#Polaroid 180

[lostdeviantartfilm]

teardrop

[louobedlam]

3.1.24

Emily Young

I've had some packs of Polaroid 669 peel apart film in my refrigerator for, oh, maybe a decade? Looks like it's finally hit the perfect point of expiration, the colors are fantastic, but it's still producing an image in the entire frame.

Emily was cool, too, yes yes of course, she reached out because she was visiting LA, so of course I had to take her to my favorite Mexican restaurant, and then get a few photos outside the Mormon church that I've never seen anyone go into or out of.

"Is it weird that I reached out?" We'd only met a few months ago, at one of my best friend's wedding...but I'm From the internet! Meeting up with people I barely know for food and photos...THAT'S MY LIFE.

[princessbrunette]

jj coming home from work or hanging out with the pogues to see you in the backyard laying on a tanning chair with your tinyyyyyyyy pink string bikini and he just can’t control himself he’s just a man 🤷‍♀️

-🪞

thinking about this but it’s with bsf!jj who you’ve done sexual stuff with maybe one or twice? but you never spoke about it afterwards and he kinda doesn’t know what the two of you are and if you’re ever gonna let him do it again ?? so he’s constantly just on edge w loads of sexual tension and mm !!

⋆˙⟡🥥♡🤍౨ৎ🍥˚˖𓍢ִִ໋

it’s late afternoon when he’s arriving back at the chateau to stay. john b was driving off somewhere following a lead, and pope and kie had gone home for the day so it was just going to be jj. jj and you.

he walks right past you at first, swinging his set of keys round his finger and humming, well — rapping to himself. ice ice baby, you seem to recall? you were in a doze, laying on your front on the lawn on a towel, brain barely picking up on his presence. he’s whistling the chorus as he strolls towards the shack, before noticing you, and doing a full 180 to walk back towards you, the whistling drawing closer.

“w—hey there, pretty lady.” he calls out, pulling his shorts up boyishly as you lift your head, a little sleepy from the amount of time laying out in the sun.

“hi, jayj.” you hum, pushing up onto all fours so you could stretch your back, arching it and letting out a sigh through your nose as you come back to reality. he blinks rapidly like he’s trying to take screenshots of his eyes, gazing over your soft form in your ever so tiny pink bikini.

“what’cha doing out here all alone?” he digs his boot into the grass, differentiating between eyeing you up and looking at the ground like he just couldn’t handle it.

“was just soaking up the sun but i think it’s going behind a cloud now. what time’sit anyway?” your voice is all soft and sleepy and it makes it hard for the blonde to focus, blinking at you a few times before hes realised you’d asked him a question and he jumps into action, pulling up his wrist to theatrically look at his clock.

“it is… just comin’ up on 5– i’m sorry just to… circle back real quick,” he scrunches his nose, drawing a quick circle in the air with his finger pointed up. “i have not seen that bikini before is it — is it new or?” he rests his arm casually against a rogue tree branch standing at the height of his ribs, nearly missing it entirely at first, fingers rubbing below his nose, antsy.

you look down at yourself, taking it upon yourself to adjust the pretty pink triangles on your chest, jostling your tits as you do so, making sure they’re fitted perfectly over you. the act in itself seemed genuinely innocent from your part, but jj’s eyebrows jumped up as he shifted desperately on his feet, clearing his throat — it’s as if his sudden movement were to direct his blood flow to literally anywhere else, diverting it from where it was inevitably headed.

“yeah! it was on sale. d’you like it?” you’re looking up at him with those cutesy doe eyes from where you knelt on your towel and it was taking him everything to control himself. why did he have to be such a guy?

“uh, do i have a working set of eyes? yeah… i love it… takin’ like… mental polaroids here.” he trails off before he says something crazy, swaying on his feet, indulging himself to take another look at the way the two piece clings to your body. you climb to your feet happily, taking your time to pick up your belongings that laid out beside you, your sunglasses, water bottle and phone. once you’d gathered them into your arms, you walk up to jj casually, already smiling.

“so do you wanna help me out of the bikini? or…” your grin grows when you see his jaw drop right there infront of you, holding his gaze for a moment as you walk past him, heading towards the chateau leaving him frozen for a few seconds.

“wh— uh, yes— yes ma’am.” he nods, turning and jogging after you.

⋆˙⟡🥥♡🤍౨ৎ🍥˚˖𓍢ִִ໋

[strniohoeee]

Not Mine

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: A glimpse into the rise and downfall of Y/N’s relationship. Torn between wanting to move on with her life, but also wanting to relive the past. Constantly struggling, but will she figure it out in the end?🫂

Warnings���️: None really just get your tissue boxes ready😔. This one’s longggg too LOLLL

Song for the imagine: Strange- Celeste

Isn’t it strange

How people can change

From strangers to friends

Friends into lovers

And strangers again?

Day 374

Another day slipping from my fingers. My breathing shallow as my eyes blinked slowly. Staring out my bedroom window as the rain trickled down the glass offering me a reflection of who I hated.

I’d like to think I’m numb to the feeling at this point, but everytime I hear his name, or see his face my chest physically hurts. Some sick and twisted part of me indulged in this feeling. I wanted to feel pain. I thrived off of it. I mean it makes us stronger in the end doesn’t it?

200 days pondering. I’ve spent 200 days trying to scoop my life together. When you’re left with no true explanation your mind tends to go overboard. Filling the cracks with reasons and excuses that you were never given.

He wasn’t mine, and I was so blind to it. Trying to fix someone who so badly didn’t care. Too blind by infatuation to see how he truly felt.

Day 180

“I just don’t understand why” I stated staring down at my empty cup

“You can’t sit here and try to figure out someone who was never even open to you fully in the first place” my friend said to me

“I mean I know, but why give me this false hope. Make it seem like you saw a future with me. When he didn’t” I said swallowing thickly

“It’s been 6 days, do not beat yourself up over it okay? You’re killing yourself trying to rack your brain looking for the whys?” She said caressing my arm

“ I reached out to him yesterday” I said sniffling

“And?” She asked looking at me with a soft smile

“He said he couldn’t see me this weekend, but maybe another time” I replied breaking down

“Please don’t cry okay, you’re going to be okay” she said pulling me and hugging me

Day 374

I got up from my chair and walked out to my living room. I inhaled a shaky breath as I looked around the dimly lit room. My eyes landed on my coffee table. I trembled at the sight of the Polaroids of us littered along the mahogany wood, the vase he got me with nothing in it, and the books he purchased for me.

I started to breathe heavily and my hands began to shake.

“I HATE YOU” I screamed, shoving everything off the table with my fists. Breaking down as I heard the glass shatter and the books tumble down

“I hate your stupid fuck boy hair cut, I hate your cold blue eyes, I hate your stupid dry skin and your cracked lips, I hate your ugly smile….I HATE YOU” I screamed the last part as I banged my fists on the table

Dry heaving from the panic attack I was putting myself through.

Day 1

My eyes browsed the pastry display as I waited in line. These all looked so good, and it was hard to pick just one, but finally my eyes landed on the last heart shaped cookie on the rack

“Next!” I heard someone yell out, my eyes darting their way

“Good morning” I said offering a smile

“Good morning! What can I get for you today” the older woman said smiling at me

“May I have a small hot latte, and the heart shaped cookie right there” I said pointing over to the glass

“Sure thing honey” she said ringing me up

After paying she turned around and began to make my latte while I waited.

As I waited I felt a presence next to me, so I looked over locking eyes with a pair of blue ones. I offered him a smile and he returned the favor

“One latte and one heart cookie” the woman said handing me my stuff

“Thank you” I said grabbing my stuff and smiling at her

“Have a good day” she said

“You too” I replied and began to walk away, nodding my head at the guy who was next to me

I left the cafe and walked to the bookstore down the road. I was browsing around when I decided to walk into the horror aisle

I was looking at some books, mindlessly walking sideways when I bumped into someone.

“Oh sorry” I said looking up, and meeting those same blue eyes

“You’re good” he said smiling at me

“I was walking while looking at the books” I said looking over at the shelves

“You’re heart shaped cookie girl” he said pointing at me

“That would be me” I said laughing

“Those are my favorite, and you got the last one” he said fake pouting

“Would you like it?” I asked him offering him the bag

“Oh no no, thank you though” he said with his hand on his chest

“So you like horror too?” I asked him

“Uhhh no” he said laughing at bit

“Well then I think you’re in the wrong aisle” I said giggling

“I actually don’t read” he said putting his hands in his pockets

“Then why are you at a bookstore?” I asked tilting my head

“Well I like to look at the covers, I’m more of a visual type of guy” he replied

“Ahhh makes sense” I said nodding my head

“But uh don’t let me stop you from looking” he said stepping away from the shelf

I nodded at him and began to look at some books. My eyes landed on a Stephen King book, and I grabbed it immediately

“I’m going to have a seat at those tables and read this book a bit, you can join if you’d like” I said looking over at the boy

“I wouldn’t want to infiltrate” he said back

“Oh no never, join me” I stated smiling at him

We sat at the table, and I took the cookie out of the bag breaking it in half.

“Have half” I said looking up at him

“No don’t worry” he said nodding at me

“Please I insist” I said handing him the cookie

Finally he obliged and began to eat it. We sat chatting for a while about random stuff. When suddenly my phone rang, and I realized I was late to meeting up with my friend

“Oh my god I’m so sorry, but I’m actually supposed to be somewhere right now and I’m totally late” I said scooting back from the chair

“Oh no worries” he said standing up as well

“It was nice talking to you…” I said looking at him

“Matthew, but I go by Matt” he said sticking his hand out

“Well Matt it was nice talking to you, I’m Y/N” I said shaking his hand

“It was great talking to you too” he said smiling at me

“Here let me give you my number. I’d like to talk again” I said nervously

“Yeah sure” he said taking his phone out

After we exchanged numbers I went on with my day

Day 5

Matt and I had met for dinner to catch up. I was enjoying my time with him. He was truly a cool person to hang around, and I slowly felt myself looking for him in my day to day interactions.

“So Matt what brings you to LA” I said looking up at him

“Well I just moved here with my brothers. We’re from Boston and we came here for our jobs” he said

“Ohhh nice what do you do?” I asked taking a sip of my drink

“Well we’re social media influencers” he said laughing a bit

“Oh that’s nice” I said smiling at him

He had shown me their pages and what they do, and I found it fascinating. They were also pretty famous might I add. I felt special hanging out with him, not going to lie.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” I asked him

“No” he replied

“Is it hard because you go between LA and Boston?” I asked

“No I just prefer to be alone” he said chuckling

“Ahhh I see” I said nodding my head

“I just don’t believe in the whole love and soulmate stuff” he replied

“No? How come” I asked him

“I mean what even is love you know? People just throw that word around, and it just ends up hurting people. I like to keep my peace and I like to be single. Less problems” he said

“That’s true” I said nodding my head

“Do you have a boyfriend?” He asked

“Oh no, but I do believe in love and soulmates. I just haven’t found mine” I said laughing

Matt nodded his head and we continued to eat. The rest of the night was amazing, sharing our philosophies on different topics and truly enjoying each others companies

Day 30

Matt and I had been hanging out pretty much everyday, and I truly enjoyed it. Of course I had my own friends, but he was a breath of fresh air.

The only other issue was that I began to have feelings towards him. I tried not to because I know he didn’t believe in love or girlfriends. But he made it hard when he was exactly what I looked for in a man

“You know I enjoy this a lot” he said as we sat on a bench eating ice cream

“Yeah? Me too” I said looking over at him

“It’s nice to just get out with you and have a good time I like it” he said eating his ice cream

“I like it too” I replied

“And I like you too” he said shrugging his shoulders

“I like you too Matt” I replied looking over at him again

That night Matt had walked me home since I wasn’t too far from the ice cream shop.

“Well this is me” I said pointing to the building

“Thank you for coming out tonight” he said

“Thank you for inviting me I had a blast” I said

“Well I’ll let you go now” he said opening his arms for a hug

I hugged Matt and in that moment I felt like my dreams were slowly becoming a reality.

When we pulled away we stopped and stared at one for a moment. Our eyes searched for an answer when suddenly he leaned down and kissed me.

Our lips locked in such a beautiful kiss.

That night when we parted ways my heart thumped with adrenaline. My mind racing with all the possibilities of what we could be.

Day 50

“This view is amazing” Matt said looking at the city line beneath us

“Isn’t it? I come up here when I want to think and clear my mind, but it’s just so beautiful I had to bring you” I said

“There’s not many people here” he replied looking around

“Well yeah, it’s a secret spot” I said smiling at him

“You took me to your secret spot? Am I that special?” He asked

“I guess so” I said biting my bottom lip

He came up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist as he leaned his head on my shoulder. Swaying us side to side slowly.

“When I want to clear my mind I got to this small beach that not many people know about in Boston. It’s actually a place I discovered when my first girlfriend broke up with me. I was so hurt and angry that I just kept driving and landed there” he said looking at the skyline

“I’ve never told anyone that” he whispered

My heart fluttered at this. Being able to break down his walls to get him to tell me more about himself made me warm inside. I think I was changing him….

“I thought you didn’t believe in love?” I said in a whisper

“Well after her I don’t. She completely destroyed me, and I vouched to never give my heart to anyone again” he replied looking at me

“And what about me?” I said laughing

“You’re different” he said tapping my chin with his thumb

Day 63

Matt and I had just had sex for the first time. I mean it was amazing he was so careful with me like I was a dainty feather. He took his time, caressing my every inch, kissing all my insecurities away. He made me feel loved.

My mind moved as we laid in his bed, the sheets keeping us tangled together. The sunlight kissing his skin as he laid on my chest lightly snoring.

His right hand gently placed on my torso as my right hand raked through his hair. Massaging his scalp and occasionally running down his back as the goosebumps rose on his skin.

A smile growing on my face as Matt laid in my arms. My mind playing all our possibilities repeatedly. Matt made me the happiest girl in the world, and I didn’t even know if he realized how special this made me feel

Day 97

My mind began to race as insecurities began to cloud my mind. We’ve been seeing each other for well over two months now, and I wasn’t sure what we were?

I paced around my living room as Matt sat on the couch watching me.

“Y/N what’s wrong?” He asked me, causing me to stop in my tracks

“What….what are we?” I asked looking at him

“What do you mean?” He asked

“I mean us Matt. Were sleeping together, going on dates sending each other gifts, but you haven’t said I was your girlfriend” I replied

“I liked you Y/N a lot, and who cares about labels okay? I want to be with you and that’s all” he said

“I guess…I guess you’re right” I said nodding at him

Day 132

I slammed the door behind me as I stomped into my kitchen throwing my stuff down. I grabbed a bottle of water and began to drink it

“What's the issue now?” Matt asked throwing his hands up in defense

“The issue? Matt some girl was practically throwing herself on you, and you didn’t do a single thing, but when I tell her to back off I’m the problem” I said walking over to him

“Well I can handle my own. I told her I wasn’t interested, and the way you acted was embarrassing” he said

“Matt this happens all the time, and I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, but I’ve had enough of this shit happening” I said shoving past him

“It’s not that serious okay” he said

“You know what? It is serious Matthew. I don’t get this whole casual thing. I want to be your girlfriend. You don’t take me on dates, buy me flowers and have sex with me and say you want this to be casual and just a friends with benefit type of thing. FRIENDS DONT DO THIS” I said raising my voice

“I don’t know what you expect from me. I’ve made this clear from the beginning” he said sighing

“Get out….JUST GET THE FUCK OUT” I yelled opening the front door

Matt left and I slammed the door behind him. Falling down and breaking down on the ground. Why was he being so cruel to me? I didn't get it.

Day 135

I hadn’t spoken to Matt in 3 days, and it was truly bothering me. I prayed he would call or, or show up at my door, but I was disappointed when I got nothing.

I paced my living room anxious and biting my nails contemplating if I should head over to Matt’s house.

After some more bantering with myself I opened my front door to walk out, when I saw Matt getting ready to knock on my door.

“I…what are you doing here?” I asked him

“I came here to say sorry” he said his head hung low

“It’s okay Matt. I just need you to tell me that we aren’t just friends” I said as I moved out the way to let him walk in

He slowly began to walk in without saying a word when I stopped him

“Please” I said in a whisper

“I can’t give you that because it’s not the truth. I’ve made it clear from the beginning I don’t do love. I’m sorry if this isn’t what you want” he said looking at me

Like an idiot I ignored his statement and let him into my house. I swore up and down I could change his mind and make him see that we were meant to be together.

Day 171

Matt and I went bowling which was his favorite thing to do, but the whole time it was like his mind was elsewhere.

“I got a strike babyyyy” I said doing a dance that he loved seeing me do

“Nice” he said offering me a half smile

“What’s wrong?” I asked sitting down next to him

“Nothings wrong” he said looking over at me

“I can tell by your demeanor, are you okay?” I asked again reading his face for an answer

“I’m just tired is all” he said

“We can leave, we can get something to eat or head back to my house” I said smiling at him

“I think…I think I’m going to call it a night” he said standing up

“Oh okay” I said also standing up

We closed our lane and headed outside. He waited for a Uber while my house was two blocks down.

“I’ll uh I’ll see you in a few days” he said nodding at me

“Umm yeah sure” I said bluntly

He kissed me on the cheek as his Uber pulled up. He got in without saying anything else, and didnt even look at me as it drove away.

I walked back home that night confused, hurt and angry. Why was he being this way with me?

Day 174

Matt had asked me to meet him at the cafe we first met around 12. I had gotten there around 12:05, and met him at a table in the back

“Hi” I said sitting down

“Hi” he said staring at me

“Sooo what’s up” I said getting nervous

“I think we should part ways” he said swallowing thickly

“What?” I said as my brows furrowed

“I mean we’re just not meant to be. We fight all the time now and I find no joy in what we do” he said blinking

“I mean couples fight all the time right? This is normal we just have to learn to talk it out” I said reaching out to grab his hand

“The thing is I don’t like who I force myself to be around you. What we had was great, but I’m not ready for a relationship and I can’t give you what you want” he stated

“But…but we can work this out. We can find a middle ground” I said fighting for my life

“No Y/N….we’re over” he stated

I looked at him and blinked. When I saw how serious he was I got up from the table and walked away.

I looked back and prayed he’d be lookin for me, but he wasn’t. He didn’t even care to watch me walk out of his life.

That day ruined me

Day 200

I laid in bed most days tossing and turning as the memories of us played in my mind. Haunted by these memories I often forced myself to sleep, or to cry. My wales so loud I couldn’t even hear my own thoughts

Day 43

“So how’s it going with Matt?” My friend asked

“Oh it’s going amazing! I’m head over heels for this guy, and I think we’re going to end up together” I told her

“Tell me more about him” she said as her eyes lit up

“Oh god I love his hair, the wavy brown locks, and I love his blue eyes I swear I could see a glimpse of us in them, and I love his skin how soft it is and how his cheeks flush when I compliment him, I love his lips they’re so plump and moisturized all the time and I love his smile. His teeth are gorgeous and his smile lights up any room he walks into” I said smiling like an idiot

“Oh god… you really are in love with him” she said laughing

“I guess so” I said laughing with her

Day 205

It was a bit over a month now since I last spoke to Matt. I mean I used to see him everywhere and it’s just like he disappeared off the face of the earth.

My chest physically hurts every single day. I was so stupid to think I could change him. He made it clear from the beginning that he didn’t want a girlfriend.

How stupid and blind could I be to think he’d want me. I mean no one ever wants me in the end.

I killed myself for a guy who didn’t care.

Day 387

Here I was finally stepping out of the house after a week of trapping myself away. There was a crafting fair in my area, and I really needed to get out and walk and smell the fresh air.

I stopped at a few booths and purchased some things. Trying my hardest not to purchase things that reminded me of Matt.

After the last booth I decided to have a seat at a small table as I watched children play in the street. A smile creeped on my face as I watched them.

So pure and innocent, and life has yet to screw them over. On how I’d pay to go back in time and be a kid again. As I continued to watch them my thoughts were interrupted

“Y/N?” I heard to the left of me

My brows furrowed and I turned my head looking over. My breath hitching in my throat.

“Matt?” I said confused

“How have you been?” He asked smiling at me and taking a seat

“Oh I’ve been good” I said offering him a smile

“That’s great. I haven’t seen you in so long. You look good” he said

“Thank you, i know it’s been a long time” I said laughing a bit

“What are you up to these days?” He asked me

“Uhh you know just working, reading and writing” I said

“Did you ever finish that book you started writing? It was…it was really good” he said

“Oh man I forgot about that book….Im not even sure where it is” I said

“You should look for it, and finish it. I’d love to read it” he said smiling at me

“Maybe one day” I said nodding at him

“How have you been?” I asked him

“Me? Oh I’ve been good just working with my brothers still can you believe we’re at 5 million subscribers” he said smiling

“Congrats you guys deserve it” I said

“Thank you….wow this is just amazing seeing you again” he said looking at me with soft eyes

“Yeah it is” I said swallowing thickly

He went to speak when a girl appeared behind him

“Oh there you are Matt” she said walking over to him

“Oh hi” he said standing up

“Uhh Crystal this is Y/N, and Y/N this is Crystal my girlfriend” he said

“Nice to meet you” I said, shaking her hand. My stomach twisting into knots

“It’s so nice to finally meet you. Matt has told me so much about you. He says he’s learned a lot about life from you” she said

“That’s great to hear” I said glancing over at Matt

“Well um I don’t want to keep you, it was great seeing you” Matt said

“Ditto” I said

With that they gave me one last glance and walked away.

My mind wrapped around the word ‘girlfriend’……I wasn’t even sure how to feel truly.

Day 426

I had driven up to the hilltop I always went to when I needed to think. After splitting with Matt I refused to come up here. The memories paining me too much.

I was ready to start fresh, and let go of the past. I wanted to be released of Matt’s shackles, and I needed to start somewhere. So the hilltop was the first thing that came to mind.

I watched the busy street bustle beneath me as I let my mind race freely. Coming to the realization that love and soulmates were all bullshit.

Lies fed to us through books, music and movies. It’s a nice thought, but in the end it doesn’t really work out.

I couldn't be angry at anyone. I mean this is just the fact of life.

I let a smile creep on my face as I sniffled. Finding peace of mind was something I looked forward to and I had to take it day by day.

I let the wind rustle through my hair as I watched the trees sway and the golden sun kiss my skin. Life was beautiful and I was taking it for granted.

“Y/N” I suddenly heard from behind me

I quickly turned around and met eyes with Matt

“Matthew” I said giving him a weak smile

“Strange finding you here” he said walking over to me

“This is my secret place” I said batting my tears away

“I suppose that’s true” he replied laughing and sitting next to me

“Congrats on uhh the girlfriend” I said looking at the skyline

“Don’t say it unless you mean it” he said bumping his shoulder into mine

“Well then in that case my lips are sealed” I said

He let out a breath of air and looked at the skyline

“So uhh are you okay?” He asked after a moment of silence

“I will be” I said kicking the gravel around

“You know it sucks realizing everything you believe in is false” I said wiping my nose

“What do you mean?” He asked looking over at me

“You know soulmates and love and all that shit, you were right” I said looking over at him

“No” he said shaking his head

“Yes don’t look at me like that” I said rolling my eyes

“It was meant to be with Crystal and I. I mean if I never stopped her to tell her she dropped her bag…we wouldn’t be where we are now. And the whole time I would think you were right” he said

“No you didn’t” I said laughing

“Yes! Yes I did” he said laughing too

“It’s just….its just me you weren’t right about, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be the one for you” he said looking at me as he blinked a few tears away

I looked at him and let a few tears fall. Someone I thought was truly mine…but he was not mine. I was the person who paved the way for him to find who he truly needed in life

“You never wanted to be my boyfriend, but here you are” I said nodding my head

“I know, but it just happened” he said

“I don’t understand…I don’t understand how it just happened” I said shaking my head

“I just woke up one day and I knew….I knew that she was who I could spend the rest of my life with” he replied wiping his eye

“Knew what?” I said as my voice got shaky

“Knew what I was never sure of with you” he said looking at me

Those words pained me….they did, but I couldn’t be mad at him. I can not hate someone who doesn’t want me, it's not their fault.

Day 78

“Matt how do you know believe in love I don’t get it” I said laughing as I played with his hair

“It’s simple, I just don’t. What does it even mean? I say this all the time” he said laughing

“How do you know you’re not in love is the real question” I replied back

“Well how would I know?” He said running his hands up my thigh as he laid on my stomach

“I don’t know…..you just wake up one day and you just know” I replied back

To this he stood quiet, and it made me wonder if he was falling in love with me

Day 426

“Yeah” I said ina whisper

Matt pulled me in for a hug and rubbed my back. A hug I so badly needed and I gripped onto him letting a few more tears slip from my eyes. I thought what we had was real, and it wasn’t. And this would be the last time I would really feel Matt

He pulled away and looked into my eyes smiling at me

“I should go, but I’m really happy to see that you’re doing good” he said standing up and walking away

“Matt” I called out and he turned around

“I really do hope that you’re happy” I said standing up

He looked at me for a few seconds licking his lips and flashing a toothy smile at me. Nodding his head and whispering a thank you.

He turned back around and walked away.

I sat back down on the bench running my hands through my hair as I let the tears fall.

This…this is where I would be leaving any memory and may hope of Matt. He would stay here on this hilltop overlooking LA.

Day 574

Dear Diary,

It’s been 400 days since I parted ways with Matt. It’s been over a year and I can finally say that I am happy and okay. The very last conversation with Matt was hard, but it was needed.

I needed him to let me go, so that I could let him go. He helped me understand it all, and for that I’m thankful. He cleared a path for me that would make it easier for me to go on with life.

Although I spent many nights praying that he and I were meant for each other deep down I’m glad that we weren’t. I’m glad he was in my life when he was because who knows who I would be right now. I’m forever grateful he was put into my life to show me the beauty and the pain of it all.

I still have love for Matt, but in a different way than most would think. He helped me find peace of mind, and although it was painful and agonizing torture I’m glad I went through it.

He showed me that there’s much more in life and even though he was not mine I could push forward with myself. He opened my eyes to a lot of things, and I’m grateful for it. He’s doing well with his girlfriend, and I couldn’t be more happy for him. I sometimes find myself wondering what that would be like if it was him and I, but I try not to think about it.

He’s helped me be a better me. I finished my book finally and had it published. It’s actually doing really well, and even showed his support. Saying even though he doesn’t read he finds himself going back to my pages and re reading them. He really is the best thing that has happened to me.

Even though he didn’t make it to the end of my story I’m still grateful he was a part of the chapters. And I will always be grateful to be a part of his story, watching from the sidelines as one of his cheerleaders.

He deserves it all!

So with that diary I am finally closing this chapter of my life, and beginning a new one. Manifesting the life that I have always wanted for myself and happy where I’m heading.

This is the last page of this diary, and it’s such a bittersweet ending to end this right here and wonder if it’ll continue on a new page in a fresh book…..I guess time will tell, and with that I’m off to new ventures!

Sincerely,

Y/N

I shut my book and closed my pen. Rolling my shoulders as I looked out the cafe window. Smiling at the young children playing in the streets….the beauty of life!

I finished my coffee and threw it in the trash. Stretching and cracking my neck as I gathered my journal and pen. I began to walk away

“Excuse me miss” I heard from behind me

“Uh yes” I said turning around

“You left your bag” he said walking over to me with it

“Oh shoot! My minds all over the place” I said shaking my head and grabbing my bag from him

“Oh man I get that!” He said laughing

“Well thank you….” I said waiting for his name

“Oh Samuel! But I go by Sam” he said sticking his hand out for me to shake

A chill ran up my spine….i've come full circle again

“Well thank you Sam, I’m Y/N” I said shaking his hand

“You’re welcome Y/N” he said smiling at me

“I’ll see you around” I said nodding at him

“Yeah I’ll see you around” he said moving his glasses up with his right hand

My eyes immediately darted to the book in his hand….

The same Stephen King book I picked up when I met Matt.

What a small world….

The End

Alright this one was LONGGGGG, but I loved writing it🥺, and I hope you guys enjoyed it. This will not be a series just a quick little imagine where the ending is up to the reader🤭. I love yall and I hope you enjoyed reading it🥹🖤🖤 Also this is based on 500 Days of Summer because that movie broke meeee😭

-J💅🏽

[husina]

OMG THANK YOU FOR EXPLAINING THE RING thats so cute 😭 and what happened in italy? is it the good one or the bad one??? sorry for being annouing im trying to catch up on everthing but theres alot 😅

In Italy, they were first in Milan. They were passive-aggressive with each other the whole day. Their interviews seemed so tense (not in a good way).

Shortly before that, L's InStyle stunt and polaroids were published, which looked almost identical to A's, and that was probably the first indicator of the tension.

However, it seems these two lovebirds eventually figured out their problems because the next day in Verona, they acted completely differently, like a 180° change happened overnight.

My favorite interaction from them on stage was when they held each other and N whispered something to L, making him giggle so hard. They literally looked like a couple.

Also, it's worth noting that in Milan, L had a beard but in Verona, he appeared completely clean-shaven. The theory behind this is that N's skin is so sensitive that L needed to shave... you know, for fun time... 😏 Really considerate of L. Bravo!

If you watch the interviews back (from Milan), you'll definitely notice the difference in their behavior between the two locations.

I hope it was helpful anon 🤍

[sketchy-rosewitch]

Photoshoots and Home videos: Bo Sinclair x plus-size!fem!reader

+18 minors dni

Warnings: Reader is morally grey, nudity, face sitting, PinV, soft Bo

A/N: Seeing fat women on his picture wall made my heart flutter so yeah 🫠

Masterlist

The room under the gas station was one you weren’t allowed in. You never understood why. It wasn’t like Vincent or Bo hid the fact that they were killers from you. So what’s the worse you could’ve seen from it?

You slide the key into the lock and turn the knob, opening the door to the small room.

You see a medical chair with restraints on it and squint. Must’ve been where Bo tortured people.

You look to see a wall of leather harnesses and then do a 180 to a swing. Your face tingles you quickly look away, getting flustered at the thought of Bo using any of this on you. The thing you see next aren’t any better. A mattress and tv in front of it, above the mattress are Polaroids. You walk over already recognizing some of the women, having seen them when you explored around town. All of the pictures are provocative, some in their underwear, others in nothing. All different poses, you see Bo’s lower half in a few of them, he’s behind some too, kissing up their necks. The women are all different sizes and skin tones. Not one wears the same clothes and none of them have any similarities between them. Save for a few with the same hair color, but if they had the same hair color their skin color or body shape was different.

“Bunny?”

You jump, a small gasp leaving you. The breath of air gives away your location as it echos against the walls, you hear Bo groan and he comes down the stairs.

“I told you not to come down here.”

“Sorry, just got a little curious is all…” You look back at the photos, then to your boyfriend. “So when is it my turn? Or are these only saved for those who are gonna die?” You joke, using your thumb to point at the photos.

Bo chuckles at bit, but then goes silent, focusing on the wall behind you. You watch his face as he thinks.

“Can do it whenever you want, been wanting photos of you anyways. Get you some pretty clothes, take some pretty pictures of you, if you’d like.” Bo takes his curled index finger and lifts your chin, kissing you gently. Your chest swells in excitement. You can’t help but giggle.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

-

You bite down on the bend of your finger, turning your body at the waist to get a look at yourself.

Your hair was already done in a way that Bo liked, he bought you a beautiful lingerie set. You just felt unsure, you honestly don’t even know about what.

Your feet pad along the concrete floor as you move from the bathroom back to his little torture room. Your palms start to sweat and you watch as he sets up his camera.

A low whistle comes from Bo’s mouth making you feel flustered. You look down and play with your clammy hands. He walks up to you and takes your hands guiding you to the mattress. “Brightenin’ up the entire room Bunny.”

Your chest tightens in embarrassment as you realize why your little outfit had a fuzzy ball right by your tail bone. You sit and Bo sets a pair of bunny ears on your head, bending one of the ears. You hide your face.

“Bo..”

You can’t even look at him, you just know he has that stupid cute smirk on his face. You hear the camera shutter and look up shocked.

Bo’s already shaking a picture in his hand. “You’re cute, can’t help myself.” Bo shrugs, you huff. “Hey, you got nothin’ to be embarrassed about. You’re the prettiest girl in the world. Just can’t get over how sexy you look baby.”

Bo lays the photo on top of the tv before walking over to you. He leans in, kissing your lips quickly. “Makin’ it hard not to take you right here… maybe I’ll set up my other camera later.” Bo mumbles as he kisses down your neck. Your face heats up, you laugh out of nervousness.“Beautiful Bunny.”

Bo gets back up, and uses his hands to position you like a pinup girl.

He takes a few pictures before telling you how to pose again, then takes more. He then takes the camera off the stand and moves you so you’re laying down.

“Look at you, good girl.” Bo’s hand moves to your throat, your eyes are half open looking at his face. You can’t help the fact that they wander down towards the tent in his pants. You moan lightly, your body already hot from imagining what Bo’s gonna do to you after. You don’t even realize Bo had taken some pictures and began pulling the straps of your lingerie down.

He takes a few more pictures then sets the camera down on the stand again. Bo moves the stand closer to the bed, then moves across the room, you watch as he grabs a leash and collar. Your cunt clenches around nothing.

He tightens the collar around your neck and attaches the leash, tugging you a bit, seeing how well you’ll listen. You smile stupidly up at him. “Such a pretty Bunny.” Bo’s voice is on the brink of a moan.

Bo turns the camera’s timer on and grabs back onto the leash, using his other hand he puts his thumb in your mouth, you look up at him, your heart going crazy with want. The camera flashes and a second later Bo is taking a photo out of it, once it’s developed he shows you this one, you felt so beautiful in it.

You shift a little. “You ready for something else huh?”

“Yeah..” You look away, Bo grabs your face and kisses you deeply. A saliva strand connects the two of you, he backs you up and ties the collar to a bar on the wall.

“Sit still okay?”

You nod up and down frantically and watch as he puts away this camera and gets out a video recorder. You wonder if that’s what the tapes were on top of the tv. He sets the recorder on the stand pressing the red button. You watch as the little red light blinks, Bo turns the screen so it faces towards the two of you. Bo unclips the leash from the collar.

“Bein’ so sweet and good. I trained you so well didn’t I?”

You nod and watch as he slides you out of your lingerie, a small hum comes out of him. “Gonna lay down and you’re gonna sit on my face.”

Anxiety shoots through you. You haven’t done this before. “What if I-“

“None of that. Just do as I say.” Bo takes his boots off and lays down, his head towards the camera. “You’re gonna face the camera. I wanna see all of the pretty faces you’ll make.”

“Okay.” You lick your lips and position yourself so you’re hovering over his face. Bo wastes no time and licks between your folds. You let out a soft moan, his hands grab your thick thighs and pull them. You feel his tongue playing with your clit and let out soft whines. You fall forward slightly as your legs already begin with shake. Your hands hold you up and you grind down on his face wanting more from him. His tongue is fast, your eyes roll up.

“Bo, fuck…”

His fingers grip harder on your thighs. You mewl and start to drool a bit as you watch yourself in the camera. “I- please keep going. I love you, fuck I love your tongue it feels so good.”

It doesn’t take long for you to go over the edge. Your head lolls back and let out a loud cry and ride your orgasm out on his face. Your thighs feel like jelly but you try and get off of Bo. His face it wet with you, you let out a soft moan and kiss his lips, tasting you all over them.

“Why don’t you go ahead and sit on my lap Bunny.” Bo is already moving so he’s sitting in front of the camera, he unzips his jeans and takes them off along with his boxers. A small groan leaves his lips as he takes his cock in his hand for a second. You hesitate, not knowing which way he wants. “C‘mon. Face towards the camera.” His voice is stern, but not in a bad way. You kneel overtop of him, watching him in the camera, he’s smirking and you feel his hands rubbing your stomach and thighs. You relax and move down til you feel the tip of his cock. “S’okay. C’mon.” He encourages. You get a bit more flustered but you lower yourself on his cock, feeling as he stretches you out. Bo moans in your ear. “God you feel so good. Got so lucky with you Bunny.”

“You feel so good too, so big. I-I…” You stop talking when he grips your hips, beginning his own pace, bouncing you on his cock. You let out small whines, he stretches you over and over again. Your mouth is agape, eyes rolled up. “Bo, harder. More please. Please.”

“So polite.” Bo teases, he fucks up into you harder, one hand moves off of your hip and to your clit, his middle finger flicks at it lightly causing you to jerk and jolt around. “Bo, Bo please I like that please.”

He trails kisses up your shoulders and to your neck. “Keep whinin’ like that. God you’re gonna make me cum.”

“I want you to cum. Please, please cum inside me.” You beg, rolling your hips faster. Bo lets out little groans, you feel his cock twitch, making you cum.

Your whole body shakes as you let out a loud squeal. Your cunt pulsing around Bo’s cock causes him to cum, he fills you up, hips jerking into you. You let out soft whines as he comes down from his high. Your vision is hazy. “Good girl. Such a good girl.”

You try and stand up your legs shake and you almost fall, Bo takes you by the arm and laughs. “Lay down Bunny. It’s okay.” He says, guiding you back to the dingy mattress. At this point you don’t even care and you fall right back onto it, eyes closing you begin to fall asleep.

Bo takes the camera and stops recording. He smirks and slides his boxers back on then goes to grab a water bottle and cigarette.

He covers you in a blanket and moves you so you’re laying on his chest. He lights his cigarette and takes a long drag as he rubs your back, relaxing, yet absolutely ecstatic to finally have shown you how beautiful you are.

[bunnieswithknives]

hello! Quick question, my friend is writing a YHS FIC and they really want to get the characters accurate. Do you have any major personality details about YHS!Bunny and what their goals are? Of why they want to investigate and stuff like that?

Also, if you don’t mind: In the Mx. Sinister animatic, there was a scene with bunny and a bunch of written papers and we’re having trouble deciphering some of them. What does this one say?

Thanks in advance!!

Bunny is meant to be a character with schizophrenia, though I'm sure my portrayal isn't very accurate(partially just because I suck at staying in character lol) but this is nonetheless a central part of them!

Bunny's delusions and paranoia lead them to very frequently feel unsafe and isolated. Even when they aren't experiencing hallucinations, their negative symptoms mean they struggle to keep friends.

The disappearances caused a very sharp spike in their symptoms. Nova, previously being one of their few friends a suddenly withdrawing' and having 180 personality shift and was massive hit to their very slim social life and an even bigger hit to their paranoia. I'd say that was the moment when they went from a more passive paranoia to full blown red-string conspiracy, and obsessively taking pictures of everyone and everything (The polaroid camera is a result of one of their delusions, they are terrified of anything hosted digitally being tampered with and so the polaroid are loophole that they can use to assure themself of reality)

Bunny's main goal in life is to feel safe. Unfortunately for bunny, that's kind of unattainable in a town like that.

Especially in the current arc of having been kidnapped and tortured... yeah lets just say they aren't doing so well. Quite a few things they were paranoid about have been validated, they are in constant agony from their missing face chunk and they have developed multiple substance addictions from being force fed pills. Their safety is now totally and utterly out of their hands and I think its kind of broken them a little bit, they are so miserable and hopeless that its kind of wrapped back around. To put it simply they definitely have some Stockholm syndrome going on.

Fizzy takes care of them, Fizzy helps feed them, Fizzy makes sure they don't bleed to death after Chaos hurts them.

Chaos likes(?) their company, Chaos gives them happy pills, Chaos doesn't kill them.

In a very twisted way Fizzy and Chaos are all that they have, and the only people who still care about them.

As for the photo:

it doesn't say anything in particular, its meant to be incoherent nonsense but if I remember correctly its "No" "Yakuza?" "Could be" "Spies?" "Maybe"

[reddiesworldsblog]

daily reminder day 172: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s playing in richie’s hair, who’s head is in his lap as eddie plays through the soft, dark ink curls. eddie has always loved richie’s hair, the way it flips out and runs in all different directions…eddie has always found it kinda beautiful.

daily reminder day 173: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s reading a book by the pool as he tans and sips on a strawberry lemonade. little does he know, richie just got home and he’s admiring his hot husband from the sliding glass door. richie really does  love his eddie, and he’s glad he’s home now so he can kiss and hold eddie exactly how he wants to.

daily reminder day 174: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s in the middle of making up his and richie’s bed, minding his business and humming to himself when all of the sudden richie comes up behind him and scares the absolute shit out of him. he yelps and it leads to eddie jumping on richie as he curses him out, and of course, that asshole, only laughs and let’s eddie smack him a little before tackling him onto their half-made bed. richie kisses eddie, and suddenly eddie forgets about it for a good 10 minutes in the time they’re kissing between breathless giggles.

daily reminder day 175: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s relaxing and enjoying a well deserved no work/stress free day. he hopes you’re all able to do the same :)

daily reminder day 176: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s tending to his garden

daily reminder day 177: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s resisting the urge to go all Attack Dog on this mf who keeps looking at him and his richie all weird. it’s 2023, numbnuts, if you have a problem with him and his husband only holding hands then daily reminder day 177: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s resisting the urge to go all Attack Dog on this mf who keeps looking at him and his richie all weird. it’s 2023, numbnuts, if you have a problem with him and his husband only holding hands then most precious thing he’s ever laid eyes on and it makes eddie’s heart flutter in the best way. eddie decides then that that bigoted asshole doesn’t matter, because no one has every looked at eddie this way and has been doing it since they were kids. richie is way more important, he loves richie, and richie loves him too, and so eddie kisses his husband because he can and wants to.

daily reminder day 178: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he wishes he lived in antarctica or the north pole or somewhere that’s really fucking cold because cali is too gd hot and he’s about to lose it. if he doesn’t cool down quick he’ll make it everyone’s problem.

daily reminder day 179: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he, richie, and the rest of the losers are at a beach house for a losers yearly reunion. it’s kinda like old times back when they were teenagers — playing games, smoking weed, and re-telling old stories that they didn’t even know they remembered. it’s nice to meet up, a time to not worry about other people and their jobs and shit. it’s night time now and it’s just eddie out by the pool in a lawn chair thinking when richie meets him out there, picking eddie up so he can sit in the chair and have eddie sit in his lap. they just smile at each other, words not even needing to be said, before kissing and beginning their ramble about any and everything, admiring each other and sharing more kisses in between.

daily reminder day 180: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s picking the strawberries he had grown in his garden and he’s so excited to just DEVOUR them.

daily reminder day 181: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he’s looking at some old polaroids he found of him and the losers from back when they were teenagers and also their 20’s. eddie smiles at how young and carefree they all looked — especially the ones of him and richie that the others took of them. there’s some of he and richie at the quarry, when they were asleep and cuddling in the clubhouse hammock, even their prom photo. and then eddie’s favorite, when richie had hold of the camera and had it turned towards the two of them. richie is kissing his cheek with a shit eating grin while he’s trying to push richie away, but despite what his hand is doing, eddie’s face is a mix of feign disgust and laughter. it’s so them, and it’s like not much has changed between them, but their bond and love got stronger in a way that eddie didn���t think was possible. eddie decides then that he’s gonna frame the polaroid, the memory of it warming his heart with affection as he does so.

daily reminder day 182: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and right now he and richie are getting matching tattoos. he knows what you’re all thinking, getting matching tattoos with your partner is stupid and even he thinks so. but here’s the thing, he and richie have been together since high school, and even with that have they ever really been /just/ friends? like they’ve been holding hands since they were 5, they got fake married at 7, have been sharing a bed since they were 13. they’ve been through hell and back and have loved each other since before they even knew what love was. they’re in their 40’s now, and have only broken up once in their 20’s for like 2 days because they couldn’t stand being away from each other. so, yeah, this is the only exception to getting matching tattoos. richie is the love of his life and vice versa and they both know that no matter what they’re it for each other. and once they’re done getting their tattoos, they smile and kiss each other, chaste but full of love.

daily reminder day 183: eddie k-tozier is alive and well and he just got the WORST case of brain freeze from drinking his slurpee way too fast. it’s hot as a motherfucker outside right now and when richie handed him his extra large slurpee he didn’t waste any time to start drinking it. well, obviously since- yeah anyway it’s hot out so please stay hydrated and wear sunscreen and find some shade and go to the pool and whatever else and also eddie hopes you get the ice cold drink that you’ve been craving today.

[lixiesfreckless]

Punch It | l. m.

➸ synopsis: there’s an unexpected opening for the leader position of Changbin’s street racing gang club. Naturally, Minho steps up, ready to fill in the role.

He didn’t expect anyone to challenge him, though.

➸ starring: lee minho x female reader(ft. idols from jypnation)

➸ word count: 5.1k

➸ general content: streetracer!minho, actual street racing, the reader and Minho are both too cocky for their own good, rivals to something more, unacknowledged sexual tension

➸ warnings: mild swearing, briefly mentioned alcohol consumption, reckless driving(it is street racing after all)

➸ rating: teen+

➸ author’s note: this is the first fic I posted that made me feel accomplished as a writer. at the time it was the longest thing I had ever written, and I wrote 4k of it in one day; something that was unheard of for me previously. I want this fic here as a reminder as to how far I’ve come as a writer. this was originally posted in 2021, though, so please understand that it is not up to par with my recent works.

♫ this fic has a soundtrack! you don’t need to listen to it while reading(especially if the lyrics will bother you), but dude. the vibes. the speed. we are breaking traffic laws in style.

yes, it’s meant to be listened to in that order. shuffling it will result in Minho cramming you into an air fryer for 20 minutes at 180 degrees.

♫- Sin City

“A shot of hard liquor please, skip the ice,” Changbin told the bartender, pointing towards his favorite brown bottle behind the counter. 

“Woah woah woah- what about our rule?” Hyunjin said, raising an eyebrow while putting a hand on the older man’s shoulder.

“Yes I know the rule; I was the one who made it,” Changbin scoffed, swatting Hyunjin’s hand away. You guys may break a lot of rules on the daily, but catching a DUI? That was out of the question. Which is why this particular club was used for group meetups and pit stops only; touch a drop of alcohol and you won’t be getting back behind your steering wheel.

Changbin turned to face everyone, sitting at the curved bar with questioning looks on their faces.

“Which I guess brings me to the reason why I called for us to meet today,” he sighed, watching how the rest of the crew glanced between each other nervously. Everyone had been sort of tense upon arrival, since this was a Thursday night instead of their usual Friday meetups.

“I'm stepping down as leader.”

“WHAT?!” was the collective reaction of all twelve members, some slamming their palms on the counter as they abruptly stood up.

“Okay so you don’t need any liquor, clearly you’re already drunk,” Minho rolled his eyes, swirling the ice around in a glass of water on the bar counter.

“Oh I’m sober,” he sighed, taking his keys and wallet out of his pocket, and you could see the color drain from Minho’s face as he realized that this wasn’t some sick joke.

“But why,” Hyunjin piped up, playing with his driving gloves. “You’re the best leader we’ve had since I joined the gang.” 

Everyone nodded in agreement; out of everyone that was there Hyunjin had been in the gang the longest, he would know better than anyone else.

Changbin was silent for a moment before he opened his wallet, taking out a small shiny Polaroid.

He slid it across the counter so the group could get a good look at it.

At the bottom, the name “Seo Chun Ja” was written hastily in black ink, along with a date that couldn’t have been more than a week ago.

In the photo was a woman that you had known by now to be his wife, but she was holding something in her arms on the hospital bed.

A baby girl.

Donning a knitted pink cap with yellow flowers, the child couldn’t have been bigger than Changbin’s forearm as she rested in her mother’s arms. 

It only took a couple of seconds for everyone to register what was going on.

“You’re…you’re a father?!” You squealed, leaning farther over the counter to see the bundle of joy in his wife’s arms. You weren’t the only one surprised; Changbin preferred to keep his personal life private, and the only indication that most people had that he was even married was from the gold band on his left ring finger. He smiled fondly at the photograph before nodding, and took the photo back into his fingertips.

“How old is she?” Someone chimed from the other end of the group.

“Three days? Or maybe four,” he chuckled, sliding the photo back into his wallet. “I don’t know, I haven’t gotten much sleep since she made her grand entrance into the world.”

“Does she cry a lot?” Hyunjin asked.

“Yeah.”

“Yup, she’s a Seo alright,” Minho chuckled, raising his eyebrows before taking another sip of his water. Changbin yelled in annoyance as Hyunjin high fived the older boy, cackling wildly.

Congrats and thanks were shared across the bar for another minute before everyone slowly fell silent, taking in the gravity of the situation as the bass thrummed through the room.

“So…does this mean you’re not going to race anymore?” You said quietly, looking up at Changbin. He squinted his eyes before taking a deep breath.

“No, I’m not going to stop racing,” he started, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. “I just don’t have the time for our weekly meetups, not until little Chun Ja can sleep through the night.” You nodded in understanding; racing while sleep deprived would be taking the fast track to heaven.

“And I mean…not that what we do is entirely life threatening, but the wifey is a bit worried that me barreling down the highway at 100 mph isn’t exactly keeping the family’s best interests at heart,” he chuckled nervously, taking the glass that the bartender slid to him and downing it in one go. “I’ll show up every once in a while though.”

“So who’s gonna be the next leader then?” Minho asked, finally putting his glass down.

Changbin threw the keys he had in his other hand towards the middle of the counter, and everyone’s eyes went wide.

Those were the keys to his favorite car, a sleek black 1993 Toyota MR2.

“Changbin, you drove that car here,” Hyunjin said, crossing his arms and tilting his head. “Who’s going to drive you home?”

“You will,” he grinned, and the tall boy slapped a hand to his forehead and groaned.

“I take back what I said about you being the best leader-”

“Shut it, pretty boy.”

“What do you even want us to do with those?” Yeji piped up, your favorite driving partner by far. Her hair was braided into one long platinum tail down her back, and although she used to race motocross, she picked up street racing because those types of bikes weren’t allowed on city roads.

Changbin cleared his throat.

“Since I’m not going to be racing all that frequently, I would hate to see my baby be locked up in a garage to rust away with my other SUVs, so…” he pushed the keys forward with his finger a bit more, “whoever thinks they’re the best driver, after me of course,” he snickered, and you could hear someone snort behind you. “Stand up and take the keys.”

Hyunjin and Minho stood up, but after glancing at Minho, Hyunjin sat back down, to which Minho chuckled to himself.

What Minho wasn’t expecting however, was for you to stand up too.

He stared at you in mild disbelief before looking away and scoffing.

“You’re kidding right?” He said, raising an eyebrow. You folded your arms, taking a defensive stance.

“I’m standing, aren’t I?”

Hyunjin took a sip of his virgin Shirley Temple and side eyed Yeji, who had the same mischievous look on her face.

“I test drove race cars for four years!”

“So?” Yeji chuckled, keeping her attitude at bay while fixing her gloves. “Y/n’s good. Like really good.”

“But doesn’t experience matter more-”

“Alright alright, calm down,” Changbin said, waving his hands while he grabbed the keys. He then swiftly tossed them to Minho, whose face lit up, then quickly fell after seeing Changbin shake his head.

“You know how we settle things around here, don’t you?”

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧ ♫- Automatic ‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

The car rolled to a stop in between two streetlights, stopping at an intersection of an alleyway and a back road on the edges of the city. Minho leaned back in his seat, beginning to roll up the sleeves of his white button down shirt as you pulled up a stopwatch on your phone.

“And out of all the tracks we like to race,” he huffed, glancing at you, “why did you pick the track that I hold the fastest time for?”

“Simple,” you said quietly, propping your phone up on a vent clip.

“That way when I beat you, the look on your face will be priceless.”

His jaw dropped at your confidence, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t find it the slightest bit attractive.

“Everyone’s tried to beat my record, even Changbin-”

“Not me,” you quipped.

“So you’re just gonna claim that you can right off the bat?” He scoffed, pulling the strap tight on his gloves.

“There’s a first time for everything.”

“You’re-”

“Are you gonna drive or are we gonna sit here and bicker all night?” You cut him off, leaning towards him in your seat. “Because I can do both, but I’m sure the gang would love to know who won the race and not our argument-”

“Okay okay, sheesh,” he said, readjusting himself in the seat and taking the car out of park.

The rules were simple. One lap around downtown on the usual track, no shortcuts, no shenanigans, and no cheating of any kind, such as distracting the driver. It was late enough as is so there would be no pedestrians or traffic, not that this part of town was particularly busy at any time of day. The track took a little more than a minute if you were an experienced street racer, but for Minho, his time to beat was fifty-six seconds.

“Start the clock whenever you’re ready,” he mumbled, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the gear shift. He was mad, you could tell. You found that hot, which you hoped he couldn’t tell.

“Three-”

He trained his eyes on the road.

“Two-”

He revved the engine twice. The little show off.

“One-”

He clicked the car into first gear, and you barely registered yourself pressing the start button and yelling “GO!” before the blaring sound of the engine roaring to life filled your eardrums. 

You were both pressed into the back of your seats as the car zoomed forward, turning the small dots of light in the streets into streaks while the black rocket whizzed by.

A sly grin grew on his face as he upshifted twice, and after a few seconds he was well over the speed limit, not that any police officers lingered around this side of the city.

He knew this road like the back of his hand. Every pothole, every crack, anything that would slow him down he knew just how to avoid it. Even when he approached sharp turns, he knew just when he had to start downshifting, and even that was seamless.

Calculated.

Precise.

Completely and utterly predictable.

Everything he is and everything you aren’t.

He rounded a corner perfectly and kept shifting gears until he was tearing down the now not-so-quiet street at 70 mph, tapping on the clutch as if he was trying to match the beat of a song. At this speed, he was going to beat his previous record out of spite.

Outside of the constant roar of the engine, things were dead silent inside the car. Minho was too busy concentrating on the road to speak, and you were analyzing his every move, not that there was much to analyze. He never made any mistakes.

Which is why when he zoomed by the starting streetlights with a record time of fifty-four seconds, you were anything but surprised.

“What’s my time?” He huffed, relaxing into the seat as his chest heaved.

“Fifty-four seconds.”

A pleased grin made its way onto his face before replacing itself with a smug smirk, Minho tilting his head as he turned the car off.

“I’m the best you’ve ever seen, admit it.”

“No thanks,” you replied, unlocking the door and stepping out of the car. “I’ve looked in a mirror before.”

Your heels clicked around the front of the car as Minho got out, shaking his head while he held the door open. Stopping in front of the open door, you nodded your head to tell him to get to the other side of the car so you two could get this over with, but he just looked down at the seat and back at you, waiting for you to step in. You reluctantly sat down and he closed the door behind you before walking across the front.

So he is a gentleman, you thought to yourself while pulling the Velcro on your gloves.

And a handsome one at that, was a thought that you quickly shooed away, not liking how your eyes admired the way the streetlights hit his face for a split second before he got back in the car.

You both buckled your seat belts and he cleared the timer on your phone, opening a fresh stopwatch log and waiting for you to look at him.

But you didn’t, you only tapped impatiently on the steering wheel with a manicured nail.

After a few seconds of tense silence you spoke up.

“What are you waiting for?” You gave him an annoyed side eye.

“Aren’t you going to tell me when to go?”

“Okay, go.”

“What-”

“Go!”

You switched the car out of park and straight into first gear, making him shriek and start the timer while you snickered. The car barreled down the street, picking up fallen leaves and rattling trash cans with the engine alone.

You reached over to your left side and pressed a button, lowering all of the windows in the car at once, and Minho looked at you in disbelief.

“Do you not care about the drag you’re gonna get from that?” He yelled over the roaring wind.

“Not one bit.” You grinned, fixing the rear view mirror with your right hand.

It was at this point that Minho realized that he had never been in a car while you were behind the wheel, and his hand instinctively held on to an interior handle while you upshifted again. His heartbeat started to pick up as he noticed that you didn’t downshift, in fact whereas he usually would be two gears lower by now, you upshifted again and he held the handle tighter.

“Y/n,” he began calmly, looking at the speedometer, “do you see that turn up ahead?”

“Uh huh,” you yelled, holding the steering wheel with both hands now.

“Are you not going to slow down?!” He suddenly yelled, frightened at the calmness in your voice.

“Why would I do that-”

“To keep us ALIVE?!” He screamed, grabbing onto the middle console. “Because that’s how you handle turns?!”

You quickly looked behind you before pushing yourself far back into the seat, pressing your heeled foot a little bit further onto the acceleration pedal.

“This is how you handle a turn.”

Everything seemed to move in slow motion as you spun the wheel to the left just before you hit the corner, and you and Minho were suddenly pressed into the right sides of your seats, the centrifugal forces taking over the black vehicle. The wind whistled through Minho’s window as the sound of tires skidding along the pavement filled the street, and just as he got a grasp as to what was happening, you spun the wheel the other way, realigning the car with the road ahead before you slammed on the acceleration.

And that’s when it hit him.

You were a drift racer.

And you didn’t slow down at all that entire turn.

You screamed in delight, almost as loud as the engine did as you tore up the street, the car swerving left and right as you drifted around nearly every corner, barely pausing to downshift or brake at all. You kept your mischievous eyes on the road, both hands on the wheel, and your foot on the acceleration the whole time.

Minho, in a panic, glanced at the stop watch after you shredded your way through a hairpin turn.

Thirty-eight seconds.

Oh my god, she’s going to beat me.

The final turn of the course approached quickly, thanks to your apparent resentment to using the brakes, and Minho started to grip the center console again, but instead of drifting around it like you usually did, you held onto the gear shift, pulling it towards you in succession just like he did when he drove. You shot him a wink before you rounded the corner, and his heart raced, but no longer out of fear.

The starting streetlight shot by you and you didn’t even bother to slow down, glancing at the stop watch to see that it read forty-seven seconds before taking the route that led to the highway.

“Where are we going?” He yelled, frantically putting his window back up, and you followed suit.

��Back to the club, silly,” you responded, before upshifting one last time.

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧ ♫- Break From Toronto ‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

You pulled the life out of the car with a twist of the keys, killing the engine before turning it over in your hands. The once shiny Toyota symbol was now faded to a dull gray, and many of the markings for the lock buttons were missing.

“Why...why didn’t you drift on the last turn?” Minho finally spoke up, looking at you while his chin rested in his palm. “You would have gotten a faster time-”

“I don’t care about records Minho,” you stated, undoing the Velcro on your gloves. “I already knew I was going to beat you, that was just to show off.”

You swiftly unbuckled your seatbelt and got out of the car, stepping into the parking lot which was mostly empty by now, and he slowly did the same. He was still mostly in shock, lacking comebacks and sass just because he couldn’t process that he had lost. 

Walking across the front of the car, Minho approached you with a hand outstretched, wanting to keep good sportsmanship despite his colossal defeat. You gladly accepted it, closing your hand around the keys you were twirling and offering it to firmly shake hands with him.

“They’ll have a good leader,” he said, nodding his head slightly.

“I don’t doubt that for a second,” you replied, before taking his hand and pressing it to his chest.

The keys to Changbin’s car fell into his hands as he looked between you and them, confused.

“But...you won,” he whispered, turning the key over in his hands.

“Damn right I did,” you chuckled, “but I don’t really want to be the leader, and besides, his car doesn’t have a Bluetooth radio, and I don’t feel like switching it out.”

He furrowed his eyebrows in shock, trying to come up with a response.

“So what do I tell them then?”

“Whatever you want Lee, I don’t care,” you said, stepping closer to him. His breath caught in his throat as you paused, looked him up and down, then straight into his eyes.

“You can tell them I lost, but we both know who the fastest racer in this city really is.”

And with that, you spun on your heels, walking towards your car as Minho stood there, dumbfounded.

“You’re going home?”

“Yeah,” you called back to him, “I’ve had enough excitement for one night.” Your heels clicked away at the pavement and Minho couldn’t help but watch, trying to make sense of the strange whirlwind of emotions in his stomach.

“Oh and uh...a word of advice,” you laughed, turning back to look at him, “you’d be a lot more enjoyable without that pole up your ass.”

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧ ♫- Early ‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

“Sheesh,” Hyunjin swooned, trailing his fingers over the black exterior of the vehicle, assessing its every curve. “This car is sexy.”

Minho sat on a bench on the curb, trying to let the bass from inside the club soothe his mind as he held his head in between his hands. 

“Ugh and it even matches my hair- if I had this car, I’d never bleach my hair again,” he sighed dreamily, adjusting a rear view mirror so he could look at himself. “Imagine showing up to parties in this baby, and-”

Hyunjin paused, narrowing his eyes at his best friend on the bench, who had barely said a word since he walked into the club and declared himself as the new leader. 

“-and why do I get the feeling that I’m more excited about this car than you?” He said, trading his grin out for a concerned pout as he joined Minho on the bench.

“Because...I don’t deserve it,” Minho said slowly, staring at the license plate.

“Are you kidding?” Hyunjin scoffed, looking at the other in disbelief. “You’re the best racer that I know! Of course you deserve it, you wo-”

“She won.”

Hyunjin tilted his head, letting a small nervous chuckle escape his lips.

“What?”

“Seven seconds Hyunjin,” he began, standing up and rubbing his face with his hands. “That’s how much she beat me by.”

Hyunjin’s face went pale.

“That’s...that’s impossible,” the taller boy whispered to himself, and Minho laughed bitterly at that statement, reminding him of what he had thought earlier that night.

“Not for a drift racer, apparently!”

Minho turned around, facing the other who had shock written all over his face.

“Have you seen that woman drive?!” He practically yelled, and Hyunjin stopped to think.

“Come to think of it, no,” he realized, looking up at his friend. “She’s always helping Yeji learn the ropes when we go on our group drives, so they carpool-”

“Well you should watch her drive,” he continued, more hysterical laughter spilling from Minho’s lips, “she’s reckless, and she doesn’t slow down, and she drifts around every corner, and she drives with the goddamn windows down, and in the last hour she’s made me question everything I ever knew about street racing!” He paused to take a deep breath.

“I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

“She’s that good?”

“God, she’s incredible,” he confessed, leaning against the side of the car. “And she could have lowered her time too; at the last corner of the race she downshifted almost perfectly, and didn’t drift because ‘that was just to show off.’”

Hyunjin started laughing, for it wasn’t often that he got to see Minho all riled up about something...or someone.

“Never,” Minho spat, “never in my eight years of driving have I ever met anyone with the audacity to-”

“Minho! Minho Minho Minho,” Hyunjin chuckled, getting up off the bench to stand in front of a wide-eyed Minho, placing his hands on his shoulders. 

“Hey,” he gave him a knowing smile, “it’s okay to have a crush-”

“Yah! Does everyone have to be drunk these days?” He yelled, pushing the younger one off of him as he opened the car door to get in. Hyunjin collapsed to the ground, lost in a fit of giggles among the asphalt.

“Call me when you want to talk about your feelings,” he swooned, erupting into laughter again before Minho slammed the door, shaking his head.

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧ ♫- Get It, If You Let Me ‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

The highway seemed awfully quiet as Minho zoomed along the shoulder, watching the street lights flicker through the car like a broken headlight as he let his mind wander. This night had taken more turns than the Le Mans race track, and he was way overdue for some sleep.

He sighed, looking through the windshield, and as he shifted his vision he noticed something amiss on one of the vents.

You had left your phone.

You must have forgotten to put it back in your bag, and Minho cursed at himself for forgetting to take it out and give it to you.

Then again, he was apparently desperately needing driving lessons, specifically the ones where you learn to drift.

Minho slowed down, coming to a stop at a red light as he pondered his decision. He knew where your house was, and knowing you, you’d still be awake, thanks to the countless times he had muted your endless chatting with Yeji in the group chat. 

He was definitely too arrogant earlier. Would you even be willing to accept an apology or give him a second chance?

The light in the left lane flickered to green, letting an absolute lack of drivers make left turns and U-turns back into town, and Minho’s grip on the steering wheel tightened once again.

To hell with this.

He slammed on the acceleration, crossing the three empty lanes between the shoulder and the left turn lane before making a U-Turn, and nothing had felt more right than when he grinned and shifted the car into second gear.

Only one thing left to do now I guess, he thought to himself.

Punch it.

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

“You should have seen the look on his face,” you practically squealed, kicking your legs up off the couch while trying not to spill your glass of wine. “The man was going to pee himself!”

“I know I nearly did the first time I rode with you,” Yeji chuckled, unscrewing the oil cap with a click. “H-Hey, I got it to come off!”

“Good!” You sat up on the couch, suddenly focused. “The oil is coming out black right?”

“Yeah...it’s kinda gross,” she drawled.

“Make sure you empty it all the way-”

Your train of thought was broken by the low rumble of a familiar engine on your street, slowly pulling into your driveway. You squinted your eyes in concentration, trying to identify who was at your house at this hour as Yeji confusedly called your name through the landline.

“Yeji? Are you going to be up for a while?” You said suddenly, holding the receiver up to your face again.

“Yeah...I have a couple more things to fix,” she said, and you heard the sound of a wrench clattering to the floor through the receiver. “Why?”

“I think Minho is at my house.”

“Ooooooooh-”

“Shut up, I’ll be right back,” you laughed, and then swiftly hung up, just in case this took longer than you expected.

You walked up to one of the windows near the driveway, lifting up one of the blinds to see if your suspicions were correct, and they were; Minho got out of his new car, shoving the keys into his pockets before closing the door behind him.

One glance into a mirror and you realized the absurdity of this situation.

You had quickly ridden yourself of the glittery makeup and cute outfit in favor of pajamas as soon as you got home, and here he was walking up to your door, still looking as sharp as he did earlier that night.

Good thing you didn’t care what he thought of you.

Mostly.

A hand through the hair would have to suffice for now.

He stepped up to your door, contemplating whether a knock or doorbell ring would be better, but you quickly erased both options, opening the door as soon as he stood on the welcome mat.

“I knew you’d be back but…” you looked him over and smiled, “...not this soon.”

He only responded with a light chuckle before pulling your phone out of his dark wash jeans.

“I wasn’t planning on being here like this but this was left in my car,” he said, holding it up to his face. “Figured you’d want it.”

You hummed, nodding in thanks and quirking an eyebrow.

“But…?”

“But what?” He laughed nervously.

“But no man in their right mind would drive to some chick’s house just to give her something that could have waited until the next morning,” you tilted your head in amusement and swirled the wine in your glass. “Unless you’ve come to apologize.”

“For?”

“Um, underestimating me?”

“Oh yeah, that,” more nervous laughter fell from his lips. “Sorry about that.”

“And the arrogance.”

“And the arrogance,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes.

“Cool. So now that that’s out of the way,” you whispered, putting your glass on a table inside near the door, closing the door behind you and leaning against it, “why are you really here?”

His eyes widened, clearly not prepared for you to have read him so easily.

“I…” his hands fumbled with the edges of his rolled up sleeves as he tried to get his thoughts together. After a few seconds of silence he dropped the act, relinquishing his cool demeanor.

“Back there, when you were driving,” a slow look of astonishment spread across his face, “how did you do that?”

“Do what? Drift?”

“Yeah.”

“You want to be a drift racer?”

“Not necessarily,” he explained, “it's just...we should have flipped over- I don’t get how you did that.”

“All I did was let the weight of the vehicle drive the car instead of me,” you said, nodding towards the hunk of metal on your driveway. “If you’re driving fast enough, turning sharply will make the car drift; the back wheels will try to swing to the front and centrifugal force and whatnot.”

Minho visibly winced.

“To put it simply, it’s about controlling a lack of control.”

“How is that safe?” 

“It’s not,” you laughed, then turned serious. “Not that anything we do is safe.” He just blinked at you, trying to process what he was supposed to do with this information.

“Minho, on average, how much do you lower your record every time you attempt to beat it?”

“Uh,” he squinted his eyes. “I don’t know, like a half second maybe? Why?”

“You do the same thing every time don’t you?”

“Why does that sound like a bad thing coming from you?” He chuckled nervously, shifting on his feet.

“Well then it’s no wonder how I beat your record so easily,” you cackled, “you’ve basically optimized your route; to you, nobody can beat it, because nobody is going to try anything different.”

“Where are you going with this?” He tilted his head, assuming a defensive stance.

“You can’t get better unless you try something new.” You deadpanned, looking him straight in the eyes. “In other words, you can't beat me until you quit being so scared.”

“I’m not scared!” He retorted.

“You basically tried to become Mariah Carey when I drove!”

He opened his mouth to snap back, then for his own safety, decided not to.

“Look, I get it,” you said quietly, “losing control in a car while you spin in a metal box isn’t everyone’s idea of fun-”

“Not when you put it like that-”

“But,” you chuckled, and the sparkle in his eyes returned, “because I know how this is going to keep you up tonight-”

“I’ll sleep just fine, thank you,” he laughed, folding his arms.

“I’ll give you one tip, for free.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“Loosen up,” you said, giving him a light shove, and he stumbled backwards slightly. “Otherwise you’ll be stuck at fifty-four seconds.”

He just watched you turn to leave before you added, “I’ll be at the giant abandoned parking lot past downtown tomorrow night with Yeji, in case you want a lesson or something.” And with that you stepped behind your door, flashing him a smile before closing the door.

Minho stood there, blinking hard and trying to regulate the erratic beating of his heart before you opened the door again, giving him a strange look.

You pointed at him and raised an eyebrow, and he looked down to where your finger was pointed.

“Oh, right,” he chuckled, handing you your phone and you laughed, taking the device from him.

“Goodnight Minho,” you whispered before closing the door again, not giving him time to respond.

Your ability to make him speechless was getting out of hand.

Something tells me I’m supposed to get used to this…

“...goodnight.”

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

Punch It

a lixiesfreckles_ production

cast(in order of appearance)

Seo Changbin as the only one with a life

Hwang Hyunjin as the drama

Lee Minho as the obvious choice

Hwang Yeji as the best friend

in memory of my old self. you had no idea what you'd be capable of one day.

do not copy or repost. all rights reserved.

[heartbreakslow]

1x06

Darren: Cash is officially expired...I could just get shitfaced and forget he ever existed.

Darren 5 minutes later: Cash! I thought maybe you've been avoiding me?

Darren 5 minutes later: I am completely, utterly, spiritually done with Cash. He's an asshole.

Darren 5 minutes later: (looking at a picture of Cash and smiling and petting the picture)

Darren poses for Quinni’s camera as they vent: “I’m literally the hottest thing this side of the bridge and he’s treating me like a foot fungus! Cash is officially expired.”

Quinni suggests that maybe Cash doesn’t like sex as much as Darren does. Darren thinks that’s impossible: “when eshays aren’t dealing drugs, they’re wheeling with their dicks.” Quinni pushes back again, and says that Darren and Cash should have a conversation about what they’re both looking for.

Darren: Aww! Or I could just get shitfaced and forget he ever existed.

With this in mind, Darren impulsively organizes a party.

Later, they’re coming out of their building when they see Cash. They call out to him, but he explains he’s just delivering orders and Darren is visibly disappointed. Then they have the nerve to ask if he’s been avoiding them! He says that he’s been busy because Nan is in the hospital for what sounds like a sex injury. Darren laughs, then apologizes for laughing, and Cash admits it’s funny. They both stop laughing and awkwardly say bye to each other and Darren walks away squeezing their eyes shut like they’re going to cry.

Later, they knock on his door asking to talk. His reaction is mixed: he lets them in but leaves the door open. He sits on his bed looking wary and tells them he’s busy taking care of Nan and doesn’t have time to talk to them. Darren says that maybe the two of them have really different sex drives, but they could figure something out, “and I should have—“

Cash cuts them off saying “I can’t do this right now.” The two of them start arguing and he accuses Darren of only caring about themself.

Then the eshays all come in the house, saying they brought food for Nan. Chook very deliberately looms behind Darren, looking them up and down. He asks Cash, “what’s he doing here?” Cash replies, “Just a customer,” and that’s the last straw—Darren leaves. Chook laughs.

At the party, Darren doubles down: “I am completely, utterly, spiritually, and hormonally done with Cash. He’s an asshole.”

They eye one of Missy’s friends and we see a glimpse of the two of them having sex later.

When Darren is helping Quinni put her pictures back on the wall, they take a minute to look at the Polaroid from Mardi Gras. They see how Cash was looking at them. They smile at the picture and put it back on the wall.

Thoughts: you might think nothing Da$h happens in this episode, but actually a lot happens! Darren starts out with the perception that they’re being “treated like a foot fungus,” but Quinni is firm enough that Darren realizes it wasn’t like that.

They do a 180 once they’ve stopped seeing Cash’s behavior as an insult—which is a pretty big indication that this wasn’t about sex. (So is the fact that they have sex with another guy, yet they are still pining at the end.)

Once they understand, they’re open to making it work, but that doesn’t mean they’re ready to apologize. Well, I do think they were going to do a little apology when they came to Cash's house, but it was pretty weak. They just want to skip over the fact that he is justifiably wary after how they treated him, and they get mad when he doesn’t reconcile with them immediately.

Do we think Nan was actually in the hospital? It would definitely be in character for Cash to lie about that to avoid Darren, but I guess the show would have made it more clear if he was lying. Or is Chook getting chips for Nan the reveal that Cash was lying?

Also, in ep 3 we saw Cash was trying to avoid hanging out with Chook. Is it possible that he started drifting back to the eshays after things went badly with Darren?

With context, it seems reasonable that Cash introduced Darren as a customer, but it sure didn’t help with Darren’s fear of Cash being unsure/closeted.

[psychoticwillgraham]

posting bc i got a request to, the very beginning of john noir's backstory :3 theres not a whole lot yet tho :(

If you had a chance to make a deal with the devil in exchange for immense fame and fortune, would you? 

If your name is John Noir, that's exactly what you already did.

But man, is it taking forever to manifest.

He'd been working at this for years now, but turns out the music industry is nearly impossible to break into. Even with his deal with the devil, it seemed like this was taking way too damn long. 

John had fully expected that the change would be overnight, a complete 180 from his current situation. But it seems like infernal deals have their own time table of effectiveness if his current situation was anything to go by. 

John couldn't wait for the era of couch surfing, the cheapest beer money could buy, and underground alternative shows in slimy, questionable bars to be over. He was sick of his 'working bitch' era, of having to play to overly intoxicated and downright bigoted audiences. He was sick of having to constantly deal with the slurs, the physical altercations, the death threats, and increasingly common (for some damn reason) stabbing attempts. Hopefully, it would all pay off, preferably sooner rather than later.

Tonight was one of the rare nights where he actually enjoyed the venue and crowd, since tonight was a drag performance night. It started off as it usually did with him arriving two hours early and still hungover from the previous night's adventures. It was a familiar and very beloved venue that John rarely got a chance to do a show at since his schedule was so goddamn full every waking hour. Luckily tonight, his favorite bartender and number one twink of his heart Jasper, was on main bar duty. God the baby blues on that man and the things they made his long ago closed off heart do. All it took to get his attention was John slinging the heaviest duffel bag known to mankind right over his dainty little shoulder, followed by a gaggle of barely twenty one year old baby gays, and shooting a cheeky wink to the bar boy of the hour as he made his way to the frankly 'too fancy for a bar like this' dressing room. John looked back towards Jasper, seeing the man blushing profusely and fake a tiny cough, turning away from him and getting back to preparing the bar for the night. John smirked to himself, hoping that tonight would be the night he'd finally score with that shy little twink. After John's done with him, the poor guy was gonna need therapy. All in a night's work.

The dressing room was just as fancy and gaudy as it always was, with polaroids of the queens, kings, and things that came before him, as was customary to do here after every show. As his entourage started unpacking his suitcases, John went to the farthest wall, to look at the cluster of photos that he immediately recognized as being of his old drag friends, who were now unfortunately all deceased, with John being the only one left alive. He rarely ever got sentimental anymore or had tears in his eyes because of the things he'd been through, but as he lifted a hand to run over the faded photos, he felt something well up in his eyes. Tears, for the first time in who knows how long. It seemed like it'd only been a short time since those photos were taken, back when they were all starting their journeys through the worlds of music and drag, and the other seven of them standing in this very room with John. Now, they were all dead. Two from addiction, two from hate crimes, and three from suicide. John was the last one standing, much to his own disappointment. He truly thought that he would've been dead years ago, either from his own mind or the bottle, or as of recently, at the hands of a drunken redneck with a pistol. He thought it was almost cruel of God to have things happen this way, to strike down the others who were just trying to live their lives authentically and make a semblance of a living in this godforsaken shithole of a world.

Which is partially why John, in a fit of drunken stupor and frustration, had made a deal with the big man downstairs, the Devil.

He knew of the whole song and dance about infernal deals, hearing of other performers deals that either didn't quite live up to the terms they'd agreed on, or the various and very gruesome ways that He would collect his due. That was always John's favorite part. Knew how He'd come to collect his due when you were at your most successful and famous, to rip down everything you'd sold your soul for, only for none of it to matter in the end. The Devil was a cruel man, of course, and John was honestly a big fan of his work.

[russmorris]

Red Rose.

Polaroid Land Camera Model 180, +10 diopter + Fujifilm FP100C, pulled print and reclaimed negative scan

[louobedlam]

5.23.23

Shot these three awesome subjects for a Polaroid job back in May, which I was very very jazzed about.

The only constraint: I had to use their Polaroid Now+ camera...which is not My camera.

So in addition, I shot with MANY other cameras, just for me.

These were taken with a Polaroid 180, the finest camera of that generation, with some twenty year old peel apart film. I'd been saving it for a special occasion, and this fit the bill!

[x-meri-jaanx]

meri jaan,

i miss you so much. i miss you every single day and my heart swells with love for you. i miss seeing your smile in person. i miss our late night conversations. i miss us watching girl meets world at one in the morning. i miss taking polaroid pictures with you. i miss being WITH you. 

when i feel sad i look through pictures of the both of us or scroll through your profile and seeing you smile makes me so happy. i love you with all my heart and i love to see you happy. i love that you’re finally happy with your friend group. i know you’ve been through a lot but you’ll be meeting new people and some of them will stay with you forever. i really, really hope that college brings you even more happiness.

sometimes i think i don’t deserve you. that i don’t deserve your love and affection and care and support. i know you’ll get mad at me for saying this but most times i wonder why you tolerate me at all. i’m not an easy person to befriend as some people would have told you about. i get angry and upset really easily but i can do a full 180 and turn happy again. i’m moody and annoying and sometimes i do think/know you would’ve found my behaviour a bit much as well. and i just want to say thank you for sticking by me so long. for taking care of me when i have a breakdown and for listening to me as i go on rambling. thank you for continuing to love me despite how terribly irritating i am at times. thank you for being there for me even when you weren’t doing well yourself. i wish i could be as good of a friend to you as you have been to me but i can’t even come close.

all i ever want is for you to be happy. you deserve the world and the moon and all the stars in the sky. i will love you. always forever.

love.

a

[membermentmania]

August 7th, 10:37-10:54pm 

*If you’re actually reading this, there were a lot of minor edits that completely changed the entire vibe of everything from the last session, but I am not including minor edits in here(as stated), my bad bros. I was going one way with Kevin and then I was actually, no I’m doing a 180. Also, I am legitimately impressed if you’re reading this. Congrats. You’re officially elite as fuck. LMFAO ENJOY??? 

You’ll get it one day though.” 

“I don’t want to!” she yelled, pushing him away. “I don’t want to get it! I don’t want to do this!” 

Any softness that was there left him. Which she was fine with. She hated that part the most. She hated what that said about her. “That really fucking sucks for you then, huh?” he responded playfully. 

“It doesn’t! I’m not doing this!”

He cocked his head slightly. She hated him. “You will and you’ll do great.” 

“Fuck you,” she spat. She turned to leave when suddenly pure agony surged through her. It was so bad she saw spots as she fell to her knees. She let out a mix of a cough and a wheeze as a fresh wave of tears bubbled to the surface. Her entire body felt like millions of tiny needles were stabbing at each individual cell. Bile crept up her throat, threatening to spill when she caught herself with her hands. She couldn’t even let out the scream that tried to escape her. She couldn’t cry for help. She couldn’t even get the words out to ask what was happening to her. It felt like a miracle when it left as quickly as it started. She curled in on herself, gasping for air desperately. Kevin stayed silent. “What did you just do to me?!” she cried out through her sobs. 

“That’s what it feels like to have your contract terminated,” he said calmly. “Is that what you want?”

She forced herself back onto her knees with her hands and wiped aggressively at her face with her forearm. “How long does it last?” she asked with pained determination. 

He looked equally impressed as he did annoyed by it. “One minute for every day left on your contract.” She took a deep breath. “That was four seconds, by the way. For reference, of course. And you have just over two years left.” He tapped a finger to his chin. You would be sitting at 798 minutes, or just under thirteen and a half hours.” 

“Will it kill me?” she breathed out. 

“You can’t actually be considering it,” he responded with a surprised laugh. She glared at him defiantly. “It might. Or you might corrupt in the process.”

“I don’t want to do this.” 

He shook his head, small smile plastered across his face. The flurries of white were back again. “You always were the stronger one.” She didn’t respond. He wasn’t hers. He couldn’t be. “Very well then.” She braced herself, but the pain didn’t come. He just  looked at her, seemingly absent. “Huh.” She went to speak but he quickly added on. “Transform for me.” 

“What?” 

“Transform.” 

“Into who?” 

“Hm. Can you make yourself look like me?” 

“Why?” 

“I’m giving you a new job. Can you do it or not?” 

“Okay,” she breathed out. She ran a thumb over the polaroid in her hoodie pocket, letting her uniform manifest itself. 

[fat-wallet-annex]

Polaroid Cube+ Action Camera

Way back in 2015, I received a Polaroid Cube+ camera as a bonus from opening a bank account with TD Bank. I found the deal on the Doctor of Credit website and quickly signed up. The sporty little camera was valued at $100 (90£) at the time. Looking on Amazon I can see it is now going for $150-180 as the little wonder has since been discontinued. I actually didn’t use it after I received the…