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9leaguesofmirrors · 1 year ago

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His Soul's Best Mate (a Dave Parkes and Phil Proctor friendship fic)

I've recently become obsessed with the friendship dynamic between Phil and Dave (the other members of Legz Akimbo) and decided to write this: a fic about platonic soulmates

Two boys sat in a waiting room among several other hopefuls, waiting for a chance to audition for an up-and-coming theatre company called Legz Akimbo

One has his head buried in his audition book, murmuring his lines under his breath and making notes as he went along. If this went well, it could mean breaking through into a tough industry he'd been training for all his life

The other's scrolling through his phone. He doesn't quite know if this is what he wants, but that doesn't mean he isn't up for giving it a good go. Growing bored of Letterboxd, he puts his phone away and glances over at the man next to him. He sees the monologue

"I almost picked that one."

This caused the other man to lift his head in surprise, which quickly changed into a warm smile

"It's one of my favourite plays, you've heard of it?"

"Only thanks to a lot of researching!" Laughed the stranger "I'm not exactly an encyclopedia of theatre knowledge."

"What did you end up choosing?"

"Found a play called One Man, Two Guvnors. Figured I'd give it a shot."

"You're a fan of comedy! I had a feeling."

"Wow, it's that obvious?"

That made them both laugh. In a potentially volatile industry like the theatre, it was nice to meet someone that felt like a human being

"I'm Dave by the way." He extended his hand, a big grin on his face "Dave Parkes."

"Phil Proctor." He shook it

"No way, Proctor?" Dave chuckled in disbelief "Like in The Cruci-"

"Yes," Phil sighed with a smile "just like The Crucible. I guess my destiny was laid out in front of me since birth."

"Better hope you're good then!"

That's when Phil knew he'd found a very good friend

*********************************************

Rehearsals were interesting. And by interesting, Dave meant "his personal hell". Seriously, their new director was more unstable than a dingy boat on a stormy sea! He thought that, overtime, he'd get better. He was yet to be proven right

One evening, Dave was on a video call with Phil for their weekly line-learning session. They figured they'd start early, plus Dave appreciated being able to talk to his friend without Ollie breathing, or rather screaming, down his neck

"Have you worked with Ollie before?" He asked during their post-run through break

"Nah, first time. You?"

"Same here, was just wondering how you were finding it. I mean, Ollie seems to like you-"

"Like me?" Phil laughed a little at that "Funniest thing I've heard all week!"

"But he always brings up that audition you're going to, the one for that radio show?"

"Only because he's pissy about me missing rehearsals!" Phil muttered "Sarcastic git..."

Once Dave heard that, it all started to click. It would explain why Ollie spent so much time talking about it, yet never showed any real interest aside from that

"Right. Sorry, sarcasm gets lost on me." Dave shrugged "Joys of autism, I guess."

As soon as he saw the look of surprise on Phil's face, Dave couldn't help but laugh - he'd forgotten that was part of him he didn't know yet

"I was diagnosed pretty recently, plus I'm really good at hiding. Trying to get better at not doing that."

"Why didn't you say anything? I mean, you don't owe anyone an explanation, but surely you could get additional support-"

"From Ollie? Not a chance! We both know what he'd do:" Dave took his pink-tinted sunglasses from his desk and put them on, imitating Ollie's voice and mannerisms "My name is Ollie Plimsolls, and welcome to my new play entitled Autism Speaks. I have no idea that this is also the name of a crapsack company because I do absolutely no research. Please sit through this agonising performance while these two actors beside me slowly feel their souls decay!"

Phil could hardly breathe from laughing, and Dave was no better as he took his glasses off again. There was something about having someone that shared their irritancy with their director that felt like Spring air

"He really is something, isn't he?"

"I think the word they use is 'crackpot'." Phil said "I'd quit, but I need the experience. Plus, I like doing stuff with you."

"Boo, that's soppy!"

"Dave, don't be a dick!" Phil teased lightly "Speaking of dick, I don't think Ollie will like it if we still don't know our lines by next week, so we should probably go for another run-through."

Dave started to move his hands like Ollie again

"You don't have the whole script memorized after 2 weeks?! What kind of actor are you?!"

"Don't Dave, I'll start laughing again!"

They only made it through a page of the second run-through because Dave kept doing the "Ollie Voice" and Phil couldn't concentrate

*********************************************

4:00...

They'd been there for half an hour...

And Ollie was still ranting

Phil had stopped listening about 10 minutes in... actually, that was a bit generous. He'd probably clocked out by the 5 minute mark. It was Dave's fault, really, for improvising onstage. That was the reason he started laughing. It never happened, Phil was always great at staying in character, people saw it as a challenge, to make him corpse onstage

So far, only Dave had succeeded. And he had a consistent success streak

Of course, Phil wasn't completely innocent. After Dave started it, he had to get him back somehow - besides, they always ended up laughing when they faced each other head-on

They enjoyed it

The kids loved it

Ollie clearly didn't see the funny side

"How hard is it not to laugh onstage? Neither of you are that funny, surely it should be a simple task!"

When Ollie's back was turned, Dave looked at Phil and mouthed you hungry? That earned a silent shhhh from Phil, who was not about to enrage their director anymore - he actually wanted to go home at some point today

"You two are impossible!" Continued the angry blond man, still not looking behind him "You've ruined my production, you've ruined my reputation-"

You ruined my dream journal! Dave mouthed, laughing as Phil tried desperately to hold back his own laughter

"It's like watching a 5 year old throw a fit." Phil murmured, quiet enough that only Dave heard it

"In those silly jumpers, he looks like one too."

"How far could you push him in a pram?"

This time, it was Dave's turn to clamp his hand over his own mouth, trying to avoid any sound coming out

"Odds on 6 meters?"

"No please, I insist!" Barked an irate Ollie "Your turn! Since you're so intent on interrupting everything I do, what is it? Spit it out!"

"Just agreeing with you, Ollie." Phil said quickly, fearing that laughing in his face was a very bad idea

That seemed to set Ollie off on yet another tirade and he started to pace again. For a while, both Dave and Phil were silent. Then Dave turned to face him

"Y'know what this reminds me of?"

"..."

"My neighbour used to have this chihuahua-"

Neither of them could hold it in, and the torrent of angry yapping from Ollie afterwards was completely worth it

*********************************************

"What do you mean 'not well'? You were perfectly fine yesterday!"

"It caught up to me, Ollie, I told you there was a bug going around. Dave went off with it, you'll probably get it next."

"So help me if either of you give me your disease-"

"We should be alright by tomorrow, we can pick things up then."

It took a little (more like a lot) of convincing, but eventually Ollie caved. As soon as he'd hung up, Phil turned to Dave with a confident smile

"That's him off our case for the rest of the day!"

"He really has no idea what day it is," Dave would've been lying if he said he wasn't a little downhearted by that, but it didn't matter much in the grand scheme of things "and he says he cares."

"He's all talk, no action. Or height."

They both laughed, some jokes never got old

"So," Phil took a neatly wrapped parcel from his bag and handed it to him "the celebrating begins!"

Dave took the package and opened it, and his eyes instantly widened. Never did he thing he would be holding a vintage polaroid camera in his hands

"How did you even find this?"

"You'd be surprised what you find in Camden market."

"You actually managed to fend of Tish to get me a gift?"

"Don't even mention her name," Phil groaned "I wanted to go on my own, but you know what she's like. You mention Camden Market and she follows you like a bloodhound."

"I think it's just you." Dave adopted her voice "I just love you gay guys!"

"Right, I'm taking back the camera." Phil teased as he reached for it, only to be swatted away by a laughing Dave

"Get Tish to go with you!"

Managing to avoid Phil's grasping, he pointed the camera in front of both of them and snapped a selfie

"Dave! Fuck's sake!"

"This is going on my fridge!"

"You better not!"

"It is!"

Once the laughter subsided, Dave looked at the developing photo. It was as if, somehow, he'd managed to capture the chaos and joy and everything he liked in their friendship.

Part of him wished more people remembered his birthday, he wouldn't even have minded Ollie giving him a visit!

"Thanks for this, mate. Means a lot."

"You OK, Davey?"

"Yeah, I just..." He looked at the photo, then back at Phil with a smile "I'm fine."

Phil knew that wasn't true, he gave a firm pat on the knee. A silent assurance that, all teasing aside, he was there for him

"I just feel..." David started to alternate between clenching and unclenching his fists and pressing the pads of his fingers to his thumbs, trying to find the words "... just feel a bit invisible sometimes."

"Invisible?"

"Yeah. I mean, Ollie's the main guy: writer, director, producer... all the stuff. You're Phil Proctor, lead in every performance - which you're great at! But... then there's me. Just... Dave."

Phil hated hearing his mate talk about himself like that, especially when his skills were so obvious to him. He picked up Dave's Polaroid camera and held it up

"You," he said with a smile "are Dave Parkes. Future filmmaker and producer."

"Is this you haggling for a role?"

"Well... maybe!" Phil joked, wrapping an arm around Dave's shoulder "But I know that you're gonna make films that put these plays we're doing to shame."

"That's not hard!"

After that day, Dave started to look forward to his birthday again

*********************************************

Dave had been off all day, and he'd have been lying to himself if he said he didn't know why

It meant a lot, that he was the first person Phil told about his new job opportunity, he was filled with pride to think of his best friend finally escaping Legz Akimbo prison

Even so, there was a tiny part of him that wasn't happy about it at all. At first, he assumed it was jealousy. Phil was free to live his life, while he was trapped doing educational plays for kids that didn't care, with a director that seemed to hate his guts

As he sat in his living room, pressing the pads of his fingers against his thumbs in a self-soothing manner, his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone buzzing. He heard a familiar voice at the end:

"Davy!"

"You alright, Phil? How does it feel to have nearly finished your life sentence?"

"Good. Really good, yeah."

Dave knew Phil well enough to know something wasn't right

"Thought you were meant to be a good actor!" He joked "Now tell me what's really going on."

"Alright, you got me." Phil managed a small chuckle "I'm not ungrateful or anything, trust me - I've wanted out of here since day 3!"

"So what's the problem-"

"Is this a bad idea?"

Out of all the things Phil could've said, Dave wasn't expecting that

"You what?"

"I want to get out, I have for ages, but what's gonna happen after I leave? It'll only be you and Ollie left."

"He spoke to you."

No answer. Not that there needed to be one

"Yeah. He did. Usually, I don't listen so much. But he said all this stuff about how I'm such a "bad friend" for leaving you behind. I know he's just saying it to hurt me, probably doesn't even meant it. But you know how I get."

Dave did. Phil had opening up about the pressure he felt to constantly make the right decision. Theatre was a difficult business, one wrong step and you could fall hard. There were many moments where Phil would need that extra bit of reassurance, just a push in the right direction

Not that he'd always ask for it, that was still tricky for him. But, when he did, Dave was there for him

And, even though he'd have loved to keep seeing his best mate every day at rehearsals, keep making him corpse onstage, and ranting about Ollie and all the other things that they did to keep themselves sane, he knew he had to be there for him here too

"Phil, you've earned this! Don't worry about me, I'm a grown up - especially when you see me stood next to Ollie!" He heard Phil laugh on the other end, which was a good sign in his books "This is about you, mate! You'll do great!"

"It'll be nice to work with a director that doesn't keep trying to lob chairs at me."

"Exactly!"

The conversation started to flow into a number of topics: films they watched recently, the most recent episode of their favourite show, their current (Phil's final) future disaster they were part of thanks to Ollie Plimsolls. Phil's departure almost forgotten until the end of the call

"Showtime next week," he said humourlessly "if it wasn't in front of kids, I'd do it tipsy."

"Not very professional, are you?" Dave teased

"No, but I think I deserve it."

A pause. Dave's fists clenched and unclenched and each finger pressed against his thumb again; with show week happening so close and the fact he wouldn't see his closest friend anymore was eating at him. Come the week after, things wouldn't feel the same. Well, they wouldn't be the same

He didn't realise he wasn't talking until Phil did:

"Odds on Ollie blowing a blood vessel tomorrow?"

Despite himself, Dave laughed

"Very probable, I'll send you a video."

"Davey?"

"Yeah mate?"

"I'll call you next week."

"OK."

Another pause

"Let me know when the ad comes out."

"Promise."

That's how the call ended: with Dave Parkes, alone in his living room, trying not to think about the week after next

Because he was used to the late nights, the rehearsal stresses, the tantrums and the bullying

What he wasn't used to was going about it alone

*********************************************

"Why are you doing this, Dave?"

It was the first time he'd seen any sort of genuine care towards him being shown by Ollie. As if this was the moment he realised that Dave was exhausted. As if he finally felt even the slightest bit of sympathy

Dave looked at him. He wondered if, in another life, they could've actually gotten along. Maybe, if things were different, Legz Akimbo could've really been a trio. Three friends working together, collaborating and supporting each other

But that was a universe lightyears away...

"I just can't stand you, Ollie."

... In this lifetime, they were just too far apart

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Phil! Wait up!"

Upon hearing his name, he turned around, surprised to see Dave running towards him. Phil's shoulder's were grabbed as his best mate caught his breath

"Dave, what happened?"

"I quit!"

"What?" Phil's eyes widened "I mean, that's great but-"

"Remember what you said ages ago? About me being a filmmaker? Well, you were right. I wrote something months ago and I sent it off to Jed Hunter this morning!"

"What did he say?"

Dave's eyes seemed to light up even brighter, his whole face glowed like a lantern about to be launched into the air

"Phil... I'm gonna be a producer."

For a few seconds, Phil was stunned into silence. Then, his arms opened slightly

"Can I-"

His question was answered by Dave pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. That's where they stayed for what felt like a joyful eternity, a buzzing clump of laughter and freedom

"Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"... Odds on you helping me out?"

Phil pulled away, slightly confused, but wth a glimmer of excitement in his eye

"As long as I'm not playing Joseph the carpenter." He joked

"No, but I did write a role with you in mind. Jed said you'll have to audition... but I'm producing, so my say goes-"

"Why are you doing this, Dave? I mean, it's great but.." why me? Was the unspoken part What makes me worthy?

Dave wrapped an arm around Phil and beamed, as if he could see their successful futures right there and then

The struggles, the little achievements, the pushbacks and the pull forwards

He could see the films he'd create, the roles Phil would go on to play, and the awards they both would eventually win - both seperately and for their collaborations

But, right now, he answered Phil's question with the only thing he knew for sure:

"Because you're my best mate, Phil."

#league of gentlemen #the league of gentlemen #dave parkes #phil proctor #ollie plimsolls #legz akimbo

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