#Remember: If you can easily hit their carotid artery real hard then you can cause temporary cognitive impairment that'll delay reaction tim

[cryingyetcourageous]

o great and powerful sensei latlat, plz give me advice on how to beat up my bully neighbor >:( he has accused me of stealing his lawnmower and is gonna kick my ass for this made up crime ;A;

S... Sen... Se... Sensei LatLat? Huh?!

Okay, um, please try to talk it out. Of all the things to fight someone over, landscaping seems like a really stupid reason to make things go bad...

If you really have to fight, though, the key is to know yourself? Know your skills and work with them. If you are strong and big, brute force is best. Endurance means focus on outlasting an opponent, being nimble means dodging more...

And I'm not any of those things, so I have to be smart. Having a solid understanding of anatomy and rupturing a vital organ is a surefire way to end a fight fast. Being small makes it easier to hit torso targets. But that's extreme, so again, try to talk it out. Maybe help him search for this lawnmower.

And if all else fails, get friends or family to help. Your neighbor might want to call you a coward for putting your trust in others, but he will not be able to call you anything if his teeth are kicked in by your trustworthy buddy.

Again, I cannot stress this enough, PLEASE DO NOT RESORT TO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE OVER A TOOL. This is reference for self-defense if this bully insists on escalating it into something truly dangerous or in other more dire situations. Maybe try conflict resolution therapy or something? Did you try pinning the blame on someone else? Or inviting him over for tea and calmly explaining the misunderstanding? Bake him a bread! Homemade bread is the most good-faith food there is!

Ooh, wait! Also, learn to improvise. Having a weapon with you all the time is extreme, but training yourself to look around you and thinking how you could defend yourself with mundane things is a good habit to get into. I've even used things like flowers and credit cards. Credit cards are actually quite effective when you file one edge into a blade beforehand. I always have a sharpened one on me just in case.

Ak, I keep talking, but I should have left it at don't fight over lawn care equipment. If you want to fight, get a real problem. Wait, no, don't - I don't mean - Don't fight! Just - Just forget this conversation happened, alright?! Do not fight him!