#Pokemon Classification

[everyday-pokemon-headcanons]

Serperior are not true snakes. Rather, they are a type of glass lizard, possessing both eyelids and external ear openings.

[wolfietheangel]

deathwing? more like death wish!

[moonscape]

i love you seel and dewgong i will not make a comment about how stupid it is that the pokedex lists you as sea lion pokemon despite the fact that you're obviously not sea lions and your names are literally seal and dugong with different spellings and dewgong was even called manaty (manatee) in the red and blue beta you're literally everything besides a fucking sea lion at this point and yet the pokedex still classifies you as sea lions

[arkham-dossiers]

Patient File: Lysandre

It's the 4th of July.....so naturally I'm analyzing a Frenchman.

In public, Lysandre is the head of Lysandre Labs, a charitable philanthropist responsible for the Holocaster technology used across the Kalos region. In secret, Lysandre is the boss of Team Flare, a criminal group that wants to wipe out all life in Kalos, and then the world, save for a chosen few that will restore the environment to its original natural beauty and purge all perceived ugliness from life.

The difference between Lysandre's public perception and his true self is quite stark. What led a man of privilege like him to such extreme, misanthropic beliefs? And is there anything that can remedy it?

To start with, it must be noted that Lysandre is descended from ancient Kalosian royalty, being the brother of the infamous King who built and activated the Ultimate Weapon of legend. This status warped Lysandre's view of people early in his life. It made him believe that certain people are inherently better than others, that they are "chosen" for greatness. This belief also placed a great sense of burden upon him, as he made it his life's mission to live up to that greatness. He saw it as his duty to provide for his region, to give to those less fortunate, to help shape a brighter future for everyone.

But Lysandre's ideals ended up clashing with reality. For everything he provided, there were people who misused or squandered it. For all he gave to the poor, he couldn't single-handedly solve income inequality meaning there were always more poor people in need. And for as much as he tried to create a better future, he ended up seeing signs everywhere of a worse on. Some signs may have been legitimate, many likely just in his own paranoid mind, but whatever the case it left him devoid of satisfaction and fulfillment. Being a man whose emotions burn fiercely, Lysandre began to feel deep hatred. Hatred for people who didn't notice or care about how they were affecting society. Hatred for the poor whom he saw as "parasites" who didn't fight hard enough to advance themselves in favor of taking from those who worked for their fortune. And hatred for things like deforestation, pollution, crime, war, and general lack of decorum. Lysandre became a misanthrope, seeing fault in everyone but himself and "chosen ones" that he deemed respectable like himself.

While Lysandre does feel remorse for the lengths he is willing to go to in order to cleanse the world of all that he perceives to be ugly, knowing it to be morally wrong, he keeps himself on this path anyway because he feels it's the only solution and that as a chosen one it is his burden to bear - that he has come too far to turn back now. Despite this, Lysandre is pathologically hypocritical. He wishes to be someone who gives, and yet his ultimate plan is to take the lives of many. He hates selfish, greedy and frivolous people and yet many such people make up the ranks of Team Flare all because they had a lot of money which Lysandre automatically thinks makes them self-sufficient workers who benefit society. And he considers himself to be an idealist even though his view of everything and what must be done about it is so deeply cynical. It's to the point where he can manipulate and threaten and do unimaginably cruel things while still insisting it's other humans, including his victims, that are the problem. In one famous instance, he wept for the Pokémon of the world that he felt he had no choice but to kill, saying as long as they exist humans will be tempted to abuse them as tools, making them and others suffer. He says this while he is enacting a plan that is abusing Pokémon as tools, making them and others suffer! The depth of his delusion and utter lack of self-awareness is stunning to behold.

Diagnosis: Lysandre suffers from a triple whammy of Paranoid Personality Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, with sociopathic tendencies as well even if he lacks the criteria to be a full sociopath. Treatment will be exceedingly difficult, but one aspect of his warped psyche can be used to the advantage of this end: his respect for fellow "chosen ones". Lysandre is not narcissistic enough to believe that only he has value, as he takes the views of other chosen ones seriously even if he disagrees with them - a prime example being his friend Professor Sycamore. If such people keep working with Lysandre to show him better alternatives to the problems he sees than his genocidal aims, it is possible that he will calm down and adjust to a safer way. It will take a lot of time and effort, but it is recommended as the only way to save him. For if he isn't saved, then the likelihood of self-destruction is great, and unfortunately Lysandre is a man with the will and power to take many others down with him.

This patient is sometimes dangerous. It depends on whether or not he views you as among the "chosen" or not. If he does, you may engage with him intellectually. If he does not, avoid at all costs.

[saltycharacters]

GUYS I'VE HAD AN EPIPHANY. All Invertebrates that aren't Cephalopods (octopus, squid, natallus) or Cnidaria (jellyfish, sea anemone, etc) are bugs to me. Case closed

[aether-foundation-offical]

I assume you….study hybrids….as well. Are we a….divine threat? Or a threat….in general….to you?

— @pkmn-ken

We would never classify someone as a threat without reason! Unless you ever give us a reason there is no point in wasting storage on classifying you.

[moonlight-eternal]

...Huh, is it just me or did it look like that person was looking directly at the camera despite it being. Through a window

This is... disconcerting.

Just minutes ago, before I did watch the recording that I poſted here not long ago, I would have sworn there was only one person outside the window, directing both pokemon. How could I forget the other's entire presence, and so quickly?

In the video, they appeareth clearly. Yet in my mind's eye, there is only an empty space, as if they were erased leaving their surroundings intact. This is not a normal occurrence for me; I am a scholar and my memory is usually strong.

And thou art correct, they do look into mine eyes, or into the lens of the holocaſter I did mount upon my mask. Yet the device was rendered invisible before I descended there to watch...

[jaypg9]

good evening gamers and fuckers you're never gonna guess what i have for you (it's more of guys)

[friendly-local-trash]

cosmic type. discuss

No new types ever unless you present 20+ years of data from multiple research academies proving unique and distinct traits that carry over from Pokemon to Pokemon in your new proposed type like they fucking did for fairy causing everyone to regret it for the rest of their lives because for the next 80 years or so we're going to be dealing with people honking on about adding new types.

I'm not even a researcher why is this happening to me I clean up your trash

[ixa193]

This Thing is IMMUNE to like 5 moves people always put on Thundurus and Tornadus 

[infizero]

red disappears without a trace for a whole ass month and oak's only concern is that he's been slacking on the pokedex 😭

[everyday-pokemon-headcanons]

Despite their similar appearance and evolutions, Feebas and Magikarp are not closely related. Magikarp are (unsurprisingly) in the carp family, while Feebas are closely related to eels.

[pkmntrainersquid]

I thought up a class for pikagoo if you haven’t,

The False Mouse Pokémon

That's what I was thinking of classifying it as too, yeah.

[notable-phlyarologist]

i did an image search of 'larry pokemon' and am laughing my ass off imagining him finding out about all these people drawing reserved, tasteful art of him

[a-girl-called-bob]

Could you imagine getting nudged the other way, though? Imagine someone from the world of Gen 9 suddenly finding themselves in a world where there are no more than 386 pokemon. Imagine if someone from Poke-France suddenly found themselves in Kanto because France doesn't exist yet in this world. Getting stopped on the street because you have a never-before-recorded Pokemon (and it looks like an ice cream cone).

pokemon theory i just thought of: new pokemon appear in the pokemon universe when they're designed in this one. they're created ex nilho but they have retroactive realness; they weren't here yesterday, but today they've always existed.

pokemon researchers have had to suss this out on their own over decades, and it's a really unpopular theory, made worse by the fact that no one can come up with a better one. from their perspective pokemon generate spontaneously but in both chronological directions, and the similarities of many pokemon seem to be detived from a conscious and creative understanding of the world--their world, though? what other world could there be?. there are ice cream pokemon and pokeball pokemon and sword pokemon and trash bag pokemon.

there are so many pokemon with both wings and a beak. is this like swords? is there an ur-flying type that this class evokes? there are so many canine pokemon. but what is a canine? is there such a thing? there's only one set of sword pokemon, right. one tea-set line. is *feline* a coherent category? would the ur-feline have two legs or four? why do so many pokemon have humanlike bodyplans-- but then again, why so few?

pichu has always been the prior form of pikachu. why didn't it get counted in order? why do we call it that instead of saying pikachu is the middle evolution of the pichu line? why can so many trainers remember finding this out well into their journeys? why didn't ash start with one?

this is why pokemon researchers do a lot of labwork, drink heavily, and use ten year olds for field research. you can't have an existential crisis if you don't even know what time is yet.

[pokeherps]

Hi in what WORLD is shuckle considered a herpmon??

i loosely consider shuckle a turtle. almost every pokedex entry describes shuckle’s rock as a shell, and while it’s used as a storage place all that means is that there’s a bit of space in there somewhere. it’s shell is still generally considered a part of its body and it pulls its head and limbs inside for protection. there have been a few instances of shuckle being found without shells but they’re always injured from being without the protection anyway, so it’s very difficult to tell if the act of becoming separated from the shell is what causes any of the injuries. also, they hatch with their shells so they must at least grow with them in the egg, and shuckle shells generally all look pretty similar.

anyway they resemble a turtle enough for me to count them as a herpmon. it being a bug type doesn’t discount its physical similarities and pokémon classification is a clusterfuck anyway so it’s easier for us to go purely off of resemblance.