#RENT TIME... i'm actually on time this year
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This is a really good post, but I just want to add that, economically speaking, exploitation is not about a specific number.
it's an important observation that someone making $200k a year is still far and away from the actual ultrawealthy. But where's the line, who gets to draw the line, and what does the distinction represent? Especially across countries and cultures, where that line will tend to vary wildly! That's a really reasonable question, and there's a good answer.
This was Karl Marx's central work, basically. He wrote Das Kapital setting out to explain some recurring features of capitalism as the system was growing, developing, and taking over the world: that it tended to accumulate wealth at the very top, that it tended to have a major crash every ten or so years, and some other features.
What he was able to show - and that was pretty definitively accepted by other even pro-capitalist economists at the time - is that capitalism is exploitative in an economic sense, meaning that an 'owner' of a business made money off of someone else doing work.
For example, I worked for a guy named Gary who owned a pizza shop. I was paid $14 an hour, but each pizza cost $8 plus tax. I would make between 20 and 50 pizzas in an hour, depending on the time of day, so across my four-hour shift I made $56 (before tax lol), but I made the business $160-$400. Some of that money after I'm paid goes to buying more ingredients, some of it goes to pay off the building's rent, but everything else went to Gary, who did nothing except steal from our tip jar.
Gary probably made somewhere to the tune of $150-$200k a year, off of me and my high school coworkers slinging pizzas all day next to an 800-degree oven.
In contrast, a dude I knew named Nick made between $150-200k every year as an ironworker and dockworker. He was paid well, but he wasn't taking from anyone else's livelihood - in fact, he still made more money for the construction company than he took home.
Gary was, in an economic sense, exploitive. Nick wasn't. And Gary is who socialists have a problem with. This is the distinction between "working class" and "owning class", not a number. And it's an issue not just because it's frankly an antisocial, cruel way to organize society, but because it actually causes crises.
This was another thing Marx figured out. The reason that capitalism tended to crash, over and over, was because of the accumulation of wealth. With successful businesses under capitalism, Gary keeps making more and more money -- I and my coworkers keep making $14/hour or only marginally more. Eventually, that means I cannot buy a pizza at the place I work, or much of anything else for that matter. When that happens, people stop buying what they used to, profits crash, and capitalism has a crisis.
Understanding this is what class consciousness is. Your class is not the number on your paycheck, it's whether or not someone is taking part of your paycheck from you, or you're taking from someone else's labor. It's applicable in America where you're talking about median incomes in the tens of thousands of dollars versus billionaires, it's applicable in countries where people are living on just a few dollars a day; the system that oppresses us is international and revolutions have to target the real exploiters, or risk failing to transform society into something better.
Okay, so, friends. Occasionally I see an American post on here about “guillotine the rich,” and it turns out that “rich” means “anyone making over $50k.”
We need to clear this shit up REAL fast, because otherwise it’s gonna wind up like the French Revolution, where more middle class and poor people were killed for being “class traitors” than actual nobles. (Did you know that France has more nobles today than during the French Revolution? While there were a few showy executions, many nobles did just fine or experienced minor setbacks.)
If someone makes $60,000 a year, they are making about twice as much as a full time worker making minimum wage in California, Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, DC, Hawaii, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Rhode Island, or Washington State.
Brian Thompson, the CEO of United HealthCare who was just assassinated in New York City, earned $10 million a year, which means he earned 333 times minimum wage in those states. Basically, he cleared an annual minimum wage salary in just over a day. And that “rich” person making $60k/year that you want to guillotine? He made their salary in a bit over two days of a year.
So he was rich, right?
Well. Tesla is trying to give Elon Musk a pay package of $101 billion. That is 10,100 times what Brian Thompson earned and 3,366,667 times more than a minimum wage worker. (Tesla hasn’t been successful yet because of a complicated lawsuit from a shareholder, but they’ll get there.) If you are a minimum wage worker, Elon Musk makes more every SECOND than you do in a year. And that “rich” person who you want to guillotine? He makes their salary in about 1.6 seconds. Even when he’s sleeping.
Now, remember. The Muskrat also is the head of SpaceX, the Boring Company, X.ai, and X.com, so this is just ONE pay package for him.
What I’m saying is — you have much more in common when it comes to economic grievances with someone earning $60,000 (or even $200,000) than the ultra wealthy that have real power. They are not the people you should expend your energy on.
#marxism#karl marx#socialism#If you rlly want a primer that's not difficult to get thru#u could pick up the pamphlet Value Price & Profit#good beginner stuff!
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from here on in i shoot without a script 🎥!!!!
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Woke up and got depressed yay
#there's so mch i want to do but i can't survive like this because i'm all alone and don't have anyone to cover for me at all or not pay for#housing while i wan't to do the things i want to do so i need to work so i have no time and if i mmove to my mom's house i'll be somewhere#where i can't do the things i want to do and even if i don't pay for rent the house needs a renovation rn so that's a lot of money that i#don't have and everyone just lives with their parents but and is more chill on everything but i have no parents so i'm just struggling i#guess \#been way too suicidal the past 3 months and i feel like my brain is making me push myself to the point i actually do it idfk.#i don't feel like anyone cares about me anyway so it's not like anyone would be bothered by it ig.#struggling to even finish uni atp i literally have 3 classes left and i'm struggling so fucking bad#and i never talk to anyone because i know they don't want to hear all this so i'm just keeping it in my head#i'm trying to do so much yet get nothing out of it and i can't get over any trauma and it just haunts me no matter how hard i try to mask#everyhting all the time i barely talk to anyone irl even at work lol#i just go do the stuff and come home and play league because even if i aask no one wants to do anything#i hate trauma why am i stunned at 14 years old i just want to function and not struggle with single thing
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i'm going home tomorrow & i'm so excited to see my family, i really missed them
#also my mom told me some time ago that i'm really brave & i shouldn't give up#but i don't feel brave i feel tired#so basically i had three different jobs this year#first one i quit because i hated it & it was too chaotic#i got fired from the second one after over a month because apparently i was too nice#now the third one i know is just temporary because it's similar to the one i quit last year#and it's only because i need money so i can't stay jobless#my situation is kinda fucked up because i live here alone so i have to pay rent#and i really don't want to go back to my parents#i know i can but i wanna stay here#i've been working so hard to move to my favourite city and i want to start studies here this year i just can't give up#so i just took the job i didn't want#and i keep looking for something i might actually like#but god i'm tired#i feel like the biggest fucking failure#i just need a normal fucking job jesus why is it so hard#i don't want to work with customers anymore i hate people#and i also want to earn a little more money because trust me it's not that easy to live fucking alone#i mostly spend my money on food cause unfortunately i have to eat#but i'm not interested in just surviving i really want to start feeling alive again#ugh#talking shit for the hell of it*
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Buy me a coffee
THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR LIKE TWO HOURS ASKING FOR THINGS IS LITERALLY MY WORST FEAR BUT FUCK IT WE BALL
my mum could really use £30-40 for groceries. We've spent a lot of money fixing stuff this month like replacement pipes and central heating (that really should be our landlord's responsibility..). She only has £150 left but we've still got bills to pay later this month so not much to spend on food and other necessities. Universal credit + her wage doesn't get paid until the end of the month (something is coming next week too but idr) 🥲
Usually we ask family and close friends for borrowing money but no one has been able to lend any aaa
No pressure to donate whatsoever — but if you have some extra money, any support would be greatly appreciated mwah <3
#minimum wage paired with her being a single parent and all that isn't really the best combination but eh#If it weren't for everything breaking at once I wouldn't have to ask#Anyway I need to shit on my landlord for a sec because I'm so pissed off#He doesn't fix anything (or at least takes a long time — he's been “fixing” our fence for thr past 4 years because its soo expensive and#otherwise he can't go on his quarterly holiday 🥺)#And he still has the audacity to raise rent every year when we've been renting for 10+ years now and never missed a payment#How do you go from £900 to £1500 a month for 2 bedrooms#We even pay a day in advance just in case something doesn't work or we can't pay later#But the one time she payed at 10 in the morning on the day he automatically started asking if its been transferred bc he can't see it#Even though its any time during the 24h and then the grace period#Its in the contract that YOU WROTE erm#Maybe stuff wouldn't be breaking all the time if you actually invested in high quality pieces#When we signed the first contract he literally bought the house 2 days prior and didn't renovate anything lmao#lasar being incoherent
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me as a kid: haha birthdays are so silly, i wouldn't want a party i would hate to have to cleanup afterwards!!
me as an adult: if i stepped into any room full of people who thought my existence was inherently worth celebrating i would immediately curl up and cry hysterically about it
#me: aha christmas n new years r coming up but i got this i am okay#*remembers my birthday is also coming up somewhat* oh ):#my friends irl do not care about me and i doubt one of them is going to even last until my birthday#i.. i don't even know enough ppl to try hosting a party and inviting myself. this yr has been hell. and I've done well at handling it#but like. 😐#it's still been a pretty bad year overall... idk. family oriented times of the yr are ROUGH!! especially the first yr u spend alone#this has been my first year alone in like seven or eight years and it sucks!!!!!#and I'm stuck this way bc im too rent burdened to actually go out as often as i need to and Meet People 😐#i could go on multiple long wants bc there's Layers but akakfkalal i just want a long hug 。:゚(;´∩`;)゚:。#rly don't want to work today and just want to curl up in bed n play my game
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You've heard of [person/character/show/story/media/art] living rent free in your head right?
Now get ready for: that, but each is a little bird in the nest of you mind, some birds are there for a long time and some just a little while, as they come and go and theres some you feed more than others And it's not until you realize that suddenly "theres less birds here" "where'd the other babies go?" That the bird you started to feed a couple days ago is Cuckoo bird
#(Metaphor for when you have a new special interest that suddenly takes over your brain-#that you cant even focus on other things that used to live rent free in you brain because it's all [CUCKOO] now)#Sometimes theres multiple birds that get along okay (I can focus on each without distracting from the others)#with maybe a favorite of the bunch#but I switch between them fine#And often there will be a new bird that visits for a bit before flying away#And other times a new bird just comes in all of a sudden and takes over#But most of the time. I think it's just a new bird to visit for a little while#and then suddenly it's the only one in the nest#Where my other babies go? Whyd you push them out?? Yet I dont stop feeding the cuckoo. I cant. I have to feed the baby#Anyway. Tmnt is a cuckoo but there is now another cuckoo in the nest and they're fighting#We'll see if the new one manages to push tmnt out or if tmnt will regain the upper hand#The 'new' cuckoo has actually been here before. But it had been well over 4 years since it was the leader of the nest#And almost a year and half since it visited . (So it's been building strength since and came back with a vengeance lol)#I'm taking the metaphor too far#I'll shut up now#Midnight rambling#It is 2:30 am#living rent free in my head
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hate my sister's shitty good for nothing boyfriend. can you imagine being a 30yo man with two kids who won't even scramble an egg. Not for his kids, not for his girlfriend, not for himself. literally if my sister doesn't leave out pre-made meals when he's watching the kids he will rip up bread or pour them dry cereal or open a granola bar and make himself microwave dinners. like, lowest effort possible. but if i mention this to my sis, she'll be like "no he's definitely cooked for the kids! he scrambled an egg for them once! i watched him do it!" but it's like...so he scrambled one egg in the last five years. just to like, prove he can? at your direct insistence? should we all clap? like seriously. hate this guy. had to really hold back recently because he had someone over and he was interacting with the kids more than usual for appearances, and he had to keep asking me and my sis what the 5yo was signing because he barely bothered to learn his own son's primary form of communication. i was so tempted to say "that one means 'go home' but you wouldn't know that because you don't take them anywhere." so hard to hold that in. If I had to describe this man in two words they would be these: Low Effort. Not quite bare minimum, but JUST enough to convince my sister that it would be too much hassle to get rid of him. he's stupid as fuck, but just smart enough to quickly stop shit like screaming obscenities at the kids for doing normal kid things. and he once stomped on my headphones and broke them in a fit of rage, but gave my sister money to replace them so it was "fine." Like, my sister thinks that he's just struggling with his anger issues, because he had a bad childhood, blah, blah, and oh he would never actually hurt her or the kids. and like, good for you, but i don't trust like that. genuinely hoping he gets struck by lightning and dies instantly.
#my sister and i do all the hard stuff and most of the easy stuff too tbh#cooking and cleaning and sorting out benefits and insurances and getting the kids to school and events#doctor's appointments and medications and dentist appointments and taxes#we get the groceries and care for all the pets and kids and household things#we both have jobs#i actually have 3 jobs#good for nothing boyfriend makes $12 a year plus some under the table cash as a “private trainer”#which means between that and selling his plasma and borrowing money from his mom he can...pay his super cheap tiny part of rent#and occasionally hand my sister like $20#he doesn't buy groceries or diapers or household supplies or clothing or toys or literally anything#literally the only household chore he does is fold laundry#that's it. and it's not “DO” laundry. it's just folding the clean and dry stuff#you know. the chore my parents would have us do when we were like 10 so we'd feel helpful#the 5yo is medically complex and we frequently make trips to a slightly distant hospital with him#and they literally asked us to stop bringing my sister's boyfriend along because he was disruptive and confusing#which was a polite way to say 'obnoxious and stupid as shit'#do you know how many times in one visit w/the same doctor he would ask 'so when does he get superpowers?'#he also obviously didn't know how to answer basic questions like 'how many times does he poop a day on average'#and 'how often has he been eating and what has he been eating day to day?'#like bro this man can go days without changing a diaper and will not even heat up a can of spaghettios to feed his own kids#he cannot answer those questions with any kind of accuracy#also i'm saying boyfriend because my sister desperately wanted to at least be engaged so she could say fiance in front of ppl#but just like marriage this was apparently a 'waste of effort'#not even the cheapest ring or the most underwhelming proposal or a courthouse wedding was worth his energy so...#yeah glad she hasn't married this waste of air. and i'll be praying for that lightning strike
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Every now and then I remember the times I would mention to my flatmate that I was thinking of buying myself something reasonably expensive (that I had been eyeing up for months and had budgeted for) and she'd tell me that I shouldn't spend that much money on something I didn't need and it would be stupid etc etc while she regularly impulse bought things that cost at least as much and she would use once (while complaining that she was under a lot of financial stress and couldn't afford <$3/week for 2 months for a rental washing machine when ours broke). She is... perhaps not my first call for financial advice
#like I get that you're financially stressed but also it feels a bit rich to complain about it when you're on student allowance (not loan)#and your parents still contribute to things for you even though allowance is supposed to be for people whose parents can't afford to help#and you get multiple scholarships a year even though you're technically not eligible for half of them anymore but then as soon as the money#comes in from those you spend it all on a brand new dress for your sister's hen's do picnic because you can't wear the same dress as you#will for the actual hen's night or the wedding. Better buy a full price one at an expensive store instead of looking in a single op shop or#borrowing one from one of your three sisters who are all roughly the same size#god life must be so tough for you getting the same amount of money as the rest of us on student loan except you only have to pay back half#like the only money you have to live off is the same as what the rest of us get + scholarships (plural) plus what you earnt in your summer#internship? how could you possibly survive??#anyway I am NOT a fan of people who are like 'oh you say you have no money for rent but you have a phone?' because that's bullshit#and the whole 'millenials need to stop eating avocado toast so they can buy a house' thing is also bullshit#however. If you pay $60/week for a gym when you have access to the free uni one (or any other gym in the country is like $20)#and you buy uber eats multiple times a week for like $30+ each time despite having a premade meal in the fridge. and you get multiple#scholarships which mean you are arguably among the more well off students. AND you impulse buy things that cost over $100 regularly#then maybe the problem is not that you don't have enough money to split the rental costs of a washing machine (<$3 each/week)#maybe you are just bad with money#which is fine like it's not like it's unfixable it's just annoying when you act like you're worse off than people whose only money is what#they get from student loan each week so they eat beans on rice for dinner for a week#because that's all they could afford (yes I know people who did this. Yes she complained more than them)#so no I don't think I'm gonna be taking financial advice from you babes because one of us has entertained the idea of a budget to help with#finances and it's not you xx#(she turned down offers of financial help/advice/books to borrow from multiple people multiple times. I 100% get that you might not want to#talk to people about it especially your friends but we had multiple books on finances lying around the flat which she always said she didn't#need. And then she'd continue to complain that she didn't have enough money#god forbid you suggest something like going to a cheaper gym (or worse. The perfectly fine free uni gym!)#again. Her gym cost $60/week for most of last year until they brought in a student discount which was 'only' $45/week#the next most expensive gym chain I can find costs maybe $30/week for the highest membership level#to get what she was getting she would only need like a $20 membership#BUT to be fair she wouldn't get such strong culty vibes at any other gym#lol anyway sorry for the rant. I could keep going but apparently you can only have 30 tags and this is the last one
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Fun fact, back when I worked at Dave and Busters and was told I needed to work labor day, I asked if we'd get holiday pay for it and my manager literally didn't answer; he just laughed at me and walked away. I'm glad there are places that at least offer holiday pay since they want retail and service workers to work on labor day.
that's beyond fucked up. it should totally be required by law for working on federal holidays to get the overtime pay??? sorry but if the country considers it an important enough day to give themselves off, the folk who have to work should be properly compensated.
I hope you coincidentally were 'out of town' or 'sick' on holidays cause fuck that manager
#til holiday pay isn't even required#that actually makes me so mad#I'm already working for shit wages and like there's no way I'd not get paid for holidays#my wage isn't even LIVABLE for my town#I did the math a few months ago to go over rent with my mom#and if I spend absolutely nothing besides internet and phone bill#I made about 700 bucks on the terrible hours my work gave me (a month)#rent went to 1600 this year#I don't even make HALF of my rent#Im fucking partime and if I went full time I still wouldn't make it#before the house got foreclosed mortgage was like 900#unfortunately my dad was terrible with money and my mom never held him accountable so bye byr house#bye bye living wage#God I want this housing bubble to pop#can't believe having a roof over our head isn't considered a human right#what a fucked up world we live in
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sorry my only possessions are these stupid blurry pics of this stupid fucking idiot trying to make coffee taste... well like coffee..?
personally I don't think we as a fandom have dragged him enough about this yet
I mean how hard can it be to succesfully make one cup of coffee 😭 he owns a French press but acted as if he's never used one smh, diagnosing him as a disaster 🤲
#i'm one to talk but in my defence i don't drink coffee#so i'm forced to use any kind of coffee machine approximately once a year when my landlord comes for a visit#he's coming this friday actually but i'm so nervous about the coffee thing that i've decided i simply forgot to buy some#sorry mr. landlord no coffee this time pls lower my rent#i'm just so insecure about it lol i fear that people are too polite to say if the coffee i make actually tastes terrible#anyway. thanks for leaving disaster gremlin in my askbox hope you're having a great evening <3#answered asks#mosvu
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did i mention that i ran around on friday panic buying last minute gifts for our family xmas gathering on sunday alone bc my sister was working (understandable) and my brother couldn't be fucked (less understandable) and then caught something while i was shopping and missed christmas because i was too sick to go.
#this is what's spurred my need to hibernate next year i'm not doing this again#texted my brother on friday morning like 'so what time do you wanna leave to get the prezzies bc i've got plans in the morning'#and he said 'oh i forgot about that i just kinda wanted to have a pj day today tbh'#26 year old man who does not pay rent. btw.#so i went on my own and picked out what i thought were actually pretty good presents i know my dad LOVED his#but yeah picked something up at good old eastland (which is hell in december btw do not ever go there then) and the fam hates me anyway#for not being there. also neither of them have paid me back. i love christmas.
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when i think "romantic friendship" i think of all the anime i watched when i was like 13/14 and just realizing i was maybe a lesbian that had all-girl casts and everything was just so extremely gay. pmmm, yuyuyu, school-live!, yuru yuri, etc.
#the yuru yuri theme song still lives rent-free in my head even though i didn't actually make it that far in the show#it was cute but it just wasn't my thing like if you look at everything else on the list it's all super dark#cause that's what i was into at the time and yuru yuri was a fun palette cleanser but it didn't hold my interest for long#i literally remember nothing about it except the uniforms and the theme song at this point#and yuyuyu..... i loved yuyuyu but i can never rewatch it because i'm no longer 14 and can't look past the horrific ableism#like wow looking back that's so fucked up on so many levels. it has so much else going for it but jesus christ#pmmm and school-live! really hold up tho and i'm super glad i read the school-live! manga after rewatch a couple years ago#because wow i REALLY resonate with kurumi's arc and her journey with disability#i can't speak to how well yuki's psychosis is treated but it's nice that she's the main character and her psychosis isn't seen as scary#the bar is really just on the floor huh 😭
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yay we love adding an additional 15 stressors to an already stressed tf out person like yayyy whoopee that sure is fun :)
#im having a time ok#i already havd been super stressed about fucking everything#and now my parents are having me get my own insurance and phone plan and switiching the title of my car to my name#but theyre putting a lean on it which means if my car becomes unrepairable i will not be able to sell it or trade it in#to help cover the cost of buying a new car#especially bc my parents will be literally across the country 🙃#and that on top of trying to decide if I'll be resigning my lease or moving#and i COULD move in with my sister and her gf but like#i mean that's also like a generally Good plan bc it'll cut my rent down by more than half what i pay now#but also from what my sister told me of the contract her gf is writing for it (in case i DO move in with them)#its like. heres a bunch of conditional stuff about your cats (including potentially not allowing them at all)#and conditional stuff about your health (????) as though I'm not fucking trying to work on that#as though I've not BEEN trying to work on it since i was fucking 12 years old#like is that. is that actually fucking NECESSARY? to include in this? like us in AWARE I've got health issues#I'm AWARE i have severe depression and anxiety#I'm TRYING to work on it but i ALSO just lost my healthcare and am trying to figure out the one my work provides#which also wont cover a whole lot and is not exactly like I'm dwimming in cash over here#anyway#ugh#shh ac#seriously shut up
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the apartment we looked at today was really bad - like, one room was missing half the flooring and they (the landlord) just put carpet over it. luckily it was only the current tenant there, though - she told us about the landlord and that she's... not great. so even if the apartment had been decent we wouldn't have been interested after that.
#it also helped us further narrow down which places/villages we'll consider from now on#it's basically just down to three places now.#and they're the same ones we would have preferred the last two times we moved.#but damn I'm just really not willing to go through all this work again just to end up in *another* shitty village that I know I won't#really like.#I'd rather stay with my mother for a couple months if it means we find a good place.#(it'd have to be my mother and not my in-laws because we're pretty sure they wouldn't want our cats in their house. so)#like it'd SUCK but I can. not. keep moving somewhere new every fucking year#especially since it takes me a year to start feeling sort of at home#we've been thinking we *might* be able to start thinking about maybe possibly mayyybe buying a house at some point. if I find a job and if#it's one that pays enough and so on.#and we would really rather not move again until we can do that.#(if we can. it's only a very vague idea at this point. but we've realised it's the *only* way we'd actually feel fully comfortable somewher#we're bad at living in a house with other people 🙃)#(and there are *no* houses for rent that aren't absolutely huge and/or way too expensive)#personal
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i think i've finally come to understand why i'm so bad at communicating with friends 👍 at one point or another i've thought i was in love with every single person i've ever been friends with (for the most part, at least) because i don't expect other people to like me. OBVIOUSLY this is not true but platonic feelings are not dissimilar to romantic ones (baseline they're the same: you want to love and be loved by someone) but i always end up realizing that i'm not in love with them, just that they matter to me very much and i wouldn't know what do to w/o their presence in my life. BUT this brings me to facet number 2 of my awful communication skills: i hate it when things Get Real. i find myself retreating any time it seems like Something Could Change in my day-to-day life due to them being around and "forcing" the change. i run away from talking to one of my only irl friends on almost a daily basis bc i dread the idea of having to do anything she might want me to do. i think, at the end of the day, my problem might just be that i don't want to change... ANYWAYS
#i actually think the funniest example of this comes from the irl guy friend i think i actually DO have romantic feelings for#i never used to have feelings for him but i always kind of nursed the idea of such a thing (as i said i think i could be in love with most#friends before i realize i'm not - but with him specifically i never had a moment where i realized i... wasn't?) also my previously#aforementioned irl friend kind of insinuated he might have feelings for me or we might end up with one another and now every time i think#abt him i think about THAT so.#anyways a few years ago he came by my house and picked me up and we got ice cream and talked for hours bc we have a lot in common#and he actually manages to keep in contact with me despite how hard it is (how hard i make it) to talk to me on a consistent basis lol#like we don't talk a LOT but he's also the one who convinced me to contact my former other irl best friend that i hadn't talked to in 6 yrs#anyways back to what i was talking abt from a few years ago... it was 4 yrs ago at this point but after the ice cream - i got a job#and we talked a lot - he took me and my irl bff out but she had a HUGE fight with her bf and he tracked her down and it was. a disaster#but after that they made up (lucikly she broke up with him not too long after lmao) but me and him were put in the middle of it#and anyways we went to the mall with the annoying couple LMAO but we broke off and it was just... really nice to be with him?#and then we went to walmart and rented a movie and went back to my irl's apartment and i tried to dye his hair in her bathroom LMAO#and it just felt really natural to be close to him and whatnot. we really get along and i really don't dislike him and i'm not NOT into him#but yeah anyways a few days later he messaged me and asked if he could pick me up from work but i told him no because at that point i was.#afraid. because i had a dream that i had kissed hik and he turned into rick sanchez and drowned LMFAOOO IT SOUNDS RETARDED BUT.#like i think the point of the dream was that if i showed him that i had some kind of feelings for him he would change or die or disappear?#i always assume the worst. but yeah the dream literally put me off so bad that i cut contact with him for almost 2 years#because i was afraid of him and i was afraid of my life changing#idk. maybe i should give it a try now. i'm still scared but you never know.#i at least wanna say 'thanks' for him convincing me to message my friend from 6 years ago so 🤷♀️ who knows
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