sure, he was stuck watching Naomi and Melanie's statement nightmares. (Lionel hadn't given his statement yet at this point.) I'll include that in the last part of Unsated Eyes, once I can get it to come together.

Jon thought he was just having nightmares, without yet realising that he was watching other people's dream torture, so he thought that having Martin stay over would be a distraction - his subconscious seemed to be worried about people who were in trouble, but he wasn't having nightmares about Martin and Sasha's statements, maybe because he saw them every day and knew they were still okay, so keeping them close should be a reassurance, right? (He wasn't happy when the dreams recurred anyway.)

[thezolblade]

Ooh at the end of your "Jon treating Georgie differently than Martin" post, you mention that Jon wouldn't want to think of himself as someone who would be into Martin? Can I ask why? What is "someone like Martin" to Jon? And the end, he also wouldn't want to announce to the world they're in a relationship, is he ashamed of Martin in the general sense, would he want to hide it from everyone? Or is it more about how he used to badmouth him, he's fine with appearing as a couple in public, but he'd prefer not to tell Tim or Sasha, who've heard him berate Martin.

(And if he is ashamed of Martin, how would Martin take it? That seems like a very clear line to draw, I wonder if Jon would even defend himself if that were the case...)

Thank you so much for feeding us with your answers, they're SO GOOD!!!!!

Well, that was answering why Jon had been far more harsh with Martin before & during their get together than he ever had been with Georgie. And up until that point, he'd spent quite a while complaining about Martin being useless, dense, always the one to make mistakes and slow things down, etc. His opinion had been shifting for a while, but he'd still been venting about minor irritations more often than he knew he should have, even after he'd started to feel more protective.

(The time Martin handed in a nonsense Latin translation was the reason he didn't believe he could really speak Polish. Martin refused to investigate the Lost Jon's Cave statement because of claustrophobia, and took frequent breaks for fresh air while researching at least one flesh statement where the crime scene photos were gory. Any time Jon asked Tim or Sasha to double check things, that slowed the team down, even if they didn't find out anything more than Martin had.

And to extrapolate beyond the canon points of irritation... We only hear the true statements, but 90% of the ones they work on are fake. Academics from other organisations often give joke statements as a prank, and they probably reference a lot of classical lit, folklore, etc, from their area of study. Jon, Sasha and Tim spent years in Research, discrediting those kinds of fake statements, and they're university educated, so they'd get most of the references, and start to think of them as really obvious once they've seen them again and again. Martin wouldn't have had that experience, coming from the library, so it'd take him longer to discredit a story that the others would have recognised instantly as yet another rip-off of a myth that they think everyone knows. Academics often overestimate how much of their field of specialty is common knowledge.

Since Martin didn't live up to Jon's expectations of an expert with a relevant Master's degree and about ten years of experience at the Institute, Jon concluded that Martin must've coasted through university without taking much in, gotten a degree he didn't deserve, and slacked off in an easy job for years instead of keeping up to date with their field, because he was too lazy to make an effort. Meanwhile, Jon was working overtime, doing extra reading, and pushing for due diligence. He really didn't think he'd end up head over heels for someone who didn't share his professional interests or his drive to succeed. He realised he'd misjudged him once he started seeing things through his eyes, though he still couldn't figure him out completely.)

So, when Jon realised that he'd fallen for Martin, and it might or might not be mutual, he was reluctant to take a next step like 'get chatting at the water cooler tomorrow, and ask him out for drinks, in front of everyone else'. Worst case scenario, he'd lose the image he was trying to build, of being an aloof and respectable authority, because everyone who already gossiped about him behind his back would see him get rejected by an (apparently) older colleague, and then he couldn't get away with treating him like a liability of an assistant anymore, once everyone knew that he was the one with a crush and Martin was the one who thought he could do better...

Instead, he confronted him in private in the most stressy, domineering way he could have managed without more actual malice involved. Once they'd slept together, Jon's priorities shifted and he was mostly concerned with getting to do that again and go even further.

So he'll tell anyone who asks that they're together, but try to spare his own pride by positioning himself as the dominant partner with an adoring assistant. (He'd probably say 'lover' instead of 'boyfriend'.) Sure, Martin can be a bit slow on the uptake sometimes, but Jon can train him and look after him, and that doesn't bring him down to the same level, as if they were the sort of couple who admired each other equally. Maybe some people would judge him for fucking his assistant, but it's not as if that's unheard of in academia, and he was never trying to be universally liked anyway, since that's always been out of reach. Maybe there are moments when he feels like Martin's embarrassing him, and that does cause friction, but even if he snaps about it, they're still not arguing as much as they used to. And Martin doesn't like the times when he's underestimated or belittled, but he has to be strategic about what he says even at the best of times.

(If things go well, Jon will gradually recognise more of Martin's strengths, bringing them closer to the kind of equal-ish footing that they tried to maintain in late canon. It's not an easy route there, in any universe.)