#One where Val would have judged Fylass' honor level and smacked a seal of approval on his forehead

[gethoce]

Hey, I know you're probably sick of hearing and talking about the tournament, but I just wanna say that it's nice to hear that I wasn't alone with those feelings of regret and isolation during the tournament. Like, on the one hand, it's nice to know and to meet new people, but it was just exhausting with that standard having been raised so high. Especially with a gag suddenly becoming the main focus, which isn't fair.

Unrelated to that, I genuinely hope this year goes better for you. It sucks that you're struggling, and I hope that you can get over the gloominess, or at the very least if that isn't possible, that you can adjust at your own pace. Your art is amazing, but please don't brute force it for the sake of others; your health, both mental and physical, should always come first. You don't have to answer this if you don't feel like answering it or sharing your thought. I just hope that you know you aren't alone in how you felt, and I hope you aren't alone in your feelings with how this year is turning out.

Regret and isolation really sums up the negative tournament experiences. On the one hand I wished I could have drawn more, faster, better, a fully rendered high quality comic for every interaction with excellent writing that is both thought provoking and easy to understand, sent asks to every participant that was looking for them that were insightful and showed that I was truly engaging with their characters, participated in all those little events they did on the server including the art challenges and roleplaying, participated in the Halloween collab, written and drawn an excellent intro for Valfrey that would have caught everyone's attention and continued to drop high quality lore posts in the same manner, drawn every character and interacted with them in a meaningful way and socialised with the other participants on a regular basis. On the other hand, even in the best case scenario, I couldn't have come close to doing all the things I wished I could have done. It's an impossible standard.

Especially I've thought through dozens of scenarios as to how I could have handled the poll botting incident better so it would have been a less stressful experience for both myself, George and Snappy. Alas, there is no way to change the past, but hope for a better future. I'm at the very least glad that sharing my experiences has made a few other people who went through similar things less alone!

So far I haven't received any good news regarding my irl situation and everyday I lose a little bit of hope, but I'm certain that over time things will improve again. In the meantime I've come to terms with it a little more and was able to draw a bit here and there which is a good sign! Definitely looking forward to getting back into the swing of things eventually. <3