#One Day I'll make a proper ref sheet

[kingzombear]

I love ur art so much ! pls don't get swarmed by 500 fire ants

Dude stg if I turn around and see 500 fire ants

Thank u so much boss hehe RAAHHH ily!! 🐻💗

[shirogane-oushirou]

[little vent -- tldr definitely not gonna have the planned art ready for the renniversary lol.]

me: "oh hell yeah i'll have a dog-sitting "job" for the next few days, so i'll have plenty of time to work on the art leading up to friday :) "

the dogs: untrained, poorly behaved, require constant attention (not their fault but it's the reality of the situation)

so uh. i might have some simple chibi art for friday if i have enough energy between putting the dogs to bed and going to sleep hghghghgh ;;;;; i'll finish the more detailed pics as i have the time and energy :')

[scarapanna]

The main premise and events in the Intertwined Opposites AU

It's finally here!!!

I've managed to finally make a proper info post for my personal take on this silly possession AU craze as I've planned to do for a while since I'm totally normal about this concept (lie) /silly

Before proceeding, keep in mind that this post is gonna be pretty long as I'll be diving into important story events troughout the first half of it, so it gets the read more treatment as usual!!

There will be no crk spoilers here (except for the beast-yeast episodes), just a ""prologue" to current narrative events in the AU

[[Little edit but there now are some ref sheets for both Shadow Milk and Pure Vanilla!!! They can be found here]]

•The beginning•

Everything starts in beast-yeast, once peace has been returned to the fairie kingdom

Now that the area is mostly free from danger with the silver tree's seal being properly mended, the crowd decides to start repairs and preparations to further celebrate everyone's victory for the remainder of the day.

However, as everyone starts to leave the area, something starts creeping out from the shadows created by the tree's roots

Turns out that Shadow Milk, now severely weakened from the blow taken in battle, has managed to flee from being forced back into his prison once more.

During Lily's blast of magic, he essentially "split" and discarded part of his own power as a last resort, separating what was already being sucked into the renewed seal from himself to avoid getting dragged into containment once more.

Unfortunately for the beast, both his panicked and sloppy procedure combined with the added strenght of the new guardian's spell left him with a very poor amount of strenght, with it not being enough for anything useful.

Needless to say, his mind is filled with hatred and anger as soon as he emerges

he can't really do much with this state, and thus lingers on formulating a plan to get what he wanted from the start, but how?

How would he get back on track, rid himself of the guardian, and break the seal once more like this?

The answer eventually comes to him, just right on top of a bridge alongside the one who restored his prison.

His souljam, the one he was once the owner of

Now "purified" and held by Pure Vanilla, it binds the two together with the virtue of knowledge, split in the lights of truth and deceit during the purification process.

These lights are owned by the beast, and the figure by the bridge in front of him, yet come from the same thing.

Shadow Milk has finally decided on a proper plan.

◆ What comes after and what it leads to ◆

Days pass, turning into a few weeks and ending with a trip back home to take a break and write down what happened during the beast-yeast expedition.

Everything seems to have gone well in the end, yet something still feels..wrong?

It's not the best term for it, but does the job well enough.

The vanilla kingdom is peaceful, and Pure Vanilla's return safe and sound brings back some joy to the citizens.

Yet it just doesn't feel right, he doesn't know what precisely, but the ancient is riddled with an odd feeling almost like being watched.

He might not realise it for now, but he had been right. Someone has been following him inside the castle for the entire duration of the trip.

Pure Vanilla slowly grows more wary as days pass, and his doubts are confirmed as Shadow Milk's idea is proven successful.

In the void Pure Vanilla is confronted by Shadow Milk cookie, he spills everything he's done without esitating twice, as there's no reason to hide it anymore.

Shadow Milk had always been there ever since the re-sealing of the tree, following Pure Vanilla and draining magic at a slow enough rate to not be noticed, until it was enough to take over his body without trouble.

Now that he had a "vessel" to work with, he could keep recharging power and be finally able to do his bidding.

He's questioned multiple times by Pure Vanilla, but he wouldn't budge, and the ancient manages to gather only their location and a few loose details.

This was not a void, this was a ""mind space"" where he was bound to stay while shadow milk used his body as a disguise, and he could not use magic to fight back against the beast.

Being out of options, Pure Vanilla quickly tries to think over what to do, and lingers over the situation to come up with something.

Shadow Milk proposes an idea to Pure Vanilla, sharing the vessel that both are confined in, to be sure he doesn't get caught.

This is only to one condition: the ancient must work in favour of the beast under it's watchful sight at all times

The Ancient complies, and a deal is sealed.

It's not a loss nor a victory, only a beginning

◆The current situation◆

Now that the main prologue is set, what happens precisely to both?

So, Shadow Milk cookie is essentially ""possessing"" Pure Vanilla, but not completely.

The two switch up control of the ancient's body in certain times of the day and night, sometimes Pure Vanilla is granted the lead and when he's not needed Shadow Milk takes it. He's pretty much using the ancient as a puppet, a disguise and a tool for his own gain, assigning him certain tasks so that his plan will work as intended.

Whenever one of them is not in control of their shared ""vessel"", they're send in the mindspace until the shift of control takes place and so on. Shadow milk never gives Pure Vanilla full "freedom" or personal space, having control of the shifts in lead and constantly keeping the ancient under watch trough mirrors and reflective surfaces (The only moments in which he's given alone time is when the beast is asleep in the mind space to retain magic).

The ancient, on the other hand, accepted Shadow Milk's offer right away without esitation, but for a much different reason.

Pure vanilla is trying to get the best out of his situation, and thus feels forced to go against his own morality to keep cookies safe and attempt to alarm them trough hints and hidden messages scattered in the kingdom.

Even if he doesn't like the means, what else could he do to keep everyone safe?

The difficulty of his situation causes him great stress and paranoia, which worsens as time goes on and Shadow Milk regains his powers bit by bit, making his actions more difficult to get away with unnoticed.

Here's some more info regarding the effects of sharing a vessel in two:

• Pure Vanilla and Shadow Milk's connection by souljam makes sharing a body possible, otherwise it would be fatal to most cookies (As they're not made to be vessels).

• The slit in the souljam is a shared element which hints at Shadow milk's presence in both, during control shifts it flickers in different shades of gray.

• Remaining on the topic, control shifts are not plesant in the slightest to both parties involved, being defined by acute physical pain on the area covered by the souljam. This is inflicted on the current cookie in charge of the vessel during the shift, fading away only when back in the mindspace.

•The two can see eachother and comunicate trough reflective surfaces, with them displaying the current entity in the mindspace instead of the one leading the vessel.

• Pure Vanilla's voice sounds somewhat overlapped or distorted when shadow milk is in charge of his body, he can't change this aspect unfortunately for him.

• Certain factors like hunger and thirst are shared between the two due to their predicament, they can sometimes be heard debate over what to eat and when during the day.

• Sleep in the traditional sense is the only factor distinct to the two instead of being shared, as it's strictly based on "individual energy" rather than "shared energy"

[aivy-saur]

I swear I'll make a proper ref sheet for her one day IK IT'S BEEN YEARS BUT I'LL MAKE ONE SOON. HWJSJQHDKWNMD

[voidy-core]

IIIII DID IT!

I LIKED EVERY FREAKING BEAUTIFUL POST YOU MADE, AND I DON’T REGRET WHAT I DID! HEHEHE

YOUR ART STYLE IS JUST… BRILIANT.

Plus, could I have a ref sheet of your boys 🥹 please I have to draw them 🥹

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY

💐💛

AAA Thankchuu <333 I really do appreciate every single one of you uwu These messages are so nice <3 I don't actually have that many characters, considering I have a problem of not getting attached to them xd (I'm sorry I don't actually have proper ref sheets for them qwq I'll edit a few to make them visually easier to use xd)

I haven't actually used Abyssal much xd ->

And...well, I don't actually have a ref sheet for my sona xd I draw him from Memory each time, though! I hope the previous ask would maybe help, if you want to draw him, considering i sent a few pics of him in there uwu

[eggscargot]

Hello! Sorry if you already made a post explaining his backstory, but based off your last art was Gull not always deaf? How did he lose his hearing? Also how long have he and Stan known each other I’m craving lore 👀

EHEHEHEHE i have not! (though i did talk about the whole thing in stream once oops- if you were there for that, please don't spoil for everyone else!) im trying my best to sorta slowly reveal his lore in comics and drawings so unfortunately you all have had to deal with the slowburn alongside me- But I can answer this- Gull was not always deaf! He has spent the last several decades deaf, having lost his hearing sometime in his 30s-ish (I really need to sit down and figure out the timeline here, but GF's timeline is already so wonky i haven't really worried too much about it ha!) He met Stan in his late 20s-early 30s, spent time with each other for a good chunk of time before losing contact for for a decade or so. They reunite again by pure luck during GF present time (When they're 50-60)! There's some little tidbit's I've sprinkled in his ref sheets I'm gonna point out, but I'll put them under the cut in case anyone would like to piece it together themselves! Thank you so much for your interest it really does mean a lot that someone out there cares about this dork as much as I do <3

I'll link his ref sheets!

https://www.tumblr.com/eggscargot/766248389250842624/its-gull-time-been-working-on-a-proper-ref-and?source=share

OKAY SO his ref sheets allude to him having had been in "the accident" on the note about his scars. It was during then that he was majorly injured and lost his hearing! There's also a little cheeky note there as well, something about totally not being a getaway driver- he's a vehicle enthusiast haha Specifically, a helicopter is drawn besides it, and a boat in the BG- Less direct, but I've intentionally made every single one of his outfits have some kind of medical ID on him. Gull seems to be very intent on making sure anyone knows who he is in the event that he can't be identified. As if a visual identification is just not enough. Why wouldn't anyone be able to identify him by knowing him? This also is a habit Gull has acquired before reuniting with Stanley. Gull is also listed as a globetrotter. He loves to hike and travel! More so, he is uncomfortable being in one place for a long period of time. I will make this clear though, it is not because he's in any major kind of trouble during preset day! He is able to travel freely. c: In my last drawing, I've also mentioned that Stan and Gull are on a stakeout. I'm not actually sure if this is the correct term, this is not a like police stakeout. More like a gathering of intel! I also very much intend their relationship so far to be dancing along the edges of something more. Something is holding Gull back- Stanley is just a little dense HA Lastly, I THINK I've done this, but the way Stan and Gull address each other is important. Lee is not Stan's full name, and Gull is certainly not generally used as a birthname. c: Hope you got a kick outta this! I'm sure I've said too much haha I'm just excited to share.

[numbholdy]

YAHOO WH OC❗🗣️

Let me present to you🤯😤😤

👒DONNA SUNDAY✨

FINALLY A WELCOME HOME OC AFTER A YEAR LMAO-😭

SJSJSJJS btw this is just a summer drawing of her/render practice only tho not her reference muehehehe🤭🐴🐎🐎

Lololol I think I made the bg a bit detailed💀

AND ABT HER REF SHEET-I'll make a new and proper one soon I swear❗🙏😭(if I have time😤😋) and I'm still working on her lore-and some stuff oml😔😔🤭Eughh my hand writing-

I think that's all I wanna say🕺💃🐎🐎

GEGRGEEG LOVE Y'ALL 🫶🫶HAVE A GREAT DAY/EVENING/NIGHT❗❗💗💞🌷😼

[pellaaearien]

🍄☁️🧩 for the ask game?

(🤘Dimes)

🍄 share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Can I share headcanons about my OC pairing? Because I love them.

The OC is my player character from Final Fantasy 14, her name is Eyn'ara and she is the love of my life.

She is in a relationship (and later married to) a main NPC, Aymeric de Borel.

I did a ref sheet for them a while back that goes over quite a few headcanons - I'm sure a lot of things will be unclear but I'll do my best to explain if you have questions. The most important things to know is that a) despite being two feet shorter, Eyn'ara is the stronger of the two and can and does pick up her husband (especially when he's staying too late at work again) and b) Eyn'ara is also an accomplished chef. They got married on one of their rare days off when Eyn'ara looked at Aymeric and said "hey, want to get married?" and they rushed to get it done in secret that very day. After World Events calmed down they had a proper wedding with all their friends. Aymeric wears an ear cuff on his left ear with a dangling sapphire and Eyn'ara has batted at it like a cat toy while drunk or exhausted.

(sorry you've activated my OC lore trap card. I just. love them. I'll stop now.)

☁️ what made you choose your username?

This is such a funny story. So when I was in high school I was obsessed with the manga Fruits Basket and identified too strongly with Tohru Honda. When it came time to pick a username for the LOTR Fanatics Forum (my formative introduction to the internet) the new cool thing was name generators. I didn't like what result I got when I put my irl name into the Barrow Downs Elvish name generator, but when I put in Tohru Honda it put out Pellaaearien, which I liked so much I have used it everywhere since.

🧩what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

Honestly? Paragraph structure. Break up your paragraphs, folks. If you've got a wall of text, especially if that text contains dialogue from multiple characters, I am not reading it.

You're not writing an essay. Shorter paragraphs read better.

truth or dare ask game

[fainthedcherry]

2024 Human Art VS 2019 Human Art !!!!!

AS PROMISED, HERE'S A POST WITH SOME NEW ART!!!

And also an art comparison, just to see, how much I improved in drawing the 2 bois <3

I'm MEGA tired despite having slept after work, but I WON'T let that deter me from writing a description!! YAPNADO AHEAD;

FINN AND MARCOOO. FINNANMARCO. BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE ACOUSTICALLY AND FERALLY YELLED ABOUT MY 2 FICTIONAL MEN WHOM ARE CLOSE TO MY HEART.

I'm SO glad, that in the new drawing, Marco finally looks like the twink he always was, but still enough meat on the bones to look NORMAL lmao, can't say that about the 4 other sketches of me trying to redraw this ref for years. xD (why yes, his wings took forever, why do you ask? /lh)

I'M MEGA SUPER DUPER GLAD, that Finn FINALLY looks like a chubby, wild bastard TOO, OH TOOTHPASTE MAN, HOW MANY HEARTACHES YOU GAVE ME OVER STRUGGLING TO DRAW AN ENDOMORPHIC BODY TYPE. BUT I CAN NOWWWWWWWwwww!!!!!

God this habit of loudly reading out my posts as I type them made me realise what a bad Schwarzenegger impression I do on accident bc I'm overly excited to post something after a month of silence SDKFSKLDG

ONE THING I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. IS PUT EVERY DETAIL I NEEDED ON A BIG REF. SO I DID! I've drawn closeups of the boys's eyes, I've drawn Finn's tongue so that I don't need to constantly remind myself what his blush and flesh colours were sdfkldsgkl, I FINALLY denoted their heights, so people know that they're tall TALL dudes (and that Finn obviously will struggle w/ his lanky mfing legs, we LOVE giving a middle-aged man heart attacks once he reaches his 40's!!!)

ANNDDD ALSO SOME SIDE VIEWS OF THEM. The last side-view I had of F & M, looked REAL bad. Like, Marco's face looked WAY too stereotypically European (to my fault bc surprise surprise not many African people live in Europe so I had poor frame of reference but I've been fixing it via looking up images online instead, at least it helps but yeah, I have a hard time so far unfortunately💀), Finn's was just... B u c k e t. NOT LIKE HANDSOME BUCKET. BUT JUST BUCKET. IT NEEDED FIXING (fun fact I accidentally made Finn have the most attractive jaw shape for men according to beauty standards and I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I JUST WANTED THIS MAN TO LOOK S Q U A R E AND THAT'S IT, MINECRAFT STEVE HAS MORE RIZZ THAN MOST MEN OFFICIALLY).

OH YEAH ALSO A CLAW REF AGAIN FOR FINN!!! His old ref looks too cool for me to give up on it tbh even as dated as it is sfjklsdglk, BUT I felt like I needed to redraw them properly.

FUNNILY ENOUGH A PERSON I COMMISSIONED SAID I HAVE SOME REALLY CLEAN AND NICE LINEART. I wish I heard that 5 years ago when I was really insecure about my bad lineart skills xD, I don't use lineart anymore nowadays outside of reference-drawings like these I don't plan to redraw in the next years unless necessary soooo yeah! They're gonna appear much rarer unless I go off and about making more ref sheets of all of my Sonc OC's sfklsdgsdfksdg

This drawing took 5 days to make btw. Not the hours spent on this LOL. 5 days of my life I'll never get back tho bc I care too much about my babies and I feel they deserve proper refs sdfklsdglk

WHAT ELSE SHOULD I MENTION.....HOPEFULLY I PLAN TO DRAW MORE HUMAN REFS IN THE FUTURE INSTEAD OF STAY IN MY COMFORT ZONE OF SONIC OCS ONLY. I for years wasn't confident in my ability to draw humans, but I can do so NOW at least!!!!!!!!!! Even if I'm like...3 years too late to how I wish my art looked back then already dsklfdsg, I have some high standards I need to continue to knock down as my 2024 resolution sdfklsdg

^IT'S BEEN WORKING THOUGH AS YOU CAN TELL BC I'VE BEEN UPLOADING SOME BAD DOODLES AND SKETCHES, BEEN DRAWING MORE GARBAGE AND BECAME MORE INVOLVED IN MY BELOVED FANDOMS. I wanna continue doing so! It was the most fun I've had with art ever. I hope to properly meet more fandoms I left in the past bc I thought it'd be embarrassing to share my passion for a franchise back then. I EMBRACE THE CRINGE NOW AS AN ADULT AT LEAST EVEN IF 7 YEARS TOO LATE ON THAT FRONT TOO. We all age and mature ig but I just become more silly year by year,,, c:

Oh yeah if you also see this btw lemme know, whether the new watermark tiles are subtle enough to not be noticed!!!! I know, watermarks are annoying and nobody likes them, but ever since AI invasions, I REFUSE to put my work online without ANY form of proof that somebody took it from my page. I just want people to stop lying on the internet for cloud and pick up a pencil. It's not that hard smfh. The only time I could excuse AI art is w/ amputees man. That's the only time I could empathise with someone, who wants to be an artist but LITERALLY can't bc they got dealt a bad hand in life. I digress my AI hate can be rambled about some other day, I know I love yapping and writing essays about THAT topic for sure sfklsdklg

I chose to post this ref to my Tumblr first tho, bc I still wanna work on my drawing of Abbacchio,,,, he is quite dear to me and I'd love to put effort into a doodle of him that won't take too long. Like 4 hours or 5 hours tops. I still have yet to figure out, if his cute star shape on his head is a hat or part of his hair. Bc I CAN'T TELL TBH AND I'VE BEEN DRAWING IT AS PART OF HIS HAIR PATTERN BUT I THINK IT'S A HAT NOW EVER SINCE I LOOKED AT MORE ASBR CAPS OF HIM I TOOK FOR REFERENCES. xD

Also another side-note, but I've ofc reduced down the lankiness of the dudes I draw™, but I in result wanted to sliiightly make larger feet/hands bc my Sonic phase will continue to possess me 'til the end of time /hj, if you also wanna lemme know what you think on that, bls do! I am messing about with stylization still. I am finding my footing with stylizing humans sOOO yeah!!!! I hope to some day be satisfied with my artstyle change of '24! So far it's been really rewarding and eye-opening to me and my journey as an artist for my 7 years of existing on the 'net w/ my silly goobers I like to scream about to in the void <3

Once again, tagnado also incoming below bc I dunno how to properly tag my art so lemme throw in things I THINK are relevant to this post sdkldsgkl

See you hopefully tomorrow w/ a lil doodle dump if I get around to it!!!! : D

[lonely-north-star]

When birthday??? Also where OM MC ref? No reason

teehee birthday is friday (22nd)-WAIT WHO ARE YOU ANON 🤨🫵

errr i don't have a proper ref sheet akskwj sorry

princess comm I hold dear in my heart

human world fit with self indulgent fem mammon

human world fit again with a link to casual fit in the post

the sillies hehe

ummmm you can scroll through #/commission on my blog and that's every piece I've ever gotten, and also #/mc paula but that one is harder because I've tagged other posts as well. I'll put both tags in the tags tho lmao maybe... I should make a special comm tag...... I'll get a proper reference sheet one day I promise

[slormpy]

Finally getting around to posting my fursonas. I'll make a proper ref sheet for Lemmy Squee one day but rn I'm just happy I finished these

[silvertherogue715]

Hey. It's been a hot minute since i've posted any art. I really just post for myself, but i felt especially proud of the progress ive made over the course of (many) months designing the Sunstar of my BrainrotAU. Feel free to disregard! I'm just gonna ramble. Art will be included in the 'keep reading' section though.

I didn't want to deal with uploading the actual art files, and just used snippet to capture pieces of my art instead. The pictures could be irregularly large or small as a result--I don't have a good way to control then when using snippet. Sorry! Some old art of Sunstar.exe (not in order):

So, as you can see above, a lot of blue. It's kind of overpowering, honestly, and it took me a while to figure out I needed to start making changes to his color palette.

This was his first half body reference sheet. A ton of blue. Also my only REF of him with his back showing. I haven't updated his back design yet, but the final product will be much different.

Eventually, I decided to make his shoulder-braiser things orange instead of blue, as well as the sun-like gem on his helmet. I also started working out any built-in flaws I wanted to force his character to work around--like his hands being constantly on fire, or extremely hot. This just means he has to be extremely careful touching anything or anyone. It's not something he can just "turn off". Also, I think this was my first attempt at a proper full body design for him. It's fine for a second first attempt, and I was happy with it for a few months, but eventually I started thinking it shared the bulky OG robot master traits, rather than the 'netnavi' look I was wanting.

I started tinkering with his colors again, but only made minor changes. It was hard to pinpoint exactly what was 'off' to me without a proper full body to experiment on, but I very rarely have the willpower to make one. Some of these expression snippets were more helpful for me to use to at least get a read on exactly how expressive he can be in the AU, if he wanted to. Another big thing this helped me realize was how limited his expressions felt with the current colors (like his eyelashes), especially with how dark his face was. It made his nose/mouth harder to see. I end up making it a lighter shade in future doodles. Oh, and I wanted to start integrating pieces of Duo.exe's design into him as well--like the flat nose.

Woe, Sunterra doodle be upon ye. I need to finish this some day, but a big thing this helped me identify were: 1.) I desperately need to work on poses. 2.) I needed to figure out how to give Sunstar a "soft" look. In the expressions practice above, this was one of his faces i really struggled to get down. Still working on that. 3.) Another reminder he was too clunky to match a normal Navi design. Terra looks much more 'navi'-like. I needed to do a whole ass reboot for Sunstar from top-down. Anyway! The most recent stuff will be below. A few (bad) attempts:

And then I basically went "screw it" and went goblin mode at a full body attempt. Here's what I finally ended up with :")

For now I've decided to stick with a (mostly) cool/silver base with some warm orange and yellows mixed in in (hopefully) unobtrusive ways. Maybe this will change in the future, but for now I'm happy with his design :)

The orange on the bottom of his cape is meant to be a fire-y design, but I'm too tired to refine it (or anything else) further. Hopefully I'll have more art to update. eventually.

If you made it this far, thanks for sticking around, lol.

[0turnthelightsout0]

Finally got around to kinda sorta making a ref sheet for Alizah!!! ＼（＾０＾）ノ

I'm not 100% happy with it but I'll take it. Maybe one of these days I'll make a proper, ref sheet for her from this lol

[snowmuttgetsweird]

08.02.24, afternoon

Feeling okay today.

I did, in fact, do a partial workout last night cause it was late and I was already pretty tired from the day's activities. Pretty much just squats and shoulder press. Very lazy, but right now at least, this early into my "journey," any workout is better than none and it's more about building the habit than anything. One of the things I keep trying to remind myself is that, this early on, I really strictly don't need much extra besides adequate protein, rest, and to lift heavy on a regular basis. That's literally it- that much will carry me for a LONG time before I really hit the point that I just can't get any bigger without really doubling down on what I eat, adding supplements to the mix, etc.

I think I still need to lift heavier for my squats. Right now I'm doing 50lbs between two 25lb dumbbells, and while it IS challenging to reach the end of my fifth set (5x8), I don't really feel it the next day at all. I know you don't have to feel sore the day after every workout for it to have been a GOOD workout, but admittedly I didn't really go out of my way to find my max, so I think I'm gonna try 60lb next time since the next dumbbell weight up is 30lb each, and see how that works out. If I CAN finish the set with those, I'll keep moving up until I reach a weight I can't finish all 5 sets at and then back up to the last one I WAS able to finish all 5 sets with.

I've also gotta be a little more mindful about the order I do my workouts in. The other day I did all my shoulder stuff BEFORE chest flys, and my shoulders were just way too exhausted to bring the weights in after that, so I ended up having to use way lighter weights.

I HAVE heard that you can strategically exhaust certain muscle groups in order to force other muscles used in compound exercises to work harder to carry you through you sets and ultimately get a better workout for those muscle groups, but by the time I'm through with all my shoulder stuff, I can barely lift my arms high enough to reach the door knob that lets me out of the gym, so I don't think that's something I'm gonna have to worry about.

I feel like there are certain exercises I kinda "treat" myself to. Like, the exercises I just like doing- hammer curls, wrist curls, etc. I might start doing calf raises too. I mentioned in passing on my fursona's ref sheet that my calves are weirdly huge- like disproportionately big and sculpted for my weight. They're one of my favorite groups of muscles, like forearms, and I really like seeing the way they move and flex to accommodate different movements. Calves are one of those muscles that activates that reptile part of my brain and says "that's a turkey leg- you should bite that" lol. Forearms slightly less so, but I just like the look of big, muscular forearms. It's attractive to me I think.

I wish I had a proper squat bar and barbell press at my gym. Barbells in general really- roman deadlifts are one of those, like, staple compound exercises that build practically everything and there isn't really a proper replacement for it, and I just can't do it in my gym. I don't have anything I can really do rows with either, so finding good exercises for my back have been challenging. We don't even have a pull-up bar lol.

Think I'll do leftover red beans and rice for lunch and then cook something for dinner with a ground beef I pulled out of the freezer the other day, before it goes bad. I'll figure something out.

I think that, overall, exercise has been good for me so far. It's something that, every time I start it, I end up wondering "why did I ever stop?" I like exhausting myself, I like the little aches I get after a good workout, I like feeling like I'm making a good, healthy decision, I like feeling stronger. I know it's all water weight atm, but I like looking in the mirror and seeing myself slim down a bit. It feels good, it's satisfying, and the only thing that ever stops me is a big spike in depression or disappointment. I get the "what's the point"s and "it doesn't matter"s. Skip one day, I'll do it later. Skip the next, I got busy, had to do other things. Skip another- if I start now the schedule will be off. Start fresh next week. Before I know it, a month later I'm looking for a snack in my pantry, anxiously trying to avoid eye contact with a dusty bag or tub of protein powder, and wishing I hadn't let that yogurt or that cottage cheese go to waste.

I'd like to say that sometimes I just take on too much or make it too complicated- and to some degree that might be true- but really it just comes down to "sometimes I get depressed long enough that I can't pull out fast enough to get back into the gym."

Trying really hard this time. I'm not gonna fall off the wagon again. I can't- I'm too old. At this point in my life, when it's a little harder to get out of bed every morning and it's only gonna get harder and harder to lose weight and build muscle, this is basically my last chance to "succeed;" to start it and stick with it. To start caring about myself. If not now, then when? Ten years ago, that COULD have been "next week" or "next month" or "next year" but I'm gonna turn 35 this year and strictly speaking I'm now officially beyond my "prime." It's going to be harder to make happen what I want to happen now than it would have been ten years ago, and my punishment is that I've gotta work that much harder- all the more reason that I can't give in now. Can't let some dumbass hormones and bad chemistry get the better of me again. Low testosterone? Fuck it, we ball. I'll make my own. No dopamine or shitty receptors? FUCK IT, WE BALL. I'll make my own.

I have to. I can't keep failing. This is the ONLY THING that, no matter what, I can control almost every single variable of. I can't make other people like me, I can't make other people employ me, I can't make other people buy my art, but the only thing stopping me from being strong and healthy is me. Depression, anxiety, money, ADHD, ignorance, whatever; they may be the reason I haven't been able to get this far before now, but they don't excuse any lack of effort. When I fall down, only I can pick myself back up. No one else is going to. The chemistry in my brain isn't going to just fix itself one day and hand me the motivation- it's something I have to create myself. Even if there is none, it doesn't mean I don't have to do it. Even if I have to do it shitty, even if my workout ends up being, like, 10 curls and some crunches, I have to do it. I have to be able to say I did SOMETHING. And if there's anything ADHD HAS taught me, it's that once I can trick my brain into getting STARTED with something, often times that's enough to carry me through the rest of the way, so sure, maybe it starts with some knee push-ups, but that turns into push-ups, and crunches, and squats, and bench press, and it just keeps going because that's just how my brain works. The hardest part is just getting the ball rolling, but once it does, momentum carries it forward as far as it'll go. I got this far? Well maybe I can actually go a little further. Oh I hit my next milestone a little earlier than I thought- let's keep it up.

Now I gotta do the part of my day I don't vibe with as much lately- it's time to draw. Past time honestly, I've been starting way too slow today.

Wish me luck.

[srslyarts]

diner hang out 🍨💖

[sgogs]

Anyways, I'm in an OC Posting Mood So here's ✨Them✨

It's a baby with a knife. What more do u want from me